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Speaker 1: Time for a conversation with Ja Shetty and Elvis Duran

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Speaker 1: for World Mental Health Day, a special iHeartRadio program presented

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Speaker 1: by State Farm. Here's your host, Elvis Duran.

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Speaker 2: Today is World Mental Health Day today, where people and

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Speaker 2: communities can come together and improve knowledge, raise awareness, and

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Speaker 2: drive actions that promote and protect everyone's mental health. Before

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Speaker 2: we begin this hour, it's going to be a great,

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Speaker 2: powerful hour. You need to understand something. I'll make it

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Speaker 2: very clear. Mental health is a basic human right. So

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Speaker 2: whoever you are, wherever you are, you have the right

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Speaker 2: to available, accessible, acceptable and good quality care. Keep that

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Speaker 2: in mind as we move forward. One in eight people

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Speaker 2: around the world are living with mental health conditions, impacting

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Speaker 2: their physical health, their well being, how they connect with others,

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Speaker 2: and their livelihoods. Mental health conditions are on the rise

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Speaker 2: for adolescents and young people as well. You've heard it before.

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Speaker 2: It's okay if you're not okay. You don't need to

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Speaker 2: feel ashamed in your mental health struggles. So we're going

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Speaker 2: to open up the phone lines tonight and shine a

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Speaker 2: light on the fact that nobody should i'd have to

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Speaker 2: suffer alone with their mental health. Everyone is struggling with

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Speaker 2: something and there's no shame to talk about it or

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Speaker 2: ask for help when you need it. And in order

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Speaker 2: for us to make it real during this our first

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Speaker 2: of a kind special for iHeartRadio. An amazing person who

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Speaker 2: has dedicated his life to helping people with their mental health.

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Speaker 2: My friend Jay Sheddy. Jay, thank you so much for

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Speaker 2: being on with us tonight.

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Speaker 3: Alvis, thank you so much. I'm so grateful to be here.

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Speaker 2: Well, let me go down the list of reasons why

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Speaker 2: we love Jay Shehddy other than he's fabulous. A global

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Speaker 2: best selling author, also chief Purpose officer of Calm, my

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Speaker 2: favorite number one app for sleep, relaxation and meditation, A

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Speaker 2: former monk, a live purpose coach, and of course, hosted

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Speaker 2: the number one most listened to health and wellness podcast

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Speaker 2: in the United States On Purpose with Jay Shetty, available

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Speaker 2: on the absolutely free iHeartRadio app with millions of downloads

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Speaker 2: every month. I have a longer list. You mean to

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Speaker 2: keep going or should we just move forward?

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Speaker 3: I think we should get on with Elvis.

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Speaker 2: Why is this so important to you to be here

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Speaker 2: on this special show tonight.

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Speaker 3: Well, Elvis, first of all, I want to say thank

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Speaker 3: you to you and the whole team for making space

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Speaker 3: and make time to actually have this conversation live on

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Speaker 3: the air. I think it's really remarkable that we're taking

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Speaker 3: up this much time to connect with everyone. And the

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Speaker 3: reason this is so important to me is that every

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Speaker 3: single one of us as humans goes through different difficult

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Speaker 3: mental health challenges. And the average human, I think, has

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Speaker 3: around twenty two thousand breaths per day. Our heartbeats around

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Speaker 3: one hundred thousand times each day, and to everyone who's listening,

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Speaker 3: I'm guessing some of those breaths are anxious. Some of

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Speaker 3: those beats are a bit uncomfortable. This is so important

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Speaker 3: to me because it's to remind everyone that there is help,

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Speaker 3: that you can find a way out, that you can

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Speaker 3: get unstuck, and that you can move your life forward,

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Speaker 3: even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes. So I'm

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Speaker 3: so grateful and so excited to do this with you.

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Speaker 2: A very meaningful hour you're about to hear it. I'm

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Speaker 2: so glad you're listening to us Tonight. On his podcast,

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Speaker 2: he's interviewed some of the biggest names on the place

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Speaker 2: and on topics closely related to their struggles with their

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Speaker 2: own mental health. You spoke with Kim Kardashian on parenting

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Speaker 2: during challenging times. My favorite with Tom holland Spider Man

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Speaker 2: on overcoming social anxiety and getting sober. That was a very,

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Speaker 2: very very wonderful interview. Talk to Paris Hilton, Oprah on

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Speaker 2: healing childhood trauma, Alicia Keys, John Legend, Kevin Hart. But tonight,

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Speaker 2: everyone that gets on is a celebrity. You don't have

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Speaker 2: to be a big old celebrity. You can just be

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Speaker 2: here because we want to hear what you have to say.

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Speaker 2: So we're going to open up the phone lines. Jay.

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Speaker 2: So many amazing things you've done, these discussions around mental health,

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Speaker 2: and we're so lucky to have you as a partner

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Speaker 2: of the iHeartRadio family. Jay. Let's get going.

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Speaker 3: Let's do it.

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Speaker 2: So, Jay actually was a real life monk. You moved

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Speaker 2: to Hollywood five years ago, and of course Jennifer Lopez,

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Speaker 2: Ben Affleck you married them. You're doing live coaching, you're

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Speaker 2: leading meditation practices for people like our friend Joe Jonas.

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Speaker 2: Like I said, tonight, everyone gets a shot at Jay.

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Speaker 2: So let's talk about your book, I Love Think Like

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Speaker 2: a Monk. That was one of my favorite reads of

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Speaker 2: all time. Talk about what that was like being a

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Speaker 2: monk in and then not being a monk.

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Speaker 3: Sovis, first of all, thank you for making the time

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Speaker 3: of reading the book. I spent three years living across India,

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Speaker 3: the UK, and Europe in ushrooms or monasteries, and it

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Speaker 3: was truly one of the best experiences of my life.

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Speaker 3: I was fresh out of college and I took this

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Speaker 3: leap of faith that I wanted to spend my life

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Speaker 3: doing two things. One was learning how to master the

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Speaker 3: mind and the emotions and challenges we experience, and the

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Speaker 3: other was to find how we could serve and have

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Speaker 3: an impact in the world. And when I met the monks,

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Speaker 3: I saw that they were able to do both those things.

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Speaker 3: So I was really taken by how they were focused

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Speaker 3: on understanding themselves and then understanding how they could serve.

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Speaker 3: And for three years I slept on the floor. I

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Speaker 3: lived out of a gym locker. You get two sets

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Speaker 3: of robes, you wear one, you wash one, and we

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Speaker 3: meditated sometimes for four eight hours per day and the

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Speaker 3: rest of the day would be trying to serve everyone else,

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Speaker 3: whether it be feeding the homeless, trying to provide shelter

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Speaker 3: for others. And it was a truly, truly remarkable experience,

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Speaker 3: all the.

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Speaker 2: Things you learned and shared with us in this bestseller,

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Speaker 2: Think like a Monk. It's silly for me to ask

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Speaker 2: you what was your favorite thing you learned or what

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Speaker 2: moved you the most, because I'm sure there's a list

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Speaker 2: that goes on and on. Give me one of your

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Speaker 2: favorite takeaways from your time as a monk.

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Speaker 3: I'd say one of my favorite takeaways would be that

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Speaker 3: we were taught to believe that you want to live

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Speaker 3: in a community where each and every one of you

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Speaker 3: are thinking about the other person. And I think what's

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Speaker 3: really interesting about that is often we live in a

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Speaker 3: community or society where we're all thinking about ourselves. But

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Speaker 3: imagine if in your home, in your family, in your school,

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Speaker 3: and your community, in your town, or even just on

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Speaker 3: the street, you were thinking about the person standing next

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Speaker 3: to you. Guess what if everyone else was thinking about you,

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Speaker 3: You now have more people thinking about you than if

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Speaker 3: you were just thinking about yourself. And I think that

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Speaker 3: that spirit, or to live with that essence, is really

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Speaker 3: what today's about and making us recognize that it's okay

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Speaker 3: to ask ask for help, and it's beautiful to give help.

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Speaker 3: It's okay to ask for a hug, and it's great

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Speaker 3: to give a hug and to be of support to

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Speaker 3: someone else, and to need support in your life is

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Speaker 3: what makes us human, you.

