Speaker 1: My purpose is to glorify God. How narcissistic must he
Speaker 1: be if he creates beings and then their purpose is
Speaker 1: to glorify him, like when you first look at it
Speaker 1: on the surface, that's what it sounds like. I don't
Speaker 1: really want to worship a god like that. What's up, guys,
Speaker 1: Welcome to the podcast, Episode one hundred and seventy six,
Speaker 1: And this is a special one because we got back
Speaker 1: an amazing guest of mine, multi multi timer, and back
Speaker 1: Bernie Calcote. And if you're watching on YouTube, you'll notice something.
Speaker 1: If you're not, if you're listening on Spotify or Apple
Speaker 1: or something, you won't notice. But he is now a
Speaker 1: mountain man. Yeah, he's got a beard. I'm embracing my
Speaker 1: inner Will Brown, no haircut, not shit, you are that guy,
Speaker 1: I do remember. You'd be friends now the way you look.
Speaker 1: You'd be friends with my friend Marv, who's a pastor.
Speaker 1: He's a mennnight pastor in South Carolina and he listens
Speaker 1: to this podcast every Monday. Really really good dude. And Marv,
Speaker 1: yeah his name is Marvin. You're starting to look like
Speaker 1: a midnight pastor with this beard. Shout up to what
Speaker 1: we do on this podcast with Bernie. He helps me
Speaker 1: a lot because we just answer your questions. And Bernie
Speaker 1: has been answering my questions for about twenty years. When
Speaker 1: I have a problem, I reach out and I'm like, hey, birds,
Speaker 1: I got a problem, or it doesn't even have to
Speaker 1: be a problem, just just a scenario walking through life,
Speaker 1: walking through life. And so that's what we do with you.
Speaker 1: And you email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: We're gonna get to this inbox. I told Bernie, I
Speaker 1: have no idea what's coming up like that. There's no planning,
Speaker 1: there's no notes flying blind, we don't have no special
Speaker 1: quotes that we're just gonna out there. Our minds are
Speaker 1: empty right now. Yeah, all right, So first question, Brenda
Speaker 1: gets it and it says this, Hey, granger I really
Speaker 1: enjoy your podcast. I'm from West Virginia. I was married
Speaker 1: in two thousand and six, got divorced in two thousand
Speaker 1: and eight. My ex husband died in twenty twenty. I
Speaker 1: consider myself single, not divorced. Now. I have a relationship
Speaker 1: with God and I've been praying for a godly man.
Speaker 1: Can you please tell me what to do? There is
Speaker 1: not a singles group in our church. I don't know
Speaker 1: what I could do. Thank you for everything to do. God,
Speaker 1: bless Brenda. Brenda from West Virginia, married, married in six,
Speaker 1: got divorced in eight. He died in twenty. He died
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty. So she considers herself single, not divorced.
Speaker 1: Now that's just a mentality she's going with here. But
Speaker 1: the question, it sounds like, is how do I get
Speaker 1: a man? She's lonely? Yep, because two thousand and six
Speaker 1: a long that's a long time. Or two thousand and
Speaker 1: eight when she divorced. Oh sorry, I got divorced two
Speaker 1: thousand and eight. Still okay, So still we're talking a
Speaker 1: long time, sixteen years something like that. Fifteen years. So
Speaker 1: I have a relationship with God, she says. I've been
Speaker 1: praying for a godly man, she says, And then she
Speaker 1: asked me, and you, Bernie, but what can I do?
Speaker 1: There's not a singles group at church. I don't know
Speaker 1: what to do. Okay, what you got for Brenda Brenda?
Speaker 1: So again, we don't prepare for these questions. I'm just
Speaker 1: kind of praying beforehand that hey, Holy Spirit, give us
Speaker 1: the words, bring to mind the things you want. These
Speaker 1: people to hear and us to hear as well through
Speaker 1: this because I think this podcast ministers to Griz and
Speaker 1: I both so. Pastor John Piper says that God is
Speaker 1: most glorified through us when we are most satisfied in Him.
Speaker 1: If you have a relationship with God and you are
Speaker 1: in his word and you read that the purpose of
Speaker 1: our life is to glorify God with our lives, right,
Speaker 1: and if that is the most evident when we are
Speaker 1: most satisfied in Him, I think maybe that not that
Speaker 1: having a partner, and you know, a companion is a
Speaker 1: bad thing by any means, but maybe just kind of check, like, man,
Speaker 1: am I most satisfied in him? Is he fulfilling? Is
Speaker 1: his grace sufficient? Is he enough? Or am I looking
Speaker 1: to fill a part of that with this companion? Maybe
Speaker 1: you answer, yes, God is enough. He's sustaining me. He
Speaker 1: sustained me for the last however sixteen years or however
Speaker 1: long it's been. But you know, you do feel this
Speaker 1: loneliness and you desire for companionship, which can be a
Speaker 1: godly thing and can be a great, you know thing.
Speaker 1: As far as the practical, how do I do that?
Speaker 1: I've just been so out of the game so long.
Speaker 1: I have no I have no idea how you do
Speaker 1: it these days. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it,
Speaker 1: and I want to kind of reinforce what you said,
Speaker 1: because that's not that's not the first thing that came
Speaker 1: to my mind when you went to the piper, most
Speaker 1: glorified thing. I love that, and I think that's a
Speaker 1: that's a great answer kind of for anyone with any question.
