WEBVTT - Merry Marriages

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<v Speaker 1>Swind Down with Janet Kramer did I'm Heart Radio podcast?

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<v Speaker 2>So apparently I've been walking around with strap for about

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<v Speaker 2>a month and a half.

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<v Speaker 3>I didn't know that was dangerous to do that.

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<v Speaker 4>I didn't know you could do that. I thought it

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<v Speaker 4>would be debilitating.

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<v Speaker 3>Well it has been.

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<v Speaker 2>Did I not cry on the plane back from la

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<v Speaker 2>And she looked over to me.

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, I'm in so much pain.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I'm sorry.

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<v Speaker 4>Just why wouldn't you get checked when it hurts for

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<v Speaker 4>that long?

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<v Speaker 2>Would you like to see my calendar mark you the doctor? I? Okay, so,

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<v Speaker 2>but that's that's what can So that's what like also

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<v Speaker 2>confuses me. So it's like a mystery. It's a mystery,

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<v Speaker 2>like a deep lucy.

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<v Speaker 3>Anyways, you can take it. It's so good.

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<v Speaker 2>So I I mean, I'm not by the way, it's

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<v Speaker 2>like all Champagne problems. But at the same time, I

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<v Speaker 2>had no idea that it's the moral of the story is

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<v Speaker 2>don't wait for your health get checked. Yeah, right, right,

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<v Speaker 2>So about like a month and a half ago, I

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<v Speaker 2>was complaining to her, I'm like, my my lymph notes hurt.

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<v Speaker 2>So I was just chalking it up to drainage, allergies, whatever.

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<v Speaker 2>Fighting off something right.

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<v Speaker 5>Allergies is always the great excuse to not go get

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<v Speaker 5>checked out. Oh it's just allergies.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm fine, Yeah, totally.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, it's like the allergy season, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>it's fall break, Like this is what this is, this

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<v Speaker 2>is what it is, this is this is what it is.

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah, went through that, and and then it kept

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<v Speaker 2>getting worse. But I just kept popping Advil, like and

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<v Speaker 2>I got to like eight hundred milligrams every four hours

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<v Speaker 2>of Adville, so like, I probably.

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<v Speaker 3>Have an ulcer now.

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<v Speaker 1>I might want to watch that.

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<v Speaker 2>But I was like, but I just honestly, I just

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<v Speaker 2>I've I've been like, you know, a lot going on.

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<v Speaker 2>And then but then one of the nights I couldn't sleep.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like it was in my ear. So I

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<v Speaker 2>was laying down and I'm like, I gotta get this checked.

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<v Speaker 2>So I go to this walking clinic and I was

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<v Speaker 2>telling her how long my lymph notes has been hurting

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<v Speaker 2>and she's like, oh, that's very scary. She's like you

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<v Speaker 2>need to go get an ultra sound. And I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>I was like why. She's like, well, you could have cancer. Oh,

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<v Speaker 2>And I was like I'm sorry, I'm about to bord

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<v Speaker 2>a plane to Ireland, and this is the information that

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<v Speaker 2>you're giving me right now, Like can we start with

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<v Speaker 2>like strep or like some kind of do.

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<v Speaker 4>You have other symptoms beyond intense.

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<v Speaker 2>Sore throat so it's not it's okay. So like I've

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<v Speaker 2>had a sore throat before, it wasn't a sore throat,

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<v Speaker 2>like it was like just my glands, but when I

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<v Speaker 2>would swallow, I'd feel it like in my lymph notes right, okay, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>so but that was it, I mean again and be

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<v Speaker 2>the big of a fever. I'm like, oh, I don't know,

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<v Speaker 2>I've been taking so much advil that I couldn't tell

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<v Speaker 2>you if.

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<v Speaker 4>I might maybe probably.

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<v Speaker 3>Your body's age, yeah, like probably, so you know.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm like and I've been tired and stuff and

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<v Speaker 2>so cut to So she's like, you know, you should

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<v Speaker 2>actually go to your doctor.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm like, well, I have to board a plane to Ireland.

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<v Speaker 3>So I end up. I'm like, I was like, I'll

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<v Speaker 3>see it, And how many times is I delaying the doctor?

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<v Speaker 3>When I was even with you? After I kept I

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<v Speaker 3>was like, you have to mean to.

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<v Speaker 2>Go and I was like, I'm sure it's fine, like

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<v Speaker 2>it's sure, it's fine. So anyways, go to Ireland blah

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<v Speaker 2>blah blah, then go to Wilmington and then and then

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<v Speaker 2>have a few days here go to La. But when

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<v Speaker 2>I was in La, I was just like, I mean

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<v Speaker 2>it it like it was so bad where I again

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<v Speaker 2>at the plane, I just started crying because I didn't

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<v Speaker 2>but I didn't know if it was like I'm I

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<v Speaker 2>guess I'm in a lot of pain, and like the

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<v Speaker 2>advil was then not doing anything anymore. And but also

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<v Speaker 2>like I think my body was just like you're at

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<v Speaker 2>the end of your travel now and now you're just

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<v Speaker 2>going to completely shut down. So I I land and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like I have to go. So I have to

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<v Speaker 2>somehow get Jason in time to pick him up, and

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<v Speaker 2>then I have to get Joeli in time for bus stop.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, but I have to go to a

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<v Speaker 2>walking clinic because I'm like, my I don't know what's

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<v Speaker 2>going I'm dying. I don't know, like what's going on

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<v Speaker 2>with me. I'm in a lot of pain. I just

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<v Speaker 2>and then so I email the doctor. I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>can you just write me a pain prescription medicine for something?

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<v Speaker 2>And she's like, no, like, we can't do that.

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<v Speaker 4>No, sorry, it works?

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<v Speaker 2>Why and this is how why not? She was because

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<v Speaker 2>you can't just mask pain with something, and I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>yes you can. It's called alcohol.

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<v Speaker 1>You don't do that.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't, which is why I didn't drink. You don't

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<v Speaker 2>drink when you have exactly I don't drink because I

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<v Speaker 2>don't want to ask anything. So I was like, please, like,

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<v Speaker 2>just give me a perk. And I'm like, okay, maybe

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<v Speaker 2>I've got some percose to give me some like oxy

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<v Speaker 2>or something like that. I'm like, I think I got

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<v Speaker 2>some left over from my boobs. But I was like, no,

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<v Speaker 2>well I'll get checked out. And she's like, well see

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<v Speaker 2>if you have She's like you might have mono. She's like,

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<v Speaker 2>you might have some strap. I'm like, I don't have

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<v Speaker 2>strip like I have it had strap since fifth grade,

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<v Speaker 2>like or I don't even like this is like not strap.

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<v Speaker 3>I know because I know.

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<v Speaker 2>So So anyways, I'm thinking of all those things, like

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<v Speaker 2>how am I going to go from here to there?

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<v Speaker 2>So I text Pamela and I'm like, hey, can you

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<v Speaker 2>pick up Jolie when you pick up Harlow?

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<v Speaker 3>She's like absolutely, I got you.

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<v Speaker 1>Cool.

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<v Speaker 2>Well there's an hour wait at the walking clinic, and

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<v Speaker 2>she's like on my ass about you, and like the

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<v Speaker 2>fucking proof it's their ful.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm like, Catherine, it's an hour way and so,

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<v Speaker 2>and mind you, I didn't pack any snacks for Jase

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<v Speaker 2>while I was there, so it's now past his dinner

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<v Speaker 2>time and I've got a screaming kid. We're at the

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<v Speaker 2>walk in clinic. I'm in so much pain. I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>just give me drugs, like it just gives me something.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm in pain.

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<v Speaker 2>So they take my blood, they do a strep test,

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<v Speaker 2>everything else.

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<v Speaker 4>Those are not fun.

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<v Speaker 3>The strip test, yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>They're not.

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<v Speaker 3>If it's not a gonat want something that far back

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<v Speaker 3>in my head?

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<v Speaker 5>Okay, hey oh wow, there we go.

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<v Speaker 6>That was that was That was a softball. It was

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<v Speaker 6>a softball and it literally so anyways, I was like, cool,

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<v Speaker 6>this is happening. Cut to I have strap, right, and

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<v Speaker 6>she's like, yep, you have strap, blah blah blah. And

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<v Speaker 6>then it comes to find out that my blood work

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<v Speaker 6>so apparently I also had mono. So I've been walking

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<v Speaker 6>around with Mono and then I got strap, so.

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<v Speaker 1>So you may not have been walking around with strap.

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<v Speaker 1>This whole time entry.

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<v Speaker 2>No, I think the strap maybe probably just came. I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know that my throat the last time. And she's like,

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<v Speaker 2>your throat looks fine.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, it can look fine and still have strap, unfortunately.

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<v Speaker 1>But my guess is you've had mono for a month

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<v Speaker 1>and then since you were your immunity was, your immune

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<v Speaker 1>system was like down here and you were traveling, then

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<v Speaker 1>you got strapped.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, and also, you know, the.

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<v Speaker 5>Glory times of strap in your life are when you're

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<v Speaker 5>a kid and when you have kids. I don't know

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<v Speaker 5>if they gave you the strap, but when you have kids,

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<v Speaker 5>you're gonna get SPA.

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<v Speaker 1>That's what I said. I said, I bet your kids.

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<v Speaker 1>To check your kids.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean maybe, I mean they're still they're still

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<v Speaker 2>confide it's not I'm not really sure. But the moral

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<v Speaker 2>of it was when I got back, I mean, I

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<v Speaker 2>literally poor Pamelin. When I went to go pick up Jolie,

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<v Speaker 2>I was Jase was screaming in the backseat of the car.

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<v Speaker 2>I am bawling because I think my body was just

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<v Speaker 2>physically just shutting down from all the travel, all the

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<v Speaker 2>different Like.

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, She's like, how can I help you?

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, I don't need your help, Like I'm fine,

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<v Speaker 3>I've got it. She's like she was just like watching her,

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<v Speaker 3>like have me drive away. She was like, I want

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<v Speaker 3>to help you.

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<v Speaker 4>I was like, I don't need that.

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<v Speaker 5>You know what.

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<v Speaker 1>I just realized, Yeah, that you're text to me that

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<v Speaker 1>said it's an hour weight was not just like letting

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<v Speaker 1>me know that it was gonna be an hour weight.

