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Speaker 1: This is a headgum podcast. Please welcome my dad for

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Speaker 1: the day, Paul Sheer.

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Speaker 2: I am thrilled to be here. I'm wearing a cardigan,

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Speaker 2: I have a pipe. Is that what I'm supposed to

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Speaker 2: be looking like at the day?

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Speaker 3: Fix it?

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Speaker 1: Come dad, Paul. It's so wonderful to see you.

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Speaker 2: I love anytime I get to hang out with you,

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Speaker 2: talk to you. I'm going to tell you one thing.

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Speaker 2: In my time of being in uh in La, I've

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Speaker 2: had two of the most atrocious moments for myself, and

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Speaker 2: I consider my first meeting with you to be one

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Speaker 2: of them, where I was like an hour late. I've

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Speaker 2: never done that before, and I think about that all

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Speaker 2: the time and I feel so terrible about it. It

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Speaker 2: was yet it was a It was a crazy yeah, Paul.

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Speaker 2: I have to say this.

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Speaker 3: I am like you in that if I were an

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Speaker 3: hour late to meet someone the first time I was

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Speaker 3: meeting them, I never stop thinking about it till the

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Speaker 3: day I die. Here's the crazy thing. Yeah, I don't

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Speaker 3: remember you being late. So if you are Redemption, because

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Speaker 3: I love it, I literally do not remember you being late.

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Speaker 3: I only remember you being incredibly helpful to me taking

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Speaker 3: this show out so I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know what you're talking about.

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Speaker 2: All right, good, I will take It was just like

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Speaker 2: the first time we met, and I think I just

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Speaker 2: it was one of those times where I was like

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Speaker 2: all the way in the valley and I was gonna

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Speaker 2: come and meet you, and I just said and whatever

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Speaker 2: it was, it was like okay, I'll be ten minutes,

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Speaker 2: like okay, twenty and it kept on growing, growing, growing,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, oh no, and like I get

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Speaker 2: those sweats where I'm like, you know, like im and

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Speaker 2: I always think about, like there's two times. It was

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Speaker 2: meeting with you and meeting with the producer of all

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Speaker 2: the Fast and Furious movies, years before those became bigger.

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Speaker 2: It was like when I was first out in Hollywood,

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Speaker 2: my agent called me. He's like, are you on your way?

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Speaker 2: I was like I am, I am.

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Speaker 1: Were you stick at traffic? You were stuck in traffic?

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Speaker 1: Were you really?

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Speaker 3: Because people say they're stuck in traffic all the time, yes,

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Speaker 3: And it's like there's not traffic. I'm looking on Google

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Speaker 3: Maps right now, I've got your address in to where

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Speaker 3: we're from in the map, and I'm seeing that it

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Speaker 3: is a clear path.

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Speaker 1: No breadlines.

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Speaker 2: Well, and that's the thing. It's like there are and

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Speaker 2: that's why. Look ten minutes, like fifteen minutes, like that's

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Speaker 2: in the you know, look not great, but it's in

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Speaker 2: the ballpark. That's like I lied about traffic an hour

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Speaker 2: late something catastrophic is because that is like that's like

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Speaker 2: rock level lateness or vin Diesel. Like it's like, my

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Speaker 2: life is too complicated for me to abide by time.

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Speaker 1: I can't. Yes, the time has to bend to me. Frankly.

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Speaker 3: I read this article back in like twenty sixteen that

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Speaker 3: was like, if you're late, it's because you don't respect

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Speaker 3: people's time.

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Speaker 1: And that's just it. Don't make any excuse.

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Speaker 3: There's no excuse at the end of the day when

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Speaker 3: you simplify it, crystallize it. The root of it is

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Speaker 3: you do not respect people's time. You think your time

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Speaker 3: is more important than others. And I'm like, god, damn,

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Speaker 3: a tough.

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Speaker 2: Thing when you're a little bit late all the time, Like,

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Speaker 2: oh God, that's true, I guess I need it.

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Speaker 1: Really kicked me in the ass. But here's the thing.

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Speaker 3: I'm still late sometime and I think it's important to

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Speaker 3: show grace. And I literally did not remember you being late,

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Speaker 3: But now that you say all of this, you're kind

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Speaker 3: of jogging my memory. I remember sitting there at a

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Speaker 3: table for one and the server comes over and goes,

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Speaker 3: are you sure the other guest is joining? And I go,

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Speaker 3: I promise, I promise he'll be here. Okay, but before

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Speaker 3: we get into all of this, I just need to

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Speaker 3: say I'm so happy you're here, but I have to

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Speaker 3: introduce myself. I have to intro you. No cold open,

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Speaker 3: cold open, sort of like the show I'm on. Okay, Hi,

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Speaker 3: Hi guys. Hello, I'm Ango Odom and welcome to Thanks Dad.

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Speaker 3: I was raised by a single mom and I don't

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Speaker 3: have a relationship with my dad. And guess what, I'm

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Speaker 3: never going to have a relationship with him because he's dead.

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Speaker 3: Uh oh, yeah, he died.

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Speaker 2: False. I know, I do know some of this, but

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Speaker 2: you didn't know he died news to you.

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Speaker 3: News to me, but I did find out within a

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Speaker 3: couple of months. Anyway, he's gone and I'm not going

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Speaker 3: to have a relationship with him. So I'm sitting down

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Speaker 3: with father figures who are old enough to be my

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Speaker 3: dad no offense, Paul, or who are just dads themselves,

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Speaker 3: or who have just big Dad energy. I'm going to

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Speaker 3: reclaim BDE and say it should be called big Dad energy.

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Speaker 2: By the way, I do want to call out if

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Speaker 2: I was your father, I would have been comically young,

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Speaker 2: like I like I am, I'm not old. You're not old.

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Speaker 2: You're not old, but I'm not that old.

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Speaker 1: You know you're going I'm not old. On, let me

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Speaker 1: make it clear to I can still.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I'm old. I'm in my forties, but I'm

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Speaker 2: not like I would have been your forties.

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Speaker 1: Yeah you look damn good.

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Speaker 2: Oh thank you. I'll take that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Wow, I'm thinking I'm like, and you said forties like

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Speaker 3: I'm in deep in them because.

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Speaker 2: I mean I'm past. I mean, yeah, I am.

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Speaker 1: To say the number. This is Hollywood. This is Hollywood.

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Speaker 3: Don't say the number. Don't ever say the number. But

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Speaker 3: no one google either. Come on, let him be La

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Speaker 3: Life Style, Colt you exactly, cold, Plunges, skincare, et cetera.

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Speaker 3: Point is I'm asking people who could be my dad

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Speaker 3: the questions I've always wanted to ask my dad, who

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Speaker 3: is now deceased. I don't know, how do I know

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Speaker 3: if the guy I'm dating is right for me? Or

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Speaker 3: what do I look for when I'm buying a card.

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Speaker 3: How can I not get scammed by a car salesman?

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Speaker 3: Better yet, I don't know how do I tie a tie.

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Speaker 3: Girls want to wear ties sometimes now.

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Speaker 1: Too, I don't know how to tie.

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Speaker 3: Okay, well, guys, My next guest, who you've already heard

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Speaker 3: quite a bit from lots of baggage between the two

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Speaker 3: of us, is a comedian, actor, filmmaker, and podcaster himself.

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Speaker 3: You might know him from The League, Black Monday, How

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Speaker 3: Did This Get Made? Or one of his many other projects.

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Speaker 3: The man's got a resume out the wazoo. He has

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Speaker 3: a new memoir out, a New York Times bestseller. Congratulations Dad,

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Speaker 3: thanks so much.

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Speaker 2: Oh yes, it's about dad.

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Speaker 3: Stuff there getting into we're getting into and it's called

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Speaker 3: Joyful Recollections of Trauma. Yes, yes, okay, all right, wonderful.

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Speaker 3: Please welcome you guys, my dad for the day. Paul Sheer.

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Speaker 2: I am so happy to be here, and I know,

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Speaker 2: let's get into it because we really already yeah, we've

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Speaker 2: already caught up, So here we go.

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Speaker 1: We did.

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Speaker 3: We did the whole like, how are you let's grab

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Speaker 3: lunch la thing that people do and we will never

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Speaker 3: get lunch you and I you know.

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Speaker 2: I mean, look, it's like, here's the thing. I am

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Speaker 2: a dad, and I don't get to see my friends

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Speaker 2: that much because my time is spent doing dad things,

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Speaker 2: especially like on the weekend. Like during the week a

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Speaker 2: lunch is on the table. But I also have a

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Speaker 2: limited period of time because when my kids leave the

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Speaker 2: house to when they come home. I like to, if

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Speaker 2: I'm not working, have dinner with my kids every night.

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Speaker 2: Oh very nice, you know, and that's important to me,

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Speaker 2: and I want to. I mean most of the time.

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Speaker 2: I like to be able to put them in the

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Speaker 2: bed too, Like why not. There's only gonna be times

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Speaker 2: that they want me around, so let me embrace all

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Speaker 2: that as much as I can. So there's always a

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Speaker 2: small window, and then work gets in the way and

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Speaker 2: it's like I have to leave to lunch. I would

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Speaker 2: like to see these people. But yeah, it's it's hard

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Speaker 2: to balance.

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Speaker 3: I can only imagine I don't have any kids and

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Speaker 3: going to one too many lunches in a week. I'm

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Speaker 3: a little bit like, okay, enough enough of we've had

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Speaker 3: every salad and piece of salmon. It feels we could

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Speaker 3: possibly have Yeah, and let's talk on the phone. How

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Speaker 3: do you feel about phone calls?

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Speaker 2: By the way, you know what, I'm coming around on

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Speaker 2: phone calls. Actually, I like a phone call. I do

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Speaker 2: like a phone call. I don't have many of them,

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Speaker 2: but yeah, I'm not averse to it. I'm not.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 3: So when you see a person like if I called you,

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Speaker 3: Paul cold called you, my name pops up on your screen,

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Speaker 3: are you sort of like, whoa, what would happen?

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Speaker 1: What does she need?

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Speaker 2: No? I'm excited because I'm like, oh, if you're calling me,

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Speaker 2: this'll be interesting on any and any number of levels.

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Speaker 2: There are certain people that I'm not excited about, Like

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Speaker 2: I have to be in the right mental state to

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Speaker 2: take a phone call from my parents, Okay, okay, because

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Speaker 2: it's not going to be easy. It's not gonna be quick.

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Speaker 2: It's not like just a check in. If it's my wife,

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Speaker 2: I'm definitely picking up. Now. Here's the thing that Are

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Speaker 2: you excited though?

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Speaker 1: Are you excited though?

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Speaker 2: Oh? I love my wife.

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Speaker 1: I love that. Okay.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes where I get irritated with my wife on a

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Speaker 2: phone call is like she's driving home and I'm driving

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Speaker 2: home and we're maybe going to be at the house

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Speaker 2: in five minutes, and I'm like, we can hang up now,

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Speaker 2: we'll see each other at home. We'll be at home,

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Speaker 2: like you know, like let me get my final like moment,

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Speaker 2: like you know, because it's.

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Speaker 1: See yourself, just a little quiet time to you thoughts.

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Speaker 2: Like that's the only time. I'm always like, all right,

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Speaker 2: I'll talk to you at home. She's like, well, no,

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Speaker 2: I want to talk. I'm like, five minutes, we're going

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Speaker 2: to see each other, like and then we can do

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Speaker 2: all of this in minutes.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 2: It's kind.

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Speaker 1: I'm sweet though. She still likes you and lants to

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Speaker 1: talk to you.

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Speaker 2: What a dree And by the way, I love doing

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Speaker 2: that too. And I often call her and June has

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Speaker 2: something that drives me up the wall. Tell tell since

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Speaker 2: since we have been together, maybe actually I may have

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Speaker 2: gotten her on the last year of having a real voicemail.

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Speaker 2: Her voicemail is always full. You can never leave a mess.

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Speaker 3: Do you think is it on purpose? Because mine's ful.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes it's on purpose. It's on purpose.

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Speaker 2: She has filled it to the brim and I was

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Speaker 2: there when it happened. And she will never check them

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Speaker 2: or clear them. It's that's it.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Wow, No voicemails.

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Speaker 3: Well June though, I mean, June's not here. I gotta

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Speaker 3: get her on the podcast.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, please do.

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Speaker 1: But I'm like, you.

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Speaker 3: Know, if I call you and your voicemail is fool,

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Speaker 3: I'm not even sure the call went through. And so

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Speaker 3: because sometimes it hasn't. Sometimes I call people, I leave

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Speaker 3: them a voicemail. They're like, I was sitting right here,

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Speaker 3: my phone didn't even ring. Or your phone's going straight

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Speaker 3: to voicemail because you've turned it off and you're on

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Speaker 3: a plane.

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Speaker 1: And you follow rules. Yeah, of course, and so you

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Speaker 1: don't even know I called. That stresses me out.

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Speaker 3: When people tell me mine is full, I'm always like,

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Speaker 3: oh my goodness, thank you for telling me, and I'll

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Speaker 3: clear a few. I have voice messages that I've saved

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Speaker 3: for sentimental reasons, just being like, yeah, it's lovely, and

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Speaker 3: I'm supposed to transfer them to my computer, but that

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Speaker 3: feels like a hole to do, so I forget to do.

