Speaker 1: Nicky Glazery. Here's Nicky. Hello here, I am welcome to
Speaker 1: the Nicky Glazer Podcast. It's Wednesday, December one. Rabbit rabbit
Speaker 1: Do you ever do that? You say rabbit rabbit at
Speaker 1: the top of the month. Never have remembered in my
Speaker 1: life to do it? What do you? What are you
Speaker 1: wearing on your shirt? Zero fox? Given? Is that what
Speaker 1: it says? Yes? Oh? I like it? Um, that was
Speaker 1: like I guess the thing to say of like two thousand.
Speaker 1: That's a little but like I like, I, Uh, listen,
Speaker 1: we gotta get fox otherwise we're not going to get
Speaker 1: much done. But it does. If I saw you walking
Speaker 1: around with that, I'd be like, WHOA, she's intimidating, Like
Speaker 1: she doesn't keep a fuck And but little do I
Speaker 1: you know for people the voice of an angel, and
Speaker 1: you desperately care what people think. No, you actually, I
Speaker 1: don't think you do. You're not someone that strikes me
Speaker 1: as that insecure. Um, although we all are in our
Speaker 1: own way. Um, you're just uh. I wasn't an enigma
Speaker 1: you are. You're not someone to who is insecure. You're
Speaker 1: someone who is your unlike a lot of your unlike
Speaker 1: anyone I know. Maybe not anyone I know, but you're
Speaker 1: um you you have a type of anxiety I would
Speaker 1: never know about in terms of like, uh, I don't
Speaker 1: even know how to describe your anxiety. An Anxiety can
Speaker 1: be such a spectrum, like you get nervous not of
Speaker 1: what people think about you and like your likes and interests,
Speaker 1: like I'm I'm always worried about what it means about me. Fundamentally,
Speaker 1: you get anxiety. And by the way, let me just
Speaker 1: cut in and you can tell me what you get
Speaker 1: anxiety about about. But my guess is that your anxiety
Speaker 1: or insecurities are about just like nerves of being the
Speaker 1: center of attention or like, yes, I don't just being
Speaker 1: doing something embarrassing, not not even embarrassing. I just don't
Speaker 1: like the attention being focused on me. I don't what's
Speaker 1: going to happen? Like what's the fear? Uh? You know,
Speaker 1: I'm really trying to figure that out. I think I
Speaker 1: maybe like the burden of having to entertain because I
Speaker 1: do have social anxiety, and that's more about like how
Speaker 1: do I end a conversation without being rude? How do
Speaker 1: I get out of a situation? Well, these are all
Speaker 1: things about, you know, without being rude. That's like, so
Speaker 1: people don't think I'm a bad person, So it is
Speaker 1: it is in security is about a judgment of like
Speaker 1: who you are. But then there are times where I
Speaker 1: see you like, oh, just tell him, no, I'm not
Speaker 1: doing like You'll like sometimes you don't like someone, which
Speaker 1: has happened in the past, and you've been kind of
Speaker 1: perfectly spot on with the people that you are, just like, no,
Speaker 1: they're not good, and you've had this, like you know,
Speaker 1: back when we used to do you up and I
Speaker 1: would see you in studio with people, there would just
Speaker 1: be a vibe sometimes when you're like, I'm angry and
Speaker 1: I don't like them around and you are. So when
Speaker 1: I get that anger, I can't I actually go the
Speaker 1: other way, which is such an annoying trait of like
Speaker 1: I'm so scared that people will see it and that
Speaker 1: it will change the way they behave around me in order.
Speaker 1: So I think that when I fear people or I
Speaker 1: hate people, I'm scared that if they know how much
Speaker 1: I hate them, they will either they'll I don't know
Speaker 1: what the fear is that they know, because if I
Speaker 1: hate them, why do I care if they know I
Speaker 1: hate them? I guess it's this fear that they'll I
Speaker 1: guess I'm usually scared of people I hate because they're
Speaker 1: usually people that are very scary, like I. I don't
Speaker 1: like people that are manipulative, are in positions of power,
Speaker 1: are you know, exploit their power. So I guess when
Speaker 1: I fear that they know I hate them, because I
Speaker 1: know that they're sociopathic enough to use it against me
Speaker 1: if they know that I am not on their good side.
Speaker 1: So I think that's why I maybe that's it. I
Speaker 1: don't know what trying to psychote. Maybe because it's like
Speaker 1: you can't believe that someone would do that because to you,
Speaker 1: like in your values, you're a good person. You would
Speaker 1: never harm someone. But the fact that someone can go
Speaker 1: out of their way just know they can hurt It's
Speaker 1: about me though, It's about protecting me. I don't want
Speaker 1: if I hate someone, they're usually someone who is in
Speaker 1: a position of power and they're a bad, bad person,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And if they know I
Speaker 1: hate them, they will direct that sociopathy and that craziness
Speaker 1: at me, and I don't want to set that off
Speaker 1: because the people I I loathe the most, and by
Speaker 1: the way, it's all based like I shouldn't loathe, I don't.
Speaker 1: I try not to loathe anyone, and I truly try
Speaker 1: to like even someone like Trump, like I try to
Speaker 1: empathize or even someone like I just understand, like his
Speaker 1: brain is just a bad brain, and he grew up
Speaker 1: with bad parents and a bad system, and like, and
Speaker 1: he's just And I know some people are like a
Speaker 1: lot of people grow up with in that same wealth
Speaker 1: and that same kind of family system, and they don't
Speaker 1: turn into Trump. Well they don't have his brain too, so,
Speaker 1: which is a fucked up brain and the same kind
Speaker 1: of trauma that happened to him that led him to
Speaker 1: be the person he is and the people that like him. God,
Speaker 1: I couldn't understand people less and as I as the
Speaker 1: fear of him winning again and not conceding, which you
Speaker 1: know he won't even so the fear of him taking
Speaker 1: office no matter what, because it's it's not even who
Speaker 1: cares if he wins or not. We know that he
Speaker 1: will just take it even if he loses, really has
Speaker 1: been scaring me recently. And um it's been drudging up
Speaker 1: this like anger towards his supporters that I had I
Speaker 1: haven't felt since November of last year. You know that
Speaker 1: kind of went away, Not that I mean it bubbled
Speaker 1: up again in January, but um, it's just I haven't
Speaker 1: felt it, and I just don't like it. I don't
Speaker 1: want to. I don't want to hate people that that
Speaker 1: I don't understand or that you know. I've thought about recently.
Speaker 1: Is like I aspire to be a fully conscious person,
Speaker 1: and in order to be a fully conscious person, you
Speaker 1: have to take your point of view, but you also
Speaker 1: have a lot of coffee. You have to have a
Speaker 1: lot of coffee. Just make sure, like just being unconscious
Speaker 1: is like sleeping or getting knocked at, not that kind
Speaker 1: of box. Or like I want my soul to be conscious,
Speaker 1: like I want to be so like fully understanding of everyone,
Speaker 1: And you have to take in all sorts of perspectives
Speaker 1: and realize that there are perspectives that you don't know,
Speaker 1: that you don't even know that you don't know. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the whole free will. Like when I talk about Trump,
Speaker 1: like how could if my parents heard me empathizing with
Speaker 1: Trump and being like I can see why he's the
Speaker 1: way he is and I forgive him for it, they
Speaker 1: would go they would baffle them that I could have
Speaker 1: any kind of sympathy for that person, or Jeffrey Epstein
Speaker 1: or je Laine Maxwell or like any of these fucking
Speaker 1: abusers that I've heard about. But even um, you know
Speaker 1: you've everyone's heard me talk about it at nausea, and
Speaker 1: of like, I I feel bad for people who have
Speaker 1: done Like there was this I was listening to my
Speaker 1: friends radio show the other day and there was this
Speaker 1: girl on and she was talking about a show she
Speaker 1: had thought of that was so hilarious. She's, um, I'll
Speaker 1: plug her show. She's a a St. Louis talent. Her
Speaker 1: name is Lauren wait something. She was on The Courtney Show.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, Risley Lauren Riseley and she's on this new
Speaker 1: um uh HDTV show called like Asked the Closer or
Speaker 1: something like that. But apparently it's a great show. I
Speaker 1: want to support other And she was really funny on
Speaker 1: on my favorite you know, morning radio show, the Courtney
Speaker 1: Show and St. Louis. I was listening to it and
Speaker 1: she was on and she was talking about a show
Speaker 1: she pitched or like you know, jokingly was pitching where
Speaker 1: it was like combined people's love of dogs and murder.
Speaker 1: And you find people that abuse dogs, you save the dog,
Speaker 1: and then you murder the person that did it, and
Speaker 1: which is funny. But I also I'm like, if someone's
Speaker 1: beating a dog, they have been very abused, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: well let's drink that person down to a child and
Speaker 1: think about what happened to them that made them do that.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I've just even even like even like, oh,
Speaker 1: they need to be punished, made me go no, let's
Speaker 1: have Sometimes it's fun to be angry. Can I just
Speaker 1: say though, that your fear that you were trying to
Speaker 1: you were like, oh, I've been thinking about it more
Speaker 1: like my fear of having all the focus on me.
Speaker 1: Maybe weren't thinking about it till like actually brought it up.
Speaker 1: But I can't even plan a wedding because I don't
Speaker 1: want to be the center of attention. To be honest, Okay,
Speaker 1: well here's maybe this will help you and maybe whoever
Speaker 1: is listening, and you're like, weird, not weird fear, but
Speaker 1: you're valid fear of being the center of attention. Being
Speaker 1: um mine is being of seen as a joke or
Speaker 1: a fraud, you know, like I have impostor syndrome. Except
Speaker 1: for the podcast, I just want to say that for
Speaker 1: my stand up, I have impostor said drome where I
Speaker 1: think that I'm tricking everyone. I'm good, but I'm not
Speaker 1: as good as people think, and that I've figured out
Speaker 1: little shortcuts, and that I'm like a magician. And and
Speaker 1: you know, my therapist, my bad therapist, abusive therapist always
Speaker 1: used to say, and this helps me with imposter syndrome.
Speaker 1: I know. I love how much I referenced her as
Speaker 1: much as she was a bad therapist, like she's the
Speaker 1: only one I reference. It's like when I transferred from
Speaker 1: the University of Colorado Boulder and I went to Kansas.
Speaker 1: Everything I learned in college that was like Wow, that
Speaker 1: class really changed me. Was all my freshman year and
Speaker 1: I left. I keep thinking that her name is Maya
Speaker 1: abusive therapist. Oh my god, let's call her doctor abusive,
Speaker 1: my so doctor abuse if because honestly, this woman is
Speaker 1: if she's still out there, is capable of suing my
Speaker 1: ass um dr abuse. If I'm not even joking you,
Speaker 1: I'm going to call her that in my book, Maya
Speaker 1: abusive uh dr use of uh. And you guys can
Speaker 1: use this in your lives too. If you've ever had
Speaker 1: an abusive boyfriend. You can call him, uh, you know
Speaker 1: Mr abuse Ive, um so doctor abusef used to say
Speaker 1: to me, who do you think you are? That you've
Speaker 1: tricked all these people? You've tricked executives that you know
Speaker 1: in MTV Comedy Central, the comedy seller you tricked st
Speaker 1: into getting you pass. You think you're so good at
Speaker 1: tricking people, And then it flipped it on its head
Speaker 1: because I think I'm so shitty, right, My whole thing
Speaker 1: is like I'm shitty and no one knows I'm shitty.