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<v Speaker 1>It was like your way of being like, I need

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<v Speaker 1>help but afraid to say it.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I have the hardest time of asking for help. And

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<v Speaker 2>I talked to my therapist today about it because I

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<v Speaker 2>ended up. I ended up asking for help. But it's

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<v Speaker 2>weird that I couldn't ask my friends for help because

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just I don't know what it is like. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>just like, I don't want to inconvenience.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I think because when you're a mom and you

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<v Speaker 1>have other moms, it's hard because you know they have

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<v Speaker 1>other stuff too, or they have whatever, but you just

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<v Speaker 1>gotta ask.

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<v Speaker 2>And then I felt really bad because I when I

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<v Speaker 2>came in the house, Julie's like, are you okay? And

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<v Speaker 2>then I just again like body just like shut down,

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<v Speaker 2>and I was like, mommy doesn't feel good, and then

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<v Speaker 2>she just gave me the sweetest hug that I'll just

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<v Speaker 2>like never forget, how like sweet like and how how

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<v Speaker 2>much EmPATH she she had, empathy she had, and and

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<v Speaker 2>then I remember and then I went in the tub

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<v Speaker 2>and then I bowled for like another hour, and then

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<v Speaker 2>I was good. I'm like, I just I think I

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<v Speaker 2>think it was just a lot the last like month.

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<v Speaker 1>You like called me this morning, You're like, all right,

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<v Speaker 1>ready to go. I was like, oh, I thought we

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<v Speaker 1>were still gonna be but.

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<v Speaker 2>Like, nope, I'm on a moxicillin. I'm gonna keep on going.

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<v Speaker 2>I told my therapist today, I was like she and

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<v Speaker 2>she agreed with me. She's like, you you fight hard

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<v Speaker 2>and you break hard.

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<v Speaker 3>And I was like, yep, spectacular. Oh my god, it

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<v Speaker 3>was a dream.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>We talked about it last week and it was just

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<v Speaker 2>like such a dream like it was amazing.

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<v Speaker 1>Can I also just preface for everybody listening. She had

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<v Speaker 1>lots of COVID tests during this time, so she wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>walking around with COVID.

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<v Speaker 6>No.

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<v Speaker 4>I was wondering about that too, because.

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<v Speaker 1>Now I don't want people are thinking.

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<v Speaker 5>I know, it's really dry in La. So almost every

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<v Speaker 5>day you wake up with a sort of with your

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<v Speaker 5>mouth open, like, oh my god, COVID. It's so it's

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<v Speaker 5>every tiny little symptom you're so afraid of.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah, but you had like what two or three

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<v Speaker 1>COVID tests in that time.

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<v Speaker 3>I had a bunch.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so I've had a bunch.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to make sure you don't you get hit

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<v Speaker 1>up with that. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, you know, so last week.

0:09:38.679 --> 0:09:43.160
<v Speaker 2>Catherine really got handed the uh kind of the end

0:09:43.160 --> 0:09:45.280
<v Speaker 2>of the stick. So I figured it would be only

0:09:45.320 --> 0:09:48.200
<v Speaker 2>fair if the favor was returned to me.

0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:51.760
<v Speaker 3>And we have.

0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:56.120
<v Speaker 2>A guest who was in the waiting room who has

0:09:56.120 --> 0:09:59.000
<v Speaker 2>been married. How many times she's on her going on

0:09:59.040 --> 0:10:03.040
<v Speaker 2>her fit, going on her with marriage, She's on TLC's

0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:06.800
<v Speaker 2>addicted to marriage. So I am just excited to talk

0:10:06.840 --> 0:10:11.600
<v Speaker 2>to her because I have no you just wait, I've

0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:13.400
<v Speaker 2>just never I mean, I don't know what that's like

0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:16.079
<v Speaker 2>to have a bunch of marriages, you know, no idea.

0:10:16.360 --> 0:10:33.920
<v Speaker 2>So let's take a break and then bring her on. Hi, Amy,

0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:35.040
<v Speaker 2>how are you Hi?

0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.960
<v Speaker 7>I have to start off by honestly, can I just say,

0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:44.080
<v Speaker 7>like I this is everything to me right now. I've

0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:49.160
<v Speaker 7>read your book, I listen to your podcast. I am

0:10:49.280 --> 0:10:51.800
<v Speaker 7>I steel super, super blessed to be talking to you

0:10:51.920 --> 0:10:52.280
<v Speaker 7>right now.

0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:53.200
<v Speaker 4>I have been.

0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:58.040
<v Speaker 7>You've been honestly played a role in getting through some

0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:02.240
<v Speaker 7>serious issues I've had with feeling like I have nobody

0:11:02.320 --> 0:11:05.080
<v Speaker 7>to talk to. None of my girlfriends have been through

0:11:05.120 --> 0:11:08.480
<v Speaker 7>what I've been through. Nobody can relate to me. They're

0:11:08.480 --> 0:11:11.640
<v Speaker 7>there for me, they support me. I have somebody to

0:11:11.720 --> 0:11:17.200
<v Speaker 7>talk to, but the relatability factor has really been missing

0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:19.520
<v Speaker 7>for me. So this is a big deal.

0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:21.040
<v Speaker 5>Wow, thank you.

0:11:21.080 --> 0:11:22.720
<v Speaker 7>I feel like I have I feel like I'm talking

0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:24.880
<v Speaker 7>to someone who you know what I mean, and who

0:11:24.920 --> 0:11:28.120
<v Speaker 7>has walked down a similar path as me. And I

0:11:28.160 --> 0:11:30.960
<v Speaker 7>know you were talking to Claire the other day because,

0:11:30.960 --> 0:11:33.640
<v Speaker 7>like I said, I listened to this podcast and I

0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:36.360
<v Speaker 7>just thought that was such a beautiful thing that you

0:11:36.679 --> 0:11:40.880
<v Speaker 7>have someone that can truly relate to you. And it

0:11:40.960 --> 0:11:44.560
<v Speaker 7>sounds like you guys just connected on so many levels

0:11:44.600 --> 0:11:46.640
<v Speaker 7>and can relate to each other on so many levels.

0:11:46.720 --> 0:11:51.360
<v Speaker 7>And so I'm excited that if something from good from

0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:53.400
<v Speaker 7>the show comes for me putting myself out there and

0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:56.800
<v Speaker 7>being vulnerable and being judged, like you just said, getting

0:11:56.840 --> 0:12:00.319
<v Speaker 7>to just talk to you and talk to another female

0:12:00.840 --> 0:12:05.120
<v Speaker 7>badass woman who's successful has her head on straight, is smart,

0:12:05.240 --> 0:12:09.480
<v Speaker 7>is an amazing mother. But I'm not perfect. I do

0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:12.319
<v Speaker 7>make mistakes and these are you know, this is where

0:12:12.360 --> 0:12:14.920
<v Speaker 7>Amy isn't the best, you know what I mean. I

0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:18.000
<v Speaker 7>don't make the best decisions for myself when it comes

0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:21.200
<v Speaker 7>to relationships, and I just and so many times, and

0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:24.400
<v Speaker 7>so it's nice to talk to somebody who can relate

0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:26.720
<v Speaker 7>to me and I can relate to So thank.

0:12:26.520 --> 0:12:29.520
<v Speaker 2>You well for I so appreciate you saying all that,

0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:31.720
<v Speaker 2>and thank you and thank you for coming on too,

0:12:31.880 --> 0:12:33.920
<v Speaker 2>and yeah, I hear you. I mean, it's it is.

0:12:34.080 --> 0:12:37.880
<v Speaker 2>It's hard, and I say it with whenever I do

0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:42.319
<v Speaker 2>talk about it, I mask my own shame around it

0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:44.760
<v Speaker 2>with like laughing, you know, like even the beginning, like oh,

0:12:44.760 --> 0:12:46.760
<v Speaker 2>we get to pay the favorite back like to me today,

0:12:46.880 --> 0:12:48.640
<v Speaker 2>like make it, you know, because ha ha ha. I've

0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:52.000
<v Speaker 2>been married and it's like I think there's like a

0:12:52.040 --> 0:12:54.520
<v Speaker 2>lot of like I'm not and I was just telling

0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:57.400
<v Speaker 2>someone because you know, like I'm back in the dating

0:12:57.440 --> 0:12:59.880
<v Speaker 2>world now and it's like I have to re explain

0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:03.280
<v Speaker 2>to someone like why I've made these really poor decisions

0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:06.080
<v Speaker 2>and what I've learned from it, and like also like

0:13:06.200 --> 0:13:07.800
<v Speaker 2>here we go, is he going to judge me now

0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:10.199
<v Speaker 2>because of the past decisions I've made or the trauma

0:13:10.480 --> 0:13:14.800
<v Speaker 2>or any of those things. And it's like, but when

0:13:14.840 --> 0:13:16.840
<v Speaker 2>I do get judged, that's when the shame comes in.

0:13:16.880 --> 0:13:18.280
<v Speaker 2>So now I'm trying to be like, you know what,

0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:21.440
<v Speaker 2>if he does judge me, then I want to get

0:13:21.440 --> 0:13:24.240
<v Speaker 2>to a place where I'm like and that. But instead

0:13:24.280 --> 0:13:26.200
<v Speaker 2>of even getting to that place, I go, but you

0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:28.960
<v Speaker 2>know what, I wouldn't take any even back. I've learned

0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:30.959
<v Speaker 2>so much about myself and I'm really freaking proud of

0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:33.880
<v Speaker 2>myself because I'm here, and instead of staying in things

0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:38.520
<v Speaker 2>that were either abusive or toxic or just really bad relationships,

0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:43.600
<v Speaker 2>I've grown in each one. And again, would we have

0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:46.199
<v Speaker 2>wanted to not be in any of those relationships, Yeah,

0:13:46.280 --> 0:13:48.319
<v Speaker 2>but we can at least talk about it and hopefully

0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:50.839
<v Speaker 2>help and guide other people that have been in those situations.

