WEBVTT - Believe All Women? | MiniPod 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.840 Native Land Pod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership 0:00:02.840 --> 0:00:04.320 with Resent Choice Media. 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:08.360 Well come, well come, well come, well come, well come, welcome. 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:13.160 Welcome home, y'all. It has been such a great, fruitful 0:00:13.240 --> 0:00:15.960 week of discussion here on Native Land Pod. And so 0:00:16.200 --> 0:00:19.759 I know, if you listen to our main episode, we 0:00:19.880 --> 0:00:22.080 said that we were going to talk about leadership styles, 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:25.200 and then we got into a discussion on the whole 0:00:25.239 --> 0:00:28.600 black men black women dynamic. And I don't know, I 0:00:28.640 --> 0:00:32.320 feel like these two conversations somewhat intersect. You all correct 0:00:32.320 --> 0:00:35.000 me if you think I'm wrong. But we had Cornell 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:37.360 Belter on a polster, a brilliant poster who runs a 0:00:37.360 --> 0:00:39.840 brilliant corner strategy, and he was on with Gabrielle Wyatt 0:00:39.840 --> 0:00:42.680 and they had done his really interesting poll about black women, 0:00:43.000 --> 0:00:46.040 and Andrew, you made a really good point about well 0:00:46.040 --> 0:00:48.680 wait a second, like I hear in the Cornell's point 0:00:48.760 --> 0:00:53.200 about black women center community, but you gave a shout 0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:55.880 out like, let me just say, black men were leading 0:00:56.920 --> 0:00:59.880 until policies harm them, and you know they were still 0:01:00.000 --> 0:01:03.640 even after that. Black men were leading, but policies eliminated 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:06.400 a lot of black men. And so that's where we 0:01:06.440 --> 0:01:06.800 look up. 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:09.520 I mean, I think I appreciate that, and great summary 0:01:09.640 --> 0:01:14.960 again to if it really wasn't to rebut what was stated. 0:01:15.120 --> 0:01:18.000 I just think we have to do a more deliberate 0:01:18.160 --> 0:01:22.679 job at contextualizing why a thing is a thing, Like 0:01:22.720 --> 0:01:25.520 we didn't just wake up one day and black men 0:01:25.560 --> 0:01:30.399 disappeared themselves from our neighborhoods. And you know, I think 0:01:30.680 --> 0:01:35.520 my granddaddy, my mom's dad, who my grandmother was a housemaker, 0:01:35.600 --> 0:01:38.200 raised eighteen headed children, my mother being the eight the 0:01:38.280 --> 0:01:42.559 last of them. My granddaddy who ran a gas station 0:01:43.319 --> 0:01:49.120 and did lawn maintenance on the weekends, and together in partnership, 0:01:49.240 --> 0:01:53.840 not before women were leading, but rather in partnership, they 0:01:53.840 --> 0:01:57.919 were leading a household and building neighborhood and community. And 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:00.720 men didn't just black men and just wake up one 0:02:00.760 --> 0:02:03.440 day and say I'm done with that, I'm tired of it. Right, 0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:07.880 there always been trifling folks. Right, Papa was a rolling stone. 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:10.680 I remember the lyrics from that before I even knew 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:13.000 what any of that, you know meant. So I'm not 0:02:13.400 --> 0:02:14.480 I'm not repaying. 0:02:14.440 --> 0:02:20.600 He left alone l O n or alone, like he 0:02:20.680 --> 0:02:27.799 took out alone and left it to us, nah Lord. 0:02:26.200 --> 0:02:31.040 But I was alone. I just think the threat that 0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:37.079 we represented as a structure, as a as a as 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:44.800 a image to be revered was so such an intimidation 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:48.560 to the structure that existed that these folks had to 0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:57.600 develop deeply seeded plans to create what industries. Industries principally 0:02:57.639 --> 0:03:01.880 focused on breaking up that part partnership and not just 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:04.960 the marriage partnership. I just mean as black men and 0:03:05.000 --> 0:03:09.880 black women who were modeling, not always perfectly, we have 0:03:10.000 --> 0:03:13.640 our issues, but who were modeling what it meant in 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:17.519 that pole we saw earlier in the episode, the black 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:24.000 women were prioritizing fairness. They put fairness above DEI when 0:03:24.000 --> 0:03:26.440 it came to priorities. I just want to be treated 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:30.480 fairly in this place that they developed these structures that 0:03:31.600 --> 0:03:36.560 has bastardized fairness, has bastardized us being in these places. 