Speaker 1: And so let's look, let's kind of dissect that and
Speaker 1: see what that looks like. Because to some people that
Speaker 1: comes across is like, my purpose is to glorify godd
Speaker 1: How narcissistic must he be if he creates beings, and
Speaker 1: then their purpose is to glorify him, Like when you
Speaker 1: first look at it on the surface, that's what it
Speaker 1: sounds like. I don't really want to worship a god
Speaker 1: like that, that a narcissistic god just wants attention, literally
Speaker 1: creates people so that they will give him attention. I
Speaker 1: don't I don't like that. I don't like that thought.
Speaker 1: That's what some of you might be thinking. So let's
Speaker 1: unpack it and see what, like where that goes, and
Speaker 1: maybe dig deeper into what that could mean for our lives,
Speaker 1: because the ultimate, the ultimate gift that you get from
Speaker 1: that is your own joy and hope and love and peace.
Speaker 1: These are fruits that you get as a result of
Speaker 1: your worship to your creator. Okay, so let's unpack that
Speaker 1: a little further. I've told I did a sermon one
Speaker 1: time and looked at it like this. I grew up
Speaker 1: a huge George Strait. You know that, Bernie, Yes, So
Speaker 1: imagine I used to go to these concerts by myself
Speaker 1: when I was a teenager, and I would sit in
Speaker 1: the very center of the second row, right in the middle,
Speaker 1: and just I would go there, and I would camp
Speaker 1: out the night before to get the tickets, and then
Speaker 1: I would wait in these ridiculous lines and I would
Speaker 1: get in at noon. George Strait didn't go on till
Speaker 1: about eight pm, and I'm there in the building at noon,
Speaker 1: and I would go there. So imagine this scenario, and
Speaker 1: we're going to play this out. Imagine I go in there,
Speaker 1: do all that, and I get there and there is
Speaker 1: a camera stand right in front of my seat, and
Speaker 1: George Strait comes out, and I'm just like, well, this
Speaker 1: is not what I expected. So I started daydreaming kind
Speaker 1: of lose my interest in the concert, and what am
Speaker 1: I going to do? There's a camera right here, George
Speaker 1: Strait in front of seventy thousand people. He's playing to everyone,
Speaker 1: and he looks at me and he says, you move
Speaker 1: the camera so you could see me. Look to me,
Speaker 1: focus on me. That's why you came, that's why you're here.
Speaker 1: So in that scenario, then would George Strait be narcissistic
Speaker 1: to say that to me? Would he be some evil,
Speaker 1: creepy guy that is just wanting to get glory from everyone. No,
Speaker 1: that's actually the most selfless thing he could do. In
Speaker 1: that scenario, when all these people are there, he looks
Speaker 1: to me and goes, I'm gonna give you glory by
Speaker 1: you giving me glory, I will give you hope, I
Speaker 1: will give you peace. I will give you unbelievable joy
Speaker 1: in this concert. Look to me, move all obstacles out
Speaker 1: of the way. So that's what happens. God does that
Speaker 1: so that we could be we could share in that glory.
Speaker 1: He doesn't need any more from us, but he wants
Speaker 1: to selflessly give it back to us so that we
Speaker 1: could share in it as adopted kids. That's unbelievable. If
Speaker 1: you unpack it that way, that's the depth behind what
Speaker 1: Bernie is saying. God is most glorified in us when
Speaker 1: we are most satisfied in Him. So, Brenda, that starts
Speaker 1: the whole conversation, that starts probably every question we have today.
Speaker 1: Can you say that, are you satisfied in Him? Because
Speaker 1: if you are, then you go, God, I'm single. I
Speaker 1: want somebody. But if that's not in your designs, that's
Speaker 1: not in your plan for me. Let me just focus
Speaker 1: on you. Let me just continue to glorify you, regardless
Speaker 1: of who else is in my life. Okay, that's that
Speaker 1: part that's done. Now let's get practical, Brenda. You say,
Speaker 1: I've been praying for godly man, can you tell me
Speaker 1: what to do? There's not a singles group in our church?
Speaker 1: Is that the only church? First question? Yeah? Is it
Speaker 1: the only church? But also like, surely there's other ministries
Speaker 1: within that church. Surely there's other kind of hobbies, desires
Speaker 1: and gifts that God has given you to be able
Speaker 1: to serve your community or whatever. Go do those things
Speaker 1: and just you know, listen to that still small voice
Speaker 1: that's saying, Hey, there's this orphan care ministry that I'm
Speaker 1: gonna lay on your heart and you're gonna like start
Speaker 1: to push into that and you respond one day at
Speaker 1: a time, you say, yeah, I'm gonna I'm gonna serve here.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna serve here. It could be you know, like
Speaker 1: some running group, or it could it could be anything
Speaker 1: that you just listen to that voice and you walk
Speaker 1: in the spirit in that and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: this dude shows up and he's he's kind of listening
Speaker 1: to the same spirit, and you guys are all of
Speaker 1: a sudden kind of walking next to each other, not
Speaker 1: in order to find each other, but in order to
Speaker 1: listen to the voice of God and walk in it.
