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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha.

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Speaker 2: I'm welcome to stuff I never told your production.

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Speaker 3: iHeartRadio, and welcome to another edition of Monday Mini where

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Speaker 3: we talk about random things and put a little bit

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Speaker 3: of statistics in there or facts or news. We try

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Speaker 3: to make it a little different from our happy hour

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Speaker 3: because it is a personal take or something that we're

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Speaker 3: thinking on, and then we do pseudo research, meaning like

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Speaker 3: we don't do a lot of in depth research and

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Speaker 3: or maybe come from an article that got us interested

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Speaker 3: in it, however, whatever. So just to explain what the

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Speaker 3: Monday Mini is again, because I think everybody's like, what.

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Speaker 1: Is this just a small episode?

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Speaker 3: Okay, But today I thought I would make a switch

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Speaker 3: because my last happy hour was really sad, and unfortunately,

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Speaker 3: right now with the seasons and the holidays, I am

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Speaker 3: not the happiest person, most joyous person in the world.

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Speaker 3: But I thought I'd take a minute to actually reflect

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Speaker 3: on things that do make me happy and as a

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Speaker 3: reminder of things that can give you good support and happiness,

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Speaker 3: and that's friendships, specifically female friendships or friendships with other women.

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Speaker 3: And I'm not excluding anybody of the non gender binary

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Speaker 3: any of that. We're including trans women. In this we're

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Speaker 3: talking about the people who are would see themselves as

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Speaker 3: them because I think there's a specific energy vibe in that.

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Speaker 1: So when I say that.

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Speaker 3: I'm meaning all this is including all So go ahead

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Speaker 3: and put that at that very beginning. Of course, we

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Speaker 3: know there's a lot of TERFs out there. There's a

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Speaker 3: lot of people who have a lot of prejudices, and

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Speaker 3: they have nice messaging with sometimes really awful hearts.

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Speaker 1: So I say this.

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Speaker 3: Because a lot of these things that we talk about

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Speaker 3: when it comes to friendships and keeping friendships comes from blogs,

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Speaker 3: and you never know what these people, these that wrote

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Speaker 3: these blogs their real personality is. I think about that

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Speaker 3: often when I'm thinking about like feminists first as well,

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Speaker 3: or feminists around the world that.

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Speaker 1: We don't know.

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Speaker 3: They may have good intentions in one of these things,

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Speaker 3: but some of these things are not pretty right. So

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Speaker 3: just as kind of a caveat to all of this.

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Speaker 3: But straight away from that to the good part, I

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Speaker 3: think it's really important that we talk about the friendships

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Speaker 3: that happen and how important it is to have friendships

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Speaker 3: and holidays. Of course, I think we can look at

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Speaker 3: things like friendsgiving. We have a good thing called friends

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Speaker 3: give mus in our group because we could blend in

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Speaker 3: both Christmas and Thanksgiving. Yeah, because it it's a little

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Speaker 3: difficult trying to get together sometimes and so blending that in,

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Speaker 3: but having opportunities to celebrate the seasons together with just

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Speaker 3: friends or found families as we like to talk about.

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Speaker 3: And if you just listen to A couple of weeks

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Speaker 3: ago as this comes out, we had the amazing Raquel

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Speaker 3: Willis on the show and something she talked about when

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Speaker 3: I had asked her specifically about finding the balance between

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Speaker 3: transparency versus activism, and then also self preservation and knowing

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Speaker 3: that you don't owe people your stories, but like how

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Speaker 3: do you, you know, keep the balance And she talked

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Speaker 3: about friendship and I really really loved that.

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Speaker 1: Point and it didn't remind me.

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Speaker 3: I was like, oh, yeah, like keeping people like you

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Speaker 3: ay in my life.

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Speaker 1: Like you just talked about the joy of wearing your life.

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Speaker 3: Day's letter and I love that, and I'm like, man,

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Speaker 3: I need to use that as an example and find

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Speaker 3: something like that for myself, where I just find some

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Speaker 3: of the like something that's personal to me that I

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Speaker 3: can put on physically and be like, ah, this makes me.