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Speaker 2: That is easier than you think, because you can really

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Speaker 2: just hit a button now and just goes right into iclod.

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Speaker 3: Okay, way to shame me, Okay to shame.

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Speaker 2: Because I also felt the same way. I'm like, what

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Speaker 2: am I I want to sit down with these boys

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Speaker 2: because it's like there's something sweet about I keep this

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Speaker 2: because it's accessible. And then you're like, well, now it's

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Speaker 2: just taking up a lot of space, but what am

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Speaker 2: I going to do with it? And then someone showed

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Speaker 2: me the button. I'm like, oh, that's all right, that's easier.

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Speaker 1: That's okay, So maybe I will just like air drop

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Speaker 1: them to my phone.

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Speaker 2: But you said the thing, No, tell me, tell me

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Speaker 2: you're never going to check them after you air wherever

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Speaker 2: you're telling Okay.

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Speaker 1: You know what I did?

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Speaker 3: One time I had a voiceover audition and I have

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Speaker 3: a folder on my computer that's like VEO and I

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Speaker 3: have a folder on my computer, says voicemail. I sent

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Speaker 3: my agent's assistant all my sentimental no that the shame

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Speaker 3: I felt when they email me back being like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: so hey, I don't know how to tell you this.

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Speaker 1: This is not the voiceover audition.

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Speaker 3: And I had to be like, I don't even know

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Speaker 3: what you just heard. But I hope to God, yes, spooky,

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Speaker 3: But I don't really have too many secrets. So it's

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Speaker 3: not like nose anything juicy. It just feels like I

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Speaker 3: just like let someone into my heart, is what it feels.

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Speaker 2: Well, that's I mean, that's the thing. Like a sentimental

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Speaker 2: voicemail doesn't mean anything to anyone else, but you, right,

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Speaker 2: it's like you have to know, Oh, that's my so

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Speaker 2: and so who's calling me about my this and that. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's not like somebody's I want to you know, it's like,

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Speaker 2: it's not like you're saving that I say that, yeah,

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Speaker 2: you know, it's like.

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Speaker 3: Also imagine the freak who leaves a voice message like that.

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Speaker 3: But here's the thing. I always say that you can

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Speaker 3: conceive of anything. Someone on this planet has done it.

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Speaker 3: There's billions of people.

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Speaker 2: So whatever the wildest thing, we gotta we gotta check

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Speaker 2: in here. Do you remember there was a show I

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Speaker 2: feel like it was called like Access. It was like

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Speaker 2: an Access Hollywood show, right, And there was this guy,

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Speaker 2: very thick mustache and blonde hair. He looked a little

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Speaker 2: bit like a square. He had this crazy voice. After

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Speaker 2: I get off this thing his voicemail, I got out,

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Speaker 2: and so he was at a dinner with this woman.

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Speaker 2: He's a drunk and he's now he's now, he's reformed himself.

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Speaker 2: He's he's a sober. But he was like, I'm looking

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Speaker 2: at you across the table and I just knew lit

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Speaker 2: you and fuck you, and it's like and they're all

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Speaker 2: out and they are the funniest, most vulgar, and it's

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Speaker 2: like he had a dinner like of six couples and

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Speaker 2: he's sending it to this woman that he has no

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Speaker 2: relationship with. That He's like, it's like those men who

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Speaker 2: kill their wives, because I think the nanny's interested in me, right,

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Speaker 2: like you know, like he's a sending cold call graphic sex. Yes,

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Speaker 2: oh they are. Some of the funny like truly make

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Speaker 2: me laugh harder than anything because they're all so fucking.

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Speaker 3: Gross, presumably drunk while he's while he's doing it.

295
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Speaker 2: But and the funny part is is like he's like,

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Speaker 2: excuse me, how to go to the bathroom, then goes

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Speaker 2: to the bathroom and calls this woman she's at the

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Speaker 2: table getting these messages.

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Speaker 1: I absolutely I hate all of this.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to start with he lost me when you

301
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Speaker 3: said he was blonde and had a thick mustache, because

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Speaker 3: I can't even picture the two going together tonight. I can't.

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Speaker 1: I don't see those two living together.

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Speaker 3: But wait, you said you have to prepare yourself mentally

305
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Speaker 3: to get on the phone with your parents. Okay, how

306
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Speaker 3: long did it take you to realize, like, hey, I

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Speaker 3: can't just like pick up a cold call from you

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Speaker 3: because there are people in my life. Whe I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I can't pick up a call from you unless again,

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Speaker 3: I have the space and I'm in the right state

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Speaker 3: of mind. But it took me so long to figure

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Speaker 3: that out and then abide by it.

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Speaker 2: Well that's the thing, right, Like phone calls are interesting

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Speaker 2: because they can really turn your day, like if you're

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Speaker 2: having a good day, like I got an email yesterday

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Speaker 2: that really turned my day right at the end. And

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Speaker 2: emails it's like I can avert my eyes from text messages,

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Speaker 2: like I'm like, oh, I see somebody texting. I'm not

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Speaker 2: going to look further than that one. I have to

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Speaker 2: keep my own. It's a mental health check. And with

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Speaker 2: my parents, I love my parents very very much.

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Speaker 1: You have to say that because they might listen.

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Speaker 2: May well yeah, I mean they'll find it on something.

324
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Speaker 2: But you have to be like, what, I need time.

325
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Speaker 2: I need time to be like I gotta sit down.

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Speaker 2: I got to be in a spot. It's not like

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Speaker 2: I can't just take it on the run because nothing

328
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:19,680
Speaker 2: is simple. They're never just checking in to say hi. Right,

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Speaker 2: it's like, you know, it's like, oh, I can't just

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Speaker 2: quickly take it. So I also know like where I'm

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Speaker 2: at mentally, Like if I'm in a downward spiral that day,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna take a phone call from them, I can't

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Speaker 2: go further down that rabbit hole. You know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, yeah, you're armored up. Now, what kind

335
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,080
Speaker 3: of dad would you say you have?

336
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,200
Speaker 2: I have a dad that's really interesting. I talk about

337
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,160
Speaker 2: him a lot in my book, in the sense that

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00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:45,960
Speaker 2: he is a wonderful guy. I would imagine that many

339
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:50,040
Speaker 2: people would say he is very much like me. But

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00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,480
Speaker 2: if I was to give any like descriptor to my dad, sure,

341
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,080
Speaker 2: I would say that he's a little bit of a chameleon.

342
00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:01,280
Speaker 2: Whatever you're into, he'll be into and and it will

343
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,320
Speaker 2: kind of change. So it's like, oh, you know, it's

344
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:09,320
Speaker 2: like he knows about everything, or he posits himself to

345
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,680
Speaker 2: know about everything because he likes being in that position.

346
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,960
Speaker 2: But he's not like anna know it all. Like here's

347
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:15,840
Speaker 2: a great example of my dad. I brought my dad

348
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,000
Speaker 2: to Japan. One of the best coolest Hollywood things I

349
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:21,240
Speaker 2: ever got to do was I brought my dad to

350
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:24,120
Speaker 2: one of the night before party and that's something that

351
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:28,280
Speaker 2: happens in LA. The night before the Oscars and the

352
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:32,160
Speaker 2: night before the Emmys. There are these fun quote unquote

353
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:36,480
Speaker 2: casual parties, no industry allowed, no press allowed. It's like

354
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:39,640
Speaker 2: it's a it's a night just for fun, yes, right,

355
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,600
Speaker 2: fun whatever that is, Yes, but everyone's dressed up.

356
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Speaker 3: And everyone very I've been to those and it very

357
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:48,000
Speaker 3: much feels like not casual, and it very much feels

358
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Speaker 3: like industry.

359
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,800
Speaker 1: It's all industry one.

360
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Speaker 2: And uh So that night, my wife, who can do

361
00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:58,040
Speaker 2: all that stuff but also as a woman, and I

362
00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:59,720
Speaker 2: think she's like, do I want to put all this

363
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,080
Speaker 2: in it into like getting all ready to go off

364
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,320
Speaker 2: for an hour and you know, thirty minutes and then

365
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,200
Speaker 2: go like you know, She's like, if if we're doing

366
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,440
Speaker 2: like three things, yea, I'll go do it. But I'm not

367
00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:09,600
Speaker 2: gonna fucking you know. So she's like, I don't want

368
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,200
Speaker 2: to go, and I'm like, I'll bring my dad. Brought

369
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,120
Speaker 2: my dad who was out here visiting. We had the

370
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:18,200
Speaker 2: best night. He met Chadwick Boseman, met Michael Keaton, and

371
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:20,360
Speaker 2: it was but that that was where it was kind

372
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,200
Speaker 2: of fun because I could kind of introduce my dad.

373
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,720
Speaker 2: I don't know these people. But I also was like, oh,

374
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,360
Speaker 2: it's casual enough where it's like, oh, hey, I just

375
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,760
Speaker 2: want to say congratulations, good luck tomorrow. This is my dad,

376
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:32,280
Speaker 2: and everyone wants to meet. Dad's like that's the other

377
00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:34,400
Speaker 2: you know. It's like he's not an agent, he's not

378
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,480
Speaker 2: you know. It's like, oh, it's a dad and everyone

379
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,000
Speaker 2: feels that and it's great.

380
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:41,200
Speaker 3: Absolutely, So I brought him as a prop and so

381
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,520
Speaker 3: and that's fine. I feel at some point babies are

382
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:45,320
Speaker 3: a prop as well.

383
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:51,200
Speaker 2: Babies. So my dad is really enjoying this party because

384
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:54,440
Speaker 2: around the party in all four corners are these like

385
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,400
Speaker 2: gifting stations, and they're like and it's the stuff that

386
00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:58,920
Speaker 2: I don't go do and probably you don't go to.

387
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:02,600
Speaker 2: It's like Delta air Lines or play like trivia roulette

388
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:03,760
Speaker 2: with Travago whatever.

389
00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:04,320
Speaker 1: Yeah.

390
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 2: So my dad's like, oh, I want to go and

391
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,520
Speaker 2: do this like paper airplane competition. And I'm like, okay,

392
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,159
Speaker 2: go do that. I'm gonna talk to my friends. And

393
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,919
Speaker 2: he goes over and does He's like you could come over,

394
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,840
Speaker 2: come over, yeah, and he's like throw paper airplane. I'm like, Dad,

395
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,200
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm like, I don't need to do it.

396
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,320
Speaker 2: You throw one. My dad threw one, and he got

397
00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:20,560
Speaker 2: one hundred dollars off a ticket to anywhere in the

398
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:21,920
Speaker 2: United States. It's like, oh my gosh, I want it.

399
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,440
Speaker 2: I'm like great, and then like you do it, you

400
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:24,480
Speaker 2: do it. I'm like no, no, no, and then the

401
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:25,720
Speaker 2: woman behind the couch like, you do it.

402
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:26,000
Speaker 3: Do it.

403
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,840
Speaker 2: I threw it. I got round trip to Japan, and

404
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,800
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh my gosh. It was my

405
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,639
Speaker 2: dad's like seventieth birthday coming up, and we're going to

406
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,639
Speaker 2: go to Japan together. We go to Japan, and I

407
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,800
Speaker 2: tried to do it right. I'm like, really, I got

408
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,680
Speaker 2: a tour guide. I'm trying to plan a great trip.

409
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:45,720
Speaker 2: Like I don't get to go on a trip with

410
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:47,800
Speaker 2: my dad like this, you know, since I was a kid,

411
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,080
Speaker 2: and I wanted to pay him back for all the

412
00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:52,320
Speaker 2: beautiful things he's over made. Right, Okay, So the first

413
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,600
Speaker 2: day out of the tour guide, I'm sorry, this is

414
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:54,240
Speaker 2: a very long time.

415
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:55,120
Speaker 1: No, I don't be sorry.

416
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:55,560
Speaker 2: I'm in.

417
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,200
Speaker 1: I'm so, I'm fully in. Let's go.

418
00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,040
Speaker 2: So my we go out with this tour guide. I

419
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,119
Speaker 2: can see my dad's like a little bit itchy, like

420
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,840
Speaker 2: I don't know what it is, but this tour guy's like,

421
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,959
Speaker 2: oh and this is this thing, and she's described she's lovely,

422
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:10,680
Speaker 2: like a wonderful woman who's just like the perfect tour guide.

423
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:11,679
Speaker 2: I love her a lot.

424
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, And are you still in touch with her?

425
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,280
Speaker 2: I am Sunny Day is Sunny Day? Is Sunny Days

426
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,640
Speaker 2: in Tokyo? Is her Instagram?

427
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:18,400
Speaker 1: Ig?

428
00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,199
Speaker 2: Do you ever go to Tokyo? Go check her out?

