WEBVTT - How to Have Healthy Conflict in Our Friendships with Danielle Bayard Jackson

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<v Speaker 1>Hello Sunshine.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey fam Today on the bright Side, we're back with

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<v Speaker 2>another edition of Asking for a Friend. Friendship coach Danielle

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<v Speaker 2>Buyer Jackson is here to talk all about healthy conflict

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<v Speaker 2>and friendships. Plus she answers some of your questions. It's Thursday,

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<v Speaker 2>May second. I'm Simone Boyce, I'm.

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<v Speaker 3>Danielle robe and this is the bright Side from Hello Sunshine. Okay,

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<v Speaker 3>speaking of friends, I need to defriend you. Why I

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<v Speaker 3>can't take any more of these health food experiments.

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<v Speaker 2>I can't not you too, Okay for anyone who doesn't know,

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<v Speaker 2>I have this thing where I try to recreate these

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<v Speaker 2>healthy food recipes that I see on like Pinterest. I

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<v Speaker 2>try to recreate them at home, and they've been a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit out of control lately. Like I tried making

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<v Speaker 2>a empanada, which is a a street that has meat inside,

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<v Speaker 2>but I made the crust with plantain, served it to

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<v Speaker 2>my husband. He hated. He thought it was terrible.

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<v Speaker 1>Your kids taste test any of this, Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>They don't like any of it either. I'm the only

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<v Speaker 2>one who eats it. And then I tried to chicken crust,

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<v Speaker 2>pizza chicken crust.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, this is what you sent me A photo of

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<v Speaker 3>this is where I felt ill.

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<v Speaker 2>So the crust is made from chicken, egg and parmesan cheese.

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<v Speaker 1>My mom is gonna love this.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like a high protein pizza crust that doesn't taste

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<v Speaker 2>anything like pizza crust.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I know you're on your workout thirty day plans,

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<v Speaker 3>So is this why you made this so you can

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<v Speaker 3>just be eating protein?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, I'm a little protein crazed at the moment.

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<v Speaker 3>What does Michael do when you feed in these for

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<v Speaker 3>dinner and then he can't eat it?

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<v Speaker 2>Bless his heart. He's so kind. He's such a kind man.

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<v Speaker 2>He tries to be really polite. Like the other day

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<v Speaker 2>when I was like, Hey, I'm gonna try making those

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<v Speaker 2>empanadas again. I'm really going to try to perfect the

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<v Speaker 2>recipe tonight. This is my second try at it. He

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<v Speaker 2>was like, oh, cool, do you mind just like leaving

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<v Speaker 2>me some of the meat on the side, Like I

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<v Speaker 2>really love the meat filling that you made. And I

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<v Speaker 2>was like, you can just say you hate it, and

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<v Speaker 2>he's like, okay, well yeah it wasn't my favorite.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god.

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<v Speaker 3>There's this great book called Nonviolent Communication. Yes, I feel

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<v Speaker 3>like Michael is practiced at that because I would have

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<v Speaker 3>been like, uh, I'm.

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<v Speaker 1>Going to order Chinese food, but I'm good, thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>He's an envyck. He's a non violent communication king. Oh wait,

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<v Speaker 2>can we call out your on hinge behavior?

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<v Speaker 3>Though?

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<v Speaker 1>Why what did I do?

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<v Speaker 2>In my Instagram dns? This morning, Danielle sends me a

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<v Speaker 2>video of a woman sewing an air tag inside her

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<v Speaker 2>husband's shoe, and Danielle's like, yeah, that's something I would do.

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<v Speaker 3>I can't end up having. Okay, first of all, it

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<v Speaker 3>is something I would do. Maybe I don't know. I

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<v Speaker 3>don't trust men. I had this really bad boyfriend five

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<v Speaker 3>years ago. I used to be securely attached, like I

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<v Speaker 3>believed everybody. I was this nice Midwest girl from Chicago

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<v Speaker 3>who came to LA and took everybody at face value.

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<v Speaker 3>And then I dated this guy that was so brutal,

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<v Speaker 3>Like I hate that. I don't trust people because of him.

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<v Speaker 3>But it really shifted things. So now I'm sewing air

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<v Speaker 3>tags into shoes, I'm using ring cameras like I do

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<v Speaker 3>not put anything past men.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh. Well, if you're trying to date Danielle

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<v Speaker 2>to the two percent of our audience that is mail,

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<v Speaker 2>just make sure you have like an air tag detector

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<v Speaker 2>or something at home so that you cannot check those shoes.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, or just like overly text me and tell me

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<v Speaker 3>where you are. Maybe I need to share a location.

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<v Speaker 3>That gets crazy. Actually, I don't know. It's tough with

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<v Speaker 3>the sharing. My parents have my location, my friends, and

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<v Speaker 3>my friends share their location with other friends. My friend's like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>I have twenty friends on here. I'm just tracking them all. Oh,

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<v Speaker 3>so and so is going to the store. And I'm like, what,

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<v Speaker 3>this is so much, it's too much. I also, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>I love to be at home on the couch, so

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<v Speaker 3>I can't have my friends track my location because it's

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<v Speaker 3>always there.

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<v Speaker 2>There's always home, be a blinking dot in the same spot.

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<v Speaker 2>Just wouldn't move exactly.

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<v Speaker 3>Sometimes I get texts from my parents like why aren't

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<v Speaker 3>you out on a Saturday night?

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<v Speaker 2>Are you alive?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay?

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<v Speaker 3>Well, from unhinged to undefeated, we have some good news.

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<v Speaker 3>You want to shout out a team of girls that

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<v Speaker 3>are making us all so proud. There's a girl's under

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<v Speaker 3>twelve football team in the UK, which really means soccer

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<v Speaker 3>here in the US, and they won the championship.

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<v Speaker 1>In the Boys League.

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<v Speaker 3>So badass they earned the title Invincibles because of it.

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<v Speaker 3>But they went undefeated all season. And here's the best part.

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<v Speaker 3>They were met with some resistance from the league bosses,

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<v Speaker 3>who told them after winning like eighteen games that they

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<v Speaker 3>had to play in the all girls competition. And the

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<v Speaker 3>team's manager, Toby Green, stepped in and convinced everyone that

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<v Speaker 3>his team of girls was skilled enough to play in

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<v Speaker 3>the league. And then they won it all.

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<v Speaker 2>They got the w WE stand Toby. Toby is such

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<v Speaker 2>an ally to the community, totally.

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<v Speaker 1>Toby is with us.

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<v Speaker 2>Toby is with us all the way. First of all, girls,

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<v Speaker 2>you just you go, you the damn thing. I hope

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<v Speaker 2>that Hello Sunshine makes a movie out of this. This

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<v Speaker 2>is movie material all the way. And thirdly, can we

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<v Speaker 2>get the girls or Toby on the show. We have

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<v Speaker 2>to get them on the bright side. Oh yes, this

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<v Speaker 2>is iconic.

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<v Speaker 1>We have to give them their flowers.

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<v Speaker 2>We have to. I'm just so happy for them. I

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<v Speaker 2>hope they feel so proud of themselves. This is such

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<v Speaker 2>a huge achievement.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>I feel like this is going to set them up

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<v Speaker 3>for the rest of their life too. You know, you

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<v Speaker 3>have like defining moments as a kid, and like gosh,

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<v Speaker 3>should be like, I can beat the boys, or I

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<v Speaker 3>can be in this league. I can compete just like

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<v Speaker 3>right next to the guys and do the thing the way.

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<v Speaker 2>They can walk into a dinner party when they're older

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<v Speaker 2>and be like, yeah, I was on an undefeated all

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<v Speaker 2>girls team that played in the boys league.

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<v Speaker 1>They're gonna have the best. Two truths are a lie?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh totally yeah. We love celebrating women's wins. Here on

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<v Speaker 2>the bright side, and we have some exciting news for

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<v Speaker 2>all of our Reese's book Club besties out there, Danielle,

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<v Speaker 2>the may RBC pick is officially here. Let me get

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<v Speaker 2>to announce it on the show today. Mmm mmmm So,

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<v Speaker 2>without further ado, the may Reese's Book Club pick is

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<v Speaker 2>drumroll please, How to End a Love Story by Yuleen Kwang.

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<v Speaker 2>I cannot wait to crack into this one, y'all. This

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<v Speaker 2>looks like the perfect beat read. It has fun, romantic

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<v Speaker 2>summer vibes. This book is Yuleen Quang's debut novel, and

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<v Speaker 2>it follows and Enemy's to Lovers narrative. Okay you following?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh like mister and missus Smith, it sounds like Enemies

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<v Speaker 3>to Lovers that.

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<v Speaker 2>But with writers. Okay, so it's about two writers who

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<v Speaker 2>have a shared and complicated history. One of the characters, Helen,

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<v Speaker 2>is a best selling author, and then Grant is a screenwriter.

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<v Speaker 2>And then somehow they both end up in the writer's

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<v Speaker 2>room of the exact same TV show, and then of

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<v Speaker 2>course drama ensues. If you want to find out how

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<v Speaker 2>their love story ends and actually where it begins, you'll

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<v Speaker 2>have to read the book along with us. Please do

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<v Speaker 2>we want you to be part of this?

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<v Speaker 3>First of all, this sounds so good, but also I

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<v Speaker 3>keep laughing because I'm like, this will never happen for me.

