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Speaker 1: You know, the myth is that pregnancy sex is the

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Speaker 1: best sex. Lies because my SoundBite was gonna be like

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Speaker 1: for who not me or me? Dead ass? Hey, I'm

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Speaker 1: Cadine and and we're the Ellises. You may know us

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Speaker 1: from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each

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Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make

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Speaker 1: you need therapy most days. Wow. And one more important

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Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this

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Speaker 1: podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,

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Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about through the

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Speaker 1: lens of a millennium married couple. Dead As is the

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Speaker 1: term that we say every day. So when we say

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Speaker 1: dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth,

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Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. We're about to take philow

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Speaker 1: talk to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: So Codeine and I, as we expressed before, early in

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Speaker 1: our marriage, were struggling with intimacy. But over the past

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Speaker 1: couple of years there has not been an issue. So

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Speaker 1: we've been all over each other. Hence another baby. To

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Speaker 1: the point now where when Codeine was pregnant early on,

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Speaker 1: she was still trying to help her husband. She was

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Speaker 1: being a very good wife. She was trying to help

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Speaker 1: her husband in the first trimester be relieved of some stress.

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Speaker 1: In doing that, she was trying to rock the mic,

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Speaker 1: and in trying to rock the mic in the first trimester,

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Speaker 1: she suffered from extreme nausea. So me being a good husband,

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Speaker 1: I tried to tell her, I said, babe, you know

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Speaker 1: I'm good if you if you're good, She got mad

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Speaker 1: at me for trying to stop her. So she was

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Speaker 1: just like, no, no, I'm gonna be your good wife.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this. So now I'm sitting there like

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Speaker 1: I don't know whether I'm gonna stop her or not

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Speaker 1: stop her, because she seems very focused on getting this done.

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Speaker 1: But every three strokes, all I hear is what and

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Speaker 1: that For me, it's not I it's not enjoyable and anile.

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Speaker 1: Typically she typically typically she can handle a lot people

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Speaker 1: she can handle now she'd been doing that are you

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Speaker 1: a pro now? But on this particular day, it didn't

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Speaker 1: matter how many years you had in this game. The

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Speaker 1: minute it got to the lips, it was like that.

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Speaker 1: So I'm trying to be like understanding and she's getting

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Speaker 1: mad at me. The more and more. She's getting mad

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Speaker 1: at me. I don't know what to say, Okay, finish

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Speaker 1: your story. Well you wasn't mad. I was a little frustrated,

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Speaker 1: not at you per se, not at you per se.

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Speaker 1: But it's like, if I get you to a certain point,

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Speaker 1: like am I just gonna stop? I feel you and

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Speaker 1: I appreciate that. That's that's you of service to your

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Speaker 1: husband exactly. I was just like, this is what he

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Speaker 1: needs out, Like who starts the job and don't finish it?

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Speaker 1: But the job was finished when after I heard splack act,

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Speaker 1: then I looked down and I'm like, oh, hell, now

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Speaker 1: I'm done, get up, and you know what happens. Sorry,

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Speaker 1: I was so Now we're sitting there at the edge

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Speaker 1: of the bed, my parts is down, I'm hugging her,

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Speaker 1: craving with her medium in my thigh on the floor,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, this is my life, guys, this is

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Speaker 1: my life. Yikes. This song I'm dedicate to you because this, yes,

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Speaker 1: this song came out around the time it did. This

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Speaker 1: is our song. Yes, oh did displayed our wedd You

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Speaker 1: tell me let me think this melody right, you're ready? Me? Me, me,

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Speaker 1: me me. I want you to just know the DeVos

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Speaker 1: gung ho about melodies when it comes to karaoke this season,

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Speaker 1: so I'm trying to I'm trying to elevate your no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: mm hmm. It's the theatric close my biby girl, look

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Speaker 1: at you. Don't know how it feels to call you

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Speaker 1: my It goes my baby? Okay, now loving everything you do. Boo,

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Speaker 1: I did that, Let me do that six seasons. That

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Speaker 1: was my song look at my Baby came out There

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Speaker 1: goes my baby. And the reason why I sang there

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Speaker 1: goes my babies because in a moment where it should

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Speaker 1: really only be about you because you're pregnant, you were

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Speaker 1: thinking about me. You were seriously thinking about me to

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Speaker 1: the point where you was driving yourself crazy crying because

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Speaker 1: I was trying to tell you not to finish, and

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Speaker 1: you were thinking about me. But that shows growth both

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Speaker 1: of our parts, because a couple of years ago I

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Speaker 1: had been like, yeah we are, here's some of that

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Speaker 1: vastly and intensive care. Butter oil or whatever the hell,

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Speaker 1: ain't nothing. Ain't nothing worse than a lazy hand job

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Speaker 1: from your wife, nothing worse than like you sitting there,

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Speaker 1: there goes my baby. Like you you know, like, I'm

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Speaker 1: just excited to talk to people about this because when

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Speaker 1: people talk about sex, especially married sex, it's always so daunting.

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Speaker 1: Oh yes, and y'all have listened to the previous early

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Speaker 1: early in our marriage that we were struggling. But now

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Speaker 1: it's like, I think we finally caught our rhythm and

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Speaker 1: I think what still kind of rings true to me

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Speaker 1: since our revelation that we had last season, you know, um,

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Speaker 1: not just with sex, but I think in general with marriage.

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Speaker 1: We talked about just being of service to each other

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Speaker 1: and that looks like different things on different days for

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Speaker 1: both of us. Um, but I feel like I just

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Speaker 1: kind of in this moment, if we're going back to

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Speaker 1: story time, I just knew it was something that you

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Speaker 1: needed because you definitely put on a happy face day

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Speaker 1: and day out, or I know, I know what you need,

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Speaker 1: and even though you're putting on the happy face, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you know what would genuinely make him happy today? You know,

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Speaker 1: so amidst my that's what you call wife, and that's

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Speaker 1: what you call wife because as a husband, I know

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Speaker 1: what my wife needs. I know I'm going to do it,

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Speaker 1: so you're doing the same thing. Appreciate, Thank you, and

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Speaker 1: you deserve that. You honestly like you deserve that because

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Speaker 1: you do everything day in and day out to ensure

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Speaker 1: that I'm okay, that the kids are okay, that life

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Speaker 1: is okay. So in my you know, issues that I

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Speaker 1: have dealing with, I'm like, you know, it's the least

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Speaker 1: I could do is try to try to, you know,

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Speaker 1: handle some business with you. You don't give you handling business.

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Speaker 1: But the funny thing is when it comes to pregnant sex,

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Speaker 1: right as as your husband, your body goes through changes, right,

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Speaker 1: everything swells up, right, especially in the first second traual mester.

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Speaker 1: You're always in really good shape, so the first things

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Speaker 1: that swell at first are your boobs and your butt.

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Speaker 1: Like case, that's the first thing that always swell out.

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Speaker 1: So of course it turns me on. But then you

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Speaker 1: know what happens to me mentally, I think about you

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Speaker 1: being pregnant, and then it's not I can't I can't

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Speaker 1: view you the same way because at this point you're

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Speaker 1: the vessel for my child. So whereas before you're just

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Speaker 1: my like, you're object in that moment where we want

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Speaker 1: to engage in sex, and I just want to please

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Speaker 1: you and be pleased when you when you're pregnant. Sex

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Speaker 1: don't mean the same to me at that. Yeah, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. I can understand that completely different

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Speaker 1: mindset when you think about it. Let's go to some

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Speaker 1: facts that we found here, right, Let's see what facts

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Speaker 1: were found here. A total of eighties six to a

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Speaker 1: hundred of all couples are still sexually active during pregnancy,

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Speaker 1: but others usually report a decrease in frequency of intercourse

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Speaker 1: or just anything sexual related, sexual desire, all that good stuff,

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Speaker 1: particularly from the female. I can test to that m

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Speaker 1: pregnancy stimulates partners to search for ways to kind of

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Speaker 1: preserve their mutual emotional relations you know, and sexual needs

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Speaker 1: of course, with some limitations. Right, So, and I will

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Speaker 1: I will interject and say that that is needed um

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Speaker 1: for both the men and the women, because women still

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Speaker 1: want to feel desirable, so it's important for them to know,

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Speaker 1: like my husband is still into me, especially while pregnant,

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Speaker 1: and men still want to be desired, like a lot

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Speaker 1: of men won't say that, but a lot of things

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Speaker 1: and issues that happen in relationships, and men want to

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Speaker 1: constantly be desired, especially by the women they choose to

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Speaker 1: spend the rest of their life with so both parties

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Speaker 1: want to continuously be desired the pregnancy process. Or you

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Speaker 1: have some women that look at you and goes like

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Speaker 1: I can't stand them, absolutely, And some of it is

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Speaker 1: because they're just like upset in that moment, like you

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Speaker 1: did this to me, So who's the closest person to blame?

