1 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:05,800 Speaker 1: I just in my mind thought, okay, it's a girl. 2 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:07,320 Speaker 1: I don't know why I thought it was a girl 3 00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:08,879 Speaker 1: in my mind. We made it. It was a girl, 4 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:13,920 Speaker 1: and we named the Teddy Bear Genesis. Again. I never 5 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:15,840 Speaker 1: told my mom. I was afraid. I was so scared. 6 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,639 Speaker 1: I didn't know what I was going to do. I 7 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,439 Speaker 1: don't know what it would have been like to have 8 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,439 Speaker 1: a child and also raising Johnny at the same time, 9 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:35,000 Speaker 1: and my mom really needed me. And Welcome to another 10 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:38,440 Speaker 1: episode of Cheeky's and Chill. I'm your host Cheeky's and 11 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 1: I'm so happy you're here. Thank you so much for listening. 12 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:44,480 Speaker 1: I hope you all had a great weekend. Today's topic 13 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 1: is going to be a little heavy, and it's something 14 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:48,680 Speaker 1: I haven't talked about in depth and I never thought 15 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,239 Speaker 1: I was going to. But this is a space that 16 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:54,760 Speaker 1: I feel safest. So let's go and jump in to 17 00:00:54,960 --> 00:01:03,160 Speaker 1: this episode of Cheeky's and Chill. So, guys, today, I'm 18 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 1: going to share something extremely personal. I never thought i'd 19 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:11,200 Speaker 1: share this, but I feel now is the time to 20 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:13,959 Speaker 1: do it, especially because I mentioned a little bit about 21 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,600 Speaker 1: it in one of my episodes, and of course the 22 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:20,560 Speaker 1: media they go ahead and turn things around and it 23 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 1: got from a miscarriage into an abortion, which was not 24 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 1: the case. So I did have a miscarriage when I 25 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 1: was nineteen years old, So my mom did not know 26 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,280 Speaker 1: about this. A lot of my family didn't know about this, 27 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 1: and not even my siblings. A couple of my friends 28 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 1: knew that are no longer in my life. Actually, and 29 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,800 Speaker 1: the guy that I was dating at the time, which 30 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:46,880 Speaker 1: was my first or should I say, like I had 31 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,280 Speaker 1: my boyfriend Junior at sixteen, and then him and I 32 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 1: we broke up, so I guess this would be like 33 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 1: my second formal boyfriend. I've mentioned him before in the 34 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:57,160 Speaker 1: reality shows that we've had on I Love Jenny, on 35 00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:59,680 Speaker 1: Cheeky's in Control, all those reality shows. I talked about 36 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,640 Speaker 1: him a little bit because he did play a huge 37 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,080 Speaker 1: part in my life and growing up. His name is Hector. 38 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 1: He is now married to a wonderful woman who I 39 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:11,079 Speaker 1: follow on Instagram. She's great. We talk here and there. 40 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:14,080 Speaker 1: They have three beautiful boys now, and I can honestly 41 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:16,360 Speaker 1: say that I was the one that ruined that relationship. 42 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,960 Speaker 1: He was a really good guy and I just wasn't ready. 43 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,919 Speaker 1: A lot of people know my mom would call him 44 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: her teddy Bear. So if you guys don't know who 45 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:25,600 Speaker 1: Hector is, my mom would always say her teddy bear. 46 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:28,240 Speaker 1: On I love Jenny. So I was with him. I 47 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:31,680 Speaker 1: was eighteen, about to turn nineteen, and we stayed together, 48 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:34,800 Speaker 1: I think until I don't know, twenty eleven, and things 49 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,840 Speaker 1: just didn't work out. We tried and we tried, and 50 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,080 Speaker 1: he was actually the first person to ask me to 51 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:42,000 Speaker 1: marry him, and I canceled the wedding a month before, 52 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 1: so I think that really just broke his heart. I 53 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:45,919 Speaker 1: just wasn't ready to leave the nest. I didn't want 54 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 1: to leave my family, and he was just like, we 55 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,359 Speaker 1: can't live at your mom's house. I'm like, yes, we can, 56 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,320 Speaker 1: we can live in my mom's house. And I just 57 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 1: wasn't ready. I was young, you guys, but that relationship 58 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:56,359 Speaker 1: really did teach me a lot. Anyways, a shout out 59 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,079 Speaker 1: to him. I'm so happy for him and that he's 60 00:02:58,120 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 1: doing well. And I loved his wife. She's awesome. But guys, 61 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 1: this is the guy that I got pregnant at nineteen, 62 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,680 Speaker 1: and again I never told my mom. I was afraid. 63 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,240 Speaker 1: I was so scared. I didn't know what I was 64 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:15,240 Speaker 1: going to do. But before I knew that I was pregnant. 65 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:17,840 Speaker 1: I was already kind of late, like I think, like 66 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 1: four days late on my period, and I thought, well, 67 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,720 Speaker 1: I'm pretty regular, you guys, So I'm like, okay, I 68 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,480 Speaker 1: didn't really know it was nineteen. I didn't really talk 69 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,040 Speaker 1: about it too much with my period, Like it was 70 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,040 Speaker 1: like a thing that we didn't talk about in my family, 71 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 1: like periods and all that stuff and a lot of stuff, 72 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 1: you know, with my mom. So I didn't really ask questions. 