429
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,159
Speaker 2: She's awesome. So we'll text every now and then, like

430
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:24,680
Speaker 2: she'll see some things that I'm in and she'd be like,

431
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,879
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, I saw you or incredible. I always

432
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:29,359
Speaker 2: send my friends to go with her. But when we're leaving,

433
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,879
Speaker 2: my dad says to me, oh, or where are we

434
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,800
Speaker 2: going tomorrow? I'm like, don't worry about it, No, where

435
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:37,959
Speaker 2: are we going? Where we're going? And I'm like, well,

436
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,320
Speaker 2: on the itinery it's it's X, Y and Z and

437
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,480
Speaker 2: he's like, okay, okay, okay. So the next time I

438
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,840
Speaker 2: get up and I see my dad like on his kindle,

439
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:46,800
Speaker 2: but it's like it's like five in the morning. I'm like,

440
00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:48,479
Speaker 2: what are you doing now? He's like, I'm reading. I'm

441
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,560
Speaker 2: reading and I go, what are you reading? It's a

442
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:54,880
Speaker 2: good I'm just reading. He's being very like weird about it. Yeah,

443
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:58,520
Speaker 2: and I go okay. And so we go out with

444
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:02,240
Speaker 2: this woman and I realize she starts taking us on

445
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,080
Speaker 2: a tour and she's like this this was, you know,

446
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,879
Speaker 2: a barricading wall by emperor. My Dad's like here you go,

447
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:12,560
Speaker 2: and she's like yes, and he's like a study he studied, right,

448
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,280
Speaker 2: and so then and then she's like, he's like these

449
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:17,040
Speaker 2: are these are jim bossom plants. There are as plant

450
00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:19,080
Speaker 2: and she's like, oh, Bill, how do you know. He's like, oh,

451
00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:20,760
Speaker 2: you know, I know a couple of things. And I

452
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:24,080
Speaker 2: realized he was reading up on the next day stuff. Wow,

453
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,480
Speaker 2: you like out do not even out do her, but

454
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,080
Speaker 2: to have like to be in conversation. So it's like

455
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:32,320
Speaker 2: it's kind of cute, Like he wasn't saying you're wrong,

456
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:34,720
Speaker 2: He just like but whenever she would ask a question,

457
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 2: she would have the answer right.

458
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:37,359
Speaker 1: Right, Okay.

459
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,159
Speaker 3: So I went on a tour of a mosque in

460
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,200
Speaker 3: Marrakech and there was a young man I'm going to

461
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:46,320
Speaker 3: say like early twenties who was sort of doing the

462
00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:47,920
Speaker 3: same thing with the tour guide and I was like,

463
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,400
Speaker 3: I don't care. That's fine, he's having a good time.

464
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,639
Speaker 3: But I was like, why do you I feel like

465
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,200
Speaker 3: you are actively trying to impress the tour guide. Why

466
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 3: does it matter. I just want to soak up the

467
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:03,080
Speaker 3: inform and even if I do know the answer to

468
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,879
Speaker 3: a thing, the tour guide want is not asking. But

469
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:07,320
Speaker 3: I'm like, let the tour guide do the tour and

470
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,440
Speaker 3: then sometimes they quiz you.

471
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:11,080
Speaker 2: But like, what, well, here's the thing like when I'm

472
00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,199
Speaker 2: on with the tour guide, what I will do if

473
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:16,480
Speaker 2: I if I feel it come on, is I will

474
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:18,560
Speaker 2: ask a question that I feel like I try to

475
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,359
Speaker 2: set them up to score. Like that's that's like my

476
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,200
Speaker 2: because I'm like, oh, this is proping, yes, And I'm like,

477
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,280
Speaker 2: this is hard. I know you're like on a boat

478
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,640
Speaker 2: tour doing Chicago architecture and I'm like, get that tour.

479
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,960
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I just did it with all my friends.

480
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:35,159
Speaker 2: We all were in Chicago, you know. And I'm like,

481
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 2: and so I'll do shit like that, like I'll be like,

482
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:40,200
Speaker 2: I'll throw myself out there, i will laugh at the jokes.

483
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,280
Speaker 2: I will like I'm giving back because I also know

484
00:20:42,359 --> 00:20:45,640
Speaker 2: it's like looking at the blank faces. It's just not fun.

485
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:47,960
Speaker 2: It's not a good thing. I'm like, I want to like,

486
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 2: I want to feel like I'm here with you, I'm

487
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:50,840
Speaker 2: giving you something.

488
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:51,200
Speaker 1: You.

489
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're trying to be like, listen, we're invested. I'm

490
00:20:54,119 --> 00:20:56,560
Speaker 3: excited to be here. We're in an exchange. This isn't

491
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:59,560
Speaker 3: going to feel like another mundane tour for you. Let's

492
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:01,480
Speaker 3: try to make Yeah, you think about the tour guy.

493
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,639
Speaker 3: Do you think that's your dad's instinct though, because when

494
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,119
Speaker 3: you're like, I want to sort of take care of

495
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:07,560
Speaker 3: the person, do you think your dad's instinct is like, again,

496
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,920
Speaker 3: make them feel like we're in conversation, make this tour

497
00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:11,600
Speaker 3: a little more exciting for them, or is it to

498
00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:12,359
Speaker 3: be impressive.

499
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,320
Speaker 2: I think that my my dad is a wonderful guy

500
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:19,160
Speaker 2: who you know, like the love languages, right, I think

501
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:23,640
Speaker 2: his love language is to be in service, right, So okay, Yeah,

502
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:27,000
Speaker 2: so I think like like having information, being in front

503
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:29,480
Speaker 2: of it is like his love language. So it's like,

504
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:31,600
Speaker 2: I am he doesn't know how to just be like,

505
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:33,000
Speaker 2: let me take care of you.

506
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:34,119
Speaker 3: You know.

507
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:35,680
Speaker 2: He wants to be like I got it, I got it,

508
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,120
Speaker 2: I got it, I'll figure it I'll figure it out.

509
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,760
Speaker 2: You know, it's like it's a it's cute. I just

510
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 2: seen him like change his opinions about things right, like

511
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:45,960
Speaker 2: you know, to suit where he is at. And but

512
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:47,639
Speaker 2: I think it's a cute thing because I think it's

513
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:50,400
Speaker 2: about connect where it's like I want you to feel

514
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 2: like I like the same things as you like. It's like,

515
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,440
Speaker 2: you know, like it's there's plusses and negative. You know

516
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:56,879
Speaker 2: you don't need to do it, but yeah, do.

517
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:58,480
Speaker 3: You ever call him out on that when you're seeing

518
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,439
Speaker 3: him change his mind? Or did you used to call

519
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:00,760
Speaker 3: him out?

520
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:01,400
Speaker 1: Or where are you out?

521
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:03,960
Speaker 2: I just let him live because you know, it's like

522
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 2: like I called him out in the Japan thing because

523
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:06,240
Speaker 2: I was like this.

524
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,480
Speaker 1: Is stupid, Like what real time did you call him out?

525
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 1: Or after the fast? Oh?

526
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,399
Speaker 2: When I realized, I mean I'm not in front of her,

527
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 2: like I let him have his moment and then I

528
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:18,840
Speaker 2: was like, what are you doing just about you know,

529
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:20,240
Speaker 2: I'm like I just want to know. I just want

530
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 2: to know he kept on going one do go. Well,

531
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,159
Speaker 2: that's why we hired her because.

532
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,960
Speaker 1: She don't tell you. Yeah, she's gonna she's gonna tell us.

533
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:29,120
Speaker 2: She is the book. That's we got the book, right.

534
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 3: He woke up to study for this like this was

535
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:36,119
Speaker 3: a test. Yeah, your time in Japan was hinging on

536
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:37,400
Speaker 3: knowing this information.

537
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 2: No, yeah, so that you know. So that's you know,

538
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:42,520
Speaker 2: I think he just likes that that kind of thing.

539
00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 2: Like I once asked him, my dad's retired now, and

540
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 2: I said to him, I was like, well, you know,

541
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:47,359
Speaker 2: maybe I want you to come out to La a

542
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 2: little bit more. You know, I got you got grand

543
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,360
Speaker 2: kids out of here. I was like, maybe you could

544
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 2: come out here for like two or three months, you know,

545
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 2: and then you go back to New York or you

546
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:56,360
Speaker 2: could go wherever, you know, but it would be fun

547
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:58,359
Speaker 2: to have you like around, so it's not just like

548
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:00,600
Speaker 2: a weekend or a couple of days. And he goes, well,

549
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 2: you know, I got to make the peanut butter and

550
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:06,479
Speaker 2: jelly sandwiches for the church soup kitchen. And I'm like, right, right,

551
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 2: I said, but your grandkids, you can take a couple

552
00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:11,680
Speaker 2: of months off from that because it's making sandwiches for

553
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 2: super kitchen, right, And he's like, you know they need

554
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,680
Speaker 2: me there. I'm like, you don't even have an official

555
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:22,040
Speaker 2: job title your soup kitchen you're retired. Why are he's volunteering? Yeah?

556
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:22,680
Speaker 1: Right, okay.

557
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:25,119
Speaker 2: And by the way, lovely and said, you want to

558
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:26,480
Speaker 2: work out a super kitchen out here, I'll get you

559
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:28,800
Speaker 2: a soup kitchen out here. We'll do it. No, no, no,

560
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:30,800
Speaker 2: they just need it. They need to help.

561
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:34,159
Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, okay, yeah, his super kitchen. He's reliable,

562
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,359
Speaker 3: he sounds reliable.

563
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,720
Speaker 2: He wants to be there and do it.

564
00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:54,200
Speaker 1: Now. I'm curious. So you said he's in New York

565
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:55,879
Speaker 1: right now? Is this like New York City upstate?

566
00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 2: No, he's on He's on Long Island, Yeah, which is

567
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,199
Speaker 2: right outside of New York and.

568
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:02,000
Speaker 1: That's where you grew up.

569
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,040
Speaker 3: Yes, was this annoying for you when you were growing up,

570
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:07,359
Speaker 3: because I'm guessing he's been doing this for some time now.

571
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 2: Because where his boyfriend Chameleon Thing came in to play.

572
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 2: Was like he was the coolest dad ever. Like I

573
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 2: like like I was like, I'm into deaf comedy jam

574
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,520
Speaker 2: and my dad's like I'm into deaf comedy jam. And

575
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 2: my dad took me and all my friends to go

576
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:29,400
Speaker 2: see Deaf comedy jam at like the Westbury Music Fair

577
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 2: and like we went to go see like George Carlin,

578
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 2: and we saw Martin Lawrence at Radio City Music Hall,

579
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 2: like we were. My dad was like, oh what you're into?

580
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:40,840
Speaker 2: I'm into And I was like, this is the coolest

581
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,040
Speaker 2: dad ever because where he's gonna do it? And like

582
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,480
Speaker 2: and only now do I look back, I'm like, oh

583
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,080
Speaker 2: that my dad must have been in for a shot.

584
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:48,880
Speaker 2: And we went to go see Martin Lawrence and Martin

585
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 2: Lawrence like Martin Lawrence on the You So Crazy Tour,

586
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,640
Speaker 2: Like must have been like, oh, wow, Martin's talking about

587
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:55,800
Speaker 2: some stuff. You know, it's like easy.

588
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:58,679
Speaker 1: How old were you guys, by the way, roughly.

589
00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:03,640
Speaker 2: I was probably like at that time, like twelve or thirteen,

590
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 2: you know, like you know, I'm like, I like Martin. Yeah,

591
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,159
Speaker 2: I don't know who stand Up is.

592
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:07,399
Speaker 3: You know.

593
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,760
Speaker 2: It's like so but my dad, like my dad would like,

594
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,879
Speaker 2: let me listen to Eddie Murphy tapes in the car.

595
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:13,560
Speaker 2: My dad would let me be like like it was

596
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 2: just like my dad likes comedy. He would tape SNL

597
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 2: and he would cut out dirty parts and movies so

598
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,119
Speaker 2: I could watch R rated movies, you know, like he

599
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,640
Speaker 2: was you know, so that was great And I see

600
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,480
Speaker 2: him do that with his grandkids too, Like he just like,

601
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,919
Speaker 2: get whatever you're into, I'm into and you. And because

602
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 2: of that, I think what I do is I now,

603
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 2: as an adult, I see that he doesn't really know

604
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 2: that much stuff. But like as a kid, I was like, oh,

605
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 2: he knows a lot about Martin, but he you know,

606
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 2: he like he knows a little bit. But we would

607
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 2: like go see basketball and comedy. Yeah, and and go

608
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 2: see theater shows in New York City, like because my

609
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 2: dad lives in Queens when I was a kid, so anyway, but.

610
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 3: That was it. Yeah, when you say it was cutting

611
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:51,440
Speaker 3: out dirty stuff from you, but he took you to

612
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 3: see Martin Lawrence. Was he tweaking when Martin was going

613
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,200
Speaker 3: there and saying some stuff in Frennie while you're like

614
00:25:57,240 --> 00:25:58,200
Speaker 3: twelve thirteen years.

615
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:01,720
Speaker 2: The dirty stuff was new to so language. Never like

616
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,320
Speaker 2: I have I have tapes or I have VHS tapes

617
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:07,240
Speaker 2: of Beverly Hills Cop that cut out both strip club

618
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,440
Speaker 2: scenes in both movies and also like his friend getting

619
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:12,520
Speaker 2: shot in the head. So like when I saw Beverly

620
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,720
Speaker 2: Hills Cop for the first time, as like a person

621
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 2: that didn't have the edited versions, like, holy shit, there's

622
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:18,880
Speaker 2: more of a movie here, it was like a first

623
00:26:19,000 --> 00:26:22,399
Speaker 2: act was missing and you know, okay, and like a

624
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:24,160
Speaker 2: pivotal plot point of both those.

