Speaker 1: You know, the myth is that pregnancy sex is the
Speaker 1: best sex. Lies because my SoundBite was gonna be like
Speaker 1: for who not me or me? Dead ass? Hey, I'm
Speaker 1: Cadine and and we're the Ellises. You may know us
Speaker 1: from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each
Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make
Speaker 1: you need therapy most days. Wow. And one more important
Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this
Speaker 1: podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,
Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about through the
Speaker 1: lens of a millennium married couple. Dead As is the
Speaker 1: term that we say every day. So when we say
Speaker 1: dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth,
Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. We're about to take philow
Speaker 1: talk to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: So Codeine and I, as we expressed before, early in
Speaker 1: our marriage, were struggling with intimacy. But over the past
Speaker 1: couple of years there has not been an issue. So
Speaker 1: we've been all over each other. Hence another baby. To
Speaker 1: the point now where when Codeine was pregnant early on,
Speaker 1: she was still trying to help her husband. She was
Speaker 1: being a very good wife. She was trying to help
Speaker 1: her husband in the first trimester be relieved of some stress.
Speaker 1: In doing that, she was trying to rock the mic,
Speaker 1: and in trying to rock the mic in the first trimester,
Speaker 1: she suffered from extreme nausea. So me being a good husband,
Speaker 1: I tried to tell her, I said, babe, you know
Speaker 1: I'm good if you if you're good, She got mad
Speaker 1: at me for trying to stop her. So she was
Speaker 1: just like, no, no, I'm gonna be your good wife.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this. So now I'm sitting there like
Speaker 1: I don't know whether I'm gonna stop her or not
Speaker 1: stop her, because she seems very focused on getting this done.
Speaker 1: But every three strokes, all I hear is what and
Speaker 1: that For me, it's not I it's not enjoyable and anile.
Speaker 1: Typically she typically typically she can handle a lot people
Speaker 1: she can handle now she'd been doing that are you
Speaker 1: a pro now? But on this particular day, it didn't
Speaker 1: matter how many years you had in this game. The
Speaker 1: minute it got to the lips, it was like that.
Speaker 1: So I'm trying to be like understanding and she's getting
Speaker 1: mad at me. The more and more. She's getting mad
Speaker 1: at me. I don't know what to say, Okay, finish
Speaker 1: your story. Well you wasn't mad. I was a little frustrated,
Speaker 1: not at you per se, not at you per se.
Speaker 1: But it's like, if I get you to a certain point,
Speaker 1: like am I just gonna stop? I feel you and
Speaker 1: I appreciate that. That's that's you of service to your
Speaker 1: husband exactly. I was just like, this is what he
Speaker 1: needs out, Like who starts the job and don't finish it?
Speaker 1: But the job was finished when after I heard splack act,
Speaker 1: then I looked down and I'm like, oh, hell, now
Speaker 1: I'm done, get up, and you know what happens. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I was so Now we're sitting there at the edge
Speaker 1: of the bed, my parts is down, I'm hugging her,
Speaker 1: craving with her medium in my thigh on the floor,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, this is my life, guys, this is
Speaker 1: my life. Yikes. This song I'm dedicate to you because this, yes,
Speaker 1: this song came out around the time it did. This
Speaker 1: is our song. Yes, oh did displayed our wedd You
Speaker 1: tell me let me think this melody right, you're ready? Me? Me, me,
Speaker 1: me me. I want you to just know the DeVos
Speaker 1: gung ho about melodies when it comes to karaoke this season,
Speaker 1: so I'm trying to I'm trying to elevate your no, no, no,
Speaker 1: mm hmm. It's the theatric close my biby girl, look
Speaker 1: at you. Don't know how it feels to call you
Speaker 1: my It goes my baby? Okay, now loving everything you do. Boo,
Speaker 1: I did that, Let me do that six seasons. That
Speaker 1: was my song look at my Baby came out There
Speaker 1: goes my baby. And the reason why I sang there
Speaker 1: goes my babies because in a moment where it should
Speaker 1: really only be about you because you're pregnant, you were
Speaker 1: thinking about me. You were seriously thinking about me to
Speaker 1: the point where you was driving yourself crazy crying because
Speaker 1: I was trying to tell you not to finish, and
Speaker 1: you were thinking about me. But that shows growth both
Speaker 1: of our parts, because a couple of years ago I
Speaker 1: had been like, yeah we are, here's some of that
Speaker 1: vastly and intensive care. Butter oil or whatever the hell,
Speaker 1: ain't nothing. Ain't nothing worse than a lazy hand job
Speaker 1: from your wife, nothing worse than like you sitting there,
Speaker 1: there goes my baby. Like you you know, like, I'm
Speaker 1: just excited to talk to people about this because when
Speaker 1: people talk about sex, especially married sex, it's always so daunting.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, and y'all have listened to the previous early
Speaker 1: early in our marriage that we were struggling. But now
Speaker 1: it's like, I think we finally caught our rhythm and
Speaker 1: I think what still kind of rings true to me
Speaker 1: since our revelation that we had last season, you know, um,
Speaker 1: not just with sex, but I think in general with marriage.
Speaker 1: We talked about just being of service to each other
Speaker 1: and that looks like different things on different days for
Speaker 1: both of us. Um, but I feel like I just
Speaker 1: kind of in this moment, if we're going back to
Speaker 1: story time, I just knew it was something that you
Speaker 1: needed because you definitely put on a happy face day
Speaker 1: and day out, or I know, I know what you need,
Speaker 1: and even though you're putting on the happy face, I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know what would genuinely make him happy today? You know,
Speaker 1: so amidst my that's what you call wife, and that's
Speaker 1: what you call wife because as a husband, I know
Speaker 1: what my wife needs. I know I'm going to do it,
Speaker 1: so you're doing the same thing. Appreciate, Thank you, and
Speaker 1: you deserve that. You honestly like you deserve that because
Speaker 1: you do everything day in and day out to ensure
Speaker 1: that I'm okay, that the kids are okay, that life
Speaker 1: is okay. So in my you know, issues that I
Speaker 1: have dealing with, I'm like, you know, it's the least
Speaker 1: I could do is try to try to, you know,
Speaker 1: handle some business with you. You don't give you handling business.
Speaker 1: But the funny thing is when it comes to pregnant sex,
Speaker 1: right as as your husband, your body goes through changes, right,
Speaker 1: everything swells up, right, especially in the first second traual mester.
Speaker 1: You're always in really good shape, so the first things
Speaker 1: that swell at first are your boobs and your butt.
Speaker 1: Like case, that's the first thing that always swell out.