73 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,720 Speaker 1: I was having unprotected sex with him. I had been like, yeah, 74 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,840 Speaker 1: like four days that I had missed by period, and 75 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 1: I was bringing down from our house in Corona, where 76 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 1: we lived at the time, and I was bringing some 77 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 1: dirty laundry from upstairs in a basket and I was 78 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:53,920 Speaker 1: carrying it in front of me, so I couldn't see 79 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,280 Speaker 1: the steps when I was coming down, so I rolled 80 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,960 Speaker 1: and I fell right on my butt. That hurt so bad. 81 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 1: I'll never forget. I just I'm so glad I didn't 82 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 1: fall on my face because I could have. Because I 83 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:05,800 Speaker 1: couldn't have. I couldn't hold anything, so I just kind 84 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 1: of fell on like the last four steps and just 85 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 1: landed on my butt. I didn't think anything of it. 86 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:13,560 Speaker 1: I said, okay, I fell whatever, you know, fine. I 87 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,000 Speaker 1: think a week passed by or not even It was 88 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,559 Speaker 1: like three four days and I took a pregnancy test 89 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:23,160 Speaker 1: and I was pregnant. I took another one and it's 90 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 1: had a positive and I said, oh my goodness. So 91 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 1: I said all right, and I told him. I was like, 92 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,760 Speaker 1: so scared. I told him, and he was so happy 93 00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:34,520 Speaker 1: and so excited, and I was scared. I was terrified. 94 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,400 Speaker 1: I was like, what am I going to do? I 95 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:38,040 Speaker 1: am scared? Or what am I going to tell my mom? 96 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 1: She's going to kick me out. I was just so afraid. Anyways, 97 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:44,240 Speaker 1: I don't know, but after I told him, I want 98 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:46,520 Speaker 1: to say a few days later, this happened a long 99 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:48,359 Speaker 1: time ago, you guys. I don't remember exactly everything. But 100 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,840 Speaker 1: a few days later, I just started bleeding crazy. I 101 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 1: was thinking of telling my mom when she got back 102 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 1: from out of town, just tell her, hey, I'm pregnant, 103 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:58,640 Speaker 1: you know. But I don't know if it was the fall, 104 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:02,800 Speaker 1: the stress, what happened. But I just started bleeding and 105 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:05,839 Speaker 1: I bled so much it was crazy. It hurt horribly. 106 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 1: So I had a miscarriage. Apparently again I was young. 107 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,160 Speaker 1: I didn't talk to anybody about it. I was afraid, 108 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:16,280 Speaker 1: and it just stayed like that, and of course him 109 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 1: and I were sad about it. He was very sad 110 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:21,440 Speaker 1: about it. We left it at that. I never went 111 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:24,159 Speaker 1: to the doctor. I never even got blood work done 112 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 1: to say, oh, yeah, you're pregnant, but I took the 113 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,120 Speaker 1: pregnancy test that said I was. So I'm telling you, 114 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:33,240 Speaker 1: when I had that miscarriage, it was like chunks of 115 00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:35,000 Speaker 1: blood and it just it looked crazy. It was like 116 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:39,920 Speaker 1: a heavy, heavy, heavy period, very painful. So anyways, that happened, 117 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:44,400 Speaker 1: and I remember going to build a bear and I 118 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 1: got him a gift, and I got him a little 119 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:50,279 Speaker 1: bear and I got put a little dress on her. 120 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,800 Speaker 1: I just in my mind thought, okay, it's a girl. 121 00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 1: I don't know why I thought it was a girl. 122 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,040 Speaker 1: In my mind. We made it was a girl, and 123 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:59,920 Speaker 1: we named the teddy bear. Genesis had her own little certificate, 124 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:01,720 Speaker 1: and I gave it to him as a gift as 125 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,680 Speaker 1: kind of like I'm sorry, Like you know, it was 126 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 1: just a cute little thing that him and I only 127 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,680 Speaker 1: knew about. No one else knew. We never talked about it. 128 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,279 Speaker 1: I don't think he ever told his family. Maybe his 129 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 1: mom we told. I don't remember, but anyways, so we 130 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,360 Speaker 1: were gonna name. We named the baby that was in 131 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:18,240 Speaker 1: heaven Genesis, and I always said it was like a 132 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 1: girl in my mind. So that was that. It was 133 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:24,839 Speaker 1: a very difficult time. And then I think it was 134 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:28,200 Speaker 1: my next period that I was having a lot of 135 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,120 Speaker 1: pain and I felt very bloated, and so I went 136 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:33,440 Speaker 1: to the doctor. I went to actually Planned Parenthood is 137 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 1: where I went, and they checked me and they said 138 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:41,680 Speaker 1: that they needed to scrape my uterus, so they put 139 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,000 Speaker 1: me under to kind of clean everything out. They said 140 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,200 Speaker 1: that I didn't that I should have gone to the 141 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,120 Speaker 1: hospital if I had a miscarriage, and you know, and 142 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,160 Speaker 1: I just didn't know what to do. So they had 143 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:52,200 Speaker 1: to put me under and just scrape everything, scrape my uterus. 