0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:51.520
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:53.520
<v Speaker 7>No, there's two sides to it, like you're saying, like

0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:57.640
<v Speaker 7>one is I've carried around the shame with me for many,

0:13:57.679 --> 0:14:00.160
<v Speaker 7>many years because my first marriage was at eighteen, right

0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:02.760
<v Speaker 7>out of high school. My second one was by the

0:14:02.760 --> 0:14:05.480
<v Speaker 7>time I was twenty one, So two of my four

0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:08.920
<v Speaker 7>marriages were before I should have ever even been thinking

0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:12.120
<v Speaker 7>about it, sure, you know, and like this is this

0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:14.440
<v Speaker 7>is not just a twenty five minute conversation. You know,

0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:17.120
<v Speaker 7>are past and what we've been through and why we've

0:14:17.120 --> 0:14:19.800
<v Speaker 7>made the decisions we've made, and you know, but I did.

0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:22.520
<v Speaker 7>I got married two times before, right before I was

0:14:22.560 --> 0:14:26.000
<v Speaker 7>twenty one, and then I waited another. It's like eight

0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:29.920
<v Speaker 7>years till the next one. But it's like I feel

0:14:30.600 --> 0:14:34.120
<v Speaker 7>it's confusing because at times I feel super shameful and embarrassed,

0:14:34.520 --> 0:14:36.960
<v Speaker 7>you know, because I feel like some people are going

0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:39.320
<v Speaker 7>to say if they don't know me well enough, then

0:14:39.320 --> 0:14:41.840
<v Speaker 7>they're going to judge me based off of that and

0:14:41.920 --> 0:14:44.520
<v Speaker 7>say that that and assume that defines who I must

0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:46.960
<v Speaker 7>be as a whole. And it's just not It's not

0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:51.440
<v Speaker 7>just because I've made mistakes and relationships doesn't mean I

0:14:51.560 --> 0:14:53.800
<v Speaker 7>suck at every other aspect of my life, you know,

0:14:53.880 --> 0:14:58.400
<v Speaker 7>because I don't. I love super hard. I'm like, and

0:14:58.480 --> 0:15:01.680
<v Speaker 7>when I read your book, I'm telling I had this

0:15:01.960 --> 0:15:06.360
<v Speaker 7>huge epiphany that changed me, Jana, Like you said, I've

0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:09.360
<v Speaker 7>never heard the term before, but addicted to love like

0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:14.000
<v Speaker 7>that Before you said that, I was always trying to

0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:17.320
<v Speaker 7>figure out what is wrong with me? What's wrong with me?

0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:24.600
<v Speaker 7>Like I am an amazing partner. I sacrifice and compromise

0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:29.120
<v Speaker 7>and nurture and love so hard in my relationships, but

0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:32.160
<v Speaker 7>none of them seem to work out ever, you know.

0:15:32.560 --> 0:15:35.720
<v Speaker 7>But when you said, you know you're the addicted to love,

0:15:35.840 --> 0:15:41.240
<v Speaker 7>I was like, that's what I am. I love being

0:15:41.360 --> 0:15:43.960
<v Speaker 7>in love. And that's not even just with a man.

0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:47.600
<v Speaker 7>That's like my kids. I have three girls, Like I

0:15:47.680 --> 0:15:51.880
<v Speaker 7>love my girls hard, you know, I love my girlfriend's hard,

0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:55.560
<v Speaker 7>you know, just in different capacities. And I think one

0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:59.960
<v Speaker 7>thing I've really learned, like out of the most recent divorce.

0:15:59.840 --> 0:16:01.440
<v Speaker 3>Was how long was that marriage?

0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:06.880
<v Speaker 7>For? That one was short? My second two were only

0:16:07.040 --> 0:16:10.400
<v Speaker 7>eight months? In about ten months, you know, I mean.

0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:14.360
<v Speaker 7>And again I went into all four of these marriages

0:16:14.680 --> 0:16:17.840
<v Speaker 7>never wanting to get divorced. Like it wasn't like hey,

0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:20.240
<v Speaker 7>I love having a wedding, or this is fun, or

0:16:20.280 --> 0:16:23.000
<v Speaker 7>I want to be a princess or any of that crap.

0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:25.880
<v Speaker 7>It was like, I really, I really thought I was

0:16:25.880 --> 0:16:29.560
<v Speaker 7>in love, you know. And I and like you said,

0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:33.160
<v Speaker 7>I want to really embrace being proud of being the

0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:36.240
<v Speaker 7>kind of woman that someone can fall for quickly I've

0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:40.320
<v Speaker 7>never pressured anyone to ask me. I've never you know

0:16:40.360 --> 0:16:43.120
<v Speaker 7>what I mean, I've never forced anything. It's always been

0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:46.920
<v Speaker 7>supernatural and we both just kind of fall into it

0:16:47.040 --> 0:16:50.200
<v Speaker 7>super fast, you know. And so I think one thing

0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:55.640
<v Speaker 7>I've learned recently is two things. I can love a

0:16:55.720 --> 0:17:00.880
<v Speaker 7>man in different capacities, right, so I can have different

0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:04.400
<v Speaker 7>levels of love for a man. I used to think

0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:06.920
<v Speaker 7>that when I would meet a man and we connect,

0:17:06.920 --> 0:17:10.840
<v Speaker 7>it that means, you know, we're exclusive, we're together, and

0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:13.399
<v Speaker 7>I just dive in. And I'm a serial monogamist is

0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:15.040
<v Speaker 7>kind of what I like to say too. I found

0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:18.080
<v Speaker 7>that out about myself. I am a serial monogamist. Like

0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:20.480
<v Speaker 7>I don't want to date around, I don't want to

0:17:20.520 --> 0:17:23.840
<v Speaker 7>sleep around. You know, I met you, we connect, I'm

0:17:23.880 --> 0:17:26.720
<v Speaker 7>going for this, like, let's see where this goes. And

0:17:26.800 --> 0:17:29.439
<v Speaker 7>it would typically always end up in a committed relationship

0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:32.960
<v Speaker 7>and then marriage. And I just have learned that it's

0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:36.760
<v Speaker 7>okay for me to meet a man and maybe he's

0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:39.440
<v Speaker 7>just going to be love at a different level or

0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:42.000
<v Speaker 7>a different capacity, and it doesn't have to be that

0:17:42.119 --> 0:17:43.840
<v Speaker 7>just because I like him or he's funny or we're

0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:45.920
<v Speaker 7>having a good time together or whatever that that means

0:17:45.920 --> 0:17:48.159
<v Speaker 7>we have to get married, you know, Let's give it

0:17:48.240 --> 0:17:51.520
<v Speaker 7>some time and see what level, what level, and what

0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:54.359
<v Speaker 7>capacity he really should be at, Like does he really

0:17:54.440 --> 0:17:59.240
<v Speaker 7>deserve the kind of love that you Amy gives, which

0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:02.240
<v Speaker 7>is not very common? And I'm super proud to say

0:18:02.240 --> 0:18:05.120
<v Speaker 7>that it's not common the kind of love that I give,

0:18:05.200 --> 0:18:07.720
<v Speaker 7>and so I'm really proud of that, and I'm really

0:18:07.760 --> 0:18:10.920
<v Speaker 7>trying to learn to embrace the bye. That's why I've

0:18:10.920 --> 0:18:13.600
<v Speaker 7>been married four times. I love super hard. I love

0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:16.640
<v Speaker 7>to commit, you know, and I love to say yes

0:18:16.680 --> 0:18:18.000
<v Speaker 7>when I feel like it feels right.

0:18:18.680 --> 0:18:20.800
<v Speaker 2>Have you noticed a common thread in any of your

0:18:21.040 --> 0:18:22.920
<v Speaker 2>past marriages, like with the men?

0:18:23.240 --> 0:18:29.000
<v Speaker 7>Yes, one is I feel like that I attract men

0:18:29.400 --> 0:18:33.439
<v Speaker 7>who are need me as much as they want me.

0:18:33.840 --> 0:18:36.480
<v Speaker 7>I think like I feel like they're all and not

0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:39.119
<v Speaker 7>saying that I don't that there's nothing wrong with me

0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:41.400
<v Speaker 7>and I'm perfect, but you know what I mean, there's

0:18:42.040 --> 0:18:46.880
<v Speaker 7>there's a kind of fixing that they all needed or

0:18:47.840 --> 0:18:50.680
<v Speaker 7>we're looking for. So they were looking for a certain

0:18:50.760 --> 0:18:52.600
<v Speaker 7>kind of love. I was looking for a certain kind

0:18:52.600 --> 0:18:55.720
<v Speaker 7>of love and it was different. I don't need I'm

0:18:55.760 --> 0:18:59.400
<v Speaker 7>a super happy person. I'm a healthy person. I'm big

0:18:59.440 --> 0:19:03.600
<v Speaker 7>into healthy lifestyle. You know. I work at a gym,

0:19:03.720 --> 0:19:06.040
<v Speaker 7>so I live a very healthy lifestyle. I'm not I

0:19:06.040 --> 0:19:07.560
<v Speaker 7>don't have an I want to say I don't have

0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:09.960
<v Speaker 7>an addictive personality. But I did find out through you

0:19:10.400 --> 0:19:12.680
<v Speaker 7>that I am addicted to love for sure, and it

0:19:12.800 --> 0:19:15.280
<v Speaker 7>just felt good again. It just felt good to be

0:19:15.320 --> 0:19:19.080
<v Speaker 7>able to kind of sort of put a label on it,

0:19:19.119 --> 0:19:22.439
<v Speaker 7>I guess, you know, because not knowing was the worst,

0:19:22.800 --> 0:19:26.840
<v Speaker 7>like thinking something's wrong with me, you know, And it's like, yeah,

0:19:26.840 --> 0:19:28.440
<v Speaker 7>addicted to love. I mean, if I was going to

0:19:28.440 --> 0:19:30.240
<v Speaker 7>be addicted to anything, I would want it to be that,

0:19:30.520 --> 0:19:32.760
<v Speaker 7>to be honest, you know, out of all the other

0:19:32.800 --> 0:19:36.080
<v Speaker 7>things in life, it could be. I'm I'm grateful. That's

0:19:36.160 --> 0:19:37.080
<v Speaker 7>that's the problem I have.

