WEBVTT - Infamous: Sydney Gordon Part 1 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:01.520 Ben Higgins and Ashley. 0:00:01.560 --> 0:00:06.320 I bring you Infamous. Sometimes roses are red flags. 0:00:07.480 --> 0:00:12.240 Welcome to Infamous, because sometimes roses are red flags. Our 0:00:12.280 --> 0:00:17.000 story begins with Sidney Gordon, you know or from Joey season, 0:00:17.320 --> 0:00:22.680 from her feud with Maria. Sidney, Welcome to the podcast. 0:00:23.760 --> 0:00:24.720 Thank you for having me. 0:00:24.800 --> 0:00:25.080 Ben. 0:00:26.040 --> 0:00:28.800 Sydney's a little bit of a little nervous about talking 0:00:28.800 --> 0:00:33.199 to Ben. Because Ben was a little nervous. We'll just 0:00:33.200 --> 0:00:35.520 put it out there. Sometimes I think when you admit 0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:40.040 the nerves, it makes you feel a little relieved. So 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:43.640 this podcast has really been a year in the making. 0:00:44.360 --> 0:00:48.120 We've wanted Sydney on for quite some time. Because I 0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:50.920 nominated Sydney to go on the show. I thought she 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:53.560 would be great, and I texted the producers as soon 0:00:53.600 --> 0:00:55.680 as they announced Joey was the Bachelor because that was 0:00:55.720 --> 0:00:58.800 the only guy that she was interested in possibly going 0:00:58.840 --> 0:01:02.960 on the show for. And then she became well, a 0:01:03.040 --> 0:01:06.640 villain of sorts to the audience, really unexpected to both 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:07.120 of us. 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:09.080 You did say I would be prod for the show, 0:01:09.120 --> 0:01:10.440 and you technically weren't wrong. 0:01:12.360 --> 0:01:14.639 Just didn't know that was the caricature you'd fall into. 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:17.240 But yeah, so Ben was not easy on Sydney when 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:19.600 we would do our recaps last year of Joey's season. 0:01:20.160 --> 0:01:22.520 We've wanted her on, like I said, for a whole year, 0:01:23.000 --> 0:01:27.679 but Warner Brothers nZk, the production company, they didn't want 0:01:27.760 --> 0:01:30.399 Sidney to do interviews. And now she is out of 0:01:30.440 --> 0:01:33.280 contract and allowed to do interviews without approval and we 0:01:33.400 --> 0:01:35.559 have her here today. Yeah. 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:39.440 I'm so excited, And honestly, I think everything happens for 0:01:39.480 --> 0:01:43.000 a reason. It's a good thing that I didn't go 0:01:43.520 --> 0:01:45.520 on the show a year and a half ago because 0:01:45.800 --> 0:01:48.800 my approach would have been so differently. And I've definitely 0:01:48.840 --> 0:01:53.120 had a lot of self discovery and growth in the 0:01:53.200 --> 0:01:55.880 year and a half and I probably would have left 0:01:57.440 --> 0:02:00.040 the podcast not feeling good, and obviously I wanted to 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:01.840 be completely different this time around. 0:02:02.040 --> 0:02:04.160 We want you to feel good, Sydney. Don't be nervous. 0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:06.240 Oh thanks, Ben. 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:07.880 Let's just be honest. 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:09.079 How about that? 0:02:09.480 --> 0:02:12.480 Okay, let's be honest. I want to start before we 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:15.560 get into all the nitty gritty and all the things 0:02:15.560 --> 0:02:18.959 that viewers watched, and allow you the space to tell 0:02:19.000 --> 0:02:24.240 your story. I want to ask, are you thankful that 0:02:24.360 --> 0:02:27.160 Ashley signed you up for this show? Or do you 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:29.360 look at Ashley as somebody that walked you into one 0:02:29.400 --> 0:02:32.800 of the worst decisions of your life. 0:02:34.080 --> 0:02:38.280 So no, I would definitely say that I'm thankful for 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:43.840 that experience. I made some friends that I will have 0:02:43.960 --> 0:02:47.359 for the rest of my life, and I definitely think 0:02:47.400 --> 0:02:52.920 I came out on top in the end from it. Yeah, No, 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:55.560 I'm definitely thankful for the experience for sure. 0:02:55.880 --> 0:02:57.480 Well, I'm glad that you're not mad at me. I 0:02:57.480 --> 0:03:01.480 do feel guilt time and time again. But now do 0:03:01.520 --> 0:03:03.400 you why do you feel like you came out on top? 0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:08.840 So I mean, I I mean, I'm gonna throw astrology 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:12.560 out there, ma Lea. I love attention and I like 0:03:13.520 --> 0:03:18.520 having people, you know, like me, and I always was 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:23.040 seeking like validation from other people. And obviously, like when 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:26.880 the whole world it felt like hated me, I had 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:30.120 no choice but to just be like true to myself 0:03:30.440 --> 0:03:35.960 and just be okay with knowing who I am, you know, 0:03:36.040 --> 0:03:38.040 and the people that actually care about me know who 0:03:38.120 --> 0:03:41.680 I am. So I think with that, you know, with that, 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:45.120 and also I think it became a more well rounded 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:49.800 person and understand other people better. 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:53.400 Okay, Well that's good, Yeah, good, that's good. 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:56.360 The interesting part of this is that actually just said 0:03:56.360 --> 0:03:59.120 she feels guilt. Yes, yeah, I was the one that 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:03.040 was tough on you on this show obviously Ashley just 0:04:03.520 --> 0:04:05.000 the experience I feel. 0:04:04.920 --> 0:04:07.800 Guilt for, like for having Ashley. She had to dig 0:04:07.880 --> 0:04:09.480 herself out of a hole. 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:13.320 No, no, no, you. 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:18.960 Had to like constantly be like no, like I see 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:21.719 her side though, and like, you know, you didn't want 0:04:21.720 --> 0:04:25.440 to you know break you know your NBA underny of 0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:28.680 that because I was telling you things that probably shouldn't know. 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:34.240 But no, Ben, I mean, you definitely took the popular vote, 0:04:34.440 --> 0:04:35.560 you know, the easy route. 0:04:37.279 --> 0:04:41.839 So interesting. The easy route is fine. 0:04:41.960 --> 0:04:42.520 I'll take that. 0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:46.240 It was maybe the the more uh that was the 0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:52.320 majority opinion. However, it wasn't because of you as a person. 0:04:52.440 --> 0:04:56.160 Here is where my frustration lied with how you walk 0:04:56.240 --> 0:04:58.800 through this show. And I want to give you the 0:04:58.880 --> 0:05:02.760 space now before we start talking about Maria specifically, to 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:07.080 really lean into you personally. What I experienced watching the 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:09.400 show was a lot of excitement because of what Ashley 0:05:09.640 --> 0:05:12.080 told me about you. There was a lot of hope 0:05:12.320 --> 0:05:14.599 that this experience would go really well for you. I 0:05:14.640 --> 0:05:18.920 didn't know a lot about how the experience went until 0:05:18.920 --> 0:05:22.360 the show started airing what we saw with Maria, and again, 0:05:22.400 --> 0:05:25.800 this moment isn't about Maria is character development, some growth, 0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:29.600 some like wiggling through some really difficult moments to get 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:31.320 to a place where at the end of the day 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:35.000 people were rooting for her. What we didn't see in you, 0:05:35.560 --> 0:05:39.160 I felt like was many moments where that you could 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:42.200 have turned the corner, you could have let things go, 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:45.520 you could have moved past some of these arguments, and 0:05:45.600 --> 0:05:48.080 it felt like it was always getting drawn back to you. 0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:50.200 And so instead of moving on and being like, hey, 0:05:50.240 --> 0:05:52.559 this isn't working out for me, like people are mad, 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:54.800 she's mad, I am just going to focus on my 0:05:54.920 --> 0:05:57.360 relationship and try to make this thing the best I can. 0:05:58.080 --> 0:06:00.880 What the show showed us was at each and every 0:06:00.880 --> 0:06:04.279 episode that you were around, it continue to get brought 0:06:04.360 --> 0:06:08.480 up by you. And so my frustration was why doesn't 0:06:08.480 --> 0:06:11.360 she just move on? Like, why doesn't she just take 0:06:11.400 --> 0:06:13.840 a step outside of the scenario. So I want to 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:18.520 give you a place to explain why either you didn't 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:20.359 move on or why it didn't look like you moved on. 0:06:20.920 --> 0:06:25.560 