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Speaker 1: Now listen, the reviews are in.
Speaker 2: Shane Gillis's podcast was absolutely outstanding. You guys came in.
Speaker 2: You've absolutely dominated for us. You've been liking subscribing, unsubscribing
Speaker 2: and resubscribing. But there is one thing we've heard. It
Speaker 2: hurt a little bit, But sometimes you have to sit
Speaker 2: and look at yourself in the mirror and say what
Speaker 2: can I do better? And that thing is shut it
Speaker 2: down a little faster on the interest. So we're gonna
Speaker 2: do the best we can. Forty minutes last time.
Speaker 1: Was a little much.
Speaker 2: People are complaining because that the Shane gill crew wanted
Speaker 2: to jump in. And now at this moment we will
Speaker 2: get into our a couple of housekeeping things. We will
Speaker 2: get into a couple of shout out no free shoutouts
Speaker 2: of the week. Will can't make it today because the
Speaker 2: boy's under the weather. He's got one of those little
Speaker 2: things under his tongue right now. He's got a little
Speaker 2: little thing on a little cold press on his head.
Speaker 2: He's in bed, he's holding himself. He's probably going out
Speaker 2: both sides. I don't know what he's really got, but
Speaker 2: I do know the boy was smart enough and sick
Speaker 2: enough not to be with.
Speaker 1: The boys today.
Speaker 2: So shout out Will for not coming in here and
Speaker 2: getting the whole squad sick because he had a little
Speaker 2: bit of fomo.
Speaker 1: Now I'm trying to keep it tight. Boys.
Speaker 2: We had a lot of things to touch on, but
Speaker 2: the first thing we should touch on is our favorite
Speaker 2: segment of the week, the shout out no free shadow
Speaker 2: of the week. Let's do it, boys, let's do it now.
Speaker 2: We are missing Bloss. He had surgery last week.
Speaker 1: He's out.
Speaker 2: I'm sure he've been something about forty nine ers, so
Speaker 2: I'll just do it for him. Shout out George Kittle
Speaker 2: Shadow forty nine Ers. Shout out every single player that's
Speaker 2: ever played for the forty nine Ers are the greatest
Speaker 2: NFL player of all time. We love you guys so much.
Speaker 2: Yay Barry A fuck dad dude. All right, let's move on.
Speaker 2: We are now on JP. Who's sitting in Bloss to
Speaker 2: see Bloss. I know you're listening because you love it.
Speaker 2: You should be a little upset with JP, but it's
Speaker 2: not about their n now much shot out. If we
Speaker 2: should have the we JP, which you got, you don't
Speaker 2: need to start VF man, Hey, no beef, don't need
Speaker 2: to be I can't wait to hear it.
Speaker 1: Though.
Speaker 3: Hey my shout out no free shout out of the
Speaker 3: week a little bit more, a little bit like another
Speaker 3: throwback I did previously, but I was I was walking
Speaker 3: around the mall this past weekend. The best part about
Speaker 3: the mall the free samples from the Chinese restaurants.
Speaker 1: Damn for real, shout out, no free.
Speaker 3: Shout out to the employee that stands out there and
Speaker 3: hands out those toothpicks. And also shout out to that
Speaker 3: free sampled chicken. It tastes better than the normal chicken.
Speaker 2: The normal chicken, dude, they must have put some crack
Speaker 2: cocaine or something in there. They gotta put something a
Speaker 2: little legal in there, and you taste you. I gotta
Speaker 2: get this and then you get the whole, You get
Speaker 2: the meat and three of whatever. The Chinese version of
Speaker 2: that is. You get that, you eat and you're like,
Speaker 2: this isn't the same. Exactly what an out standing shut out,
Speaker 2: no free shutout of the week.
Speaker 4: Crazy.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 2: Jack McPherson, who's not sitting in JPC JP is now
Speaker 2: sitting in Blosso Sea over to Jackie, what do you got, baby,
Speaker 2: You've been hit with hitters all day.
Speaker 5: I think you're gonna really like this one.
Speaker 1: Oh, speaking it to.
Speaker 5: A new level.
Speaker 6: I'm not adding a new dimension. But let me let
Speaker 6: me set the scene. Let's say you're driving in.
Speaker 2: Your Carlicos mess all right, start off for sure.
Speaker 6: So you're driving in the car, usually going uh somewhere
Speaker 6: close enough maybe three four hours max. And you're hitting
Speaker 6: the stack and all of a sudden, right around the
Speaker 6: state lines, you always see one of those big ass stores.
Speaker 6: It says world's biggest fireworks stand and they're open year round.
Speaker 6: So this weekend I traveled to Knoxville shout out no
Speaker 6: free shout out to my boy Josh Dobbs.
Speaker 5: Went from just golf tournament.
Speaker 6: But on the way to Knoxville, I passed one of
Speaker 6: the biggest fireworks stands. So I go in there, and
Speaker 6: of course I'm the only person in there, probably the
Speaker 6: only person that's been in that.
Speaker 5: Store since July.
Speaker 1: How do they pay their texas?
Speaker 5: Who knows?
Speaker 6: But these guys wanted to sell me everything in the store.
Speaker 6: I didn't have the heart to tell them what I
Speaker 6: was buying them for, so I literally lied and said
Speaker 6: that I was getting them for my nephew, which I
Speaker 6: do not even have a nephew. So anyways, you can
Speaker 6: open your eyes now, so shout out, no free.
Speaker 5: Shout out to the fireworks stand.
Speaker 7: But I also.
Speaker 5: I brought some black cats to the boys. So hiring gifts,
Speaker 5: the man comes bearing gifts, feel bad. I feel bad
Speaker 5: for will and bloss things go on here. You'll get
Speaker 5: one up here.
Speaker 6: And then obviously had to get some of the m eighties,
Speaker 6: and the man made me made it.
Speaker 5: Very clear that they were waterproof.
Speaker 2: He would not he lets you know, bunker Busters one
Speaker 2: hundred counts.
Speaker 6: Well, we'll go out in the parking lot, maybe in
Speaker 6: the alley and hit a black cat for the for
Speaker 6: the old times, but you had an apple or something
Speaker 6: like that.
Speaker 5: Shout out, no free.
Speaker 6: Shout out to all of the grinders out there in
Speaker 6: those fireworks stands that only operate in heavy traffic between
Speaker 6: July first and July seventh.
Speaker 1: No shit, did they pay all their bills in those
Speaker 1: four to three days.
Speaker 6: No, But I mean I was probably the only customer
Speaker 6: that's been in there in months. So shout out those
Speaker 6: guys outstanding.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: Shout out that was and you know what, dude, growing
Speaker 2: up in Arizona highly illegal. You know why, you blow
Speaker 2: on something too hard, you snap your fingers a little
Speaker 2: too hard.
Speaker 1: There's a whole fire going on. It's a desert baby.
Speaker 2: This You give this to an eighth grader in Arizona,
Speaker 2: you better watch your fucking hat, dude.
Speaker 1: This is the ship right here. Hey, that's great.
Speaker 2: And he only he did a shout out, no free
Speaker 2: shadow of a week, but he also bringing gifts.
Speaker 1: I give the edge of Jack and this one over
Speaker 1: JP right now. I'm not saying it's competition. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying it's competition at all.
Speaker 2: They're both outstanding, but I will say it's pretty great.
Speaker 2: I know, I know Garret probably doesn't have gifts, so
Speaker 2: he knows he's under these.
Speaker 1: Be a sample on a stick, bro days old.
Speaker 2: I don't Yeah, I don't know how that would have
Speaker 2: gone over. I'll tell you what, dude, I'll collab on
Speaker 2: that Jack.
Speaker 1: I'll clap on them, man. Man go starts with taking.
Speaker 2: A chance, next up and last up because we're missing
Speaker 2: Bloss bosses out. So JP's sitting in Bloss to see
Speaker 2: Jack is sitting in JPC and Garret kind of sitting
Speaker 2: wherever the fuck he wants. He's like a no mad
Speaker 2: in this place. Garrett, What do you got for us babies?
Speaker 7: My shout out, no free shout out of the week.
Speaker 7: The boys are dropping merch this week. Oh we have
Speaker 7: three and three new hats, so I come with gifts
Speaker 7: for everyone.
Speaker 1: Okay, I love that. I fucking love that.
Speaker 2: And we when we put that thing down in the
Speaker 2: merch store and people see those things, they're incredible.
Speaker 1: I've got a little sneak peek and I love them.
Speaker 2: Now let me ask you this. You sent me some
Speaker 2: hats to go off of, and you said pick three.
Speaker 2: I never picked three, not those, not those whatever we
Speaker 2: I know we're in store.
Speaker 7: Those are coming for the like I think the fall.
Speaker 2: When these things drop, those hats I'm talking about right there,
Speaker 2: These those are gonna be bangers too.
Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong.
Speaker 2: When those other hats drop, you might have to cancel
Speaker 2: the competition on hats of all time. Christmas, dude, cancel it. Hanukkah, Christmas,
Speaker 2: all them winter holidays, dude, shut them all down. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because that shit goes fucking hard. I'll be quick because
Speaker 2: we're already running in We told ourselves fifteen minutes and
Speaker 2: were literally get the halfway point right there. We just
Speaker 2: hit the halfway point right there. My shout out, no
Speaker 2: free Shadow, shout.
Speaker 1: Out of the Weeks. I think I fucked that up.
Speaker 2: It's okay, Goo's too And this is kind of a
Speaker 2: this is kind of a you know, this is kind
Speaker 2: of are we go because I'm employed?
Speaker 1: But my shout out no free Shadow of.
Speaker 2: The week goes to hang them down low steal trap,
Speaker 2: big balls John Robinson for handling the draft the way
Speaker 2: he did Thursday. Hey, what's that old thing they had
Speaker 2: us in the first half. I'll be honest, that shit
Speaker 2: happened Thursday night. Happened we trade up. I'm sitting there
Speaker 2: and for two and a half seconds, I go, Yo, Taylor,
Speaker 2: what's happening.
Speaker 1: AJ Brown's gone.
Speaker 2: My agent texted me, says AJ Brown is gone, And
Speaker 2: I'm like, what did we get? The entire Eagles franchise? Like,
Speaker 2: what are we about to grab?
Speaker 1: Here?
Speaker 2: They say the eighteenth overall pick or sixteenth overall pick,
Speaker 2: one of the two and the one hundred and first pick.
Speaker 1: Now, first things first, your first thought is.
Speaker 2: I don't know because AJ Brown he's played in the
Speaker 2: league for a few years. He's an absolute stud. He's young,
Speaker 2: he's going into his primeiers all those things. And he
Speaker 2: takes this kid, Traylon Burke, who is about to be
Speaker 2: my new teammate. He's a little chubby in the FACEO
Speaker 2: meankes you nervous. The first play pumps, but then you
Speaker 2: just realize he's just a country boy dude. This kid
Speaker 2: fucking stabs bores.
Speaker 1: And then he goes on in the draft.
Speaker 2: And at first I said a little tweet, I say, hey, Titans, sans,
Speaker 2: how do we feel? I had over two thousand replies,
Speaker 2: and about one nine and ninety five of those things
Speaker 2: were negative. Five of those guys are like Benjay, Robberie.
Speaker 2: Trust those people got murdered. Then Saturdays when the drafts, Thursday, Friday, Saturdays,
Speaker 2: when the draft ends, I'm in New Orleans. I got
Speaker 2: a cool new tattoo. I walks into his shop and
Speaker 2: just randomly got that.
Speaker 1: I'm in New Orleans.
Speaker 2: I say, people, how are we feeling?
Speaker 1: How do we feel about this new little deal? And
Speaker 1: it almost seemed like a reverse reaction. People are very excited.
Speaker 2: Now I know the Malik Willis thing, Milik will miliek Willis.
Speaker 2: That's how you say his name, Milik Willis. Everyone was
Speaker 2: really excited because everyone for some reason hates Tannehill. It's
Speaker 2: not like he just brought this franchise back to life whatever.
Speaker 2: But Willis is a big one. I think that kid
Speaker 2: from a house state looks like a stud. You know,
Speaker 2: he does have that one play against him. And second overall,
Speaker 2: pick Aiden Hudgerson. Aiden put in an absolute beak on him,
Speaker 2: which I've been banked, so it's okay for me to
Speaker 2: say we get an absolute stud in Hassan Haskins. He's
Speaker 2: not gonna be Derrick Henry. Don't try to make him
Speaker 2: Derrick Henry. But the kid runs fucking hard. He gets
Speaker 2: after it gets a corner in the second round. Now, hey,
Speaker 2: when we grab a corner in the second round, that's
Speaker 2: when everyone was like, fire his ass right now, fucking
Speaker 2: fire John Robinson and listen, Well, we won't know if
Speaker 2: trading AJ or what happened between AJ and the team.
Speaker 1: Will never know.
Speaker 2: I might know, some people Ben Jones might know, but
Speaker 2: you guys will never know, right, and we won't know
Speaker 2: if it was the right move or not. I would
Speaker 2: say for three years, seventy two months, that's all we got.
Speaker 2: But I will say for John to do what he did,
Speaker 2: stay the course, he handled adversity from the fantasy. Probably
Speaker 2: didn't look at it, but he knew. He made a
Speaker 2: very aggressive move and then kept going to the draft
Speaker 2: and to have the pendulum swing the way it did
Speaker 2: from Friday to Saturday, another seventy two hour mark, and
Speaker 2: that man changed the hearts and souls of its entire franchise.
Speaker 1: I'd say that man deserves a shoutout. No free shadow
Speaker 1: of the week? Am I right?
Speaker 4: Am? I right?
Speaker 2: So shout out John Robinson, my boss, thank you for
Speaker 2: not cutting me. That's always outstanding. It's always a win
Speaker 2: when you get to stay on the team for another year.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: A lot of people people did say, I wish that
Speaker 2: was you, Taylor, Jay.
Speaker 5: People said, I wish that.
Speaker 1: Was you, said Jay.
Speaker 2: Here's a little spoiler, guys, it's a completely different game, right,
Speaker 2: completely different game my cap hit AJ where what he
Speaker 2: wanted is just a totally different game.
Speaker 1: You're not We're not playing the same shots. Fear. It's
Speaker 1: tough to do.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna give us a two extra minutes. We're gonna
Speaker 2: go seventeen minutes. I want to know JP. You don't care,
Speaker 2: so you're not. I don't care if you speak in
Speaker 2: this or not, but I want to hear from a
Speaker 2: couple of homegrown cats how they feel the Tennessee Titans
Speaker 2: draft went. So Jack, I'll let you have the mic first,
Speaker 2: give me your give me your full bit.
Speaker 1: Baby.
Speaker 2: You can take as long as you want, and we'll
Speaker 2: get the Burt christ for in a second two episodes.
Speaker 1: It's unbelievable. But Jack, you're up. Yeah.
Speaker 6: I mean, obviously, AJ being the uh probably the biggest
Speaker 6: news in the entire draft over every team is the
Speaker 6: most shocking.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 6: Twitter was an absolute shit storm for some flowers. We're
Speaker 6: all battling for our lives. I obviously love AJ to death.
Speaker 6: I've got the AJ jersey, still wondering when I'm gonna
Speaker 6: get my refund for that. So AJ, if you're listening,
Speaker 6: maybe shoot me a eighty hundred piece because you know
Speaker 6: I invested in that jersey.
Speaker 5: But anyways, I'm also really excited for Turylin Berks. I
Speaker 5: think he's gonna be a stud. He's a grinder.
Speaker 6: He's a kid that you're not gonna have to worry
Speaker 6: too much outside of the locker room. I feel like,
Speaker 6: so I feel like he's gonna be dialed in. Obviously, there's
Speaker 6: why do you feel that way, Mainly the country aspect
Speaker 6: he comes from, like a smaller town.
Speaker 5: It just seems like he's a.
Speaker 6: Kid who's just like all about ball, Like there's not
Speaker 6: gonna be too many distractions on the outside.
Speaker 5: Again, I don't know the guy at all.
Speaker 6: I've seen him play, you know, a few times, mainly
Speaker 6: when Tennessee was playing Arkansas stuff like that, But I
Speaker 6: went and watched a couple of his highlights, and the
Speaker 6: kid's explosive, the kid's gritty. He looks like he's gonna
Speaker 6: be potentially a good one. I like him and Robert
Speaker 6: Woods being our two guys. We've got a lot of
Speaker 6: new faces coming in, so in a way, it kind
Speaker 6: of feels like our offense is gonna just have this
Speaker 6: new allure to it.
Speaker 5: And there's a lot of question marks. But I've got.
Speaker 6: I've got promise and again, and I'm also a die hard,
Speaker 6: So my hope is through the roof all the time
Speaker 6: for the Titans.
Speaker 2: You know, one thing that will make you actually believe
Speaker 2: that all the things you said are true is just
Speaker 2: looking at the way trailin Burke was dressed when he
Speaker 2: came to Tennessee absolutely ray shit kicker boots, washed blue
Speaker 2: jeans and assure you didn't he didn't care if it
Speaker 2: fit or not when he tucked it in.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I mean even like going back to you when you
Speaker 6: first got drafted came here, or how you said you
Speaker 6: just like fell in love with Nashville.
Speaker 5: You can imagine a guy who kind of is.
Speaker 6: Like feels like rooted in this culture and community already.
Speaker 5: He's gotta be over.
Speaker 6: The moon that he's in a town where he's probably
Speaker 6: gonna feel more comfortable than maybe say like in La
Speaker 6: or New York.
Speaker 5: So starting off him just getting here and feeling like he's.
Speaker 6: Part of the community already, I think that's gonna be
Speaker 6: a big thing. I like a lot of our other picks,
Speaker 6: the molequallest one. Obviously, people are like thinking that, you know,
Speaker 6: if if Tanny doesn't perform this year, it's gonna be
Speaker 6: the Moleik Show. I don't think that's the case. You know,
Speaker 6: he's coming from Liberty. I know there's gonna be a
Speaker 6: lot of guys in the coaching room. They're gonna him
Speaker 6: so excited to see if he's got any upside other
Speaker 6: than that. I mean, obviously the main thing was the
Speaker 6: AJ trade. I'm I'm devastated that he's leaving because he
Speaker 6: was the first big franchise receiver we've had in over
Speaker 6: two decades.
Speaker 5: And the whole town loved him.
Speaker 6: I mean, he was full of charisma and and just
Speaker 6: a strong go getter.
Speaker 5: But I hope the best for him with the Eagles.
Speaker 6: The one thing I am concerned about, no matter how
Speaker 6: well treylon Berg's performs, if AJ goes to the Eagles
Speaker 6: and it has like the best season of his career,
Speaker 6: people are just gonna think that we fucked up. But
Speaker 6: I don't know that. That's my take on it. I
Speaker 6: hope the best for Aj. I like a lot of
Speaker 6: our new guys, I think there's gonna be some grinders
Speaker 6: out there excited to see what comes.
Speaker 1: In the fall.
Speaker 2: Before you passed that MinC off the Garrett, would you
Speaker 2: have given Aj Brown twenty five million dollars a year?
Speaker 5: No, it's just so much money.
Speaker 4: Why not.