0:19:37.200 --> 0:19:39.080
<v Speaker 2>If you want it as long as it's serving, yeah,

0:19:39.119 --> 0:19:42.800
<v Speaker 2>in a in a healthy you know, in a healthy manner,

0:19:42.800 --> 0:19:46.520
<v Speaker 2>because there's the part of it where it's the unhealthy

0:19:46.760 --> 0:19:51.000
<v Speaker 2>addiction to love or you're like, for me, it's like

0:19:51.040 --> 0:19:54.840
<v Speaker 2>I want it so bad that I've chosen wrong because

0:19:54.880 --> 0:20:00.000
<v Speaker 2>of because of my own childhood traumas and my own

0:20:01.160 --> 0:20:05.440
<v Speaker 2>needs for having that platonic family and for having you know, now,

0:20:06.040 --> 0:20:10.399
<v Speaker 2>obviously that's that's gone. But you know, I I think

0:20:10.440 --> 0:20:13.560
<v Speaker 2>there's something to be said about like the unhealthiness of

0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:14.680
<v Speaker 2>like of it as well.

0:20:15.640 --> 0:20:18.239
<v Speaker 7>Yeah, and I think I agree with you, like I

0:20:18.240 --> 0:20:20.760
<v Speaker 7>think we have this in common as well. My biological

0:20:20.880 --> 0:20:24.280
<v Speaker 7>dad left when I was two, you know, so I

0:20:24.359 --> 0:20:27.840
<v Speaker 7>have I'm sure I have daddy issues, you know. I mean,

0:20:27.960 --> 0:20:30.040
<v Speaker 7>I wouldn't say it affects me in my daily life.

0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:33.159
<v Speaker 7>But what's funny about that with me, though, that I

0:20:33.160 --> 0:20:36.600
<v Speaker 7>think is a little different, is that each of these

0:20:36.640 --> 0:20:39.520
<v Speaker 7>four marriages I did end them. I was the one

0:20:39.520 --> 0:20:42.520
<v Speaker 7>who wanted to end the marriage eventually. But I think

0:20:42.600 --> 0:20:45.119
<v Speaker 7>that I even though a couple of them were short,

0:20:45.920 --> 0:20:50.359
<v Speaker 7>there were there's two two that I oh in my

0:20:50.440 --> 0:20:53.080
<v Speaker 7>engagement because I've been married four times plus an engagement

0:20:53.160 --> 0:20:58.720
<v Speaker 7>that I broke off. There were three relationships that I

0:20:58.760 --> 0:21:03.719
<v Speaker 7>thought so working hard almost. I mean, I woke up

0:21:03.720 --> 0:21:06.679
<v Speaker 7>one morning after a couple of years of you know,

0:21:06.800 --> 0:21:10.199
<v Speaker 7>going through some emotional abuse and things like that and

0:21:10.240 --> 0:21:13.159
<v Speaker 7>sticking through it, is I think I'm actually scared to

0:21:13.200 --> 0:21:19.000
<v Speaker 7>abandon somebody like I was. You know, I remember, like

0:21:19.080 --> 0:21:21.679
<v Speaker 7>I can replay times in my head when I was

0:21:22.000 --> 0:21:24.080
<v Speaker 7>a little girl, like my parents getting divorced when I

0:21:24.119 --> 0:21:26.800
<v Speaker 7>was two. My dad's supposed to come pick me up,

0:21:27.320 --> 0:21:29.360
<v Speaker 7>you know what I mean. I have my little backpack

0:21:29.400 --> 0:21:31.960
<v Speaker 7>packed and you play it like this little scene out

0:21:31.960 --> 0:21:34.639
<v Speaker 7>of a movie, and he never shows up, you know

0:21:34.640 --> 0:21:37.680
<v Speaker 7>what I mean? And so you feel that I'm forty

0:21:37.680 --> 0:21:40.960
<v Speaker 7>five years old and I still remember that moment when

0:21:40.960 --> 0:21:43.480
<v Speaker 7>I was probably about three years old, that he just stopped,

0:21:44.400 --> 0:21:46.080
<v Speaker 7>you know, wanting to be in my life and just

0:21:46.240 --> 0:21:51.520
<v Speaker 7>never showed up literally, And so I I really I

0:21:51.560 --> 0:21:53.400
<v Speaker 7>felt like, I don't want to do that to somebody,

0:21:53.640 --> 0:21:55.560
<v Speaker 7>you know what I mean. I don't want to abandon

0:21:55.640 --> 0:21:58.560
<v Speaker 7>somebody who has made a lot of mistakes. But they

0:21:58.600 --> 0:22:01.480
<v Speaker 7>say they want to change, but then guess what, The

0:22:01.560 --> 0:22:05.359
<v Speaker 7>changes never happen, you know, the change never happens. I hear,

0:22:05.960 --> 0:22:09.439
<v Speaker 7>you know, empty promises and you know, and lies that

0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:12.040
<v Speaker 7>they won't do this to me again. They won't treat

0:22:12.040 --> 0:22:14.840
<v Speaker 7>me like that again, they won't do that again. I

0:22:14.920 --> 0:22:16.560
<v Speaker 7>want to change. I want to be a better man.

0:22:16.600 --> 0:22:19.000
<v Speaker 7>And so how do you turn your back on someone

0:22:19.040 --> 0:22:22.040
<v Speaker 7>who says that they want to be better? You know

0:22:22.160 --> 0:22:25.320
<v Speaker 7>that they want to change. You know, I'm not that

0:22:25.440 --> 0:22:29.200
<v Speaker 7>kind of a person. So I never gave up on

0:22:29.240 --> 0:22:35.000
<v Speaker 7>somebody until I literally physically almost cannot function anymore. That's

0:22:35.000 --> 0:22:38.119
<v Speaker 7>how hard I really try to make it work, and

0:22:38.320 --> 0:22:40.080
<v Speaker 7>it just never did for me.

0:22:42.880 --> 0:22:47.920
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, no, I mean I hear all of that. Where

0:22:47.960 --> 0:22:51.800
<v Speaker 3>are you at now? Like are you? Are you dating

0:22:51.800 --> 0:22:52.480
<v Speaker 3>anyone right now?

0:22:53.520 --> 0:22:57.760
<v Speaker 7>Gen is yeah, the guy that's and you know, and

0:22:57.800 --> 0:23:01.280
<v Speaker 7>it'll be nice when all the episodisodes of air, and

0:23:01.359 --> 0:23:04.400
<v Speaker 7>I can, you know, because the show is great, it's

0:23:04.440 --> 0:23:08.800
<v Speaker 7>been an amazing I wanted it to be an opportunity

0:23:08.800 --> 0:23:11.320
<v Speaker 7>for me to one be vulnerable like you can, right

0:23:11.800 --> 0:23:14.479
<v Speaker 7>because it's been something that I've been so ashamed of

0:23:14.560 --> 0:23:18.040
<v Speaker 7>for so long, you know. And so I really thought

0:23:18.160 --> 0:23:19.840
<v Speaker 7>this came in front of me a few times and

0:23:19.880 --> 0:23:21.520
<v Speaker 7>I was like, no, no, no, I don't I don't

0:23:21.520 --> 0:23:23.520
<v Speaker 7>think it's I don't think that's going to be good

0:23:23.560 --> 0:23:25.359
<v Speaker 7>for me to do that emotionally. And then I thought,

0:23:25.359 --> 0:23:28.320
<v Speaker 7>you know what, Amy like the one, you still don't

0:23:28.359 --> 0:23:31.840
<v Speaker 7>one hundred percent know what your calling is. You've been

0:23:31.960 --> 0:23:35.960
<v Speaker 7>you're a mom, you know, you've been a wife, but

0:23:36.480 --> 0:23:40.280
<v Speaker 7>what is your calling? And and I really want to

0:23:40.359 --> 0:23:43.399
<v Speaker 7>use this platform and this opportunity to do what you've

0:23:43.440 --> 0:23:47.640
<v Speaker 7>done for me right, which is put yourself out there

0:23:47.640 --> 0:23:52.159
<v Speaker 7>and make yourself vulnerable. And when I felt so alone

0:23:52.160 --> 0:23:54.520
<v Speaker 7>and like I had nobody to relate to, I was like,

0:23:54.560 --> 0:23:56.919
<v Speaker 7>there's got to be other women out there that have

0:23:57.040 --> 0:24:00.880
<v Speaker 7>been through what I've been through that feel like I

0:24:00.960 --> 0:24:03.920
<v Speaker 7>feel alone because even though I would listen to you

0:24:03.960 --> 0:24:07.280
<v Speaker 7>and read your book, I don't know you. You know what

0:24:07.280 --> 0:24:11.439
<v Speaker 7>I mean. It wasn't like I had a girlfriend sitting

0:24:11.480 --> 0:24:13.800
<v Speaker 7>next to me that understood what it was going through.

0:24:13.840 --> 0:24:15.840
<v Speaker 7>So I just thought, at least if I can just

0:24:16.359 --> 0:24:20.399
<v Speaker 7>put myself out there, let other women know. Look, there's

0:24:20.600 --> 0:24:22.600
<v Speaker 7>a handful of us out there that have been had

0:24:22.600 --> 0:24:26.600
<v Speaker 7>a crazy life, a crazy life. I've lived a lot

0:24:26.640 --> 0:24:29.840
<v Speaker 7>more than most women have in relationships, have been through

0:24:30.400 --> 0:24:32.359
<v Speaker 7>a lot, you know, and I don't want it to

0:24:32.400 --> 0:24:37.120
<v Speaker 7>be in vain or wasted time or you know, because yeah,

0:24:37.160 --> 0:24:40.640
<v Speaker 7>I mean, in this little conversation, just the cliff Notes

0:24:40.720 --> 0:24:43.520
<v Speaker 7>version is it's been a lot, super heavy.