Okay, yeah, I mean I definitely you know you're film 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:27.200 from the second you wave go up to the second 0:06:27.240 --> 0:06:30.640 go to bed. So I've had like so many different 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:36.080 conversations with you know, Joey, with the girls in the house, 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:41.120 and even with Maria, and they weren't all so like 0:06:41.880 --> 0:06:46.200 intense and almost like cut through what you saw. I 0:06:46.200 --> 0:06:49.719 think there was a lot of like very like heartfelt 0:06:50.279 --> 0:06:56.280 and vulnerable conversations that I've had with Maria, even just 0:06:56.320 --> 0:06:58.160 like giving her the benefit of the doubt a lot 0:06:58.200 --> 0:07:05.240 of the time, and it just didn't make the final cut. 0:07:05.279 --> 0:07:09.000 And I think, like that's just not the narrative that 0:07:09.880 --> 0:07:12.240 was set around who I was supposed to be, the 0:07:12.320 --> 0:07:14.600 character that I was supposed to be, Like, I wish 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:18.200 that you could have seen that like more softer, quieter, 0:07:18.400 --> 0:07:22.840 more like reflective moments that I had, which I definitely 0:07:22.880 --> 0:07:26.200 had in the show, but you mostly saw like me 0:07:26.640 --> 0:07:30.200 in the heat of the moment with the reactions to 0:07:30.360 --> 0:07:34.840 things that had happened that I personally like tried to 0:07:34.880 --> 0:07:38.080 get away from but it just it just felt like 0:07:38.160 --> 0:07:40.680 it I could get away from it. 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:45.040 With Maria, Like You've always said that lots of girls, 0:07:45.080 --> 0:07:48.840 if not the majority, had issues with her. Why did 0:07:48.840 --> 0:07:52.840 they always show you as the spokesperson for everybody's issues? 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:56.800 Yeah, in my opinion, I wish that I knew that. 0:07:56.960 --> 0:08:00.320 I think like I think it all stems for like 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:06.120 the first thing that had happened, which was the stupidest 0:08:06.160 --> 0:08:10.080 thing in the entire world, the age. And I mean 0:08:10.120 --> 0:08:13.320 also too, I do want to preface, like I don't 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:17.840 think like going into like depth about every single thing 0:08:17.960 --> 0:08:20.520 is going to do us any good. Also, like he 0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:23.360 thought about it where we just ended Grant season. 0:08:23.160 --> 0:08:25.800 Like it's been remember the details. 0:08:26.400 --> 0:08:29.080 You don't remember the details, but yeah, so like I 0:08:29.160 --> 0:08:31.000 just want to like come on here and just give 0:08:31.040 --> 0:08:35.640 a little bit more like understanding, you know, just for 0:08:35.679 --> 0:08:40.320 the future Villains of America as well. But I think 0:08:40.440 --> 0:08:46.199 that basically where it all started was with the whole 0:08:46.240 --> 0:08:51.280 age comment. And it's funny because like it was with 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:57.240 Medina had opened up about like her age and how 0:08:57.280 --> 0:09:00.760 she was she felt some type away about being the 0:09:00.800 --> 0:09:01.720 oldest one in the house. 0:09:03.480 --> 0:09:10.320 Basically, you never see you never saw the conversation between 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:13.400 me and Medina. You never saw me like toddling or 0:09:13.440 --> 0:09:19.320 whatever that because essentially never even happened. And I don't know, 0:09:19.760 --> 0:09:22.559 so basically what happened was Medina was insecure about it. 0:09:22.559 --> 0:09:24.800 I think it might already been planted that people were 0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:30.400 talking about the age comment, but I just said she 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:32.679 asked me, and I was just like yeah, I mean 0:09:32.720 --> 0:09:34.760 like Maria said something about her being old too, but 0:09:34.920 --> 0:09:39.079 like I don't know, it was never a thing. And 0:09:39.120 --> 0:09:43.079 then for some reason something got miscommunicated and it became 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:45.640 this huge thing and it was like being talked about 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:48.000 the house like who said this, Who's who's putting my 0:09:48.600 --> 0:09:52.120 character in question? Kind of thing, and then I was 0:09:52.200 --> 0:09:56.120 just like, wait, like I heard you say it, though 0:09:56.320 --> 0:10:00.480 like it was more of like a instead of like 0:10:00.520 --> 0:10:02.120 I did hear you say it? And then it kind 0:10:02.120 --> 0:10:04.440 of just more of got of like a I think 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:08.080 I got caught up in being more of like like 0:10:08.120 --> 0:10:12.800 why are you gaslighting? And that's very gas lighting is 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:14.240 a terrim I didn't want to. 0:10:14.240 --> 0:10:19.120 Yeah, yeah, don't go. Don't go into that in. 