0:03:37.040 --> 0:03:40.320 And then did some jiu jitsu to make what is 0:03:40.640 --> 0:03:44.440 our strength and their weakness their biggest strength coming after 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:48.200 us about don't even earn it when the truth is 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:51.720 your children aren't getting into the colleges that you want 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:54.480 them into. Your daughters and sons are not coming home 0:03:54.520 --> 0:03:57.000 and sleeping on the couches, and you want them out 0:03:57.280 --> 0:03:59.280 and the lie that you have said that you are 0:03:59.360 --> 0:04:03.000 better than everyone else on your worst day is coming 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:05.839 home to roost that it was always a lie. Now 0:04:05.880 --> 0:04:08.880 they're competing with us. Now they're learning what it means 0:04:08.880 --> 0:04:10.920 to try to earn a slide, even though all the 0:04:10.920 --> 0:04:16.120 structures have been built and designed for their angrandizement and advancement. 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:18.920 And so what do they do. They say, let's get 0:04:18.960 --> 0:04:21.720 rid of hey, take all the diversity, all the inclusion, 0:04:21.760 --> 0:04:24.640 and then my son and my daughter will get back 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:27.240 to their rightful place in society. Or if there was, 0:04:27.360 --> 0:04:30.279 if that, if if that ain't didn't earn it, I 0:04:30.320 --> 0:04:31.120 don't know what it is. 0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:36.440 Yeah, everything you said, Andrew, I mean I completely echo that. 0:04:36.800 --> 0:04:40.400 And you know the point I made in the episode 0:04:40.400 --> 0:04:44.279 that dropped earlier this week is it is we We 0:04:44.600 --> 0:04:49.719 are a hurt people. We are carrying so much pain around, 0:04:49.800 --> 0:04:54.640 generational pain. Our time in this country, you know, was 0:04:54.800 --> 0:05:00.359 started in strife, and you know it's taught us to 0:05:00.480 --> 0:05:04.239 love just a little bit because our love was a weapon. 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:07.680 And if I birth this child, I'm nursing this child, 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:09.520 I'm caring for this child, and I know at any 0:05:09.600 --> 0:05:12.640 minute you can snatch this baby from me. And sell 0:05:12.720 --> 0:05:16.360 my child off while I'm raising your kids. That teaches 0:05:16.400 --> 0:05:18.800 me I gotta love a little bit if you a man. 0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:21.120 And it's like, I love this woman. This is my wife. 0:05:21.160 --> 0:05:22.719 We have a family here, and I know at any 0:05:22.760 --> 0:05:25.120 minute this white man could come along and rape her 0:05:25.640 --> 0:05:28.520 and impregnate her. I can only love her a little bit. 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:31.640 We are carrying that level of pain with us. We've 0:05:31.680 --> 0:05:34.760 never really had a collective healing. So that's why when 0:05:34.800 --> 0:05:38.440 I hear some of these asinine comments coming from some 0:05:38.480 --> 0:05:41.440 of these podcast bros. And you know some of this 0:05:41.600 --> 0:05:45.400 very toxic space in the community, I do. I have 0:05:45.520 --> 0:05:47.880 a lot of frustration and a lot of hurt because 0:05:47.920 --> 0:05:49.960 my brother, I'm not your enemy. Let's keep in mind 0:05:50.000 --> 0:05:52.800 who the enemy is. But I also have care. I 0:05:52.839 --> 0:05:54.920 have a little I gotta care about you from a distance. 0:05:55.000 --> 0:05:57.440 I can't always engage people who appear to hate me, 0:05:58.000 --> 0:06:00.360 but I do have to consider this has come from 0:06:00.400 --> 0:06:03.720 a place of trauma, and so to me, if we 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:07.919 are turning black love into a weapon, you know that 0:06:08.000 --> 0:06:13.159 people can't stop and celebrate black women and what we do. 0:06:13.400 --> 0:06:15.760 And as black women, like, we're holding your pain and 0:06:15.800 --> 0:06:19.000 everybody else's pain because we see what the state is 0:06:19.080 --> 0:06:21.400 doing to you, because the state is doing it to us. 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:23.720 Because when it happens to you, it happens to us, 0:06:23.800 --> 0:06:24.480 we feel it. 0:06:24.680 --> 0:06:27.560 I would suggest Tiffany also that some of the herd 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:32.400 that is being expressed, and quite frankly righteous frustration with 0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:34.520 the fact that the only time you're talked about is 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:37.320 in proximity to a black woman or as opposed to 0:06:37.400 --> 0:06:42.520 a black woman, that just as black women exist as individuals, 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:45.880 their joy can rise and fall all on its own. 0:06:46.760 --> 0:06:46.960 There. 