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Speaker 3: I will say cardigans do sometimes, especially at the beginning

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Speaker 3: of fall, when I get to actually wear it.

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Speaker 1: I did do a dance.

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Speaker 3: My partner was like, Okay, you're you're ridiculously happy and

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Speaker 3: he understands, Like why for me?

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Speaker 1: That makes me a little bit joy But you know

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Speaker 1: stuff like that, it's like.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, things like that are nice. So I had

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Speaker 3: good moment. Thank you forgiving me that. But just as

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Speaker 3: the friends of this time of year is really really

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Speaker 3: important in general. I went through articles about film friendships

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Speaker 3: and why they're important, and here's some of the things

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Speaker 3: research y'all, because it's like years and years and years

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Speaker 3: of research, and I think the last fifteen years has

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Speaker 3: been beautiful where the ties are turned from don't be

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Speaker 3: that I'm not that type of girl and be a

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Speaker 3: girls girl and know what that means and I love them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So one of the things they talked about is emotional support.

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Speaker 3: The benefit of having support from friends when things are down,

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Speaker 3: whether it's like lifting you up because you're sad about

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Speaker 3: something and so they try to help you understand why

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Speaker 3: you're said or distract you, which both of those things

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Speaker 3: are beautiful. Validation. Having friends who understand and appreciate you

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Speaker 3: just for you and giving you that confidence. Oh and

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Speaker 3: by the way, this was from a blog.

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Speaker 1: That was researched.

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Speaker 3: They also found research for it called the Power Female

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Speaker 3: for Ship and it's from Grace dot Health. So I

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Speaker 3: don't know much about Grace dot Health, so don't take

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Speaker 3: that as a right like I'm advocating for it. It's

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Speaker 3: just they had good research. So once again, that's about

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Speaker 3: shared experiences. Yeah, I think, especially when you have old,

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Speaker 3: old friendships that you've had for years and you can

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Speaker 3: look back on things and laugh to you cry type

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Speaker 3: of situations. Knowing some situation, like I explained something to

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Speaker 3: my partner, I ran into a friend that I haven't

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Speaker 3: seen in like five years, literally out of nowhere, and

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Speaker 3: it was really lovely.

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Speaker 1: To see her.

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Speaker 3: And I say this with all like so excitement, and

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Speaker 3: it literally shocked me to the point I'm like, you

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Speaker 3: don't live here, Like it sounded like an accusation, but

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Speaker 3: it was more of shock. And that's all I could

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Speaker 3: say because I was so like confused to see her.

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Speaker 3: But I just brought back some of the memories I

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Speaker 3: had of her and who she was and how joyful

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Speaker 3: it was. And I was explaining to my partner about her,

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Speaker 3: and it was just like, you know, that smile of

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Speaker 3: moments of like, oh, that's shared experience because I lived

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Speaker 3: with her as well for a year, so it was

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Speaker 3: lovely to see her and not thought about that. And

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Speaker 3: then of course the accountability. I will tell you people

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Speaker 3: who keep me accountable are some of the best. Caroline

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Speaker 3: from the previous host is one of the best ones

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Speaker 3: to keep me accountable. But she does it in such

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Speaker 3: a way that it's so good and I'm like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 3: you're right, I did that in my bad you know,

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Speaker 3: like stuff like that. But it keeps you as a

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Speaker 3: better person, as a better friend, which I want to be,

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Speaker 3: and I love everything about that. Of Course, the laughter

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Speaker 3: enjoy we all know that that's a great benefit. I

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Speaker 3: love listening to Annie talk about her stuff and then

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Speaker 3: just watching her laugh at herself, and then I'll make

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Speaker 3: a joke and she'll laugh at it too. It is

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Speaker 3: a delightful moment, and then me laughing watching her laugh.

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Speaker 3: Or I will say I do laugh when she cries.

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Speaker 3: That shows like last of us, and I enjoy every

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Speaker 3: bit of her love for it.

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Speaker 2: I enjoy that you enjoy it.

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Speaker 3: I literally pulled up the video of you saying this

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Speaker 3: is me before the episode of this, the Bill at

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Speaker 3: Frank episode, and this is a year after, and me

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Speaker 3: laughing in the background, like it's just.

