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Speaker 1: Brought to you by the reinvented two thousand twelve Camray.

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Speaker 1: It's ready. Are you welcome to Stuff Mom Never Told You?

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Speaker 1: From how Stuff Works dot Com. Hello, and welcome to

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Speaker 1: the podcast. I'm Kristen and I'm Molly Molly. We have

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Speaker 1: talked about so many things on Stuff Mom Never Told

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Speaker 1: You in this episode entitled at Least, I would nominate

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Speaker 1: as the creepiest you think so all the ones we've

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Speaker 1: done creepiest, it's kind of creepy. Do we marry our parents?

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Speaker 1: We should qualify some not literally marrying your parents, it's

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Speaker 1: marrying someone who maybe looks like your parents, acts like

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Speaker 1: your parents, talks like a parent. Yeah, I mean basically

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Speaker 1: would be Um, if you wake up in in thirty

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Speaker 1: years Christ and you're married to a guy who looks

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Speaker 1: exactly like it. Yeah, I mean, but that's still so creepy,

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Speaker 1: like subconscious attraction to someone like your parents. Mean, Freud

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Speaker 1: would be having a heyday right now, and I want

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Speaker 1: to talk about in a little while. Um, but let's

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Speaker 1: back it up with a couple of compelling findings, not

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Speaker 1: necessarily dealing with how we totally think our dads are hot.

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Speaker 1: It's what I think our dad. Hot. We'll get into that,

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Speaker 1: we'll get into we want people to keep listening. That's right,

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Speaker 1: it's so. Vanderbilt University study, first of all, found that

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Speaker 1: girls with close supportive relationships with their parents during the

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Speaker 1: first five years tend to develop puberty later. And they

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Speaker 1: tracked a hundred and seventy three girls from pre kindergarten

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Speaker 1: to seventh grade, and the paternal relationship had the strongest

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Speaker 1: correlation to the onset of puberty. So they think that

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Speaker 1: if you have a really good relationship with your dad,

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Speaker 1: when you know from years one to five, you might

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Speaker 1: hit puberty later. And why might that be, Well, you're

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Speaker 1: dumping right to the creepy part. It's because it might

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Speaker 1: be protecting you from getting pregnant by your father. Right.

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Speaker 1: They're saying that if you've got this really great relationship

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Speaker 1: with your dad, it um you know, it inhibits puberty,

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Speaker 1: so it inhibbits pregnancy, and it might be kind of

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Speaker 1: getting at ways that we subconsciously avoid incest. Whereas the

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Speaker 1: girls who had negative relationships with their fathers or if

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Speaker 1: their father's left, they hit puberty sooner, probably because there

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Speaker 1: was no male around who might uh impregnate them. With

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Speaker 1: an in bread baby. Yeah, they might be exposed to,

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Speaker 1: say stepfather or mother's boyfriends, and those different pheromones produced

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Speaker 1: by unrelated males might speed up their pubertal pubertal development.

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Speaker 1: So basically their buddies saying like, hey, we are, we're

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Speaker 1: ready to mate. He's not related to yeah, dad's dad's gone.

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Speaker 1: Let's oh god. So there's that. And then there is

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Speaker 1: a study tracking that use cell phone data to track

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Speaker 1: how often women dial up their dads, and they found

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Speaker 1: this huge drop off with daughter father communication during opulation

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Speaker 1: at a time when you could get pregnant. Somehow subconsciously

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Speaker 1: you were not calling your dad as much, or if

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Speaker 1: your dad called you, you are ending the conversation much

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Speaker 1: more quickly that you did at other times during the month.

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Speaker 1: And again the researchers are positing that it's because you

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Speaker 1: don't want to be like hey, dad during a time

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Speaker 1: when you're rare and to go baby wise and you're

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Speaker 1: so fertile. And this is consistent with other animal behavior

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Speaker 1: where the fertile women, the fertile daughters will avoid paternal contact.