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<v Speaker 1>I work in all women's spaces.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm never gonna meet my enemy turned lover at work.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you'll have to penetrate a male dominated industry. Daniel

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<v Speaker 2>Julien Quang is also actually a screenwriter and director. She's

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<v Speaker 2>worked on shows like the CW's I Ship It and

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<v Speaker 2>Hulu's Dolphace. So yes, we love a multi hyphenit creative. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>this is hilarious fun fact about this author. She was

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<v Speaker 2>once fired from a Hallmark movie for being too hip

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<v Speaker 2>for Hallmark. That is a badge of honor, Queen.

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<v Speaker 1>Totally too hip for Hallmark. I I'm incredible.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm envious of that firing, like I want that on

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<v Speaker 2>my resume.

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<v Speaker 1>That's also a good two truths, sir Lie.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, I know there are some Emily Henry fans

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<v Speaker 2>out there. Euleen Quang is also the adapting screenwriter of

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<v Speaker 2>Emily Henry's People We Meet on Vacation, and she's also

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<v Speaker 2>that book.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I haven't read it, but I mean it's such

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<v Speaker 1>a fun read.

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<v Speaker 2>Juleen is also the writer director of the forthcoming Beat

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<v Speaker 2>Read film, which makes sense because this sounds like the

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<v Speaker 2>perfect beat reade. We had a really great conversation with

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<v Speaker 2>Claire Lombardo, who was the author of April's RBC pick,

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<v Speaker 2>the most fun we ever had. I got some wonderful

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<v Speaker 2>messages from listeners about that episode. They loved hearing Claire read.

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<v Speaker 2>So that's something that we're gonna have to do is

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<v Speaker 2>get you Leen to read a passage from her book.

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<v Speaker 1>And Claire gave us the tea she really did.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that's the best part of having we get these

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<v Speaker 3>authors on first. Yes, they go through the rumor mill

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<v Speaker 3>online and talk to us about it.

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<v Speaker 2>I know, we're so lucky. So Julien Kwang will be

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<v Speaker 2>on The bright Side at the end of May to

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<v Speaker 2>talk about her novel How to End a Love Story,

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<v Speaker 2>So grab your copy now and send us your questions

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<v Speaker 2>to Hello at the Bridside podcast dot com.

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<v Speaker 3>Simon and I cannot wait to read this one. But

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<v Speaker 3>if you want to read along with us, Reese's book

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<v Speaker 3>Club is offering a Spring gift of reading box. Obviously,

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<v Speaker 3>How to End a Love Story is in it, and

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<v Speaker 3>it's there alongside some really fun, handpicked goodies. We did

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<v Speaker 3>it on boxing on Instagram if you want to see

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<v Speaker 3>everything in there. But these are limited edition boxes for

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<v Speaker 3>RBC fans, so we wanted to let you know about

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<v Speaker 3>them first and you can order them at shop dot

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<v Speaker 3>Reese's book Club dot com. Simone is a favorite product

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<v Speaker 3>in there. I loved the RBC tote bag that says

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<v Speaker 3>booked and busy.

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<v Speaker 2>It's so cute. It's really cute, so clever.

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<v Speaker 3>And then I'm a lip tint lipoil, lip gloss lip

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<v Speaker 3>balm girl and they had Merits tinted lipoil in there,

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<v Speaker 3>which was it was a great color.

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<v Speaker 2>So pretty. I have to say I love the brass bookmark.

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<v Speaker 2>It feels like you're taking a lap of luxury if

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<v Speaker 2>you're someone who typically dog ears your book pages like

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<v Speaker 2>I do. I mean, I feel like I jumped several

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<v Speaker 2>tax brackets by just using this brass bookmark. It's truly

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<v Speaker 2>incredible and life changing.

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<v Speaker 1>It really is. It's thin and it's thick, and it's fabulous.

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<v Speaker 2>It's weighted. You slide it in there like butta, It's

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<v Speaker 2>just the best. Oh. Also shout out to Shuga FINA's

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<v Speaker 2>Riptide Raspberries Gummies lack of gummies.

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<v Speaker 1>Talk about luxury.

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<v Speaker 2>If you're curious about what else is inside. Danielle and

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<v Speaker 2>I posted a video where we are unboxing the whole thing,

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<v Speaker 2>so check it out. I'm at Simone Boys on Instagram and.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm at Danielle robe RBA. Y.

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<v Speaker 3>All right, Well up next, Danielle Bayer Jackson is here

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<v Speaker 3>to talk through friendship problems.

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<v Speaker 1>But don't worry, we also got solutions for you. You

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<v Speaker 1>don't want to miss.

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<v Speaker 2>This, Danielle, We are back with another edition of Asking

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<v Speaker 2>for a Friend. Hey, if you're new to the show,

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<v Speaker 2>Asking for a Friend is The Brightside's take on a

0:10:45.559 --> 0:10:48.400
<v Speaker 2>friendship advice column, where we bring in an expert to

0:10:48.440 --> 0:10:51.720
<v Speaker 2>answer our and your friendship dilemmas. Because even though we

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<v Speaker 2>love our girls to death. Joyful relationships take work, y'all.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, they do, and it's not a bad thing. Danielle

0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:01.240
<v Speaker 3>Buyer Jackson is here to tell tell us how to

0:11:01.360 --> 0:11:05.280
<v Speaker 3>do the work. Danielle is a friendship coach, the host

0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:08.360
<v Speaker 3>of the Friendship Forward podcast, and the author of the

0:11:08.440 --> 0:11:12.000
<v Speaker 3>upcoming book Fighting for Our Friendships, which is out next week.

0:11:12.400 --> 0:11:14.320
<v Speaker 3>So ahead of her book launch, Danielle is back on

0:11:14.360 --> 0:11:17.439
<v Speaker 3>the show to share her friendship philosophy and show us

0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:20.600
<v Speaker 3>how healthy conflict is the real key to making our

0:11:20.640 --> 0:11:25.600
<v Speaker 3>friendships deeper, stronger, and more fulfilling. So, Danielle Buyer Jackson,

0:11:25.880 --> 0:11:29.280
<v Speaker 3>Welcome to the bright Side and a huge congratulations on

0:11:29.320 --> 0:11:29.720
<v Speaker 3>the book.

0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:31.079
<v Speaker 2>Welcome, Danielle.

0:11:31.280 --> 0:11:32.960
<v Speaker 4>I'm so glad to be back. Thank you so much

0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:35.760
<v Speaker 4>for having me. Everybody's been so supportive, and I'm really

0:11:35.800 --> 0:11:38.240
<v Speaker 4>excited to dig into some hot topics with you all

0:11:38.240 --> 0:11:39.720
<v Speaker 4>today because it's always a good time.

0:11:39.880 --> 0:11:42.160
<v Speaker 3>They're extra spicy today because we feel like we know

0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:44.120
<v Speaker 3>you no, So get ready.

0:11:44.720 --> 0:11:48.520
<v Speaker 2>This is a no holds barred interview. Now, Danielle, do

0:11:48.600 --> 0:11:52.680
<v Speaker 2>you ever still struggle with friendship problems or have you

0:11:52.720 --> 0:11:54.679
<v Speaker 2>reached full friendship enlightenment?

0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:58.520
<v Speaker 4>Could you imagine if I was like, oh, I totally

0:11:58.559 --> 0:11:59.800
<v Speaker 4>reached full of mind.

0:12:00.040 --> 0:12:02.440
<v Speaker 2>I would believe you. I would take you at facetyl

0:12:02.440 --> 0:12:04.640
<v Speaker 2>you and I would believe you. Oh no, no, no.

0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:08.360
<v Speaker 2>I am a woman out in the world.

0:12:08.760 --> 0:12:12.720
<v Speaker 4>With her own complexes and ego stuff and sensitivities, and

0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:15.200
<v Speaker 4>I'm out here figuring it out too. I think doing

0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:18.600
<v Speaker 4>this work has made me bolder and we're courageous in friendship.

0:12:18.880 --> 0:12:20.719
<v Speaker 4>But I'm still working out my stuff too, and I'm

0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:22.880
<v Speaker 4>grateful to have women who are very patient with me.

0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:26.199
<v Speaker 2>Danielle. In your book, you write about how disagreements can

0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:29.200
<v Speaker 2>be productive and the ways they can bring us closer together.

0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:33.160
<v Speaker 2>We're used to working through conflict and family and romantic relationships,

0:12:33.200 --> 0:12:35.680
<v Speaker 2>but in friendships it often feels like a deal breaker.

0:12:35.760 --> 0:12:36.600
<v Speaker 2>Why is that?

0:12:37.280 --> 0:12:39.200
<v Speaker 4>I think for a lot of us, we have been

0:12:39.600 --> 0:12:43.960
<v Speaker 4>raised with the anticipation of conflict in every other context.

