Speaker 1: I was thinking recently that I was talking to my
Speaker 1: friend about couples that have been together for years and
Speaker 1: are still madly in love. And even if you've only
Speaker 1: been in a relationship for a brief period of time,
Speaker 1: or it's a year, or it's two years, I mean,
Speaker 1: especially this time of year, it can be really hard
Speaker 1: like comparing think about like, oh god, look what he
Speaker 1: bought her, Look how romantic she is to him. Look
Speaker 1: how much they're having sex, Look how obsessed with each
Speaker 1: other they are. And the truth is, you never really
Speaker 1: know what's going on behind closed doors. Now there are
Speaker 1: people that are madly in love after all of these
Speaker 1: years people could be There are people that are madly
Speaker 1: in love after decades. Some people are nauseated by their
Speaker 1: own parents because they're obsessed with Some people are not
Speaker 1: by their own parents because they're obsessed with each other.
Speaker 1: What does that mean? Does that mean a that they
Speaker 1: just are luckier, They just met their partner and they've
Speaker 1: just never ever looked elsewhere or just been uncertain. Does
Speaker 1: that mean that each person was raised with parents that
Speaker 1: are together, that chose each other early and that's just
Speaker 1: the example that have been set. Does that mean that
Speaker 1: one of these two people suffers from anxiety, the other
Speaker 1: one OCD. One of them had parents that were together,
Speaker 1: one was raised by wolves. One is a breeder dog,
Speaker 1: one is a rescue dog. I mean the person is
Speaker 1: a breeder dog or a rescue dog, which is how
Speaker 1: I refer to someone who came from like a well
Speaker 1: adjusted background versus raised by animals like myself. So I
Speaker 1: just I think about that, and then also let's talk
Speaker 1: about this. What about people that seem perfect and they
Speaker 1: then get divorced? That means that they're maybe I'll show
Speaker 1: and no go many people. The Housewives has taught me
Speaker 1: one thing more than anything else, all show and know go,
Speaker 1: fronting and stunting. There is no place where I've seen
Speaker 1: more of people pretending everything is perfect because it's better
Speaker 1: for it to look like you have a great life
Speaker 1: than for you to actually have a great life. And
Speaker 1: why is that? Because people who are broke want to
Speaker 1: have expensive bags so other people think they're rich. People
Speaker 1: who are emotionally broken or their relationships are broken want
Speaker 1: other people to think that they have an amazing elevated relationship.
Speaker 1: What's the difference you're broke and you have an airmez
Speaker 1: fifteen thousand dollars bag. You want everyone to think you're rich,
Speaker 1: You're miserable, but you have a relationship that if you
Speaker 1: gloss it over, wear nice things, go on vacations and
Speaker 1: distract yourself, you can pretend to other people that that's real.
Speaker 1: And you know, it's so easy to hide in a
Speaker 1: relationship because I've I've seen people that are always on
Speaker 1: couples vacations. Beware of people that are always on couples
Speaker 1: vacations and never going away with their partner alone. Why. Yes,
Speaker 1: people have kids and they want to do family vacations.
Speaker 1: I'm not dissing that, meaning that blanket statement you're a
Speaker 1: miserable person. I'm not saying that. Obviously, a group vacation
Speaker 1: is fun for some not myself. I'm not the type
Speaker 1: who wants to be on a group vacation. I don't
Speaker 1: understand it. That doesn't mean I'm right, It doesn't mean
Speaker 1: I'm successful at relationships. We all know that. I just
Speaker 1: feel like I don't want to be on somebody else's program,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to have meals with people all day,
Speaker 1: every day, three times a day, and like, what's the
Speaker 1: big plan and the New Year's Eve plan? And then
Speaker 1: the women are going off walking and the husband are
Speaker 1: going off golfing. That's fine, but and then the kids
Speaker 1: are off playing with the other kids. That's great because
Speaker 1: for kids you really want that. But for me, I
Speaker 1: like intimacy in friendships and relationships. So for me, the
Speaker 1: group vacations, unless it's an exception, are not for me. Okay,
Speaker 1: but forget me because I'm an ol liar and I
Speaker 1: am a rescue dog. But I know people that are
Speaker 1: never not on a couple's vacation. And I have spoken
Speaker 1: to several people in relationships and they've told me how
Speaker 1: they can hide in a relationship by constantly having group plans.