Speaker 1: But really, the idea that I think that all these
Speaker 1: people were duped by me is really me thinking I'm
Speaker 1: pretty fucking great, which then turns your argument on its
Speaker 1: head of like you're actually what you're actually saying when
Speaker 1: you think you're shittier than everyone thinks and you're you know,
Speaker 1: an impostor, is that you're so cunning. You're like, you know,
Speaker 1: Leonardo DiCaprio and catch me if you can. No, and
Speaker 1: not these people are smart. These people a lot. You know,
Speaker 1: some executives are dumb as ship and they're just assistants
Speaker 1: that just stuck around long enough to be promoted through
Speaker 1: the system. And they don't deserve to be where they are.
Speaker 1: But a lot of people that approve what goes on
Speaker 1: TV are very smart and are smarter than me at
Speaker 1: picking stuff, and so I got it, and my fans,
Speaker 1: I never feel this way about pasties, by the way,
Speaker 1: and I and people that come see me do stand up.
Speaker 1: I It's not like I hate even saying this because
Speaker 1: it sounds like I'm I think that they're wrong or
Speaker 1: something like, I don't get this feeling unless it's like
Speaker 1: me posting a clip. But truly, my besties, this is
Speaker 1: the thing I'm like confident I'm pretty damn good at
Speaker 1: and even when I'm bad at it, it's good because
Speaker 1: it's that's why I'm good. That's the beauty of this
Speaker 1: podcast four days a week and being completely open is
Speaker 1: that when it's bad, when I'm not a good host,
Speaker 1: when I'm in a bad mood, when I'm sullen and
Speaker 1: grumpy and being a bitch to Andrew and being like negative,
Speaker 1: that's good because it's multifaceted, and it it's what I'm
Speaker 1: trying to bring to this platform or you know, this
Speaker 1: fucking it's it's not even what I'm trying to bring.
Speaker 1: It's the only thing I can bring and I feel
Speaker 1: good about that and even on my bad days and
Speaker 1: so I can accept that, um and then learn from it.
Speaker 1: I'm grateful that I've become such a better friend to
Speaker 1: Andrew through being such a count to him on the
Speaker 1: show and having people show me that and like tell me, like, hey,
Speaker 1: you should pay attention. But anyway, so, Noah, I talked
Speaker 1: about it the other day about my fear of posting clips.
Speaker 1: I talked about it a little bit right on Monday,
Speaker 1: and I saw that and then I posted a clip.
Speaker 1: I was very proud of you. So we're many people
Speaker 1: in my life. Thank you so much to those who
Speaker 1: reached out to me about posting a clip, because you know,
Speaker 1: I struggled with it. What I realized, Noah, and what
Speaker 1: you can realize about this wedding, okay, is that and
Speaker 1: this might help people because I just imagined I addressed
Speaker 1: the fear. Okay, Nikki has a fear of posting something
Speaker 1: online people seeing that she's not good. And by people,
Speaker 1: I mean like other comedians who are experts at this
Speaker 1: being able just then they get to look at it
Speaker 1: closely and dissect how bad it is. Because if there's
Speaker 1: a clip, you can dissect. You know, if if it's
Speaker 1: a picture of me, that's a YouTube link in my
Speaker 1: bio that takes some a couple of seconds, like you know,
Speaker 1: clicks to dissect. If I give it to them like
Speaker 1: here you go judge me, it's that's that's my fear. Okay,
Speaker 1: my fear is one or two comedians who literally are
Speaker 1: faceless to me. I don't even know who I'm picturing.
Speaker 1: Usually can picture someone judging me on Instagram. This whole
Speaker 1: sphere of the stand up clip. I don't even know
Speaker 1: who the funk is judging me, but they're watching the
Speaker 1: clip and they're analyzing it and they're going, she sucks. Wow.
Speaker 1: I thought she was good because she's presented. You know,
Speaker 1: she sells out on the road. She has pictures of
Speaker 1: herself looking like she's killing on stage. This is really
Speaker 1: I've never even paid attention. This isn't good. And you
Speaker 1: know what, First of all, that fear is based in
Speaker 1: my judgment of other people that I have of comics.
Speaker 1: Because I don't watch a lot of stand up, I
Speaker 1: just assume what people tell me. Oh you're good, so
Speaker 1: I guess you're good. This one person I respect probiically,
Speaker 1: I think you're good, you must be good, like something
Speaker 1: like I just kind of see who you know, touch you,
Speaker 1: and I go, okay, well they're probably good. I you know,
Speaker 1: I don't really watch stand up and then I'll watch
Speaker 1: it and I'll go, well, this is empty and unworked
Speaker 1: out in garbage. The reason I do that is because
Speaker 1: I feel like I am it's me projecting. I don't
Speaker 1: even that person is probably pretty damn good. So then
Speaker 1: I realized that once I named the fear really was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's the fear as people are gonna a couple of
Speaker 1: people are going to judge me. And within the comedy community,
Speaker 1: the biggest fear would be that it there they spread
Speaker 1: it around that I'm not good, because, let me be honest,
Speaker 1: a lot of comedians talk shit, and there are a
Speaker 1: lot of comedians who we would all as a group
Speaker 1: of comedians, not publicly, but have privately, in the backs
Speaker 1: of rooms and green rooms, decided our ship comics who
Speaker 1: are extremely successful, but we all know they're bad. We
Speaker 1: all know the public is being deceived. We don't understand
Speaker 1: why these people like like have their fans. And I
Speaker 1: bet you anything of comedians would agree that this person
Speaker 1: or these people suck. There's a there's a list. Not
Speaker 1: gonna give it. You can only assume um. And those
Speaker 1: comedians may or may not know that every comedian of
Speaker 1: comedians think they suck UM, but we all do. And
Speaker 1: I'm so scared of being on that list. Then I
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, let me say. Let's say I make
Speaker 1: the list because I post this clip. Um. Those comedians
Speaker 1: that are on that list, I they only grow in popularity.
Speaker 1: No opinion of a comedian has ever stopped them from
Speaker 1: getting something. In fact, I've seen many of these comedians
Speaker 1: that we've all agreed suck and you know, have deceived
Speaker 1: are bad for comedy. I've seen them reach types of
Speaker 1: fame that um get to the point where all the
Speaker 1: comedians that talk about them start liking them and becoming
Speaker 1: friends with them and associating with them. So even if
Speaker 1: my worst fears that I'm black did somehow, which it's
Speaker 1: just not, it's just not gonna happen. I've never seen
Speaker 1: it happen. And even if it does happen, Like, even
Speaker 1: if my fear is real, I was just like, fear
Speaker 1: is like it's it's it's invisible. I don't know why
Speaker 1: I pictured it I pictured fear like this like beach
Speaker 1: ball of like uh air that was like this negative air,
Speaker 1: and I was just holding the speech ball before I
Speaker 1: posted that, and I was just like, once you acknowledge
Speaker 1: what the fear is, it's like, okay, what really is it?
Speaker 1: It's nothing, it does, It's invisible, it doesn't exist. It's
Speaker 1: not like I'm gonna be in pain if I post this.
Speaker 1: Just disabled the comments because my fear was Andrews like,
Speaker 1: don't look at the comments. Well, I know you'll look
Speaker 1: at the comments, and I know other comics will look
Speaker 1: at the comments. And people like comments because people like
Speaker 1: being told how to feel about something, and that's the
Speaker 1: danger of comments. I do it every time I'm on
Speaker 1: a Reddit threat and there's a video posted. I don't
Speaker 1: even watch the video. I just go to the reddit
Speaker 1: thing because I don't have the pays for it, and
Speaker 1: I go, how am I supposed to feel about this?
Speaker 1: What are people's opinions so I can pick one that
Speaker 1: aligns with my beliefs and go with it. I'm a
Speaker 1: fucking lemming too, so that's why I disabled comments on it.
Speaker 1: I don't want people to I want people to form
Speaker 1: their own opinions. On it without any assistance, which I didn't.
Speaker 1: Even when I did that, I go, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I didn't realize comments were just a suggestion of how
Speaker 1: to feel about something, so you don't have to form
Speaker 1: your own opinion and be an individual. And so for you,
Speaker 1: I would try to picture the fear of the wedding
Speaker 1: day and all that attention on you and what it
Speaker 1: actually means, because what it means is is that you
Speaker 1: think that people don't really want to focus on you,
Speaker 1: that you're somehow like bothering us by doing that, or
Speaker 1: like it's like that you're putting us out by being
Speaker 1: the center of attention, and you're making us think, God,
Speaker 1: Noah wants attention. I guess we got to give this
Speaker 1: to her. She's so needy, or like the stays all
Speaker 1: about her. Well, the truth is, people don't have to
Speaker 1: go to your wedding. If people just and and yes,
Speaker 1: a lot of people go, oh, we have to go
Speaker 1: to a wedding. It's Snowa's wedding. She's my fucking friend
Speaker 1: from for eight years or whatever it is. That sounds
Speaker 1: like I'm saying what I say, and I would never
Speaker 1: be mad at someone. But the thing is it's up
Speaker 1: to them. It really, even in wedding invitation that seems
Speaker 1: like a non negotiable Yes, I have to go, it's
Speaker 1: their choice to go. And by the way, how great
Speaker 1: do you feel when you see someone you love get
Speaker 1: married and walked down the aisle? And have you ever
Speaker 1: in your life been filled with and even you know,
Speaker 1: maybe you do feel that when you're like, because I
Speaker 1: do feel that way about other comics. My fear is
Speaker 1: actually something I feel about other people. So maybe, but
Speaker 1: I think for you you could even go as far
Speaker 1: as to run it through your head and be like,
Speaker 1: I've really never felt that way about someone. And the
Speaker 1: people I have felt that about, and I'm speaking as you,
Speaker 1: and I'm also speaking as me. The people I felt
Speaker 1: that way about comedically that I go, oh god, they suck.
Speaker 1: And the people that you've maybe felt like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: she's such a bride, Silla, she's making this all about her.
Speaker 1: She loves attention. No one would ever put you in
Speaker 1: the same category as that person. It never know other
Speaker 1: things about you or me line up with those comedians
Speaker 1: and those brides. So this fear, it's it's just a thing.
Speaker 1: You have to take. This beach ball and just like
Speaker 1: throw it and go, okay, good, I know what it is.
Speaker 1: It's not an actual physical like barrier. There's not like
Speaker 1: a door you have to break down to have a wedding,
Speaker 1: you know, like fears people have, like real fears of
Speaker 1: like I could drown. I don't know how to swim,
Speaker 1: I don't you know, I might get hit by a car.
Speaker 1: I've been by a car before, like things that can
Speaker 1: actually kill them. Having wedding is not going to kill you.
Speaker 1: Posting on Instagram is not going to kill me. Um.