0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:45.840
<v Speaker 4>We know we're going to get into it with our boo,

0:12:45.960 --> 0:12:47.600
<v Speaker 4>and we just know we're gonna have to work through

0:12:47.600 --> 0:12:50.480
<v Speaker 4>it right with our family and even at work we

0:12:50.559 --> 0:12:53.120
<v Speaker 4>have performance reviews, like we have these touch point moments

0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:56.520
<v Speaker 4>to talk about how are things going. But for some reason,

0:12:56.640 --> 0:13:00.720
<v Speaker 4>with friendship, we subscribe to the idea that like easy

0:13:01.040 --> 0:13:03.719
<v Speaker 4>and organic, so that when there is conflict we take

0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:06.040
<v Speaker 4>it as evidence that we must not be as close

0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:09.200
<v Speaker 4>as I thought. But we can reframe conflict is an

0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:12.840
<v Speaker 4>opportunity to meet a need or solve a problem. Don't

0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:16.800
<v Speaker 4>we think that as two people bringing different interests boundaries

0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:19.839
<v Speaker 4>needs to the table. At some point they're going to

0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:22.040
<v Speaker 4>clash and we have to work through it. So we've

0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:25.280
<v Speaker 4>got to make room to anticipate the same kind of tensions.

0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:28.040
<v Speaker 2>You write about the differences in how men and women

0:13:28.120 --> 0:13:31.360
<v Speaker 2>respond to conflict and friendships. Can you say more about that?

0:13:32.280 --> 0:13:34.839
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I know it sometimes seems like I'm generalizing here,

0:13:34.880 --> 0:13:36.839
<v Speaker 4>but I report what the research has to say. And

0:13:37.360 --> 0:13:40.600
<v Speaker 4>one of the differences between men and women is for men,

0:13:40.800 --> 0:13:45.880
<v Speaker 4>they seem to have fewer social consequences for being perceived

0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:49.160
<v Speaker 4>as quote unquote difficult. So it's nothing to call their

0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:52.080
<v Speaker 4>friends out of his name, or to punch him in

0:13:52.080 --> 0:13:53.920
<v Speaker 4>the face, or to be like, bro, what you did

0:13:54.000 --> 0:13:56.760
<v Speaker 4>last night was not cool and not have a feel

0:13:56.840 --> 0:14:00.960
<v Speaker 4>like a threat to the relationship. But for women, we

0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:03.840
<v Speaker 4>know that there will be social consequences to being perceived

0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:07.600
<v Speaker 4>as drama, to being perceived as difficult. We are constantly

0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:13.360
<v Speaker 4>managing our appearance of looking cooperative, and so we just

0:14:13.679 --> 0:14:17.480
<v Speaker 4>continue to be silent because we are often praised for

0:14:17.600 --> 0:14:19.320
<v Speaker 4>being cooperative and we don't want to rock the book.

0:14:19.720 --> 0:14:23.000
<v Speaker 3>I really want to touch on these mismatched expectations because

0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:27.920
<v Speaker 3>I've personally experienced a lot of tension come up around weddings, birthdays,

0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:32.440
<v Speaker 3>special occasions where there are expectations that aren't being met.

0:14:33.360 --> 0:14:36.080
<v Speaker 3>What does setting expectations in friendship even look like?

0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:38.000
<v Speaker 2>Oh, that's good.

0:14:38.280 --> 0:14:41.640
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, it's tricky from the onset because friendship is the

0:14:41.640 --> 0:14:45.840
<v Speaker 4>most ambiguous relationship we have. With a romantic partner, we

0:14:45.920 --> 0:14:49.280
<v Speaker 4>know the predetermined life expectations, right with kids with your mother,

0:14:49.560 --> 0:14:51.480
<v Speaker 4>we know how this works. But with friendship, it's like,

0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:54.160
<v Speaker 4>are we ranking each other the same in closeness? Do

0:14:54.240 --> 0:14:56.640
<v Speaker 4>you expect me to invite you? Or would that be clany?

0:14:56.840 --> 0:14:59.880
<v Speaker 4>There's so much ambiguity, so you want to reduce the

0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:02.560
<v Speaker 4>ambiguity as much as you can. If anything, it's more

0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:04.880
<v Speaker 4>urgent for you to do it in friendship because we

0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:07.080
<v Speaker 4>are kind of negotiating it as we go along.

0:15:07.480 --> 0:15:10.880
<v Speaker 3>I think you're really hitting on something here, because we

0:15:10.960 --> 0:15:14.200
<v Speaker 3>all know what these expectations look like with.

0:15:14.600 --> 0:15:17.680
<v Speaker 1>Our moms, our partners, even at work.

0:15:17.720 --> 0:15:20.560
<v Speaker 3>We kind of know what these expectations look like, but

0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:23.480
<v Speaker 3>I'm actually not sure I understand what they look like

0:15:23.560 --> 0:15:26.280
<v Speaker 3>around friendship because they look different for me than maybe

0:15:26.280 --> 0:15:26.800
<v Speaker 3>my friend.

0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:29.600
<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm. Well that's the thing. I think you hit

0:15:29.640 --> 0:15:32.320
<v Speaker 2>on it, Danielle. It's Danielle. I'm gonna call you Robe

0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:34.760
<v Speaker 2>for the sake of this conversation. I think you hit

0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:39.400
<v Speaker 2>on it. Robe. The expectations vary from friendship to friendship,

0:15:39.520 --> 0:15:42.160
<v Speaker 2>so that's where we can butt up against those feelings

0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:45.000
<v Speaker 2>of resentment if those expectations aren't met.

0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:47.960
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, So I think just kind of bridging the gap

0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:51.640
<v Speaker 4>during organic opportunities is really helpful. So, for example, if

0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:53.920
<v Speaker 4>you have a friend who doesn't call and check in

0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:56.280
<v Speaker 4>and you're like, I feel like that's basic, how do

0:15:56.360 --> 0:15:58.080
<v Speaker 4>I kind of let her know that without it feeling

0:15:58.080 --> 0:16:00.760
<v Speaker 4>like an accusation that that's kind of what I expect

0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:04.080
<v Speaker 4>and friendships, So even saying like, hey, I really love

0:16:04.240 --> 0:16:06.440
<v Speaker 4>our check ins, like it's so much fun and I

0:16:06.440 --> 0:16:08.560
<v Speaker 4>wish we could do it kind of like more often.

0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:11.840
<v Speaker 4>Are you down for like a Friday morning catchup every week?

0:16:12.080 --> 0:16:14.320
<v Speaker 4>But I'm letting you know, this feels normal to me,

0:16:14.600 --> 0:16:17.240
<v Speaker 4>This feels good to me. Are you open to meeting

0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:18.720
<v Speaker 4>me here? And I think many of us would be

0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:20.320
<v Speaker 4>surprised that most times they are.

0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:23.240
<v Speaker 3>Part of what I like about your work is you

0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:27.200
<v Speaker 3>never suggest punishment, So you don't call somebody and say like, hey,

0:16:27.280 --> 0:16:29.320
<v Speaker 3>I'm really bummed you're not doing X, Y and Z.

0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:32.160
<v Speaker 3>You're saying, hey, I'd really like to chat more like.

0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:34.240
<v Speaker 3>It's more of an ad on instead of a takeaway.

0:16:35.920 --> 0:16:38.640
<v Speaker 4>You know, it's because we want people to respond well,

0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:41.240
<v Speaker 4>and at the heart of it, it is I miss you,

0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:44.360
<v Speaker 4>I desire more of you. The average person doesn't really

0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:47.400
<v Speaker 4>respond well to the other approach, right, somebody being like, oh,

0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:50.360
<v Speaker 4>you didn't invite me. Oh, I guess you can't call me.

0:16:50.840 --> 0:16:53.360
<v Speaker 4>Most people aren't responding that. So to say like, oh, man,

0:16:53.360 --> 0:16:55.360
<v Speaker 4>I would have loved to join you next time you go,

0:16:55.400 --> 0:16:57.080
<v Speaker 4>you know, think of me like I would love to come.

0:16:57.440 --> 0:16:59.960
<v Speaker 4>You know, most people can pick up on the message,

0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:02.440
<v Speaker 4>Oh she wants more, she wants to be included, and

0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:03.840
<v Speaker 4>sometimes it gets a better response.

0:17:04.240 --> 0:17:06.280
<v Speaker 2>I used to be that girl who would secretly have

0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:08.960
<v Speaker 2>FOMO and just never confront people about it, and I

0:17:09.000 --> 0:17:12.160
<v Speaker 2>think it I think social media makes it harder because

0:17:12.960 --> 0:17:15.000
<v Speaker 2>I mean, just being honest, I still experience it from

0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:17.680
<v Speaker 2>time to time whenever friends get together and I don't

0:17:17.680 --> 0:17:20.720
<v Speaker 2>get included or they're going on a trip. I mean,

0:17:20.960 --> 0:17:23.359
<v Speaker 2>it's just right there in your face. With social media.

0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:27.840
<v Speaker 4>Oh, totally from like a sociological aspect, I'm looking around

0:17:27.920 --> 0:17:30.360
<v Speaker 4>to see what are the norms. I'm trying to gauge

0:17:30.400 --> 0:17:33.400
<v Speaker 4>in my own track. So sometimes we have to check ourselves,

0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:36.320
<v Speaker 4>maybe especially with social media. Go outside and touch some grass,

0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:37.919
<v Speaker 4>right to like recalibrate.

0:17:38.600 --> 0:17:43.200
<v Speaker 2>We say touch grass almost every episode on the right side,

0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:47.800
<v Speaker 2>Like you're feeling depressed, go touch grass, you're hungry, go

0:17:47.880 --> 0:17:48.520
<v Speaker 2>touch grass.

0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:50.600
<v Speaker 1>Don't do it if you're allergic to grass.