Speaker 1: So let's say you live in a community and you're married,
Speaker 1: and you're like, blah, you're either empty nesters or having
Speaker 1: a mid life crisis or just fucking downright miserable, or
Speaker 1: you're having an affair, or he's having an affair, or
Speaker 1: they're having an affair, or you can't afford to get
Speaker 1: divorced or whatever. What great way to distract from your
Speaker 1: relationship is to constantly go out with other couples. You
Speaker 1: can get fucked up, you can go to group dinners,
Speaker 1: you can talk about menus. You could sit next to
Speaker 1: the woman, or you flirt with the man and live
Speaker 1: your life. You're in a group environment. I think it's
Speaker 1: why many people swing. I think it's why many people
Speaker 1: have key parties, why they're not going to break up
Speaker 1: their marriage. They're going to stay together. They've made a commitment.
Speaker 1: But it's a great distraction. It doesn't mean it's like
Speaker 1: this all the time. I'm just saying, you can really
Speaker 1: seem like you have an amazing relationship in those in
Speaker 1: that dynamic, Like what do you really have to do
Speaker 1: with your person? Think about how hard it is to
Speaker 1: be with the person that you love and spend quality
Speaker 1: time together during normal parenting and work and life obligations
Speaker 1: and family obligations and god forbid, somebody get sick or
Speaker 1: you've got to pay bills. Think about that. Okay, now
Speaker 1: layer this in. You wake up in the morning, say
Speaker 1: hello to your husband. You slept in bed with him,
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. Maybe you didn't, Maybe he snores, maybe you
Speaker 1: sleep in the other room. Who cares? Okay, goes to work,
Speaker 1: a couple of texts about the kids, about you, what's
Speaker 1: the plan, go to dinner, have dinner out. Maybe it's
Speaker 1: just the two of you to have a meal. Great.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're home with the kids. You get to talk
Speaker 1: to the kids, go to bed. This Saturday, you're doing
Speaker 1: the big plan six couples. You gotta look cute. You
Speaker 1: get dressed, you got a shop to look cute. You know,
Speaker 1: you got to show off and show how great you are.
Speaker 1: Maybe you give your husband the obligatory fuck this week.
Speaker 1: Maybe he gives you the obligatory fuck. I don't know.
Speaker 1: You go out to the dinner, you all get wasted. Sunday,
Speaker 1: you're exhausted, you're hanging out with your kids, they're playing,
Speaker 1: or you're hungover. You make a plan for a vacation.
Speaker 1: What do you have to do on the vacation? Really
Speaker 1: nothing all day. You can just like me by the beach,
Speaker 1: deal with the kids' activities, go to a bunch of
Speaker 1: group dinners and like everybody's dealing with, like getting on
Speaker 1: the plane, getting off the plane. Like I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: not every relationship is what it looks like. And The
Speaker 1: Housewives and reality television is the greatest example of that.
Speaker 1: Look at any season one. It could be Kelsey Grammer
Speaker 1: and Camille, it could be Erica and Tom. Look at
Speaker 1: any season five. It could be look at any season ten.
Speaker 1: It could be Kyle and Mauricio. It could be Dorit
Speaker 1: and pk like And I promise you if there are craters,
Speaker 1: there were originally cracks. And I've known personally many people
Speaker 1: who went on reality TV specifically because they were kind
Speaker 1: of miserable in their own lives, end in their own
Speaker 1: marriages or end or in their own marriages, and they
Speaker 1: either want a jolt, they want their own thing, they
Speaker 1: want their own money. They both want a shot at something,
Speaker 1: or they think it might save their marriage. Because if
Speaker 1: everybody else thinks you have a great relationship, then do
Speaker 1: you actually have one. So it's a dangerous game to
Speaker 1: look across the table at another couple or at a
Speaker 1: restaurant people making out and make it and think that
Speaker 1: that's a relationship that you wish that you had, and
Speaker 1: you hate your person for not doing that or being that.
