Speaker 1: Instead of trying to find love, we have to choose
Speaker 1: to create love. Instead of trying to expect love, we
Speaker 1: have to find ways to express love. So today's theme
Speaker 1: is all about the power of support, the power of support,
Speaker 1: our support system, our support network, our support community. And
Speaker 1: isn't it fascinating that we use the words support system,
Speaker 1: but we don't always create a system of support. We
Speaker 1: have friends, we have family, we have the people we
Speaker 1: work with, but we don't have a system of how
Speaker 1: to seek support, even though we call it that. We
Speaker 1: call it a support network, but our network is often
Speaker 1: quite limited as to the types of people we have
Speaker 1: access to or the types of people we have a
Speaker 1: relationship with. So it's really intriguing that we have language
Speaker 1: that describes effectively what we need, but in our practice,
Speaker 1: we don't actually have what we need. We may say
Speaker 1: support system, but we don't have a system. We may
Speaker 1: say support network, but we don't really have a network.
Speaker 1: We have a few people. And today I really want
Speaker 1: to talk about the power of support, how to find
Speaker 1: people of equal vibration, how to energetically match These are
Speaker 1: questions that I'm sure in your mind, like when you
Speaker 1: meet someone, how do you know that there is an
Speaker 1: energetic match when you connect with someone. How do you
Speaker 1: know that you are of equal frequency or equal vibration,
Speaker 1: or even if not equal but aligned. How many times
Speaker 1: have you have a thought of that? How many of
Speaker 1: you have ever had that idea in your head where
Speaker 1: you're like, I like this person, but I'm not quite
Speaker 1: sure if we're on the same frequency. I want to
Speaker 1: share with you some scientific reasons of why the quality
Speaker 1: of our relationships are good for us. And the reason
Speaker 1: I'm doing this is because I think more of us
Speaker 1: have challenges in our relationships. We may have toxic elements
Speaker 1: in our relationships or unhealthy elements in our relationships than
Speaker 1: healthier ones across the board, and it's important for us
Speaker 1: to understand the benefits of healthy relationships. One of them
Speaker 1: is actually longevity, and studies show that people, particularly men,
Speaker 1: are healthier when they're married and they live longer, says
Speaker 1: the researcher Jones. And a lot of the longevity studies
Speaker 1: show that being in a loving long term relationship reduces stress.
Speaker 1: It helps us give up bad habits and we actually
Speaker 1: adopt more positive abits. Another thing that's really interesting about
Speaker 1: having positive relationships, not just romantic ones, is that we
Speaker 1: actually accelerate our healing process. Benjamin Steinberg, MD says, generally
Speaker 1: we see patients with strong social support having better recoveries.
Speaker 1: And by the way, that happens to all of us
Speaker 1: at different times. We all at different times need support
Speaker 1: in different ways. And Steinberg attributes improved recovery to lower
Speaker 1: levels of stress hormones like cortisol. Now, moving forward, we
Speaker 1: find that it also impacts our biology. Having positive, healthy
Speaker 1: relationships reduces our blood pressure. Now, one of the researchers
Speaker 1: talks about how we know that sudden negative emotions can
Speaker 1: lead to sensations mimicking a heart attack also known as
Speaker 1: broken heart syndrome, and Steinberg says it stands to reason
Speaker 1: the opposite is true as well. Additionally, people feeling love
Speaker 1: are more relaxed and more likely to engage in exercise
Speaker 1: or other activities beneficial to the heart. Now here's the challenge.
Speaker 1: We hear this, we read this, we study this, and
Speaker 1: we think, but no one loves me. But why aren't
Speaker 1: there more people who show me this kind of love.
Speaker 1: I need to find people who show me love. That's
Speaker 1: what our instinct suggests is the method. I have a
Speaker 1: lack of this, let me fill this when in reality,
Speaker 1: instead of trying to find love, we have to choose
Speaker 1: to create love. Instead of trying to expect love, we
Speaker 1: have to find ways to express love. Instead of hoping
Speaker 1: to meet someone who is loving, we have to make
Speaker 1: space for creating loving experiences. We have to construct our
Speaker 1: support system. You don't just have one. You don't find one,
Speaker 1: you create one. Today is all about the power of support.
