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Speaker 1: Hey everyone, It's Jay Sheddy and I'm thrilled to announce

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Speaker 1: my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can

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Speaker 1: experience on purpose in person. Join me in a city

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Speaker 1: near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It

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Speaker 1: could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO

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Speaker 1: or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth,

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Speaker 1: spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to

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Speaker 1: meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences

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Speaker 1: for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a

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Speaker 1: meet and greet with photos.

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Speaker 2: Tickets are on sale now.

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Speaker 1: Head to Jsheddy, dop me Forward, slash Tour and get

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Speaker 1: yours today. And what I found is that pressure doesn't

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Speaker 1: attract success and joy, and being passive doesn't attract success

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Speaker 1: and joy, and the only place that does is peace.

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Speaker 1: And peace is me saying I'm going to do everything

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Speaker 1: I can and then leave the result up to what

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Speaker 1: the universe is, what God wants, whatever the energy is

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Speaker 1: around me. But I'm going to do everything I possibly

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Speaker 1: can because I think there may be a lot of

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Speaker 1: people listening right now who are doing something where they

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Speaker 1: studied for it. They were educated for it, they worked

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Speaker 1: hard for it. Their parents maybe even were really impressed

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Speaker 1: that they did it, and now they're at an age

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Speaker 1: where they're going I think I want to change my career.

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Speaker 1: Like I don't think this satisfies me anymore.

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Speaker 2: The number one health and wellness podcast.

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Speaker 3: Jay Seti, Jay Shetty Only.

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Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. I'm your host,

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Speaker 1: Jay Shetty, and I am so grateful that you've decided

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Speaker 1: to join me today. This is a very special episode

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Speaker 1: because I'm in Qatar at Web Summit and right now

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Speaker 1: I'm sitting inside the iHeart studio and there are people

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Speaker 1: around the studio who have headphones on who can listen

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Speaker 1: to the podcast. Hello everyone outside. We've never done this

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Speaker 1: before ever, which is awesome. And I'm really excited because

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Speaker 1: my best friend of nearly the last two decades now

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Speaker 1: is in the house. He recently moved to Dubai. We're

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Speaker 1: in Doha. He's flown over so that we can hang

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Speaker 1: out because we now need to schedule our hangouts because

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Speaker 1: that's what happens with adult friendships. And I'm so grateful

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Speaker 1: because I thought I'd invite him on the show today

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Speaker 1: so that we can share some of the most pivotal

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Speaker 1: moments of our friendship careers life over the last two decades,

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Speaker 1: and I thought it would be a special treat for you.

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Speaker 1: So welcome to the episode, Nanda, who is in the

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Speaker 1: studio with me. Nanda, thanks for joining me.

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Speaker 2: Thanks so much.

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Speaker 3: Jay. I can't believe that we've known each other for

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Speaker 3: nineteen years and we speak probably three times a week,

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Speaker 3: and you choose to drop about half an hour ago

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Speaker 3: that I'd like to bring you onto the podcast, like,

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Speaker 3: give me an opportunity to prepare. This is my big moment.

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Speaker 3: And literally I'm meeting a berg and you're like, actually,

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Speaker 3: I think you should come on the podcast.

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Speaker 2: Number That's exactly what happened.

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Speaker 1: We were having a casual conversation, even though we have

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Speaker 1: three casual conversations a week.

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Speaker 2: And I was just like, yeah, you know, it would

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Speaker 2: be really fun.

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Speaker 1: We've never done this before and it would be a

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Speaker 1: really good idea, and I thought it'd be fresh for

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Speaker 1: my amazing community to hear about our friendship life, the

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Speaker 1: journey that we've both been on, the journey that I've

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Speaker 1: been on through your perspective. And yes, just so everyone knows,

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Speaker 1: Nanda's had no time to prepare. We both came up

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Speaker 1: with this. Well, no, he didn't come up with this idea.

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Speaker 1: I came up with this idea thirty minutes ago. And

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Speaker 1: here we are, so let's de it. I've known Nanda

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Speaker 1: ever since before I became a monk, and I remember

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Speaker 1: actually saying that to you.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to do that.

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Speaker 1: I then even talked to you when I was leaving

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Speaker 1: the monastery and all the challenges of reintegration of my

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Speaker 1: health and everything else, all the way through to which

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Speaker 1: we'll talk about some of these events of spending time

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Speaker 1: in New York together in the early stages of my

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Speaker 1: career LA and now all the way through to Dubai, Doha,

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Speaker 1: and so where should we starting under.

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Speaker 3: It's just incredible to think nineteen years is a long

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Speaker 3: long time. And I certainly remember the first time I

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Speaker 3: did meet you back in two thousand and six, and yeah,

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Speaker 3: that journey that you just talked about. The thing that

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Speaker 3: just jumps to me is I think people already know

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Speaker 3: a little bit about your desire to become a monk.

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Speaker 3: And when I first met you, you were out of

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Speaker 3: the box thinker. You were like, Okay, I know I

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Speaker 3: can crush it in the corporate world, but I want

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Speaker 3: to do something different. So I really want to start

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Speaker 3: with when you left the ashram. And the reason I

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Speaker 3: want to start with that is because I remember that

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Speaker 3: conversation very very clearly. You're heartbroken because you went in

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Speaker 3: with a very clear idea of I'm doing this for life,

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Speaker 3: like I'm signed up. We spoken about it many times before.

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Speaker 3: For those of you that don't know Jay, he's an

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Speaker 3: all or nothing guy, so a real extremist in the

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Speaker 3: sense of if I'm going to achieve something, I'm going

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Speaker 3: to go all in. So I want to want you

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Speaker 3: to really share how did that feel, because I guess

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Speaker 3: that was the first inverted commas failure for something that

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Speaker 3: was really caught who you were and what you wanted

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Speaker 3: to do. As you're offering to the world.

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Speaker 1: Well, I want people to know also that now we're friends,

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Speaker 1: but in the beginning of our relationship, you or my mentor,

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Speaker 1: because you'd been practicing spirituality for far longer than me,

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Speaker 1: and so when I first came in, you were someone

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Speaker 1: that I turned to for advice, and of course I

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Speaker 1: still do that today as a friend, but at that

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Speaker 1: time it was very much so you were sharing with

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Speaker 1: me experience insight, and so it was natural for me

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Speaker 1: to come to you at that time. And I've always

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Speaker 1: described it like a divorce because I think that's the

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Speaker 1: only analogy that makes sense for someone who doesn't know

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Speaker 1: what it feels like to become a monk and leave.

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Speaker 1: It feels like I got married for three years to

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Speaker 1: the love of my life and then I figured out

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Speaker 1: that it wasn't going to last and that it wasn't

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Speaker 1: going to work. So the heartbreak you'd feel from a

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Speaker 1: breakup or a divorce is the heartbreak I felt from

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Speaker 1: leaving the monastery. Because, let me paint a picture for everyone,

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Speaker 1: I really didn't know what I was going to do.

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of people feel like I had

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Speaker 1: a plan, or I had a strategy, or I.

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Speaker 2: Knew what I was going to do. I had no clue.

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Speaker 1: And if I'm completely honest, I was really scared about

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Speaker 1: going back to the workplace because I was worried. I

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Speaker 1: was thinking, wait a minute, do I have to go

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Speaker 1: back into consulting or financi or business because that's what

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Speaker 1: I would have done. Will I be able to make

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Speaker 1: it in that space? How will I be able to survive?

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Speaker 1: I've been doing what I love for three years, which

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Speaker 1: is study wisdom, teach it, share, do a lot of

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Speaker 1: philanthropy work. That's what I've been doing. How am I

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Speaker 1: going to do that in the workplace? So I had

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Speaker 1: no clarity. I was moving back in with my parents,

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Speaker 1: which felt like a failure. I remember the community having

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Speaker 1: judgment over my decision.

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Speaker 2: Right. It wasn't like I came back to a fanfare

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Speaker 2: of no.

