1 00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:05,359 Speaker 1: Swind Down with Janet Kramer did I'm Heart Radio podcast? 2 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,879 Speaker 2: So apparently I've been walking around with strap for about 3 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,119 Speaker 2: a month and a half. 4 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:14,680 Speaker 3: I didn't know that was dangerous to do that. 5 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:17,239 Speaker 4: I didn't know you could do that. I thought it 6 00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:18,160 Speaker 4: would be debilitating. 7 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:19,800 Speaker 3: Well it has been. 8 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:25,120 Speaker 2: Did I not cry on the plane back from la 9 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:26,119 Speaker 2: And she looked over to me. 10 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,280 Speaker 3: I was like, I'm in so much pain. 11 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:31,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sorry. 12 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:34,239 Speaker 4: Just why wouldn't you get checked when it hurts for 13 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:34,920 Speaker 4: that long? 14 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:41,279 Speaker 2: Would you like to see my calendar mark you the doctor? I? Okay, so, 15 00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 2: but that's that's what can So that's what like also 16 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,520 Speaker 2: confuses me. So it's like a mystery. It's a mystery, 17 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,680 Speaker 2: like a deep lucy. 18 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:55,480 Speaker 3: Anyways, you can take it. It's so good. 19 00:00:56,520 --> 00:01:01,080 Speaker 2: So I I mean, I'm not by the way, it's 20 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:03,080 Speaker 2: like all Champagne problems. But at the same time, I 21 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:05,760 Speaker 2: had no idea that it's the moral of the story is 22 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:10,720 Speaker 2: don't wait for your health get checked. Yeah, right, right, 23 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:14,640 Speaker 2: So about like a month and a half ago, I 24 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,600 Speaker 2: was complaining to her, I'm like, my my lymph notes hurt. 25 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:25,840 Speaker 2: So I was just chalking it up to drainage, allergies, whatever. 26 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,160 Speaker 2: Fighting off something right. 27 00:01:28,319 --> 00:01:30,440 Speaker 5: Allergies is always the great excuse to not go get 28 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:31,720 Speaker 5: checked out. Oh it's just allergies. 29 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:34,120 Speaker 3: I'm fine, Yeah, totally. 30 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,400 Speaker 2: And I'm like, it's like the allergy season, you know, 31 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,360 Speaker 2: it's fall break, Like this is what this is, this 32 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:40,200 Speaker 2: is what it is, this is this is what it is. 33 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:44,039 Speaker 2: So yeah, went through that, and and then it kept 34 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 2: getting worse. But I just kept popping Advil, like and 35 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,400 Speaker 2: I got to like eight hundred milligrams every four hours 36 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,120 Speaker 2: of Adville, so like, I probably. 37 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:53,960 Speaker 3: Have an ulcer now. 38 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:56,200 Speaker 1: I might want to watch that. 39 00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 2: But I was like, but I just honestly, I just 40 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,400 Speaker 2: I've I've been like, you know, a lot going on. 41 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 2: And then but then one of the nights I couldn't sleep. 42 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:07,680 Speaker 2: I was like it was in my ear. So I 43 00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,840 Speaker 2: was laying down and I'm like, I gotta get this checked. 44 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,880 Speaker 2: So I go to this walking clinic and I was 45 00:02:11,919 --> 00:02:13,800 Speaker 2: telling her how long my lymph notes has been hurting 46 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,480 Speaker 2: and she's like, oh, that's very scary. She's like you 47 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 2: need to go get an ultra sound. And I was like, 48 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:22,840 Speaker 2: I was like why. She's like, well, you could have cancer. Oh, 49 00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:25,880 Speaker 2: And I was like I'm sorry, I'm about to bord 50 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:27,799 Speaker 2: a plane to Ireland, and this is the information that 51 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 2: you're giving me right now, Like can we start with 52 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 2: like strep or like some kind of do. 53 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,880 Speaker 4: You have other symptoms beyond intense. 54 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,120 Speaker 2: Sore throat so it's not it's okay. So like I've 55 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,079 Speaker 2: had a sore throat before, it wasn't a sore throat, 56 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 2: like it was like just my glands, but when I 57 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:46,520 Speaker 2: would swallow, I'd feel it like in my lymph notes right, okay, yeah, 58 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,840 Speaker 2: so but that was it, I mean again and be 59 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 2: the big of a fever. I'm like, oh, I don't know, 60 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 2: I've been taking so much advil that I couldn't tell 61 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:53,800 Speaker 2: you if. 62 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 4: I might maybe probably. 63 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 3: Your body's age, yeah, like probably, so you know. 64 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 2: And I'm like and I've been tired and stuff and 65 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:09,360 Speaker 2: so cut to So she's like, you know, you should 66 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:10,760 Speaker 2: actually go to your doctor. 67 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,720 Speaker 3: I'm like, well, I have to board a plane to Ireland. 68 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,639 Speaker 3: So I end up. I'm like, I was like, I'll 69 00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:18,280 Speaker 3: see it, And how many times is I delaying the doctor? 70 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,160 Speaker 3: When I was even with you? After I kept I 71 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 3: was like, you have to mean to. 72 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,400 Speaker 2: Go and I was like, I'm sure it's fine, like 73 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:27,399 Speaker 2: it's sure, it's fine. So anyways, go to Ireland blah 74 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:31,919 Speaker 2: blah blah, then go to Wilmington and then and then 75 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:35,800 Speaker 2: have a few days here go to La. But when 76 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,480 Speaker 2: I was in La, I was just like, I mean 77 00:03:38,520 --> 00:03:42,240 Speaker 2: it it like it was so bad where I again 78 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,120 Speaker 2: at the plane, I just started crying because I didn't 79 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:45,840 Speaker 2: but I didn't know if it was like I'm I 80 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:47,480 Speaker 2: guess I'm in a lot of pain, and like the 81 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:51,400 Speaker 2: advil was then not doing anything anymore. And but also 82 00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 2: like I think my body was just like you're at 83 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:54,360 Speaker 2: the end of your travel now and now you're just 84 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:59,080 Speaker 2: going to completely shut down. So I I land and 85 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:00,480 Speaker 2: I'm like I have to go. So I have to 86 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:02,720 Speaker 2: somehow get Jason in time to pick him up, and 87 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,680 Speaker 2: then I have to get Joeli in time for bus stop. 88 00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:05,840 Speaker 2: And I'm like, but I have to go to a 89 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,600 Speaker 2: walking clinic because I'm like, my I don't know what's 90 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 2: going I'm dying. I don't know, like what's going on 91 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:12,040 Speaker 2: with me. I'm in a lot of pain. I just 92 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,360 Speaker 2: and then so I email the doctor. I was like, 93 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:16,000 Speaker 2: can you just write me a pain prescription medicine for something? 94 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:17,880 Speaker 2: And she's like, no, like, we can't do that. 95 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:20,599 Speaker 4: No, sorry, it works? 96 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 2: Why and this is how why not? She was because 97 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,440 Speaker 2: you can't just mask pain with something, and I was like, 98 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,360 Speaker 2: yes you can. It's called alcohol. 99 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:32,720 Speaker 1: You don't do that. 100 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,720 Speaker 2: I don't, which is why I didn't drink. You don't 101 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:37,960 Speaker 2: drink when you have exactly I don't drink because I 102 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:42,120 Speaker 2: don't want to ask anything. So I was like, please, like, 103 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:43,520 Speaker 2: just give me a perk. And I'm like, okay, maybe 104 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 2: I've got some percose to give me some like oxy 105 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,040 Speaker 2: or something like that. I'm like, I think I got 106 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,280 Speaker 2: some left over from my boobs. But I was like, no, 107 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:51,760 Speaker 2: well I'll get checked out. And she's like, well see 108 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:53,599 Speaker 2: if you have She's like you might have mono. She's like, 109 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 2: you might have some strap. I'm like, I don't have 110 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:57,200 Speaker 2: strip like I have it had strap since fifth grade, 111 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 2: like or I don't even like this is like not strap. 112 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:00,560 Speaker 3: I know because I know. 113 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,920 Speaker 2: So So anyways, I'm thinking of all those things, like 114 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,040 Speaker 2: how am I going to go from here to there? 115 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:08,200 Speaker 2: So I text Pamela and I'm like, hey, can you 116 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,160 Speaker 2: pick up Jolie when you pick up Harlow? 