144 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:54,640 Speaker 1: I don't know what it's called. I never felt anything. 145 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,000 Speaker 1: He picked me up again, we never talked about it. 146 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,279 Speaker 1: They gave me pain meds and then I was fine. 147 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:04,880 Speaker 1: I was regular, and I've been regular since. But I 148 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:08,200 Speaker 1: don't know. I think now I'm at a different point 149 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: in my life and I feel I'm a woman now 150 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,640 Speaker 1: and there are certain things that I would want to 151 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 1: be honest about especially something like this that's so delicate, 152 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:17,800 Speaker 1: so personal, and I never had the chance to tell 153 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 1: my mom. But I can help other people, other young 154 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,320 Speaker 1: ladies that perhaps are having miscarriages or don't know what 155 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 1: to do or are too scared. And it's important because 156 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 1: it can really affect you. If you don't get the 157 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,720 Speaker 1: right medication to clean your body out your uterus, it 158 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: could really cause a deadly infection in your uterus and 159 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,520 Speaker 1: cause your ovaries and things like that. So that's why 160 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:39,520 Speaker 1: I decided to talk about it, and something that I 161 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,680 Speaker 1: haven't talked to Hector about it, and I don't know. 162 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:43,880 Speaker 1: I mean, it's also his story to tell, so I 163 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,240 Speaker 1: feel kind of bad talking about it, but I'm sure 164 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 1: he'll understand. He's in a much better place now and 165 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:50,920 Speaker 1: I'm happy for him, so hopefully he doesn't mind. But 166 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: that is a story with my little baby angel Genesis 167 00:07:55,280 --> 00:08:04,240 Speaker 1: that I call her. So I didn't tell my mom, 168 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:07,000 Speaker 1: and I didn't tell her because I didn't have the 169 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,640 Speaker 1: chance to tell her because then I had the miscarriage, 170 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,200 Speaker 1: and I could have told her after the miscarriage, but 171 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 1: then I'm like, well, for what what if she gets 172 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:15,360 Speaker 1: mad and then she gets double mad. I don't know, 173 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 1: you know, I don't know. I was thinking so many things. 174 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,800 Speaker 1: But the reason I didn't tell her was because I 175 00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:23,080 Speaker 1: also felt like, what if I let her down? She 176 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:26,280 Speaker 1: really needed me at that time, and she loved Hector 177 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:28,120 Speaker 1: and she knew Hector would take care of me. But 178 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 1: I don't know. I was just afraid. And then after 179 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,679 Speaker 1: it happened and I saw how happy he was, then 180 00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:34,600 Speaker 1: I thought, Okay, well, maybe it'll be okay. Maybe he 181 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,160 Speaker 1: could tell her. You know, I think she would have 182 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,960 Speaker 1: been initially kind of shocked and kind of like stressed out, 183 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 1: like oh gosh, like you're my right hand, like what 184 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:44,199 Speaker 1: are we going to do? But we would have figured 185 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 1: it out. And really, when I knew she would have 186 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:49,560 Speaker 1: been fine with it was when Jackie came home pregnant. 187 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,240 Speaker 1: She was about what twenty nineteen years old something like that, 188 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:55,080 Speaker 1: and she came and my mom was happy. She was 189 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 1: just ecstatic, like it was just like, oh my god. Yes. 190 00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,400 Speaker 1: I don't know if she was just more ready or 191 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:02,920 Speaker 1: she kind of expected it from Jackie more. But when 192 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,520 Speaker 1: I helped Jackie tell my mom and my mom was 193 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,120 Speaker 1: so happy about it, I said, oh, wow, what if 194 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,480 Speaker 1: it would have been the same thing like it should 195 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:09,680 Speaker 1: have been. It would have been cool. Or should I 196 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:11,120 Speaker 1: tell her? I even thought, should I tell her about 197 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:14,000 Speaker 1: the miscarriage now? But I didn't. I was just again, 198 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 1: always very like seeking my mom's approval. I never wanted 199 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,520 Speaker 1: to disappoint her. I didn't want her to be like, well, 200 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:20,920 Speaker 1: why are you telling me now? And why didn't you 201 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 1: tell me then? You know? So I just said I'm 202 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:23,960 Speaker 1: just going to stay quiet and stay quiet about it. 203 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,839 Speaker 1: But I think she would have reacted happy. She was 204 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:30,199 Speaker 1: such a great grandma. She loved Jayla and Luna so much. 205 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,199 Speaker 1: She didn't spend that much time with with Luna. Luna 206 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,520 Speaker 1: was weeks old when she passed, but she was in love. 207 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,040 Speaker 1: I remember her telling me one day, I'm so sorry. 