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Speaker 3: There wasn't. Yeah, in a bizarre way, there were certainly

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Speaker 3: some people that were like, oh, really, you think you

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Speaker 3: can do this? And so when you didn't end up

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Speaker 3: doing it because of the health challenges and other reasons

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Speaker 3: that came up, yeah, I'm sure it would have been

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Speaker 3: a real kick in the face. And I think we

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Speaker 3: speak about this all the time in terms of plot twist,

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Speaker 3: but the way the journey has then unfolded is really remarkable.

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Speaker 3: But I certainly remember those early days where it was

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Speaker 3: like I just need to pay my bills, Like what

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Speaker 3: am I going to do? Like what is my core

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Speaker 3: skill set here? And I'm sure you shared it in

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Speaker 3: other places, but all the different jobs you were applying to,

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Speaker 3: all the rejections you got, we wore Yeah, we read

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Speaker 3: it in books all the time, but this is real,

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Speaker 3: this is real life, and for me it's been an

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Speaker 3: inspiration seeing you on this journey. And one of the

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Speaker 3: things I want to talk about in this podcast and

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Speaker 3: in the five minutes you gave me to prepare was

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Speaker 3: was this idea of the beast mindset that you can

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Speaker 3: clock into. And we speak about this all the time.

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Speaker 3: Jay has this belief that everyone can unlock this part

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Speaker 3: of their brain that really fulfills their potential. And I

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Speaker 3: think that in those times of challenge, that's when your

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Speaker 3: backwards against the wall, you really found out who you were,

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Speaker 3: and I guess you also found out who your friends

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Speaker 3: were in that moment.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I always look back to a piece of advice that

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Speaker 1: Thomas Power, one of my other mentors in life, would

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Speaker 1: often say to me. He'd say that when you're in

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Speaker 1: moments of pain, that's when you'll find your potential.

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Speaker 2: And whenever you used to.

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Speaker 1: Say that, I used to be like, yeah, yeah, all right,

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Speaker 1: like yeah, I used to be like okay, like I

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Speaker 1: know my potential. I'm pretty okay, I'll figure it out.

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Speaker 1: And then when I was in those moments, so at

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Speaker 1: that time when we're talking about right now. I was

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Speaker 1: rejected from forty companies and I didn't even get an

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Speaker 1: interview at those companies. And I'm someone who got a

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Speaker 1: first class degree, yep, and so not getting an interview

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Speaker 1: at forty companies. And I'm saying this not for you

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Speaker 1: to think, oh, Jay, you're amazing. I'm saying this because

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Speaker 1: I actually feel a lot of you might be in

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Speaker 1: this position right now where you're trying to make a

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Speaker 1: transition in your career. You're trying to make a new job,

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Speaker 1: you're trying to sell a new product, you're building a

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Speaker 1: new business, and all you're getting is rejection after rejection

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Speaker 1: after rejection. And that experience gave to me was two things.

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Speaker 1: One was all you need is one yes. All you

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Speaker 1: need is one yes. All I needed was one company, Accentia,

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Speaker 1: to say we're going to give you a shot.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and we're going to put.

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Speaker 1: You on a graduate scheme at twenty five, twenty six

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Speaker 1: years old, but we're going to give you a shot.

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Speaker 1: So that's one thing. And the second thing I learned

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Speaker 1: is that it's all a game of odds. Yes, it's

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Speaker 1: all about the law of odds. And what I mean

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Speaker 1: by that is it is simply as basic as the

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Speaker 1: more doors you knock on, the more open. So if

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Speaker 1: you've not had any open doors, you just haven't knocked

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Speaker 1: on enough. And so I think I learned those two

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Speaker 1: really critical skills. And then fast forward a few years later,

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Speaker 1: which we'll get to, when I was four months away

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Speaker 1: from being broke, it was the same principles I had

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Speaker 1: to go back to, was all you need is one yes,

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Speaker 1: and if no doors have opened, you just haven't knocked

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Speaker 1: on enough.

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Speaker 3: Well, one of the interesting things about that is in

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Speaker 3: order to knock on doors, you need humility because the

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Speaker 3: likelihood is you're going to not on the door and

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Speaker 3: it's not going to open. It's going to take that much.

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Speaker 3: And in the monastery, obviously we focus very much on

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Speaker 3: the principle of humility. And again it sounds great in

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Speaker 3: the books, but can you actually live it, Like if

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Speaker 3: this is really my service in life, and I'm obviously

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Speaker 3: thinking about it now, like I transition from law to

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Speaker 3: what I'm doing now, which is as a leadership coach

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Speaker 3: and an entrepreneur and trying to sell that's not natural

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Speaker 3: to me. It's really uncomfortable, actually, And the reason it's

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Speaker 3: uncomfortable is because I have to go to people and say,

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Speaker 3: would you like my service? I'm very happy to provide

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Speaker 3: the service, but yeah, I think it requires real humility

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Speaker 3: and continuing to do it, not from a place of desperation,

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Speaker 3: but really from a place of service. And I think

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Speaker 3: I think you nail that, and that's why, as we say,

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Speaker 3: the universe reciprocated.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a really fine point you brought out, and

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Speaker 1: it's challenging because I think we operate from two places

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Speaker 1: as humans. One is passive, yes, and so we're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: it will happen when it happens. If the universe providesids,

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Speaker 1: it will work out just the way it's meant to.

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Speaker 1: And we say these phrases, but beneath them there's an

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Speaker 1: insecurity and an uncertainty. And the opposite way we function

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Speaker 1: as humans is we're pressured. So we think, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: that person's already sold their company and they're only thirty five,

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Speaker 1: and oh my gosh, that person just made one hundred

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Speaker 1: thousand dollars doing that, and oh my god that So

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Speaker 1: there's pressure. So we either function from being passive it

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Speaker 1: will happen when it's happened, or pressure, Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: it's not happening for me. And what I found is

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Speaker 1: that pressure doesn't attract success and joy, and being passive

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Speaker 1: doesn't attract success and joy, and the only place that

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Speaker 1: does is peace. And peace is me saying I'm going

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Speaker 1: to do everything I can and then leave the result

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Speaker 1: up to what the universe is, what God wants, whatever

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Speaker 1: the energy is around me. But I'm going to do

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Speaker 1: everything I possibly can. And it goes back to your point.

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Speaker 1: And by the way, I've seen you do this, and

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Speaker 1: I think it's in I wanted to talk about it

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Speaker 1: through stories that people may not be familiar with. You

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Speaker 1: were a really successful lawyer. You were doing great, and

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Speaker 1: you decided that it wasn't fulfilling you. And I actually

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Speaker 1: want to ask you about that because I think there

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Speaker 1: may be a lot of people listening right now who

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Speaker 1: are doing something where they studied for it, they were

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Speaker 1: educated for it, they worked hard for it, Their parents

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Speaker 1: maybe even were really impressed that they did it, and

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Speaker 1: now they're at an age where they're going I think

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Speaker 1: I want to change my career, like I don't think

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Speaker 1: this satisfies me anymore. And it's harder when you've done

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Speaker 1: something like law which took years of training, years of

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Speaker 1: building up. How did you get comfortable with giving up

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Speaker 1: your feeling around sunk cost bias? For anyone who doesn't know,

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Speaker 1: sunk cost bias does an economic term which means I've

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Speaker 1: already invested so much time, money, or energy down this path.

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Speaker 1: And usually what it does is it keeps you on

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Speaker 1: that path because you think I've invested too much to

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Speaker 1: let it go. That's why people don't change careers, It's

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Speaker 1: why people don't break up from relationships, It's why people

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Speaker 1: don't do any of those things. For you, what finally

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Speaker 1: gave you confidence to say, you know what, even though

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Speaker 1: I'm really good at law, even though I make a

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Speaker 1: really good living, even though I have a family and

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Speaker 1: two kids, I'm still going to take a risk Because

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Speaker 1: in my eyes, me going off to become a monk

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Speaker 1: was a risk, but you pivoting your career at that

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Speaker 1: age was also a risk.