625
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:29,040
Speaker 3: So for him, dirty stuff is like nudity and cursing, right,

626
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:31,760
Speaker 3: And my dad was not a curse man, Like he

627
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:32,720
Speaker 3: didn't curse, you know.

628
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 2: And I think anything that was like my dad was

629
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 2: the only thing that we would hit a little bit of,

630
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:42,440
Speaker 2: like friction on was when And this is such a

631
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 2: New York specific So I apologize when we were driving

632
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 2: because I would work a lot at his pharmacy, uh,

633
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 2: you know work. He would bring me to work and

634
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 2: I would sit there and he wanted to listen to

635
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:57,560
Speaker 2: don Imus, who was like a shock jock DJ, and

636
00:26:57,680 --> 00:26:59,639
Speaker 2: I want to listen to Howard Stern and he's like, no,

637
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,480
Speaker 2: oh no, Howard Stern. Howard Stern was like pornographic.

638
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:06,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay, I understand. Now, would you say, like your.

639
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:10,200
Speaker 3: Dad though he was like a chameleon, knew who he was,

640
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:12,960
Speaker 3: don Imus, this is a place where he would go, No,

641
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,960
Speaker 3: I'm going, don Imus, and you can have Howard Stern

642
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 3: or you can't have Howard Stern.

643
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,960
Speaker 1: But it was like, no, I'm this is something I

644
00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 1: like anything else.

645
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 2: I don't know if my dad like fully knows who

646
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 2: he is or you know what it is, is comfortable

647
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,680
Speaker 2: enough to share it. And one of the things I'm

648
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 2: always saying to him is like, I'm like, I'm your son,

649
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:37,120
Speaker 2: I love you, like I don't care, tell me whatever

650
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,080
Speaker 2: you want, like my dad, like my dad will never

651
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:40,879
Speaker 2: like this is like a thing that happened all throughout

652
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 2: my childhood. My dad would never tell me who he

653
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:47,119
Speaker 2: voted for. Okay, I labeled him as a Democrat. I

654
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,280
Speaker 2: was like, oh, you're a Democrat like that. I don't

655
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 2: know why because I'm a Democrat right or like or

656
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 2: I thought I was right right exactly. And then like

657
00:27:57,359 --> 00:28:02,280
Speaker 2: when when Trump was running like the I was like, well,

658
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 2: he's not gonna have a vote for Trump is like

659
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 2: this guy's a maniac. And then he sent me something.

660
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:12,480
Speaker 2: It was like a something and it was like on

661
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,480
Speaker 2: the bottom it was but it was like, I'm trying

662
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 2: to think of what it was. He posted on his

663
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:19,640
Speaker 2: Facebook page the thing that's kind of like community is life,

664
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,439
Speaker 2: community is friendship, community is this. And I looked at

665
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:23,639
Speaker 2: I was like, I was weird he's posting that. But

666
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 2: I was like then I looked at the bottom. I

667
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 2: was like paid for by Donald Trump. And I was like,

668
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,480
Speaker 2: I was like, hey, Dad, you gotta take that down.

669
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 2: I was like, that's like a Donald Trump ad. Did

670
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 2: you know that? And he's like, oh, oh, I didn't know.

671
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 2: And I was like, uh, I was like okay. And

672
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:37,639
Speaker 2: then I called my stepsister and I was like, are

673
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 2: they voting for Trump? And she was like I think.

674
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 2: And then it was confirmed by my youngest her son,

675
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 2: and he was like yeah, we were, you know. And

676
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 2: then it caused a big rift between everybody. But he

677
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 2: won't like it, like he's not proud about it like

678
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 2: he was. He's not going to be like like I

679
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:57,240
Speaker 2: would be like, hey Dad, you can't vote for Donald Trump.

680
00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 2: You bet you know. He's like ok yeah, yea, ye yeah, yeah, yeah, yea,

681
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:00,240
Speaker 2: you know.

682
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:03,280
Speaker 1: But it's like, you know, the only thing.

683
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 2: I know that my dad has a very strong opinion

684
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 2: about is abortion and.

685
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:13,240
Speaker 1: Take no, no, no, okay. He's one of those guys

686
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 1: that wants to control the ladies.

687
00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 2: Yes, and and but because he's a very Catholic, okay, right, and.

688
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 3: We're talking, goes to church every Sunday, obviously, goes to

689
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:24,440
Speaker 3: the soup kitchen.

690
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 1: They need him at the soup kitchen. But like we're

691
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 1: talking every Sunday.

692
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 2: Okay, we're talking every day, oh w everyday every weekday day, Monday.

693
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 1: Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

694
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 2: I brought yeah, I brought them to London. They went

695
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:45,720
Speaker 2: to church. It was Easter weekend. They went to church

696
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 2: four times on vacation.

697
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 1: Wait how long were you there?

698
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:54,720
Speaker 2: A week? And that was like we're missing some church,

699
00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:58,800
Speaker 2: Like so you know, look and look, there's always gonna

700
00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 2: be people like jd Vance, real trash bag human about

701
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 2: controlling women's bodies. I think my dad's like, no, God

702
00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:07,760
Speaker 2: doesn't want it. Like it's like it's not like an opinion.

703
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,479
Speaker 2: It's like God has said it, and I am following

704
00:30:10,560 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 2: God right, which I'm not here to you know whatever.

705
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 2: I'm not commenting, I don't, but I will say this,

706
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 2: that was not something that I think he was fully

707
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 2: on board with until he got married to his wife,

708
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 2: who was also going to church every day. My dad

709
00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 2: wasn't going to church every day until he got married again.

710
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, So when did your parents separate or split up?

711
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:38,560
Speaker 2: When I was three years old? Okay, and I again, like,

712
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 2: so this is crazy story about my parents breaking up.

713
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,720
Speaker 2: Was they got divorced when I was three, but they

714
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 2: pretended to be married until I was five. Oh yeah,

715
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:52,640
Speaker 2: so my dad and mom at first, I would sleep

716
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 2: in separate bedrooms and I one morning, I remember one night,

717
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 2: I woke up in the middle of the night and

718
00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 2: you know, you kind of run to your parents room,

719
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:02,000
Speaker 2: or maybe you don't. Yeah, right, So I was like

720
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 2: running to the parents room and I walked by and

721
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:07,640
Speaker 2: I saw my dad in the guest room bed as

722
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 2: I was going, and I was like huh. And I

723
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:11,920
Speaker 2: said to my mom, was like, why is he in there?

724
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:13,880
Speaker 2: My Mom's like, oh, the bed's broken. Then two of

725
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 2: us can't sleep on the same bed. Perfect analogy for

726
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:17,680
Speaker 2: divorce too.

727
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I was like, oh, all right.

728
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 2: And I'm like, okay, I got it. And I didn't

729
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:24,000
Speaker 2: really like, like, you know, when you're a kid, like

730
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:26,280
Speaker 2: you don't you don't have the wherewithal to understand why

731
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 2: it's weird, but you know it's weird, right. I can't

732
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:29,040
Speaker 2: put my finger on it.

733
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 3: Like my mom told me that if I didn't brush

734
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 3: my teeth at night, aunts would crawl around in my mouth,

735
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 3: and I was like, that doesn't I feel like if

736
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 3: I woke I would know, ants were in my mouth

737
00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 3: in the middle of the night. But yeah, you can't

738
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:42,240
Speaker 3: quite place, you know, what's wrong?

739
00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:45,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, And then and then what I've found out, and

740
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 2: like the very long story short is like then my

741
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,920
Speaker 2: dad started. My dad got his own place, and then

742
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:52,000
Speaker 2: he would leave after I went to bed, and then

743
00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 2: get there early in the morning before I got up.

744
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,320
Speaker 3: Oh, so he wasn't even just sleeping in a different room.

745
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 3: He was actually sleeping somewhere else and then coming and

746
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 3: taking a little cat nap at five am.

747
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 1: Wow.

748
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,960
Speaker 2: So it became so and and so then they got

749
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:12,840
Speaker 2: divorced for real, and then you know, and life goes on.

750
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:17,280
Speaker 2: My dad didn't get remarried until actually until I met June.

751
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 2: So we're probably saying like two thousand and four, so

752
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 2: we're you know, like, you know, so it was it

753
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 2: was like thirty years my dad wasn't married or anything.

754
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:28,480
Speaker 1: Do you think he was just a playboy in that

755
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 1: time or no?

756
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 2: No, I think that my dad was making time for me,

757
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 2: like I want to be a dad, I want to

758
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:40,080
Speaker 2: be like I think he understood his boyfriend chameleon status

759
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 2: enough that he was like, I need to be all

760
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:46,920
Speaker 2: in as a dad. Okay, and if I'm here, like

761
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 2: he said to me at one point, which I think

762
00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 2: is sometimes it's also like I don't know what's bullshit

763
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:52,960
Speaker 2: or what's not, because sometimes we make up stories to

764
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 2: make ourselves look a little bit more heroic. But he's like,

765
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 2: you know, I knew that I never wanted to miss

766
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:00,880
Speaker 2: anything that you did. And there was a thought that

767
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,840
Speaker 2: if I was in a relationship, I would miss that show.

768
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 2: I would couldn't be with you on that weekend. I

769
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 2: wanted to have that flexibility, and you know, honestly, I

770
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 2: feel that way. I would feel that way about my

771
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:13,240
Speaker 2: kids too. I want to be until they don't need me.

772
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,200
Speaker 2: If I was, if I was in that situation, I

773
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:18,480
Speaker 2: want to be one hundred percent available for my kids.

774
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:19,960
Speaker 2: I just want to be. I don't want to not

775
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 2: be there.

776
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 1: Yeah. So like he was like, you are now married,

777
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 1: you're taken care of someone, you have a family. I'm

778
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:26,400
Speaker 1: ready to know.

779
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 2: It was like now, I was like, you know, almost thirty,

780
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 2: I was living in La you know. Yeah, Like it

781
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 2: was like, you know, it was a different it was

782
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 2: a different set of circumstances, right, And it.

783
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:38,920
Speaker 1: Was interesting that you were married. It was like not

784
00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:40,080
Speaker 1: until I got married.

785
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:42,440
Speaker 2: Well yeah, like, well, it's like I got married to

786
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 2: June after I got married to June. I think June

787
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,200
Speaker 2: and I were dating in about two thousand and five.

788
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 2: I think my dad got married in two thousand and five,

789
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:52,040
Speaker 2: two thousand and six. Oka, I remember June went to

790
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 2: the wedding with me and June I got married in

791
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 2: two thousand and nine. So so yeah, so it was

792
00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 2: like I met her when I was dating June. So

793
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:02,760
Speaker 2: it really was and what and look, I had long

794
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:05,080
Speaker 2: term relationships before June too, but I think it was

795
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 2: at this moment where it was like you're you've left,

796
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 2: and there might have been like also a part of

797
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,440
Speaker 2: like loneliness for me, I always I mean, and that's

798
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 2: the other thing too, is like I want to be

799
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 2: clear on this, like I always wanted my dad to

800
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 2: be married. I wanted my dad to have somebody, you know,

801
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 2: Like the thought of having my dad alone was hard

802
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 2: for me to deal with, like, oh, he doesn't have anybody,

803
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 2: Like he's going back. Like when he would drop me

804
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:29,320
Speaker 2: off of my house, I would get really sad, like,

805
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:33,200
Speaker 2: oh he's going back to be alone. Yeah, I look

806
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 2: at that now.

807
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 3: Grass is always greeted that's what I keeps saying to me.

808
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:41,520
Speaker 3: Everyone's like grass is always greener. But okay, you said

809
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 3: he didn't want to miss anything. At least that's what

810
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 3: he tells you. Yeah, did he miss anything? Did he

811
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:46,719
Speaker 3: miss any of your shows? Did he miss anything that

812
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:47,520
Speaker 3: you really wanted him to be?

813
00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:52,359
Speaker 2: I mean, my dad was such a staple at UCB Theater.

814
00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 2: It was third row against the Wall. My dad saw

815
00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 2: me do a show where I was a robot. He

816
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,839
Speaker 2: saw me rip off people's dicks in a bloody show

817
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:05,160
Speaker 2: called Kilgore, like he saw everything.

818
00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:07,600
Speaker 1: So mister Sheher was always a camp at UCB.

819
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:10,279
Speaker 2: And people love my dad and he was always like, hey,

820
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, guys, that dildo circus I was hilarious,

821
00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 2: you know, like you know, he says like.

822
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:17,279
Speaker 3: Okay, but he's watching you do dil do circus. But

823
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:19,759
Speaker 3: he's super caf And now that you're doing your thing

824
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 3: in your.

825
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:24,279
Speaker 2: Passion, I could never I look back on it now

826
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:25,960
Speaker 2: and go, oh wow, that stuff must like, I mean,

827
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 2: we're doing stuff that was not anti religion, but like

828
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 2: you know, I did a show called George Bushes a

829
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:35,800
Speaker 2: Motherfucker that Adam McKay co wrote and co directed. So

830
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:38,279
Speaker 2: it's like that was the show George and the other

831
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:39,960
Speaker 2: show I did was like getting high with George w

832
00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:42,800
Speaker 2: Like it was like me, like, these are politically based

833
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:45,440
Speaker 2: shows that we were doing at uc B that he

834
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:50,040
Speaker 2: was coming to see multiple times and never ever expressed anything.

