Speaker 1: Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a
Speaker 1: week was enough, I think again. He's the last remnants
Speaker 1: of the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He
Speaker 1: treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the
Speaker 1: rich pill poppers in the penthouse, to clearinghouse of hot takes,
Speaker 1: break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben
Speaker 1: Maller starts right now, evangelizing on the weekend. It is
Speaker 1: another edition of the Fifth Hour with Ben Maller, because hey,
Speaker 1: why not what else you got going on? We thank
Speaker 1: you for listening to the weekend addition, the spinoff of
Speaker 1: the radio program here eight days a week, eight days
Speaker 1: a week, as we spread the gospel, delivering you know,
Speaker 1: small sermons, not the full Maller monologue, not the full
Speaker 1: Malla monologue, as we welcome you in and and we
Speaker 1: do sermonize, and we shouted from the bully pulpit. We
Speaker 1: shouted from the bully pulpit. Uh. And I'm excited because
Speaker 1: the Mallard the militia have really responded well to the
Speaker 1: Saturday podcast, which has become the life of Mallard. It's
Speaker 1: become the life of Molly. And I don't spend too
Speaker 1: much time bullshitting about my my life behind the microphone.
Speaker 1: I pretty much stick to the to the basics. But
Speaker 1: on Saturday, I can tell you some things that that
Speaker 1: I'm doing behind the scenes, and so we'll do some
Speaker 1: more of that and joined now by popular demand, this
Speaker 1: guy said this, I gotta I gotta be in there.
Speaker 1: Well more importantly, the other guy said, I can't be there.
Speaker 1: Welcome in the number one card carrying I hate Boston.
Speaker 1: Man in Fox Sports Radio, Ryan McBain, Boston, Yes, can
Speaker 1: kiss my ass. Yes, you're You've not missed a piece.
Speaker 1: So Nick, were you shocked that that Gagon was actually
Speaker 1: in for a couple of weeks in a row that
Speaker 1: you were not called in out of the bullpen where
Speaker 1: you've blown away by that fact? Uh? Yeah? And then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, hey, hey, man, can you cover
Speaker 1: for me? And I said yes, I use some choice words,
Speaker 1: but yes, I said, yes, gag On, I'll help you out. Yea, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah. And and people people wonder, They're like, why
Speaker 1: why do you why do you give gag On such
Speaker 1: a hard times. Listen, McBain, You've got ambition, right, You've
Speaker 1: got you want to you want to do this. You
Speaker 1: want to do the podcast, You're willing to do it,
Speaker 1: Not that you necessarily want to do it, but you
Speaker 1: you are willing when management asked you to do it, right,
Speaker 1: you're like, Okay, you know you have aspirations, You've got
Speaker 1: you got fire in your belly, right, you admit that
Speaker 1: you have. It's a purpose when you come in here. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's fun. Yes, I love talking sports and getting angry. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: you like to press the buttons of the mallar militia.
Speaker 1: Some people, I've been getting some some some tweets about
Speaker 1: my attitude towards Boston, and I love it and I'm
Speaker 1: gonna keep on doing it. And that's all I gotta
Speaker 1: say about that. Well, well it's not just Boston. I
Speaker 1: believe it is the entire Commonwealth of Massachusetts. And did
Speaker 1: you hate other New England states like Rhode Island, Connecticut, Vermont,
Speaker 1: New Hampshire? Do you Maine? Do you also have a
Speaker 1: distaste for those teams or those those teams those states? Y?
Speaker 1: Fuck them all? Fuck them all. They could be the
Speaker 1: title of the podcast, fuck them all. Right there, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get a phone called them all for that one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my May and you can't be doing that my min anyway. Alright,
Speaker 1: So on this Saturday podcast, we've got the old world
Speaker 1: Cure Drastic, plastic and contractor Benny and then whatever else
Speaker 1: pops up. Whatever else pops up will do that as well.
Speaker 1: So well again into it. I'm sure Ryan has some
Speaker 1: stories from his life that he will share about not
Speaker 1: being able to sleep, and uh, you know you were
Speaker 1: yapping about that, and and I love the fact that
Speaker 1: people can't sleep because that helps people like me out.
Speaker 1: If everyone slept at a normal time and did not
Speaker 1: have sleep issues, then I would have no one listening
Speaker 1: live to the radio show. So I'm very grateful that
Speaker 1: whoever created humans or whatever, you know, if you think
Speaker 1: they were created or whether they just developed the way
Speaker 1: they did, and that that people just have issues sleeping.
Speaker 1: Do you think cockroaches have problems sleeping? Or bears or
Speaker 1: bats or elephants or you know, I just I think
Speaker 1: of the animal kingdom? Are they is it the same?
Speaker 1: Are there like certain rhinos out in the you know,
Speaker 1: in the in the wild that just can't sleep? And
Speaker 1: did the other rhinos look down upon them? And so
Speaker 1: what can at your sleep? But about you? I just
Speaker 1: I'm curious about these things. I'm more curious as to
Speaker 1: why you're saying that. You basically get paid off of
Speaker 1: other people suffering they can't sleep, so it helps you out.
Speaker 1: That's basically well yeah, well no, it is the hours
Speaker 1: that I have. If I was doing a big daytime show,
Speaker 1: like if I'm like, I'm trying to think like Cowherd
Speaker 1: or Gottlie one of those guys, then I wouldn't need
Speaker 1: people to have bad sleep schedules. But I without the
Speaker 1: nocturnal list, I got nothing. I got. I need things
Speaker 1: that go bump in the night because those things that
Speaker 1: go bump in the night that wake people up, then
Speaker 1: they end up listening because they can't go back to
Speaker 1: sleep without bad dreams. You know, the the Boogeyman. I
Speaker 1: don't know what everyone described. Then it wouldn't have much.
Speaker 1: But you're already a multimillionaire, ben you are you are?