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Speaker 3: What got you there, it was a huge risk, and

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Speaker 3: it was in terms of the investment in the sunk

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Speaker 3: cost was a three year law degree, a one year LPC,

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Speaker 3: a two year training contract, and then ten years post

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Speaker 3: qualified in law. So that's a lot of years of

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Speaker 3: studying to try and become a specialist in something. And

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Speaker 3: at that point, I think two things happen. You get

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Speaker 3: the golden handcuffs, i e. The salary goes up, and

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Speaker 3: whilst the salary is going up, your standard of living

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Speaker 3: has also gone up. So you've then got the mortgage.

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Speaker 3: As you know, at that point, I was already married

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Speaker 3: with two kids as well, so it was a huge risk,

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Speaker 3: but I think it came. I mean, I certainly got

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Speaker 3: some courage from you, and I'm really grateful for those

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Speaker 3: walks around central London when you were in that period

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Speaker 3: of transition and you're incurring me. And I remember you

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Speaker 3: specifically saying, hey, Nanda, you know when you're at your

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Speaker 3: best is when you're talking to people and when you're

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Speaker 3: coaching people and when you're public speaking, So why don't

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Speaker 3: you do that? And I'm like, oroh, that's not a career.

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Speaker 3: That's not a career. Unless I'm speaking in court, that's

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Speaker 3: not a career. So you really helped me think outside

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Speaker 3: of the box, and you touched on the cultural nuances

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Speaker 3: and you joke about it all the time, right, like

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Speaker 3: as an Indian, it's a doctor, a lawyer.

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Speaker 2: What's the third or a failure?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 2: Exactly, so you were already winning.

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Speaker 3: I was already winning in life. That was My mom

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Speaker 3: was happy, my dad is, My grandparents were happy, like

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Speaker 3: I was the chosen one. When I go to family events,

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Speaker 3: and all of a sudden, what I found was they

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Speaker 3: were resisting to change, not because they didn't love me,

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Speaker 3: but simply because they'd also come to the country and

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Speaker 3: so security was their primary driver. So out of love,

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Speaker 3: they were like, why would you want to do this?

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Speaker 3: You're now so close to where you ultimately want to be.

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Speaker 3: But of course, I think that's where spirituality really comes in,

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Speaker 3: because it makes us think about, well, where do we

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Speaker 3: really want to be and what really makes us thrive.

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Speaker 3: So in my case, I found a huge amount of

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Speaker 3: courage from the fact that the bits that I enjoyed

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Speaker 3: in law were like when I'd talk to clients or

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Speaker 3: when I would do conferences within the legal industry or

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Speaker 3: business development people people people. So I was like, okay,

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Speaker 3: I like it. Fortunate enough, I managed to go ton

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Speaker 3: to a four day week. On my non working day,

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Speaker 3: I worked and I got myself qualified as an ICF

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Speaker 3: credit coach. I started working and I got the feedback,

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Speaker 3: the validation to say, this is a runner, this can work,

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Speaker 3: and so yeah, the rest is history. But it wasn't

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Speaker 3: easy by any means. But I often say you need

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Speaker 3: cheerleaders around you at that time because self doubt is

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Speaker 3: going to be all over you. And so I'm so

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Speaker 3: grateful to you because I really feel like you were

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Speaker 3: a pivotal person, just as I was a pivotal person

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Speaker 3: for you when you were younger at that particular time.

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Speaker 3: You reciprocated tenfold because you were there for me and

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Speaker 3: maybe believe it's possible.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, because I saw it, and I think you're

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Speaker 2: so right.

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Speaker 1: This is why our friends are so important in being

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Speaker 1: honest with us, in noticing our strengths, being honest about

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Speaker 1: our weaknesses, noticing our values. And I always say to people,

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Speaker 1: if any of you are struggling with what you should

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Speaker 1: do for work, sometimes just go around to your friends

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Speaker 1: and meet them one on one and say, Hey, have

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Speaker 1: a really honest discussion with me. What do you think

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Speaker 1: is my number one skill? What do you think I'm

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Speaker 1: actually good at? And your friend might be like you

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Speaker 1: plan the best parties, like that's what you're good at,

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Speaker 1: or you know what, whenever it's whenever there's a big event,

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Speaker 1: coming up. You're really good at event planning, and all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden, I've done this with my sister, and

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Speaker 1: I've seen that my sister's always organized lots of retreats,

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Speaker 1: she's organized lots of events. She's really talented at that.

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Speaker 1: It isn't her career, and I'm constantly nudging her in

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Speaker 1: that direction and saying, hey, have you thought about wedding planning?

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Speaker 1: Have you thought about birthday planning? Have you thought about

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Speaker 1: event planning?

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Speaker 3: And so.

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Speaker 1: But what I loved about watching you make that transition

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Speaker 1: was that I think a lot of people think, oh,

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Speaker 1: when I get a million followers, then i'll make a transition.

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Speaker 1: Oh when I make X amount of money, then I'll

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Speaker 1: make a transition, And you were actually making it while

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Speaker 1: you were there, and the sign of success was good feedback.

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Speaker 1: And so I think not postponing that transition, that pivot,

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Speaker 1: that switch. And I love what you said because I

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Speaker 1: think this is true for everyone. You have to have

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Speaker 1: one foot in either boat. Yes, at the beginning, so

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Speaker 1: you were gone down to a four day week. One

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Speaker 1: day became coaching, Studying weekends became that going doing the exams,

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Speaker 1: the course, and when you've got one foot in each boat.

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Speaker 2: Once you're confident enough.

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Speaker 1: You didn't take the other thing, you take the other

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Speaker 1: leap exactly, rather than what I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: us do is we've got two feet in one boat,

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Speaker 1: the other boat so far away, and you go, oh, no,

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Speaker 1: it's all about the jump. It's all about the leap,

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Speaker 1: and you kind of amp yourself up, then you jump,

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Speaker 1: and then you fall into the water, and now you're

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Speaker 1: drowning because you're like, wait a minute, I don't even

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Speaker 1: know where the other boat is. And so I don't

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Speaker 1: want to glorify risk because I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: people will be like, you have to take a risk,

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Speaker 1: you got to do something big, you got to take

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Speaker 1: a leap. And I'm like, well, well you've got to

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Speaker 1: be a little bit measured and a little bit practiced

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Speaker 1: as well.

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Speaker 3: I meanf you've got a mortgage to pay, it absolutely.

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Speaker 3: But I think this point around understanding the difference between

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Speaker 3: your self awareness and external feedback and getting that balance right,

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Speaker 3: because yeah, we can amp things up in our own head,

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Speaker 3: and we can think we're the greatest speaker and the

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Speaker 3: greatest coach or the greatest podcast host, but actually the validation,

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Speaker 3: of course comes from the outside world, and you know

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Speaker 3: if you're doing a good job, but you're going to

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Speaker 3: find out very quickly. I think you're going to find

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Speaker 3: out quickly. But you're also going to feel really good.

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Speaker 3: For me, Like, even if I was doing a good

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Speaker 3: job in law, I didn't feel good. So that for me,

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Speaker 3: that internal compass was always very clear. This wasn't what

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Speaker 3: I was meant to be doing. And we speak about

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Speaker 3: this all the time in terms of finding purpose, and

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Speaker 3: it's a big pressure, Like people come up all the

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Speaker 3: time saying how do I find my purpose? But it

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Speaker 3: very much is a journey and it's not going to

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Speaker 3: be something that you sit down one day, meditate and

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Speaker 3: have that aha moment, like you've got to go and

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Speaker 3: do things. Yeah, and you've got to be aware of

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Speaker 3: like what have I been doing? So you'd always say

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Speaker 3: to me, actually, none, as long as I've known you,

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Speaker 3: you've always been doing public speaking, right like whether through

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Speaker 3: when I met you, that's what you're doing exactly. So

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Speaker 3: that was my go to So it was an easy

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Speaker 3: thing for me to do. So it's actually knowing that

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Speaker 3: and then having someone to validate that and support you

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Speaker 3: along the way.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I've read something recently which I think is called

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Speaker 1: the Pigmalion effect. I don't know if you've come across it,

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Speaker 1: but it's this idea that we're better at doing things

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Speaker 1: when we think people believe in us. Yes. And so

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Speaker 1: it's when they told teachers that these kids are performing well,

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Speaker 1: and so teachers started to treat them better. Yes, and

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Speaker 1: then the kids performed better even though they weren't any different.