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:49.800 What do you mean? And what I mean by that 0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:55.039 is my frustration that I am experiencing right in this 0:06:55.240 --> 0:07:00.680 very moment about the systems that have colluded to knock 0:07:01.000 --> 0:07:06.920 us down at every opportunity us. But I'm speaking very 0:07:06.920 --> 0:07:11.200 specifically about black men here, not in juxtaposition to black women. 0:07:12.000 --> 0:07:17.239 Is a terror all on its own, without ever factoring 0:07:17.320 --> 0:07:20.760 in what my romantic relationship is. Who I've hurt in 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:24.400 that because white men have toxic behaviors, and white women 0:07:24.440 --> 0:07:26.400 do too, and so do black women and so on 0:07:26.480 --> 0:07:30.160 and so forth. I'm saying, when the hurt comes, or 0:07:30.200 --> 0:07:33.480 what you interpret is hurt, might be really just righteous 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:37.200 indignation about a fucked up system that is weighing on 0:07:37.480 --> 0:07:43.280 me absent what it's doing to a black woman, and 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:47.480 even that men black men are allowed to have these 0:07:47.520 --> 0:07:51.960 emotions without it being in juxtaposition to how they were treated, 0:07:52.000 --> 0:07:55.400 who they dated, what happened in that dating experience, but 0:07:55.520 --> 0:08:01.480 as individual humans being able to experience a fierce and 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:04.640 emotion that ain't got nothing to do with the women 0:08:05.360 --> 0:08:06.560 or men that we may date. 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:11.000 Wow, you might have been too deep for me there, 0:08:11.040 --> 0:08:13.960 because I'm thinking about that, and it's true. When I 0:08:13.960 --> 0:08:16.160 think about black men, I do often think through the 0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:18.280 lens of black women. I think of the woman who 0:08:18.360 --> 0:08:21.640 raised you. I think of your counterpart, you know who 0:08:21.680 --> 0:08:24.520 you're attached to. Yeah, Angela what. 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:27.040 I just wanted to remind you all that even though 0:08:27.040 --> 0:08:28.560 I need to get out of my hotel room, I 0:08:28.560 --> 0:08:32.600 am still here. So I was like, I would tell 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:34.640 me in, tell me in. This is a good contraction 0:08:35.640 --> 0:08:37.560 for it. I'm trying to do better than Andrew be. 0:08:37.600 --> 0:08:39.920 Like yo yo, hey hey yeah yeah yeah, but no 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:40.680 bro jump in. 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:43.560 No, it's it's so it's so good and it's it's 0:08:43.679 --> 0:08:47.440 funny tip because I don't know where it comes from, 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:49.000 but I feel like we talk about it a lot, 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:52.360 especially in our friend group, I feel really protective of 0:08:52.440 --> 0:08:56.920 black men, like really protective of black men. I think 0:08:56.960 --> 0:09:00.160 some of it is the relationship with my dad, Like 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:05.960 even growing up, there would be he's all black men. 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:09.000 I don't. I don't think. 0:09:10.400 --> 0:09:15.240 For yeah, for sure, for sure. 0:09:14.080 --> 0:09:18.680 Because because I don't know, because I've heard you like 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:21.000 really go after some black men who you just don't 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:25.600 feel like represent. You know, I experienced. 0:09:26.880 --> 0:09:30.960 Huci. I'm not feel like protective of Clarence, Uncle Clarence. 0:09:32.320 --> 0:09:35.640 I'm not talking about him. 0:09:35.840 --> 0:09:40.199 It's definitely to. 0:09:38.480 --> 0:09:42.240 Protect and to fa I think there are some men 0:09:42.320 --> 0:09:45.000 but I've also heard with which we disagree on. I 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:46.480 don't want to raise it again because I don't want 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:48.559 it to get but I'm just saying, if you don't, well, 0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:50.640 but this is the one I'm thinking about. Like you, 0:09:50.720 --> 0:09:52.480 we were talking about black men and you were like 0:09:52.720 --> 0:09:56.839 very protective of like Charlemagne for example. But like when 0:09:56.920 --> 0:10:05.400 after plies, like you don't, so I wonder, like after. 0:10:02.840 --> 0:10:08.360 Plies, I feel like I have questions come on the podcast. 