WEBVTT - What If the Thing You’re Avoiding Is the Key to Feeling Better?

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<v Speaker 1>Avoiding works. It keeps us safe, It keeps us sane,

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<v Speaker 1>it keeps us functioning, It stops us from having a breakdown.

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<v Speaker 1>I need to get to work. I can't cry right now.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to avoid what this is right now. But

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<v Speaker 1>the truth is that avoiding pain doesn't protect us from it.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Radi Wukiah and on my podcast A Really Good Cry,

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<v Speaker 1>we embrace the messy and the beautiful, providing a space

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<v Speaker 1>for raw, unfiltered conversations that celebrate vulnerability and allow you

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<v Speaker 1>to tune in to learn, connect and find comfort together.

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<v Speaker 1>Hey everyone, and welcome back to this week's episode of

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<v Speaker 1>A Really Good Cry. Thank you so much for being here.

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<v Speaker 1>I appreciate it so much. I really feel like these

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<v Speaker 1>episodes end up being a little therapy session for myself,

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<v Speaker 1>and it really makes me more present in my day

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<v Speaker 1>to observe conversations that I'm having to observe people around me,

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<v Speaker 1>to really be present so that I'm able to absorb things,

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<v Speaker 1>digest them, and then share them with you. So I

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<v Speaker 1>appreciate that you're listening, and I truly hope that you

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<v Speaker 1>gain so much out of these episodes. And I would

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<v Speaker 1>so love to hear any feedback, or any recommendations of

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<v Speaker 1>topics you'd like to hear about or discuss on a

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<v Speaker 1>really good cry. Today's episode is actually based on a

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<v Speaker 1>DM that I received recently from someone saying that they

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<v Speaker 1>are on their healing journey, their self care journey, and

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<v Speaker 1>a big part of that has just been removing people

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<v Speaker 1>and things that she doesn't want to deal with, and

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<v Speaker 1>how that's actually been her way of setting boundaries. And

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<v Speaker 1>of course, as much as I respect that and understand

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<v Speaker 1>how necessary it is, it really got me thinking about

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<v Speaker 1>this self care healing era that we are in, especially

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<v Speaker 1>this online space that has been created about it, and

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<v Speaker 1>I think sometimes it's actually making us confuse healing with

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<v Speaker 1>the avoidance. We say it's a boundary, but really we're

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<v Speaker 1>just ghosting someone who challenged us. Or we say we're

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<v Speaker 1>protecting our peace, but what we're really doing is avoiding

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<v Speaker 1>hard conversations. We end up isolating and withdrawing and shutting

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<v Speaker 1>people out, and we end up calling it working on ourself.

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<v Speaker 1>And so I think the problem with the definition of

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<v Speaker 1>self care that has become quite viral online, and you know,

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<v Speaker 1>everyone's like, just shut people out, don't speak to people

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<v Speaker 1>that do this to you just making things very black

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<v Speaker 1>and white. I think the problem with this definition of

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<v Speaker 1>self care is that it's based on just something that

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<v Speaker 1>makes us feel good in the moment, and we all

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<v Speaker 1>know that not everything that feels good is necessarily good

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<v Speaker 1>for us in the long run, and usually, unfortunately, it

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<v Speaker 1>is the things that don't actually feel that great that

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<v Speaker 1>end up actually being good for us long term. So

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<v Speaker 1>I think we end up going to all these extreme

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<v Speaker 1>levels to just avoid pain in our life, and as

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<v Speaker 1>a way to make it okay, we've created this term

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<v Speaker 1>self care. We've covered it up in the illusion of

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<v Speaker 1>self care, But actually that seems like the opposite of healing,

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't it. Because I think true self care it's not

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<v Speaker 1>about building a life that's free from challenges or problems,

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<v Speaker 1>or issues or confrontations. It's about building the resilience to

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<v Speaker 1>move through those challenges that come because the fact is

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<v Speaker 1>that challenges are inevitable, issues are inevitable, confrontations are inevitable.