Speaker 1: But then you realize you're walking right next to each other,
Speaker 1: and then it's like, Hey, I have a companion in
Speaker 1: the work that God has put before us. I think
Speaker 1: a lot of times these relationship questions can really be
Speaker 1: just self focused, and relationship be self focused instead of Hey,
Speaker 1: what if we found somebody that would co labor with
Speaker 1: us in the work that God puts in front of us.
Speaker 1: That's that's what it's about, So maybe give that a shot. Brenda.
Speaker 1: Start looking around at those opportunities, like what is God
Speaker 1: put in front of you and then start doing, and
Speaker 1: then look to your left and right and see who's
Speaker 1: with you. So good, reach out, serve others. Don't get
Speaker 1: caught sitting on the couch waiting for your church to
Speaker 1: provide you with a singles group. Right, all right, next
Speaker 1: question here, Well we can go to this one. I like, guys,
Speaker 1: I have no idea what these are about to say,
Speaker 1: but it says easy question. Hey, my name is Joseph.
Speaker 1: I'm fifteen. I live in Port Angelus, Washington. Thank you
Speaker 1: for helping me get through when I broke my leg.
Speaker 1: I was listening to your podcast in the hospital. I
Speaker 1: was wondering if there's a way to make your voice
Speaker 1: deeper or higher pitched. What kind of exercises are there? Yeah? Ye,
Speaker 1: God blessed. So fifteen is a time that's kind of
Speaker 1: the time you start asking me. You're like, hey, man,
Speaker 1: everyone's got a deep voice, but me, what do I do?
Speaker 1: Hey Grader? Yeah, yeah, Hey, that's his nature, isn't it? Like?
Speaker 1: I don't know at some level, Joseph, if you're the
Speaker 1: voice pro like just gonna happen. If you're talking about singing,
Speaker 1: maybe you're talking about singing. That's a little different. But
Speaker 1: if you're talking about speaking, that's just gonna happen. You.
Speaker 1: Have you heard yourself in a while. I have listened
Speaker 1: to you from old tapes, But have you heard yourself
Speaker 1: talk from twenty five years ago? No, I've listened to
Speaker 1: you two or five years ago recently, because there's one
Speaker 1: on one of your albums. Oh no, is that one
Speaker 1: where you're out talking? Oh? Yeah, yeah, what's a homeless guy? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: So when you listen to yourself twenty years ago, all
Speaker 1: of us our voices are different. It's almost not even
Speaker 1: the same person. It's weird. Harrison Ford. I was listening
Speaker 1: to him talk the other day. That guy's voice is
Speaker 1: so deep now and it wasn't necessarily like that when
Speaker 1: he was han solo. Wow, so we change, Joseph, your
Speaker 1: voice is going to change naturally. The more you use it,
Speaker 1: the more that muscle gets stronger. And uh, just don't
Speaker 1: worry about it. If you're talking about singing, you exercise it.
Speaker 1: Just like you want to be a runner, you would
Speaker 1: exercise your legs. If you want to be a singer,
Speaker 1: you exercise your vocal cords. Oh, look at this one
Speaker 1: subject line, mark of the Beast. Hey, grangem twenty nine
Speaker 1: years old, live in Indiana. So we're sitting around a campfire,
Speaker 1: and I'd like to hear your thoughts on the Mark
Speaker 1: of the Beast. Revelations thirteen explains it how the end
Speaker 1: of times will be near and nobody will be able
Speaker 1: to buy or sell without worshiping the anti Christ. The
Speaker 1: number is sixty six six also plays a role in
Speaker 1: the end times. And it's all a little confusing to me.
Speaker 1: I'm young. I have a hard time comprehending comprehending revelations
Speaker 1: with an s on the end. Would love to hear
Speaker 1: your thoughts. God bless and that is Did he say
Speaker 1: his name? He just said he's twenty nine. Yeah, email
Speaker 1: says jer So we'll call you Jeremy. Jeremy. Okay. It's
Speaker 1: actually really nice that Bernie's sitting here because he could
Speaker 1: go a totally different direction. And you're you're open to
Speaker 1: I'll let it. Let you do whatever you want to
Speaker 1: do here. This is not my special okay, Okay, Well
Speaker 1: then we'll just walk through this together. Here's the deal, Jeremy.
Speaker 1: There was actually was a time when I was in
Speaker 1: high school. I was really into this stuff, Like I
Speaker 1: would get into it, and I would listen to these
Speaker 1: they left behind, Yeah, like the left behind times that
Speaker 1: was around that that era in the nineties. But what
Speaker 1: I have come to learn over these years, especially the
Speaker 1: recent years, of really diving into the New Testament, diving
Speaker 1: into Revelation, diving into Daniel and Isaiah and the different
Speaker 1: apocalyptic stories, the apocalyptic narratives that we see in the Bible,
Speaker 1: And what I'm about to say is probably going to
Speaker 1: make you. Maybe it's going to make some people not
Speaker 1: want to listen to the podcast anymore because it's boring.
Speaker 1: But at a lot of modern day scholars will say
Speaker 1: that a lot of that stuff that was prophesied in
Speaker 1: Revelation has already happened, that that Nero was part of that.