Speaker 1: So of course it turns me on. But then you
Speaker 1: know what happens to me mentally, I think about you
Speaker 1: being pregnant, and then it's not I can't I can't
Speaker 1: view you the same way because at this point you're
Speaker 1: the vessel for my child. So whereas before you're just
Speaker 1: my like, you're object in that moment where we want
Speaker 1: to engage in sex, and I just want to please
Speaker 1: you and be pleased when you when you're pregnant. Sex
Speaker 1: don't mean the same to me at that. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. I can understand that completely different
Speaker 1: mindset when you think about it. Let's go to some
Speaker 1: facts that we found here, right, Let's see what facts
Speaker 1: were found here. A total of eighties six to a
Speaker 1: hundred of all couples are still sexually active during pregnancy,
Speaker 1: but others usually report a decrease in frequency of intercourse
Speaker 1: or just anything sexual related, sexual desire, all that good stuff,
Speaker 1: particularly from the female. I can test to that m
Speaker 1: pregnancy stimulates partners to search for ways to kind of
Speaker 1: preserve their mutual emotional relations you know, and sexual needs
Speaker 1: of course, with some limitations. Right, So, and I will
Speaker 1: I will interject and say that that is needed um
Speaker 1: for both the men and the women, because women still
Speaker 1: want to feel desirable, so it's important for them to know,
Speaker 1: like my husband is still into me, especially while pregnant,
Speaker 1: and men still want to be desired, like a lot
Speaker 1: of men won't say that, but a lot of things
Speaker 1: and issues that happen in relationships, and men want to
Speaker 1: constantly be desired, especially by the women they choose to
Speaker 1: spend the rest of their life with so both parties
Speaker 1: want to continuously be desired the pregnancy process. Or you
Speaker 1: have some women that look at you and goes like
Speaker 1: I can't stand them, absolutely, And some of it is
Speaker 1: because they're just like upset in that moment, like you
Speaker 1: did this to me, So who's the closest person to blame?
Speaker 1: And then some people said they just kind of have
Speaker 1: like an aversion to their husband, like they just feel
Speaker 1: like their husband doesn't smell the same, or like something
Speaker 1: about them is just giving them change. Yeah. Um, I
Speaker 1: have a friend who's pregnant and she's having a girl,
Speaker 1: and she's like every pregnancy, I just don't want my
Speaker 1: husband on me because for whatever reason, I just in
Speaker 1: that moment don't like them. And it's short lived because
Speaker 1: it's probably during the first and second try ms her
Speaker 1: and then after that she's like, cuddle me. So he's
Speaker 1: probably just like, what the hell is going on? I mean,
Speaker 1: you can't stand me? The next minute you want to come.
Speaker 1: This is their fourth so I'm pretty sure he already knows. Like,
Speaker 1: and this is one thing about about relationships and pregnancies,
Speaker 1: there's no one cookie cutter way that works for everybody.
Speaker 1: No one can give you advice on how to deal
Speaker 1: with your pregnancy, you have to speak to your partner.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure that man knew once I got this
Speaker 1: woman pregnant for six to eight weeks, she ain't gonna
Speaker 1: want to be touched and she ain't gonna want me
Speaker 1: on her. And I understand that. He I guarantee you,
Speaker 1: he knows this is their fourth pregnancy. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. And you know, some people are always unders that,
Speaker 1: Oh I couldn't deal with that if my wife, my husband,
Speaker 1: I couldn't. Yeah, that's that's why they're not yours. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. You found what works for you
Speaker 1: in your marriage works like that's just what it is.
Speaker 1: And if it's if it's odd to other people, it
Speaker 1: can be odd to them because you only with this person.
Speaker 1: That's a fact. That's a fact. So like things like nausea, vomiting,
Speaker 1: of course that we're spoken about that the story harmal changes.
Speaker 1: Fear of adverse effects of intercourse like pre term labor,
Speaker 1: about that, Yeah, worried about if you're interfering with anything
Speaker 1: down definitely coorse. So those are things that are among
Speaker 1: the prevalent reasons for a decrease in libido because sometimes
Speaker 1: a lot of it too. In addition to it being hormonal,
Speaker 1: it's mental, right, even mental for you sometimes when you
Speaker 1: think about definitely, especially as the pregnancy progresses and we
Speaker 1: get to the third trimester where there's evidently a stomach
Speaker 1: and a baby in there. Can't do it, you know,
Speaker 1: I can't do it. You can't get into it the
Speaker 1: way he wanted to get into it before the first trimester,
Speaker 1: And the third trimester always the most difficult for me
Speaker 1: because the first trimester I want to make sure we
Speaker 1: get to the second, and my concern is always having
Speaker 1: sex or intercourse and then us losing the baby. So
Speaker 1: for me in that moment, I'm just not into it,
Speaker 1: like right, like I'm really just not I'm not, It's
Speaker 1: safe to say. I think both of us are normally
Speaker 1: like yeah, like I don't even want to smell you,
Speaker 1: and you're just more concerned the second the second. Once
Speaker 1: we get to the second it's no longer nauseous and
Speaker 1: the doctor says, hey, the baby is good, blah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah, then it's more like, hey, think over there,
Speaker 1: I like this what I'm saying. But even in the
Speaker 1: second trimester, we can't remember we talked about having that
Speaker 1: animalistic attraction, that rough type of sex. We can't do that.
Speaker 1: We can't do anything. We can't do that at all.
Speaker 1: In the second even then you have a little bit
Speaker 1: of like, you know, like let me make sure that
Speaker 1: she's okay, and then you can't get tired of this.
Speaker 1: We'll be in the middle of having sex, right and
Speaker 1: I'd be like, hey, you are right, and she'd be like, yes, devout,
Speaker 1: yes I'm fine, and I'm like, okay, So I'm just
Speaker 1: asking because I just want to make sure. But you're
Speaker 1: sure you're okay. It's like if i'll stop, just its
Speaker 1: just the mood. I'm like, I'm like, no, I don't
Speaker 1: want to stop. I want to keep going. But that's
Speaker 1: want to know if you're okay, because you said you're okay,
Speaker 1: if I get off of me, all right, Let's just
Speaker 1: that's just not just and the third trimester it just
Speaker 1: be It's just it's just positions are awkward, belly's in
Speaker 1: the way. I don't think we have a lot of
Speaker 1: sex in the third we don't. I have locked jaw
Speaker 1: by the end of going into the six week check
Speaker 1: up that whole period there, you know. So eighty percent
Speaker 1: of women report some kind of sexual activity during their
Speaker 1: third trimester. I mean women still doing something. They don't
Speaker 1: mean intercourse, No, not necessarily, but I mean there's other
Speaker 1: ways to get things done. And thirty nine percent report
Speaker 1: sexual intercourse during their birth week. Oh yeah, because because
Speaker 1: once you stimulate birth by having said you can't yes,
Speaker 1: an orgasms. You did say that, develt coin the phrase
Speaker 1: popping the piano, But there's the orgasms. I don't here,
Speaker 1: I think, and I have to be corrected if from wrong.
Speaker 1: But semen also kind of helps to induce labor as well,
Speaker 1: so that might be something that we can look into
Speaker 1: if that comes. But I usually don't need me hope.
Speaker 1: That's it. So the frequency of sexual activity did not
Speaker 1: drop for most women in their third trimester, although ten
Speaker 1: percent said that they had sex more often during their
Speaker 1: tried third trimester than their first and second. That's interesting, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's interesting. So nearly all of the women who were
Speaker 1: sexually active during pregnancy reported vaginal intercourse, thirty eight reported
Speaker 1: oral sex that's me either for latio or the other um,
Speaker 1: and then reported masturbation. I kind of fall into that category. Too,
Speaker 1: because sometimes you don't want to be penetrated, you don't
Speaker 1: want another body on you, but you may want a
Speaker 1: little bit of relief in that moment. So I can
Speaker 1: kind of attest to that. I'm not a masturbator. I'm
Speaker 1: just not. I don't I don't like it. I feel
Speaker 1: like if I was going to masturbate, why did I
Speaker 1: get married. That's just my that's just my my thought
Speaker 1: process on it. It's like, I just want another person.