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<v Speaker 1>At some point in our life, We're going to be

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<v Speaker 1>faced with challenges and resistance in our life, and the

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<v Speaker 1>more that you avoid these, the less equipped you are

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<v Speaker 1>to deal with the next one and the next one

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<v Speaker 1>after that. And then you're kind of stuck in this

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<v Speaker 1>position where every time you do come across something like that,

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<v Speaker 1>you actually freeze, or you don't know how to deal

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<v Speaker 1>with it, or you just keep avoiding. And the problem

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<v Speaker 1>with avoiding is even if you choose a conscious level

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<v Speaker 1>not to acknowledge it, even if you choose at a

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<v Speaker 1>conscious level to leave the country, to go on holiday,

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<v Speaker 1>to stop speaking to that person, subconsciously, those little things

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<v Speaker 1>are building up in you. And so instead of creating

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<v Speaker 1>a way or a neural pathway to deal with these problems,

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<v Speaker 1>or a physical pathway to deal with these problems, we

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<v Speaker 1>end up creating ways out of it. So what does

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<v Speaker 1>that mean the next time we come into contact with

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<v Speaker 1>the same problem, Not only are we carrying the way

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<v Speaker 1>of the last thing, we also have absolutely no idea

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<v Speaker 1>how to handle it. It's like if you're trying to

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<v Speaker 1>fix something, you come across a broken light bulb in

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<v Speaker 1>your house, You're like, you know what, I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>leave that till next time, And then you find another

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<v Speaker 1>broken light bulb and you're like, oh, man, if i'd

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<v Speaker 1>fix that first one, i'd probably know how to do

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<v Speaker 1>this one. Not only when I know how to do

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<v Speaker 1>it and have the tools in my house to do it.

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<v Speaker 1>It will also be done quicker, more efficiently and back

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<v Speaker 1>to how I need it to be way faster. And

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<v Speaker 1>so the bounce back, or the ability to actually work

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<v Speaker 1>through these issues as they come to us becomes easier,

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<v Speaker 1>more efficient, and also just builds this idea in our

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<v Speaker 1>head that damn, I can do this. I've done it before,

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<v Speaker 1>and I for sure can do it now because I've

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<v Speaker 1>got proof that I can do it, and look, I

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<v Speaker 1>get it. It's so normal to want to avoid pain.

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<v Speaker 1>Of course we want to avoid it. It's human nature

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<v Speaker 1>to want to avoid it. We are wired for survival

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<v Speaker 1>as humans, and we really do chase safety. We move

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<v Speaker 1>towards comfort and familiarity and away from anything that threatens that,

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<v Speaker 1>and that instinct is actually what's helped us survive as

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<v Speaker 1>a species. But in modern life and where we're at

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<v Speaker 1>right now emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually, that same instinct can

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<v Speaker 1>really backfire because when we spend our lives moving through

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<v Speaker 1>the world trying to avoid discomfort at all costs, we

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<v Speaker 1>don't just avoid pain, we also avoid growth, and sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>when you've been through a lot, avoidance becomes a coping strategy,

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<v Speaker 1>and a very useful one at that. It really does work.

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<v Speaker 1>Avoiding works. It keeps us safe, It keeps us sane,

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<v Speaker 1>it keeps us functioning. It stops us from having a breakdown.

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<v Speaker 1>I need to get to work. I can't cry right now.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to avoid what this is right now. But

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<v Speaker 1>do you come back to it, do you actually revisit

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<v Speaker 1>it at a time where you have this space, the safety,

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<v Speaker 1>and the ability to because if you don't, those things

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<v Speaker 1>are going to accumulate. And you know, avoidance can be

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<v Speaker 1>really subtle. It can look like overthinking, overworking, over controlling. Damn,

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<v Speaker 1>do I know this over controlling one. I've been there.

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<v Speaker 1>I do it very often, and then is definitely my

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<v Speaker 1>avoidance technique. Okay, I don't want to deal with the

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<v Speaker 1>fact that this person doesn't like me, So let me

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<v Speaker 1>try and control the situation and do things for them

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<v Speaker 1>and try and navigate this without having the conversation of

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<v Speaker 1>why let me just try and brush out of the carpet,

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<v Speaker 1>act like everything is normal and shower them with love.

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<v Speaker 1>Really bad avoidance technique, because that's overcompensating trying to control

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<v Speaker 1>the situation rather than just having the conversation. The conversation

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<v Speaker 1>probably would have been the easier option, but we try

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<v Speaker 1>to avoid things as much as possible because that feels

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<v Speaker 1>like the more uncomfortable situation. But you know what it

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<v Speaker 1>feels like, the more uncomfortable situation because I haven't gotten

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<v Speaker 1>used to doing it. The more you normalize these things,

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<v Speaker 1>the more you normalize there doing hard things, the more

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<v Speaker 1>you normalize turning towards the pain and the discomfort rather

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<v Speaker 1>than away from it, That then becomes your normal pathway.