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Speaker 1: And then some people said they just kind of have

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Speaker 1: like an aversion to their husband, like they just feel

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Speaker 1: like their husband doesn't smell the same, or like something

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Speaker 1: about them is just giving them change. Yeah. Um, I

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Speaker 1: have a friend who's pregnant and she's having a girl,

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Speaker 1: and she's like every pregnancy, I just don't want my

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Speaker 1: husband on me because for whatever reason, I just in

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Speaker 1: that moment don't like them. And it's short lived because

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Speaker 1: it's probably during the first and second try ms her

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Speaker 1: and then after that she's like, cuddle me. So he's

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Speaker 1: probably just like, what the hell is going on? I mean,

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Speaker 1: you can't stand me? The next minute you want to come.

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Speaker 1: This is their fourth so I'm pretty sure he already knows. Like,

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Speaker 1: and this is one thing about about relationships and pregnancies,

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Speaker 1: there's no one cookie cutter way that works for everybody.

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Speaker 1: No one can give you advice on how to deal

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Speaker 1: with your pregnancy, you have to speak to your partner.

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure that man knew once I got this

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Speaker 1: woman pregnant for six to eight weeks, she ain't gonna

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Speaker 1: want to be touched and she ain't gonna want me

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Speaker 1: on her. And I understand that. He I guarantee you,

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Speaker 1: he knows this is their fourth pregnancy. You know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. And you know, some people are always unders that,

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Speaker 1: Oh I couldn't deal with that if my wife, my husband,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't. Yeah, that's that's why they're not yours. You

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. You found what works for you

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Speaker 1: in your marriage works like that's just what it is.

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Speaker 1: And if it's if it's odd to other people, it

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Speaker 1: can be odd to them because you only with this person.

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Speaker 1: That's a fact. That's a fact. So like things like nausea, vomiting,

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Speaker 1: of course that we're spoken about that the story harmal changes.

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Speaker 1: Fear of adverse effects of intercourse like pre term labor,

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Speaker 1: about that, Yeah, worried about if you're interfering with anything

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Speaker 1: down definitely coorse. So those are things that are among

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Speaker 1: the prevalent reasons for a decrease in libido because sometimes

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Speaker 1: a lot of it too. In addition to it being hormonal,

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Speaker 1: it's mental, right, even mental for you sometimes when you

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Speaker 1: think about definitely, especially as the pregnancy progresses and we

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Speaker 1: get to the third trimester where there's evidently a stomach

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Speaker 1: and a baby in there. Can't do it, you know,

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Speaker 1: I can't do it. You can't get into it the

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Speaker 1: way he wanted to get into it before the first trimester,

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Speaker 1: And the third trimester always the most difficult for me

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Speaker 1: because the first trimester I want to make sure we

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Speaker 1: get to the second, and my concern is always having

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Speaker 1: sex or intercourse and then us losing the baby. So

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Speaker 1: for me in that moment, I'm just not into it,

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Speaker 1: like right, like I'm really just not I'm not, It's

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Speaker 1: safe to say. I think both of us are normally

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Speaker 1: like yeah, like I don't even want to smell you,

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Speaker 1: and you're just more concerned the second the second. Once

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Speaker 1: we get to the second it's no longer nauseous and

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Speaker 1: the doctor says, hey, the baby is good, blah blah

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah, then it's more like, hey, think over there,

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Speaker 1: I like this what I'm saying. But even in the

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Speaker 1: second trimester, we can't remember we talked about having that

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Speaker 1: animalistic attraction, that rough type of sex. We can't do that.

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Speaker 1: We can't do anything. We can't do that at all.

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Speaker 1: In the second even then you have a little bit

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Speaker 1: of like, you know, like let me make sure that

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Speaker 1: she's okay, and then you can't get tired of this.

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Speaker 1: We'll be in the middle of having sex, right and

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Speaker 1: I'd be like, hey, you are right, and she'd be like, yes, devout,

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Speaker 1: yes I'm fine, and I'm like, okay, So I'm just

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Speaker 1: asking because I just want to make sure. But you're

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Speaker 1: sure you're okay. It's like if i'll stop, just its

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Speaker 1: just the mood. I'm like, I'm like, no, I don't

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Speaker 1: want to stop. I want to keep going. But that's

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Speaker 1: want to know if you're okay, because you said you're okay,

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Speaker 1: if I get off of me, all right, Let's just

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Speaker 1: that's just not just and the third trimester it just

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Speaker 1: be It's just it's just positions are awkward, belly's in

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Speaker 1: the way. I don't think we have a lot of

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Speaker 1: sex in the third we don't. I have locked jaw

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Speaker 1: by the end of going into the six week check

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Speaker 1: up that whole period there, you know. So eighty percent

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Speaker 1: of women report some kind of sexual activity during their

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Speaker 1: third trimester. I mean women still doing something. They don't

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Speaker 1: mean intercourse, No, not necessarily, but I mean there's other

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Speaker 1: ways to get things done. And thirty nine percent report

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Speaker 1: sexual intercourse during their birth week. Oh yeah, because because

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Speaker 1: once you stimulate birth by having said you can't yes,

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Speaker 1: an orgasms. You did say that, develt coin the phrase

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Speaker 1: popping the piano, But there's the orgasms. I don't here,

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Speaker 1: I think, and I have to be corrected if from wrong.

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Speaker 1: But semen also kind of helps to induce labor as well,

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Speaker 1: so that might be something that we can look into

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Speaker 1: if that comes. But I usually don't need me hope.

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Speaker 1: That's it. So the frequency of sexual activity did not

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Speaker 1: drop for most women in their third trimester, although ten

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Speaker 1: percent said that they had sex more often during their

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Speaker 1: tried third trimester than their first and second. That's interesting, Okay,

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Speaker 1: it's interesting. So nearly all of the women who were

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Speaker 1: sexually active during pregnancy reported vaginal intercourse, thirty eight reported

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Speaker 1: oral sex that's me either for latio or the other um,

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Speaker 1: and then reported masturbation. I kind of fall into that category. Too,

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Speaker 1: because sometimes you don't want to be penetrated, you don't

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Speaker 1: want another body on you, but you may want a

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Speaker 1: little bit of relief in that moment. So I can

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Speaker 1: kind of attest to that. I'm not a masturbator. I'm

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Speaker 1: just not. I don't I don't like it. I feel

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Speaker 1: like if I was going to masturbate, why did I

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Speaker 1: get married. That's just my that's just my my thought

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Speaker 1: process on it. It's like, I just want another person.

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Speaker 1: I'd rather you give me a hand job, give me

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Speaker 1: a head, or I don't just and you like to

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Speaker 1: you like a personal I'm a very emotional, like spiritual person.

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Speaker 1: That connection that we have is I need that right

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Speaker 1: And then for me, I'm kind of like I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be touched right now, but I could get

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Speaker 1: all real quick. So let me just not go there

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Speaker 1: with you and just do what I do and keep

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Speaker 1: it pushing. You know, women said that they desired sex

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Speaker 1: during their pregnancy as much as they did before they

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Speaker 1: were pregnant. I am not a part of that thirty

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Speaker 1: nine percent um and about a third of the women

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Speaker 1: said that they had less sexual desire when pregnant, So

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Speaker 1: I completely get that. Um, So, yeah, I feel like

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Speaker 1: the course of sex changes. You know from the Blue

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Speaker 1: Light Special that we had got us here. But we

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Speaker 1: had a conversation the other night where you said you

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Speaker 1: miss you missed that sex. Oh, I do absolutely, because

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Speaker 1: I mean my husband still walking around here like you

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Speaker 1: find as hell, you know, working out, he's on TV.

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Speaker 1: You know, sisters, Zack out there, Zack out there in

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Speaker 1: the suit and whatnot. Turned his life around. Use Zack

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Speaker 1: to this bitch, not witches, right, you right, you got

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Speaker 1: Zach baby Zack exactly. But I told, I told you

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Speaker 1: should need to tell Tyler Perry he's this child's godfather

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Speaker 1: because of the whole Blue Light Special was clearly because

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Speaker 1: of him. He wrote it into the script. I'm sure so, TP,

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Speaker 1: good brother, our son's middle ain't gonna be blue. But um,

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Speaker 1: did you that I talk a little bit about the

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Speaker 1: frustration as a woman where you're in the second trimester

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Speaker 1: and I was constantly asking you if you were okay

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Speaker 1: doing sex? Right? Did you feel like I was babying you?