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Speaker 1: The love you have for that show is amazing.

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Speaker 3: And it talks about improving your immune function. And I

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Speaker 3: have a couple of articles I talk about that that

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Speaker 3: it actually has higher levels of a particular antibody that

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Speaker 3: helps to fight off infection. And this one is from

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Speaker 3: a flashback dot com article. I really don't know who

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Speaker 3: they are either, but it is written by Kate Lee

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Speaker 3: hay l Ehy. Again, not necessarily advocating for them or anything,

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Speaker 3: but I think she did an amazing job with this article.

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Speaker 3: But she actually wrote most surprisingly of all, female friendships

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Speaker 3: are actually good for your physical and mental health. Researchers

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Speaker 3: at UCLA found that female response to stress can be

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Speaker 3: reduced after a release of oxytocin, which came when surrounded

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Speaker 3: by their female friends. In another study, it was found

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Speaker 3: that valuing for ships influence better health among adults, and

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Speaker 3: the head of psychiatry at Stanford University in the US

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Speaker 3: said one of the best things a woman can do

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Speaker 3: for her health was to quote nurture her relationships with

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Speaker 3: her friends, and then goes on to say, it's noted

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Speaker 3: that women who are around their female friends see an

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Speaker 3: increase in release of chemical serotonin, which controls your mood

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Speaker 3: and it's responsible for happiness. And studies have also shown

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Speaker 3: a strong link between human attachment and good mental health.

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Speaker 3: And I feel like these are all obvious, but it's

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Speaker 3: also exciting that they did the research for it specifically

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Speaker 3: among women in that level.

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Speaker 1: I will say yesterday it was really sad.

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Speaker 3: If you heard my happy hour a week ago, it

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Speaker 3: wasn't cute, but it was a lot of things that

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Speaker 3: was going through my head and I was kind of spiraling.

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Speaker 3: And then last night I decided to go to work out,

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Speaker 3: and I have made really good friends. When I go

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Speaker 3: work out to these places, we just connect on a

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Speaker 3: very superficial level, but it's joyous. It helped my mood

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Speaker 3: so much to be around them, to do something together,

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Speaker 3: to enjoy the music. The teacher there, DeMarco, He's an

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Speaker 3: amazing guy. But I like just connecting with friends again

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Speaker 3: and the women that we get to hype each other.

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Speaker 3: It's one of the best things. Hyping one another up,

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Speaker 3: I think is a whole different level, especially being on

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Speaker 3: a superficial level, just enjoying their personality is nice. And

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Speaker 3: I definitely see that kind of level of like serotonin

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Speaker 3: rising and feeling being able to like calmly sit instead

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Speaker 3: of watching the world burn. And then I was thinking

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Speaker 3: about this again, specifically with the holidays, and we were

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Speaker 3: very stressed. I am very stressed with this, and I

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Speaker 3: was thinking about the people who have lost families. I

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Speaker 3: talk about not having a connection and that does feel

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Speaker 3: like a loss to me, but truly losing grieving over

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Speaker 3: families who have died passed on to you have cut

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Speaker 3: off all connect with and how that really is a painful.

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Speaker 3: These holidays are a painful, painfull time, especially if you

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Speaker 3: feel alone. And there is an article written by Rebecca

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Speaker 3: Brenner for The Times and is titled the Revolutionary Power

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Speaker 3: of Female Friendships during the Holidays, and she specifically talks

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Speaker 3: about the loss of her mother, and she also talks

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Speaker 3: about the fact that she doesn't do the depth of

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Speaker 3: what her mother did and she never will and I

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Speaker 3: appreciated that because, yeah, no way in hell I would

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Speaker 3: do what my mother loves to do and also stresses

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Speaker 3: out about which ends up with her calling my father

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Speaker 3: a also part of our family tradition, one of my

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Speaker 3: favorite moments. But she genuinely is mad at my father

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Speaker 3: for being neglectful and not helping out as much as

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Speaker 3: he should. But I think it's interesting she talks about it,

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Speaker 3: and she says, this holiday season, I won't cook her

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Speaker 3: a lot holiday dinners, I won't go to midnight mass

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Speaker 3: or check my two young kids across the country for

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Speaker 3: large extended family gatherings, but I will step closer to

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Speaker 3: the memory of her because of the love and the

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Speaker 3: support of the women in my life. And I really

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Speaker 3: thought that was a beautiful story, like, yes, she lost

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Speaker 3: a mother, but she and she might not do exactly

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Speaker 3: what she did, and there feels like a little lost

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Speaker 3: in that, but she knows where she can find that

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Speaker 3: same love and level of love and care and support

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Speaker 3: through the women in her life. She also talked about

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Speaker 3: the twenty ten study which was written by Anna M.