Speaker 1: That's that's the that's a lie I am. I am
Speaker 1: in debts. The bank owns a lot of what I
Speaker 1: claim to own, but the bank actually owns a lot
Speaker 1: of that. So uh, As I I point out to people,
Speaker 1: you know, friends that want to buy a house, my advice,
Speaker 1: I have a boilerplate response when I said said, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I want to buy a house.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't want to be a homeowner. And
Speaker 1: I always point out to people said, listen, I only
Speaker 1: bought at home. I was pretty old when I got
Speaker 1: into the home game because I didn't have any money.
Speaker 1: But when I got a house, I don't really own
Speaker 1: the house because the only way you own the house
Speaker 1: is if the house is paid off. So really, what
Speaker 1: you're doing instead of paying a landlord, you're paying the bank,
Speaker 1: which is the landlord. And you know you own the
Speaker 1: house as long as you keep paying off the house.
Speaker 1: You're paying your mortgage every month. And if you don't
Speaker 1: pay your mortgage, you don't own the house anymore. The
Speaker 1: house will be reclaimed by the bank. And then even
Speaker 1: the great thing way well, way the life works is
Speaker 1: even when you pay off the bank, then you have
Speaker 1: this and called property taxes. Would you have anyway, But
Speaker 1: if you don't pay your property taxes, then they'll put
Speaker 1: like a lean on your house and so you'll lose
Speaker 1: your house that way, So you always end up having
Speaker 1: to pay someone. That's my life, My life life lesson,
Speaker 1: Ryan McBain is that you always have to pay someone.
Speaker 1: You're saying all this probably in some big gas mansion
Speaker 1: three stories. Okay, it's not. No, I am sitting here
Speaker 1: and I'll get into it as we go through the
Speaker 1: fifth Hour podcast today. But I'm sitting in a house
Speaker 1: that is only partially done, only partially and partially done,
Speaker 1: and I had to move in. Though I had to
Speaker 1: move in, there's still contractors right now behind the wall.
Speaker 1: They're working. Fortunately you can't hear them as much, but
Speaker 1: they're doing some work right now. And uh, and I've
Speaker 1: been sleeping on an air mattress for the last like
Speaker 1: week to ten days. I've been sleeping on an air
Speaker 1: match So have they been working on the third floor yet,
Speaker 1: or how's that working? No, there working on the sixth floor.
Speaker 1: And they're trying to say they're trying to fix the elevator.
Speaker 1: Right now. I have to walk up to the sixth floor.
Speaker 1: So it's a problem. It's a pain. But yes, yes,
Speaker 1: uh and uh. I have a chauffeur uh named Bentley.
Speaker 1: That's my show for Bentley the Chauffeurs. So it's it's
Speaker 1: very nice. It's very nice. Uh. So let me get
Speaker 1: to the old world cure. So this pop back up
Speaker 1: on my radar, and I am now going to give advice.
Speaker 1: Now before I give this story, you should never I'm
Speaker 1: going to give you advice, but you should never take
Speaker 1: advice from a podcast or an overnight radio person because
Speaker 1: it will just turn out to be a fiasco, just
Speaker 1: a total debacle. So you should not take the advice.
Speaker 1: But I will give the advice you should. You can
Speaker 1: give advice, you don't have to take the advice. So
Speaker 1: last weekend was a rather long one. Moving sucks. We
Speaker 1: we all complained about that. I don't need to go
Speaker 1: down that road. I think every man, woman, and child agrees.
Speaker 1: Moving sucks. It's a hand in the ass um And
Speaker 1: so last weekend I was away from my post at
Speaker 1: Fox Sports Radio because it was the weekend. I don't
Speaker 1: work on the weekend other than like Sunday night. So
Speaker 1: my my wife was battling a cold and because of work,
Speaker 1: you know, she she had to take a COVID test
Speaker 1: to make sure she didn't have the COVID. And so
Speaker 1: we we went to one of those driving COVID test
Speaker 1: places because of course she had the COVID. I probably
Speaker 1: had the COVID. So test came back negative. Great. She
Speaker 1: didn't have the COVID, but she felt like shit. And
Speaker 1: she had been sick for several days. And I thought
Speaker 1: nothing of it because I was like, well, that's her.
Speaker 1: I'm fine, that's she's sick. But then last Saturday, I
Speaker 1: started feeling a little under the weather. You know that
Speaker 1: feeling again when you you kind of know you're starting
Speaker 1: to get sick. There's something in your throat, something your
Speaker 1: nose a little bit. Yeah, And so I felt that
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, fuck, you know, I kick
Speaker 1: it sick. I just took time off last week to move.
Speaker 1: I took a few nights off. I can't get sick people,
Speaker 1: you know, I need to work. And I felt it
Speaker 1: coming on. I felt the sniffles, and I felt the little,
Speaker 1: you know, it's kind of twitch in my throat. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh crap. So we were we were dinner
Speaker 1: and uh and on on the way back to to
Speaker 1: the house, we made an emergency run to get medical attention.
Speaker 1: And what I did was I used the Mallard maneuver. Ryan.
Speaker 1: I stopped by the local grocery store on the way home,
Speaker 1: and I stormed in. I went as fast as I could,
Speaker 1: and I went to the vegetable area there where they
Speaker 1: had all the nice vegetables. And I immediately grabbed a
Speaker 1: head of garlic. And I then ran back to the
Speaker 1: cash here to pay as quickly as I could, frantically
Speaker 1: paying for the for the garlic. Yes, And so then
Speaker 1: I I went in the car. I opened up the
Speaker 1: head of garlic. I took a clove of garlic off,
Speaker 1: and I sliced it in half. And that was my medicine.
Speaker 1: I started sucking the garlic, the raw garlic, like a
Speaker 1: hard candy. What's wrong with you? What are you fighting? Vampires?
Speaker 1: Hold on a second, all right, So I did this
Speaker 1: as long as I could. You know, garlic is pretty pungent.
Speaker 1: It'll burn your burn your mouth after a while, raw garlic.