0:17:50.880 --> 0:17:53.600
<v Speaker 2>We really do believe in the touching grass method of

0:17:53.600 --> 0:17:55.960
<v Speaker 2>coping here at the bright side. But that raises a

0:17:56.000 --> 0:17:58.520
<v Speaker 2>really great point. How do you know when it's time

0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:01.119
<v Speaker 2>to touch grass and let it slip or bring up

0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:02.760
<v Speaker 2>something that's been bothering you.

0:18:03.240 --> 0:18:05.800
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, that's a great question because it's hard to know. Okay,

0:18:05.960 --> 0:18:08.400
<v Speaker 4>is it in my head? Am I just being overly sensitive?

0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:10.320
<v Speaker 4>The first thing I'd like to encourage people to look

0:18:10.359 --> 0:18:13.200
<v Speaker 4>at is what is it costing you? Because every decision

0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:15.960
<v Speaker 4>you make is costing you something. So if you've decided, Okay,

0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:18.880
<v Speaker 4>I'm gonna be silent and say nothing, are you growing

0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:23.800
<v Speaker 4>and resentment becoming passive aggressive? Are you withdrawing? It's going

0:18:23.880 --> 0:18:26.400
<v Speaker 4>to cost you something. So how's that been working out

0:18:26.440 --> 0:18:28.840
<v Speaker 4>for you? And also, has your friend been kind of

0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:31.439
<v Speaker 4>like receptive to feedback in the past, if she's normally

0:18:31.440 --> 0:18:33.720
<v Speaker 4>been open to it, those are some signals that she's

0:18:33.720 --> 0:18:35.919
<v Speaker 4>developed over the course of your friendship of oh, you

0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:38.639
<v Speaker 4>can share here, you're safe to let me know because

0:18:38.680 --> 0:18:42.119
<v Speaker 4>the right people they want that data on how to

0:18:42.160 --> 0:18:44.880
<v Speaker 4>love you. Well, so if I'm telling you, hey, when

0:18:44.960 --> 0:18:47.879
<v Speaker 4>you do this thing, I don't know, it feels kind

0:18:47.880 --> 0:18:51.640
<v Speaker 4>of icky. The right people are relieved that you gave

0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:55.440
<v Speaker 4>them information that they're doing something that makes you feel unsafe.

0:18:55.560 --> 0:18:57.000
<v Speaker 4>And so I think some of us are reluctant to

0:18:57.040 --> 0:18:59.440
<v Speaker 4>lean into that because we don't know how it will go.

0:19:00.040 --> 0:19:01.240
<v Speaker 4>But we have to keep in mind that with the

0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:03.520
<v Speaker 4>right people, it's always worth it.

0:19:03.600 --> 0:19:05.560
<v Speaker 3>Do you think it's even if it's the wrong person,

0:19:05.960 --> 0:19:08.040
<v Speaker 3>it's worth it. Like, I've always been of the mindset

0:19:08.080 --> 0:19:11.000
<v Speaker 3>that you have to do what feels right for you,

0:19:11.240 --> 0:19:14.920
<v Speaker 3>and how someone receives your apology or your words is

0:19:15.000 --> 0:19:16.160
<v Speaker 3>kind of up to them.

0:19:16.680 --> 0:19:19.080
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, oh totally. I can say, you know what, I

0:19:19.359 --> 0:19:21.920
<v Speaker 4>don't feel good sitting on this. I have to express myself.

0:19:21.920 --> 0:19:24.160
<v Speaker 4>I have to be honest and the perfect world it's

0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:28.040
<v Speaker 4>received well, but if not, it's a bummer that she

0:19:28.040 --> 0:19:29.879
<v Speaker 4>didn't take it well. But I can at least be

0:19:29.960 --> 0:19:34.480
<v Speaker 4>proud of myself for speaking up authentically and honestly, and again, ideally,

0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:36.479
<v Speaker 4>hopefully the right people receive it well, and if not,

0:19:36.840 --> 0:19:39.760
<v Speaker 4>it's nothing to regret because you're maintaining sen sence of integrity.

0:19:40.560 --> 0:19:43.919
<v Speaker 2>I have one friend that comes to mind. This is

0:19:43.960 --> 0:19:47.120
<v Speaker 2>really heartbreaking, but she says she doesn't want to hang

0:19:47.160 --> 0:19:49.960
<v Speaker 2>out with me because she doesn't always want to feel

0:19:49.960 --> 0:19:52.800
<v Speaker 2>like the friend who doesn't have it together, Like she's

0:19:52.880 --> 0:19:57.920
<v Speaker 2>tired of feeling like a friend who's struggling. And I

0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:00.600
<v Speaker 2>was really really tough to hear because she's someone that

0:20:00.640 --> 0:20:02.280
<v Speaker 2>I've been friends with for a really long time, and

0:20:02.320 --> 0:20:04.919
<v Speaker 2>it makes me wonder am I not showing up for

0:20:04.960 --> 0:20:07.200
<v Speaker 2>her enough? But I check in with her a lot

0:20:07.240 --> 0:20:09.920
<v Speaker 2>because I know that she's struggling, and I'm just like, hey, girl,

0:20:09.960 --> 0:20:13.760
<v Speaker 2>how are you just checking in sending a lifeline. So

0:20:14.480 --> 0:20:16.400
<v Speaker 2>I don't know that's tough. That is tough.

0:20:16.440 --> 0:20:18.320
<v Speaker 4>I feel like it's also a reminder of just how

0:20:18.400 --> 0:20:21.040
<v Speaker 4>much of our personal stuff we bring to friendships, Like,

0:20:21.080 --> 0:20:24.920
<v Speaker 4>even if a friend is supportive, affirming, encouraging, I still

0:20:24.960 --> 0:20:29.440
<v Speaker 4>got to work through my own blocks, mindset, sense of worthiness.

0:20:29.840 --> 0:20:33.159
<v Speaker 2>So last time you were here, you mentioned that it

0:20:33.200 --> 0:20:35.959
<v Speaker 2>takes work to build an authentic connection with a friend,

0:20:36.560 --> 0:20:40.399
<v Speaker 2>and you've actually developed a practice called a door to

0:20:40.520 --> 0:20:43.879
<v Speaker 2>help with that. Can you talk us through what that means? Yeah?

0:20:43.960 --> 0:20:46.960
<v Speaker 4>So I like to argue that dealing with conflict should

0:20:46.960 --> 0:20:50.720
<v Speaker 4>start way before you have one, right, So we should

0:20:50.760 --> 0:20:54.120
<v Speaker 4>be creating an environment where people feel safe to speak up.

0:20:54.160 --> 0:20:57.840
<v Speaker 4>You can be vulnerable here, and we've developed some strong

0:20:58.000 --> 0:21:00.640
<v Speaker 4>things so that when we do have these with attension,

0:21:00.640 --> 0:21:02.639
<v Speaker 4>it kind of acts as a buffer and absorbs some

0:21:02.720 --> 0:21:04.840
<v Speaker 4>of that. And so there are practices we could be

0:21:04.920 --> 0:21:07.800
<v Speaker 4>doing all of the time to keep those friendships strong.

0:21:08.160 --> 0:21:10.320
<v Speaker 4>So the adore practice is just like a nice acronym

0:21:10.320 --> 0:21:13.480
<v Speaker 4>to help us remember what can I tangibly do every day,

0:21:13.480 --> 0:21:15.919
<v Speaker 4>every week to keep this strong. So the A stands

0:21:15.960 --> 0:21:19.240
<v Speaker 4>for appreciation, which I know sounds super simple, but the

0:21:19.280 --> 0:21:22.280
<v Speaker 4>research finds that the people we often say thank you

0:21:22.320 --> 0:21:25.560
<v Speaker 4>to the least is the people we're closest to, because

0:21:25.560 --> 0:21:28.479
<v Speaker 4>we assume you ought to know that's obvious, but they

0:21:28.520 --> 0:21:32.600
<v Speaker 4>need to hear I appreciate you. The D stands for desire.

0:21:33.080 --> 0:21:37.359
<v Speaker 4>How do we express platonic desire? Inviting you out, sending

0:21:37.400 --> 0:21:40.439
<v Speaker 4>you texts, initiating How do I show my friends I

0:21:40.560 --> 0:21:43.080
<v Speaker 4>want you and you are top of mind for me?

0:21:43.240 --> 0:21:46.160
<v Speaker 4>The O stands for openness, so this is like vulnerability.

0:21:46.480 --> 0:21:47.159
<v Speaker 2>Are you open?

0:21:47.359 --> 0:21:50.320
<v Speaker 4>Do you share? Especially for women because self disclosure is

0:21:50.359 --> 0:21:54.600
<v Speaker 4>the glue of women's friendships. The R stands for liability,

0:21:54.880 --> 0:21:57.479
<v Speaker 4>which includes like trust, How do I show you you

0:21:57.520 --> 0:22:00.000
<v Speaker 4>can count on me? I got you, I remembered those

0:22:00.119 --> 0:22:03.000
<v Speaker 4>things you said last week. I'm following up. You can

0:22:03.000 --> 0:22:06.480
<v Speaker 4>count on me? And finally E stands for experiences. You

0:22:06.640 --> 0:22:10.520
<v Speaker 4>need shared experiences. And it's really hard to get around

0:22:10.840 --> 0:22:15.840
<v Speaker 4>the role that spending time together plays and deepening a friendship.