Speaker 1: But support, funnily enough, is something you have to create,
Speaker 1: something you have to adopt, something you have to build,
Speaker 1: and then you receive the support back. Positive relationships result
Speaker 1: in a stronger immune system. Studies show that people who
Speaker 1: engage in supportive positive relationships produce more oxytocin and they're
Speaker 1: less likely to succumb to the negative effects of stress
Speaker 1: and anxiety. It's really important to understand these aspects of
Speaker 1: the science behind positive relationships because I think we all
Speaker 1: underestimate the negative. Often we let something toxic remain in
Speaker 1: our life for months, if not years. We experienced the
Speaker 1: emotional pain, but we also don't realize the physical biological
Speaker 1: challenges that are being adopted. So studies show that we
Speaker 1: actually feel less pain when we have beautiful relationships. A
Speaker 1: behavioral study demonstrated that the presentation of romantic partner pictures
Speaker 1: were sufficient to reduce experimentally induced pain. So relationships help
Speaker 1: us get through pain. Relationships help us get through stress.
Speaker 1: Relationship help us get through anxiety. So of course there
Speaker 1: should be something that we should be developing and investing
Speaker 1: in our lives. How many of us truly believed that
Speaker 1: we are investing in healthy relationships. Investing in healthy relationships
Speaker 1: doesn't just mean spending time, It means creating ways of
Speaker 1: having more powerful relationship exchanges and experiences. I want to
Speaker 1: talk a bit about what are the qualities of healthy
Speaker 1: and unhealthy relationships so that you can spot them, so
Speaker 1: that you can be aware of them, because I think
Speaker 1: that's what we often don't recognize. What we recognize is
Speaker 1: what we think someone is like as a person. We
Speaker 1: don't look at what they're like as being in a
Speaker 1: relationship with them. This is a really subtle point, and
Speaker 1: I really want you to understand it and take it in.
Speaker 1: When you're looking to have a relationship with someone, you're
Speaker 1: looking at them and what they're like, rather than what
Speaker 1: they're like to have a relationship with. I'll give you
Speaker 1: a really simple example, I'm holding a pen, and this
Speaker 1: pen is a sharpie pen. I'm sure you've seen a
Speaker 1: sharpie before, and let's say from Afar. The sharpie looks
Speaker 1: esthetically beautiful, and I say, that's a beautiful pen. But
Speaker 1: then when I hold it, I have a different relationship
Speaker 1: with it. Now that i'm holding it, I'm not just
Speaker 1: looking at it. I'm not just viewing it. I'm not
Speaker 1: just observing it. When I hold it, I may say
Speaker 1: that feels really uncomfortable. It doesn't. It's beautiful, but I
Speaker 1: may think that feels really uncomfortable. That isn't what I expected,
Speaker 1: And holding the pen is more important than what the
Speaker 1: pen looks like. It's kind of like when we buy
Speaker 1: something because it esthetically is stunning but functionally doesn't solve
Speaker 1: the problem. I'm sure you bought a piece of furniture,
Speaker 1: you bought a chair or a couch that you were
Speaker 1: just like, this looks stunning. It looks like all the catalogs,
Speaker 1: it looks like all the websites. It looks like that
Speaker 1: home store that you love visiting, but you don't like
Speaker 1: sitting on it. That's kind of like people. We observe
Speaker 1: people for how they look and what they come across
Speaker 1: as and how they appear, but we don't really understand
Speaker 1: what they're like to have a relationship with them. And
Speaker 1: I'm not just romantic relationships. I'm talking about friendships, I'm
Speaker 1: talking about business, I'm talking about community, tribe, squad. And
Speaker 1: so the reason I'm sharing this is just because someone
Speaker 1: appears to be trustworthy, just because someone appears to be
Speaker 1: a nice human being, you have to observe what they're
Speaker 1: like in relationships in connection to really understand whether this
Speaker 1: has longevity. And I'm so glad that this is resonating
Speaker 1: with you. I hope that this is resonating with you.
Speaker 1: I hope that you're listening, going yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1: So let's talk about the signs from a scientific perspective
Speaker 1: of healthy and unhealthy relationships. Have you ever had one
Speaker 1: bad moment spoil your entire day or felt overwhelmed for
Speaker 1: no reason? What about stress or anxious over that big
Speaker 1: moment or difficult conversation? You should try meditation. And I
Speaker 1: know what you're thinking, Jay, you used to be a monk.