Speaker 1: I'd rather you give me a hand job, give me
Speaker 1: a head, or I don't just and you like to
Speaker 1: you like a personal I'm a very emotional, like spiritual person.
Speaker 1: That connection that we have is I need that right
Speaker 1: And then for me, I'm kind of like I don't
Speaker 1: want to be touched right now, but I could get
Speaker 1: all real quick. So let me just not go there
Speaker 1: with you and just do what I do and keep
Speaker 1: it pushing. You know, women said that they desired sex
Speaker 1: during their pregnancy as much as they did before they
Speaker 1: were pregnant. I am not a part of that thirty
Speaker 1: nine percent um and about a third of the women
Speaker 1: said that they had less sexual desire when pregnant, So
Speaker 1: I completely get that. Um, So, yeah, I feel like
Speaker 1: the course of sex changes. You know from the Blue
Speaker 1: Light Special that we had got us here. But we
Speaker 1: had a conversation the other night where you said you
Speaker 1: miss you missed that sex. Oh, I do absolutely, because
Speaker 1: I mean my husband still walking around here like you
Speaker 1: find as hell, you know, working out, he's on TV.
Speaker 1: You know, sisters, Zack out there, Zack out there in
Speaker 1: the suit and whatnot. Turned his life around. Use Zack
Speaker 1: to this bitch, not witches, right, you right, you got
Speaker 1: Zach baby Zack exactly. But I told, I told you
Speaker 1: should need to tell Tyler Perry he's this child's godfather
Speaker 1: because of the whole Blue Light Special was clearly because
Speaker 1: of him. He wrote it into the script. I'm sure so, TP,
Speaker 1: good brother, our son's middle ain't gonna be blue. But um,
Speaker 1: did you that I talk a little bit about the
Speaker 1: frustration as a woman where you're in the second trimester
Speaker 1: and I was constantly asking you if you were okay
Speaker 1: doing sex? Right? Did you feel like I was babying you?
Speaker 1: Or was it like emotions or was it no? I
Speaker 1: feel this is a genuine concern there. I think we
Speaker 1: both kind of had that concern because I feel like Okay,
Speaker 1: I want you to be in tune with me if
Speaker 1: you feel like there's something off, or if I kind
Speaker 1: of like you see a little grimace on my face
Speaker 1: and you're like, wait a second, is everything okay? I
Speaker 1: think that checking in is fine, but sometimes you might
Speaker 1: misconstrue that grim is for like you know, like a
Speaker 1: look like I'm saying go ahead, giving you the green
Speaker 1: light to god, I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes can be confusing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because the same way you bite your bottom it like
Speaker 1: you bite your by living you grab the sheets. I
Speaker 1: don't know if that's a I felt that let me
Speaker 1: you know, I'm nervous, or I felt that give me.
Speaker 1: It's a completely different content context for me. I can't
Speaker 1: take that. I'm not trying to take that chance because
Speaker 1: then I've had those moments too where I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you're getting little carried away, bro, you're getting a little
Speaker 1: carried away, and he'd be like, damn, I was just
Speaker 1: in the moment. It was just in the moment, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I get that. However, was about three
Speaker 1: weeks three weeks ago, that's my back, that's my back,
Speaker 1: my back. I was like, already, can't breathe as it is.
Speaker 1: I said, that's my neck cutting off the gentleman a tip. Pause. Um,
Speaker 1: the best situation is for her to be doggy style
Speaker 1: knees and elbows, because you can't see the belly. Once
Speaker 1: you can't see the belly, then that like that little
Speaker 1: click sometime disappear because the cake, the cake, the clapping
Speaker 1: get you in that old old thing like this is
Speaker 1: how it used to be. And in that moment, though,
Speaker 1: sometimes you gotta you need a reminder. I think I
Speaker 1: had my form on you. You might have, yeah, man,
Speaker 1: you was like you like, hey, hey, so, but that
Speaker 1: to me is the best position because you can't see
Speaker 1: the belly. Any position where I could see the belly,
Speaker 1: even where even where I'm like like you servicing me,
Speaker 1: and I looked down there and I see the belly,
Speaker 1: it's just not the same for me. We gotta hide that.
Speaker 1: We gotta put a sheet under the best part was
Speaker 1: even before our third tris. I think we were in
Speaker 1: the second and you and I were celebrating our anniversary
Speaker 1: in Cabo, and you know, I was just like, okay,
Speaker 1: you know, I had to bring my little outfits, but
Speaker 1: I can still fit in. So I could do my
Speaker 1: little tricks and whatnot, and I was like, oh, this
Speaker 1: little skirt here, I might be able to just kind
Speaker 1: of like work it on the side. I had a
Speaker 1: little body's suit situation, and I didn't realize. I guess
Speaker 1: my belly was as big as it was at that point,
Speaker 1: and it didn't quite work out, and you just kind
Speaker 1: of cracked the blast. You actually ended up pulling out
Speaker 1: your phone and doing a whole video. It was funny
Speaker 1: to me. It was like, don't embarrass me now, as
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be cute. You had a little a
Speaker 1: little it was a little bump. It's a little but
Speaker 1: you couldn't zip the skirt, but the effort was still
Speaker 1: the effort was still like super sexy. Like for me,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, she put it so
Speaker 1: much effort, and I just you know, your legs oiled up,
Speaker 1: you still look nice. You still had the little baby bump,
Speaker 1: and at that point that wasn't so distracting, but it
Speaker 1: was just it was it just felt good to feel
Speaker 1: like my wife still wanted me like that, you know,
Speaker 1: And and as a husband I need that still. I
Speaker 1: need that still the same way you need that. And
Speaker 1: I've had this conversation with my boys. A couple of
Speaker 1: my boys be like, Bro, like my wife, we want
Speaker 1: to have sex, and I don't want to have sex
Speaker 1: because she's pregnant, and like what should I do? And
Speaker 1: I'm like, bro, have sex with your wife. And they're
Speaker 1: like They're like, no, it's it's not like I'm not
Speaker 1: attracted to her, It's just I'll be concerned about the baby.
Speaker 1: My bro, that woman needs to feel attractive just as
Speaker 1: much as she needs to feel safe. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I even watch some of the comments and
Speaker 1: some of the d ms that I get from women
Speaker 1: that's say it's it's exciting to see a man still
Speaker 1: lust after his wife while she's going through so many
Speaker 1: changes with her body. Because as a woman, you feel
Speaker 1: like once you have a baby, you're never going to
Speaker 1: be the same or you're never going to be as good.
Speaker 1: Did you ever feel that way? Always? I still feel
Speaker 1: that way. I feel like, yeah, with each pregnancy, not
Speaker 1: that you've made me feel that way, but just absolutely,
Speaker 1: because I feel like it's never really just ever, you
Speaker 1: never reached that point where you're back to where where
Speaker 1: you were, you know what I mean? With each child,
Speaker 1: for me. For example, we had a couple more stretch marks.
Speaker 1: You know, this can gets a little bit looser, Um,
Speaker 1: it is that much harder to get back in shape.
