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Speaker 1: This is intergalactic John, This is Alien sarm on the

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Speaker 1: International Oka Storytime podcast station, and we have some human

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Speaker 1: stories coming up, not alien, but before we make a landing,

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Speaker 1: stick around for this two minute not alien ad break

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Speaker 1: before we get to these interstellar stories.

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Speaker 2: I told my dad to dump his girlfriend because they

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Speaker 2: ruin my piece. Tell her to piece out for context.

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Speaker 2: My father's dating a younger woman who openly wants to

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Speaker 2: have kids. He has three adult children and also openly

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Speaker 2: doesn't want anymore. Some time ago, they decided to wait

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Speaker 2: a few years to see if either of them would

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Speaker 2: change their minds about it, otherwise they'd break up. I

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Speaker 2: told my father it was a bad idea, but he

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Speaker 2: didn't care. By the way, this comes from user dad's

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Speaker 2: girlfriend throwaway And to introduce myself, I'm Keon.

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Speaker 3: I'm Carly, and I'm Sophia.

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Speaker 2: So let's get into this story. I'm pregnant. This will

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Speaker 2: be my and my husband's first baby, as well as

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Speaker 2: the first grandchild on both sides, so we're all very excited.

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Speaker 2: But my father's girlfriend has been extremely over the top.

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Speaker 2: She takes every shot she can to try and get

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Speaker 2: involved in my pregnancy. To give a few examples. She

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Speaker 2: calls me almost every day with name suggestions or parenting tips.

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Speaker 2: Anytime I tell her and my father about something I'm

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Speaker 2: planning for my baby, she feels the need to explain

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Speaker 2: what she'd do or buy instead. She frequently asked me

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Speaker 2: whether I'm having a boy or a girl, because apparently

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Speaker 2: she has different shopping lists for both. We know the

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Speaker 2: gender and name, want announce either until the baby is here.

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Speaker 2: She has asked whether she can attend one of my

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Speaker 2: ultrasounds to see what it's like. Dealing with my dad's

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Speaker 2: girlfriend has been very overwhelming. If she is just being carying,

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Speaker 2: we were never even remotely close before my pregnancy, so

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Speaker 2: she's been making me very uncomfortable. On Saturday, I stopped

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Speaker 2: by my father's place to pick up some of my

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Speaker 2: old stuff. When I got there, he was having an

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Speaker 2: argument with his girlfriend. They said it had to do

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Speaker 2: with my baby, so they explained it to me. My

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Speaker 2: father's girlfriend wanted him to turn either the guest bedroom

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Speaker 2: or the home office into a nursery to make it

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Speaker 2: easier for them to babysit in my child. My father

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Speaker 2: didn't want to get rid of either. I tried to

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Speaker 2: be deployed about it. At first, I told them I

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Speaker 2: wasn't planning on having them babysit, and I probably wouldn't

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Speaker 2: use their hypothetical nursery when there was a perfectly good

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Speaker 2: one over at my place. But my father's girlfriend said

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Speaker 2: they had been waiting so long for their to finally

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Speaker 2: be a baby in the family, and she wanted to

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Speaker 2: spend as much time as possible with my child. That's

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Speaker 2: when I lost my patience. I said I understood they

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Speaker 2: disagreed on having a baby, but that it wasn't my problem.

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Speaker 2: So I told them to either break up or leave

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Speaker 2: me alone because I'm done dealing with this. The next day,

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Speaker 2: my father called me. He said he understood I was

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Speaker 2: frustrated and that he agreed his girlfriend has been going

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Speaker 2: too far, but argue that she's just excited and trying

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Speaker 2: to help me, and I'm being rude to her for

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Speaker 2: denying it so firmly. He's especially upset about what I

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Speaker 2: said because this relationship is none of my business and

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Speaker 2: I had no right to comment on it. My husband

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Speaker 2: is on my side, and so is my brother. My

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Speaker 2: sister is pretty neutral. The more I think about it,

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Speaker 2: the more I mix my feelings on this get am

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Speaker 2: I the a hole and we have some relevant comments.

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Speaker 2: Not the a hole. Their girlfriend is the one being

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Speaker 2: rude by trying to shove herself into your pregnancy experience.

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Speaker 2: Seating up a nursery without even asking you's wild behavior. Facts.

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Speaker 2: Time to put a stop to her involvement because she's

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Speaker 2: going to keep pushing. The woman has some crazy baby fever.

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Speaker 2: She's had baby fever for years. I genuinely don't know

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Speaker 2: why she's still dating my father again back and forth

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Speaker 2: with Geane, Opie and the commentary. She probably thinks she'll

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Speaker 2: change his mind eventually. It may have finally set in

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Speaker 2: that he won't actually change his mind. So now she

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Speaker 2: sees your baby of a chance at her sort of

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Speaker 2: having a baby. It's been four years, she's forty. Could

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Speaker 2: it really have taken this long to set it? Has

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Speaker 2: Opie's dad had have afseected me any chance of an

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Speaker 2: accident happening. I don't know whether he's gotten one, but

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Speaker 2: if he hasn't, I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet. How

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Speaker 2: far away do they live that you and your baby

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Speaker 2: will be having sleepover about twenty minutes and no, my

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Speaker 2: baby will not sleep over at my father's. The bassinette

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Speaker 2: is in case we're visiting and the baby needs a nap.

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Speaker 2: It was my father's idea, and I gave it the okay.

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Speaker 2: More on Ope's feelings about their relationship, I agree they're

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Speaker 2: both in the wrong for thinking they can get the

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Speaker 2: other to change their mind, and it's the reason why

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Speaker 2: I never felt sorry for them. They're both adults who

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Speaker 2: know what they're risking by staying in this relationship. A

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Speaker 2: long time ago, I told my father that them staying

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Speaker 2: together was a waste of time. In retrospect, I admit

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Speaker 2: that was harsh, but women don't have forever to get

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Speaker 2: pregnant and he wouldn't have the energy to raise a

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Speaker 2: child in his sixties, so the only way for them

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Speaker 2: to be both happy was breaking up. He ignored me

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Speaker 2: and said people can change, and the time they spend

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Speaker 2: together is never a waste.

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Speaker 3: They're both just saying dad and Dad's girlfriend that.

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Speaker 4: The other one is gonna change.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. It's it's like, ah wait, you can wait, oh wait,

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Speaker 2: oh wait, oh wait. Someone says you allowing your dad

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Speaker 2: to lie to his girlfriend about potentially wanting kids is cruel,

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Speaker 2: But if your dad doesn't even want a nursery for

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Speaker 2: his grandchild. He's done raising kids and is lying to

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Speaker 2: his girlfriend. He's only with her because he's stringing his

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Speaker 2: girlfriend along, knowing he's already had a vasectomy. Oh, he's response.

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Speaker 2: He's not lying to her. She knows he doesn't want kids.

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Speaker 2: He knows she does. About four years ago, they agreed

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Speaker 2: to wait a while to see if either of them

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Speaker 2: would change their minds about it. And I never mentioned

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Speaker 2: any of aasectomy. Clearly she's just not getting the idea.

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Speaker 2: They should have broken up a long time ago, four years.

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Speaker 2: At the end of the day, sometimes it's on her,

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Speaker 2: Like if he blatant me.

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Speaker 3: It's done both of them.

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Speaker 2: It definitely on both of them, bless you.

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Speaker 3: They should both kind of realize that they don't want

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Speaker 3: the same things. But she ultimately needs to be the

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Speaker 3: one to decide, like this is a boundary that I'm

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Speaker 3: hard set against, Like I want a kid, so I'm out.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I guaran And he should have been like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: you don't want a kid, I'm done. Like, if you're

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Speaker 2: gonna keep pestering me about a kid, I mean he's

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Speaker 2: to go.

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Speaker 3: It's a hard line for me. It's a hard line

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Speaker 3: for me.

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Speaker 2: High five God, good luck in your life. And there

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Speaker 2: is an update eight days later. As exhausting as it

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Speaker 2: has been to deal with my father's girlfriend, I know

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Speaker 2: how to manage it. Claus can be ignored, messages can

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Speaker 2: be muted, and excuses can be made. I've done all

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Speaker 2: the above before. The real problem is the point it's

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Speaker 2: gotten to. I strongly believe in only cutting ties as

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Speaker 2: a last resort. To the fact I actually considered blocking her.

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Speaker 2: I've only done that to the three people before, and

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Speaker 2: they did a lot worse than she did scared me

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Speaker 2: a little. I don't care what decisions of my father

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Speaker 2: and his girlfriend make about their relationship. I know what

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Speaker 2: I do in their shoes, but I don't have to

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Speaker 2: tell them that. They're both adults who shouldn't know what

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Speaker 2: they're doing by now. But whatever they do, I can't

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Speaker 2: let that affect me and my child. And when I

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Speaker 2: told my father I was done dealing with this, I

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Speaker 2: meant it. My father and I had lunched together on

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Speaker 2: Tuesday and I decided to bring this up. First thing

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Speaker 2: I told my father was that moving forward, I won't

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Speaker 2: share any information about my pregnancy with his girlfriend, and

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Speaker 2: after I've given birth, she won't babysit or be left

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Speaker 2: alone with my baby at any point, nor should she

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Speaker 2: expect to get more pictures of it or information than

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Speaker 2: my father will get. He wasn't happy with that, but

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Speaker 2: I didn't leave a lot of room for argument. My

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Speaker 2: father did, however, try to spin it into a discussion

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Speaker 2: about how I don't like his girlfriend and act too

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Speaker 2: cold to her. That is not true, nor is it

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Speaker 2: the first time we had this discussion. He's always hated

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Speaker 2: the fact that me and his girlfriend aren't close.

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Speaker 3: I'm sorry that girl would have a baby and then

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Speaker 3: her child would be younger than her grandchild.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Once I was done, I told my father that as

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Speaker 2: much as I don't care what he decides to do,

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Speaker 2: his relationship problems have spilled into my and my baby's life,

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Speaker 2: so I do have their right to comment on it.

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Speaker 2: I told him that he needs to understand that even

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Speaker 2: if he changes his mind about having kids one day,

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Speaker 2: he doesn't really have a deadline to figure that out.

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Speaker 2: His girlfriend is forty years old and very clearly wants kid.

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Speaker 2: At the very least, they need to have an actual

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Speaker 2: conversation about what they both want and decide how to proceed.

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Speaker 2: Whatever they do, she won't get the motherhood fixed through

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Speaker 2: my child.

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Speaker 3: I think that all the boundaries that Opie set about,

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Speaker 3: like she'll get the exact same pictures and information that

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Speaker 3: you get. Forget what some of the other ones were

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Speaker 3: totally valid. That's like, why would she get more than

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Speaker 3: what your like dad is getting about this baby. She

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Speaker 3: doesn't need more infotion, she doesn't need more pictures. You're

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Speaker 3: probably gonna send your dad a lot.

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Speaker 2: This feels like, you know, the dad's treating Opie like

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Speaker 2: a teenager. Yeah, We're like, you have to get along

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Speaker 2: with her, and she yes, she's gonna be your mom

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Speaker 2: like and opis a full ground adult And you're like,

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Speaker 2: I don't have to do that, Dad, Your literal relationship

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Speaker 2: problems are coming into my life where I don't. I

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Speaker 2: don't need any more problems in my life. Figure it

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Speaker 2: out and don't drag me in anymore.

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Speaker 3: Keep her out of the relationship issues, stop trying to

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Speaker 3: bother her.

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Speaker 2: Try I would like at this point because it's been

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Speaker 2: four years, and I would feel bad for the dad's girlfriend,

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Speaker 2: just like he's.

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Speaker 3: Put it out there, though, I'd feel worse if after

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Speaker 3: four years. He was like, I've actually changed my mind

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Speaker 3: and I don't want a kid.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Like he's very clearly been like, I don't want kids.

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Speaker 3: I don't want kids.

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Speaker 2: I've had my three, right, Yeah, So at.

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Speaker 3: Some point she does need to be like, okay, and

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Speaker 3: that's where I draw my line. I'm out.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, she needs to draw that line. And it's

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Speaker 2: been said to her face. But I feel like if

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Speaker 2: I were there, like I would go to her and

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Speaker 2: like he doesn't want kids. He said that to you.

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Speaker 3: I think people have done that though. It's just I

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Speaker 3: think she's heard that recently and now there's a baby

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Speaker 3: that she can feel like she's getting that through.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but let's go ahead and finish the story. My

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Speaker 2: father agreed with me in the end. He said he'd

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Speaker 2: talked to her, but I don't expect to hear more

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Speaker 2: about this anytime soon. Additionally, no plans for potential nursery

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Speaker 2: at his place are moving forward. He didn't want that either,

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Speaker 2: so it wasn't hard to get him to promise that.

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to lie. I don't think this will

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Speaker 2: end well for them if they choose to stay together.

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Speaker 2: At least one of them will end up unhappy, But

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Speaker 2: like I told my father, I'm done. They're not my

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Speaker 2: problem anymore. My only concern from now on will be

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Speaker 2: making sure my baby is safe. Whatever happens, I have

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Speaker 2: what it takes to deal with it. Thank you guys

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Speaker 2: for everything, and more relevant comments here on Opie how

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Speaker 2: they will handle hospital visits. The hospital knows we don't

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Speaker 2: want any visits. My husband and I are seriously thinking

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Speaker 2: of making exceptions for our mothers, but we're not sure yet.

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Speaker 2: If we do decide to do that, we'll plan accordingly.

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Speaker 2: If she is this delusional, do you realize that the

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Speaker 2: part of not letting her be alone with the child

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Speaker 2: or babysitting has to extend your father to your father?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 2: She could just as easily take the baby and run

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Speaker 2: when your dad is in the bathroom, and she could

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Speaker 2: if she was alone. Oppie replies, yes, I do realize it.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't planning on leaving my baby with my father anyway.

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Speaker 2: He doesn't have enough free time to babysit. And we

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Speaker 2: have one more comment. Does anyone in Opie's family have

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Speaker 2: a key to her place? No one but me and

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Speaker 2: my husband does. We also live in an apartment building

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Speaker 2: with good security, so it's impossible to show up unannounced,

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Speaker 2: and that is the end of that story. I think

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Speaker 2: you put it out there honestly, even if she's like

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Speaker 2: the girlfriend, yeah, dad's girlfriend is upset about it, You're like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: this sucks.

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Speaker 3: Be mad.

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Speaker 2: Be mad. That's it's my baby, my way of handling it.

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Speaker 2: And then if anyone else is going through the same

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Speaker 2: situation as Opie's dad and Opie's girlfriend, if one again,

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Speaker 2: if you're trying to compromise on something, great, but if

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Speaker 2: both of you are butting heads for four years straight

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Speaker 2: in not getting what you want, that's a clear vindictive

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Speaker 2: sign that this is not gonna work out or nothing's

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Speaker 2: going to change. Sorry, like think in their shoes.