117 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:11,880 Speaker 3: She's like absolutely, I got you. 118 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 1: Cool. 119 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,320 Speaker 2: Well there's an hour wait at the walking clinic, and 120 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 2: she's like on my ass about you, and like the 121 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,760 Speaker 2: fucking proof it's their ful. 122 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:20,160 Speaker 3: Yeah. 123 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:23,960 Speaker 2: So I'm like, Catherine, it's an hour way and so, 124 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 2: and mind you, I didn't pack any snacks for Jase 125 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,880 Speaker 2: while I was there, so it's now past his dinner 126 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 2: time and I've got a screaming kid. We're at the 127 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,600 Speaker 2: walk in clinic. I'm in so much pain. I'm like, 128 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 2: just give me drugs, like it just gives me something. 129 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:38,080 Speaker 3: I'm in pain. 130 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,719 Speaker 2: So they take my blood, they do a strep test, 131 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:43,440 Speaker 2: everything else. 132 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:44,960 Speaker 4: Those are not fun. 133 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 3: The strip test, yeah. 134 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:47,440 Speaker 1: They're not. 135 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,720 Speaker 3: If it's not a gonat want something that far back 136 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:50,200 Speaker 3: in my head? 137 00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:55,599 Speaker 5: Okay, hey oh wow, there we go. 138 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 6: That was that was That was a softball. It was 139 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:10,120 Speaker 6: a softball and it literally so anyways, I was like, cool, 140 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:15,719 Speaker 6: this is happening. Cut to I have strap, right, and 141 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,680 Speaker 6: she's like, yep, you have strap, blah blah blah. And 142 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:20,600 Speaker 6: then it comes to find out that my blood work 143 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,839 Speaker 6: so apparently I also had mono. So I've been walking 144 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:28,599 Speaker 6: around with Mono and then I got strap, so. 145 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,599 Speaker 1: So you may not have been walking around with strap. 146 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:30,400 Speaker 1: This whole time entry. 147 00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,960 Speaker 2: No, I think the strap maybe probably just came. I 148 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:35,200 Speaker 2: don't know that my throat the last time. And she's like, 149 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:36,120 Speaker 2: your throat looks fine. 150 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,680 Speaker 1: Well, it can look fine and still have strap, unfortunately. 151 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 1: But my guess is you've had mono for a month 152 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 1: and then since you were your immunity was, your immune 153 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,920 Speaker 1: system was like down here and you were traveling, then 154 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:48,560 Speaker 1: you got strapped. 155 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,120 Speaker 4: Yeah, and also, you know, the. 156 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 5: Glory times of strap in your life are when you're 157 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 5: a kid and when you have kids. I don't know 158 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,320 Speaker 5: if they gave you the strap, but when you have kids, 159 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:58,239 Speaker 5: you're gonna get SPA. 160 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 1: That's what I said. I said, I bet your kids. 161 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 1: To check your kids. 162 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean maybe, I mean they're still they're still 163 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 2: confide it's not I'm not really sure. But the moral 164 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,560 Speaker 2: of it was when I got back, I mean, I 165 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 2: literally poor Pamelin. When I went to go pick up Jolie, 166 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:17,600 Speaker 2: I was Jase was screaming in the backseat of the car. 167 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 2: I am bawling because I think my body was just 168 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 2: physically just shutting down from all the travel, all the 169 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:22,560 Speaker 2: different Like. 170 00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,840 Speaker 3: I was like, She's like, how can I help you? 171 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,640 Speaker 3: I was like, I don't need your help, Like I'm fine, 172 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:32,200 Speaker 3: I've got it. She's like she was just like watching her, 173 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 3: like have me drive away. She was like, I want 174 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:35,000 Speaker 3: to help you. 175 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,480 Speaker 4: I was like, I don't need that. 176 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 5: You know what. 177 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:41,560 Speaker 1: I just realized, Yeah, that you're text to me that 178 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:45,360 Speaker 1: said it's an hour weight was not just like letting 179 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,680 Speaker 1: me know that it was gonna be an hour weight. 180 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,720 Speaker 1: It was like your way of being like, I need 181 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:50,920 Speaker 1: help but afraid to say it. 182 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:51,720 Speaker 3: Oh yeah. 183 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 2: I have the hardest time of asking for help. And 184 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,680 Speaker 2: I talked to my therapist today about it because I 185 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:01,600 Speaker 2: ended up. I ended up asking for help. But it's 186 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:05,040 Speaker 2: weird that I couldn't ask my friends for help because 187 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 2: I'm just I don't know what it is like. I'm 188 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,000 Speaker 2: just like, I don't want to inconvenience. 189 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,560 Speaker 1: Well, I think because when you're a mom and you 190 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,640 Speaker 1: have other moms, it's hard because you know they have 191 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:15,560 Speaker 1: other stuff too, or they have whatever, but you just 192 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:16,080 Speaker 1: gotta ask. 193 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,560 Speaker 2: And then I felt really bad because I when I 194 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 2: came in the house, Julie's like, are you okay? And 195 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:23,240 Speaker 2: then I just again like body just like shut down, 196 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 2: and I was like, mommy doesn't feel good, and then 197 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:28,400 Speaker 2: she just gave me the sweetest hug that I'll just 198 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:31,040 Speaker 2: like never forget, how like sweet like and how how 199 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:35,600 Speaker 2: much EmPATH she she had, empathy she had, and and 200 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,240 Speaker 2: then I remember and then I went in the tub 201 00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,200 Speaker 2: and then I bowled for like another hour, and then 202 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,920 Speaker 2: I was good. I'm like, I just I think I 203 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 2: think it was just a lot the last like month. 204 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,360 Speaker 1: You like called me this morning, You're like, all right, 205 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:46,959 Speaker 1: ready to go. I was like, oh, I thought we 206 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 1: were still gonna be but. 207 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:52,600 Speaker 2: Like, nope, I'm on a moxicillin. I'm gonna keep on going. 208 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,679 Speaker 2: I told my therapist today, I was like she and 209 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,320 Speaker 2: she agreed with me. She's like, you you fight hard 210 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 2: and you break hard. 211 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:01,720 Speaker 3: And I was like, yep, spectacular. Oh my god, it 212 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:02,320 Speaker 3: was a dream. 213 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:03,040 Speaker 4: Yeah. 214 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,120 Speaker 2: We talked about it last week and it was just 215 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:08,319 Speaker 2: like such a dream like it was amazing. 216 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:11,040 Speaker 1: Can I also just preface for everybody listening. She had 217 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,160 Speaker 1: lots of COVID tests during this time, so she wasn't 218 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,160 Speaker 1: walking around with COVID. 219 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:14,440 Speaker 6: No. 220 00:09:14,559 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 4: I was wondering about that too, because. 221 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:17,160 Speaker 1: Now I don't want people are thinking. 222 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,679 Speaker 5: I know, it's really dry in La. So almost every 223 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,440 Speaker 5: day you wake up with a sort of with your 224 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,360 Speaker 5: mouth open, like, oh my god, COVID. It's so it's 225 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:25,720 Speaker 5: every tiny little symptom you're so afraid of. 226 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,000 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, but you had like what two or three 227 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,080 Speaker 1: COVID tests in that time. 228 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:29,679 Speaker 3: I had a bunch. 229 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:30,040 Speaker 1: Yeah. 230 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, so I've had a bunch. 