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Speaker 2: Know, Jim, looking at some of the numbers from your

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Speaker 2: videos viewed over ten billion times, followed by over sixty

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Speaker 2: million people across social media, why do you think this

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Speaker 2: conversation about mental health is so prevalent right now, more

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Speaker 2: than ever so?

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Speaker 3: Alvis, I've always believed that our mental health, our spiritual health,

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Speaker 3: our physical health are integral to a high quality life,

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Speaker 3: and I think the pandemic really really accelerated that process

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Speaker 3: in our understanding as to just how important it is.

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Speaker 3: And today I think it's even more important because I

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Speaker 3: read a study a couple of years ago now that

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Speaker 3: said that we consume more information today in twenty four

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Speaker 3: hours than we would in our entire lifetime twenty five

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Speaker 3: years ago. Just think about that for a second. The

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Speaker 3: amount of messages, the amount of emails, the amount of notifications.

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Speaker 3: So today we're being bombarded by so much more information

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Speaker 3: than ever before that it's so important that we understand

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Speaker 3: how to deal with it. I think we process something

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Speaker 3: like over seventy gigabytes of information per day Elvis, do

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Speaker 3: you remember we didn't even have a gigabyte of data

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Speaker 3: on a hard drive back in the day, Right, You'd

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Speaker 3: be lucky if you had two hundred and fifty six

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Speaker 3: megabytes on your phone. We're processing over seventy gigabytes of

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Speaker 3: daya a day. We need to up level our skills,

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Speaker 3: We need to strengthen our abilities so that we can

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Speaker 3: actually deal with the level of information we're dealing with.

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Speaker 2: It's way too much.

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Speaker 3: It's way too much.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm surprised we're doing this well, all that information

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Speaker 2: all right, when we come back, we're answering your questions

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Speaker 2: about mental health, anxiety, loneliness, boundaries, toxic relationships. Am I

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Speaker 2: hitting any nerve with anyone? I bet? I am? Call

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Speaker 2: us now, ifeop, want to talk about it one eight

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Speaker 2: hundred two four to two zero one hundred or hit

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Speaker 2: us up on social at Elvis Tren or at Jay Shitty.

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Speaker 2: We'll be right back.

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Speaker 1: A conversation with Ja Shetty and Elvis Duran continues on

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Speaker 1: World Mental Health Day, presented by State Farm. Once again,

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Speaker 1: Elvis Duran and Ja Shetty.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much for joining us. This is World

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Speaker 2: Mental Health Day. We've got the host of the number

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Speaker 2: one health and wellness podcast in the world, Jay Shetty,

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Speaker 2: here to answer your questions about mental health and an

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Speaker 2: effort to raise awareness on this very, very important day.

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Speaker 2: We are here to encourage you to share your story,

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Speaker 2: remind others that are not alone. There is help, You

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Speaker 2: can feel better and you can get through this. We

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Speaker 2: want to hear from you. One eight hundred and two

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Speaker 2: four to two zero one hundred. Let's start with anxiety,

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Speaker 2: ready to go.

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Speaker 3: That's a great topic to start. Let's work on that.

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Speaker 2: Let's start with a question from one of your followers

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Speaker 2: at Jay Shetty asked on Instagram, Jay, I struggle with

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Speaker 2: overthinking after conversations. Do you have any tips on how

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Speaker 2: to curb overthinking? We all overthink a lot, don't we.

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Speaker 3: Oh? Absolutely? I mean I overthink as well. So I

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Speaker 3: just want to get that out that I think this

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Speaker 3: is a very human, natural emotion that we all experience.

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Speaker 3: I just want to get us sense of everyone who's

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Speaker 3: listening right now. How many of you said something this

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Speaker 3: week and after it thought to yourself, yeah, I wish

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Speaker 3: I didn't say that, Or how many of you didn't

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Speaker 3: say something this week and afterwards thought to yourself. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I should have said that, right. We all live on

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Speaker 3: either end of this spectrum, and we can spend our

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Speaker 3: time outside of that conversation overthinking, procrastinating, questioning. And by

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Speaker 3: the way, I just want to take a moment to say,

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Speaker 3: that's not always unhealthy. It's great to analyze, it's great

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Speaker 3: to reflect. So the question we have to ask ourselves

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Speaker 3: is how do we transform overthinking and procrastination into introspection

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Speaker 3: and reflection. And the way we do that is through

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Speaker 3: a question. Overthinking usually has no direction. It's kind of

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Speaker 3: like a repeated thought that just randomly goes round and round.

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Speaker 3: But when we ask ourselves a question after something, the

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Speaker 3: question could be how could I have handled that better?

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Speaker 3: And how will I do that better in the feu.

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Speaker 3: If we just ask ourselves those two questions, we limit

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Speaker 3: our overthinking and we limit our procrastination. And now we

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Speaker 3: have a tool that we turn to that turns it

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Speaker 3: into introspection and reflection. So for anyone who's overthinking out there,

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Speaker 3: just add a couple of questions to your toolkit that

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Speaker 3: shift your mindset and start pointing you in a clear direction.

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Speaker 2: Hey, a lot of people are calling Jay eight hundred

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Speaker 2: two four two zero one hundred. We're talking about anxiety

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Speaker 2: right now. Line nineteen is Bernadette.

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, Hi, hey, Bernadette.

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Speaker 2: We're talking about anxiety, and you, like all of us,

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Speaker 2: you feel anxious a lot, and you can't get out

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Speaker 2: of your head and you're kind of wondering, like how

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Speaker 2: can you process through this? Right? Right?

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Speaker 4: It kind of helps to hear you say like all

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Speaker 4: of us.

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Speaker 5: It kind of made me feel a little better.

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Speaker 6: But yeah, I just.

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Speaker 4: I've been struggling with anxiety, and I feel like I'm

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Speaker 4: always anxious and I don't know if it's the state

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Speaker 4: of the world, if it's the news, or my job,

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Speaker 4: or just me.

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Speaker 2: I just I have this feeling of anxiousness and I

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Speaker 2: would appreciate some insight, I guess on how to work

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Speaker 2: through that.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, Bernadette, Well, first of all, I want you to

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Speaker 3: know that there are days when I wake up feeling

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Speaker 3: anxious too, and there are days that you know, it's

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Speaker 3: really really hard to control. And you're right, I think

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Speaker 3: there are so many sources of it, and it can

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Speaker 3: be really hard to figure out. Is it your job,

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Speaker 3: is it your family, is it what's happening in the

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Speaker 3: news today, Like it can be all of those things,

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Speaker 3: and when we try to figure out the source, that

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Speaker 3: can often not help. Always it's not like an immediate solve.

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Speaker 3: So what i'd love to suggest, Bernadette, and I'd love

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Speaker 3: for you to try this out, and I'd love for

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Speaker 3: you to really give it a go, is whenever you're

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Speaker 3: feeling anxious, I want you to do two things. I

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Speaker 3: want you to send a message of gratitude to someone

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Speaker 3: in your life, and I want you to send a

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Speaker 3: message of gratitude to yourself. It literally has to be

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Speaker 3: thirty to sixty seconds long, type it out as a

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Speaker 3: text message and email made me make it a video

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Speaker 3: message or a voice note, whatever works for you, because

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Speaker 3: studies show that when you're having a grateful thought, you

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Speaker 3: can't have an anxious thought at the same time. If

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Speaker 3: you're having a thankful thought, you can't worry at the

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Speaker 3: same time, So it puts you in this frame of mind,

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Speaker 3: and so being grateful to others and being grateful to

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Speaker 3: yourself can immediately switch you out and just write. You

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Speaker 3: could even write down on a piece of paper and

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Speaker 3: leave yourself a note that you wake up to in

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Speaker 3: the morning. If that's something you want to do. And

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Speaker 3: doing it for a friend allows for that moment of

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Speaker 3: connection for someone to reach out to you as well.

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Speaker 3: I want you to try that for the next seven days,

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Speaker 3: and I want you to let me know and Elvis

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Speaker 3: know as well how it goes for you. Bernadette, Can

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Speaker 3: you give that a go for me?

