Speaker 1: Look out. It's Brett Goldstein. Listen. I'm taking a few
Speaker 1: weeks off to focus on some work. I hope you understand.
Speaker 1: In the meantime, I'm releasing some of my all time favorite,
Speaker 1: all time classic episodes, including this one with Patton Oswald.
Speaker 1: You think I like films, he fucking loves films. This
Speaker 1: is an amazing episode. It's the first time I met pattern.
Speaker 1: He was so wonderful, so lovely. It's such a good episode.
Speaker 1: You get all the extras and the video and the
Speaker 1: whole episode uncut and ad free at the patroon Patreon
Speaker 1: dot com, Forward slash Brett Goldstein. What's Shrinking On Apple
Speaker 1: tv Plus. There's three episodes left to go this season,
Speaker 1: and then on March fifteenth, Ted Lasso Season three will premiere.
Speaker 1: I hope you'll watch it. I hope you'll love it.
Speaker 1: I hope everyone as well. So that is it for now.
Speaker 1: I very much hope you enjoy this episode of Films
Speaker 1: to be Buried With Rewinds Classic with Patton Oswald. Hello,
Speaker 1: and welcome to Films to be Buried With. It is
Speaker 1: I Brett Goldstein, and I am joined today by an actor,
Speaker 1: a writer, a stand up a sketchman, a comic book artist,
Speaker 1: an award winner, a documentarian, a multi award winner, a father,
Speaker 1: a husband, a lover, a superstar, a saint, and a
Speaker 1: genius and a hero. Please welcome to the show The
Speaker 1: Incredible Paddles. WHOA, Oh my god. Thank hang on, I'm
Speaker 1: just updating my IMDb. That was fantastic. I gotta eat
Speaker 1: win a minute putting all that in there. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Thanks Brett, Hey, thanks so much for doing this. How
Speaker 1: are you? Yeah? I am great this morning. How are
Speaker 1: you doing? I'm all right, it's evening. It's evening or afternoon.
Speaker 1: Where you are right this evening? Now? It's so nice
Speaker 1: you got up early to do this. I did appreciate
Speaker 1: my pleasure. I have to ask, how's your pandemic treating you?
Speaker 1: My pandemic, my pandemic is treating all of us in
Speaker 1: America pretty bad because we don't have someone modeling good behavior.
Speaker 1: I would imagine there's a lot of Americans looking to
Speaker 1: New Zealand right now. They're out there. They're going to
Speaker 1: concerts and having dinner together and going to movies, and
Speaker 1: we are still indoors, trying our best to catch up
Speaker 1: on shows on Amazon and Netflix, but there's not a lot.
Speaker 1: I mean, look that the pandemic is treating us as
Speaker 1: badly as the behavior that's being modeled, which is really
Speaker 1: chaotic and really nuts. So yeah, is it treat an
Speaker 1: hour stand up online? Is that how it works? Two
Speaker 1: nights ago I went on did a live streaming thing
Speaker 1: on this place, this place called on Location Live, and
Speaker 1: it was me doing a new hour of material into
Speaker 1: this little camera on my laptop. And like every other
Speaker 1: comedian that I've seen do it, I was not gonna
Speaker 1: do it. I was offered it a few months ago
Speaker 1: and I said, I just that's not But then friends
Speaker 1: of mine like Maria Bamford and Mike Berbiglia and Brian
Speaker 1: was saying, we're doing it, and I said, okay, well
Speaker 1: maybe I need to. I don't want to be like
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be the vaudevillian that refused to
Speaker 1: be on TV. Like, if this is where the technology
Speaker 1: is going, maybe I should become comfortable with it on
Speaker 1: one level or another. So I did it, and just
Speaker 1: like I predicted, the first ten minutes, I'm speaking really
Speaker 1: fast and constantly referencing that there's no one there and
Speaker 1: you can see you could hear my mouth getting dry
Speaker 1: and kind of smacky because I'm so nervous, And then
Speaker 1: I just kind of rolled with it and it became looser,
Speaker 1: and there were things out. There were moments like right now,
Speaker 1: like I was talking, but I didn't even need to
Speaker 1: look at the camera. It felt like sitting with someone
Speaker 1: in a restaurant and going who was the guy that
Speaker 1: like it had that feeling were you just sat down
Speaker 1: and did it. But this is where, Yeah, we looked
Speaker 1: in the house and my wife Mare to thank god
Speaker 1: arranged like an actual background for me, because if she
Speaker 1: hadn't been there, it just would have been some weird, blurry,
Speaker 1: creepy like I wouldn't have bothered with the esthetic or
Speaker 1: set design. So thank god I had an equivalent of
Speaker 1: a bow welch if you know about production design. Who
Speaker 1: came in and let's make this look good. So thank goodness. Wow.
Speaker 1: I've done a few online gigs and in England there's
Speaker 1: one gig that has nailed it, which is there's a
Speaker 1: gig could always be comedy, whichever in London you must do.
Speaker 1: But what they've done is they've made a zoom where
Speaker 1: so if there's like two hundred people on it. Fifty
Speaker 1: of them are mic. The mic set up and they're
Speaker 1: in boxes so you can hear. You actually have feedback,
Speaker 1: and it makes such a difference. I've seen that on
Speaker 1: a couple of these gigs, and I know they're they're
Speaker 1: working on that technology. I would let that the next
Speaker 1: time I do it. I want to do that mic thing.
Speaker 1: But I know that some of the platforms, if they
Speaker 1: make the people, then it mutes you out. But I
Speaker 1: guess they figured it out. They cracked that code. So
Speaker 1: oh that's got to be. So. So you've done some
Speaker 1: of these shows where you get like a where you
Speaker 1: get people, because I did one where you you're just
Speaker 1: doing it into the void and man, I, ah, yikes,
Speaker 1: it's horrible because you are just the whole time going
Speaker 1: is it? Yeah? Anyone? So? Is it is anyone there?
Speaker 1: Am I Have I lost my mind? Yeah? Horror? You
Speaker 1: feel like am I the am I the insane survivor
Speaker 1: in the post apocalyptic film Who's the film was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if anyone's receiving this transmission, but here's
Speaker 1: how it happened. I'm the only like like you. That's
Speaker 1: how you have that feeling. And also we're not built
Speaker 1: for it, like it Like what you've been trained for
Speaker 1: is to like react to laughter and pauses. What you're
Speaker 1: also trained for is if you hear silence, it's going badly, yes,
Speaker 1: but when you're doing these, you're like, it's going badly.
Speaker 1: Instincts h And also you you're you're trained to if
Speaker 1: you do say something that really lands, then you want
Speaker 1: that moment to let to code on the laughter. So
Speaker 1: the audience builds some confidence in you. So if you're
Speaker 1: talking and there were like there were thirty five hundred
Speaker 1: people on the feet, that's how many tickets sold. But
Speaker 1: so for all I know, for there were a couple
Speaker 1: of jokes that really landed and I just kept talking
Speaker 1: through the laughter, and they're just like, the fuck is
Speaker 1: wrong with this guy? Like why isn't he give me
Speaker 1: a second here? Of mil So, it's you're right, it's
Speaker 1: it's bad both ways. You need to acknowledge the silence.
Speaker 1: You also need to acknowledge if there's any success. And
Speaker 1: I wasn't doing either one, which is you look like
Speaker 1: an insane person. You know. Well, listen, I've been catching
Speaker 1: up on your stuff. I watched I Love Everything this morning.
Speaker 1: Oh loved this man. Absolutely, I was a huge fan
Speaker 1: of Annihilation, but it's amazing. Thank you, thank you. Of
Speaker 1: all the things you've done, and you've done many wonderful things,
Speaker 1: but the one that I talk about the most and
Speaker 1: I'm slightly obsessed with is the film Young Adult, which
Speaker 1: I think is not seen enough. And when I did
Speaker 1: the greatest maybe of the last decade special young Adult
Speaker 1: was on that list because it's so fucking and I
Speaker 1: watched it again the other day. Oh it is bold.
Speaker 1: That is a bleak. It has that early seventies bleak
Speaker 1: boldness of when they're because the early seventies was that
Speaker 1: golden era of movies where they were ballsy enough to
Speaker 1: have protagonists that they would defiantly not change, and the
Speaker 1: thrill was getting to the end of the story and going, oh,
Speaker 1: they're just digging in even deeper. Oh, and that actually happens,
Speaker 1: Like that happens to people. That's a real thing, and
Speaker 1: I you're so not used to seeing that on screen
Speaker 1: that that's really startling to that moment at the end,
Speaker 1: when again my favorite scene in the movie is between
Speaker 1: her and the actress who plays my sister, Colette Wolf,
Speaker 1: where maybe you're thinking and they do that great teas
Speaker 1: where when she's coming out of the bedroom from spending
Speaker 1: the night with me and you're thinking, hey, maybe she's soft,
Speaker 1: and then she runs into my sister and my sister
Speaker 1: puts her right back on the track that she like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're just like no, don't talk to that woman. It's
Speaker 1: so it's amazing. It's so amazing that scene and you're,
Speaker 1: you know, phenomenal in it. And the final scene with you,
Speaker 1: you and her makes me cry a face beautiful. It's
Speaker 1: such a good thing. And and also I hadn't seen
Speaker 1: a film when I saw it at the cinema where
Speaker 1: the hit you know the lead who you are connected to,
Speaker 1: and you do care about her to have her mission
Speaker 1: be the moment where she kisses Patrick Wilson. Literally half
Speaker 1: the audience went and half the audience sort of went yeah,
Speaker 1: like it was. Everyone was so confused by exactly, you
Speaker 1: don't have any solid footing again, like in real life.
Speaker 1: There are moments where she does things you're like, well,
Speaker 1: that's pretty cool, and then other moments like what a
Speaker 1: fucking horrible what is she doing? And so you're right,
Speaker 1: you don't know how to feel in that moment. Also
Speaker 1: the fact that someone pointed this out to men ever
Speaker 1: talk about it. She's playing an alcoholic and if you
Speaker 1: notice in the nighttime scenes in the bar, she's so
Speaker 1: put together. She's just gorgeous and quick witted. But then
Speaker 1: those moments when she's walking around in the sunshine and
Speaker 1: she looks so withered and reduced, and the fact that
Speaker 1: she let herself look like that, like usually actresses are
Speaker 1: like in the sunlight, I need to sparkle, and she
Speaker 1: looks like she wants to crawl into a sewer when
Speaker 1: she's walking around in a daylight. Like just such an
Speaker 1: amazing performance that she went that far with. Yeah, she's
Speaker 1: incredible in it, and the storytelling it. It's all this
Speaker 1: stuff that's not in it, Like we don't hear about
Speaker 1: her marriage, we don't, And the fact that she has
Speaker 1: this dog that she you know, there's this element of
Speaker 1: her that wants to love something and there's all this
Speaker 1: stuff and it's size. Fuck. It's a good fil well,
Speaker 1: but the fact that that's what's so great is again,
Speaker 1: like those really great movies, the fact that she never
Speaker 1: even thinks to bring up her marriage or ever reference
Speaker 1: it tells everything you need to know about that marriage.