Speaker 1: So yeah, absolutely, absolutely, no, I understand where you're coming from.
Speaker 1: And it's funny thing because men don't ever think like
Speaker 1: we don't ever have to think about that, you know.
Speaker 1: And I know a lot of first time fathers When
Speaker 1: I tell them, like, yo, you need to be intimate
Speaker 1: with your wife for for mental health reasons as well,
Speaker 1: they like them. I never thought about that. And I said,
Speaker 1: that's because you you know, nothing changes on us. You know,
Speaker 1: that's a responsibility we and and a lot more men
Speaker 1: should have that conversation with young men who are having babies.
Speaker 1: Fathers should have that with their sons, you know, like
Speaker 1: when you're going through that, when your wife is going
Speaker 1: through that process. Intimacy is not only just about sex
Speaker 1: and intercourse. It's also about affirmation you're still beautiful, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like you're still still want you,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And it goes it goes
Speaker 1: both ways because some some dudes be like, yo, you know,
Speaker 1: ever since we had the baby, my wife is not
Speaker 1: into me. Like that no more. And I'm just like,
Speaker 1: you gotta give her time to get back to her
Speaker 1: feeling like herself, because if she's not into herself, she
Speaker 1: ain't gonna be into you. Bro. Wow, that's interesting because
Speaker 1: a UK study I was just looking at this fact
Speaker 1: that I thought was kind of interesting. Most parents said
Speaker 1: that their sex life is better after childbirth in the UK. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not in not in our You do sound like that
Speaker 1: in America complaining all the time, right, I mean, because
Speaker 1: there's so many factors at that point. It's not even
Speaker 1: just the woman getting her body back, but there's also
Speaker 1: adjusting with a new baby. There's also, um, you know,
Speaker 1: everything else that you throw into the mix. They're not
Speaker 1: feeling desirable, you're feeling like your body is still out
Speaker 1: of shape. You're still trying to figure out what has happened.
Speaker 1: So um A whopping couples acts said that they were
Speaker 1: satisfied with their sex lives said that sex after the
Speaker 1: baby is better than it was in their pre baby days.
Speaker 1: I think what would make our sex life more interesting
Speaker 1: after the kids is just trying to find incognito, spontaneous
Speaker 1: ways if everything, without having to like either wake the
Speaker 1: baby or you know, the kids find you keeping in
Speaker 1: occupied while you try to just like get a quick session.
Speaker 1: And you remember closet sessions in California. Those were the
Speaker 1: best and the worst of times, because it was like,
Speaker 1: you know, you want to I don't. I don't. I
Speaker 1: like to feel everything, and I want to scream. I
Speaker 1: want to hear you scream. I want to throw the
Speaker 1: leg up. I wanna you know, I don't want it
Speaker 1: to be like somebody coming like that's not enjoyable to
Speaker 1: be that's just it's just not and the thing. But
Speaker 1: you know, no, you like the thrill. You like the
Speaker 1: thrills we do. It's look. It says here that a
Speaker 1: survey found att of new moms felt insecure about their
Speaker 1: post baby bodies, with meaning to feeling too fat for sex.
Speaker 1: This is what I was telling a lot of these dudes,
Speaker 1: like you have to constantly affirm her because her body
Speaker 1: is changing. A third of the dads said they didn't
Speaker 1: see any difference in their partner's body after a baby,
Speaker 1: and a huge sixty three said they found their partner
Speaker 1: more attractive than ever before. Now I'll be the first
Speaker 1: to admit after you had the baby. Non know, after
Speaker 1: you had the baby things do be like I like,
Speaker 1: I like think like milky, I like, I like your
Speaker 1: cup size goes up three four sizes you but I
Speaker 1: don't know about that. But I don't know. It's just
Speaker 1: something and plus watching you go through childbirth and know
Speaker 1: when you have my baby something sexy about that. This
Speaker 1: is something I take men men say that all the
Speaker 1: time after she had You know, we have a couple
Speaker 1: of friends who just had babies who always just like, yo,
Speaker 1: I have to watching my wife go through that, it's
Speaker 1: just something sexy. It's just something about the death experience.
Speaker 1: It's something about that like near and death experience. Did
Speaker 1: you see your wife go through all of this and
Speaker 1: then it's just like, wow, she came out. I think
Speaker 1: it's more like also probably a greater respect thing, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, It's just like, wow, she's that
Speaker 1: much sexier because she was able to endure what she
Speaker 1: had to endure to bring forth our baby. Probably so
Speaker 1: probably I would imagine that that's probably a part of it.
Speaker 1: If you're just removing some of the surface things like
Speaker 1: just wait or you know those things, well, look, it
Speaker 1: says for around thirty years, researchers have studied how having
Speaker 1: children affects the marriage, and the results are conclusive. Comparing
Speaker 1: couples with children, researchers have found that the rates of
Speaker 1: the decline in the relationship satisfaction is nearly twice as
Speaker 1: steep for couples who have children than for childless couples.
Speaker 1: In the event that a pregnancy is unplanned, the parents
Speaker 1: experience even greater negative impacts on their relationship. The irony
Speaker 1: is that even as the marital satisfaction of new parents declines,
Speaker 1: the likelihood of them divorcing also declines. Because kids, most
Speaker 1: people stay together for the kids. So having children may
Speaker 1: make you miserable, but you'd be miserable together. That's messed up.
Speaker 1: But it's how many people have we heard, like, man,
Speaker 1: if I had you dan kids, it's you know that.
Speaker 1: I've heard that several times too. So I don't think
Speaker 1: that was the case with us, though, I don't think, um,
Speaker 1: I don't think divorce became like I don't think divorce
Speaker 1: ever became a serious option. It was always like a man,
Speaker 1: I don't do this no more. You can say we
Speaker 1: were kind of like divorced within the marriage couple, right right, right,
Speaker 1: But it was never like we're going to that level
Speaker 1: of separation, and I can honestly say it's not because
Speaker 1: of the children. I love you, I love you, you,
Speaker 1: my baby. I ain't gonna lie. It is what it
Speaker 1: is like. You do it for me. You might my person,
Speaker 1: You're my person, my person. Give me some give me something.
Speaker 1: That was a cute maid of light and talking about
Speaker 1: prenci sex. I think ultimately that we are each other's
Speaker 1: person and whatever facets we're in, whether it's pregnancy or not.
Speaker 1: Before after attempting to get pregnant, I feel like we
Speaker 1: try to enjoy phase and honestly try to take each
Speaker 1: other into consideration. I know that's something that I've been
Speaker 1: trying to do lately, um even pre pregnancy, which is
Speaker 1: trying to consider how you may feel, the things that
Speaker 1: you may want, especially absolutely when it comes to sex.
Speaker 1: So I don't think you should say a quick break.
Speaker 1: We've been going in, you know, I mean, you said
Speaker 1: you didn't like spontaneous quickie, so be of service and
Speaker 1: is going to be of service. We're gonna pay some bills.