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Speaker 4: I will totally give that a go.

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Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Thanks, Bernadet, Thank you.

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Speaker 2: Aaron is online eighteen. Aaron, like a lot of people,

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Speaker 2: has social anxiety. He says he can't stop himself from

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Speaker 2: tail spinning and wants to feel comfortable in his own skin.

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Speaker 2: Describe what that means to you and talk to Jay

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Speaker 2: about it, Aeron, go ahead.

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Speaker 6: So I have had social anxiety for as long as

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Speaker 6: I can remember. I'm turning thirty and I can't stop

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Speaker 6: assessing my twenties and just thinking to myself, like, man,

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Speaker 6: I just completely rob myself of so many opportunities solely

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Speaker 6: based on social anxiety, Aeron.

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Speaker 3: I just want to remind you of something that I

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Speaker 3: hope will help you today. That what you've gone through,

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Speaker 3: what you've experienced, I promise you there's nothing that you've

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Speaker 3: missed or lost, but that within it is hidden all

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Speaker 3: the guidance all the insight that you need. What I'm

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Speaker 3: saying is that you're not behind, you're not late, you're

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Speaker 3: not in some way old or missing out. You're actually

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Speaker 3: in a place that you need to be in. And

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Speaker 3: the social anxiety that you've experienced up until now, I

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Speaker 3: have confidence that there's an opportunity here for you because

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Speaker 3: you're seeking help, because you're reaching out, because you're being

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Speaker 3: so brave and actually sharing how you feel. I mean,

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Speaker 3: you realize that this takes a lot of courage. You're

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Speaker 3: saying your social anxiety, but you're currently on the radio

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Speaker 3: sharing how you feel with whoever's listening. You know people

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Speaker 3: all over the country, and that is a remarkable act

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Speaker 3: of courage and bravery. And so that gives me confidence

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Speaker 3: that you also have the courage and bravery to go

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Speaker 3: out there and maybe ask the awkward conversation at a bar,

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Speaker 3: or maybe go to that event and try and spark

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Speaker 3: up a conversation with someone that you don't usually speak to,

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Speaker 3: or that you have the ability to go out there

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Speaker 3: and reconnect with an old friend that you haven't talked

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Speaker 3: to for a while. That's what gives me confidence and

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Speaker 3: courage is because you've had the bravery and courage to

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Speaker 3: share how you feel right here, and actually, if you

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Speaker 3: were to go up to someone that you wanted to

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Speaker 3: connect with and said, hey, do you ever struggle starting

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Speaker 3: up a conversation at one of these things? By the way,

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Speaker 3: I do this all the time. I go to so

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Speaker 3: many events where I feel so uncomfortable, and I'll go

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Speaker 3: up to someone and say, Hey, are you feeling as

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Speaker 3: uncomfortable as I am? And they'll say yes, thank you

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Speaker 3: for telling me, like a sense of relief, and we'll

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Speaker 3: both just laugh together, and all of a sudden we

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Speaker 3: figure out that everyone at this event is feeling some

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Speaker 3: sort of social anxiety. And so I hope, Aaron, that

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Speaker 3: you taking this step inspires you in taking the next step.

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Speaker 2: I know you were talking to Tom Holland Jay about

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Speaker 2: how to overcome social anxiety, and look, when you're under

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Speaker 2: the microscope and the lights like a Tom Holland, that's

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Speaker 2: got to be really, really some nail biting anxious times.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 2: What insight did you give him or did you get

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Speaker 2: from him?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? I think it's really tough when everyone wants to

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Speaker 3: know about your relationship, when everyone wants to know about

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Speaker 3: your personal life, and you're trying to keep some sanctity

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Speaker 3: in some sort of privacy for all of that, and

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Speaker 3: for me, the biggest thing I got from him, I

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Speaker 3: think there was this clip that went super viral across

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Speaker 3: the Internet. I love it when the Internet claims something

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Speaker 3: and shares it across everywhere on social media. There's this

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Speaker 3: clip of him quoting Christian Mail where he said that

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Speaker 3: if you have a problem with me, and then you can

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Speaker 3: message me, and if you don't have my number, then

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Speaker 3: you don't know me well enough to have a problem

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Speaker 3: with me. It's great and I love that clip. It's

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Speaker 3: hilarious when he was quoting it, and I remember cracking

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Speaker 3: up as soon as he said it. And I think

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Speaker 3: the idea being that I think we all struggle around strangers.

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Speaker 3: I think we all struggle around people we don't know,

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Speaker 3: and that's why it's so important to deepen our relationship

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Speaker 3: with the people we do know, to make new memories

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Speaker 3: with old friends, to take an opportunity to go deeper

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Speaker 3: with someone that we're already connected to. I think we

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Speaker 3: always think we need to go out there and we

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Speaker 3: need to reconnect with someone new, and we need to

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Speaker 3: build something new, and that can be useful but I

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Speaker 3: think it's really powerful when you just go and call

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Speaker 3: up an old friend and have a conversation and reconnect

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Speaker 3: deeply with them and make sure that you feel that

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Speaker 3: someone in the world really knows you, understands you, and

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Speaker 3: sees you. I think that's where anxiety comes from. We

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Speaker 3: feel unheard, we feel unseen, and we feel misunderstood. And

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Speaker 3: therefore it's so important to have family, friends, parents, siblings,

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Speaker 3: people in your life. Where you go that person knows

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Speaker 3: who I truly am, that person sees me for who

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Speaker 3: I am, and that person understands me.

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Speaker 2: Well, let's talk about loneliness. I know that we have

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Speaker 2: these smartphones. We have these phones, we're always on them,

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Speaker 2: they're in our hands at all times, and we're always

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Speaker 2: supposed to be reachable, always connected. What's this doing to

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Speaker 2: our mental health?

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Speaker 3: Well, I think what often happens, and I experienced this too,

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Speaker 3: is that we end up being connected to a lot

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Speaker 3: of people in a surface level way instead of a

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Speaker 3: few people in a deep way. And I think what

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Speaker 3: we're really yearning for is that deep connection, that deep understanding.

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Speaker 3: And for me, I always think about it this way.

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Speaker 3: And I want to post a question to everyone who's listening,

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Speaker 3: who's the first person that comes to mind that you

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Speaker 3: want to talk to when something goes well? Think of

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Speaker 3: who that person is, Elvis? Who's that person for you?

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Speaker 5: Uh?

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Speaker 2: My husband, Alex?

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Speaker 3: Okay? Beautiful? So and how often would you call, message

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Speaker 3: or reach out to Alex as soon as something good happens?

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Speaker 3: Is it almost immediate?

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Speaker 5: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Absolutely?

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Speaker 3: I love that. So I want everyone who's listening to

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Speaker 3: either think of that person right now and messes them

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Speaker 3: straight away. And if you don't know who that person is,

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Speaker 3: I want you to find that person in your life.

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Speaker 3: I want you to build that relationship in your life.

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Speaker 3: If you're someone who struggled with that, think about who

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Speaker 3: is the person closest to that in my life that

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Speaker 3: I share good news with. You'll immediately move forward from loneliness.

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Speaker 3: The second question I want to ask is who's the

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Speaker 3: first person you call when things are not working out?

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Speaker 3: Who's the first person you think of when things are

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Speaker 3: going wrong? Now, who's yours? Elvis? Is it Alex again?

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Speaker 3: A right?

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Speaker 2: That codependence?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? No, and that's beautiful too. If it's the same person,

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Speaker 3: that's wonderful. If there's another person in your life, that's amazing.

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Speaker 3: The point being that we need to know who those

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Speaker 3: two people in our life are. And if you don't

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Speaker 3: know while you're listening to me, I promise you have

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Speaker 3: someone in your life who's thinking of you right now,

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Speaker 3: and they may even want to reach out to you.

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Speaker 3: So make sure that you go and find those two

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Speaker 3: connections in those two relationships. I think what we're encouraging

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Speaker 3: everyone to do Elvis today is just recognize that there

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Speaker 3: are a lot more people. And I've realized this in

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Speaker 3: my life. There are so many people who care about me,

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Speaker 3: and I'm so busy caring about other people that I

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Speaker 3: forget to think about the people that care about me.