Speaker 1: It was a catastrophe, and she just there's no connection
Speaker 1: to it. Yeah. That tells you all you need to know.
Speaker 1: So oh yeah, okay, I get it now. I know
Speaker 1: exactly what's happening. Brilliant. Yeah, you're genuinely brilliant in it,
Speaker 1: and I love it. Thank you. That's all. That's all
Speaker 1: I wanted to say. Good night. Oh all right, thanks
Speaker 1: for having me on you. Oh but I have I
Speaker 1: have forgotten to tell you something. No, I gotta go.
Speaker 1: I got four the podcasts. Oh wait, wait, wait, this
Speaker 1: is quite important next day, and I should have told
Speaker 1: you this all right before I told you about the
Speaker 1: other stuff. But no, I'm doing films to be I'm
Speaker 1: doing films to be cremated within five minutes, and then
Speaker 1: I'm doing films to be buried at sea with and
Speaker 1: then just before you go, before you, just before you
Speaker 1: got to tell it. It's clearly abortant. It is. I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna have to say it. Fuck, you've died. You died.
Speaker 1: Oh no, how did you die? Sorry? How did you? Well?
Speaker 1: Oh god, this is so embarrassing. You know what. I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna tell you. I'm just gonna tell you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's just I'm gonna be very open with you. I did,
Speaker 1: oh god, this is so typical too, like everyone's gonna
Speaker 1: go well, ye had, of course, is how he died.
Speaker 1: I did the tasting menu at the French Laundry up
Speaker 1: in Yeutonville, and when I sat down, the chef said,
Speaker 1: you can have the nine course or the seventeen course,
Speaker 1: and I went, oh, I want to give me the
Speaker 1: seventeen course. What I didn't know is at the French Laundry,
Speaker 1: every course is it's course. One is A and B,
Speaker 1: so you taste one thing and then the second thing.
Speaker 1: There's actually thirty four courses. So by the time we
Speaker 1: got to there and there's a salt course, there's a
Speaker 1: butter course. Literally they bring out a thing of butter
Speaker 1: then you just eat taste the butter. So by the
Speaker 1: time we got to the pork course, I was feeling like, oh,
Speaker 1: I think like there's not as much air is going
Speaker 1: through my esophagus as normally. I'm feeling a little. I
Speaker 1: think like food is getting blocked up and I and
Speaker 1: I should have just said, you know what, let me
Speaker 1: box the desserts. But I had to show off. I
Speaker 1: had to show off to everyone else to take I'm
Speaker 1: gonna power all the way through. And by the time
Speaker 1: we got to there was like a molten um mocha
Speaker 1: um crystalline egg and that is the one. A shard
Speaker 1: from the egg went down my throat lodge sideways and
Speaker 1: it prevented me. And look, I basically I choked out
Speaker 1: on a whimsical um molten uh mocha crystalline egg in
Speaker 1: front of Brad Bird and Paul Thomas Anderson and um,
Speaker 1: Christopher Nolan had a director's fortnite and um it was
Speaker 1: I know and and and it was exactly if I
Speaker 1: had just stopped at thirty. Oh God, you had to
Speaker 1: bring that up. See, that's what kills me. I could
Speaker 1: have walked away. And with the other thing that killed
Speaker 1: me is It was weird because it was sort of
Speaker 1: pleasurable because the oxygen kind of left my brain and
Speaker 1: I had this wonderful meal in front of me. But
Speaker 1: the thing was, I looked at all of the directors
Speaker 1: and all I could see with any one of them
Speaker 1: could have jumped up and given me the Heimlich. But
Speaker 1: I can see Brad going, Oh, I could use this
Speaker 1: so brilliantly in like an animated movie. And then Nolan
Speaker 1: was like, Oh, this could be a really cool beginning
Speaker 1: to one of these weird reversal you know, like time
Speaker 1: loop kind of movies. And then Paul Thomas Henderson will
Speaker 1: be like, oh, this would be one of like Eleven
Speaker 1: Deaths and the giant patchwork film that I'm gonna make
Speaker 1: about about exactly about Tarzana, California, that I'll do in
Speaker 1: like five years, and um, yeah, we'll get like, we'll
Speaker 1: get like Josh, gad, we'll play this and he'll just
Speaker 1: he'll die on a crystallly nag. This is perfect. I
Speaker 1: could just see them making notes for their movies. It
Speaker 1: was that was a little painful. That was a lortful.
Speaker 1: So as he was taking to death, that that just
Speaker 1: making nice. Yeah, that's direct, it's for you in it.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna name it. One
Speaker 1: of them clearly had the notes functioning his iPhone open
Speaker 1: but under the tables I couldn't see it, and he
Speaker 1: was something I'm not gonna say which one, but that
Speaker 1: was so clearly happening. Well it wasn't Nolan because he
Speaker 1: doesn't like having exactly so that I was all right, okay,
Speaker 1: good guests, but I'm not gonna I'm not gonna say
Speaker 1: which one, but I will say that it was it
Speaker 1: was bad. It was a pleasurable death, but it was
Speaker 1: a frustrating death. And I'll leave it at that. Wow. Yeah,
Speaker 1: damn you, Thomas Keller. Wow what I want to shock him?
Speaker 1: It absolutely shocking ways to go. Do you worry about death?
Speaker 1: Do you think is it something that keeps you up
Speaker 1: at night? You're I'm death. I mean, obviously I've experienced
Speaker 1: death very very close in firsthand, but as far as
Speaker 1: my death is concerned, I'm more This is gonna sound
Speaker 1: a little too philosophical. Like I've done a lot of
Speaker 1: the things that I wanted to do. There's other things
Speaker 1: that I do want to do, but I don't feel
Speaker 1: like it's essential to the world if I do them
Speaker 1: or not. Like I did the things that were essential
Speaker 1: to me. Now I can do the things that that
Speaker 1: are like more of my caprices and more fun. I'm
Speaker 1: such a fan of other people that I know, other comedians,
Speaker 1: other writers, other filmmakers. The ones I worry about are
Speaker 1: there are some young, up and coming people that this
Speaker 1: is gonna sound really weird, And I hope she doesn't
Speaker 1: get pissed at me for saying this. I worry about
Speaker 1: like a Phoebe waller Bridge dying because she clearly has
Speaker 1: decades of amazing work in her and I don't want
Speaker 1: her to like I want her in a protective bubble,
Speaker 1: and I want to see whatever it is she has coming.
Speaker 1: Like when I remember watching Fleabag, I was like, this
Speaker 1: is this is what it must have been like to
Speaker 1: see like Martin Scorsese's who's that knocking at my door
Speaker 1: and going, oh, no, one, please this guy. Make sure
Speaker 1: this guy stays alive for a long time. I want
Speaker 1: to see what this guy's gonna do, you know. So
Speaker 1: it's that kind of feeling, and that's such a weird thing.
Speaker 1: But I do worry about certain musicians and filmmakers and
Speaker 1: writers like I, no, no, let them keep going, go
Speaker 1: protect them. To me, that's what matters to me. I think,
Speaker 1: you know what. I think The reason that I dwell
Speaker 1: on that is because I was really because pretty good
Speaker 1: friends with Mitch Hedberg back in the day, back in
Speaker 1: San Francisco, and then moved to LA around the same time.
Speaker 1: And then he's one of those guys that and everyone
Speaker 1: has someone like this, but it's like he was such
Speaker 1: an absolutely brilliant writer, and there was decades of work
Speaker 1: that we didn't get to see out of him, and
Speaker 1: that he didn't get to create, and that that that
Speaker 1: has always bothered me, you know. I mean weren't like
Speaker 1: deep close personal friends, but we'de each other all the
Speaker 1: time and we would talk and I was just always
Speaker 1: I was just always excited to see him. It was
Speaker 1: always like, oh, this is a thing that I'm always
Speaker 1: going to get to look forward to. He's always going
Speaker 1: to have some amazing new joke. And then for him
Speaker 1: to just be gone like that was like, well, that's
Speaker 1: that sounds very selfish, but it's like, why does he
Speaker 1: not get to keep putting things into the world. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it sounds thee the opposite of selfish. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Do you believe in n afterlife? How do you see it?
Speaker 1: If I may ask? God? The thing that haunts me
Speaker 1: about the afterlife? No one Intended is a line from
Speaker 1: Neil Gaiman's Sandman comic books. Did you read The Sandman? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just look God. There's a line where Um dreams
Speaker 1: older sister death. Someone asks like, where do people go
Speaker 1: when they die? And then she says people go where
Speaker 1: they think they ought to go, which means that at
Speaker 1: the last moment. Does that mean like, if you're subconscious
Speaker 1: truly is eating you alive with guilt, it will set
Speaker 1: like it will create a place for you to go,
Speaker 1: that is you know what I mean. So that's always
Speaker 1: really because because there's there's very positive and very negative
Speaker 1: connotations to that idea. Personally, I would love if the
Speaker 1: afterlife was exactly as Albert Brooks describes it in Defending
Speaker 1: Your Life. That is such a wonderful system. The only
Speaker 1: thing that I find unrealistic about that movie is if
Speaker 1: I was in Judgment City and you could eat food
Speaker 1: and it doesn't affect you, I would just have a
Speaker 1: backpack full of like fried rice or but like it
Speaker 1: would just I would just never not be eating. That's
Speaker 1: all I'd been doing. The fact that he like can
Speaker 1: take bites of things and then wander away, I'm like,
Speaker 1: how what what are you doing? You know? So, but yeah,
Speaker 1: that that idea of you forward if you conquer your fear,
Speaker 1: there's something really beautiful about that. I've never heard that,
Speaker 1: and that's gonna scare me forever. What is your conception
Speaker 1: Do you have a conception on the apple look because
Speaker 1: I love hearing that from other people. I mean, it
Speaker 1: keeps changing. I do think we keep going around. Oh,
Speaker 1: I do think that. I think that we keep going
Speaker 1: around until we get better. But I think that there's
Speaker 1: a bit in between you coming back. Well, this is
Speaker 1: the only bit I don't get. I've talked about this before,
Speaker 1: but the yeah, I believe this is the Buddhist the
Speaker 1: Buddhist way of reincarnation. And the only bit that annoys
Speaker 1: me about it is that you forget. Is that you
Speaker 1: when you start again, you forget everything you learned in
Speaker 1: the last life, which seems an inefficient way of getting
Speaker 1: better at it. But you do. You do meet people
Speaker 1: who are you know. People say like, oh, he's an
Speaker 1: old soul or she's you know, and it feels correct
Speaker 1: to me. You meet people who feel like they're new,
Speaker 1: people who feel like they've been in a while, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Yeah, what if we find out
Speaker 1: later that like, there are certain forms of schizophrenia that
Speaker 1: are just a form of reincarnation that's fritched out a
Speaker 1: little bit, that you're hearing your other lives, but it's
Speaker 1: all at once, and it's not coming in in an
Speaker 1: orderly fashion. And that's why that's why it's people that
Speaker 1: are quote unquote insane can often have these really amazing
Speaker 1: insights into things beyond what we can do. It's because
Speaker 1: there are too many channels that are open to other lives,
Speaker 1: and that's what they're funneling into themselves. That would be interesting.