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Speaker 1: Or was it like emotions or was it no? I

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Speaker 1: feel this is a genuine concern there. I think we

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Speaker 1: both kind of had that concern because I feel like Okay,

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Speaker 1: I want you to be in tune with me if

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Speaker 1: you feel like there's something off, or if I kind

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Speaker 1: of like you see a little grimace on my face

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Speaker 1: and you're like, wait a second, is everything okay? I

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Speaker 1: think that checking in is fine, but sometimes you might

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Speaker 1: misconstrue that grim is for like you know, like a

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Speaker 1: look like I'm saying go ahead, giving you the green

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Speaker 1: light to god, I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes can be confusing. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because the same way you bite your bottom it like

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Speaker 1: you bite your by living you grab the sheets. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if that's a I felt that let me

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm nervous, or I felt that give me.

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Speaker 1: It's a completely different content context for me. I can't

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Speaker 1: take that. I'm not trying to take that chance because

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Speaker 1: then I've had those moments too where I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: you're getting little carried away, bro, you're getting a little

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Speaker 1: carried away, and he'd be like, damn, I was just

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Speaker 1: in the moment. It was just in the moment, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, I get that. However, was about three

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Speaker 1: weeks three weeks ago, that's my back, that's my back,

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Speaker 1: my back. I was like, already, can't breathe as it is.

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Speaker 1: I said, that's my neck cutting off the gentleman a tip. Pause. Um,

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Speaker 1: the best situation is for her to be doggy style

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Speaker 1: knees and elbows, because you can't see the belly. Once

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Speaker 1: you can't see the belly, then that like that little

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Speaker 1: click sometime disappear because the cake, the cake, the clapping

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Speaker 1: get you in that old old thing like this is

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Speaker 1: how it used to be. And in that moment, though,

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Speaker 1: sometimes you gotta you need a reminder. I think I

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Speaker 1: had my form on you. You might have, yeah, man,

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Speaker 1: you was like you like, hey, hey, so, but that

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Speaker 1: to me is the best position because you can't see

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Speaker 1: the belly. Any position where I could see the belly,

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Speaker 1: even where even where I'm like like you servicing me,

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Speaker 1: and I looked down there and I see the belly,

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Speaker 1: it's just not the same for me. We gotta hide that.

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Speaker 1: We gotta put a sheet under the best part was

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Speaker 1: even before our third tris. I think we were in

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Speaker 1: the second and you and I were celebrating our anniversary

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Speaker 1: in Cabo, and you know, I was just like, okay,

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Speaker 1: you know, I had to bring my little outfits, but

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Speaker 1: I can still fit in. So I could do my

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Speaker 1: little tricks and whatnot, and I was like, oh, this

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Speaker 1: little skirt here, I might be able to just kind

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Speaker 1: of like work it on the side. I had a

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Speaker 1: little body's suit situation, and I didn't realize. I guess

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00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:56,280
Speaker 1: my belly was as big as it was at that point,

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Speaker 1: and it didn't quite work out, and you just kind

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Speaker 1: of cracked the blast. You actually ended up pulling out

339
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,720
Speaker 1: your phone and doing a whole video. It was funny

340
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,520
Speaker 1: to me. It was like, don't embarrass me now, as

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to be cute. You had a little a

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Speaker 1: little it was a little bump. It's a little but

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00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:16,359
Speaker 1: you couldn't zip the skirt, but the effort was still

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Speaker 1: the effort was still like super sexy. Like for me,

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, she put it so

346
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,080
Speaker 1: much effort, and I just you know, your legs oiled up,

347
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,000
Speaker 1: you still look nice. You still had the little baby bump,

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Speaker 1: and at that point that wasn't so distracting, but it

349
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:34,359
Speaker 1: was just it was it just felt good to feel

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Speaker 1: like my wife still wanted me like that, you know,

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Speaker 1: And and as a husband I need that still. I

352
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,600
Speaker 1: need that still the same way you need that. And

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Speaker 1: I've had this conversation with my boys. A couple of

354
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Speaker 1: my boys be like, Bro, like my wife, we want

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Speaker 1: to have sex, and I don't want to have sex

356
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Speaker 1: because she's pregnant, and like what should I do? And

357
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, bro, have sex with your wife. And they're

358
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:56,479
Speaker 1: like They're like, no, it's it's not like I'm not

359
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,240
Speaker 1: attracted to her, It's just I'll be concerned about the baby.

360
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Speaker 1: My bro, that woman needs to feel attractive just as

361
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Speaker 1: much as she needs to feel safe. You know what

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00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:13,439
Speaker 1: I'm saying. I even watch some of the comments and

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Speaker 1: some of the d ms that I get from women

364
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:21,200
Speaker 1: that's say it's it's exciting to see a man still

365
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:25,520
Speaker 1: lust after his wife while she's going through so many

366
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:29,119
Speaker 1: changes with her body. Because as a woman, you feel

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Speaker 1: like once you have a baby, you're never going to

368
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Speaker 1: be the same or you're never going to be as good.

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Speaker 1: Did you ever feel that way? Always? I still feel

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Speaker 1: that way. I feel like, yeah, with each pregnancy, not

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Speaker 1: that you've made me feel that way, but just absolutely,

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Speaker 1: because I feel like it's never really just ever, you

373
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Speaker 1: never reached that point where you're back to where where

374
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Speaker 1: you were, you know what I mean? With each child,

375
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Speaker 1: for me. For example, we had a couple more stretch marks.

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00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,800
Speaker 1: You know, this can gets a little bit looser, Um,

377
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,000
Speaker 1: it is that much harder to get back in shape.

378
00:20:57,040 --> 00:21:01,240
Speaker 1: So yeah, absolutely, absolutely, no, I understand where you're coming from.

379
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Speaker 1: And it's funny thing because men don't ever think like

380
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Speaker 1: we don't ever have to think about that, you know.

381
00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,240
Speaker 1: And I know a lot of first time fathers When

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00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,760
Speaker 1: I tell them, like, yo, you need to be intimate

383
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 1: with your wife for for mental health reasons as well,

384
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,120
Speaker 1: they like them. I never thought about that. And I said,

385
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:19,840
Speaker 1: that's because you you know, nothing changes on us. You know,

386
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,480
Speaker 1: that's a responsibility we and and a lot more men

387
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:26,240
Speaker 1: should have that conversation with young men who are having babies.

388
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 1: Fathers should have that with their sons, you know, like

389
00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:31,840
Speaker 1: when you're going through that, when your wife is going

390
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,399
Speaker 1: through that process. Intimacy is not only just about sex

391
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:39,560
Speaker 1: and intercourse. It's also about affirmation you're still beautiful, you

392
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,280
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like you're still still want you,

393
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,920
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And it goes it goes

394
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:48,639
Speaker 1: both ways because some some dudes be like, yo, you know,

395
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:50,479
Speaker 1: ever since we had the baby, my wife is not

396
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,840
Speaker 1: into me. Like that no more. And I'm just like,

397
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:57,080
Speaker 1: you gotta give her time to get back to her

398
00:21:57,080 --> 00:22:00,159
Speaker 1: feeling like herself, because if she's not into herself, she

399
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,800
Speaker 1: ain't gonna be into you. Bro. Wow, that's interesting because

400
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 1: a UK study I was just looking at this fact

401
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:06,400
Speaker 1: that I thought was kind of interesting. Most parents said

402
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:11,000
Speaker 1: that their sex life is better after childbirth in the UK. Yeah,

403
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:14,399
Speaker 1: not in not in our You do sound like that

404
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:18,640
Speaker 1: in America complaining all the time, right, I mean, because

405
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,240
Speaker 1: there's so many factors at that point. It's not even

406
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:22,000
Speaker 1: just the woman getting her body back, but there's also

407
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 1: adjusting with a new baby. There's also, um, you know,

408
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:28,439
Speaker 1: everything else that you throw into the mix. They're not

409
00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,639
Speaker 1: feeling desirable, you're feeling like your body is still out

410
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,360
Speaker 1: of shape. You're still trying to figure out what has happened.

411
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:37,400
Speaker 1: So um A whopping couples acts said that they were

412
00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,639
Speaker 1: satisfied with their sex lives said that sex after the

413
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:42,960
Speaker 1: baby is better than it was in their pre baby days.