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Speaker 1: And that's a quick version of it. You can check

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Speaker 1: it out. But what was really interesting about it was

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Speaker 1: we can also do that to ourselves. And so it

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Speaker 1: works when we set higher standards for ourselves. Yes, we

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Speaker 1: start treating ourselves in that way, and it goes back

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Speaker 1: to your beast mode point of you rise to your standards.

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Speaker 1: And I think a lot of us don't know what

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Speaker 1: that means, because I think when we set high standards,

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Speaker 1: we usually feel we fail. Yes, we usually feel, oh no,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to feel like I failed, So I might

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Speaker 1: as well just set a lower standard exactly. And one

435
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,520
Speaker 1: thing I've noticed in high performers that I really appreciate

436
00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:21,240
Speaker 1: is high standards matched with high grace. And so if

437
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 1: you look at the best people in the world. I

438
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,960
Speaker 1: love this commencement speech that Roger Federig just gave. I'm

439
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,399
Speaker 1: sure you saw it. And he talks about how in

440
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:32,600
Speaker 1: his career he's lost a ridiculous amount of points. I

441
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,520
Speaker 1: can't remember the exact number, but he's lost a ridiculous

442
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,399
Speaker 1: amount of points, like almost forty percent of points or

443
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,280
Speaker 1: forty five percent of points. And you think, wait a minute,

444
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:43,879
Speaker 1: how could one of the greatest have lost forty five

445
00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,199
Speaker 1: percent of points? And he says, because all I've got

446
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,080
Speaker 1: to do when I lose a point is focus on

447
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,360
Speaker 1: the next one. And he said, if I sit there

448
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 1: and I'm constantly thinking about the last point and how

449
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,359
Speaker 1: I should have responded, and how I should have hit it,

450
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,520
Speaker 1: and how I should have placed it, now all of

451
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,040
Speaker 1: a sudden, my attention's gone on the next point, and

452
00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:03,280
Speaker 1: now I've lost the next point. And that just continues.

453
00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:07,640
Speaker 1: So I love that idea that greatness came from having

454
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,720
Speaker 1: a high expectation of winning every point. But then they're

455
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:13,879
Speaker 1: having enough grace to say, actually, if I focus on

456
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,040
Speaker 1: the last point, I'm going to lose the next point

457
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:16,400
Speaker 1: as well.

458
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think it's interesting that you know, you

459
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:21,800
Speaker 3: were moved by that commencement speech, because every single commencement

460
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,760
Speaker 3: speech follows that same pattern. If you've noticed, yes, right

461
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,920
Speaker 3: it is. It is failure to success, and yet somehow

462
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 3: we are surprised that all of these people have failed.

463
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,080
Speaker 3: And it's the same for me. It's like if people

464
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:38,040
Speaker 3: think Jay's failed, I'm like, yeah, he's had like crushing

465
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:42,240
Speaker 3: blows along the way, but he kept going. And it's interesting,

466
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,879
Speaker 3: like law, you know, is a real perfectionist mindset. It

467
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:48,760
Speaker 3: comes from a strong academic background, and so that is

468
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:50,720
Speaker 3: what you're judged on, and so you're not meant to

469
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,439
Speaker 3: make mistakes. But as we all know, mistakes are how

470
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:54,280
Speaker 3: you make the journey.

471
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's how you learn. It's going to happen

472
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 1: along the way. And I think one thing that I remember,

473
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 1: which was really important part of our friendship, and I

474
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:03,359
Speaker 1: wanted to talk about certain events.

475
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:04,440
Speaker 2: It was definitely that.

476
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:07,160
Speaker 1: So I started working at Accentia, and I was working

477
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,160
Speaker 1: at a client that was close by to your law firm.

478
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,600
Speaker 1: So every lunchtime we'd go on like an hour walk

479
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:16,000
Speaker 1: around London and we'd have these conversations nearly every day.

480
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:17,320
Speaker 1: While I was at this client.

481
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 3: By the way, just in case my former employers are listening,

482
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 3: I was I wasn't meant to have been gone for

483
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,159
Speaker 3: an hour, right, I think it was probably meant to

484
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:23,560
Speaker 3: be a client.

485
00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:25,440
Speaker 2: I think this is true for me.

486
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,920
Speaker 1: But we've gone this hour walk and these are the

487
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,119
Speaker 1: conversations we'd have, and it shows you how important that

488
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 1: friendship is, how important that connection is. Yes, and I

489
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,639
Speaker 1: think we were both looking for an escape. But the

490
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:40,920
Speaker 1: thing is we weren't just then making our time together entertainment.

491
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:43,680
Speaker 1: Our time together became these conversations.

492
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:46,240
Speaker 3: You had done your you know, you were thinking about

493
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:47,960
Speaker 3: doing your coaching diploma, or you'd just done it at

494
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,879
Speaker 3: that particular point, and I just remember this idea of

495
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,119
Speaker 3: you need to invest in yourself in order to move forward.

496
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:56,720
Speaker 3: So at the time you were really getting too psychometrics,

497
00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 3: it was disc was the one that you would be

498
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 3: rolling out constantly, and then it was MBTI and more recently,

499
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 3: as you know, I just got qualified in a particular one.

500
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,359
Speaker 3: And what I loved about that was it showed me

501
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:09,959
Speaker 3: that validation is very important to me. So even from

502
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:13,679
Speaker 3: a personality perspective, that is important to me. So how

503
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 3: do I process that information. I should be aware that

504
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,800
Speaker 3: I'm going to be looking for that validation, but also

505
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,960
Speaker 3: know that potentially it could trip me up because if

506
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 3: I don't get that validation, what do I do? Do

507
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:26,840
Speaker 3: I stop? So? I think, you know, really investing in

508
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:30,680
Speaker 3: yourself is so critical, and we were taught it obviously

509
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:34,040
Speaker 3: from a spiritual perspective from a young age as we

510
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 3: were coming through the monastery and so on. But even

511
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:43,560
Speaker 3: in normal business life, the moment you stop learning and growing,

512
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:45,960
Speaker 3: I think, is the moment you start to feel like

513
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,920
Speaker 3: you're losing momentum in life and lose that joy.

514
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:53,480
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515
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517
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518
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521
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522
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523
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532
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534
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Speaker 1: That's drink j Uni dot com and make sure you

535
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 1: use the code on Purpose. Well, what's really interesting is

536
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:23,280
Speaker 1: that when you go to school, right, you start nursery

537
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,800
Speaker 1: at whatever three four years old, and then you're basically

538
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 1: at school to eighteen. And if you go to university

539
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 1: or college, then you're there till twenty one or maybe

540
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:32,280
Speaker 1: a bit older if you do law or medicine or

541
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,760
Speaker 1: whatever it may be, or a postcrad. And what's really

542
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 1: interesting is that from the moment you're three or four

543
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 1: years old, Every year up until twenty one is pretty

544
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,560
Speaker 1: much mapped out. Yes, so you don't actually have to

545
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,040
Speaker 1: think when you complete fourth grade what comes next? You

546
00:25:47,119 --> 00:25:48,640
Speaker 1: go to fifth grade, and then you go sixth grade,

547
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,080
Speaker 1: and then you go to seventh and then eighth and

548
00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 1: then ninth and tenth.

549
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:54,480
Speaker 2: And you never had to think. There's no ownership, ownershment.