0:22:16.000 --> 0:22:18.040
<v Speaker 4>So if you're ever finding yourself stuck on oh, I

0:22:18.040 --> 0:22:20.239
<v Speaker 4>want to be a better friend, I just don't know

0:22:20.280 --> 0:22:23.119
<v Speaker 4>what to do, these are some directions to help us

0:22:23.119 --> 0:22:23.639
<v Speaker 4>get started.

0:22:23.920 --> 0:22:27.199
<v Speaker 2>Desire is a word that I tend to associate with

0:22:27.480 --> 0:22:30.440
<v Speaker 2>romantic relationships. Why is it important for us to feel

0:22:30.480 --> 0:22:32.720
<v Speaker 2>desired in our friendships too, you.

0:22:32.720 --> 0:22:35.760
<v Speaker 4>Know, because I think feeling wanted and feeling like we

0:22:35.840 --> 0:22:39.760
<v Speaker 4>belong as a basic human need. But I just think

0:22:39.800 --> 0:22:41.760
<v Speaker 4>we take a lot of things for granted. And we

0:22:41.880 --> 0:22:43.680
<v Speaker 4>mentioned earlier kind of at the top of the show

0:22:43.720 --> 0:22:46.600
<v Speaker 4>about how friendships can be so ambiguous, so I think,

0:22:46.760 --> 0:22:50.119
<v Speaker 4>if anything, they need that reassurance most so, how do

0:22:50.160 --> 0:22:53.440
<v Speaker 4>I show my friends, Man, I really missed you this weekend,

0:22:53.600 --> 0:22:56.040
<v Speaker 4>or we missed you at the party. You totally should

0:22:56.040 --> 0:22:58.320
<v Speaker 4>have been there. It's not the same without you. These

0:22:58.359 --> 0:23:01.160
<v Speaker 4>things show I want you. I don't have an attitude

0:23:01.200 --> 0:23:03.600
<v Speaker 4>of like I can take or leave you. This shows

0:23:03.640 --> 0:23:07.679
<v Speaker 4>I actively desire your company, I desire to have you

0:23:07.720 --> 0:23:09.600
<v Speaker 4>in my life. And sometimes you just have to make

0:23:09.600 --> 0:23:10.000
<v Speaker 4>it plain.

0:23:10.760 --> 0:23:15.000
<v Speaker 3>I think resentment builds up in any relationship, especially if

0:23:15.040 --> 0:23:17.520
<v Speaker 3>you let it ste for too long. What do you

0:23:17.640 --> 0:23:21.240
<v Speaker 3>think about bringing up old fights?

0:23:21.280 --> 0:23:21.359
<v Speaker 4>Like?

0:23:21.440 --> 0:23:24.560
<v Speaker 3>Can you still bring up something you're resentful about years later?

0:23:24.800 --> 0:23:25.879
<v Speaker 1>Do you need to get over it?

0:23:26.280 --> 0:23:29.600
<v Speaker 4>You know, I know it's different situation a situation. I'll

0:23:29.640 --> 0:23:31.840
<v Speaker 4>say two things. The first is, I do think you

0:23:31.920 --> 0:23:34.040
<v Speaker 4>have to determine how much of your resentment is your

0:23:34.119 --> 0:23:36.800
<v Speaker 4>stuff and how much is her stuff? Because sometimes we

0:23:36.840 --> 0:23:38.600
<v Speaker 4>put our stuff on our front and it's like you

0:23:38.720 --> 0:23:41.040
<v Speaker 4>need to move on, or that's things because that's a

0:23:41.080 --> 0:23:43.119
<v Speaker 4>you thing. There's nothing I can do about that. But

0:23:43.160 --> 0:23:45.120
<v Speaker 4>there are times when it's like, man, I never got

0:23:45.160 --> 0:23:48.680
<v Speaker 4>that apology. I don't have reassurance that she even cares,

0:23:48.720 --> 0:23:50.840
<v Speaker 4>and it's always this lingering question and it gets in

0:23:50.840 --> 0:23:52.920
<v Speaker 4>the way of our closeness. If you've determined that it's

0:23:52.960 --> 0:23:55.120
<v Speaker 4>a her thing and not a you thing. I think

0:23:55.160 --> 0:23:59.320
<v Speaker 4>it's totally okay to say, Hey, I know this is

0:23:59.800 --> 0:24:03.840
<v Speaker 4>totally random and this is from so long ago, but

0:24:04.040 --> 0:24:07.120
<v Speaker 4>something that continues to bother me is what happens in

0:24:07.160 --> 0:24:11.119
<v Speaker 4>twenty seventeen. And I hope I don't come across as petty,

0:24:11.680 --> 0:24:13.679
<v Speaker 4>but I have noticed that it's something that keeps me

0:24:13.720 --> 0:24:16.159
<v Speaker 4>from like connecting with you, and I just wanted to

0:24:16.200 --> 0:24:20.000
<v Speaker 4>ask you about it. And again, hopefully friends are willing

0:24:20.040 --> 0:24:22.199
<v Speaker 4>to entertain that because they don't want those kinds of

0:24:22.200 --> 0:24:23.720
<v Speaker 4>things to get in the way, and it might be

0:24:23.760 --> 0:24:26.480
<v Speaker 4>an opportunity for them to provide the clarity you need

0:24:26.720 --> 0:24:28.040
<v Speaker 4>to kind of have some peace.

0:24:28.880 --> 0:24:31.560
<v Speaker 1>I love that clarity leads to peace.

0:24:32.160 --> 0:24:33.840
<v Speaker 3>Okay, I think now's a good time to take a

0:24:33.920 --> 0:24:36.320
<v Speaker 3>quick little break, and when we come back, let's hear

0:24:36.400 --> 0:24:38.800
<v Speaker 3>some questions from our bright side besties.

0:24:39.080 --> 0:24:49.440
<v Speaker 2>Stay with us. We're back with author and friendship coach

0:24:49.600 --> 0:24:52.879
<v Speaker 2>Danielle Bayer Jackson. So we've all been talking about conflict.

0:24:53.119 --> 0:24:56.400
<v Speaker 2>Let's get real about yours. We've got some real live

0:24:56.480 --> 0:25:01.200
<v Speaker 2>listener questions. Our first is from Sydney in sho She says,

0:25:01.680 --> 0:25:03.960
<v Speaker 2>I've had a friend I've known for a few years now.

0:25:04.040 --> 0:25:06.320
<v Speaker 2>She's someone I met through work but then developed a

0:25:06.320 --> 0:25:10.000
<v Speaker 2>pretty close relationship to. We're both scorpios and get along

0:25:10.040 --> 0:25:12.680
<v Speaker 2>really well. We're now in our thirties and I feel

0:25:12.680 --> 0:25:14.959
<v Speaker 2>like we're in more of an EBB stage rather than

0:25:15.000 --> 0:25:18.520
<v Speaker 2>a flow. She's been going through a lot personally, and

0:25:18.600 --> 0:25:20.760
<v Speaker 2>I know she's been working through how to deal with everything.

0:25:20.920 --> 0:25:24.000
<v Speaker 2>Not to mention, she's also unhappy at her job. She's

0:25:24.040 --> 0:25:26.560
<v Speaker 2>always been someone to unload her baggage on her friends,

0:25:26.640 --> 0:25:29.800
<v Speaker 2>but lately it's been a little much. She hates her

0:25:29.880 --> 0:25:33.919
<v Speaker 2>job and talks about the same repeat offenses all the time.

0:25:34.240 --> 0:25:36.199
<v Speaker 2>And we're in the same industry, so she feels like

0:25:36.240 --> 0:25:38.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm a good ear, How do I go about telling

0:25:38.800 --> 0:25:42.960
<v Speaker 2>her I can't handle hearing her rants anymore without being unsupportive?

0:25:43.240 --> 0:25:46.920
<v Speaker 4>Okay. The reason why this is so tough is because

0:25:46.920 --> 0:25:49.399
<v Speaker 4>the research tells us that the number one thing women

0:25:49.440 --> 0:25:52.959
<v Speaker 4>look for and their same sex friendships is emotional support.

0:25:53.119 --> 0:25:54.879
<v Speaker 4>So I think, kind of, in the back of our minds,

0:25:54.880 --> 0:25:58.800
<v Speaker 4>we know that if we are seen as unsupportive, it

0:25:58.880 --> 0:26:00.719
<v Speaker 4>might spell the end of the friendship, because that's what

0:26:00.760 --> 0:26:03.680
<v Speaker 4>women expect. But I also know that second hand stress

0:26:04.000 --> 0:26:07.639
<v Speaker 4>is a very real thing and that a friend continually

0:26:07.720 --> 0:26:11.080
<v Speaker 4>bringing you the same things can really physically be detrimental

0:26:11.119 --> 0:26:14.280
<v Speaker 4>to you. So the next time your friend brings you something,

0:26:14.880 --> 0:26:20.119
<v Speaker 4>it's totally okay to shift the conversation without being dismissive.