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:21.720 The moment kind of like what I felt about it, 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:23.880 but it honestly was not a big deal. And then 0:10:24.520 --> 0:10:27.320 that whole situation kind of got squashed and like we 0:10:27.400 --> 0:10:32.600 moved on from it. But yeah, I think that looking 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:35.920 back on it now, like I Mariana, I just like 0:10:36.000 --> 0:10:39.920 communicated so differently, just so differently. I think I'm more 0:10:39.960 --> 0:10:43.360 of a I'm more sensitive than her. I think that 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:48.080 she works with more of like a if. You're a if, 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:50.440 like your feelings get hurt from when I say, that's 0:10:50.440 --> 0:10:55.400 like your problem, and like I understand that. And I 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:58.800 think like her intentions were always good, whereas like before 0:10:58.840 --> 0:11:02.840 I thought they were kind of like malicious. But I 0:11:02.920 --> 0:11:08.400 just think she never she never meant any harm by anything. 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:09.960 I think we just communicated differently. 0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:12.360 What you'd say now is you look back and you're like, 0:11:13.040 --> 0:11:17.880 I was wrong to think that her intentions were not good. 0:11:18.120 --> 0:11:21.040 You now think her intentions were good throughout the process. 0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:26.600 Yes, I would say that I think that I don't 0:11:26.640 --> 0:11:30.320 think her intentions were to ever hurt my feelings. I 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:34.280 think that she just communicate communicates differently. 0:11:44.760 --> 0:11:46.840 There's a thing here that I always kind of in 0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:48.520 a little bit of it is giving you the benefit 0:11:48.520 --> 0:11:50.199 of doubt. And also it's just a trick that the 0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:53.760 show can do to somebody when they get wrapped up 0:11:53.800 --> 0:11:56.040 in a moment like you did or in a thing 0:11:56.120 --> 0:12:00.079 that you did. What what happens is the show h 0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:03.320 from the inside makes you almost feel like a hero, 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:07.000 like you're doing the right thing because you're standing up 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:12.240 against a common enemy. And they make Maria feel like 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:14.840 a common enemy. They say things to you in private 0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:17.840 that she said, and they're like they you know, you 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:20.120 are doing a great job by standing up to her, 0:12:20.559 --> 0:12:24.080 and as a result, when it airs, sometimes that gets 0:12:24.080 --> 0:12:26.560 switched over and you realize that you're actually the one 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:29.880 that's speaking up so much, and it makes you look 0:12:29.960 --> 0:12:32.240 like a villain instead of the hero, which you felt 0:12:32.360 --> 0:12:35.000 during the process of the show, like you were standing 0:12:35.080 --> 0:12:37.840 up for your friends and really nobody else wanted you to. 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:40.760 Was this what happened to you, because it has happened 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:44.200 to many before when you're in the environment, did you 0:12:44.280 --> 0:12:46.200 feel like you were doing the right thing? 0:12:47.640 --> 0:12:50.400 Yeah, I think you just hit the nail on the head. 0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:56.480 Like I definitely felt like I was, you know, standing 0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:59.880 up to the person that everyone had a problem with. 0:13:02.040 --> 0:13:08.319 And I think that looking back at it now, I 0:13:08.360 --> 0:13:12.560 should have prioritized instead of being like this hero, more 0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:16.400 of like the real reason why I was there. But 0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:19.240 at the end of the day, I you know, when 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:22.160 you when you start the show, you don't have communication 0:13:22.280 --> 0:13:24.199 with anybody. You can't talk to your friends, can't talk 0:13:24.200 --> 0:13:27.560 