208 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: I thought I knew what love was with you guys, 209 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,080 Speaker 1: my children, but it does not compare with the love 210 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,600 Speaker 1: that I feel for my granddaughters, Like it's just this 211 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:49,840 Speaker 1: other love. So I would always think, dang, like I 212 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,120 Speaker 1: would have a baby right now, you know, how would 213 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:56,199 Speaker 1: she be? And and even when she passed, that's another 214 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,560 Speaker 1: time when it came up this whole thing, how old 215 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:00,440 Speaker 1: would would my daughter be or my child, I will be, 216 00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,640 Speaker 1: you know, and she would have seen one of my kids, 217 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:05,400 Speaker 1: you know. It just certain times it would come up 218 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,760 Speaker 1: and they would go away. And that was another reason 219 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:10,560 Speaker 1: why I said, after my mom passed, I'm not going 220 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,280 Speaker 1: to have kids, because she wasn't going to be able 221 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,080 Speaker 1: to be there holding my hand like she was with 222 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:17,079 Speaker 1: Jackie while she was having her baby. So then I 223 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,200 Speaker 1: saw Jackie pop out three more and I said, Okay, 224 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:22,240 Speaker 1: it'll be fine. She's strong. I'll have Jackie there holding 225 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:25,600 Speaker 1: my hand when I have babies. So AnyWho, I think 226 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 1: the only person I ever told from my family was 227 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:33,400 Speaker 1: my Tia Brenda, my TiO Juan's wife, told her years ago, 228 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:37,320 Speaker 1: and she is such a good secret keeper because she 229 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,280 Speaker 1: never I don't even think told my uncle told anybody. 230 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,840 Speaker 1: I never heard about it. Again. That's the only person 231 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:44,719 Speaker 1: in my family actually that I told. And she just 232 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,840 Speaker 1: hugged me and she said that she understood that she 233 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 1: was there for me. During that time, I was working 234 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,680 Speaker 1: with my mom and I was helping her with my 235 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:57,320 Speaker 1: siblings and the house and the bills and all that stuff. 236 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,400 Speaker 1: I've said this before, but some of you may know this, 237 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:03,240 Speaker 1: but my plan after high school was I'm going to 238 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:06,360 Speaker 1: the Air Force. I'm going to shave my head, and 239 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:08,839 Speaker 1: I am going to use the Air Force to figure 240 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:10,440 Speaker 1: out what I want to do. Because the Air Force, 241 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:13,480 Speaker 1: after you're there serving for four years, then they give 242 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,400 Speaker 1: you and they pay for your college education. So my 243 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:17,200 Speaker 1: thing was let me know how to figure out if 244 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,319 Speaker 1: I want to be a psychologist, what do I want 245 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 1: to do. So that was my plan, and that plan 246 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:27,960 Speaker 1: was dismissed because my mom, unfortunately or fortunately, I don't 247 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,680 Speaker 1: know whatever, you know, she's not here to say, but 248 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:34,000 Speaker 1: she got divorced from Juan Lopez, which is Johnny and 249 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:37,960 Speaker 1: Jenica's dad, and she said I need you, I need you, 250 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,360 Speaker 1: and I need you to help me with the kids. 251 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,800 Speaker 1: And her career was on the rise and she was 252 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,599 Speaker 1: doing so well. So she said that plan that you 253 00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:46,760 Speaker 1: have to go to the Air Force. I'm sorry, but 254 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,880 Speaker 1: I need you. So I didn't go. And I had 255 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:54,080 Speaker 1: already spoken to that particular branch at school and everything 256 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 1: I had talked to my counselor, so I had to 257 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,880 Speaker 1: say that I wasn't going to go anymore. And I 258 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 1: after high school, I went straight into helping my mom 259 00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:05,880 Speaker 1: with her enterprises and helping her with the perfume and 260 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,880 Speaker 1: everything that we did together, anything and everything she taught me. 261 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:12,199 Speaker 1: I went to the University of Jenny Rivera, or should 262 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:15,120 Speaker 1: I say University of Hard Knock Life, and my professor 263 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 1: was Jenny Rivera, so she taught me anything and everything 264 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,080 Speaker 1: that I know, and how to take care of a 265 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:22,000 Speaker 1: household and take care of children. I mean, I had 266 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,959 Speaker 1: been taking care of my siblings since I was ten 267 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,599 Speaker 1: years old, but really, when I graduated high school and 268 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:28,320 Speaker 1: then it became a job and I started getting paid 269 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,480 Speaker 1: for it, I was a little bit of everything. I 270 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:33,400 Speaker 1: was her assistant. I did her hair sometimes, I was 271 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:37,520 Speaker 1: her personal shopper. I did everything because during that time, 272 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:40,720 Speaker 1: she was coming up. So we had help. Mythia Brenda, 273 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:43,320 Speaker 1: That's why I told her, because she was the closest 274 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:45,200 Speaker 1: to me at the time. She was working for my 275 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:49,640 Speaker 1: mom as her secretary, so she helped. But in reality, 276 00:12:49,679 --> 00:12:51,480 Speaker 1: it was a mom and I during that time, and 277 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,480 Speaker 1: she was going through a horrible divorce and she was 278 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,200 Speaker 1: very sad, and I had to help with Johnny, who 279 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,600 Speaker 1: was a baby. So in reality, Johnny is my child. 