Speaker 1: If I did this as long as I could, and
Speaker 1: I did it again before I went to sleep, and
Speaker 1: the next day, hand to god, I woke up felt fine. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: it's not. Garlic is a natural antibiotic. In fact, in
Speaker 1: the I say it's the old world cure. But before
Speaker 1: modern medicine, people treated a lot of illnesses with garlic.
Speaker 1: It doesn't. I'm not making it up. I'm telling you
Speaker 1: can read about it online. And I learned about this
Speaker 1: years ago from an old DJ that that told me this,
Speaker 1: this garlic check, which was really when I first learned
Speaker 1: about it. Ryan. It was for laryngitis, which is the
Speaker 1: only thing that can really knock you out of broadcasting
Speaker 1: if you're a radio guy or girl, is laryngitis, because otherwise,
Speaker 1: you know, you can find, you feel bad, you can
Speaker 1: still talk um. And so this guy's like, hey, yeah,
Speaker 1: I had an issue with with laryngitis. And he said,
Speaker 1: here's what you do. He says, you take a clove
Speaker 1: of garlic and you slice it in half and you
Speaker 1: suck it like a jolly Roger hard candy before bed,
Speaker 1: and all those garlic juices, the natural antibiotic powers of
Speaker 1: garlic will go in through your throat and will attack
Speaker 1: the infection that is developed in your throat. And you
Speaker 1: do this right before you get bad, and it will
Speaker 1: work while you're sleeping, and you do it for a
Speaker 1: couple of days and you'll end up your your voice
Speaker 1: will come right back. And I was like, I was desperate,
Speaker 1: as like I needed to do something because I I've
Speaker 1: always been right, I don't want to miss a lot
Speaker 1: of work, and I love radio and I don't miss it.
Speaker 1: And so I did it, and I thought, well, this
Speaker 1: is probably bullshit. You know, this is not you know,
Speaker 1: this is bullshoy. This ain't gonna work. And it fucking worked,
Speaker 1: and I couldn't believe it. And I'm like, this is crazy.
Speaker 1: And I've done it. Every time I've had a voice issue,
Speaker 1: I've done it. And then I learned from somebody else
Speaker 1: that you can do it when you're about when you're
Speaker 1: starting to feel sick. But the key to that is
Speaker 1: you have to and this is really painful. Um, and again,
Speaker 1: you should not take this advice. This is terrible advice.
Speaker 1: You should not take advice from me at all. But
Speaker 1: what I did was on an empty stomach. They said,
Speaker 1: when you start and you're feeling a cold coming on,
Speaker 1: like an empty stomach. I didn't do it this time
Speaker 1: because I had I had a dinner before. But you
Speaker 1: on an empty stomach, you you eat, uh, you kind
Speaker 1: of slice it up thin, and you eat a clove
Speaker 1: of garlic and then that sits in your stomach on
Speaker 1: an empty stomach, and that helps the antibiotic powers of
Speaker 1: garlic will help fight whatever is in your What do
Speaker 1: you laugh forgive me or what you could do is
Speaker 1: get some warm water mixing, mix in some kay and
Speaker 1: pepper and then gargle that for fifteen minutes and you'll
Speaker 1: probably get the same results. It was very very powerful.
Speaker 1: Well that's powerful too. That is probably no no, that
Speaker 1: you're you're not wronging that. And there is another there's
Speaker 1: another potion that somebody told me about that involves gargling whiskey.
Speaker 1: I think not not whiskey. What is it vodka? Trying
Speaker 1: to think of the right coming. It's some alcohol with cayenne,
Speaker 1: pepper and a couple of other things and you gargle
Speaker 1: that and that'll have if you have laryngitis. That will
Speaker 1: also help with the laryngit. But but the garlic stuff,
Speaker 1: I am to the day I die. I am a
Speaker 1: cult is the power of garlic. I love it. It
Speaker 1: is wonderful and I don't have to worry about vampires
Speaker 1: or anything like that. And I'm good to go. I
Speaker 1: told you about this, By the way, it was an
Speaker 1: old DJ. When was worked, was that it was DJ
Speaker 1: van helsing or it now. I was a DJ kiss
Speaker 1: FM back in the old days when I started in
Speaker 1: a radio. Vampire hunter. Yeah, no, I'm telling you it worked.
Speaker 1: It works for me. I'll bet you listen, make a
Speaker 1: deal with you. Next time you're feeling like you're gonna
Speaker 1: get sick, Ryan, remember this conversation. And it's the great
Speaker 1: thing is it's cheap. It's like the conspiracy that now
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you should avoid doctors, said, obviously go
Speaker 1: to doctors. When I'm really fucked up, I'll go to
Speaker 1: doctors and I'll get medical attention. I think medicine is great,
Speaker 1: but like, you could save a lot of money. Right
Speaker 1: if garlic can cure a lot of the basic stuff,
Speaker 1: you don't have to go to the doctor and get
Speaker 1: real antibiotics. You can just get nature's antibiotic. Wouldn't that
Speaker 1: be the way to go. That's why I used can peppery.
Speaker 1: So for you, your garlic is kim yes, yes, okay,
Speaker 1: oh good, No, I'm glad I've used a little kayen pepper.
Speaker 1: I I love it. There's like a cayenne pepper cinnamon
Speaker 1: type mix that I think I have to I have
Speaker 1: to look it up. I have to look it up.
Speaker 1: Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Speaker 1: Show week days at two am Eastern Pacific. All right,
Speaker 1: now I'm moving on we pivot away from that. We
Speaker 1: have drastic plastic in the life of Mallard as. You
Speaker 1: can only get here because no one else wants this
Speaker 1: content other than the Fifth Hour podcast. So uh as
Speaker 1: you know, being a talk show host, you have to
Speaker 1: be bombastic. We like to dabble in sarcasm late nights,
Speaker 1: and but I do have a softer size, softer side.