550
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:55,360
Speaker 2: There's no ownership.

551
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 1: And what ends up happening is as soon as you

552
00:25:57,359 --> 00:25:59,439
Speaker 1: get to twenty one and you let's say you get

553
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 1: a job, you can grad job, you start a job. Now,

554
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,600
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, your whole trajectory is up to you.

555
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 1: Do you stay at this place? Do you network for

556
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 1: a promotion? Do you take on extra curricula? Do you

557
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 1: quit your job and get promoted somewhere else?

558
00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:14,679
Speaker 2: Do you switch?

559
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 1: Do you all of a sudden at twenty one years old,

560
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:19,040
Speaker 1: it's like, well, now we're not going to tell you

561
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 1: what to do for the next fifty years. And so

562
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:25,159
Speaker 1: I think everyone is at a disadvantage, yes, because you

563
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:28,440
Speaker 1: haven't had to use your brain for all of those years.

564
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:30,120
Speaker 1: All of a sudden, you have to use your brain,

565
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,680
Speaker 1: and now you're scared, so you're asking everyone around you.

566
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:33,359
Speaker 2: What should I do?

567
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,400
Speaker 1: Is this the right path for me? Should I quit

568
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 1: my job? Should I get married? Should I not? Should

569
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 1: I write? And that confusion. I have a lot of

570
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:43,479
Speaker 1: empathy because of that, because we weren't made to make

571
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:44,640
Speaker 1: decisions early enough.

572
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:44,879
Speaker 2: Now.

573
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that a four year old should be

574
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,920
Speaker 1: deciding what they're studying at university. That's not the point.

575
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:53,440
Speaker 1: But there has to start becoming a little bit of

576
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 1: ownership about direction and about choice, because that's how you

577
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,280
Speaker 1: build confidence in yourself. So most of us have never

578
00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:02,520
Speaker 1: made a made your life decision until twenty five thirty

579
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:05,480
Speaker 1: years old. No wonder we're crippled by the anxiety and

580
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:08,440
Speaker 1: the stress and the pressure that comes with that because

581
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,920
Speaker 1: you didn't have to think about anything that was that

582
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,120
Speaker 1: complicated for like eighteen years.

583
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,399
Speaker 3: It actually links really well to the discussion we're having

584
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 3: last night around so as I mentioned, I've got two kids,

585
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,440
Speaker 3: and you know, the question is how do you raise

586
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 3: kids in this world? Oh? Yeah, it was a really

587
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:28,920
Speaker 3: fascinating discussion. This idea of pushing them to take responsibility,

588
00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 3: you know, not remaining under the shelter of your parents,

589
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,160
Speaker 3: because although it's going to be uncomfortable for them. That's

590
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 3: the only way they're going to learn. That's the way

591
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:41,239
Speaker 3: you're going to get the life skills to be an

592
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,119
Speaker 3: independent thinker, to be someone who's really going to go

593
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 3: out and be able to make those difficult decisions. Also,

594
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,359
Speaker 3: self awareness, Yes, you can get through a psychometric but

595
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 3: the real self awareness is going to come through challenges. Yeah,

596
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 3: and putting yourself in situations is like, am I going

597
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:58,320
Speaker 3: to sink or swim? So I remember you saying this

598
00:27:58,400 --> 00:27:59,800
Speaker 3: to me when I was talking about my own son,

599
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:03,119
Speaker 3: is like, No, there's got to be a certain degree

600
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:06,399
Speaker 3: of challenge. He needs to know that if he falls,

601
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 3: you're there to catch him, but you're not there like

602
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,399
Speaker 3: holding him. Yes, because otherwise he's not going to learn

603
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 3: to stand.

604
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's knowing that. I think all of us need

605
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:18,880
Speaker 1: to know that we're loved whether we win or we lose. Yes,

606
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 1: that's what all of us want. All of us want

607
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:24,879
Speaker 1: to know that I am loved or all of us

608
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:27,640
Speaker 1: want to know that you are loved whether you win

609
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 1: or you lose. And so your child, yourself, your partner,

610
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,479
Speaker 1: what they want from you is that you love them

611
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,720
Speaker 1: no matter what. But they need to be able to

612
00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:41,240
Speaker 1: win or to lose of their own choices, of their

613
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 1: own accord.

614
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 2: And I remember one meeting that we had.

615
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:47,040
Speaker 1: I remember when you actually flew out with me to

616
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 1: New York when I first moved there, and you slept

617
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 1: on my couch. Yes, And I remember, well, maybe i'll explain,

618
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,200
Speaker 1: Maybe you can tell him what you had for breakfast, because.

619
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 3: I think it was a banana from Whole Foods. So

620
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 3: Jay's cooking skills are awful. My cooking skills are one

621
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 3: one tier below that. So we were just having conversation.

622
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:07,200
Speaker 2: Now I think we're on the same level.

623
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, I mean I could pick out the banana,

624
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 3: But no, I was coming out to New York and

625
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 3: I was expecting, like, you know, the Huppton post thing

626
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 3: had just happened. It was actually it was a beautiful apartment,

627
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:18,920
Speaker 3: like it was you know, it was a one bed,

628
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 3: it was, it was it was nice, like five hundred feet. Yeah,

629
00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 3: it was cozy, I think, I think is the right

630
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:28,040
Speaker 3: way to define it. But yeah, I was there. I

631
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 3: was there, sleeping on your couch. And it's beautiful to

632
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:36,440
Speaker 3: think where you've come from that particular point. But go on,

633
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:38,320
Speaker 3: you were going to say there was something particularly about

634
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 3: that meeting.

635
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:40,840
Speaker 1: No, I was just going to say that it was

636
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 1: one thing that you realize as you live life is

637
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 1: that life becomes the stories. Yes, And I remember a

638
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 1: few years before that, I was at a friend's wedding

639
00:29:51,160 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 1: in Ibitha, Yeah, and I was sitting having dinner on

640
00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 1: the beach at my friend's wedding, and I was sitting

641
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:01,800
Speaker 1: with this man who has around seventy years old, and

642
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,080
Speaker 1: he was sitting there almost like in a movie scene

643
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 1: of He was in one of those beach rocking chairs.

644
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 1: There was a little fire pit that we were around

645
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:12,320
Speaker 1: with me and my wife, some of our Janevie, and

646
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: someone else from the wedding, and we were sitting with

647
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 1: this man and he just had these crazy life stories.

648
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,680
Speaker 1: And I remember sitting there and just thinking, I really

649
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 1: hope that when i'm his age that I'll have stories

650
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 1: to tell, and not stories to tell to the world,

651
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:26,200
Speaker 1: even just stories to tell to my friends. And I

652
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 1: think what happens in our busy, distracted life, the events

653
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 1: in our life become events where everyone's there. Whereas we

654
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 1: have a lot we talk about this a lot that

655
00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:38,920
Speaker 1: as I have got older, group events are great, but

656
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 1: it's the one on one investments over the years that

657
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 1: give you stories and memories.

658
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 2: Who remembers the.

659
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:47,760
Speaker 1: Big birthday party that one hundred people were at or

660
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 1: fifty I don't ever think about those things. I don't

661
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 1: talk about those things. But I can remember when you

662
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:54,640
Speaker 1: were sleeping on the couch and we were waking up

663
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:56,360
Speaker 1: and we were walking to the you know, the grocery

664
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 1: store picking up groceries coming back like I can remember that,

665
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 1: or I can remember the walk we used to go on.

666
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 1: And I think it's so important that as we get older,

667
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 1: I think sometimes we think I want that big birthday

668
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:07,880
Speaker 1: party again, I want that feeling of being a kid again.

669
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 1: And it's almost like those one to one relationships are

670
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 1: so powerful. And I think one of the things I

671
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 1: really value about our friendship is I think it's become

672
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 1: harder for men to find these relationships in our community

673
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 1: and outside. It doesn't matter whether you're in a spiritual

674
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 1: community or not. It's just harder for men to find connection.