Speaker 1: How about that? Pay some bills and then to come
Speaker 1: back and finish my listening letters. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: All right, guys, be back. We took a break. Wasn't
Speaker 1: that type of break on one? No hanky panky, nothing,
Speaker 1: nothing to report, nothing to report. But we're back with
Speaker 1: listening to let us Cain's favorite part, Trouble. It's a novel.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try my best to read it. Hopefully people
Speaker 1: use punctuation this time, so it starts to says anyway,
Speaker 1: I'm a thirty year old female and my husband is
Speaker 1: twenty nine. We have been married for a year and
Speaker 1: a half, but together for a total of almost nine years. Congratulations, guys.
Speaker 1: Just like the two of you, we constantly have conversations
Speaker 1: about sex that's really good. After graduating from college, we
Speaker 1: each move back in with our parents, who to save
Speaker 1: money to pay off student loans, so we were not
Speaker 1: having sex that often because we were rarely alone. I
Speaker 1: know the feeling. My then fiance would complain about not
Speaker 1: having sex often enough, but I promised I would get
Speaker 1: better once we lived together. We moved in together about
Speaker 1: one month before our wedding, and it did not get better.
Speaker 1: I had no sex drive at all, but would engage
Speaker 1: because I felt like I needed to, which is which
Speaker 1: was neither fair as our fear, our enjoyable as it
Speaker 1: could be for either of us. Okay. My husband also
Speaker 1: complains about the fact that I pushed him away when
Speaker 1: he starts to rub on me or kiss on me
Speaker 1: while I'm in the middle of doing something while whit
Speaker 1: like washing the dishes, cleaning, or cooking. He gets irritated
Speaker 1: when I tell him right now and says things like,
Speaker 1: you can't stop what you're doing for five minutes. And
Speaker 1: it's not that I don't It's not that I don't
Speaker 1: like the attention. It's just hard for me to switch
Speaker 1: my brain from you need to get these chores done
Speaker 1: to time to give you a man sexy attention. Fast
Speaker 1: forward to about a year after we moved in together.
Speaker 1: We are now relying on po M for birth control.
Speaker 1: For people don't know po women's that's the pull out
Speaker 1: method into cast. We decided to hold off on having
Speaker 1: kids for a bit since we were pretty much quarantine
Speaker 1: the entire time we have been married. After I stopped
Speaker 1: taking birth control, my sex drive spiked. We just talked
Speaker 1: about it's back to where it was when we started dating.
Speaker 1: Now when we have sex, it's fantastic, but it's still
Speaker 1: not occurring as often as we would like. He said.
Speaker 1: He doesn't always want to be the initiator I've been
Speaker 1: there before, which he's not, and then that it's hard
Speaker 1: for him to even want to initiate because of all
Speaker 1: of the times I told him no, we've been there before.
Speaker 1: I keep telling him things are different now, and I
Speaker 1: stopped taking birth control and even told him things I
Speaker 1: would like him to do to me, like push me
Speaker 1: against the wall, pull my hair, or tease me until
Speaker 1: I can't take it anymore. He's done it once in
Speaker 1: the last few months, and that's it. How can I
Speaker 1: convince him that my days of saying no all the
Speaker 1: time but behind me and I'm behind me and help
Speaker 1: him realize that when he wants sexy time attention while
Speaker 1: I'm in the middle of doing something, it's hard for
Speaker 1: me to switch my mind. Every time I bring it up,
Speaker 1: he starts bringing up me pushing him away, and him
Speaker 1: not always wanting to initiate. Did my previous actions completely
Speaker 1: ruin our sex lifeity to talk about this? Well? What
Speaker 1: I mean? I feel like one of the biggest things
Speaker 1: that I see here is her saying that now since
Speaker 1: she's been the one to have to rely on him
Speaker 1: to initiate all the time. Now that she's given him
Speaker 1: ways to help initiate it, he's kind of over it.
Speaker 1: And that's something that felt like we had to deal
Speaker 1: with because Devot said, I don't want to have to
Speaker 1: always be the one to initiate it, and he's like,
Speaker 1: why do I have to be in the mood when
Speaker 1: you're in the mood. The hard part for me with
Speaker 1: that it was like, what, bro, you've been asking me
Speaker 1: to be in the mood all this time. I'm finally
Speaker 1: in the mood. Take it, like, this is what we got.
Speaker 1: And at that point too, you kind of just felt
Speaker 1: like that ship has sailed in that moment, or you
Speaker 1: just kind of were in a funk. I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: we were. We were in a bit of a funk.
Speaker 1: But I think what she's missing, like you were missing,
Speaker 1: is that even when now you're in the mood, we
Speaker 1: still have to do it on your terms. It's like sex.
Speaker 1: Sex always has to be on a woman's term, which
Speaker 1: for us as men, it seems like it's not fair.
Speaker 1: So it's like, when you're not in the mood, you
Speaker 1: give me things that I need to do to get
Speaker 1: you in the mood. Then when you're in the mood,
Speaker 1: you give me things I need to do while you're
Speaker 1: in the mood, there's a lot of hoop jumping, jumping through. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like women tend to to
Speaker 1: put men through who's or not even saying women, the
Speaker 1: person who has the lower sex drive often tends to
Speaker 1: put the other person into so many hoops that if
Speaker 1: you do this, then I'll be more prepared. And that
Speaker 1: person at times is like WHOA like how much like
Speaker 1: I want to be desired and wanted as well? You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like, why do I always got
Speaker 1: to jump through hoops? I'd rather be with someone who
Speaker 1: wants to be with me than someone that I got
Speaker 1: to do a bunch of tricks in order to get
Speaker 1: them to say okay. And I think that's what she's missing,
Speaker 1: that's true. And also to the part where she talks
Speaker 1: about like him just coming over and just saying hey,
Speaker 1: like just grabbing on her or doing this doing that. Personally,
Speaker 1: I like that attention, but sometimes when you used to
Speaker 1: do it, I would think that you're doing that with
Speaker 1: the expectation that you wanted to have sex in that moment.
Speaker 1: And then for me, I had the difficulty, like her
Speaker 1: of trying to like switch from doing what I was doing,
Speaker 1: like not right now, you know, but it was nice
Speaker 1: to also to get the attention because when I don't
Speaker 1: get the attention, then I'm wondering and I'm internalizing, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, what's wrong? Are you in a bad mood?
Speaker 1: And then it becomes this whole conversation of well, what's
Speaker 1: the matter? Are you okay? Are you sure you're okay?
Speaker 1: You're not okay? I can tell you not okay, and
Speaker 1: then it becomes a whole argument for no reason. But
Speaker 1: think about that from a man's standpoint, right, you would
Speaker 1: say to me, you only touch me and stuff when
Speaker 1: you want to have sex. So then I'd be like,
Speaker 1: let me not do that. Then I touch you on
Speaker 1: times and I don't want to have sex, and you
Speaker 1: pull away because I feel like you can also have
Speaker 1: intimacy and you can have that level of playfulness or
Speaker 1: just walking past and me just like grabbing on you
Speaker 1: or something, and it just be me displaying a little
Speaker 1: bit of affection. To what I'm saying is yeah, But
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is is even when we do that,
Speaker 1: if you pull away because you're worried that I want
Speaker 1: to have sex in that moment. How can you say
Speaker 1: to me, one, you never touched me, or you're never
Speaker 1: affectionate when you don't want to have sex. But then
Speaker 1: when I'm trying to show you affection it affection when
Speaker 1: I don't want to have sex, you pull away because
Speaker 1: you're afraid that I'm trying to have some Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: the disconnect that we had. We had that disconnect because
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I do like the affection, and I
Speaker 1: do like to just be able to just be quote
Speaker 1: unquote intimate or have intimate moments without it ending in sex.
Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is that women are not clear
Speaker 1: with what they want from men. For example, you want
Speaker 1: intimate moments. He's giving you intimate moments, but you're afraid
Speaker 1: that those into me moments are going to turn into sex,
Speaker 1: so you shy away. So then he doesn't give you
Speaker 1: intimate moments, and he only gives you intimate moments when
Speaker 1: he wants to have sex, so that you don't confuse
Speaker 1: it too. And then you say you only come on
Speaker 1: to me and give me intimate moments when you want
Speaker 1: to have sex. You can't. You can't give me two
Speaker 1: different things to do and expect me to follow both
Speaker 1: of them and then say to me, well, I just
Speaker 1: want you to do it when I want to do it.
Speaker 1: I think for me, I completely understand what you're saying,
Speaker 1: and I agree with you it's not fair. But I
Speaker 1: can also agree with the fact that you're being on
Speaker 1: birth control, your moved just sometimes just off all the time.
Speaker 1: I understand that, and not even knowing what you feel
Speaker 1: like you want in that moment because you think you
Speaker 1: want one thing and then you don't, So that confusion
Speaker 1: I know happens, especially in birth controls. I'm happy she's
Speaker 1: off of it, because what a spike, right, But it's
Speaker 1: a damage already done at this point, so so we
Speaker 1: can talk about that. For a long time, after we
Speaker 1: had diagnosed what was going on in our relationship, there
Speaker 1: was about a half a year where now there were
Speaker 1: so many years of me trying to figure out when
Speaker 1: to come onto you and being exhausted of how to
Speaker 1: come on to you that I just stopped coming on
Speaker 1: to you. And then then you were in the mood.
Speaker 1: But now you want me to come on to you
Speaker 1: because you're in the mood, and I'm like, if you're
Speaker 1: in the mood, why won't you come on to me,
Speaker 1: but then you would give me more hoops. But I
Speaker 1: like it like this. It just seems that when it
Speaker 1: comes to the sad moments when I came on to
Speaker 1: you and you're just like, I'm not in the mood.
Speaker 1: So I'm like feeling some kind of way because I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: you're always in the mood, though, what do you mean now?
Speaker 1: And I almost felt like it was punishment, Like I
Speaker 1: feel like you just wanted to You just wanted to
Speaker 1: in that moment have like like, ah, well, here take
Speaker 1: that because you've given me that. No, it wasn't it
Speaker 1: wasn't punishment. But a lot of times it was like
Speaker 1: you would come on to me after we just had
Speaker 1: the conversation, and then it felt like you were just
Speaker 1: coming on to me because we just had a conversation.
Speaker 1: And but that's what I'm saying, like you constantly have
Speaker 1: the conversation, and why you're having the conversation, You're trying
Speaker 1: to figure out when is the right time to make
Speaker 1: the move. The two of them, like us too, are
Speaker 1: going to have to get to a point where they
Speaker 1: say we are no longer going to think about what
Speaker 1: happened in the past. We're just going to accept what
Speaker 1: happens now and move forward in the future. And until
Speaker 1: they make that decision the two of them, it can't
Speaker 1: just be one. She has to make it and he
Speaker 1: has to make it. They're always going to reflect back
Speaker 1: on well, well, that's the last time you did this,
Speaker 1: this is what happens, and that's what they're going through now.
Speaker 1: So it's very Yeah, it sounds very, very similar. But
Speaker 1: I do think that she has to realize if you
Speaker 1: made him jump through hoops for years and now you
Speaker 1: figured out what's good, you can't just expect it to
Speaker 1: him to just forget that you're the same way you
Speaker 1: made him put in work for years, you have to
Speaker 1: be willing to put in the same amount of work
Speaker 1: to get things back to normal. Like, and I'm not
Speaker 1: blaming her, but the birth control was a part of it,
Speaker 1: but also her indecisiveness or sending mixed messages is like,
Speaker 1: he spent years trying to figure out what she wanted.
Speaker 1: That's exhausting. But now that you figured it out, you
Speaker 1: can't just be like, well I figured it out, let's
Speaker 1: do it my way now. They also went from two extremes.
Speaker 1: They went from being at home with the parents and
Speaker 1: then to being quarantined together alone. So he was probably
Speaker 1: just like, oh, it's on and popping now because we
Speaker 1: have no we have no reason or no excuse because
Speaker 1: we have our own spades. Might I suggest like a
Speaker 1: little vacation to kind of like bury the hatchet because
Speaker 1: you know, I love the Book of Flight and be
Speaker 1: going but doing something that we were just like, you
Speaker 1: know what, babe, you're not going to go away. We're
Speaker 1: gonna enjoy this week. We're gonna have fun. We're just
Speaker 1: gonna let loose. We're just gonna start fresh because we've
Speaker 1: had moments like that, we just felt like we need
Speaker 1: to just start fresh, and just maybe that might be
Speaker 1: a way to just say, you know what, we're gonna
Speaker 1: bury those those old sex hatchets and start from new.
Speaker 1: But I do agree with you that it has to
Speaker 1: be mutual where you both are gonna work on it.
Speaker 1: And I do feel like people who have low sex drives,
Speaker 1: whether a man or a woman, who view sex as
Speaker 1: a chore, cannot then use sex as a punishment for
Speaker 1: their partner or weaponized sex to their partner because they
Speaker 1: viewed sex as a chore. You know how people do that,
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, that's like, oh, if he
Speaker 1: don't do that, she don't do this, and I'm not
Speaker 1: giving them none if you just choose to do that
Speaker 1: because sex is a chore to you and you weaponize sex,
Speaker 1: it's unfair to that person to ask that person to
Speaker 1: only be with you. You understand what I'm saying, Like,
Speaker 1: it's it's just it's wrong. I don't think that it's
Speaker 1: fair to require monogamy from someone that you're going to
Speaker 1: use sex as a punishment, right, But I also believe
Speaker 1: that there are ebbs and flows with sex. Absolutely absolutely,
Speaker 1: So it's kind of like you're gonna have to ride
Speaker 1: the wave or ride something else at this Well, the
Speaker 1: thing is the communication and also understanding if you enjoy
Speaker 1: having sex one thing I don't know. Well, I mean
Speaker 1: she did say they enjoy having sex the same way
Speaker 1: we enjoyed having so since we enjoyed having sex, we
Speaker 1: were trying to find out how we can get back
Speaker 1: to that enjoyment. It wasn't like sex was just terrible
Speaker 1: to either one of us was like I'm trying to
Speaker 1: avoid it. It was like, nah, I wanted back to
Speaker 1: the way it was. And I think that when you
Speaker 1: are in a relationship for a long time. Like you said,
Speaker 1: as ebbs and flows, as life changes. Every time an
Speaker 1: adjustment happens in your life, your sex life change. This
Speaker 1: is a reality, says everything. It changes with movement, It
Speaker 1: change just with jobs, It changes finances, it changes every
Speaker 1: single thing. Because sex is so spiritual for people, every
Speaker 1: time something in your life happens, it changes. And people
Speaker 1: need to understand that your sex life is not going
Speaker 1: to be the same all the time just because you're
Speaker 1: with the same person. That's a fact. And there's two
Speaker 1: people dealing with two separate sys of their own issues,
Speaker 1: then the collective issues forget it. It's just a whole
Speaker 1: hot mess. It's like all the sex, the babies in here,
Speaker 1: like he's in there, like ten stuff like oh I
Speaker 1: hear I hear I hear him nearby. Whenever he whenever
Speaker 1: he hears my voice, he starts tensing up like yo, yo,
Speaker 1: He's just like yo, he's coming, He's coming coming. That
Speaker 1: was a long That was a long one, Yes, all right,
Speaker 1: number two, Hey, Codeina de val I was running on
Speaker 1: my back. Go ahead, do your thing anything. Hi, I
Speaker 1: was running. If you guys had any advice for someone
Speaker 1: who hasn't felt sexy since becoming a mom girl. I know,
Speaker 1: before pregnancy, I was in the gym four days a week.