280 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 1: You guys, as my mom said, at six months, here's 281 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,560 Speaker 1: your kid. I gotta go work. So I was the 282 00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:07,520 Speaker 1: one that winged Johnny off, off his bottle, off his 283 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:11,440 Speaker 1: chipone pacifier, took him to school. I mean, he was 284 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:14,600 Speaker 1: my kid, you guys, him and Jenica. So I had 285 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,920 Speaker 1: a lot of responsibility during that time. But I wouldn't 286 00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:19,240 Speaker 1: change it. I wouldn't change it for the world. For 287 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,760 Speaker 1: a long time, like I said, I was sad about 288 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 1: the miscarriage. I felt like something was wrong with my body, 289 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:27,000 Speaker 1: something was wrong with me. But I learned to say, 290 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:30,480 Speaker 1: you know what, God knows why he does things, and 291 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,640 Speaker 1: we may not understand them at the moment, and we 292 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:37,680 Speaker 1: may even question him, but he always knows why. I 293 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,439 Speaker 1: don't know what it would have been like to have 294 00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:42,440 Speaker 1: a child and also raising Johnny at the same time, 295 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,720 Speaker 1: and my mom really needed me, and you know, she 296 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,079 Speaker 1: had just gotten divorced. So it's just then I started 297 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:53,520 Speaker 1: thinking like, okay, Yosa when Aquistamo's And for a long time, 298 00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 1: it did change my perspective on having children. I thought like, oh, 299 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,680 Speaker 1: my goodness, if this is painful, I don't even know 300 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:00,800 Speaker 1: what it's like to have a child to your vagina, 301 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:03,280 Speaker 1: you know. So I was like, I don't know if 302 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,199 Speaker 1: I want to go through that and for a long 303 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:08,680 Speaker 1: time actually TMI. But I didn't have sex with him 304 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,560 Speaker 1: for a while after that because I was so traumatized. 305 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,080 Speaker 1: I said, oh my gosh, no, I don't want to 306 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,040 Speaker 1: even take the chance of getting pregnant. It was so painful. 307 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,040 Speaker 1: It was so heartbreaking, you know, and I felt for 308 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,720 Speaker 1: him that I had let him down. So he understood. 309 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,520 Speaker 1: He was so patient and he was just like, don't 310 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,240 Speaker 1: worry about it. So yeah, in that part, he was 311 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,680 Speaker 1: very patient because I was a hot mess during that time. 312 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,120 Speaker 1: The crazy thing is that Hector and I had kind 313 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:35,080 Speaker 1: of calculated too that remember her name was Genesis, that 314 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,360 Speaker 1: her birthday was going to be sometime in December. So 315 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:40,400 Speaker 1: for a long time, for I think like a couple years, 316 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:44,160 Speaker 1: him and I secretly and quietly celebrated her birthday with 317 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,480 Speaker 1: a cute little teddy bear. I don't know where the 318 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:47,560 Speaker 1: teddy bear is now, that's so crazy, I'm thinking about him. 319 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,880 Speaker 1: It had a cute little dress, a pink little dress, 320 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,840 Speaker 1: and we would celebrate her birthday because we thought, okay, 321 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,240 Speaker 1: if we calculate right, it would be born in December. 322 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:59,200 Speaker 1: So the first year we got a little cake and 323 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,280 Speaker 1: we blew out the k handles and said happy birthday, 324 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,240 Speaker 1: and we had the little teddy bear there, and then 325 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:05,360 Speaker 1: after that it was just we would spend time together 326 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: and just kind of mention it, like, oh, she would 327 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 1: probably be born around this time. There was never like 328 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:12,160 Speaker 1: really a specific day. I just always thought, okay, like 329 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,280 Speaker 1: it's somewhere in the middle of December, and we would 330 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,360 Speaker 1: just kind of just mention her and look at the 331 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 1: sky and hold her. And now I really want to 332 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:22,560 Speaker 1: know where she's at. Darn it. I'm like, I wonder 333 00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 1: where she is. She's probably my storage somewhere. But yeah, 334 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,280 Speaker 1: we did that for a few years, and then after 335 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: we kind of just said, okay, it's time to just 336 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 1: let that rest because it was really affecting me emotionally. 337 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,400 Speaker 1: So I'm just remembering all these things. It's crazy because 338 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,720 Speaker 1: I'm going back and I really hope that this conversation 339 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,160 Speaker 1: doesn't affect his relationship in any way, which it shouldn't, 340 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,080 Speaker 1: you know, because again, that happened a long time ago. 341 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 1: But yeah, it's kind of cool to go back and 342 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,440 Speaker 1: remember those things and those nice moments that we lived 343 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 1: and stuff, you know, because I'm really grateful for him 344 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,040 Speaker 1: and for his family, and I still have contact with 345 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 1: his sister, which is Michael Madre, because him and I 346 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,680 Speaker 1: we baptized her son, so we have a god son 347 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,000 Speaker 1: to get him and I haven't spoken in years. I 348 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,360 Speaker 1: think the last time we spoke was in twenty twelve 349 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:05,880 Speaker 1: when my mom passed. He was there with my whole 350 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,160 Speaker 1: family helping us, and I think he was already dating 351 00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,040 Speaker 1: his girlfriend that's now his wife, and he was really nice, 352 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:13,360 Speaker 1: and you know, my whole family loves him. That's the 353 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:14,920 Speaker 1: last time I think I ever spoke to him or 354 00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,800 Speaker 1: saw him. But I keep it cool if I see 355 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,880 Speaker 1: his mom, his mom, his family, all of them played 356 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,200 Speaker 1: a huge role in my life, and I'm so grateful. 