Speaker 1: Maybe the other husband gives the wife so many material
Speaker 1: items because he or she it could go either way,
Speaker 1: doesn't give them emotional support. Maybe somebody is not fun
Speaker 1: at all, they're boring, but they buy the other person
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff. I sat at an event recently
Speaker 1: with a woman who's actually got a decent personality. I've
Speaker 1: seen it deteriorate. I've seen her become more negative and
Speaker 1: more miserable. Why because her husband was on the phone
Speaker 1: the entire time. Because her husband has no personality, does
Speaker 1: not talk to her or anyone else, and is a
Speaker 1: fucking drip. So you could be shooting diamonds up my
Speaker 1: vagina on the regular. But if I can't hang with you,
Speaker 1: what the hell is the point? So nobody gets out
Speaker 1: without paying the bill. No relationship is perfect. What if
Speaker 1: you have a sex life so charismatic, so much chemistry,
Speaker 1: but the person's a fucking cheap fuck, or they aren't funny,
Speaker 1: or you know, they're not someone you want to enjoy
Speaker 1: being around, or they're not nice to your kid. There
Speaker 1: are so many formulas. Please do not, in one moment
Speaker 1: look at any relationship and crystallize it and think that
Speaker 1: you could just decide what it all means, because we
Speaker 1: all lakurte menu. Oh look he bought it, or oh
Speaker 1: they have sex so much, or oh look how he
Speaker 1: holds her hand, or they're so affectionate they're obsessed with
Speaker 1: each other. Trust me, relationships are marketed too, And if
Speaker 1: a couple wants you to think that they're obsessed with
Speaker 1: each other. They'll put it out there just like anything else,
Speaker 1: So do not compare. Do not compare. I want to
Speaker 1: talk about success at any age, so it's kind of
Speaker 1: like a bit and we hear it from motivational speakers,
Speaker 1: and I don't know if people really believe it. I've
Speaker 1: heard Judge Judy say you can do it in your twenties,
Speaker 1: your thirties, at any age, but not really get into
Speaker 1: great detail about it. So I was recently doing a
Speaker 1: speaking engagement. I was talking about at what age you
Speaker 1: need to know what you're going to do for the
Speaker 1: rest of your life, And the truth is never. I
Speaker 1: think the worst thing is people thinking they have to
Speaker 1: know where they're going, where they're going to end up,
Speaker 1: and what they want to do with their lives. I
Speaker 1: literally still don't know what I want to do with
Speaker 1: my life, and I never really have. I've had different ideas,
Speaker 1: it's always changed. I've gone from working for producers to
Speaker 1: event producing to acting to improv to being a natural
Speaker 1: food chef to selling pashminaz to event production to podcasting,
Speaker 1: to writing books, to reality TV to scripted TV to
Speaker 1: a talk show, to the liquor business, to producing television
Speaker 1: shows like, to being an inflat sir, to doing brand
Speaker 1: deal like it literally never ends. And the truth is, I, honestly,
Speaker 1: honestly in this body, at twenty six years old, thought
Speaker 1: I needed to have everything wrapped up in a bow.
Speaker 1: It's the same thing with relationships. We think, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm twenty eight, I want to meet someone. I'm thirty five.
Speaker 1: I'm too old. I have to have kids. I'm thirty eight.
Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm breaking up. I'm going to be alone.
Speaker 1: I'm forty two. Like at fifty four, I still have
Speaker 1: game in dating and in business as if it's the
Speaker 1: first day I started, as if it's the first day
Speaker 1: I started. I literally thought thirty years ago I needed
Speaker 1: to know where I was going and what I was doing,
Speaker 1: literally thirty years ago. So you got to understand that
Speaker 1: it works at any age. You have to be where
Speaker 1: you're at. It's not a line, it's not a bit,
Speaker 1: it's not just like some weird motivational speech that Tony
Speaker 1: Robbins gives. It's absolutely true. You can be successful at
Speaker 1: any age. You have to be true to yourself. You
Speaker 1: have to always be moving forward. The car has to
Speaker 1: be moving forward, but you do not have to know
Speaker 1: what the destination is. You have to be watching the road,
Speaker 1: you have to be paying attention, you have to be
Speaker 1: looking for signs, but you don't have to know exactly
Speaker 1: where it's going. And the truth is, if you are
Speaker 1: overly obsessed and overly be occupied by knowing where you're
Speaker 1: going and what you're doing and what you're supposed to
Speaker 1: be doing, you'll be in the wrong place because it's
Speaker 1: not breathing. You're not really open about what's really happening.
Speaker 1: You can't be true to yourself, and you can't have
Speaker 1: good ideas, and the wine isn't breathing, and you're not
Speaker 1: fully functioning. You're trapping yourself. You're labeling intellectually where you
Speaker 1: need to be. When it's something that comes from your gut,
Speaker 1: success comes from your gut instinct, It comes from inside
Speaker 1: your body. It comes from good ideas, It comes from passion, drive, determination.