Speaker 1: But that's I never thought of it that way. That, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it is an inefficient system. If what your aim is
Speaker 1: is to improve us, maybe, but then maybe the way
Speaker 1: the people that are getting close to reaching that are
Speaker 1: the old souls. And I know exactly you're talking about.
Speaker 1: There's people that I've met. I had a friend put
Speaker 1: it this way. Even just meet certain people and you're like,
Speaker 1: this person just gets the deal and people are just
Speaker 1: drawn to them and it has nothing to do with them,
Speaker 1: whether they're a celebrity or not. Like you can go
Speaker 1: to like a bar and look at the staff and
Speaker 1: there's like one member on the staff that everyone they're
Speaker 1: just the natural. That's just people are drawn to them,
Speaker 1: you know. And I just read this oral history of
Speaker 1: the making of days and confused it's called alright, alright, alright.
Speaker 1: It is fascinating. They go through the making of it
Speaker 1: and Matthew McConaughey. I think is one of those old
Speaker 1: souls where he was just a guy that they hired
Speaker 1: for the day, and then they became very clear, Oh
Speaker 1: wait a minute, write him more, that he was just
Speaker 1: so connected to all this other stuff, and they saw
Speaker 1: it on a film like, well, this is obviously you
Speaker 1: just you know, there's just certain people. That's how it is.
Speaker 1: I was thinking about it now that we're talking about it,
Speaker 1: because I haven't thought about it in a wild you know.
Speaker 1: I think you're born with certain characteristics and morality and
Speaker 1: certain things, and everyone everyone is born with like a box,
Speaker 1: and everyone's box is different, right, Yeah, and maybe that
Speaker 1: what's in your box is from your previous life, what
Speaker 1: the things you've accrued. Yeah, But the point is you
Speaker 1: don't know ahead of time specifically what each item is
Speaker 1: and what it's linked to, and that part of your
Speaker 1: life is figuring out how those items fit together. It's
Speaker 1: like them. There's a Philip K. Dick short story called
Speaker 1: Paycheck or a guy who he's like an agent, is
Speaker 1: sent into the future to do things and then when
Speaker 1: they come back, they wipe your memory. He's like he's
Speaker 1: like a corporate assassin. Type, but he leaves himself this
Speaker 1: envelope full of weird items that don't mean anything to
Speaker 1: himself in the present, but they save his life as
Speaker 1: he's going along. And that's like a version of that
Speaker 1: of getting that box, having it that weird. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's such a cool the idea of an old soul.
Speaker 1: I never thought of it that way. You meet kids,
Speaker 1: you make there is a vast difference between kids. Some
Speaker 1: are really dumb on some aid. That's one thing that
Speaker 1: Meredith says, and she goes, I feel terrible saying it,
Speaker 1: but there's certain kids, you mean, they're like, they're just
Speaker 1: shitty kids, Like this shitty person. This is the tiny
Speaker 1: shitty person who's gonna grow up to be an older
Speaker 1: shitty person. Then there's nothing you can do. You don't
Speaker 1: want to be mean to him. But it's like, it's
Speaker 1: just so fucking clear, there's this terrible you knows. Yeah, yes,
Speaker 1: you're right. There was a very famous um uh there,
Speaker 1: Oh my god. They were what if shitty people are
Speaker 1: just rookies and you should be trying to help. You're like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's just a rookie. He doesn't so many better. He's trying,
Speaker 1: he's trying. There was an interview that Carl Reiner was
Speaker 1: on The Tonight Show in the early sixties and they
Speaker 1: Johnny Carson was like, who's your Who's the funniest person
Speaker 1: you know? And he's like this kid who lives down
Speaker 1: the street from me. Um, because Carl Reiner lived next
Speaker 1: to this guy that that old vaudeville performer park your carcass.
Speaker 1: But he was talking about he was like, this kid's
Speaker 1: his name is Albert Einstein. That that this dad gave
Speaker 1: the name Albert Einstein. His kids like thirteen, He's the
Speaker 1: funniest kid I've ever met in my life. It was
Speaker 1: Albert Brooks, That's what he was talking about. And he
Speaker 1: was like, I would go over to my to my friend.
Speaker 1: His father was his very famous vaudevillian and Carl Reiner
Speaker 1: knew him, and Carl will go visit the guy's dad
Speaker 1: and then it would just and also his son Rob
Speaker 1: was friends with Albert Brooks. He's like, this kid is
Speaker 1: the funniest person I've ever met. He's just the thirteen
Speaker 1: year old Like we've all met people like that. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, I want to talk about this all day,
Speaker 1: but listen, I've got to spoil of you, which is
Speaker 1: there is a heaven and actually not everyone who comes
Speaker 1: on this podcast would agree, but I think you'd fucking
Speaker 1: love this one because hey, you've got a backpack filled
Speaker 1: with infinite food that doesn't affect you and be everyone's
Speaker 1: obsessed with films. There they're obsessed with it. Oh and
Speaker 1: not an annoying way, yes, And I know what they
Speaker 1: want to do and other things if you like, but
Speaker 1: mostly what they want to do is talk to you
Speaker 1: about your life but through film, and let's do it.
Speaker 1: And the first thing they ask you, oh yeah, is
Speaker 1: what is the first film that you remember seeing the
Speaker 1: first film? And I remember this so clearly. And before
Speaker 1: I tell the story, I'm not slagging the parents involved
Speaker 1: in the story. They had every good intention when they
Speaker 1: did what they did. The earliest would just hang on
Speaker 1: because it was like in nineteen seventy three or four US,
Speaker 1: you know, like you know, four years old, five years old,
Speaker 1: living in southern California. My dad was in the military.
Speaker 1: It's very briefly we lived there before we moved to Virginia.
Speaker 1: But it was Halloween and they had a children's Halloween
Speaker 1: activity day at the local library. Won't this be fun,
Speaker 1: and we did cut out pumpkins and we made ghost
Speaker 1: cookies and they told ghost stories. And then they showed
Speaker 1: us a movie. And it being the early seventies and
Speaker 1: there's no internet or no parental resources, they thought, oh,
Speaker 1: let's show them an old silent horror movie. This will
Speaker 1: because silent movies that's for everybody. How scary can this be?
Speaker 1: No One? And they showed us. They projected it on
Speaker 1: a wall, on a sixteen millimeter projector because back then,
Speaker 1: by the way, you could rent eight millimeter and sixteen
Speaker 1: millimeter films. That's how people would watch them. They showed
Speaker 1: us FW Murnau's No Sperato to a bunch of five
Speaker 1: and six year olds. And by the way, I and
Speaker 1: like earlier this year, I watched No Sparatto. I have
Speaker 1: a there's a film service called Canopy, Like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: watch this again just to make sure, like maybe I'm
Speaker 1: only seeing it mirth from my five year old brain.
Speaker 1: That is one of the most terrifying, just openly disturbing film.
Speaker 1: It's all it is is disturbing images, and the narrative
Speaker 1: kind of doesn't make sense. There's kind of a dream
Speaker 1: logic to it. It just kind of jumps around. So
Speaker 1: it has that five year old logic way of looking
Speaker 1: at the world where just all it is scary stuff
Speaker 1: coming in. Kids were screaming and crying and I was
Speaker 1: freaking out. But I was very, very fascinated by how
Speaker 1: come this little square of light is making everyone. We
Speaker 1: were just in this room that was well, let we
Speaker 1: know we're in safe in the world. They put a
Speaker 1: couple of towels over the windows and suddenly we're in hell.
Speaker 1: Like it just completely and I'm like, how did that happen?
Speaker 1: And that is why I've been fascinated with film ever since,
Speaker 1: because it happened like that and that movie. Go watch
Speaker 1: No Sparatto. It's fucking by today's standards, that movie is
Speaker 1: fucked up. It's really just a series of just images.
Speaker 1: It's like, what the fuck? And then the woman has
Speaker 1: like dies at the end, like she openly sacrifices herself,
Speaker 1: Like it's so fucked up. Huh. So were you with
Speaker 1: your parents watching this? I think it was a drop
Speaker 1: off to like the seventies were all about I just
Speaker 1: leave your kids there and we'll cut I mean, I
Speaker 1: remember very clearly you were a shitty parent. If your
Speaker 1: kid was inside your home watching TV and being supervised.
Speaker 1: The good parents were like, go outside, play, run around,
Speaker 1: get exercise, come back when it gets dark. I don't
Speaker 1: care where you go. Go outside. And that was it.
Speaker 1: That was like, just that's what he did, you know?
Speaker 1: So that yeah, I'm sure they dropped me off and
Speaker 1: then picked you up and you you were shaken and
Speaker 1: what happened? Oh, how are the pumpkin cookies? There? There's
Speaker 1: a guy. He came out of the darkness and he
Speaker 1: talking people's souls. It was just like, do you want
Speaker 1: to go back tomorrow? They're gonna show hacks and witchcraft
Speaker 1: through the ages? You have it. You have a brother, right,
Speaker 1: I have a little brother. Yeah, my brother Matt. How
Speaker 1: much younger is he? He's a year and a half
Speaker 1: younger than me. So was he there? Were you together?
Speaker 1: I cannot remember. He doesn't see he doesn't remember seeing
Speaker 1: that movie. He doesn't he doesn't have that memory. Maybe
Speaker 1: he was there and just I don't know, but he does,
Speaker 1: you're that's a good question, But he's never he doesn't
Speaker 1: remember that. I very specifically remember thinking that he just
Speaker 1: shut down that film and lives in denial. I get it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe his brain was like, no, we're not gonna deal
Speaker 1: with this yet. You're too young. What film knows what
Speaker 1: made you cry? The mice? Do you a cryer? Yes,
Speaker 1: here's what's weird. Though I don't cry in movies when
Speaker 1: things are sad. I mean I still do cry when
Speaker 1: things are really sad, like I remember very specifically, the
Speaker 1: baby mind sequence from Dumbo always wipes me. I mean,
Speaker 1: my God in heaven. But the part, the moment in
Speaker 1: movies and in art that makes me cry is when
Speaker 1: someone decides to be good to someone else in spite
Speaker 1: of the world going It'd be so much easier if
Speaker 1: he just were shitty, and they're like, no, God damn it,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna step So there's a moment like in The
Speaker 1: Bad News Bears when Walter math out and he acts
Speaker 1: rough doing it because he needs to. When he decides
Speaker 1: I'm going to actually coach this team, and he's like,
Speaker 1: God damn it, no one's boat counts but mine. We're
Speaker 1: gonna like and he's gonna actually because these kids have
Speaker 1: been humiliated, and he does that little speech about this
Speaker 1: Quinton thing. You know, it's a hard habit once you
Speaker 1: start and you realize he's talking about his own life,
Speaker 1: and he's like, you know, just because I found a
Speaker 1: way to be comfortable with pissing my life away, I
Speaker 1: don't have to dump this on these kids, and that
Speaker 1: that scene, there's something so beautiful about that, whenever someone
Speaker 1: steps up for someone else. The most recent time that
Speaker 1: happened was in Joe Joe Rabbit at the end when
Speaker 1: Sam Rockwell, when he sacrifices the self to save Jojo
Speaker 1: own they're dragging him away and he's smiling like he's safe.