835
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:51,759
Speaker 2: And that's why I think I also thought, oh, he's

836
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 2: not waiting for Trump. He clearly is, like he gets it.

837
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:56,480
Speaker 2: And George Bush is the motherfucker and you know, like

838
00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:58,840
Speaker 2: you know, he's on this page. And that's not to

839
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:03,400
Speaker 2: say that like he didn't vote for I don't know.

840
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 2: He never told me and he won't and I asked

841
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:07,800
Speaker 2: him about it one time. I said, what is it, Like,

842
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:09,400
Speaker 2: why won't you tell me? He's like, well, I just

843
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:12,279
Speaker 2: grew up in a world where that's private. And I go,

844
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:14,880
Speaker 2: but you realize, like, I'm not going to love you

845
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 2: less like you vote for Trump. I don't agree with it.

846
00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:21,880
Speaker 2: I don't agree with it, but I also understand the

847
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 2: reason why you're voting for Trump is one issue and

848
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:26,799
Speaker 2: one issue only, and it's abortion. And I'm never going

849
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:28,920
Speaker 2: to convince you otherwise of abortion. Because my dad is

850
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 2: one of those people, like you know, they take out

851
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:32,440
Speaker 2: babies at nine months, I'm like, yeah, it's called labor,

852
00:36:33,239 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 2: you know, you know, and so, but I can't get

853
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:38,520
Speaker 2: there with him, like I'm not gonna like, I'm not

854
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,320
Speaker 2: going to sway him. And I found myself going I

855
00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 2: could either have a relationship with my dad where I'm

856
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 2: constantly confrontational and being like, why are you voting for

857
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 2: you know this, why are you voting for this? Get

858
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:53,200
Speaker 2: behind Hillary? Get behind me? Or I could say that

859
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:55,440
Speaker 2: has to be on the side, and I love you

860
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:58,880
Speaker 2: for who you are and that's it because it's like,

861
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:00,719
Speaker 2: you know, like I was like, he'll definitely get to

862
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:03,439
Speaker 2: vote for Biden because Biden's Catholic, right, That's that's straight

863
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:05,680
Speaker 2: down the middle Catholic. Nope, Nope.

864
00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:08,279
Speaker 3: Wow, did it ever get confrontational with you guys? Was

865
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,239
Speaker 3: it starting to threaten to get like, oh now we're

866
00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:10,680
Speaker 3: going to happen.

867
00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 2: I don't bring it up because it's like it's it's

868
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:15,160
Speaker 2: not it's to me. It's like, and I know we're

869
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,279
Speaker 2: supposed to have these conversations with people, but I also

870
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:20,840
Speaker 2: feel like it's my dad is not talk to me,

871
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:22,400
Speaker 2: tell me if I'm wrong on this, because I want

872
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 2: to be I want to be open to fearless.

873
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 1: I'm not of these things, but I'll try. But tell

874
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:28,279
Speaker 1: me go ahead. You can talk like I.

875
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,440
Speaker 2: And pro choice. I believe that it is.

876
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 1: It is.

877
00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 2: Everybody's body is their own choice, whatever you want to do.

878
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:41,920
Speaker 2: But in the grand scheme of things, if that's what

879
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,080
Speaker 2: my dad believes. My dad is pro life. It old,

880
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,239
Speaker 2: and he lives in New York, which is ultimately a

881
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,160
Speaker 2: blue state, it's not going to really be affecting that

882
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:53,040
Speaker 2: much stuff. He's not a racist. He's not going out there,

883
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 2: you know, guns doing crazy shit. Like like it's like

884
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,160
Speaker 2: it's a religious belief that he's got on the side.

885
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 2: I'm like, it's not worth trying to undo years of religion.

886
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,839
Speaker 2: It's never gonna happen, right, Like I can have conversations

887
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 2: with him about like you know, we like, you know,

888
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:13,040
Speaker 2: we both write cast they you know, and you had

889
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:16,279
Speaker 2: opinions about that. I guess what I'm saying is he's problematic,

890
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,200
Speaker 2: but he's not also problematic in a way. That's like

891
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:20,880
Speaker 2: it Like that's like I.

892
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:23,480
Speaker 3: Feel like, yeah, what I'm hearing at least is that

893
00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 3: you're like, listen, he believes what he believes. He believes

894
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 3: it for religious reasons. His religion is very important to him.

895
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 3: The man goes to church seven days a week, okay,

896
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:36,960
Speaker 3: and so I understand as his son and having seen

897
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:39,920
Speaker 3: him devote himself to his religion in this way, there's

898
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:41,920
Speaker 3: really no way for me to get in there. So

899
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:44,360
Speaker 3: what my actual options are is to let him know

900
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 3: that I don't believe in what he believes in. I

901
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:49,879
Speaker 3: don't agree with it. I'm disappointed he's voting that way.

902
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:52,839
Speaker 3: I also don't expect to change him. And I say

903
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:54,719
Speaker 3: and as opposed to butt because it doesn't I don't

904
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 3: want to negate everything I said before that.

905
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 1: But it's like, and I know it's really unlikely that I.

906
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:02,120
Speaker 3: Will be able to change your vote on this one

907
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:05,160
Speaker 3: because you are one track mine here is that?

908
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:07,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, that and that's and you know, like and then

909
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:08,920
Speaker 2: there was like one moment where he said to me,

910
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 2: this is the most I ever got into it with him. Yeah,

911
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 2: and you go, you know then, because they'll be like,

912
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 2: well they're both the same that you know, all these

913
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:18,520
Speaker 2: politicians are corrupt. I'm like, well that's a that's a

914
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 2: bullshit answer. And I was like and and I go like,

915
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:23,600
Speaker 2: just look at it like this. I was like I

916
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:26,799
Speaker 2: think when you look at the effect that Trump can

917
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:32,239
Speaker 2: have on the queer population, like you know, and he's like, well, no,

918
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:35,520
Speaker 2: he's actually very he's very accepting that. I'm like, here's

919
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 2: a website you can look at that shows how every

920
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:44,359
Speaker 2: policy has been almost aggressively anti gay.

921
00:39:44,800 --> 00:39:46,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know.

922
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:47,840
Speaker 2: And and he's like, oh, oh, I didn't know that.

923
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:49,879
Speaker 2: I didn't know that. But it's not gonna change vote

924
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, that doesn't trump

925
00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:55,320
Speaker 2: the abortion issue, which is a one issue.

926
00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:58,399
Speaker 1: When they say a single issue voter, that's a very

927
00:39:58,680 --> 00:39:59,200
Speaker 1: real thing.

928
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:03,360
Speaker 3: And I also so think that, at least in my experience,

929
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:08,200
Speaker 3: I am of the mind that something about getting older

930
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,520
Speaker 3: and being stuck in your ways and so sure of

931
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 3: yourself causes you to be quite inflexible.

932
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:16,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it is.

933
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:18,480
Speaker 3: I've said to people that as I age and just

934
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 3: talking to people about their parents, friends, about their parents

935
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:23,600
Speaker 3: and what their experiences are with them and those conversations,

936
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 3: how those conversations go, I say, I want to be

937
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:30,480
Speaker 3: a person who when I'm older, I am flexible enough

938
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:33,200
Speaker 3: to change my mind. So when you say you present

939
00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 3: your dad with a website that here are all the

940
00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:39,920
Speaker 3: ways that Trump is anti gay and is opposed to

941
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:43,200
Speaker 3: the LGBTQ community, and he goes, oh, I didn't know that,

942
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:45,279
Speaker 3: but he's still going to vote the way votes. I'm like,

943
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:48,200
Speaker 3: my hope is that when I'm that age, that new

944
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 3: information will penetrate my psyche and I am able to

945
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 3: change my mind. That's a real hope I have just

946
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 3: hearing how infrequently that happens.

947
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that we are all. You know, There's

948
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:00,880
Speaker 2: somebody said something the other day that really resonated with me,

949
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:04,919
Speaker 2: and it was like our parents and their parents, there's

950
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:08,319
Speaker 2: a very narrow gap between how they were brought up

951
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:14,080
Speaker 2: and how their parents were brought up. But between us

952
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:19,800
Speaker 2: and our parents, it's a giant chasm where what we

953
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:23,960
Speaker 2: are aware of, what we're exposed to, what we live in,

954
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 2: are like it, and so it's actually like a it

955
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:31,000
Speaker 2: is a shocking difference, Like our parents are much more

956
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:34,560
Speaker 2: like their parents than we are like our parents. And

957
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:36,480
Speaker 2: I just think it's like, yeah, I like, and I

958
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 2: think we will be people who are open to things

959
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:41,520
Speaker 2: like you know, look, I think that like when you

960
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 2: there's uncomfortable conversations happening all the time, and I often

961
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:50,360
Speaker 2: try to be like I can't express an opinion publicly

962
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 2: unless I understand it enough. Like there's emotional components to things,

963
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:56,400
Speaker 2: but I'm like, I want to understand it because I

964
00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 2: want to get in front of it. But it's like

965
00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 2: and and I feel like I I don't want to

966
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,040
Speaker 2: make snap judgments. And I hope that stays with me,

967
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:05,800
Speaker 2: Like I don't get too caught in my ways. You know,

968
00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 2: you know there's things I get irritated by, but it's like, yeah,

969
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 2: but very rarely are they social or cultural issues. It's

970
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:13,640
Speaker 2: like great, right, right?

971
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:16,400
Speaker 3: I can I ask just the way you've described your

972
00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 3: dad and how great and present of a father he

973
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:25,280
Speaker 3: is and has been, would just given the boyfriend chameleon

974
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 3: thing and the reticence to share with you who he's

975
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 3: voting for and you kind of had to find that

976
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:32,799
Speaker 3: out in your own would you describe your dad as

977
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:34,880
Speaker 3: an honest person? Would you do consider your dad an

978
00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 3: honest person?

979
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:40,319
Speaker 2: I would consider him a loving person who I think

980
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:46,320
Speaker 2: is very concerned about not being loved and give you

981
00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:48,719
Speaker 2: the answer that he wants that he thinks you want

982
00:42:48,760 --> 00:42:51,719
Speaker 2: to hear, m h and and and then I don't

983
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:55,279
Speaker 2: think that that makes him dishonest because I actually don't

984
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:59,040
Speaker 2: think like I think it's all about weighing in what

985
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:02,560
Speaker 2: situation and who am I talking to, and like it's like,

986
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:05,160
Speaker 2: I want to connect with you so bad that I

987
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:08,399
Speaker 2: want to I want you to like me. I want

988
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 2: you to feel comfortable with me that I'm I don't

989
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 2: know at the end of the day. Oh, my dad

990
00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 2: likes X, Y and Z. He's a support he's been

991
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:19,920
Speaker 2: a supporter of me. He loves my kids, he's he's

992
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,080
Speaker 2: there for me. All these things are true. But there

993
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:23,919
Speaker 2: are certain things I said him the other day. I said,

994
00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:28,359
Speaker 2: I'm your son. I was like, you can talk shit

995
00:43:28,440 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 2: with me. You can. You can be mad at me.

996
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:33,719
Speaker 2: I was like, I can be mad at you. I

997
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:36,880
Speaker 2: was like, like this is for me. I was like,

998
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:39,239
Speaker 2: I want to have a relationship with you where it's

999
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 2: like we don't have you don't have to pull your punches,

1000
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:43,520
Speaker 2: you don't have to be worried about it. But I

1001
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:44,680
Speaker 2: think it's hard for HI to do. But I think

1002
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:46,279
Speaker 2: he's also trying. I think after I wrote this book,

1003
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:47,600
Speaker 2: because I talk about some of this stuff in my

1004
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:50,480
Speaker 2: book and he's read it, and he was very supportive,

1005
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:52,920
Speaker 2: and it was and you know, and and one of

1006
00:43:52,960 --> 00:43:55,359
Speaker 2: the things and I'm probably dropping this way too late,

1007
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:59,840
Speaker 2: but it's in the book. Is my mom got involved

1008
00:43:59,880 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 2: with a man after she and my dad divorced, who

1009
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:06,839
Speaker 2: was incredibly physically abusive, and we lived in a very

1010
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 2: abusive home situation. Yeah, and one of my biggest things

1011
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:14,920
Speaker 2: with my dad was that he never like got in

1012
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:17,480
Speaker 2: there to help take it out.

1013
00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:19,759
Speaker 1: And he was aware of it.

1014
00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:22,239
Speaker 2: He was aware of it because I would tell him

1015
00:44:22,280 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 2: and you know, and and he actually even got into

1016
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:26,680
Speaker 2: a fight when to a physical fight with this man.