Speaker 1: All this plan when Jerusalem was that the the Israelites
Speaker 1: revolted in sixty six AD right against the Romans because
Speaker 1: of the oppression, because they were taxed heavily. It was
Speaker 1: it was a terrible environment in the sixties AD. And
Speaker 1: so the Israelites got together with all these revolutionists and
Speaker 1: they revolted, and Rome crushed them over the course of
Speaker 1: four years, and in seventy a d the temple in
Speaker 1: Jerusalem was demolished, just like Jesus prophesied. The religion was crushed.
Speaker 1: They built a pagan temple on that mount right there
Speaker 1: where the where the Jerusalem Temple was, where the Second
Speaker 1: Temple that Solomon was. They they then kicked everyone out
Speaker 1: that wanted to worship the Yahweh God. They they they
Speaker 1: made it illegal to sacrifice, illegal to obey the Sabbath,
Speaker 1: illegal to circumcise. Jews were dispersed, It was completely crushed.
Speaker 1: In fact, there was one more small revolt in one
Speaker 1: thirty five a d. When that was crushed, Israel no
Speaker 1: longer was a state. They're gone until crazy nineteen forty three.
Speaker 1: All this time goes by, right, so two thousand years
Speaker 1: go by. Anyway, Most modern day scholars now will say
Speaker 1: that all this mark of the Beast stuff, all this revelation,
Speaker 1: end of times, all that stuff that John was talking
Speaker 1: about the apostle was already fulfilled. And the destruction of
Speaker 1: the temple, destruction of Israel, the dispersion of the people.
Speaker 1: That is really boring because so many of us want
Speaker 1: to just be like, oh, this mark of the Beast,
Speaker 1: here's it come, here it comes. I remember when they
Speaker 1: said it was credit cards you know when that first
Speaker 1: came out. Now it's all you know, it's the vaccine
Speaker 1: that was it for a while. And we know this.
Speaker 1: I could tell you this about the end of times
Speaker 1: for sure. When Jesus came, the end of times began.
Speaker 1: Then he ushered in the end of times phase this,
Speaker 1: this is the last of days. When Jesus came, right,
Speaker 1: he became the new Covenant, he became the once and
Speaker 1: for all sacrifice. So no longer that people have to
Speaker 1: kill lambs and dove and lay them on an altar
Speaker 1: and cook them and oxen. Jesus became the once for
Speaker 1: all sacrifice for all humans that would receive him as
Speaker 1: their lord and savior. So, Jeremy, if we just focus
Speaker 1: on that and stop digging into maybe what was six
Speaker 1: six six market the beast to buy and sell and trade?
Speaker 1: What if that already happened, and you need to be
Speaker 1: focused on the savior that made the once and for
Speaker 1: all sacrifice in the end of times, which is right
Speaker 1: now that we're living in. People say we're living in
Speaker 1: the end of Times. Yeah we are. We always have
Speaker 1: been for two thousand years. Once again, so boring like
Speaker 1: this doesn't get any clickbait on a podcast. No, that's
Speaker 1: not what people want to hear. People want to say.
Speaker 1: They want me to say, yeah, I heard that President
Speaker 1: Biden might be the anti Christ. At the end of
Speaker 1: the world is coming when you lie seventeen yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: So I'm sorry that burst some bubbles and that might
Speaker 1: actually create some people talking and wanting to fight against
Speaker 1: me on that. And you're totally welcome to I'm not
Speaker 1: totally right about this. This is all speculation. No one
Speaker 1: really knows, but modern scholars really believe that this stuff
Speaker 1: that John's talking about already happened. I can tell you
Speaker 1: this for sure. And I'm not talking about the apocalypse
Speaker 1: and the end war. I'm not talking about that. I'm
Speaker 1: talking about six sixty six. What we need to know
Speaker 1: is this, and this is the truth. For thousands of years,
Speaker 1: people have thought maybe their generation is the last one
Speaker 1: and that the rapture is coming. If you believe in raptured.
Speaker 1: There's people that don't believe in rapture. But ninety nine
Speaker 1: infinite percent chance you will die, Jeremy before any of
Speaker 1: this happens, and me and Bernie and everyone listening to
Speaker 1: this podcast will die a human death and not be
Speaker 1: raptured because it's not our time. So if that's the odds,
Speaker 1: if that was a Vegas odds, I would say, if
Speaker 1: that's my Vegas odds, I'm putting all my bets on
Speaker 1: Jesus as my savior that I will meet him after
Speaker 1: an earthly death, and I put my trust in him
Speaker 1: as the once and for all sacrifice. And I'm not
Speaker 1: looking to the sky for some crazy apocalypse burning that's
Speaker 1: gonna happen. Not yet. Yeah, dude, that is impressive. Let
Speaker 1: me just say, did y'all know that he knew all that?
Speaker 1: Like that's I knew you were a history buff, but
Speaker 1: you're like, you know and once again, and dude, that's impressive.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that stuff. So Jarre, thank you for
Speaker 1: putting the question so Gris could enlighten us a little.
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Speaker 1: talking to a therapist about this. It could be a
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Speaker 1: com slash Granger. All right, back to the podcast, diving
Speaker 1: into another question. If you want to talk to me
Speaker 1: and Bernie, email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. We'll
Speaker 1: put it in the queue. We have no notes, nothing
Speaker 1: in front of us. We're just walking through it like
Speaker 1: a couple buddies sitting around a campfire. Like that last
Speaker 1: question said, I like that. Next question subject says need advice.