0:10:08.400 --> 0:10:13.400 I don't feel like I can't because now we're in 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:15.120 this so let me just stay here for a moment 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:18.000 to make sure it's really clear. I don't have an 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:21.600 issue with Plies. I've said he should come on the podcast. 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:24.760 I think that it is interesting how he chooses to 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:27.440 show up and win. But if he wants to be 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:30.800 a social media influencer, I support it, right, I think that, 0:10:31.760 --> 0:10:34.080 But I don't feel anything to applies. Like you know, 0:10:34.200 --> 0:10:35.760 he welcome to state to the people. He can write 0:10:35.760 --> 0:10:37.440 a black paper if you got them to say. But 0:10:37.480 --> 0:10:41.440 I do want him to, if he's comfortable with it, 0:10:41.840 --> 0:10:44.640 to blend more with who he actually is and the 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:46.920 persona is it. And I think I would say that 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:51.400 about anybody. I love authenticity and so you and I 0:10:51.400 --> 0:10:53.559 think that's the main thing. So if there was a criticism, 0:10:53.640 --> 0:10:57.040 it would just be that. But I respected a brother. Okay, 0:10:57.280 --> 0:10:59.000 so sorry, I don't know what moment. 0:10:59.000 --> 0:11:00.400 Go back to. I didn't mean best of it. 0:11:01.679 --> 0:11:04.160 I think like I think, one of the things I 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:07.280 love most about our show is we give each other 0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:10.199 the space to work through out loud, our hypocrisies and 0:11:10.280 --> 0:11:12.120 our blind spots. So I think if there's a blind 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:14.840 spot called me on it, my blind spot is defending 0:11:14.880 --> 0:11:18.000 the Brothers, and I will definitely do that, I think 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:22.400 to a fault. So yeah, I was saying I was 0:11:22.400 --> 0:11:25.439 wondering where it was coming from and kind of wrestling 0:11:25.440 --> 0:11:27.280 with that. I think a lot of it has to 0:11:27.280 --> 0:11:29.440 do with my dad. I'm definitely a daddy's girl. I 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:33.040 love my mama, but I'm definitely a daddy's girl. And 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:37.240 I feel like my mom is more discerning and intuitive. 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:39.880 And I think that that is a natural thing that 0:11:39.920 --> 0:11:42.080 black women have, Like we can see the thing before 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:44.679 it's coming, and y'all just ain't got it. So I'm 0:11:44.840 --> 0:11:46.560 having a look out for y'all, like, don't cross that 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:49.520 street right there is a car coming both ways. And 0:11:49.600 --> 0:11:51.920 I think that that's happened with what'd. 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:55.680 You say, we got a different skill set? Yeah you do. 0:11:55.840 --> 0:11:59.160 Andrew leaves his phone eighty thousand times in one days, 0:11:59.200 --> 0:12:02.480 stressful and the and one in the same. My dad 0:12:02.600 --> 0:12:05.000 is like that with human beings. You know, it could 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:07.000 be somebody who just stabbed him in the back and 0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:09.520 he's like, oh, you can have my last dollar. 0:12:09.320 --> 0:12:11.440 And I'm like, no, forget too. 0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:15.080 So I think there's a natural protection. And I'm like 0:12:15.120 --> 0:12:17.520 that about all my friends and loved ones, but it's 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:21.360 especially true for black men. It is especially true because 0:12:21.360 --> 0:12:22.880 I'm just like, I don't know if they see the 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:25.360 same tip. I know you discerning and peeping the scene. 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:28.439 I just I love y'all, but I'll be concerned. So 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:31.120 I do think that that is that that's true, and 0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:34.640 we don't ask for you never asked for it. I'm 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:37.080 so sorry natural disposition to do this. 0:12:37.440 --> 0:12:37.960 Good luck. 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:39.400 You can tell me you don't need it, and I'll 0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:40.160 try to fall back. 0:12:41.600 --> 0:12:44.520 There are times where I don't see things, you know. 