414
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Speaker 1: I think what would make our sex life more interesting

415
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:50,960
Speaker 1: after the kids is just trying to find incognito, spontaneous

416
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 1: ways if everything, without having to like either wake the

417
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:59,320
Speaker 1: baby or you know, the kids find you keeping in

418
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:02,119
Speaker 1: occupied while you try to just like get a quick session.

419
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,679
Speaker 1: And you remember closet sessions in California. Those were the

420
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,960
Speaker 1: best and the worst of times, because it was like,

421
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:11,560
Speaker 1: you know, you want to I don't. I don't. I

422
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 1: like to feel everything, and I want to scream. I

423
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:17,000
Speaker 1: want to hear you scream. I want to throw the

424
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 1: leg up. I wanna you know, I don't want it

425
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,879
Speaker 1: to be like somebody coming like that's not enjoyable to

426
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 1: be that's just it's just not and the thing. But

427
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,240
Speaker 1: you know, no, you like the thrill. You like the

428
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:33,119
Speaker 1: thrills we do. It's look. It says here that a

429
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,359
Speaker 1: survey found att of new moms felt insecure about their

430
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:40,800
Speaker 1: post baby bodies, with meaning to feeling too fat for sex.

431
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 1: This is what I was telling a lot of these dudes,

432
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:45,879
Speaker 1: like you have to constantly affirm her because her body

433
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 1: is changing. A third of the dads said they didn't

434
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,639
Speaker 1: see any difference in their partner's body after a baby,

435
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:53,680
Speaker 1: and a huge sixty three said they found their partner

436
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,160
Speaker 1: more attractive than ever before. Now I'll be the first

437
00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:00,440
Speaker 1: to admit after you had the baby. Non know, after

438
00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:03,400
Speaker 1: you had the baby things do be like I like,

439
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 1: I like think like milky, I like, I like your

440
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,639
Speaker 1: cup size goes up three four sizes you but I

441
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:15,040
Speaker 1: don't know about that. But I don't know. It's just

442
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 1: something and plus watching you go through childbirth and know

443
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,879
Speaker 1: when you have my baby something sexy about that. This

444
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:21,919
Speaker 1: is something I take men men say that all the

445
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:23,400
Speaker 1: time after she had You know, we have a couple

446
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,520
Speaker 1: of friends who just had babies who always just like, yo,

447
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 1: I have to watching my wife go through that, it's

448
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 1: just something sexy. It's just something about the death experience.

449
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 1: It's something about that like near and death experience. Did

450
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:37,679
Speaker 1: you see your wife go through all of this and

451
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:39,680
Speaker 1: then it's just like, wow, she came out. I think

452
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:43,520
Speaker 1: it's more like also probably a greater respect thing, you

453
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:44,959
Speaker 1: know what I mean, It's just like, wow, she's that

454
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 1: much sexier because she was able to endure what she

455
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 1: had to endure to bring forth our baby. Probably so

456
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,400
Speaker 1: probably I would imagine that that's probably a part of it.

457
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,639
Speaker 1: If you're just removing some of the surface things like

458
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 1: just wait or you know those things, well, look, it

459
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 1: says for around thirty years, researchers have studied how having

460
00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:07,640
Speaker 1: children affects the marriage, and the results are conclusive. Comparing

461
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 1: couples with children, researchers have found that the rates of

462
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 1: the decline in the relationship satisfaction is nearly twice as

463
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 1: steep for couples who have children than for childless couples.

464
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 1: In the event that a pregnancy is unplanned, the parents

465
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 1: experience even greater negative impacts on their relationship. The irony

466
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,400
Speaker 1: is that even as the marital satisfaction of new parents declines,

467
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:34,200
Speaker 1: the likelihood of them divorcing also declines. Because kids, most

468
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,040
Speaker 1: people stay together for the kids. So having children may

469
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:42,639
Speaker 1: make you miserable, but you'd be miserable together. That's messed up.

470
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,120
Speaker 1: But it's how many people have we heard, like, man,

471
00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:50,200
Speaker 1: if I had you dan kids, it's you know that.

472
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:54,160
Speaker 1: I've heard that several times too. So I don't think

473
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:57,200
Speaker 1: that was the case with us, though, I don't think, um,

474
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 1: I don't think divorce became like I don't think divorce

475
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:07,320
Speaker 1: ever became a serious option. It was always like a man,

476
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 1: I don't do this no more. You can say we

477
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 1: were kind of like divorced within the marriage couple, right right, right,

478
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 1: But it was never like we're going to that level

479
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:23,120
Speaker 1: of separation, and I can honestly say it's not because

480
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:27,160
Speaker 1: of the children. I love you, I love you, you,

481
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,679
Speaker 1: my baby. I ain't gonna lie. It is what it

482
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 1: is like. You do it for me. You might my person,

483
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 1: You're my person, my person. Give me some give me something.

484
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 1: That was a cute maid of light and talking about

485
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:45,240
Speaker 1: prenci sex. I think ultimately that we are each other's

486
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:50,560
Speaker 1: person and whatever facets we're in, whether it's pregnancy or not.

487
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:53,679
Speaker 1: Before after attempting to get pregnant, I feel like we

488
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:58,119
Speaker 1: try to enjoy phase and honestly try to take each

489
00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 1: other into consideration. I know that's something that I've been

490
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:03,639
Speaker 1: trying to do lately, um even pre pregnancy, which is

491
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:05,480
Speaker 1: trying to consider how you may feel, the things that

492
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 1: you may want, especially absolutely when it comes to sex.

493
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 1: So I don't think you should say a quick break.

494
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:15,880
Speaker 1: We've been going in, you know, I mean, you said

495
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:19,119
Speaker 1: you didn't like spontaneous quickie, so be of service and

496
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:23,880
Speaker 1: is going to be of service. We're gonna pay some bills.

497
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 1: How about that? Pay some bills and then to come

498
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,400
Speaker 1: back and finish my listening letters. Thank you so much.

499
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:45,240
Speaker 1: All right, guys, be back. We took a break. Wasn't

500
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:48,399
Speaker 1: that type of break on one? No hanky panky, nothing,

501
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:51,440
Speaker 1: nothing to report, nothing to report. But we're back with

502
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:55,200
Speaker 1: listening to let us Cain's favorite part, Trouble. It's a novel.

503
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:58,440
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try my best to read it. Hopefully people

504
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 1: use punctuation this time, so it starts to says anyway,

505
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:07,159
Speaker 1: I'm a thirty year old female and my husband is

506
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:09,199
Speaker 1: twenty nine. We have been married for a year and

507
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:13,160
Speaker 1: a half, but together for a total of almost nine years. Congratulations, guys.

508
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 1: Just like the two of you, we constantly have conversations

509
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,719
Speaker 1: about sex that's really good. After graduating from college, we

510
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 1: each move back in with our parents, who to save

511
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 1: money to pay off student loans, so we were not

512
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 1: having sex that often because we were rarely alone. I

513
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:29,639
Speaker 1: know the feeling. My then fiance would complain about not

514
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:32,200
Speaker 1: having sex often enough, but I promised I would get

515
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 1: better once we lived together. We moved in together about

516
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 1: one month before our wedding, and it did not get better.

517
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 1: I had no sex drive at all, but would engage

518
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,880
Speaker 1: because I felt like I needed to, which is which

519
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:47,080
Speaker 1: was neither fair as our fear, our enjoyable as it

520
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,720
Speaker 1: could be for either of us. Okay. My husband also

521
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 1: complains about the fact that I pushed him away when

522
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 1: he starts to rub on me or kiss on me

523
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:56,120
Speaker 1: while I'm in the middle of doing something while whit

524
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,120
Speaker 1: like washing the dishes, cleaning, or cooking. He gets irritated

525
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:01,520
Speaker 1: when I tell him right now and says things like,

526
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:05,360
Speaker 1: you can't stop what you're doing for five minutes. And

527
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 1: it's not that I don't It's not that I don't

528
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 1: like the attention. It's just hard for me to switch

529
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:12,960
Speaker 1: my brain from you need to get these chores done

530
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:15,400
Speaker 1: to time to give you a man sexy attention. Fast

531
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:18,200
Speaker 1: forward to about a year after we moved in together.

532
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:22,960
Speaker 1: We are now relying on po M for birth control.

533
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 1: For people don't know po women's that's the pull out

534
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 1: method into cast. We decided to hold off on having

535
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 1: kids for a bit since we were pretty much quarantine

536
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 1: the entire time we have been married. After I stopped

537
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 1: taking birth control, my sex drive spiked. We just talked

538
00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 1: about it's back to where it was when we started dating.