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Speaker 1: But we are four times as likely to call a

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Speaker 1: full mom during that time. So you know, if there's

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Speaker 1: a spike, a monthly spike in your conversations with your

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Speaker 1: mom versus your dad. Women out there might be a

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Speaker 1: sign that you're ovulating, and they're saying that maybe that's

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Speaker 1: because the girls called their mother and say, oh, I

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Speaker 1: just met this guy blah blah, and they're talking about

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Speaker 1: a potential mate, so kind of subconsciously, because again, you know,

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Speaker 1: no one's walking around always trying to get pregnant, but

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Speaker 1: evolutionarily speaking, that's what people think we're trying to do.

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Speaker 1: And so maybe you're running a mate past your mom.

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Speaker 1: Cookie science this is it is um. And so the

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Speaker 1: thought is, you know, we find these little studies every

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Speaker 1: now and then that kind of pique our interest about

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Speaker 1: ways in which we're trying to avoid having children with

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Speaker 1: our dad. Um. But you know, every now and then

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Speaker 1: you hear an anecdote from a pal or someone who's like,

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Speaker 1: this guy is kind of creepily like my dad. They

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Speaker 1: like the same thing, so they get along really well,

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Speaker 1: same sense of humor, they walk the same, they look

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Speaker 1: the same. What's up with that? Is it just an

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Speaker 1: anecdote or are these studies pointing as to the fact

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Speaker 1: that maybe we are designed? Do you fall in love

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Speaker 1: with someone who's very similar to that dominant male in

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Speaker 1: our life. Right. Peggy Drexler wrote a book called Our Fathers, Ourselves,

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Speaker 1: and she talks a lot about this idea. And she

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Speaker 1: theorizes that since the dad is the first man that

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Speaker 1: we get to know on intimate terms, and he can

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Speaker 1: also be sort of an elusive figure in a very

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Speaker 1: gender traditional household, he might be the breadwinner, he might

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Speaker 1: be out of the house more often than mom might be.

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Speaker 1: So it creates this idealized male from a very early age. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and whether you have a good relationship with that idealized

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Speaker 1: male or a bad relationship, it might eventually affect what

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Speaker 1: kind of partner you pick for yourself. You know, we've

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Speaker 1: all heard the term daddy issues. So if the father

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Speaker 1: was absent, then perhaps you are abusive. Perhaps you treat

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Speaker 1: you seek out someone who treats you much the same way,

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Speaker 1: whereas if you were a princess in your father's eyes,

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Speaker 1: perhaps you accept nothing less then that from your own partner. Right,

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Speaker 1: And anecdotal evidence shows that um women who have a

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Speaker 1: very distant relationship with her father might have issues like

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Speaker 1: inability to flirt or awkwardness and interacting with men, and

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Speaker 1: it also reflects the self worth. Peggy Drexler says that

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Speaker 1: a woman's relationship with her father correlates strongly with how,

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Speaker 1: you know, like she perceives her self worth, and that

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Speaker 1: is a huge piece of baggage that we take into

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Speaker 1: our relationships and the people that we unconsciously seek out.

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Speaker 1: So it might be just that we seek out people

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Speaker 1: who are familiar to us, who we know we can

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Speaker 1: live together with for a long period of time. And

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Speaker 1: you know, you live under your parents house for on

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Speaker 1: your parents room for a long time, so you know

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Speaker 1: you can live with them. So it might be a

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Speaker 1: matter of just speaking out that familiarity in terms of

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Speaker 1: traits and qualities that we seek out when we're partner hunting.

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Speaker 1: But here here's something that caught me a little off guard,

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Speaker 1: and this research from Durham University and about physical attraction

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Speaker 1: to someone resembling your father. And this study found that

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Speaker 1: women who get along great with their dad's as kids,

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Speaker 1: just daddy's gal really loved him, seek out men who

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Speaker 1: physically resemble their fathers. So here's how they do this study.