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:47.480 There are times where we've been on stage together and 0:12:47.520 --> 0:12:49.800 I'm starting to say this and you're like, okay, Dad, 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:52.400 like let's go this way, and I don't know why. 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:54.240 I'm just like, okay, well, I'm not gonna say it 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:57.400 right now, but you'll tell me later. Like there's like 0:12:57.520 --> 0:13:01.000 we all see things for each other. But I definitely 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:06.040 think you have like almost anxiety around the people that 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:10.480 you care about, to like I'm a leap frog ahead 0:13:10.559 --> 0:13:13.199 and stop this thing from happening. But sometimes you can't, 0:13:13.440 --> 0:13:15.800 you know, like you sometimes people gotta fall, sometimes people 0:13:15.800 --> 0:13:18.440 gotta get burned. So I haven't experienced it that you 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:21.520 are protective of black men more than you are of 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:23.880 black women. I think you I would describe you as 0:13:23.880 --> 0:13:25.640 somebody who is protective. 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:32.280 Yeah, people are hyper there. There's some hyper vigilance curious. 0:13:32.320 --> 0:13:35.400 I'm not a black man, so maybe I haven't experienced that. 0:13:38.520 --> 0:13:40.720 Of course I've experienced it. And what I would say is, 0:13:41.240 --> 0:13:46.080 I think you are you are a justice. You are you, 0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:49.920 you pursue justice. You were fully aware of the narrative 0:13:50.679 --> 0:13:55.520 that black men didn't earn but often hit with. And 0:13:55.559 --> 0:13:58.640 I think as part of your default disposition is you're 0:13:58.679 --> 0:14:03.000 not going to contribute to the continuation of that kind 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:05.280 of abuse. So you're like, Okay, leve Ever, I know 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:06.760 what you read, I know what you heard, but let's 0:14:06.760 --> 0:14:09.400 set the table again. Let's give this thing a chance. 0:14:09.520 --> 0:14:11.880 And I definitely feel like you have it more towards 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:15.760 black men. I guess what I would caution is, yeah, 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:19.880 some things do need to play out, period. But similar 0:14:19.960 --> 0:14:21.440 to how I set a couple of weeks ago that 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:27.040 I think we sometimes coddle too much in the electoral process. 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:32.280 Those who are confronted with economic horsship and da da 0:14:32.320 --> 0:14:34.040 da da da, and all the reasons why it is 0:14:34.040 --> 0:14:35.960 that they could give as to why they choose not 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:38.840 to vote or participate in the process or to go 0:14:39.240 --> 0:14:41.120 you know, the extra And I'm not making I'm not 0:14:41.240 --> 0:14:44.520 accusing anybody, but the point was to say we have 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:48.320 to treat everybody with the same expectation that if you 0:14:48.480 --> 0:14:51.080 want this thing, you got to go get it. And 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:56.240 when you remove the incentive or less than the incentive 0:14:56.240 --> 0:14:58.040 for the person to have to show up on their 0:14:58.160 --> 0:15:01.680 own to do a thing, so that you can walk 0:15:01.680 --> 0:15:04.560 away with an impression about them that they either they 0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:06.840 go get us or they not. They hit us or 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:09.880 they not, they're you know, or in this moment, they're 0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:16.200 those things. And the the the intention to make the 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:20.880 way just a little bit easier. And some instances could 0:15:20.920 --> 0:15:27.760 be the harm. I don't mean that. I don't. I 0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:29.760 don't mean when I say in some itsys to be 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:32.800 the harm. It could be keeping someone from the thing 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:35.720 that they absolutely needed to go through to get to 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:36.440 the next thing. 0:15:37.360 --> 0:15:39.320 Okay, but there's. 