WEBVTT - Whine About It: Put Me in Coach 0:00:01.960 --> 0:00:05.399 Wind down with Janet Kramer, an Imheart Radio podcast. 0:00:06.480 --> 0:00:09.479 On Today's Whine About It Thursday Therapy. We've got Greg 0:00:09.640 --> 0:00:12.440 Harden and he has a book out called Stay Sane 0:00:12.480 --> 0:00:15.360 and Insane World, how to Control the Controllables and Thrive. 0:00:15.760 --> 0:00:19.480 He actually has a forward by Tom Brady. Greg Harden 0:00:19.600 --> 0:00:23.200 is a peak performance coach. He's a motivational speaker. He 0:00:23.280 --> 0:00:27.080 has worked with seven time Super Bowl champion quarterback Tom Brady. 0:00:27.080 --> 0:00:29.880 He's also worked with Heisman Trophy winner and Super Bowl 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:34.640 MVP Desmond Howard and twenty three time Olympic gold medalist 0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:37.239 Michael Phelps. He's spent over thirty years building them at 0:00:37.240 --> 0:00:41.919 the University of Michigan whoop including four hundred future professional athletes, 0:00:42.000 --> 0:00:45.120 fifty NFL first round draft picks, and one hundred and 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:48.839 twenty Olympians from over twenty countries. And he's gained national 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:54.240 recognition when sixty Minutes Sports profiled him as Michigan's secret weapon. 0:00:54.360 --> 0:00:56.000 Let's get him on and hear all about how to 0:00:56.040 --> 0:00:58.680 stay Sane in an Insane World? 0:00:59.160 --> 0:01:01.400 Hey, Greg, how are you? 0:01:01.480 --> 0:01:02.440 Life is good? 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:04.679 Yeah, it looks good. 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:08.280 So I was reading your bio and I got really 0:01:08.360 --> 0:01:10.120 excited because I'm from Michigan. 0:01:11.400 --> 0:01:13.200 Detroit, Michigan, Yes I am. 0:01:13.560 --> 0:01:18.000 I mean I say Detroit when I'm like, you know, yeah, 0:01:18.000 --> 0:01:20.479 I'm from Detroit, but like really in my street cred 0:01:20.600 --> 0:01:21.280 is not that cool. 0:01:21.440 --> 0:01:23.160 I was was I. 0:01:23.120 --> 0:01:26.120 Was born in that area, but I was raised like 0:01:26.280 --> 0:01:28.280 forty five minutes northeast of Detroit. 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:30.000 I understood, but. 0:01:30.000 --> 0:01:33.240 I'm still like, yeah, no, I'm from Detroit because I 0:01:33.319 --> 0:01:38.560 just I have a very like I even got I 0:01:38.959 --> 0:01:41.680 even got mad at. I remember Madonna said something really 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:44.920 negative about Michigan, and I just have such a love 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:46.959 for my home state. I have a love for Detroit. 0:01:47.040 --> 0:01:49.720 I have a love for just you know, the where 0:01:49.760 --> 0:01:53.800 I went to school. And I just think Michigan is 0:01:54.080 --> 0:01:56.640 just beautiful all around, and even Detroit like what they've 0:01:56.680 --> 0:01:59.480 been able to do and rebuild. And I just am 0:01:59.520 --> 0:02:01.880 like I am the biggest, Like I love my like 0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:04.440 home state and the cities that fall in it. 0:02:05.720 --> 0:02:10.799 Well, I'll tell you what, I'm excited to meet you. 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:14.399 Your range is crazy. She does what she does what 0:02:14.600 --> 0:02:19.520 and what and a producer, don't forget the producer. 0:02:19.720 --> 0:02:22.040 Listen, we hustle from Detroit, you know what I mean. 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:24.600 So like we're we're bred that way. It's like, all right, 0:02:24.639 --> 0:02:27.400 you got to hustle, and that's just like, yeah, that's 0:02:27.400 --> 0:02:29.320 been my thing. But you're not are You're not from 0:02:29.400 --> 0:02:30.240 Michigan though, are you? 0:02:30.880 --> 0:02:32.400 I'm from Detroit, Michigan. 0:02:32.440 --> 0:02:35.680 You are from Detroit? Oh my guess? And are you 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:36.960 still working at U of M? 0:02:37.800 --> 0:02:40.880 I am? You know you finished the way you start. 