231 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,840 Speaker 1: I want to make sure you don't you get hit 232 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:34,880 Speaker 1: up with that. Yeah. 233 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,119 Speaker 3: Well, you know, so last week. 234 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:43,160 Speaker 2: Catherine really got handed the uh kind of the end 235 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:45,280 Speaker 2: of the stick. So I figured it would be only 236 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,200 Speaker 2: fair if the favor was returned to me. 237 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:51,760 Speaker 3: And we have. 238 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:56,120 Speaker 2: A guest who was in the waiting room who has 239 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:59,000 Speaker 2: been married. How many times she's on her going on 240 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:03,040 Speaker 2: her fit, going on her with marriage, She's on TLC's 241 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 2: addicted to marriage. So I am just excited to talk 242 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:11,600 Speaker 2: to her because I have no you just wait, I've 243 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,400 Speaker 2: just never I mean, I don't know what that's like 244 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,079 Speaker 2: to have a bunch of marriages, you know, no idea. 245 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:33,920 Speaker 2: So let's take a break and then bring her on. Hi, Amy, 246 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 2: how are you Hi? 247 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:38,960 Speaker 7: I have to start off by honestly, can I just say, 248 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:44,080 Speaker 7: like I this is everything to me right now. I've 249 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:49,160 Speaker 7: read your book, I listen to your podcast. I am 250 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 7: I steel super, super blessed to be talking to you 251 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:52,280 Speaker 7: right now. 252 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:53,200 Speaker 4: I have been. 253 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 7: You've been honestly played a role in getting through some 254 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:02,240 Speaker 7: serious issues I've had with feeling like I have nobody 255 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:05,080 Speaker 7: to talk to. None of my girlfriends have been through 256 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:08,480 Speaker 7: what I've been through. Nobody can relate to me. They're 257 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:11,640 Speaker 7: there for me, they support me. I have somebody to 258 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:17,200 Speaker 7: talk to, but the relatability factor has really been missing 259 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,520 Speaker 7: for me. So this is a big deal. 260 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:21,040 Speaker 5: Wow, thank you. 261 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,720 Speaker 7: I feel like I have I feel like I'm talking 262 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:24,880 Speaker 7: to someone who you know what I mean, and who 263 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:28,120 Speaker 7: has walked down a similar path as me. And I 264 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,960 Speaker 7: know you were talking to Claire the other day because, 265 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,640 Speaker 7: like I said, I listened to this podcast and I 266 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:36,360 Speaker 7: just thought that was such a beautiful thing that you 267 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:40,880 Speaker 7: have someone that can truly relate to you. And it 268 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:44,560 Speaker 7: sounds like you guys just connected on so many levels 269 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,640 Speaker 7: and can relate to each other on so many levels. 270 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:51,360 Speaker 7: And so I'm excited that if something from good from 271 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,400 Speaker 7: the show comes for me putting myself out there and 272 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:56,800 Speaker 7: being vulnerable and being judged, like you just said, getting 273 00:11:56,840 --> 00:12:00,319 Speaker 7: to just talk to you and talk to another female 274 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:05,120 Speaker 7: badass woman who's successful has her head on straight, is smart, 275 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 7: is an amazing mother. But I'm not perfect. I do 276 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:12,319 Speaker 7: make mistakes and these are you know, this is where 277 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,920 Speaker 7: Amy isn't the best, you know what I mean. I 278 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:18,000 Speaker 7: don't make the best decisions for myself when it comes 279 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:21,200 Speaker 7: to relationships, and I just and so many times, and 280 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:24,400 Speaker 7: so it's nice to talk to somebody who can relate 281 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,720 Speaker 7: to me and I can relate to So thank. 282 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 2: You well for I so appreciate you saying all that, 283 00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:31,720 Speaker 2: and thank you and thank you for coming on too, 284 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,920 Speaker 2: and yeah, I hear you. I mean, it's it is. 285 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:37,880 Speaker 2: It's hard, and I say it with whenever I do 286 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:42,319 Speaker 2: talk about it, I mask my own shame around it 287 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,760 Speaker 2: with like laughing, you know, like even the beginning, like oh, 288 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:46,760 Speaker 2: we get to pay the favorite back like to me today, 289 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,640 Speaker 2: like make it, you know, because ha ha ha. I've 290 00:12:48,679 --> 00:12:52,000 Speaker 2: been married and it's like I think there's like a 291 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 2: lot of like I'm not and I was just telling 292 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:57,400 Speaker 2: someone because you know, like I'm back in the dating 293 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,880 Speaker 2: world now and it's like I have to re explain 294 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,280 Speaker 2: to someone like why I've made these really poor decisions 295 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:06,080 Speaker 2: and what I've learned from it, and like also like 296 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:07,800 Speaker 2: here we go, is he going to judge me now 297 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,199 Speaker 2: because of the past decisions I've made or the trauma 298 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:14,800 Speaker 2: or any of those things. And it's like, but when 299 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,840 Speaker 2: I do get judged, that's when the shame comes in. 300 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 2: So now I'm trying to be like, you know what, 301 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,440 Speaker 2: if he does judge me, then I want to get 302 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:24,240 Speaker 2: to a place where I'm like and that. But instead 303 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,200 Speaker 2: of even getting to that place, I go, but you 304 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,960 Speaker 2: know what, I wouldn't take any even back. I've learned 305 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:30,959 Speaker 2: so much about myself and I'm really freaking proud of 306 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,880 Speaker 2: myself because I'm here, and instead of staying in things 307 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 2: that were either abusive or toxic or just really bad relationships, 308 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:43,600 Speaker 2: I've grown in each one. And again, would we have 309 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,199 Speaker 2: wanted to not be in any of those relationships, Yeah, 310 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,319 Speaker 2: but we can at least talk about it and hopefully 311 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,839 Speaker 2: help and guide other people that have been in those situations. 312 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:51,520 Speaker 4: Yeah. 313 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:53,520 Speaker 7: No, there's two sides to it, like you're saying, like 314 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:57,640 Speaker 7: one is I've carried around the shame with me for many, 315 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:00,160 Speaker 7: many years because my first marriage was at eighteen, right 316 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:02,760 Speaker 7: out of high school. My second one was by the 317 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,480 Speaker 7: time I was twenty one, So two of my four 318 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,920 Speaker 7: marriages were before I should have ever even been thinking 319 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:12,120 Speaker 7: about it, sure, you know, and like this is this 320 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 7: is not just a twenty five minute conversation. You know, 321 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,120 Speaker 7: are past and what we've been through and why we've 322 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,800 Speaker 7: made the decisions we've made, and you know, but I did. 323 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,520 Speaker 7: I got married two times before, right before I was 324 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:26,000 Speaker 7: twenty one, and then I waited another. It's like eight 325 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,920 Speaker 7: years till the next one. But it's like I feel 326 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:34,120 Speaker 7: it's confusing because at times I feel super shameful and embarrassed, 327 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,960 Speaker 7: you know, because I feel like some people are going 328 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 7: to say if they don't know me well enough, then 329 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,840 Speaker 7: they're going to judge me based off of that and 330 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,520 Speaker 7: say that that and assume that defines who I must 331 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,960 Speaker 7: be as a whole. And it's just not It's not 332 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:51,440 Speaker 7: just because I've made mistakes and relationships doesn't mean I 333 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,800 Speaker 7: suck at every other aspect of my life, you know, 334 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:58,400 Speaker 7: because I don't. I love super hard. I'm like, and 335 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,680 Speaker 7: when I read your book, I'm telling I had this 336 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:06,360 Speaker 7: huge epiphany that changed me, Jana, Like you said, I've 337 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:09,360 Speaker 7: never heard the term before, but addicted to love like 338 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 7: that Before you said that, I was always trying to 339 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,320 Speaker 7: figure out what is wrong with me? What's wrong with me? 340 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:24,600 Speaker 7: Like I am an amazing partner. I sacrifice and compromise 341 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:29,120 Speaker 7: and nurture and love so hard in my relationships, but 342 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,160 Speaker 7: none of them seem to work out ever, you know. 343 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:35,720 Speaker 7: But when you said, you know you're the addicted to love, 344 00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:41,240 Speaker 7: I was like, that's what I am. I love being 345 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:43,960 Speaker 7: in love. And that's not even just with a man. 346 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:47,600 Speaker 7: That's like my kids. I have three girls, Like I 347 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:51,880 Speaker 7: love my girls hard, you know, I love my girlfriend's hard, 348 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,560 Speaker 7: you know, just in different capacities. And I think one 349 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:59,960 Speaker 7: thing I've really learned, like out of the most recent divorce. 