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<v Speaker 1>That then becomes your normal reaction or the way that

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<v Speaker 1>you choose to deal with things, rather than the running,

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<v Speaker 1>rather than the overcompensating rather than over controlling, and so

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<v Speaker 1>actually you are just changing what your normality is. And

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<v Speaker 1>the only way you can do that is through consistency,

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<v Speaker 1>through constantly trying, through constantly choosing the hard eruption, and

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<v Speaker 1>then the hard eruption doesn't stay as hard and it

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<v Speaker 1>actually becomes the EASi eruption because that's what you've become

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<v Speaker 1>used to doing. Avoidance can also look like saying I

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<v Speaker 1>don't need anyone, when what you really mean is I

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<v Speaker 1>don't want to risk getting hurt again. And you know,

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<v Speaker 1>another unexpected way that this shows up is not wanting

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<v Speaker 1>to dig into the past, not wanting to dig into

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<v Speaker 1>these past traumas or feelings that we've had. I see

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<v Speaker 1>it so much, it feels like opening up an old wound.

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<v Speaker 1>And what is the point, right? Why do I need

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<v Speaker 1>to look backwards? It's over? Why go back? But I

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<v Speaker 1>don't really think that you can truly move forward if

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<v Speaker 1>you don't look into the past and resolve what you're

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<v Speaker 1>still carrying with you. And just because the moment has

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<v Speaker 1>passed does not mean it's not still living in your body,

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<v Speaker 1>in your nervous system, in the way that you respond

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<v Speaker 1>when someone gets too close, and the way that you

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<v Speaker 1>panic at the thought of failure, or in the way

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<v Speaker 1>that you doubt yourself even when things are going well.

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<v Speaker 1>Unprocessed pain from the past does not disappear. It really

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<v Speaker 1>echoes through you, and it shapes how you show up

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<v Speaker 1>in the present. It influences your relationships, your choices, and

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<v Speaker 1>your triggers now, so avoiding it might feel easier, but

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<v Speaker 1>it can be what is standing between you and the

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<v Speaker 1>life that you really want. Most of the time, because

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<v Speaker 1>of how fast paced the world is, we just think

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<v Speaker 1>if we try hard enough, we can dodge suffering. Altogether.

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<v Speaker 1>If we hustle enough, if we stay positive enough, if

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<v Speaker 1>we stay thin enough, if we stay and control enough,

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<v Speaker 1>we can bypass pain in some way, and that we

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<v Speaker 1>can be immune to heartbreak or failure or shame or

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<v Speaker 1>sadness or disappointment. We really try our best to avoid

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<v Speaker 1>in any way possible. But that's just not real and

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<v Speaker 1>it's not how life works. And I know that's not

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<v Speaker 1>easy to hear. It actually sucks because you want someone

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<v Speaker 1>to say, you know what, this can take all your

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<v Speaker 1>pain away, don't worry, you don't have to go through it.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's really not easy to feel. But the truth

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<v Speaker 1>is that avoiding pain doesn't protect us from it, and

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<v Speaker 1>it just delays it or shifts it into another form,

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<v Speaker 1>and so it could end up looking like pouring a

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<v Speaker 1>drink when you're stressed and that becoming your habit, or

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<v Speaker 1>walking away from relationships the moment they get hard, or

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<v Speaker 1>even the moment they get good, procrastinating on your dream

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<v Speaker 1>because you're terrified, or failing, or saying yes when you

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<v Speaker 1>just mean no, just to keep the peace. And honestly,

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<v Speaker 1>these mechanisms they really do work. They can work for

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<v Speaker 1>a really long time, and they can feel pretty good

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<v Speaker 1>at the time do but eventually they show up somewhere

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<v Speaker 1>in our life as anxiety, as fatigue, as an illness

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<v Speaker 1>in our relationships, distance, resentment, confusion. There is a long

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<v Speaker 1>list of how they can show up in us, but

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<v Speaker 1>the fact is they will at some point in time

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<v Speaker 1>of auidence just creates this illusion of peace, but it's

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<v Speaker 1>not peace. It's just pausing. And the cost of that

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<v Speaker 1>pause is often this long term disconnection from ourself and

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<v Speaker 1>the life that we're supposed to live. And you know what,

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes I would really think I was doing the hard thing.

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<v Speaker 1>I would be convinced that I was doing the hard thing.