0:02:41.320 --> 0:02:43.840 That was a client of mine one hundred years ago, 0:02:44.320 --> 0:02:48.360 and now they're a client again where I'm advising the 0:02:48.400 --> 0:02:52.480 athletic director and a couple of other folks. But I 0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:57.720 retired from the university in twenty twenty, okay, and talk 0:02:57.760 --> 0:02:59.760 about picking a perfect time to get away from a 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:06.520 out yeah, yeah, and so so now I just do 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:10.840 consulting and uh, I work only with people I like. 0:03:13.240 --> 0:03:14.880 And so I'm in a fool's paradise. 0:03:15.000 --> 0:03:16.440 Who are the people that you like? 0:03:16.440 --> 0:03:18.720 Like if you could put them in like a room together, like, 0:03:18.760 --> 0:03:19.920 who would be those people? 0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:27.160 People like a few hockey players that I work with, 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:33.680 a couple of NBA players, some lawyers, some attorneys. I'm 0:03:33.720 --> 0:03:37.680 working with a financial guru wizard in New York. And 0:03:37.720 --> 0:03:41.440 but there are people who I absolutely love and like 0:03:41.560 --> 0:03:46.840 and appreciate and and they understand what I'm trying to 0:03:46.840 --> 0:03:51.000 give them is more than you know success. 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:53.280 So what what do you give them? 0:03:53.320 --> 0:03:56.360 Then? Like what is your first of all, like the 0:03:56.760 --> 0:03:58.680 qualities that they have that you like in them? And 0:03:58.720 --> 0:04:00.800 then what are you giving them? 0:04:00.800 --> 0:04:06.760 Oh good question when we talk about look at this, 0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:11.440 what's the difference you've worked with all these high performance individuals. 0:04:11.520 --> 0:04:15.560 What's the difference between Tom Brady and Michael Phelps of 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:20.360 Desmond Howard, Charles Woodson and the list goes on and 0:04:20.520 --> 0:04:23.360 you have to share with them. They're not only hungry, 0:04:24.520 --> 0:04:29.560 they're humble. So the people I work with, they have 0:04:29.680 --> 0:04:34.080 the ability to surrender their ego. They have the ability 0:04:34.160 --> 0:04:40.480 to be coachable. That's what the secret, the real secret sauces. 0:04:40.520 --> 0:04:44.320 Are you coachable? It doesn't matter how good I Kramer, 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:48.679 It don't matter how good we are, right, it doesn't 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:52.480 matter how good I am. If the people don't receive it, 0:04:52.839 --> 0:04:55.600 if they don't want it, if they don't hunger for it, 0:04:55.839 --> 0:05:00.000 if they aren't passionate about being the best, I can't help. 0:05:01.760 --> 0:05:03.880 What do you see as the biggest mental block for 0:05:03.920 --> 0:05:07.560 the people that like they want to be they want 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:10.520 to be the best at it, But like there is 0:05:10.920 --> 0:05:13.839 what mental block do you think holds holds people back 0:05:14.240 --> 0:05:16.200 from going to that next step. 0:05:17.600 --> 0:05:20.960 Being human? See, what happens is that no matter how 0:05:22.320 --> 0:05:25.599 we cut it, no matter who you are, you're going 0:05:25.680 --> 0:05:28.280 to turn into a human being over and over and 0:05:28.320 --> 0:05:31.120 over again. And what happens is that they have the 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:35.640 same problems, issues, trials, and tribulations that the rest of 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:38.680 us go through. To sit up and think that, well, 0:05:38.720 --> 0:05:42.800 you know, Jak, she's a superstar. J K is a 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:46.880 human being trying to stay sane in an insane world. 0:05:48.120 --> 0:05:53.800 So some of us struggle mightily just with self acceptance 0:05:54.120 --> 0:05:57.640 and self love. And that's if you want to know 0:05:57.720 --> 0:06:01.440 the secret. That's not a secret of love and self acceptance. 