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Speaker 1: They've got a list of sort of fifteen prominent features

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Speaker 1: like lips, nose, cheekbones, brows, and you know, the measurement

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Speaker 1: of all of them. They've got, um, a bunch of

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Speaker 1: faces that kind of resemble the girl's father and the

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Speaker 1: study and they've got some random faces. They divide the

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Speaker 1: groups into people who had good relationships and bad relationships,

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Speaker 1: and then and they start, you know, showing faces over

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Speaker 1: and over again. And the women with bad dad relationships

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Speaker 1: did not find men who looked like their father's appealing

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Speaker 1: at all when you account for these fifteen key facial

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Speaker 1: features they were searching for, whereas the daddy's girls were

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Speaker 1: all like, yep, sign me up for that. I find

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Speaker 1: him attractive. So strange. So we're talking a lot though

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Speaker 1: about you know, daughter father relationships. Guys, you are not

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Speaker 1: immune to this either. You're seeking out women who look

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Speaker 1: like your dad's Like, um, there's There are interesting relationships

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Speaker 1: between heterosexual men and the type of women that they

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Speaker 1: seek out, particularly if their moms were go get them

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Speaker 1: gals who were well educated and made some cash, yeah,

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Speaker 1: goring to stay at the University of Iowa. High achieving

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Speaker 1: men were highly likely to marry a woman whose education

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Speaker 1: level mirrors their moms. So this is my new dating tactic, Christia.

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Speaker 1: I find really successful female CEOs in this area, perhaps

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Speaker 1: named Debra. If you've listened to our Baby Names episode exactly,

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Speaker 1: then I searched whether they have a thirty year old

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Speaker 1: son there about some age right, because he's gonna be

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Speaker 1: totally cool with the high achieving go getting woman. Man,

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Speaker 1: I'm not. I hope that there are a lot of

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Speaker 1: high chieving moms. Listen to this right now, and you're

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Speaker 1: about to get flooded with match making that made the

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Speaker 1: pictures of your son's No. I mean they're saying that,

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Speaker 1: and they've only shown this for opposite sex parents. They

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Speaker 1: haven't done enough work with you know, um women and

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Speaker 1: their own mothers. But they're saying that the attraction thing

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Speaker 1: holds up for women, for men and their mothers, and

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Speaker 1: the qualities they learned from their mother in terms of

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Speaker 1: balancing career and family are very ingrained in this generation

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Speaker 1: of them, right, They're more accepting of higher powered, high

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Speaker 1: earning women. They don't consider it something you know, that

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Speaker 1: would cause any kind of insecurity. And six of these

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Speaker 1: high achieving men agreed with the statement smart women make

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Speaker 1: better mothers. That's a fun, sexy statement, And like I said,

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Speaker 1: This idea that you are going to respond more strongly

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Speaker 1: to pictures of someone who looks like your parents is

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Speaker 1: not just isolated to women and their dads. Another study

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Speaker 1: conducted by a University of Illinois psychologists found that in

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Speaker 1: both men and women. Now, this study is different because

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Speaker 1: they didn't ask how your relationship was with your parents,

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Speaker 1: but they did the same thing where they kind of

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Speaker 1: morphed some faces together and showed random pictures to people

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Speaker 1: um with the idea that some of these faces kind

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Speaker 1: of resembled their parents, and both men and women went

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Speaker 1: for a picture that resembled their opposite sex parents. Why

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Speaker 1: might this happen? Christen? Well, naturally, we need to go

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Speaker 1: back to evolution for starters. There's this idea that a

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Speaker 1: process called imprinting could be the kicker. And imprinting is

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Speaker 1: the notion that parental behavior may or may not affect

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Speaker 1: mate choice. For instance, in one study, they did lambs,

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Speaker 1: little baby lambs like a Robert Lamb from stuff to

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Speaker 1: blow your mind. Uh, Lambs raised by goats then grew

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Speaker 1: up to want to also mate with goats because that

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Speaker 1: parental goat became there. You know, the their pattern or base.