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<v Speaker 1>Look at me, I'm working long hours, I'm hustling, I'm

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<v Speaker 1>showing up, I'm handling so much, I'm so busy all

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<v Speaker 1>the time. I'm doing such hard things. This is hard. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>the work I'm doing is hard. And I would tell

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<v Speaker 1>myself that, and I would tell other people that, and yes,

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<v Speaker 1>it is hard, Okay. I'm not diminishing the fact they're

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<v Speaker 1>doing work or hustling isn't difficult. But sometimes we're choosing

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<v Speaker 1>the version of hard that's actually familiar, or the one

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<v Speaker 1>that gets us approval all the one that we think

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<v Speaker 1>looks hard, but actually internally it's not hard for us

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<v Speaker 1>at all, and deep down we know that this isn't

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<v Speaker 1>really my heart. My real hard is having that difficult

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<v Speaker 1>conversation that I have been avoiding for god knows how long.

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<v Speaker 1>My real heart is picking up the phone and calling

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<v Speaker 1>that person that caused me a lot of pain and

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<v Speaker 1>that I just need to have the last conversation with.

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<v Speaker 1>My real heart is sitting in silence instead of always

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<v Speaker 1>saying busy, busy, busy, so I don't have to listen

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<v Speaker 1>to my thoughts. My real hard is looking at why

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<v Speaker 1>I'm still repeating this same passion in my relationships over

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<v Speaker 1>and over again and saying it's bad luck. My real

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<v Speaker 1>heart is letting someone see me fully even when I'm

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<v Speaker 1>not put together. We get really good at doing hard

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<v Speaker 1>things that look impressive, but the real transformation only comes

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<v Speaker 1>when we start doing the hard things that feel uncomfortable.

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<v Speaker 1>And I want to read you a little apart from

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<v Speaker 1>the book Atomic Habits. I'm sure you've heard of it.

0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:21.840
<v Speaker 1>It's been on New York Times bestsellers for Lord knows

0:11:21.880 --> 0:11:25.000
<v Speaker 1>how long, a long long time years, I think, And

0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:27.680
<v Speaker 1>he says, the ability to do hard things is perhaps

0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:31.080
<v Speaker 1>the most useful ability you can foster in yourself or

0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:34.000
<v Speaker 1>your children, and proof that you are someone who can

0:11:34.040 --> 0:11:36.240
<v Speaker 1>do them is one of the most useful assets you

0:11:36.280 --> 0:11:39.440
<v Speaker 1>can have on your life resume. Our self image is

0:11:39.440 --> 0:11:42.960
<v Speaker 1>composed of historical evidence of our abilities. The more hard

0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:45.840
<v Speaker 1>things you push yourself to do, the more competent you

0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:48.439
<v Speaker 1>will see yourself to be. So it also helps to

0:11:48.440 --> 0:11:50.920
<v Speaker 1>build confidence. By the way, that's what it's saying. The

0:11:50.920 --> 0:11:53.080
<v Speaker 1>more hard things you do, the more you see yourself

0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:55.280
<v Speaker 1>being competent to do them, the more confident you are

0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:58.480
<v Speaker 1>in your ability. And if you can run marathons or

0:11:58.520 --> 0:12:01.280
<v Speaker 1>throw double your body weight over your head, the sleep

0:12:01.320 --> 0:12:04.439
<v Speaker 1>deprivation from a newborn is only a mild irritant. If

0:12:04.440 --> 0:12:08.480
<v Speaker 1>you can excel at organic chemistry or econometrics, onboarding for

0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:10.920
<v Speaker 1>a new finance job will be a breeze. But if

0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:16.920
<v Speaker 1>we avoid these hard things, anything mildly challenging will seem unsurmountable.

0:12:17.240 --> 0:12:19.880
<v Speaker 1>We're trying to TikTok over an errant period at the

0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:23.040
<v Speaker 1>end of a text message. We'll see ourselves as incapable

0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:26.240
<v Speaker 1>of learning new skills, taking on new careers, and escaping

0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:29.840
<v Speaker 1>bad situations. The proof you can do hard things is

0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:32.320
<v Speaker 1>one of the most powerful gifts that you can give yourself.