1017
00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:30,000
Speaker 2: The guy kind of attacked him, and so he saw

1018
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:33,440
Speaker 2: it at firsthand. And and when I talked to him

1019
00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:35,680
Speaker 2: about it years later, you know, he would be QUI

1020
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:37,400
Speaker 2: didn't know. I thought you were exaggerating, I thought this,

1021
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:40,320
Speaker 2: but you were also there. He saw this, like I

1022
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:44,600
Speaker 2: think that like his fear of I don't know where that,

1023
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:46,600
Speaker 2: you know, I told him. You know, we've had these

1024
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 2: conversations I put in the book and I said, I

1025
00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:50,360
Speaker 2: don't need an apology from you. I don't like Isaac,

1026
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:53,560
Speaker 2: but I would love you to figure out why you

1027
00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:56,120
Speaker 2: did that, because now as a dad, I know that

1028
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:58,560
Speaker 2: if I saw that happening, I don't know what I

1029
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:01,320
Speaker 2: would do, but I would do something right right, and

1030
00:45:02,160 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 2: and maybe people don't have the tools. So it's it's

1031
00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:09,320
Speaker 2: a very complex relationship because it's like you can know

1032
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 2: that you are loved, you can know that you are supported,

1033
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:18,880
Speaker 2: you can know that you are uh in a relationship

1034
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:22,200
Speaker 2: where somebody cares about you, but there also are these

1035
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:25,000
Speaker 2: things that that are ingrained in them, you know. And

1036
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:31,000
Speaker 2: I try very hard as a dad to center my kids,

1037
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:33,319
Speaker 2: and and and and the way I kind of think

1038
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:37,479
Speaker 2: about it is like you never know what your kids

1039
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:42,239
Speaker 2: are thinking, right, So it's sort of like I I

1040
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:45,880
Speaker 2: got this great advice from a child psychiatrist early on.

1041
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:50,040
Speaker 2: My wife's dad passed away when my my my oldest

1042
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:53,120
Speaker 2: son was three years old, and you know, death is

1043
00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:55,279
Speaker 2: a thing, and you know, and I said, well, how

1044
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:58,719
Speaker 2: do we bring up death to him? And she's like,

1045
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:01,960
Speaker 2: my rule of thumb is is never lie. Don't tell

1046
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 2: your kid you're gonna have advance in your mouth, but

1047
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:08,440
Speaker 2: also but don't go, but don't also don't lie, and

1048
00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:12,000
Speaker 2: be concise. And that has been something that I've really

1049
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 2: taken the heart, where I I say, you know, I'll

1050
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:17,319
Speaker 2: say something like you know, so and so passed away

1051
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:19,520
Speaker 2: and that's the last time we're gonna see him, and

1052
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 2: we want to we want to remember him right now.

1053
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:23,759
Speaker 2: There's no talk of oh he's in heaven and he's

1054
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:26,120
Speaker 2: looking down and there's a thing and he's you know,

1055
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:28,600
Speaker 2: it's like we just simple. And so I also find

1056
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:30,960
Speaker 2: like when my you know, my kids are scared or

1057
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:33,560
Speaker 2: my kids are worried about something, instead of me trying

1058
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:35,360
Speaker 2: to make it better for them, I go, what do

1059
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:38,200
Speaker 2: you what are you nervous about? Mm hmm. I wait

1060
00:46:38,320 --> 00:46:40,759
Speaker 2: and I let them tell me what they're afraid of,

1061
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:43,319
Speaker 2: because my fear is about what I think they could

1062
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:45,719
Speaker 2: be are different. I'm an adult there a kid, and

1063
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:48,920
Speaker 2: so yeah, so I I try very much to center them.

1064
00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:52,080
Speaker 2: I don't always do it right. I'm sure I'm gonna

1065
00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:53,400
Speaker 2: mess them up on some way too, but I but

1066
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:57,239
Speaker 2: I try to be like on their level, be an

1067
00:46:57,320 --> 00:47:01,080
Speaker 2: ally for them, and and just let them know no

1068
00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:03,880
Speaker 2: matter what. Like my son made a decision last night

1069
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:06,959
Speaker 2: and he didn't want to go back to camp because

1070
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:08,640
Speaker 2: he didn't like the way that the camp counselor was

1071
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 2: yelling at other kids. Wasn't yelling at him, but he

1072
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 2: made it made him feel uncomfortable that this camp councer

1073
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:15,319
Speaker 2: was yelling at people, and he's like, I don't want

1074
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:17,440
Speaker 2: to go back. Yeah, And I said okay, And I

1075
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:20,239
Speaker 2: said to him like he was standing there, and I said,

1076
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:23,279
Speaker 2: I just want you to know that I am so

1077
00:47:24,280 --> 00:47:28,440
Speaker 2: proud of you for having your own knowledge of that

1078
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:31,800
Speaker 2: made you uncomfortable. You don't want to be there, and

1079
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:34,279
Speaker 2: you felt comfortable enough to share that, and you also

1080
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 2: don't want to like, like, I want to applaud that, Yes,

1081
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:39,640
Speaker 2: is that paying the asser for me now to figure

1082
00:47:39,680 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 2: out what to do with my kid he's on a camp.

1083
00:47:41,239 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 2: Is that I paid for? Yes, But I want to

1084
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:46,480
Speaker 2: applaud that he made a really good decision that was

1085
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:49,400
Speaker 2: uncomfortable for him to share with us and articulate.

1086
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:49,799
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1087
00:47:49,840 --> 00:47:51,800
Speaker 2: And I want to like, you know, it's anyway not

1088
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:53,799
Speaker 2: you know, I make a lot of fucking mistakes too,

1089
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:54,840
Speaker 2: but I mean that I just tried.

1090
00:47:54,719 --> 00:47:55,920
Speaker 1: To of course. I mean.

1091
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 3: My big thing that I've talked about is the moment

1092
00:47:58,719 --> 00:48:01,520
Speaker 3: you realize, be it a moment or a period in life,

1093
00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:03,560
Speaker 3: when you realize your parents are just humans who are

1094
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 3: trying their best, and even with all the tools I

1095
00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:09,439
Speaker 3: feel like I have now via therapy and the things

1096
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:12,400
Speaker 3: I've read and the developments in psychology that I listened

1097
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 3: to on podcasts.

1098
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, we're all going to fuck up the people

1099
00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:19,040
Speaker 1: were connected to in some way, shape or form.

1100
00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:21,160
Speaker 2: We all got stuff. Yeah, have stuff.

1101
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:22,440
Speaker 1: I mean with your kids.

1102
00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:26,839
Speaker 3: When the child psychologist says just be concise and don't lie,

1103
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:29,040
Speaker 3: do you worry that they're going to ask you a

1104
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:30,600
Speaker 3: bunch of follow up questions? I feel like I was

1105
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:32,719
Speaker 3: one of those kids that was like, well, no, explain that,

1106
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 3: explain that further. So, like I don't know if you

1107
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:36,200
Speaker 3: could be concise with me as a kid.

1108
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:39,360
Speaker 2: Well, you know, like, uh, this is another technique that

1109
00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:41,799
Speaker 2: she taught us, which I thought was good too. Oh

1110
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:44,600
Speaker 2: it's a good question. I gotta think about that. We

1111
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:46,560
Speaker 2: gotta look at that. Let's let's figure that out. Oh

1112
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 2: that's a good question. Oh I don't know, like just

1113
00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:50,719
Speaker 2: you know, and it's not even it's because it's like

1114
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:53,800
Speaker 2: that is a good question. I think it's kind of

1115
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:55,440
Speaker 2: like saying like, and if you come back to it

1116
00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:58,279
Speaker 2: in about an hour, well then we'll go a little

1117
00:48:58,280 --> 00:48:59,880
Speaker 2: bit different. But if you like, if it just drops.

1118
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:02,400
Speaker 2: I think what kids often do when they ask these questions,

1119
00:49:02,719 --> 00:49:05,400
Speaker 2: are they don't feel satiated by it. It's it's like

1120
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:08,239
Speaker 2: it's like you're you're not full right, But if you

1121
00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:10,640
Speaker 2: give him an answer that doesn't seem wishy washy, it's like,

1122
00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:14,719
Speaker 2: Grandpa is dead, We're never going to see him again.

1123
00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:17,239
Speaker 2: We have him in our memories, and today is the

1124
00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:19,160
Speaker 2: day we're going to say goodbye to him. There's not

1125
00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:21,040
Speaker 2: that many follow up questions there. But if I start

1126
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:23,239
Speaker 2: saying Grandpa's in heaven, he's looking down on us, and

1127
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:25,440
Speaker 2: he's he's smiling at you right now, it's like wait, wait,

1128
00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:27,719
Speaker 2: where is he? How is he there? What's going there?

1129
00:49:28,280 --> 00:49:28,400
Speaker 1: Right?

1130
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,320
Speaker 2: So you start asking all these things. It's like like

1131
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 2: what is dead? Well? Dead? Is he passed away? He

1132
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:35,400
Speaker 2: had cancer? And then there's certain things that you like.

1133
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:40,320
Speaker 2: And I feel like when you start to polish something,

1134
00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:44,000
Speaker 2: it gets it gets tricky, it gets you know, so

1135
00:49:44,120 --> 00:49:46,800
Speaker 2: anyway again, and yes, they do ask follow up questions,

1136
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:50,360
Speaker 2: like my kids have like bombed me at dinners, like

1137
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:53,600
Speaker 2: in the middle of apropos of nothing. We're talking July fourth,

1138
00:49:53,880 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 2: We're talking like middle of June. He's like it's Santa

1139
00:49:57,160 --> 00:50:03,319
Speaker 2: Real and oh well, oh interesting, Yeah, what what makes

1140
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:03,759
Speaker 2: you ask?

1141
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:04,320
Speaker 3: You know?

1142
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:07,479
Speaker 2: So it's like, yeah, and I'm buying time while I'm asking,

1143
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:10,120
Speaker 2: you know, I'm like, oh, that's interesting. I didn't think

1144
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:12,399
Speaker 2: about it like that. Yeah, I mean I always knew

1145
00:50:12,440 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 2: it like that. And I play a little bit dumb.

1146
00:50:14,120 --> 00:50:15,279
Speaker 2: I'm like, I always knew it like this.

1147
00:50:15,840 --> 00:50:18,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, well, Sta Real. I'm like, hold on.

1148
00:50:18,239 --> 00:50:20,360
Speaker 3: But if the answer is tell the truth and be concise.

1149
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:23,040
Speaker 3: Your kid asked you Santa real, it sounds like you're

1150
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:24,439
Speaker 3: supposed to be like, no, well.

1151
00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:25,960
Speaker 2: And this is, and this is and that, and that's

1152
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:28,720
Speaker 2: the tricky one, because the Santa one is a tricky

1153
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:31,799
Speaker 2: one because I think that you very rarely ever hear

1154
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:34,839
Speaker 2: a kid going like my parents lied to me about Santa. Yeah.

1155
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:36,920
Speaker 2: You know, it's like it's part of the fun of

1156
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 2: the myth. But you have to also know when to

1157
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:41,239
Speaker 2: rip that band aid off. So my ten year old, yeah,

1158
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 2: was on the fence and he was like, Dad, I'm

1159
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:47,120
Speaker 2: the only one who believes in my class. I'm beginning

1160
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:51,600
Speaker 2: to think that Santa isn't real. Yeah, And in that moment,

1161
00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:55,359
Speaker 2: I had a choice which was to go I double down.

1162
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:57,239
Speaker 2: I make him be the only kid in class who

1163
00:50:57,280 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 2: still believes in Santa, and I create a lie because

1164
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:01,759
Speaker 2: he believed me and he trusts me. There I go,

1165
00:51:02,320 --> 00:51:02,839
Speaker 2: he's not real.

1166
00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:07,040
Speaker 3: The other option of also making him look like a

1167
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:09,200
Speaker 3: dumb ass in front of his classmates, and then he goes,

1168
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:12,399
Speaker 3: my dad set me up to look dom at ten

1169
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:15,160
Speaker 3: years old in front of my classmates. Not cool, that

1170
00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:17,480
Speaker 3: would be that would be a big breach of trust.

1171
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:18,759
Speaker 3: Then I think that makes sense.

1172
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:23,200
Speaker 2: And I think that there's something magical about Santa tooth fairy.

1173
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 2: Those are like little things that make childhood fun. Right.

1174
00:51:26,480 --> 00:51:28,839
Speaker 2: And it's like, and I've seen the parents. We don't

1175
00:51:28,840 --> 00:51:31,960
Speaker 2: tell kids about Sanda, and we don't do this something. Okay, fine,

1176
00:51:32,360 --> 00:51:35,160
Speaker 2: Christmas is big in our house. We love Christmas. It's

1177
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:38,200
Speaker 2: a nice tradition. It's not something that I'm like, I'm

1178
00:51:38,239 --> 00:51:41,160
Speaker 2: not making Santa the end all be all of everything.

1179
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:45,000
Speaker 2: But it's imagination. It's magic. And I and what I

1180
00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 2: said to my son when I told him about Santa

1181
00:51:46,680 --> 00:51:49,359
Speaker 2: was I was like, not real. But here's the thing.

1182
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 2: There was somebody who was this man named and I

1183
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:58,280
Speaker 2: believe my dad all this research named Nicholas. Who would

1184
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:01,400
Speaker 2: There's a poor couplet, he puts some money down their

1185
00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:04,279
Speaker 2: chimney and this is like a true story, OK. And

1186
00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:05,960
Speaker 2: I was like and I was like, and that's real

1187
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:08,400
Speaker 2: and everyone in this town and you know, I was.