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:42.680 And by the way, Angela, I don't I don't mean 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:45.240 this as a as a criticism of you. Actually both 0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:48.520 ways for men and okay, for both men and women 0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:51.480 who predict because I'm a very protective person as well, 0:15:51.520 --> 0:15:55.240 and I think sometimes, like you know what, they may 0:15:55.360 --> 0:15:58.200 need it to have gone through that thing by doing 0:15:58.200 --> 0:16:00.960 it their way, and it doesn't mean, their way would 0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:03.680 have caused them collapse and fall on their face. Their 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:06.840 way could have taught me a new way, but we 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:10.240 will never know whether their way could have worked. 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:23.240 I'm curious Angela your response, because I I'm maintained. I 0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:24.880 do know, but you know now that you're saying this, 0:16:24.960 --> 0:16:27.160 I do notice a difference between me and Andrew, but 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:29.360 I never put it in the category of men and women. 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:32.840 I put it in the category of Andrew is going 0:16:32.880 --> 0:16:35.560 to lose his phone, He's going Andrew is used to 0:16:35.640 --> 0:16:38.760 having staff around him take care of everything. So Angela's like, 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:39.880 did you get this? Did you get that? Do you 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:42.800 do that? That is what Andrew. That's her way of 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:45.520 protecting Andrew. But I don't feel less protected by you, 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:49.000 Like I still feel like if anything is happening, like 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:50.680 you're gonna say something, if I'm saying something that you 0:16:50.720 --> 0:16:52.280 don't want me to say, I feel like you are 0:16:52.400 --> 0:16:55.960 right there. You're just a protective person. 0:16:56.120 --> 0:16:56.560 I hear you. 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:59.880 Though maybe it's defensive then, like I think that they're 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:02.000 and I don't want to center me in this because 0:17:02.000 --> 0:17:04.960 I think that the bottom line is there are some 0:17:05.280 --> 0:17:08.960 experiences that black men have had in this country and therefore, 0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:14.480 so have black women. But this is about to get 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:15.919 it to bolve us, and it's a mess. I'm to 0:17:15.960 --> 0:17:20.119 be really honest, I don't believe all women. I don't. 0:17:20.280 --> 0:17:24.239 I don't believe women, especially when black men have been 0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:27.160 on the receiving end of harm that has caused them 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:30.840 a violent death in this country. I still don't believe 0:17:30.880 --> 0:17:36.879 all women. I think that the experience around, you know, 0:17:37.000 --> 0:17:40.120 just the appearance of someone and perceiving that they are, 0:17:40.960 --> 0:17:46.600 you know, threatening innately. And my disposition is to naturally say, hey, brother, 0:17:46.640 --> 0:17:49.879 how you doing to make sure people know that he's safe. 0:17:49.920 --> 0:17:51.879 And that's not cool either, because we shouldn't have to 0:17:51.920 --> 0:17:56.679 require that of them, you know that. Like even in 0:17:56.720 --> 0:18:00.240 my professional development program, we get so many young women men, 0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:04.040 so many young women who apply, and I find myself 0:18:04.160 --> 0:18:07.760 kind of catering to the young men to make sure 0:18:07.800 --> 0:18:09.560 they're herd because there's only a few of them, and 0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:11.040 I want to make sure they go back and tell 0:18:11.040 --> 0:18:12.720 their friends to come back around. So I don't know 0:18:12.760 --> 0:18:16.240 what that is, but there's something about making sure when 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:21.040 they did beat the stereotype, when they when they do 0:18:21.119 --> 0:18:23.200 deserve a chance, that we just give it. 0:18:24.000 --> 0:18:29.280 Yeah, I guess protective or and I don't think that's 0:18:29.280 --> 0:18:32.040 centering you because so many women feel like, like what 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:34.480 you're saying, I think you're representing a lot of women. 