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Speaker 3: Martinez Alman entitled college Women's female Friendships a Longitudinal View,

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Speaker 3: and she was found that female friendships are quote a

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Speaker 3: site for assessing meaning of self and of reality, a

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Speaker 3: site for the experience of different perspective and viewpoints, and

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Speaker 3: an opportunity for growth through interdependency, and in a more

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Speaker 3: recent twenty twenty study in feminism and psychology found that

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Speaker 3: female friendships are quote site of ease, escape and refuge.

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Speaker 3: And I think it's so perfect, especially as we talk

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Speaker 3: during the holidays as a stress feeling a little bit

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Speaker 3: of loss, feeling a little bit of non direction, I guess,

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Speaker 3: not not sure what to do half the time, there's

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Speaker 3: a lot going on, and seeing all our articles like

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Speaker 3: this and reminding yourself, yeah, yeah, friendships are important and

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Speaker 3: it can be hard to maintain as adults with different

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Speaker 3: stretches of life, but it is important to try to

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Speaker 3: try to maintain them. And she goes on, Brennan goes

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Speaker 3: on rights, and perhaps this is the best gift we

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Speaker 3: can offer one another, our presence and kind words in

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Speaker 3: a culture and season that can feel so transactional. Being

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Speaker 3: shaped and nurtured by your people's compassionate attention feels revolutionary,

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Speaker 3: and it does, and it does in any I want

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Speaker 3: to thank you because you're one of those revolutionary people.

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Speaker 3: For me.

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Speaker 1: I love you, and you are for me.

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Speaker 2: I love you too.

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Speaker 1: The other day I was.

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Speaker 2: Like smiling to myself, remembering because I told the story

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Speaker 2: recently of our disastrous lazy river.

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Speaker 1: It's just like having those.

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Speaker 2: Memories where we were literally being laughed at by the

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Speaker 2: hotel save an old man in a tube and a

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Speaker 2: young kid in a tube. Yeah, but we shared it together.

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Speaker 1: It was so funny. It was so funny.

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Speaker 3: It was because both of us were in the same boat,

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Speaker 3: realizing both of us were bad at this.

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Speaker 2: We're bad and relaxing, which is perhaps clear.

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Speaker 1: That everybody else was confused, and they're like, well, we

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Speaker 1: love it.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, I'm glad you were a part of this

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Speaker 3: because that would assessed me out more.

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Speaker 2: And then we did it twice because we got stuck

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Speaker 2: in the loop.

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Speaker 3: We couldn't get help, but we couldn't get out, so

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Speaker 3: we just sacrificed it.

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Speaker 2: We did. Oh man. It was funny though. But it's

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Speaker 2: things like that, having those those memories, sharing those times,

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Speaker 2: like even if it's maybe you know, like not necessarily

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Speaker 2: your thing, like with life, there's my friend, but like

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Speaker 2: having that and like having those stories, it does feel

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Speaker 2: like such a boost and such a light and so precious,

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Speaker 2: like so important, and yeah, I can totally see the

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Speaker 2: kind of healing nature of it. We've talked about it

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Speaker 2: before in other episodes too. So yeah, I am so

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Speaker 2: lucky have the friends I have that they're willing to

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Speaker 2: be goofy with me, and I can be goofy with them.

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Speaker 3: And just to this menty fam, if you do feel alone,

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Speaker 3: I hope you hear this episode and know that we.

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Speaker 1: Do hear you when you.

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Speaker 3: Write to us, when you let us know what's going on.