357 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,640 Speaker 1: We were together about four years, four and a half years. 358 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,880 Speaker 1: So I just wanted to share this. Guys, Ladies, if 359 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,800 Speaker 1: you have gone through it, if you're going through it, 360 00:16:31,320 --> 00:16:33,480 Speaker 1: speak to someone, a therapist. It doesn't have to be 361 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,520 Speaker 1: a family member, it doesn't have to even be a friend. 362 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,040 Speaker 1: If you don't want to tell people, it's just it's 363 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,680 Speaker 1: important to talk about and let these feelings out. I 364 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:43,800 Speaker 1: highly suggest it because you can really go into a 365 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,360 Speaker 1: dark hole thinking, oh my gosh, something's wrong with me 366 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,640 Speaker 1: and I can't give my person a baby and all 367 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,160 Speaker 1: this stuff, because even though at that time I wasn't 368 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,680 Speaker 1: necessarily ready, I just knew, Okay, well it's happening, and 369 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,920 Speaker 1: I love this guy and he really wants a baby. 370 00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,760 Speaker 1: I know my mom might be a little upset, but 371 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:02,200 Speaker 1: it is what it is. And I was kind of 372 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:04,800 Speaker 1: already getting ready to have the baby. But then when 373 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 1: it happened and it was taken from me and I 374 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,240 Speaker 1: had the miscarriage, then I was like, oh my gosh. 375 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,560 Speaker 1: I went into like a depression of like, oh my gosh, 376 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,400 Speaker 1: what is wrong with me? Because he was really sad, 377 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,560 Speaker 1: and I'm like I let him down and my body's 378 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,480 Speaker 1: not right and what's going on? And then I don't know. 379 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:20,920 Speaker 1: My doctor when I went to go get that procedure done, 380 00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,200 Speaker 1: said that fall could have something to do with it. 381 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:25,880 Speaker 1: We don't know. It's just sometimes it just happens. It's 382 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,520 Speaker 1: not something that you're necessarily doing wrong. I even asked, 383 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,400 Speaker 1: am I eating something that I'm not supposed to eat? 384 00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:34,200 Speaker 1: They're like, no, it's just sometimes your body doesn't hold 385 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,920 Speaker 1: the egg and it just comes out. And she helped 386 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:40,359 Speaker 1: me with making me realize was probably like three weeks 387 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:43,760 Speaker 1: something like that. I remember three four weeks something like that, pregnant. 388 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,720 Speaker 1: She says, not even a baby yet, it's not even informed. 389 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,200 Speaker 1: It's a little witsy bitsy little seats. So don't feel 390 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 1: bad that you lost it. Like it's like, I'm like, well, 391 00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,560 Speaker 1: but I was. I was really sad about it, guys. 392 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,800 Speaker 1: It really did it affect me. So anyways, ladies, talk 393 00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:01,120 Speaker 1: to someone, don't be shy, get some therapy, and it'll 394 00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:11,000 Speaker 1: help a lot. Talking about it now is very healing 395 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:13,720 Speaker 1: for me because it's something that I just kept deep, 396 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:17,040 Speaker 1: deep deep inside my heart for so long because a 397 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:20,240 Speaker 1: part of me felt ashamed, felt like did I do 398 00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:23,280 Speaker 1: something wrong? What's wrong with my body? I thought like 399 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:26,040 Speaker 1: maybe I can't have kids? And then I kind of 400 00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:27,920 Speaker 1: left it alone for a while. That's what I would 401 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:31,159 Speaker 1: think for years. And I even thought, well, maybe my 402 00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,240 Speaker 1: sexual abuse had something to do with it. I don't know. 403 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,520 Speaker 1: I thought so many different things, you guys. And I 404 00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:38,240 Speaker 1: did speak to a therapist about it. I think I 405 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:42,159 Speaker 1: was I don't know, about twenty three, and she gave 406 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,280 Speaker 1: me great advice, and I kind of after that, after 407 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,280 Speaker 1: I had that conversation with her, I just left it behind. 408 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:47,879 Speaker 1: I said, Okay, it is what it is. It's not 409 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,960 Speaker 1: my fault, it's not my body's fault. It's just what happened. 410 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,560 Speaker 1: And I kind of have to leave it there. After 411 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,359 Speaker 1: that miscarriage is when I said, okay, I need to 412 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:59,560 Speaker 1: use condoms because I wasn't. I didn't do birth control. 