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:36.240 And I don't think as Black women we have the 0:18:36.320 --> 0:18:39.919 privilege of believing all women because on our side of 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:42.639 the gender divide, it's one of the most dangerous predators, 0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:45.360 and that is white women. If you go through the EJI, 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:49.560 the Equal Justice Initiative in Montgomery, Alabama, and this is 0:18:49.680 --> 0:18:56.679 one of the largest hallowed grounds, comprehensive memorial dedicated to 0:18:56.720 --> 0:18:59.399 people who were terrorized by slavery and who were lynched 0:18:59.440 --> 0:19:04.679 during a certain time period. Ninety percent of the reason 0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:07.639 behind the lynchings is white women. Somebody said, he whistled 0:19:07.640 --> 0:19:10.480 at me. Somebody said, like emmettil was not singular. 0:19:10.880 --> 0:19:11.280 It was. 0:19:11.600 --> 0:19:14.840 It wasn't an anomaly, it was the common thing. So no, 0:19:15.000 --> 0:19:17.879 I think because again we carry that trauma in pain 0:19:18.000 --> 0:19:22.000 with our brothers, you know, journalists and anti lynching crusader 0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:24.800 I to be Wells noted in her eighteen ninety two 0:19:24.800 --> 0:19:28.359 pamphlet Southern Horrors that one third of the charges against 0:19:28.400 --> 0:19:31.680 black men were for the rape of white women, and 0:19:32.080 --> 0:19:38.320 investigations found that most of those relationships were consensual. So yeah, 0:19:38.359 --> 0:19:39.439 we just we can't do that. 0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:39.879 You know. 0:19:40.600 --> 0:19:45.399 Now, Somewhere in that journey we lost our way, I 0:19:45.480 --> 0:19:48.560 have to say, and in our effort to protect black men, 0:19:49.200 --> 0:19:52.600 we forgot to protect ourselves and some of us. I 0:19:52.600 --> 0:19:55.680 would argue for God to protect black women because there 0:19:55.720 --> 0:19:59.440 are quite frankly black women who are harmed by black men. 0:20:00.000 --> 0:20:03.360 And when I hear these comments about some of the 0:20:03.480 --> 0:20:06.200 people in the limelight, I will start with just say 0:20:06.440 --> 0:20:08.639 R Kelly, when I heard people say, well, should he 0:20:08.680 --> 0:20:10.840 be in jail for all that? And please them? Little 0:20:10.880 --> 0:20:12.720 girls look grown and they knew what they were doing 0:20:12.720 --> 0:20:15.400 and where the parents? Like that breaks my heart because 0:20:15.400 --> 0:20:19.119 we're talking about it completely. I know you're not. But 0:20:19.280 --> 0:20:21.960 when I some of these comments are from black women, 0:20:22.480 --> 0:20:25.080 and I'm looking at this, like you given this girl, 0:20:25.480 --> 0:20:30.240 this baby girl less grace, but you have it all 0:20:30.320 --> 0:20:30.600 for R. 0:20:30.720 --> 0:20:31.040 Kelly. 0:20:31.200 --> 0:20:32.600 So somewhere, but I don't know. 0:20:32.720 --> 0:20:38.160 Society makes that the permission structure, like like, like, consider 0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:41.080 how those women then grew up and that if I 0:20:41.119 --> 0:20:45.280 had to demonize my daddy, yes, bad things to me, 0:20:45.480 --> 0:20:48.560 but also bought me some of the happiest Christmases. I 0:20:48.600 --> 0:20:51.720 ever had or you know, express love to me in 0:20:51.760 --> 0:20:53.800 a way that I knew heat stand in front of 0:20:53.840 --> 0:20:57.280 a bullet and take it. So, you know, it's so complex, 0:20:57.320 --> 0:21:00.760 and it's so nuanced, and where this stuff and comes 0:21:00.800 --> 0:21:03.760 out of y'all is so it's so deep, and it 0:21:03.800 --> 0:21:07.879 does it deserve a further enveloping. But I will just 0:21:07.960 --> 0:21:10.119 you know, Baby Boy is one of my least favorite 0:21:10.119 --> 0:21:12.080 movies ever in the world. My wife loves it. I 0:21:12.119 --> 0:21:14.840 know a lot of women who love it. I mean, 0:21:15.000 --> 0:21:16.920 you couldn't pay me to sit down and love the actors. 0:21:16.960 --> 0:21:20.360 You can't pay this down and watch it. Because I 0:21:20.400 --> 0:21:23.359 think we have to do better for each other. But 0:21:23.440 --> 0:21:26.520 I also think we have to do better. I got 0:21:26.520 --> 0:21:28.760 to do better as Andrew Gillum. I got to do 0:21:28.800 --> 0:21:30.560 better as a black man. I have to do better 0:21:30.640 --> 0:21:33.040 as a father. I have to do better. And all 0:21:33.119 --> 0:21:36.320 of those things can be a requirement of me that 0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:39.760 I put on myself that are without regard to all 0:21:39.800 --> 0:21:43.000 the other influences women who I'm married to, what I'm doing, 0:21:43.040 --> 0:21:45.200 da da da da have to you know, have going 0:21:45.280 --> 0:21:49.480 on in my life. The man that had to watch 0:21:49.520 --> 0:21:53.080 his woman be raped by Massa and see an illegitimate son. 0:21:53.920 --> 0:21:58.160 His biggest anger probably had to resided with the fact 0:21:58.160 --> 0:22:05.919 that he couldn't protect her, not even the porogeny that 0:22:06.200 --> 0:22:10.000 flowed from that. But Yeah, the thing that you feel 0:22:10.000 --> 0:22:13.560