Speaker 1: And I did it. I'm gonna do it again. And
Speaker 1: as soon as I did it, I was like, this
Speaker 1: was easy as fuck. It was the same way it
Speaker 1: felt about going on first dates, which I used to
Speaker 1: fear so much, And as soon as I would go
Speaker 1: on one, I'd be like, where's the next one? Let's
Speaker 1: do this, because I would be on this like roll.
Speaker 1: It's the same way I feel about writing, you know,
Speaker 1: like I'm trying to write a book right now with
Speaker 1: this woman who's helping me, and um, I have this
Speaker 1: immense fear over writing a book because it's not gonna
Speaker 1: be good. I'm not gonna be as good as I
Speaker 1: want to be but a second I wrote a chapter.
Speaker 1: I was like, where's more? But then I took a
Speaker 1: two month break and now I just had a call
Speaker 1: with her and she's like, we're gonna get started again.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm having that fear again, and I'm
Speaker 1: going to beach ball it and I'm gonna cricket. And
Speaker 1: it just hit the light and came back to me.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to deal with it later. But let's
Speaker 1: get Andrew in here and talk about some big news
Speaker 1: he has. Andrew. Um, so we're talking about fear, and
Speaker 1: like me posting, I know, well, you always wear those
Speaker 1: shirts that say you have none. I just want to
Speaker 1: double check that it's true. Um, we're talking about fear,
Speaker 1: and like, how like me posting the other day, I just,
Speaker 1: for some reason, after talking about it enough, which by
Speaker 1: the way, that helps, like journaling about the thing you're
Speaker 1: fearful of talking about it with friends. Like if you're
Speaker 1: just having it in your head, if you're listening to
Speaker 1: this podcast and all you do is talk about, like
Speaker 1: think about your problems in your head, you gotta get
Speaker 1: them out of your head. They don't do they start.
Speaker 1: You think it's enough because I used to think it
Speaker 1: was enough to to just think on something, put it
Speaker 1: on a paper, or talk to a friend. Fucking leave
Speaker 1: me a voice memo. I'm not even getting you. I
Speaker 1: won't I won't even listen to it. But leave me
Speaker 1: a voice memo on my d M s. And maybe
Speaker 1: a girl once did that and I did listen to it.
Speaker 1: She got me at a good time and I actually
Speaker 1: got to meet her at one of our shows. But honestly,
Speaker 1: say it out loud, write a voice memo to yourself,
Speaker 1: and then erase it afterwards. You gotta say it out.
Speaker 1: Talk to a tree, talk to your dog. Um. Noah
Speaker 1: just got over a fear of going back to jiu jitsu.
Speaker 1: She just told me, So, how long did you take
Speaker 1: off from jiu jitsu a while? No? Uh, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been struggling with that. I did restart and then
Speaker 1: I took off for like Thanksgiving, and the week before
Speaker 1: I didn't really go to class. It was like two
Speaker 1: weeks after, like I ate a bunch and was very
Speaker 1: like seditary, and I had this like big monster in
Speaker 1: my head like, oh, you know you're not gonna remember,
Speaker 1: You're gonna be winded, You're not going to be able
Speaker 1: to do an hour and a half, and then I
Speaker 1: was telling a girl in the locker room. I was like,
Speaker 1: I had this whole big conversation in my head before class,
Speaker 1: trying to get me not to come here, But I
Speaker 1: feel so good right now I had I was able
Speaker 1: to help someone. I was like, I got some good
Speaker 1: tips and I just felt so fulfilled at the end
Speaker 1: of class, and I was like, why do you have
Speaker 1: to have these monsters in our head? Dude? We gotta Okay,
Speaker 1: everyone who was listening right now, we all have something
Speaker 1: right now. We are so fucking dreading tackling, whether it's
Speaker 1: cleaning your room, cleaning a garage, taking your dog to
Speaker 1: the I'm just listening things that I have to do,
Speaker 1: making an appointment for the guynacologist, going to talk to
Speaker 1: a therapist. Like, right, don't do anything about it today.
Speaker 1: You want to clean your room, you don't to fucking
Speaker 1: call your that you've been avoiding calling. Just righte about it,
Speaker 1: or talk to someone about it and talk about the
Speaker 1: fear behind it, because it's not like, oh, I just
Speaker 1: don't have time to do it. You have. If you
Speaker 1: have time to ship, you have time to do any
Speaker 1: step towards these things. And I've noticed too, like with
Speaker 1: jiu jitsu, for instance, like that's a tough workout, like
Speaker 1: that's why it might be a little bit more if
Speaker 1: it's a if it's a harder thing to tackle, the
Speaker 1: fear will probably build up. And what kind of sucks
Speaker 1: is if you're gonna take a class, maybe you just
Speaker 1: want to start with rolling around for ten minutes and
Speaker 1: kind of build yourself up, or you go to the
Speaker 1: class and you fucking I did a four mile run
Speaker 1: the other day and it was so embarrassing how after
Speaker 1: two months I went from running eight my eight minute
Speaker 1: miles even like some seven fifties and four miles to
Speaker 1: an average of It was like and I tried my best,
Speaker 1: and it was so demoralizing. But guess what I just
Speaker 1: that ron wasn't about being fast. I was just trying
Speaker 1: to My point is though, like if it's if it's
Speaker 1: something too lofty, too lofty, like for instance, I went
Speaker 1: like I haven't worked out, and why I hit a
Speaker 1: ton of golf balls. I really did work my ass
Speaker 1: off with that stuff. But I stopped lifting completely and
Speaker 1: then I started looking for workouts that were like golf specific,
Speaker 1: where essentially it's like how can I sit down and
Speaker 1: eat a sandwich and go like this and that will
Speaker 1: help my golf swing. Like, I was looking for workouts
Speaker 1: that were the least tough as possible because I was
Speaker 1: afraid of like having to work out so hard again
Speaker 1: and sweat. But then I just started doing the half
Speaker 1: hour at uh three months per hour on an eid
Speaker 1: incline on and I swear to God, once I did
Speaker 1: that four times, I'm like, okay, I'm ready to start
Speaker 1: doing a little bit of circuit training. But it's literally
Speaker 1: just that little incremental step will open you up to
Speaker 1: being okay, I can, I can go workout. I'm telling
Speaker 1: you this. It's weird, like and that's done big enough
Speaker 1: workout in its own. The treadmill is a great I
Speaker 1: hate treadmills. You know, if you can walk outside, it's
Speaker 1: always better. But like it's it's that incline. I love
Speaker 1: doing um. You know, if you're trying to get into well, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not giving you like doing that. You know, if
Speaker 1: you're starting out today, like with a workout regiment where
Speaker 1: you're like, oh god, it just seems so insurmountable. Up
Speaker 1: twenty minutes on a treadmill and literally do three miles
Speaker 1: per hour, start on a three inclines to give yourself
Speaker 1: not just flat three incline, and then move up one
Speaker 1: degree and like move to a four after two minutes,
Speaker 1: and then get to the point where it's just you're
Speaker 1: like heav hoeing and then start going back down every
Speaker 1: minute and you want three minutes is never gonna feel
Speaker 1: like a lot or three miles per hours, But when
Speaker 1: you're on a steep England, it's gonna work you up
Speaker 1: to a sweat and you're gonna feel like something and
Speaker 1: you'll just think about the thing that you want to tackle.
Speaker 1: Because workouts don't have to be I swear to god,
Speaker 1: you guys don't have to be like they just passed
Speaker 1: on a fucking add possible ad because it was some
Speaker 1: fucking intensive workout bullshit. And I just don't want to
Speaker 1: promote that stuff on the show. And you know, God,
Speaker 1: when we are in a position where we need too,
Speaker 1: I probably will. But it's nice to be able to
Speaker 1: say no because I don't believe in these high intensity workouts.
Speaker 1: I don't believe in the keep your belt on bike
Speaker 1: stop with this eight under calorie burning eight under galleries,
Speaker 1: it's a fucking hamster wheel the like from me jiu jitsu.
Speaker 1: Like Andrew said, it was intense workout. Like I don't
Speaker 1: go to jiu jitsu for a workout, which is what
Speaker 1: I love about it. I go for personal achievement and
Speaker 1: for all the good little what I've run for. I run.
Speaker 1: If it's if I'm running to burn calories or because
Speaker 1: I want to work off a meal, I don't get
Speaker 1: to run. I don't get to do it if I'm running.
Speaker 1: Like that's my new rule for myself. It has been
Speaker 1: for two years. I've maybe slipped once where I was like,
Speaker 1: go extra hard because you ate too much less night,
Speaker 1: and I, you know, had to do some prayer about
Speaker 1: it or journaling about it because I swear to God.
Speaker 1: And it's easy for me to say, NICKI, you're skinny bitch.
Speaker 1: You know, whatever weight you are, if you're trying to
Speaker 1: lose weight, if you abuse yourself with exercise and punish yourself,
Speaker 1: you're never gonna view it and it's always gonna be
Speaker 1: something that only comes into your life when you were,
Speaker 1: you know, at your lowest, and that you punish yourself with.
Speaker 1: But it's really I never believed people when they were
Speaker 1: like exercise can be something like healthy and that that
Speaker 1: you want to do. But if you if you don't
Speaker 1: kill yourself over it, and you're not doing it to
Speaker 1: punish yourself or to like make a wait. I just
Speaker 1: believe it's the best approach and you can be I've
Speaker 1: I've never I've had I right now, I've am the
Speaker 1: best I've ever looked naked, and I have not dieted,
Speaker 1: starved myself even for a second. I have not worked
Speaker 1: out to achieve anything in two almost a year and
Speaker 1: a half. And that's crazy because I was trying so
Speaker 1: hard since I've was eighteen to look a certain way.
Speaker 1: I tried for eighteen seventeen and a half years to
Speaker 1: have the best body possible, and guess what it was
Speaker 1: there all along. All I had to do was stop
Speaker 1: starving exercise and you just have to spend thousands of
Speaker 1: dollars on some big lush kettle belt it. I did
Speaker 1: not get faked it, but sometimes it does look like
Speaker 1: I would if I if I would, if I wanted them,
Speaker 1: I would absolutely. I'm such an advocate for getting whatever
Speaker 1: kind of work done you want. But I really hope
Speaker 1: that people don't punish themselves with exercise trying to get
Speaker 1: in shape, or here's a culture, especially with men, where
Speaker 1: it's like, oh my god, I saw this TikTok the
Speaker 1: other day, and and the guys like, stop being look
Speaker 1: at it, stop being a fucking pussy. That the fuck
Speaker 1: like that stuff I did. And then the guy though,
Speaker 1: and then it cuts to this guy who couldn't be
Speaker 1: any more nerdy looking, and it cuts right to him
Speaker 1: and he goes, you get out of the gym. That's great,
Speaker 1: you get the gym. You It made me laugh so hard.
Speaker 1: I love the aggressiveness of not doing something like you'll
Speaker 1: be lazy, you'll be lazy, and it's like that's what
Speaker 1: you're hearing, and it's like, oh my god, it was
Speaker 1: just so fucking funny. And I yeah, I just think
Speaker 1: like this idea of like, look, I respect someone like
Speaker 1: David Goggins. I listened to his book while falling asleep
Speaker 1: on the couch while you know pizza. No, there's something
Speaker 1: to all of the stuff, but it's just no, no.