Speaker 6: I just don't see it being like anything like with
Speaker 6: our team. You said him so much that, like the
Speaker 6: locker room aspect is like something that most people don't
Speaker 6: see in the NFL.
Speaker 5: They'll talk about it almost.
Speaker 6: Being like a high school atmosphere where it's like everyone's
Speaker 6: just like ride or die for each other. And I
Speaker 6: feel like in a lot of these locker rooms, people
Speaker 6: getting paid, people trying to figure out where their next
Speaker 6: paychecks coming from, how much more they can get.
Speaker 5: It feels different in Tennessee.
Speaker 6: Obviously, me being a fan, never playing it down for
Speaker 6: the Titans or in any competitive football.
Speaker 5: It still seems that it was just too much.
Speaker 6: If he had maybe missed some of the injuries in
Speaker 6: the last year and a half and really was like
Speaker 6: the top one or two dogs receiver wise in the NFL,
Speaker 6: it would have made more sense. But I'm happy it
Speaker 6: worked out for him and he got the bag with
Speaker 6: the Eagles. One of my roommates and best friends is
Speaker 6: a huge Eagles fan, so I'm happy for him, happy
Speaker 6: for the city of Philadelphia. I don't feel like there
Speaker 6: was more pros than there were cons giving him that
Speaker 6: much money in four years.
Speaker 5: But again, we could always be wrong, we could always
Speaker 5: be right.
Speaker 2: So we'll just see, Yeah, at one point in this
Speaker 2: in this year, it will absolutely be the Titans are
Speaker 2: episode idiots, because something will happen and then at another
Speaker 2: point in the same year, there's gonna be the thing
Speaker 2: to say, Titans of the smartest people in the entire world. Right,
Speaker 2: there's always gonna be that contrast. That's the world we
Speaker 2: live in. That's the game we gotta play. Garrett, what
Speaker 2: are your thoughts on the twenty twenty two NFL Draft?
Speaker 2: And before you say anything, a lot of people are
Speaker 2: here to see Bert Kreischer, A lot of people are
Speaker 2: here to jump on see the boy, and they're probably wondering,
Speaker 2: why the fuck are these guys talking about Tennessee Titan football.
Speaker 2: That guy, Burt Krusher is Unbelievable. Is a four hour
Speaker 2: podcast we're splitting up into two on Tuesday and on Thursday,
Speaker 2: and from now for the next eight weeks, we're going
Speaker 2: to have two episodes a week for the next eight weeks.
Speaker 2: It's gonna be a believa, a little bit redundant, but
Speaker 2: it is the case Bert was unbelievable. However, we are
Speaker 2: based here in Nashville. I if you don't know me,
Speaker 2: my name is Sarah Lawan. I play left tackle for
Speaker 2: the Tennessee Titans. Will Compton played for the Tennessee Titans.
Speaker 2: We are based in Nashville. The Boys played here. So
Speaker 2: if you're kind of wondering what the fuck is going on,
Speaker 2: why can't we listen to Bert Krausher. We're just kind
Speaker 2: of breaking down the biggest news to us in this
Speaker 2: world right now. And if you want, you can probably
Speaker 2: fast forward, I say three minutes and jump right onto
Speaker 2: Bird if you want. But I think you like to
Speaker 2: stick around for this is Garrett looks like he's got
Speaker 2: a noggin full of knowledge's about to drop on us
Speaker 2: right now.
Speaker 4: Garrett.
Speaker 7: So, I was at birthday dinner for my girlfriend when
Speaker 7: the AJ news dropped the.
Speaker 2: One you apologize to at the line I apologize.
Speaker 7: To, I probably owe another apology because my attention was
Speaker 7: blown as soon as my phone started going off about Ajyep.
Speaker 1: She looks at me.
Speaker 7: She's like, what, like, well, AJ Brown just got traded,
Speaker 7: so everything's fucked. Yeah, it's like okay, great, here goes
Speaker 7: this dinner, Like we just sat down.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the dinner's over.
Speaker 4: Great dinner.
Speaker 7: It did suck seeing that AJ left. I think for
Speaker 7: the first time I saw how the business works because
Speaker 7: we had a picket twenty six and then we had
Speaker 7: a picket ninety and the amount of picks we picked
Speaker 7: up throughout the entire draft by moving around trading aj.
Speaker 7: Obviously we left with way more players to add to
Speaker 7: the roster, and after last year you could see it's
Speaker 7: a next man up mentality here and having more people
Speaker 7: I think was very crucial. And I think all the
Speaker 7: guys we got are very skilled at their position. Like
Speaker 7: Jack said trailing, Burke's a grinder. He torched Bama, uh
Speaker 7: to Bama highlights. Did got to go off on Obama, didn't?
Speaker 4: He porged Bama.
Speaker 7: And then the next guy we picked, the corner from
Speaker 7: Auburn torch Bama too. So I'm very familiar glad to
Speaker 7: have them on our team, no doubt. I think the
Speaker 7: drafting Malik Willis it was a It's obviously going to
Speaker 7: cause controversy on Twitter, but I'm I'm a fan of
Speaker 7: having a little bit of a battle in the QB thing.
Speaker 7: All it's gonna do is make Tannehill play better. Yeah,
Speaker 7: we got a guy from Ohio State. Looks pretty solid
Speaker 7: and my favorite pick is probably Hassan Haskins.
Speaker 1: Jack and I were Haskins dude.
Speaker 7: Jack and I were at the Michigan Ohio State game
Speaker 7: the Big House, and that boy went all in the.
Speaker 1: Snow, little racist. You said, boy, well as you're white, right, No,
Speaker 1: we can cut that. We cut that.
Speaker 7: Hey, go back to the Shane episode.
Speaker 1: You'll hear. Yeah, no doubt. I'm only kidding. No, dude,
Speaker 1: the guy's a stud dud. We picked him up. I
Speaker 1: was super excited about that.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I was super stoked on that. And then the guy,
Speaker 7: the tight end we got from Maryland. People are saying
Speaker 7: he's kind of like a John new Smith type guy.
Speaker 1: Love that.
Speaker 7: I mean it kind of was a point that we
Speaker 7: missed that last year. I think from the tight end position,
Speaker 7: I just like the speed and skill out of him.
Speaker 7: So I'm looking forward to seeing where he fits in.
Speaker 1: I love that. I can say one thing. Okay, you
Speaker 1: can say we're at nineteen minutes, thirty second or quick.
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Speaker 2: Burt Chrischer podcast is coming up part one of two
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Speaker 1: What's what?
Speaker 4: Girl?
Speaker 1: Blood?
Speaker 2: He blowt his knee?
Speaker 4: Yeah, Sgara blew out his knee trying to dunk. You
Speaker 4: never saw the video?
Speaker 1: Now, Oh is that what? His army flailed in, his.
Speaker 4: Arm broken half and he broke the hara.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Yeah, I have seen that video.
Speaker 2: I watched it and I remember you guys doing a
Speaker 2: pod and you guys saying that was him. But for
Speaker 2: some reason in my mind was like, I don't believe it.
Speaker 4: Oh dude, it was it was.
Speaker 1: I was there and uh at the basketball for it.
Speaker 4: Well, I ended up resetting his arm, which maybe wouldn't
Speaker 4: isn't what you're supposed to do. But like his arm
Speaker 4: was broken and spun it around backwards, and so I
Speaker 4: was like, uh, I just spun it in regular like
Speaker 4: like if you see it, it's just it's just it's instinctual.
Speaker 4: Is it broke in half? And it went back. It
Speaker 4: was going like this, Yeah, he broke us humorous in half.
Speaker 1: Which is a tough one, right, Yeah, and the femur
Speaker 1: of the arm.
Speaker 4: That's so I just went like, here, let me get
Speaker 4: that free, buddy, and I just put it like this
Speaker 4: and then and then a lot of people focus on
Speaker 4: that as being the reason that he has nerve damage
Speaker 4: as opposed to the actual fucking arm break. They're like,
Speaker 4: I was like they were gonna fix it at any point,
Speaker 4: and then I kept at their doctors. I go, yeah,
Speaker 4: before they gotn't even thing, No one had any equipment there.
Speaker 1: So what was his reaction after the cameras went off
Speaker 1: with He's just dude?
Speaker 4: It's my favorite part of Tom is like, because I
Speaker 4: don't understand why other people like him, I know why
Speaker 4: I like him. It's like like you ever take your
Speaker 4: wife out to a party and they're like, I love
Speaker 4: your wife, and you're like you don't even know her,
Speaker 4: right yeah, and then and then we're going, right, yeah,
Speaker 4: we're going It is. The thing I love about Sugura
Speaker 4: is when when he's definitely not trying to be funny
Speaker 4: and almost when he's sad. It's my favorite part of him,
Speaker 4: Like when I see someone do something to him that
Speaker 4: I know bothers him, and then he does this thing
Speaker 4: where we'll go like like we had a friend come
Speaker 4: in and into his new offices in Austin and just go, hey,
Speaker 4: can I get a water to Tom? And it was
Speaker 4: one of my favorite reactions ever, my favorite reaction ever.
Speaker 4: So Tom breaks his arm on his knee. I go
Speaker 4: over to his house that night. These are my two favorite.
Speaker 4: We go over to his house that night. We get
Speaker 4: a lifting belt. You know, if they have old people,
Speaker 4: they put it around so you can carry him around.
Speaker 4: I get a lifting belt, like a fat person's belt,
Speaker 4: and I put it around him. I get him out
Speaker 4: of his car, I get him down to his screening room.
Speaker 4: I get him down. He's got his arm braced, he's
Speaker 4: just been to the hospital, no surgery yet. And my
Speaker 4: wife looks at him and says, man, you're about to
Speaker 4: get fat as fuck. And The look on his face was,
Speaker 4: it's my fast what I love about him, and people
Speaker 4: that love him, they I don't know what they like
Speaker 4: about him because the real thing, like I like the
Speaker 4: real we get into the next day, I organized a
Speaker 4: medical transport to pick him up at his house to
Speaker 4: take him this is a heat of COVID.
Speaker 1: This is why are you organizing this?
Speaker 4: Because because his wife's not the person that's gonna be
Speaker 4: doing this. His wife. His wife, you know what his wife.
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, listen, we all know where we stand
Speaker 4: in our relationships. Yeah, Christina, when when Tom fell, I said,
Speaker 4: what are you doing right now? She goes, I'm I'm
Speaker 4: freaking out. I just made some muffins and I opened
Speaker 4: a bottle of wine. I'll be there in five. I
Speaker 4: was getting the car. Christina's not said for this, we're
Speaker 4: gonna go do this. So that night, Leanne's like, you
Speaker 4: gotta order arrange. Christina calls me and goes, I need
Speaker 4: you to arrange a medical transport. I need a wheelchair,
Speaker 4: I need a gurney, I need like everything. She goes,
Speaker 4: throw the fucking kitchen sink at it. So I uh,
Speaker 4: I get a medical transport. I get a wheelchair. I
Speaker 4: go there, I take Tom toceed her SINAI and as
Speaker 4: I roll him out, I get him in our fucking
Speaker 4: drivers this ponytailed, long haired smoking a sick. As I'm
Speaker 4: rolling Tom in, put him in, We lock him in.
Speaker 4: We getting the thing. Guy goes, man, you're pretty fucked
Speaker 4: up back there. Huh. Tom's like, yeah, he's so much pain.
Speaker 1: And he goes, uh, is he on jokes at all?
Speaker 1: Not at all?
Speaker 4: And he goes, no, he might be, might be. He goes, uh,
Speaker 4: what do you guys do for a living? And I go,
Speaker 4: we're comedians. I mean I'm just I'm not hurt at all, right,
Speaker 4: And he goes, oh, I go, Tom, whn't you tell
Speaker 4: him a joke?
Speaker 1: Those are my favorites, Like I know that, I know that.
Speaker 4: Tom goes, I know what people like about Burt. But
Speaker 4: the thing I showed Tom like, uh, this is this
Speaker 4: is this is my this is what Tom must like
Speaker 4: about me. I guess. So we get stem cells right, right,
Speaker 4: so they and my elbow. Tom organizes it and I'm
Speaker 4: melting down. I'm melting down. I don't want to do it.
Speaker 4: I mean panic attacks about it.
Speaker 1: You have to get the it was Tommy John surgery.
Speaker 4: No, no, I'm just doing my movie. And I blew
Speaker 4: out my tendons of my tricep and ripped my tricep.
Speaker 1: Well you're going hard like that.
Speaker 4: They said, you want to do your own stunt. So
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, so fucking down a flight of stairs,
Speaker 4: I fucking do it all right. Well, I also fucking
Speaker 4: went a little too hard, blew out atairs doing well,
Speaker 4: no fucking falling in the forest and uh so, and
Speaker 4: so I fuck up my elbow. My triceparate tracks like
Speaker 4: seven centimeters or whatever. They have to pull it back
Speaker 4: down attach it. And I've been having a hard time
Speaker 4: rehabit it. And Tom goes, we're gonna get stem cells.
Speaker 4: So we go to stem cells. I'm a pain in
Speaker 4: the ass. Finally I decide to do it. We get
Speaker 4: in his car and he knows my brain so well,
Speaker 4: it's my left arm and uh and we're in his
Speaker 4: car and I start having a panic attack. I go,
Speaker 4: I think I'm losing feeling on my left arm. I
Speaker 4: don't say it. I'm just doing this. It's silent in
Speaker 4: Tom's car. I'm doing this and he goes he's driving.
Speaker 4: He goes, you're fine, buddy.
Speaker 1: You're five, buddy, just breathing work cells work, I think.
Speaker 8: So, I mean, I don't know where do you get
Speaker 8: down in l a ebo, But I like, I don't
Speaker 8: think stem cells a placebo thing, the.
Speaker 4: Thing like this. If I did it before, I would
Speaker 4: feel it in my tricep. Sure, I don't feel it.
Speaker 4: It feels regular now. And like I went in that day,
Speaker 4: the next that next week, a full week later, we
Speaker 4: were at Penn State and we had access to their
Speaker 4: facilities and we were benching and I was doing one
Speaker 4: thirty five, one thirty five. We were doing it in
Speaker 4: three thirty five. It was doing three thirty five rod before.
Speaker 4: By the right before I went to Serbia, I was
Speaker 4: in the best shape I was in I did. I
Speaker 4: was doing two thirty five as my bench, and I
Speaker 4: was like, I'd never been to thirty five my fucking life.
Speaker 1: You're cranking them out, cranking them out, boom. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: not placebo.
Speaker 8: Placebo's like the fucking those those little little ristwere with
Speaker 8: a little bracelets where you're in the mall and they're like, hey,
Speaker 8: let me push around. You kind of get tossed around.
Speaker 8: They're like, hey, put this on. Then you goes off.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you're like baseball players. They always wearing the
Speaker 2: necklaces and stuff like that. Yeah, and they wear players
Speaker 2: you remember, like in the I guess the two thousands, Yeah,
Speaker 2: the two thousand, they would have like seventeen bracelets and
Speaker 2: ship on and necklaces.
Speaker 4: But bootball players, baseball players are the most superstitius.
Speaker 1: Out of all those got without a die. I agree
Speaker 1: with that, harmless.
Speaker 9: I remember I remember them teaching a superstition playing baseball.
Speaker 4: They would be like, uh, they would be like, true, though,
Speaker 4: that's first thing you do when you get in the
Speaker 4: batter's box, hitting coach, clean out that batter box, no
Speaker 4: foot no one's footsteps are in there. Yeah, And I
Speaker 4: remember thinking that does that help? And but then of
Speaker 4: course you'll see a lot of dudes do it. You
Speaker 4: go into the batter's box, you clean, You go in
Speaker 4: and clean everyone's footsteps out so that you got a
Speaker 4: brand news batter of box for you and what else?
Speaker 4: And I mean I did it my whole I had
Speaker 4: so many rituals when I played baseball that it made
Speaker 4: me fucking crazy. And I had to wear a mouthguard.
Speaker 1: I had prayers, I had to say I was a
Speaker 1: mouth guard and baseball, and mouth.
Speaker 4: Guard and baseball because I was like, I was like, dude,
Speaker 4: I was a fucking and then and then towards the end,
Speaker 4: I like there was a solid chunk where I got
Speaker 4: the yips and I could not. I could not throw
Speaker 4: the ball to from third to first really like legit
Speaker 4: could not. It's fucking horrible.
Speaker 2: The hardest part of the superstition is creating your superstition,
Speaker 2: because you know, when you get into baseball, you're like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I really like the way Luiskin's Alls kicks his leg out.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna try that, and you do it. Then you
Speaker 2: see Chipper Jones like throwing the bat like up and down.
Speaker 2: You're like, I'm gonna do that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but then you but then you strike out. You're like,
Speaker 1: I gotta go back to Luis. I can't do that.
Speaker 2: And then you start playing head gives yourself and you're
Speaker 2: now you have like fifteen different things you gotta do it.
Speaker 4: Really, I didn't realize I was going crazy.
Speaker 1: I was.
Speaker 4: I had o CD. I still have OCD. I have
Speaker 4: superstisions in real life, like like I went the day
Speaker 4: I go I was just telling you I got a
Speaker 4: full blood panel. I'm a cardiologist. That morning, I fucking
Speaker 4: I did my superstitions. My superstitions number one I had.
Speaker 4: I washed my entire body right head to toe, in
Speaker 4: between my toes.
Speaker 9: Everything clean, everything, hang on, hang on in between your toes,
Speaker 9: between my toes, like.
Speaker 4: You just like I go. I I wash my whole bottom, shampoo,
Speaker 4: I face my beard, leave it in. Yeah. Then soap
Speaker 4: and wash my whole body. Soap all over my whole body.
Speaker 4: I need soap everywhere. Uh wash my like an ice skater.
Speaker 1: Washed my feet like moving the shower head, trying not
Speaker 1: to get any water on you too, like yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah.
Speaker 4: I star our head off to the side.
Speaker 1: You say, full SuDS, full sud, full sun.
Speaker 4: Get down, squat down into a prayer, and my prayer
Speaker 4: is like, uh, it's been roughly, it's been better at times.
Speaker 2: That was just all look like I just sit on
Speaker 2: the bench and show the bench like kind of like
Speaker 2: bobbing up and down.
Speaker 1: Lett if I'm working hung over.
Speaker 9: I'm I'm moving around us in the squad like motherfucker,
Speaker 9: and then on the ground.
Speaker 4: And then I throw This is fucking gonna sound insane.
Speaker 4: I throw circles, three circles, around everyone I love.
Speaker 1: I throw circles around myself.
Speaker 10: Wait wait, wait, and then if I take the pictures,
Speaker 10: you go buy pictures and just do this the circles three, Well,
Speaker 10: do it.
Speaker 4: For you guys right now one two three, one three,
Speaker 4: one two three, And then.
Speaker 1: I gotta do these guys one two three, one two.