539
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:46,080
Speaker 1: Now when we have sex, it's fantastic, but it's still

540
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 1: not occurring as often as we would like. He said.

541
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 1: He doesn't always want to be the initiator I've been

542
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: there before, which he's not, and then that it's hard

543
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,240
Speaker 1: for him to even want to initiate because of all

544
00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,480
Speaker 1: of the times I told him no, we've been there before.

545
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,320
Speaker 1: I keep telling him things are different now, and I

546
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,000
Speaker 1: stopped taking birth control and even told him things I

547
00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 1: would like him to do to me, like push me

548
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:11,520
Speaker 1: against the wall, pull my hair, or tease me until

549
00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 1: I can't take it anymore. He's done it once in

550
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:17,120
Speaker 1: the last few months, and that's it. How can I

551
00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,200
Speaker 1: convince him that my days of saying no all the

552
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 1: time but behind me and I'm behind me and help

553
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:25,280
Speaker 1: him realize that when he wants sexy time attention while

554
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 1: I'm in the middle of doing something, it's hard for

555
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 1: me to switch my mind. Every time I bring it up,

556
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 1: he starts bringing up me pushing him away, and him

557
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 1: not always wanting to initiate. Did my previous actions completely

558
00:30:36,480 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 1: ruin our sex lifeity to talk about this? Well? What

559
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 1: I mean? I feel like one of the biggest things

560
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 1: that I see here is her saying that now since

561
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:48,880
Speaker 1: she's been the one to have to rely on him

562
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,120
Speaker 1: to initiate all the time. Now that she's given him

563
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:53,959
Speaker 1: ways to help initiate it, he's kind of over it.

564
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:55,840
Speaker 1: And that's something that felt like we had to deal

565
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:57,800
Speaker 1: with because Devot said, I don't want to have to

566
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:00,040
Speaker 1: always be the one to initiate it, and he's like,

567
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 1: why do I have to be in the mood when

568
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 1: you're in the mood. The hard part for me with

569
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 1: that it was like, what, bro, you've been asking me

570
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:07,120
Speaker 1: to be in the mood all this time. I'm finally

571
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:10,720
Speaker 1: in the mood. Take it, like, this is what we got.

572
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 1: And at that point too, you kind of just felt

573
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:15,720
Speaker 1: like that ship has sailed in that moment, or you

574
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,400
Speaker 1: just kind of were in a funk. I think, yeah,

575
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 1: we were. We were in a bit of a funk.

576
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 1: But I think what she's missing, like you were missing,

577
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,840
Speaker 1: is that even when now you're in the mood, we

578
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,440
Speaker 1: still have to do it on your terms. It's like sex.

579
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 1: Sex always has to be on a woman's term, which

580
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:34,720
Speaker 1: for us as men, it seems like it's not fair.

581
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 1: So it's like, when you're not in the mood, you

582
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: give me things that I need to do to get

583
00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 1: you in the mood. Then when you're in the mood,

584
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:43,480
Speaker 1: you give me things I need to do while you're

585
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 1: in the mood, there's a lot of hoop jumping, jumping through. Yeah,

586
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like women tend to to

587
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 1: put men through who's or not even saying women, the

588
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 1: person who has the lower sex drive often tends to

589
00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 1: put the other person into so many hoops that if

590
00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:00,479
Speaker 1: you do this, then I'll be more prepared. And that

591
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 1: person at times is like WHOA like how much like

592
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 1: I want to be desired and wanted as well? You

593
00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:08,680
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like, why do I always got

594
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,000
Speaker 1: to jump through hoops? I'd rather be with someone who

595
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 1: wants to be with me than someone that I got

596
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,120
Speaker 1: to do a bunch of tricks in order to get

597
00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:18,200
Speaker 1: them to say okay. And I think that's what she's missing,

598
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:20,640
Speaker 1: that's true. And also to the part where she talks

599
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:22,720
Speaker 1: about like him just coming over and just saying hey,

600
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 1: like just grabbing on her or doing this doing that. Personally,

601
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 1: I like that attention, but sometimes when you used to

602
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 1: do it, I would think that you're doing that with

603
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 1: the expectation that you wanted to have sex in that moment.

604
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 1: And then for me, I had the difficulty, like her

605
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 1: of trying to like switch from doing what I was doing,

606
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,880
Speaker 1: like not right now, you know, but it was nice

607
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 1: to also to get the attention because when I don't

608
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 1: get the attention, then I'm wondering and I'm internalizing, and

609
00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:47,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, what's wrong? Are you in a bad mood?

610
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:49,840
Speaker 1: And then it becomes this whole conversation of well, what's

611
00:32:49,840 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 1: the matter? Are you okay? Are you sure you're okay?

612
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:53,360
Speaker 1: You're not okay? I can tell you not okay, and

613
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:56,320
Speaker 1: then it becomes a whole argument for no reason. But

614
00:32:56,400 --> 00:33:00,240
Speaker 1: think about that from a man's standpoint, right, you would

615
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 1: say to me, you only touch me and stuff when

616
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 1: you want to have sex. So then I'd be like,

617
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 1: let me not do that. Then I touch you on

618
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 1: times and I don't want to have sex, and you

619
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:11,920
Speaker 1: pull away because I feel like you can also have

620
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 1: intimacy and you can have that level of playfulness or

621
00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:17,320
Speaker 1: just walking past and me just like grabbing on you

622
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:20,200
Speaker 1: or something, and it just be me displaying a little

623
00:33:20,200 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 1: bit of affection. To what I'm saying is yeah, But

624
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:24,240
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is is even when we do that,

625
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:26,960
Speaker 1: if you pull away because you're worried that I want

626
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:29,080
Speaker 1: to have sex in that moment. How can you say

627
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 1: to me, one, you never touched me, or you're never

628
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,360
Speaker 1: affectionate when you don't want to have sex. But then

629
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 1: when I'm trying to show you affection it affection when

630
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:38,160
Speaker 1: I don't want to have sex, you pull away because

631
00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:40,480
Speaker 1: you're afraid that I'm trying to have some Yeah, that's

632
00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 1: the disconnect that we had. We had that disconnect because

633
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:44,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, I do like the affection, and I

634
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:47,480
Speaker 1: do like to just be able to just be quote

635
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,520
Speaker 1: unquote intimate or have intimate moments without it ending in sex.

636
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:53,040
Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is that women are not clear

637
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:55,960
Speaker 1: with what they want from men. For example, you want

638
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:59,480
Speaker 1: intimate moments. He's giving you intimate moments, but you're afraid

639
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 1: that those into me moments are going to turn into sex,

640
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 1: so you shy away. So then he doesn't give you

641
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 1: intimate moments, and he only gives you intimate moments when

642
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:07,880
Speaker 1: he wants to have sex, so that you don't confuse

643
00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:10,319
Speaker 1: it too. And then you say you only come on

644
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:11,839
Speaker 1: to me and give me intimate moments when you want

645
00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:15,000
Speaker 1: to have sex. You can't. You can't give me two

646
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,719
Speaker 1: different things to do and expect me to follow both

647
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 1: of them and then say to me, well, I just

648
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 1: want you to do it when I want to do it.

649
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 1: I think for me, I completely understand what you're saying,

650
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:26,759
Speaker 1: and I agree with you it's not fair. But I

651
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:29,000
Speaker 1: can also agree with the fact that you're being on

652
00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:31,799
Speaker 1: birth control, your moved just sometimes just off all the time.

653
00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:33,839
Speaker 1: I understand that, and not even knowing what you feel

654
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:35,440
Speaker 1: like you want in that moment because you think you

655
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:37,800
Speaker 1: want one thing and then you don't, So that confusion

656
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:40,799
Speaker 1: I know happens, especially in birth controls. I'm happy she's

657
00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 1: off of it, because what a spike, right, But it's

658
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:45,920
Speaker 1: a damage already done at this point, so so we

659
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,279
Speaker 1: can talk about that. For a long time, after we

660
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:51,439
Speaker 1: had diagnosed what was going on in our relationship, there

661
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:54,839
Speaker 1: was about a half a year where now there were

662
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 1: so many years of me trying to figure out when

663
00:34:57,239 --> 00:35:00,120
Speaker 1: to come onto you and being exhausted of how to

664
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:01,759
Speaker 1: come on to you that I just stopped coming on

665
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 1: to you. And then then you were in the mood.