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:03.840 You know, people who are some of the best friends 0:06:03.839 --> 0:06:08.840 you've ever had in your life treat you superior. You 0:06:08.920 --> 0:06:12.000 love the way that sort of a tension affection, the 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:17.200 approval and acceptance they give you is spectacular. But how 0:06:17.240 --> 0:06:22.640 they treat themselves saddens you. So the blocks are how 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:28.240 people talk to themselves, how they treat themselves, how they 0:06:28.240 --> 0:06:33.479 are looking outside of themselves for acceptance and approval. 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:35.120 Yeah, I would say that. 0:06:35.160 --> 0:06:37.480 I mean that's one hundred percent because whenever I kind 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:39.599 of think back. I'm like, all right, what was the 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:43.120 problem there? I always go back to I put myself 0:06:43.200 --> 0:06:48.159 either in the box or I am listening to old 0:06:48.520 --> 0:06:51.960 beliefs that maybe someone else said to me and that 0:06:52.040 --> 0:06:54.120 I believed as my own belief but it was never 0:06:54.240 --> 0:06:57.839 really mine to like hold, And I think those have 0:06:57.880 --> 0:07:00.000 been the hardest ones to like unbreak. 0:07:01.000 --> 0:07:03.760 That's excellent. I mean, think about it. You've got you 0:07:03.800 --> 0:07:08.279 can't let a twelve year old run your life. That 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:11.640 twelve year old remembers what they said about me and 0:07:12.640 --> 0:07:16.200 how I my nose. You got an eight year old 0:07:16.680 --> 0:07:20.760 in your head talking about your nose too big. Oh, 0:07:21.080 --> 0:07:24.080 you have to let go of yesterday's baggage, not being 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:31.160 able to let go of yesterday, not understanding that yesterday. Wow, 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:36.679 it's a canceled check. It's history tomorrow and future tripping 0:07:36.800 --> 0:07:41.160 is like a promisory note. It's a mystery. But what 0:07:41.240 --> 0:07:44.520 we have on hand, the here and now. Being able 0:07:44.560 --> 0:07:46.920 to stay in the here and now is a secret 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:49.880 to advancing and staying focused. 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:51.520 That's so true. 0:07:51.560 --> 0:07:54.200 I love that check. Yeah, you can't use a check yesterday. 0:07:54.560 --> 0:07:57.200 Oh my god, I love that saying. That's that's so good. 0:07:58.040 --> 0:08:00.320 It's just so hard though, because I come from a 0:08:00.440 --> 0:08:06.360 very how do I say this, Like I have to 0:08:06.680 --> 0:08:09.640 like everything's on my shoulders, right, So it's hard for 0:08:09.680 --> 0:08:13.600 me to not control things because I'm like I have to. 0:08:13.720 --> 0:08:15.520 I have to run the ship. I have to do it. 0:08:15.600 --> 0:08:17.720 And so when I don't know something that's going to happen, 0:08:17.880 --> 0:08:21.000 it's like this, I get this weird, anxious feeling, and 0:08:21.640 --> 0:08:24.960 it's hard for me just to be sane, especially in 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:27.440 today's world, like you know, just with everything going on, 0:08:27.520 --> 0:08:29.480 and then all the pieces and the moving pieces and 0:08:29.480 --> 0:08:32.720 then like all right, well, is this is this career 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:34.760 opportunity going to go through? Or is this idea going 0:08:34.840 --> 0:08:36.280 to fail? Or is this going to go through? 0:08:36.559 --> 0:08:36.959 Forward? 0:08:37.000 --> 0:08:39.520 And it's like I can't control really any of it. 0:08:39.600 --> 0:08:41.640 I can just do my part of it. But then 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:44.160 I'm like, but then when it doesn't work out, then 0:08:44.200 --> 0:08:46.240 I go to well then I fail, Like I just 0:08:46.280 --> 0:08:49.680 go straight to like in or I failed. And then 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:52.920 that's where I'm like, what could I have done better? 