Speaker 4: Three like the people I don't care a lot about
Speaker 4: your three and then almost one two three, and then
Speaker 4: I land on me one two three, and then I
Speaker 4: nailed in the center of my head. I started like
Speaker 4: a fucking Luna. And the people I don't love, I
Speaker 4: give them quick ones. I'll go like three, but then
Speaker 4: the people I care about I go one to like
Speaker 4: I make sure really yeah, and then and so then
Speaker 4: I do my rituals and then and then if it
Speaker 4: gets back because it was bad for this. This is
Speaker 4: so fucking psycho. It was bad for this because I've
Speaker 4: been on tour really hard, and I've been pushing it
Speaker 4: really hard, and I've gained weight and I'm down some weight,
Speaker 4: but like, and so I'm like, man, I'm gonna be
Speaker 4: fucking my liver panel is gonna be through the fucking
Speaker 4: roof and I'm gonna and then it's gonna be complicated,
Speaker 4: and what if what if? I'm like, what if I'm diabetic?
Speaker 4: Like all these things? So I went. I was on
Speaker 4: the beach. I ran for a five mile run the
Speaker 4: day the day before my what you will call.
Speaker 1: It time out, time out my sun. Five miles, full running.
Speaker 4: Full running.
Speaker 1: You never stopped.
Speaker 5: I walk.
Speaker 4: I stopped to pick up rocks because because I was
Speaker 4: looking for rocks that looked red like a clean liver,
Speaker 4: and I was looking for clear rock. If I find
Speaker 4: a penny. When I did Hey Big Boy, you want
Speaker 4: to know, this is when it was a Big Boy
Speaker 4: my special on Netflix.
Speaker 1: It's all going faster.
Speaker 2: I have, I have.
Speaker 4: I know this is like unraveling a crazy person. So
Speaker 4: when I do uh, when I if I find a penny,
Speaker 4: I know it's it's look at If I see a penny,
Speaker 4: I'm like, it's good luck. We're gonna have a good
Speaker 4: esn't no matter. If I see a penny, I'm like,
Speaker 4: And so I did Hey Big Boy. My first I
Speaker 4: did four shows the first night, one show killed it.
Speaker 4: I had mustard on my fucking pants, kids, who fucking who?
Speaker 4: I ate a hot dog in between shows and there's
Speaker 4: mustard on my fucking pants. And I was like, no
Speaker 4: one saw that, and they're like, you're the one that
Speaker 4: wanted fucking hot dogs. Yeah, first show, I didn't do
Speaker 4: that well. And so the second night, I'm like, man,
Speaker 4: I gotta I gotta really kill it tonight. I get
Speaker 4: out of the the car to go to the thing,
Speaker 4: and at the last second, I just look back into
Speaker 4: the car to see if left to anything, and there's
Speaker 4: a fucking penny sitting right there and went I look around.
Speaker 9: I'm like, you got you're watching huh Grab the any.
Speaker 4: Murder, Hey Big Boy Murder? It Two destructive fucking shows
Speaker 4: in Cleveland, and then you want to talk about luck.
Speaker 4: It airs March seventeenth. Stay at Home Orders kick in
Speaker 4: March thirteenth. Everyone in America is in their house the
Speaker 4: day Hey Big Boy shows up on Netflix. It's like
Speaker 4: the fucking number three special they've ever had because no
Speaker 4: one everyone was at home.
Speaker 1: Everyone sucrews is. The next week he's number two.
Speaker 4: Like it's literally like the biggest And so I was
Speaker 4: like that fucking penny man got a bit good thing.
Speaker 4: I watched my whole body that day and praise squatted
Speaker 4: and praise quantite circles around three.
Speaker 1: Three, what's that prayer?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: How long is that prayer? You don't got to know?
Speaker 4: No prayer. No, it's you do a little pane when
Speaker 4: I do West squad.
Speaker 9: Is I go uh?
Speaker 4: I said, uh, yes or no? And so I'll go uh.
Speaker 4: I'll say, hey, hey, God, are we gonna good day?
Speaker 4: And here, yeah, I go, it's my liver panel gonna
Speaker 4: turn it out. And he's right, and he goes, you're fine,
Speaker 4: And I went for real, but let it go quick,
Speaker 4: and I go for real and he goes, you're fine,
Speaker 4: and I went no.
Speaker 1: He says that back to you, is you're also playing
Speaker 1: God in your strength?
Speaker 4: Of course I'm playing God.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Another guy is God, Jesus Christ? Another guy?
Speaker 4: My wife's funny. My wife, My wife will see it.
Speaker 4: She'll come in and like and if like especially I
Speaker 4: do it all the time when I fly. I do
Speaker 4: it every time when I fly. And then if something
Speaker 4: BIG's happening, I do it. Those are when my rituals
Speaker 4: come in. My wife will see it and she knows,
Speaker 4: she knows me well enough, and you'll just hear her
Speaker 4: giggling in the side. I'm just sitting in a shower
Speaker 4: and just doing getting through my and then she'll just go,
Speaker 4: are we all good? I was like, she goes, you
Speaker 4: cover all this? I was like, I got us all.
Speaker 4: We're all good, dude.
Speaker 1: I love this that one.
Speaker 2: You got hold Hold we got a backpedal. We just
Speaker 2: had twelve minutes. I gotta I gott ask a couple
Speaker 2: of questions. Yeah, when Sir Gura gets on in this
Speaker 2: taxi and I guy, you tell him to tell him
Speaker 2: a joke.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a gro tell a joke. You're all the
Speaker 1: way back. Ye. No he didn't joke.
Speaker 4: No he did not. Okay, I said, uh, he's And
Speaker 4: then the best was every time someone came in, they go,
Speaker 4: how did this happen? And I just go basketball. We
Speaker 4: were playing basketball, and everyone will go, look at time ago,
Speaker 4: you played basketball and it was my favorite and you
Speaker 4: know you shouldn't be playing basketball, and time goes, yeah,
Speaker 4: I know. Right before we played he said to me.
Speaker 4: He goes, hey, man, let's take it easy. You know
Speaker 4: the number one way dudes in their forties get hurt
Speaker 4: and for the rest of their lives by playing basketball.
Speaker 4: And I was like, shut right before you guys played it?
Speaker 4: Right before he blows out his patilla, ruptures it and
Speaker 4: breaks his fucking humorous.
Speaker 11: The same thing, he's playing slam ball some third graders, Hey,
Speaker 11: dunking on them, hostry, letting them know, letting them know, fuck.
Speaker 1: You said it blew out in the air. He said,
Speaker 1: I throw a bowling body in the air. I think
Speaker 1: that's impossible. I'na be so serious.
Speaker 2: I really think blowing your patella out and the air
Speaker 2: like it just took a second, yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then it's just about to pop and then
Speaker 1: just funny, you really hear the pop.
Speaker 4: You really hear the pop. Like when I when I
Speaker 4: when I ruptured my arms, I was tackling the dude
Speaker 4: to take him down the stairs, and I grabbed him
Speaker 4: and I was the thing was is that I think
Speaker 4: my scapula was tight and that was fucking up my tricept.
Speaker 4: So I went and grabbed him like this, and as
Speaker 4: I heard pop pop up and I went, oh, I
Speaker 4: just blow up my tricep. Like I was like, oh
Speaker 4: my god, I.
Speaker 9: Just blow my trule And they're like, what do you
Speaker 9: want to do?
Speaker 4: And I was like, I was like, let's just finish
Speaker 4: the scene. So it's like the the last actions part
Speaker 4: of the movie, and so I was like, I looked
Speaker 4: at the director. I go, hey, man, I'm getting surgery
Speaker 4: when I get back anyway, like, let's just do it.
Speaker 4: And he was like, what do you mean. I go
Speaker 4: if I heard it a little bit more like I
Speaker 4: still got to get the surgery, so let's just fucking
Speaker 4: do it. And he was like okay, and he's like,
Speaker 4: just just fucking go and and everything you see in
Speaker 4: the movie. My arm is fucking completely my triceps completely detached,
Speaker 4: and I'm just fucking going hard at fuck going fuck it.
Speaker 4: I wanted to look real and im and uh I
Speaker 4: was a fight scene, and I unch the guy for
Speaker 4: real because he's an MMA fighter. So like he goes,
Speaker 4: he goes, you're not gonna knock me out and you're
Speaker 4: not gonna hurt me, so just punch me, and I
Speaker 4: go make you.
Speaker 1: Feel you're not gonna knock you out. Literally, you're not
Speaker 1: gonna do an al damage.
Speaker 4: He literally said. He goes, you can't hurt me, so
Speaker 4: just hit me yea, And I went okay, And so
Speaker 4: I just fucking it's it's a very realistic fight scene
Speaker 4: because I just fucking punching this guy as hard as
Speaker 4: I can.
Speaker 1: And he's ending it and.
Speaker 4: He's yet I fucked his whole. Uh it was all
Speaker 4: cuts on his things. I have my ring on there's
Speaker 4: cuts on his thing from his side. And yeah, he
Speaker 4: came in. He came into my thing. This my arms
Speaker 4: all wrapped in ice. I'm fucking drinking with vodka. At
Speaker 4: the end of the day is Father's Day. Is Father's
Speaker 4: Day when this happened, My fucking family is having a
Speaker 4: big party. I'm like, motherfucker, I'm in Serbia. My arms
Speaker 4: fucking I know I need surgery when I get home.
Speaker 4: I still have a month of shooting, right. And uh,
Speaker 4: he comes in and he goes, you got me good,
Speaker 4: And I went really and he lit his shirt up
Speaker 4: and it is all like all red from my ring
Speaker 4: just wham swam, swam wham. And I was just plunging
Speaker 4: as hard as I could in the stomach and even
Speaker 4: knocked the window on the motherfucker he's eating it like that,
Speaker 4: eating it. Dude. He's a fucking badass.
Speaker 1: What a unique experience for you to realize that there's
Speaker 1: human beings like that in the world.
Speaker 4: You know, you got it, That's what Not enough people
Speaker 4: know that, Like when you walked in. I'm did you
Speaker 4: notice that I was looking at your body a lot,
Speaker 4: because I was like, I was like that, they don't
Speaker 4: make them like that, like they're not supposed to be.
Speaker 2: Hey, I'll take that. It's a bay change from a
Speaker 2: week ago. He uh no, that's crazy how there's like
Speaker 2: human beings you just look at them, You're like, holy shit.
Speaker 2: But it goes the opposite way too. I was at
Speaker 2: Zanni's last night and this little dude I was there.
Speaker 2: We're in a tank topposite Gay for Democracy, and I
Speaker 2: was like, yeah, that shirt's hilarious. It works perfect because
Speaker 2: I'm because I'm gay, and he fucking he was like
Speaker 2: I shream people in and out and I see his
Speaker 2: little tiny hand kind of come out the door and
Speaker 2: like wave me over, and I'm looking at this little hand.
Speaker 2: I'm like, damn, I bet Dix looks so big that
Speaker 2: little hand. You know what I'm saying, massive massive in
Speaker 2: those the lands.
Speaker 1: But it kind of goes with everyone. Everyone's bodies are
Speaker 1: just totally different.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you remember do you remember the.
Speaker 4: First time you found out boys not all boys had
Speaker 4: the same size dicks? Remember the can that came out wrong?
Speaker 4: Do you remember the first time you went into a
Speaker 4: locker room, everyone was naked and you were like and
Speaker 4: you were like, well, hang on, we don't have the
Speaker 4: same size dicks. And you were like, I remember one
Speaker 4: dude had a hog and I knew him and it
Speaker 4: was my size and my age changed your life was like, oh,
Speaker 4: I'm not taking my pants off in here. Shout out
Speaker 4: to Jeff Hartley.
Speaker 2: God, I remember that being like one of the biggest
Speaker 2: insecure things in high school is when you would when
Speaker 2: people started hooking up.
Speaker 1: So numbers are real low.
Speaker 2: Everyone's in the one, the two's, and the threes, and
Speaker 2: you hear about Hey, you hear about comp He's got
Speaker 2: a fucking massive no.
Speaker 1: Justine, she told me. She told me that it was
Speaker 1: funny because so exaggerated, like you either got a monster
Speaker 1: or you're super little, when.
Speaker 8: You were loose as hell or like a she's crazy
Speaker 8: literally talking with the boys like oh she was tight man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you don't really know, but you know.
Speaker 2: One time I was in middle school on time and
Speaker 2: there was these two kids and they're like, they got
Speaker 2: their pants sagged down. I was just the same exact way,
Speaker 2: but their pants are sagged down, big long T shirts
Speaker 2: and this dude's talking about fucking. He's talking about fucking.
Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, man, I've had sex. And he's like, really,
Speaker 2: what's the pussy do when you when you're having sex?
Speaker 2: And I'm like things that moves and like he looks me, goes,
Speaker 2: you never had sex before, and like walked away. He's
Speaker 2: so fucking defeated looking back at it, like he probably wasn't.
Speaker 4: How do you explain that?
Speaker 1: Like what does the vagina do when you're you know, well,
Speaker 1: I remember I remember someone saying.
Speaker 4: I remember I remember someone goes like uh, someone was like, yeah,
Speaker 4: you know when it when they have an orgasm and
Speaker 4: it starts going wow wow wow.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I was like, they don't do
Speaker 1: that with me. You're afraid to tell him that?
Speaker 4: Oh dude. When the rubber hit the road with me,
Speaker 4: like I've talked about sex, I was in it. I
Speaker 4: ready to have sex. Yeah, And then that first night,
Speaker 4: that night I had sex, I fucked it up so
Speaker 4: bad that it changed me for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1: Like I was now no longer the sex guy.
Speaker 4: I was the relationship guy.
Speaker 9: I was like I was because I was like, man,
Speaker 9: I'm just gonna fuck I wanted to fuck so bad.
Speaker 4: That's all. I dated this chick in ninth grade. I
Speaker 4: was like, are we gonna fuck her?
Speaker 1: What?
Speaker 4: And she was like I'm just a little young. And
Speaker 4: I was like, then it's over and then yeah, and
Speaker 4: then I was like, are we gonna fuck her not?
Speaker 4: And she was like, I don't mean when we just
Speaker 4: started dating? And I was like done next and I
Speaker 4: get to seventeen years old and I'm like, I am
Speaker 4: chomping at the bit. Oh, seventeen years old. Years later,
Speaker 4: three years later, dude, get a girlfriend. Fucking hottest shit.
Speaker 4: I knew shit had sex before. So I'm like, cool, right,
Speaker 4: We're good.
Speaker 1: That's when you know you're about to have a good time.
Speaker 1: Fucking Yeahah, so uh go get in there.
Speaker 4: We go to her friends dad's crash pad. Her dad
Speaker 4: was the fucking player. Yeah, crash pad and Carol would
Speaker 4: a little condo, Me and Jeff Hartley bring the same
Speaker 4: guy and Jeff Harley bring these two.
Speaker 1: You know he had a hammer.
Speaker 4: Then I know he had a hammer.
Speaker 1: Everyone knew.
Speaker 4: Everyone knew, and he fucked.
Speaker 1: Did you get work? Okay? I'm all, what's going and
Speaker 1: you keep going? No, you keep going, No, you keep going,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, So we get.
Speaker 10: A lot.
Speaker 1: To work out. So I just finished working a little ago.
Speaker 1: I'm a little affected. Right now I'm a little effective.
Speaker 4: So we get a Caseinnati light pet cemetery and two condoms.
Speaker 1: Right, We're like, this is gonna go to lock in
Speaker 1: down condoms from inside the from.
Speaker 4: Ammicico Amicco bathroom, bathroom on the quarner of on the
Speaker 4: corner of Erlik and Dale Maybury. All right, so yeah,
Speaker 4: these are real, these are real stories. So this is
Speaker 4: I love a small detailed story because then you know
Speaker 4: it's true. So, uh, we go to her house. We
Speaker 4: go to her dad's crash pad. We I watched the
Speaker 4: past cemetery and then my chicks like, hey, do you
Speaker 4: want to go into the bedroom and I'm like it's happening, yes,
Speaker 4: Eli Harley, fist bump, walk into the bedroom. Kiss, kiss, Kiss,
Speaker 4: Let's get to business. Get her naked. I still have
Speaker 4: all my clothes on. Get her naked, and I'm like,
Speaker 4: all right, time to perform. Drop my pants to my knees.
Speaker 4: I have my baseball jacket on, I have a hat on,
Speaker 4: I have my shoes on. Drop my pants the knees,
Speaker 4: pull the condumn out I am now shaking, and I'm like,
Speaker 4: this is God. I didn't think i'd be shaking at
Speaker 4: this moment. I under the condom and I've never seen
Speaker 4: a condom before, and I'm like, okay, my mom rolls
Speaker 4: my socks up. I unrolled them before I put them on.
Speaker 4: That's how we put on condoms. I've never put a
Speaker 4: condom on before. So I unroll it all the way
Speaker 4: and I'm like, that's a lot bigger than I thought.
Speaker 4: Need roll it back four inches. I'm like, there we go.
Speaker 4: That'll suit it. I take it there. I go to
Speaker 4: slide it over and as I push it down, it
Speaker 4: inflates and I go the fuck like, and I'm like
Speaker 4: trying to squeeze. I'm no joke, I'm trying to squeeze
Speaker 4: the air out of it and going, h I'm making
Speaker 4: balloon animals at the corner of a bed, and I'm like,
Speaker 4: what the fuck She's still naked going I'm like, motherfucker.
Speaker 4: So I get rid of the condom. I go, yeah,
Speaker 4: she's making she's like she's doing sexy noises whatever whatever.
Speaker 10: I thought.
Speaker 1: She was like, she's trying to do a zombie like
Speaker 1: to pay She's.
Speaker 4: Not getting totally ignored on a bed, totally naked, freezing
Speaker 4: her asshole. I'm wearing a jacket. She's like, So I
Speaker 4: go back out to Hartley. I'm like, and you know,
Speaker 4: I need that other condom. And he goes, you're done already.
Speaker 4: I said, it's a long story. Just give me to
Speaker 4: the condomn So he's like, all right, so we do
Speaker 4: the cool hand Guy's sake with the condom. I go
Speaker 4: back in. Now things are making sense. Pinch the reservoir tip,
Speaker 4: yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, slide oh okay, yeah yeah,
Speaker 4: yeah yeah. I put the condom on. I remember putting
Speaker 4: it on felt good, and I went, wow, I'm really primed.
Speaker 4: I get on top of her in real time, in
Speaker 4: real time, and I'm watching the talk in real time.
Speaker 4: I go on top of her, I'm in, I pull out,
Speaker 4: and it's over. I come done. I'm done.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 4: And by the way, I'm so overwhelmed by the feeling
Speaker 4: that I'm unaware of what's happened, that it's already, that
Speaker 4: it that it maybe should have been longer, just so
Speaker 4: overwhelmed by how great it felt. I'm like, and she
Speaker 4: looks at me and goes, are you gonna put it in.
Speaker 4: I look down my diss between her but cheek in
Speaker 4: the bed. I didn't even fuck her. I lost my
Speaker 4: virginity to a mattress. I didn't even need her in
Speaker 4: the room technically. And and then I'm like, okay, and
Speaker 4: then I compromise the integrity of the condom. It's completely compromised.
Speaker 4: Start from scratch with that fucking It's like going on
Speaker 4: a hike and going, hold on, let me jump in
Speaker 4: the river real quick before we start. Yeah, let me
Speaker 4: my socks couldn't wet. Oh, this would be a fun hike.