to your family. See, you just find somebody that you trust, 0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:31.400 and I like fully trusted my producer like so much, 0:13:32.360 --> 0:13:36.079 and like there was times where I was like super overwhelmed, 0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:38.560 crying in her arms, and then she'd be like, oh 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:40.560 my god, sending like Maria was just mocking you in 0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:45.680 the camera while you were crying, and I'm just like why, bitch, 0:13:45.920 --> 0:13:47.920 Like why would she do that? And then it's just like, 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:51.720 wait did now looking back and I'm like, wait, did 0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:54.880 she actually though? Or you know, it was just a 0:13:55.120 --> 0:13:59.880 bunch of those little things that constantly added up into 0:14:00.080 --> 0:14:06.280 making me like feel you know, hurt and upset and 0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:10.400 angry in all those things, and like what you saw 0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:15.560 was my reaction to that. So that's kind of where 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:19.240 I think it. Even though I really I did really 0:14:19.280 --> 0:14:21.960 try hard to get away from the drama, it just 0:14:22.000 --> 0:14:23.360 felt like it was never ending. 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:24.640 Sucks you in. 0:14:24.920 --> 0:14:28.680 Yeah, a lot of times we talk about, you know, 0:14:28.840 --> 0:14:31.960 the edit. You know, people kind of hate hearing that, 0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:34.240 like it was the edit that made me look bad, right, 0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:37.520 the audience just doesn't want to hear that. But there's 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:40.320 one thing that we don't talk about when it comes 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:44.720 to the edit, and that is like character development. And 0:14:45.040 --> 0:14:48.560 with you, you didn't really have any. All you had 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:52.240 was that you jumped right into drama with somebody else, 0:14:52.280 --> 0:14:54.760 but we didn't get to know you at all before that, 0:14:55.560 --> 0:14:59.840 Like even your exit from the limo was like an 0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:03.720 nothing you had nothing night one, Like I remember watching 0:15:03.760 --> 0:15:06.520 the screener and then texting you and being like, you're 0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:08.880 going to be disappointed at Night one, like you're not 0:15:09.040 --> 0:15:14.080 in it, And I think that obviously that's a mechanism 0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:16.960 that's part of the edit, right, It's a mechanism for 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:20.280 people not to latch onto for like any likable qualities, 0:15:20.440 --> 0:15:23.200 and then you jump into the drama and they just 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:26.080 don't have any any reason to say, like, oh I 0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:29.240 like this girl, so they're immediately on the other person's side, 0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:33.000 who has, in Maria's case, had a ton of character development. 0:15:33.280 --> 0:15:35.080 How frustrating was that for you? 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:36.040 Yeah? 0:15:36.200 --> 0:15:39.320 No, And like do you have examples in which, like 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:41.120 the audience could have learned to like you? 0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:46.400 Yeah, definitely. It was like when the drama started, it 0:15:46.440 --> 0:15:50.520 was like a Team Maria team versus Team Sidney, but 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:53.480 there was no Team Sidney, Like why would there be? 0:15:53.560 --> 0:15:56.440 They didn't even know who I was. I just came 0:15:56.800 --> 0:15:59.280 like a came out of nowhere, Like Night one, you 0:15:59.360 --> 0:16:03.880 barely saw me, like I had like a great interaction 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:07.440 with Joey, like a little bit of banter. We love 0:16:07.520 --> 0:16:12.360 Matt and that have a banter, but and you know, 0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:15.240 like a really good conversation. I was like super confident 0:16:15.280 --> 0:16:19.360 in that, and then because the audience never really saw that, 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:24.680 it almost was like looking like I'm jealous of this 0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:29.760 person and like her confidence and her connection and all 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:31.320 of that, when at the end of the day, like 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:36.080 it was never that I never even saw the version 0:16:36.520 --> 0:16:40.800 of her that you know everyone else saw, which honestly, 0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:43.080 like looking back and like wow, watching her, I'm like 0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:46.560 if I knew this of her, like we'd be friends. 