350 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 3: Was how long was that marriage? 351 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:06,880 Speaker 7: For? That one was short? My second two were only 352 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:10,400 Speaker 7: eight months? In about ten months, you know, I mean. 353 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:14,360 Speaker 7: And again I went into all four of these marriages 354 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,840 Speaker 7: never wanting to get divorced. Like it wasn't like hey, 355 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 7: I love having a wedding, or this is fun, or 356 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 7: I want to be a princess or any of that crap. 357 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,880 Speaker 7: It was like, I really, I really thought I was 358 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:29,560 Speaker 7: in love, you know. And I and like you said, 359 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:33,160 Speaker 7: I want to really embrace being proud of being the 360 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,240 Speaker 7: kind of woman that someone can fall for quickly I've 361 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:40,320 Speaker 7: never pressured anyone to ask me. I've never you know 362 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:43,120 Speaker 7: what I mean, I've never forced anything. It's always been 363 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 7: supernatural and we both just kind of fall into it 364 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,200 Speaker 7: super fast, you know. And so I think one thing 365 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:55,640 Speaker 7: I've learned recently is two things. I can love a 366 00:16:55,720 --> 00:17:00,880 Speaker 7: man in different capacities, right, so I can have different 367 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:04,400 Speaker 7: levels of love for a man. I used to think 368 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,920 Speaker 7: that when I would meet a man and we connect, 369 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:10,840 Speaker 7: it that means, you know, we're exclusive, we're together, and 370 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:13,399 Speaker 7: I just dive in. And I'm a serial monogamist is 371 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,040 Speaker 7: kind of what I like to say too. I found 372 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:18,080 Speaker 7: that out about myself. I am a serial monogamist. Like 373 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:20,480 Speaker 7: I don't want to date around, I don't want to 374 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:23,840 Speaker 7: sleep around. You know, I met you, we connect, I'm 375 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,720 Speaker 7: going for this, like, let's see where this goes. And 376 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,439 Speaker 7: it would typically always end up in a committed relationship 377 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:32,960 Speaker 7: and then marriage. And I just have learned that it's 378 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 7: okay for me to meet a man and maybe he's 379 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:39,440 Speaker 7: just going to be love at a different level or 380 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:42,000 Speaker 7: a different capacity, and it doesn't have to be that 381 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:43,840 Speaker 7: just because I like him or he's funny or we're 382 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:45,920 Speaker 7: having a good time together or whatever that that means 383 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:48,159 Speaker 7: we have to get married, you know, Let's give it 384 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:51,520 Speaker 7: some time and see what level, what level, and what 385 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:54,359 Speaker 7: capacity he really should be at, Like does he really 386 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:59,240 Speaker 7: deserve the kind of love that you Amy gives, which 387 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:02,240 Speaker 7: is not very common? And I'm super proud to say 388 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:05,120 Speaker 7: that it's not common the kind of love that I give, 389 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,720 Speaker 7: and so I'm really proud of that, and I'm really 390 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,920 Speaker 7: trying to learn to embrace the bye. That's why I've 391 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 7: been married four times. I love super hard. I love 392 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,640 Speaker 7: to commit, you know, and I love to say yes 393 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,000 Speaker 7: when I feel like it feels right. 394 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,800 Speaker 2: Have you noticed a common thread in any of your 395 00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:22,920 Speaker 2: past marriages, like with the men? 396 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:29,000 Speaker 7: Yes, one is I feel like that I attract men 397 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:33,439 Speaker 7: who are need me as much as they want me. 398 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:36,480 Speaker 7: I think like I feel like they're all and not 399 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:39,119 Speaker 7: saying that I don't that there's nothing wrong with me 400 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,400 Speaker 7: and I'm perfect, but you know what I mean, there's 401 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:46,880 Speaker 7: there's a kind of fixing that they all needed or 402 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,680 Speaker 7: we're looking for. So they were looking for a certain 403 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:52,600 Speaker 7: kind of love. I was looking for a certain kind 404 00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:55,720 Speaker 7: of love and it was different. I don't need I'm 405 00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:59,400 Speaker 7: a super happy person. I'm a healthy person. I'm big 406 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:03,600 Speaker 7: into healthy lifestyle. You know. I work at a gym, 407 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:06,040 Speaker 7: so I live a very healthy lifestyle. I'm not I 408 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,560 Speaker 7: don't have an I want to say I don't have 409 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,960 Speaker 7: an addictive personality. But I did find out through you 410 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,680 Speaker 7: that I am addicted to love for sure, and it 411 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 7: just felt good again. It just felt good to be 412 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:19,080 Speaker 7: able to kind of sort of put a label on it, 413 00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:22,439 Speaker 7: I guess, you know, because not knowing was the worst, 414 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:26,840 Speaker 7: like thinking something's wrong with me, you know, And it's like, yeah, 415 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,440 Speaker 7: addicted to love. I mean, if I was going to 416 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,240 Speaker 7: be addicted to anything, I would want it to be that, 417 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,760 Speaker 7: to be honest, you know, out of all the other 418 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:36,080 Speaker 7: things in life, it could be. I'm I'm grateful. That's 419 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:37,080 Speaker 7: that's the problem I have. 420 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,080 Speaker 2: If you want it as long as it's serving, yeah, 421 00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:42,800 Speaker 2: in a in a healthy you know, in a healthy manner, 422 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:46,520 Speaker 2: because there's the part of it where it's the unhealthy 423 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:51,000 Speaker 2: addiction to love or you're like, for me, it's like 424 00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:54,840 Speaker 2: I want it so bad that I've chosen wrong because 425 00:19:54,880 --> 00:20:00,000 Speaker 2: of because of my own childhood traumas and my own 426 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:05,440 Speaker 2: needs for having that platonic family and for having you know, now, 427 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:10,399 Speaker 2: obviously that's that's gone. But you know, I I think 428 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,560 Speaker 2: there's something to be said about like the unhealthiness of 429 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:14,680 Speaker 2: like of it as well. 430 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,239 Speaker 7: Yeah, and I think I agree with you, like I 431 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,760 Speaker 7: think we have this in common as well. My biological 432 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,280 Speaker 7: dad left when I was two, you know, so I 433 00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:27,840 Speaker 7: have I'm sure I have daddy issues, you know. I mean, 434 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,040 Speaker 7: I wouldn't say it affects me in my daily life. 435 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,159 Speaker 7: But what's funny about that with me, though, that I 436 00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:36,600 Speaker 7: think is a little different, is that each of these 437 00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 7: four marriages I did end them. I was the one 438 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:42,520 Speaker 7: who wanted to end the marriage eventually. But I think 439 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,119 Speaker 7: that I even though a couple of them were short, 440 00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:50,359 Speaker 7: there were there's two two that I oh in my 441 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,080 Speaker 7: engagement because I've been married four times plus an engagement 442 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:58,720 Speaker 7: that I broke off. There were three relationships that I 443 00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:03,719 Speaker 7: thought so working hard almost. I mean, I woke up 444 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,679 Speaker 7: one morning after a couple of years of you know, 445 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:10,199 Speaker 7: going through some emotional abuse and things like that and 446 00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:13,159 Speaker 7: sticking through it, is I think I'm actually scared to 447 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:19,000 Speaker 7: abandon somebody like I was. You know, I remember, like 448 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,679 Speaker 7: I can replay times in my head when I was 449 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,080 Speaker 7: a little girl, like my parents getting divorced when I 450 00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:26,800 Speaker 7: was two. My dad's supposed to come pick me up, 451 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,360 Speaker 7: you know what I mean. I have my little backpack 452 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,960 Speaker 7: packed and you play it like this little scene out 453 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,639 Speaker 7: of a movie, and he never shows up, you know 454 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,680 Speaker 7: what I mean? And so you feel that I'm forty 455 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,960 Speaker 7: five years old and I still remember that moment when 456 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,480 Speaker 7: I was probably about three years old, that he just stopped, 457 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 7: you know, wanting to be in my life and just 458 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:51,520 Speaker 7: never showed up literally, And so I I really I 459 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,400 Speaker 7: felt like, I don't want to do that to somebody, 460 