Speaker 4: I fucking I get done, and I'm I remember going
Speaker 4: into the into the bathroom and hands on the counter,
Speaker 4: looking at myself and going, what the fuck did you do?
Speaker 4: I mean, it's like the clearest I've I've only seen
Speaker 4: myself in a mirror clearly a couple times in my
Speaker 4: life where I go, I know that boy is one
Speaker 4: is that moment. The other is I lost a weight
Speaker 4: loss bat discourt and he saved my beard off. And
Speaker 4: the first time I looked in the mirror, I went, oh,
Speaker 4: my god, I know you. Oh you poor little boy.
Speaker 4: I forgot you covered it herself up with your beard
Speaker 4: and the other time. It was the first time I
Speaker 4: did cocaine in New Orleans and I had to look
Speaker 4: down on that line of coke and I looked in
Speaker 4: the mirror and I saw myself doing coke for the
Speaker 4: first time, and I'm like, this isn't who you are.
Speaker 4: And then I did coke. I was like, so you
Speaker 4: are now, though, motherfucker, let's get shit done. We can
Speaker 4: rip trees out of the fucking ground.
Speaker 8: And then so then and that's when you got done
Speaker 8: that that night, Like you got up after I mean
Speaker 8: after you blew the load.
Speaker 1: You got up, went to the bathroom, and I went
Speaker 1: to the bathroom. I have a minute.
Speaker 4: I was like, shit, I don't even know. I was
Speaker 4: so lost in the I mean, there's parts I can
Speaker 4: tell you that you wouldn't believe that you wouldn't believe that,
Speaker 4: you wouldn't believe that are one hundred percent true, and
Speaker 4: I'm gonna not add them in the story because it's
Speaker 4: so unbelievable. I'm gonna tell you one of them. It's
Speaker 4: so unbelievable, you're gonna go that didn't happen. And I
Speaker 4: swear to you, may God strike me down with a
Speaker 4: heart attack right now. If I'm lying. When I was done,
Speaker 4: I pulled my dick out and I was like, I
Speaker 4: think she's done. I think I didn't have another orgasm.
Speaker 4: I'm just fucking pumped away and abused condom for fucking
Speaker 4: ten minutes. I get down to the end of the bed,
Speaker 4: I'm like, what the fuck. I look down on my
Speaker 4: dick and there's no condom.
Speaker 9: Oh.
Speaker 4: I look over and it's between her legs, and I'm like,
Speaker 4: oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I
Speaker 4: grab it. I'm not, I'm not. I swear to you.
Speaker 4: I swear I grab it and it's not coming. I
Speaker 4: pull a pole pull, I give it a poll. It
Speaker 4: goes so chat hits. My hand flies out of my hand,
Speaker 4: lands on the mirror across the room, and it's stuck
Speaker 4: on the mirror like those squints you throw on the
Speaker 4: wall and they crawl out slowly, and I'm.
Speaker 1: Like, the fuck, what the fuck?
Speaker 4: What the fuck?
Speaker 1: I go over it off the mirror.
Speaker 4: Walking in the bathroom, I'm like, who the fuck are
Speaker 4: you that is? I swear to God it's true, and
Speaker 4: I know it doesn't seem like it could be possible.
Speaker 4: I swear to God it's true. I was like and
Speaker 4: at that moment, I was like, I'm going to be
Speaker 4: committed to a person. If I ever did this with
Speaker 4: another person, I'm going to be ready. I'm not going
Speaker 4: to be doing this willing nilly with strangers. I'm doing
Speaker 4: The next time I had sex was with a girl
Speaker 4: freshman year high school that I ended updating for five
Speaker 4: years your college and okay, on freshmaniora of college and
Speaker 4: I and I and I listened. I remember I was
Speaker 4: talking so much about sex that wasn't listening to people,
Speaker 4: like right, I mean it was those.
Speaker 1: Sex with jars got in there buckets. Remember one of
Speaker 1: the best postal clarity I've ever heard of my life.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, like you know, sometimes you finished jerking off,
Speaker 2: you're kind of sad at yourself, like you had a
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Speaker 4: I remember people will be like, man, I remember for
Speaker 4: someone saying, you know, if I'm gonna have sex because
Speaker 4: I come fast, and I was like, I come passed
Speaker 4: and say that. I was like, I come fast, and
Speaker 4: they're like, well, you gotta do is jerk off before
Speaker 4: you have sex with there. And I was like we
Speaker 4: were just talking about n in Feidelberg. Yeah, And so
Speaker 4: freshman year, meet the girl day, we hang out or
Speaker 4: you know, for like a week, we're like getting along
Speaker 4: pretty good. Go to my room and it's gonna happen.
Speaker 4: And I raced down to the bathroom and I jerked off,
Speaker 4: and I was a fucking champ. And I was like,
Speaker 4: all right, start listening, start listening. And then I dated
Speaker 4: that girl for a while. I've only been with six chicks,
Speaker 4: so I'm not like A and that and that is
Speaker 4: because of that first experience it and it's just like
Speaker 4: and I was like, I don't wanna it's it's also
Speaker 4: you know, it's I don't know whatever. I just wasn't
Speaker 4: good at it, and I was like, I'm not gonna
Speaker 4: It's like, you know, it's like you ever have someone
Speaker 4: you go, hey, you want to do karaoke and they're
Speaker 4: like I'm not good and you're like, no, you should
Speaker 4: do it. You're like no, seriously, I know I'm not good,
Speaker 4: and you're like, but try it. And they're like I
Speaker 4: don't sing well, and you're like, try it. And then
Speaker 4: they get up you're like, oh, you fucking suck. You're like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I knew that about myself. That's why I didn't want
Speaker 4: to do karaoke. That's about me fucking.
Speaker 1: That's hilarious.
Speaker 8: I think that's the key too, is we were talking
Speaker 8: about with the Final Burg in KFC, because Fights and
Speaker 8: I were saying, uh, if we jerk off before we
Speaker 8: go hang out, the chick like once, once you get
Speaker 8: that post out clarity, you don't even go. You don't
Speaker 8: want to go out anymore. You're like, I'll lay up
Speaker 8: and watch Netflix all night. Versus is like going out. Yeah,
Speaker 8: you trap yourself in the you lock the gates, you
Speaker 8: go to the house, you're like, give me a minute,
Speaker 8: you go and spank one off.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 8: When you come back ready to go, and you kind
Speaker 8: of give yourself no chance, you're back to get You're
Speaker 8: back against the wall.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean clear, I think the thing you're supposed
Speaker 2: to do in that situation is get as least horny.
Speaker 1: As possible and make it about business.
Speaker 2: When you jerk off, like you're just kind of like,
Speaker 2: let me just get this excretion, this stuff out of.
Speaker 4: Me, poison out of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, get out of here.
Speaker 9: You what that is?
Speaker 2: Yeah, poison, Because if you go and you're like surfing
Speaker 2: the web, all of a sudden you're finding that one
Speaker 2: per you know, hey, surf all the videos.
Speaker 1: Is that when you go to the next video, this
Speaker 1: is it wasn't good enough in that moment.
Speaker 8: So if you go find somebody else's back three videos
Speaker 8: and you're like, I think that wasn't.
Speaker 2: An hour passes and you finish and you're like, well
Speaker 2: that was a full day. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 2: You can't you can't do that.
Speaker 4: Wish that word for pedophiles, if you're like, just go
Speaker 4: jerk off and then maybe you don't kidnap a kid.
Speaker 1: I wonder, wonder if that's the thing. It's just being
Speaker 1: there to hand.
Speaker 4: But I mean like, because I know for a factor,
Speaker 4: if I fly home, I'll fly home. I don't know
Speaker 4: when i'll fly home. I may sometime, I may. When
Speaker 4: I go home, I need to fuck my I need
Speaker 4: to plant my seed the second I get home. I
Speaker 4: need you to connect with my wife or will fight. However, uh,
Speaker 4: pre jerk off. Bert is a lot more attentive of
Speaker 4: as a husband. So what I do, what I found
Speaker 4: I do is I go in horny because then I'm like,
Speaker 4: I'm like, I want to fox. So I'm like, how
Speaker 4: do I help herun the house and tell me about
Speaker 4: the girls? I want to hear about this ship? Yeah yeah,
Speaker 4: yeah yeah, Oh for real? Uh they were late to
Speaker 4: drop off and you were sitting at the house all day.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, that must have sucked. Shut up. Oh no,
Speaker 4: and like all those things that you don't like, literally
Speaker 4: fucking and and then I'll be that good husband. Then
Speaker 4: I go to the sauna. I'll jerk off in the sauna.
Speaker 4: The best jerk offs are ever really with the sauna.
Speaker 4: Cock is like the biggest cock you'll ever have. Really,
Speaker 4: you haven't had son.
Speaker 9: I look at it in the sauna. I'm like, damn
Speaker 9: it kind of sad. Yeah, I remember you want to
Speaker 9: talk about dangerous. I was in Miami and this is
Speaker 9: Liam was pregnant with I Love. Yeah, I was in
Speaker 9: I was in Miami and I was and I was
Speaker 9: at the hotel and I went in to the sauna
Speaker 9: and and Liam was my wife. Liamne was flying in
Speaker 9: that day. And this chick comes in in panties, no.
Speaker 4: Top and shelltop Adidas in the sauna, right shelltop Adidas
Speaker 4: and she just comes in and she's hot, kind of hot,
Speaker 4: sits down and she goes, uh, you wanna fuck? And
Speaker 4: I go no. She was like, she was like we can,
Speaker 4: and I was like okay. I was like, my wife's
Speaker 4: pregnant and she was like I don't care, and I
Speaker 4: was like okay. And I just sat there and I
Speaker 4: was like, I think I have leave now, and I
Speaker 4: was like I remember thinking like and then I told
Speaker 4: the story of someone else. I said, shelltop Adidas and
Speaker 4: they go, I think she might have been homeless or
Speaker 4: on drugs. Who the fuck walks into his sauna with
Speaker 4: panties and shell top Adidas. She was looking she was
Speaker 4: gonna fucking fuck you for money, and I was.
Speaker 1: Like that makes sense.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that makes more sense the hell that uh what
Speaker 2: if anybody who walks into walks into a sauna.
Speaker 4: But it's it's your dream always when you go to
Speaker 4: a sauna, is that some hot chick's gonna come in
Speaker 4: and be like, hey, you know, music playing, And then
Speaker 4: that's the fantasy. But then when it shows up, it's
Speaker 4: never the thing. You're gonna be shark attacks. You think
Speaker 4: they're gonna bite, bite on the side and be holding
Speaker 4: his head. No, no, but it's just something to go out.
Speaker 1: What the fuck was that?
Speaker 9: You know?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Not that I you know yeah, I mean, you've been
Speaker 1: bit by a shark.
Speaker 4: I know I got bumped by a shark once. I've
Speaker 4: been lying. I swear to God, you ship yourself. I
Speaker 4: was in we were at Neosmurner Beach. We were big,
Speaker 4: we were used to surf back when I was a kid,
Speaker 4: and I was with my buddy we Cho and I
Speaker 4: was You could noose Murner. You could pretty much walk
Speaker 4: out to the waves and then you'd paddle out past
Speaker 4: the break. But it's pretty shallow for a long way.
Speaker 4: And some hit my leg boom hard as fuck. I
Speaker 4: ran out of the water. I ran and out of
Speaker 4: the water and it was the probably. I mean, I've
Speaker 4: been surfing since. But that ended surfing for a long
Speaker 4: time at NEWSMURRNA, and I've been back to newsmyurn and
Speaker 4: I've served in Newsmurna since and I stuck at surfing.
Speaker 4: Just so we're clear, but but yeah, uh, but I've
Speaker 4: done a lot of shit with sharks. I've been out
Speaker 4: of the cage with great white sharks. I've done You've
Speaker 4: been out of the cage, of the of the cage,
Speaker 4: not on purpose, but we were we were we were
Speaker 4: swimming with blue sharks. I've had so just to put
Speaker 4: the so everyone knows, I've had a bunch of shows
Speaker 4: where I had amazing life experiences. So I had hurt Bert.
Speaker 4: I was a cage fighter, I was a professional football player.
Speaker 4: I was a hockey goalie. I was a dominatrix camp
Speaker 4: I did all of that. I was a rodeo clown.
Speaker 4: I got mauled by a bull. Then I had a
Speaker 4: show called Bert the Conquer where I did roller coasters,
Speaker 4: but also also these bizarre stream activities like like bass
Speaker 4: jumping or bungee jumping or skydiving. And then I also
Speaker 4: had a show called Trip Flip where I took people
Speaker 4: for four years on adventures of a lifetime around the world.
Speaker 4: So I've I've rock climbed in Helong Bay like I've
Speaker 4: done insane stuff. And one day I was in South Africa,
Speaker 4: I swam a great white sharks, I jumped off stadium
Speaker 4: and I repelled off table mountain, all within a twelve
Speaker 4: hour period. And I'm just sitting in my room, just shaking,
Speaker 4: going should I your cough down? Like it was like,
Speaker 4: and so I've done everything there is to do, Like
Speaker 4: anything you can think of doing, I've done, and I've
Speaker 4: probably done it twice just because for TV purposes. Really yea,
Speaker 4: with sharks, I've swam with sharks probably twelve times, like legit,
Speaker 4: like in the cage, out of the cage. First time
Speaker 4: it was out of the cage. We were swiming blue
Speaker 4: sharks just outside Catalina, and the blue sharks just went
Speaker 4: like this and disappeared, and we were like, what the fuck?
Speaker 4: And we see a shadow on one with this guy
Speaker 4: shout out to John Manley is a is a marine biologist.
Speaker 4: And he grabs me and pulled where the cage is
Speaker 4: right next to us, grabs me, holds on the cage,
Speaker 4: he pops up me. He's like, great White, And I
Speaker 4: went what And this thing moved with such intention? Do
Speaker 4: you know when you know when? And I put it
Speaker 4: there are people when you play sports, and I can
Speaker 4: only put it in my perspective of when I played football.
Speaker 4: You I was not great, but you'd watch someone who
Speaker 4: moved so much quicker than everyone else. You're like, well,
Speaker 4: what the fuck, dude, this isn't fair. That's great White sharks.
Speaker 4: Great white sharks decide where they want to be, and
Speaker 4: they're there before you know that they're there. And it's
Speaker 4: I mean, this thing moved with such intention is the
Speaker 4: only thing I could think that I got out of
Speaker 4: the I got out of the water immediately I saw it.
Speaker 4: I got out of order. John Manley stayed in.
Speaker 1: You saw when you're in the water.
Speaker 4: Some when I was in the water just on the outside,
Speaker 4: and then it started coming in. I mainly hopped in
Speaker 4: the cage. I hopped out. This fucking awesome Mexican lady
Speaker 4: was making burgers. One of the best burgers I've ever
Speaker 4: had in my life. By the way, really I murdered
Speaker 4: that fucking burger watching this great white swim around. But
Speaker 4: I've swim I have since swam with them in South Africa.
Speaker 4: I've swim on north Shore. I've swim four or five
Speaker 4: times with the north Shore down at Holly Evil. They
Speaker 4: take you out maybe like a mile. I brought my
Speaker 4: daughters out there to swim with them. My daughters a
Speaker 4: swims a few times in the cage. Those are all
Speaker 4: in the cage.
Speaker 5: What's that?
Speaker 1: What's that experience like when you bring your daughters with you?
Speaker 3: To do that.
Speaker 4: Do you worry for them?
Speaker 1: Is there like a weird thing that you feel?
Speaker 4: No, no, because I know it's safe and and it's
Speaker 4: and it's really fun. It's uh I I let I I.
Speaker 4: I would say it's like going to church and getting it.
Speaker 4: Like I'm not a religious person, although I have like
Speaker 4: you know, things about yeah, but like like a real
Speaker 4: religious person who goes to church and then they feel it,
Speaker 4: then they walk out and they feel you know, the
Speaker 4: power of God or whatever. That's what it's like, swimming
Speaker 4: with great white with swimming with sharks and watching your
Speaker 4: kids see it, because you're sitting there watching your kids
Speaker 4: be like oh, and you're like, yes, that's is this me? Yeah,
Speaker 4: that's me and my girls? Yeah. And so it's and
Speaker 4: and it's it's also really cool, like.
Speaker 1: We did it out in Bali.
Speaker 4: I think Bali.
Speaker 1: I think, oh my god, man, all that blue that
Speaker 1: would terrify the ship out of it.
Speaker 4: I know it doesn't because you have a child, right, yes,
Speaker 4: we gold. Okay, So there's this really cool thing that
Speaker 4: happens when you're a dad. You're no longer scared for
Speaker 4: your own good you know, I know that if something
Speaker 4: happens I just know my position is I would give
Speaker 4: up my life for those kids. And it's crazy how
Speaker 4: confident you feel in any situation. So we were in Fiji, Bali,
Speaker 4: I think we were in Bali one time and we
Speaker 4: were drifting the reef and they drop the boat, drops
Speaker 4: you off one place and then the boat goes down
Speaker 4: here and then you just take the current down to
Speaker 4: the boat and it's beautiful. It's beautiful. But it's just us.
Speaker 1: It's just me and my girls, just you in this case,
Speaker 1: and you're the cage is slowly no no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no ye.
Speaker 4: Bali, it was just us. It was no cage. They
Speaker 4: drop you off here on this side of the island
Speaker 4: and the current's going to take you down, and the
Speaker 4: boat just shows up there. You're in open ocean and
Speaker 4: yeah that sounds little sharks swim by, and but it's crazy.
Speaker 4: As a dad, I'm not concerned because I know sharks
Speaker 4: aren't technically as dangerous as everyone thinks. But I just
Speaker 4: know my role. I know my role in that situation,
Speaker 4: and so all the fear, Like if I was by
Speaker 4: my self, i'd be nervous, but because my kids are there,
Speaker 4: I go, oh no, I'm fine. I know my role.
Speaker 4: It's a bizarre thing that happens as a dad when
Speaker 4: you and when you watch your kids because you like,
Speaker 4: you don't have to be nervous, because I'm not nervous
Speaker 4: because I know that I'm just gonna give my life
Speaker 4: for you. Yeah. But we've done a lot of cool shit.
Speaker 4: Because of Travel Channel, I had a bunch of cool
Speaker 4: experiences that I could then take my kids to and
Speaker 4: show them to, and that's swimming with sharks is one
Speaker 4: of them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've done everything, bro. Yeah, I've never had much.
Speaker 2: I've never I've swam in the ocean. I've gone surfing. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and there's been a couple of instances where its like
Speaker 2: was there a shark there? But never a little spooky
Speaker 2: well yeah, because there was a couple of times where
Speaker 2: like me and my buddy were surfing and they're a
Speaker 2: bunch of dolphins showed up and they were kind of
Speaker 2: like sticking around us and one leave us alone type
Speaker 2: of thing. Like you'd be on it and the wave
Speaker 2: of becoming and the dolphins be like on the wave
Speaker 2: with you.
Speaker 1: Cool.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's kind of like a I guess a
Speaker 2: known thing that like something a predators around and the
Speaker 2: dolphins are actually protecting you.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So once they started doing that, and like we caught on.