1188
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:10,960
Speaker 2: I got so excited by this that they're like, I

1189
00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:12,719
Speaker 2: want to try to do that for people who are

1190
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:15,560
Speaker 2: in need as well. And that keeps on growing and

1191
00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:18,560
Speaker 2: growing and growing. So I am in a way Santa,

1192
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:20,359
Speaker 2: and Mom is in a way Santa, because we're keeping

1193
00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:23,200
Speaker 2: this tradition going and now you get to come with

1194
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:25,200
Speaker 2: us to keep that tradition going.

1195
00:52:25,400 --> 00:52:28,960
Speaker 1: Santa is spirit yes, yes, yes, you know.

1196
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:30,440
Speaker 2: And it's like and it's like and it becomes like

1197
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:33,600
Speaker 2: I didn't lie to It's like I'm not saying you know,

1198
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:36,120
Speaker 2: I'm just like I'm trying to like bring you into

1199
00:52:36,239 --> 00:52:39,279
Speaker 2: something which is fun. Like it was fun, and it's

1200
00:52:39,320 --> 00:52:40,600
Speaker 2: like and they wake up in the morning they have

1201
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:42,279
Speaker 2: a magical thing and everyone in the class is like

1202
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:44,920
Speaker 2: believing it, like at a certain ages, believing in Santa,

1203
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,160
Speaker 2: and they're excited for Santa, like I want my kid

1204
00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:49,279
Speaker 2: to have that, Like there's so many shitty things in

1205
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:51,600
Speaker 2: the world, like pull off that bandaid when it's the

1206
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:54,520
Speaker 2: right time again, right time. You know that nine years old,

1207
00:52:54,640 --> 00:52:56,880
Speaker 2: he knows that there's no, Santa. Yes, that's that's when

1208
00:52:56,920 --> 00:53:01,160
Speaker 2: he found out because he did enough to deductive reasoning. Yeah,

1209
00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 2: and it doesn't make sense. And I decided, like, yes,

1210
00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:03,640
Speaker 2: I'm following that.

1211
00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:06,839
Speaker 3: And if your kid's like fifteen and still believes in Santa, Paul,

1212
00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:09,240
Speaker 3: do you you're like I would? You would be worried

1213
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:11,080
Speaker 3: about that if your kid was fifteen and still believing

1214
00:53:11,080 --> 00:53:11,439
Speaker 3: in Side.

1215
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:14,680
Speaker 2: If you were if your kid, if my kid was

1216
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:17,080
Speaker 2: fifteen and still believing in Santa, I would think it

1217
00:53:17,160 --> 00:53:20,800
Speaker 2: was weird. I talked to somebody who said that his

1218
00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:25,280
Speaker 2: sister believed that Santa until sixteen and had a full meltdown.

1219
00:53:25,640 --> 00:53:26,360
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.

1220
00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:30,400
Speaker 1: I had a driver's license potentially and believed in Santa.

1221
00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:36,759
Speaker 2: Okay. John Hodgman also believed and had a meltdown like

1222
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:39,800
Speaker 2: it actually does some real destructive stuff.

1223
00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:40,160
Speaker 1: Oh.

1224
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:43,960
Speaker 3: I don't think I grew up Christian. I don't think

1225
00:53:44,040 --> 00:53:47,040
Speaker 3: anyone ever mentioned Santa to me. I understood that kids

1226
00:53:47,360 --> 00:53:50,120
Speaker 3: believed in Santa, and I was never the like, I'm

1227
00:53:50,120 --> 00:53:52,239
Speaker 3: going to go tell kids he doesn't exist. I don't

1228
00:53:52,280 --> 00:53:54,840
Speaker 3: think anyone told me he existed or didn't exist. I

1229
00:53:54,960 --> 00:53:58,080
Speaker 3: need people at school believed, and I just wasn't a

1230
00:53:58,160 --> 00:53:59,719
Speaker 3: thing to me one way or the other to be

1231
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:01,560
Speaker 3: like he's really he's not same with the tooth for

1232
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:02,480
Speaker 3: your I don't yeah.

1233
00:54:02,480 --> 00:54:04,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like it's just it's sort of like whatever

1234
00:54:04,600 --> 00:54:06,799
Speaker 2: family you come up in, like, look, we we also

1235
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:09,480
Speaker 2: live next to like uh, you know, like a family

1236
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:12,320
Speaker 2: who is Jewish and they and their kids are the

1237
00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:13,759
Speaker 2: same age as our kids, and I could see them

1238
00:54:13,800 --> 00:54:16,080
Speaker 2: like elf on the shelf, What the fuck is that?

1239
00:54:16,440 --> 00:54:18,200
Speaker 2: You know? And it's like but but they also keep

1240
00:54:18,239 --> 00:54:19,960
Speaker 2: it going because it's like, well, our job isn't here

1241
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:22,840
Speaker 2: to be like yeah, yeah, you know. It's like everyone's

1242
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:25,560
Speaker 2: like it's like everyone's got their own thing, right, and

1243
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:27,480
Speaker 2: you just want your kid. I mean the biggest thing

1244
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:29,319
Speaker 2: is that that's want my kid to be normal, right,

1245
00:54:29,440 --> 00:54:31,759
Speaker 2: Like you know, like if everybody's believing in Santa, you

1246
00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:33,400
Speaker 2: can believe in Santa if you know, you know, like,

1247
00:54:33,600 --> 00:54:36,160
Speaker 2: but I'm also not going to be like, oh Santa,

1248
00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:38,120
Speaker 2: you know, here he is and here's a letter.

1249
00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:38,360
Speaker 3: You know.

1250
00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:40,880
Speaker 2: It's like, you know, I'm just gonna do, you know.

1251
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:42,759
Speaker 2: But it's also like part of the fun for me

1252
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:44,520
Speaker 2: is like I'm a dad who wanted to make it

1253
00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:46,080
Speaker 2: fun for him, and he may look back and then

1254
00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:48,560
Speaker 2: go like you've told me Santa wasn't real like I could.

1255
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:50,480
Speaker 2: That could be a mistake in the in the future.

1256
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:53,319
Speaker 3: Who knows right well, who knows what decision I make

1257
00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:56,440
Speaker 3: here will mess you up? What kind of relationship do

1258
00:54:56,520 --> 00:54:58,480
Speaker 3: you want to have with your kids? And if you

1259
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:01,480
Speaker 3: don't mind, remind finding us how many kids you have?

1260
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:06,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have two kids who are currently seven and ten.

1261
00:55:06,239 --> 00:55:09,520
Speaker 2: They're both boys, and they go to the same school.

1262
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:13,560
Speaker 2: My oldest is going into fifth grade and my youngest

1263
00:55:13,719 --> 00:55:18,040
Speaker 2: is going into second grade. Okay, so that's where we're at.

1264
00:55:19,520 --> 00:55:24,680
Speaker 2: And you know, for me, what I really want is

1265
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:29,319
Speaker 2: to be an ally for my kids whatever they want

1266
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:31,919
Speaker 2: to do, however they want to be, however they want

1267
00:55:31,960 --> 00:55:35,520
Speaker 2: to live. I want to be an ally And being

1268
00:55:35,560 --> 00:55:38,160
Speaker 2: an ally is different than being a friend, but it's

1269
00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:39,800
Speaker 2: I think more similar to being a parent, Like I

1270
00:55:39,880 --> 00:55:43,440
Speaker 2: am there to support you. I want to have a

1271
00:55:43,520 --> 00:55:45,640
Speaker 2: relationship with you where you can talk to me about

1272
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 2: whatever you want. You don't feel it's weird. You feel

1273
00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:51,680
Speaker 2: like I'm trustworthy. You also feel like you can like

1274
00:55:52,280 --> 00:55:55,399
Speaker 2: tell me secrets or you can you know, like I want,

1275
00:55:55,520 --> 00:55:57,719
Speaker 2: I want to create a bond with you, and I

1276
00:55:57,840 --> 00:55:59,920
Speaker 2: had that certain bond you know, with my with my dad.

1277
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:02,080
Speaker 2: I would tell them how people are smoking cigarettes or

1278
00:56:02,920 --> 00:56:04,919
Speaker 2: you know, like I want them to feel like, hey, look,

1279
00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:08,719
Speaker 2: I wanted like I'm going to drink tonight, go go drink,

1280
00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:10,640
Speaker 2: like all right, but let's let me. I'll help you

1281
00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:12,719
Speaker 2: out or I'll pick you up. Like I want them

1282
00:56:12,840 --> 00:56:18,480
Speaker 2: to not be afraid of me. But also I don't

1283
00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:20,560
Speaker 2: know the term, and I'm sorry, I wish it was better,

1284
00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:24,000
Speaker 2: better verbiage to your bed. It's like, I want them

1285
00:56:24,000 --> 00:56:25,480
Speaker 2: to be afraid of me, but also not be afraid

1286
00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:27,000
Speaker 2: of me, like I'm always going to be their parent,

1287
00:56:27,239 --> 00:56:30,359
Speaker 2: and I want to hold that as a thing, yes,

1288
00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:32,120
Speaker 2: but I also want them to be able to come

1289
00:56:32,160 --> 00:56:33,600
Speaker 2: to me with anything and know that I'm not going

1290
00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:35,160
Speaker 2: to judge them or make them feel bad, or that

1291
00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:37,840
Speaker 2: I will be like no, you know.

1292
00:56:37,960 --> 00:56:40,759
Speaker 3: And that's a respect right part of me when I

1293
00:56:41,239 --> 00:56:43,279
Speaker 3: what you just describe. Sometimes we have so many words

1294
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:45,520
Speaker 3: in the English language. I was just telling my therapists yesterday,

1295
00:56:45,760 --> 00:56:47,879
Speaker 3: but I'm like, sometimes I can't find the right one

1296
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:49,759
Speaker 3: to say what I'm trying to say. And there are

1297
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:53,040
Speaker 3: other languages that do have those words. But what you're

1298
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:56,560
Speaker 3: describing to me sounds like respect, where it's like I

1299
00:56:56,840 --> 00:57:01,960
Speaker 3: revere and thus, to some extent, fear this person. It's

1300
00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:06,000
Speaker 3: a healthy fear, right, like I always going.

1301
00:57:05,920 --> 00:57:08,400
Speaker 2: To be your parent. It's like that, and that there

1302
00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:11,879
Speaker 2: is a there is a status, there's a status there

1303
00:57:11,920 --> 00:57:14,440
Speaker 2: that will never change. I will always be your dad.

1304
00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:17,760
Speaker 2: I will always be the person who gave you birth,

1305
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:19,960
Speaker 2: like you know so, And there's a responsibility set that

1306
00:57:20,040 --> 00:57:22,360
Speaker 2: comes with that, right. And we're never going to be equals,

1307
00:57:22,600 --> 00:57:25,160
Speaker 2: and I'm okay with that. Although we can talk as equals,

1308
00:57:25,600 --> 00:57:27,120
Speaker 2: you know, we could, but I'm never like, you know,

1309
00:57:27,200 --> 00:57:28,600
Speaker 2: like I want to be the cool boss. Like I'm

1310
00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:31,360
Speaker 2: still the fucking boss. But we're gonna, like, you know,

1311
00:57:31,400 --> 00:57:33,760
Speaker 2: we're gonna have casual Fridays. They're going to bring in

1312
00:57:33,760 --> 00:57:35,920
Speaker 2: an ice cream truck. All life is gonna be at

1313
00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:38,160
Speaker 2: the end of the day, though I'm signing your paycheck.

1314
00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:39,640
Speaker 2: I'm telling you, you know, that's it, you know. And

1315
00:57:39,840 --> 00:57:42,560
Speaker 2: also I think a part of that is like allowing them,

1316
00:57:43,440 --> 00:57:44,840
Speaker 2: you know. It's like I think that the parents who

1317
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:46,800
Speaker 2: want to be friends or be cool to their kids,

1318
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:49,200
Speaker 2: I want my kids to think I'm cool, but I'm

1319
00:57:49,240 --> 00:57:52,480
Speaker 2: not trying to. I actually don't care if my kids

1320
00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:55,120
Speaker 2: think I'm cool. I just want them to love me. Yeah, honestly,

1321
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:57,240
Speaker 2: that's all I want them to do. What loving and

1322
00:57:57,360 --> 00:58:00,320
Speaker 2: feel comfortable with me. Yeah, and and and everything will

1323
00:58:00,360 --> 00:58:00,880
Speaker 2: come to pass.

1324
00:58:01,120 --> 00:58:03,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's interesting even to hear you go through. Okay,

1325
00:58:03,560 --> 00:58:04,880
Speaker 3: I think I want I want them to feel this.

1326
00:58:04,960 --> 00:58:06,720
Speaker 3: I want them to feel this, but also this. It's

1327
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:08,920
Speaker 3: it's just simply being a parent is complicated.

1328
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:12,120
Speaker 1: Yeah again, I'm not one. It just sounds like it's

1329
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:14,240
Speaker 1: such a complicated thing and endeavor.

1330
00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:16,480
Speaker 2: You have years of getting used to it when you

1331
00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:18,920
Speaker 2: become a parent. I always say that you should never

1332
00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:21,520
Speaker 2: have a kid unless you're seventy percent ready. You'll never

1333
00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:23,439
Speaker 2: be one hundred percent ready. If you're a hundred percent ready,

1334
00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:26,960
Speaker 2: you're insane because you're not acknowledging that a child is

1335
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:30,240
Speaker 2: a giant life right, the choice right right, and that

1336
00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:32,480
Speaker 2: will change everything because you can't.