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Speaker 3: This might be the wake up call that they need though,

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Speaker 3: But again, Opie should just stay out of that. You've

256
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Speaker 3: said your piece, back away and it'll be messy, but

257
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Speaker 3: you can't get him to ultimately pull the plug, and

258
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Speaker 3: you can't get her to see if she doesn't want to.

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Speaker 3: This could be her seeing finally, my mother stole my

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Speaker 3: child's baby shower gifts, so I'm uninviting her.

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Speaker 2: Could I have those back? Please? Those are for my baby?

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Speaker 3: And this comes directly from our community. Last year, in

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Speaker 3: October twenty twenty four, I needed new insurance on my vehicle,

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Speaker 3: but unfortunately, due to my license being suspended, I had

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Speaker 3: to get an SR twenty two plan. I'm twenty six

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Speaker 3: female and hate asking my mom for things, but if

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Speaker 3: I went on her plan, it was significantly cheaper than

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Speaker 3: getting my own. I asked my mother to get me

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Speaker 3: on her plan for only a year, and she, by

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Speaker 3: the way, this comes from Lilac Rabbit one two three,

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Speaker 3: and I'm Carly, I'm keon to get me onto her policy.

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Speaker 3: We had to pay for both policies six months upfront,

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Speaker 3: so I paid close to twelve hundred dollars for my

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Speaker 3: insurance and her insurance for six months. After paying that,

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00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,199
Speaker 3: my mother looked at me and said, well, I guess

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Speaker 3: now I'm gonna have to start making you monthly payments.

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Speaker 3: I said, yeah, I guess and laugh. Fast forward to

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Speaker 3: May twenty twenty five, when the six months was up,

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Speaker 3: I asked her if she had any money saved, since

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Speaker 3: she wasn't making the monthly payments she'd promised. I wanted

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Speaker 3: to know if she was planning on paying six months

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Speaker 3: upfront like I did, or making monthly payments. She said

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Speaker 3: she hasn't saved any money and actually needed two hundred

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Speaker 3: dollars for a plumbing issue. I reluctantly gave her the money,

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Speaker 3: but told her I needed it back in two weeks

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Speaker 3: because I had one hundred and fifty dollars student loan

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Speaker 3: payment and didn't want to use my saving She said

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Speaker 3: no problem and that she would pay me back in

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Speaker 3: two weeks and felt bad because I was pre She

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Speaker 3: also mentioned that since I paid six months in advance,

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Speaker 3: it made the policy cheaper about fifteen dollars less on

292
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Speaker 3: mine and twenty dollars less on hers, so she'd probably

293
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Speaker 3: have no problem paying less than two hundred dollars a

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Speaker 3: month for both of us. I thought this was fair

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Speaker 3: since I technically paid upfront for both of us and

296
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Speaker 3: she wouldn't have to worry about the bill. I was

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Speaker 3: also in the process of moving and had to spend

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Speaker 3: nineteen hundred dollars in rent just to move, plus planning

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Speaker 3: to add another six hundred dollars for financial security. My

300
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:33,480
Speaker 3: mother has paid May, June, and July, so that's a

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Speaker 3: little under six hundred dollars total for both of us.

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Speaker 3: By the way, I forgot to mention I'm pregnant eight

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Speaker 3: months now. I found out in January, and when my

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Speaker 3: mother asked for the plumbing money in May, I was

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00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:46,880
Speaker 3: four and a half months pregnant. That's another reason I

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00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,920
Speaker 3: was fine with her paying the next six months of

307
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Speaker 3: insurance because I was already stressed with moving, finding a

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Speaker 3: new job, and being pregnant. Yesterday, I went into town

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Speaker 3: two hours away for an ultrasound appointment for my growth scan.

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Speaker 3: I'm thirty four weeks pregnant and the appointment went great.

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Speaker 3: After that, I went back to my mother's house to

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Speaker 3: drop my sister off because she accompanied me to the appointment.

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Speaker 3: My sister and twin brother live at my mother's house.

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Speaker 3: My sister helps out financially with food and house things,

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Speaker 3: but my brother doesn't do anything or pay rent. He

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Speaker 3: doesn't even have a job. My sister was getting ready

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Speaker 3: for her work shift and I was finishing a sandwich

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Speaker 3: I bought earlier, sitting on the couch. My mother wasn't home,

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Speaker 3: but arrived shortly after. Came in and sat at the

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Speaker 3: kitchen table after fixing herself something to eat. I was

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00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,480
Speaker 3: getting mentally ready for my almost two hour ride home.

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Speaker 3: My mother has always had a way of going about situations,

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Speaker 3: especially when it comes to money or finances. I love

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Speaker 3: my mom very much, but she's never been financially responsible,

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Speaker 3: and whenever she can, she tries to weasel her way

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Speaker 3: out of things or get some kind of discount, which

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Speaker 3: I've always found embarrassing. That's why I'm quick to help

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Speaker 3: her financially. I feel bad. As I sat on the couch,

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00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:03,760
Speaker 3: she wanted to speak to me about something. I should

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00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,680
Speaker 3: have realized it was about the car insurance because something

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00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,720
Speaker 3: was said last time I visited. She's also been telling

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00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:12,520
Speaker 3: my sister, who's been telling me that she doesn't have

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00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:15,320
Speaker 3: to pay for the policy anymore because she's technically already

334
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,880
Speaker 3: paid me back by paying her portion within three months,

335
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,720
Speaker 3: so now I'm on my own for the remaining months.

336
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,240
Speaker 3: My mom looked at me and asked if I paid

337
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:27,000
Speaker 3: the car insurance. I quickly said no, Why would I

338
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,640
Speaker 3: have to pay when you're paying it until September. She said,

339
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:32,520
Speaker 3: it's actually up in October, but it says it came

340
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,120
Speaker 3: out of an account I don't recognize. I let her

341
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:36,960
Speaker 3: know it didn't come out of my account and that

342
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,320
Speaker 3: she should make sure it's actually paid and not on

343
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,040
Speaker 3: a declined card. She rolled her eyes and said it

344
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:45,280
Speaker 3: didn't get paid then, and things were awkwardly silent for

345
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:48,120
Speaker 3: about five minutes. I was waiting for her to say something,

346
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,840
Speaker 3: but I knew she wasn't going to, so I finally said,

347
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,440
Speaker 3: why are you going to ask me that? Am I

348
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,360
Speaker 3: going to have to pay it this month or something?

349
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,840
Speaker 3: My mother hesitated and said yes, I mean I could

350
00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:00,960
Speaker 3: possibly pay one hundred do of it, but I would

351
00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:03,400
Speaker 3: need you to pay the rest. I said, why should

352
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,600
Speaker 3: I have to pay for the next three months when

353
00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,040
Speaker 3: I paid for yours for six months and you didn't

354
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:10,840
Speaker 3: have to worry about that bill. Without hesitation, my mother

355
00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:14,320
Speaker 3: started screaming at me at the top of her lungs

356
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,680
Speaker 3: that she has already technically paid me back since she's

357
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:20,600
Speaker 3: made six hundred dollars worth of payments, and that was

358
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,280
Speaker 3: the portion of her insurance I paid for, and so

359
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,280
Speaker 3: now I should be covering my own insurance moving forward.

360
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,240
Speaker 3: I told her multiple times I didn't ask for any

361
00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,560
Speaker 3: of the money she owed me for those six months,

362
00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:34,880
Speaker 3: and she didn't have to stress about bills for six months,

363
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Speaker 3: so why is she doing this to me while I'm

364
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:41,080
Speaker 3: eight months pregnant, not working, and living two hours away

365
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:44,040
Speaker 3: preparing for a baby. I tried to de escalate the situation,

366
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,720
Speaker 3: but all my mother said was that I don't know

367
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:49,280
Speaker 3: how it works when I'm paying someone back. And I

368
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:52,160
Speaker 3: technically got paid back because she made three payments, which

369
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,360
Speaker 3: equals six hundred dollars for her portion of the insurance,

370
00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,880
Speaker 3: then claimed she never asked me to pay for it.

371
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,840
Speaker 3: We started arguing about what was right, if I should

372
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,720
Speaker 3: pay or she should pay for the remaining three months.

373
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Speaker 3: It got to the point where she started saying I

374
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Speaker 3: was ungrateful and never realize all the things she's done

375
00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,280
Speaker 3: for me. She kept calling me entitled and saying I

376
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,200
Speaker 3: don't know how to be a grown up. So that

377
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:17,120
Speaker 3: was the conversation, a red faced battle between my heavily

378
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:20,360
Speaker 3: pregnant self and my mom about what's right and fair

379
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:23,520
Speaker 3: when she has no understanding of fairness. I think my

380
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:27,120
Speaker 3: mom has self absorbed tendencies. She's always shown signs of

381
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,600
Speaker 3: growing up. But I never wanted to believe my own

382
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:32,520
Speaker 3: mother would be like that towards me, especially when I'm

383
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Speaker 3: only five weeks from giving birth and already dealing with

384
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:38,040
Speaker 3: a lot. I don't have a problem paying it if

385
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,400
Speaker 3: I have to just to keep it, but it's not fair.

386
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:43,240
Speaker 3: I do have a savings account I've been putting money into,

387
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,280
Speaker 3: but it's the principle. I tried to explain that she

388
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,680
Speaker 3: didn't have to worry about a bill for six months,

389
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,040
Speaker 3: and if she wasn't going to be able to pay

390
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 3: it or just wanted to pay the six hundred dollars

391
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:56,000
Speaker 3: she owed me, she should have discussed that back in

392
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:59,320
Speaker 3: May when the insurance came due again. My mother has

393
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,920
Speaker 3: always done things to hurt me financially, and I've never

394
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,719
Speaker 3: let it break our relationship because I love her and

395
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,000
Speaker 3: want her to be okay. I think because she knows

396
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,439
Speaker 3: I have some money saved, that my partner and I

397
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,800
Speaker 3: were saving for a house before we got pregnant, and

398
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,720
Speaker 3: sometimes dip into for bills, she thinks I'm better off

399
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,199
Speaker 3: than her and can afford it. Her main argument is

400
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,840
Speaker 3: that she doesn't want to pay anymore because she's made

401
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:23,760
Speaker 3: three payments equaling six hundred dollars, which was her portion

402
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,119
Speaker 3: of the insurance I paid, and that she lives on

403
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,879
Speaker 3: a fixed income and can't afford the monthly payment. I

404
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:32,000
Speaker 3: understand that, but I know she can she's just bad

405
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:35,720
Speaker 3: with money. She's always had financial hardships, and I've always

406
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:39,000
Speaker 3: helped when able, whether twenty dollars for gas, fifty dollars

407
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,480
Speaker 3: for house things, or the two hundred dollars for plumbing

408
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,800
Speaker 3: that she never paid back. When I brought these things

409
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,399
Speaker 3: up during the argument, she just rolled her eyes and

410
00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,600
Speaker 3: said she didn't know what I was talking about.

411
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:53,560
Speaker 2: All right, wow, your mom. She definitely it sucks. But

412
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,879
Speaker 2: this is where you're like, Okay, you really want that money.

413
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,879
Speaker 2: I mean, you know I did this. You know, you

414
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,439
Speaker 2: called her out and you're like, hey, like what's going on?

415
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,320
Speaker 2: And then she got all like huffy and puffy about it.

416
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,080
Speaker 2: She did something. She's definitely in a tight spot, and

417
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,439
Speaker 2: you've been helping her for so long, and you're also

418
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,120
Speaker 2: how many weeks like five weeks away? This is insane.

419
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:12,639
Speaker 2: I would be like, the last thing I want to

420
00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:17,359
Speaker 2: do is rile up my pregnant daughter about to give birth.

421
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,760
Speaker 2: It's one of those things. And we get these stories

422
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:20,560
Speaker 2: a lot where if it comes to like money, and

423
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:22,240
Speaker 2: especially if you do like a monthly payment, and it's

424
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,760
Speaker 2: just like a verbal agreement, you need a document or

425
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,560
Speaker 2: like something I have the receipts or something. As long

426
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,359
Speaker 2: as you keep the receipts, that should be like, what

427
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:30,840
Speaker 2: do you mean, what are you talking about? In this case,

428
00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,639
Speaker 2: we don't have any receipts. If you can't pay it,

429
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:33,200
Speaker 2: pay it.

430
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,760
Speaker 3: The argument got to the point that I was so hurt.

431
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:37,960
Speaker 3: I couldn't believe she could do this to me, her

432
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,280
Speaker 3: own daughter. I told her I didn't want her at

433
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,879
Speaker 3: my baby shower and for her not to attend. Here's

434
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,200
Speaker 3: the problem. All my baby shower registry gifts have gone

435
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:50,040
Speaker 3: to her house because that's the address on my Amazon account.

436
00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:51,920
Speaker 4: Oh no, oh no.

437
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:54,240
Speaker 3: I went into her room to grab them, and she

438
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:57,360
Speaker 3: followed me, trying to say I couldn't take them when

439
00:18:57,359 --> 00:19:01,280
Speaker 3: they're my baby shower gifts for my baby. My mother

440
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:04,440
Speaker 3: claimed it's her friends from New York and her family

441
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,919
Speaker 3: sending things, so she has a right to decide if

442
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:10,639
Speaker 3: I receive them or not. But it's my grandmother, my aunt,

443
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:14,639
Speaker 3: and my cousins sending my baby these gifts. I also

444
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:17,880
Speaker 3: have multiple cards and gift cards coming in the mail

445
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,919
Speaker 3: to her house that I know almost likely not receive

446
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,479
Speaker 3: unless my sister, who lives with her, gets them first.

447
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,760
Speaker 3: I hate thinking this way about my mother. But a

448
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,880
Speaker 3: year ago, on my birthday, when me and my mom

449
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:32,280
Speaker 3: weren't speaking, my grandmother sent me a card with fifty dollars,

450
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,159
Speaker 3: and my mother took it. When I asked for it,

451
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,720
Speaker 3: she said it was gone. She spent it, and I

452
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,000
Speaker 3: didn't deserve that money. So I wouldn't put it past

453
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,560
Speaker 3: her to deliberately get rid of them, throw them away,

454
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:44,800
Speaker 3: or if there are gift cards or cash, use them herself.

455
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,840
Speaker 3: My mother has always been vengeful and spiteful when her

456
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,720
Speaker 3: feelings are hurt, even though she doesn't care about destroying

457
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,560
Speaker 3: anybody else's feelings, and then wonders why me and my

458
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,240
Speaker 3: sister don't have a good relationship with her. Am I

459
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,440
Speaker 3: the a hole for uninviting my mother to my baby

460
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,040
Speaker 3: shower that's only a week away due to her bringing

461
00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:04,159
Speaker 3: up our car insurance policy that she's technically supposed to

462
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,399
Speaker 3: be paying. Am I the a hole for not wanting

463
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,440
Speaker 3: her there? I mean, you're definitely not the a hole

464
00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:09,120
Speaker 3: for doing.

465
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,720
Speaker 2: No, no, no no, But it's just dealing with this.