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Speaker 3: I know we got a lot of messages on Instagram

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Speaker 3: specific to a lot of Anie's loves. I didn't respond

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Speaker 3: to those. I'm sorry I showed it to her, though

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Speaker 3: I love y'all.

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Speaker 1: I will respond. But yes, we.

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Speaker 3: Do see them, we do hear them. Those who send

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Speaker 3: out support to us. That's the same thing. There's a

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Speaker 3: healing to that as well. When you hear our own

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Speaker 3: struggles or vulnerability and then you come in and just

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Speaker 3: talk about your own and and like validate what we're saying.

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Speaker 1: It's lovely. So we thank you.

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Speaker 2: We do thank you. It really means so much so

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Speaker 2: and I hope sometimes I worry that it sounds like

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Speaker 2: because when you get like one bad message, and I

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Speaker 2: feel like I worry that we make it sound like

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Speaker 2: we're not talking to the people who are listening. I'm

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Speaker 2: pretty sure. The people who send those like saw a

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Speaker 2: title will send you are all lovely, is what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: Now we get like one and I'm like, no, I know.

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Speaker 1: A lot of reviews same way for me. I'm like, good,

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Speaker 1: I all hate me.

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Speaker 2: No, everyone is so kind, and I do love another thing.

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Speaker 2: I love about things like like what you were talking

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Speaker 2: about friends, Gibsons. I love like the traditions people make

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Speaker 2: because I have the cheese giving my friends and I

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Speaker 2: used to do a gift exchange where you couldn't spend

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Speaker 2: any money on it so you would get the most

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Speaker 2: ridiculous things, and I loved it. I've told the story before,

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Speaker 2: but one of my favorite things was Friends show Katie.

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Speaker 2: It was a big bird ornament but the legs were

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Speaker 2: broken off, and I adored It's like one of my

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Speaker 2: favorite ornaments. It's so weird and and every time I

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Speaker 2: see it, I think about that.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, where did you get this? She stepped on

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Speaker 1: it and I was.

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Speaker 3: Like, oh, I'll give it to my imagination that goes

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Speaker 3: into there are ornaments that you can't touch on my

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Speaker 3: mother's tree and if you break it, like oh no.

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Speaker 3: In my head, I was like, yeah, I would have

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Speaker 3: taken and just giving it away and be like no,

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Speaker 3: don't ask, that's the way.

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Speaker 2: Yes, it could be. I've never gotten the full story

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Speaker 2: out of her. Maybe this year, maybe this, but yes,

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Speaker 2: we would love to hear listeners about your thoughts about this,

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Speaker 2: if you have any traditions with your friends. Oh there's

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Speaker 2: also oh man, I meant to talk about this. Over

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Speaker 2: on Savor, we did an interview with somebody who used

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Speaker 2: to work at the Butterball Hot Wine, a sponsor, and

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Speaker 2: one of my favorite stories she told was about getting

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Speaker 2: a call from a group of women in college who

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Speaker 2: were like trying to cook a turkey in a crockpot

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Speaker 2: and had short at the power.

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Speaker 1: Like that is the fun memories you're mate?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I love it.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, if you have stories like that, please we need them.

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Speaker 3: Please do we have a collection we could share holiday

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Speaker 3: all episode?

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Speaker 2: Yes, please, that would be great and emails at Stephan Media,

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Speaker 2: Momstuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find us on

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Speaker 2: Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok

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Speaker 2: at stuff One never told you. We have a tea

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Speaker 2: public store and we have a book that you can

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Speaker 2: get wherever you get your books, and an audio book

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Speaker 2: because some people have been asking me about that. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 2: and we did narrate it.

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Speaker 3: Yes.

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Speaker 2: Thanks as always to our super producer Christina, our executive

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Speaker 2: producer Maya, and our contributor Joey.

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Speaker 1: I think we need a tradition. What do y'all think?

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Speaker 3: Christina?

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Speaker 1: What do you think?

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Speaker 3: Yes?

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Speaker 2: Yes, and thanks to you for listening stuff I never

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Speaker 2: told you production of iHeart Radio. For more podcast from

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Speaker 2: my heart Radio, you can check out the heart Radio app,

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Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,