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:54.640 How could I have controlled it better? And I think 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:56.280 that's like my problem, So help. 0:08:58.120 --> 0:09:00.880 Are you ready and just do it? What we need 0:09:00.960 --> 0:09:05.320 to be clear about is that your control freak. I'm 0:09:05.400 --> 0:09:11.080 one of the best I've ever met. But I had 0:09:11.080 --> 0:09:14.600 to learn over and over and over. I can only 0:09:14.679 --> 0:09:20.120 control me. I can't control all so many aspects of 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:22.439 my life and what's going on around me and with 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:27.760 other people thinking what they decide. But listen carefully, how 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:31.640 I feel about me is not based on any of that. 0:09:32.600 --> 0:09:37.160 My self extreme, my self esteem, and my self worth 0:09:37.520 --> 0:09:46.360 must not be based on external forces things around me, money, power, success, achievements. 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:50.839 That's nice, But how I feel about me if I fail. 0:09:51.160 --> 0:09:55.800 I hate failing. But I ain't gonna stop liking myself 0:09:55.840 --> 0:10:00.800 because I'm not gonna beat myself up because it doesn't work. 0:10:00.960 --> 0:10:05.400 It's ineffective. So once you get into simple because you've 0:10:05.440 --> 0:10:08.720 heard it's all beating yourself up, that worrying doesn't work, 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:15.320 I'm telling you it's ineffective. Let's be clear. And it's 0:10:15.360 --> 0:10:19.080 a habit and a pattern, so you know secretly in 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:23.400 your head that pattern has to be changed. And what 0:10:23.440 --> 0:10:26.240 we teach people to do is begin to become so 0:10:26.240 --> 0:10:33.080 sophisticated in becoming the world's greatest expert on you that 0:10:33.160 --> 0:10:36.840 you just begin to see what works and what doesn't work. 0:10:37.440 --> 0:10:39.720 What habits do I have that are building me up. 0:10:39.960 --> 0:10:42.400 What habits do I have that are tearing me down? 0:10:43.000 --> 0:10:47.400 Where relationships are building me up? And where relationships are 0:10:47.520 --> 0:10:50.520 draining me? Do I have psychic vampires in my life? 0:10:50.640 --> 0:10:53.240 You've got to be so sophisticated that you don't just 0:10:53.360 --> 0:10:57.160 examine relationships when you're mad and upset and when it's 0:10:57.160 --> 0:11:01.280 falling apart. You periodically review it's working, what's not working? 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:05.120 How are these people treating themselves? How are they treating me? 0:11:06.200 --> 0:11:09.400 But I You'll have a vision of what you really 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:11.720 want to do, and you have this idea, and sometimes 0:11:11.720 --> 0:11:14.400 it's going to work, and sometimes it's not going to work, 0:11:14.600 --> 0:11:18.320 but you will never stop. You have never stopped, And 0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:23.360 so you anticipate, You anticipate anxiety. Are you ready for this? 0:11:25.640 --> 0:11:28.800 I need you to be so clear that excitement and 0:11:29.160 --> 0:11:40.120 anxiety have some very similar characteristics, heart racing, sweating, you know, breathing, 0:11:40.200 --> 0:11:46.000 impaired their moments. Think about this. We just met with 0:11:46.520 --> 0:11:51.080 seven minutes ago. You're ready. Yeah, I guarantee you. There's 0:11:51.080 --> 0:11:54.199 some moments in your life, some of the most amazing 0:11:54.280 --> 0:11:58.000 adventures you've ever been on, some of the most stupendous, 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:01.920 spectacular moments of your life. You're about to crap your 0:12:01.960 --> 0:12:07.600 pants before they oh, for sure. And so what we 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:10.960 have to begin to understand is it makes sense to 0:12:11.000 --> 0:12:15.680 be anxious. It makes sense to be able to be 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:19.559 so clear about anxiety is going to show up that 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:23.600 you predict it, you manage it, and you turn anxiety 0:12:23.679 --> 0:12:27.960 into excitement. You turn fear, you turn fear into passion 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:33.600 because it's gonna come if you're human. And so here's 0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:39.199 here's the piece. Sometimes you're worried because fear and self 0:12:39.200 --> 0:12:45.079 doubt attack. Fear and self doubt is the greatest enemy 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:49.079 you have ever faced in your life. And you face 0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:55.720 some enemies, but the fear inside the self doubt, I 0:12:55.760 --> 0:13:03.720 mean you, the competition is between the ears. The greatest contest, 0:13:04.080 --> 0:13:07.000 the greatest challenge in your life is can you master 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:12.720 your old man m That's what we're teach in that book. 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:16.720 What in your life have you had the hardest time 0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:19.640 kind of picking yourself up from? Because obviously, you know 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:22.520 you're incredible with your words and your energy, and you 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:26.960 know you motivate other people and to succeed to their fullest, 0:13:27.120 --> 0:13:29.480 Like where where do you kind of look at yourself 0:13:29.480 --> 0:13:32.200 and go, Okay, I this is this This piece is 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:35.320 hard for me. I know you mentioned the control piece, 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:37.360 but like, because there's something else that's under there that's 0:13:37.440 --> 0:13:41.320 like if you're having a moment. You know. 0:13:42.280 --> 0:13:46.480 I'm a professional helper, right, I help people, and I 0:13:46.520 --> 0:13:50.400 tell people if you can't you find out what what 0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:52.880 you don't like in yourself, and if you don't like it, 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:55.720 change and if you can't do it by yourself, ask 0:13:55.760 --> 0:13:58.560 for help. One of the toughest thing for me to 0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:02.160 do in life is to ask for help. I tell 0:14:02.200 --> 0:14:06.480 you this is how I was raised. My father and 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:10.720 mother were from Georgia, and it came from Georgia to 0:14:10.800 --> 0:14:13.920 Detroit worked in the Big Three. 0:14:14.280 --> 0:14:18.160 For Yeah, GM was my family. 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:22.280 I remember so clearly. I'm about eight nine years old 0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:24.200 and I run out into the yard and my father's 0:14:24.240 --> 0:14:27.200 in the garage doing something. I say, hey, can I help. 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:31.640 My father looks at me and say, boy, let me 0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:35.160 tell you something. If you see me in a bear fight, 0:14:38.560 --> 0:14:43.640 if you see me in a bear fight, help the bear. JK. 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:47.480 What is he telling me? You don't need help? A 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:52.800 man don't need there's nothing you do it yourself. And 0:14:52.880 --> 0:14:57.000 so I was programmed at a tender young age not 0:14:57.040 --> 0:15:00.480 to ask for help. The society tells me and not 0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:02.120 to ask for help. And if you want to be 0:15:02.160 --> 0:15:06.280 a successful, powerful woman, don't ask for help, go do 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:10.720 it yourself. One of the biggest challenges for me is 0:15:10.760 --> 0:15:15.480 to let go of that that that whole idea that 0:15:15.880 --> 0:15:17.880 I can figure it all out. I can figure it 0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:22.960 out by myself, and to ask for advice, to ask 0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:26.640 for help. You have to turn it into an art 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:30.400 form and see it as a strength instead of a weakness. 