0:24:56.119 --> 0:24:58.520
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I'd love to connect to off the podcast

0:24:59.160 --> 0:25:02.760
<v Speaker 2>because I I remember having this conversation and it's always again

0:25:02.800 --> 0:25:09.919
<v Speaker 2>now that I'm now that I'm single and dating in

0:25:09.960 --> 0:25:14.600
<v Speaker 2>the dating world, and I remember, this is like the

0:25:14.640 --> 0:25:18.000
<v Speaker 2>worst thing to say, but like I remember, one of

0:25:18.040 --> 0:25:19.720
<v Speaker 2>the reasons why I didn't want to get divorced is

0:25:19.720 --> 0:25:23.199
<v Speaker 2>because I was like, who would honestly want me after

0:25:23.960 --> 0:25:27.000
<v Speaker 2>now three even though like in my mind I have

0:25:27.160 --> 0:25:29.960
<v Speaker 2>been married once, like I always say, like you can't

0:25:29.960 --> 0:25:33.639
<v Speaker 2>count the when I was nineteen stupid went to see Elvis,

0:25:33.720 --> 0:25:35.360
<v Speaker 2>knew the guy for two weeks, you know what I mean,

0:25:35.440 --> 0:25:38.200
<v Speaker 2>Like that's stupid. And then the other guy I married

0:25:38.240 --> 0:25:39.760
<v Speaker 2>for a week walked down the album. Was like, well,

0:25:39.800 --> 0:25:41.720
<v Speaker 2>this is not right and I need to end this now.

0:25:41.840 --> 0:25:44.320
<v Speaker 2>Like those weren't marriages. But in the guy that I

0:25:44.359 --> 0:25:46.560
<v Speaker 2>was like telling the stories, He's like, well, on paper

0:25:46.720 --> 0:25:51.399
<v Speaker 2>like it was, And I'm like yeah, but like yes, fine,

0:25:51.440 --> 0:25:54.000
<v Speaker 2>you want to do like on paper? Yes, on paper

0:25:54.040 --> 0:25:58.080
<v Speaker 2>technically yes, but like how can you call those marriages? Yeah,

0:25:58.880 --> 0:26:01.480
<v Speaker 2>you can't, like and I'm like, my last one, one

0:26:01.520 --> 0:26:04.240
<v Speaker 2>thousand percent, I was married and we fought for seven

0:26:04.320 --> 0:26:06.840
<v Speaker 2>fucking years, and like it ended, and I didn't want

0:26:06.880 --> 0:26:08.399
<v Speaker 2>it to end. But you know, one of the reasons

0:26:08.440 --> 0:26:11.119
<v Speaker 2>why that I didn't want to end it was because

0:26:11.200 --> 0:26:14.880
<v Speaker 2>my ex and anyone else who I read in comments,

0:26:14.920 --> 0:26:18.000
<v Speaker 2>it's like, oh my god, her third failed marriage and

0:26:18.000 --> 0:26:20.760
<v Speaker 2>it's like and I shamefully take that on as my own.

0:26:21.600 --> 0:26:23.960
<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, well, you're right, like who would want me?

0:26:24.640 --> 0:26:26.719
<v Speaker 2>Just like my ex would say and my you know

0:26:26.760 --> 0:26:29.040
<v Speaker 2>whoever else that I would that I have dated before,

0:26:29.080 --> 0:26:31.159
<v Speaker 2>that's like, oh your past, like you know you're are

0:26:31.200 --> 0:26:31.760
<v Speaker 2>you crazy?

0:26:31.800 --> 0:26:32.720
<v Speaker 3>And like no, I haven't.

0:26:32.760 --> 0:26:36.000
<v Speaker 2>I just fucking made mistakes and I loved and I

0:26:36.080 --> 0:26:39.280
<v Speaker 2>you know, I I'm like, I'm sick of making apologies

0:26:39.280 --> 0:26:41.080
<v Speaker 2>for it. I'm sick of explaining it. I'm I'm like,

0:26:41.119 --> 0:26:43.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm tired. Love me now for who I am now,

0:26:43.920 --> 0:26:46.159
<v Speaker 2>not for my past, Like I'm sick of like and

0:26:46.200 --> 0:26:47.800
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to be like yeah, technically you're right,

0:26:48.119 --> 0:26:51.600
<v Speaker 2>but I'm like no, I like and in my brain

0:26:51.760 --> 0:26:54.159
<v Speaker 2>like fine, we want to be legal about it, fine,

0:26:54.400 --> 0:26:57.760
<v Speaker 2>but like technically it's been one Like for me, I

0:26:57.800 --> 0:27:00.280
<v Speaker 2>have had one marriage that is a marriage thing that

0:27:00.320 --> 0:27:02.879
<v Speaker 2>I have worked for and tried and even if it wasn't,

0:27:03.160 --> 0:27:03.639
<v Speaker 2>so be it.

0:27:03.680 --> 0:27:06.280
<v Speaker 3>Who cares? Like I've learned, I've grown.

0:27:06.680 --> 0:27:09.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm a different person than I was when I was

0:27:09.160 --> 0:27:11.080
<v Speaker 2>nineteen and when I was twenty seven.

0:27:12.040 --> 0:27:15.080
<v Speaker 3>Like it's just but but it had to.

0:27:15.000 --> 0:27:16.600
<v Speaker 2>Have I'm like, fuck, I'm gonna have to have this

0:27:16.640 --> 0:27:20.600
<v Speaker 2>conversation again where it's like this is who I was

0:27:21.040 --> 0:27:23.840
<v Speaker 2>and I made you know, I've made mistakes, and like

0:27:24.119 --> 0:27:26.000
<v Speaker 2>this is what I've learned. And I'm like, and I

0:27:26.040 --> 0:27:27.600
<v Speaker 2>wait to see if I'm going to be judged.

0:27:28.359 --> 0:27:31.439
<v Speaker 7>So I know the last thing either one of us

0:27:31.480 --> 0:27:34.120
<v Speaker 7>wants to do is go through what we've been through again.

0:27:34.240 --> 0:27:37.679
<v Speaker 7>Yeah right, Okay. So one way to look at that,

0:27:37.880 --> 0:27:39.639
<v Speaker 7>and one way I would look at it in the

0:27:39.640 --> 0:27:43.000
<v Speaker 7>future personally too, is that this is such a good

0:27:43.040 --> 0:27:47.679
<v Speaker 7>way to dodge another bullet. Janna like to tell someone like,

0:27:47.760 --> 0:27:49.679
<v Speaker 7>don't you want to you want to meet someone that

0:27:49.880 --> 0:27:51.320
<v Speaker 7>loves as hard as you do?

0:27:51.680 --> 0:27:51.800
<v Speaker 6>Right?

0:27:51.960 --> 0:27:55.320
<v Speaker 7>I just keep a man imagining being loved the way

0:27:55.359 --> 0:27:59.520
<v Speaker 7>that I love. Keep imagining being loved the way that

0:27:59.600 --> 0:28:02.120
<v Speaker 7>you love, and think about that. Like I will sit

0:28:02.160 --> 0:28:04.960
<v Speaker 7>in bed or if I'm taking a shower or whatever,

0:28:05.320 --> 0:28:09.880
<v Speaker 7>and I'm like dreaming about imagining being loved the way

0:28:10.000 --> 0:28:12.360
<v Speaker 7>I love because I know I'm damn good at it.

0:28:12.680 --> 0:28:15.359
<v Speaker 7>I love super hard and I'm so good to the

0:28:15.400 --> 0:28:18.080
<v Speaker 7>person that I'm with. And so if you tell someone

0:28:18.119 --> 0:28:21.800
<v Speaker 7>that and they judge you or look down on you

0:28:21.920 --> 0:28:26.200
<v Speaker 7>or frown on you, good bye, see you later. Let

0:28:26.240 --> 0:28:28.280
<v Speaker 7>the door hit you on the way out. You know

0:28:28.960 --> 0:28:31.640
<v Speaker 7>you dodged a bullet. You know you want someone who's

0:28:31.680 --> 0:28:32.560
<v Speaker 7>been through some shit.

0:28:32.760 --> 0:28:35.080
<v Speaker 2>I hear you, but the person that's like and I

0:28:35.119 --> 0:28:36.760
<v Speaker 2>don't know if you've done this too, but I like,

0:28:36.840 --> 0:28:38.920
<v Speaker 2>for me, like a big part of my stuff is

0:28:38.960 --> 0:28:40.640
<v Speaker 2>like I want to be chosen so and then when

0:28:40.680 --> 0:28:43.120
<v Speaker 2>someone doesn't and I'm like, but let me show you

0:28:43.160 --> 0:28:45.640
<v Speaker 2>why I'm so lovable and why I'm so good and

0:28:45.720 --> 0:28:47.520
<v Speaker 2>how like how much I can give and then I

0:28:47.560 --> 0:28:49.960
<v Speaker 2>get in. But it's like that's my that's the work

0:28:50.000 --> 0:28:52.040
<v Speaker 2>that I've done, you know, with the dating recently, be

0:28:52.080 --> 0:28:54.360
<v Speaker 2>like okay, yep, you're right. My friends are always like

0:28:54.400 --> 0:28:57.280
<v Speaker 2>stop like you like, don't you see like how much

0:28:57.280 --> 0:29:00.000
<v Speaker 2>you're giving versus And it's like, okay, cause it's like

0:29:00.080 --> 0:29:00.400
<v Speaker 2>we do.

0:29:00.440 --> 0:29:01.600
<v Speaker 3>We give a lot.

0:29:02.480 --> 0:29:03.920
<v Speaker 7>And yeah mostly.

0:29:05.000 --> 0:29:08.680
<v Speaker 1>Flags instead of like, but let me prove it to you.

0:29:08.840 --> 0:29:13.480
<v Speaker 7>I know, yeah, oh Redflox, Yeah so is Geno.

0:29:13.600 --> 0:29:15.840
<v Speaker 3>Do we think he's the one.

0:29:16.480 --> 0:29:18.600
<v Speaker 7>You're gonna have to have to wait me.

0:29:18.960 --> 0:29:20.120
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I know.

0:29:20.520 --> 0:29:21.400
<v Speaker 1>I'm like this.

0:29:21.560 --> 0:29:24.360
<v Speaker 7>You don't understand. When I was about to cut when

0:29:24.400 --> 0:29:26.600
<v Speaker 7>I heard that I was coming on your podcast. I

0:29:26.640 --> 0:29:29.080
<v Speaker 7>was like, this is going to be so hard because

0:29:29.640 --> 0:29:32.960
<v Speaker 7>I can't, like, I can't say everything I want to say.

0:29:33.120 --> 0:29:36.000
<v Speaker 1>So wait, you waited to tell Gino about your past marriages?

0:29:36.080 --> 0:29:36.440
<v Speaker 3>Correct?

0:29:36.720 --> 0:29:38.800
<v Speaker 1>Is that that's how I understand.