Speaker 2: He knew way faster than I because I'm like, oh shit,
Speaker 2: dolphins and he's like he's like, hey, that's awesome, man,
Speaker 2: we should probably cruise in like it's getting a little late. Yeah,
Speaker 2: four o'clock, you know, And we got ays like, yeah,
Speaker 2: dolphins do that when there's a predator around.
Speaker 11: Man.
Speaker 1: In a while in bor Bor we swim with the
Speaker 1: black tip sharks. Yeah, little guys right, yeah, which is crazy.
Speaker 8: There's like hundreds of them around you. One that would
Speaker 8: like come right for your face and then like veer off,
Speaker 8: but you know, quick little yeah, yeah, but a little creepy.
Speaker 8: But it was fun of ship. And then those things
Speaker 8: what are the things called that killed Steve Irwin, miss
Speaker 8: rays bro that those were That's what had me a
Speaker 8: little on it.
Speaker 1: Really, We're swimming with them and there's Steve Verwin. Steve
Speaker 1: never happened it killed another dude?
Speaker 5: No it didn't.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Puerto Rican dude. It flew in the air and
Speaker 4: just stabbed him in the heart.
Speaker 8: Is that real?
Speaker 5: Is the boat? Google it?
Speaker 4: It was in a boat and it just flew out
Speaker 4: of the wall air in the boat stabbed him in
Speaker 4: the heart and left.
Speaker 8: Yeah, And the dude was telling us that, oh, they
Speaker 8: didn't have their like stingers cut off or nothing. They're big, bro,
Speaker 8: and they're swimming on top of you. And I was
Speaker 8: just like, you know, like you're kind of like a statue.
Speaker 8: As it gets on, You're like, come on, we'll do it.
Speaker 8: I'm like, huh, well, that's the thing. But all animals,
Speaker 8: you can't tell them to go fifty.
Speaker 1: There gonna do their thing.
Speaker 4: So like when we did whenever we did anything dangerous,
Speaker 4: you could always tell someone, hey, man, let's take a
Speaker 4: slow the first couple of times and then get everyone comfortable.
Speaker 4: But animals go boom, boom boom. And there's certain things
Speaker 4: like I worked with tigers. You do not turn your
Speaker 4: back on a tiger. The second you turn your back
Speaker 4: on a tiger, it goes into hunting mode. Really, and
Speaker 4: it is in fucking scenes. I want to terrifying. Tigers
Speaker 4: are terrifying. I played when I played football. You can
Speaker 4: you'll be able to pull this up. I'm sure you
Speaker 4: can find this. Don't pull it up yet. Let me
Speaker 4: tell the story first. So we play arena football. Los
Speaker 4: Angeles Avengers. Maybe yeah, and uh, and I suit up.
Speaker 4: I'm in good shape at the time. I'm younger, but
Speaker 4: I'm in good shape.
Speaker 1: Would you play when you played football?
Speaker 4: Linebacker? Side linebacker? Yeah, linebacker, And oh, well, you know
Speaker 4: what happened? First game? First game in the seventh grade,
Speaker 4: I'm playing junior varsity and they put me in. I
Speaker 4: random as I just go in middle linebacker, first play interception,
Speaker 4: running back to the one yard line, and They're like, shit,
Speaker 4: we got a fucking savant. So then I played. I played.
Speaker 4: I started for the rest of up until ninth grade.
Speaker 4: And ninth grade I was like, I in Florida, you'd
Speaker 4: had to kind of focus on either baseball.
Speaker 1: Or football, and so I was like playing JV at
Speaker 1: seventh grade.
Speaker 4: Teventh grade? Yeah, it was was it?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're in Tennessee.
Speaker 2: Really, Yeah they have there's the eighth graders playing at
Speaker 2: Lipskim playing varsity in the state championship game this past year.
Speaker 1: Isn't that weird? Yeah? I didn't know about that either.
Speaker 1: He's like, I was playing JV seventh grade. I'm thinking
Speaker 1: you can play junior varsity. I didn't know you could
Speaker 1: even do that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, oh that was a Berkeley Prep. It's nothing.
Speaker 1: You were a sun, I would know I was.
Speaker 4: I was bigger than most boys. I was very Ethnic'm
Speaker 4: still very athletic. The things people count like think about me.
Speaker 4: They see me and they go, oh yeah, right. It's
Speaker 4: like Rogan. I told him I could run a marathon
Speaker 4: with no training at all, and he was like bullshit,
Speaker 4: And I did it. I just went out party the
Speaker 4: ninth be four, went out, ran a marathon five hours
Speaker 4: and thirty three minutes, finished it, and everyone's like, shut
Speaker 4: the fuck up. So they take out to play football, right,
Speaker 4: and so this is arena league football, so it's got
Speaker 4: the boards in arena legue. I don't understand that.
Speaker 9: I think that shit is sick. You like that ship
Speaker 9: and people over the edge. I think it's awesome. So
Speaker 9: the first play, hip pause, hit pause, hit pause, hit pause.
Speaker 9: This is not the first play. The first play, I
Speaker 9: realized my offensive line is not gonna block. You'll see
Speaker 9: this and realize I realize I'm the paper Tiger, you know,
Speaker 9: George Clinton or whatever. So I'm also fairly athletic. I'm
Speaker 9: also fairly competitive. So I take I drop back, I
Speaker 9: take a step, and I run it up the center
Speaker 9: and I run a touchdown. This is right after practice.
Speaker 9: Run a touchdown. I run past, I blow past all
Speaker 9: these guys. Coach comes out and.
Speaker 4: He goes, the fuck did I just see a fucking
Speaker 4: comedian just blew your doors off and ran for a touchdown?
Speaker 4: You motherfuckers. There's a reason you don't start. Do you
Speaker 4: understand me. There's a reason you're not playing in the NFL.
Speaker 4: This motherfucker better leave on a fucking stretch. Sure if
Speaker 4: you want your job. And I'm like, oh, I think
Speaker 4: I sucked up, go ahead and play, and then this
Speaker 4: is and then all of a sudden, it's just it's I.
Speaker 4: There's one shot where you're gonna say, yes me. There's
Speaker 4: one shot where you can see me get a concussion
Speaker 4: so they know, oh yeah, this is there's me. I
Speaker 4: almost broke my neck on a on a on a
Speaker 4: on a on a field goal. You can sit there,
Speaker 4: look at this. When he hits me on this field goal,
Speaker 4: you're like, oh, he could have definitely broke your neck.
Speaker 4: Watch this.
Speaker 8: This.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, okay, wait wait, wait here we go. This
Speaker 4: is the one you need to see. The blind side sack,
Speaker 4: keep going, keep going.
Speaker 1: The path. Okay, there you go there, you go right here.
Speaker 1: This one's rough.
Speaker 4: Oh fuck man, right there, completely concussed, dude.
Speaker 1: It's crazy seeing how young you are here.
Speaker 4: I know my voice is really high too. I broke
Speaker 4: my hand, did you really?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 9: Would you break in your hand? I have no idea,
Speaker 9: and you're just doing this for like making a show
Speaker 9: ten grand No, No, it's not an episode.
Speaker 4: An episode, yeah, grand an episode did six episodes. I
Speaker 4: was a dominatrix, gamp, I was a I was an
Speaker 4: MMA fighter for a day. I fought four graces at once.
Speaker 4: Do they choked me out? You've ever been choked out? Once?
Speaker 2: Terrifying you're going to sleep is kind of scary, but
Speaker 2: then you're just sleep.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, because you're fighting it. You're going no, no, no,
Speaker 4: And then you just wake up and you're like, what's
Speaker 4: that We're happen everybody? And they're like okay, yeah, okay,
Speaker 4: they're saying like Portuguese things, and you're like, huh huh huh, yeah,
Speaker 4: this is me fighting the gracies. Horion has the big
Speaker 4: school out and it's so funny. I don't want to
Speaker 4: take How.
Speaker 1: Old are you there?
Speaker 4: Twenty nine?
Speaker 1: How old are you now?
Speaker 4: Forty nine?
Speaker 1: Here we go yet again.
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Speaker 1: Hit our Instagram, hit our Twitter, Please God, just do it. Please.
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Speaker 1: Almost fifty almost been in the game a while, bro.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, well it's you know, I think I It's
Speaker 4: the thing that's lucky about comedy is that I got
Speaker 4: I had some success when I was younger. I'd kind
Speaker 4: of a bunch of development deals. I got a TV show,
Speaker 4: I got a couple of TV shows, But as far
Speaker 4: as stand up goes, I was always behind all my
Speaker 4: friends like Sugura, Burr all my friends were all ahead
Speaker 4: of me, and I was doing television and I thought
Speaker 4: that was the thing, the end game. Yeah, but I
Speaker 4: also got into podcasting at the right time with Rogan
Speaker 4: and that and that generation, and I was very lucky
Speaker 4: that I wasn't And then and then all of it
Speaker 4: went away and I had to figure it out. When
Speaker 4: I was like forty four, I had to figure out
Speaker 4: maybe forty two forty three. I had to literally start
Speaker 4: from scratch. I got I got fired from Travel Channel.
Speaker 4: I was supposed to do this funnier die tour, you know, Oddball,
Speaker 4: and I got pulled off that I had no dates
Speaker 4: coming up. So I was planning on doing this Oddball tour.
Speaker 4: My wife's redoing our house. I've not my podcast is
Speaker 4: getting no funding.
Speaker 1: Is this a bird cast?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Bird cast? And I remember talking to Tom and
Speaker 4: he was like, doing Oddball and this is like you
Speaker 4: want to talk about We realized where you are in
Speaker 4: the pecking order. I was getting paid two thousand dollars
Speaker 4: a week for Oddball my offer, and Tom was getting
Speaker 4: twenty thousand his show. And I was like, and he goes,
Speaker 4: he said, masking a lot of money. You're missing out
Speaker 4: if you're not doing this. And I said, all the
Speaker 4: money is not that good. So what are you talking about.
Speaker 4: We're on the phone my best friend.
Speaker 1: And I said, uh, oh, if you guys know each
Speaker 1: other at this point, oh.
Speaker 4: Fifteen years, I know each other for a long time.
Speaker 4: And he says, I mean he knows my child, he
Speaker 4: knows all my children from the day they were born.
Speaker 4: He knows you know, he knows he knows me. And
Speaker 4: I said, it's not that it's too grand and he
Speaker 4: went what And I said, wait, what are you getting paid?
Speaker 4: And he goes, I don't want to tell you. And
Speaker 4: I go why, and he goes, it's going to fuck
Speaker 4: up our friendship. And I went, hold on, what are
Speaker 4: you getting paid? And he goes. He goes, all right,
Speaker 4: I'll tell you, but this can't change anything about us.
Speaker 4: And I go and I remember where I was sitting.
Speaker 4: I remember how I was sitting. My phone was on
Speaker 4: my desk on speaker, and I had my arms on
Speaker 4: my knees like like this, and I made a decision.
Speaker 4: I went, all right, I love this dude. I've known
Speaker 4: him my whole life. I've known him when he was broke,
Speaker 4: very broke and I want him to be successful. I
Speaker 4: think him being successful helps me ultimately in the wrong run.
Speaker 4: I said, I made a decision. This will not fuck
Speaker 4: up our friendship. And he was like twenty thousand dollars
Speaker 4: at the show and I went and I and I
Speaker 4: had to take a moment and go, this is where
Speaker 4: you're at, man, this is where you're This is real,
Speaker 4: this is where you're at. You're not worth anything in
Speaker 4: the stand up business right now. You're at all You
Speaker 4: do not have a value to anyone, and he does
Speaker 4: and that's cool, but you need to figure a way
Speaker 4: out of this. And I went all right, all right,
Speaker 4: and I just was like, I know I can get
Speaker 4: I know I can do shows. I know I'm a
Speaker 4: good comic. I need to get people at my shows.
Speaker 4: I need to build a following so I can get
Speaker 4: people at my shows, so that people so that people
Speaker 4: want to see me. And if people want to see me,
Speaker 4: I'm selling tickets, then Netflix will want to work with me.
Speaker 4: And if Netflix works with me, then I can sell
Speaker 4: more tickets.
Speaker 9: Right and I and and Man God Bless Burr, Rogan
Speaker 9: Sogura are the three guys.
Speaker 4: I got to give credit to. They just everyone was
Speaker 4: like on my team, you know, like the team to have.
Speaker 4: It's a really great team, a really great fucking team
Speaker 4: to have. And uh and you know, Joe's like, I
Speaker 4: had a special coming out. Joe goes, hey, man, we're
Speaker 4: pimping it out. We did the End of the World podcast, Yeah, Joe,
Speaker 4: And it was four comics on stage, Me, Burr, Stand, Hope,
Speaker 4: and Joe. Joe's like, these are the guys, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 4: it's a good list to be in. By the way,
Speaker 4: I think I'm nothing. I think I'm garbage at this time.
Speaker 4: Good list to be in. The next day, Joe has
Speaker 4: me on this podcast again to do to promote my
Speaker 4: special whatever you need, man, whatever you need Burr, God
Speaker 4: bless Burr. We start doing. Something's burning right over at
Speaker 4: All Things Comedy, Sigura says, let me get you funding
Speaker 4: for your podcast. Let's get you sponsorship. Let's bump your numbers, Sigura, Burr, Rogan, Joey,
Speaker 4: everyone's coming on my podcast. Get my numbers up, my numbers,
Speaker 4: get up. I get funding. And I remember getting my
Speaker 4: first check for my first read and going, hey, man,
Speaker 4: like this week of reads, that's what I would have
Speaker 4: made on Travel Channel, and I was like, holy shit.
Speaker 4: And I didn't have to get any of the managers
Speaker 4: and agents, and I was like fuck. And then and
Speaker 4: then I started seeing the business very differently, and I went,
Speaker 4: fuck television, Fuck all of that. This podcasting is real.
Speaker 4: People are listening, they're growing, and I'm thinking for every
Speaker 4: ten thousand people, I bet that's one hundred tickets I'll
Speaker 4: sell on the road. And then and then the Machine
Speaker 4: story went viral and it was a game changer, and
Speaker 4: then I started believing in myself, going like, dude, I
Speaker 4: think Jesus Mero funny as fuck. I was like, I
Speaker 4: want to get on Jesus A. Miro And so I'd
Speaker 4: reach out. They have a showtime show. It's two dudes.
Speaker 4: They used to call the Bodega the Bodega the Bedega Boys,
Speaker 4: I think, And so they had a great podcast Sean Evans.
Speaker 4: Now we all know Sean Evans. Right at this point,
Speaker 4: no one knew Sean Evans. And I watched him one
Speaker 4: thing on what We're Calling, and I was like, dude,
Speaker 4: this fucking hot Ones show as funny as fuck. I
Speaker 4: was like, I want to get on it. I reached
Speaker 4: out to him and this is he is not getting
Speaker 4: any views at the time, and he was like, hey,
Speaker 4: we don't do comics, we just do hip hop stars.
Speaker 4: I said, well, if you change your mind, I'm a fan.
Speaker 4: I'd love to do it. And he was like, I'd
Speaker 4: love to get you on next season. He goes, hey, man,
Speaker 4: we're letting comics on. You want to do it? I
Speaker 4: do Hot Ones, Boom, Big Spike, all some people come
Speaker 4: to shows. I started believing in my Shae, I handle
Speaker 4: yourself in that what I was the same way. I'm
Speaker 4: handling myself here. If I like you, I will give
Speaker 4: you everything of me you ever want. I will fucking
Speaker 4: like if I'm excited to do something, I come in
Speaker 4: guns and blaze and like Jimmy Buffett have me on
Speaker 4: his podcast. I was like, motherfucker, you're going to get
Speaker 4: your socks knocked off. I am telling machines you whatever
Speaker 4: the fuck you want, I will give you. And so
Speaker 4: I went into Hot Ones. I was like, fucking drinking beer, Boom,
Speaker 4: whatever the fuck you want me to tell the machine
Speaker 4: story done? You want me to tell Flying Dildo's done?
Speaker 4: You want to tell you fucking you name it? And
Speaker 4: so I fucking had a good thing. And then I
Speaker 4: got off and I went, Sean, you need bur on,
Speaker 4: you need Rogan on, you need some gir on, you
Speaker 4: need Joey diaz on. Because that's what they did for me,
Speaker 4: is they everyone helped each other, and then all of
Speaker 4: a sudden, Joey diaz goes on, huge, Spike, Tom goes on,
Speaker 4: Burg goes on, and then I mean, you look at
Speaker 4: hot ones now and it's the one of the biggest,
Speaker 4: massive and Sean pill Evans will tell you I was
Speaker 4: the first, I mean a celebrity, but first person to
Speaker 4: reach out and go, your show's fucking badass. I want
Speaker 4: to get on because but I started going like find
Speaker 4: the things you like and be on those things. Like
Speaker 4: if I like something, I go. I want to be
Speaker 4: a part of it because I enjoy it. And I
Speaker 4: did that with Rogan, Like I remember listening to Rogan
Speaker 4: when I was on Travel Channel. I'd listened to him
Speaker 4: on my iPad in my bed on the hotel room
Speaker 4: and just I loved it.
Speaker 1: I loved it.
Speaker 4: And then he hit me up. He was like, hey, man,
Speaker 4: you want to do my podcast. I was like, you
Speaker 4: don't know what you're about to get. I was like
Speaker 4: a fucking I literally was like I went in and
Speaker 4: I was like, I was like, are you getting I
Speaker 4: walked in and I was I remember being like I
Speaker 4: was such a fan of his and you never meet
Speaker 4: Joe this way, but I was like, first off, I
Speaker 4: gotta meet your dog. I want to see your deprivation tank,
Speaker 4: I want to get high, I want to play pool.
Speaker 4: Then we can do the podcast. And he was like okay.
Speaker 4: So we went and did all that, and then we
Speaker 4: did the podcast and at the end, I was like,
Speaker 4: hey man, next time, I'm back reminding to tell you
Speaker 4: about the time I got involved with Russian mafia. And
Speaker 4: he was like what and he was I was like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 4: it's a story. And I'd already told another story that day.
Speaker 4: That's the story you wanted to hear. Yeah, And then
Speaker 4: he was like come back. He's like, everyone wants to
Speaker 4: hear the story. I told it And that moment changed
Speaker 4: my life forever. That moment, Joe Rogan was like you
Speaker 4: need to.
Speaker 1: Tell that on stage.
Speaker 4: He said when he is on STAE this weekend in Columbus,
Speaker 4: he is not to be referred to his birdies be
Speaker 4: referred to as the machine from this point. Moving on,
Speaker 4: his new name is the Machine, and you chant it
Speaker 4: in the room until he tells that story. And I
Speaker 4: went to Columbus that week and I got on stage
Speaker 4: and they're like, oh, Machine, and I was like, hey, guys,
Speaker 4: I know what Joe said. I'm not gonna tell it.
Speaker 4: And they're like, bo I couldn't get through a joke.
Speaker 4: And then they're like, tell the fucking story. And I go, guys,
Speaker 4: this guy in the front row and this is like
Speaker 4: this is cool fan days, like back in the day
Speaker 4: when like you had to know, like everyone that listened
Speaker 4: to the podcast was a fan. There were haters or anything.