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:46.160 Well, I feel like every good mentor has a mentor, 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:49.800 you know, like you you learn from the people you 0:15:49.840 --> 0:15:54.920 know in front of you and that have walked it too, 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:57.960 so or that are walking it. So that's why I 0:15:58.000 --> 0:16:00.760 you know, that's why I think you know that everybody 0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:03.440 is human, everyone has their emotions and feelings. So it's 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:05.560 like I always love to kind of dig under, you know, 0:16:05.680 --> 0:16:08.040 the mentor's hood to go all right, who what do 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:11.040 you lean on when you have those moments? And you know, 0:16:11.080 --> 0:16:15.320 obviously because it's like you again, you are so powerful 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:17.320 in your own right and you give so much, you know, 0:16:17.360 --> 0:16:19.320 and help so many people, So that's got to be 0:16:19.840 --> 0:16:21.440 you have to have a place to land too. 0:16:22.840 --> 0:16:26.400 Yeah, And I've had people special people, but I'm gonna 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:31.000 tell you I got married and this is how it 0:16:31.120 --> 0:16:36.480 came to be. The woman I was dealing with my wife, 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:42.080 Shaliah Ilmahrten. We're we're just kicking it, you know, and 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:45.040 we both were clear with it. We're not looking to 0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:48.560 do anything other than, you know, have people in our 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:51.720 lives that are meaningful and have in are coherent and 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:56.280 capable of making good decisions. Okay, one day she looks 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:58.800 at me and she says, and this is in the beginning. 0:16:59.480 --> 0:17:04.040 She says, I've been watching you and you're there for everybody. 0:17:05.240 --> 0:17:12.640 She says, who's there for you? This woman looks at 0:17:12.640 --> 0:17:15.320 me and says, look, whether this works out or not, 0:17:16.560 --> 0:17:17.200 I got you. 0:17:17.680 --> 0:17:20.200 Wow. Yeah. 0:17:20.960 --> 0:17:23.440 All of a sudden, she shifts from being somebody I'm 0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:28.919 dating to somebody that I have to take this person 0:17:28.960 --> 0:17:34.880 seriously because they see a need for everyone to have 0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:38.960 someone to lean on, to trust, to believe in, you know. 0:17:39.080 --> 0:17:41.800 And so she made a crystal clear that she had 0:17:41.880 --> 0:17:46.639 my back and I desperately needed it and it wasn't 0:17:46.680 --> 0:17:48.879 even aware of how much I needed it until she 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:50.960 looks at me dead now and say, I got you. 0:17:51.280 --> 0:17:54.560 Oh, that's so sweet. I love that I'm gonna call 0:17:54.560 --> 0:17:56.439 my fiance up night and I'm like, I got you, babe, 0:17:56.440 --> 0:17:57.000 I got you. 0:17:57.359 --> 0:17:58.320 He'll be overwhelmed. 0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:01.240 Yeah, men feel like they have to handle take care 0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:02.520 of everything, and. 0:18:02.560 --> 0:18:06.320 Sometimes they're thinking that, you know, you don't have time 0:18:06.400 --> 0:18:09.760 for them and don't want to be bothered because you are, 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:15.879 Like why, I'm a singer, I'm a producer, I'm a mom, 0:18:16.119 --> 0:18:19.160 I'm and I'm I'm a shaker and a mover and 0:18:19.280 --> 0:18:22.560 my podcast everything and people and I've got all the 0:18:24.119 --> 0:18:26.920 no but I got time for you. That's what you're 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:27.520 going to tell me. 