413 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:01,720 Speaker 1: I did never did the pills. I didn't get my 414 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,080 Speaker 1: IUD birth control until later I got the copper one. 415 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,040 Speaker 1: But I just said, I need to use condoms. I 416 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:10,080 Speaker 1: don't want to go through this again. And so that therapist, 417 00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:12,320 Speaker 1: that particular therapist helped me a lot with that. So 418 00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:15,480 Speaker 1: I left it alone. And then when I was doing 419 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,600 Speaker 1: the fertility and started the fertility and all that stuff, 420 00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,920 Speaker 1: and I found out about my endometriosis and the cysts, 421 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,720 Speaker 1: it all came back again and I'm like, oh, my goodness, 422 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,200 Speaker 1: does this have to do with that? You know? And 423 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,000 Speaker 1: I did it in silence because you know, I think 424 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,440 Speaker 1: I actually told my ex husband about it. He didn't 425 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:32,639 Speaker 1: have much to say about it. He just kind of like, okay, 426 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,280 Speaker 1: you know, just it happens. You know. He didn't make 427 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,800 Speaker 1: me feel bad about it, he didn't nothing. And that 428 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,680 Speaker 1: was that. But it came back to me and then 429 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,880 Speaker 1: I talked to my life coach about it and again 430 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,880 Speaker 1: gave me great advice, and I felt like, am I broken? 431 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,800 Speaker 1: You know, as a woman, it's like, am I broken? 432 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:48,520 Speaker 1: It is something wrong with me? And she said, well, 433 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,320 Speaker 1: didn't you go to your fertility doctor. I'm like yeah, 434 00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:52,000 Speaker 1: and what did he say? And I'm like, yeah, you're right. 435 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,439 Speaker 1: So it's just coming back and speaking to people about it, 436 00:19:55,520 --> 00:20:00,000 Speaker 1: and ladies that have had miscarriages. I feel for you. 437 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,760 Speaker 1: I know what it is. I know that it's not 438 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:06,080 Speaker 1: something you just talk about and you do sometimes feel 439 00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,600 Speaker 1: like it is something wrong with me. These are the 440 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:10,840 Speaker 1: things that I think. So I'm with you, my heart's 441 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:14,560 Speaker 1: with you, and don't feel ashamed. I think it happens 442 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,600 Speaker 1: so much and a lot of us don't talk about it. 443 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:20,040 Speaker 1: And the aftercare that's important to have that I didn't 444 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:22,640 Speaker 1: do because I was so young and didn't know. Don't 445 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,760 Speaker 1: be ashamed, not everyone. You don't have to tell everyone 446 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:27,320 Speaker 1: like I'm doing right now. But it is something that 447 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:31,960 Speaker 1: just no, it's okay, And thank goodness for fertility doctors 448 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,320 Speaker 1: that can help us if we need it. So I 449 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:38,119 Speaker 1: did want to just state that because I know a 450 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,199 Speaker 1: few of my friends have had them, and we've had 451 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,239 Speaker 1: these conversations, and even when they would tell me they 452 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,440 Speaker 1: had them, I didn't necessarily tell them about mine. Didn't 453 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:50,120 Speaker 1: think it was necessary to share it with, for instance, Emilio, 454 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,840 Speaker 1: unless I think he asked. If you were to ask me, well, 455 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:54,640 Speaker 1: now he's gonna know because he's gonna hear the podcast. 456 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,720 Speaker 1: But if you were to ask me, I would definitely 457 00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:00,199 Speaker 1: just say yeah. I mean, I think it's something so 458 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,959 Speaker 1: personal that I don't feel the need to share it 459 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,480 Speaker 1: with the relationship with a significant other. It's something that 460 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,119 Speaker 1: I didn't think throughout the years that I had to 461 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:11,520 Speaker 1: share unless they asked. I didn't tell Emilio, but now 462 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,399 Speaker 1: he knows and we'll have a conversation about it. But 463 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,760 Speaker 1: I think it's something that happened before him, and it's 464 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:21,239 Speaker 1: part of my story. I feel like looking, you know, 465 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,560 Speaker 1: but I think maybe I should because I know he 466 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:27,320 Speaker 1: really wants children, and I've had the conversation with him 467 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,880 Speaker 1: what if I can't. What if my body just says 468 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,080 Speaker 1: I can't have kids? Are you going to be okay 469 00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:35,560 Speaker 1: with that? And he says yes, because he doesn't have 470 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,760 Speaker 1: any children of his own, But we don't know, so 471 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:40,640 Speaker 1: that's why I'm gonna, you know, I'm going through again 472 00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 1: through the fertility process because I do want to freeze 473 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:43,960 Speaker 1: my eggs and I want to make sure that I 474 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,639 Speaker 1: have that option and I have them there just in 475 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,399 Speaker 1: case for whatever reason. I mean, I would be okay 476 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:50,480 Speaker 1: with having a surrogate if I can't carry the baby 477 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:54,560 Speaker 1: for whatever reason, as long as it's his sperm or embryo, 478 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:56,840 Speaker 1: which would be my egg and his sperm and someone 479 00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,719 Speaker 1: else as a surrogate. I'm okay with that. I asked him, 480 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,480 Speaker 1: and he's that, yeah, that he's okay with that as well. 481 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 1: But he wants to try naturally and try everything before that. 482 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,760 Speaker 1: So we've talked about it, and I think now is 483 