0:26:20.480 --> 0:26:22.359
<v Speaker 4>So that might look like hearing her out for the

0:26:22.480 --> 0:26:25.840
<v Speaker 4>hundredth time and saying things like, oh man, this is

0:26:25.880 --> 0:26:29.280
<v Speaker 4>really hard because I feel torn. On one hand, I'm

0:26:29.280 --> 0:26:32.240
<v Speaker 4>seeing you so upset and that makes me upset. But

0:26:32.280 --> 0:26:34.120
<v Speaker 4>on the other hands, I feel like, you know, we've

0:26:34.160 --> 0:26:36.159
<v Speaker 4>been talking about it a lot, and maybe kind of

0:26:36.200 --> 0:26:38.440
<v Speaker 4>staying in this state, do you want to like think

0:26:38.480 --> 0:26:40.119
<v Speaker 4>through things to kind of solve the problem, because I

0:26:40.119 --> 0:26:42.399
<v Speaker 4>hate seeing what it does to you, and honestly, I

0:26:42.440 --> 0:26:44.720
<v Speaker 4>don't know what I can do to help at this point.

0:26:45.160 --> 0:26:47.400
<v Speaker 4>I call that telegraphing your dilemma. I'm going to tell

0:26:47.440 --> 0:26:49.880
<v Speaker 4>you why I'm stuck in the middle. I hate seeing

0:26:49.920 --> 0:26:51.560
<v Speaker 4>you like this, but I also want to kind of

0:26:51.560 --> 0:26:53.480
<v Speaker 4>like get us out of this girl. What can we do?

0:26:54.480 --> 0:26:57.760
<v Speaker 4>And it's not dismissive, but also showing up for your

0:26:57.800 --> 0:27:01.480
<v Speaker 4>friend doesn't equal I have to end door every tie

0:27:01.560 --> 0:27:05.280
<v Speaker 4>rade on this six month long roller coaster. There has

0:27:05.280 --> 0:27:06.720
<v Speaker 4>to be able to be some room for both.

0:27:07.720 --> 0:27:12.000
<v Speaker 3>Okay, next step, we have Brittany from Portland. Brittany says,

0:27:12.040 --> 0:27:13.560
<v Speaker 3>I have a friend in my life who I have

0:27:13.760 --> 0:27:17.679
<v Speaker 3>absolutely adored. Almost since we first met. We developed a

0:27:17.680 --> 0:27:20.840
<v Speaker 3>really strong connection, almost like having an immediate chemistry with

0:27:20.880 --> 0:27:23.400
<v Speaker 3>a crush. She and I would talk almost every day,

0:27:23.480 --> 0:27:25.240
<v Speaker 3>even though I was usually the one reaching out to

0:27:25.240 --> 0:27:28.520
<v Speaker 3>start the conversation. She's always been pretty receptive to our

0:27:28.520 --> 0:27:31.960
<v Speaker 3>communication style, but it definitely does not match my own.

0:27:32.320 --> 0:27:34.840
<v Speaker 3>I'm constantly wanting to talk to her and to see her,

0:27:35.119 --> 0:27:37.400
<v Speaker 3>but she doesn't always make me feel like that's how

0:27:37.400 --> 0:27:40.040
<v Speaker 3>she feels too. Lately, it's feeling like this is pretty

0:27:40.040 --> 0:27:43.560
<v Speaker 3>one sided, but she's not communicating anything directly. I'm not

0:27:43.560 --> 0:27:45.800
<v Speaker 3>trying to force the friendship, but it feels like she's

0:27:45.800 --> 0:27:47.720
<v Speaker 3>telling me with her actions that I'm too much.

0:27:48.000 --> 0:27:49.080
<v Speaker 1>How should I move forward?

0:27:50.840 --> 0:27:52.760
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, that's a common one I hear is about not

0:27:52.800 --> 0:27:55.639
<v Speaker 4>feeling like things are reciprocal, or the fear of being

0:27:55.680 --> 0:27:58.160
<v Speaker 4>too much. I think that's deep within a lot of us, right.

0:27:58.200 --> 0:28:01.399
<v Speaker 4>We don't want that confirmed. If you're suspecting that a

0:28:01.400 --> 0:28:04.879
<v Speaker 4>friend might be overwhelmed by you, or disinterested or not

0:28:04.920 --> 0:28:09.959
<v Speaker 4>as invested despite multiple attempts to reach out, it's totally

0:28:10.000 --> 0:28:12.400
<v Speaker 4>okay to say, hey, you know, I know I've reached

0:28:12.400 --> 0:28:14.439
<v Speaker 4>out the last couple of times to go to brunch

0:28:14.480 --> 0:28:16.480
<v Speaker 4>and to get together, but the last thing I want

0:28:16.520 --> 0:28:19.320
<v Speaker 4>to do is overwhelm you. So let me know when

0:28:19.359 --> 0:28:22.000
<v Speaker 4>you're open to meeting up. I would love to connect now.

0:28:22.040 --> 0:28:23.840
<v Speaker 4>I know that can feel like giving your power away,

0:28:23.920 --> 0:28:26.119
<v Speaker 4>or people say putting the ball in her core. But

0:28:26.160 --> 0:28:29.240
<v Speaker 4>if you have made multiple attempts to get together and

0:28:29.280 --> 0:28:32.160
<v Speaker 4>this person's not meeting you there and they're not negotiating

0:28:32.160 --> 0:28:34.840
<v Speaker 4>with you, like the friends who are saying I can't

0:28:34.880 --> 0:28:36.960
<v Speaker 4>meet you here, but here's what I can do. I'm

0:28:37.000 --> 0:28:39.680
<v Speaker 4>looking for that the friend who's putting you off or

0:28:39.760 --> 0:28:42.960
<v Speaker 4>consistently unavailable. Kind of like what we said earlier, you

0:28:43.040 --> 0:28:44.520
<v Speaker 4>might have love for her, but at the end of

0:28:44.560 --> 0:28:47.000
<v Speaker 4>the day, your friendship goals might not be compatible.

0:28:47.320 --> 0:28:50.480
<v Speaker 2>I think that love bombing exists in platonic friendships too,

0:28:51.200 --> 0:28:54.240
<v Speaker 2>where things are just too strong, too fast at the

0:28:54.240 --> 0:28:56.480
<v Speaker 2>beginning of a friendship, and I think that that can

0:28:56.600 --> 0:28:58.960
<v Speaker 2>kind of set things off on the wrong path.

0:28:59.120 --> 0:29:02.160
<v Speaker 4>Oh, one hundred perc Like, fast friends, especially with women,

0:29:02.280 --> 0:29:05.040
<v Speaker 4>is very much a thing where the chemistry is high,

0:29:05.280 --> 0:29:07.640
<v Speaker 4>the flow of conversation is high, you're sharing things, you

0:29:07.640 --> 0:29:09.920
<v Speaker 4>feel seen, the energy is high. I mean that is

0:29:09.960 --> 0:29:12.280
<v Speaker 4>a very real thing, and you're absolutely right that it

0:29:12.280 --> 0:29:14.240
<v Speaker 4>can kind of set the tone of like, oh, this

0:29:14.320 --> 0:29:16.640
<v Speaker 4>is our pace, this is the norm, this is what

0:29:16.680 --> 0:29:18.960
<v Speaker 4>we do. So is it possible they have a person

0:29:19.040 --> 0:29:20.840
<v Speaker 4>burned out? Or is it possible that they were just

0:29:20.920 --> 0:29:22.840
<v Speaker 4>kind of like in it for a moment but then

0:29:22.920 --> 0:29:25.680
<v Speaker 4>over it. One hundred percent possible. I always lean to

0:29:25.680 --> 0:29:28.440
<v Speaker 4>the fact that we could speculate all day as to

0:29:28.480 --> 0:29:30.840
<v Speaker 4>why this person is kind of like faded out. All

0:29:30.880 --> 0:29:33.560
<v Speaker 4>we can operate with is what we can control. If

0:29:33.600 --> 0:29:36.800
<v Speaker 4>you feel foolish having reached out eighty five times, and

0:29:36.800 --> 0:29:39.480
<v Speaker 4>you're like, Okay, I'm gonna let her know, no hard feelings,

0:29:39.800 --> 0:29:42.920
<v Speaker 4>but also I can't do this anymore and wait and

0:29:43.120 --> 0:29:46.240
<v Speaker 4>wonder and be anxious. Hopefully she can relieve you of

0:29:46.280 --> 0:29:48.760
<v Speaker 4>that by offering assurance, but if she can't, it's time

0:29:48.760 --> 0:29:50.560
<v Speaker 4>to move on with people who are a little more reciprocal.

0:29:50.920 --> 0:29:52.840
<v Speaker 4>You can't be the thirsty friend. You just can't.

0:29:53.360 --> 0:29:54.920
<v Speaker 2>Nobody likes a thirsty friend.

0:29:55.640 --> 0:29:58.560
<v Speaker 3>Well, I actually think about it as compatibility. I think

0:29:58.560 --> 0:30:02.360
<v Speaker 3>about dating as compatibility too, unless as chemistry, because like,

0:30:02.440 --> 0:30:05.600
<v Speaker 3>if somebody is not feeling you, you have to just

0:30:05.640 --> 0:30:09.000
<v Speaker 3>say thank you, because down the line, something else is

0:30:09.040 --> 0:30:11.240
<v Speaker 3>going to pop up with them because they're feeling something

0:30:11.280 --> 0:30:13.680
<v Speaker 3>that's incompatible that you're not feeling yet.