466
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,159
Speaker 3: It sounds like a great time to go low to

467
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,480
Speaker 3: no contact with this woman, though.

468
00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:18,479
Speaker 2: I feel like it's the height of like the tension

469
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:22,480
Speaker 2: between that the insurance paying or the payments. You're like, hey,

470
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,760
Speaker 2: because you definitely still love your mom. She's just being

471
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,600
Speaker 2: over the top petty and dramatic and be like, hey,

472
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,760
Speaker 2: I'm about to have a baby, and I feel like

473
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,600
Speaker 2: when you do have the grandchild or her grandchild and

474
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,560
Speaker 2: you have your baby, I feel like she might take

475
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,320
Speaker 2: a couple steps back and be like, Okay, maybe I

476
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,040
Speaker 2: was being unreasonable. I want to see the baby. I

477
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:41,720
Speaker 2: accidentally told my mother my baby's gender. Now my life

478
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,000
Speaker 2: is in chaos.

479
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:44,800
Speaker 3: Baby gender reveals never go good.

480
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,479
Speaker 2: Our little background, my husband twenty nine male, and I

481
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,200
Speaker 2: twenty four female, are having our first baby the spring.

482
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,720
Speaker 2: In December, we had our anatomy scan, which is the

483
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,159
Speaker 2: ultrasound where they measure baby and all the organs to

484
00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:57,880
Speaker 2: check if baby will survive outside my body and where

485
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,560
Speaker 2: you can find out the gender. Thankfully, this scan came

486
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,120
Speaker 2: perfectly and we were thrilled to find out we were

487
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 2: having a girl. By the way, this comes from a

488
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:09,159
Speaker 2: user Adriot for Life, and my name is Keon. That's Carle,

489
00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,280
Speaker 2: and that I'm Sophia. My mother in law has been

490
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,840
Speaker 2: passing away to find out the gender of her first

491
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:17,640
Speaker 2: Grandpa Beee, but my husband told me she's old fashioned

492
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,239
Speaker 2: and would prefer we tell her in person rather than

493
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,439
Speaker 2: through text. My mom and bio dad didn't care how

494
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:25,080
Speaker 2: they found out. The appointment was Wednesday, and we had

495
00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:28,240
Speaker 2: a family gathering at mother in law's house. That's Saturday.

496
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:31,120
Speaker 2: Since I was still exhausted and my husband didn't want

497
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 2: to tell his mom without me present, we agreed to

498
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 2: wait until Saturday. I was really excited about the gender

499
00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 2: and wanted to tell someone, so I texted my mom

500
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:43,480
Speaker 2: with strict instructions that no one else knew yet and

501
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:47,439
Speaker 2: she should keep quiet. She agreed. Big mistake. On Thursday,

502
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 2: I posted on the Blue letting friends know that the

503
00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:53,000
Speaker 2: anatomy scan went great and that i'd update everyone on

504
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 2: the genders Saturday afternoon. I added our initial guesses and

505
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:59,159
Speaker 2: asked people to comment with their predictions. That's when all

506
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:02,439
Speaker 2: heck bro loose. When you entrust someone with the secret,

507
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:05,879
Speaker 2: you expect them to pretend they know nothing. Instead, she

508
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:09,159
Speaker 2: commented on my post, essentially rubbing in people's faces that

509
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,520
Speaker 2: she knew I know the gender of the baby. He

510
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:14,000
Speaker 2: he but I know I'm not allowed to tell anyone,

511
00:22:14,119 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 2: so I'll respect that I was in a meeting with

512
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,199
Speaker 2: no signal when she posted this. When I left the building,

513
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,480
Speaker 2: I was greeted by a text from my mother in law,

514
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:24,679
Speaker 2: upset that my mom knew the gender and she didn't.

515
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:27,200
Speaker 2: I explained we were planning to tell her in person Saturday,

516
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,359
Speaker 2: that I hadn't felt up to a phone call. She

517
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,439
Speaker 2: refused to listen and began demanding I tell her the

518
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:36,000
Speaker 2: gender right then over text. When I showed my husband

519
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 2: bless his soul, he told me not to give in

520
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:41,920
Speaker 2: to her demands. She could wait until Saturday. The following Friday,

521
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,280
Speaker 2: my mom and stepdad were moving across the country for

522
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 2: his job. I stopped by to help and told my

523
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,440
Speaker 2: mom that when I said not to tell anyone, I

524
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:50,680
Speaker 2: also meant not to tell people that she knew. Maybe

525
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 2: I was assuming too much, but I thought that was obvious.

526
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:56,560
Speaker 2: He apologize and I accepted it. However, later that day

527
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 2: she asked if we had a name picked out. I

528
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:00,560
Speaker 2: said we had a first name, but not a middle

529
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 2: name yet. She asked me to tell her, and I

530
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:04,960
Speaker 2: said no, we weren't announcing the name until after the

531
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,119
Speaker 2: baby is born. She seemed to drop it until she

532
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:10,080
Speaker 2: asked again I repeated my answer now. The next day,

533
00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,600
Speaker 2: when my husband and I stopped by, she asked about

534
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,159
Speaker 2: the name again right before we left, and she said again.

535
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,200
Speaker 2: At that point, I was done. My pregnancy brain makes

536
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,920
Speaker 2: me struggle with words, especially when I need the most.

537
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:22,720
Speaker 2: What I meant to say was the last time we

538
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:25,719
Speaker 2: shared important information, it leaked that someone knew about it.

539
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,120
Speaker 2: We don't want that to happen again. Instead, what came

540
00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:30,720
Speaker 2: out was sorry, but you kind of broke my trust,

541
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,119
Speaker 2: which honestly I did feel like did break my trust.

542
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:34,959
Speaker 2: He went home and my mom stopped talking to me

543
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 2: for a week. She finally called and absolutely flipped out

544
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 2: at me. If you're saying she'd broken my trust, you

545
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,520
Speaker 2: claim that me saying that compared her to her ex

546
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,680
Speaker 2: husband my bio dad, which she did on her multiple times.

547
00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 2: She also said if I told her we didn't want

548
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,119
Speaker 2: to share the name, she would have accepted it and

549
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:53,520
Speaker 2: not asked again, which you did.

550
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:54,720
Speaker 3: Four or five times.

551
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,919
Speaker 2: She literally asked me three times after I initially said no,

552
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,520
Speaker 2: continuing to ask after being told no, Oh is not

553
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:03,520
Speaker 2: accepting the answer. To top it all off, she chastised

554
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,919
Speaker 2: me about not telling my mother in law the gender

555
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 2: at the same time I told her, Even though I

556
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:11,280
Speaker 2: explained the full story when I initially told my mom

557
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:14,360
Speaker 2: about mother in law's demanding behavior, she replied, good for him.

558
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:16,400
Speaker 2: You don't get to play victim and lie about this

559
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,119
Speaker 2: when it's convenient. Then came the cherry on top. She

560
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:21,640
Speaker 2: threatened to go no contact with me and said she'd

561
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,960
Speaker 2: been planning to move across the country and never talk

562
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,480
Speaker 2: to me again over this. As I tried to talk,

563
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:29,880
Speaker 2: she kept arguing over me. I finally said, Mom, I'm

564
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:31,639
Speaker 2: not gonna sit here and argue with you. I was

565
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,040
Speaker 2: trying to add I expect us to handle this calmly

566
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,800
Speaker 2: like adults, but she cut me off and said, if

567
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 2: you hang up on me, that's it. I'm done. I

568
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 2: will never talk to you again, even though she hadn't

569
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:43,440
Speaker 2: let me finish. My phone was on the lowest volume,

570
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,520
Speaker 2: but my husband could still hear every word from the

571
00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:49,680
Speaker 2: next seat because she was screaming that loudly. His jaw

572
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 2: was on the floor. After I got her calm down,

573
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:55,240
Speaker 2: he said, is it bad that I'm suddenly glad she's

574
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 2: moving across the country. My mom thinks we all worked

575
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,560
Speaker 2: it all out and has been texting like nothing. I've

576
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:03,359
Speaker 2: only answered necessary text because I honestly don't want to

577
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,520
Speaker 2: talk to her right now. Part of me never wants

578
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,440
Speaker 2: to talk to her again. The way she flipped out

579
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,439
Speaker 2: was so immature. I'm starting to be thankful she and

580
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:13,200
Speaker 2: my biodad divorced. He's learned from his mistakes and cleaned

581
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,480
Speaker 2: up his life. He's a good man, and I'm glad

582
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 2: he didn't spend the last nineteen years with a woman

583
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:20,679
Speaker 2: who throws tantrum. That's how I end up sharing the

584
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 2: gender of my unborn granddaughter with my mom first, which

585
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 2: created this whole mess. I hope I never treat my

586
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 2: daughter the way she treated me. After reading everyone's responses,

587
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,480
Speaker 2: I'm wondering if I do need to go no contact.

588
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,840
Speaker 2: Up until now, this was just my mom's behavior that

589
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 2: I've dealt with my entire life. But seeing your perspectives

590
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,600
Speaker 2: made me realize how sad it was that I accepted

591
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 2: this as the norm. I decided to reach out to

592
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 2: my biodad for a neutral perspective from someone familiar with

593
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 2: my mom's behavior pattern. Fortunately, my mom's beef with my

594
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 2: dad is entirely one sided. She holds grudges while he's

595
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:55,720
Speaker 2: long come to peace with their divorce. I'm hoping his

596
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,960
Speaker 2: perspective will help me decide where to go from here.

597
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 2: And we have a second update. We're going straight into it.

598
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:02,399
Speaker 2: My Papa got back to me and we had a

599
00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:04,440
Speaker 2: heart to heart. He told me my grandma had been

600
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,200
Speaker 2: a really toxic parent to my mom and her sister's

601
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:11,959
Speaker 2: gaslighting them their entire lives. Ah, we see where it

602
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 2: came from. Though I think she's mellowed with age. I

603
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,879
Speaker 2: can totally see the gaslighting, toxicity and manipulation in my

604
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,000
Speaker 2: grandma's personality. He said, even when he and my mom

605
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:24,359
Speaker 2: were married, there was gaslighting in manipulation from her end.

606
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 2: He never blamed her because he knew it was how

607
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 2: she was raised that wasn't the cause of their problems

608
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 2: in their marriage. He told me stories of manipulative things

609
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,720
Speaker 2: my mom did after the divorce that left me surprised,

610
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,800
Speaker 2: but also unsurprised. Things I could one hundred percent see

611
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 2: her doing. My first question was whether I'd ever shown

612
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 2: signs of gaslighting in manipulation. Thankfully, he said no. He

613
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 2: hated that I was raised in that environment, but I

614
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 2: was glad I was finally seeing it so I could

615
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,640
Speaker 2: break the cycle with my baby girl. His advice included

616
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,080
Speaker 2: four option Option oh no, suck it up and pretend

617
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 2: it never happened, like my mom's doing. He didn't recommend this,

618
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:56,800
Speaker 2: having seen how it took a toll on my mom

619
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:58,919
Speaker 2: when she did this with my grandma. It's like, all right,

620
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:00,440
Speaker 2: let's thee the other options that we get. So option

621
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 2: number two. Talk to my mom and tell her something

622
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,480
Speaker 2: did happen and we need to discuss it. We both

623
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 2: agreed this would just result in her victimizing herself and

624
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:12,080
Speaker 2: ignoring how her actions affected me. Option three continue what

625
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:14,879
Speaker 2: I've been doing, only answering necessary text and telling her

626
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 2: ided space if she notices our relationship has changed. He

627
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 2: recommended this option. The option number four, go no contact,

628
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:23,119
Speaker 2: but he emphasized it doesn't have to be forever. He

629
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:25,960
Speaker 2: very much did not recommend permanent no contact. Reminded me

630
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,159
Speaker 2: that once my mom passes, my brain will forget the

631
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 2: bad things and I'll only remember I lost so much

632
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 2: time with my mom. My dad thank me for reaching

633
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:34,919
Speaker 2: out instead of doing something I'd regret. He said. If

634
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 2: I choose no contact or low contact, I wouldn't be

635
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:39,760
Speaker 2: stooping to my mom's level. He reminded me that unborn

636
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 2: babies can feel their mother's emotions. If I'm stressed, the

637
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 2: baby's stressed. Protecting my feelings ultimately protects the baby's feelings,

638
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,440
Speaker 2: making me a good mom even before she's born. When

639
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:51,560
Speaker 2: my husband got off work, I told him the issue

640
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 2: was still bothering me and shared what my dad said.

641
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,200
Speaker 2: He told me, no matter what I choose, he backed

642
00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,439
Speaker 2: me up. After thinking it over, I decided to go

643
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 2: no contact with my mom until my daughter is born,

644
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:05,159
Speaker 2: so I can hopefully spend this last trimester stress free again.

645
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:06,919
Speaker 2: Do what's best for you, and if you think no

646
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,040
Speaker 2: contact is the best, do it. We won't tell her

647
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:11,240
Speaker 2: when we're heading to the hospital. She'll learn when the

648
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 2: baby's born at the same time as everyone else through

649
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,160
Speaker 2: our social media on twenty eight weeks now, and I'm

650
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,680
Speaker 2: hoping once she's born in ten to twelve weeks, I'll

651
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,119
Speaker 2: be healed enough to continue our relationship. I won't stop

652
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,520
Speaker 2: her and my stepdad from flying out to meet the baby.

653
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 2: That would be cruel, and it will give me a

654
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,040
Speaker 2: chance to see if I'm ready to move forward. We

655
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 2: have a third update. After three months of temporary no contact,

656
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 2: I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl and decided

657
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:35,280
Speaker 2: to let my parents meet her. They flew in and

658
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,639
Speaker 2: met her at my grandparents' house. I didn't feel comfortable

659
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 2: having them in our home and meeting elsewhere. Gave us

660
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 2: freedom to leave if things went south. The meeting went fine,

661
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 2: but things went south later. I had sent a respectful message.

662
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 2: My husband confirmed this, expressing that I wanted to be

663
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,880
Speaker 2: treated as a fellow adult and mother, not as a child.

664
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,720
Speaker 2: My mother immediately called me controlling. I extended my no

665
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 2: contact to process this, and that's when my brain finally

666
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 2: let me remember ye years and years of gaslighting and

667
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 2: manipulation from when I was younger, patterns I guess my

668
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,440
Speaker 2: mind had protected me from until I or it felt

669
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 2: safe to process them. After another four months, I sent

670
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 2: one final message, the Last Chance. I laid out exactly

671
00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:17,680
Speaker 2: what happened, why I was frustrated, and what I needed

672
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 2: to move forward. Acknowledgment, willingness to understand why stuff back,

673
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:24,440
Speaker 2: and sincere accountability. I hope for a reality check, but

674
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 2: didn't expect it. Unfortunately, my expectations were spot on. My

675
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,400
Speaker 2: stepdad's response included gems like your mom is just as

676
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,479
Speaker 2: hard as you are. It would have been nice if

677
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 2: you had extended your trust to her. You sent that

678
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 2: message to inflict maximum harm. You purposely carry out hateful behavior.