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Speaker 1: The most famous one where a person raises a goose

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Speaker 1: and the goose believes that that person said parents. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: there's this idea that very from the time we're born

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Speaker 1: like attracts like in terms of you've got to stick

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Speaker 1: with your own kind, and your own kind is thought

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Speaker 1: to be the first person that you see. Yeah, there's

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Speaker 1: an evolutionary biologists Lisa to Bruin who says that using

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Speaker 1: mom or dad as a maiden guide maybe evolutionary insurance

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Speaker 1: against meeting with the wrong species, which is a possible

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Speaker 1: throwback to a time when multiple hominids lived together. So

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Speaker 1: um so yeah, but they're not Scientists aren't exactly sure

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Speaker 1: the exact role imprinting might have. But like you said,

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Speaker 1: it's the like, um, mating with light goes back a

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Speaker 1: long time. But you know, we've talked so many times

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Speaker 1: on this podcast, Christen about how a lot of mating

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Speaker 1: subconsciously might be picking up people with different genes than

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Speaker 1: us to ensure a really healthy baby. So this seems

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Speaker 1: like this would go against it. I mean, it's walking

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Speaker 1: up fine line and terms up. You want to imprint

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Speaker 1: on the right species so that you stay within your

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Speaker 1: species when you mate, but you don't want to stay

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Speaker 1: too close. And so some people think that's why we

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Speaker 1: have such these taboos against insects, because if you do

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Speaker 1: mate with someone who's related to you, then your baby evolue,

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Speaker 1: you know, speaking doesn't have as good a chance as

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Speaker 1: survival as a baby who's got different gene pools working

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Speaker 1: within them. And here's where old Freud comes into play,

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Speaker 1: because Freud no big surprise here, proposed that this incest

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Speaker 1: taboo is a psychological thing that we have, like we

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Speaker 1: haven't we have a psychological urge to mate with our parents,

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Speaker 1: and we do find them very sexy. Freud, oh, freud um.

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Speaker 1: And those experiments that you were talking about with the faces,

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Speaker 1: the morphed faces were considered possibly evidence in favor of

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Speaker 1: Freud's notion subconsciously we are attracted to our parents, right.

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Speaker 1: But then there's this guy, Edward western Mark, a sociologist,

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Speaker 1: who proposes that this is all you know, this incest

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Speaker 1: taboo is merely cultural construct that we've built it up

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Speaker 1: because you know, we have the reaction that you and

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Speaker 1: I are having, like, oh, kind of creepy. No one

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Speaker 1: wants to have sex with their father or their mother.

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Speaker 1: So it's it's a matter whether it's ingrained within our

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Speaker 1: body somehow, or whether it's something we just learned from

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Speaker 1: an early age. And despite learning it from an early age,

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Speaker 1: we still kind of carry that map in our heads

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Speaker 1: of the perfect provider who was our dad, and that

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Speaker 1: may be subconscious that we seek out someone who's like him,

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Speaker 1: both physically and emotionally. But I can see that changing radically,

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Speaker 1: especially for our generation, and even you know, going back

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Speaker 1: to a generation before us, um in that dads aren't

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Speaker 1: necessarily the breadwinner. I mean, we have a high divorce

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Speaker 1: right now, so the father figure might not be as present.

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Speaker 1: And that's one thing that Peggy Drexler, who wrote Our

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Speaker 1: Fathers Ourselves, points out. She she says that fathers are

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Speaker 1: raising girls in genderless ways these days, and today girls

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Speaker 1: don't want to marry their dads. They want to be

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Speaker 1: their dad's. Oh have a feeling with that one too, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So it could be it could be interesting, you know,

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Speaker 1: like a hundred years down the line to see whether

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Speaker 1: or not these studied results might change a little bit.