Speaker 1: I mean, I was crying so hard in the theater.
Speaker 1: I mean I saw the premiere. I went to the
Speaker 1: premiere and I was just bawling in that moment when
Speaker 1: people step the hell up and go no, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: I'm just such a sucker for that. Yeah, that's what
Speaker 1: makes me cry the most. I fucking love Jji Rabbit.
Speaker 1: I've seen that. I saw that four times. It's so good.
Speaker 1: It's so good, and it's one of them films. There
Speaker 1: was another film, Last Advice. Both Jojo Rabbit Advice were
Speaker 1: divisive in a way that I was like, what, like,
Speaker 1: objectively an incredible film. Well, I remember very specifically to
Speaker 1: Jojo Rabbit arguments where people were arguing about just like esthetics,
Speaker 1: where they were arguing about things out of context, and
Speaker 1: it's like, this is another this is a story. I mean,
Speaker 1: if you read The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich,
Speaker 1: he was not diminishing Nazism to link it with Beatlemania,
Speaker 1: because that is how it was. They literally designed Hitler's
Speaker 1: speeches the way a rock promoter would promote an up
Speaker 1: and coming band. You book a venue that's too small,
Speaker 1: so that apples you can go, oh, we couldn't fit
Speaker 1: anyone in there. There were a lot like and they
Speaker 1: would sell pamphlets outside. It was literally the same mechanics
Speaker 1: as a rock concert, which makes it that much more frightening.
Speaker 1: That's why he did it the way he did it,
Speaker 1: you know. So, Yeah, there are movies that come out
Speaker 1: in their device and I'm like, what the fuck are
Speaker 1: you people arguing about? Its good? Yeah? I cry in
Speaker 1: movies like you know what, you know what. The weirdest
Speaker 1: movie I've ever cried it was for that reason. So
Speaker 1: is um A Kira Kurosa's Yojimbo. When Sanjuro, the the
Speaker 1: bodyguard to Shiramafune gets all angry about the when he
Speaker 1: realizes that he's that family. They've kidnapped the wife and
Speaker 1: he's actually helped, he's part of It's an earlier version
Speaker 1: of Sam Jackson realizing, Oh, I'm the team or any
Speaker 1: of evil men, I'm the actual I've got to step
Speaker 1: up and do something good. And he's like, people like this,
Speaker 1: Oh God, they make me stick. And then he just
Speaker 1: picks up his sword and goes to slaughter everyone to
Speaker 1: rescue his family and was like, oh God, he's gonna
Speaker 1: doing something like I just love moments like that. Sorry,
Speaker 1: next question, I'm sorry about that. No, I really like that. Well,
Speaker 1: other than Nosperaz, what's the film that scadge the most. Oh,
Speaker 1: this is another quick story about well meaning nineteen seventies
Speaker 1: parents who did not know what they were doing. They
Speaker 1: were not trying to fuck us up. I remember this
Speaker 1: very specifically. Me, me and my friend Bruce Beardsley wanted
Speaker 1: to go see Ralph Backshe's Lord of the Rings, the
Speaker 1: animated Lord of the Rings. Oh, we want to go
Speaker 1: see because we loved dungeons and Dragons. Bruce's dad took us.
Speaker 1: Great guy, great dad. We go to the theater. Lord
Speaker 1: of the Rings is sold out. There's no tickets. And
Speaker 1: what else is playing this is it's nineteen seventy eight
Speaker 1: or seventy nine. Oh, Invasion of the Body Snatchers. They
Speaker 1: remade it. His dad was like, I saw Invasion the
Speaker 1: Body Snatchers growing up. That's a fun Yeah, final ghost,
Speaker 1: the Invasion the Body snatcherss. That movie. I had so
Speaker 1: many nightmares. I mean for weeks. My mom was was
Speaker 1: I remember my mom even called Bruce's dad was like,
Speaker 1: why did you take He's like, I thought it was
Speaker 1: just this. I didn't know it's gonna be that mess.
Speaker 1: I couldn't sleep The Donald Sutherland Invasion the Body Snatress.
Speaker 1: And by the way, I went and rewatched that a
Speaker 1: few years ago just to confirm it wasn't just my
Speaker 1: ten year old head. That's a fucking terrifying movie. And
Speaker 1: it's designed to fuck with you. Ay, the aliens win
Speaker 1: at the end, they fucking win. Earth is fucking destroyed.
Speaker 1: That final shot of Donald Futherland. You're like, what, but
Speaker 1: also I read this this was really weird. M Philip Coffman,
Speaker 1: the director. The sound design. When you watched the beginning
Speaker 1: of the movie, there's the there's your standard city sounds, birds,
Speaker 1: traffic machines, you're the sound of life. And as the
Speaker 1: movie goes on, each of those sounds drops out of
Speaker 1: the soundtrack. So by the end there's no animal sounds,
Speaker 1: there's no cars, there's no city because all of that
Speaker 1: is shut down. But they do it very subtly, and
Speaker 1: that's why you're so the last half hour of the movie,
Speaker 1: you're so unnerved because there's no point of reference to
Speaker 1: grab onto to feel like it's life anymore. And it's
Speaker 1: and again, imagine that working on a ten year old's brain,
Speaker 1: like it's just so fucking scary. Oh god, that movie
Speaker 1: fucked me up. That's fucking smart. Yeah, isn't that brilliant? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's brilliant. It's just I mean, you've seen that movie
Speaker 1: right there. Yeah, And I've done sevens in it is
Speaker 1: I love? Do you know this about him? I'm sure
Speaker 1: you do. You know everything? But the thing and I
Speaker 1: would love to be famous enough that I had this
Speaker 1: sort of cloud. But apparently, and when he signs up
Speaker 1: for a film, part of his deal is do you
Speaker 1: know this? No, his contract, his deal he'll do the
Speaker 1: film if you shoot the middle first. As long as
Speaker 1: they shoot the middle first, he'll do the film. Because
Speaker 1: He's like, if I'm still finding the character, if we
Speaker 1: film the middle, by the time we film the beginning,
Speaker 1: I'll have the character and I'll be good. So that
Speaker 1: as an audience, by the time you get to the middle,
Speaker 1: you won't notice if I'm a bit shit in the middle,
Speaker 1: because I've sold it at the beginning. I've that's brilliant.
Speaker 1: But also the middle of the movie is usually when
Speaker 1: the characters are having all their doubts and all their
Speaker 1: second thoughts. So if he is flailing a little bit, yeah,
Speaker 1: that actually also fits. Holy shit, that's genius. Good is it? Honestly? Whenever,
Speaker 1: whenever I've a few times i've had acting jobs, if
Speaker 1: there ever is discussions about scheduling, like what would work
Speaker 1: for you, I'm always like, oh, we could shoot the middle,
Speaker 1: we could do the middle stuff? Can we let's do
Speaker 1: the middle? If I ever get the clout, I am
Speaker 1: so doing that whole crap. That's amazing, smart, isn't it.
Speaker 1: I always get nervous every job I've had. Way it's
Speaker 1: like we're filming the first scene first, I'm always like,
Speaker 1: a shit, what if I don't here? Yeah, that's what's weird.
Speaker 1: If you watch um the Godfather James Kahn. Early on,
Speaker 1: like the first couple of days of filming, he didn't
Speaker 1: have the sunny character down one hundred percent, hadn't quite
Speaker 1: figured it out. And then he apparently went and saw
Speaker 1: Don Rickles and there was like, I'm gonna play him
Speaker 1: like that, and then for the rest of the movie
Speaker 1: he's Don Rickles. But you gotta do any And you
Speaker 1: can see the chain if you know that. Going in
Speaker 1: the early scenes, you're like, that's not quite sunny any
Speaker 1: Like there he is, So it's really cool to see that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but god, that's a brilliant you shoot the middle. What
Speaker 1: film is not critically acclaimed. People do not like it generally,
Speaker 1: but you love it and you love it so much
Speaker 1: you don't even care what anyone says. You just think
Speaker 1: everyone's an idiot. This film's amazing. I mean, it doesn't
Speaker 1: get the credit for the genius stuff that it does,
Speaker 1: although it did get some good reviews. But I think
Speaker 1: it should be Like a criterion disk is John McNaughton's
Speaker 1: Wild Things with Matt Dylan and Nev Campbell and Bill Murray.
Speaker 1: It is a really smart noir hiding inside of a
Speaker 1: trashy like softcore Cinemax film, but then you realize acting
Speaker 1: like a soft corese Cinemax film is part of Nev
Speaker 1: Campbell's plot to lure in these dumb shits played by
Speaker 1: Kevin Bacon and Matt Delt like that's part of her genius.
Speaker 1: And then the fact that they then spend the end
Speaker 1: credits going backwards and showing you how the whole thing
Speaker 1: gets set up. You know. I remember there's a Roger
Speaker 1: Ebert review of The Good, The Bad, me Ugly where
Speaker 1: he's like, when it first came out, I only gave
Speaker 1: it three stars because in my mind, I'm like, a
Speaker 1: movie this entertaining can't also be a great film. Like
Speaker 1: a great film has got to feel like you've done
Speaker 1: some work, and it took me till I was older
Speaker 1: to go. No, actually making a really entertaining movie is
Speaker 1: also really fucking hard. That also means it's great. And
Speaker 1: that's what I think about Wild Things is just because
Speaker 1: it is what it is, insanely entertaining and funny, doesn't
Speaker 1: mean it's also not a great film with some kind
Speaker 1: of brilliant things to say about masculinity and class warfare
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. But it just happens to be
Speaker 1: really really fun to watch. But it's also genius that's there.
Speaker 1: And you know this, you must know this. They wrote
Speaker 1: that backwards. You know that. That's how they really write
Speaker 1: wild things. Yeah, they sort of works backwards. That's why
Speaker 1: it's such a great bit of plotting as they sort
Speaker 1: of did it. God, because if it felt like the
Speaker 1: end credit scene was the thing that McNaughton came up
Speaker 1: with later like, oh wait a minute, we could do that.
Speaker 1: So in the end credit you're watching his writing process,
Speaker 1: you're watching how he sets it up. And nev Campbell
Speaker 1: is basically the screenwriter of the film, of the plot,
Speaker 1: and but she's using everybody because she's being whatever she
Speaker 1: needs to be in front of you. It's and it's
Speaker 1: such a brilliant performance that she does. But because again
Speaker 1: it's so trashy and funny and entertaining that I think
Speaker 1: people are like, well, this this can't be a great performance,
Speaker 1: Like no, it is. It just is also really entertaining.
Speaker 1: What the what the fuck? So yeah, that's one of
Speaker 1: those movies that I really think is the needs a
Speaker 1: second look. That's a very good shout what what what's
Speaker 1: what's one of yours that you champion? I think Batman
Speaker 1: Returns is the best Batman film. Oh I gotta hear this.