679
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 2: The only way we can repair a relationship is if

680
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:45,160
Speaker 2: you apologize to us. Have you asked God if it

681
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:47,719
Speaker 2: was okay to ignore our messages? And I expect you

682
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:50,280
Speaker 2: to apologize for how you treated us. I was genuinely

683
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:53,120
Speaker 2: hoping our relationship could be saved, but it's gone. I

684
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 2: immediately blocked them both on all platforms. They are no

685
00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 2: longer welcome in my life or my daughter's life. My

686
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 2: husband can choose whether to keep the on any of

687
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 2: the social media, though I asked that if he does,

688
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,200
Speaker 2: he just he adjusts privacy settings so they can't see

689
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,720
Speaker 2: posts about me or the baby. Sometimes I fear I

690
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,280
Speaker 2: was unreasonable, but my husband reassured me that if he

691
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 2: thought I was wrong, he would have told me. My

692
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 2: daughter will grow up watching how I let people treat me,

693
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 2: and I refuse to let her believe that being walked over,

694
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 2: especially by those who claim to care, is acceptable. The

695
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 2: only way they would have repaired our relationship was if

696
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:26,880
Speaker 2: I dropped my boundaries and submitted to them at least

697
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 2: I have closure knowing I did everything I could and

698
00:30:29,680 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 2: that is the know that story, and I agree, well no, yeah,

699
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 2: there's not much more you can do. You literally asked you,

700
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:37,960
Speaker 2: flat out told him, Hey, this is what I want

701
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 2: and if you can't meet that.

702
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,440
Speaker 3: I really wanted the information on how it went with

703
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:43,280
Speaker 3: the mother in law's side of things.

704
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.

705
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 2: But here's three minutes bads from our sponsors.

706
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 4: I refuse to support my sister after she migrated. Now

707
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:52,880
Speaker 4: she's furious.

708
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 2: Well, sis, that's a miss ooh.

709
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,800
Speaker 4: I forty mail emigrated from the UK to Australia several

710
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 4: years ago to live with my now wife and have

711
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:06,959
Speaker 4: two lovely kids. My sister Anna forty three female, has

712
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 4: visited Australia a couple of times with her two kids,

713
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 4: who are under the age of ten, and had been

714
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 4: keen to immigrate herself, but her circumstances like career, age

715
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:19,120
Speaker 4: and low income don't permit it, so she had to

716
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:21,840
Speaker 4: let the dream go by the way. This comes from

717
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 4: user clean appointment eight three seven on the r slash

718
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,960
Speaker 4: Charlette Dobray YouTube subreddit. If you want to submit your

719
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,360
Speaker 4: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

720
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:35,480
Speaker 4: So Anna is English, a single mom living near a city,

721
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 4: and very girly. She loves pink stuff, pillows, litter, baking,

722
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:44,000
Speaker 4: and crafting. When she came for my wedding several years back,

723
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 4: she first met my wife's cousin, Mark forty nine male.

724
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 4: Mark is a true blue Aussie who wears singlets, drives

725
00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:55,400
Speaker 4: trucks and farm equipment for a living, enjoys quite a

726
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 4: few cans of fostas each evening and smokes like a

727
00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 4: chimney and is rough around the edges fair enough picture

728
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 4: the bar scene in the outback at the start of

729
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 4: Crocodile Dundee. He lives in a small rural town far

730
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 4: from everything, to be near his three kids from his

731
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:15,840
Speaker 4: previous marriage. Mark and Anna had been messaging from opposite

732
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 4: sides of the world since meeting at my wedding. Recently,

733
00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 4: without telling anyone, he went to the UK to visit

734
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 4: her for a week. Shortly after that trip, they told

735
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 4: me that during this week together they confessed their love

736
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,280
Speaker 4: for each other. It's so sweet.

737
00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 2: That's like long distance relationship to the max, Like I'm

738
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 2: doing a long dist relationship. That's two hours away. I

739
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 2: can't imagine like half the world away.

740
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 4: Literally on the other side of the planet.

741
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:46,520
Speaker 2: Right. Thank god for the Internet.

742
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 4: You know. Well, we'll see if this turns out to

743
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:53,640
Speaker 4: be beneficial. I was surprised they'd only spent a few

744
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 4: days physically together, and Mark's rough demeanor seemed the opposite

745
00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,040
Speaker 4: of what Anna would go for. They appeared to be

746
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,719
Speaker 4: a very odd fit, like the story of Overboard with

747
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:06,960
Speaker 4: Goldie Hawn. I told myself that even though they'd only

748
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 4: been together briefly, they'd been messaging for years. After all,

749
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 4: my relationship with my now wife was long distance until

750
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 4: I emigrated too. I hope their differences would be their strengths,

751
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 4: and that Anna had seen the man beneath the exterior,

752
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 4: and that Mark would help her relax and be less demanding.

753
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 4: Very quickly, I was informed that Anna was emigrating to Australia.

754
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,240
Speaker 4: She would apply for a partner visa with Mark since

755
00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 4: she was now in a relationship with an Australian citizen.

756
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 4: This was incredibly fast. Having done it myself, emigrating is massive,

757
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:43,920
Speaker 4: moving your entire life, especially with two kids, and for

758
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:47,240
Speaker 4: a very new relationship. I was concerned it would all

759
00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 4: go wrong, but they're both adults and I hoped it

760
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 4: would be good for them both. I was worried for

761
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 4: myself too. I had a quiet, happy, relaxed life in

762
00:33:55,640 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 4: Australia and Anna can bring drama. She'd brought ten before

763
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 4: when visiting, being moody and giving the silent treatment when

764
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:06,280
Speaker 4: not getting what she wants. When she came from my wedding,

765
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:08,799
Speaker 4: we took her to a beachside town and she got

766
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:12,279
Speaker 4: moody because it wasn't what she was hoping for. The

767
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,240
Speaker 4: tension made my wife really uncomfortable days before our wedding.

768
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:17,960
Speaker 4: But since they were going to live with Mark several

769
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 4: hours away, I figured it'd be okay. Bose enough to visit,

770
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 4: but not every day together. They paid for the flights

771
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:28,919
Speaker 4: and shipping her furniture and pet cat, though I heard

772
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,880
Speaker 4: later that Mark covered most costs due to Anna's low income.

773
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 4: Mark flew to the UK to meet them, helped pack,

774
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 4: and then took the flight back to Australia a few

775
00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:41,240
Speaker 4: days later, two back to back twenty four hour flights.

776
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:45,080
Speaker 4: Anna had sold most of their possessions to fund expenses,

777
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:48,120
Speaker 4: except for items being shipped over as soon as they

778
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 4: landed in Australia. They stayed overnight at my house before

779
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:56,440
Speaker 4: continuing to Mark's place. The atmosphere was immediately tense, and

780
00:34:56,560 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 4: Anna was very grumpy with Mark already. Eh oh, no.

781
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:04,800
Speaker 2: Like this is so fast.

782
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 5: Like I get that they're talking on the internet for

783
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:11,400
Speaker 5: however many months, but there's such a different energy when

784
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:15,239
Speaker 5: you're like speaking with someone on the internet and when

785
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,040
Speaker 5: you meet them in person. It's kind of like how

786
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,759
Speaker 5: when you meet someone on zoom and you see them

787
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:22,400
Speaker 5: in person, it's like, oh, I didn't realize you're that tall.

788
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:26,400
Speaker 4: Right, exactly. And it's also probably pretty intense after moving

789
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 4: your entire life to the other side of the world.

790
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:29,200
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

791
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:32,800
Speaker 4: She told me it was stress and fear from having

792
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 4: just immigrated. I was absolutely overjoyed when I emigrated, but

793
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:39,919
Speaker 4: everyone's different, so I dismissed it, though I worried about

794
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:42,719
Speaker 4: how cold she was with him. She really seemed to

795
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:46,319
Speaker 4: dislike Mark, and I knew he loved her, even when

796
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 4: he sat next to her and held her hand when

797
00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:50,359
Speaker 4: she was stressed. I could see she didn't want him

798
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 4: to she loved living in Australia. To help her settle in,

799
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 4: Mark gave her free reign to redecorate his home. She

800
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 4: repainted the kid's bedrooms and bought furniture and nicer clothes

801
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:05,400
Speaker 4: for Mark, but quickly it became clear their relationship wasn't

802
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:09,880
Speaker 4: going great. She'd been sleeping on the floor since arriving.

803
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 4: He'd call me periodically upset about their latest argument, mostly

804
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:18,719
Speaker 4: culture shock stuff. Mark lives like a rural Australian, which

805
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:22,839
Speaker 4: clashed with the organized, clean household she's used to. Mark

806
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 4: called me two upset at how cold she was being.

807
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,719
Speaker 4: He loved her, but she wouldn't even cuddle or kiss

808
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 4: him since arriving. This really reads like she was just

809
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:36,640
Speaker 4: doing this to get like the immigration status in Australia.

810
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:39,400
Speaker 2: You know what, this reminds me of ninety Day Fiance.

811
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:43,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah's exactly one season, but it's exactly like a

812
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 5: ninety Day Fiance story. They do their Internet talking, they

813
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:49,520
Speaker 5: do whatever they can to get to the country. Once

814
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 5: they're in person, there's there's there's such a shift in

815
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,920
Speaker 5: their communication and their personality. Yeah, it seems like she

816
00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:00,760
Speaker 5: either just wanted to get there or wanted the says treatment,

817
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 5: and like the princess treatment isn't what she.

818
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 2: Got from her rural uzzy boyfriend.

819
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 4: Christmas came a few weeks after she arrived. I had

820
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:12,920
Speaker 4: previously told Anna she could stay at my place with

821
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:15,759
Speaker 4: her kids for Christmas Day, thinking it was odd she

822
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,120
Speaker 4: didn't want to spend her first Christmas in Australia with

823
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:21,440
Speaker 4: the man she loves. Closer to the time, I changed

824
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:24,040
Speaker 4: my mind, and this may make me the a hole here.

825
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,880
Speaker 4: I was already hosting some of my wife's family overnight

826
00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 4: just before Christmas, putting on Christmas dinner for over thirty people,

827
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:32,319
Speaker 4: and then Anna and her kids would arrive the same

828
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 4: day my existing guests were leaving. The thought of changing

829
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:39,280
Speaker 4: all the rooms and cooking another Christmas dinner within days

830
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 4: seemed overwhelming. My kids were unsettled, and my wife and

831
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 4: I were overstressed. As a middle ground, I suggested Anna

832
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:49,279
Speaker 4: and her kids and Mark stay in my sister in

833
00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:53,160
Speaker 4: law's empty house four minutes away from mine. Anna and

834
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 4: her kids had visited there before, they could come over

835
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 4: as soon as they got up on Christmas morning to

836
00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 4: hang with us. I would still do dinner for them,

837
00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:02,280
Speaker 4: but it would be more helpful for my little family

838
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:07,360
Speaker 4: if they didn't sleep here too. Anna blew up. She

839
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:11,240
Speaker 4: accused me of canceling Christmas entirely and refused the offer

840
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:14,879
Speaker 4: of staying nearby. In a quote unquote strange house, then

841
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 4: ignored my messages. She said she was going to stay

842
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,880
Speaker 4: with Mark's family instead and wouldn't come to Mind for

843
00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:24,160
Speaker 4: Christmas at all. Well, I guess you got what you want.

844
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 4: She spending Christmas with her husband?

845
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:30,799
Speaker 5: Why is she acting like that's such an inconvenience for

846
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 5: op Like, it's it's not like Opie was to cook

847
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 5: two Christmas dinners, right, he was trying to accommodate his sister.

848
00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:43,239
Speaker 5: And then when she doesn't like the accommodation, it's like,

849
00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:44,919
Speaker 5: well then fine, I'm not coming after all.

850
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 2: Boohoo, sucks for you. And it's like no, no, you're

851
00:38:48,080 --> 00:38:48,799
Speaker 2: the one who wanted this.

852
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like okay, well I guess I'm confused, but

853
00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 4: uh go spend it with your Australian boyfriend and his family.

854
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 4: That's probably probably a good idea.

855
00:39:01,400 --> 00:39:04,759
Speaker 5: Who she claims to love? Remind room who paid for

856
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:06,400
Speaker 5: her to move to discussions.

857
00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:11,399
Speaker 4: Who you claim to love? I invited her to visit

858
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:13,960
Speaker 4: when she wanted, since they were so close by, but

859
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:17,480
Speaker 4: she didn't reply. As bad luck would have it, My wife, kids,

860
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:21,440
Speaker 4: and I all got gastro on Christmas Day, so she

861
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 4: wouldn't have been able to come over anyway. She did

862
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 4: come by on Boxing Day briefly to collect the presence

863
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 4: we bought them. All Over the following months, I gave

864
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,560
Speaker 4: both of them advice over the phone when they'd call

865
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 4: after arguments. They both seem completely hung up on their

866
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:37,920
Speaker 4: own feelings and unable to consider the other person's perspective,

867
00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:41,080
Speaker 4: so I saw it as a communication issue. Anna had

868
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 4: packed up her life and moved across the world and

869
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 4: was stressed, while Mark had put thousands into moving this

870
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 4: woman into his home who was now treating him like

871
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 4: a stranger. I usually encouraged them to see the best

872
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:54,720
Speaker 4: in each other, communicate without judgment, and work on thinking

873
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:57,640
Speaker 4: about each other instead of themselves. I really tried to

874
00:39:57,640 --> 00:40:00,680
Speaker 4: be impartial and encourage them to make things work. They

875
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:04,000
Speaker 4: told me they were in love. After all, Anna needed

876
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:06,560
Speaker 4: me as a witness in the visa application, so despite

877
00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 4: everything they were telling me about their relationship, she needed

878
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:13,879
Speaker 4: me to write a supporting statement. Not convinced, I called

879
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 4: my sister to ask about their relationship. I wasn't going

880
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:18,840
Speaker 4: to say they were a couple if they really weren't.

881
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:22,120
Speaker 4: I asked Anna straight out if she loved Mark, and

882
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:26,239
Speaker 4: she said she did. I thought, what, you haven't said

883
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 4: one nice thing about him in months, and you never

884
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 4: kiss or guddle her old hands, all the big trio

885
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:33,720
Speaker 4: of loving someone.

886
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:37,600
Speaker 2: Who does she think she's fooling?

887
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:41,360
Speaker 4: I don't know. It's like, very very transparent, what's happening

888
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 4: right now? Mark told me separately that they were definitely

889
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:48,840
Speaker 4: not together, and Anna had never told him that she

890
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,479
Speaker 4: loves him since he first visited her in the UK.