0:29:38.440 --> 0:29:43.320
<v Speaker 7>It and exactly why what Janna is saying, Like I

0:29:43.640 --> 0:29:47.120
<v Speaker 7>just relate to her so much and I should know better,

0:29:47.160 --> 0:29:50.080
<v Speaker 7>we should know better, Like I should be cool with

0:29:50.280 --> 0:29:53.680
<v Speaker 7>just going yeah, I mean, guess what, I've been married

0:29:53.720 --> 0:29:56.440
<v Speaker 7>four times. Sorry, I'm you know, sorry, I'm not sorry,

0:29:56.480 --> 0:29:58.440
<v Speaker 7>but it is it is who I am. I love

0:29:58.520 --> 0:30:01.760
<v Speaker 7>super hard, and you know, when someone asked me, I

0:30:01.800 --> 0:30:04.280
<v Speaker 7>say yes, and I go with it. I go with

0:30:04.320 --> 0:30:07.320
<v Speaker 7>what my heart's telling me to do. I don't think,

0:30:07.400 --> 0:30:10.480
<v Speaker 7>I mean, love is not up here. It's here for me,

0:30:11.000 --> 0:30:13.240
<v Speaker 7>you know. And so I think with my heart and

0:30:13.240 --> 0:30:16.040
<v Speaker 7>I act with my heart and I lead with my heart.

0:30:17.200 --> 0:30:20.200
<v Speaker 7>But I wish, I wish I could have just said

0:30:20.520 --> 0:30:23.640
<v Speaker 7>in the beginning, hey, you know, this is kind of

0:30:23.640 --> 0:30:25.240
<v Speaker 7>going somewhere. So I feel like I should be honest

0:30:25.240 --> 0:30:27.600
<v Speaker 7>with you because I'm also not a liar. I'm not

0:30:27.840 --> 0:30:33.560
<v Speaker 7>like a dishonest, deceitful person. I'm a super like, very

0:30:33.600 --> 0:30:38.840
<v Speaker 7>open person. I'm real and I don't mind having flaws,

0:30:38.920 --> 0:30:41.880
<v Speaker 7>but for some reason that has always been such a

0:30:41.880 --> 0:30:44.480
<v Speaker 7>hard thing for me to just come out and say

0:30:44.560 --> 0:30:47.160
<v Speaker 7>to anybody. You know, the only people that have really

0:30:47.280 --> 0:30:49.720
<v Speaker 7>known up until me doing the show, it's been people

0:30:49.720 --> 0:30:52.560
<v Speaker 7>who are close to me and who have been my friend.

0:30:53.160 --> 0:30:55.960
<v Speaker 7>For those you know, because now what my first marriage

0:30:55.960 --> 0:31:01.960
<v Speaker 7>was eighteen and then my last one I was thirty six,

0:31:02.440 --> 0:31:07.680
<v Speaker 7>thirty six, thirty maybe thirty eight, But who have known

0:31:07.720 --> 0:31:10.040
<v Speaker 7>me through those years know that I've been married that

0:31:10.120 --> 0:31:12.760
<v Speaker 7>many times. I don't share it with people. It's not

0:31:12.880 --> 0:31:15.080
<v Speaker 7>something that I was like, you're lucky.

0:31:15.120 --> 0:31:16.440
<v Speaker 3>You don't have any to say.

0:31:16.480 --> 0:31:18.560
<v Speaker 2>You're lucky, you don't have a Wikipedia pages. I'm always like,

0:31:18.680 --> 0:31:19.320
<v Speaker 2>don't google me?

0:31:19.400 --> 0:31:20.120
<v Speaker 3>You always are you.

0:31:20.120 --> 0:31:22.520
<v Speaker 1>Ever tempted when dating to just like not say anything?

0:31:22.560 --> 0:31:24.440
<v Speaker 1>But I mean, you don't have a choice, have a choice.

0:31:24.440 --> 0:31:24.840
<v Speaker 3>That's the thing.

0:31:24.840 --> 0:31:26.640
<v Speaker 2>Like I wish I couldn't like this last guy that

0:31:26.680 --> 0:31:29.800
<v Speaker 2>I went out with, I'm like, you know, like, hey,

0:31:30.160 --> 0:31:31.880
<v Speaker 2>can you just like can we just get to know

0:31:31.920 --> 0:31:36.080
<v Speaker 2>each other like not online? Just because I'm like, I

0:31:36.120 --> 0:31:37.719
<v Speaker 2>don't want that to be the first thing that he's like,

0:31:37.760 --> 0:31:41.280
<v Speaker 2>oh wait what you know, because like that's not me,

0:31:41.920 --> 0:31:44.320
<v Speaker 2>that's exactly past.

0:31:44.480 --> 0:31:46.640
<v Speaker 7>I know that in this first episode I'm going to

0:31:46.680 --> 0:31:49.920
<v Speaker 7>get a lot of backlash for not saying anything. And

0:31:50.400 --> 0:31:53.600
<v Speaker 7>I did see the trailer where Gino actually says, you know,

0:31:53.680 --> 0:31:56.960
<v Speaker 7>that was such a blow to him.

0:31:56.400 --> 0:31:58.800
<v Speaker 2>You know, but doesn't he know the show's called Addicted

0:31:58.840 --> 0:32:02.960
<v Speaker 2>to Marriage, Like so like yeah, like I'm sorry to.

0:32:03.520 --> 0:32:06.920
<v Speaker 7>Like what are you so you know again? We got

0:32:06.960 --> 0:32:08.560
<v Speaker 7>we got to talk. Girls, we gotta talk.

0:32:08.800 --> 0:32:11.400
<v Speaker 2>No, I am like for real, like gonna text, Like

0:32:11.520 --> 0:32:16.440
<v Speaker 2>we're getting numbers and we're texting because my girlfriends are

0:32:16.720 --> 0:32:19.360
<v Speaker 2>I feel like, you like, we get each other because

0:32:19.360 --> 0:32:21.960
<v Speaker 2>they're always like especially right now, like being single, They're

0:32:22.000 --> 0:32:24.440
<v Speaker 2>like they have fun, have sex different people.

0:32:24.480 --> 0:32:25.800
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, I can't do that.

0:32:26.120 --> 0:32:29.400
<v Speaker 2>Like I'm like when I find my person, I'm in,

0:32:29.640 --> 0:32:32.920
<v Speaker 2>you know, and I've I've dated, but like I'm like

0:32:33.120 --> 0:32:36.600
<v Speaker 2>I'm done and then like yeah, yeah.

0:32:37.040 --> 0:32:40.360
<v Speaker 3>This one and love. I haven't loved and I haven't no, no,

0:32:40.680 --> 0:32:41.880
<v Speaker 3>I know, but y'all love to love.

0:32:41.960 --> 0:32:43.640
<v Speaker 1>So it's like you want to you just want to

0:32:43.680 --> 0:32:46.920
<v Speaker 1>dive in so quick, which is fine, but I haven't.

0:32:47.600 --> 0:32:48.400
<v Speaker 3>I just have not.

0:32:48.560 --> 0:32:51.280
<v Speaker 2>I haven't just juggled, Like that's the thing. I'm like,

0:32:51.360 --> 0:32:53.200
<v Speaker 2>I like on to date a million guys.

0:32:54.480 --> 0:32:57.440
<v Speaker 7>Especially when sex is important to you. Thank you when

0:32:57.600 --> 0:33:00.480
<v Speaker 7>having that sexual chemistry with someone like I'm a super

0:33:00.520 --> 0:33:06.840
<v Speaker 7>sexual person, like same person, so oh honey, Like and

0:33:06.880 --> 0:33:08.960
<v Speaker 7>I'm sure because you're you're hot gemus.

0:33:09.680 --> 0:33:12.440
<v Speaker 3>It's like Libra, okay, I'm Sagittarius.

0:33:13.040 --> 0:33:17.200
<v Speaker 7>Are you okay Libra? So so yeah, I would end

0:33:17.280 --> 0:33:20.959
<v Speaker 7>up kind of sleeping with someone probably sooner than I should,

0:33:21.360 --> 0:33:24.520
<v Speaker 7>you know, And I'm sorry, but same.

0:33:25.760 --> 0:33:29.200
<v Speaker 3>We have our talents, right, we have our talents.

0:33:30.400 --> 0:33:32.800
<v Speaker 7>Like I said, there's things I'm good at, there's things

0:33:32.840 --> 0:33:35.440
<v Speaker 7>I'm not good at. So I feel like, yeah, like

0:33:35.640 --> 0:33:39.760
<v Speaker 7>dating's tough because you almost want to know right away

0:33:39.800 --> 0:33:42.840
<v Speaker 7>before you waste so much time connecting with someone, like, hey,

0:33:42.920 --> 0:33:45.880
<v Speaker 7>is you know the sexual connection going to be there?

0:33:46.040 --> 0:33:48.720
<v Speaker 2>My hairstylist the other day goes, girl, you got to

0:33:48.800 --> 0:33:51.080
<v Speaker 2>check under the hood before you purchase the car, And

0:33:51.120 --> 0:33:54.400
<v Speaker 2>I was like, nay men, Tyler.

0:33:54.200 --> 0:33:57.840
<v Speaker 7>I know, I know I'm that and I'm telling you like,

0:33:58.320 --> 0:34:00.520
<v Speaker 7>and I'm in my forties, I'm older than you, and

0:34:00.560 --> 0:34:03.600
<v Speaker 7>I still like, I've tried so many times to say

0:34:03.680 --> 0:34:06.000
<v Speaker 7>like no, you got to like switch the order of

0:34:06.040 --> 0:34:09.080
<v Speaker 7>importance on a few things, and I don't know. I

0:34:09.200 --> 0:34:10.000
<v Speaker 7>just can't.

0:34:12.960 --> 0:34:16.200
<v Speaker 2>My friend Christen Breast, because I was talking to so much,

0:34:16.320 --> 0:34:17.440
<v Speaker 2>was ooh, it's opposite day.

0:34:17.440 --> 0:34:20.200
<v Speaker 3>I'm here for this opposite channel.

0:34:20.239 --> 0:34:23.680
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, okay, that's why it's a day.

0:34:23.800 --> 0:34:24.560
<v Speaker 3>I'm trying.

0:34:26.600 --> 0:34:28.840
<v Speaker 7>Cue any longer than that.