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,560 Speaker 7: you know what I mean. I don't want to abandon 461 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,560 Speaker 7: somebody who has made a lot of mistakes. But they 462 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,480 Speaker 7: say they want to change, but then guess what, The 463 00:22:01,560 --> 00:22:05,359 Speaker 7: changes never happen, you know, the change never happens. I hear, 464 00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:09,439 Speaker 7: you know, empty promises and you know, and lies that 465 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:12,040 Speaker 7: they won't do this to me again. They won't treat 466 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,840 Speaker 7: me like that again, they won't do that again. I 467 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,560 Speaker 7: want to change. I want to be a better man. 468 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:19,000 Speaker 7: And so how do you turn your back on someone 469 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:22,040 Speaker 7: who says that they want to be better? You know 470 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,320 Speaker 7: that they want to change. You know, I'm not that 471 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:29,200 Speaker 7: kind of a person. So I never gave up on 472 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:35,000 Speaker 7: somebody until I literally physically almost cannot function anymore. That's 473 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:38,119 Speaker 7: how hard I really try to make it work, and 474 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:40,080 Speaker 7: it just never did for me. 475 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:47,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I mean I hear all of that. Where 476 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:51,800 Speaker 3: are you at now? Like are you? Are you dating 477 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:52,480 Speaker 3: anyone right now? 478 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:57,760 Speaker 7: Gen is yeah, the guy that's and you know, and 479 00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:01,280 Speaker 7: it'll be nice when all the episodisodes of air, and 480 00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:04,400 Speaker 7: I can, you know, because the show is great, it's 481 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:08,800 Speaker 7: been an amazing I wanted it to be an opportunity 482 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,320 Speaker 7: for me to one be vulnerable like you can, right 483 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,479 Speaker 7: because it's been something that I've been so ashamed of 484 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:18,040 Speaker 7: for so long, you know. And so I really thought 485 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:19,840 Speaker 7: this came in front of me a few times and 486 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,520 Speaker 7: I was like, no, no, no, I don't I don't 487 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,520 Speaker 7: think it's I don't think that's going to be good 488 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,359 Speaker 7: for me to do that emotionally. And then I thought, 489 00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:28,320 Speaker 7: you know what, Amy like the one, you still don't 490 00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,840 Speaker 7: one hundred percent know what your calling is. You've been 491 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:35,960 Speaker 7: you're a mom, you know, you've been a wife, but 492 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:40,280 Speaker 7: what is your calling? And and I really want to 493 00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:43,399 Speaker 7: use this platform and this opportunity to do what you've 494 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:47,640 Speaker 7: done for me right, which is put yourself out there 495 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:52,159 Speaker 7: and make yourself vulnerable. And when I felt so alone 496 00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,520 Speaker 7: and like I had nobody to relate to, I was like, 497 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,919 Speaker 7: there's got to be other women out there that have 498 00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:00,880 Speaker 7: been through what I've been through that feel like I 499 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:03,920 Speaker 7: feel alone because even though I would listen to you 500 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,280 Speaker 7: and read your book, I don't know you. You know what 501 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:11,439 Speaker 7: I mean. It wasn't like I had a girlfriend sitting 502 00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:13,800 Speaker 7: next to me that understood what it was going through. 503 00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:15,840 Speaker 7: So I just thought, at least if I can just 504 00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:20,399 Speaker 7: put myself out there, let other women know. Look, there's 505 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,600 Speaker 7: a handful of us out there that have been had 506 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:26,600 Speaker 7: a crazy life, a crazy life. I've lived a lot 507 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,840 Speaker 7: more than most women have in relationships, have been through 508 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,359 Speaker 7: a lot, you know, and I don't want it to 509 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:37,120 Speaker 7: be in vain or wasted time or you know, because yeah, 510 00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:40,640 Speaker 7: I mean, in this little conversation, just the cliff Notes 511 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,520 Speaker 7: version is it's been a lot, super heavy. 512 00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,520 Speaker 2: I mean, I'd love to connect to off the podcast 513 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:02,760 Speaker 2: because I I remember having this conversation and it's always again 514 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:09,919 Speaker 2: now that I'm now that I'm single and dating in 515 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:14,600 Speaker 2: the dating world, and I remember, this is like the 516 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:18,000 Speaker 2: worst thing to say, but like I remember, one of 517 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:19,720 Speaker 2: the reasons why I didn't want to get divorced is 518 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:23,199 Speaker 2: because I was like, who would honestly want me after 519 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:27,000 Speaker 2: now three even though like in my mind I have 520 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,960 Speaker 2: been married once, like I always say, like you can't 521 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:33,639 Speaker 2: count the when I was nineteen stupid went to see Elvis, 522 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,360 Speaker 2: knew the guy for two weeks, you know what I mean, 523 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:38,200 Speaker 2: Like that's stupid. And then the other guy I married 524 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:39,760 Speaker 2: for a week walked down the album. Was like, well, 525 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:41,720 Speaker 2: this is not right and I need to end this now. 526 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,320 Speaker 2: Like those weren't marriages. But in the guy that I 527 00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:46,560 Speaker 2: was like telling the stories, He's like, well, on paper 528 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:51,399 Speaker 2: like it was, And I'm like yeah, but like yes, fine, 529 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:54,000 Speaker 2: you want to do like on paper? Yes, on paper 530 00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:58,080 Speaker 2: technically yes, but like how can you call those marriages? Yeah, 531 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,480 Speaker 2: you can't, like and I'm like, my last one, one 532 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,240 Speaker 2: thousand percent, I was married and we fought for seven 533 00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:06,840 Speaker 2: fucking years, and like it ended, and I didn't want 534 00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:08,399 Speaker 2: it to end. But you know, one of the reasons 535 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:11,119 Speaker 2: why that I didn't want to end it was because 536 00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:14,880 Speaker 2: my ex and anyone else who I read in comments, 537 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:18,000 Speaker 2: it's like, oh my god, her third failed marriage and 538 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,760 Speaker 2: it's like and I shamefully take that on as my own. 539 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,960 Speaker 2: And I'm like, well, you're right, like who would want me? 540 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:26,719 Speaker 2: Just like my ex would say and my you know 541 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,040 Speaker 2: whoever else that I would that I have dated before, 542 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,159 Speaker 2: that's like, oh your past, like you know you're are 543 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:31,760 Speaker 2: you crazy? 544 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:32,720 Speaker 3: And like no, I haven't. 545 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:36,000 Speaker 2: I just fucking made mistakes and I loved and I 546 00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:39,280 Speaker 2: you know, I I'm like, I'm sick of making apologies 547 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:41,080 Speaker 2: for it. I'm sick of explaining it. I'm I'm like, 548 00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:43,840 Speaker 2: I'm tired. Love me now for who I am now, 549 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,159 Speaker 2: not for my past, Like I'm sick of like and 550 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:47,800 Speaker 2: I don't want to be like yeah, technically you're right, 551 00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,600 Speaker 2: but I'm like no, I like and in my brain 552 00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,159 Speaker 2: like fine, we want to be legal about it, fine, 553 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:57,760 Speaker 2: but like technically it's been one Like for me, I 554 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,280 Speaker 2: have had one marriage that is a marriage thing that 555 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,879 Speaker 2: I have worked for and tried and even if it wasn't, 556 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:03,639 Speaker 2: so be it. 557 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,280 Speaker 3: Who cares? Like I've learned, I've grown. 558 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:09,040 Speaker 2: I'm a different person than I was when I was 559 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,080 Speaker 2: nineteen and when I was twenty seven. 560 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:15,080 Speaker 3: Like it's just but but it had to. 561 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,600 Speaker 2: Have I'm like, fuck, I'm gonna have to have this 562 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:20,600 Speaker 2: conversation again where it's like this is who I was 563 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,840 Speaker 2: and I made you know, I've made mistakes, and like 564 00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:26,000 Speaker 2: this is what I've learned. And I'm like, and I 565 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:27,600 Speaker 2: wait to see if I'm going to be judged. 566 00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:31,439 Speaker 7: So I know the last thing either one of us 567 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:34,120 Speaker 7: wants to do is go through what we've been through again. 