Speaker 1: It does not come from what you're looking for outside.
Speaker 1: So if you're sitting there, I should be doing that.
Speaker 1: I should be doing that. They're doing this. They're doing that.
Speaker 1: Someone told me I should do this. This is what
Speaker 1: they said this is what they said on Shark Tank.
Speaker 1: This is what my parents told me, This is what
Speaker 1: my sister did. This is the college my brother went to.
Speaker 1: This is what I'm supposed to be doing. That's what
Speaker 1: won't work. The only thing that works for you is
Speaker 1: your own set of keys. You try them and you
Speaker 1: find what fits. But my trajectory has been so unusual,
Speaker 1: so circuit, it's so bizarre that I could never have
Speaker 1: planned it. I just always went with my gut and
Speaker 1: where the road took me. But with intention. It wasn't
Speaker 1: like some zombie or some you know. I'm more like
Speaker 1: a room but vacuum. You hit the wall, go the
Speaker 1: other direction. Try that, hit the wall, but find the
Speaker 1: right road. So at any age, you can be dating,
Speaker 1: you can get married, you can get in a relationship,
Speaker 1: you can start a business, you can become successful. You
Speaker 1: can make it. Just don't trap yourself into numbers and
Speaker 1: where you're supposed to be. Here's something interesting about plastic surgery.
Speaker 1: Of course, I've been down in Florida, and I've been
Speaker 1: looking at people's work in general, because there's so many
Speaker 1: Brazilian butt lifts in Florida. Like everybody's ass is a shelf.
Speaker 1: It's just like such a massive thing, the Brazilian butt lift.
Speaker 1: Now you could like you could not like it. Miami's
Speaker 1: great because it's self expression, Like you're just down there
Speaker 1: and people are doing what the fuck they want, wearing
Speaker 1: what they want, like chain link. They're just dress naked.
Speaker 1: One night, my dress kept popping open, the buttons were
Speaker 1: popping off, and I just thought, like, and there's a
Speaker 1: bathing suit under it. I was wearing it as a slip,
Speaker 1: and I just thought it wouldn't even fucking matter if
Speaker 1: I was walking around a bathing suit, like it wouldn't
Speaker 1: have mattered at a nightclub or at a restaurant, it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. You could do whatever you want. I was
Speaker 1: feeling self conscious, but it wouldn't have mattered. So what
Speaker 1: happens with really good work sometimes and I know people
Speaker 1: say it's not really good. Sometimes people have really good work,
Speaker 1: Like you look at their face and their skin looks
Speaker 1: amazing and it looks like clear and angelic and perfect,
Speaker 1: but they look older, and it's strange because they look great,
Speaker 1: but sometimes on their age that you know they are
Speaker 1: or just something is off, like they've gotten the work
Speaker 1: and the skin is perfect and there's no discoloration and
Speaker 1: there are really no lines because they got the botox,
Speaker 1: the filler, the plastic, whatever it is. But they look
Speaker 1: older because it's like overworked. It's like a spec house,
Speaker 1: like a perfect new construction house, you know when you
Speaker 1: walk into like a perfect brand new construction house. Some
Speaker 1: days I really love that house because like everything works
Speaker 1: and everything is great, but like I look at it
Speaker 1: and it doesn't seem real, and it seems strange. It
Speaker 1: feels hot. That's what it's like with a person who's
Speaker 1: like overworked. I may have more like sharpay wrinkles, and
Speaker 1: you know, maybe like brown spots from the sun, which
Speaker 1: I really don't have, because that's a whole other different
Speaker 1: story about what I believe about that. We'll talk about
Speaker 1: that another day. I think the more shit you do,
Speaker 1: the more brown spots you get, because you take it
Speaker 1: down to a blank surface and then your skin is
Speaker 1: exposed to the sun, and then you go out for
Speaker 1: one second and you get the spots. That doesn't mean
Speaker 1: if you are a leather suitcase and you've had years
Speaker 1: of sun damage, you shouldn't take the layer off. I
Speaker 1: just mean for a person who has relatively decent skin
Speaker 1: but I digress. So, I, you know, would like a
Speaker 1: brand new house like I'd like sometimes the perfect brand
Speaker 1: new house, face, body, et cetera. But there's something about
Speaker 1: that that I don't like. There's something about it that
Speaker 1: just seems weird. Sh