Speaker 1: I don't have time to sit in the woods for
Speaker 1: hours doing nothing, but really all the time you need
Speaker 1: to start your own mindfulness practice is seven minutes a
Speaker 1: day with the Daily j my daily guided meditations on
Speaker 1: the car map. You don't need to close your eyes
Speaker 1: or find a special seat. You can try it while
Speaker 1: you brush your teeth, do the dishes, or walk your dog.
Speaker 1: My goal in seven minutes a day is to help
Speaker 1: you find a calm and feel grounded in your busy world,
Speaker 1: plant beautiful intentions for an abundant life and simple steps
Speaker 1: for positive actions to get you closer to the life
Speaker 1: of your dreams. Here's what one of the listeners of
Speaker 1: the Daily Jay had to say about their meditation. Wow,
Speaker 1: I just had a super hard day at work and
Speaker 1: couldn't get my boss's comments out of my head. Then
Speaker 1: I did the Daily JA, which related to my work issues,
Speaker 1: opened my eyes at the end of the session and
Speaker 1: felt renewed again. Previously today would have destroyed my whole weekend.
Speaker 1: Meditate with me by going to Calm Doc forward slash
Speaker 1: Jay to get forty a Calm Premium membership. That's only
Speaker 1: forty two dollars for the whole year for daily guided meditations.
Speaker 1: Experience the Daily j only on Calm. So The studies
Speaker 1: show that healthy relationships have a sense of mutual respect.
Speaker 1: And I think we don't really understand what respect means.
Speaker 1: We think of respect as people being courteous, kind, respectful,
Speaker 1: but respect is much deeper than that. And I always
Speaker 1: liked looking at dictionary definitions because they change my view
Speaker 1: of something. Listen to the dictionary definition of respect and
Speaker 1: compare it to the definition you currently practice or the
Speaker 1: action suggest that you practice a feeling of deep admiration
Speaker 1: for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.
Speaker 1: And I would say in a relationships, it's really not
Speaker 1: about their abilities or their achievements. Those are appearances. It's
Speaker 1: about their qualities and their action. So we judge people
Speaker 1: by their abilities and their achievements, yet their qualities and
Speaker 1: their action are better signs of who they are. So
Speaker 1: when you're perceiving someone, I want you to ask the
Speaker 1: question are you being currently impressed by their abilities and achievements?
Speaker 1: Because what we do is we assign people. We prescribe.
Speaker 1: We predict that someone has certain qualities because of their
Speaker 1: abilities and their achievements. If someone is a good communicator,
Speaker 1: we assume their trustworthy. If someone is a good writer,
Speaker 1: we assume they're thoughtful. If someone is good at project management.
Speaker 1: We assume that they'll be organized at home, so we
Speaker 1: assign their abilities and their achievements qualities. But qualities and
Speaker 1: action are really what we need to observe in a relationship.
Speaker 1: So respect is do you really respect a person's values
Speaker 1: and their boundaries. Someone may have a boundary, They may
Speaker 1: have a particular barrier that they don't want to cross.
Speaker 1: Do you respect that? Do you also know your own
Speaker 1: so that they have something to respect. It's really interesting
Speaker 1: to me how often we want people to respect us,
Speaker 1: but then when they're sharing their opinion, we don't have
Speaker 1: the time to listen to it. So respect is so
Speaker 1: much more deeper than just being cordial or courteous with
Speaker 1: each other. It's the idea of do I give that
Speaker 1: person the opportunity to speak. Do I accept that even
Speaker 1: if their belief is different to mine, I am open
Speaker 1: to hearing it. If you're not open to hearing someone
Speaker 1: else's perspective, then that is a lack of sign of respect,
Speaker 1: no matter what that perspective is. I'm not saying you
Speaker 1: have to agree with their perspective. I'm not saying that
Speaker 1: you have to encourage their perspective. But if you want
Speaker 1: to build a relationship with someone, If you want to
Speaker 1: build a relationship with the people around you in a
Speaker 1: deep way, we have to be okay and open to
Speaker 1: hear their thoughts, and we can't just respect them because
Speaker 1: they like us. We have to respect that they have
Speaker 1: boundaries as well. So a healthy relationship is one where
Speaker 1: you feel you can be honest without being judged, and
Speaker 1: that someone else can be honest with you even if
Speaker 1: they disagree, without being judged. A healthy relationship is also
Speaker 1: one where you feel clear stating your boundaries and you
Speaker 1: feel clear accepting someone else's boundaries, So spect is really important.