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Speaker 3: And I've thought about that often where I'm thinking, you know,

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Speaker 3: my mom is always available, always there to pick up

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Speaker 3: the phone, and I'm here trying to reach out to

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Speaker 3: this person and that person and whatever else it may be.

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Speaker 3: And actually, if I just picked up the phone to

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Speaker 3: my mom, my Mom's gonna pick up She's gonna be

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Speaker 3: there for me. She's gonna give me all the love

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Speaker 3: and support I need. And we often forget the people

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Speaker 3: in our life that are always there for us. They're

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Speaker 3: in the background, they're consistently there. They love us, and

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Speaker 3: support us from a distance, and they're often forgotten, and

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Speaker 3: I'd love everyone to think about the forgotten people in

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Speaker 3: their life.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely. How much is social media playing into all of this?

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Speaker 2: I mean so many people are on social media as

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Speaker 2: a replacement for in person relationships. I think that means

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Speaker 2: lower quality connections, right.

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Speaker 3: Well, I think that it's how you look at it.

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Speaker 3: I think you can look at social media as either

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Speaker 3: a entryway into a deeper relationship or you can see

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Speaker 3: as a replacement for a relationship. So for me, I

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Speaker 3: see what my friends are up to on social media,

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Speaker 3: it will make me reach out to them on a

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Speaker 3: message or a call. So if I see someone was

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Speaker 3: doing something really cool that I didn't know they had

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Speaker 3: that amazing vacation or experience, I'll take that relationship off

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Speaker 3: social media and I'll message them and say, hey, your

436
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,880
Speaker 3: vacation looked great, how was it right and start a

437
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,680
Speaker 3: conversation based off of that. Or if I see someone

438
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,560
Speaker 3: just had a baby or got married, or maybe they

439
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,560
Speaker 3: just actually posted a really vulnerable piece of going through

440
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:26,280
Speaker 3: something difficult, I'll use that as a way to say, hey,

441
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:28,399
Speaker 3: I didn't know you had that accident. I just saw

442
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,040
Speaker 3: it on social media, how are you feeling? And so

443
00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,880
Speaker 3: I think we can use social media as a stepping

444
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:37,239
Speaker 3: stone to a deeper relationship rather looking at it as

445
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,639
Speaker 3: something negative. And so for me, I'm always trying to

446
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,680
Speaker 3: use it as a conversation starter as opposed to the end.

447
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,160
Speaker 3: And so I think you use the perfect words there.

448
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:48,960
Speaker 3: Don't use social media as a replacement for a relationship.

449
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:53,880
Speaker 3: Use social media as a stepping stone to a deeper relationship.

450
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:55,840
Speaker 2: Jay Shetty is here. You can talk to him. Eight

451
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,119
Speaker 2: hundred and two four to two zero one hundred. We

452
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,160
Speaker 2: continue with loneliness. I've got Emily online sixteen.

453
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,199
Speaker 7: I've always had some pretty bad social anxiety, but lately

454
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:07,399
Speaker 7: it just feels like it's getting even worse and worse.

455
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,800
Speaker 7: I just like dread going out, and I usually end

456
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,960
Speaker 7: up just canceling or like leaving early. And I'm worried

457
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 7: about how that's starting to affect my friendships.

458
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:20,480
Speaker 3: Emily, what's the biggest thing that you think has been

459
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:24,680
Speaker 3: lost or affected through the way you're feeling right now?

460
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 7: I mean I started to feel a lot more lonely,

461
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 7: Like I'll feel guilty even reaching out to people because

462
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,199
Speaker 7: I'll think, like, well, I've canceled on them for so

463
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,720
Speaker 7: many times that I'm like, well, why would they even

464
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,080
Speaker 7: you know, text me back? So I just kind of

465
00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 7: start second guessing my friendships because I feel like I'm

466
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,720
Speaker 7: not always necessarily able to show up for them.

467
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:48,080
Speaker 3: Have you told any of them about how you feel?

468
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:48,880
Speaker 1: No?

469
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,359
Speaker 7: I mean, I think they know me well enough where

470
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:53,720
Speaker 7: they know I'm not the most like social person. They

471
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,399
Speaker 7: know that I'm a little bit more introverted, but I've

472
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,000
Speaker 7: never really had like a candid conversation about it.

473
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,240
Speaker 3: So Emily the thing, first of all, thank you so

474
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,360
Speaker 3: much for calling in, and I'm so happy that I'm

475
00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:05,880
Speaker 3: getting to talk to you about this, because I think

476
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,600
Speaker 3: the question you're asking is something that so many of

477
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 3: our listeners today will be able to relate to. And really,

478
00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 3: what I'm hearing is that there's that guilt that first

479
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 3: of all, I'm setting plans and then canceling or leaving early.

480
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:23,639
Speaker 3: Then you're feeling the guilt of, well, how do I

481
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,800
Speaker 3: reach out now again? Because they know I canceled plans

482
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:29,239
Speaker 3: last time or left early, and now they won't want

483
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,879
Speaker 3: to hang out with me, And that guilt kind of

484
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,399
Speaker 3: makes us spiral, and that guilt turns into more and

485
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,000
Speaker 3: more anxiety. Does that sound right? Is that along the

486
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:37,640
Speaker 3: right lines?

487
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's exactly right.

488
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:42,000
Speaker 7: And it's like, I don't know how to really get

489
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:43,639
Speaker 7: out of it because I feel like I kind of

490
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:44,480
Speaker 7: dug myself a.

491
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:47,480
Speaker 3: Hole, absolutely, Emily, and then sometimes you end up feeling

492
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:48,960
Speaker 3: like you're stuck in that hole. And I think what

493
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,560
Speaker 3: I'm about to share with you now, I believe it

494
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 3: can really if you put it into practice, I believe

495
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:55,280
Speaker 3: it will help you. And the reason I asked you

496
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 3: the question of have you told your friends is because

497
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:01,160
Speaker 3: often we assume that the people that know us can

498
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:04,600
Speaker 3: read our minds, read in between the lines, and understand

499
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:08,119
Speaker 3: everything that we're thinking. And the truth is that's just

500
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 3: not often the case. Either they don't have the time

501
00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:13,479
Speaker 3: or the energy, or maybe they're just unaware. And I

502
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,480
Speaker 3: actually believe that if you reached out to the closest

503
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,800
Speaker 3: person on that list and you had that candid conversation

504
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 3: with them, as you said, and you explained to them

505
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,399
Speaker 3: and said, you know what, I actually feel terrible that

506
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:27,280
Speaker 3: I've been canceling plans. I feel horrible that I've been

507
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:30,640
Speaker 3: leaving early. I'm feeling guilt for then reaching out because

508
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:32,159
Speaker 3: I'm scared that you won't want to see me, and

509
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:36,120
Speaker 3: I really think it's affecting my relationship with you, which

510
00:23:36,119 --> 00:23:38,840
Speaker 3: I value so deeply. It means so much to me

511
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 3: that we're friends. I actually believe that if you said

512
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 3: that to someone that you care about and cares about you,

513
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:48,239
Speaker 3: that it will change how they reach out to you.

514
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 3: It will change how they set up events with you.

515
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:53,680
Speaker 3: Theyn't now have the information to be mindful about how

516
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,960
Speaker 3: to connect with you in a meaningful way. And so

517
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,760
Speaker 3: what I often say to people is that the question

518
00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 3: you ask me, or the feelings you share with me,

519
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,679
Speaker 3: please share those feelings with your partner, with your friends,

520
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:04,879
Speaker 3: with the people in your life. Because if I heard that,

521
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 3: if one of my friends reached out to me today

522
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,480
Speaker 3: and said, Jay, I know I've canceled on you the

523
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,640
Speaker 3: last three times, or I've left early the last three times,

524
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,440
Speaker 3: but I'm doing it because I've just been feeling social anxiety,

525
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:17,280
Speaker 3: I know I would change everything in how I hung

526
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 3: out with that person.

527
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:22,640
Speaker 2: Hey, I loved your conversation with Selena Gomez about befriending

528
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 2: your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with

529
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 2: more love and compassion. I know during the conversation, you

530
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 2: talked a lot about taking control of your own story.