891
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 4: All affection from her had stopped before he even went

892
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:57,440
Speaker 4: to help them move. Yet Anna was telling me she

893
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:01,839
Speaker 4: loves him and they were in a relationship, an imperfect relationship,

894
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:05,720
Speaker 4: but a relationship. Nonetheless. I dragged my heels deciding whether

895
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 4: to do a statement. Over just a few months became

896
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:11,399
Speaker 4: clear Mark was convinced Anna had lied about loving him

897
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 4: and was just using him to get a visa. He

898
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:16,960
Speaker 4: still didn't want to punt them out because he wanted

899
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 4: the best for Anna's two kids, so he intended to

900
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:22,800
Speaker 4: grin and bear his way through the years the visa

901
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:27,400
Speaker 4: process would take. Mark was already dependent on Booze and

902
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:30,279
Speaker 4: his father had recently passed away and his feelings sent

903
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:33,839
Speaker 4: him into a downward spiral. He was drinking a lot

904
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:36,399
Speaker 4: each evening and arguing with Anna about how she had

905
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:39,400
Speaker 4: used him. Anna said the image Mark had painted of

906
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:43,560
Speaker 4: himself over their texts as a clean, tidy gentleman was

907
00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 4: all a lie. When she realized he wasn't that, she

908
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:52,320
Speaker 4: felt catfished and shut down. She said he was a rude, dirty, discriminatory,

909
00:41:52,480 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 4: crass mean man either way. Once in Australia, Anna didn't

910
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,960
Speaker 4: want a relationship with Mark, but was either sticking around

911
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:01,840
Speaker 4: for the visa or trying to make it work. Mark's

912
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:04,239
Speaker 4: claim is that she knew she didn't want the relationship

913
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:07,640
Speaker 4: before leaving and just did it for the visa. Anna's

914
00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:09,759
Speaker 4: is that she did want the relationship but changed her

915
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:14,160
Speaker 4: mind after arriving. Before long, Anna called, saying the house

916
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:17,360
Speaker 4: was toxic and Mark would drink too much and regularly

917
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:20,600
Speaker 4: scream at her, and she was walking on eggshells, so

918
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:23,320
Speaker 4: she needed to leave and go back to the UK urgently.

919
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:25,880
Speaker 4: While Mark was at work, she packed and drove to

920
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:28,640
Speaker 4: my house, which is nearer to the airport. She didn't

921
00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 4: tell Mark she was leaving so to make sure he

922
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:32,800
Speaker 4: didn't come home to an empty house and be surprised.

923
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:35,319
Speaker 4: I called him to warn him they'd all left while

924
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:38,560
Speaker 4: he was at work. That seemed the decent thing to do. Brother,

925
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 4: that's neither here nor there. I had asked Anna to

926
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:45,359
Speaker 4: let him know, but she wouldn't talk to him. Mark

927
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 4: was devastated. No longer in relationship, her permission to be

928
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:50,920
Speaker 4: in the country was no longer valid, so she had

929
00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 4: to leave as soon as possible. Anna and the kids

930
00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:56,600
Speaker 4: stayed with me for four days while she sorted return flights.

931
00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 4: I helped her pack, took him to the airport, and

932
00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:02,399
Speaker 4: said goodbye. It was such a shame to end that way.

933
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,440
Speaker 4: After they left, I messaged them a little over the

934
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:08,319
Speaker 4: next week, just a couple of messages in a video call.

935
00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:11,320
Speaker 4: They were staying with friends and then a hostel, applying

936
00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:14,120
Speaker 4: for new places to stay, and Anna got her old

937
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:17,280
Speaker 4: job back. After the first week, though I didn't message

938
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:19,800
Speaker 4: again for the next three weeks, I was pretty busy

939
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:21,840
Speaker 4: with my own life and so relieved that all the

940
00:43:21,920 --> 00:43:24,319
Speaker 4: drama was gone and I could focus on getting my

941
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:27,760
Speaker 4: own little family back to normal living the on opposite

942
00:43:27,760 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 4: sides of the world. Such a gap in contact wasn't

943
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:33,520
Speaker 4: unusual for us, although I accept she would have been

944
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:36,800
Speaker 4: in a stressful situation of having to rebuild her life.

945
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:39,279
Speaker 4: This is his sisters, so like, where are we at

946
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:43,320
Speaker 4: emotionally here? He's just like, I'm glad I have my piece. Yeah.

947
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:46,640
Speaker 5: I think he's trying to do the best for both

948
00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,920
Speaker 5: parties because he's got a vested interest because Mark is

949
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 5: related to his wife, and then this is either Noser

950
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 5: is related to his wife, right, and so this is

951
00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 5: his sister. So he's got a vested interest because he's

952
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:00,840
Speaker 5: gonna have to interact with these people no matter what

953
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:04,960
Speaker 5: some point in his life. It's it's remarkable to me

954
00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:08,200
Speaker 5: how little he talks about how it's affecting his family

955
00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:11,239
Speaker 5: and his own sanity in this. Yeah, because there's there's

956
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:14,040
Speaker 5: gotta be something weighing on it, like you can't you

957
00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 5: can't play referee without this personally affecting you. I think

958
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:21,240
Speaker 5: that maybe also he's just used to his sister being

959
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:21,640
Speaker 5: like this.

960
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:28,200
Speaker 4: That is probably, yeah, growing up knowing exactly how she is.

961
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:32,920
Speaker 4: I mean, but that's that's a wild, wild thing to do,

962
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 4: to just move pick up your whole life. Probably. I mean,

963
00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:38,880
Speaker 4: I'm making an assumption by saying she wanted that visa,

964
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 4: but like everything is screaming, like she just thought it

965
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:44,160
Speaker 4: was like quick in and out visa and then I

966
00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:48,040
Speaker 4: can like leave the relationship maybe and like, you know, yeah,

967
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:51,760
Speaker 4: that's not fair to Mark. But let's finish this story.

968
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:54,719
Speaker 4: After three weeks, I sent her a silly photo of

969
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 4: an English product I didn't know could be found in

970
00:44:57,120 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 4: Australia that I thought she would find funny. She didn't spond,

971
00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 4: so I left it. We messaged her on her birthday,

972
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 4: but it was left unread. Well, now she's got a

973
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 4: problem with you. Oh that's not fair. My wife reached

974
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:12,400
Speaker 4: out to her to check in, and Anna replied clearly

975
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:16,000
Speaker 4: furious with me. She blamed me for not checking in

976
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:18,719
Speaker 4: on her enough, accused me of canceling Christmas on her,

977
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:21,360
Speaker 4: and said I was siding with Mark because I always

978
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:23,920
Speaker 4: gave her advice to work on their relationship and be

979
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:27,680
Speaker 4: supportive and understanding of Mark's feelings. I mean, it would

980
00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:29,680
Speaker 4: be a pretty tough spot to know, like this girl

981
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,000
Speaker 4: that you thought you're in love with and is in

982
00:45:32,040 --> 00:45:35,319
Speaker 4: love with you, it just becomes glaringly obvious she's just

983
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 4: like not into you. And then also he lost his.

984
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 5: Dad right, and he spent thousands to get her to Australia.

985
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 5: I think the sister's clearly in the wrong, but it's

986
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 5: also not his responsibility to be checking up on her

987
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:49,960
Speaker 5: every single day.

988
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:51,799
Speaker 2: He's got his own life. You've got your own life.

989
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:52,239
Speaker 2: He's all right.

990
00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 4: I helped you enough exactly. Anna says this was me

991
00:45:57,080 --> 00:46:01,160
Speaker 4: blaming her and not Mark, who she calls the She

992
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,400
Speaker 4: hasn't spoke to me in months now? Am I the

993
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,560
Speaker 4: A hole? Did I have contacted her more? Does not

994
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:09,120
Speaker 4: checking in more make me a bad person? Was I

995
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:12,400
Speaker 4: wrong for changing the Christmas plans? Did I really side

996
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:15,239
Speaker 4: with in a Was Anna just using Mark to get

997
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:20,480
Speaker 4: a visa from the start? I think you're not really

998
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,400
Speaker 4: the a hole? You could always contact people more, but

999
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:27,719
Speaker 4: you're on the opposite sides of the planet. You didn't Yeah,

1000
00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:30,680
Speaker 4: the Christmas plans? Know you weren't wrong. I don't know.

1001
00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:33,239
Speaker 4: It sounds like he was a little he was. He

1002
00:46:33,239 --> 00:46:38,000
Speaker 4: would get intoxicated and be like vocally aggressive, which is

1003
00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:42,399
Speaker 4: not good. But like you know, he's also going through

1004
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:44,000
Speaker 4: a lot, and.

1005
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:47,120
Speaker 2: He's also living knowing that she doesn't love him.

1006
00:46:47,200 --> 00:46:50,040
Speaker 4: Right, it was just bad. It's just bad all around,

1007
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:53,000
Speaker 4: and The solution to that situation was to just clean

1008
00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:56,040
Speaker 4: cut it off. I'm going back to England, I'm going

1009
00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:59,080
Speaker 4: back to the UK. But I wouldn't say that you

1010
00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:02,520
Speaker 4: were the bad guy in the story. Just prioritize your piece.

1011
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:06,240
Speaker 4: I kept my pregnancy from my aunt. Now my family

1012
00:47:06,440 --> 00:47:10,279
Speaker 4: is in chaos. Ooh, chaos pregnancy.

1013
00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:14,759
Speaker 5: Worst kind of pregnancy. I thirty seven female, recently gave

1014
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:17,760
Speaker 5: birth in May twenty twenty five. I'll refer to myself

1015
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:21,920
Speaker 5: as M. There's extensive backstory regarding my mother's brother and

1016
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 5: his wife that led me to go low to know

1017
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:27,160
Speaker 5: contact with them about ten years ago. My aunt has

1018
00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:31,400
Speaker 5: been unkind to me since childhood, creating anxiety around family

1019
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:34,560
Speaker 5: gatherings that lasted well into adulthood. By the way, this

1020
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:37,920
Speaker 5: story comes from purple Lettuce nine six eight two on

1021
00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:40,799
Speaker 5: the r slash Dusty Thunder subreddit, and if you want

1022
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:42,800
Speaker 5: us submit your own stories, go to the r slash

1023
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:47,360
Speaker 5: Okay story time subreddit. So growing up, I preferred quiet

1024
00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:51,040
Speaker 5: birthday celebrations at home with family rather than big parties.

1025
00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:54,880
Speaker 5: I have ADHD and other children's parents judged me for it,

1026
00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:57,759
Speaker 5: which affected how their kids treated me. I felt more

1027
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:00,720
Speaker 5: comfortable staying home, having a good meal with my family,

1028
00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:03,880
Speaker 5: and playing games rather than risking judgment or having no

1029
00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:06,560
Speaker 5: one show up to a party. My aunt always had

1030
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:09,839
Speaker 5: a problem with this. On my eleventh birthday, I made

1031
00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:13,319
Speaker 5: the mistake of telling her my real plans. She interrogated

1032
00:48:13,360 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 5: me about why I wasn't hanging out with friends, pointing

1033
00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:18,919
Speaker 5: out that my cousin, three days older than me, had

1034
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:21,760
Speaker 5: all his friends over for a big party. I felt

1035
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:23,719
Speaker 5: like a failure for not wanting to hang out with

1036
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 5: the friend group that has kept me on the outside.

1037
00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:29,359
Speaker 5: I felt ashamed that I wasn't accepted enough to feel

1038
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:31,400
Speaker 5: comfortable having a big party.

1039
00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 2: It's the kid's party, it's what they want to do.

1040
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:38,200
Speaker 4: Yeah. It's like overbearing, like family member being like, well

1041
00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:40,000
Speaker 4: this kid likes this one, don't you like it this way?

1042
00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:42,480
Speaker 4: And it's like, wellyeah, because I'm a different kid, right.

1043
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:46,480
Speaker 5: It's like I feel like part of the time, the

1044
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:48,920
Speaker 5: parties are for the parents, not for the kid. Like

1045
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:50,880
Speaker 5: the parties are fun at all, but if you're not

1046
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:53,480
Speaker 5: doing what the kid wants and it's just for you, yeah,

1047
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:54,120
Speaker 5: And they're.

1048
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:56,480
Speaker 4: Just like, I'm just trying to make you a better person.

1049
00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:58,239
Speaker 4: I'm just trying to make your life better. It's like, well,

1050
00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:01,800
Speaker 4: maybe I just like I'm not feeling like the odd

1051
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:04,440
Speaker 4: man out of my own birthday party, the odd girl.

1052
00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:07,239
Speaker 5: Loud birthday parties are exhausting sometimes, you know.

1053
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:09,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, so absolutely, dude, just.

1054
00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:13,319
Speaker 2: Sleep over, low key, stay home, eat dinner, you know, Yeah, if.

1055
00:49:13,239 --> 00:49:15,600
Speaker 4: That's what you want to do. Yeah, notn the eleven

1056
00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:17,160
Speaker 4: year old do whatever they want for their birthday.

1057
00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:20,560
Speaker 5: My mother stepped in saying she just wants a quiet

1058
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:23,040
Speaker 5: birthday this year, but I never forgot how it made

1059
00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 5: me feel. From then on, my parents helped me create

1060
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:28,239
Speaker 5: stories to tell my aunt so I wouldn't be put

1061
00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:31,920
Speaker 5: down for my birthday preferences Every year brought anxiety about

1062
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:34,720
Speaker 5: messing up the story, and I'd feel relieved after getting

1063
00:49:34,760 --> 00:49:36,400
Speaker 5: off the phone without being judged.

1064
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:38,400
Speaker 2: Why do you need to make like a cover story

1065
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:40,880
Speaker 2: for your own birthday? That's so incredibly sad.

1066
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:43,000
Speaker 4: I had just stopped like letting the ant be in

1067
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:45,160
Speaker 4: charge of the birthday.

1068
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:47,400
Speaker 2: Why is the ant's feelings what matters?

1069
00:49:48,440 --> 00:49:51,400
Speaker 4: Well, you know, it's one of those things.

1070
00:49:51,480 --> 00:49:52,680
Speaker 2: Family dynamics are weird.

1071
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:53,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1072
00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:56,719
Speaker 5: Miscontinued until I was nineteen and had college friends to

1073
00:49:56,719 --> 00:50:01,040
Speaker 5: go out with family gatherings were equally anxiety. My aunt

1074
00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:05,440
Speaker 5: excelled at quick, negative digs and controversial conversation. One recurring

1075
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:08,160
Speaker 5: topic was asking my grandparents if they'd still love her

1076
00:50:08,400 --> 00:50:11,520
Speaker 5: children if they came out as attracted to the same gender,

1077
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:14,320
Speaker 5: then asking what if em told you she was attracted

1078
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:16,879
Speaker 5: to the same gender, would you still love her. She'd

1079
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:21,000
Speaker 5: also push controversial political viewpoints and interrogate us, lecturing anyone

1080
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:24,000
Speaker 5: who disagreed. The last time she indirectly asked if I

1081
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:27,040
Speaker 5: was attracted to the same gender happened at a family wedding.

1082
00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:30,560
Speaker 5: After meeting my male cousin's girlfriend, my aunt asked him

1083
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:32,920
Speaker 5: how he'd feel if I told them I was attracted

1084
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:35,960
Speaker 5: to the same gender. For the first time someone stood

1085
00:50:36,000 --> 00:50:39,000
Speaker 5: up for me, He asked, why would you ask me that?