Speaker 1: The second one to me is honesty. But honesty is
Speaker 1: something that everyone says they want, but when someone's honest
Speaker 1: with you, we judge them for it. I remember being
Speaker 1: friends with someone who always said they wanted to be
Speaker 1: with an honest man, and she would always tell me,
Speaker 1: I just want to be with someone who's honest. I'm
Speaker 1: tired of having people who lied to me. I'm tired
Speaker 1: of having people who hide things from me. She started
Speaker 1: dating this guy and within a month he told her
Speaker 1: that he had a porn addiction, and he was really
Speaker 1: open about how long it had affected him how he
Speaker 1: wasn't proud of it, he wasn't happy about it, he
Speaker 1: wanted to change it. He felt a lot of guilt,
Speaker 1: and he expressed just how much since he'd been talking
Speaker 1: to this friend of mine that his addiction had reduced. Now,
Speaker 1: that was a shock for her. She wasn't expecting that,
Speaker 1: and she probably was surprised by that level of honesty
Speaker 1: within a month. And what I ended up happening is
Speaker 1: she actually closed off. She judged him for his addiction.
Speaker 1: Now what happens in that cycle, someone is honest about
Speaker 1: something that is tough to receive, we shut down and
Speaker 1: distance ourselves. Now that person never wants to be honest again.
Speaker 1: A lot of people that are dishonest today, or I
Speaker 1: would say not dishonest, I would say people who may
Speaker 1: hide certain things, or may not feel comfortable sharing certain things.
Speaker 1: It's because at one point they shared something and there
Speaker 1: was backlash. At one point they shared something, they opened
Speaker 1: up their heart and someone didn't receive it with compassion,
Speaker 1: with kindness, And now they're scared. Now they never ever
Speaker 1: want to share it again because they think that people
Speaker 1: are always going to treat them that way. They're scared
Speaker 1: that people are always going to posest things that way.
Speaker 1: So honesty means creating space for honesty and being honest ourselves.
Speaker 1: Are we honest? It's not that that my friends should
Speaker 1: have just taken it really well and being okay with it.
Speaker 1: That's not what I'm saying. But we have to at
Speaker 1: least respect the act of honesty. If we're saying we
Speaker 1: think a healthy relationship has honesty. Real honesty is when
Speaker 1: what that person thinks, what they says, and what they
Speaker 1: do is aligned. That is real honesty. And a lot
Speaker 1: of people struggle with that type of honesty because most
Speaker 1: people are thinking one thing, saying another thing, and doing
Speaker 1: a completely different thing, including us, including us, right, how
Speaker 1: many of you agree that you think one thing, but
Speaker 1: you say another thing and you do another thing. This
Speaker 1: tension or this lack of alignment in our own lives
Speaker 1: results in what we experience from others as well. So
Speaker 1: most people are misaligned in that way. One of the
Speaker 1: things that I think is really healthy in relationships is
Speaker 1: having this conversation. I really set a precedence with my
Speaker 1: business relationships from the beginning saying Hey, I'm really honest
Speaker 1: in business, I'm really transparent, I'm really opinionated. I will
Speaker 1: tell you this is how I like to work. Are
Speaker 1: you comfortable with that? Are you okay with that? And
Speaker 1: I find that being self aware and then expressing my
Speaker 1: self awareness saves everyone a lot of time, and then
Speaker 1: it allows someone else to be honest back with me
Speaker 1: as well, because I have initiated honesty. And that's what
Speaker 1: I meant about creating honesty, building honesty, rather than looking
Speaker 1: for honesty. If you construct a relationship saying I really
Speaker 1: respect honesty and here's something about myself that I'm being
Speaker 1: honest about, You're more likely to incite it from someone else.
Speaker 1: Another healthy trait of good relationships that is often undervalued
Speaker 1: and not talked about as much. We talk a lot
Speaker 1: about independence, that a good relationship is where both people
Speaker 1: can be independent because we don't want to be codependent.