Speaker 1: I do have a softer side, a very frugal side.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm Penny pinching tight wad um and and so
Speaker 1: if you follow me on the Graham or Facebook, I
Speaker 1: don't post a lot. I don't post. My my wife
Speaker 1: posts a lot more stuff than I do. I'm pretty
Speaker 1: pretty mellow on that. But the company wants me to
Speaker 1: post from time to time about my life. They asked
Speaker 1: me to the social media guys are like, hey, can
Speaker 1: you can you post stuff so people can see you
Speaker 1: content on the weekends. I'm like, okay, I'll do it.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't have a lot going on. I
Speaker 1: don't do it that much, but I'll post some photos
Speaker 1: randomly and last weekend, this is actually before I had
Speaker 1: the cold scare. Um give you a peek behind the
Speaker 1: curtain on my skills. I have a new side hustle
Speaker 1: that I think you listening can appreciate. Trash collector. Trash collector. Yes,
Speaker 1: um So, I posted some photos of a bunch of
Speaker 1: water bottles that I had picked up along the way.
Speaker 1: And as the late great Paul Harvey would say, you're
Speaker 1: going to get the elastic, fantastic and somewhat gymnastic rest
Speaker 1: of the story. So, when I moved into the Halfway
Speaker 1: House where I had lived for the last couple of months,
Speaker 1: from like mid June to mid August, I had started
Speaker 1: collecting water bottles because we didn't have a water system
Speaker 1: that we could drink like filtered water, so we were
Speaker 1: drinking water bottles at the place. Um So, I got
Speaker 1: as many water bottles I could get. We drink a
Speaker 1: lot of water the family at the Halfway House. And
Speaker 1: so for some reason I got this in my head.
Speaker 1: I remember I was in line at Costco buying water bottles,
Speaker 1: and when I checked out, the water bottles were listed
Speaker 1: for like to nine nine or something like that, but
Speaker 1: they said check out it was like more than that.
Speaker 1: It was a couple of dollars more. And then I
Speaker 1: looked at the receipt and it was like they had
Speaker 1: put in the California Redemption Value CRV, so that was
Speaker 1: factored in, so you actually paid more. But then to
Speaker 1: get that money back, the way it works is you
Speaker 1: have to have the bottle of water bottles recycled and
Speaker 1: they'll give you the money back. So I got this
Speaker 1: Michigas and I said, you know what, I'm gonna see
Speaker 1: if I can make a little money on the side
Speaker 1: a little side house. So I right, right, So I
Speaker 1: I'm an idiot. So I decided to collect all the
Speaker 1: water bottles that I was getting, and then I tried
Speaker 1: to get as many other water bottles when I would
Speaker 1: when I would be out and I'd see a water
Speaker 1: bottle on the side of the you know the path
Speaker 1: I was walking, and I grab it. I'd snatch it
Speaker 1: um and I just give as many water bottles I could.
Speaker 1: And this this was my thing. And so then it
Speaker 1: was time to cash in my winnings last weekend, and
Speaker 1: I was convinced that I hit the jackpot. I was
Speaker 1: bragging to my friends and some of my relatives. I
Speaker 1: had taken photos and I said this, I am about
Speaker 1: to take advantage of the California Refund tax a refund
Speaker 1: value whatever's called. And so I loaded up the malamobile
Speaker 1: with I think it was four or five bags of
Speaker 1: like their plastic bags filled to the very These are large,
Speaker 1: large trash bags filled with water bottle. So I head
Speaker 1: down to the local recycling place. I get there and
Speaker 1: the damn things closed. I'm like, what then they were
Speaker 1: at the lunch, but I only had limited time because
Speaker 1: I had something else, another thing I did do. So
Speaker 1: I'm driving around car filled the water bottles. I'm on
Speaker 1: my phone trying to find a place. The one that
Speaker 1: pops up I go to. It's a seed location on
Speaker 1: the wrong side of the tracks. And I made the
Speaker 1: journey to this this water bottle recycling place right and
Speaker 1: I end up doing the walk machine. I pull up.
Speaker 1: I'm like, man, I'm gonna get so much. And there
Speaker 1: was a lot of people at this place, and I
Speaker 1: gotta tell you, Ryan, it was so depressing. It was
Speaker 1: so these are These are people down on their luck, disheveled,
Speaker 1: a lot of people addicted whatever poverty. I felt so bad.
Speaker 1: You should you probably riding in a Bentley pulling up
Speaker 1: all these damn water bottles. I wasn't pulling up Bentley,
Speaker 1: but I had a better car than they had, and
Speaker 1: they were they were I know, Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: felt so bad. I felt really bad for like these
Speaker 1: They were like little kids there that were dragging water
Speaker 1: bottles with their parents and on. It was terrible. And
Speaker 1: here I am the jackass, total monkey, in the middle
Speaker 1: of all this, and I've got you know, I'm just
Speaker 1: standing there la la la la, la la la, in
Speaker 1: the middle of a madhouse. And Nay, I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm here, I might as well, you know, finish the journey, right.
Speaker 1: I didn't know where there was another recycled place. So
Speaker 1: I then I take all these bags out of the car,
Speaker 1: and then the way it works is you have to
Speaker 1: put the all the water bottles into these plastic bins
Speaker 1: and then they weigh the bin and then whatever the
Speaker 1: weight is, they do the math on that. Then they
Speaker 1: give you them out. And so all that hard work,
Speaker 1: all that effort for two months hoarding water bottles, four
Speaker 1: or five bags of water bottles, trash bags filled with
Speaker 1: water bottles, and I ended up getting Ryan sixteen dollars
Speaker 1: and nine cents. That was my take. You probably more
Speaker 1: than you know from doing that. Now, can I complain?
Speaker 1: Can I complain. I would like to complain. Can I complain?
Speaker 1: So let me let me compait. So I think I
Speaker 1: got screwed. The waiting system screwed me because per bottles
Speaker 1: like five or ten cents. I think it's like ten
Speaker 1: cents or something like that. This is what it says.