Speaker 1: But my point is like like the idea of like
Speaker 1: you have to kill yourself, don't think of it like
Speaker 1: that because you're gonna avoid it, like just fucking walk
Speaker 1: on a three month per hour on an eight and
Speaker 1: I promise you you're gonna feeling great. And I'm telling
Speaker 1: you like and listen. I've always said, if you want
Speaker 1: to know how I got this point of view and
Speaker 1: truly accepted in my heart, you can always damn me
Speaker 1: and I'll let you know my secret. But UM, I
Speaker 1: hope that some of this trickles down because I just
Speaker 1: never thought it was ever possible to not work out
Speaker 1: every day and not be counting calories, which I still
Speaker 1: count glories because I have a brain and I know
Speaker 1: what calories are. But I don't stop counting calories like
Speaker 1: I can't if I'm counting calories. You you stop telling
Speaker 1: me to count calories? Is that how it works? You stop?
Speaker 1: Stop stop? You stop not counting them? You count? Um,
Speaker 1: get a calculator, bit you've down? Um. Yes, I just
Speaker 1: like yesterday I was counting. I was like adding up
Speaker 1: because I was like, I feel like I'm so I
Speaker 1: went about it. I was so longer we'll go at
Speaker 1: four am? And I was like starving, and I go,
Speaker 1: did I eat enough yesterday? And I added them up?
Speaker 1: And so there's sometimes I do that where I just
Speaker 1: go did it? Did I not get to I do
Speaker 1: like calories a day without question. How many carbs do
Speaker 1: you do? I don't think about carbs. I let my
Speaker 1: body decide, like is there cauf? Oh fuck yeah, o'meal
Speaker 1: is carbs. O'Neal is just a car It's like a
Speaker 1: fucking carb. It's that's carp. But you do eliminate bread.
Speaker 1: It's like bread. I just it doesn't. It's something eat. Well,
Speaker 1: that's a thing that I do that if you look
Speaker 1: at me, eat a sandwich or like things, eat a
Speaker 1: plate of food. I will avoid the things that are
Speaker 1: like loaded with just empty stuff because I love eating
Speaker 1: and I want to eat, and I just prefer the
Speaker 1: taste of vegetables over bread. I would rather have four
Speaker 1: times the amount of vegetables than a piece of bread,
Speaker 1: which is going to give me the same kind of
Speaker 1: caloric nutrition, and that stuff can be. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: not perfect with like I eat weird fucking foods, but
Speaker 1: there's never a point where I'm trying to eat less
Speaker 1: of I used to eat, you know, salad, but I
Speaker 1: would still count it and try to get under you know,
Speaker 1: my aim was always like fourteen under color or something
Speaker 1: like that. Guess what, Yeah, but that was the aim.
Speaker 1: But guess what I blow. I would I would get
Speaker 1: up to four thousand because I would try to hit fourteen,
Speaker 1: and then I would start to eat at night where
Speaker 1: I would think, oh, you know, no one's watching, God's
Speaker 1: not watching now calculator, and then I would blow back.
Speaker 1: I would triplet because I was started. There should there
Speaker 1: be a number in mind for people. Know, you know
Speaker 1: what should be if you feel hungry, and but you
Speaker 1: got to recalibrate because I didn't know what hunger was.
Speaker 1: I still don't know. Sometimes, even like when I woke
Speaker 1: up a four in the morning, I was like, is
Speaker 1: this because I'm anxious? Do I want to just have
Speaker 1: a taste in my mouth to like feel Because food
Speaker 1: is a drug, I mean the sugar and all the
Speaker 1: things they set off, all these endorphins in our brain,
Speaker 1: the oxytoastin, and it's like a drug. So it's hard
Speaker 1: to hard to recalibrate. But um, hunger feels um like
Speaker 1: you can you can track it by just being like, Okay,
Speaker 1: what did I eat? Did I eat enough? Today? Like
Speaker 1: I have like this is I don't I don't mean
Speaker 1: to like brag and talk about foods and like what
Speaker 1: I eat but if this gives anyone any kind of
Speaker 1: hope for how their body could be, And this is
Speaker 1: something I do no matter what, and I will do
Speaker 1: the rest of my life. I have like five six
Speaker 1: hundred calorie breakfast every single morning, no matter what I
Speaker 1: ate the night before, how late I ate it. Always
Speaker 1: I mean, it will be four if I ate a
Speaker 1: ton the night before, because I'm just not as hungry
Speaker 1: up to six to eight, Like I will go buck,
Speaker 1: what if I'm still longer in the morning I'm eating
Speaker 1: Because it's just it. You always think it's going to
Speaker 1: fuck you over later on because you're like, I'm still
Speaker 1: gonna eat as much as I did yesterday later on,
Speaker 1: but it's like you just don't. And like that's I
Speaker 1: think that is the key, is eating a really hearty,
Speaker 1: filling breakfast. And I always used to roll my eyes
Speaker 1: at that and the idea. If you would have told
Speaker 1: me two years ago that I would eat six hundred
Speaker 1: calorie breakfast, I'm not joking you. I would have said
Speaker 1: I'd rather die rather yes. And I was thinking about
Speaker 1: what I ate thinking about, like the departments I've lived in,
Speaker 1: and like what I was like thinking about my and
Speaker 1: like and I was like, oh my god. The apartment
Speaker 1: I lived on that we met on with the where
Speaker 1: balcony started. I literally never made a single meal. I
Speaker 1: didn't use my microwave even once. All eight protein bars
Speaker 1: all I ate, and then I would eat, you know,
Speaker 1: salads at the cellar so I would get a little
Speaker 1: bit of like veggies and actual food. Literally subsisted on
Speaker 1: protein bars for three and a half four years of
Speaker 1: my life. Or Gain should build build a wing of
Speaker 1: their factory and name it after me, because I bought
Speaker 1: you that I used to go, I used to eat.
Speaker 1: That's all I ate. I won't touch another organ bar
Speaker 1: the rest of my life. I like it. Disgusted me
Speaker 1: that because it just but I liked it. That's what
Speaker 1: I needed at that time, and that was fine. I
Speaker 1: liked it. There was never a time I ate those
Speaker 1: being like I wish I could have something else. I
Speaker 1: wanted that so it but thank And right now I'm
Speaker 1: in a fucking I'm still in my oatmeal protein oatmeal kick.
Speaker 1: It's all I want all the time. I have to
Speaker 1: force myself to eat other things with other nutrition. It's
Speaker 1: just what I want. Am I fucking around with that oatmeal?
Speaker 1: So that I can do less calories. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm eating just as much as I would if I
Speaker 1: eat another food. But it's just all I want, and
Speaker 1: I forgive myself for that because the other I'm not
Speaker 1: starving myself anymore. And that's that's the fucking key. That's
Speaker 1: why I get so frustrated. Last night, we were with
Speaker 1: my lover and he like, I could tell he was
Speaker 1: hungry because he mentioned like, I'm kind of hungry, like
Speaker 1: after we went to the hockey game. We're on our
Speaker 1: way home and he was like, yeah, that chicken sandwich
Speaker 1: wasn't good. I'm hungry, And I was like, I have
Speaker 1: to be with this guy through the night, and then
Speaker 1: he's gonna wake up. I know he's gonna wake up,
Speaker 1: not in time to get breakfast before he has to
Speaker 1: go to work. He's gonna be and he I need
Speaker 1: to just stay out of people's fucking business because but
Speaker 1: I have to be around it, and then I needed
Speaker 1: But do you think that he changed his mood changes
Speaker 1: when he's hungry. No, but I get frustrated sometimes not
Speaker 1: with you, by like no, of course, with me, yeah,
Speaker 1: but it but yeah, of course, you know I try
Speaker 1: to control your food too, because I'm like, we're about
Speaker 1: to be on a seven hour flight and you don't
Speaker 1: have any snacks. I just don't like when people make
Speaker 1: assumptions of how I'm going to be in the future
Speaker 1: before it even happens, even though they've been around. When
Speaker 1: you get you are different. When you're hungry, you don't
Speaker 1: get angry. Yeah, I've never I've never really like And
Speaker 1: my lover doesn't get angry either. He just gets like,
Speaker 1: he gets less fun, He gets less fun, he's not
Speaker 1: as present because he's and he doesn't even I don't
Speaker 1: mean to. I believe that he doesn't even know he's
Speaker 1: hungry and he's so picky with food. But I don't
Speaker 1: you know what I can do. I can go go home.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be around you if you don't eat,
Speaker 1: but then it leads to a huge fight. Well, I
Speaker 1: think you need to wait to see if his attitude
Speaker 1: is changing. Before you mentioned he got a meal in
Speaker 1: last night. Oh dude, I posted a video last night
Speaker 1: before to get to the dues. We went to the game,
Speaker 1: into the Blues hockey game. That might have been the
Speaker 1: most fun at a sporting event I've ever had, Like
Speaker 1: I've had some I don't know what it was. I
Speaker 1: was feeling so fucking giddy. It was so silly. Tron dude,
Speaker 1: we got on the jumbo tron. I was on right
Speaker 1: away as I took my seat because I was wearing
Speaker 1: an obnoxious pink sweater. I think people just like saw
Speaker 1: yeah when when uh my love and I sat down,
Speaker 1: they and you guys were Brenna and you were still
Speaker 1: so much fren You guys were like at the concession stand.
Speaker 1: We we got seated, we sat down first, and then
Speaker 1: we showed up right away and we were like, oh,
Speaker 1: I got high and it was just two seconds and
Speaker 1: then the whole rest of the game. I'm like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, they're gonna put us on again. We posted
Speaker 1: an Instagram story. I tagged the Blues. You didn't tag
Speaker 1: the Blues, which is your big mistake, because the Blues
Speaker 1: are watching the story what they get tagged in. They
Speaker 1: reached out to me and they were like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: you're at the game. Let us know what sections so
Speaker 1: we can put you on the JumboTron and the like
Speaker 1: and call you out. And so I was in the
Speaker 1: bathroom when I got it, and I'm like, okay, I
Speaker 1: want I want my LoVa to be on with me
Speaker 1: and be a fun moment. So I didn't tell them
Speaker 1: which section I was in until he got back because
Speaker 1: he was trying to go find merch to buy you
Speaker 1: and Brenna. And I was like, God damn that his
Speaker 1: generosity made him miss the Jumbo Drawn. And so I'm
Speaker 1: sitting in my seat holding holding like, have the d
Speaker 1: M written of my section, row s numbers for all
Speaker 1: of us so we all four could get on, And
Speaker 1: I'm waiting to send it till he gets back because
Speaker 1: I know they're going to do it right away. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, he's taking forever, and I'm like, fun, they're
Speaker 1: gonna find me before I write back. And of course
Speaker 1: they found me, and right as he's like at the
Speaker 1: top and I'm like, I'm going hurry. I'm calling him
Speaker 1: over because I have a feeling it's coming. And then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, boom, we're up on the Jumbo
Speaker 1: Drawn and Andrew and I are just like, go, did
Speaker 1: you see on my Instagram story there's a yes? I
Speaker 1: said next year, hopefully my name will go up there too.