531
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,359
Speaker 2: I think that's such a beautiful sentence, take control of

532
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 2: your own story. How was that conversation for you?

533
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:41,880
Speaker 3: Speaking to Selena, who's so open about her own journey

534
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:44,680
Speaker 3: and her in a critic, She's so vulnerable with how

535
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,480
Speaker 3: she shares her mental health. And I think for me,

536
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,600
Speaker 3: the biggest takeaway from that was we all have this

537
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,639
Speaker 3: voice inside our head that says, I'm not good enough,

538
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 3: I'm not smart enough, I'm not fast enough, I'm not

539
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,440
Speaker 3: as good as that person at work, or my life's

540
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,399
Speaker 3: not as good as that person that I'm watching on

541
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:06,359
Speaker 3: social media. And we have this voice that is constantly

542
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 3: criticizing us, constantly comparing us to others, and constantly complaining

543
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:16,200
Speaker 3: to ourselves about ourselves. And I think that voice gets really,

544
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,800
Speaker 3: really deabilitating. And I think sometimes we have to almost

545
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,679
Speaker 3: write out that script. Literally write out the voice in

546
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,240
Speaker 3: your head and what it's saying, and next to it,

547
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:27,119
Speaker 3: write out what you want to replace it with. What

548
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,480
Speaker 3: is the thought you want to have? What is the story?

549
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 3: As you said, Elvis, what is the story you want

550
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:32,720
Speaker 3: to write?

551
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:32,959
Speaker 2: Right?

552
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,200
Speaker 3: If you don't write out your own story. Someone else

553
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 3: is writing it in your head and you're living that version.

554
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 3: But if you start writing your chapter, write down, what

555
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 3: is the title of this chapter of your life? You

556
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 3: write that down. Don't just let it be something that

557
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 3: comes your way. Actually plan it right now as if

558
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:50,160
Speaker 3: it was the new chapter in a book, and live

559
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:51,800
Speaker 3: that for the next month, and then come up with

560
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 3: another one for the next month. I think we all

561
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 3: have to take control of our own narrative, and it

562
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 3: starts in our minds, but I think we need to

563
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,400
Speaker 3: get it out on paper so that we can see

564
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 3: it and so that we can edit it.

565
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:03,399
Speaker 2: We have more calls I want to get to. But

566
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:06,480
Speaker 2: you brought up people pleasing, and that is a hot

567
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:11,160
Speaker 2: topic for a lot of people, including myself, also toxic relationships.

568
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:13,440
Speaker 2: I want to go down these paths. We'll start with

569
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 2: people pleasing. Instagram question, how do I this is very

570
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,240
Speaker 2: to the point, how do I stop being a people pleaser?

571
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:20,960
Speaker 2: That's it?

572
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:24,359
Speaker 3: I love how clear that is. How do I stop being.

573
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,199
Speaker 2: A people How do I stop being a people pleaser?

574
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 3: So I think there's a lot of us who want

575
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:32,280
Speaker 3: to stop being people pleases because we feel like we're

576
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,120
Speaker 3: being taken advantage of or we think that people come

577
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 3: and find us to get things done or get things

578
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:40,600
Speaker 3: fixed or sorted or whatever it may be. And I

579
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 3: know a lot of friends will say they have a

580
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 3: lot of friends in their life that only reach out

581
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,880
Speaker 3: when they need something done or when they need some help.

582
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:48,960
Speaker 3: Apart from that, that friend doesn't reach out to them,

583
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,600
Speaker 3: but they know there are people pleasers, so they'll succumb

584
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:55,640
Speaker 3: to it. We think that a boundary is to keep

585
00:26:55,720 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 3: someone else out, but actually a boundary is to make

586
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,720
Speaker 3: sure we don't give in. And I just want to

587
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:05,720
Speaker 3: repeat that for everyone who's listening to We think that

588
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 3: boundaries are to keep other people out. We think we

589
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:12,080
Speaker 3: set boundaries so that other people don't break them, but

590
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,040
Speaker 3: actually you're setting boundaries so that you don't break them,

591
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:17,040
Speaker 3: so that you can stick to them and you can

592
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:19,840
Speaker 3: follow them. So I think if you see triggers or

593
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 3: tendencies of people pleasing around a particular group of people.

594
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 3: Let's say when you're with your family over the holidays,

595
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:28,919
Speaker 3: you're the person who's running around doing everything, picking up

596
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 3: everyone's laundry, doing all the chores, going out and doing

597
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 3: all the errands, grabbing all the gifts. If you're the

598
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 3: one doing everything. You want to set your own boundary

599
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 3: for yourself that says I'm willing to do this, this,

600
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 3: and this, and I'm actually going to communicate that to

601
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:44,480
Speaker 3: everyone and say, hey, by the way, this holiday season,

602
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,680
Speaker 3: I'm going to do these three things. What's everyone else doing?

603
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 3: And I think you turn it into a conversation, You

604
00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:51,600
Speaker 3: turn it into involving everyone into the group, and you've

605
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 3: made it very clear what you're doing now, so that

606
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:57,200
Speaker 3: the expectation is set. The reason why other people feel

607
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,720
Speaker 3: bad or mad at you when you don't do something

608
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,199
Speaker 3: is because they expected you to do it. You're going

609
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:06,440
Speaker 3: to shift that expectation because your boundary is I'm going

610
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 3: to do this, this and this, and I'm going to

611
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:11,639
Speaker 3: communicate it. So I just want again for everyone to

612
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,080
Speaker 3: recognize that a boundary is not something you do for

613
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,840
Speaker 3: other people to follow. You set a boundary so that

614
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,200
Speaker 3: you can follow it. And I think that is such

615
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 3: a misstep in boundary setting. We think other people are

616
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 3: not following my boundaries, or other people are not, you know,

617
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:27,880
Speaker 3: living up to the standards I set. No, we need

618
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:29,639
Speaker 3: to live up to those standards. We need to live

619
00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 3: up to those boundaries. So set boundaries that you're going

620
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:34,679
Speaker 3: to follow, not that others have to follow.

621
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:37,760
Speaker 2: I've got Olivia on line twenty four in a new relationship.

622
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 2: Oh don't you love new relationships? Olivia? Do you still

623
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 2: have some butterflies in your stomach?

624
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:42,400
Speaker 6: I do?

625
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 4: I do still on the honeymoon phase.

626
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 2: I love that. Don't you wish we could stay there?

627
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 2: But you can't grow if you stay there. So this

628
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:52,640
Speaker 2: new relationship with your boyfriend, he says that your family

629
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 2: is negative, And now you're starting to see how he

630
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 2: may think that because maybe they are a little negative.

631
00:28:58,760 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 2: Talk to Jay about it.

632
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, So basically we all went on vacation together over

633
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:07,200
Speaker 4: the summer, which was great, but he said that their

634
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 4: negativity really affected his mental health and attitude being around them.

635
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 4: And I didn't really realize it until he made the comment.

636
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:19,320
Speaker 4: But now I'm realizing it more and more and really

637
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 4: want to be on a more positive path and want

638
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 4: some help on how I can get my family to

639
00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 4: kind of do the same.

640
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 3: I really appreciate you opening up about this, because it's

641
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,480
Speaker 3: hard to ask questions about the people that we know

642
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:35,080
Speaker 3: and love and the people that idea to us. It's

643
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 3: hard to even think that there may be something that

644
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:41,000
Speaker 3: they're struggling with or something that may be negative about them,

645
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 3: and it's tough to do that. So it's great that

646
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:45,960
Speaker 3: you're reflecting on it, and I hope that at least

647
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:47,480
Speaker 3: and I just want to check something before I answer

648
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 3: your question. I'm hoping that from your question, your boyfriend

649
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 3: didn't It didn't come across in a condescending or you know,

650
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 3: critical way. He was just raising a point of how

651
00:29:57,160 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 3: he felt. Is that would you say? That's right exactly.

652
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 4: Came across very loving and authentic, and he just wanted

653
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 4: to kind of share what his thoughts were and and

654
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,680
Speaker 4: he's been a very positive influence on my life, like

655
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 4: meditating and working out, and I really wanted to, you know,

656
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:16,080
Speaker 4: kind of continue this positive path.