Speaker 1: In fact, I've got a water bottle. I don't you
Speaker 1: can hear that? I've got a water here from Costco. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it says Hawaii, Connecticut five cents or ten cents California's
Speaker 1: CRV So each water bottle worth ten cents, so fine,
Speaker 1: but they don't count each water bottle. I'd be willing
Speaker 1: to put each water bottle into a machine to get
Speaker 1: my ten cents per water bottle. So I think I
Speaker 1: got screwed. I did the math on this, and sixteen
Speaker 1: dollars and nine cents equals three hundred thirty eight point
Speaker 1: two water bottles. How do you get a point to?
Speaker 1: I don't know how you get a point to on that.
Speaker 1: But that's why I will guarantee you that I had
Speaker 1: a minimum of one bottles in each bag, and I
Speaker 1: had five bags, So using Mallard math, that's at least
Speaker 1: five hundred bottles. But I only got credited for three eight.
Speaker 1: I had way more than that. And then I had
Speaker 1: an epiphany which I did not come up with my own.
Speaker 1: Ryan uh. Some some listeners actually pointed this out to me,
Speaker 1: some frugal members of the Mallem militia helping out yours truly,
Speaker 1: and they were telling me. These p ones were telling
Speaker 1: me I had screwed up, that I would have gotten
Speaker 1: more money if I had crushed each plastic bottle. Now,
Speaker 1: let's get scientifically. That's what I say. Why the funk
Speaker 1: would that matter? It's the same thing. It doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: They claim that a crushed water bottle weighs more than
Speaker 1: a regular water bottle. I don't think that's true. That's
Speaker 1: the dumbest thing I've ever heard, right, That's what I thought. Now.
Speaker 1: I couldn't I could see an argument like a m
Speaker 1: a soda can, right, aluminum can or beer can. I
Speaker 1: couldn't see that making sense that if you crush an
Speaker 1: aluminum can, because it's more condensed, it would weigh more.
Speaker 1: I don't even know if that's true. The water bottle
Speaker 1: thing made no sense to me. But here's the thing
Speaker 1: that were When I was online with the on the
Speaker 1: wrong side of the tracks with a lot of poor
Speaker 1: people that were down on the luck, who were also
Speaker 1: in line with me giving back water bottle a lot
Speaker 1: of their not everybody, but most of the people had
Speaker 1: crushed water bottles. Are they savvy veterans? Do they know
Speaker 1: what they're doing? And I don't know what I'm doing?
Speaker 1: Could that be the case? Or they're all idiots? That
Speaker 1: is also true. That is also yeah. That is also
Speaker 1: collecting bottles. And I could see you walking around late
Speaker 1: at night digging through your neighbor's trash. Oh yeah, dress sure, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: finding off raccoons. There's no question about it. I mean,
Speaker 1: come on, absolute bleep and LOUTEI man, absolute bleep and lutely,
Speaker 1: are you kidding me? My goodness. But anyway, so I
Speaker 1: was bummed out by that. But I would like to
Speaker 1: recommend maybe there is a place like this, like I
Speaker 1: would again, I would be willing to go. If there's
Speaker 1: a machine at a store somewhere like a Walmart. You
Speaker 1: go in with your plastic bags. Maybe it's in the
Speaker 1: back of the Walmart, and then one by one you
Speaker 1: put the plastic bottles in the machine and then it
Speaker 1: shoots ten cents out or even if they wait till
Speaker 1: it's done and then they give you the dollar amount.
Speaker 1: But I'd be cool with that. I think that would
Speaker 1: be wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. So anyway, that
Speaker 1: is the de leo on that. Be sure to catch
Speaker 1: live editions of The Ben Maller Show week Case at
Speaker 1: two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on Fox Sports Radio
Speaker 1: and the I Heart Radio app. It's me Rob Parker.
Speaker 1: Check out my weekly MLBAT podcasts, Inside the Parker for
Speaker 1: twenty two minutes of piping hot baseball talk featuring the
Speaker 1: biggest name to newsmakers in the sport. Whether you believe
Speaker 1: in analytics for the I test, we've got all the
Speaker 1: bases covered. New episodes drop every Thursday, So do yourself
Speaker 1: a favor and listen to Inside the Partner with Rob
Speaker 1: Parker on the I Heart Radio app or wherever you
Speaker 1: get your podcast. Now, moving on, we have contractor Betty
Speaker 1: contractor so the work, as I pointed out here in
Speaker 1: this podcast, the work continues feverishly on the Mallard mansion
Speaker 1: two point oh and I have been living upstairs in
Speaker 1: a corner of the house, which is done they got
Speaker 1: a few things done. The hard working, the carpenters, the plumbers,
Speaker 1: the painters, all these different people have been finishing up
Speaker 1: the house. But right now I have a one bathroom,
Speaker 1: two bedroom, my studio, my little radio studio which they finished,
Speaker 1: which I'm in right now. You can't see because it's
Speaker 1: you know, radio podcasting whatever. But so that's all it's done.
Speaker 1: And there's no living room, there's no kitchen. The backyards
Speaker 1: covered in glass because they changed the windows and they
Speaker 1: decided to throw the windows down on the grass and
Speaker 1: there's broken glass everywhere. Um. And so the rest of
Speaker 1: the house is weeks, if not like months away from
Speaker 1: being done. It's like constructions. But I'm very proud to
Speaker 1: pass on that I had a big contractor Benny moment,
Speaker 1: big accomplishment this past week because when we moved in here,
Speaker 1: this place was caked and dust. Everything covered in dust.
Speaker 1: When they put drywall up, the particles go everywhere. It's
Speaker 1: a big ship show. So they had to replace some
Speaker 1: of the drywall here, and so there's stuff everywhere. Uh.
Speaker 1: And the painting also creates a big mass particles and
Speaker 1: stuff and stuff that you should not have in your
Speaker 1: lungs and since the team had not finished the rest
Speaker 1: of the house. We were just living, as I said,
Speaker 1: in the corner of the house. And so we left
Speaker 1: where we were staying at this local hotel and we
Speaker 1: moved in and I was like, there's gonna be dust
Speaker 1: blown all over the place. We gotta do something about this.