1086
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:40,240
Speaker 5: That's a really mean question?

1087
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:44,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, Like that's this has been a failure of

1088
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:46,520
Speaker 4: like the parents to step in and be like, hey, sweetie,

1089
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:49,360
Speaker 4: just know that your aunt is like kind of a

1090
00:50:49,800 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 4: silly fool, like you don't have to take anything she

1091
00:50:52,719 --> 00:50:54,520
Speaker 4: says ever seriously.

1092
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:58,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know, this is clearly a very aunt who

1093
00:50:58,640 --> 00:51:01,200
Speaker 5: needs to control the narrative, who needs everyone to know

1094
00:51:01,239 --> 00:51:04,719
Speaker 5: what they think about them. Yeah, and it's just I

1095
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:08,080
Speaker 5: don't know how they would do this. But someone in

1096
00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:09,880
Speaker 5: the family needs to put this woman in her place,

1097
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:12,239
Speaker 5: or maybe not even in the family, just someone in

1098
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:15,360
Speaker 5: the world needs to let her know you are not

1099
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 5: the main character.

1100
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:18,719
Speaker 4: Someone please. Yeah.

1101
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:22,440
Speaker 5: The whole table agreed and the conversation dropped. I believe

1102
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:25,399
Speaker 5: she kept questioning my spicy preferences because I didn't date

1103
00:51:25,440 --> 00:51:28,280
Speaker 5: in high school at my small private Christian school, assuming

1104
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:31,080
Speaker 5: I was hiding it out of shame. The final straw

1105
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:35,560
Speaker 5: came during my nurse practitioner doctorate program. Instead of being proud,

1106
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:40,280
Speaker 5: my aunt sent articles about nurse practitioners medication errors resulting

1107
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:45,960
Speaker 5: in patient unaliving to my grandparents. When my grandparents proudly

1108
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:49,239
Speaker 5: called me doctor, she'd correct them, saying I wasn't a

1109
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:53,160
Speaker 5: real doctor. To be clear, I'm not a medical doctor.

1110
00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:56,960
Speaker 5: I have a doctorate and nursing practice a DNP. This

1111
00:51:57,040 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 5: felt like pure hatred because it is. When I was fifteen,

1112
00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:03,640
Speaker 5: she asked what I wanted to be when I grew up.

1113
00:52:03,920 --> 00:52:06,200
Speaker 5: I mentioned wanting to be a doctor or a surgeon,

1114
00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 5: and she told me I wasn't smart enough that it

1115
00:52:08,719 --> 00:52:10,319
Speaker 5: needed a four point zero, and I had a B

1116
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:15,160
Speaker 5: in math. My ADHD in autism made learning challenging, but

1117
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:19,359
Speaker 5: I'm not stupid. Unfortunately, negative comments often hurt more than

1118
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:22,880
Speaker 5: positive ones help. Though my parents and grandparents were wonderfully

1119
00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:26,680
Speaker 5: supportive cheerleaders, my aunt's mockery and teacher's comments that I

1120
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:29,520
Speaker 5: wouldn't make it at a four year university stayed in

1121
00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:31,839
Speaker 5: my head. Okay, so now it's the teachers too.

1122
00:52:32,320 --> 00:52:34,959
Speaker 4: Yeah, all the adults are failing OPI.

1123
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 5: Right now, I think what is what would have been

1124
00:52:39,080 --> 00:52:43,680
Speaker 5: more helpful than just telling OPI, no, it's okay, you're

1125
00:52:43,719 --> 00:52:46,280
Speaker 5: doing well, Like she's just crazy. They need to confront

1126
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:48,719
Speaker 5: the aunt on her behalf like the cousin did. Yeah,

1127
00:52:48,760 --> 00:52:52,720
Speaker 5: they need to tell her shut up, this is my child.

1128
00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:55,120
Speaker 5: You're not allowed to disrespect my child like that.

1129
00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:57,799
Speaker 4: Yeah, just being like why are you why why are

1130
00:52:57,840 --> 00:52:59,399
Speaker 4: you saying this? Why would you say that?

1131
00:52:59,880 --> 00:53:03,200
Speaker 5: Became an NP partly because I believed them that I

1132
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,160
Speaker 5: wasn't smart enough to be an MD. Now I know

1133
00:53:06,280 --> 00:53:08,960
Speaker 5: that's not true. When my grandparents told me what she

1134
00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:12,040
Speaker 5: was saying about my profession, I decided I didn't want

1135
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:15,440
Speaker 5: her toxicity in my life anymore. I asked my family

1136
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:18,000
Speaker 5: to stop sharing information about me with that side of

1137
00:53:18,040 --> 00:53:21,600
Speaker 5: the family. For the first time, I felt at peace.

1138
00:53:22,239 --> 00:53:25,359
Speaker 5: This decision meant separate Christmas gatherings, and I had the

1139
00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:29,920
Speaker 5: best Christmas with my family in twenty seventeen, no fear, worry,

1140
00:53:30,200 --> 00:53:33,720
Speaker 5: or anxiety about what might happen. My parents also started

1141
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:36,960
Speaker 5: limiting contact with her after seeing my peace, and I'm

1142
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:39,840
Speaker 5: proud I helped them find courage to stop keeping the

1143
00:53:39,880 --> 00:53:42,760
Speaker 5: peace for someone who didn't care about everyone else's peace.

1144
00:53:43,360 --> 00:53:45,920
Speaker 5: Fast forward to twenty twenty three. I'd been with my

1145
00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:49,719
Speaker 5: boyfriend for six years, proposed New Year's Eve twenty twenty two,

1146
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:52,840
Speaker 5: and we married in August twenty twenty three. It was

1147
00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 5: a small wedding without that side of the family, since

1148
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:58,200
Speaker 5: I'd gone low to no contact with my aunt, uncle,

1149
00:53:58,280 --> 00:54:01,040
Speaker 5: and three cousins. I went lower contact with the cousins

1150
00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:03,560
Speaker 5: because I realized I was the only one trying to

1151
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:07,960
Speaker 5: maintain relationships when I stopped reaching out, years passed without contact.

1152
00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:10,799
Speaker 5: I never blocked them, they just didn't care enough to

1153
00:54:10,840 --> 00:54:11,319
Speaker 5: reach out.

1154
00:54:12,480 --> 00:54:13,360
Speaker 2: Okay ouch.

1155
00:54:14,840 --> 00:54:18,360
Speaker 5: After our wedding, I posted a picture of myself, my husband,

1156
00:54:18,440 --> 00:54:21,120
Speaker 5: and our three fur babies on Facebook. That's how I

1157
00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:24,560
Speaker 5: announced our marriage. I don't like being the center of attention,

1158
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,920
Speaker 5: so I avoid big announcements. If they cared about me,

1159
00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:30,440
Speaker 5: they would have been asking about me, but they didn't.

1160
00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:34,359
Speaker 5: Since I wanted peace at my wedding, I didn't send invitations.

1161
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:37,440
Speaker 5: They reached out at Christmas, sending a present with a

1162
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:40,439
Speaker 5: note congratulating me on my marriage and saying to reach

1163
00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:42,920
Speaker 5: out if I ever wanted to talk. I felt petty,

1164
00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:46,000
Speaker 5: not wanting to talk to them, but they broke the relationship.

1165
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:49,120
Speaker 5: It's on them to fix it. They have my phone number,

1166
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:51,560
Speaker 5: but never call or text. I think they sent the

1167
00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:55,080
Speaker 5: message because the optics looked bad when they discovered I'd married.

1168
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:58,120
Speaker 5: I didn't reach out because I'm okay with no communication

1169
00:54:58,719 --> 00:55:02,160
Speaker 5: About my pregnancy. It was my second pregnancy and I

1170
00:55:02,239 --> 00:55:05,480
Speaker 5: was anxious due to my first pregnancy's history, but thankfully

1171
00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:08,399
Speaker 5: it was easy with normal checkups. My parents had better

1172
00:55:08,400 --> 00:55:10,719
Speaker 5: speaking terms with my aunt and uncle and asked if

1173
00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:13,080
Speaker 5: they could mention the pregnancy since this would be the

1174
00:55:13,120 --> 00:55:16,399
Speaker 5: first grandchild on our side. I preferred they not offer

1175
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:19,239
Speaker 5: the information, but if asked how I was doing, they

1176
00:55:19,239 --> 00:55:22,959
Speaker 5: could share. After thirteen weeks, I gave the same instructions

1177
00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:26,120
Speaker 5: to my grandparents. If my uncle really cared about my

1178
00:55:26,200 --> 00:55:29,719
Speaker 5: well being, he would ask. They never asked about me

1179
00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:33,040
Speaker 5: or my husband during my entire pregnancy.

1180
00:55:33,640 --> 00:55:36,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, communication flows both ways.

1181
00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:40,000
Speaker 5: My dad's family loves my husband and me, asking regularly

1182
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:43,040
Speaker 5: how we're doing. After thirteen weeks, my parents shared when

1183
00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:46,399
Speaker 5: family asked, I was induced at thirty seven weeks six

1184
00:55:46,480 --> 00:55:49,359
Speaker 5: days due to the baby's size on scans. The day

1185
00:55:49,360 --> 00:55:53,080
Speaker 5: after my birth, my sister, grandparents, and parents visit us

1186
00:55:53,120 --> 00:55:56,640
Speaker 5: at the hospital. We coordinated outfits and took our first

1187
00:55:56,680 --> 00:56:00,120
Speaker 5: family picture. Later, I created a cute slideshow for from

1188
00:56:00,160 --> 00:56:03,320
Speaker 5: hospital pictures and posted it on Facebook for friends and family.

1189
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:07,240
Speaker 5: That's when the phone calls and messages started. My cousins

1190
00:56:07,239 --> 00:56:10,640
Speaker 5: called my grandparents, who excitedly talked about my son. When asked,

1191
00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:14,000
Speaker 5: the cousins reportedly ended by saying they still loved my grandpa,

1192
00:56:14,280 --> 00:56:17,920
Speaker 5: making my grandma feel blamed for not offering pregnancy information

1193
00:56:18,239 --> 00:56:21,279
Speaker 5: before my Facebook post. In a second call with my

1194
00:56:21,320 --> 00:56:25,000
Speaker 5: two girl cousins, my grandparents suggested, why don't you girls

1195
00:56:25,160 --> 00:56:28,680
Speaker 5: give Emma call? After we hang up, I never received

1196
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:31,600
Speaker 5: that call. Text messages from my aunt to my mom began.

1197
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:34,600
Speaker 5: She wrote about how hurt my uncle was not being

1198
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:37,480
Speaker 5: told about my pregnancy and how hurt he was to

1199
00:56:37,640 --> 00:56:40,720
Speaker 5: never know about my son. She said he didn't deserve

1200
00:56:40,760 --> 00:56:43,400
Speaker 5: this treatment, that maybe I'd ask them not to share,

1201
00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:45,879
Speaker 5: but it was hurtful that when uncle visited and played

1202
00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:49,040
Speaker 5: cribbage with my father, Dad never mentioned I was expecting.

1203
00:56:49,560 --> 00:56:52,239
Speaker 5: She claimed they'd tried reaching out, inviting me to my

1204
00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:55,520
Speaker 5: two girl cousin's weddings, which I didn't attend, and sending

1205
00:56:55,520 --> 00:56:58,920
Speaker 5: the Christmas letter, which I didn't respond to. To be clear,

1206
00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:03,040
Speaker 5: I made no official announcement to anyone. I never personally

1207
00:57:03,080 --> 00:57:06,160
Speaker 5: told my other aunts and uncles either. I always intended

1208
00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:09,520
Speaker 5: to announce him with the slideshow post. When other family

1209
00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:12,600
Speaker 5: asked my parents about me, my parents shared, then those

1210
00:57:12,640 --> 00:57:15,880
Speaker 5: relatives call to check in with me directly. I'm uncertain

1211
00:57:15,880 --> 00:57:18,960
Speaker 5: why my maternal uncle would be offended by being treated

1212
00:57:19,160 --> 00:57:22,480
Speaker 5: like all my other aunts and uncles. There is one

1213
00:57:22,720 --> 00:57:25,720
Speaker 5: relevant update, but before we get to that, Dakota, how

1214
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:27,720
Speaker 5: are you feeling about this family?

1215
00:57:28,080 --> 00:57:30,120
Speaker 4: I mean, I think you know, if you're a person

1216
00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:33,680
Speaker 4: who just like doesn't like big announcements and like big stuff,

1217
00:57:33,720 --> 00:57:36,840
Speaker 4: It's like a lot of people would expect, like, oh,

1218
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:39,480
Speaker 4: you're pregnant, Oh, you're getting married, like you need to

1219
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:42,280
Speaker 4: make it so that the whole world knows it. And

1220
00:57:42,320 --> 00:57:45,320
Speaker 4: then if you don't, you know, act the way they

1221
00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:48,320
Speaker 4: would expect, They're like, well, well this is wrong. And

1222
00:57:48,360 --> 00:57:52,000
Speaker 4: now I'm offended because I've been left out. And it's like,

1223
00:57:52,120 --> 00:57:54,080
Speaker 4: especially when it comes to like the pregnancy stuff, it's

1224
00:57:54,080 --> 00:57:57,360
Speaker 4: like literally nobody was told it all. Like I don't know.

1225
00:57:57,440 --> 00:58:01,040
Speaker 4: I think just prioritize your own family, prioritize your children,

1226
00:58:01,080 --> 00:58:04,040
Speaker 4: prioritize your as, prioritized the family that as you're back,

1227
00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:06,160
Speaker 4: and don't worry about the noise.

1228
00:58:06,480 --> 00:58:09,280
Speaker 5: My mom tried calling my aunt and uncle after the messages.

1229
00:58:09,640 --> 00:58:13,360
Speaker 5: They screened the call and didn't answer. She responded via text,

1230
00:58:13,600 --> 00:58:16,440
Speaker 5: explaining that aunt and uncle never ask how I'm doing,

1231
00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:19,640
Speaker 5: so my parents assumed they didn't care. She noted that

1232
00:58:19,680 --> 00:58:22,560
Speaker 5: if I didn't respond to the Christmas note, that indicated

1233
00:58:22,640 --> 00:58:26,120
Speaker 5: I'm okay with our current relationship status. She confronted my

1234
00:58:26,200 --> 00:58:28,880
Speaker 5: uncle about his recent comment that it would be too

1235
00:58:28,920 --> 00:58:31,640
Speaker 5: difficult to try to have an adult relationship with em

1236
00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:34,080
Speaker 5: at a distance. When asked why he didn't call her,

1237
00:58:34,080 --> 00:58:36,600
Speaker 5: message me and asked why they haven't picked up the

1238
00:58:36,600 --> 00:58:40,560
Speaker 5: phone in all these years, they never responded, and my

1239
00:58:40,640 --> 00:58:43,440
Speaker 5: mom said she won't reach out again. My grandparents know

1240
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:46,480
Speaker 5: what's happening, and Grandma has suggested I reach out to

1241
00:58:46,520 --> 00:58:49,640
Speaker 5: my uncle to heal our relationship. I'm starting to question

1242
00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:52,640
Speaker 5: if I'm actually the a hole for asking my family

1243
00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:55,880
Speaker 5: not to discuss my pregnancy unless family asks about my

1244
00:58:55,960 --> 00:58:59,080
Speaker 5: well being, since it's upset my grandparents so much and

1245
00:58:59,120 --> 00:59:01,000
Speaker 5: seems to be the final nail in my mom and

1246
00:59:01,040 --> 00:59:02,000
Speaker 5: aunts relationship.