Speaker 1: Wait why? Why? Because Batman Returns is that is the
Speaker 1: first feminist superhero film that comes because Catwoman appears and
Speaker 1: her whole thing is she literally says to a woman
Speaker 1: that needs savings, she says, always standing around waiting for
Speaker 1: a Batman to save you. Cut and I love that.
Speaker 1: There's this weird, sort of fattiest, weird sexual stuff going on.
Speaker 1: And then there's all this amazing scene where I'm just like,
Speaker 1: that is such a good idea where they go to
Speaker 1: the masked ball and the only two people not in
Speaker 1: mask Batman and Catwoman, and it's such a fucking great
Speaker 1: idea that they wow, they've already got masks, they're covered
Speaker 1: in masks, and also the idea that and then then
Speaker 1: when they both realize who each other are and they're like,
Speaker 1: what we're supposed to do? Now? That was a cool
Speaker 1: Oh now I'm gonna go watch that scene that movie again.
Speaker 1: It's a great film. Christoher Wilkins mad in it and
Speaker 1: it's it's cool and it's so odd and like for
Speaker 1: a mainstream, big, you know, Hollywood bloodbust film, it's so
Speaker 1: weird and very sexual and very sexual, and the penguin
Speaker 1: is genuinely terrified. I think, I think is I will
Speaker 1: give you nightmares, and he's not playing for laughs and
Speaker 1: he really could do. And their love story, I really
Speaker 1: loved their Batman and Catwoman's love story because it's so
Speaker 1: fucking weird and they can't be together because they're by fucked.
Speaker 1: It's really interesting. I gotta check that out again. I
Speaker 1: saw somebody was passing a meme around about the movie
Speaker 1: Batman and Robin and it was a picture of mister
Speaker 1: Freeze and poison Ivy and Batman and it was like,
Speaker 1: he's trying to stop global warming. She's trying to reforest
Speaker 1: the planet, but we're supposed to root for the trust
Speaker 1: fund billionaire who beats up poor people. Like that was
Speaker 1: such a grid never thought of that take on it, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: holy shit, Batman returns. I gotta go. I gotta check
Speaker 1: that movie out again. Now, I you're right, there's all
Speaker 1: these weird little elements to it. Oh man, Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: it's really interesting. And Michael Cayton's the best Batman you know.
Speaker 1: And I love the fact that they're going to bring
Speaker 1: him back. But as this older, scarred like mentor Batman.
Speaker 1: There were rumors going around when when Heath Ledger tragically
Speaker 1: passed away because what an amazing performance as the Joker,
Speaker 1: and people were saying, well, how do we do the
Speaker 1: third Batman movie? And one of the ideas was, and
Speaker 1: I don't know why they didn't do this anyway, set
Speaker 1: the third Batman movie, The Dark Knight Rises. Set it
Speaker 1: forty years in the future. Batman has been it has
Speaker 1: been cleaning up Gotham City for forty years. All of
Speaker 1: his rogues gallery in Blackgate Prison, including a now older Joker.
Speaker 1: Get like Kurt Russell to play the Batman now it's
Speaker 1: all scarred up and fun. He's like, I'm done. And
Speaker 1: then Bain comes along. Let's out all the fucking villains
Speaker 1: and then that's what And then just get some older
Speaker 1: actor to play the Joker like and see how he's changed. Well,
Speaker 1: He's like, that would have been amazing. That's the one
Speaker 1: I want to say. There you go, there you go. Yeah, Okay,
Speaker 1: well that's that's my one. That's about Mary Times Paper
Speaker 1: don't talk about it enough. I'm gonna check that out. Wow. Thanks.
Speaker 1: I don't know why people they talk about it anything else,
Speaker 1: what's the what's the film that you used to love?
Speaker 1: You had great love for it, but then you've watched
Speaker 1: it recently and you've felt, oh, no, I don't love
Speaker 1: this no more. I still love Ghostbusters, but when unfortunately,
Speaker 1: if you watch it through twenty twenty goggles the Bill
Speaker 1: Murray character. And I don't want to be all peace
Speaker 1: and me too, but god, the Bill Murray character is
Speaker 1: so creepy in that movie. Not just the opening scene
Speaker 1: with the sophomore, that girl that he's but like the
Speaker 1: first time he goes to Sigourney Weaver's apartment, he's all
Speaker 1: but like lunging at her like this weird. It's really unnerving,
Speaker 1: like watching that stuff. And then also the fact that
Speaker 1: the villain is a is the EPA guy who, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's a douchebag, but he's like, you guys are there's
Speaker 1: like this weird you kind of built your own nuclear
Speaker 1: I don't think you can have this in the middle
Speaker 1: of like people could die, Like it has such a
Speaker 1: weird viewpoint, but and still there's still shit about it.
Speaker 1: It's funny. Look, I still have all the old James
Speaker 1: Bond movies, but you watch like you only live twice
Speaker 1: you're going, oh, yikes, you know. Or there's a movie,
Speaker 1: a teen comedy that my wife made called Dream A
Speaker 1: Little Dream that was as a like fun comedy for
Speaker 1: kids that features her mom basically roofies her so that
Speaker 1: she'll like kind of I guess, sleep with the boyfriend
Speaker 1: that she's with. It's very very creepy, like what they like,
Speaker 1: like that's um there there's a Blake Edwards movie called
Speaker 1: SOB where very famously um Julie Andrews shows her gets
Speaker 1: naked and shows her tits. But what they leave out
Speaker 1: is that they basically slip her a roofy so that
Speaker 1: she's loopy enough to do that on camera and it's
Speaker 1: done is like comedic. So there's like there was like
Speaker 1: kind of date rape stuff that was almost done as
Speaker 1: comedy a lot back then. Yeah, just like like all
Speaker 1: the time. So again I don't they don't want to
Speaker 1: be they oh you know, I can't. Like there's still
Speaker 1: things about Ghostbusters. It's god damn brilliant, but some of
Speaker 1: the Bill Murray stuff is just really creeps me out,
Speaker 1: and I just I don't know, I think that is
Speaker 1: totally legit. It's it's like I don't know if there
Speaker 1: was that famous UM article where Molly Ringwald's daughters went
Speaker 1: and watched Breakfast Club with her and she was like, oh,
Speaker 1: there's some weird shooting. Yeah, and I think what you're saying,
Speaker 1: it's as in, it doesn't mean we have to kill
Speaker 1: guys bustess No, But it was like, you can sort
Speaker 1: of enjoy bits of it, and I say, be horrified. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you can, by the way, you can also enjoy
Speaker 1: how badly things of age and go oh hey, look
Speaker 1: look how far we've come. Like that can be part
Speaker 1: of the enjoyment. It's like, oh my god, people fucked
Speaker 1: un you know, like that can be part of the fun.
Speaker 1: But yeah, you and also that the the the dumb
Speaker 1: anti PC people will always fall back this you just
Speaker 1: when you know the arguments, they always fall back. And like, well,
Speaker 1: you couldn't make Blazing Saddles today. You know that movie,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, hang on Blazing Saddles, which is about
Speaker 1: a really intelligent African American sheriff who comes in owns
Speaker 1: a whole townful of dipshit racist makes them actually get
Speaker 1: woke and evolved. You could totally make that movie today.
Speaker 1: You're you're only focusing on the first five minutes when
Speaker 1: they're yelling the N word because that's all you want
Speaker 1: to do. But if you look at the higher arc
Speaker 1: the movie, it's actually about being woken, being PC and
Speaker 1: how that saves the goddamn day. So, like I just
Speaker 1: it's amazing how people will like compartmentalize and focus always
Speaker 1: on the wrong shit. Yeah, it's very true. And yeah, Patton,
Speaker 1: tell me this, what film means the nice to you.
Speaker 1: Not necessarily the film itself is any good, but because
Speaker 1: the experience you had seeing the film, that will ally
Speaker 1: always make it special for you. You know what. The
Speaker 1: movie that really really means the most to me is
Speaker 1: um Peewee's Big Adventure, because that I remember I saw it.
Speaker 1: I went to see another movie I remember this one
Speaker 1: with a bunch of friends and the movie ended, and
Speaker 1: this is back in Virginia, and a person walked out
Speaker 1: and said, Hey, we have a movie we'd like to
Speaker 1: preview for you guys, whoever wants to stay, And this
Speaker 1: is back in suburban Virginia, like a movie preview. So
Speaker 1: the whole crowd stayed and it was Peewee's Big Adventure.
Speaker 1: And that movie was the first time because I hadn't
Speaker 1: quite been exposed to money pythons as much as I
Speaker 1: wanted to. And I loved Steve Martin and I loved SNL.
Speaker 1: But you know, pebe Herman was a very, very niche
Speaker 1: cult figure. I hadn't seen him on Letterman. I barely knew.
Speaker 1: I vaguely kind of knew who he was. And this
Speaker 1: movie was so it was the first time that I
Speaker 1: saw a comedic performer going, We're going to operate on
Speaker 1: my level, and I'm not doing this to go book you.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm operating on this level. I'm inviting you
Speaker 1: to come along, but you've got to operate on this
Speaker 1: weird level. And the whole this disparate suburban Virginia crowd
Speaker 1: just got on the frequency and it was at first
Speaker 1: time there's like, oh, you can make what you think
Speaker 1: is funny palatable to anybody. And the moment that it
Speaker 1: really really clicked in the movie. People loved the movie.
Speaker 1: But there's a great moment in the middle of the
Speaker 1: movie where the only curse word in Pee's Big Adventure
Speaker 1: is when he says to Dottie, she goes, you know,
Speaker 1: you come to Chuck Spike Shop, but I'll get you
Speaker 1: a discount on a new bike, and he goes, I
Speaker 1: don't want some other crappy bike, and when he says crappy,
Speaker 1: the whole audience went WHOA like like that was part
Speaker 1: of the joke. Is that, oh things, you're getting serious now,
Speaker 1: so that they're actually in on the joke, and it
Speaker 1: just made me And I had no idea about being
Speaker 1: a comedian I did. I didn't know that I wanted
Speaker 1: to be a writer or do something creative, but that
Speaker 1: was one of the first indications of just do your
Speaker 1: own thing and commit to it and people will come along.
Speaker 1: So that movie has always been really really special to
Speaker 1: me for that reason. You remember, I think it came
Speaker 1: out in eighty four or eighty five, so I was
Speaker 1: a teenager. I was I was maybe fourteen or fifteen
Speaker 1: or you know, just entering high school, trying to figure
Speaker 1: out how do I be popular? How do I be
Speaker 1: And then that was one of those without ever telling you,
Speaker 1: it's just like do what you think is good. You've
Speaker 1: got to enjoy your life first, you know, because if
Speaker 1: you if you live other people's lives, you're gonna be miserable.
Speaker 1: So that idea of just go do your own stuff.