568 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,679 Speaker 7: Yeah right, Okay. So one way to look at that, 569 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,639 Speaker 7: and one way I would look at it in the 570 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:43,000 Speaker 7: future personally too, is that this is such a good 571 00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:47,679 Speaker 7: way to dodge another bullet. Janna like to tell someone like, 572 00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:49,679 Speaker 7: don't you want to you want to meet someone that 573 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:51,320 Speaker 7: loves as hard as you do? 574 00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:51,800 Speaker 6: Right? 575 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:55,320 Speaker 7: I just keep a man imagining being loved the way 576 00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:59,520 Speaker 7: that I love. Keep imagining being loved the way that 577 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:02,120 Speaker 7: you love, and think about that. Like I will sit 578 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,960 Speaker 7: in bed or if I'm taking a shower or whatever, 579 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:09,880 Speaker 7: and I'm like dreaming about imagining being loved the way 580 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:12,360 Speaker 7: I love because I know I'm damn good at it. 581 00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:15,359 Speaker 7: I love super hard and I'm so good to the 582 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,080 Speaker 7: person that I'm with. And so if you tell someone 583 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:21,800 Speaker 7: that and they judge you or look down on you 584 00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:26,200 Speaker 7: or frown on you, good bye, see you later. Let 585 00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:28,280 Speaker 7: the door hit you on the way out. You know 586 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:31,640 Speaker 7: you dodged a bullet. You know you want someone who's 587 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:32,560 Speaker 7: been through some shit. 588 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:35,080 Speaker 2: I hear you, but the person that's like and I 589 00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:36,760 Speaker 2: don't know if you've done this too, but I like, 590 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,920 Speaker 2: for me, like a big part of my stuff is 591 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:40,640 Speaker 2: like I want to be chosen so and then when 592 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,120 Speaker 2: someone doesn't and I'm like, but let me show you 593 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,640 Speaker 2: why I'm so lovable and why I'm so good and 594 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:47,520 Speaker 2: how like how much I can give and then I 595 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:49,960 Speaker 2: get in. But it's like that's my that's the work 596 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,040 Speaker 2: that I've done, you know, with the dating recently, be 597 00:28:52,080 --> 00:28:54,360 Speaker 2: like okay, yep, you're right. My friends are always like 598 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:57,280 Speaker 2: stop like you like, don't you see like how much 599 00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,000 Speaker 2: you're giving versus And it's like, okay, cause it's like 600 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:00,400 Speaker 2: we do. 601 00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:01,600 Speaker 3: We give a lot. 602 00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:03,920 Speaker 7: And yeah mostly. 603 00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:08,680 Speaker 1: Flags instead of like, but let me prove it to you. 604 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:13,480 Speaker 7: I know, yeah, oh Redflox, Yeah so is Geno. 605 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:15,840 Speaker 3: Do we think he's the one. 606 00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,600 Speaker 7: You're gonna have to have to wait me. 607 00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:20,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, I know. 608 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:21,400 Speaker 1: I'm like this. 609 00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:24,360 Speaker 7: You don't understand. When I was about to cut when 610 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:26,600 Speaker 7: I heard that I was coming on your podcast. I 611 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,080 Speaker 7: was like, this is going to be so hard because 612 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,960 Speaker 7: I can't, like, I can't say everything I want to say. 613 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:36,000 Speaker 1: So wait, you waited to tell Gino about your past marriages? 614 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:36,440 Speaker 3: Correct? 615 00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:38,800 Speaker 1: Is that that's how I understand. 616 00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:43,320 Speaker 7: It and exactly why what Janna is saying, Like I 617 00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:47,120 Speaker 7: just relate to her so much and I should know better, 618 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:50,080 Speaker 7: we should know better, Like I should be cool with 619 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:53,680 Speaker 7: just going yeah, I mean, guess what, I've been married 620 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:56,440 Speaker 7: four times. Sorry, I'm you know, sorry, I'm not sorry, 621 00:29:56,480 --> 00:29:58,440 Speaker 7: but it is it is who I am. I love 622 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:01,760 Speaker 7: super hard, and you know, when someone asked me, I 623 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:04,280 Speaker 7: say yes, and I go with it. I go with 624 00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:07,320 Speaker 7: what my heart's telling me to do. I don't think, 625 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,480 Speaker 7: I mean, love is not up here. It's here for me, 626 00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,240 Speaker 7: you know. And so I think with my heart and 627 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:16,040 Speaker 7: I act with my heart and I lead with my heart. 628 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:20,200 Speaker 7: But I wish, I wish I could have just said 629 00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:23,640 Speaker 7: in the beginning, hey, you know, this is kind of 630 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:25,240 Speaker 7: going somewhere. So I feel like I should be honest 631 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,600 Speaker 7: with you because I'm also not a liar. I'm not 632 00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:33,560 Speaker 7: like a dishonest, deceitful person. I'm a super like, very 633 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:38,840 Speaker 7: open person. I'm real and I don't mind having flaws, 634 00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:41,880 Speaker 7: but for some reason that has always been such a 635 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:44,480 Speaker 7: hard thing for me to just come out and say 636 00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,160 Speaker 7: to anybody. You know, the only people that have really 637 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:49,720 Speaker 7: known up until me doing the show, it's been people 638 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:52,560 Speaker 7: who are close to me and who have been my friend. 639 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:55,960 Speaker 7: For those you know, because now what my first marriage 640 00:30:55,960 --> 00:31:01,960 Speaker 7: was eighteen and then my last one I was thirty six, 641 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:07,680 Speaker 7: thirty six, thirty maybe thirty eight, But who have known 642 00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,040 Speaker 7: me through those years know that I've been married that 643 00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:12,760 Speaker 7: many times. I don't share it with people. It's not 644 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:15,080 Speaker 7: something that I was like, you're lucky. 645 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:16,440 Speaker 3: You don't have any to say. 646 00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:18,560 Speaker 2: You're lucky, you don't have a Wikipedia pages. I'm always like, 647 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:19,320 Speaker 2: don't google me? 648 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:20,120 Speaker 3: You always are you. 649 00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:22,520 Speaker 1: Ever tempted when dating to just like not say anything? 650 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:24,440 Speaker 1: But I mean, you don't have a choice, have a choice. 651 00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:24,840 Speaker 3: That's the thing. 652 00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:26,640 Speaker 2: Like I wish I couldn't like this last guy that 653 00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:29,800 Speaker 2: I went out with, I'm like, you know, like, hey, 654 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:31,880 Speaker 2: can you just like can we just get to know 655 00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:36,080 Speaker 2: each other like not online? Just because I'm like, I 656 00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:37,719 Speaker 2: don't want that to be the first thing that he's like, 657 00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:41,280 Speaker 2: oh wait what you know, because like that's not me, 658 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,320 Speaker 2: that's exactly past. 659 00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:46,640 Speaker 7: I know that in this first episode I'm going to 660 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,920 Speaker 7: get a lot of backlash for not saying anything. And 661 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:53,600 Speaker 7: I did see the trailer where Gino actually says, you know, 662 00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:56,960 Speaker 7: that was such a blow to him. 663 00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,800 Speaker 2: You know, but doesn't he know the show's called Addicted 664 00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:02,960 Speaker 2: to Marriage, Like so like yeah, like I'm sorry to. 665 00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:06,920 Speaker 7: Like what are you so you know again? We got 666 00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:08,560 Speaker 7: we got to talk. Girls, we gotta talk. 667 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:11,400 Speaker 2: No, I am like for real, like gonna text, Like 668 00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:16,440 Speaker 2: we're getting numbers and we're texting because my girlfriends are 669 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,360 Speaker 2: I feel like, you like, we get each other because 670 00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:21,960 Speaker 2: they're always like especially right now, like being single, They're 671 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,440 Speaker 2: like they have fun, have sex different people. 672 00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:25,800 Speaker 3: I'm like, I can't do that. 673 00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:29,400 Speaker 2: Like I'm like when I find my person, I'm in, 674 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,920 Speaker 2: you know, and I've I've dated, but like I'm like 675 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:36,600 Speaker 2: I'm done and then like yeah, yeah. 676 00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:40,360 Speaker 3: This one and love. I haven't loved and I haven't no, no, 677 00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:41,880 Speaker 3: I know, but y'all love to love. 678 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,640 Speaker 1: So it's like you want to you just want to 679 00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:46,920 Speaker 1: dive in so quick, which is fine, but I haven't. 680 00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:48,400 Speaker 3: I just have not. 681 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,280 Speaker 2: I haven't just juggled, Like that's the thing. I'm like, 682 00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:53,200 Speaker 2: I like on to date a million guys. 683 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,440 Speaker 7: Especially when sex is important to you. Thank you when 684 00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:00,480 Speaker 7: having that sexual chemistry with someone like I'm a super 685 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:06,840 Speaker 7: sexual person, like same person, so oh honey, Like and 686 00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:08,960 Speaker 7: I'm sure because you're you're hot gemus. 