Speaker 1: You could have gotten your name, and Andrew I recognized
Speaker 1: yesterday before I did by the way. A guy came
Speaker 1: up and was like Andrew Colin. He came up from
Speaker 1: be honest. It was like, he is the nicest kid. Yeah,
Speaker 1: well he's not listening to this because he didn't even
Speaker 1: he knew from and then he learned about you from
Speaker 1: me from being on Rougan, but he skipped our podcast
Speaker 1: and just went straight to puddles. I was like, dude,
Speaker 1: everything he was right, what, oh, yeah, you're that girl
Speaker 1: aiden a order. He plays like football here for a
Speaker 1: local college. Anyway, it was a kid I think I
Speaker 1: might have ever met, like he wrote me before. He's like, dude,
Speaker 1: I just want to hang out with you, like he
Speaker 1: wrote this before. I don't know. And I realized he
Speaker 1: was sitting he was sitting up in the nosebleed. He
Speaker 1: figured out a way. Well, he saw you post that
Speaker 1: you were there, and then he came down and found you.
Speaker 1: But I was freaking back to the Jumbo Troyn like
Speaker 1: so Nikki's on there like this, and so I get
Speaker 1: in there, I go yeah, someone said I should have proposed,
Speaker 1: well we're going to go back, because that was Hockey
Speaker 1: games are so fast, they're so fun down everything's brightly lit.
Speaker 1: The atmosphere is good, like baseball games, love for the
Speaker 1: people watching, but this one is a smaller arena. It's
Speaker 1: my goal to play an arena that size. I realized
Speaker 1: that's my next goal is to do twenty thousand seats.
Speaker 1: Because I was asking my love about it and he
Speaker 1: was like, um, I go, how many seats this? He's
Speaker 1: like probably, And I go with Taylor Smith played this
Speaker 1: and he goes, she has, but you know, probably not anymore.
Speaker 1: She's probably doing. You know, I go to this is
Speaker 1: where we saw the rolling Stones. He's like, no, that
Speaker 1: was like six and I'm like, oh, it's it felt
Speaker 1: small for some reason. It's the Enterprise Center. The Blues
Speaker 1: game was so fucking fun, dude. I mean we were down.
Speaker 1: We got there five minutes into the game. We're down
Speaker 1: three nothing. I'm like, did they start? Did they just
Speaker 1: give them three goals? Because we were playing fucking great
Speaker 1: once we got there. This is all news to me
Speaker 1: because I never once looked to the score. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: we can't realize it was a good sports game. I
Speaker 1: had fun because it was I got on the jumbo
Speaker 1: Tron and I was with my fronts. But it's so
Speaker 1: funny that you like it was a good game too. Know.
Speaker 1: It was like like one of the best games of
Speaker 1: the season. If if a hockey team is down by
Speaker 1: three goals, the game's over, it is Yeah, that doesn't
Speaker 1: we don't come back from you don't go to overtime
Speaker 1: and then winning a shootout. It was really fun. It
Speaker 1: so fast he scored a goal. Okay, uh, Andrew, let's
Speaker 1: get to the news. Here we go. Oh boy, it's Wednesday, folks.
Speaker 1: You know what that means. It's Wednesday. I hope you're
Speaker 1: having all the swells out there. We did because we
Speaker 1: were on the jumbo tron. We're better than all of you.
Speaker 1: Just kidding. Maybe all right, let's get into it. Oh man,
Speaker 1: this story kind of made me nauseous. A woman was
Speaker 1: scarred during laser treatment after her beautition became distraction distracted
Speaker 1: while arguing with her boyfriend on the phone. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I've I mean, I've heard of this before. Sabrina Jolie
Speaker 1: is my uh one of my best friends got scarred
Speaker 1: by laser. Like it looked like she had a trache
Speaker 1: otomy because she had like a hole internet from getting
Speaker 1: like hair removed. And she was at the I met
Speaker 1: her for the first time at just for laughs in
Speaker 1: Montreal two thousand seven, and she had to wear a
Speaker 1: scar for underno because she had the fucking hole and
Speaker 1: she she got a fucking little son. No, no, as
Speaker 1: she should have. Oh, she did get a settlement. Got
Speaker 1: guess wait what so she was getting what laser retreatment?
Speaker 1: Was she get laser rejuvenation? Oh? I need to know
Speaker 1: which kind, so I can wait because I love that
Speaker 1: she's in Turkey. How much money do you think she
Speaker 1: got in them? I'm guessing three thousand because it's going
Speaker 1: to be low. She got her money back two Oh
Speaker 1: my god, what the fuck? Can you imagine getting your
Speaker 1: face burnt and they go, hey, we could give you
Speaker 1: store credit. She looks like, you know, a Thanksgiving turkey
Speaker 1: that was done in the deep friar. Wait, what the fun?
Speaker 1: She looks so young in that picture on the left,
Speaker 1: and then she looks, can I see it? The attorney.
Speaker 1: The attorney is smart by putting up, you know, the
Speaker 1: hottest photo she's ever taken. Well, not that smart, because
Speaker 1: he only got her two wind turkey cash. Oh poor sweetie.
Speaker 1: Oh asley Ehan suffered permanent facial scarring from a laser
Speaker 1: treatment going awry. So this was in Turkey though. Oh
Speaker 1: my okay, well, I see what's going on here. Um,
Speaker 1: she went to a treat her scars, but only it
Speaker 1: only made it worst. She has she had not only
Speaker 1: physical pain, but psychological damage. Not only was my face
Speaker 1: badly burned, but I had a lot of psychological distress.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, we think that the penalty for oh
Speaker 1: my god, you know the burns. I think she's going
Speaker 1: to be okay. I don't know how quickly after this
Speaker 1: picture was taken, but this is kind of how you
Speaker 1: look after a laser treatment. You have to go to
Speaker 1: another laser treatment. Probably she'd probably have to yea god,
Speaker 1: but how fun I'm sorry, How like funked up? Is
Speaker 1: it that the beautician was on the phone with her
Speaker 1: boyfriend arguing like she couldn't even wait until she was
Speaker 1: done with the job. It's so wild, what people, I mean,
Speaker 1: we talked about on you going up to the woman
Speaker 1: at the gate. I told that story at the opening
Speaker 1: of the show, you know, when she told that woman
Speaker 1: to oh, you had left the you had left the
Speaker 1: great The other night, Anya had told the story of
Speaker 1: going up to a woman at um when she was
Speaker 1: on her way to Denver for my special who was
Speaker 1: talking on her speakerphone loudly. She went up and was like, hey,
Speaker 1: could you be quiet? And the woman was like no,
Speaker 1: and she was like, she goes, we can all hear.
Speaker 1: She goes, I don't care. She goes, you don't care,
Speaker 1: and she goes no, and she goes and on his
Speaker 1: like okay, well great, and she goes, that's pretty rude,
Speaker 1: and she goes, you're rude. And Anya was like shaking,
Speaker 1: like vibrating with fear, and then she went She ate
Speaker 1: a little bit longer, and the woman was a gate agent.
Speaker 1: She had like a coat on, went on, your approached her,
Speaker 1: she was like sitting in the corner and end up
Speaker 1: being a gate agent. It's just like people. Have you
Speaker 1: ever had someone like do something inappropriate while you're getting
Speaker 1: a service? Yeah? I mean well I talked about the
Speaker 1: other day to clipping the nails and um I had
Speaker 1: uh oh, well the eyebrow incident of two thousand six
Speaker 1: before the wedding where they put on I don't even
Speaker 1: know if they put on wax. I think she just
Speaker 1: put on like Elmer's glue or something way worse than
Speaker 1: wax and just just not really paying attention. You would
Speaker 1: have noticed, and I hate when people funk up. Watch
Speaker 1: it with those aseticians. Sometimes they really are just like
Speaker 1: you don't. It could be the first day in the
Speaker 1: job and they are using really hot stuff that and
Speaker 1: people's skin burns. It different. But here's the thing I
Speaker 1: think like when people this is the thing though, because
Speaker 1: like with business, you can't apologize because once you apologize,
Speaker 1: you yeah, so then you go, oh, no, this is
Speaker 1: what it is your eyes are supposed to is it
Speaker 1: When you are at a restaurant and you have ordered
Speaker 1: something like, oh, I need ranch on the side to
Speaker 1: you order it with your meal, right, and they write
Speaker 1: it down and they go okay, and then they deliver
Speaker 1: your thing and then the waiter runs away and they
Speaker 1: haven't gotten the ranch, and you go, oh, they're going
Speaker 1: to get my ranch, they don't bring it whatever, and
Speaker 1: then you know, three minutes later, you catch something just
Speaker 1: walking by refilling someone's water and you go, oh, hey,
Speaker 1: can I get that side of ranch? And they go,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'll get you side of ranch, Like it's
Speaker 1: the first time you ask. Is a fucking move. And
Speaker 1: I don't like ranch lighting sucks. If you guys have
Speaker 1: been ranch lighting, and let's call it. Let's kind when
Speaker 1: whenever some you know a customer service agent or someone
Speaker 1: working in customer service, because listen, customer, you know I
Speaker 1: have some much empathy for customers. I'm I'm tipping. I'm
Speaker 1: tipping five dollars on every Starbucks drink I get in
Speaker 1: this holiday season and I really like I don't sunk
Speaker 1: around because it sucks out there, and I hope, UM, Starbucks,
Speaker 1: can you unize by the way, I'm in support of that, UM,
Speaker 1: but it's uh and yeah, will you just please everyone
Speaker 1: out there be nice to everyone working for unless you
Speaker 1: get working for any kind of corporation where they don't
Speaker 1: they shouldn't take pride in it. And you know what
Speaker 1: I'm talking about pretty much any job that isn't their
Speaker 1: family business or something that is like their passion in life.
Speaker 1: Just let them suck at their job because they're making
Speaker 1: fourteen dollars an hour. They can't afford to live an
Speaker 1: apartment on that like it's the system is broken. Just
Speaker 1: be kind and tip generously if you can this holiday season.
Speaker 1: To everyone working at a car rental place, if they're
Speaker 1: moving slowly at Starbucks, if they're moving like molasses at
Speaker 1: a fucking there even if they burn your face. It
Speaker 1: doesn't matter what job. If they burn your face, it's fine.
Speaker 1: If you're paying four hundred dollars for a laser treatment,
Speaker 1: you should you you should get a level of respect.
Speaker 1: If you're being set dollars for a lot day, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I know that's a Lotte for a latte, but it's
Speaker 1: still seven dollars and this person doesn't really give a
Speaker 1: funk about you. I hear you, Nikki, but I think seven.