Speaker 1: It makes me so happy how you don't have to
Speaker 1: talk about it about But how old we when you
Speaker 1: did your first gate? I was nineteen years old, nineteen
Speaker 1: years old and on the same night um I started
Speaker 1: out at a club called Garvin's Comedy Club on Elle
Speaker 1: Street and Washington, d C. July eighteenth, nineteen eighty eight,
Speaker 1: was nineteen years old. Who also went up his first
Speaker 1: time on that same show, Dave Chappelle O. He was
Speaker 1: fourteen years old, and he annihilated, Were you like, I've
Speaker 1: started t LA, I've started TLA? Said yeah, well, but
Speaker 1: but he had this energy of someone that talk about
Speaker 1: old souls. He had the energy of someone who had
Speaker 1: been doing it for thirty years. Like just walked up,
Speaker 1: didn't rush to the microphone, started talking like all right,
Speaker 1: and you're on my level. Here, here we are. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. It was amazing. How are you? How are you?
Speaker 1: In that fast game? I was the exact opposite. I
Speaker 1: got not only did I get, oh god, here's here's
Speaker 1: what doomed me. I got no laughs except for one
Speaker 1: joke that I did, which was wasn't even a joke.
Speaker 1: It was like getting towards the idea of a joke.
Speaker 1: But one comedian in the audience and one of the
Speaker 1: other comedians, one of the older ones, gave me the
Speaker 1: like you ever do that when you acknowledge that your
Speaker 1: friend is like, I see what you're You're get your
Speaker 1: headed towards something. But just that I got that acknowledgement
Speaker 1: from one of the pros was like I'm in. Like
Speaker 1: then I was like, I'm in for life. And also
Speaker 1: I was like sitting and waiting to go on stage
Speaker 1: and watching the other comedians sit and talk with each
Speaker 1: other and you know, bash jokes around and knock around
Speaker 1: like that, Like I'm like, I want that hang. These
Speaker 1: are the people I want to hang with. So I
Speaker 1: wanted to hang before I wanted the career. That's what
Speaker 1: got me into it. Do you know he made the
Speaker 1: noise there's something in it? Um? Yeah, it was this
Speaker 1: guy who ended up being roommates with years later. Um.
Speaker 1: It's got named Mark voice Um, a comedian at of
Speaker 1: Baltimore who was what a great writer. One of um
Speaker 1: One of my favorite lines of his is, um, you
Speaker 1: know it. You know it takes all kinds. No, it doesn't.
Speaker 1: We just have all kinds and we gotta make it work.
Speaker 1: Like it was just something line, so he just yeah,
Speaker 1: So to see someone who was that funny give you
Speaker 1: the little okay, there's something keep going, I gotta show up,
Speaker 1: I got I gotta keep going. Oh oh, I told
Speaker 1: him that that little ah made me go okay. Well,
Speaker 1: but film do you miss relate to? The one movie
Speaker 1: that I keep watching over and over again is the
Speaker 1: Albert Finney Murder on the Orient Express. Yeah, because I
Speaker 1: really relate to the way that e kil Pirow is
Speaker 1: depicted in that movie. Beyond just it's not just so
Speaker 1: much the mystery is that and it's all subtext. But
Speaker 1: he's this guy who is very very OCD, which I am,
Speaker 1: and and he sometimes can be very prickly with like
Speaker 1: other people and other relationships, and he's not quite connected
Speaker 1: with the world is maybe he would want to be.
Speaker 1: And at the end he has to kind of realize that, yes,
Speaker 1: all the people on this train did this maybe terrible thing,
Speaker 1: but the terrible thing in context was part of the
Speaker 1: messiness of life, and he doesn't. He has to let
Speaker 1: the messiness of life go at the end because that's
Speaker 1: how life is. But he ends up it's very much
Speaker 1: that final shot of him walking down the hall alone
Speaker 1: It's that something that I've always struggled with, which is
Speaker 1: a lot of times I feel myself to be a
Speaker 1: little bit apart from the world. And you know, luckily
Speaker 1: I've met people, both friends and my first wife, Michelle,
Speaker 1: and especially Meredith, who pull me deep. Unlike Ku Poirot,
Speaker 1: who just keeps turning away from connections, I keep meeting
Speaker 1: people who then pull me into life. But I almost
Speaker 1: see that movie from me as a warning of, like,
Speaker 1: don't end up walking alone down that train hallway while
Speaker 1: both the messiness of life and maybe even a little
Speaker 1: bit of the violence of life, but then also there's
Speaker 1: the beauty of life is happening. Don't end up walking
Speaker 1: away from it the way that Albert Finney does in
Speaker 1: that brilliant, brilliant movie. Best answer question, I mean it's
Speaker 1: I mean, you've seen that movie, haven't you that? The
Speaker 1: Albert Finney. I mean, it's again, it's on its surf
Speaker 1: because it's Sydney Lament who who directed it. So the
Speaker 1: dude that made Dog Day Afternoon and Serpico then goes
Speaker 1: and does murder on the Orange Express where now the
Speaker 1: surface is this glittering, very posh, very between world wars
Speaker 1: dead zone of opulence and grotesquery, but life is trying
Speaker 1: to push through, and that there's this guy that has
Speaker 1: to kind of decide I've got to let life go here.
Speaker 1: It's amazing, it's an it's it's it's worth watching again
Speaker 1: to see all that stuff that's hidden in there. That's
Speaker 1: so fascinating. Man, Do you think if I may? I
Speaker 1: was asked on a thing. It was like, why why
Speaker 1: do you do comedy? Like? Why why comedy? And they
Speaker 1: asked me, they said, is it because you think you're funny?
Speaker 1: Is it always though you're funny? And I was like, no,
Speaker 1: that isn't why I do. I think it's because I
Speaker 1: always felt on the outside looking in. Yeah, And I
Speaker 1: felt it from like when I was I felt it
Speaker 1: like five years out at school, just sort of looking around, again,
Speaker 1: the fuck is this? But but I felt like everyone
Speaker 1: else was in it and I was separate and observing
Speaker 1: and thinking everything was mad? Is that? Yeah? I always Yeah,
Speaker 1: it felt like I had missed one beat in something,
Speaker 1: and everyone else had clicked their cogs had clicked into
Speaker 1: a part of this sprocket that mine hadn't quite clicked into,
Speaker 1: and I was trying to find a way to segue
Speaker 1: into it and the only way to sit because the
Speaker 1: gears were going to grind when I segued into it,
Speaker 1: and it was gonna be loud and embarrassing, so I
Speaker 1: would try to cover that up with being funny and
Speaker 1: stuff like. That's I think a lot of community because
Speaker 1: a lot of us it's about how all the best
Speaker 1: comedy is about how you're not quite in sync with
Speaker 1: the world. And what's funny is because I'm not in sync,
Speaker 1: I'm noticing this thing that maybe the rest of you
Speaker 1: don't notice, you know. And then as you get older,
Speaker 1: you're you're starting to notice things about yourself that you've
Speaker 1: been hiding from yourself, which is even funnier. You're like, oh,
Speaker 1: here's like this total thing I was bullshitting myself about,
Speaker 1: but here's what I actually do. The thing in the books.
Speaker 1: You had a thing in the books. You hadn't ignoled
Speaker 1: the thing that's right. It's these As you get old,
Speaker 1: you're you're especially between, you're picking up these objects in box,
Speaker 1: like the fuck what you know? That's what you're doing?
Speaker 1: Why do I have this? Holy shit, that's a great
Speaker 1: way to think of it. That's what working out the
Speaker 1: material is holy shit, this is really good therapy. And
Speaker 1: god damn me, I don't know how Yeah, experiencing this,
Speaker 1: it's just really helpful. I realized I forgot to ask you,
Speaker 1: and people be furious, what's the film that made you
Speaker 1: laugh the most? I gotta say. I mean, I know
Speaker 1: I should pick some classic comedy, but and I was
Speaker 1: one of the early writers on it, but the first
Speaker 1: fucking Borat movie. There are sequences in that where I
Speaker 1: was like, am I gonna throw up? Like I'm laughing
Speaker 1: so much. It's just so yeah, non stop and relentless.
Speaker 1: That writer Anthony Hines is just we were in the
Speaker 1: room where he came up with the line my wife's
Speaker 1: Vigian looks like the sleeve of a wizard, and it
Speaker 1: was like, get the fuck up and run a victory lap.
Speaker 1: You've earned it. Like it was so goddamn amazing. So yeah,
Speaker 1: that and again that movie, I did not expect it
Speaker 1: to be to come out as good as that, did,
Speaker 1: you know? But if you're talking about like just a
Speaker 1: classic movie that makes me laugh my ass off WC. Fields,
Speaker 1: it's a gift. Or there are moments in that where
Speaker 1: it's basically it's like it's like a rough version of
Speaker 1: the Simpsons basically, or they're just this asshole family. They're
Speaker 1: so fucking stupid and just unapologetic slobs, and he just
Speaker 1: has so much fun. It's just again, I know you're
Speaker 1: supposed to people go, yeah, we we respect the old community,
Speaker 1: but that is by today Sandard. That is a genuinely like,
Speaker 1: oh fuck, I'm laughing my ass off. This is really
Speaker 1: funny that, oh, here we go. What's the film that
Speaker 1: you found this sexiest and you can't say about it
Speaker 1: one of the I mean, look, there's there's obviously there's
Speaker 1: all kinds of sexy moments in movies that are blatantly sexy.
Speaker 1: Betsy russell seducing Matthew Modine in private school, just total
Speaker 1: teen comedy. And Christy Hartberg dancing towards the pay phone
Speaker 1: in Um super Vixens in the Halter Top. But there's
Speaker 1: a scene in an old Humphrey Bogart movie called The
Speaker 1: Big Sleep and at Dorothy Malone, she just has one
Speaker 1: scene she's the bookshop girl, and it's it's it's it's
Speaker 1: it's a very sexy scene because it's all about she
Speaker 1: like takes her glasses off and she when she has
Speaker 1: her glasses on. She's the most gorgeous woman you've ever
Speaker 1: fucking seen. Why is that? Like, why didn't you have
Speaker 1: to take her cut ta glasses off? But she takes
Speaker 1: her glasses off and kind of lets her hair out
Speaker 1: to kind of seduce Humphrey Bogart and she does this
Speaker 1: little thing. She's coming come behind him, and she's just
Speaker 1: kind of like that. It's this little gesture. And it
Speaker 1: just to see that in a nineteen forty five black
Speaker 1: and white film, this very physical, very like just human
Speaker 1: heat coming off of a person, but in black and
Speaker 1: white is so goddamn startling. It's still that moment is like,
Speaker 1: oh okay, all right, yeah, what the just watching this
Speaker 1: goddamn Humphrey book right moving? I gotta I gotta pause
Speaker 1: it for like maybe ten minutes and take a look.