0:30:13.800 --> 0:30:16.400
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, yeah, that's so good. And yeah, a lot of

0:30:16.400 --> 0:30:18.520
<v Speaker 4>it is subjective, right, because you might think, oh, gosh,

0:30:18.560 --> 0:30:20.640
<v Speaker 4>she's too much and for somebody else for like, she's

0:30:21.000 --> 0:30:23.400
<v Speaker 4>just right, you know. So I always say, you know,

0:30:23.440 --> 0:30:26.320
<v Speaker 4>it's all subjective, but also to keep your ear open

0:30:26.440 --> 0:30:29.760
<v Speaker 4>to themes and the feedback you received. But if my

0:30:29.960 --> 0:30:33.920
<v Speaker 4>mother and my boyfriends and my friends have all said, hey,

0:30:33.960 --> 0:30:36.760
<v Speaker 4>that's a lot at some point, I do have to say, Okay, well,

0:30:36.880 --> 0:30:40.480
<v Speaker 4>how why might they be experiencing me that way? So

0:30:40.560 --> 0:30:42.360
<v Speaker 4>if I'm hearing a theme of feedback that hey, I'm

0:30:42.360 --> 0:30:45.200
<v Speaker 4>feeling kind of overwhelmed by that, I have to determine, oh,

0:30:45.240 --> 0:30:47.360
<v Speaker 4>that might be an inside jab.

0:30:47.920 --> 0:30:51.880
<v Speaker 2>Self awareness is essential for happiness and contempting. Y'all all right?

0:30:52.080 --> 0:30:55.520
<v Speaker 2>Last question for today comes from Casey from Houston. Here

0:30:55.560 --> 0:31:00.160
<v Speaker 2>we go. My friend is constantly seeking out relationships. If

0:31:00.160 --> 0:31:02.560
<v Speaker 2>she's not in a relationship, she's got a crush. If

0:31:02.600 --> 0:31:04.840
<v Speaker 2>it's not a crush, it's like a one night stand.

0:31:05.320 --> 0:31:08.400
<v Speaker 2>She's always got some romantic situation she wants to talk about,

0:31:08.440 --> 0:31:11.440
<v Speaker 2>but it's usually the same issue. She's looking for this

0:31:11.480 --> 0:31:15.280
<v Speaker 2>ideal person but hasn't found the one yet. She recently

0:31:15.320 --> 0:31:17.920
<v Speaker 2>just got back into a relationship with someone she claims

0:31:18.080 --> 0:31:21.160
<v Speaker 2>is the love of her life. Their long distance and

0:31:21.200 --> 0:31:23.720
<v Speaker 2>not much has changed in their relationship, but they're still

0:31:23.760 --> 0:31:27.160
<v Speaker 2>trying again. She's recently gone through some major personal struggles

0:31:27.160 --> 0:31:29.280
<v Speaker 2>that I feel make her need to be connected to

0:31:29.360 --> 0:31:32.880
<v Speaker 2>someone even more. I really want her to be happy,

0:31:33.080 --> 0:31:34.680
<v Speaker 2>but I don't think I want to be the one

0:31:34.680 --> 0:31:37.560
<v Speaker 2>that she bounces all her boyfriend issues off of So

0:31:37.720 --> 0:31:40.800
<v Speaker 2>how do I politely wish her well but also ask

0:31:41.000 --> 0:31:44.160
<v Speaker 2>not to be consulted anymore. I did this with a friend.

0:31:44.400 --> 0:31:46.960
<v Speaker 4>How did your friends? What did they say to you? Well,

0:31:47.160 --> 0:31:48.520
<v Speaker 4>I don't like to be overt.

0:31:49.200 --> 0:31:51.440
<v Speaker 1>I like to be more like covert.

0:31:51.760 --> 0:31:55.320
<v Speaker 3>I said, I love you so much, and I really

0:31:55.360 --> 0:31:57.960
<v Speaker 3>feel like you're in so much pain, and it's more

0:31:58.000 --> 0:32:00.320
<v Speaker 3>pain than I even know how to help be with.

0:32:01.320 --> 0:32:03.560
<v Speaker 3>Here's the number to a therapist I've worked with in

0:32:03.560 --> 0:32:06.040
<v Speaker 3>the past. I feel like she could be really helpful,

0:32:06.320 --> 0:32:08.480
<v Speaker 3>and then I just stopped answering calls as much because

0:32:08.480 --> 0:32:09.920
<v Speaker 3>I really didn't have bandwidth for it.

0:32:10.320 --> 0:32:12.440
<v Speaker 2>I can also relate to this. I have been the

0:32:12.480 --> 0:32:16.280
<v Speaker 2>proxy therapist for friends more times than I like to count,

0:32:16.280 --> 0:32:19.600
<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, listen, I am so underqualified for this

0:32:19.720 --> 0:32:22.400
<v Speaker 2>right now. I need you to go outsource this because

0:32:22.440 --> 0:32:24.000
<v Speaker 2>I can't help you.

0:32:24.000 --> 0:32:26.280
<v Speaker 4>You know what I love about that response, though so much,

0:32:26.400 --> 0:32:28.719
<v Speaker 4>is there's like a little bit of playfulness. But I

0:32:28.760 --> 0:32:31.840
<v Speaker 4>also just told you my limit. And sometimes we're so

0:32:31.880 --> 0:32:34.600
<v Speaker 4>serious all the time. I think to say, like, girl, okay,

0:32:35.200 --> 0:32:37.920
<v Speaker 4>I want to support you ideal, but this is like

0:32:38.400 --> 0:32:41.520
<v Speaker 4>out of my scope, Like I really cannot help you.

0:32:41.560 --> 0:32:43.640
<v Speaker 4>And I feel bad about it, but at this point

0:32:43.720 --> 0:32:47.520
<v Speaker 4>I think talking to insert person here might be more helpful.

0:32:47.760 --> 0:32:49.120
<v Speaker 4>And I know even this is tricky because I know

0:32:49.120 --> 0:32:50.960
<v Speaker 4>sometimes friends are like, no, no, I'm not looking for advice.

0:32:51.000 --> 0:32:52.640
<v Speaker 4>I just like want to like that, you know, And

0:32:52.760 --> 0:32:54.760
<v Speaker 4>I think it's totally okay to say, like, hey, I'm

0:32:54.800 --> 0:32:56.800
<v Speaker 4>with you, but we've seen this before. The last thing

0:32:56.800 --> 0:32:58.280
<v Speaker 4>I wanted for you to think, I'm not being supportive

0:32:58.320 --> 0:33:00.479
<v Speaker 4>but a nervous that he's going to take you down

0:33:00.520 --> 0:33:03.320
<v Speaker 4>the same path as before, and that's gonna be hard

0:33:03.320 --> 0:33:05.840
<v Speaker 4>for me to watch. So are you okay with my

0:33:05.920 --> 0:33:09.280
<v Speaker 4>support just looking like xyz? That weighs less of a

0:33:09.360 --> 0:33:11.440
<v Speaker 4>question of whether or not I'm supporting you. I'm letting

0:33:11.480 --> 0:33:13.080
<v Speaker 4>you know what my support's about to look like, and

0:33:13.120 --> 0:33:15.040
<v Speaker 4>so that kind of frames I'm still here for you,

0:33:15.120 --> 0:33:17.600
<v Speaker 4>but unfortunately it's gonna look like this for me. And

0:33:17.640 --> 0:33:19.160
<v Speaker 4>that is boundaries.

0:33:19.640 --> 0:33:20.600
<v Speaker 1>That's really beautiful.

0:33:20.920 --> 0:33:24.680
<v Speaker 2>The B word we all love. Danielle. You touched on

0:33:25.040 --> 0:33:27.960
<v Speaker 2>a goofy girl hypothesis that I have, and that is

0:33:28.000 --> 0:33:32.440
<v Speaker 2>that laughter and levity are sometimes the best tools to

0:33:32.520 --> 0:33:36.160
<v Speaker 2>navigate conflict and friendship. Is there any truth to that?

0:33:36.280 --> 0:33:38.800
<v Speaker 2>Like just being like, hey, let's take a step back.

0:33:38.920 --> 0:33:41.520
<v Speaker 2>I know things got a little tense. Let's find the

0:33:41.600 --> 0:33:43.800
<v Speaker 2>humor in this. Let's try to laugh it off and

0:33:43.880 --> 0:33:45.160
<v Speaker 2>realize it's not that deep.

0:33:45.720 --> 0:33:49.000
<v Speaker 4>I think that's my personal way of handling conflict, too,

0:33:49.120 --> 0:33:52.400
<v Speaker 4>is to be like, okay, girl, we this is I

0:33:52.440 --> 0:33:54.720
<v Speaker 4>don't know what you met last night by what you said.

0:33:54.800 --> 0:33:57.000
<v Speaker 4>Now help me out now, because I'm trying to understand,

0:33:57.160 --> 0:33:59.920
<v Speaker 4>you know, like some level of playfulness, because I think

0:34:00.000 --> 0:34:02.719
<v Speaker 4>sometimes we're so reluctant to even have the conversations because

0:34:02.800 --> 0:34:05.280
<v Speaker 4>in our brain we picture it as the formal sit down.