Speaker 1: But what we don't realize, and I'm sure many of
Speaker 1: you have heard about codependency, right, I'm sure many of
Speaker 1: you have heard about codependency, And codependency exists because we
Speaker 1: are fully dependent on the other person and we like
Speaker 1: the fact that they're always there, they're always around. That
Speaker 1: doesn't come because we're not independent. It comes from a
Speaker 1: lack of individuality. So a healthy trait in relationships is
Speaker 1: not independence. It's individuality. That someone is not dissolving their
Speaker 1: identity because of a relationship. A lot of people say
Speaker 1: I lost myself. I don't know who I am anymore.
Speaker 1: I gave them everything, right, those statements that you hear,
Speaker 1: they are a dissolution or a dissolving of our identity,
Speaker 1: our individuality. Am I judging them for the fact that
Speaker 1: they like to play video games? Am I judging them
Speaker 1: that they like to have a vacation in a particular way?
Speaker 1: Am I judging them because of how they like to dress?
Speaker 1: That is their individuality? And I find often that we
Speaker 1: demand this for ourselves, but we don't often offer it
Speaker 1: to others. A lot of these things we demand for
Speaker 1: ourselves but we don't offer to others. Independence is different
Speaker 1: from individuality. Independence is this righteous feeling of I can
Speaker 1: do it on my own. Individuality is I am my
Speaker 1: own person? Right? There's a difference between I can do
Speaker 1: things on my own, I don't need anyone to Even
Speaker 1: when I have someone, I am still my own person.
Speaker 1: Please respect the difference. The desire for independence and pushing
Speaker 1: independence can often cause disconnection, but maintaining individuality is healthy
Speaker 1: for everyone in the relationship. When we talk about healthy relationships,
Speaker 1: we often talk about good communication. And while I believe
Speaker 1: that that's an obvious I mean, I don't even need
Speaker 1: to explain that. Everyone knows that. I think it's really
Speaker 1: important to set communication patterns and habits early on in
Speaker 1: a relationship. How should we deal with when we come
Speaker 1: across an issue we disagree with? How should we focus
Speaker 1: on this? It's kind of like if you look at
Speaker 1: a sports team. A sports team has the way it
Speaker 1: wants to play, but they also have a plan for, well,
Speaker 1: what if our opponent plays this way? What if we're
Speaker 1: surprised by bad weather, What if we are caught off
Speaker 1: guard by a player getting sent off or injured. What
Speaker 1: if we encounter something surprising that happens in the first
Speaker 1: few minutes. Just because a team is fantastic at what
Speaker 1: they do, they don't go into a space thinking that
Speaker 1: they're going to win and crush and everything's going to
Speaker 1: go great. No, they recognize, they truly deeply recognize that
Speaker 1: they have to have a plan for things not quite
Speaker 1: working out right. They have to have a plan for
Speaker 1: things not working out. And so I find that communication
Speaker 1: isn't about saying, oh, well, we communicate well, It's about saying, well,
Speaker 1: do we have a plan for what happens when so
Speaker 1: I call this? If this, then that plan. If this happens,
Speaker 1: then we will do this. If this happens, then we
Speaker 1: will do this. Now, you don't have to think about
Speaker 1: every possible circumstance under the sun, but understanding a few
Speaker 1: of those is really really important. Now, for the next
Speaker 1: few minutes, I want to talk about what are the
Speaker 1: unhealthy things to look out for? Because I think what
Speaker 1: we do is we try and create this balance, and
Speaker 1: we think to ourselves, well, if the healthy things outweigh
Speaker 1: the unhealthy things, then that's a good relationship. That doesn't
Speaker 1: even count for a diet. I'll give an example. Let's
Speaker 1: say you say, well, for breakfast and lunch, I'm going
Speaker 1: to eat healthy, and then at night I'm going to
Speaker 1: eat unhealthy. They don't just balance and equal each other out,
Speaker 1: and you don't just become healthy slowly. There is deterioration. Slowly,
Speaker 1: there is illness, disease, whatever it may be. If you
Speaker 1: are choosing to say, well, I'm going to have a
Speaker 1: pizza and fries for dinner every day, but I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have a smoothie for breakfast, right, Like, that doesn't just
Speaker 1: equal itself out. You don't cancel out the unhealthy foods
Speaker 1: by because you have healthy foods, right. It doesn't work
Speaker 1: that way. And so you don't just cancel out unhealthy
Speaker 1: traits because there are healthy traits. Of course, there are
Speaker 1: good and bad in every relationship. There's tough and easy
Speaker 1: in every relationship. But there's a difference between really unhealthy
Speaker 1: traits that I totally cause toxicity. Right. There's a sense
Speaker 1: of like, I want to have something tonight that makes
Speaker 1: me feel good, versus I'm going to eat something regularly
Speaker 1: that's really really bad for me. There's treating yourself and
Speaker 1: then there's hurting yourself. Right. You can have a treat
Speaker 1: once in a while, but you're not going to allow
Speaker 1: something to continue to be in your life if it
Speaker 1: hurts you. Hopefully, I think we do. I think we
Speaker 1: confuse what's a treat and what's hurt. Right, we confuse
Speaker 1: what's a treat and what's hurt. I really want to
Speaker 1: reflect on some of those unhealthy traits. So one of
Speaker 1: them is a sense of control. It's where you don't
Speaker 1: feel like you're in a partnership or a relationship, it
Speaker 1: feels like you're being owned. Someone is controlling your actions,
Speaker 1: what you wear, what you think, what you believe. By control,
Speaker 1: how do you notice this? Oh no, no, don't wear that?