666
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 1: But now you want me to come on to you

667
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:09,879
Speaker 1: because you're in the mood, and I'm like, if you're

668
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:11,600
Speaker 1: in the mood, why won't you come on to me,

669
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:13,319
Speaker 1: but then you would give me more hoops. But I

670
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:15,279
Speaker 1: like it like this. It just seems that when it

671
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:16,920
Speaker 1: comes to the sad moments when I came on to

672
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,239
Speaker 1: you and you're just like, I'm not in the mood.

673
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:20,440
Speaker 1: So I'm like feeling some kind of way because I'm like, well,

674
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:22,680
Speaker 1: you're always in the mood, though, what do you mean now?

675
00:35:22,880 --> 00:35:24,440
Speaker 1: And I almost felt like it was punishment, Like I

676
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:26,440
Speaker 1: feel like you just wanted to You just wanted to

677
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,680
Speaker 1: in that moment have like like, ah, well, here take

678
00:35:29,719 --> 00:35:32,560
Speaker 1: that because you've given me that. No, it wasn't it

679
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,319
Speaker 1: wasn't punishment. But a lot of times it was like

680
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 1: you would come on to me after we just had

681
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:38,480
Speaker 1: the conversation, and then it felt like you were just

682
00:35:38,560 --> 00:35:40,560
Speaker 1: coming on to me because we just had a conversation.

683
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:45,600
Speaker 1: And but that's what I'm saying, like you constantly have

684
00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:48,359
Speaker 1: the conversation, and why you're having the conversation, You're trying

685
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,799
Speaker 1: to figure out when is the right time to make

686
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:53,360
Speaker 1: the move. The two of them, like us too, are

687
00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:54,799
Speaker 1: going to have to get to a point where they

688
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 1: say we are no longer going to think about what

689
00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:00,120
Speaker 1: happened in the past. We're just going to accept what

690
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:03,320
Speaker 1: happens now and move forward in the future. And until

691
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,959
Speaker 1: they make that decision the two of them, it can't

692
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,239
Speaker 1: just be one. She has to make it and he

693
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 1: has to make it. They're always going to reflect back

694
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 1: on well, well, that's the last time you did this,

695
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 1: this is what happens, and that's what they're going through now.

696
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,759
Speaker 1: So it's very Yeah, it sounds very, very similar. But

697
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,440
Speaker 1: I do think that she has to realize if you

698
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:24,080
Speaker 1: made him jump through hoops for years and now you

699
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 1: figured out what's good, you can't just expect it to

700
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 1: him to just forget that you're the same way you

701
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 1: made him put in work for years, you have to

702
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 1: be willing to put in the same amount of work

703
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:35,960
Speaker 1: to get things back to normal. Like, and I'm not

704
00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 1: blaming her, but the birth control was a part of it,

705
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:42,160
Speaker 1: but also her indecisiveness or sending mixed messages is like,

706
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:44,520
Speaker 1: he spent years trying to figure out what she wanted.

707
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:46,960
Speaker 1: That's exhausting. But now that you figured it out, you

708
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 1: can't just be like, well I figured it out, let's

709
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:51,320
Speaker 1: do it my way now. They also went from two extremes.

710
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 1: They went from being at home with the parents and

711
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,560
Speaker 1: then to being quarantined together alone. So he was probably

712
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:58,080
Speaker 1: just like, oh, it's on and popping now because we

713
00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:01,319
Speaker 1: have no we have no reason or no excuse because

714
00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:03,799
Speaker 1: we have our own spades. Might I suggest like a

715
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:07,399
Speaker 1: little vacation to kind of like bury the hatchet because

716
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,680
Speaker 1: you know, I love the Book of Flight and be

717
00:37:09,719 --> 00:37:11,719
Speaker 1: going but doing something that we were just like, you

718
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 1: know what, babe, you're not going to go away. We're

719
00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:14,800
Speaker 1: gonna enjoy this week. We're gonna have fun. We're just

720
00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 1: gonna let loose. We're just gonna start fresh because we've

721
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:18,719
Speaker 1: had moments like that, we just felt like we need

722
00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:21,239
Speaker 1: to just start fresh, and just maybe that might be

723
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:22,520
Speaker 1: a way to just say, you know what, we're gonna

724
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 1: bury those those old sex hatchets and start from new.

725
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 1: But I do agree with you that it has to

726
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:29,400
Speaker 1: be mutual where you both are gonna work on it.

727
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:33,800
Speaker 1: And I do feel like people who have low sex drives,

728
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,399
Speaker 1: whether a man or a woman, who view sex as

729
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 1: a chore, cannot then use sex as a punishment for

730
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:46,239
Speaker 1: their partner or weaponized sex to their partner because they

731
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,680
Speaker 1: viewed sex as a chore. You know how people do that,

732
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, that's like, oh, if he

733
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 1: don't do that, she don't do this, and I'm not

734
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 1: giving them none if you just choose to do that

735
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 1: because sex is a chore to you and you weaponize sex,

736
00:37:56,960 --> 00:37:59,360
Speaker 1: it's unfair to that person to ask that person to

737
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:01,759
Speaker 1: only be with you. You understand what I'm saying, Like,

738
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:03,680
Speaker 1: it's it's just it's wrong. I don't think that it's

739
00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:06,960
Speaker 1: fair to require monogamy from someone that you're going to

740
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:10,279
Speaker 1: use sex as a punishment, right, But I also believe

741
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:15,280
Speaker 1: that there are ebbs and flows with sex. Absolutely absolutely,

742
00:38:15,719 --> 00:38:17,160
Speaker 1: So it's kind of like you're gonna have to ride

743
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:22,480
Speaker 1: the wave or ride something else at this Well, the

744
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 1: thing is the communication and also understanding if you enjoy

745
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:28,719
Speaker 1: having sex one thing I don't know. Well, I mean

746
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:30,799
Speaker 1: she did say they enjoy having sex the same way

747
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:33,879
Speaker 1: we enjoyed having so since we enjoyed having sex, we

748
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:36,719
Speaker 1: were trying to find out how we can get back

749
00:38:36,760 --> 00:38:40,240
Speaker 1: to that enjoyment. It wasn't like sex was just terrible

750
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:41,840
Speaker 1: to either one of us was like I'm trying to

751
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 1: avoid it. It was like, nah, I wanted back to

752
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,840
Speaker 1: the way it was. And I think that when you

753
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:49,439
Speaker 1: are in a relationship for a long time. Like you said,

754
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:52,360
Speaker 1: as ebbs and flows, as life changes. Every time an

755
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 1: adjustment happens in your life, your sex life change. This

756
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:59,719
Speaker 1: is a reality, says everything. It changes with movement, It

757
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:04,040
Speaker 1: change just with jobs, It changes finances, it changes every

758
00:39:04,040 --> 00:39:07,560
Speaker 1: single thing. Because sex is so spiritual for people, every

759
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:10,280
Speaker 1: time something in your life happens, it changes. And people

760
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:12,920
Speaker 1: need to understand that your sex life is not going

761
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 1: to be the same all the time just because you're

762
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,600
Speaker 1: with the same person. That's a fact. And there's two

763
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,440
Speaker 1: people dealing with two separate sys of their own issues,

764
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:23,759
Speaker 1: then the collective issues forget it. It's just a whole

765
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:26,040
Speaker 1: hot mess. It's like all the sex, the babies in here,

766
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 1: like he's in there, like ten stuff like oh I

767
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 1: hear I hear I hear him nearby. Whenever he whenever

768
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:35,120
Speaker 1: he hears my voice, he starts tensing up like yo, yo,

769
00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 1: He's just like yo, he's coming, He's coming coming. That

770
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:40,239
Speaker 1: was a long That was a long one, Yes, all right,

771
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 1: number two, Hey, Codeina de val I was running on

772
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:47,880
Speaker 1: my back. Go ahead, do your thing anything. Hi, I

773
00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:49,640
Speaker 1: was running. If you guys had any advice for someone

774
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:52,440
Speaker 1: who hasn't felt sexy since becoming a mom girl. I know,

775
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 1: before pregnancy, I was in the gym four days a week.

776
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:58,400
Speaker 1: My stomach was flawless. During pregnancy, I ate super healthy

777
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:00,360
Speaker 1: hired to train it to keep me on track. I

778
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:03,480
Speaker 1: still gain sixty pounds and had ten pounds a ten

779
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:07,160
Speaker 1: pound baby via emergency c section. My son is four now,

780
00:40:07,239 --> 00:40:09,040
Speaker 1: and I can't get back to my old body. I

781
00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 1: still work out, I have my old weight, and but

782
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:14,959
Speaker 1: that lower stomach is saggy and holds a punch of fat.