Speaker 1: The email says, Hey Granger, my name is James, I'm eighteen.
Speaker 1: I'm a senior in high school this year. I emailed
Speaker 1: you two weeks ago and asked if I should try
Speaker 1: talking to my ex girlfriend I still had feelings for.
Speaker 1: Turns out, we both felt the same way. We've talked
Speaker 1: for about a week and a half, and she told
Speaker 1: her parents and they pretty much told her that they
Speaker 1: didn't want her talking to me because they didn't want
Speaker 1: it to hurt her again. And we both feel like
Speaker 1: we've changed. I heard a lot since the last time.
Speaker 1: She's only seventeen, so I respect her parents, but I
Speaker 1: also feel like she is old enough to make these
Speaker 1: kind of decisions. Any advice would be great, thanks again,
Speaker 1: ye James eighteen A little piece here. You said, I
Speaker 1: want to respect her parents, but I also feel like
Speaker 1: she is old enough to make these decisions. Then you
Speaker 1: don't respect her parents. Start with that. You might want to,
Speaker 1: but you don't. You don't really want to. What'd you think?
Speaker 1: Burns James? James, James. So it's just a couple old
Speaker 1: guys over here. Okay, you're sitting around the campfire with
Speaker 1: some old guys, all right, with daughters with daughters, and
Speaker 1: I grizz has said this many times on this podcast,
Speaker 1: and every time we get something from somebody fifteen sixteen,
Speaker 1: seventeen eighteen, I always just think and remember what you say,
Speaker 1: just be eighteen. Like, these kind of things can take
Speaker 1: so much of your time and attention that could be
Speaker 1: spent on making really good memories with friends and you know,
Speaker 1: going places, building new friendships. So yeah, apart from her parents,
Speaker 1: I would be interested to know why the parents don't
Speaker 1: want her to hang out with you other than like
Speaker 1: you hurt her before, I guess, and they don't want
Speaker 1: her to get hurt again. But you've matured. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: practically speaking, I would say this, and I've said this before, James,
Speaker 1: You're to me. Your only card to play is you
Speaker 1: talk to the dad and you just say you man up. James.
Speaker 1: You're an eighteen year old. You're old enough to go
Speaker 1: into the Marine Corps. You're old enough to call on
Speaker 1: the phone the dad. I'd say, Sir James, here, I
Speaker 1: know you're a busy guy, and I don't want to
Speaker 1: bother you, but I would love to be able to
Speaker 1: go to lunch with you or coffee and have a
Speaker 1: discussion with you. Manda man. Now hopefully he says sure,
Speaker 1: let's do it, and you get together and you say, Sir,
Speaker 1: I have feelings for your daughter. I would love to
Speaker 1: be able to Dater. I understand that you have concerns
Speaker 1: about me, and understand that that's because you love her,
Speaker 1: and I admire that, and so I do not want
Speaker 1: to do anything behind your back. So I wanted to
Speaker 1: have lunch and maybe to discuss some of your concerns
Speaker 1: if I could answer any questions. Bottom line is I
Speaker 1: care about your daughter and I would love to be
Speaker 1: able to dater and I would like your permission. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you can do that, you are going to start
Speaker 1: to earn some respect from the parents for sure. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you can do that. That's tough
Speaker 1: for an eighteen year old. I wouldn't have done that
Speaker 1: at eighteen. Yeah. The only other card you have is
Speaker 1: forget her. Forget her dude. Yeah, be eighteen options B eighteen.
Speaker 1: Next question, interesting subject here, pastor let me down. So
Speaker 1: my wife and I finally found a church that we love.
Speaker 1: We were baptized and joined his members two years ago.
Speaker 1: Church is four years in. We were voted in by
Speaker 1: six people. Then four of the six have left the
Speaker 1: church now, including only six members. We recently purchased a
Speaker 1: large building and get about sixty five people on average. Sunday,
Speaker 1: our pastor emailed my wife asking us to become members.
Speaker 1: We already were. Then he blamed someone else for the
Speaker 1: mix up and said that it was his fault. We
Speaker 1: decided to step back and watch online and do our
Speaker 1: own worship at home as a family. I feel horrible.
Speaker 1: I've been friends with him and my wife with his
Speaker 1: but his response also said that we have a responsibility
Speaker 1: as members to show up to church. There are other
Speaker 1: issues we pushed through, but this one has finally pushed
Speaker 1: us away. I have a feeling we won't be going back.