0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:51.160 Like I like think that, you know, she is really 0:16:51.200 --> 0:16:56.480 cool and like how everyone else sees her. But yeah, 0:16:56.520 --> 0:17:00.400 I just think that I've had so many conversations and 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:05.880 like that were heartfelt and they just like with Joey 0:17:05.920 --> 0:17:08.720 with the girls in the House, like you see it now, 0:17:08.800 --> 0:17:10.800 like if you follow me on social media, Like I'm 0:17:10.880 --> 0:17:13.040 still really close with a lot of the girls in 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:16.840 the House, and like I wish that the show showed 0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:20.919 that because there was so many moments where like, like 0:17:21.760 --> 0:17:26.200 I supported the women and like there were so many 0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:30.080 parts where I was just so much more like it 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:34.000 was just so much beyond the tension. And also like 0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:37.560 I'm I wouldn't say I'm funny, but I'm like very witty, 0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:39.000 and I feel like there was a lot of times 0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:42.239 I was super witty in my itms, and like no 0:17:42.280 --> 0:17:46.080 one saw that, even just like bits with the girls, 0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:48.040 like we were just did stupid things like I wish 0:17:48.080 --> 0:17:50.639 that people got to see my relationship with the girls 0:17:50.640 --> 0:17:55.679 and you know, see who I am as a person, 0:17:55.920 --> 0:18:00.919 and then maybe things would have made little bit more sense. 0:18:02.520 --> 0:18:05.960 You said something earlier, you said, I took the popular opinion. 0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:06.880 I think it's. 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:08.840 Interesting I did. No, I agree with it. I did. 0:18:08.960 --> 0:18:14.960 I took the popular opinion, and I don't feel bad 0:18:15.280 --> 0:18:19.360 because I know what actually, Okay, That's where I'm going 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:21.320 with this is. You know, Ashley's told me the kind 0:18:21.359 --> 0:18:24.480 of person you are. I never said, oh my gosh, 0:18:24.520 --> 0:18:26.639 this city is a terrible human, like how does she 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:31.399 exist in this world? It was a legitimate critique of 0:18:31.440 --> 0:18:34.560 what I witness on a television show. And I think 0:18:34.800 --> 0:18:38.439 for this specific infamous section, there's a few things I 0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:39.879 want to point out and then ask you a question 0:18:39.920 --> 0:18:43.000 based on it. The behind the scenes of this is interesting. 0:18:43.359 --> 0:18:46.439 What they did, was they I'm trying to think of 0:18:46.440 --> 0:18:49.399 the right word. They manipulated you to feel like a 0:18:49.480 --> 0:18:53.040 hero and to continue a storyline that was unhelpful for 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:56.400 you personally. And so I can see where when you're 0:18:56.440 --> 0:19:00.640 in the house, you have a polarizing character and Maria, 0:19:01.040 --> 0:19:05.280 she's loud, she's outspoken, and they say, we need somebody 0:19:05.359 --> 0:19:08.200 to go after her, and Sydney, you just happen to 0:19:08.240 --> 0:19:11.000 be the one they chose to be the focus point 0:19:11.040 --> 0:19:13.480 to go after her, to make to be what you 0:19:13.560 --> 0:19:15.439 felt like was a hero in the house, to stop 0:19:15.480 --> 0:19:19.080 this person that you felt like was harming the environment, 0:19:19.760 --> 0:19:22.760 and you don't know what the outcome is going to 0:19:22.840 --> 0:19:26.840 be until the show airs. And so when I took 0:19:26.880 --> 0:19:28.800 the popular opinion, what I was doing was I was 0:19:28.840 --> 0:19:31.080 watching a show and saying, like I said, why doesn't 0:19:31.080 --> 0:19:34.879 she stop this behavior? This is unnecessary? Why doesn't she 0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:37.960 move on? She's never going to win this battle. She's 0:19:38.040 --> 0:19:42.480 in a vacuum of chaos, and she's never going to 0:19:42.560 --> 0:19:46.280 get out until she chooses to get out. So my 0:19:46.400 --> 0:19:49.240 question is coming to you now, we can blame editing. 