Speaker 1: Or if you're at Starbucks and they pour that hot
Speaker 1: coffee on your face, you gotta have some empathy. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I think that is one of the best treatments out
Speaker 1: there that no one knows about. And I was going
Speaker 1: to do a TikTok about it, like, hey guys, here's
Speaker 1: a secret Starbucks. You get a vanilla Lotte with non
Speaker 1: fat milk, and you get extra hot, you gently pour
Speaker 1: all over your face, wait two to three business days,
Speaker 1: and then afterwards, when it all peels off, you will
Speaker 1: have a shiny face because you will look like a
Speaker 1: burn victim. Look really doing. Um that's my taste for
Speaker 1: a few bucks. Um Starbucks, Oh, I get it, Okay,
Speaker 1: Next news story, that's pretty good, let's go and honestly, guys,
Speaker 1: let's all and I want to hear from our listeners
Speaker 1: not only about being ranchlet, but also about horrible cousin no, no, no,
Speaker 1: about first of all, yes, or horrible customers. That's great
Speaker 1: to hear stories so we can all learn to be better,
Speaker 1: but stories of where you went out of your way
Speaker 1: to actually be a good customer to someone who is
Speaker 1: giving you shitty service and doing the opposite and saying
Speaker 1: to them, hey, happy holidays, I hope you have a
Speaker 1: good day. Hey listen, I know you guys are slam.
Speaker 1: Don't worry about the weight. Thank you for even saying
Speaker 1: sorry about the weight, or like just a thing where
Speaker 1: you went out of your way when you didn't have to.
Speaker 1: And I'm going to try to do the same. Also,
Speaker 1: if you work at Amazon, I kind of want to know,
Speaker 1: like what's really going what's really going on if you
Speaker 1: work there? That really still being in bottles and stuff
Speaker 1: like that as being poured, party whispering and so we
Speaker 1: don't get caught by bezos and so that you know,
Speaker 1: Siri doesn't hear us, which's not serious, Lexa, But I
Speaker 1: think this is when Alex starts listening. Once you start whispering,
Speaker 1: you have the robots are listening because they go, wait,
Speaker 1: hold on, someone's talking that. They're they're all like my mom,
Speaker 1: Bobby and wrong. And then they go they didn't hear that,
Speaker 1: hear that if you went warm wrong. Okay, one more
Speaker 1: new story. We can out loud loud? You know, I
Speaker 1: actually like doing the thing. Let's just do It's very
Speaker 1: hard to edit this though, Oh it is why we whisper? Okay,
Speaker 1: why don't we just do soft spoken? Then? Okay? Is
Speaker 1: that better? Yeah, try to do it as softly as
Speaker 1: you can. Studies in the case that the benefits of
Speaker 1: rebound sex are usually greater than the damage it causes.
Speaker 1: The benefits you're seeing the benefits of rebound sex are
Speaker 1: greater causes. I would um, I would agree because I
Speaker 1: do think that rebound sex is not based on someone
Speaker 1: being open to falling insanely in love with someone. So
Speaker 1: you're not going to have those negative effects afterwards of
Speaker 1: being addicted to someone because you're trying to get over
Speaker 1: someone you're already addicted to. Thus it's only going to um,
Speaker 1: it's going to innesthetize that pain that you're experiencing. Oh,
Speaker 1: you're trying to get over rather than create a new pain. Um,
Speaker 1: so that is good news for everyone was using rebound
Speaker 1: sex as a way to cope with your broken heart.
Speaker 1: I never thought of it this way, honestly until I
Speaker 1: softly spoke it softly spoken, because I guess that's the
Speaker 1: only thing, the only way I could learn at all. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I get out there and rebound just be safe. But
Speaker 1: I always felt like when rebounding that you're like trying
Speaker 1: to fill a void. And I guess if you're not
Speaker 1: looking at it, trying to just because it can make
Speaker 1: you feel more secure with yourself of like how you look,
Speaker 1: so you are because someone else is fucking hell. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that's that's all true too, And it just
Speaker 1: it really did. I remember that scene in um, the
Speaker 1: John Cusack movie High Fidelity, where she's his ex girlfriend
Speaker 1: is grieving the loss of her father and she's just
Speaker 1: crying all the time, and she's she sleeps with her ex.
Speaker 1: She goes, I just want to feel Wait, that's a
Speaker 1: really good impression, if you know what I'm talking about this,
Speaker 1: I just want to feel something else, and then she
Speaker 1: gets on top of him and like starts grinding. It's
Speaker 1: such a hot scene. But you know that feeling of
Speaker 1: being so sad you want to feel anything else. That's
Speaker 1: why we reach for food. That's why we reached for
Speaker 1: drugs like sex can be a soothing balm to put
Speaker 1: on your broken heart. So go out there and get it.
Speaker 1: That's that's good news. Let's take a break and we'll
Speaker 1: come back with hold on before we go to a
Speaker 1: break before on our other break, you said Andrew had
Speaker 1: some news. Let's take a break and come back with
Speaker 1: Andrew's news. Okay, is that? Okay? I want to tease it.
Speaker 1: You gotta listen to the commercial first. All right, we're
Speaker 1: back Andrew. What's the news. Oh? Uh, so Brandon and
Speaker 1: I are moving in together. Yes, you announced that the
Speaker 1: other day. And Louis, we scoured the area. We went
Speaker 1: to Lincoln, we went to uh Grove, we went to
Speaker 1: Park Central West Ends, we went all over the place,
Speaker 1: both ends of the Central West. We went all over.
Speaker 1: We saw more than and we have decided. After drumroll, please,
Speaker 1: and I know this is gonna this is gonna. People
Speaker 1: are gonna be talking about this. No, people already see
Speaker 1: it coming. We're moving place nine floors down in the
Speaker 1: same building. And he's not. It's really happening. You guys.
Speaker 1: We found a one bedroom in the building and love it.
Speaker 1: I'm thrilled. This building is a great building. How we
Speaker 1: feel about it. And honestly, this morning we had a
Speaker 1: little bit of a technical thing that had to take place,
Speaker 1: and I go, oh my god, I'm going to have
Speaker 1: to do that stuff if Andrew doesn't stay close enough
Speaker 1: to come over and fix it before the podcast. Not anymore, buddy,
Speaker 1: you just take the elevator up and boom, wait what Okay,
Speaker 1: we're moving. No. I'm so excited to have you both
Speaker 1: in the building because I will, like, it'll just be
Speaker 1: fun like sometimes last night, Brenna can just come up
Speaker 1: here and we can have some girl time. We can
Speaker 1: sing some Taylor Swift. You guys can come up here
Speaker 1: and we can watch movies like well, we'll probably hang
Speaker 1: out more because of this. I think it's going to
Speaker 1: be a great thing. And I do. Uh yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have to fucking you know, my commute to work
Speaker 1: and moving down nine floors. I never I want to
Speaker 1: die in this fucking building. I love it. Let's do
Speaker 1: our our wild card Wednesday game. We are playing Esther
Speaker 1: Perel's new ish board game called where should We Begin? Yep,
Speaker 1: and that's I said it like a question because it
Speaker 1: is a question, but I said the wrong kind of question,
Speaker 1: where should we Begin, which is also the name of
Speaker 1: her podcast where she Uh it's a great podcast. She's
Speaker 1: an amazing woman who uh opens up her therapy office
Speaker 1: and you get to listen to couples go to a
Speaker 1: couple of therapy and it's so helpful. But this is
Speaker 1: a fun game where you pick two cards. One is
Speaker 1: like to set up the premise of like, we're going
Speaker 1: to tell a story about this thing mirror that Yeah,
Speaker 1: that yeah, the Taylor Swift magic gate ball, like in
Speaker 1: your head, you asked it, yeah, runaway, don't say yes
Speaker 1: run away? Oh shit? All right, well and that thing
Speaker 1: always gets it right, all right? About the subject. There's
Speaker 1: one card that's a subject, and then there's one card
Speaker 1: that is um or. One card is a question, and
Speaker 1: one card is like within the that question, what's the
Speaker 1: what's the thing we're talking about? Yes, give us the
Speaker 1: two things. Okay, So the card for the story is
Speaker 1: I'll never forget being bullied by So that's what we
Speaker 1: start our story with. And then share something awkward. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: I've shared this before, um, but let me share a
Speaker 1: different one. So you have to start the story with
Speaker 1: I'll never forget being bullied by and then you have
Speaker 1: to share within that answering that question something awkward like that.
Speaker 1: It has to have the theme of awkwardness. Does that
Speaker 1: make sense? No, Im, I talked about that. You got it? Okay,
Speaker 1: got it? Um. I'll never forget being bullied by a
Speaker 1: female comic in St. Louis when I first started, between
Speaker 1: the years of two thousand, two three and two thousand. Now. Um,
Speaker 1: I'm sure she still hates me and is trying to
Speaker 1: ruin me. But good luck, bitch. Um she I forgive
Speaker 1: her totally. No, I don't. Um, She's never apologized and
Speaker 1: I should. I need to work on forgiving her anyway.
Speaker 1: She I remember around two I moved back home to St.
Speaker 1: Louis after failing in Uh. Now, I moved home in Saintlis.
Speaker 1: After failing, I moved to I moved to l A
Speaker 1: in two thousand and six after getting the last comic
Speaker 1: standing and having done comedy for a couple of years.
Speaker 1: And I, you know, I just she hated me. There's
Speaker 1: many stories I could tell of this girl lying about me,
Speaker 1: sleeping with comics, saying I'm not funny, just trying to
Speaker 1: get all of my friends at the Saintless Funny Bute
Speaker 1: to hate me, and UM in in a way was
Speaker 1: successful at that I had to. Actually, that's why I
Speaker 1: left in UM two thousand six sooner than I probably
Speaker 1: would have, because I just everyone didn't like me anymore.
Speaker 1: That's not everyone, but a lot of people. It was
Speaker 1: just awkward to go up there my home club, because
Speaker 1: this woman had told made everyone think I wasn't funny.
Speaker 1: She also thought Tommy Johnagan wasn't funny, who was another
Speaker 1: of my We were both the new comics on the
Speaker 1: scene in St. Louis. If you think Tommy Johnagan's not
Speaker 1: funny when she when I found out that, I was like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: then she's that She could be wrong about me because
Speaker 1: she was really funny. She's funny, and she was the
Speaker 1: top comic on the scene when I started. It was her,
Speaker 1: Greg Warren and this guy Jeremy Essig, and she got
Speaker 1: Jeremy against me. Jeremy and I are now really good
Speaker 1: friends and have patched things up, but she just fucking
Speaker 1: hated me. She said that the high school cheerleader shouldn't
Speaker 1: be doing stand up. I'm like, bitch, I don't have rhythm.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't getting She probably loved that, but anyway,
Speaker 1: she um, I moved back in two thousand yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I moved back in two thousand nine after I
Speaker 1: was on The Tonight Show. I had a little bit
Speaker 1: of success, but like instantly was on the Tonight Show
Speaker 1: in January two thousand nine, and then moved back home
Speaker 1: because I was still, you know, having to eat subway
Speaker 1: for all my meals and borrow money from my parents.
Speaker 1: I was broke. Moved back home. It felt like such
Speaker 1: a failure. Tail between my legs and I come back
Speaker 1: to the Funny Bones. She's there this time. I'm like
Speaker 1: a drunk at this point, and so I'm matching her vibe. Um,
Speaker 1: and I have a little bit more confidence, but not
Speaker 1: that much, and I'm trying to be friends with her
Speaker 1: now because I'm like, listen, let's put this behind us.