Speaker 1: And there's also there's a similar scene in a movie
Speaker 1: called Phantom Lady around this I think maybe that was
Speaker 1: nineteen forty one, but there's an actress named Ella Rains
Speaker 1: and there's a scene where she has to seduce Elijah
Speaker 1: Cook Jr. Who's playing this jazz drummer and he's basically
Speaker 1: drumming while he's watching her and she's like kind of
Speaker 1: moving to the drumbeat, and it's basically it's just an
Speaker 1: it's like a he's jerking off while he's like they
Speaker 1: snuck it into this nineteen four the way it shot,
Speaker 1: it looks like he's like jerking off while she and
Speaker 1: she's so god damned hot. And because it's not that
Speaker 1: she's naked or like, it's that she is you know what,
Speaker 1: I want to fuck you like, it's that I'm deciding
Speaker 1: when when when an intelligent woman is turned on and
Speaker 1: interested in you. That is so much more of a
Speaker 1: turn on than just a nude body lit with you know,
Speaker 1: blue gels and stuff like that. There's more like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I've actually engaged this person. I me only fuck,
Speaker 1: how did I do that? So that, to me, that's
Speaker 1: what always turns me on in movies. That's great, honest, Well, Patton,
Speaker 1: there's a subcategory to this question. Oh, traveling byton is
Speaker 1: worrying why don't? And it's a film you found a
Speaker 1: rousing that you thought perhaps you shouldn't. Oh blue Oh
Speaker 1: that you were like, I don't think that was meant
Speaker 1: to be sexy, but I found it sexy right right, Exactly,
Speaker 1: You're like, Oh, I don't know if that was supposed
Speaker 1: to be. Yeah, I gotta say there's a there's a
Speaker 1: movie called The Honeymoon Killers. The only movie that was
Speaker 1: ever directed by this guy, Nam Leonard Castle, and it
Speaker 1: was Martin's Kross says, his first directing job, and he
Speaker 1: got fired because he shot for two weeks but he
Speaker 1: was being so artsy, FARTSI and pretentious and he says this,
Speaker 1: he goes, I was trying to do all these complicated
Speaker 1: mattress shots. I've been hired to do an exploitation movie,
Speaker 1: The Honeymoon Killers, with Tony Lobianko, and I'm Shirley Stoller.
Speaker 1: Shirley Stoller is supposed to play and it's based on
Speaker 1: a real these real life murderers, the Lonely Hearts Killers,
Speaker 1: and she plays this nurse, this overweight, kind of mean,
Speaker 1: you know, pissy nurse who was just like man and
Speaker 1: she falls in love with this guy, Tony Law and
Speaker 1: they lure lonely women and they kill them their money.
Speaker 1: And Shirley Stoller is She's supposed to be playing kind
Speaker 1: of this repellent, unpleasant woman, but there is something about
Speaker 1: her performance. And also she plays a similar character in
Speaker 1: a movie called Seven Beauties where she plays a Nazi
Speaker 1: camp commandant, like a irma greis type this, you know,
Speaker 1: she wolf type. You're watching an actor it's so comfortable
Speaker 1: in their skin that I don't know what it is about.
Speaker 1: Those two movies especially, are such a turn for me.
Speaker 1: When when she is in Seven Beauties and her man's
Speaker 1: boxer shorts smoking a cigar with her hair just knotted back,
Speaker 1: no attempt at being hot, You're just like, why the
Speaker 1: fuck is this turning me on so much? I should
Speaker 1: not be gone, damned turn done by this woman who
Speaker 1: is openly playing like this monster. Yeah, but I don't
Speaker 1: know what it is about. But Shirley Stoler is something
Speaker 1: about her man that's nice. Now, like you like a
Speaker 1: woman name, it's comfortable. Who's comfortable. But also like clearly
Speaker 1: in Seven Beauties, like when he's trying that the guy
Speaker 1: is trying to seduce her, and it's very clear that
Speaker 1: I'm probably just gonna fuck this guy and then kill him.
Speaker 1: I'm just bored. And there's something really weirdly seductive about
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Oh yeah, believe I'm saying this, but yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just oh god, you know said if you're having
Speaker 1: sex and knowing that you're gonna be killed at the
Speaker 1: end of it, then yeah, okay, I'll take it. That's great.
Speaker 1: Six and you'll try and make it last. The point
Speaker 1: is this next question, Oh God, what is objectively the
Speaker 1: greatest film of all time? No, your favorite objective? Right,
Speaker 1: the pinnacle of cinema? What is it? I'm going to
Speaker 1: just because because I just watched it again recently and
Speaker 1: I did a deep dive reading about it objectively, I
Speaker 1: would say Casablanca because it wasn't made under oh we
Speaker 1: are going to me. It was just let's shoot this
Speaker 1: in two weeks. It was another one of Michael I
Speaker 1: think He's shot like four movies that year. Everyone else
Speaker 1: was on contract. They had a pretty okay it was.
Speaker 1: It was a known stage play. It wasn't great. Can
Speaker 1: we do something? And they somehow under all these horrible conditions,
Speaker 1: and half of the cast were refugees fleeing Hitler's Europe
Speaker 1: and Hitler was still had not lost yet, and they
Speaker 1: made this blatantly anti used what should have been just
Speaker 1: a throwaway melodrama and ended up making this movie that
Speaker 1: said so much about democracy and humanity and sacrifice and
Speaker 1: love of and and but none of it was shot,
Speaker 1: none of it was made under the conditions of we
Speaker 1: are making something. Really, it was like these were people
Speaker 1: showing up to work and out of all of their
Speaker 1: professionalism and creativity they made a movie that does not
Speaker 1: have a bad scene. It like, to me, that is
Speaker 1: like the magic of moviemaking, when you show up to
Speaker 1: work and then out of the work comes a masterpiece,
Speaker 1: you know, like and look, the Citizen Kane is a
Speaker 1: great movie. But they knew they were doing something amazing,
Speaker 1: and sometimes there is this feeling of like, you're welcome,
Speaker 1: We're giving you something amazing here. Casa Blanca is like
Speaker 1: we hope you're entertained. There's some kissing and there's some shooting,
Speaker 1: but so much Oh my god, there's something not just jokes,
Speaker 1: but look, but dialogue that is now just part of
Speaker 1: our vernacular that it's just put like is used for
Speaker 1: shorthand for things. So that kind of to me, that
Speaker 1: is objectively the greatest movie ever made. Correct, Oh, thank you?
Speaker 1: Oh I got it right? Yes, what is the what
Speaker 1: is the film that you could or have? What's the
Speaker 1: mist iver and Iver? Again? I think with me it's
Speaker 1: a tie between Murder on the Orient Express, Albert Finney
Speaker 1: or Midnight Run, Nice Midnight Run. Another movie where just yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a fun, you know, chase movie with gangsters and stuff.
Speaker 1: But then there's all these little moments that don't need
Speaker 1: to be in there, that are there that oh, this
Speaker 1: is gonna make me cry. I almost get I always
Speaker 1: get teared up when two moments. One when after he
Speaker 1: sees his ex wife and then they borrow the car
Speaker 1: and Charles Grodan is in the passenger seat and he
Speaker 1: tucks Charles Groden's overcoat into the door the way he
Speaker 1: would probably tuck his wife's because his wife's like, we're
Speaker 1: it's a very big night tonight, I'm going out. So
Speaker 1: he's subconsciously thinking, oh, that's what I would have done
Speaker 1: if I was taken up for a special night, and
Speaker 1: he tucks that in. And then also the moment at
Speaker 1: the end talk about things make me cry movies. The
Speaker 1: whole movie. De Niro's like, you're just a paycheck. I
Speaker 1: could give a fuck what you did, so I don't
Speaker 1: care that whatever. Fine, you're just you're just money. I'm
Speaker 1: just taking you in. And that thing at the airport
Speaker 1: where they bring them out and he says to Trusty,
Speaker 1: he just get behind me, just stand behind it, like
Speaker 1: I'm going to protect you now. And it's just a
Speaker 1: little gesture, but oh so good. I just love it
Speaker 1: so much. And then also the moment when he goes
Speaker 1: up to Jimmy Serrano m the Gangster and he's like,
Speaker 1: there's something I've wanted to say to you for nine years,
Speaker 1: and you're thinking it's gonna be like, fuck you, motherfucker.
Speaker 1: He goes what said, He goes, You're under arrest. Just
Speaker 1: that's it, That's that's all your worth. The minutes is
Speaker 1: so fu I love it. Yeah, so I got I've
Speaker 1: seen that movie so many times. I like that. We now, listen,
Speaker 1: here's a thing we don't like too negative, so we'll
Speaker 1: do it fairly swiftly. But okay, what's what's the worst
Speaker 1: film you've ever seen? I'm taking into account all films
Speaker 1: are IMPLUSIB yeah, oh yeah, yeah, it's that's a hard thing,
Speaker 1: because yes, I know films are hard to make. Him
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. I think one of the worst films
Speaker 1: I've ever seen, just in terms of um, you could
Speaker 1: just feel everyone just kind of giving up while they
Speaker 1: make it, If that makes sense, is unfortunately m Batman
Speaker 1: and Robin and you know, there are a lot of
Speaker 1: talented people in that movie, but there's a lot of moments,
Speaker 1: and this the one that really stands out to me
Speaker 1: is when George Clooney, who I think is a terrific
Speaker 1: actor and and Bruce Wayne, is dedicating the observatory in Gotham.
Speaker 1: And if you watch George Clooney's hands, he's standing at
Speaker 1: a railing and he's like, and my father said that
Speaker 1: with this, Gotham can then look to the stars. And
Speaker 1: he's just like kind of drumming on the rail, like, ah,
Speaker 1: fuck this movie. Like he's doing the equivalent of like
Speaker 1: when someone's hugging you and then they pat you on
Speaker 1: the back like we're not I'm not hooking up with you.
Speaker 1: Like like he's literally patting the movie on the back
Speaker 1: like I'm not. Just it's really not like and and
Speaker 1: but it's almost to his credit that he realized halfway through,
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, this doesn't fucking this isn't working. I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna That little moment to me just so took me
Speaker 1: out of the movie and it made me tired. Like
Speaker 1: you felt everyone's exhaustion on that movie, and everyone showed up.
Speaker 1: They tried. You know, Schwarzenegger tries every movie he does,
Speaker 1: he shows the fuck up. He came in weeks early,
Speaker 1: tried on every goddamn mister Freeze outfitted make up tests,
Speaker 1: and Uma, Thurman fucking showed up. And that's all for
Speaker 1: not it's just for nothing. And that little when he's
Speaker 1: tapping that little rail, You're like, oh god, this movie.
Speaker 1: I don't know why that moment has haunted me, because
Speaker 1: you realize you will every movie we show up to.
Speaker 1: We do. You want it to be good, but you're
Speaker 1: going to show up to some project, a TV show
Speaker 1: or a movie where you're like, Okay, we just gotta
Speaker 1: get this over with. Yeah, we just gotta get this
Speaker 1: over with. What the fuck am I gonna do? You know? Oh,
Speaker 1: you know that's in your future. Oh I'm sure you have.
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've had a little like I just want
Speaker 1: to we're just tapping around now, got this done. I've
Speaker 1: always found that the jobs that were like that were always,
Speaker 1: say often where you made the strongest friendships because you're
Speaker 1: surviving it. You're just like, oh my god, yeah, you
Speaker 1: you bond so well when you're when you're in a movie,
Speaker 1: that's going really well and you feel like it's good.