Speaker 1: Oh no? Do you really need to spend time with them?
Speaker 1: Oh god, they're the worst? Right like reacting to your friends,
Speaker 1: reacting to the people in your life. Another one is
Speaker 1: a sign of emotional irregulation. What I mean by that
Speaker 1: is everyone goes through emotions. Everyone goes through bad days
Speaker 1: where they can be more shut down. They can be down.
Speaker 1: But if someone in their lack of emotional regulation, are
Speaker 1: they hurtful? Are they offensive? Do they say things they
Speaker 1: don't mean? Do they say things that are outlandish or extreme?
Speaker 1: What I find is that saying hurtful things can become
Speaker 1: a bad habit, and hearing hurtful things can become something
Speaker 1: you become immune to, and that only gets worse and
Speaker 1: worse and worse, because what that person wants is that
Speaker 1: they want the bad to be really bad. But then
Speaker 1: they're like, but no, things are good, right Like, we
Speaker 1: just had a bad day. And that idea of we
Speaker 1: had a bad day, but mostly we're good is not
Speaker 1: the way it works. What really works is someone saying, well,
Speaker 1: I don't want to have this experience again. I don't
Speaker 1: want to be in this position again. And that's the
Speaker 1: question you want to ask that person. One of the
Speaker 1: things that I recommend couples do, and I do in
Speaker 1: my own relationship a lot, is that every few days
Speaker 1: and even every few weeks, I'll check in with rather
Speaker 1: than I'll say, is this the relationship you want? Is
Speaker 1: this the relationship you one? And I ask that question
Speaker 1: myself as well, and then I ask myself, well, if
Speaker 1: it isn't, what am I to do? What am I
Speaker 1: willing to do? What am I open to do to
Speaker 1: get to the relationship I want? Are you open to
Speaker 1: that as well? That kind of conversation can save a
Speaker 1: relationship and build a relationship. Of course, any type of sexual, physical,
Speaker 1: verbal abuse is completely unhealthy. I don't even need to
Speaker 1: repeat that, and I would say that, actually, I do
Speaker 1: need to repeat that, because unfortunately too many of us
Speaker 1: accept it because we don't believe we're worthy of more.
Speaker 1: We feel that that is a part of love, because
Speaker 1: that is the love we've been exposed to. So I
Speaker 1: hope that today's session has had a huge impact on
Speaker 1: your relationship. We've talked about the value of health, healthy
Speaker 1: and unhealthy traits. What to look for right These are
Speaker 1: the energy levels. If someone is operating on the energy
Speaker 1: level of ownership, you can't construct a relationship out of that.
Speaker 1: If someone is operating on the energy level of dishonesty
Speaker 1: and disconnection. But here's the thing. You're not just trying
Speaker 1: to judge it and see it in them. You're trying
Speaker 1: to build it and create it within yourself. You're constructing
Speaker 1: in the relationship. You're facilitating it to see if that
Speaker 1: person's open to it. You can't just look for it
Speaker 1: in them. You have to lead the way and see
Speaker 1: if they're willing to lead with you, to grow with you,
Speaker 1: to work with you.