675
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,240
Speaker 1: And I think for us, one thing that really helped

676
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:33,840
Speaker 1: was you were always really vulnerable and honest and open

677
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:36,480
Speaker 1: about your life when we first got to know each other,

678
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: and as you were my mentor It was very new

679
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:42,800
Speaker 1: for me because mentors and teachers are generally people who

680
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 1: you think have it all together and you're learning because

681
00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:48,760
Speaker 1: they have it all together. And not only do I

682
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 1: disagree with that, you helped burst that bubble very early

683
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:55,760
Speaker 1: on because you'd be really open about your challenges or

684
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 1: whatever you were going through. And I try and do

685
00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,720
Speaker 1: that with my community today. I'm really open and honest

686
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 1: about well. I always talk about how like me and

687
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,200
Speaker 1: my wife don't have a perfect marriage. There's loads of

688
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 1: stuff when we'll talk about it, or you know, I

689
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,400
Speaker 1: haven't had a career where everything's been easy, but I

690
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 1: find that as men it's harder. How have you found

691
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 1: that over time, and like, how have you navigated that

692
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 1: and what are your thoughts on male friendship and how

693
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:19,360
Speaker 1: you strengthen that bond because I think a lot of

694
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:20,960
Speaker 1: men are feeling lonely right now in the world.

695
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, so, you know, the definition of kind of the

696
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:30,120
Speaker 3: modern man is like a hotly contested debate and just

697
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:32,960
Speaker 3: this idea of vulnerability. For me, I think I was

698
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,840
Speaker 3: naturally wired like that, Like I like honesty and transparency,

699
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 3: and you know, if you're sincerely asking, I don't see

700
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:43,080
Speaker 3: why I wouldn't be open. Actually, I think I've learned

701
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:46,360
Speaker 3: the opposite. I think I was probably too open in

702
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 3: this world. And so something that I've learned over time

703
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:53,760
Speaker 3: is you can't place one hundred percent faith and trust

704
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:56,120
Speaker 3: in someone when you meet them for the first time.

705
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:58,240
Speaker 3: You know, it's a process that you have to build

706
00:32:58,360 --> 00:32:58,880
Speaker 3: over time.

707
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 2: That's a hard lesson as well.

708
00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:03,200
Speaker 3: It is a hard lesson because and it's a painful lesson.

709
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,360
Speaker 3: But we spoke about this in the past as well, like,

710
00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:08,080
Speaker 3: you know, would you want it the other way? Would

711
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:11,480
Speaker 3: you want to be so closed and then gradually gradually

712
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 3: open up. I feel like, yes, there's a risk to

713
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,560
Speaker 3: the way that I am. People may judge me for

714
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 3: being open about things, but actually I think it's it's

715
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,640
Speaker 3: the way forward because it's what feels natural for me.

716
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 3: And obviously as I've got older, it's about understanding the

717
00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:30,080
Speaker 3: right people, the right time, the right place, and ultimately,

718
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 3: am I being vulnerable to serve that person? Because one

719
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 3: thing I've learned with coaching is sometimes people are vulnerable

720
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 3: really just to unload, right, And it shouldn't be about that.

721
00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:43,560
Speaker 3: It should be very much about I'm trying to serve

722
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:46,239
Speaker 3: that person. If I can be relatable and show them

723
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:49,600
Speaker 3: I'm not on a pedal staal. I've gone through similar challenges.

724
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 3: But this isn't about me, it's about you. I think

725
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 3: that can be really helpful and you don't need to

726
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:55,840
Speaker 3: be a coach for that. I'm talking about basic because

727
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 3: you talked about friendships. I think that's where friendship comes from.

728
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 1: And I think that's also how you don't become harsh

729
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 1: in a world that may feel harsh, like I would

730
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:09,719
Speaker 1: rather turn up fully as I am consciously and then

731
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:12,319
Speaker 1: however someone responds to that, Now I'm clear on where

732
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:16,040
Speaker 1: we're at, yes, Whereas if I come all cagy and

733
00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 1: holding back, now, I don't know whether that person's mirroring

734
00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:22,440
Speaker 1: my energy or they might be hiding something. And so

735
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,320
Speaker 1: if I come out and I'm just fully myself and

736
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:28,279
Speaker 1: I'm loving and I'm trusting and I'm open, then I

737
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 1: get a quicker sense of where someone's at and whether

738
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:33,560
Speaker 1: our energy matches, not whether they're a good or bad person,

739
00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:36,840
Speaker 1: just on whether our frequency matches. Whereas if I lower

740
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 1: my frequency, thinking I'm protecting myself now, actually I'm working

741
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 1: against myself because I can't quickly figure out and I

742
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 1: think That's what I look at, is what's the pace

743
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 1: of figuring it out, like when you can speed that

744
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:51,799
Speaker 1: up because you're fully yourself. Now you have a great

745
00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:54,839
Speaker 1: sense of Okay, trust this person. I can see where

746
00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:57,720
Speaker 1: my barriers are with this individual. And I think setting

747
00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:01,440
Speaker 1: boundaries has become such a healthy thing for adult friendships

748
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 1: as well.

749
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:02,880
Speaker 2: I think we talk about this a lot.

750
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,719
Speaker 1: When you grow up in a big community, everyone thinks

751
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:07,400
Speaker 1: they know you, and everyone claims to know you, and

752
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:10,560
Speaker 1: everyone claims to be your friend, and it's really hard,

753
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:12,520
Speaker 1: and you know, sometimes people can turn oh I went

754
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:14,439
Speaker 1: to college with that person, or I went to school

755
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 1: with that person too. Oh no, no, I knew that

756
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 1: person really intimately. And so I think it's really important

757
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 1: that we set healthy boundaries. I think what's helped me

758
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:24,239
Speaker 1: with my male friendships. And I have a lot of

759
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 1: young male friends who guys that I mentored like you

760
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 1: were mentoring me at the time. And I think for me,

761
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:32,239
Speaker 1: it's always been these one on ones. I think it's

762
00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:34,040
Speaker 1: really easy as a bunch of guys to hang out,

763
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 1: watch your game, whatever it may be. But when you

764
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:38,960
Speaker 1: can have these one on ones where there's space for

765
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:42,200
Speaker 1: both of you to truly put the guard down, and

766
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:45,000
Speaker 1: it's almost like taking your armor off. Like the thing is, men,

767
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:46,840
Speaker 1: you've got to recognize that there is a desire to

768
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:49,239
Speaker 1: be strong and be this warrior. But at the end

769
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 1: of the day, you've got to take your helmet off,

770
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 1: you've got to put the shield down, you've got to

771
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,319
Speaker 1: put the sword down, you've got to take the armor off.

772
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 1: And that's when you can see each other's wounds and

773
00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:00,279
Speaker 1: be open about it and talk about it. And I

774
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,120
Speaker 1: think I consider myself to be a warrior mindset, as

775
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 1: you were talking about earlier. But a big part of

776
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:08,480
Speaker 1: that warrior mindset is also having that safe space where

777
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:10,200
Speaker 1: you don't have to have the shield and the guard

778
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 1: up all day long and you can finally put it down.

779
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:14,879
Speaker 3: Is that changed for you over time?

780
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:17,279
Speaker 1: I think I dealt with that in the beginning of

781
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:19,719
Speaker 1: my career, where I had to be so intense about

782
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:22,560
Speaker 1: growing and building and it's not about being mean, it's

783
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:24,680
Speaker 1: about having a winner's mindset. I think there's a difference

784
00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:27,840
Speaker 1: between having a winner's mindset being mean and harsh. And

785
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 1: I was developing that winner's mindset, and I realized that

786
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,360
Speaker 1: it took me a long while to realize how to

787
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:39,560
Speaker 1: be with my wife and still have a winner's mindset,

788
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:41,799
Speaker 1: but recognize it shouldn't be projected onto her.