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:28.920 Yeah. I love that. 0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:31.639 So in your book, okay, so you talk about stop 0:18:31.680 --> 0:18:34.159 being afraid of being afraid. You control the control the 0:18:34.160 --> 0:18:38.560 controllables which you love that commit improve and maintain. Because 0:18:38.600 --> 0:18:41.399 I love that as well. You basically now when you 0:18:41.440 --> 0:18:44.880 say learn to build better habits, making small improvements every 0:18:44.920 --> 0:18:47.320 day as a secret to a completely transformed life, Because 0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:49.520 isn't it, Like I read a quote one time it said, 0:18:49.560 --> 0:18:54.320 two degrees of of you know, a kind of redirection 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:57.080 is like the start of everything, Like you just two degrees. 0:18:58.000 --> 0:19:01.440 Look if you if you would improved by one percent 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:05.320 every day, think about it? If you just try to 0:19:05.480 --> 0:19:10.080 improve because all this this overwhelming notion of that I've 0:19:10.119 --> 0:19:12.800 got to be, Well, how do you get there? One 0:19:12.840 --> 0:19:16.280 step at a time, by an inches a cinch? 0:19:18.119 --> 0:19:18.320 Right? 0:19:18.359 --> 0:19:21.800 And once you commit to being keeping it that simple 0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:26.639 and trusting, see what you've got a factor in that trust. 0:19:26.880 --> 0:19:30.000 You've got to trust and believe without question or pause, 0:19:30.520 --> 0:19:32.520 that you're doing the best that you can with what 0:19:32.600 --> 0:19:35.880 you've got, and that you're going to give everything you've got. Now, 0:19:35.920 --> 0:19:39.080 this is hard. Win, lose or draw. When I say 0:19:39.080 --> 0:19:41.880 give one hundred percent of the time, and people hear 0:19:41.920 --> 0:19:45.760 me say when they get it. When I say win, lose, 0:19:45.840 --> 0:19:47.159 or draw, they get confused. 0:19:47.400 --> 0:19:49.600 I get the losing part because for me, I look 0:19:49.640 --> 0:19:50.960 at a loss as a lesson. 0:19:51.600 --> 0:19:53.160 Yes, it's crucial. 0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:55.439 But the other one, though, that's where I'm stuck. 0:19:55.880 --> 0:19:59.960 Look, some things are gonna work, and they're gonna work fabulous. 0:20:00.040 --> 0:20:04.000 Sometimes it's gonna be it almost worked. Parts of it 0:20:04.080 --> 0:20:08.120 worked boom boom boom. So even if it's like it 0:20:08.240 --> 0:20:11.679 never reached what the dream sequence and where you wanted 0:20:11.720 --> 0:20:15.800 it to go, did it improve? Yes? Is it better 0:20:15.840 --> 0:20:18.680 than what it what it was when I got it? 0:20:19.119 --> 0:20:21.840 Did I make it a little bit better? Yes? You did, 0:20:22.760 --> 0:20:26.400 and I love what you just said. I mean, there 0:20:26.400 --> 0:20:29.600 are lessons and losings. If you're afraid to fail, you're 0:20:29.600 --> 0:20:30.520 afraid to succeed. 0:20:31.080 --> 0:20:32.359 M m m hm. 0:20:45.880 --> 0:20:48.200 The controlling though, that the other the other piece that 0:20:48.240 --> 0:20:52.960 you said about controlling the controllables helped me with that one. 0:20:53.400 --> 0:20:55.560 Give me something with that. That's that's the that's the 0:20:55.560 --> 0:20:56.520 tip in that in the book. 0:20:56.560 --> 0:21:03.360 For that, I mean, just think about it. Imagine you're 0:21:03.400 --> 0:21:07.520 talking to Tom Brady as he wrote the forward in 0:21:07.560 --> 0:21:12.520 the book, and I'm grateful forever for his reinforcement and encouragement. 