Speaker 1: My stomach was flawless. During pregnancy, I ate super healthy
Speaker 1: hired to train it to keep me on track. I
Speaker 1: still gain sixty pounds and had ten pounds a ten
Speaker 1: pound baby via emergency c section. My son is four now,
Speaker 1: and I can't get back to my old body. I
Speaker 1: still work out, I have my old weight, and but
Speaker 1: that lower stomach is saggy and holds a punch of fat.
Speaker 1: My husband and friends say I look great, but I
Speaker 1: do dress to cover my stomach all the time. How
Speaker 1: do I get back to the feeling like the old me.
Speaker 1: I would love to wear a two piece or a
Speaker 1: tight dress again, but I'm afraid I'll look terrible. Thank
Speaker 1: you in advance. You guys are amazing and an inspiration. Oh,
Speaker 1: I understand. I understand. And it's funny because I feel
Speaker 1: like with she's doing all the things that you would
Speaker 1: think that you need to do to just stay healthy
Speaker 1: and stuff, and it's just like, even in doing that,
Speaker 1: the expectation is that I'm going to work out four
Speaker 1: days a week, I'm going to be you know, keeping
Speaker 1: myself on track, hiring a train of eating healthy, and
Speaker 1: then you still have a ten pound baby. Some things
Speaker 1: are just gonna happen because that's just genetics, and it's
Speaker 1: going to happen. But at the same time too, I know,
Speaker 1: with emergency c sections or c sections in general, that's
Speaker 1: a tough for recovery time. Um, And she said that
Speaker 1: she's still she's still working out, but she's trying to
Speaker 1: get rid of that lower you know, Well, here's the
Speaker 1: first situation. The first thing is that her idea of
Speaker 1: a little sag in her stomach may not be everybody's
Speaker 1: idea of a little sag in her stomach. So, for example,
Speaker 1: a little sag that some people could be fifteen pounds
Speaker 1: in their stomach, a little sag for some people can
Speaker 1: be two pounds. It's on how she views herself, right,
Speaker 1: And I think that's the most important because a lot
Speaker 1: of times, what I think happens with women who have
Speaker 1: children is that you'll have your significant other, or you'll
Speaker 1: have your mother, or you'll have a friend that's just
Speaker 1: like girl, but you look great for having a baby.
Speaker 1: And it's like, I don't want to hear I look
Speaker 1: great for having It's like an underhand and backhand and compliment. Like, girl,
Speaker 1: considering all the things, you still look okay. And I
Speaker 1: think what ultimately only matters to the woman is how
Speaker 1: she feels she looks about herself, you know herself. Can
Speaker 1: I just jugal quick, gentlemen, if you're listening, do not
Speaker 1: ever say this, babe, you bill look good for having
Speaker 1: a baby. If you put still before and having a
Speaker 1: baby after, she might smack the ship out of you.
Speaker 1: Do never never say that to your baby mother, your wife.
Speaker 1: Don't ever say that to your sister. If your mom
Speaker 1: don't say that, do not say it. I'm telling you.
Speaker 1: And and it's triggering for women who have babies, and
Speaker 1: it can also cause them to have what I think
Speaker 1: it's called body dysmorphia, where you view your body differently
Speaker 1: than what it really looks like. And people have eating
Speaker 1: disorders based on body This morning, absolutely, my advice to
Speaker 1: you says, don't wait for that moment where you feel
Speaker 1: like you look perfect. Rock the swimsuit. Rock the swimsuit.
Speaker 1: We're the tight dress. I feel like as long as
Speaker 1: you know that you're doing your due diligence with working out,
Speaker 1: you're eating healthy, you're you're trying to get yourself into
Speaker 1: the old body you know regimen that you were in.
Speaker 1: If it's a couple of little things, I'm an advocate for, Hey,
Speaker 1: since you got a little snaggy skin, get you a
Speaker 1: little little little nip, a little tuck, a suction, do
Speaker 1: what you gotta do. You know what I mean? If
Speaker 1: that's what it's going to mean, because you've done the
Speaker 1: work and it may just be a little something that
Speaker 1: cosmetically necessarily, we want to do it for yourself. AM
Speaker 1: not against her mommy make over after a woman has
Speaker 1: exhausted all options to get back healthy, because I don't
Speaker 1: think it's healthy to constantly go under the knife to
Speaker 1: change your body. If you're not just eating healthy and
Speaker 1: being healthy. It sounds like she's healthy. Yes, most of them,
Speaker 1: and some things you can't work. That's like in my
Speaker 1: ten years of being exercise specialists and studying kinesiology, I've
Speaker 1: dealt with pregnant women. Some pregnant women do everything, lose
Speaker 1: all the weight, lose all the body fat, and their
Speaker 1: skin still sacks. If you nipping stuff that you gave birth,
Speaker 1: you gave a life. I have no problems and no
Speaker 1: judgment for any woman who nip and tucked that, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. But I mean it is a
Speaker 1: little different for women who just gain weight and feel
Speaker 1: like surgery is an option, because that's just not healthy.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, This is really not healthy.
Speaker 1: That has nothing to do with looks. I just want
Speaker 1: people to be help healthy and at some point I
Speaker 1: think it's a woman. You just have to embrace the
Speaker 1: fact that, like, this is what we're working with now too.
Speaker 1: You know, there has to be like a real moment
Speaker 1: that you have with yourself where like, for example, me
Speaker 1: and my stretch marks, I'm like, the stretch marks are
Speaker 1: going to be there because their stretch marks are going
Speaker 1: to be there. Stretch marks are different than if she
Speaker 1: feels like something in her body just doesn't look like
Speaker 1: like stretch marks. They're women who never had baby, get
Speaker 1: stretched more, you got fat, Sometimes you've got stretch marks.
Speaker 1: Understanding that that's even sometimes women who haven't have children,
Speaker 1: that's that's something that they're conscious about. It's sub conscious
Speaker 1: of My thing is for certain things that you feel like,
Speaker 1: you know, you just can't get rid of or that's
Speaker 1: just your body. Now, you're gonna have to learn how
Speaker 1: to relive your body that way. See you and I
Speaker 1: can disagree with that. I I am not. I don't
Speaker 1: promote settling like like I feel like, if there's anything
Speaker 1: in your life you want you want to do, you
Speaker 1: can find a way. You have to do it. So
Speaker 1: you're saying, for example, with stretch marks, finding like a
Speaker 1: cosmetic proceduresse I'm talking about those kind of things like
Speaker 1: we're talking about her. I'm talking about her in particular.