Speaker 9: Yeah, this guy in the front row goes, hey, man,
Speaker 9: we understand it's not gonna be good.
Speaker 4: We're gonna fake laugh, right, guys. And everyone's like yeah, yeah, Bert,
Speaker 4: don't worry, we'll fake laugh. And I was like, what
Speaker 4: fucking excellent is that? And they're like, you gotta do
Speaker 4: You gotta tell it for it to get good. Bert,
Speaker 4: So tell it, man, you gotta tell it for its good.
Speaker 4: Like they knew comedy. So I was like, okay, So
Speaker 4: I told it. It's probably twenty minutes long, and they
Speaker 4: were like, all right, you did it.
Speaker 1: Good job.
Speaker 4: Now you can do the rest of your act said
Speaker 4: that it was so this is when we were called
Speaker 4: des Squad, and so there was Desquad Ohio, these group
Speaker 4: of guys that were like fucking rider dies. This is
Speaker 4: back podcasting used to be. It's still really cool, but
Speaker 4: it used to be so niche that I would go
Speaker 4: to Scotland and I would hit up on Twitter. I go, hey,
Speaker 4: any Rogan fans want to meet me up for a beer?
Speaker 4: And twelve dudes to show up, no pictures, no nothing.
Speaker 4: We'd sit at a pub drink beer in Scotland and
Speaker 4: talk about the Bobcat Gold made episode and they'd be like,
Speaker 4: get just here, and when we got there, they go
Speaker 4: it was in Scotland specifically, They go, have you listened
Speaker 4: to Joey Diaz today? And I went, no, they go,
Speaker 4: he was just on it posted in an hour Blue
Speaker 4: Cheese or go fuck your Mother? And I went, what
Speaker 4: was the first time I ever heard that? And I
Speaker 4: went what? And I'm just with in Scotland with a
Speaker 4: bunch of fans, random news, all like the same should
Speaker 4: I like and so like so? And my head's way
Speaker 4: I started looking at my business is like I like
Speaker 4: these guys they liked should. I like, I'd hit them up,
Speaker 4: I go what else are you listening to?
Speaker 9: And they'd be like, have you listened to Dan Carlin?
Speaker 9: And I'm like, no, what the fuck's that? Or have
Speaker 9: you listened to fucking Ben Greenfield?
Speaker 4: Have you listened to? Like there's so it was like
Speaker 4: a cool community. It's gotten so big. Now it's like,
Speaker 4: you know, it's gotten so big. It's cool. I'm happy
Speaker 4: for everyone.
Speaker 2: But all those things that you're in the beginning, so
Speaker 2: now it's like too saturated where you're you kind of
Speaker 2: had this vibe like, oh I saw it first.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm cool with you guys. What's cool with KFC Radio?
Speaker 4: What's cool with that? Like Big Cat those guys. Is
Speaker 4: that it's it's all kind of new to me a
Speaker 4: little bit. So when you do see like a bar,
Speaker 4: like my dad's now a huge barstool fan, which is
Speaker 4: like so bizarre. And he hit me up. He was like, hey, man,
Speaker 4: can you hook me up with some of their gear?
Speaker 4: And I was like huh. He's like, you know the
Speaker 4: guy Dave Portnoy, can you see if you can send
Speaker 4: some some the golf stuff to me? I was like,
Speaker 4: just buy it. I'll buy it. For you, I'm not
Speaker 4: going to reach out to And then they hit me
Speaker 4: up today and they were like, hey man, we got
Speaker 4: your dad covered, and I was real, yeah, so my
Speaker 4: dad's like double xls, here's what I want. I'm like,
Speaker 4: oh my god, Dad, don't make a meal of it.
Speaker 4: Just fucking take whatever it so sweats, that's.
Speaker 1: What's the material.
Speaker 2: So your boys, hey, I'll get you whatever you want.
Speaker 2: And they actually send you whatever they want. You're like, damn,
Speaker 2: he kind of grasp and everything. It's like a double
Speaker 2: standard in a weird way. Did you find busting through barsool?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 10: No?
Speaker 4: I found no because you guys sent me a hat
Speaker 4: and I tagged Portnoy in the hat and my girls.
Speaker 4: And then then you guys reached out and you're like,
Speaker 4: wrong guy, And I went, wait what? And then I said,
Speaker 4: and there's something I always liked about athlete uh entertainment.
Speaker 4: And I say that like you guys in McAfee, like
Speaker 4: a j Hawk Aaron Rodgers, Like there's something very uh
Speaker 4: comforting about the way you guys talk. I feel like
Speaker 4: that's how the guys I grew up with talked, you know,
Speaker 4: like see yea like shops the same way like there's
Speaker 4: a there's like like when you said, like, uh, it's
Speaker 4: crazy when you realize there's people built different, right, Not
Speaker 4: everyone knows that, and so I think, I don't know.
Speaker 4: I just like it. It's like I like listening to
Speaker 4: MMA fighters. It's more as opposed to like to not
Speaker 4: just slight anyone, but like the more alty things where
Speaker 4: it's like a guy who talks like this. She went
Speaker 4: to her Brooklyn apartment to get ice cream. Doom Doom,
Speaker 4: Doom Doom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he wasn't there, And you're like,
Speaker 4: I don't get you.
Speaker 1: I don't know if i'd like you, Like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: feel you.
Speaker 4: I want a dude. It's like yeah, man, pussy swells,
Speaker 4: you know, like.
Speaker 2: You know, weird when you see like athletes, like even
Speaker 2: for us, I don't know if you feel this way will,
Speaker 2: But like when I see Aaron Rodgers on Bat Macafe show,
Speaker 2: I'm like, fuck, that's Aaron Rodgers just being a normal
Speaker 2: guy with the boys.
Speaker 1: Oh it's kind of like cool. He came to our
Speaker 1: tour bus. Oh really, homie, this is good.
Speaker 4: This is a good story. This is really good.
Speaker 1: I'm happy I un locked this.
Speaker 2: I want to go back to the bus with the boys,
Speaker 2: because it's rad that you like like us, like it
Speaker 2: gets red because you did the thing with KFC. That's
Speaker 2: what that's the show you guys did together yesterday. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 2: and you were like, he will some of you like
Speaker 2: stoked to come on. I'm like, how fucking cool is that?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 4: Fuck?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well dude, when I saw one time I made it,
Speaker 2: people think like we're celebrities. But then we look at
Speaker 2: celebrities like, oh, that'd be sick to have Kreshner on
Speaker 2: the podcast.
Speaker 9: No.
Speaker 2: No, Now we're sitting here on the podcast like, hey,
Speaker 2: fucking made it. Athletes want to be entertainers, and entertainers
Speaker 2: want to.
Speaker 4: But there's something about the fact that you guys do
Speaker 4: this that makes you go. You guys are the guys
Speaker 4: in the locker room that get it, you know? Does
Speaker 4: that make sense? Like like when when I first met
Speaker 4: Pat McAfee, I was like, someone's like, you gotta meet
Speaker 4: Pat McAfee. I can't even remember the first time I
Speaker 4: met him and I but I was like, the way
Speaker 4: he talked, I went, I think I get along with
Speaker 4: this guy. I think I was playing it when he
Speaker 4: met him, or was he was? He out of the
Speaker 4: League told me about him first. They told me about
Speaker 4: him first. You're gonna love Pat McAfee. He's a kicker,
Speaker 4: a punter, and he does stand up. He did once
Speaker 4: stand up once he recorded a first special and and
Speaker 4: hearing the pitch of I was like, I'm not going
Speaker 4: to like him. And then they're like he got drunks
Speaker 4: and jumped in the river and I was like, ohkay,
Speaker 4: I'm back. I like him again, and they're like, but
Speaker 4: he's sober. Now I go I don't like him. And
Speaker 4: then they're like, you got to hang out with him,
Speaker 4: and I was like okay, And I met him, did
Speaker 4: his show and just the I think he called me
Speaker 4: Cuzy just was like I was like, I was like, oh,
Speaker 4: I fucking like this guy. And then I fell in
Speaker 4: love with him because there's something I do where I
Speaker 4: talk shit hardcore and I said I'm pretty sure I
Speaker 4: could kick a forty yard field goal and he was
Speaker 4: like no, and he's like and I love the way
Speaker 4: like I love men being men. Where he goes explosivity, Cuzy,
Speaker 4: you don't have it, I go what and he goes,
Speaker 4: you don't have it? Let me show you something takes
Speaker 4: me out and he kicks a soccer ball against his
Speaker 4: wall a soccer ball and it goes like one hundred
Speaker 4: and twenty miles an hour, and I'm like, oh, you're right,
Speaker 4: I don't have that, like there's something about that finite conversation.
Speaker 4: So Aaron Rodgers we go, I'm in Cleveland, I'm in
Speaker 4: Green Bay, and I don't realize I'm performing this d.
Speaker 1: Months ago.
Speaker 4: It was I'll tell you exactly what it was. It
Speaker 4: was one week before he got COVID and.
Speaker 1: So woor does the kids you think out of Little Rogan?
Speaker 9: It was, it was it was right before you got COVID,
Speaker 9: Aaron Rodger, COVID, I was, I was. It was literally
Speaker 9: it was fourteen days before. So we couldn't have given
Speaker 9: to him.
Speaker 4: But trust me when I say, aj Hawk texted me,
Speaker 4: he goes, if you give this motherfucker COVID, all of
Speaker 4: Green Bay will hate you for the rest of life.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So so we text.
Speaker 4: I realized I'm doing an arena in Green Bay and
Speaker 4: I'm unaware of it. And what happens with arenas is
Speaker 4: you'll sell ten thousand tickets and then they'll just push
Speaker 4: the stage back and add two thousand more seats. So
Speaker 4: not to get two. Inside baseball, the way money works
Speaker 4: is once you sell past ninety percent, you get a
Speaker 4: huge portion of the door, and if you're in an arena,
Speaker 4: that huge portion could be hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Speaker 4: Once they push it back, you're eighty five percent. Again,
Speaker 4: they added two thousand seats, so you're constantly in a
Speaker 4: rush to move tickets. So they pushed the fucking stage back,
Speaker 4: and I'm like, fucking shit. So I just I'm just
Speaker 4: trying to get a little cloud or whatever on Twitter.
Speaker 4: So I write, Hey Aaron Rodgers. I don't I don't
Speaker 4: know him. I said, Hey Aaron Rodgers, my show's at
Speaker 4: seven in Green Bay, so if you want to get dinner,
Speaker 4: it's gonna have to be earlier or later, one or
Speaker 4: the other. Let me know. And then I get a DM.
Speaker 4: You trolling me, bro, And I'm like, from Aaron. From Aaron,
Speaker 4: I call some girl immediately s girls go with famous people.
Speaker 4: He's all his friends are fucking famous. I go, dude,
Speaker 4: what the fuck? He goes, all right, calm down, he
Speaker 4: goes you fucked up. Look, the guy's got a lot
Speaker 4: on his plate. Just DM and say, hey, big fan,
Speaker 4: would you like take us to my show tonight, and
Speaker 4: so I just type that and it doesn't feel like
Speaker 4: me if I type that, and then Aaron writes back, Oh,
Speaker 4: thank god, I thought you were fucking with me. He's like,
Speaker 4: I'm a huge fan. I can't go to the show tonight.
Speaker 4: I have plans someone's birthday, but a bunch of my
Speaker 4: guys are going to your show tonight. And I was like,
Speaker 4: oh cool. This in the morning. So I go to
Speaker 4: take a jog around Lambeau and as I'm running out,
Speaker 4: I see h uh uh Runyan. What's running? His first
Speaker 4: name John? No, it is his dad.
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, he played in Michigan, right, I think
Speaker 1: it's the third I think, yeah, I.
Speaker 4: See John running and a bunch of the offensive line
Speaker 4: dudes or any John running because I met him after this.
Speaker 4: So he him and a bunch of his offensive limen
Speaker 4: are in the van and the going ready to go
Speaker 4: over to uh. So they're going over to practice and
Speaker 4: they I'm taking a jog around Lambeau and they're like
Speaker 4: Bert the Machine, and I freak out because you got
Speaker 4: to remember, you remember when you were a kid and
Speaker 4: you didn't think you'd ever meet a professional football player,
Speaker 4: and then and now I'm still that kid always, and
Speaker 4: now professional football players recognize me, and I'm like, shut
Speaker 4: the fuck up. So then I get back and and
Speaker 4: Aaron texts me again. He dms me again. He's like, hey,
Speaker 4: a bunch of my guys saw you over at Lambeau
Speaker 4: where you parked at and I was like, all right,
Speaker 4: right uside the venue. He's like, he said, cool, if
Speaker 4: I come by after practice before your show, And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 4: and let me say, I'll get back to you.
Speaker 1: So yeah, So I like get out of and take
Speaker 1: the schedule.
Speaker 4: I got out of bed and I'm like, hey, guys,
Speaker 4: I think Aaron Rodgers is coming by, and they're like,
Speaker 4: no way, sure enough, man, fucking knock on the window.
Speaker 4: The shades up. It's Aaron Rodgers. He's like, open up.
Speaker 8: And I was like, hang on, was this is this
Speaker 8: like one of the you gotta be fully setted up
Speaker 8: and do a prayer in the shower type of moment.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, no, no no no, that's only
Speaker 4: just health stuff in my career. Fucking Aaron Rodgers let
Speaker 4: a ride.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he had to let a ride.
Speaker 4: Fucking excuesus. I say prayer for me later but he
Speaker 4: comes in. He has a jersey. He's like, hey man,
Speaker 4: is it fresh out of the shower, smells amazing, looks great.
Speaker 4: Everything you want out of him? Yeah, big fucking hands,
Speaker 4: sits down, sucking everything, I mean, great, broad shoulders, everything,
Speaker 4: not shaving. They got the count of reeves look on him.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, and he goes uh. He's like, hey man,
Speaker 4: you know, thanks for doing this. A bunch of my
Speaker 4: guys coming to show and we're like cool, and we're like,
Speaker 4: we have cameras out and he's just knocked. He's like yeah.
Speaker 4: We're like, what's it like living in Green And he's like, ah,
Speaker 4: you know. And I was like, hold on, let's cut
Speaker 4: the cameras. And we talked to him for like fucking
Speaker 4: thirty forty five minutes, just bullshit it with him. He
Speaker 4: said everything. I mean, he was like the coolest guy
Speaker 4: in the fucking world. And he's like and then he's like,
Speaker 4: you might if I get a picture and I was
Speaker 4: like yeah, and I fucking looked fat as fucking it,
Speaker 4: and I'm like and then he leaves and he's like, hey,
Speaker 4: hit me up in LA. I love to hang out
Speaker 4: and he's all, we in La. This summer, then we
Speaker 4: can get together and bring get a good chicks together.
Speaker 4: And I was like, I'm not bringing my fucking wife
Speaker 4: aro on hers before christ. I was like, the fuck,
Speaker 4: let me get a fucking prostitute. I'll bring her with
Speaker 4: my wife at home. Fucking this is so Jesus. So
Speaker 4: we uh and and then I texted him from time
Speaker 4: to time and he, I mean he, I think he's
Speaker 4: no no service number.
Speaker 9: Now it's no longer a DM. I don't know how
Speaker 9: cool this is time right now? No, I texted him
Speaker 9: the other day as a reply.
Speaker 4: You know. The cool part is is when you go
Speaker 4: to my book, the very first number this two a's
Speaker 4: and his name is Aaron Rodgers. I love it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so imagine being that famous or some of
Speaker 1: the on their phone about how cool is that?
Speaker 4: I got some good ones? I got some good ones
Speaker 4: in here.
Speaker 1: This is I'll tell you the most famous person in
Speaker 1: that phone is I'll.
Speaker 4: Tell you what. I you know what, there's something fucking
Speaker 4: wrong with my fucking thing. Is the most famous person
Speaker 4: on the phone. Uh, it's probably got to be Joe No. Oh, yeah,
Speaker 4: I guess it is.
Speaker 1: Joe. Abo's kind of a boring one.
Speaker 4: A boring one. Yeah, I got all though.
Speaker 1: Wild how insanely famous he is.
Speaker 4: It's bizarre to me because I don't know him to be.
Speaker 1: That when you met him.
Speaker 2: Was he he's obviously in the place he is now
Speaker 2: because it's been the last three years, have been through
Speaker 2: the roof, But when you first met him, was he
Speaker 2: even close to that?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 4: No, he would He had been kicked out of the
Speaker 4: comedy story. He wasn't allowed to perform there. Why they
Speaker 4: u He's taped Carlos Mencia stealing jokes and got on
Speaker 4: stage and you and they can to other comedy story.
Speaker 4: Wasn't He was doing spots at the ice house. He
Speaker 4: had a great house.
Speaker 1: He had money, Fear factory guy at this point.
Speaker 4: No, No, he had fear actively canceled. He made money.
Speaker 1: He definitely had money, right, he had money.
Speaker 4: He definitely had money, but he didn't have the money
Speaker 4: he had today, like meaning his money is is? Uh
Speaker 4: is it's almost like being a king, like yes, like
Speaker 4: you know, it's like we were talking about sem cells
Speaker 4: like just like like just it. He'll say things and
Speaker 4: you know, and but not he's not disconnected, but like
Speaker 4: just it's like I remember him taking flying me and
Speaker 4: Tom up first class up to it was like, hey,
Speaker 4: deanctually in the podcast, I got you guys a trip
Speaker 4: to San Francisco to go see a basketball game. He's like,
Speaker 4: what are the kind of seats that you want? And
Speaker 4: Tom's like courtside and he goes, cool, Yeah, I got
Speaker 4: you two court side seats for the Calves and the Warriors.
Speaker 4: I fly you up and put you up in the
Speaker 4: four seasons, Get dinner. We have a dinner set up
Speaker 4: for you guys, and then fly you back. Thanks for
Speaker 4: doing the podcast. And Tim' like Joe, there's a lot
Speaker 4: of money and he goes, I'll make a lot of
Speaker 4: money and we're like, yeah, that, by the way, is
Speaker 4: trickled down to the way that I see the world
Speaker 4: because you do. The thing that Joe's really great about
Speaker 4: teaching us is that money doesn't fucking matter, and if
Speaker 4: you're not having fun, none of this fucking counts. And
Speaker 4: so Joe is the first one to buy a compound
Speaker 4: and like build out his podcast studio and have a
Speaker 4: gym and a fucking and a fucking VR room and
Speaker 4: a deprivation tank and a sauna and a bow and
Speaker 4: arrow archery range and like and then the podcast studio,
Speaker 4: and like he was the first one to come, and
Speaker 4: then Tom did that. Now Tom's got a huge compound
Speaker 4: in Austin, and Joe's got one in Austin. And then
Speaker 4: you start going, yeah, you should invest in yourself, you
Speaker 4: should make your product better and and double down on
Speaker 4: your own your own self, and you should have fun
Speaker 4: like and I think that's like, and I see that.
Speaker 4: Like I told KFC and both of them, John and
Speaker 4: Kevin yesterday, I said I was talking about disappearing. I
Speaker 4: was wanting to do the pull Dave spell and just disappear.