1247
00:59:02,440 --> 00:59:04,640
Speaker 2: So am I the ahle?

1248
00:59:05,400 --> 00:59:09,320
Speaker 5: No, No one's entitled to know about your baby. It's

1249
00:59:09,360 --> 00:59:14,440
Speaker 5: your private family life. Like if these people weren't related

1250
00:59:14,480 --> 00:59:17,040
Speaker 5: to you, you wouldn't be telling them that, really, and

1251
00:59:17,360 --> 00:59:20,680
Speaker 5: you didn't tell any of your other relatives. They clearly

1252
00:59:20,680 --> 00:59:22,640
Speaker 5: don't care about you. They don't care about your well being.

1253
00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:25,600
Speaker 5: They've tormented you all these years. They don't reach out,

1254
00:59:25,680 --> 00:59:30,200
Speaker 5: they're making no effort to atone apologize or repair that

1255
00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:31,520
Speaker 5: relationship on their own.

1256
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:33,880
Speaker 2: It can't be all on you.

1257
00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:37,040
Speaker 4: It doesn't even like it's a two way street. Yeah,

1258
00:59:37,320 --> 00:59:39,840
Speaker 4: it doesn't feel like you would have hid it from

1259
00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:41,880
Speaker 4: them if they called, if they had actually reached out

1260
00:59:41,920 --> 00:59:44,240
Speaker 4: and been like, hey, how are you doing? We're thinking

1261
00:59:44,280 --> 00:59:46,960
Speaker 4: about you like blah blah blah. But they never ever

1262
00:59:47,120 --> 00:59:49,560
Speaker 4: did that a single time. So then they're like, well,

1263
00:59:49,560 --> 00:59:51,520
Speaker 4: why didn't you tell us? It's like cause you guys

1264
00:59:51,720 --> 00:59:54,320
Speaker 4: don't like me, What do you mean?

1265
00:59:56,520 --> 00:59:58,880
Speaker 5: But I feel like they're keeping tabs on, like you

1266
00:59:58,960 --> 01:00:01,720
Speaker 5: keep tabs on your worst me. Sometimes, yeah, that is

1267
01:00:01,760 --> 01:00:03,880
Speaker 5: the vote, or they just don't have enough drama or

1268
01:00:04,680 --> 01:00:07,120
Speaker 5: anything else going in their lives, so it's like I

1269
01:00:07,160 --> 01:00:10,200
Speaker 5: need to know what's happening with my least favorite relative.

1270
01:00:11,360 --> 01:00:14,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, John, here, we're gonna get back to this juicy story.

1271
01:00:14,040 --> 01:00:16,040
Speaker 4: But a quick three minute break of ads from our sponsors.

1272
01:00:16,560 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 4: My sister refused to accommodate my kids, so we left her.

1273
01:00:20,200 --> 01:00:21,320
Speaker 4: A wedding not.

1274
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:23,480
Speaker 2: The happiest day of their life, clearly.

1275
01:00:23,360 --> 01:00:26,960
Speaker 4: Absolutely not. My sister recently had a destination wedding on

1276
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:30,400
Speaker 4: a cruise ship. The ceremony was held before the ship departed,

1277
01:00:30,440 --> 01:00:33,080
Speaker 4: since a few of us, including myself, couldn't afford the

1278
01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:36,560
Speaker 4: full cruise. I'm a single mom and money is extremely tight.

1279
01:00:36,960 --> 01:00:39,200
Speaker 4: She asked me to be a bridesmaid, my six year

1280
01:00:39,200 --> 01:00:41,000
Speaker 4: old daughter to be the flower girl, and my three

1281
01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:43,480
Speaker 4: year old son to be the ring bearer. I agreed,

1282
01:00:43,680 --> 01:00:46,280
Speaker 4: even though I knew it would be a financial stretch.

1283
01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:48,600
Speaker 4: And by the way, this comes from user Clementine one

1284
01:00:48,680 --> 01:00:51,000
Speaker 4: twenty six and if you want to submit your own stories,

1285
01:00:51,040 --> 01:00:54,280
Speaker 4: go to the ur slash Okay storytime subbreddit. So I

1286
01:00:54,320 --> 01:00:56,760
Speaker 4: paid for my own dress, my son's outfit at the

1287
01:00:56,760 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 4: three hour drive, and a hotel stay the night before.

1288
01:01:00,040 --> 01:01:02,240
Speaker 4: It was a lot, but I wanted to support her

1289
01:01:02,520 --> 01:01:05,080
Speaker 4: and she knew how much I was sacrificing to be there.

1290
01:01:05,680 --> 01:01:07,440
Speaker 4: The morning of the wedding, we got ready at the

1291
01:01:07,440 --> 01:01:10,960
Speaker 4: hotel and then headed to the cruise terminal. After going

1292
01:01:10,960 --> 01:01:13,320
Speaker 4: through security, we sat in the crowded waiting area for

1293
01:01:13,360 --> 01:01:16,480
Speaker 4: two to three hours, and by around eleven am, my

1294
01:01:16,560 --> 01:01:20,440
Speaker 4: toddler was now starting to unravel. He was overstimulated, tired,

1295
01:01:20,480 --> 01:01:24,280
Speaker 4: and clearly needed a nap. Me too, buddy, I mean,

1296
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:25,360
Speaker 4: it's not.

1297
01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:29,840
Speaker 2: Like he's three years old or anything. Not like he's three.

1298
01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:32,680
Speaker 5: Something I never understood is like, why do weddings have

1299
01:01:32,720 --> 01:01:34,840
Speaker 5: to be so expensive for the people who are not

1300
01:01:34,880 --> 01:01:35,640
Speaker 5: getting married?

1301
01:01:35,800 --> 01:01:40,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's an unfortunate thing. I mentioned to my mom

1302
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:43,320
Speaker 4: that my son could probably rest in my sister's room

1303
01:01:43,360 --> 01:01:45,400
Speaker 4: when she got on the ship to finish getting ready.

1304
01:01:45,560 --> 01:01:47,760
Speaker 4: My sister was right there when I said this and

1305
01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:50,920
Speaker 4: didn't object, so I assumed it was okay. Once we

1306
01:01:51,000 --> 01:01:54,120
Speaker 4: boarded and tried to head to her room, we were stopped.

1307
01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:57,480
Speaker 4: My sister's wedding planner told us point blank that no

1308
01:01:57,680 --> 01:02:01,960
Speaker 4: children were allowed in the room upstairs. Stressed and overwhelmed,

1309
01:02:02,200 --> 01:02:03,680
Speaker 4: and the planner came up to me a few minutes

1310
01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:05,760
Speaker 4: later to say she was sorry. She said it was

1311
01:02:05,760 --> 01:02:08,160
Speaker 4: my sister's request that the kids not be let in.

1312
01:02:08,720 --> 01:02:11,280
Speaker 4: There was nowhere quiet or private for him to rest

1313
01:02:11,280 --> 01:02:13,160
Speaker 4: on the ship. He had told us we could eat

1314
01:02:13,200 --> 01:02:15,720
Speaker 4: at the buffet while we waited, but realistically she was

1315
01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:17,880
Speaker 4: expecting me to go through a crowded buffet line with

1316
01:02:17,920 --> 01:02:21,680
Speaker 4: two kids, one of them already in meltdown mode, completely alone.

1317
01:02:22,240 --> 01:02:25,400
Speaker 4: At this point I lost it. I didn't cause a scene.

1318
01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:28,600
Speaker 4: I just took my kids and left the wedding area.

1319
01:02:29,200 --> 01:02:31,240
Speaker 4: I ended up sitting elsewhere on the ship with my

1320
01:02:31,320 --> 01:02:34,240
Speaker 4: son screaming in full meltdown mode during what would have

1321
01:02:34,320 --> 01:02:37,040
Speaker 4: been the ceremony. To make things worse, I later saw

1322
01:02:37,040 --> 01:02:39,439
Speaker 4: Facebook photos from the wedding of my sister getting ready

1323
01:02:39,440 --> 01:02:42,320
Speaker 4: in the room with all the other bridesmaids and our

1324
01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:46,160
Speaker 4: eleven year old niece. So it wasn't a no kids thing.

1325
01:02:46,680 --> 01:02:49,720
Speaker 4: It was just that my kids weren't welcome. I wasn't

1326
01:02:49,720 --> 01:02:53,240
Speaker 4: even included in the getting ready photos. I haven't spoken

1327
01:02:53,280 --> 01:02:56,480
Speaker 4: to my sister in four months. She recently reached out,

1328
01:02:56,480 --> 01:02:59,560
Speaker 4: saying she misses my kids and wants to see them. Well,

1329
01:03:01,160 --> 01:03:05,400
Speaker 4: after you exiled them from your room and had made

1330
01:03:05,440 --> 01:03:08,320
Speaker 4: my three year old have a tantrum, Well, hold on,

1331
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:09,040
Speaker 4: it's like.

1332
01:03:09,120 --> 01:03:11,800
Speaker 5: Eleven year old is very different than three years old

1333
01:03:12,200 --> 01:03:14,040
Speaker 5: being in the room.

1334
01:03:14,080 --> 01:03:16,120
Speaker 4: The whole point of him being in there is for

1335
01:03:16,240 --> 01:03:17,000
Speaker 4: him to take a nap.

1336
01:03:17,120 --> 01:03:17,320
Speaker 3: Right.

1337
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:19,080
Speaker 2: But also she never asked the sister.

1338
01:03:19,200 --> 01:03:22,440
Speaker 5: She asked the mom and like, even though like you're

1339
01:03:22,440 --> 01:03:25,960
Speaker 5: an earshot your feet, assume someone is always listening and

1340
01:03:25,960 --> 01:03:28,880
Speaker 5: paying session, Like I'll be sitting here thinking my own

1341
01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:30,960
Speaker 5: thoughts or doing something. It's the sister's weddings. She's got

1342
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:32,919
Speaker 5: a lot in her mind. Of course I'll be sitting here.

1343
01:03:33,080 --> 01:03:35,160
Speaker 5: You could be talking at me. I'll be like, sorry,

1344
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:37,200
Speaker 5: I was, I was a thousand miles away.

1345
01:03:37,240 --> 01:03:37,960
Speaker 2: What did you say?

1346
01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:40,160
Speaker 4: Well, the good thing, the good thing here is like

1347
01:03:41,120 --> 01:03:43,120
Speaker 4: the wedding planner is the one telling you this, but

1348
01:03:43,320 --> 01:03:46,120
Speaker 4: like you can tell the wedding planner A. My sister

1349
01:03:46,480 --> 01:03:49,640
Speaker 4: who's the bride, actually said, my kid get going, just

1350
01:03:49,680 --> 01:03:51,360
Speaker 4: let's get me talk to her really quick. Let me

1351
01:03:51,360 --> 01:03:54,320
Speaker 4: just run that by real quick, right right like it's

1352
01:03:54,440 --> 01:04:00,520
Speaker 4: you know again, it's communication. Clear, communication is key. Anyway.

1353
01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:04,200
Speaker 4: I responded that she hurt both mine and my daughter's feelings,

1354
01:04:04,240 --> 01:04:07,000
Speaker 4: and I explained why my daughter had been so excited

1355
01:04:07,040 --> 01:04:09,760
Speaker 4: to be a flower girl, and she heard everything that happened.

1356
01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:12,760
Speaker 4: She heard our other sister, who I already had conflict with,

1357
01:04:12,840 --> 01:04:15,760
Speaker 4: aggressively say you're not allowed in the room. The bride

1358
01:04:15,760 --> 01:04:18,480
Speaker 4: doesn't want the kids there. She saw me stressed, she

1359
01:04:18,520 --> 01:04:21,240
Speaker 4: saw her brother melting down, and she got the clear

1360
01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:24,640
Speaker 4: message that we were being shut out. So she's hurt too.

1361
01:04:25,240 --> 01:04:27,560
Speaker 4: My sister's response was that it wasn't her fault my

1362
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:29,560
Speaker 4: son had to melt down, that I was the one

1363
01:04:29,560 --> 01:04:31,960
Speaker 4: who chose to leave her wedding, and that I might

1364
01:04:32,080 --> 01:04:34,880
Speaker 4: understand when I get married. She told me not to

1365
01:04:34,880 --> 01:04:37,160
Speaker 4: blame her for what happened, and I told her directly

1366
01:04:37,200 --> 01:04:40,240
Speaker 4: that I do blame her. You don't invite small children

1367
01:04:40,600 --> 01:04:43,400
Speaker 4: to be a part of a wedding especially in a stressful,

1368
01:04:43,440 --> 01:04:47,080
Speaker 4: overstimulating environment like a cruise ship, and then make zero

1369
01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:51,680
Speaker 4: accommodations for their basic needs. Facts that I a think facts.

1370
01:04:51,880 --> 01:04:54,400
Speaker 5: I absolutely agree with that part. I don't think it's

1371
01:04:54,440 --> 01:04:56,960
Speaker 5: the sister's fault per se, but I think that she

1372
01:04:57,240 --> 01:05:00,800
Speaker 5: did not consider that kids have needs that not adults.

1373
01:05:01,040 --> 01:05:06,880
Speaker 4: Me right, so she clearly understands accommodations. She arranged vegan

1374
01:05:06,920 --> 01:05:09,600
Speaker 4: food at dinner the night before for one guest, so

1375
01:05:09,720 --> 01:05:13,360
Speaker 4: she knows what that looks like. She just didn't extend

1376
01:05:13,560 --> 01:05:17,240
Speaker 4: any of that to us. I didn't ask for anything unreasonable.