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,359 Speaker 1: the time that I'm going to have to talk about him. 484 00:22:09,359 --> 00:22:13,200 Speaker 1: Maybe before this episode airs, I'll talk to him about 485 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,600 Speaker 1: this whole topic and let him know about that. I'm 486 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:17,480 Speaker 1: sure he'll be fine with it. He understands, you know, 487 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,320 Speaker 1: it happened a long time ago, you guys, because I'm 488 00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:21,880 Speaker 1: not sure sometimes if I want to have children. There 489 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,399 Speaker 1: are times when I love kids and kids love me. 490 00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:29,480 Speaker 1: I love loving on my friends kids, my sister's kids, 491 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,760 Speaker 1: my nieces and nephews like I love children, but I've 492 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,560 Speaker 1: raised so many that I don't know. I feel like 493 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:37,040 Speaker 1: I've already done that. I've gone to school conferences, I've 494 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,760 Speaker 1: done everything, you know, with Johnny and Jenica and even Jackie. 495 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:42,560 Speaker 1: I would take her to her first day of school 496 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,560 Speaker 1: in high school, you guys, even in high school. I 497 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,520 Speaker 1: mean to go open up her locker to show her 498 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 1: all her classes, like I was a mom. I've been 499 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,359 Speaker 1: a mom since I can remember, so I don't know. 500 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:56,000 Speaker 1: But then I stopped saying I don't want kids because 501 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,520 Speaker 1: then I felt like the words that I was speaking 502 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:03,960 Speaker 1: were causing things in my body, like cysts killing my eggs. 503 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,280 Speaker 1: That's basically what sis we're doing. We're killing my eggs 504 00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:09,280 Speaker 1: to not have children. So it changes things, and it's like, Okay, 505 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,480 Speaker 1: now my body is actually telling me that there's a 506 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,520 Speaker 1: possibility I can't. So when it's like you can't, then 507 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:16,960 Speaker 1: you want it, you know. So I'm trying to change 508 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,760 Speaker 1: my words, and I'm like, if it's meant to be, 509 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,919 Speaker 1: it'll be. Like I said earlier in one of my episodes, 510 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:25,320 Speaker 1: I'm not necessarily trying to get pregnant, but I'm not 511 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,840 Speaker 1: on birth control. I'm just kind of like God if 512 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:30,560 Speaker 1: this is what's meant to be, it's going to be. 513 00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,600 Speaker 1: I am on hormone therapy, so I'm sure that has 514 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,840 Speaker 1: some effect on why I'm not getting pregnant. But according 515 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:40,560 Speaker 1: to doctor Gadeir, my fertility doctor, I can and I 516 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,159 Speaker 1: should probably try getting pregnant soon. He also said that 517 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,320 Speaker 1: the cists will go away once I have kids, and 518 00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:48,280 Speaker 1: my body's also asking to have kids. But also if 519 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:50,280 Speaker 1: I keep those cysts in there, they're killing my eggs. 520 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,000 Speaker 1: So it's just a lot of things. And I thought 521 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,359 Speaker 1: maybe I should talk about the miscarriage and talk about 522 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:59,080 Speaker 1: that moment in my life that was really scary, and 523 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,280 Speaker 1: I probably I should have told my mom and I 524 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:04,400 Speaker 1: was going to keep the baby. Him and I talked 525 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:06,679 Speaker 1: about it. It's like, okay, well, you know, yeah, like 526 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:07,960 Speaker 1: we got to keep the baby. I just need some 527 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:11,520 Speaker 1: time to talk to my mom. I'm scared, but things happened. 528 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:13,720 Speaker 1: I'm a firm believer that things happened for a reason. 529 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:17,480 Speaker 1: That is my story. I felt that I needed to 530 00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: do an episode on it because again, the media twists 531 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:25,160 Speaker 1: so many things and their clickbait is crazy. Thank God 532 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,440 Speaker 1: for my Cheeky's and Chill podcast, because I can talk 533 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,639 Speaker 1: about anything and everything here with you guys. Thank you 534 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,160 Speaker 1: guys so much for listening to today's episode. This one 535 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,840 Speaker 1: was definitely a tough one to open up about, and 536 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:38,680 Speaker 1: if you're struggling with a similar situation, just know you're 537 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,440 Speaker 1: not alone. There are resources out there to help you. 538 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:44,439 Speaker 1: Will actually list some of the resources in this episode's 539 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:46,520 Speaker 1: show notes, so make sure you look out for those. 540 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:50,639 Speaker 1: And today's motivational Monday quote is I am not what 541 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:55,320 Speaker 1: happened to me. I am what I choose to become again, 542 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,560 Speaker 1: you guys are amazing. All the listeners. You guys have 543 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,560 Speaker 1: made this podcast one of the popular ones, so I 544 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:10,359 Speaker 1: am so grateful. Los qiro mucho e. This is a 545 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:14,880 Speaker 1: production of iHeartRadio and Miketura podcast Network. Follow us on 546 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:19,320 Speaker 1: Instagram at mike Qutura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's 547 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:23,399 Speaker 1: c h i q u y s. For more podcasts 548 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:28,119 Speaker 1: from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 549 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:29,639 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.