789
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:45,400
Speaker 3: How do you reconcile that winner's mindset and that drive

790
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:49,400
Speaker 3: and that ambition with the spiritual principles that you live by,

791
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:52,560
Speaker 3: because people externally would feel like that's a real contradiction.

792
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:54,160
Speaker 2: So how do you do that.

793
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 1: I think there's a difference between being ambitious and aggressive. Okay,

794
00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 1: I think you can be an ambitious without being aggressive.

795
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,800
Speaker 1: I think aggression is something that spills over on to

796
00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:07,520
Speaker 1: other people. It's how you treat other people. It's how

797
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 1: you greet other people. It's how people feel when they're

798
00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 1: around you. They feel scared, there's fear. Aggression is ambition

799
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:18,320
Speaker 1: in its lowest form. And then ambition is something about you.

800
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:22,240
Speaker 1: It's now your expectation of yourself. It's your desire for yourself.

801
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 1: It's what you expect and want of yourself. Aggression is

802
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,840
Speaker 1: when you want everyone else to now mirror that. And

803
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:31,520
Speaker 1: I actually remember Gorannga Das, who's my monk teaching. Of

804
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,240
Speaker 1: course you know him very well as well. He actually

805
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 1: taught me this very early on. Because for anyone who

806
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 1: knows him as you do. He has an impeccable schedule,

807
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 1: so he wakes up at two am every day, meditates

808
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:47,719
Speaker 1: for two hours before everyone wakes up to meditate, and

809
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:50,160
Speaker 1: then will meditate, then go and cook for all the monks,

810
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 1: then come back. So my point is he's a superhero

811
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:58,440
Speaker 1: as the superhuman, and anyone who tries to imitate him fails.

812
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:01,520
Speaker 1: I've been there, hands hands up, been there. But the

813
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:05,360
Speaker 1: more important thing is he told me that really early on,

814
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:09,520
Speaker 1: that he had to realize that his expectations had to

815
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:13,360
Speaker 1: be of himself, and that a good leader doesn't create

816
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:16,840
Speaker 1: high expectations for others, but operates at the highest values

817
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:20,800
Speaker 1: and expectations for themselves, and everyone rises to that because

818
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,480
Speaker 1: they see the example. So anyway, going back to what

819
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 1: we were talking about with this spiritual point, for me,

820
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 1: ambition and spirituality should never have been put as opposites. Yeah,

821
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,719
Speaker 1: and somewhere in our narrative, and this is probably one

822
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:37,720
Speaker 1: of my favorite things. The famous quote that goes around

823
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:40,920
Speaker 1: is money is the root of all evil, and everyone

824
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:44,320
Speaker 1: knows it. You hear it everywhere, but the actual text

825
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:46,440
Speaker 1: says the love of.

826
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:48,280
Speaker 2: Money is the root of all evils.

827
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:52,480
Speaker 1: That's a really massive piece of context that is missed

828
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,120
Speaker 1: in one of the most famous quotes and money of all.

829
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:58,560
Speaker 3: That also, the money is God's energy, correct and therefore

830
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:00,880
Speaker 3: and therefore can be used in in service just like

831
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 3: everything else. But I wanted to talk about how do

832
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 3: you continue to live in that spirit of gratitude like

833
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 3: all of the achievements I've witnessed really since well when

834
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:15,920
Speaker 3: did it all kick off? Twenty sixteen? I guess so,

835
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:19,439
Speaker 3: like in the last nine years, every single time there'd

836
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 3: be something huge happened, like a huge guest comes onto

837
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:26,360
Speaker 3: the podcast, I would always say to you, bro, like

838
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,759
Speaker 3: this is nuts, Like this is nuts. Remember we're in

839
00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:33,239
Speaker 3: New York, Like this is nuts, And you'll always come

840
00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:35,720
Speaker 3: back and say, yeah, Bro, this is just the beginning,

841
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:38,240
Speaker 3: Like that is your line, This is just the beginning.

842
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:40,000
Speaker 3: So I really want to tap it because I don't

843
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:42,080
Speaker 3: know what I'm ever going to get this opportunity again,

844
00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:46,360
Speaker 3: but to tap into that mindset of this is just

845
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:49,560
Speaker 3: the beginning. What does that mean for you? And where

846
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:54,279
Speaker 3: do you get that consistent drive and determination Because on

847
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:58,440
Speaker 3: one level, you've made it right. You have a great family,

848
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:02,960
Speaker 3: you've got great friends, including me, You've got everything that

849
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:05,840
Speaker 3: you need, but you are you know, you continue to

850
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 3: reinvent yourself. So what is your driver? Where does that

851
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 3: come from?

852
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:14,160
Speaker 1: I really believe that if you get too familiar with greatness,

853
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 1: beauty or success, that makes you feel unsuccessful. And what

854
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:23,440
Speaker 1: I mean by that and this idea of just the

855
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:27,719
Speaker 1: beginning is I look at my life today as if

856
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:30,319
Speaker 1: I would if I was looking at it from twenty

857
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:33,400
Speaker 1: years ago. So when we were sitting up there in

858
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:37,720
Speaker 1: the iheartbooth just upstairs right now, and there's a picture

859
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,640
Speaker 1: of my podcast art next to like Malcolm Gladwell, who

860
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:43,160
Speaker 1: I love and I grew up reading, and he's been

861
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:46,359
Speaker 1: a guest on the show. And then there's Breakfast Club

862
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:48,920
Speaker 1: with Charlemagne, who I love, and there's just all these

863
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:53,360
Speaker 1: amazing people. I have to look at that from eighteen

864
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:55,880
Speaker 1: year old Ja, yes, and twenty five year old Ja,

865
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 1: because when I look at it as that, my mind

866
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:00,560
Speaker 1: is blown and I'm like, no way, Like I can't

867
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:02,239
Speaker 1: believe this is my life. And when I sat down

868
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:03,600
Speaker 1: on the stage, I was like I took a moment

869
00:41:03,840 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 1: just personally. It wasn't in front of it was internally

870
00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:07,839
Speaker 1: on just like how grateful I was to be able

871
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:10,920
Speaker 1: to have this opportunity. And my point is I have

872
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:13,280
Speaker 1: to look at it from the kid who watched Fresh Prints.

873
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:15,440
Speaker 1: I have to look at it from the kid who

874
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 1: use this person's product. I have to look at it

875
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:19,920
Speaker 1: from the kid who watched the tennis match and now

876
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 1: gets to interview Novakdjokovic. I've got to watch it as

877
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 1: the kid who watched a movie and now gets to

878
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:26,160
Speaker 1: sit down with Michael B. Jordan, Like I have to

879
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:28,879
Speaker 1: watch it from that perspective. But if I only look

880
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 1: at it from this perspective of oh, here I am,

881
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:34,279
Speaker 1: this is my life. Now, this is normality, all of

882
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:37,400
Speaker 1: a sudden it will start to feel really insignificant. And

883
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:40,320
Speaker 1: I think that's what happens a lot where whether you

884
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:42,440
Speaker 1: get to wake up and look at a beautiful view

885
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:45,960
Speaker 1: every morning, looking at your partner that once you believed

886
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:47,959
Speaker 1: when you first met them was the most beautiful person

887
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 1: on the planet, if you don't look at that way again,

888
00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 1: no wonder you get distracted and whatever else. Is so

889
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,680
Speaker 1: for me, it's always looking at it from it's just

890
00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:59,359
Speaker 1: the beginning, in the sense of let me fast forward,

891
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:01,840
Speaker 1: let me rewind, and then the other it's just the

892
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:05,560
Speaker 1: beginning is going I've got to have the beginner's mindset

893
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:08,840
Speaker 1: even in this moment, because otherwise this is all going

894
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:10,719
Speaker 1: to go away. I've got a tree to it.

895
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 3: I've got to have the same hunger.

896
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:13,160
Speaker 2: I've got to have the same hunger as I had

897
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:13,680
Speaker 2: on day one.