Speaker 1: She's talking about a little sag in her stomach if
Speaker 1: her skin is hanging. You know how some people she
Speaker 1: said she gained sixty pounds, sixty pounds in the short
Speaker 1: amount of time, her skin could have gotten saggy and
Speaker 1: they could just be hanging stretchy skin. She wants to
Speaker 1: tuck that. Yeah, I get that, But I'm saying there's
Speaker 1: some things that you may not be able to control.
Speaker 1: But I understand that. But what I'm saying is that
Speaker 1: if you can control it, you don't settle and just
Speaker 1: say I'm happy with the way my body is. But
Speaker 1: I agree with you have to be if you can
Speaker 1: control it. You need to be able to say I
Speaker 1: want to be who I want to be. We get
Speaker 1: one life, don't. We don't owe anybody else anything, but
Speaker 1: we owe ourselves to not settle. And the idea of
Speaker 1: just settling for anything, to me, it's just not it's
Speaker 1: just not my mentality. And I'm not saying that my
Speaker 1: mentality is the right one, but I would say that
Speaker 1: to you as my wife. Like say, for example, you
Speaker 1: you gain more weight here, and you never had plastic
Speaker 1: surgery to nip protuck anything, and you've always gotten abs back.
Speaker 1: But say we go in, we do a whole year,
Speaker 1: and you're busting your tail, but that skin is just sagging.
Speaker 1: I don't want you to just be like, babe, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna just settle with this and then have to deal
Speaker 1: with settling. I want you to say, no, babe, I
Speaker 1: want to get this corrected. I want to We worked
Speaker 1: every we we worked our tales off to get exhausting, exhausting.
Speaker 1: Absolutely can get a little and get a little help.
Speaker 1: I promote that. I promote that, especially for moms you've
Speaker 1: given life like you deserve to lead the way you
Speaker 1: want to be, and you deserved to feel good about
Speaker 1: yourself again and look good, absolutely be everything that you want,
Speaker 1: absolutely for sure, absolutely all right, y'all, that was cool.
Speaker 1: If you want to be featured as a listener letter,
Speaker 1: what did they have to do? Baby? Email us at
Speaker 1: d E A D A S S A d V
Speaker 1: I C. And that's the best way to get to
Speaker 1: a listener letter, possibly on the show because the d
Speaker 1: M you know, let me be hard at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, you so used to cutting me off that
Speaker 1: you don't even let me finish the email. My bad,
Speaker 1: Hold me, my bad. Give us a moment of truth.
Speaker 1: Talk about true If that's not the pot colon the cattle.
Speaker 1: Uh so, pregnancy sex moment of truth? My thing being
Speaker 1: a woman, being pregnant, experiencing this, listening, listening to my
Speaker 1: body is always going to trump anything when it comes
Speaker 1: to sex during pregnancy. However, I do also want to
Speaker 1: be cognizant of the fact that I do have a
Speaker 1: spouse who has needs and desires as well, and if
Speaker 1: it's within my realm of of of possibility, if it's
Speaker 1: within my realm of capability in that moment and reflects
Speaker 1: that I pray for, especially in that first dry um,
Speaker 1: if it's within those my powers to make it happen
Speaker 1: for him, just to know that that's something that he
Speaker 1: needs then I'm going to do it if it doesn't
Speaker 1: require me necessarily in a moment feeling like, man, I
Speaker 1: just don't want to be penetrated in this moment, but
Speaker 1: I know he needs it. Let me find a way
Speaker 1: to make it happy for him. And I think it's
Speaker 1: also about rediscovery and discovering different ways to be intimate
Speaker 1: with each other. Um, that it can also be a
Speaker 1: way to help because we know that this is a
Speaker 1: short term. It feels like first sometimes but it's not
Speaker 1: a term, but it's really just like you know, it's
Speaker 1: a short amount of time that you have to kind
Speaker 1: of sacrifice on both ends. UM. So women, you know,
Speaker 1: give yourself a little grace with it and just understand that, yes,
Speaker 1: your body may not be where you want it to be. Um,
Speaker 1: but you were, you know, bringing forth an entire life
Speaker 1: and you know, have those conversations and checking on Bay sometimes,
Speaker 1: you know, checking on Bay and make sure that he
Speaker 1: is trying to stay afloat. You know, that's a little bit,
Speaker 1: a little bit can go a long way when it
Speaker 1: comes to just getting you back to a place of
Speaker 1: genuine smile. But you said a little spit and go
Speaker 1: a long way. What do you say little nasty little
Speaker 1: spit and go long. A little bit can go a
Speaker 1: long way by just paying attention, paying attention to the science.
Speaker 1: When he starts huffing and puffing up in this mission,
Speaker 1: I know what time it is, I'm like, okay, you
Speaker 1: know I don't be one to eat. Shut up? Can
Speaker 1: he be lying on me crying? I do not crying,
Speaker 1: but I do be pounding alright. My moment of truth
Speaker 1: for pregnancy sex um, My moment of truth is this um.
Speaker 1: Once you're your significant other, your wife, baby mother, becomes pregnant,
Speaker 1: her body is no longer your object of affection. Her
Speaker 1: body is there to be a tool to bring forth life.
Speaker 1: So you have to give her grace and also give
Speaker 1: yourself grace. But also understand this, that woman, while pregnant,
Speaker 1: needs to feel wanted and attractive. That is important for
Speaker 1: the remainder of your life together. So if you dismiss
Speaker 1: her and leave her alone because you need distance because
Speaker 1: y'all can't have sex so you don't have no need
Speaker 1: for her or be around her until she has the baby,
Speaker 1: that's the worst thing you could ever do. You need
Speaker 1: to constantly be intimate with your significant other, be there
Speaker 1: with her still grab on that booty, rub on her,
Speaker 1: let her know that she's attractive, because that's going to
Speaker 1: help her mentally and emotionally get through these nine to
Speaker 1: ten months together so and and thereafter. So that's that's
Speaker 1: my um. That's my momentum truth. Oh and lastly, um,
Speaker 1: no matter how much she argues with you in the
Speaker 1: first tround mixt if she keeps throwing up, do not
Speaker 1: let her give you head whatever. Be sure to follow
Speaker 1: us y'all on social media, did as the podcast and
Speaker 1: you know you can find me at Cadena. I am
Speaker 1: and I Am Devout. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts,
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review, and subscribe baby, and share
Speaker 1: these episodes with people who know we're on the brink,
Speaker 1: because people, we have the babies left and right, and
Speaker 1: I'll be out here suffering, suffering. So I'm hoping that
Speaker 1: there's some takeaways for y'all episodes that you are not alone.
Speaker 1: Everything that you have gone through and you're going through,
Speaker 1: we have been there. We still made it. We did
Speaker 1: we make it all. You got no choice. Dead Ass
Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and
Speaker 1: is produced by the Nora Opinia and Triple follow The
Speaker 1: podcast on social media at Dead as the Podcasts and
Speaker 1: Never miss a Thing