1377
01:05:17,280 --> 01:05:20,000
Speaker 4: I asked for a tired toddler to lie down for

1378
01:05:20,080 --> 01:05:23,120
Speaker 4: a bit in a quiet room. I showed up. I

1379
01:05:23,200 --> 01:05:25,960
Speaker 4: did everything I could do to support her. But in

1380
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:28,720
Speaker 4: that moment, she made it clear that her comfort, photos,

1381
01:05:28,720 --> 01:05:32,040
Speaker 4: and plans were more important than our basic needs. And

1382
01:05:32,160 --> 01:05:35,560
Speaker 4: it hurts. Now she's saying I should apologize for quote

1383
01:05:35,640 --> 01:05:38,640
Speaker 4: leaving her wedding since she spent money having me there,

1384
01:05:38,680 --> 01:05:41,320
Speaker 4: and that I caused that hurt to my children. But

1385
01:05:41,480 --> 01:05:45,320
Speaker 4: I didn't scream, I didn't disrupt anything. I removed myself

1386
01:05:45,360 --> 01:05:48,160
Speaker 4: and my kids because we had no support, no options,

1387
01:05:48,200 --> 01:05:51,440
Speaker 4: and no compassion. So Reddit am I the ahole for

1388
01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:54,560
Speaker 4: leaving my sister's wedding and for still believing she owes

1389
01:05:54,600 --> 01:05:57,520
Speaker 4: me and my daughter an apology, and we do have

1390
01:05:57,560 --> 01:05:59,960
Speaker 4: some comments, But I would say you're not the ahole.

1391
01:06:00,720 --> 01:06:04,320
Speaker 4: I would say not because you were already financially stretched

1392
01:06:04,560 --> 01:06:07,600
Speaker 4: and you made it out there to be involved in

1393
01:06:07,600 --> 01:06:11,320
Speaker 4: the wedding, and then you and your kids got told, oh, well,

1394
01:06:11,600 --> 01:06:12,520
Speaker 4: we got nothing for you.

1395
01:06:13,120 --> 01:06:16,920
Speaker 5: I don't think anyone is particularly more a holy than

1396
01:06:16,920 --> 01:06:17,200
Speaker 5: the other.

1397
01:06:17,200 --> 01:06:17,360
Speaker 1: Hair.

1398
01:06:17,400 --> 01:06:21,800
Speaker 5: I think both parties suffered from a lack of communication consideration.

1399
01:06:22,280 --> 01:06:24,040
Speaker 5: I think maybe there are reasons why they didn't want

1400
01:06:24,120 --> 01:06:26,280
Speaker 5: kids in the room, Like there's a lot of hustle

1401
01:06:26,280 --> 01:06:28,680
Speaker 5: and bustle. The bride maybe wants her own space with

1402
01:06:28,720 --> 01:06:29,920
Speaker 5: her own friends with adults.

1403
01:06:29,960 --> 01:06:33,240
Speaker 4: But there was already an eleven year old in that room.

1404
01:06:33,280 --> 01:06:36,640
Speaker 5: But eleven is different than three, like is what I'm saying.

1405
01:06:36,720 --> 01:06:39,320
Speaker 5: Like she should have had a separate space for the

1406
01:06:39,400 --> 01:06:43,720
Speaker 5: kids to just be and not melt down. Eleven is

1407
01:06:43,720 --> 01:06:46,920
Speaker 5: different than three. So there's on both sides, I can

1408
01:06:46,960 --> 01:06:50,920
Speaker 5: see the argument. Something maybe that's slipped through the cracks.

1409
01:06:51,640 --> 01:06:54,680
Speaker 5: I again, I don't see why weddings have to be

1410
01:06:54,720 --> 01:06:58,040
Speaker 5: so expensive for people who are not the ones getting married. Yeah,

1411
01:06:58,160 --> 01:06:59,600
Speaker 5: I think that was a lot of the problem here.

1412
01:07:00,040 --> 01:07:02,360
Speaker 5: I think you didn't. The two sisters did not talk

1413
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:04,760
Speaker 5: with each other, and it seems like at all there

1414
01:07:04,800 --> 01:07:07,920
Speaker 5: were just a lot of assumptions going around. So I

1415
01:07:07,920 --> 01:07:11,160
Speaker 5: think you will both have some culpability. I don't think

1416
01:07:11,160 --> 01:07:13,000
Speaker 5: anyone is particularly the a hole.

1417
01:07:13,280 --> 01:07:16,720
Speaker 4: Okay, let's get into the comps. Common number one says,

1418
01:07:16,760 --> 01:07:19,240
Speaker 4: I highly doubt the bridal room would have accommodated the

1419
01:07:19,280 --> 01:07:22,760
Speaker 4: quiet your toddler needed. Bridesmaids and brides usually end up

1420
01:07:22,800 --> 01:07:26,040
Speaker 4: chatting and squealing and laughing a lot, so I do

1421
01:07:26,120 --> 01:07:28,080
Speaker 4: get why your sister didn't want him in there. A

1422
01:07:28,120 --> 01:07:31,240
Speaker 4: bunch of giddy women and an overtired toddler is not

1423
01:07:31,320 --> 01:07:35,280
Speaker 4: a pleasant outcome for anyone. Though, Yes, your sister is

1424
01:07:35,320 --> 01:07:37,960
Speaker 4: a total butt for not making an arrangement for some

1425
01:07:38,040 --> 01:07:41,480
Speaker 4: kind of private day room, a quiet area, or anything

1426
01:07:41,560 --> 01:07:44,440
Speaker 4: for any of the kids to sit or lay quietly,

1427
01:07:44,560 --> 01:07:47,240
Speaker 4: have a calm show on maybe where they can rest

1428
01:07:47,320 --> 01:07:50,840
Speaker 4: and get away from the adults, Especially considering your sister

1429
01:07:50,960 --> 01:07:54,760
Speaker 4: requested your kids both be a part of the wedding party,

1430
01:07:55,400 --> 01:07:58,080
Speaker 4: and a reply to that says, why should she make accommodations.

1431
01:07:58,360 --> 01:08:03,440
Speaker 4: It's not her kid apply because she requested for the

1432
01:08:03,560 --> 01:08:07,320
Speaker 4: kids to be there and play a role. Basic common sense.

1433
01:08:07,440 --> 01:08:11,240
Speaker 4: If you invite guests, you're agreeing to accommodate them to

1434
01:08:11,240 --> 01:08:15,840
Speaker 4: some degree. And there is an update, let's get into it.

1435
01:08:16,280 --> 01:08:18,920
Speaker 4: I ended up texting with my sister again, and it

1436
01:08:19,240 --> 01:08:24,360
Speaker 4: honestly made everything worse. Oh good lord, oh boy. Aya.

1437
01:08:24,479 --> 01:08:27,360
Speaker 4: She said she knew I'd caused drama somehow and that's

1438
01:08:27,400 --> 01:08:29,840
Speaker 4: why she had our mom on standby to deal with me.

1439
01:08:30,080 --> 01:08:32,559
Speaker 4: She doubled down on blaming me for everything, including how

1440
01:08:32,560 --> 01:08:35,280
Speaker 4: I handled my kids, but refuses to acknowledge that she

1441
01:08:35,320 --> 01:08:38,160
Speaker 4: played any role in what happened. While we were in

1442
01:08:38,200 --> 01:08:40,600
Speaker 4: the waiting area before the ceremony, we actually did a

1443
01:08:40,680 --> 01:08:43,720
Speaker 4: run through and my son was already losing it. She

1444
01:08:43,800 --> 01:08:45,920
Speaker 4: saw that he was over stimulated and not doing well

1445
01:08:46,160 --> 01:08:48,800
Speaker 4: and still said it was ridiculous that I assumed he

1446
01:08:48,800 --> 01:08:51,800
Speaker 4: could use her room for him to nap. Then came

1447
01:08:52,040 --> 01:08:54,840
Speaker 4: the subtle digs. She made a comment like, maybe you

1448
01:08:54,840 --> 01:08:58,280
Speaker 4: shouldn't have let him down maple syrup for breakfast because

1449
01:08:58,280 --> 01:09:00,920
Speaker 4: he had a hotel waffle, as if syrup was the

1450
01:09:00,960 --> 01:09:04,639
Speaker 4: reason for a toddler meltdown, not exhaustion, noise and chaos.

1451
01:09:05,120 --> 01:09:07,320
Speaker 4: It was just another way of calling me a bad mom,

1452
01:09:07,439 --> 01:09:10,040
Speaker 4: something she and my other sister have done for years.

1453
01:09:10,640 --> 01:09:12,960
Speaker 4: She said I was dramatic, ripped the kids away from

1454
01:09:12,960 --> 01:09:16,719
Speaker 4: her wedding, and that I need therapy. When I tried

1455
01:09:16,720 --> 01:09:18,879
Speaker 4: to talk to our other sister about how she handled

1456
01:09:18,880 --> 01:09:22,439
Speaker 4: things that day, she immediately denied any responsibility and then

1457
01:09:22,479 --> 01:09:25,200
Speaker 4: pivoted to say everyone in the family talks crap about

1458
01:09:25,240 --> 01:09:28,440
Speaker 4: you and dislikes you, and even tried to send me screenshots.

1459
01:09:28,960 --> 01:09:31,360
Speaker 4: I think it's time for us to limit our contact

1460
01:09:31,400 --> 01:09:32,439
Speaker 4: to our family members.

1461
01:09:32,640 --> 01:09:37,080
Speaker 5: I'm having thoughts now, uh, based on this this this update,

1462
01:09:37,160 --> 01:09:40,040
Speaker 5: I think what happened is the sister didn't actually care

1463
01:09:40,080 --> 01:09:42,880
Speaker 5: about the niece and nephew. The sister didn't care about

1464
01:09:43,200 --> 01:09:45,520
Speaker 5: ope going to the lining. She just wanted the optics

1465
01:09:45,520 --> 01:09:48,640
Speaker 5: of having cute kids at her wedding. Yeah, that's it.

1466
01:09:48,720 --> 01:09:51,200
Speaker 5: She wanted the photo of the little ring bear, of

1467
01:09:51,280 --> 01:09:54,760
Speaker 5: the little flower girl. That's all she cared about. She

1468
01:09:54,800 --> 01:09:56,960
Speaker 5: didn't take the time to think about what the kids

1469
01:09:57,000 --> 01:10:00,880
Speaker 5: would mean about the happiness about her own actual well family,

1470
01:10:00,880 --> 01:10:02,280
Speaker 5: They're not family at that point.

1471
01:10:02,320 --> 01:10:03,000
Speaker 2: They're props.

1472
01:10:03,160 --> 01:10:04,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, they're just asthetic.

1473
01:10:05,160 --> 01:10:09,160
Speaker 5: I am now more leaning to what Bride's sister is

1474
01:10:09,160 --> 01:10:12,840
Speaker 5: is more of the a whole year plus Also the

1475
01:10:13,240 --> 01:10:16,479
Speaker 5: third sisters, just why are you? Why are you so

1476
01:10:17,479 --> 01:10:19,080
Speaker 5: stuck on calls drums during.

1477
01:10:18,840 --> 01:10:22,639
Speaker 4: The pot right now? Just instead of being supportive, it's

1478
01:10:22,680 --> 01:10:27,200
Speaker 4: crazy bubbling up on that chili h I told her

1479
01:10:27,560 --> 01:10:30,320
Speaker 4: that kind of behavior is disgusting, and she backed off.

1480
01:10:30,760 --> 01:10:33,800
Speaker 4: Now they're both saying I'm weaponizing the kids by not

1481
01:10:33,880 --> 01:10:36,240
Speaker 4: letting them see them. But the truth is simpler than that.

1482
01:10:36,760 --> 01:10:39,519
Speaker 4: They refuse to acknowledge that they hurt my daughter. My

1483
01:10:39,640 --> 01:10:42,280
Speaker 4: daughter was genuinely excited to be a flower girl, and

1484
01:10:42,320 --> 01:10:44,640
Speaker 4: she did have her feelings hurt. I know if she

1485
01:10:44,680 --> 01:10:46,960
Speaker 4: sees them, she's going to ask what happened, and I

1486
01:10:47,000 --> 01:10:49,880
Speaker 4: know their response will be to blame me. Of course,

1487
01:10:49,920 --> 01:10:52,120
Speaker 4: I don't want to put her through that. I also

1488
01:10:52,200 --> 01:10:54,720
Speaker 4: pointed out that my sister never reached out to ask

1489
01:10:54,760 --> 01:10:56,800
Speaker 4: why I left the wedding, and I gave her an

1490
01:10:56,840 --> 01:10:59,519
Speaker 4: easy out. I even said all she had to do

1491
01:10:59,560 --> 01:11:02,360
Speaker 4: was admit it wasn't handled well and say she was

1492
01:11:02,400 --> 01:11:05,679
Speaker 4: sorry things turned out that way. But instead she's firm

1493
01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:09,120
Speaker 4: on the idea that it's a me problem. I get

1494
01:11:09,160 --> 01:11:11,479
Speaker 4: it was her wedding day, but it was a small

1495
01:11:11,600 --> 01:11:14,439
Speaker 4: family event and I was completely left to struggle with

1496
01:11:14,439 --> 01:11:18,320
Speaker 4: two kids while everyone else disappeared. I didn't make a scene,

1497
01:11:18,400 --> 01:11:21,559
Speaker 4: I didn't ruin anything. I quietly removed myself and the

1498
01:11:21,640 --> 01:11:23,880
Speaker 4: kids when it became clear no one was going to

1499
01:11:23,960 --> 01:11:28,200
Speaker 4: help or make space for them. She's also now throwing

1500
01:11:28,240 --> 01:11:31,000
Speaker 4: the money in my face, saying she paid more than

1501
01:11:31,040 --> 01:11:33,479
Speaker 4: I did for us to be there, but it was

1502
01:11:33,680 --> 01:11:37,040
Speaker 4: her wedding. I paid what I could for travel, hotel,

1503
01:11:37,200 --> 01:11:40,040
Speaker 4: clothes and more to show up for her, even in

1504
01:11:40,080 --> 01:11:43,760
Speaker 4: a tight financial situation. That is not something to weaponize.

1505
01:11:44,040 --> 01:11:46,160
Speaker 4: And she actually told me my son would have loved

1506
01:11:46,160 --> 01:11:48,320
Speaker 4: the wedding and wouldn't have had a meltdown if I

1507
01:11:48,360 --> 01:11:52,799
Speaker 4: had just stayed. Like toddler, emotions can be logiced away

1508
01:11:52,880 --> 01:11:56,600
Speaker 4: with floral arrangements. The wildest part is everyone in the

1509
01:11:56,640 --> 01:11:59,479
Speaker 4: family is siding with her. I'm being treated like the

1510
01:11:59,560 --> 01:12:01,720
Speaker 4: villain when in reality I did what I had to

1511
01:12:01,760 --> 01:12:04,080
Speaker 4: do to protect my kids and not cause a scene,

1512
01:12:04,520 --> 01:12:07,679
Speaker 4: and for that I've been completely written off. At this point,

1513
01:12:07,720 --> 01:12:10,960
Speaker 4: both her and my other sister fully expect me to apologize.

1514
01:12:11,320 --> 01:12:14,160
Speaker 4: It's beyond me and actually making me feel like maybe

1515
01:12:14,200 --> 01:12:18,400
Speaker 4: I am the crazy one. Well, they need to apologize

1516
01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:23,840
Speaker 4: because they totally excluded your daughter on purpose, and even

1517
01:12:23,880 --> 01:12:26,760
Speaker 4: if your three year old's having a tantrum, your daughter

1518
01:12:26,800 --> 01:12:28,080
Speaker 4: could still be the flower girl.