657
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 3: Yeah. No, that's beautiful, And I just wanted to point

658
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 3: that out there for everyone who's listening as well as

659
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:24,120
Speaker 3: a learning point that I think it's unhealthy if someone

660
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 3: is telling you that your family's negative in a condescending

661
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:30,720
Speaker 3: or critical way, because you know that can lead to

662
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 3: all sorts of other challenges when people are trying to control.

663
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 3: And so I want to point that out to anyone

664
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 3: else who may be going through something like that from

665
00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 3: a negative stance. But Olivia, it sounds like from what

666
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,320
Speaker 3: you're sharing it's actually come from a positive place, and

667
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 3: it's not coming from a place of wanting to take

668
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:46,840
Speaker 3: your family down. It's more for wanting to lift them

669
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 3: up and wanting them to be in a better place,

670
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:50,720
Speaker 3: which is always a good thing. And Olivia, what I'll

671
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 3: say to you is this, your family have habits, patterns

672
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:59,040
Speaker 3: and conditioning, just like all of our families do. And

673
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,760
Speaker 3: some of that condition is negative and some of it's positive,

674
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 3: some of it's healthy, some of it's unhealthy. And what

675
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 3: I've found when it comes to change, is that nothing

676
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:14,240
Speaker 3: inspires change more than a person in your family leading

677
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 3: by example, and that person almost always has to be you.

678
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:24,200
Speaker 3: So people watch you change and they believe in change.

679
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:27,280
Speaker 3: They watch you make changes and they believe they can

680
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:32,680
Speaker 3: make changes. They see visibly the transformation in your life

681
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 3: and they say to themselves, I want that too. And

682
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 3: so what I've found time and time and by the way,

683
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 3: this applies to me as well. Like my sister will

684
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,360
Speaker 3: gladly say to me, don't be Jayshetdy, just be my brother,

685
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:45,360
Speaker 3: right like she would just be, like, give me advice,

686
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 3: is my brother, Like, just just be my brother. I

687
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 3: don't need advice from Jayshetty, right. And so people don't

688
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 3: want us to preach to them. They don't want us

689
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:55,120
Speaker 3: to tell them what to do. They don't want us

690
00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 3: to teach them how to meditate in that way, especially

691
00:31:57,280 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 3: in our family. What people really need to see is

692
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:03,160
Speaker 3: so someone who's living a life that brings them peace,

693
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:06,440
Speaker 3: that brings them purpose, and they are just inspired by

694
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 3: watching that example. And so I feel if you and

695
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 3: your partner can continue to create a healthy relationship, if

696
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 3: you can continue to embrace these healthy ideas and mindsets

697
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 3: into your life, and people see the joy you experienced,

698
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:21,880
Speaker 3: the happiness you experienced, they'll be running to you to

699
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 3: ask you how it was. Right, Like I just saw

700
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:27,600
Speaker 3: Beyonce perform on her birthday in LA and it's like

701
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:30,400
Speaker 3: when people found out that I'd been there, I'd posted

702
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:32,400
Speaker 3: a couple of my stories, Everyone's been like, how was it?

703
00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:34,200
Speaker 3: I'm sure it's amazing. How did it go? Because they

704
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 3: can see I had fun there, right, They saw me

705
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,480
Speaker 3: and my wife and our friends dancing and having the

706
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 3: best time, and everyone wanted to know what it was like.

707
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 3: And that's what I feel if you're having fun, if

708
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,480
Speaker 3: you're growing, if you're becoming better. People feel it, and

709
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 3: they experience it, and they'll want to know how you

710
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:48,760
Speaker 3: did it.

711
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 2: All right, when we come back, we're answering your questions

712
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 2: about mental health. Call us now, ifeople want to talk

713
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:55,320
Speaker 2: about it one eight hundred two four to two zero

714
00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 2: one hundred, or hit us up on social at Elvis

715
00:32:57,720 --> 00:32:59,520
Speaker 2: trend or at Jay Shetty. We'll be right back.

716
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:03,800
Speaker 1: Conversation with Jay Shetty and Elvis Duran continues on World's

717
00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 1: Mental Health Day, presented by State Farm. Once again, Elvis

718
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 1: Duran and Ja Shetty.

719
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,320
Speaker 2: It's World Mental Health Day. I'm Elvis Drain here with

720
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,120
Speaker 2: the host of our favorite podcast, On Purpose with Ja Shetty,

721
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,600
Speaker 2: which you can always get on the iHeartRadio app or

722
00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:19,920
Speaker 2: wherever you get your podcasts. Jay, of course, a former

723
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 2: monk who is now teaching millions of us how to

724
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 2: help our overall wellness. We're taking your calls at eight

725
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:28,320
Speaker 2: hundred two four to two zero one hundred. This is

726
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:32,760
Speaker 2: a very very touchy topic, grief, failure, letting the past

727
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:35,720
Speaker 2: define you. So many things we can unwrap here. Where

728
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 2: do you want to start? How about Lizzie. Lizzie lost

729
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 2: her father six years ago and swears it feels just

730
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 2: like yesterday, and so this grieving process is taking over

731
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 2: your life somewhat, right, Lizzie.

732
00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, so I've thankfully had the luxury of exploring

733
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 5: my grief through therapy, but it no doubt feels as

734
00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:01,040
Speaker 5: though my life has been split into time. There's life

735
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 5: before my dad passed and after he passed. And I'm

736
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:07,600
Speaker 5: curious about all the ways in which grief can alter

737
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 5: our brain chemistry and what we can do to better

738
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 5: understand how our brains are changing as we transition into

739
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,720
Speaker 5: a different life without a loved one.

740
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:18,360
Speaker 2: Wow.

741
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,319
Speaker 3: So, Lizzie, first of all, thank you for being so

742
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:25,759
Speaker 3: vulnerable and open with us and sharing this loss with us.

743
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:29,280
Speaker 3: And I'm so sorry for your loss, because a loss

744
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 3: of a person that you love so deeply is not

745
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:35,440
Speaker 3: only a loss of that person, but of a relationship,

746
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:39,319
Speaker 3: of the identity that you had as the role you

747
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:42,480
Speaker 3: played in that relationship. So a loss like this has

748
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 3: so many different facets of loss that you experienced, And

749
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:47,359
Speaker 3: I think that's what I could hear from you as well,

750
00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:49,920
Speaker 3: that you experienced the loss of being a daughter, you

751
00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:53,440
Speaker 3: experienced the loss of who you were to your father,

752
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,640
Speaker 3: you experienced the loss of the individual in that way.

753
00:34:57,360 --> 00:35:01,480
Speaker 3: And from what I've learned through how having clinical neuroscientists

754
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 3: on my podcast who've talked about this with me, is

755
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 3: that grief alters your brain chemistry by affecting your memory,

756
00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:14,160
Speaker 3: affecting your cognition. So a big part of that is

757
00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:17,759
Speaker 3: it can alter how you view memories and how you

758
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:21,839
Speaker 3: view things that you did experience. It can alter how

759
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:25,799
Speaker 3: you think logically and rationally, and so there are so

760
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:29,320
Speaker 3: many ways it can affect the chemistry of your brain,

761
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:34,920
Speaker 3: and therefore some of what we experience when we lose someone,

762
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:38,560
Speaker 3: We often have withdrawal symptoms where we feel like we're

763
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 3: craving that person back in our life because it almost

764
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 3: feels like we're detoxing right from drugs, literally, because it

765
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,759
Speaker 3: can feel like I want that person back in my life,

766
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 3: I want them to be here right now. And it's

767
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,520
Speaker 3: important to understand these things. I'm glad you asked the

768
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,439
Speaker 3: question from that direction, because I think often we think

769
00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:58,279
Speaker 3: that our feelings are unreasonable, or that we think that

770
00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 3: we should have got over these feelings by now, well,

771
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 3: that our feelings are not valid enough and I think

772
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 3: when you understand the science behind it, which is why

773
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:08,240
Speaker 3: I like to learn from so many scientists on my podcast,

774
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 3: is because you start recognizing, no, this is natural, this

775
00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 3: is normal. Now, to answer your question, what can I

776
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 3: do to continue to try and live in this new

777
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 3: life without your father, I'd like to share with you

778
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,279
Speaker 3: what I've done when I've lost people. This isn't a

779
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:26,440
Speaker 3: neuroscience answer, but it is a human answer. I lost

780
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:31,040
Speaker 3: one of my mentors who was in my life for

781
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:34,880
Speaker 3: a long long time. I lost him around three years

782
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:38,120
Speaker 3: ago now to brain cancer. And then I lost one

783
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:40,799
Speaker 3: of my closest friends who was a monk with me.