Speaker 1: It seems like they're pushing for new members, for money
Speaker 1: and for a new building. Should we try. They haven't
Speaker 1: even attempted to contact us. Only one member called me
Speaker 1: Anonymous Wisconsin. I love how your voice y'all. Notice his
Speaker 1: voice changes sometimes once he gets halfway into an email
Speaker 1: and he starts talking like they may be from Wisconsin. Right,
Speaker 1: that's the radio show coming out on the podcast? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love it, so I think the very end it says,
Speaker 1: please let me know if you respond. I don't catch
Speaker 1: all the podcasts. That kind of says something about the
Speaker 1: personality as well. Yeah right, yeah, yeah, very This is
Speaker 1: about me getting something kind of consumer focused. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna give as much as I'm gonna look to get, right,
Speaker 1: is that thing I'm gonna let you go off? This person? Well,
Speaker 1: I'm the good cop, so I'm not gonna go off
Speaker 1: as much as Granger will go off. All right, did
Speaker 1: we get a name? Did we get a name? It's anonymous? Okay, Wisconsin,
Speaker 1: we'll Wisconsin. I I I'm not going to dismiss your
Speaker 1: claim because there are a lot of churches out there
Speaker 1: that just don't have great leadership. They don't have the
Speaker 1: holy spirit they you know, you know that that's that's true.
Speaker 1: But I do feel like you're being a little bit
Speaker 1: selfish here. I feel like you are kind of getting
Speaker 1: hung up on maybe some like some response that the
Speaker 1: pastor had and basically saying we're not going to go
Speaker 1: back because he responded a certain way, and you're and
Speaker 1: from there, like a critical spirit can start to be
Speaker 1: like a cancer, and not just for a community, but
Speaker 1: in your own mind, like you start to spiral and
Speaker 1: then you're all of a sudden critical of you know,
Speaker 1: his wife, and you're critical of why they're having new members.
Speaker 1: I think you probably need to check your own heart
Speaker 1: in this situation. And then next I think you need
Speaker 1: to probably sit with your wife and the pastor and
Speaker 1: his wife. You said you guys are friends, y'all need
Speaker 1: to sit and like sit in the conflict. Guys. Conflict
Speaker 1: is not something to avoid. It actually can bring clarity
Speaker 1: and it can make things stronger. So quick side note.
Speaker 1: I'm running this weekend early early in the morning, still
Speaker 1: dark out, so I just have a head lamp and
Speaker 1: I'm in the woods. I don't know really where I am,
Speaker 1: and I start to hear a noise, and then all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, that noise starts to get a little louder,
Speaker 1: and it's coming towards me. And again it's dark except
Speaker 1: from my head lamp, and I just hear all of
Speaker 1: this wrestling. It's kind of getting louder. It's come, and
Speaker 1: so I start to get a little scared. I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna lie, and then all of a sudden, this little
Speaker 1: bunny rabbit runs across the trail right in front of me,
Speaker 1: a little cute, little bunny rabbit, and I gotta stop.
Speaker 1: I was like bunny. I had to catch myself. But
Speaker 1: then I realized, like it was just a bunny. The
Speaker 1: point is, whenever we keep things in the dark, a
Speaker 1: lot of times they can be a lot bigger than
Speaker 1: we think they are, and in our minds they can
Speaker 1: be a lot bigger. It may just be a small
Speaker 1: little bunny rabbit. If you just sit and talk, be honest,
Speaker 1: bring some light to the situation. Because once my light
Speaker 1: saw what it was, it was just a bunny rabbit.
Speaker 1: Wasn't that big a deal? So Dn, that is so good.
Speaker 1: That is amazing. Did you think about that that I
Speaker 1: got scared of a bunny rabbit or did you think
Speaker 1: of that story in your way here, like I'm gonna
Speaker 1: find a way to use that coming here here. No,
Speaker 1: absolutely not, Man, Bernie, that's so good. That's what you
Speaker 1: would tell me. If well, I will, I will say
Speaker 1: that after I started running again, I started analyzing what
Speaker 1: I just went through, and that's what the thought came
Speaker 1: to me was, Hey, that thing was so scary when
Speaker 1: it was in the dark and you didn't know what
Speaker 1: it was. But once you saw it, you know, there's
Speaker 1: nothing to be afraid of. Yes, yeah, I think we
Speaker 1: all that's a good word for all of us right there.
Speaker 1: So Anonymous Wisconsin, you think this is a country club?
Speaker 1: A lot of people do. Man, it is church a
Speaker 1: country club to you? Or is it a youth select
Speaker 1: baseball team? And you're mad at the coach? I mean,
Speaker 1: that's what this email sounds like. It doesn't sound like
Speaker 1: someone that's that's that's part of a life giving community
Speaker 1: that shares in a life giving faith that's outward reaching.
Speaker 1: That doesn't sound like that. It sounds like you're mad
Speaker 1: at the country club owner because you've been a member
Speaker 1: at this country club for four years and he just
Speaker 1: gave your locker away and you're so you're going to
Speaker 1: go to another country club. In fact, you're just gonna
Speaker 1: build your own country club in your own backyard. That's
Speaker 1: kind of what this sounds like. And I want to
Speaker 1: kind of read back the scenario to you. You were
Speaker 1: part of the at that church at the beginning. You
Speaker 1: joined two years ago and the church is only four
Speaker 1: years in, so you've been half of the life of
Speaker 1: the church. You've been there and you're in way before
Speaker 1: they had sixty five people in there. And then the
Speaker 1: pastor is trying to do his due diligence, not defending him,
Speaker 1: just stating the facts. He's doing his due diligence and
Speaker 1: reaching out to people members of the congregation. He stumbles
Speaker 1: upon your name and your wife's name. He reaches out
Speaker 1: to you and he says, I would like you for
Speaker 1: you two to become members. Now, let's stop right there.