0:34:05.520 --> 0:34:07.640
<v Speaker 4>We're about to read off a sheet of paper all

0:34:07.760 --> 0:34:10.319
<v Speaker 4>our new boundaries, and that is scary. So to kind

0:34:10.320 --> 0:34:13.800
<v Speaker 4>of draw from the playfulness that's always sustained this friendship,

0:34:14.080 --> 0:34:17.160
<v Speaker 4>we can kind of have tough conversations in this space

0:34:17.239 --> 0:34:20.240
<v Speaker 4>in this way as well. It's consistent with our friendships.

0:34:20.440 --> 0:34:22.600
<v Speaker 4>But I think sometimes that can add a lightness that

0:34:22.640 --> 0:34:23.920
<v Speaker 4>makes it easier to digest.

0:34:24.360 --> 0:34:27.240
<v Speaker 2>What's the silliest disagreement you've ever had with a friend?

0:34:28.040 --> 0:34:30.960
<v Speaker 4>I don't know. I think she listens. I think she

0:34:31.000 --> 0:34:32.880
<v Speaker 4>listens to the podcast, and I don't know if she

0:34:32.960 --> 0:34:35.600
<v Speaker 4>thinks it was silly, okay, but I'll say that we

0:34:35.640 --> 0:34:38.120
<v Speaker 4>got through it. I think we can kind of laugh now.

0:34:38.160 --> 0:34:41.160
<v Speaker 4>I can laugh now. I think she's catching up. Can

0:34:41.160 --> 0:34:42.440
<v Speaker 4>we get any more details?

0:34:42.480 --> 0:34:46.440
<v Speaker 2>Code names, anything, code places, code instances.

0:34:46.440 --> 0:34:48.680
<v Speaker 1>Oh, she's not putting her friend up blast.

0:34:49.040 --> 0:34:52.240
<v Speaker 2>I am an investigative journalist, Dan Yelle put some respects

0:34:52.280 --> 0:34:52.520
<v Speaker 2>on my.

0:34:52.600 --> 0:34:55.719
<v Speaker 1>Way now, a friendship expert. She knows our boundaries.

0:34:55.960 --> 0:34:56.600
<v Speaker 2>I'll say this.

0:34:56.760 --> 0:34:59.319
<v Speaker 4>I'll say a recent silly one that I think got

0:34:59.360 --> 0:35:02.400
<v Speaker 4>kind of tense was we were analyzing Love as Blind

0:35:02.800 --> 0:35:05.279
<v Speaker 4>via text and we were going back and forth and

0:35:05.680 --> 0:35:08.000
<v Speaker 4>I gave an analysis of what I thought was wrong

0:35:08.080 --> 0:35:10.239
<v Speaker 4>with one of the couples, and I think she got

0:35:10.280 --> 0:35:13.000
<v Speaker 4>offended by it. She like was kind of being short

0:35:13.000 --> 0:35:15.480
<v Speaker 4>in the stop texting. And then we talked later and

0:35:15.600 --> 0:35:18.200
<v Speaker 4>it turned out she was offended. I'm like, these people

0:35:18.200 --> 0:35:19.680
<v Speaker 4>are not our life.

0:35:20.040 --> 0:35:21.680
<v Speaker 1>No, no, like that's a her problem.

0:35:21.719 --> 0:35:25.080
<v Speaker 4>So that was like a silly thing that she genuinely

0:35:25.160 --> 0:35:28.160
<v Speaker 4>got offended for. But you know, it is what it is.

0:35:28.600 --> 0:35:30.920
<v Speaker 3>Did you determine that to be a her problem or

0:35:30.960 --> 0:35:32.200
<v Speaker 3>did you take accountability?

0:35:32.719 --> 0:35:34.320
<v Speaker 4>I think that was her problem. I don't think I

0:35:34.400 --> 0:35:38.319
<v Speaker 4>said anything wrong. I think that was my analysis of

0:35:38.400 --> 0:35:40.680
<v Speaker 4>the cast members of Love Is Blind, and I think

0:35:40.719 --> 0:35:43.080
<v Speaker 4>I was absolutely right, you know, and she'll see.

0:35:42.920 --> 0:35:45.640
<v Speaker 2>That one day, not Love Is Blind being a homewrecker.

0:35:45.760 --> 0:35:48.200
<v Speaker 2>This is just cracking me up.

0:35:48.360 --> 0:35:51.719
<v Speaker 3>Danielle, thank you so much for coming back to the

0:35:51.719 --> 0:35:54.600
<v Speaker 3>bright Side. We're just so lucky to have you. We

0:35:54.640 --> 0:35:55.879
<v Speaker 3>have so much fun when you're here.

0:35:56.480 --> 0:35:57.960
<v Speaker 4>Oh, I'm so glad to be here. I mean, the

0:35:58.000 --> 0:36:01.319
<v Speaker 4>conversation is so important, so think you all for facilitating

0:36:01.320 --> 0:36:02.600
<v Speaker 4>a moment to chat this through.

0:36:02.640 --> 0:36:07.480
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much, Danielle.

0:36:09.600 --> 0:36:13.120
<v Speaker 3>Danielle Buyer Jackson is a friendship coach, podcast host, and

0:36:13.280 --> 0:36:16.520
<v Speaker 3>author of the upcoming book Fighting for Our Friendships, out

0:36:16.680 --> 0:36:20.200
<v Speaker 3>May seventh. You can find it wherever you buy your books,

0:36:20.400 --> 0:36:22.200
<v Speaker 3>especially our favorite local bookstores.

0:36:22.680 --> 0:36:26.360
<v Speaker 2>Big shout out to Sydney, Brittany and Casey for opening

0:36:26.480 --> 0:36:29.080
<v Speaker 2>up and sharing your questions with us. Let us know

0:36:29.120 --> 0:36:31.399
<v Speaker 2>how it all goes, and we'll be back with more

0:36:31.440 --> 0:36:34.480
<v Speaker 2>asking for our friend soon. So send your friendship questions

0:36:34.520 --> 0:36:38.080
<v Speaker 2>our way. Our email address is hello at the brightsidepodcast

0:36:38.120 --> 0:36:47.680
<v Speaker 2>dot com. I always love whenever she comes on the show.

0:36:47.800 --> 0:36:49.680
<v Speaker 2>I learned so much and I feel like we're always

0:36:49.719 --> 0:36:52.319
<v Speaker 2>just brimming with questions like we can't. Yeah, we can't

0:36:52.400 --> 0:36:53.320
<v Speaker 2>keep them inside.

0:36:53.400 --> 0:36:54.479
<v Speaker 1>They'll never be enough.

0:36:54.520 --> 0:36:57.600
<v Speaker 3>And we also have so many opinions. I just keep thinking,

0:36:57.640 --> 0:37:00.440
<v Speaker 3>like fight, fight, fight, like. I love the idea of

0:37:00.480 --> 0:37:03.839
<v Speaker 3>fighting for friendships in a healthy way because we think

0:37:03.840 --> 0:37:06.320
<v Speaker 3>of conflict as harmful, but it's actually helpful.

0:37:06.560 --> 0:37:08.600
<v Speaker 2>You know what stuck out to me this time was

0:37:09.080 --> 0:37:13.839
<v Speaker 2>that dynamic of her stuff versus your stuff. Like, if

0:37:13.840 --> 0:37:16.680
<v Speaker 2>you just pass everything through that filter every time you're

0:37:16.680 --> 0:37:18.880
<v Speaker 2>going through a conflict, it's a really great way to

0:37:18.880 --> 0:37:19.800
<v Speaker 2>remain self aware.

0:37:19.920 --> 0:37:20.920
<v Speaker 1>Here's the problem.

0:37:21.320 --> 0:37:23.760
<v Speaker 3>Sometimes you think it's her stuff and it's your stuff,

0:37:24.200 --> 0:37:25.200
<v Speaker 3>or vice versa.

0:37:25.320 --> 0:37:26.920
<v Speaker 2>That's why you need to be more self aware.

0:37:27.080 --> 0:37:28.680
<v Speaker 1>I think that's why you need a friendship coach.

0:37:30.360 --> 0:37:32.120
<v Speaker 2>Well, we know one. You're in luck.

0:37:37.960 --> 0:37:40.640
<v Speaker 3>That's it for today's show. Tomorrow, we're getting the Tea

0:37:40.800 --> 0:37:43.759
<v Speaker 3>on the met Gala. Is it Gala or Gala? I

0:37:43.800 --> 0:37:46.440
<v Speaker 3>don't know TVD, but we're getting the tea on it

0:37:46.480 --> 0:37:51.280
<v Speaker 3>with Internet personality and pop culture anthropologist blakely Thornton.

0:37:51.600 --> 0:37:55.000
<v Speaker 2>Subscribe and listen to the bright Side on the iHeartRadio

0:37:55.080 --> 0:37:58.200
<v Speaker 2>app or wherever else you get your podcasts. I'm Simone

0:37:58.239 --> 0:38:00.719
<v Speaker 2>Boyce and you can find me on Instagram and TikTok

0:38:00.880 --> 0:38:02.040
<v Speaker 2>at Simone Boye.

0:38:02.080 --> 0:38:03.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm Danielle Robe.

0:38:03.280 --> 0:38:06.440
<v Speaker 3>You can follow me on Instagram and TikTok at Danielle

0:38:06.520 --> 0:38:08.520
<v Speaker 3>Robe R O B A Y.

0:38:08.960 --> 0:38:09.880
<v Speaker 1>We'll see you tomorrow