784
00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,200
Speaker 3: He was still a monk when he passed away to

785
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:46,000
Speaker 3: colon cancer a couple of years ago. And so I

786
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,239
Speaker 3: lost two people, really really close to me that I

787
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:51,440
Speaker 3: have incredible memories with. And the worst thing was that

788
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:54,160
Speaker 3: because it was during the pandemic, I couldn't even go

789
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:56,760
Speaker 3: back to their funerals, so I couldn't be with their family.

790
00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 3: I could be with my family, I couldn't be with

791
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:02,600
Speaker 3: my friends. I had to join through zoom and you know,

792
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:04,200
Speaker 3: be present in the best way I could. So it

793
00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:07,800
Speaker 3: was a really tough letting go because I couldn't really

794
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:11,960
Speaker 3: be there for those important moments. And here's a few

795
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:14,560
Speaker 3: things that have worked for me. The first thing is

796
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:18,640
Speaker 3: I always ask myself, how would have that person wanted

797
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:22,120
Speaker 3: me to show up in the world. What is a

798
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 3: quality that they lived by that they would love to

799
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:27,839
Speaker 3: see me live by, that would make them proud, that

800
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:31,880
Speaker 3: would make them happy, and actually would make sure that

801
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,440
Speaker 3: they're still living because if I choose to live that

802
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:37,719
Speaker 3: quality or that value, then they're still living with me

803
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:40,279
Speaker 3: as I practice it. So what is that for you?

804
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,919
Speaker 3: What is that that your father had? That for anyone

805
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:45,239
Speaker 3: who's listening, what is it that that person had in

806
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:48,400
Speaker 3: your life that they'd be proud that you continued on

807
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:49,400
Speaker 3: as their legacy.

808
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:53,879
Speaker 5: For my dad, it would be just embracing everyone with kindness,

809
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 5: which I've tried to honor since he's passed on.

810
00:37:56,960 --> 00:38:00,839
Speaker 3: That's so beautiful. That's that's so beautiful. And I can

811
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:03,359
Speaker 3: feel that even in your voice, that kindness, and I

812
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:04,799
Speaker 3: love that you're going to be able to give that

813
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 3: to the rest of the world. And the second question,

814
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:10,600
Speaker 3: or the second reflection that has helped me is what

815
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:14,720
Speaker 3: role did that person play in your life? And instead

816
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:17,720
Speaker 3: of trying to replace that role in your life, because

817
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:21,560
Speaker 3: no one can replace that role from someone so special.

818
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:27,280
Speaker 3: But how can you fulfill that need through another relationship?

819
00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 3: Where can there be an opportunity for a new relationship

820
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 3: that is not a replacement of the old, existing one

821
00:38:34,239 --> 00:38:38,279
Speaker 3: and consistently existing one, but actually fulfills that need that

822
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:41,880
Speaker 3: you have to either feel nurtured or be the nurturer.

823
00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 3: How can you help others who are going through that

824
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 3: same pain as well? How can you serve others through

825
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,640
Speaker 3: that who are going through that same loss, Because in

826
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:54,960
Speaker 3: trying to help others who are experiencing what we've experienced,

827
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:58,720
Speaker 3: we get to release so much pain in that journey

828
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 3: and we actually get to see when we're helping others

829
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 3: how far we've come along in our journey as well.

830
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:06,239
Speaker 2: You know, one of my favorite things you talk about,

831
00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,759
Speaker 2: Jay is mindfulness, And of course we all have a

832
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:12,640
Speaker 2: different definition for ourselves what mindfulness is. For me, walking

833
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 2: down the street, I try to take the blinders off

834
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 2: so I can see the flowers to the right. I

835
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:19,680
Speaker 2: can see this woman with a little cute kid over

836
00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:22,640
Speaker 2: here and wondering what their story is. And maybe you

837
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:25,720
Speaker 2: know that's to me being mindful and also paying attention

838
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 2: to what people say to you, because listening is being

839
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:32,440
Speaker 2: mindful anyway. I know, since you are the chief purpose

840
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:36,759
Speaker 2: officer at Calm, a fantastic wellness app for someone who

841
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:40,600
Speaker 2: is new to meditation, which I love. What can meditation

842
00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:43,240
Speaker 2: do for you? And what are some tips from making

843
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:47,080
Speaker 2: it successful for you other than getting started, which is

844
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:47,800
Speaker 2: the beginning.

845
00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 3: I loved your definition of mindfulness and it's so beautiful

846
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:55,080
Speaker 3: that you've been able to craft and cultivate that presence

847
00:39:55,120 --> 00:39:57,880
Speaker 3: when you're walking down the street. And I think presence

848
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:01,239
Speaker 3: is really the right word. What's really interesting about our

849
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:05,120
Speaker 3: mind is we all have places we want to be,

850
00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,399
Speaker 3: and we have places we have to be. So when

851
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,520
Speaker 3: you're at work, you might be sitting there thinking about

852
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:13,520
Speaker 3: your vacation. Right, we've all done that. I'm sure all

853
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:15,720
Speaker 3: of us have been at work dreaming about our vacation

854
00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:17,840
Speaker 3: and being away and whatever it may mean. And sometimes

855
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:19,720
Speaker 3: we live in that day dream and it feels good.

856
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 3: But what we don't realize we're doing is we're training

857
00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:26,400
Speaker 3: our mind to be absent. So when we're absent at work,

858
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:29,839
Speaker 3: guess what happens. We become absent on vacation. When we're

859
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:31,759
Speaker 3: at a vacation, all we're doing is thinking about work.

860
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 3: We think about all the things we have to do,

861
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:34,799
Speaker 3: the emails that we've got to come back to, all

862
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:36,680
Speaker 3: the people we have to catch up with. Because what

863
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 3: we've done is we've trained our mind to be absent.

864
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:41,440
Speaker 3: Whereas when we train our mind to be present, if

865
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 3: we say, hey, I'm at work right now, and actually,

866
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:46,279
Speaker 3: if I'm present here right now and focused here and

867
00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:49,520
Speaker 3: concentrated and effective here, then guess what, when I'm on

868
00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:52,879
Speaker 3: vacation or I'm even just this evening, when I switch

869
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:55,600
Speaker 3: off from work, when I switch off this weekend, I'll

870
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 3: actually be able to disconnect because I can be present

871
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:02,600
Speaker 3: instead of being absent. So that's the goal of mindfulness

872
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,200
Speaker 3: in a very simple, accessible way of how can we

873
00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 3: truly be where we are and get the most out

874
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 3: of the experience and actually feel how we want to

875
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:13,680
Speaker 3: feel and be with the people we want to be

876
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:18,839
Speaker 3: within that moment now. Meditation is a specific tool, and

877
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:21,279
Speaker 3: I learn three different types of meditation during my time

878
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 3: as a monk. I learned breath work, I learned visualization,

879
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:27,480
Speaker 3: and I learned sound or montra meditation. So these are

880
00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:31,120
Speaker 3: three forms of meditation, and it's almost like a journey

881
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 3: but also a menu, and I encourage people to try

882
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:36,680
Speaker 3: different forms before they find their So breath work has

883
00:41:36,719 --> 00:41:39,319
Speaker 3: become extremely popular today. I practice a lot of breath

884
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:41,960
Speaker 3: work before I go on stage. When I'm really nervous

885
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,799
Speaker 3: and anxious, I'll often be sitting in the back of

886
00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:48,760
Speaker 3: a car breathing in for account of four and breathing

887
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:51,560
Speaker 3: out for more than four. So if you exhale for

888
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 3: longer than you inhale, it will relax your body, it

889
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:56,839
Speaker 3: will calm you down, it will slow down your heart rate.