Speaker 1: Like we're in a court case right now, we're just
Speaker 1: we're laying out to the to the jury what's happening here.
Speaker 1: The pastor doing due diligence and going down the list
Speaker 1: of people that have attended the church, and he's trying
Speaker 1: to get membership from the people, which is a good thing.
Speaker 1: We want to be members of a body so that
Speaker 1: we could then help with communication, help help delegate serving,
Speaker 1: like who's good at the media team, who's good at music,
Speaker 1: who's good it admissions, Let's delegate. So that's why we
Speaker 1: need members, and the pastor needs to understand who's a
Speaker 1: member and who's not. But he reaches out to you
Speaker 1: and ladies and gentlemen of the jury. He didn't know
Speaker 1: you guys very well, y'all aren't very very prominent people
Speaker 1: in the church because he accidentally called you to ask
Speaker 1: you to be members and he didn't know you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: in a church of sixty five people, I bet you
Speaker 1: dollars to donuts that you are not participating actively in
Speaker 1: the community. There's no way, no way, you're not serving
Speaker 1: in probably any capacity. You're not. You're likely not in
Speaker 1: any kind of small group that is missional in any way.
Speaker 1: Otherwise he would look and see your name. Oh, they
Speaker 1: shouldn't be on this list. Just talk to them yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: So this this is a huge problem with the corporate
Speaker 1: church in the West. Yeah, consumer consumer based. Yeah, we
Speaker 1: are just going to like you said, it's a country club.
Speaker 1: It's another thing that it's an affiliation, but it misses
Speaker 1: completely misses the biblical intention of the church. So yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like mister and missus anonymous. Oh, of course they're members.
Speaker 1: I just talked to them on Wednesday at the whatever.
Speaker 1: So the appropriate response from you could have been, hey, pastor,
Speaker 1: this is this is actually a little embarrassing, but we
Speaker 1: actually are members, and we just haven't been very active.
Speaker 1: That's why. That's why our names came up and you
Speaker 1: didn't recognize us. But we need to be held accountable.
Speaker 1: We need to we need to be more, be there
Speaker 1: for you more. And so I'm sorry that there's this
Speaker 1: embarrassing mix up. But instead your response was instead, man,
Speaker 1: forget it, We're just gonna go online. The pastor didn't
Speaker 1: even know us. How dare he not even know us?
Speaker 1: That guy's got a lot on his mind. Once again,
Speaker 1: I'm not defending him. Like Bernie said, they're are corrupt pastors.
Speaker 1: Of course, I'm not defending him. I'm just laying out
Speaker 1: the facts for the jury here. You don't have a
Speaker 1: very good case to convince Bernie and I that you're
Speaker 1: really good standing members of this small body church here. Well,
Speaker 1: and for your own just for your own spiritual growth
Speaker 1: and maturity and connectedness to a community. If you're gonna
Speaker 1: have those things. And this is for anybody, include me
Speaker 1: and Granger, Like, we are going to have to be
Speaker 1: people of grace and patience. I don't know why, as
Speaker 1: believers in Jesus who came and displayed perfectly God's grace
Speaker 1: unmerited favor, Like we should be a people more than
Speaker 1: anybody on the face of the earth that sees somebody
Speaker 1: doing something that doesn't deserve our favor or our grace.
Speaker 1: And we were like looking for areas to be like, oh, hey,
Speaker 1: I forgive you, It's all good, it's all good, Like
Speaker 1: let's give grace instead. A lot of times we can
Speaker 1: just become very critical and judgmental. But it's the opposite
Speaker 1: of the Gospel. So this is true probably for your marriage,
Speaker 1: any relationships that you're in. We just need to be
Speaker 1: people that are full of grace, full of patience, and
Speaker 1: full of forgiveness. Yea one hundred percent. If it's going
Speaker 1: to be a healthy relationship, a healthy community, a healthy tchaper. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: let's let's play. Devil's advocates say this pastor should have
Speaker 1: known you, then you could also respond in a way
Speaker 1: that says, pastor, buddy, we just saw you Sunday. We
Speaker 1: are members. You've got a lot on your plate. How
Speaker 1: could I help serve you to take some of this
Speaker 1: this membership status stuff off your plate. We would love
Speaker 1: to help serve you in that way. One more thing here,
Speaker 1: you say at the end, I have a feeling we
Speaker 1: won't be going back. It seems like they're pushing for
Speaker 1: new members for money for the new building. Okay, let's
Speaker 1: take just that. Imagine being a pastor. I'm not, Bernie's not,
Speaker 1: You're not. There's pastors listening. Is that wrong? Is that
Speaker 1: wrong for him to be seeking more of his of
Speaker 1: his flock and a better building for his flock. I
Speaker 1: don't think that's there's nothing wrong. I mean, as long
Speaker 1: as it doesn't become as idol. And that's what he's
Speaker 1: worried about, and that's he's he wasting all this energy
Speaker 1: and it's not shepherding the current flock that he has.