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Speaker 1: We might we might be on the cusp of a

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Speaker 1: huge father daughter change perhaps, And but we gotta remember

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Speaker 1: those those hiring men and their moms don't leave them out, Molly,

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Speaker 1: those are the best kind. Yes, uh so interesting talks

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Speaker 1: where we are. Yeah, let's start your thoughts. Um. Obviously

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Speaker 1: we're not trying to promote ancests. No, no, we just

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Speaker 1: found an interesting strand of research and thought we should

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Speaker 1: share it with you. I am now going to think

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Speaker 1: a lot more carefully about whether men I'm attracted to

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Speaker 1: look at all like my father. And you know, if

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Speaker 1: you want to kind of learn more, just if you

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Speaker 1: google kind of these these words have been throwing out

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Speaker 1: in terms of men who look like your father. They

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Speaker 1: pull out a lot of celebrities in these stories and

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Speaker 1: show how, you know, Gwyneth Patriistic example, they say that

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Speaker 1: her husband looks a lot like what her dad did

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Speaker 1: when she was young. You can find a lot of

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Speaker 1: pictures on the internet that will kind of support this,

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Speaker 1: And I met a few listeners out there might have

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Speaker 1: pictures that prove that, yes, there has been their spouse

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Speaker 1: might might pass slightly as their father. Yeah. So far,

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Speaker 1: asking this question on Twitter, our followers have said, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, no, no, there's no way, because no one

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Speaker 1: wants to say like, yeah, you know, I think dad's

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Speaker 1: kind of attracted to my dad but we also have

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Speaker 1: to think about personality characteristics as well. Anyway, leave it

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Speaker 1: up to your listeners. Let us know your thoughts, Mom

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Speaker 1: stuff at how stuff works dot com if you'd like

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Speaker 1: to write us an email, and let's read one of

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Speaker 1: those emails right now. I have one here from Laren

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Speaker 1: on our episode we did a while ago on librarian,

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Speaker 1: and she is writing about librarian stereotypes because she is

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Speaker 1: in fact a library school student. So here some fun stereotypes.

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Speaker 1: She said, I would venture to say that perhaps eight

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Speaker 1: out of ten of my librarian coworkers and classmates were glasses.

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Speaker 1: I'm also an MBA student, and in my business classes

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Speaker 1: it's rare to see even one out of ten people

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Speaker 1: wearing glasses. And I also think that everyone I've met

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Speaker 1: in library school knows how to knit or crochet. There

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Speaker 1: are those people who tend to play up the sexy

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Speaker 1: stereotype by wearing pinuppy type clothes like tight pencil skirts

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Speaker 1: and cardigans, red lipstick, and horn rimmed glasses, but they're

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Speaker 1: also a large number who don't wear makeup or even bras.

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Speaker 1: My goodness, many librarians and library school students have tattoos

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Speaker 1: visible and not in a large number also have interesting piercings.

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Speaker 1: As far as technology goes, I recently attended a seminar

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Speaker 1: and noticed that though I was the youngest person in

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Speaker 1: the room, something like six of the audience use smartphones

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Speaker 1: or iPads, and many were tweeting about the presentations as

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Speaker 1: they happened. So librarians are not always hiding behind their

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Speaker 1: card catalogs, but rather frequently embraced the future and want

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Speaker 1: to integrate new technologies into library use. It's all about

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Speaker 1: increasing access to good, reliable sources of information. Here here, Lauren,

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Speaker 1: and thank you for writing in again. Our email addresses

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Speaker 1: mom Stuff at how stuff works dot com if you'd

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Speaker 1: like to toss in your two sets, and you can

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Speaker 1: also tall us in your two cents on Facebook. Like

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Speaker 1: us there, leave a comment, interact with other listeners. You

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Speaker 1: can also follow us on Twitter at moms Stuff podcast,

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Speaker 1: and you can also read our blog during the week,

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Speaker 1: It's stuff Mom Never Told You from how Stuff Works

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Speaker 1: dot com. Be sure to check out our new video podcast,

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Speaker 1: Stuff from the Future. Join how Stuff Work staff as

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Speaker 1: we explore the most promising and perplexing possibilities of tomorrow.

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