Speaker 1: She wanted I get the balls to confront her because
Speaker 1: Greg Warren actually did me a favor and heard her
Speaker 1: talking ship during one of my sets in the back
Speaker 1: of the room and goes, why don't you why don't
Speaker 1: you ask NICKI if she had sex with all these
Speaker 1: people that you say that she had sex with that
Speaker 1: wrote her jokes for her? Go why don't you ask her?
Speaker 1: Why don't you have you ever asked her about it?
Speaker 1: And she goes, fine, I will, and so I she
Speaker 1: We were at at the Jazz Club after this, the set,
Speaker 1: the same one we were at the other night. The
Speaker 1: fact that I've been to these places now gives the
Speaker 1: story so much, like the fact that you gave this
Speaker 1: lady so much. She's so fucking intonating dude. She is.
Speaker 1: She's Regina George of like me and girls. And so
Speaker 1: I go over to the Every time we would do
Speaker 1: the Funny Bone, it was like this big night. Everyone
Speaker 1: would be there. It was this big, fucking cool hangout,
Speaker 1: and then we would go next door and we would
Speaker 1: just drink and do karaoke. Was so much fun. It
Speaker 1: was the best time. And I was always scared of
Speaker 1: her though. She would stay at the bar and stay
Speaker 1: with her friends, and I would like be with mine
Speaker 1: and I she just goes neck and she like summoned me,
Speaker 1: and I walked over and she was like, all right,
Speaker 1: did you have sex with Polly Shore? Doug Benson. Bige
Speaker 1: kept naming all these people, and I go, no, no,
Speaker 1: I blew one of those people. And it wasn't the
Speaker 1: two people I listed. Just by the way, I go,
Speaker 1: one of those people in your list. I did blow.
Speaker 1: But I didn't accept the guest spot that he offered me.
Speaker 1: I actually turned it down because I thought, there's no
Speaker 1: way I'm going to perform on his show. I'm so
Speaker 1: bad at comedy. I've never accepted anything from him in
Speaker 1: terms of I liked him, I wanted to marry. I
Speaker 1: thought I was gonna marry him. That's why, which I
Speaker 1: didn't deserve to give her any of this, but I
Speaker 1: wanted to be honest and show, Okay, well i'll give
Speaker 1: you one of those. But no, I didn't have sex
Speaker 1: with Polly Shot Doug Benson. I worked with them, and
Speaker 1: so she went from saying I wasn't funny too. When
Speaker 1: I got funny, she used to say, people wrote my
Speaker 1: jokes for me, so I was never gonna win ever.
Speaker 1: And so I always tell young female comics that when
Speaker 1: they'll say you're not funny, then you get funny, and
Speaker 1: they'll say men wrote jokes for you, so you'll never win.
Speaker 1: You'll never fucking win or they'll say you stole jokes
Speaker 1: for male comics. That's what they do. So anyway, sorry
Speaker 1: to make this long story that. So I remember, she
Speaker 1: just goes, yeah, yeah, well my wife is all I mean,
Speaker 1: my husband is all over all my micro penis jokes
Speaker 1: turned into clip jokes. So I um, she she goes
Speaker 1: best parton and I go, no, no, no one. I
Speaker 1: was just like trying to plead with her, and she
Speaker 1: just goes, well, I don't believe you, but o guy.
Speaker 1: And I remember being like thank you, like just for
Speaker 1: saying like whatever, and I remember being like, thank god,
Speaker 1: really patched up now. But after that I kind of
Speaker 1: got this, like I started getting a little bit more
Speaker 1: confident because I just saw her for what she was,
Speaker 1: which was like a sad person and filled with hate.
Speaker 1: And and then Greg Warren was the only one out
Speaker 1: of all my friends, by the way, who stood up
Speaker 1: for me and without doing without being mean to her,
Speaker 1: without just he really did stand up for me. And
Speaker 1: thank God for that guy, because everyone else. One day
Speaker 1: I have to say this one last thing. I know
Speaker 1: this is so long, like no, no, I think it
Speaker 1: is great, But do you feel like because you got
Speaker 1: at least a little bit, you got not a little
Speaker 1: bit a lot of success for did that feel when
Speaker 1: you came back to St. Louis Did you feel like
Speaker 1: a failure or did you feel like, oh yeah, because
Speaker 1: it didn't matter. She thought I was tricking people. She
Speaker 1: thinks she's getting the Tonight show and all that. Still
Speaker 1: didn't you know, she always said, this is what she said.
Speaker 1: So when I was in St. Louis, so in two
Speaker 1: thousand eight, right before this Tonight show, December, I'm I
Speaker 1: went home for Christmas, living in l A at the time,
Speaker 1: but went home for Christmas and I started dating. I
Speaker 1: got my first boyfriend. He was a comic on the
Speaker 1: scene who was like, in my opinion, the best writer.
Speaker 1: I was obsessed with him and his jokes and got him.
Speaker 1: We finally started dating um and then we're doing long
Speaker 1: distance from l I went to l A. And they
Speaker 1: used to do this thing on this website, Rooftop Comedy,
Speaker 1: where they would broadcast uh the open mics the next
Speaker 1: day like they would they would take the open mics
Speaker 1: and chop up all the sets and I could watch
Speaker 1: everyone set and I got to feel like I was
Speaker 1: still part of it. And so I remember watching on
Speaker 1: my roommates computer in l A Lisa's computer. I like
Speaker 1: went into her room because I wanted to watch my
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend Jeff set and see all my friends. And
Speaker 1: I was like, let's just watch this girls set because
Speaker 1: I just have a feeling there's like a vibe that
Speaker 1: she's talking about me, even though I hadn't really had
Speaker 1: a run in with her for a while. Maybe actually
Speaker 1: over Christmas we had to run in. So this was
Speaker 1: during Sarah Palin times. By the way, okay um eight.
Speaker 1: You know, like Obama had just one, but Sarah Palin
Speaker 1: was still very much in the global consciousness, and she
Speaker 1: did a joke where she goes, you know, the thing
Speaker 1: about Sarah Palin is it's just because she's hot. That's
Speaker 1: the only reason people even give her even a chance
Speaker 1: to even talk, because she's hot, because they want to
Speaker 1: suck her. And she goes and she's blathering on about
Speaker 1: her and she goes, no matter what insane things that
Speaker 1: woman says, there's always a group of guys in the
Speaker 1: back of the room that it's like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: she's kind of cool because they want to fuck her.
Speaker 1: And I just remember watching that set being like I
Speaker 1: think this joke is about me, Like I just have
Speaker 1: a And it was so narcissist of me to even
Speaker 1: think that, because it's like, you know, obviously she thinks
Speaker 1: this about every right. But I just was like, there's
Speaker 1: just a feeling. So I kept that feeling in my system,
Speaker 1: but I didn't say anything about it until I went
Speaker 1: back home. Um, you know in April of that year,
Speaker 1: and I remember I was talking with my friend Gabe Kia,
Speaker 1: who was a best friend comic of mine that was
Speaker 1: in the room that night, and I remember just we're
Speaker 1: talking about me watching sets or we're talking about this girl,
Speaker 1: and I go, there's one joke she did and I
Speaker 1: was like, and I just I got Gabe, I no,
Speaker 1: this is insane. We were just like smoking bout all
Speaker 1: the time, just talking about stuff, and I go, I
Speaker 1: just feel like she did this one joke about me.
Speaker 1: It's so stupid. And he goes, wait they posted that,
Speaker 1: And I go what And he's like, I don't think they.
Speaker 1: I don't think they. Wait what And I go, what
Speaker 1: are you talking about? And he was like, um, wait,
Speaker 1: what what do you mean? I go it was like
Speaker 1: about Sarah Palin. He goes, they've posted that, and I
Speaker 1: was like, what do you Yeah, she said, there's always
Speaker 1: like group of guys in the back of the room
Speaker 1: that are like, she's cool. And he goes and then
Speaker 1: it stopped and I was like, yeah, and he goes,
Speaker 1: Oh well, um, it didn't stop there. She went on
Speaker 1: to say, in other words, Nicky Glazer is the Sarah
Speaker 1: Palin of stand up comedy to a room of people,
Speaker 1: by the way, that are not only my my boyfriend
Speaker 1: at the time, all of my best friends in comedy,
Speaker 1: which are like all my best friends in a room
Speaker 1: of people in St. Louis that don't know who I am.
Speaker 1: I wasn't a household name or even a name. So
Speaker 1: she was just saying that just to create an air
Speaker 1: of hating and to say that I was the Sarah.
Speaker 1: Like to Sam, Sarah Palin was like the worst Donald
Speaker 1: And he was like, and I go, why didn't you
Speaker 1: fucking tell me? And it's because this woman caused so
Speaker 1: much fear out of everyone, like like I probably wouldn't
Speaker 1: have defended myself. After she did that, I was like,
Speaker 1: it's war. So then I used to go, I know
Speaker 1: this is so long a word. No, no no, no, I
Speaker 1: think this is great and I want to know more
Speaker 1: about it. I want to know more about Louis because
Speaker 1: I never asked you. Oh my god, I think day
Speaker 1: about what this girl did, like you could hear. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm going to save it for my book. There are
Speaker 1: countless stories of what this woman did to me, but
Speaker 1: I'll just get to the awkward part. So I came
Speaker 1: back to St. Louis and I'm there for a while.
Speaker 1: I suddenly like get a little bit of a like, okay,
Speaker 1: a little bit of confidence, but it's still shaky around her.
Speaker 1: And I'm going to an open mic one night and
Speaker 1: I'm feeling like I get a letter in the mail
Speaker 1: right before open mic. I go to my parents mailbox
Speaker 1: and it is telling me I have um HPV. It's
Speaker 1: like a letter that says you have abnormal cells and
Speaker 1: you have HPV, which I like didn't know I had.
Speaker 1: And at that time I really was kind of like, oh,
Speaker 1: everyone has. I think I already had a joke about
Speaker 1: having it. Thought the letter was going to be like
Speaker 1: the awkward thing. This is the awkward thing. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: this is not a good this is awkward. So I
Speaker 1: am a little bit rattled about having HPV. But at
Speaker 1: the same time, I'm like whatever, but I'm more rattled
Speaker 1: about performing in front of this girl that night. And
Speaker 1: I did my set. I did. I always wanted to
Speaker 1: have new jokes for her so she couldn't say I
Speaker 1: was like a fucking hack. So I was going up
Speaker 1: that night and I was just overwhelmed and I started
Speaker 1: kind of not doing well on my four minutes set
Speaker 1: whatever it was, and I just go. I found I
Speaker 1: I just wanted she thought thinks I'm a slut, she
Speaker 1: thinks I'm not funny. I just wanted to take like
Speaker 1: for some reason, my brain was like, she's watching you,
Speaker 1: she hates you. She's going to talk about you, bully
Speaker 1: yourself right now more than she could ever bully you.
Speaker 1: And I go, guys, I have HPV. I found out today.