Speaker 1: I understand. But we can't look at that as a
Speaker 1: bad thing, that he wants a bigger, better building for everyone,
Speaker 1: with better facilities. As long as he's content. You understand
Speaker 1: the balance here. But this is another issue that you
Speaker 1: can come forward and say, pastor, we feel like there
Speaker 1: is a lot of effort going into new people so
Speaker 1: that we could have a new building. How could we
Speaker 1: help you shepherd the current people so that they don't
Speaker 1: feel forgotten, so that they don't feel lost. Me and
Speaker 1: my wife would love to be able to do that
Speaker 1: and to cultivate what's already here, Like these are ways
Speaker 1: that you could serve forward instead of recoiling back and saying,
Speaker 1: you know what, I got to feel in this one
Speaker 1: just pushed us away for good. Yeah, we could go
Speaker 1: on this one for a while, but yeah, you gotta
Speaker 1: check yourself, I think, and we all need to, you know,
Speaker 1: where we're kind of at with those kind of relationships.
Speaker 1: Let's hit another one. We don't have a lot of
Speaker 1: time in this break, but we could hit one more.
Speaker 1: Here says dating on deployment. Hey granger, I'm currently deployed
Speaker 1: overseas with the Army, and me and this girl started
Speaker 1: a relationship right before I left. I put the situation
Speaker 1: in plain text before I left, and she felt confident
Speaker 1: that we could do it. We're two months in now
Speaker 1: and she's having doubts. We've been friends for four years
Speaker 1: now I'm scared a loser? What do I do? Love
Speaker 1: the podcast, Thanks for the advice. PS. Saw you in
Speaker 1: North Lawrence, Ohio for country Fest. Christopher, first of all,
Speaker 1: thanks for your service. Appreciate you emailing and listening and
Speaker 1: being a fan of music. What we got for this guy? Burns?
Speaker 1: He's I mean, and then like the first rule of deployment, like,
Speaker 1: don't start a relationship right before you know you're gonna
Speaker 1: get deployed. Yeah, I mean, thank you for your service, Like,
Speaker 1: don't think only me missed that, but I you know,
Speaker 1: I guess it's neither here nor there. He's in the
Speaker 1: situation he's in. But yes, so the people that are
Speaker 1: not in this city situation, let's make that a unwritten rule.
Speaker 1: Probably don't get into a relationship right before you leave.
Speaker 1: But if you do, like Chris, let's talk about it.
Speaker 1: He said, I put my situation in plain text before
Speaker 1: I left, and she felt confident that we could do it.
Speaker 1: But here's here's the deal. Until you're in it, you
Speaker 1: don't know. You can feel confident like I think I can.
Speaker 1: But until that, you know, the six months goes by,
Speaker 1: the seven months and she's still hasn't seen you, then
Speaker 1: you don't know how she's going to react. That's a
Speaker 1: good point. Ask me right now, if I could climb
Speaker 1: Mount Everest, Yeah, can you climb out? Every dude? You
Speaker 1: know I could, bro I'll do it. You want to
Speaker 1: go tomorrow? Yeah? Right, I promise you. I get half
Speaker 1: a day in and I'm stopping. Yeah. But if whenever
Speaker 1: you're not in it, you're over confident, you're like, of
Speaker 1: course we can fight, do anything. Let's go. So let's
Speaker 1: let's wrap this up by saying, practically, what could he
Speaker 1: do to not lose her? That's what he's worried about. Ultimately,
Speaker 1: there've been friends and he doesn't want to lose her.
Speaker 1: I can tell you how. Let's first of all, say
Speaker 1: how you can lose her. Here's how you can lose
Speaker 1: her by smothering or by saying, please, I don't want
Speaker 1: to lose you. Please? What can I do? Please? Please?
Speaker 1: You better not be Are you seeing somebody else? Is
Speaker 1: this about another guy? Hey? Why didn't you pick up
Speaker 1: your face time at three o'clock? You you missed? You're
Speaker 1: seeing something? You know? Like, that's the way loser. The
Speaker 1: way to not lose her, I think is by saying
Speaker 1: I get it. It's hard to know ahead of time
Speaker 1: what a deployment would be like. So I really care
Speaker 1: about you and I really feel like I could do it.
Speaker 1: But if you can't, I would suggest we hit the
Speaker 1: brakes a little bit back away. Let's I'll give you
Speaker 1: some space. If you need me, you know where to
Speaker 1: find me. I think another thing you could do is
Speaker 1: I'm guessing there's other folks that you're deployed with that
Speaker 1: maybe are deeper into a relationship and maybe have been
Speaker 1: through a deployment and figured out how to do that,
Speaker 1: and maybe ask their advice, ask them the situation. They'll
Speaker 1: be able to, you know, give you some advice. It's
Speaker 1: very different than you know, me and Gris, but yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe ask them and they may say, yeah, dude, you
Speaker 1: probably if you're just this much in and you're already
Speaker 1: feeling this, you probably need to give her the space
Speaker 1: and you know, do a granger set. But maybe they'll
Speaker 1: have something else for you. I don't know. Appreciate you,
Speaker 1: Chris and all of y'all. Thanks for listening. We'll see
Speaker 1: you next Monday. GigE, thanks for joining me on the
Speaker 1: Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys, you could
Speaker 1: help me out by rating this podcasts on iTunes. If
Speaker 1: you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little
Speaker 1: like button and notification spell so that you never miss
Speaker 1: anytime I upload a video. If you have a question
Speaker 1: for me that you would like me to answer, email
Speaker 1: Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. Ye