783
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:16,839
Speaker 1: My husband and friends say I look great, but I

784
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:20,399
Speaker 1: do dress to cover my stomach all the time. How

785
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:22,759
Speaker 1: do I get back to the feeling like the old me.

786
00:40:23,360 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 1: I would love to wear a two piece or a

787
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:27,399
Speaker 1: tight dress again, but I'm afraid I'll look terrible. Thank

788
00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:31,279
Speaker 1: you in advance. You guys are amazing and an inspiration. Oh,

789
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:35,439
Speaker 1: I understand. I understand. And it's funny because I feel

790
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 1: like with she's doing all the things that you would

791
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:40,680
Speaker 1: think that you need to do to just stay healthy

792
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 1: and stuff, and it's just like, even in doing that,

793
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 1: the expectation is that I'm going to work out four

794
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:47,920
Speaker 1: days a week, I'm going to be you know, keeping

795
00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:49,800
Speaker 1: myself on track, hiring a train of eating healthy, and

796
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 1: then you still have a ten pound baby. Some things

797
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:53,799
Speaker 1: are just gonna happen because that's just genetics, and it's

798
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,920
Speaker 1: going to happen. But at the same time too, I know,

799
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,560
Speaker 1: with emergency c sections or c sections in general, that's

800
00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 1: a tough for recovery time. Um, And she said that

801
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:04,880
Speaker 1: she's still she's still working out, but she's trying to

802
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 1: get rid of that lower you know, Well, here's the

803
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,759
Speaker 1: first situation. The first thing is that her idea of

804
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:15,279
Speaker 1: a little sag in her stomach may not be everybody's

805
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 1: idea of a little sag in her stomach. So, for example,

806
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,800
Speaker 1: a little sag that some people could be fifteen pounds

807
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:23,200
Speaker 1: in their stomach, a little sag for some people can

808
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:26,839
Speaker 1: be two pounds. It's on how she views herself, right,

809
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 1: And I think that's the most important because a lot

810
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:30,839
Speaker 1: of times, what I think happens with women who have

811
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,719
Speaker 1: children is that you'll have your significant other, or you'll

812
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:35,319
Speaker 1: have your mother, or you'll have a friend that's just

813
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:37,480
Speaker 1: like girl, but you look great for having a baby.

814
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:39,560
Speaker 1: And it's like, I don't want to hear I look

815
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 1: great for having It's like an underhand and backhand and compliment. Like, girl,

816
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:47,960
Speaker 1: considering all the things, you still look okay. And I

817
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:50,520
Speaker 1: think what ultimately only matters to the woman is how

818
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:53,080
Speaker 1: she feels she looks about herself, you know herself. Can

819
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:56,880
Speaker 1: I just jugal quick, gentlemen, if you're listening, do not

820
00:41:57,080 --> 00:42:03,360
Speaker 1: ever say this, babe, you bill look good for having

821
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 1: a baby. If you put still before and having a

822
00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:10,239
Speaker 1: baby after, she might smack the ship out of you.

823
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:14,040
Speaker 1: Do never never say that to your baby mother, your wife.

824
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,319
Speaker 1: Don't ever say that to your sister. If your mom

825
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:19,879
Speaker 1: don't say that, do not say it. I'm telling you.

826
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:22,799
Speaker 1: And and it's triggering for women who have babies, and

827
00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:24,440
Speaker 1: it can also cause them to have what I think

828
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:27,560
Speaker 1: it's called body dysmorphia, where you view your body differently

829
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 1: than what it really looks like. And people have eating

830
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:34,000
Speaker 1: disorders based on body This morning, absolutely, my advice to

831
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:37,359
Speaker 1: you says, don't wait for that moment where you feel

832
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 1: like you look perfect. Rock the swimsuit. Rock the swimsuit.

833
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:43,640
Speaker 1: We're the tight dress. I feel like as long as

834
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:47,080
Speaker 1: you know that you're doing your due diligence with working out,

835
00:42:47,120 --> 00:42:50,120
Speaker 1: you're eating healthy, you're you're trying to get yourself into

836
00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:52,719
Speaker 1: the old body you know regimen that you were in.

837
00:42:53,239 --> 00:42:55,839
Speaker 1: If it's a couple of little things, I'm an advocate for, Hey,

838
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 1: since you got a little snaggy skin, get you a

839
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 1: little little little nip, a little tuck, a suction, do

840
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:02,640
Speaker 1: what you gotta do. You know what I mean? If

841
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 1: that's what it's going to mean, because you've done the

842
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:06,040
Speaker 1: work and it may just be a little something that

843
00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:10,960
Speaker 1: cosmetically necessarily, we want to do it for yourself. AM

844
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:15,960
Speaker 1: not against her mommy make over after a woman has

845
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:19,160
Speaker 1: exhausted all options to get back healthy, because I don't

846
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:21,160
Speaker 1: think it's healthy to constantly go under the knife to

847
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,520
Speaker 1: change your body. If you're not just eating healthy and

848
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:26,120
Speaker 1: being healthy. It sounds like she's healthy. Yes, most of them,

849
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:30,319
Speaker 1: and some things you can't work. That's like in my

850
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 1: ten years of being exercise specialists and studying kinesiology, I've

851
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:38,520
Speaker 1: dealt with pregnant women. Some pregnant women do everything, lose

852
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 1: all the weight, lose all the body fat, and their

853
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:43,839
Speaker 1: skin still sacks. If you nipping stuff that you gave birth,

854
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:45,360
Speaker 1: you gave a life. I have no problems and no

855
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:48,000
Speaker 1: judgment for any woman who nip and tucked that, you

856
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. But I mean it is a

857
00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:52,480
Speaker 1: little different for women who just gain weight and feel

858
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:55,480
Speaker 1: like surgery is an option, because that's just not healthy.

859
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:57,360
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, This is really not healthy.

860
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,399
Speaker 1: That has nothing to do with looks. I just want

861
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 1: people to be help healthy and at some point I

862
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:02,600
Speaker 1: think it's a woman. You just have to embrace the

863
00:44:02,600 --> 00:44:05,320
Speaker 1: fact that, like, this is what we're working with now too.

864
00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:07,640
Speaker 1: You know, there has to be like a real moment

865
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:09,520
Speaker 1: that you have with yourself where like, for example, me

866
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:12,399
Speaker 1: and my stretch marks, I'm like, the stretch marks are

867
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 1: going to be there because their stretch marks are going

868
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:16,680
Speaker 1: to be there. Stretch marks are different than if she

869
00:44:16,760 --> 00:44:19,240
Speaker 1: feels like something in her body just doesn't look like

870
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 1: like stretch marks. They're women who never had baby, get

871
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 1: stretched more, you got fat, Sometimes you've got stretch marks.

872
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:27,400
Speaker 1: Understanding that that's even sometimes women who haven't have children,

873
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:30,240
Speaker 1: that's that's something that they're conscious about. It's sub conscious

874
00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 1: of My thing is for certain things that you feel like,

875
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:35,600
Speaker 1: you know, you just can't get rid of or that's

876
00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:37,359
Speaker 1: just your body. Now, you're gonna have to learn how

877
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 1: to relive your body that way. See you and I

878
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 1: can disagree with that. I I am not. I don't

879
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:48,400
Speaker 1: promote settling like like I feel like, if there's anything

880
00:44:48,400 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 1: in your life you want you want to do, you

881
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 1: can find a way. You have to do it. So

882
00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:54,440
Speaker 1: you're saying, for example, with stretch marks, finding like a

883
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:59,560
Speaker 1: cosmetic proceduresse I'm talking about those kind of things like

884
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:01,840
Speaker 1: we're talking about her. I'm talking about her in particular.

885
00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:04,480
Speaker 1: She's talking about a little sag in her stomach if

886
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:06,680
Speaker 1: her skin is hanging. You know how some people she

887
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:09,319
Speaker 1: said she gained sixty pounds, sixty pounds in the short

888
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 1: amount of time, her skin could have gotten saggy and

889
00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 1: they could just be hanging stretchy skin. She wants to

890
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,239
Speaker 1: tuck that. Yeah, I get that, But I'm saying there's

891
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:18,960
Speaker 1: some things that you may not be able to control.