0:12:34.040 --> 0:12:36.800
<v Speaker 1>I thought that was pretty great, really well explained, actually

0:12:36.840 --> 0:12:40.520
<v Speaker 1>in one paragraph maybe two so well explained. And so

0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:43.800
<v Speaker 1>avoiding pain may feel like self protection, but over time

0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:46.920
<v Speaker 1>it just becomes self abandonment. So if you are in

0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:49.520
<v Speaker 1>a season that feels messy, if you're in the middle

0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:52.760
<v Speaker 1>of something tender or real or raw, do not run

0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:55.800
<v Speaker 1>from it. This is your reminder, your loving reminder, not

0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:59.120
<v Speaker 1>to run from it. Just stay in it, breathe in it,

0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:03.520
<v Speaker 1>and let it. The more you turn toward what is difficult,

0:13:03.559 --> 0:13:06.360
<v Speaker 1>the more you turn toward the hard the less control

0:13:06.400 --> 0:13:09.160
<v Speaker 1>it has over you. And you know what. You fear

0:13:09.240 --> 0:13:12.280
<v Speaker 1>what you don't know. You fear what you haven't done.

0:13:12.640 --> 0:13:14.199
<v Speaker 1>But as soon as you know it and as soon

0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:17.360
<v Speaker 1>as you've done it, it's always less scary that marathon,

0:13:17.640 --> 0:13:21.319
<v Speaker 1>the exam, the driving test, I don't know, the relationship

0:13:21.360 --> 0:13:23.920
<v Speaker 1>that you're too scared to get into. The more familiar

0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:26.680
<v Speaker 1>it becomes, the less control it has over you, and

0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:30.000
<v Speaker 1>the easier it is to address it. So give yourself

0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:32.800
<v Speaker 1>the opportunity to build that resilience and to build that

0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:37.280
<v Speaker 1>belief in yourself that you can do hard things. If

0:13:37.400 --> 0:13:40.040
<v Speaker 1>you know what, wake up every single day, wake up

0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:42.920
<v Speaker 1>every single day and look at yourself and say, you

0:13:42.960 --> 0:13:45.640
<v Speaker 1>can do hard things. If I'm honest, I do that

0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:47.760
<v Speaker 1>a lot. There are so many things that I've done

0:13:47.800 --> 0:13:50.520
<v Speaker 1>in my life that I never ever believed that I

0:13:50.520 --> 0:13:52.600
<v Speaker 1>could do that. I thought in my dreams that I

0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:54.480
<v Speaker 1>would not be able to do. I never even dreamt

0:13:54.520 --> 0:13:56.679
<v Speaker 1>of doing them. And yet I found myself coming into

0:13:56.880 --> 0:14:00.920
<v Speaker 1>a situation where I got asked to or where I

0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:03.560
<v Speaker 1>was where life took me, and I thought, never thought

0:14:03.559 --> 0:14:05.800
<v Speaker 1>I'd have to deal with this, never thought that I'd

0:14:05.840 --> 0:14:07.720
<v Speaker 1>have to go through something like this, never thought this

0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:11.200
<v Speaker 1>opportunity would come my way. And how sad I look back,

0:14:11.200 --> 0:14:13.080
<v Speaker 1>and I think how sad would have been if I

0:14:13.200 --> 0:14:16.959
<v Speaker 1>just said, no, I'm too scared, No, this is too difficult. No,

0:14:17.280 --> 0:14:19.600
<v Speaker 1>actually I don't want to try it. It's some familiar,

0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:23.880
<v Speaker 1>it's scary. I'm gonna just leave it there. But the

0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:26.400
<v Speaker 1>more I've done, and the thing is, it trickles into everything,

0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:29.680
<v Speaker 1>you know, That's what's so interesting. It really moves through

0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:32.480
<v Speaker 1>your entire life. You do something difficult in one area,

0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:34.640
<v Speaker 1>it shows up in the other area. You do something

0:14:34.680 --> 0:14:37.800
<v Speaker 1>difficult in your personal life, you could show up better physically.

0:14:38.080 --> 0:14:40.760
<v Speaker 1>You do something physical that's difficult, like working out and

0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:44.520
<v Speaker 1>pushing yourself. There guarantee you that resilience shows through in

0:14:44.560 --> 0:14:48.560
<v Speaker 1>your work, in your relationships, in your ability to show

0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:51.280
<v Speaker 1>up and do difficult things in any other area. It

0:14:51.320 --> 0:14:54.240
<v Speaker 1>applies everywhere. So yes, okay, maybe you say no to

0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:56.520
<v Speaker 1>something that made you scared, but try to show up

0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:59.400
<v Speaker 1>somewhere else in a way that feels more comfortable. Maybe

0:14:59.400 --> 0:15:02.680
<v Speaker 1>you said no to speaking in public, but you chose

0:15:02.760 --> 0:15:05.080
<v Speaker 1>to go a little harder at the gym. Be proud

0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:07.200
<v Speaker 1>of that. You're still trying to do hard things, and

0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:10.000
<v Speaker 1>that's what's important. The more we stay in this place

0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:13.000
<v Speaker 1>of comfort, the more we stay in this place of

0:15:13.040 --> 0:15:18.360
<v Speaker 1>protection and just avoidance. Actually we're doing ourselves a disservice.