Speaker 1: And so I went down the home depot and for
Speaker 1: the first time ever, along with the assistance of my
Speaker 1: wife and the YouTube, I made a zipper wall. Have
Speaker 1: you ever made a zipper wall? I have not. You
Speaker 1: know what a zipper wall is, right? Not? Okay, alright, alright, alright,
Speaker 1: so I'll tell you it's I didn't know either until
Speaker 1: I had a water league at the old Mallard mansion
Speaker 1: and then that was a ship show. But so, a
Speaker 1: a zip wall. A zipper wall is where you you
Speaker 1: know that plastic sheeting they put around during construction to
Speaker 1: keep stuff out of certain places. So you you wrap
Speaker 1: the plastic sheeting around and then you have you create
Speaker 1: a door. It's called the zipper wall, and it's a
Speaker 1: zipper so that way you can walk through the zipper
Speaker 1: part of it. Right, you can walk through the zipper
Speaker 1: part of it and you're good to go. And uh,
Speaker 1: you know, it's just just wonderful, just just great and
Speaker 1: uh and all that and so, uh fine, I needed
Speaker 1: a zipper wall. So I went on the YouTube and
Speaker 1: I watched the d I Y do it yourself videos
Speaker 1: and I went to work and it was really simple.
Speaker 1: And I don't know that I'll ever need this again.
Speaker 1: I would like to think, I would like to hope
Speaker 1: that I will not. Um but it's it's pretty neat.
Speaker 1: So you buy the plastic wrap, which is in that
Speaker 1: expensive it's in the painting section at home depot, my
Speaker 1: home depot. So you buy the big plastic sheets that
Speaker 1: you wrap around where you want to cover. And then
Speaker 1: there's this like ten dollar zipper stick on zipper that
Speaker 1: you buy, and then you need a really sharp knife.
Speaker 1: And so the way that works is you wrap the
Speaker 1: plastic wrap the contract to wrap around where you want
Speaker 1: to cover and keep the dirt out of. So you
Speaker 1: you tape that up to the wall. Then you place
Speaker 1: the zipper, the stick on zipper it's got this real
Speaker 1: thick uh you know stumids. You stick that on the
Speaker 1: wall there and then you unzip it. You zip the
Speaker 1: zipper up and then you put your knife and you
Speaker 1: cut a hole through the plastic all the way through
Speaker 1: the in the middle of the zipper, and then that's it.
Speaker 1: That's all you have to do, and you're done. You've
Speaker 1: created a zipper wall and it really works. Well, it's
Speaker 1: worked for the last like ten days. It's it's great,
Speaker 1: it's wonderful. We we are still using it myself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's about it. That's about it. Most of the time
Speaker 1: I watched those YouTube videos on how to do ship
Speaker 1: and I am completely lost, completely lost. I have no
Speaker 1: no idea what's going on. So are you, hey, any man, Ryan,
Speaker 1: are you able to know? Um? I recently, uh, maybe
Speaker 1: about a year ago, I bought a desk and I
Speaker 1: had no idea how to put it together. There were
Speaker 1: like no instructions. Luckily I had the YouTube, and I'm saying,
Speaker 1: I'm saying to myself, like, really, like you guys couldn't
Speaker 1: put instructions to put this table together. I have to
Speaker 1: go on YouTube. That's the only way I was able
Speaker 1: to put this thing together, or I would have been lost,
Speaker 1: totally lost. Yeah. Yeah, YouTube is great. It's it's absolutely wonderful.
Speaker 1: And building stuff sucks. I'm right there with you. I
Speaker 1: love going to Ikea. You ever go to Ikea. There's
Speaker 1: a big one in Burbank. It's like, I think it's
Speaker 1: the biggest Ikea west of the Mississippi in in the
Speaker 1: United States. So so anyway, I love going to but
Speaker 1: the building that that stuff is just a nightmare. It's
Speaker 1: just a ship show. It's uh and uh. So I
Speaker 1: have a my brother in law is he's on the
Speaker 1: crew that makes sets for movies and TV shows and
Speaker 1: stuff like that, and so he's really good at building
Speaker 1: stuff like that because that's what they do. They'll buy
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff from my Kea for TV shows
Speaker 1: and movies or whatever, and they get they have to
Speaker 1: build it real quick, and that's what So we'll sometimes
Speaker 1: call him to help out and all that, or I'll
Speaker 1: just try to watch a YouTube video and I will
Speaker 1: admit one time I was trying to build this like
Speaker 1: closet thing, this this mini closet for the back of
Speaker 1: the room that I had purchased from It's either Low's
Speaker 1: or home Depot. And I remember getting this thing and
Speaker 1: trying to build it, and I ended up having to
Speaker 1: return it because I could not. I could not. I did.
Speaker 1: I returned it. I could not build it. No matter
Speaker 1: what I tried. I tried. I tried, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I just I should just return this. I can't. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna work. And they were like asking why I
Speaker 1: was returning. I was like, well it was you know,
Speaker 1: I was like that was bullshit. I was like, well
Speaker 1: they're missing some parts or something like that, missing parts,
Speaker 1: the parts that we're missing with my head, you know,
Speaker 1: that was the the issue. So some places have a
Speaker 1: thing called white what's called white Glove service where they oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: when they bring it up and it set up for
Speaker 1: you right then and there, and that's a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1: But I'm cheap. I don't like to spend money. I
Speaker 1: don't have to spend so I think I could do
Speaker 1: It's like how hard could I How hard could it be?
Speaker 1: I could build? I could build this, and then I
Speaker 1: can't build it. So you shouldn't be so cheap. Your
Speaker 1: time is important, right that that is true, the most
Speaker 1: important thing that we have. Yeah, I'm a big believer that.