0:19:49.320 --> 0:19:51.520 I hate it. I hate that we blame editing because 0:19:51.560 --> 0:19:54.520 what happened was this wasn't edited to make you look 0:19:54.560 --> 0:19:57.880 this way. It was manipulated in the house, I feel 0:19:57.960 --> 0:20:00.840 like to make you be this way. And so I 0:20:00.840 --> 0:20:05.880 think the personal responsibility for any future cast member is 0:20:05.920 --> 0:20:09.760 to at some point go, they're really making me focus 0:20:09.880 --> 0:20:11.840 on this girl a lot. They're asking me a lot 0:20:11.880 --> 0:20:15.000 of questions about this one human. They're really firing me 0:20:15.080 --> 0:20:16.880 up about this one human. No, I'm going to put 0:20:16.920 --> 0:20:18.520 my stake in the ground and say I'm done with it. 0:20:19.080 --> 0:20:20.960 I got one thing to focus on. That's the lead, 0:20:21.000 --> 0:20:25.879 that's Joey here in this scenario. So looking back and 0:20:25.960 --> 0:20:29.520 this whole thing now, and you know what it felt 0:20:29.560 --> 0:20:31.600 like when we're watching it, It still felt a little 0:20:31.640 --> 0:20:36.680 chaotic to me. When was a moment that you would 0:20:36.720 --> 0:20:39.320 have put your foot down, Like, when was a moment 0:20:39.400 --> 0:20:42.200 that you should have said, I'm done with this, this 0:20:42.320 --> 0:20:44.840 isn't gonna be, this isn't helpful for me or somebody else, 0:20:45.160 --> 0:20:47.280 or did that ever come to your mind. 0:20:48.440 --> 0:20:52.440 There was so many moments where I said I'm done. 0:20:52.440 --> 0:20:57.480 I'm not talking about this. Like the amount of times 0:20:57.520 --> 0:21:01.919 you've seen me and Maria's interactions that barely scratched the 0:21:01.960 --> 0:21:07.800 surface We've had way more conversations than that one where 0:21:07.840 --> 0:21:10.360 like I stormed off. I'm like, this is just we're 0:21:10.359 --> 0:21:13.040 not getting anywhere, like we're let's just agree to disagree. 0:21:13.080 --> 0:21:16.000 The amount of time said let's just agree to disagree. 0:21:16.320 --> 0:21:21.480 I said that so many times, and it just it 0:21:21.680 --> 0:21:26.240 just wasn't enough. I think that this was what, this 0:21:26.400 --> 0:21:29.080 is really what the only drama that was going on 0:21:29.240 --> 0:21:33.439 in some way they it that just kept continuing it 0:21:33.600 --> 0:21:37.919 and like I was definitely naive, Like I wish I 0:21:38.080 --> 0:21:40.919 wasn't as naive as I was, and I you know, 0:21:40.960 --> 0:21:43.480 I believe them in saying like you know, you know, 0:21:43.560 --> 0:21:46.960 she's she's talking about you again. I'm like, so about 0:21:46.960 --> 0:21:49.439 me again, like you know, and I'm I wish it 0:21:49.480 --> 0:21:52.760 for someone like okay, letter, all right, sure. 0:21:52.600 --> 0:21:56.000 Yeah, but I will also give you credit here because 0:21:56.080 --> 0:21:58.399 I don't have the personality that can do that, and 0:21:58.480 --> 0:22:01.840 I don't think that you could either, And that's okay, yeah. 0:22:01.680 --> 0:22:05.800 No, I definitely didn't. And like I mean, I grew 0:22:05.880 --> 0:22:08.560 up in New England, like we were told like you 0:22:08.600 --> 0:22:11.280 say something, you see something, you say something. If somebody 0:22:11.320 --> 0:22:13.080 gets in your face, you get on your face back. 0:22:13.200 --> 0:22:16.760 That was kind of like how I grew up and like, 0:22:17.720 --> 0:22:20.280 so I don't know, that's just just who I am. 0:22:20.320 --> 0:22:25.479 And like when I left the show, I told Ashley, 0:22:25.520 --> 0:22:28.920 I was like, I'm so proud the person that I was, 0:22:29.119 --> 0:22:32.760 Like my family would be proud of, like me sticking 0:22:32.840 --> 0:22:35.639 up to like the mean girl. Like that was actually 0:22:35.760 --> 0:22:38.199 like how I left the show feeling like I was 0:22:38.240 --> 0:22:41.440 actually super proud of that. But then you know, now 0:22:41.480 --> 0:22:44.400 looking back at it, like we're all humans, Like we're 0:22:44.440 --> 0:22:50.720 all humans. I think, like I do feel bad thinking 0:22:50.760 --> 0:22:53.800 about the times where like Maria probably did feel very 0:22:53.840 --> 0:22:56.880 ginged up on and like that was never my intentions, 0:22:56.920 --> 0:22:59.879 Like my intentions were never to be like your horror person, 0:23:00.000 --> 0:23:01.679 you're a mean girl, you're this, you're that. My my 0:23:01.720 --> 0:23:04.720 intentions are more to like to just be like, hey, 0:23:04.800 --> 0:23:07.800 like you do this is how you come off to people. 0:23:07.960 --> 0:23:15.600 I think, like you're not intending to, but like you're 0:23:15.680 --> 0:23:18.919 hurting people's feelings. And that was like what it was originally, 0:23:19.920 --> 0:23:24.160 but then it obviously escalated into just I was like 0:23:24.440 --> 0:23:27.800 you you're a bitch, you know, And I wish I'd 0:23:27.840 --> 0:23:30.919