Speaker 1: It's nothing you don't because like, I'm really good friends
Speaker 1: with Charlie's. But it wasn't like let's go get fucked
Speaker 1: up every now because you're like, no, I want to
Speaker 1: show up tomorrow and doing a good work. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: there's other movies we're like, we may as well just
Speaker 1: go drinking. I mean, this is it's fun enjoy ourselves
Speaker 1: on this. There's apparently what's the movie Beckett with Richard
Speaker 1: Harris and Peter Tool where I think there's a scene
Speaker 1: where they gotta put the puts the ring on him
Speaker 1: and they had to like speed the film up because
Speaker 1: they were both trembling so much because all they would
Speaker 1: do is just go drinking. And like Beckett wasn't even
Speaker 1: a bad movie, but they're just like fuck this. So
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's a lot of movies where clearly people
Speaker 1: apparently if you watch Empire Strike Back, which is a
Speaker 1: great movie, but I'm sure as an actor those movies
Speaker 1: could not have been that much fun to be in
Speaker 1: because it's more about the special effects. When Harrison Ford
Speaker 1: and Carrie Fisher first get to the Cloud City, they're
Speaker 1: apparently way too smiley and giggly because they had stayed
Speaker 1: up all night the night before they went over to
Speaker 1: Eric Idols and we're drinking and doing coke, and then
Speaker 1: Mick Jagger showed up and they went, well, our call
Speaker 1: time is seven, let's just keep going, and they just should.
Speaker 1: They they just kind of showed up high and they
Speaker 1: just did the scenes. Great. Yeah, right, like I fucking
Speaker 1: way as well. The movie is not about us, it's
Speaker 1: about the goddamn spaceship. And then you know, it's kind
Speaker 1: who gives a shit? So yeah, like that kind of feeling.
Speaker 1: You're right, Yeah, it's it's the bad experiences where you
Speaker 1: end up going, oh my god, we became the best
Speaker 1: of friends because it was yeah, it'll be friends for that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I knows, because you have that sort of secret because
Speaker 1: you're you're not really allowed to talk about it, right,
Speaker 1: you so have no And isn't it great later on
Speaker 1: when you guys are doing the press tour and you
Speaker 1: have to well, I mean, you know, when you work
Speaker 1: on a movie like this, it's it's just a me
Speaker 1: every day is like, and you're all going to look
Speaker 1: each other like the fuck are we doing? God? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's the best. Yeah, you're gonna go do the work.
Speaker 1: But listen, luck luckiest paper in the world. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm never you can't. I remember I was doing Um,
Speaker 1: I've done a lot of movies with Owen Wilson. Or
Speaker 1: he would always come on set and go like he
Speaker 1: would do this fake He's like another day, another dollar.
Speaker 1: You know, who's the shop steward here? God damn, Like
Speaker 1: he would act like he's having to go work, like
Speaker 1: a job at a tire store. It would crack me
Speaker 1: up so much. Great Pan, you have been incredible, Dre
Speaker 1: and I'm grateful. However, you when you went for your
Speaker 1: thirty fourth course tasting the h the Laundry, Dirty Laundry,
Speaker 1: the French launds, Dirty Laundry, you went to remember you
Speaker 1: had you had dinner at the what the what did
Speaker 1: the laundry hamper? Do you remember the famous restaurant the
Speaker 1: Dirty Laundry, and you went there. You were with Bradbird,
Speaker 1: christmin Olan, Paul Thomas Hansen. Yeah, you're having a lovely time.
Speaker 1: And Paul was like, we're going to play back aact later,
Speaker 1: all back to mine of the grade that you were
Speaker 1: like yeah, yeah, and everyone was like they got to
Speaker 1: the last because they were like, everyone's like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm stuffed. I don't need this mocker crystal egg. But
Speaker 1: you were like, I got this, and you ate the egg. Listen,
Speaker 1: you were trying to impress I get it. The crystal
Speaker 1: broke off, sliced up, you, dear throw you started choking
Speaker 1: and bleeding weirdly. Nolan just stared at you, sort of
Speaker 1: making calculations of some kind. Who was the other one,
Speaker 1: Paul Thomas Anderson and Bradbird. Bradbird started took his phone
Speaker 1: out under table and he started making notes like just
Speaker 1: observing this, and Paul Thomas Anderson just did a few
Speaker 1: for drawing of it, and and you. But you were
Speaker 1: looking at them or like I appreciate you're all, you know,
Speaker 1: seeing art in this, but I am dying. But you
Speaker 1: couldn't say this because because I think anyway, you choked,
Speaker 1: you you fell on the ground and you you bled
Speaker 1: to death. But because you're also a comedian, they thought,
Speaker 1: and maybe that was a bit. He was doing a bit.
Speaker 1: Maybe he's doing a bit all back to mine, we'll
Speaker 1: go play back around. So they left you there thinking
Speaker 1: he's committing to this bit. He's not getting up anyway.
Speaker 1: I haven't ha in patterned in a while, and you
Speaker 1: know you and I always talk. I'm I haven't had
Speaker 1: him in a while. So I go to the restaurant
Speaker 1: the rest of the dirt, and it's been shut down
Speaker 1: because of the name Dirty Laundry. It turned out it
Speaker 1: wasn't very popular. Years have passed. I've got into this
Speaker 1: now banned in building and I find this table to
Speaker 1: table clop over it. I put up a table, cluf
Speaker 1: you're there. I've rotted corpse, You've been eaten by rats.
Speaker 1: Stuff's growing out of you. I said, absolutely not y.
Speaker 1: I brought a coffin that was your size, but I
Speaker 1: wasn't expecting all these growths and shit that's on w
Speaker 1: So I had to chop you out with an old
Speaker 1: axe I found. I'll put you in the coffin. I
Speaker 1: have to stuffer in the coffin, right, But there was
Speaker 1: more of you than I was expecting. The coffin is
Speaker 1: absolutely round. There's only enough room in this coffin that
Speaker 1: I can slip one DVD in the side with you.
Speaker 1: You can take across to the other side. Now on
Speaker 1: the other side, it's movie night every night. One night
Speaker 1: it's going to be your movie night. What film are
Speaker 1: you taking to show everyone in heaven when it's your
Speaker 1: movie night? Pans, Oh, if it's movie night in Heaven,
Speaker 1: I'm going to get to show people a movie. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you present it and everything, you know, A movie
Speaker 1: I would take with me. I would take, God damn it,
Speaker 1: I would take Smoking the Bandit movie night in Heaven.
Speaker 1: I would take Smoking the Bandit because that's that's the summer.
Speaker 1: Star Wars came out, Saturday Night Fever, all these like,
Speaker 1: but then Goddamn Smoking the Bandit. It was like this
Speaker 1: reminder of like cinema is also can be the most fun, goofy,
Speaker 1: kind of loose. There's there's scenes that here's what's weird.
Speaker 1: Everyone thinks they're smoking the man is some dumb, goddamn
Speaker 1: redneck moonshine or chase thing. But there's sequences with Bert
Speaker 1: and Sally Field that were clearly improvised. They just let's
Speaker 1: just let the camera and let these two talk. And
Speaker 1: so in the middle of this very fun chase movie
Speaker 1: with Jackie Gleeson being goddamn hilarious and Um Jerry Um
Speaker 1: sang sang the theme song, I'm blanking on his name
Speaker 1: come to me in the second, but they're like doing
Speaker 1: this Altman shit in the middle of It's such a
Speaker 1: weird microcosm of this is nineteen seventies America, and we
Speaker 1: just captured it on Jerry Reid is the Snowman's We
Speaker 1: just captured it on film, just for a second when
Speaker 1: there was there was a time when things were just
Speaker 1: kind of casual and fun and Jimmy Carter's president and
Speaker 1: America is actually kind of relaxing with itself and just
Speaker 1: kind of going all right, you know, maybe we're not
Speaker 1: number one, but we can you know, we can still
Speaker 1: be nice to people. I don't know, there was just
Speaker 1: something kind of fun about it. We could be a
Speaker 1: code number two. Yeah, okay, a co number exactly, if
Speaker 1: we could be a cool number two. So bringing that
Speaker 1: attitude up to heaven going yeah, there were some nice
Speaker 1: moments in America. That's a wonderful answer, Patton. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: have been joining a delight Before we say goodbye. Is
Speaker 1: there anything you would like to tell people to watch
Speaker 1: other than I Love Everything, which I think is your
Speaker 1: new st Do you have anything well, I mean, I mean,
Speaker 1: if you're talking about my own stuff. Ap Bio is
Speaker 1: on Peacock. But again, and I know you're stick of
Speaker 1: hearing this from me, Goddamn ted Lasso on Apple TV.
Speaker 1: I literally think if people would fucking watch the show,
Speaker 1: it would make the world better. You would actually treat
Speaker 1: people better if you watch this show, and you'd also,
Speaker 1: by the way, you'd laugh your ass off. You would
Speaker 1: laugh your ass off, and especially Brett, who is amazing
Speaker 1: in it. Oh god, yes, I'm telling you. Every every
Speaker 1: celebrity I know if when they watched the scene of
Speaker 1: you going down the red carpet, everyone's all gonna suit
Speaker 1: you go. Yes, God damn it, I want to do
Speaker 1: that so badly. That was you got to live the
Speaker 1: fucking dream. Oh how much do I owe you for this?
Speaker 1: You owe you? Don't you owe me eight more seasons
Speaker 1: of ted Lasso? That's what you owe me? Okay, God
Speaker 1: damn it. Pat knows what an absolutely, what a fucking
Speaker 1: dream you are. Thank you very much for doing this.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate your time, and it's been a lot
Speaker 1: of it. I want to I want this goddamn COVID
Speaker 1: to end so I can come over to London and
Speaker 1: we can either watch movies or you come visit us
Speaker 1: and you and I can just go on a crazy
Speaker 1: movie binge or something. I'll take you to. I'll take
Speaker 1: you to Tarantino's screening room. I don't I don't mind
Speaker 1: dropping a name. I'll take you to a screen and
Speaker 1: we'll watch a fucking movie. Yeah. Way do you hear
Speaker 1: that guy's insights on movies? You're just like, what the fuck?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I I he's one of those guys
Speaker 1: when you watch a movie with afterwards you're like, I
Speaker 1: don't think I've ever really watched a movie. If that's
Speaker 1: how you movies, Holy shit, that's great. Yeah, all right,
Speaker 1: well we've got I've got that on tape, so good
Speaker 1: hold you to it. Let's go and do a gig together.
Speaker 1: I'll take you too. I'll take you to a absolute
Speaker 1: shit out in London. We'll have a great time. You
Speaker 1: will love it. I want I want to do I
Speaker 1: want to do a fucking one night or out in
Speaker 1: the Cotswolds, way out in my country or something. I
Speaker 1: want to do it. I want to do a u
Speaker 1: oh god, now I'm blanking on it too. What's the
Speaker 1: classic one of the greatest movie British movies ever made?
Speaker 1: With Richard Grant and Um and I with Nail, and
Speaker 1: I I want to do it with Nail. One of
Speaker 1: the greatest movies ever made. And okay, yeah, all right, Patton,
Speaker 1: I'm going to start the recording. I thank you so much, Brett,
Speaker 1: thank you. Bast was attempers a contact that he was
Speaker 1: as Bast that he was at