0:34:29.520 --> 0:34:33.200
<v Speaker 2>You're like, no, girl, Okay, well I'm going to get

0:34:33.239 --> 0:34:36.719
<v Speaker 2>your number. What are you going to do with the comments?

0:34:37.280 --> 0:34:41.480
<v Speaker 2>That's my kind of last question. And I'm asking like

0:34:41.680 --> 0:34:44.080
<v Speaker 2>on social media because I mean, I let it affect

0:34:44.120 --> 0:34:45.520
<v Speaker 2>me all the time. I mean, like when I go

0:34:45.560 --> 0:34:48.040
<v Speaker 2>on those pages, I'm like, hey, man, like.

0:34:47.960 --> 0:34:51.719
<v Speaker 7>You know what, listen. I think that one thing that

0:34:51.840 --> 0:34:55.200
<v Speaker 7>you and I have to accept is that when we

0:34:55.320 --> 0:34:58.640
<v Speaker 7>love super hard and super deep, we're very very sensitive

0:34:58.719 --> 0:35:02.640
<v Speaker 7>beings as well, you know, and you and I haven't been,

0:35:02.719 --> 0:35:07.359
<v Speaker 7>you know, haven't in the past found our match when

0:35:07.400 --> 0:35:09.680
<v Speaker 7>it comes to, you know, loving the way we love.

0:35:09.760 --> 0:35:13.000
<v Speaker 7>But we're super sensitive, and so when we read that stuff,

0:35:13.080 --> 0:35:16.720
<v Speaker 7>it matters, you know. I think I think there's two ways,

0:35:16.840 --> 0:35:18.759
<v Speaker 7>two things that we need to remember. One is these

0:35:18.760 --> 0:35:22.000
<v Speaker 7>people don't know us. They don't know us, just like

0:35:22.080 --> 0:35:24.640
<v Speaker 7>this show is going to be six episodes. People are

0:35:24.640 --> 0:35:26.720
<v Speaker 7>going to see the first look on a triple stack

0:35:26.840 --> 0:35:30.839
<v Speaker 7>ice cream cone of my life. Right, that's it. That's

0:35:30.880 --> 0:35:32.880
<v Speaker 7>all they're going to get these six episodes when I

0:35:32.960 --> 0:35:36.600
<v Speaker 7>have so much more to tell and say. You know

0:35:36.719 --> 0:35:39.560
<v Speaker 7>that this show isn't even going to touch on or

0:35:39.600 --> 0:35:42.040
<v Speaker 7>could even start to touch on. So I have to

0:35:42.120 --> 0:35:44.840
<v Speaker 7>keep in mind that these people don't know me. You know,

0:35:44.920 --> 0:35:47.640
<v Speaker 7>they don't know me. And first of all, we're probably

0:35:47.640 --> 0:35:50.160
<v Speaker 7>We're not the kind of people who are going to

0:35:50.280 --> 0:35:54.280
<v Speaker 7>leave nasty comments on social media anyway. We're not negative people.

0:35:54.360 --> 0:35:56.640
<v Speaker 2>I just would like to talk to them, Like all

0:35:56.680 --> 0:35:58.920
<v Speaker 2>my Reddit fans, I'll give you my number and let's talk.

0:35:59.120 --> 0:35:59.719
<v Speaker 3>You know what I mean.

0:36:00.040 --> 0:36:01.200
<v Speaker 1>We should get him over for a wine.

0:36:01.520 --> 0:36:03.359
<v Speaker 2>I would all love you, that's the thing. But we

0:36:03.400 --> 0:36:06.439
<v Speaker 2>also the Amy's and I of the world. We want

0:36:06.440 --> 0:36:09.600
<v Speaker 2>that approval right so badly because we really truly want

0:36:09.600 --> 0:36:11.680
<v Speaker 2>to love and we will also want to be understood as.

0:36:11.600 --> 0:36:16.560
<v Speaker 7>Well, Yes, understood. And if someone if someone says something

0:36:16.920 --> 0:36:18.640
<v Speaker 7>nasty about me, I want to know why.

0:36:19.560 --> 0:36:22.000
<v Speaker 2>Please tell me how I offended you, because I love you.

0:36:22.160 --> 0:36:24.440
<v Speaker 2>I want to love you and be yeah.

0:36:24.640 --> 0:36:26.839
<v Speaker 7>Yes, amen. And you know what else, I hate I

0:36:26.880 --> 0:36:29.280
<v Speaker 7>don't like when people say I don't care what anybody

0:36:29.280 --> 0:36:30.359
<v Speaker 7>else thinks. I don't care.

0:36:30.520 --> 0:36:32.040
<v Speaker 3>I'm like mad love to be that person.

0:36:32.040 --> 0:36:34.719
<v Speaker 7>How you can't what you know? How do you not

0:36:34.800 --> 0:36:37.600
<v Speaker 7>care what anybody else thinks of you? Like? I get

0:36:37.760 --> 0:36:41.040
<v Speaker 7>living your truth and living the way that you see

0:36:41.080 --> 0:36:42.759
<v Speaker 7>fits best for you, and you know what I mean,

0:36:42.840 --> 0:36:44.880
<v Speaker 7>doing what makes you happy, Like I get that, But

0:36:45.440 --> 0:36:48.640
<v Speaker 7>not caring what other people think period, I think is

0:36:48.680 --> 0:36:50.719
<v Speaker 7>a bunch of crops, you know what I mean? I care,

0:36:51.239 --> 0:36:53.360
<v Speaker 7>Like if I offended you where I hurt your feelings

0:36:53.480 --> 0:36:55.560
<v Speaker 7>or we had mister communication, I.

0:36:55.560 --> 0:36:57.440
<v Speaker 3>Want to fix it for sure, and I was.

0:36:57.840 --> 0:37:01.120
<v Speaker 7>It does like the comments will and I've already read

0:37:01.160 --> 0:37:04.120
<v Speaker 7>some that are super judgy just off of the trailer,

0:37:04.400 --> 0:37:07.640
<v Speaker 7>so I can't imagine, you know, And I can say

0:37:07.640 --> 0:37:10.320
<v Speaker 7>I won't read them, but that's not true. I'm human.

0:37:10.480 --> 0:37:10.680
<v Speaker 7>I know.

0:37:10.920 --> 0:37:12.719
<v Speaker 3>I go on like my Reddit page like once a week.

0:37:12.800 --> 0:37:15.439
<v Speaker 1>I would say the best thing would be to try

0:37:15.440 --> 0:37:17.680
<v Speaker 1>and not do that. I just would like, you're never

0:37:17.760 --> 0:37:19.439
<v Speaker 1>going to know, but you're never going to be able

0:37:19.480 --> 0:37:22.480
<v Speaker 1>to get to those people. Yeah, it's like it's not pos.

0:37:22.600 --> 0:37:25.640
<v Speaker 7>Yeah, and that's good too. It's like, hey, we have

0:37:25.680 --> 0:37:27.720
<v Speaker 7>to say that, hey, if we're going to read this stuff,

0:37:27.880 --> 0:37:30.600
<v Speaker 7>we have to accept it for what it is and

0:37:31.000 --> 0:37:34.160
<v Speaker 7>learn how to brush it off, you know, and understand

0:37:34.239 --> 0:37:37.319
<v Speaker 7>that You've got to be a strong and I know

0:37:37.400 --> 0:37:41.440
<v Speaker 7>you are because I've been following your story. But you

0:37:41.600 --> 0:37:46.399
<v Speaker 7>are a strong ass woman to get through what you've

0:37:46.440 --> 0:37:49.680
<v Speaker 7>been through. And I'm telling you, ending a relationship, I

0:37:49.719 --> 0:37:52.719
<v Speaker 7>think sometimes it's harder than staying in it, you know

0:37:52.760 --> 0:37:56.319
<v Speaker 7>what I mean? Ending it is harder than staying in

0:37:56.360 --> 0:37:59.359
<v Speaker 7>it sometimes, And that's been my truth, and I know

0:37:59.440 --> 0:38:01.800
<v Speaker 7>that it was for you because when you have babies

0:38:01.880 --> 0:38:06.000
<v Speaker 7>involved in children involved with this person, you shared special

0:38:06.080 --> 0:38:11.200
<v Speaker 7>intimate moments like childbirth and you know, loving these babies

0:38:11.239 --> 0:38:16.400
<v Speaker 7>together as a team, and that's a big deal. That

0:38:16.560 --> 0:38:19.640
<v Speaker 7>is a big deal to have a child with someone

0:38:19.719 --> 0:38:23.719
<v Speaker 7>and share that experience with another human being who's your husband,

0:38:23.800 --> 0:38:27.480
<v Speaker 7>and to one day have to you're left with no

0:38:27.640 --> 0:38:32.160
<v Speaker 7>choice but to say, I like, I'm breaking my family up,

0:38:32.680 --> 0:38:34.839
<v Speaker 7>you know what I mean? That was like that was

0:38:34.960 --> 0:38:39.359
<v Speaker 7>so devastating, like death. It was like I literally spent.

0:38:41.440 --> 0:38:41.959
<v Speaker 4>A day.

0:38:43.560 --> 0:38:46.360
<v Speaker 7>I had to have someone come pick up my daughter. Actually,

0:38:47.120 --> 0:38:48.760
<v Speaker 7>I have to have someone can pick up my daughter

0:38:49.360 --> 0:38:53.239
<v Speaker 7>when I made that decision in a relationship with you

0:38:53.280 --> 0:38:57.240
<v Speaker 7>know where we had kids, and I took a whole

0:38:57.360 --> 0:39:00.480
<v Speaker 7>day where for the first time in my life, actually

0:39:00.920 --> 0:39:06.480
<v Speaker 7>felt suicidal for breaking up my family. You know, I

0:39:06.520 --> 0:39:09.719
<v Speaker 7>had never felt that way in the marriage, like that,

0:39:09.800 --> 0:39:12.840
<v Speaker 7>the hurt and the abuse that I'd gone through and

0:39:13.000 --> 0:39:15.320
<v Speaker 7>all the sh that I'd been through, I never felt

0:39:15.320 --> 0:39:17.160
<v Speaker 7>that way. I was always like, I know I can

0:39:17.160 --> 0:39:20.640
<v Speaker 7>come out of this. My closer calling off, but I

0:39:20.680 --> 0:39:22.880
<v Speaker 7>know I can. I know I can come out of this.