892
00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:20,959
Speaker 1: But I understand that. But what I'm saying is that

893
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:24,480
Speaker 1: if you can control it, you don't settle and just

894
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:27,239
Speaker 1: say I'm happy with the way my body is. But

895
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:29,120
Speaker 1: I agree with you have to be if you can

896
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 1: control it. You need to be able to say I

897
00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:34,799
Speaker 1: want to be who I want to be. We get

898
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:38,480
Speaker 1: one life, don't. We don't owe anybody else anything, but

899
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 1: we owe ourselves to not settle. And the idea of

900
00:45:41,680 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 1: just settling for anything, to me, it's just not it's

901
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:47,319
Speaker 1: just not my mentality. And I'm not saying that my

902
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 1: mentality is the right one, but I would say that

903
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 1: to you as my wife. Like say, for example, you

904
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:56,160
Speaker 1: you gain more weight here, and you never had plastic

905
00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:58,719
Speaker 1: surgery to nip protuck anything, and you've always gotten abs back.

906
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:00,839
Speaker 1: But say we go in, we do a whole year,

907
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:03,680
Speaker 1: and you're busting your tail, but that skin is just sagging.

908
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 1: I don't want you to just be like, babe, I'm

909
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:07,279
Speaker 1: gonna just settle with this and then have to deal

910
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:08,960
Speaker 1: with settling. I want you to say, no, babe, I

911
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,440
Speaker 1: want to get this corrected. I want to We worked

912
00:46:11,520 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 1: every we we worked our tales off to get exhausting, exhausting.

913
00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:20,200
Speaker 1: Absolutely can get a little and get a little help.

914
00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:23,920
Speaker 1: I promote that. I promote that, especially for moms you've

915
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:26,239
Speaker 1: given life like you deserve to lead the way you

916
00:46:26,239 --> 00:46:28,000
Speaker 1: want to be, and you deserved to feel good about

917
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:30,879
Speaker 1: yourself again and look good, absolutely be everything that you want,

918
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:34,360
Speaker 1: absolutely for sure, absolutely all right, y'all, that was cool.

919
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:36,719
Speaker 1: If you want to be featured as a listener letter,

920
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:40,000
Speaker 1: what did they have to do? Baby? Email us at

921
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:42,560
Speaker 1: d E A D A S S A d V

922
00:46:42,840 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 1: I C. And that's the best way to get to

923
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:48,320
Speaker 1: a listener letter, possibly on the show because the d

924
00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:52,080
Speaker 1: M you know, let me be hard at gmail dot com.

925
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, you so used to cutting me off that

926
00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 1: you don't even let me finish the email. My bad,

927
00:46:56,719 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 1: Hold me, my bad. Give us a moment of truth.

928
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:05,360
Speaker 1: Talk about true If that's not the pot colon the cattle.

929
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:12,239
Speaker 1: Uh so, pregnancy sex moment of truth? My thing being

930
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 1: a woman, being pregnant, experiencing this, listening, listening to my

931
00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:20,680
Speaker 1: body is always going to trump anything when it comes

932
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:26,520
Speaker 1: to sex during pregnancy. However, I do also want to

933
00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 1: be cognizant of the fact that I do have a

934
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:31,920
Speaker 1: spouse who has needs and desires as well, and if

935
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:37,359
Speaker 1: it's within my realm of of of possibility, if it's

936
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:42,880
Speaker 1: within my realm of capability in that moment and reflects

937
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:47,200
Speaker 1: that I pray for, especially in that first dry um,

938
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 1: if it's within those my powers to make it happen

939
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:51,520
Speaker 1: for him, just to know that that's something that he

940
00:47:51,560 --> 00:47:54,400
Speaker 1: needs then I'm going to do it if it doesn't

941
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:57,440
Speaker 1: require me necessarily in a moment feeling like, man, I

942
00:47:57,480 --> 00:47:59,440
Speaker 1: just don't want to be penetrated in this moment, but

943
00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:02,160
Speaker 1: I know he needs it. Let me find a way

944
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:04,520
Speaker 1: to make it happy for him. And I think it's

945
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:08,240
Speaker 1: also about rediscovery and discovering different ways to be intimate

946
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:10,480
Speaker 1: with each other. Um, that it can also be a

947
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:12,160
Speaker 1: way to help because we know that this is a

948
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:14,960
Speaker 1: short term. It feels like first sometimes but it's not

949
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:17,520
Speaker 1: a term, but it's really just like you know, it's

950
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:19,160
Speaker 1: a short amount of time that you have to kind

951
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:22,840
Speaker 1: of sacrifice on both ends. UM. So women, you know,

952
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:25,600
Speaker 1: give yourself a little grace with it and just understand that, yes,

953
00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:28,080
Speaker 1: your body may not be where you want it to be. Um,

954
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:30,960
Speaker 1: but you were, you know, bringing forth an entire life

955
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 1: and you know, have those conversations and checking on Bay sometimes,

956
00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:37,120
Speaker 1: you know, checking on Bay and make sure that he

957
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:41,839
Speaker 1: is trying to stay afloat. You know, that's a little bit,

958
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:44,120
Speaker 1: a little bit can go a long way when it

959
00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:46,200
Speaker 1: comes to just getting you back to a place of

960
00:48:47,040 --> 00:48:49,239
Speaker 1: genuine smile. But you said a little spit and go

961
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:53,040
Speaker 1: a long way. What do you say little nasty little

962
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:57,239
Speaker 1: spit and go long. A little bit can go a

963
00:48:57,239 --> 00:49:00,480
Speaker 1: long way by just paying attention, paying attention to the science.

964
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 1: When he starts huffing and puffing up in this mission,

965
00:49:03,280 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 1: I know what time it is, I'm like, okay, you

966
00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:16,759
Speaker 1: know I don't be one to eat. Shut up? Can

967
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 1: he be lying on me crying? I do not crying,

968
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:26,440
Speaker 1: but I do be pounding alright. My moment of truth

969
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:32,680
Speaker 1: for pregnancy sex um, My moment of truth is this um.

970
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:36,760
Speaker 1: Once you're your significant other, your wife, baby mother, becomes pregnant,

971
00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:40,359
Speaker 1: her body is no longer your object of affection. Her

972
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:43,880
Speaker 1: body is there to be a tool to bring forth life.

973
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:47,319
Speaker 1: So you have to give her grace and also give

974
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:52,400
Speaker 1: yourself grace. But also understand this, that woman, while pregnant,

975
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:57,640
Speaker 1: needs to feel wanted and attractive. That is important for

976
00:49:57,680 --> 00:50:01,320
Speaker 1: the remainder of your life together. So if you dismiss

977
00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:04,279
Speaker 1: her and leave her alone because you need distance because

978
00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:06,879
Speaker 1: y'all can't have sex so you don't have no need

979
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:09,160
Speaker 1: for her or be around her until she has the baby,

980
00:50:09,520 --> 00:50:11,600
Speaker 1: that's the worst thing you could ever do. You need

981
00:50:11,640 --> 00:50:15,319
Speaker 1: to constantly be intimate with your significant other, be there

982
00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:17,520
Speaker 1: with her still grab on that booty, rub on her,

983
00:50:17,800 --> 00:50:19,800
Speaker 1: let her know that she's attractive, because that's going to

984
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:23,400
Speaker 1: help her mentally and emotionally get through these nine to

985
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 1: ten months together so and and thereafter. So that's that's

986
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:33,279
Speaker 1: my um. That's my momentum truth. Oh and lastly, um,

987
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:35,480
Speaker 1: no matter how much she argues with you in the

988
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:37,840
Speaker 1: first tround mixt if she keeps throwing up, do not

989
00:50:37,960 --> 00:50:46,319
Speaker 1: let her give you head whatever. Be sure to follow

990
00:50:46,360 --> 00:50:49,279
Speaker 1: us y'all on social media, did as the podcast and

991
00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:51,080
Speaker 1: you know you can find me at Cadena. I am

992
00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:53,719
Speaker 1: and I Am Devout. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts,

993
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:58,680
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review, and subscribe baby, and share

994
00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:00,719
Speaker 1: these episodes with people who know we're on the brink,

995
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 1: because people, we have the babies left and right, and

996
00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:05,840
Speaker 1: I'll be out here suffering, suffering. So I'm hoping that

997
00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:09,000
Speaker 1: there's some takeaways for y'all episodes that you are not alone.

998
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:11,560
Speaker 1: Everything that you have gone through and you're going through,

999
00:51:12,239 --> 00:51:15,719
Speaker 1: we have been there. We still made it. We did

1000
00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:20,000
Speaker 1: we make it all. You got no choice. Dead Ass

1001
00:51:20,040 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and

1002
00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:25,759
Speaker 1: is produced by the Nora Opinia and Triple follow The

1003
00:51:25,760 --> 00:51:28,560
Speaker 1: podcast on social media at Dead as the Podcasts and

1004
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:29,400
Speaker 1: Never miss a Thing