890
00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:59,120
Speaker 3: I do it every time when I'm nervous or anxious

891
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:02,479
Speaker 3: about something. Works miracles, breathe in for four and out

892
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,480
Speaker 3: for more than four. Now, visualization is really powerful. A

893
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:07,920
Speaker 3: lot of athletes use it. Lewis Hamilton uses it when

894
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:10,600
Speaker 3: he's driving his car around the racetrack. You know, you

895
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 3: have soccer players using it to put the ball in

896
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:16,120
Speaker 3: the top corner of the goal. So visualization is a

897
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:19,880
Speaker 3: great practice for meditation. Will you're taking a moment to

898
00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:24,319
Speaker 3: visualize a future event, or a future practice, or a

899
00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:27,840
Speaker 3: future process that you're about to experience. I often visualize

900
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:30,479
Speaker 3: myself walking up and down a stage that I'm about

901
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:33,560
Speaker 3: to speak on. I visualize myself walking into room and

902
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 3: the energy I want to carry into that room with me,

903
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 3: and finally sound Montro affirmation mantras are ancient Eastern affirmations,

904
00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:46,560
Speaker 3: usually in the Sanskrit language that we practice, but they

905
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:49,719
Speaker 3: can be modern day affirmations. I am enough, I am

906
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 3: ready to take on the next challenge. I am going

907
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:55,799
Speaker 3: to give out my best energy today. Whatever it is

908
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:57,680
Speaker 3: that you can repeat to yourself to feel good. So

909
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 3: those are three different types of meditation, and I recommend

910
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:02,880
Speaker 3: everyone tries one of each of them to see what

911
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 3: works for them.

912
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:06,720
Speaker 2: You know, I'm happy that both meditation and mental health

913
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:09,919
Speaker 2: awareness are now out in the open. People are talking

914
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:11,759
Speaker 2: about them as if it's just a thing we need

915
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:15,040
Speaker 2: to talk about, because it is. But learning meditation I

916
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:17,120
Speaker 2: was a great journey for me and my friends that

917
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 2: I've shared my meditation thoughts with. And if it seems

918
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:23,560
Speaker 2: too granola ish or a hug a treeish for you,

919
00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:27,239
Speaker 2: let that go because it's being used by some of

920
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 2: the most incredible brains and personalities around the world, leading

921
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:34,000
Speaker 2: them to really, really, really successful lives. And so don't

922
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,799
Speaker 2: poo poo on meditation. It's a wonderful thing. I'm going

923
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:40,239
Speaker 2: to quote Yeah, you may quote me on that. And

924
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:42,120
Speaker 2: a friend of mine who passed away not long ago,

925
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:44,800
Speaker 2: Mayor Javier Gonzalez out here in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

926
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 2: His two words that meant the most to me are

927
00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 2: just be, which means you're not looking behind you, you're

928
00:43:53,239 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 2: not looking ahead of you, You're just there. Just be,

929
00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:58,200
Speaker 2: which is belid that I think.

930
00:43:58,280 --> 00:43:58,480
Speaker 5: Yeah.

931
00:43:58,520 --> 00:43:59,600
Speaker 3: I love that this has.

932
00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:02,600
Speaker 2: Been an in and you've shared so many things with us,

933
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 2: and a lot of us are going to put a

934
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:07,360
Speaker 2: lot of them into practice. But what are some other tips?

935
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:09,480
Speaker 2: I know I'm putting you on the spot, Jay, but like,

936
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 2: what are some tips you can leave our listeners to

937
00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:15,360
Speaker 2: practice and start themselves on a journey for better mental health?

938
00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:17,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, Olvis, We've talked about so much today, and we've

939
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:19,919
Speaker 3: talked to so many incredible people who've been so kind

940
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:22,400
Speaker 3: and generous to share their experiences with us and you

941
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:25,840
Speaker 3: as well. And I hope that everything I've shared, I

942
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:27,719
Speaker 3: want everyone to remember that you don't need to try

943
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:29,440
Speaker 3: and put it all into practice, don't try and do

944
00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 3: it all at once. Just apply one thing that we've

945
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:35,759
Speaker 3: talked about in this time together, and I know it

946
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:37,399
Speaker 3: will change your life. But if I had to leave

947
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 3: everyone with a couple of thoughts on some last tips

948
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 3: that I think would help, The first thing I'd say is,

949
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:48,200
Speaker 3: please do not be scared to ask for help. It

950
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:52,960
Speaker 3: is not a weakness. It does not mean that you've

951
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:55,280
Speaker 3: made all the mistakes and you've got it all wrong.

952
00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:58,319
Speaker 3: I promise you. There are more people out there who

953
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 3: want to and need to ask for help than just you.

954
00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:04,400
Speaker 3: And when you ask for help, when you break that barrier,

955
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:07,439
Speaker 3: you're going to inspire so many people in your life

956
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:10,640
Speaker 3: and your family and your friend circle to do exactly

957
00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:14,080
Speaker 3: the same thing. So please, please, please, do not be

958
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:16,719
Speaker 3: dealing with things in silence. Do not deal with things

959
00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:19,400
Speaker 3: all on your own. It's too heavy a load to carry,

960
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:21,400
Speaker 3: and you can share it with everyone else and be

961
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:23,239
Speaker 3: supported in it. So that's the first thing I'd like

962
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,759
Speaker 3: to say. The second thing I'd like to say is,

963
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:28,439
Speaker 3: as soon as you've listened to this, please make that call.

964
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:31,320
Speaker 3: Go and call someone that you haven't talked to in

965
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:33,319
Speaker 3: a while, or that you just talked to two seconds ago,

966
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 3: and just call them up again and tell them you

967
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:37,040
Speaker 3: love them, tell them how much they matter to you,

968
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:39,279
Speaker 3: tell them how you're grateful to have them in your

969
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 3: life because that relationship and that connection, you'll never regret it.

970
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 3: Even if your friends make fun of you for making

971
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:46,359
Speaker 3: that call or laugh at you for making that call,

972
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:48,160
Speaker 3: I promise you still won't regret it because it will

973
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:50,600
Speaker 3: give you a great comedic memory. So make sure you

974
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:53,160
Speaker 3: do that as well. And the third thing I'm gonna

975
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:54,719
Speaker 3: say is that, in the same way as I said

976
00:45:54,719 --> 00:45:57,319
Speaker 3: reach out for help, I'd like to say reach out

977
00:45:57,360 --> 00:46:00,719
Speaker 3: to help. Reach out to someone who maybe looks like

978
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:02,960
Speaker 3: they have it all together. Maybe reach out to that

979
00:46:03,000 --> 00:46:05,440
Speaker 3: person that you think does have it all together and

980
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:07,000
Speaker 3: ask them if they need any help, ask them if

981
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 3: they're going through anything. And of course reach out to

982
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:12,239
Speaker 3: that person that you know maybe struggling with something, may

983
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:15,040
Speaker 3: have had some challenges this year. Go out and give

984
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:17,920
Speaker 3: some help too. So don't worry about asking for help

985
00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 3: and make sure you will sho go out there and give.

986
00:46:19,960 --> 00:46:23,200
Speaker 2: Some Beautiful Jay, thank you so much for being here today.

987
00:46:23,840 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 2: This was an amazing hour. It's On Purpose with Jay Shetty.

988
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:29,200
Speaker 2: That's the podcast you should be listening to on the

989
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:33,080
Speaker 2: iHeartRadio app. Remember, look, we're all going through difficult times sometimes,

990
00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:36,239
Speaker 2: but if we don't have to go through it alone,

991
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:38,959
Speaker 2: things can and will get better for you. Reach out,

992
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 2: be well. Thanks for sharing this time with us.

993
00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:44,880
Speaker 1: This has been a conversation with Jay Shetty and Elvis

994
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:48,040
Speaker 1: Duran for World Mental Health Day presented by State Farm.

995
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:52,080
Speaker 1: Continue the conversation join Jay on his podcast on Purpose,

996
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 1: then number one mental health and wellness podcast in America.