WEBVTT - Second Cup: You'll regret it (and that's OK)

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is that regret is inevitable. Big decisions inevitably mean

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<v Speaker 1>giving something else up. But once you accept that, you

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<v Speaker 1>can make decisions with far less angst. Today's tip, like

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<v Speaker 1>a few others this week, comes from Nell Wolfhart, who

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<v Speaker 1>is a decision consultant. She helps people make better and

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<v Speaker 1>swifter decisions. You can check out more about what she

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<v Speaker 1>does at her website Decide and Move forward dot com.

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<v Speaker 1>Nell shared some of her favorite decision making tips with

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<v Speaker 1>me so I could cast them along to the Before

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<v Speaker 1>Breakfast audience. One of my favorite tips is about regret.

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<v Speaker 1>She tells me that the decision making business is really

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<v Speaker 1>the regret minimization business. We are all trying to avoid regret,

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<v Speaker 1>but Nell says this is impossible. Almost every big decision

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<v Speaker 1>comes with regret because you are giving up something you want.

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<v Speaker 1>Does that sound a bit depressing perhaps, but as Nell

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<v Speaker 1>tells me, it is actually liberating. If you accepted there

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<v Speaker 1>was going to be regret either way, which option would

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<v Speaker 1>you choose? I think this is a wonderfully practical way

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<v Speaker 1>to frame decisions. Life is never perfect. When we remove

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<v Speaker 1>one source of stress with a certain decision, we might

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<v Speaker 1>then fixate on others. We lament the others, not giving

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<v Speaker 1>ample credit to the fact that the first is gone.

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<v Speaker 1>This was beautifully illustrated in Jane Austen's classic novel Sense

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<v Speaker 1>and Sensibility, when the cad Willoughby expresses his regret to

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<v Speaker 1>mary Anne that he didn't marry her for love and

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<v Speaker 1>instead married someone else for money. Mary Anne's wise sister

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<v Speaker 1>Eleanor points out that Willoughby can focus on his regret

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<v Speaker 1>about love now because his material needs are amply met.

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<v Speaker 1>Had he married differently, he still would have his extravagant tastes,

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<v Speaker 1>and he'd no doubt start fixating on his regret about

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<v Speaker 1>all the material things he couldn't have, even if he

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<v Speaker 1>did have slightly more romantic feelings for this alternate wife.

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<v Speaker 1>Regret is inevitable, but once you know that, you can

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<v Speaker 1>also turn down some of the angst on even rather

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<v Speaker 1>large decisions. Some longtime listeners have heard the story of

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<v Speaker 1>how I wound up choosing where to go to college

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<v Speaker 1>in twenty four hours. I thought I couldn't afford to

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<v Speaker 1>go to my first two choices where I'd gotten accepted,

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<v Speaker 1>and then a relative offered to help my family out,

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<v Speaker 1>which made them more feasible. I was about twenty four

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<v Speaker 1>hours away from the deadline, so I needed to make

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<v Speaker 1>a decision between those two schools, and so I did.

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<v Speaker 1>I think of that massive decision now sometimes because much

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<v Speaker 1>of my life could be very different if I'd chosen

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<v Speaker 1>the other place. I don't think it would be better,

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<v Speaker 1>because my life is pretty awesome. But whatever I would

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<v Speaker 1>have chosen in those twenty four hours, I would still

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<v Speaker 1>be me, and I'm a pretty positive, happy person. So

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<v Speaker 1>if I had gone to the other school and the

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<v Speaker 1>details of my life were now different, I would no

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<v Speaker 1>doubt think that was pretty awesome. Then too. Life will

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<v Speaker 1>play out as it does, and so it wouldn't have

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<v Speaker 1>been a huge mistake to choose the other school, just

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<v Speaker 1>as alternate universe Laura probably wouldn't be thinking she had

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<v Speaker 1>made a huge mistake either. There were going to be

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<v Speaker 1>upsides and downsides both ways. When you realize this, you

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<v Speaker 1>can just make decisions more practically. Should we buy this house. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>if you like the house and you have the money,

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<v Speaker 1>you will probably be quite happy there. But if you

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<v Speaker 1>don't buy the house. You will no doubt be happy

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<v Speaker 1>in your current home, or whatever different one you wind

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<v Speaker 1>up buying. Either way has its advantages, and either way

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<v Speaker 1>will have its regrets. Should we go to the beach

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<v Speaker 1>or to the mountain for our vacation, you will probably

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<v Speaker 1>make good memories either place. There may be some things

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<v Speaker 1>you miss out on, but unless you go to the

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<v Speaker 1>beach during a hurricane or the mountain during an avalanche,

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<v Speaker 1>neither set of regrets would be particularly more profound than

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<v Speaker 1>the other. It's going to be fine either way, So

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<v Speaker 1>you can choose based on something like whether that resort

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<v Speaker 1>at the beach is running a sail or whether you

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<v Speaker 1>went to the mountains last year, or which just sounds

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<v Speaker 1>like more fun. Regret is inevitable. All decisions involve giving

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<v Speaker 1>something up, but all decisions can lead to some good

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<v Speaker 1>things too. There's really no need to worry too much

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<v Speaker 1>about that. Life will keep playing out as it does

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<v Speaker 1>except that and you will probably be more satisfied in general.

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<v Speaker 1>In the meantime. This is Laura. Thanks for listening, and

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<v Speaker 1>here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd love to hear from you. You can send me

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<v Speaker 1>your tips, your questions or anything else. Just connect with

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<v Speaker 1>me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at Before Breakfast Pod.

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<v Speaker 1>That's b the number then Breakfast Pod. You can also

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<v Speaker 1>shoot me an email at Before Breakfast.

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<v Speaker 2>Podcasts at iHeartMedia dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled

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<v Speaker 2>out with all the letters. Thanks so much, should I

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<v Speaker 2>look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a

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<v Speaker 2>production of iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the

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<v Speaker 2>iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

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<v Speaker 1>M HM