Speaker 4: It's very romantic to me. Now I understand why he
Speaker 4: did it. It's not because he's crazy. It's because you
Speaker 4: have so much shit going on in your life that
Speaker 4: you actually don't ever get a break. You never ever
Speaker 4: get a break. Even when they say you have a
Speaker 4: day off, they still come at you agents, managers. And
Speaker 4: I have so much going on. I have the fully
Speaker 4: loaded comedy Festus in June. We're doing two weeks in June.
Speaker 4: I have this tour. I have the Greek Sinco de Mayo.
Speaker 4: We've added Red Rocks like, I've all these things. I
Speaker 4: have a movie, I have a TV show. I have
Speaker 4: so much shit going on, two bears, one cave Bird
Speaker 4: cast that disappearing to South Africa sounds very romantic. Leaving
Speaker 4: my phone, getting on a plane, no one my family,
Speaker 4: no one knows where I am. It sounds really romantic.
Speaker 4: And I was saying to those guys yesterday and then
Speaker 4: they were like, I want to do that. Because I
Speaker 4: texted my team. I was like, hey, everyone, after passports,
Speaker 4: let's go to Paris next week, right after we're done touring.
Speaker 4: Let's just go to Paris. But I have dinner, disappear.
Speaker 4: Don't tell anyone We're all going to Paris. And then
Speaker 4: two of my cunts were like no, and so I
Speaker 4: was like, all right, fuck you guys. So I said
Speaker 4: it's John and Kevin and they were like, uh, we'll go.
Speaker 4: So I said yesterday, I went all right, I say
Speaker 4: here's the deal. And the same goes for you guys.
Speaker 4: By the way, if you if you were interested, let
Speaker 4: me know, I'm gonna give you a text. And you
Speaker 4: got twenty four hours to getting randomly randomly, you gotta
Speaker 4: know you gotta and you gotta know, you gotta tell
Speaker 4: me you're in, and you got to know that you're in.
Speaker 4: But I'll give you a text and I'll say JFK
Speaker 4: and I'll take it. We're gonna go somewhere for three days,
Speaker 4: two nights, just fucking bounce, just fucking bounce where one
Speaker 4: outfit bounce and fucking It could be Portugal, it could
Speaker 4: be France, it could be Lithuania, it could be it's
Speaker 4: Czech Republic.
Speaker 5: But we go in.
Speaker 4: We got a hotel. We land early in the morning,
Speaker 4: party all day, dinner that night, wake up the next day,
Speaker 4: full day of activities, fun fucking shit, big dinner that night,
Speaker 4: wake up the next morning. We're home Monday by three o'clock.
Speaker 1: That sounds like good.
Speaker 4: I told both of them. I said, I have to
Speaker 4: let my wife know right.
Speaker 2: When I get home, sweetheart fat my wife too rabell,
Speaker 2: But hey, let you know, this might happen in October.
Speaker 1: How am I going to go?
Speaker 4: It won't happen day, It won't hap it in October.
Speaker 5: Do you have that?
Speaker 1: Can you give me like a general.
Speaker 4: I've already booked it. Oh shit, yeah, yeah, we've already
Speaker 4: booked it, like we've already we've started the ball in motion.
Speaker 1: Oh, you've already booked the text that you already.
Speaker 4: I already know, I already know, I already know kind
Speaker 4: of where we're going. I'm not going to tell them
Speaker 4: South America. No, you know well.
Speaker 1: That I don't want to know that this trip that
Speaker 1: you're thinking of is where we get the text.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you get a text and you go, this isn't
Speaker 4: something like.
Speaker 1: You know, I'll do it one day for you guys.
Speaker 4: I think this is something I'll do it for one
Speaker 4: day for you guys. If you guys want to do
Speaker 4: your own one, I can do your own one. I
Speaker 4: can do your ow one for.
Speaker 1: I'm a lot for any of them. Lost are we
Speaker 1: invited to this one?
Speaker 4: Invited to this one?
Speaker 1: But we don't know when it is until we get
Speaker 1: the text.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you get a text, I'll give it to you
Speaker 4: a little further out in advance, because you guys got
Speaker 4: to get the JFK.
Speaker 1: When's your's you two around.
Speaker 4: Uh May May fifteenth, and then I'm K and then
Speaker 4: I'm doing Rogan JFK JFK and then I'm doing Rogan
Speaker 4: on the eighteenth.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know who JFK is in Dallas, And so
Speaker 1: we toured it that one time we went out.
Speaker 4: But the way so so this is the way that
Speaker 4: Rogan's brain creeps into my brain. He would do that
Speaker 4: in a heartbeat. He would do that in a heartbeat
Speaker 4: and go and go, guys, let's just fucking bounce. Let's
Speaker 4: go somewhere. But Rogan is very private. I am not.
Speaker 4: And I know for a fact that if we all
Speaker 4: went we first of all, we'd talk about it for
Speaker 4: a week, right, it would be the funnest thing we
Speaker 4: ever did. We'd all put them on social media. It
Speaker 4: would be great business for all of us because all
Speaker 4: my fans would be like, holy shit, what are they
Speaker 4: fucking doing in Lithuania. And they'd be like, God damn it.
Speaker 4: Everyone would get fun. It's not let them and so
Speaker 4: my language.
Speaker 1: We bring our boys, but one of them, Oh.
Speaker 4: Let cam Ling, I'm keviny John, bring one dude because
Speaker 4: they want to they want to film it for the podcast.
Speaker 4: We got guys, So I hope you can bring one guy.
Speaker 4: They're gonna fly coach. You guys will fly business.
Speaker 2: Yeah, uh, ladies, joemight I know we're in we're interrupting
Speaker 2: again and it's fucking pissing everybody off.
Speaker 1: But here's the deal.
Speaker 2: If it's Tuesday and you're watching part one. If it's
Speaker 2: Thursday and you're watching part two right now, in between
Speaker 2: those two right here, like my noses, merch is dropping.
Speaker 2: We got hats, we got t shirts, we got everything
Speaker 2: is dropping on our website. Go to barstool dot com
Speaker 2: slash busting is that correct for the merched of barstool
Speaker 2: barstool dot here's here.
Speaker 5: Here's what we're gonna do.
Speaker 2: Said, don't even say word, gret put it right there
Speaker 2: right because what we pay you guys for right to
Speaker 2: do cool ship like this. I have a cool bar
Speaker 2: in my hand now that if you just click this link,
Speaker 2: it's gonna send you the merch. It's new, it's beautiful.
Speaker 2: You're gonna love it. Please enjoy the rest of the show.
Speaker 2: Whether it's you can buy us tomorrow or you could
Speaker 2: have bought this yesterday. Please enjoy the rest of the show.
Speaker 2: Love you so much, big hugs, tiny kisses.
Speaker 4: All right, So Joe super private. You're so super private.
Speaker 4: It's a super private, and so like he likes to
Speaker 4: he loves to have fun, right, he loves to have fun.
Speaker 4: He loves to have a good time. But he's very
Speaker 4: very private. So you know, you know, you don't even
Speaker 4: really I don't bring my phone out around him because
Speaker 4: he's you know, he's one of the things.
Speaker 2: Most like you're supposed to know when you're with him
Speaker 2: and say, he doesn't like, don't take videos in, don't
Speaker 2: look at.
Speaker 4: Him, yah, yeah, don't look.
Speaker 1: Him in the eyes.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just like he's the most famous person. Like
Speaker 4: we we went we're all hanging out in the green room,
Speaker 4: and I told my friends that were with us, I said,
Speaker 4: just don't talk. Don't talk, because he's the most famous
Speaker 4: person in the world. And so like he like, just
Speaker 4: don't talk. You don't. He's wants to hang out comics,
Speaker 4: and I'm letting you come in and hang out with comics.
Speaker 4: We're just comics talking comic shit. We're talking bullshit, we're gossiping,
Speaker 4: we're doing all the shit comics do. Don't jump in
Speaker 4: and talk. And my buddy's like okay, And then he's like, Joe,
Speaker 4: do you stretch when you wake up? And Joe's like,
Speaker 4: the fuck are you doing.
Speaker 2: Tough?
Speaker 9: I mean, all of us we started we started talking
Speaker 9: about it and shut the funk up.
Speaker 4: And he's like what He's like, Joe, are you scared
Speaker 4: to draw race cars? Because we started two bears want racing,
Speaker 4: and he's like, what the fuck. And then you're like,
Speaker 4: I'm so sorry, and it's like it's like Tom's.
Speaker 1: Eyes to apologize.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's toughly have apologize for somebody.
Speaker 4: But uh but yeah, But so like I think, I
Speaker 4: think always of the the macro. Is that it? And
Speaker 4: so I think of the big picture?
Speaker 10: Is that right?
Speaker 4: That means I think of the big picture and I
Speaker 4: go first of all, First of all, life's about great experiences.
Speaker 4: I believe that I know for a fact. And this
Speaker 4: is another is a Tom thing. Tom when he's on tour,
Speaker 4: he flies out friends he grew up with, flies him
Speaker 4: out first class, brings them out on tour with him.
Speaker 4: They sit on the bus, they fly private around when
Speaker 4: he goes because he fly he flies private from gig
Speaker 4: to gig. The bus meets him, takes him out to
Speaker 4: nice dinners, has big, big experiences, goes to the Soho
Speaker 4: Club and brings a friend that maybe wouldn't get to
Speaker 4: experience that brings them and then says, hey, man, I
Speaker 4: just want you to enjoy it. I want I Tom
Speaker 4: enjoys watching people have a good time. It really does.
Speaker 4: That's how we got in this present battle is he
Speaker 4: enjoys watching you. Making you happy makes Tom happy and
Speaker 4: so and I never realized that until Tom. Kind of
Speaker 4: Tom and Joe are the same way. They're both that way.
Speaker 4: You know, if you ever say anything about any anything
Speaker 4: you ever would want in front of Joe, it is
Speaker 4: at your front door the next day. I remember one
Speaker 4: time he was like, hey, you're running on a bullshit treadmill.
Speaker 4: I was like, well, what's one should I get? And
Speaker 4: he goes the air Runner It's the fucking legit treadmill.
Speaker 4: And I was like, I don't know what the fuck
Speaker 4: is it? And I go, Joe, it's five thousand dollars.
Speaker 4: He goes next day it's in my fucking driveway and
Speaker 4: I'm like, shit, I'm like, and it's a five thousand
Speaker 4: dollars treadmill that I fucking hated. I hated this fucking treadmill.
Speaker 4: I fucking wish I had my bullshit treadmill back. It
Speaker 4: was such a cheap, and this thing's like, fucking you
Speaker 4: gotta move it with your own fucking feet. I fucking
Speaker 4: this thing sucks. Dick, fucking smoker, two thousand dollars to
Speaker 4: do all the work I had this idea One time
Speaker 4: for my birthday. I was like, everyone wants to buy
Speaker 4: my family wants to buy me my presence, but I
Speaker 4: don't want what that. I want something. I want to
Speaker 4: motorcycle cool, right, like I don't want like a mole.
Speaker 4: Do you want a fucking Harley Chopper, Harley bober a
Speaker 4: Bobber I want to think hard would be.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Barber's are doing choppers are cool, But I say,
Speaker 2: like choppers were cool and like, uh was it Orange
Speaker 2: County Chopper?
Speaker 1: I want a chopper like a Bobber hard.
Speaker 2: Now there's a there's a company in Japan that does
Speaker 2: like super retro Bobber type like Matt tires in the
Speaker 2: front and they go hard.
Speaker 9: I think it's called like something beetle. But anyway, yeah,
Speaker 9: so you want to hard, so and so one Chris
Speaker 9: one birthday. This is gonna sound so fucking stupid. Is
Speaker 9: an idea that I had that I think really does work.
Speaker 9: And I don't know why they don't have this as
Speaker 9: a business. Maybe I'll create this.
Speaker 4: I started to go fund me for myself, yeah, saying
Speaker 4: to my family, not to my fans, to my family, Hey,
Speaker 4: I've made myself a GoFundMe instead of buying me the
Speaker 4: bullshit present, take the money and put in the go
Speaker 4: fund me so I can buy something I want. So
Speaker 4: like my mom my, sister, is my wife, everyone, I
Speaker 4: don't want them fun You're gonna give me, give me
Speaker 4: the money and then I can buy myself what I want.
Speaker 4: But I accidentally when you start to go fundme, it
Speaker 4: posts immediately to Twitter, and so it looked like I
Speaker 4: was starting going to go fund me for my birthday
Speaker 4: and Joe just call oh no, I wanted a grill.
Speaker 4: I wanted a Links grill. I wanted a Links grill,
Speaker 4: and so that's what I wanted. So I was like,
Speaker 4: just I want the grill. This is the go fund me.
Speaker 4: I want the grill. So don't fucking give me a present,
Speaker 4: give me money and I'll buy my Links grill, and
Speaker 4: fucking I posted as the second and posted. Joe goes,
Speaker 4: what the fuck are you doing? The grill will be
Speaker 4: there tomorrow. Take this down. It's embarrassing, and I go,
Speaker 4: the fuck are you talking about? And he goes the
Speaker 4: go fund me. I go, how did you get it?
Speaker 4: And he goes, you posted a fucking Twitter. He goes,
Speaker 4: Your fans are like, what the fuck bird, you can't
Speaker 4: buy a grill. I was like, I was like, just like,
Speaker 4: I'm embarrassed for you. I will send you a grill
Speaker 4: tomorrow and here no, Joe, it was just I couldn't
Speaker 4: even explain it. I go just puts me about my
Speaker 4: friends and my family, but.
Speaker 1: They should be A birthday thing is birthday fund me?
Speaker 1: A birthday fund me?
Speaker 4: Were like, you set up a birthday fund me and
Speaker 4: then you're and you go send it to your friends
Speaker 4: of himily and go, hey, I want to get something
Speaker 4: that I want.
Speaker 2: If you invented that too, would take away all the
Speaker 2: fucking when you get a gift you don't want and
Speaker 2: you're like, oh.
Speaker 4: Thanks, it would. I bet it would cut down on waste.
Speaker 4: It would how many presidents you have in your house
Speaker 4: that you go.
Speaker 1: You're going green at this point? Yeah, outstanding, But it
Speaker 1: kind of cuts down on creativity though. That is true,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because there's somebody say the
Speaker 1: gifts you don't even know you want.
Speaker 9: Yeah, you guys buy each other, bird take gifts. So
Speaker 9: we heard about what you guys do, and we we
Speaker 9: look it. I kind of want to and you should
Speaker 9: do it. You should do it and you should start it.
Speaker 1: I should start it. Should as gifts. I've given some
Speaker 1: rad gifts to you.
Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, some unique ship you and like that's all
Speaker 8: I was gonna say to the creativity part, like I
Speaker 8: would think it's something, but it wouldn't be in the
Speaker 8: realm of like what Charles done for me, what you've
Speaker 8: done for me, like what people have done to where
Speaker 8: I would know, Hey, start this birthday fund me type
Speaker 8: of thing you No, no.
Speaker 4: Yeah, can you should?
Speaker 9: I think all friends should do it, Tom and I
Speaker 9: did because it is so much fun.
Speaker 1: It's so much what's your map? What's your number cap?
Speaker 8: That's what's crazy. I think it gets a little dicey
Speaker 8: when we were talking six figures.
Speaker 4: Like you know I spent one hundred thousand on his
Speaker 4: birthday this year.
Speaker 1: Did you?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Is the BMW Yeah, racecar, race car, a race car, bottom,
Speaker 4: a racecar, four tires, two flame of Tardan suits, helmets
Speaker 4: of a trailer to put his car in, and then
Speaker 4: I wrapped the car.
Speaker 8: But now the next time your birthday trailer, buy something
Speaker 8: that's a minimum the.
Speaker 4: A ranch house in my Montana is what I've asked for,
Speaker 4: or like a ranch in Montana that's.
Speaker 1: Going to be exponentially higher than one hundred thousand dollars,
Speaker 1: I know. But then you got a reup there.
Speaker 4: I know that I got a ranch house, and then
Speaker 4: I know that I want to reup, like I knew
Speaker 4: when I knew when I bought him a jet ski
Speaker 4: that was my praer. He bought me a e bike.
Speaker 4: It was great, four thousand dollars, and I was like, Wow,
Speaker 4: that's a lot to spend on a friend. And then
Speaker 4: I knew if I spent fifteen grand on him, I'm
Speaker 4: at least getting thirty grand. I spent fifteen grand on him,
Speaker 4: I got seventy five grand back, So.
Speaker 2: It's not even like a for a friend. And this
Speaker 2: has now become a selfish thing. Oh yeah, like if
Speaker 2: I get this, I know I'm gonna get that if
Speaker 2: I give him this. And so when I bought him
Speaker 2: a race car, my wife was livid, livid. Now what
Speaker 2: does your wife think about this? This is like, hey,
Speaker 2: when are you gonna spend one hundred gand on me?
Speaker 4: It's caused a lot of fights because because my fiftieth
Speaker 4: I'm turning fifty this year. Yeah, and Tom said, I'm
Speaker 4: gonna blow it out of the water for your fiftieth
Speaker 4: and my wife's like, hold on, I'm his wife, Like,
Speaker 4: let why don't we do it as a team. And
Speaker 4: I was like, stop, you're ruining it. Let Tom do it.
Speaker 4: And then you get me a shirt or a wallet
Speaker 4: or whatever the fuck, yeah, glasses, whatever the fuck you
Speaker 4: were gonna get me.
Speaker 1: Remember the watch? Yeah, that was tough.
Speaker 2: We had a situation like that that happened at Will's wedding.
Speaker 2: Do you want to tell a story on the podcast?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, So for Will's wedding and for a long time,
Speaker 2: like I've had watches or whatever, and roll exes were
Speaker 2: like kind of like the main thing, like when you
Speaker 2: get in the NFL, you funding money, like what do
Speaker 2: you look?
Speaker 8: Me to the jeweler and he I get to watch
Speaker 8: him buy everything he wants for himself, and I just
Speaker 8: kind of sit there.
Speaker 1: I don't you want to go with me away? I'm drafting.
Speaker 5: I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't buy the most Outlanders ship by any means,
Speaker 2: but I had I do have a few watches and
Speaker 2: Will was getting me read and I was like, man,
Speaker 2: what should I get Will?
Speaker 1: And some of it was a lack of imagination.
Speaker 2: The other one was like I knew he Will has
Speaker 2: always wanted like a watch because we were with our
Speaker 2: buddy Mike camp and Arrow and he got a watch
Speaker 2: and he was feeling it. And then you know, I
Speaker 2: bought a watch around him and he was kind of
Speaker 2: feeling it too. So I was like, I'm gonna get.
Speaker 1: Will a watch.
Speaker 4: Will cut it was.
Speaker 1: It rolls like uh.
Speaker 2: A day day Alwayster perfessional day day was stainless steel.
Speaker 2: It's a beautiful watch. It's it's a beautiful watch. It's
Speaker 2: it's it's really nice. Anyway, I get this watch thirty
Speaker 2: five hundred geake that idea, this watch game that was outstanding.