Speaker 1: And as the older I've gotten that is that is true,
Speaker 1: that the finite amount of time I've I've learned to
Speaker 1: value time more. Before I didn't really value time. But
Speaker 1: you only get a finite amount of it. Right when
Speaker 1: it's you don't know how much you have. And when
Speaker 1: it's gone, it's gone, and you can't buy more. There's
Speaker 1: no way to buy more. So yeah, um, anyway, all right,
Speaker 1: well there you go. Uh, we should put the baby
Speaker 1: to bed. Although I did see some science stories that
Speaker 1: we were amusing. Did you see that fifty six percent
Speaker 1: of Americans admit reading a book during the summer. You
Speaker 1: know why they read the book? No idea to look
Speaker 1: smarter to their friends. Isn't that the Lebron James move.
Speaker 1: Remember Lebron has been accused of doing this over the years,
Speaker 1: where he will during the NBA playoffs, he likes to
Speaker 1: brag about how he gets off social media and then
Speaker 1: he'll carry around a book and the dope media will
Speaker 1: occasionally ask Lebron about the book, and Lebron has been
Speaker 1: caught not knowing anything about the book, like he doesn't
Speaker 1: actually read the book. Remember there's a Godfather. I think
Speaker 1: it was the god Was it the Godfather? That was
Speaker 1: the famous story where they asked him about the god
Speaker 1: his favorite part of the Godfather, and he just had
Speaker 1: nothing and it was it was bad. It was bad.
Speaker 1: The same people that are uh these athletes after the game,
Speaker 1: they're talking to reporters and they have these like glasses on.
Speaker 1: I'm like, why are you wearing glasses? Wait? Wait, they
Speaker 1: have the glasses on to make them seem smarter. I'm like, dude,
Speaker 1: you're not like, who are you trying to kid around here?
Speaker 1: You're not fooling anybody. You don't need to wear glasses. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well that is a benefit though, is I've gotten older.
Speaker 1: I didn't have glasses until maybe six seven years ago,
Speaker 1: I think, um and so I had reading glasses, but
Speaker 1: I didn't have real glasses. But it is a side benefit.
Speaker 1: Like when I was in elementary school, we always picked
Speaker 1: on the kids that had glasses. Hey, point dexter. You know.
Speaker 1: But as an adult, it's one of those weird things.
Speaker 1: As an adult you are seen as as more scholarly.
Speaker 1: Um and and also a little gray hair helps out
Speaker 1: with that as well. It helps out like they think
Speaker 1: you're more knowledgeable and you have more wisdom. Well, it
Speaker 1: depends on where the gray hair is. Ben just gonna
Speaker 1: put that out there. You know, what do you what
Speaker 1: do you get me? The older I get I every
Speaker 1: once in a while, wake up the morning, go I
Speaker 1: didn't know you could get gray hair there. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's really weird. And then you're like, do you
Speaker 1: leave it to you get rid of it? I mean,
Speaker 1: it's just weird, man, It's like, dude, of all places there,
Speaker 1: I know. Well, the thing that kills me is I've
Speaker 1: lost a little hair on the top a fair amounts
Speaker 1: where I wear caps all the time, baseball cap. The
Speaker 1: thing that kills me is I have so much hair
Speaker 1: growing in like my ears and my fucking nose. And
Speaker 1: I'm like, what the funk? I'm like, I remember when
Speaker 1: I was a kid and my grandfather, the guy that
Speaker 1: I learned Yiddish from, he had so much hair in
Speaker 1: his ears and his nose, and I was like, what
Speaker 1: the fund is that? You know? He must have some problem. Well,
Speaker 1: now look at me. Now I'm that guy. I'm not
Speaker 1: that I'm not has at his age, but I'm becoming
Speaker 1: that guy. So you should do that for the years
Speaker 1: for the hair at the topic. I don't need him
Speaker 1: for the years. I was gonna say, your boy Tom Brady,
Speaker 1: that's what he does. Uh? Does you do their plugs
Speaker 1: that Lebron Lebron does? That doesn't Lebron do that a
Speaker 1: lot of people do it. Yeah, if you had the money,
Speaker 1: why wouldn't you. It's pretty pretty expensive. But if you
Speaker 1: could do it right now the problem is you don't
Speaker 1: want to do it, but you want to have like
Speaker 1: the Marv Albert to pay. You don't want that. You
Speaker 1: don't want that. You'd rather I just rather wear baseball hats. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'd rather be be doing that. Uh. Here's one remote
Speaker 1: living three and four employees want the ability to work
Speaker 1: from home forever, of course forever. That's the dream, forever forever. Yeah. Uh,
Speaker 1: let's see here. Drinking eight glasses of water a day
Speaker 1: maybe key to healthy heart for decades, maybe a key. Wow.
Speaker 1: I mean you drink what's mainly in your body, you
Speaker 1: can live longer. Okay, Well, the thing about that is
Speaker 1: that that that's an arbitrary number. I read a different
Speaker 1: study that said that's an arbitrary number that they came
Speaker 1: up with eight glasses day. But it's not actually eight
Speaker 1: water like glasses a day. It's you get water out
Speaker 1: of stuff that you eat. There's like water in everything
Speaker 1: that you consume, right, So it's people think it's eight
Speaker 1: glasses of water to day, but it's actually uh it's
Speaker 1: not eight full water glasses because you're depending on what
Speaker 1: you eat. You get water out of that stuff. Point
Speaker 1: that out, you'll be fine again. I'm holding my that's
Speaker 1: my water bottle. There, I have that. Now you could
Speaker 1: go full teeth. Well you thought that was something those Yeah,
Speaker 1: that is holding money in my hands here. Now you
Speaker 1: know the legend on Brady. Tom Brady the TV twelve formula.