0:39:23.040 --> 0:39:27.759
<v Speaker 7>But when that decision was made and he moved out,

0:39:27.920 --> 0:39:31.560
<v Speaker 7>you know, I had to allow myself to grieve, and

0:39:31.640 --> 0:39:35.640
<v Speaker 7>I grieved so hard that I almost contemplated, if I

0:39:35.640 --> 0:39:38.400
<v Speaker 7>don't have my family, what do I have? You know,

0:39:38.719 --> 0:39:41.400
<v Speaker 7>if my family isn't intact, And I was like, you

0:39:41.400 --> 0:39:43.799
<v Speaker 7>know what. It took me. It was like twenty four hours.

0:39:43.800 --> 0:39:45.520
<v Speaker 7>And then I missed my daughter so much that I

0:39:45.600 --> 0:39:48.319
<v Speaker 7>had to I had to ever come come back home.

0:39:48.400 --> 0:39:50.600
<v Speaker 7>But you know, it is a.

0:39:50.719 --> 0:39:55.480
<v Speaker 2>Forstance for sharing that, but also to remember we still

0:39:55.480 --> 0:39:57.960
<v Speaker 2>have our family. It just looks different, yes, it just

0:39:57.960 --> 0:39:59.799
<v Speaker 2>looks and they still need us, you know.

0:40:00.120 --> 0:40:03.160
<v Speaker 7>Yeah, So I I didn't know I was going to

0:40:03.239 --> 0:40:06.120
<v Speaker 7>go deep into that moment when I was going through it,

0:40:07.400 --> 0:40:10.200
<v Speaker 7>but I would just My point was definitely to say

0:40:10.239 --> 0:40:14.759
<v Speaker 7>that it's it's super hard to end a marriage, you know,

0:40:14.920 --> 0:40:17.640
<v Speaker 7>and so you're you're very very strong in order to

0:40:17.680 --> 0:40:21.400
<v Speaker 7>do that and make that decision that that takes a

0:40:21.400 --> 0:40:23.800
<v Speaker 7>lot of strength. And so we can read these stupid

0:40:23.840 --> 0:40:27.879
<v Speaker 7>comments and they're like nothing compared to what we've been through. Really,

0:40:27.920 --> 0:40:28.919
<v Speaker 7>when it comes down to.

0:40:28.840 --> 0:40:35.560
<v Speaker 2>It, Amy, you have filled filled me up with a

0:40:35.560 --> 0:40:37.960
<v Speaker 2>lot of strength because you're a very strong woman as well.

0:40:38.040 --> 0:40:40.920
<v Speaker 2>And I'm going to be rooting for you on TLC's

0:40:40.920 --> 0:40:42.839
<v Speaker 2>Addicted to Marriage, and I'm so excited to see what

0:40:42.920 --> 0:40:45.319
<v Speaker 2>happens with you and Gino. And I'm going to text

0:40:45.320 --> 0:40:47.319
<v Speaker 2>you on the side and you better tell me so.

0:40:48.840 --> 0:40:51.480
<v Speaker 2>But you're the best, Amy, and I'll talk to you soon, Okay,

0:40:51.640 --> 0:40:52.600
<v Speaker 2>I'll make sure we can.

0:40:53.320 --> 0:40:57.200
<v Speaker 3>Okay, Ladies, my girl, Oh my god, she's my new

0:40:57.200 --> 0:40:58.920
<v Speaker 3>best friend. Sorry, Gather you go.

0:40:59.120 --> 0:41:02.640
<v Speaker 1>It's okay. You need someone like her, I do for sure,

0:41:02.680 --> 0:41:04.319
<v Speaker 1>because you guys just don't get me.

0:41:06.400 --> 0:41:09.279
<v Speaker 2>Fascinating. I wonder if she ends up with Gina. I mean, hey,

0:41:09.280 --> 0:41:11.000
<v Speaker 2>Elizabeth Taylor was married how many times?

0:41:11.320 --> 0:41:11.560
<v Speaker 3>Five?

0:41:11.800 --> 0:41:17.120
<v Speaker 1>I think five. Yeah, yeah, I mean j Lo she's

0:41:17.160 --> 0:41:19.600
<v Speaker 1>like the queen, so it's right. As long as you

0:41:19.600 --> 0:41:21.440
<v Speaker 1>don't have more than Jay Long, you're good to go.

0:41:21.600 --> 0:41:22.279
<v Speaker 3>I think we're tired.

0:41:22.440 --> 0:41:23.040
<v Speaker 4>I don't know.

0:41:27.400 --> 0:41:29.520
<v Speaker 3>That was actually laughing. I'm like, was that the shame laughing?

0:41:29.640 --> 0:41:31.560
<v Speaker 1>Or I know that makes me because like then I

0:41:31.600 --> 0:41:33.520
<v Speaker 1>was like, oh I feel bad because we laugh about it.

0:41:33.600 --> 0:41:36.399
<v Speaker 3>No, but I mean you know you have to. Yeah,

0:41:36.520 --> 0:41:37.360
<v Speaker 3>sometimes you just have to.

0:41:37.520 --> 0:41:40.320
<v Speaker 4>Hi, Mark, Hi, Liz Taylor was married eight times to

0:41:40.400 --> 0:41:40.839
<v Speaker 4>seven men.

0:41:41.000 --> 0:41:42.919
<v Speaker 1>Eight seven men?

0:41:42.920 --> 0:41:44.680
<v Speaker 3>Interesting one woman?

0:41:45.680 --> 0:41:47.360
<v Speaker 4>No, d.

0:41:52.880 --> 0:41:55.480
<v Speaker 3>It's so funny. What about j Loo?

0:41:57.120 --> 0:41:58.399
<v Speaker 4>Larry King also eight times?

0:41:58.480 --> 0:42:03.759
<v Speaker 3>Let me look up to you five Jennifer Lopez just three.

0:42:03.920 --> 0:42:06.400
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you'll want to try to think who's going to

0:42:06.440 --> 0:42:10.440
<v Speaker 1>get married first? Mar or j That's a fun game.

0:42:10.480 --> 0:42:11.479
<v Speaker 3>Do you think I'll get married again?

0:42:12.480 --> 0:42:18.560
<v Speaker 1>Mm hmm you were hurt me? Oh yeah, I thought

0:42:18.600 --> 0:42:21.680
<v Speaker 1>you meant. I was like, really, oh no, I definitely think,

0:42:24.040 --> 0:42:26.160
<v Speaker 1>not a doubt. Already planning my dress. Where are we

0:42:26.239 --> 0:42:28.000
<v Speaker 1>doing this wedding? I don't know how the man is,

0:42:28.120 --> 0:42:30.200
<v Speaker 1>but we're there. We're going to be fighting for made

0:42:30.200 --> 0:42:30.560
<v Speaker 1>of honor.

0:42:34.520 --> 0:42:39.800
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, you will have to. We'll see Mark wants you

0:42:39.800 --> 0:42:41.839
<v Speaker 3>ain't get none, not yet.

0:42:41.880 --> 0:42:45.520
<v Speaker 4>Well, is there any update? My understanding is that we're

0:42:45.560 --> 0:42:46.319
<v Speaker 4>back to square one.

0:42:48.560 --> 0:42:49.480
<v Speaker 3>We're in a square.

0:42:51.800 --> 0:42:53.120
<v Speaker 1>We are in a square.

0:42:53.960 --> 0:42:56.120
<v Speaker 4>What number square is to be determined.

0:42:56.960 --> 0:42:57.800
<v Speaker 3>We're in a square.

0:42:58.000 --> 0:43:01.480
<v Speaker 2>And when I have more information, I will tell you,

0:43:01.520 --> 0:43:05.000
<v Speaker 2>but I think you will approve hands down.

0:43:05.560 --> 0:43:08.520
<v Speaker 4>Okay, Now I gotta be careful here because.

0:43:08.440 --> 0:43:09.520
<v Speaker 3>We don't want to edit a show.

0:43:10.080 --> 0:43:12.279
<v Speaker 5>You and I had a chit chat a couple of

0:43:12.280 --> 0:43:13.600
<v Speaker 5>weeks ago off air.

0:43:13.880 --> 0:43:17.600
<v Speaker 4>Yes, is that guy still in the picture.

0:43:17.920 --> 0:43:21.719
<v Speaker 5>No, that's what That's why I thought, because that's what

0:43:21.760 --> 0:43:22.640
<v Speaker 5>I was aware of. Yeah.

0:43:22.680 --> 0:43:25.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I think what I've realized is like, if it's

0:43:25.320 --> 0:43:31.279
<v Speaker 2>not something that, if it's not so I wrote that letter,

0:43:31.400 --> 0:43:32.840
<v Speaker 2>you know, and I'm like, I'm just not going to

0:43:32.920 --> 0:43:35.279
<v Speaker 2>not settle for anything that's not on that letter. And

0:43:35.560 --> 0:43:41.080
<v Speaker 2>I started to realize that I didn't want to have

0:43:41.160 --> 0:43:45.440
<v Speaker 2>to compromise things that were important to me. And also

0:43:45.520 --> 0:43:47.560
<v Speaker 2>I think long distance would have been really hard as well.

0:43:48.480 --> 0:43:52.640
<v Speaker 2>And yeah, so okay.

0:43:52.320 --> 0:43:54.120
<v Speaker 4>But there are still options in.

0:43:54.080 --> 0:43:57.120
<v Speaker 3>Play, options in play great, fantastic.

0:43:57.320 --> 0:43:59.239
<v Speaker 4>Well, I'm looking forward to hearing more about them when

0:43:59.239 --> 0:43:59.839
<v Speaker 4>the time is right.

0:44:00.000 --> 0:44:02.200
<v Speaker 3>Thank you, Mark, and don't worry you will have the

0:44:02.280 --> 0:44:08.200
<v Speaker 3>breaking news then and then then then, but stay on.

0:44:08.280 --> 0:44:11.960
<v Speaker 2>I'll tell you afterwards, okay, okay, great, Bye, bye guys,

0:44:11.960 --> 0:44:12.719
<v Speaker 2>I'll see you next week.