Speaker 1: That was really good. Those watches you can go like
Speaker 1: white gold.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, I tell you.
Speaker 1: Like that, Oh you're watch. There's nothing like white gold.
Speaker 1: But I tell people it's about seventy grand I love that.
Speaker 1: By the way, by the way, on the get away with.
Speaker 2: This is literally the watch I think might have a
Speaker 2: different face, that literally might be it. So I get
Speaker 2: this watch and I'm like so stoked to give it
Speaker 2: to Will, fired up about it, and we cruise over
Speaker 2: to Montana. We get off the highway right on the
Speaker 2: to the hotel and we have like the friends and
Speaker 2: family Friday night thing right before they get married on Saturday.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I ask my wife and Mike Talan, do
Speaker 2: you think I should give this to to Will as
Speaker 2: a time And she's like yeah, like right now, it's perfect.
Speaker 1: That way he can wear it feel good about it.
Speaker 1: He's feeling himself done the thing. So I call Will
Speaker 1: up and.
Speaker 2: It's like the way this where we're staying at It's
Speaker 2: like this beautiful black backdrop. There's like two layers, two
Speaker 2: layers of this like hotel and we're on this this
Speaker 2: top floor and Will is like kind of over to
Speaker 2: the left and the bottofloor. So he walks up and like, hey,
Speaker 2: I didn't really wrap it, but this is like your
Speaker 2: winning gift and I wanted you to have it so
Speaker 2: you can wear it right now, opens it up, lights
Speaker 2: his fucking's a sparkle in his eye.
Speaker 1: He's excited. You might see a little bit of a
Speaker 1: wealth of a tip. Gives me a big fucking hug,
Speaker 1: loves the sat night and give him a bake hug.
Speaker 1: I'm stoked.
Speaker 2: I'm like, man, I'm a great you know when you
Speaker 2: do a great friend thing and You're like just filled.
Speaker 2: I'm like, God, I'm a great fucking friend. It was
Speaker 2: a great moment for us because it was a huge
Speaker 2: moment for us. Huge moment from.
Speaker 1: The bachelor party.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I missed the Bachelor early and so I dipped
Speaker 2: on his bachelor party. Was I was on a bad
Speaker 2: friend's streak.
Speaker 4: I really was.
Speaker 2: And so Will goes down to show his wife and
Speaker 2: I'll go, I'll let you take the rest of this part.
Speaker 1: So I have this watch on and I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: fired up. Dayl and I we have a moment. We
Speaker 1: hug and I'm like, oh, I appreciate that, bro, And
Speaker 1: he's like, it's your first Rolex. I'm like, fuck, yeah
Speaker 1: it is.
Speaker 8: I'm like, let's fucking go because I'll never like give
Speaker 8: myself a roll.
Speaker 1: But we did it, I know, like we like getting
Speaker 1: married at the long Game and got me a roll leg.
Speaker 8: And so I go downstairs and Charles getting ready for
Speaker 8: our what's the dinner before reception or whatever.
Speaker 1: She's getting dressed up and stuff, and I go, Babe,
Speaker 1: I go, hey, check this out. Look what Taylor got me.
Speaker 8: And she looks down at it, and Bro, she looks
Speaker 8: down at that watch and She's like, is that a Rolex?
Speaker 8: And I was like, yeah, and that's fucking awesome. And
Speaker 8: she starts getting welted in her eyes, just make up
Speaker 8: on herself, and she was hey, but you go you
Speaker 8: babe's wrong and they go, Babe, what's wrong. She's like
Speaker 8: she looked up at me with tears, and I just
Speaker 8: she goes, I got you a fucking Rolex. Of course
Speaker 8: he would get you a Roleg like I wanted to
Speaker 8: get your first rolls. Of course Taylor would get a Rolex.
Speaker 4: Before I get a Rolex.
Speaker 5: Love.
Speaker 4: This goes more than anything.
Speaker 1: A better one, your work, your work, Yeah yeah, and
Speaker 1: he got you a way better one than me.
Speaker 8: And then storms off and I'm like, baby, we don't
Speaker 8: even know what you just looks like like you know,
Speaker 8: you know, I like goldmore and silver, like he just
Speaker 8: got me a silver one, and like I.
Speaker 1: Don't kind of following her around like a puppy.
Speaker 8: I'm feeling shitty, but at the same time, I'm like, man,
Speaker 8: I'm just catching straight bullets.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, let's see, she gives me this vintage Rolex.
Speaker 1: Fucking awesome, boyer.
Speaker 8: It is fire like a smaller one leather band brown
Speaker 8: like it was amazing and Charlie for her, you know,
Speaker 8: she doesn't have the bank account like Taylor, but she's like,
Speaker 8: I just worked extremely.
Speaker 1: You know a bank count. Well, come on, man, so
Speaker 1: we got to put all the facts out there.
Speaker 8: She's like, she worked extremely hard to like find this
Speaker 8: rolex and do all this stuff to give me my
Speaker 8: first rolex. And she's like, I wanted to see the
Speaker 8: look on your face when you had your first roll.
Speaker 8: And I tell you, it looks a beautiful look.
Speaker 1: Like I'm wanting to would you like a screensaver, Like
Speaker 1: I wish I could look at it right now.
Speaker 2: I can see Will's eyes glistening, Dude, I could see
Speaker 2: the tears going down his face.
Speaker 1: It was great and there, dude.
Speaker 8: And I'm trying to tell her, like how awesome hers is,
Speaker 8: but you just feel like you're overcompensating now and it's
Speaker 8: just all fucked out. We're about to go to the
Speaker 8: recession speeches are gonna happen, and she just cries. She
Speaker 8: put on her makeup.
Speaker 1: So I'm getting ready.
Speaker 8: I'm wanting to text Tailor like I'm like, She's like
Speaker 8: she was texting. I'm like, you know, I'm kind of
Speaker 8: like leaning like, hey, what are you saying? Because I'm
Speaker 8: just thinking, like, fuck is she so like just like
Speaker 8: mad said, like everything she's she's all the bad ones.
Speaker 8: She's all the bad and like like hey boy, hey,
Speaker 8: code fucking Red, it's coming, It's coming.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I'm sitting there on cloud goddamn nine. Dude, I'm loading
Speaker 2: like Anchorman and Will Ferrell and mcgirl after they go
Speaker 2: to Pleasure Town. I'm just feeling myself, dude. And I
Speaker 2: have a thing about weddings like I love being the
Speaker 2: center of attention. I love like going into a room
Speaker 2: making people laugh, having a good time, like let's talk,
Speaker 2: and kind of being like loud. But when I go
Speaker 2: to weddings, to me, it's the exact opposite, like this
Speaker 2: is not your time, tailor. I consciously tell myself, hey,
Speaker 2: it's not about you today, so don't make it about yourself.
Speaker 1: I stay in the background, right, stay in the background
Speaker 1: and enjoy it. He did in the background. He went
Speaker 1: viral on a video at the wedding. Well you said
Speaker 1: you should do it, but it was a nice little thing.
Speaker 2: And I'm sitting there, I'm like just kind of smiling myself,
Speaker 2: kind of like looking out the window, at the backdrop,
Speaker 2: I'm like, it's a great friend. And I get I
Speaker 2: get up, which is like my text noise, like a
Speaker 2: little clown noise, and I fucking open it up, and
Speaker 2: that thing could have from here to the floor, could
Speaker 2: have all the Charles words.
Speaker 4: That's me.
Speaker 1: That's me at Will's wedding.
Speaker 5: Are you serious?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Passed out. I don't even know how I got. Yeah, like.
Speaker 2: Charles, charl hits me with all the things, all of
Speaker 2: her emotions, and to like for her, it was it
Speaker 2: was I understand why she was upset, and she handled
Speaker 2: herself well because I know what she wanted to say.
Speaker 1: It was go fund yourself.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: But instead she said that in six thousand words and
Speaker 2: it was nice enough but also got the point across.
Speaker 1: And so I'm go from feeling amazing to feel like
Speaker 1: a fucking piece of because I couldn't see it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was long.
Speaker 2: And I go there and I see her and she's
Speaker 2: charl has this look in her eyes when she's frustrated
Speaker 2: with you. I've gone it so many times and it's like,
Speaker 2: I Taylor, it's like a fucking sweaty Taylor. I'm like, hey,
Speaker 2: and I go so I say, hey, I know this
Speaker 2: is not the time to talk about it, but I
Speaker 2: just want to say I'm so sorry, and that you're
Speaker 2: beautiful today.
Speaker 1: You really look so amazing. I'm gonna go lay down
Speaker 1: the river, I go. I'm gonna go over here, now
Speaker 1: the river over there. I'll right back. It was so bad,
Speaker 1: the only like sweaty again once.
Speaker 4: That's a great that's a great story, beginning, middle to end.
Speaker 4: Great story.
Speaker 5: I love that, bro There was.
Speaker 1: So much history with that's not like so much, but
Speaker 1: well there was Christmas.
Speaker 8: There's a Christmas time where she got me like a
Speaker 8: Gucci necklace and it was like silver and Taylor it
Speaker 8: got me. I it broke and I lost it or something, right,
Speaker 8: I don't know, yeah, something like this and the next Christmas.
Speaker 8: So kind of one up, sir, and I wear the
Speaker 8: gold one all I know too.
Speaker 1: I've never seen Will where the rollocks I got him. Ever,
Speaker 1: I have not seen it. I haven't seen it on
Speaker 1: you all the time. And it looks great. It does.
Speaker 1: It looks great.
Speaker 8: But in my defense, it's because I got the gold.
Speaker 8: Like I don't like doing the silver ring.
Speaker 1: But you're not trying to park me.
Speaker 2: I don't worried about it, like you don't know where
Speaker 2: the water why you're trying to park charge?
Speaker 1: I get it. No, no, there's there's none of that
Speaker 1: going on pack right in front of me.
Speaker 8: It just goes with a lot more of my fists.
Speaker 8: Now I will flex with the big dog here soon.
Speaker 8: But to me, I need to get a silver I
Speaker 8: need to get something the matress it with the rings
Speaker 8: like I got Yeah, there you go. I got the
Speaker 8: the gold necklace gold ring. So it just goes better
Speaker 8: with like the fits usually that's so funny. Yeah, she
Speaker 8: gets me this guccy necklace and it's got a wolf
Speaker 8: on the and I love wolf. I love wolves, the
Speaker 8: concept all the ship that I do about being fucking wolf.
Speaker 8: But anyway, the wolf head would always hit me in
Speaker 8: the tooth when I'm working out. So and I did
Speaker 8: like the gold necklace more, but that's why I did.
Speaker 2: So.
Speaker 8: I would mainly where the gold one, and she knew
Speaker 8: she got it, but would also like kind of jab me, like, ah,
Speaker 8: I see you don't. You're not really wearing my the
Speaker 8: wolf necklace I got you And oh baby, you know
Speaker 8: I just haven't switched it, like I gotta take it
Speaker 8: off that one hits me in the mouth like I'm
Speaker 8: playing football, and I just it gets caught my beard too,
Speaker 8: and that fucking hurts. And uh So then when the
Speaker 8: watch thing happened, I was just thinking, fuck man, Taylor's
Speaker 8: trying to be super nice and my.
Speaker 4: Man, FU you fuck that one up?
Speaker 1: Hands dude, I mean, you didn't fu up.
Speaker 8: And I'm sitting there like I'm I'm at the reception
Speaker 8: trying to tell a couple of my boys about it,
Speaker 8: and I do, what the fuck are you wanting about?
Speaker 1: You got two Rolexes? Like ye, I think, I tell
Speaker 1: like tap dude, I feel well speaking up. And I
Speaker 1: saw time Piece over.
Speaker 4: There too, So we were on we were in Vegas
Speaker 4: and uh and I go to this rolex store.
Speaker 1: You what's that? He said, Man, you got two reallexes?
Speaker 1: Why you bitch?
Speaker 8: And I was like, I guess, I don't know, man,
Speaker 8: I just feel terrible that my wife is so sad.
Speaker 4: So I was in Vegas and they I wanted to
Speaker 4: get a Rolex on this tour to kind of like
Speaker 4: commemorate the like, to have it for the tour. So
Speaker 4: they go, oh, this is the watch I got when
Speaker 4: I was doing that tour. So I'm in Vegas and
Speaker 4: I go to this roll x store and they don't
Speaker 4: have any product. They're like, no, we got nothing, and
Speaker 4: I was like okay, and then she's like, what are
Speaker 4: you doing.
Speaker 2: So weird that rolls does that? They have one in
Speaker 2: Green Hills. It's the same thing. You walk in there
Speaker 2: and they're like, yeah, it's on display, but we don't
Speaker 2: have it. Yeah, it's very odd. So I go, I
Speaker 2: go okay, I go, well, all right. Well then I'm
Speaker 2: leaving and she's like, what are you doing here? Said,
Speaker 2: I'm doing the Virgin Hotel. She was what, I'm a comedian.
Speaker 2: She was, you know, Dave, I said to tell she
Speaker 2: was Chappelle and I said, well, now I kind of.
Speaker 8: I go.
Speaker 4: My buddies are all friends with him. Turns out this
Speaker 4: is the store I guess Dave gets all his Rollxes from.
Speaker 4: And she knows Jeff Ross and Rogan and they've all
Speaker 4: been to this store. So she goes, okay, all right.
Speaker 4: She goes bringing out the sub Mariner Black sub Mariner,
Speaker 4: and she goes, this is to watch you want and
Speaker 4: I went, I thought you didn't have any products. She goes,
Speaker 4: I got you. She brings it out and I'm like.
Speaker 4: I was like, oh wow, I like that watch. She goes,
Speaker 4: this is the one you want. You can buy it,
Speaker 4: you should buy it, and I went okay. I was
Speaker 4: like uh, I was like ten grand. I was like,
Speaker 4: I don't like all this. I have a hard time
Speaker 4: spending money on myself. I don't have a part time
Speaker 4: spending money on other people. I enjoy that, but on
Speaker 4: myself I can't do it. So I take a picture.
Speaker 4: I sent it to my dad and to Tom, and
Speaker 4: to my wife and to my business manager too. But
Speaker 4: I go My wife says you got it in which
Speaker 4: my wife would never say.
Speaker 5: And I was like, oh.
Speaker 4: My business managers like you can. You don't really afford it.
Speaker 4: My dad's like beautiful. And then Tom sends me a text.
Speaker 4: He goes, hey, man, treat yourself. You never treat yourself.
Speaker 4: You're the hardest working guy in comedy that I know.
Speaker 4: He's like, you're out every fucking week. You're flying to
Speaker 4: Austin to do Two Bears, You're doing a movie, you're
Speaker 4: doing a TV. He goes, you literally deserve this watch,
Speaker 4: he said. Think of what your ticket sales are, think
Speaker 4: of where you're at in your career. You more than
Speaker 4: anyone in this business. Deserve that watch. And I was like,
Speaker 4: all right, I go, I come back to the store.
Speaker 4: I go, I'll take it. I was like, I just
Speaker 4: got a cool text for my buddy. I do deserve it.
Speaker 4: I was like, fucking I'll take it. So I buy it.
Speaker 4: Next day I called Tommy and I go. He goes, hey,
Speaker 4: you get the watch? I said, I did. I said
Speaker 4: that text was fucking really, I really meant something to me.
Speaker 4: Thank you. He said yeah. I said, what are you doing?
Speaker 4: He goes, I'm at the roll next store, so whine.
Speaker 4: He goes, well, I was writing that text to you,
Speaker 4: and I go the same applies for me. I need
Speaker 4: a roll next too? Different No, no, okay, Tom. I
Speaker 4: mean I'm not to like blow up at spot. But
Speaker 4: Tom doesn't like I wish I had it.
Speaker 5: I don't.
Speaker 4: He first of one, he makes a tremendous amount of money,
Speaker 4: but he doesn't have a problem spending money. Like he
Speaker 4: doesn't have a problem really, but like he told a
Speaker 4: very touching story about his dad. His dad recently passed
Speaker 4: and his dad wanted wanted an SUV like suv, but
Speaker 4: he knew his dad's finances and he was gonna buy
Speaker 4: a used one, and Tom went found out which twenty wanted,
Speaker 4: reached out to the dealership, bought him the brand new one,
Speaker 4: and then said when he gets there, facetimed me in
Speaker 4: the new one. And so it's Tom's story to tell.
Speaker 4: But we just told him two bearers, very touching. So
Speaker 4: his dad's like in the thing and he was like,
Speaker 4: Tom's like, that is that the one you want? D
Speaker 4: And he goes, well, yeah, I'm gonna get this, but
Speaker 4: use I can't afford this one. And he goes what
Speaker 4: on He goes, well, it's too much, but this is
Speaker 4: I mean, this is the fucking car, Tommy. You got
Speaker 4: to see this car. And Tom goes, well, it's yours
Speaker 4: and I'm gonna cry telling the story. You're gonna say
Speaker 4: space Oh yeah, but but it's like that's the way Tom.
Speaker 4: You know, he told me the story on two bears.
Speaker 4: I get emotional hearing it. But that's who Tom is.
Speaker 4: Is like he likes to give and uh, but he
Speaker 4: also doesn't mind like buying a brand new Porsche and
Speaker 4: then sending it to Germany and having it completely outfitted
Speaker 4: the way he wants it, and knowing what he likes,
Speaker 4: he doesn't know. He was the first person I ever
Speaker 4: met that spent like more than a million dollars on
Speaker 4: the house, and I was like, shut the fuck up.
Speaker 4: So like he is, but he knows his finance is
Speaker 4: real real well, his dad was a a business guy,
Speaker 4: and so his dad got him into finances, like and
Speaker 4: so tom knows money real well.
Speaker 9: So I.
Speaker 4: But when any purchase I make, any car I make,
Speaker 4: I always texted to Tommy, I'm like, what do you
Speaker 4: think And he's like, you should get it.
Speaker 1: Really yeah, yeah, he says humul like, hey, probably a
Speaker 1: slayer role on that one.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, I don't think so. But I
Speaker 4: don't spend an I don't spend any money like I'm
Speaker 4: I spend money on like fun stuff like private jests
Speaker 4: for us to go back and forth from Austin.
Speaker 2: That is that's a that's something that was for underrated
Speaker 2: private jets. Oh there's It's the best, most amazing thing
Speaker 2: in the world you'll ever have. It's so great top
Speaker 2: to bottom. But when you're paying for it, when you start,
Speaker 2: it's like fucking.
Speaker 4: Without econom someone said the other day, at the beginning,
Speaker 4: you're like, oh, yeah, definitely, I'm doing this and then
Speaker 4: when it goes in, you're like, fuck, yes, this is awesome.
Speaker 4: But once you come that's like you're landing. You're like,
Speaker 4: this wasn't worth it.
Speaker 2: That makes so much sense. What's happening adversity? Is it
Speaker 2: my mic or is it the whole thing?
Speaker 1: Oh shit for how long?
Speaker 4: Oh no, try blowing on it.
Speaker 1: Okay, wait, hold on, this thing's been frozen for thirty minutes.
Speaker 1: My asshole is so tight right now. Oh that's tough.
Speaker 4: If we lose the fucking roll X story, if we
Speaker 4: lose all of it,