0:21:12.960 --> 0:21:20.240 Imagine a nineteen year old Tom Brady, not a superstar, 0:21:20.880 --> 0:21:25.320 not the goat, and not people love or hate, but 0:21:25.520 --> 0:21:28.440 just a kid who's trying to figure out his next move. 0:21:28.680 --> 0:21:31.520 And he's trying to make his next move his best move, 0:21:32.080 --> 0:21:36.720 and he's thinking about leaving, he's thinking about changing the 0:21:36.800 --> 0:21:39.680 venue that he's in. And he says, I don't think 0:21:39.720 --> 0:21:42.280 the coach is like me. I don't think the coaches 0:21:42.359 --> 0:21:48.040 believe in me. I want to be the starter and 0:21:48.119 --> 0:21:50.720 I have to tell him, Son, you came into my 0:21:50.840 --> 0:21:54.439 office because you saw what I did with Desmond Howard 0:21:54.480 --> 0:21:57.639 and some other folks, and I need you to be 0:21:57.720 --> 0:22:00.920 real clear, I can't get you to be the starter, 0:22:01.600 --> 0:22:05.520 the starting quarterback at this school. But I can get 0:22:05.520 --> 0:22:10.400 you to believe, without questioning or pause, that if anyone's 0:22:10.480 --> 0:22:13.879 qualified to do it, it's you. And what I'm asking 0:22:13.880 --> 0:22:16.440 you to do is understand. You can't control how old 0:22:16.480 --> 0:22:20.920 is your coach, Oh, forty fifty five years old. I say, 0:22:20.960 --> 0:22:26.280 what's the likelihood of your coach changing zero? So what 0:22:26.320 --> 0:22:33.840 can you change? I can change how I react, how 0:22:33.880 --> 0:22:40.200 I respond. You can control what myself. I can't control 0:22:40.280 --> 0:22:44.200 how everybody else is operating. I can control how the coach, 0:22:44.280 --> 0:22:47.760 what the coaches are thinking. What I can control is 0:22:47.800 --> 0:22:53.760 that they'll never question my commitment. They'll always see me 0:22:53.760 --> 0:22:57.720 to give percent of the time, win, lose a draw. 0:22:58.040 --> 0:23:00.920 If they don't start me and I don't fall apart. 0:23:01.560 --> 0:23:07.160 I'm sending you a message. You can't break me. Eleanor Roosevelt. 0:23:07.160 --> 0:23:12.359 Eleanor Roosevelt says, no one can make you feel inferior 0:23:13.560 --> 0:23:18.240 without your permission. So I control how I see me. 0:23:19.359 --> 0:23:22.400 I control how I feel about me. It takes us 0:23:22.400 --> 0:23:26.320 back to my self worth and self esteem is not 0:23:26.440 --> 0:23:30.800 based on what anyone else thinks. I'm in control of 0:23:30.920 --> 0:23:33.840 at least one thing in my life, and that's my mind. 0:23:34.280 --> 0:23:37.399 That's my heart. You can't measure my heart. You can't 0:23:37.400 --> 0:23:38.520 measure my mind. 0:23:38.840 --> 0:23:41.840 Amen. Did you also give Tom dating advice too? 0:23:41.920 --> 0:23:45.479 Or was it just for it sports playing? 0:23:46.400 --> 0:23:47.560 He's a data model. 0:23:48.760 --> 0:23:51.520 This book is not about me, it's not about Tom Brady, 0:23:51.640 --> 0:23:55.520 it's not about the Superstars. Is about human beings trying 0:23:55.560 --> 0:23:59.120 to get the absolute most out of themselves. And everyone's 0:23:59.200 --> 0:24:01.800 running around now. I want to be the best version 0:24:01.880 --> 0:24:05.719 of myself. How do you do that by becoming the 0:24:05.760 --> 0:24:11.320 world's greatest expert on you, by becoming your own best friend. 0:24:12.080 --> 0:24:15.600 You've got friends that are amazing. I need you to 0:24:15.640 --> 0:24:16.639 be the best friend you have. 0:24:17.880 --> 0:24:21.760 I mean, yes, And there's something where when I hear 0:24:21.760 --> 0:24:25.439 you talking, I'm like, I have a mental block with 0:24:25.800 --> 0:24:29.639 that piece. When with one of my aspects of work 0:24:29.800 --> 0:24:33.280 is when I'm auditioning for a show and I get 0:24:33.280 --> 0:24:36.600 the breakdown, I immediately go, I'm not right for this. 0:24:37.320 --> 0:24:40.879 I immediately say I am not right for it, and 0:24:40.920 --> 0:24:45.119 I essentially take my name off the list. 0:24:45.280 --> 0:24:46.480 But I still audition. 0:24:46.880 --> 0:24:50.560 But I sit there and I'm like, I'm not giving 0:24:50.600 --> 0:24:53.080 it probably my all because I've already written myself off 0:24:53.080 --> 0:24:55.760 that I can't do it, and then the second piece 0:24:55.840 --> 0:24:57.679 is like, well why am I doing this? And then 0:24:57.680 --> 0:24:59.800 that makes me want to cry because I'm like if 0:24:59.800 --> 0:25:02.000