687 00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:12,440 Speaker 3: It's like Libra, okay, I'm Sagittarius. 688 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:17,200 Speaker 7: Are you okay Libra? So so yeah, I would end 689 00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:20,959 Speaker 7: up kind of sleeping with someone probably sooner than I should, 690 00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:24,520 Speaker 7: you know, And I'm sorry, but same. 691 00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:29,200 Speaker 3: We have our talents, right, we have our talents. 692 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:32,800 Speaker 7: Like I said, there's things I'm good at, there's things 693 00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:35,440 Speaker 7: I'm not good at. So I feel like, yeah, like 694 00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:39,760 Speaker 7: dating's tough because you almost want to know right away 695 00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,840 Speaker 7: before you waste so much time connecting with someone, like, hey, 696 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:45,880 Speaker 7: is you know the sexual connection going to be there? 697 00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,720 Speaker 2: My hairstylist the other day goes, girl, you got to 698 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:51,080 Speaker 2: check under the hood before you purchase the car, And 699 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:54,400 Speaker 2: I was like, nay men, Tyler. 700 00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:57,840 Speaker 7: I know, I know I'm that and I'm telling you like, 701 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,520 Speaker 7: and I'm in my forties, I'm older than you, and 702 00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:03,600 Speaker 7: I still like, I've tried so many times to say 703 00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,000 Speaker 7: like no, you got to like switch the order of 704 00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:09,080 Speaker 7: importance on a few things, and I don't know. I 705 00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:10,000 Speaker 7: just can't. 706 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:16,200 Speaker 2: My friend Christen Breast, because I was talking to so much, 707 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:17,440 Speaker 2: was ooh, it's opposite day. 708 00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,200 Speaker 3: I'm here for this opposite channel. 709 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:23,680 Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, that's why it's a day. 710 00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:24,560 Speaker 3: I'm trying. 711 00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,840 Speaker 7: Cue any longer than that. 712 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:33,200 Speaker 2: You're like, no, girl, Okay, well I'm going to get 713 00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:36,719 Speaker 2: your number. What are you going to do with the comments? 714 00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:41,480 Speaker 2: That's my kind of last question. And I'm asking like 715 00:34:41,680 --> 00:34:44,080 Speaker 2: on social media because I mean, I let it affect 716 00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:45,520 Speaker 2: me all the time. I mean, like when I go 717 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:48,040 Speaker 2: on those pages, I'm like, hey, man, like. 718 00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:51,719 Speaker 7: You know what, listen. I think that one thing that 719 00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,200 Speaker 7: you and I have to accept is that when we 720 00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:58,640 Speaker 7: love super hard and super deep, we're very very sensitive 721 00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:02,640 Speaker 7: beings as well, you know, and you and I haven't been, 722 00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:07,359 Speaker 7: you know, haven't in the past found our match when 723 00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:09,680 Speaker 7: it comes to, you know, loving the way we love. 724 00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:13,000 Speaker 7: But we're super sensitive, and so when we read that stuff, 725 00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:16,720 Speaker 7: it matters, you know. I think I think there's two ways, 726 00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:18,759 Speaker 7: two things that we need to remember. One is these 727 00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:22,000 Speaker 7: people don't know us. They don't know us, just like 728 00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:24,640 Speaker 7: this show is going to be six episodes. People are 729 00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:26,720 Speaker 7: going to see the first look on a triple stack 730 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:30,839 Speaker 7: ice cream cone of my life. Right, that's it. That's 731 00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:32,880 Speaker 7: all they're going to get these six episodes when I 732 00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:36,600 Speaker 7: have so much more to tell and say. You know 733 00:35:36,719 --> 00:35:39,560 Speaker 7: that this show isn't even going to touch on or 734 00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:42,040 Speaker 7: could even start to touch on. So I have to 735 00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:44,840 Speaker 7: keep in mind that these people don't know me. You know, 736 00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:47,640 Speaker 7: they don't know me. And first of all, we're probably 737 00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:50,160 Speaker 7: We're not the kind of people who are going to 738 00:35:50,280 --> 00:35:54,280 Speaker 7: leave nasty comments on social media anyway. We're not negative people. 739 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:56,640 Speaker 2: I just would like to talk to them, Like all 740 00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:58,920 Speaker 2: my Reddit fans, I'll give you my number and let's talk. 741 00:35:59,120 --> 00:35:59,719 Speaker 3: You know what I mean. 742 00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:01,200 Speaker 1: We should get him over for a wine. 743 00:36:01,520 --> 00:36:03,359 Speaker 2: I would all love you, that's the thing. But we 744 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:06,439 Speaker 2: also the Amy's and I of the world. We want 745 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,600 Speaker 2: that approval right so badly because we really truly want 746 00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:11,680 Speaker 2: to love and we will also want to be understood as. 747 00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:16,560 Speaker 7: Well, Yes, understood. And if someone if someone says something 748 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:18,640 Speaker 7: nasty about me, I want to know why. 749 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:22,000 Speaker 2: Please tell me how I offended you, because I love you. 750 00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:24,440 Speaker 2: I want to love you and be yeah. 751 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:26,839 Speaker 7: Yes, amen. And you know what else, I hate I 752 00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:29,280 Speaker 7: don't like when people say I don't care what anybody 753 00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:30,359 Speaker 7: else thinks. I don't care. 754 00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:32,040 Speaker 3: I'm like mad love to be that person. 755 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,719 Speaker 7: How you can't what you know? How do you not 756 00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:37,600 Speaker 7: care what anybody else thinks of you? Like? I get 757 00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:41,040 Speaker 7: living your truth and living the way that you see 758 00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:42,759 Speaker 7: fits best for you, and you know what I mean, 759 00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:44,880 Speaker 7: doing what makes you happy, Like I get that, But 760 00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:48,640 Speaker 7: not caring what other people think period, I think is 761 00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:50,719 Speaker 7: a bunch of crops, you know what I mean? I care, 762 00:36:51,239 --> 00:36:53,360 Speaker 7: Like if I offended you where I hurt your feelings 763 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,560 Speaker 7: or we had mister communication, I. 764 00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:57,440 Speaker 3: Want to fix it for sure, and I was. 765 00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:01,120 Speaker 7: It does like the comments will and I've already read 766 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:04,120 Speaker 7: some that are super judgy just off of the trailer, 767 00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:07,640 Speaker 7: so I can't imagine, you know, And I can say 768 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:10,320 Speaker 7: I won't read them, but that's not true. I'm human. 769 00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:10,680 Speaker 7: I know. 770 00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:12,719 Speaker 3: I go on like my Reddit page like once a week. 771 00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:15,439 Speaker 1: I would say the best thing would be to try 772 00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:17,680 Speaker 1: and not do that. I just would like, you're never 773 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:19,439 Speaker 1: going to know, but you're never going to be able 774 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:22,480 Speaker 1: to get to those people. Yeah, it's like it's not pos. 775 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,640 Speaker 7: Yeah, and that's good too. It's like, hey, we have 776 00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:27,720 Speaker 7: to say that, hey, if we're going to read this stuff, 777 00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:30,600 Speaker 7: we have to accept it for what it is and 778 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:34,160 Speaker 7: learn how to brush it off, you know, and understand 779 00:37:34,239 --> 00:37:37,319 Speaker 7: that You've got to be a strong and I know 780 00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:41,440 Speaker 7: you are because I've been following your story. But you 781 00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:46,399 Speaker 7: are a strong ass woman to get through what you've 782 00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:49,680 Speaker 7: been through. And I'm telling you, ending a relationship, I 783 00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:52,719 Speaker 7: think sometimes it's harder than staying in it, you know 784 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:56,319 Speaker 7: what I mean? Ending it is harder than staying in 785 00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:59,359 Speaker 7: it sometimes, And that's been my truth, and I know 786 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:01,800 Speaker 7: that it was for you because when you have babies 787 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:06,000 Speaker 7: involved in children involved with this person, you shared special 788 00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:11,200 Speaker 7: intimate moments like childbirth and you know, loving these babies 789 00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:16,400 Speaker 7: together as a team, and that's a big deal. That 790 00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,640 Speaker 7: is a big deal to have a child with someone 791 00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:23,719 Speaker 7: and share that experience with another human being who's your husband, 792 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:27,480 Speaker 7: and to one day have to you're left with no 793 00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:32,160 Speaker 7: choice but to say, I like, I'm breaking my family up, 794 00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:34,839 Speaker 7: you know what I mean? That was like that was 795 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:39,359 Speaker 7: so devastating, like death. It was like I literally spent. 