0:15:18.440 --> 0:15:21.040
<v Speaker 1>You think you're doing yourself a service. Let me hide away.

0:15:21.200 --> 0:15:23.840
<v Speaker 1>It's like saying you're going to go to the middle

0:15:23.840 --> 0:15:27.160
<v Speaker 1>of a forest because you don't want to get tempted

0:15:27.200 --> 0:15:30.400
<v Speaker 1>by anything. This example is given a lot in our scriptures,

0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:33.440
<v Speaker 1>and I always hear the monks talk about this, where

0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:37.520
<v Speaker 1>it's no use trying to take yourself out of your

0:15:37.520 --> 0:15:41.440
<v Speaker 1>desires or the things that tempt you lock yourself away

0:15:41.520 --> 0:15:43.840
<v Speaker 1>in a cupboard or a dark room, and your mind

0:15:43.880 --> 0:15:45.720
<v Speaker 1>is still going to have that. Your mind is still

0:15:45.720 --> 0:15:48.160
<v Speaker 1>going to have those thoughts, and so better that you

0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:50.840
<v Speaker 1>actually build up the protection mechanisms for when you actually

0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:53.560
<v Speaker 1>do come in contact with them, so you have the strength,

0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:56.840
<v Speaker 1>the resistance, the skills, the tools, the ability to protect

0:15:56.840 --> 0:15:59.680
<v Speaker 1>yourself against it. No point just stopping yourself from being

0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:02.840
<v Speaker 1>around it, because at that point you're creating a false environment.

0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:06.480
<v Speaker 1>What use is that, Oh, I don't want to eat chocolates,

0:16:06.480 --> 0:16:08.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to stop myself from even looking at it.

0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:09.720
<v Speaker 1>But then you go to a restaurant with your friends

0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:12.480
<v Speaker 1>and the chocolate cake is right there. Have you built

0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:15.080
<v Speaker 1>the ability to say no, no because you haven't allowed

0:16:15.080 --> 0:16:17.800
<v Speaker 1>yourself to And so that's such a small example, but

0:16:17.880 --> 0:16:20.200
<v Speaker 1>you can imagine how that can make a difference in

0:16:20.280 --> 0:16:23.560
<v Speaker 1>a lot in bigger and bigger issues. So, whether it's

0:16:23.560 --> 0:16:26.400
<v Speaker 1>saying no to the chocolate cake, or whether it is

0:16:26.560 --> 0:16:29.400
<v Speaker 1>saying no to a relationship that doesn't serve you, or

0:16:29.440 --> 0:16:31.800
<v Speaker 1>whether it's getting out of that job that you don't

0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:35.560
<v Speaker 1>want to be in, this it all plays a part,

0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:38.760
<v Speaker 1>and it all makes a difference, and so do the

0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:41.840
<v Speaker 1>damn hard thing. And I guarantee you you will not

0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:44.480
<v Speaker 1>regret it, even if you struggle through it, even if

0:16:44.480 --> 0:16:47.240
<v Speaker 1>you don't make it to the end of it. Guarantee you,

0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:49.800
<v Speaker 1>through that process of trying to do it, you will

0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:53.640
<v Speaker 1>have built up so much strength and resilience. Sending all

0:16:53.640 --> 0:16:56.280
<v Speaker 1>so much love. I hope you have a really wonderful

0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:59.360
<v Speaker 1>week filled with doing a few hard things, but more

0:16:59.360 --> 0:17:02.080
<v Speaker 1>things that bring you joy, and hopefully the two can

0:17:02.120 --> 0:17:04.640
<v Speaker 1>combine in some way. They don't live parallel. Hopefully at

0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:07.320
<v Speaker 1>some point there is a lane for both of them

0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:11.200
<v Speaker 1>to coexist. Have a wonderful, wonderful week. Sending you love

0:17:11.240 --> 0:17:13.440
<v Speaker 1>and send me a DM would love to hear from

0:17:13.440 --> 0:17:15.600
<v Speaker 1>you if you listen to this episode, let me know

0:17:15.640 --> 0:17:18.040
<v Speaker 1>what hard thing you are about to do and whether

0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:21.080
<v Speaker 1>you actually make it through and how it made you feel. Bye, guys,