898
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was Yeah, I mean, you're absolutely right, and

899
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:19,960
Speaker 3: I've seen I've seen that if you get too comfortable

900
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 3: in any given situation, very quickly, that dies and you

901
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:25,960
Speaker 3: just have to keep doing. You have to keep doing

902
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,320
Speaker 3: different things. What I wanted to ask about that was

903
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 3: how do you go and apply that? So I think

904
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:34,239
Speaker 3: for you, people listening may think, well, jeah, that's all

905
00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:36,880
Speaker 3: right for you, because you know, every every month you

906
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,000
Speaker 3: seem to have another epic moment, and yeah, sure you

907
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 3: can reflect back on eighteen year old Jay. So practically,

908
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:44,920
Speaker 3: what does that look like for someone is and you

909
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 3: gave an insight into that, maybe it's your partner or

910
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:50,560
Speaker 3: your kid's eyes, or you know, the view of just

911
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:52,839
Speaker 3: you know, walking past the tree that you see every

912
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:55,600
Speaker 3: single day with gratitude. But essentially is what we're saying,

913
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:59,840
Speaker 3: It is having real gratitude for what you have and

914
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:01,600
Speaker 3: and zoning into that in a real way.

915
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:04,080
Speaker 1: I think it's romanticizing your life. You have to be

916
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:07,560
Speaker 1: really present in it to see how beautiful every moment is,

917
00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:10,440
Speaker 1: and not every moment is beautiful. But I think when

918
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:13,360
Speaker 1: things were tough, i'd say something else. I wouldn't be

919
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:14,960
Speaker 1: saying this, like, I don't think when things are tough,

920
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:16,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, be grateful for what you have. I

921
00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:18,920
Speaker 1: think that can be bad advice and can kind of

922
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:21,480
Speaker 1: be off putting as well. When things were bad, I'd

923
00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:23,480
Speaker 1: be like, I can't wait to tell this story one day.

924
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:25,359
Speaker 1: So when I was going through the failures and things

925
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:27,399
Speaker 1: were going wrong, I'd say, I can't wait to tell

926
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:29,839
Speaker 1: this story one day when I get to the other side. Yes,

927
00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:32,480
Speaker 1: And that gives you momentum to get to the other

928
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,800
Speaker 1: side because you can't wait to tell that story. And

929
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 1: so I think it's a mix of mindsets and tools

930
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:39,719
Speaker 1: that you bring out in different moments. So when things

931
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 1: are going well, slow down and smell the roses. There's

932
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:44,279
Speaker 1: a reason why I smell the flowers. There's a reason

933
00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:47,239
Speaker 1: why that phrase is famous because when things are going well,

934
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:48,959
Speaker 1: you can just move through them like it doesn't matter.

935
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 1: But when things are going badly, if you say to

936
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:53,960
Speaker 1: yourself I can't wait to tell this story on the

937
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:56,600
Speaker 1: other side. All of a sudden, you get momentum from

938
00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:59,080
Speaker 1: the other side rather than being like, oh god, this

939
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:00,480
Speaker 1: is the worst thing I've ever gone through.

940
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:02,760
Speaker 3: But do you feel that you do celebrate your successes?

941
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:04,799
Speaker 3: So we talk about football a lot, and we talk

942
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,640
Speaker 3: about sport generally quite a lot. And we talk about

943
00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:11,799
Speaker 3: you know, world champions who have won Premier League after

944
00:44:11,880 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 3: Premier League and they say they lifted the cup and

945
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:16,719
Speaker 3: then immediately it was like I enjoyed it for like

946
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 3: ten seconds and then it was on to the next thing.

947
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:22,440
Speaker 3: So what does it mean to celebrate success? How do

948
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:23,440
Speaker 3: you celebrate success?

949
00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 1: I used to have an amazing football coach that would say,

950
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:29,680
Speaker 1: if you win, celebrate for a night and then get

951
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:30,360
Speaker 1: back to training.

952
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 2: Yes.

953
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:33,279
Speaker 1: And if you lose, cry for a night and then

954
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,720
Speaker 1: get back to training great. And I love that advice

955
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:39,040
Speaker 1: because it put the emphasis on get back to training yes.

956
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 1: And So I've had some amazing successes in my life

957
00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,080
Speaker 1: and I don't feel they've been fleeting, but they've just

958
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,880
Speaker 1: been a marker that you're on the path. And the

959
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:51,239
Speaker 1: greatest success, the greatest joy you're celebrating success comes on

960
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:51,880
Speaker 1: the pursuit.

961
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 3: It's the journey.

962
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,719
Speaker 2: It is that journey like that, oh you know, it's

963
00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:56,440
Speaker 2: a journey, not the end. Yeah.

964
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:58,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's like that is the part that you

965
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:01,279
Speaker 1: have to celebrate. And that's what I mean, celebrating the

966
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:04,320
Speaker 1: moment and going this makes my story better. Celebrating the

967
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:07,239
Speaker 1: moment and saying I'm going to stop and appreciate this

968
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:10,160
Speaker 1: moment of sitting on stage. Let me stop and appreciate

969
00:45:10,239 --> 00:45:12,080
Speaker 1: the fact that this is happening for me. And by

970
00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:14,160
Speaker 1: the way, sure it's easier now, but all of those

971
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:16,839
Speaker 1: things were happening. You know. It wasn't like the first

972
00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 1: day I did it. It was this either going back

973
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 1: to the right the beginning, when I've loaded my first

974
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,880
Speaker 1: video and it got you know, five hundred views in

975
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:26,719
Speaker 1: my first month on YouTube, by the thousand subscribers.

976
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:28,440
Speaker 2: I was so happy about that.

977
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:29,920
Speaker 3: I remember I never looked.

978
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 1: At the thousand subscribers and went, why is it not

979
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:34,320
Speaker 1: a million? And so it was there then, and I

980
00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 1: remember our friends were like, well done, mate, this is

981
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:38,480
Speaker 1: probably it. Yeah, no, no, no, it was this is

982
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:38,960
Speaker 1: probably it.

983
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 3: No, I don't swearming you've done it as you've hit

984
00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 3: the cat.

985
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:42,520
Speaker 2: Yeah.

986
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 1: So but yeah, anyway, we could do this for hours.

987
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:47,879
Speaker 1: I've got to run to main stage now.

988
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:48,800
Speaker 2: None that.

989
00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 1: I am so grateful to you for joining me on

990
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:55,520
Speaker 1: a last minute request. It's been a really fun conversation.

991
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,239
Speaker 1: We'll have to do this again. Amazing, And I'm so

992
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:00,840
Speaker 1: glad you shared your journey because I think there's so

993
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:03,880
Speaker 1: much for everyone to learn with whether our journeys are

994
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:07,239
Speaker 1: public or private, whether whether they're you know, in the.

995
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:08,000
Speaker 2: Public eye or not.

996
00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:11,799
Speaker 1: We all have to make these decisions, and I think

997
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:13,839
Speaker 1: you shared so many great valuable insights today.

998
00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:14,920
Speaker 2: So thank you so much.

999
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,239
Speaker 3: Main Stage weights mayeah, that's true, that's true.

1000
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:20,960
Speaker 1: If you love this episode, you love my conversation with

1001
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:25,840
Speaker 1: doctor Joe Dispenser on why stress and overthinking negatively impacts

1002
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,680
Speaker 1: your brain and heart and how to change your habits

1003
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:30,240
Speaker 1: that are on autopilot.

1004
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:31,799
Speaker 2: Listen to it right now.

1005
00:46:32,160 --> 00:46:35,400
Speaker 1: How many times do we have to forget until we

1006
00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:38,560
Speaker 1: start forgetting and start remembering, that's the moment of change.

1007
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:39,960
Speaker 2: Who cares how many times

1008
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:42,160
Speaker 1: You fell off the bicycle if you ride the bicycle,

1009
00:46:42,239 --> 00:46:43,359
Speaker 1: now you ride the bike.