796 00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:41,959 Speaker 4: A day. 797 00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:46,360 Speaker 7: I had to have someone come pick up my daughter. Actually, 798 00:38:47,120 --> 00:38:48,760 Speaker 7: I have to have someone can pick up my daughter 799 00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:53,239 Speaker 7: when I made that decision in a relationship with you 800 00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:57,240 Speaker 7: know where we had kids, and I took a whole 801 00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:00,480 Speaker 7: day where for the first time in my life, actually 802 00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:06,480 Speaker 7: felt suicidal for breaking up my family. You know, I 803 00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:09,719 Speaker 7: had never felt that way in the marriage, like that, 804 00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,840 Speaker 7: the hurt and the abuse that I'd gone through and 805 00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,320 Speaker 7: all the sh that I'd been through, I never felt 806 00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:17,160 Speaker 7: that way. I was always like, I know I can 807 00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:20,640 Speaker 7: come out of this. My closer calling off, but I 808 00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:22,880 Speaker 7: know I can. I know I can come out of this. 809 00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:27,759 Speaker 7: But when that decision was made and he moved out, 810 00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:31,560 Speaker 7: you know, I had to allow myself to grieve, and 811 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:35,640 Speaker 7: I grieved so hard that I almost contemplated, if I 812 00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:38,400 Speaker 7: don't have my family, what do I have? You know, 813 00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:41,400 Speaker 7: if my family isn't intact, And I was like, you 814 00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:43,799 Speaker 7: know what. It took me. It was like twenty four hours. 815 00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:45,520 Speaker 7: And then I missed my daughter so much that I 816 00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:48,319 Speaker 7: had to I had to ever come come back home. 817 00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:50,600 Speaker 7: But you know, it is a. 818 00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:55,480 Speaker 2: Forstance for sharing that, but also to remember we still 819 00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:57,960 Speaker 2: have our family. It just looks different, yes, it just 820 00:39:57,960 --> 00:39:59,799 Speaker 2: looks and they still need us, you know. 821 00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:03,160 Speaker 7: Yeah, So I I didn't know I was going to 822 00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:06,120 Speaker 7: go deep into that moment when I was going through it, 823 00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:10,200 Speaker 7: but I would just My point was definitely to say 824 00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:14,759 Speaker 7: that it's it's super hard to end a marriage, you know, 825 00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,640 Speaker 7: and so you're you're very very strong in order to 826 00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:21,400 Speaker 7: do that and make that decision that that takes a 827 00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:23,800 Speaker 7: lot of strength. And so we can read these stupid 828 00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:27,879 Speaker 7: comments and they're like nothing compared to what we've been through. Really, 829 00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:28,919 Speaker 7: when it comes down to. 830 00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:35,560 Speaker 2: It, Amy, you have filled filled me up with a 831 00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:37,960 Speaker 2: lot of strength because you're a very strong woman as well. 832 00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:40,920 Speaker 2: And I'm going to be rooting for you on TLC's 833 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:42,839 Speaker 2: Addicted to Marriage, and I'm so excited to see what 834 00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:45,319 Speaker 2: happens with you and Gino. And I'm going to text 835 00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:47,319 Speaker 2: you on the side and you better tell me so. 836 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:51,480 Speaker 2: But you're the best, Amy, and I'll talk to you soon, Okay, 837 00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:52,600 Speaker 2: I'll make sure we can. 838 00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:57,200 Speaker 3: Okay, Ladies, my girl, Oh my god, she's my new 839 00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:58,920 Speaker 3: best friend. Sorry, Gather you go. 840 00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:02,640 Speaker 1: It's okay. You need someone like her, I do for sure, 841 00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:04,319 Speaker 1: because you guys just don't get me. 842 00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:09,279 Speaker 2: Fascinating. I wonder if she ends up with Gina. I mean, hey, 843 00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:11,000 Speaker 2: Elizabeth Taylor was married how many times? 844 00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:11,560 Speaker 3: Five? 845 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:17,120 Speaker 1: I think five. Yeah, yeah, I mean j Lo she's 846 00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:19,600 Speaker 1: like the queen, so it's right. As long as you 847 00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:21,440 Speaker 1: don't have more than Jay Long, you're good to go. 848 00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:22,279 Speaker 3: I think we're tired. 849 00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:23,040 Speaker 4: I don't know. 850 00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,520 Speaker 3: That was actually laughing. I'm like, was that the shame laughing? 851 00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:31,560 Speaker 1: Or I know that makes me because like then I 852 00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:33,520 Speaker 1: was like, oh I feel bad because we laugh about it. 853 00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:36,399 Speaker 3: No, but I mean you know you have to. Yeah, 854 00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:37,360 Speaker 3: sometimes you just have to. 855 00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:40,320 Speaker 4: Hi, Mark, Hi, Liz Taylor was married eight times to 856 00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:40,839 Speaker 4: seven men. 857 00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:42,919 Speaker 1: Eight seven men? 858 00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:44,680 Speaker 3: Interesting one woman? 859 00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:47,360 Speaker 4: No, d. 860 00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:55,480 Speaker 3: It's so funny. What about j Loo? 861 00:41:57,120 --> 00:41:58,399 Speaker 4: Larry King also eight times? 862 00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:03,759 Speaker 3: Let me look up to you five Jennifer Lopez just three. 863 00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:06,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, you'll want to try to think who's going to 864 00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:10,440 Speaker 1: get married first? Mar or j That's a fun game. 865 00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:11,479 Speaker 3: Do you think I'll get married again? 866 00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:18,560 Speaker 1: Mm hmm you were hurt me? Oh yeah, I thought 867 00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:21,680 Speaker 1: you meant. I was like, really, oh no, I definitely think, 868 00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,160 Speaker 1: not a doubt. Already planning my dress. Where are we 869 00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:28,000 Speaker 1: doing this wedding? I don't know how the man is, 870 00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:30,200 Speaker 1: but we're there. We're going to be fighting for made 871 00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:30,560 Speaker 1: of honor. 872 00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:39,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, you will have to. We'll see Mark wants you 873 00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:41,839 Speaker 3: ain't get none, not yet. 874 00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:45,520 Speaker 4: Well, is there any update? My understanding is that we're 875 00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:46,319 Speaker 4: back to square one. 876 00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:49,480 Speaker 3: We're in a square. 877 00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:53,120 Speaker 1: We are in a square. 878 00:42:53,960 --> 00:42:56,120 Speaker 4: What number square is to be determined. 879 00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:57,800 Speaker 3: We're in a square. 880 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:01,480 Speaker 2: And when I have more information, I will tell you, 881 00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:05,000 Speaker 2: but I think you will approve hands down. 882 00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:08,520 Speaker 4: Okay, Now I gotta be careful here because. 883 00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:09,520 Speaker 3: We don't want to edit a show. 884 00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:12,279 Speaker 5: You and I had a chit chat a couple of 885 00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:13,600 Speaker 5: weeks ago off air. 886 00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:17,600 Speaker 4: Yes, is that guy still in the picture. 887 00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:21,719 Speaker 5: No, that's what That's why I thought, because that's what 888 00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:22,640 Speaker 5: I was aware of. Yeah. 889 00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:25,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think what I've realized is like, if it's 890 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:31,279 Speaker 2: not something that, if it's not so I wrote that letter, 891 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:32,840 Speaker 2: you know, and I'm like, I'm just not going to 892 00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:35,279 Speaker 2: not settle for anything that's not on that letter. And 893 00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:41,080 Speaker 2: I started to realize that I didn't want to have 894 00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:45,440 Speaker 2: to compromise things that were important to me. And also 895 00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:47,560 Speaker 2: I think long distance would have been really hard as well. 896 00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:52,640 Speaker 2: And yeah, so okay. 897 00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:54,120 Speaker 4: But there are still options in. 898 00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:57,120 Speaker 3: Play, options in play great, fantastic. 899 00:43:57,320 --> 00:43:59,239 Speaker 4: Well, I'm looking forward to hearing more about them when 900 00:43:59,239 --> 00:43:59,839 Speaker 4: the time is right. 901 00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:02,200 Speaker 3: Thank you, Mark, and don't worry you will have the 902 00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:08,200 Speaker 3: breaking news then and then then then, but stay on. 903 00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:11,960 Speaker 2: I'll tell you afterwards, okay, okay, great, Bye, bye guys, 904 00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:12,719 Speaker 2: I'll see you next week.