Speaker 1: He claimed in a radio interview at e I when
Speaker 1: I was working there. He claimed that he drinks twenty
Speaker 1: five glasses of water per day and adds electrolytes. That's
Speaker 1: two and a half gallons of water at that Brady
Speaker 1: claims to drink. I don't trust anything that man says. No,
Speaker 1: that's bullshit. That's he is full of shit. I think that.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah. And by the way, sister, on the topic
Speaker 1: of Tom Brady, okay, here you know, because like this
Speaker 1: has been it's been driving me nuts. Okay, So yeah,
Speaker 1: Seattle on a torn mc l whatever last season. Okay,
Speaker 1: aren't you aren't you supposed to report that? Why was
Speaker 1: he not on the injury report? It wasn't all last season? Well,
Speaker 1: because that's against the rules. He played through it. He
Speaker 1: just rubbed some He rubbed some dirt on it. He
Speaker 1: just rubs. Was supposed to be on the injury report
Speaker 1: and they didn't put on the report. They should be
Speaker 1: fined base should lose draft picks. Dude, this man cheats
Speaker 1: all the fucking time. He's not in Boston anymore. You
Speaker 1: don't have to hate him. He's like, no, it's a cheater.
Speaker 1: Do you hate Florida certain parts? Well, what part of
Speaker 1: Florida part of the corporate are Brady Tampa? Okay? What about?
Speaker 1: What about the redneck riviera? Do you hate that part
Speaker 1: of Florida? You're not a fan of that. I have
Speaker 1: to look at I don't know. You don't know that
Speaker 1: you know what the redneck riviera is? Right, I do not.
Speaker 1: You've never heard that term? Google it? Can you google it?
Speaker 1: Real quickly? You want me to tell you what we're
Speaker 1: gonna get in trouble at work or what? No, you're not.
Speaker 1: I can't look at porner work. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no. It's a it's a sling term. It's if
Speaker 1: you look at the Gulf of Mexico and you know
Speaker 1: that Florida kind of bends up right and uh, and
Speaker 1: it's right. The part of Florida that's just below like Alabama, Mississippi,
Speaker 1: like that part they that's been nicknamed years ago the
Speaker 1: Redneck River here. Yeah, so the cliche is it's uh,
Speaker 1: you know, it's in the Gulf Coast there. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of uh, interesting folks that go their show. We say,
Speaker 1: you know, I want to point that out there. No,
Speaker 1: I don't know what you mean. It is a popular
Speaker 1: tourist destination. Destination though for what I've never like, do
Speaker 1: you go to the beach if you live in the
Speaker 1: you know, some of the southern states they're just above Florida, Um,
Speaker 1: they for them, it's if you live in that area,
Speaker 1: it's a it's paradise. Yeah, I guess I'll take your
Speaker 1: word for it. Well, I've never I've never been there.
Speaker 1: So all I'm saying is this Tom Brady's a cheater.
Speaker 1: That's all I'm saying. Tommy boy, cheater, Tom Shady. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: all right, it's a it's the western it's the western
Speaker 1: part of the Florida Panhandle, like Panama City. To give
Speaker 1: you an idea and not think you listen to my show.
Speaker 1: But there's a guy named, uh, what's this guy's name?
Speaker 1: From Florida. They calls up. It's nuts, I'm having a
Speaker 1: mental block here. Could be anybody, uh could be anybody? Uh? Oh,
Speaker 1: no is who fled? Uh? Jed Jed who fled? Jet
Speaker 1: who fled? And he calls up from Panama City, which
Speaker 1: is on the Painhandle there, and he's a meth head okay,
Speaker 1: loves meth and he calls the show up. So there's
Speaker 1: there's some of that going on, something that going on.
Speaker 1: And it's also known as like Lower Alabama they'll call it,
Speaker 1: or the Emerald Coast, got some other nicknames there, and
Speaker 1: so it goes from like Bay City or Bay St. Louis, Mississippi,
Speaker 1: and then it's it's the Florida pan Handles. So you
Speaker 1: have a meth head listening to your show. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: we welcome everybody to the show. Do you think he's vaccinated?
Speaker 1: By the way, I don't know, Well, what are you
Speaker 1: getting at A couple of my friends doctors or nurses,
Speaker 1: and they say, like a lot of people people that
Speaker 1: have been treating won't you know, get vaccinated? But they
Speaker 1: do math, which baffles me. Yeah, yeah, I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't know what to say to that. I I mean,
Speaker 1: I have heard that there's some you know, some people
Speaker 1: don't want to get the vaccine, and you know, hey,
Speaker 1: Gagon hasn't gotten the vaccine. He's not. He don't want
Speaker 1: to get So you're saying that he also does math.
Speaker 1: I don't know what he does. I everyone's got it's
Speaker 1: like that old Buddhist thing, right, everyone's got good and
Speaker 1: bad in them. And I'm going full Buddhist. Now, yeah,
Speaker 1: there's nothing good. I'm like a Buddhist. Well that's true,
Speaker 1: that is true. No, But isn't it the Buddhist to
Speaker 1: believe that we're all equally capable of good and evil?
Speaker 1: You're talking to the wrong person about that, I know,
Speaker 1: just in general, but just like you know, the example
Speaker 1: mother Teresa could if she she had could have become
Speaker 1: you know, a poor, poor woman's Hitler or something like that.
Speaker 1: Or are you talking about But the point is no,
Speaker 1: it's it's a fundamental prinis I'm not Buddhist or anything
Speaker 1: like that, but obviously I'm not. Am I wrong? Am
Speaker 1: I getting this wrong? No? But people are capable of
Speaker 1: good and evil, like everyone's got more than one side
Speaker 1: to them. Is I think that's the I think that's true.
Speaker 1: Maybe it is I don't know. I'm Buddha, Buddha, Buddhi,
Speaker 1: you're not Buddha. I'm not I'm not Buddha either, but
Speaker 1: you like a good Buddha, you know. Maybe maybe nothing
Speaker 1: wrong with that man, nothing wrong with that uh anyway,
Speaker 1: all right, that is it. We will put the baby
Speaker 1: to bed for now. We'll have the mail Bag podcast
Speaker 1: on Sunday. Sunday Sunday. We look forward to that. Have
Speaker 1: a great rest of your Saturday. Member, Tell a friend
Speaker 1: about the Fifth Hour podcast. Share it, Share the sugar
Speaker 1: of the Fifth Hour podcast, and we will speak to
Speaker 1: you at at that point. Share the math. Hey, hey,
Speaker 1: dare you