Speaker 1: I have fucking HPV. I got it as there was
Speaker 1: no joke. I just wanted to punch myself harder than
Speaker 1: she in a way that she would be like, I
Speaker 1: don't even want to make fun of her. That was
Speaker 1: the saddest thing I've ever seen. I got off stage.
Speaker 1: I was like shaking. I remember Tommy and Gregg coming
Speaker 1: up to me being like, are you okay? And I
Speaker 1: was like I have to I just I want to go.
Speaker 1: I'm just like so upset, and they took me to
Speaker 1: Hooters and we had the best nights. But it was
Speaker 1: so awkward that like in that moment, I didn't even
Speaker 1: plan on saying that, but that I think it took restaurants. Yeah,
Speaker 1: being honest, I guess it's just a defense meschanism of
Speaker 1: feeling like other people are going to be That's my
Speaker 1: whole life. Yeah, so that was my awkward thing. Let's
Speaker 1: go into final thought and you share yours. I want
Speaker 1: to know, like, let's talk about it tomorrow. But I
Speaker 1: don't think I ever asked you about after coming to St. Louis.
Speaker 1: How did you rebound from that? Because I think, like
Speaker 1: that's a great story. Maybe I'll obviously be in your book,
Speaker 1: but like I never asked you. Also how you got
Speaker 1: your first half hour on Comedy Central and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: But I gotta show at MTV and they had to
Speaker 1: finally acknowledge that I was talent because they did not
Speaker 1: give me anything. Comedy Cential wouldn't look at me, and
Speaker 1: sometimes you gotta go elsewhere before they look at you.
Speaker 1: And then Comedy Central wanted to fucking do everything with me.
Speaker 1: But they but but they've knew about me for years
Speaker 1: and years and years. But I was always like the
Speaker 1: girl that dated Joe da Rosa, that was new on
Speaker 1: the scene, Like was just you know, Amy's friend, Like
Speaker 1: you know, people that decide these things are you know,
Speaker 1: just there at the time. It was like two women
Speaker 1: that probably I if I were in their shoes too,
Speaker 1: I would have looked at me and been like, it's
Speaker 1: just she's doing the same thing Amy's doing. We don't
Speaker 1: really need it. And they didn't need it, and they
Speaker 1: were probably right to not put me on TV until
Speaker 1: and then MTV put me on and then they were like, oh,
Speaker 1: they were giving away half hours and then I submitted
Speaker 1: and I was and you know, I had submitted a
Speaker 1: ton before that for Live at Gotham, you know, any
Speaker 1: kind of little thing I could get and never even
Speaker 1: got like a callback. But um, and they'd seen me
Speaker 1: a lot too. To New York. So I stayed in St.
Speaker 1: Louis for a year and a half, year and a
Speaker 1: half when I moved back in two thousand nine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and lived with my parents for a year and a
Speaker 1: half and I moved in two thousand tens. This is
Speaker 1: the kind of ship that I don't think people realize
Speaker 1: about you because they see and maybe even myself, I
Speaker 1: never thought like, oh she just but they see you
Speaker 1: get Last Comic Standing when you're one, they see you
Speaker 1: get the Tonight Show, and then for a fucking year
Speaker 1: and a half, you're back. I got the Tonight Show
Speaker 1: January twenty nine, lived and moved back April first, two
Speaker 1: thousand nine. Lived there until July of two thousand so
Speaker 1: a year and two months. Yeah, and then you go back.
Speaker 1: Then you go to New York for the first time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: from two thousand ten until Yeah, how did you feel
Speaker 1: about the mics there? I mean, luckily you knew Amy
Speaker 1: a little helped me out a ton, but like, dude,
Speaker 1: you know what, that's when I first started that. I
Speaker 1: got a podcast with Sarah Schaeffer that we met at
Speaker 1: a party and we're just like we literally the story
Speaker 1: of our Sarah's in two thou when we started that
Speaker 1: You Had to Be Here podcast. I remember we were
Speaker 1: at Brian Balden just remember he used to book Montreal
Speaker 1: and uh he still books comedy. Is a great guy.
Speaker 1: But we were at his party and we I met
Speaker 1: I just moved to town and Sarah and I were
Speaker 1: over this like the chips and hummus eating at this
Speaker 1: table as probably like starting my nightly bench and and
Speaker 1: I was still drinking at the time too, and Justin
Speaker 1: Deiberally came on and we were just like talking about
Speaker 1: how much we liked him, and she had booked me
Speaker 1: on some like bar shows she did and we had
Speaker 1: She wouldn't even there then, and we didn't meet, but
Speaker 1: we're eating and um, and this was at a time
Speaker 1: when podcasts. Everyone was like everyone has a podcast. People
Speaker 1: were saying that back then, because I remember when we go,
Speaker 1: shall we do a podcast? No, everyone is a fucking
Speaker 1: podcast two thousand you guys. So if you're saying it now,
Speaker 1: just get over it. Start your fucking podcast, okay, because
Speaker 1: everyone's they've been saying it all along. So Mark days
Speaker 1: where everyone was starting one because of Mark, and so
Speaker 1: Sarah I was like, I've always wanted to start podcast.
Speaker 1: I tried to start one when I was back home
Speaker 1: in St. Louis. I got all the equipment, I spent
Speaker 1: thousands of like a thousand dollars on equipment, did a
Speaker 1: couple of test episode and didn't go well. But um,
Speaker 1: so Sarah and I were just like eating chips and
Speaker 1: at this party and I was like, I want to
Speaker 1: start a podcast and she was like I do too,
Speaker 1: and I was like, who should let's start one together
Speaker 1: and she was like would you And I was like,
Speaker 1: uh yeah, and she was like okay, meet me at Rockefeller.
Speaker 1: She worked at Jimmy Fallon as a blogger at the
Speaker 1: time and had won an Emmy from it, and she
Speaker 1: was like a really go getter. I would have never
Speaker 1: gotten into podcasting had someone not been like, Okay, I'll
Speaker 1: I'll fucking run it for us. You just show up
Speaker 1: and um. And so that's how that. And then once
Speaker 1: I started podcast that we got in the New York
Speaker 1: Times and then it just caught on big because we
Speaker 1: had a really interesting concept and it got a lot
Speaker 1: of press. And then that was like, Okay, I'm doing
Speaker 1: my own things, separate from anything Amy's getting me. And
Speaker 1: then you know, my stand up obviously developed on stuff
Speaker 1: like that. But yeah, it was that podcast really then,
Speaker 1: and we got a viral video for Justin timber Lake.
Speaker 1: We said, come back to music, Justin because he hadn't
Speaker 1: done music for like eight years, and we did this
Speaker 1: really um sad, can I play it we we went
Speaker 1: viral on YouTube. Yeah, here's the video that we made
Speaker 1: for Justin Make Music Again. And this was our first
Speaker 1: conversation we had and after we were doing the podcast
Speaker 1: for a while, Sarah was like, I want to do
Speaker 1: a video. It's black and white. It's like a p
Speaker 1: s A almost, with a bunch of comics that you'll
Speaker 1: recognize in it, talking about Justin Making Music Again. It's
Speaker 1: three minutes long. I'm not gonna play the whole thing,
Speaker 1: but it's called Justin Timberlake Make Music Again. Two thousand six.
Speaker 1: It wasn't so long ago, but things were so different.
Speaker 1: George W. Bush was president, Pluto was still a planet.
Speaker 1: The National borga Dream was at six, and I pretended
Speaker 1: to know what that meant. But most importantly, in case
Speaker 1: you forgot, Justin Timberlake released Future Sex, Love Sounds. And
Speaker 1: that was the last time Justin Timberlake released an album.
Speaker 1: Five years. Five years. Every day without a new Justin
Speaker 1: Timberlake album feels like an eternity, feels pointless, hopeless. I'm sexy,
Speaker 1: I have no way of telling the girl and cheated
Speaker 1: on me. How I feel. I can't dance up in
Speaker 1: the club because I can't even say duck club. I
Speaker 1: have to say the club because I'm white. How am
Speaker 1: I supposed to feel tingling right down there? Down there?
Speaker 1: I haven't had an orgasm in three years. I don't
Speaker 1: know how to pleasure myself to mars, I've never had
Speaker 1: an orgasm. Children are dying, probably, and who do we blame?
Speaker 1: Justin ds? Mila Kuntis? Was it my mother that whore?
Speaker 1: Justin Bieber is too young for me to jerk off?
Speaker 1: To speak for yourself, Justin, it feels like you're cheating
Speaker 1: on us with acting. Lisa hasn't spoken in five Wow.
Speaker 1: I remember that time you showed the world Janet Jackson's titty.
Speaker 1: That was awesome? Do that again? She thought she was
Speaker 1: hearing that a new Justin's who were Lays single, but
Speaker 1: in fact he was attaining sample. Sure, you've performed a
Speaker 1: few new songs in your barbecue joint. I don't give
Speaker 1: a fuck. Someone had made a Hungarian techno remix of
Speaker 1: Sexy Back, and she wasn't able to turn it off
Speaker 1: in time to hear the whole song. Michael Jordan thought
Speaker 1: it was a good idea to play baseball. Remember how
Speaker 1: that turned out? Real shitty the effects on the brain
Speaker 1: have been a it's too long catastrophic. Justin. Actually, you're funny,
Speaker 1: you're charming, but but, but but the sexy is no
Speaker 1: longer back. The sexy is gone. You brought sexy front,
Speaker 1: and what goes around comes all the way back around.
Speaker 1: Because that's how science works, my friend. You can never
Speaker 1: bring sexy back back. I was about to have a threesome, like.
Speaker 1: I had gotten both of them in the room, and
Speaker 1: I thought, just get a little music on and I
Speaker 1: put my love on and they both started crying, where's
Speaker 1: the sex thing? Get the sex thing? And that's your fault, justin,
Speaker 1: I'll cheat on you. Well one did it, and I'll
Speaker 1: cheat that out you. I did all the groundwork and
Speaker 1: you fucked me. Why it's like a minute, pis Carmen.
Speaker 1: She's who was giving me this way. It was gonna
Speaker 1: have a freeze. Please please, please, please do what you
Speaker 1: were born to do, Do what you were forced to
Speaker 1: do at a young age. You can do this. Just
Speaker 1: do it before you get old. Sing justin, sing please, justin, Timberlake,
Speaker 1: make music again. So he'd retweeted it, and then we
Speaker 1: got it blew up, and then MTV gave us a
Speaker 1: show because of that video. That was all Sarah's idea
Speaker 1: of like, I have this idea, and she sent me
Speaker 1: a script. I put in some more jokes to it,
Speaker 1: we shot it, and then that's why you're gonna sell
Speaker 1: out the Enterprise Arena someday next year. Thanks for listening
Speaker 1: to the show today, don't we ca? And like what
Speaker 1: I don't know? I was gonna say, Jack Jackson tiber Lake,
Speaker 1: but I just like got caught up in what you
Speaker 1: were saying. I did Jacqueline Kennedy, Oh, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Someone I sounded like I had a stroke. Who probably did? Yeah,
Speaker 1: Jacqueline Kennedy, Jack