1337
00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:34,680
Speaker 1: Control everything that child does. You simply can't.

1338
00:58:34,680 --> 00:58:36,440
Speaker 3: So the notion that you're one hundred percent ready, you're

1339
00:58:36,440 --> 00:58:37,840
Speaker 3: not one hundred pcent ready because you don't even know

1340
00:58:37,840 --> 00:58:38,840
Speaker 3: what kind of child you're going to get.

1341
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:43,080
Speaker 2: One hundred percent and and and you are constantly learning.

1342
00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:45,120
Speaker 2: You're always gonna have a little bit of anxiety because

1343
00:58:45,360 --> 00:58:48,120
Speaker 2: your child is out in the world doing things at

1344
00:58:48,160 --> 00:58:51,520
Speaker 2: certain points and going to doctor. There's so many things.

1345
00:58:51,920 --> 00:58:53,800
Speaker 2: But you get every year, you get a little bit better.

1346
00:58:53,880 --> 00:58:56,080
Speaker 2: Like when you have a second kid, it was easier

1347
00:58:56,160 --> 00:58:58,160
Speaker 2: to do. Those first months. I felt so impossible. But

1348
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:00,800
Speaker 2: you know, bigger kids, bigger problems with it. Always say, right,

1349
00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:06,960
Speaker 2: they're more complicated, right, And I just think that it's important.

1350
00:59:08,120 --> 00:59:10,760
Speaker 2: One of the things I always look to as a parent.

1351
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:14,479
Speaker 2: I wish I was more like touchy feely with my parents.

1352
00:59:14,520 --> 00:59:17,640
Speaker 2: I think sometimes I'm not, and that bums me out.

1353
00:59:17,720 --> 00:59:19,960
Speaker 2: I don't know why that. Like, they're a little like

1354
00:59:20,160 --> 00:59:21,320
Speaker 2: not not touchy.

1355
00:59:21,080 --> 00:59:24,439
Speaker 3: Feely, but now one of their love language is physical touch, right, yes, yeah, yeah.

1356
00:59:24,960 --> 00:59:27,360
Speaker 2: And So when I was in this movie year one,

1357
00:59:27,480 --> 00:59:30,560
Speaker 2: Harold Ramis was directing it. Harold Ramis from Ghostbusters and

1358
00:59:30,800 --> 00:59:35,120
Speaker 2: famous director but also a brilliant writer and actor. He

1359
00:59:36,560 --> 00:59:39,760
Speaker 2: watching him direct this movie, his son and daughter came

1360
00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:42,640
Speaker 2: to set. Son daughter, I think the daughter was in college,

1361
00:59:42,680 --> 00:59:45,960
Speaker 2: a son was going to college. They're older kids, man,

1362
00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:47,919
Speaker 2: and they were just like hugging up on their dad.

1363
00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:50,600
Speaker 2: He was hugging up on them and they were so

1364
00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:54,760
Speaker 2: like it was so loving. And I always look at

1365
00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:56,920
Speaker 2: that and I go like, wow, when my kids are

1366
00:59:57,000 --> 01:00:00,240
Speaker 2: that old, to be that connected to them is what

1367
01:00:00,400 --> 01:00:01,880
Speaker 2: I strive for because I think when I was in

1368
01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:04,440
Speaker 2: high school it wasn't exactly like that. I think I've

1369
01:00:04,480 --> 01:00:07,440
Speaker 2: come around to different ways. I think, you know, but

1370
01:00:07,560 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 2: it wasn't like that. It was like that for a

1371
01:00:09,160 --> 01:00:10,960
Speaker 2: long time. But then it like then things get a

1372
01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:13,440
Speaker 2: little bit more afraid, you know, you know, it's like,

1373
01:00:13,680 --> 01:00:15,000
Speaker 2: you know, I think some parents will get upset, like

1374
01:00:15,040 --> 01:00:16,720
Speaker 2: you don't want to hang out with me anymore on

1375
01:00:16,800 --> 01:00:21,439
Speaker 2: our Saturday night. But yes, I want them to have friends.

1376
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:22,800
Speaker 2: They don't want them to spend it all with me.

1377
01:00:22,960 --> 01:00:24,680
Speaker 2: If they want to spend it with me, I'm happy to.

1378
01:00:25,000 --> 01:00:27,200
Speaker 2: But I don't want to say like, oh, you're not

1379
01:00:27,320 --> 01:00:28,120
Speaker 2: spending you know.

1380
01:00:28,560 --> 01:00:30,920
Speaker 3: Yes, it's a physical touch. Now a love language you're

1381
01:00:30,960 --> 01:00:33,120
Speaker 3: speaking with your kids is that you are going to

1382
01:00:33,200 --> 01:00:33,640
Speaker 3: be great.

1383
01:00:34,520 --> 01:00:35,000
Speaker 1: I love that.

1384
01:00:35,280 --> 01:00:37,200
Speaker 3: Did your dad have that though growing up? Do you

1385
01:00:37,240 --> 01:00:40,160
Speaker 3: think it's stopped with him or is it? Or or no,

1386
01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:43,360
Speaker 3: he didn't have not like for him for himself his

1387
01:00:43,440 --> 01:00:44,680
Speaker 3: own childhood was his friend.

1388
01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:46,720
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know. You know, it's hard, right,

1389
01:00:46,720 --> 01:00:49,160
Speaker 2: it's hard to kind of see No, I don't know.

1390
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:51,200
Speaker 2: I actually I would say no Oka, they were not

1391
01:00:52,560 --> 01:00:55,120
Speaker 2: and uh and it's and it's not to say that

1392
01:00:55,200 --> 01:00:57,120
Speaker 2: he's cold. He'll give a hug, but like you know,

1393
01:00:57,200 --> 01:00:59,919
Speaker 2: like sometimes I just want like when I see my dad,

1394
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:02,640
Speaker 2: I want him to just be like, hey, give me

1395
01:01:02,680 --> 01:01:04,480
Speaker 2: a hug. And like when he first sees me, and

1396
01:01:04,520 --> 01:01:08,080
Speaker 2: it's like I am the fourth or fifth fifth person

1397
01:01:08,200 --> 01:01:11,040
Speaker 2: that gets a hug like whenever I got in, you know,

1398
01:01:11,120 --> 01:01:13,280
Speaker 2: and it's like and I you know, I always say

1399
01:01:13,280 --> 01:01:15,080
Speaker 2: to him, I'll say, you know, remind I just want

1400
01:01:15,120 --> 01:01:18,000
Speaker 2: to remind you I'm the only blood here, like you

1401
01:01:18,120 --> 01:01:21,000
Speaker 2: and me, like they got one son, I'm your son.

1402
01:01:21,320 --> 01:01:25,479
Speaker 2: Those are your grandkids and and like it's okay, yeah,

1403
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:28,120
Speaker 2: like you like, June's not going to be upset if

1404
01:01:28,160 --> 01:01:30,720
Speaker 2: you hug me first, right, you know, it's like she's

1405
01:01:30,720 --> 01:01:32,439
Speaker 2: not gonna be oh Bill didn't hug me, Like yeah,

1406
01:01:32,960 --> 01:01:33,640
Speaker 2: you're my dad.

1407
01:01:33,840 --> 01:01:36,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so fascinating and all the I'm your son,

1408
01:01:36,880 --> 01:01:39,120
Speaker 3: you're my dad, your son, you're my dad. But you

1409
01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:41,600
Speaker 3: know what, I will sometimes if I walk into a

1410
01:01:41,720 --> 01:01:45,439
Speaker 3: room where the person I'm closest to, I might hug

1411
01:01:45,560 --> 01:01:48,240
Speaker 3: them last because it's like, well, you know, I love you,

1412
01:01:48,640 --> 01:01:50,400
Speaker 3: like I might do that. I might go hug their

1413
01:01:50,440 --> 01:01:52,960
Speaker 3: three friends first and be like, ah, now you but

1414
01:01:53,080 --> 01:01:54,680
Speaker 3: I see you all the time and I love you.

1415
01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:58,080
Speaker 3: But it's so that that might be a thing not today,

1416
01:01:58,200 --> 01:02:00,440
Speaker 3: I could get that too, but yeah, but I understand

1417
01:02:00,480 --> 01:02:02,640
Speaker 3: the desire for physical touch. Did you guys grow up

1418
01:02:02,720 --> 01:02:05,160
Speaker 3: in a household where I love you was verbalized?

1419
01:02:07,720 --> 01:02:12,520
Speaker 2: Yeah? Maybe, Like it's funny because the way that it

1420
01:02:12,840 --> 01:02:18,480
Speaker 2: is in my house is like next level. Yeah, and

1421
01:02:19,120 --> 01:02:21,200
Speaker 2: my grand I really always got it from my grandma

1422
01:02:21,240 --> 01:02:24,240
Speaker 2: because my grandma really showered me with love. Now, my grandma,

1423
01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:26,800
Speaker 2: you could ask anybody and they would they would call

1424
01:02:26,840 --> 01:02:27,800
Speaker 2: it a straight up seaword.

1425
01:02:28,600 --> 01:02:32,560
Speaker 3: Most people, really this is your paternal grandmother or oh wow,

1426
01:02:32,760 --> 01:02:34,280
Speaker 3: really rough stuff?

1427
01:02:34,760 --> 01:02:39,280
Speaker 2: Wow, like rough stuff okay, But but was one of

1428
01:02:39,320 --> 01:02:43,640
Speaker 2: the most loving people in my childhood. Wow, okay, you know,

1429
01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:46,000
Speaker 2: so it's weird, right, it's so weird to be like.

1430
01:02:46,280 --> 01:02:49,200
Speaker 3: Would your dad also maybe not because he's Catholic, maybe

1431
01:02:49,240 --> 01:02:50,840
Speaker 3: not call his mom the sea word? But did he

1432
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:52,240
Speaker 3: have a rough relationship.

1433
01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:55,320
Speaker 2: Well, this is not his mom. This is uh my

1434
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:58,760
Speaker 2: mom's mom that people would call that the uh my

1435
01:02:58,960 --> 01:03:02,560
Speaker 2: dad's mom was loving, but I think pitted her sons

1436
01:03:02,600 --> 01:03:05,520
Speaker 2: against each other. Oh and you know it, you know like, oh,

1437
01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:07,320
Speaker 2: well someone SO is doing this, someone so is doing that.

1438
01:03:07,440 --> 01:03:10,240
Speaker 2: Like my my uncle became a Lutheran and that was.

1439
01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:12,680
Speaker 1: A very big deal in our wow, well Protestant.

1440
01:03:13,000 --> 01:03:16,360
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, they're like, oh, how dare how dare you?

1441
01:03:16,520 --> 01:03:21,680
Speaker 3: Okay, it was like reality TV juicy in the household. Okay, well, Paul,

1442
01:03:21,800 --> 01:03:26,280
Speaker 3: I'm really, really, really grateful that you spend some time

1443
01:03:26,320 --> 01:03:28,680
Speaker 3: with me. I do I know I said one more

1444
01:03:28,760 --> 01:03:30,360
Speaker 3: than I proceeded to ask two more questions.

1445
01:03:30,400 --> 01:03:31,880
Speaker 2: But this is well, we're not recording this.

1446
01:03:31,920 --> 01:03:34,480
Speaker 1: Sorry, We're no, we haven't recorded any of this podcast.

1447
01:03:34,560 --> 01:03:35,560
Speaker 1: We're not recording any of this.

1448
01:03:35,680 --> 01:03:37,520
Speaker 2: None of this is this is all okay.

1449
01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:39,760
Speaker 3: This is just want Paul here to know this entire

1450
01:03:39,840 --> 01:03:42,720
Speaker 3: thing has been off the record. Okay, can we trust me.

1451
01:03:42,720 --> 01:03:44,720
Speaker 3: I wouldn't lie to you, not breach your trust. It's

1452
01:03:44,760 --> 01:03:47,560
Speaker 3: like telling you Santa Claus is realities not. I wouldn't

1453
01:03:47,560 --> 01:03:50,120
Speaker 3: do that to you. Okay, I have two more for you.

1454
01:03:50,560 --> 01:03:52,600
Speaker 3: One is what is something you want to impart to

1455
01:03:52,680 --> 01:03:55,600
Speaker 3: your children? Just hearing how much you want to shower

1456
01:03:55,680 --> 01:03:58,000
Speaker 3: them with love, hearing how much you want them to

1457
01:03:58,200 --> 01:04:02,480
Speaker 3: see you as an ally and as their parent not

1458
01:04:02,640 --> 01:04:05,200
Speaker 3: quite a friend, and just feel supported and seen by you.

1459
01:04:05,400 --> 01:04:07,640
Speaker 3: What's something like you would really want to impart to

1460
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:10,800
Speaker 3: them piece of advice or my number.

1461
01:04:10,640 --> 01:04:14,040
Speaker 2: One job is to make sure I am raising good humans,

1462
01:04:14,920 --> 01:04:22,320
Speaker 2: Humans who are empathetic, humans that are supportive, loving, and

1463
01:04:22,440 --> 01:04:25,760
Speaker 2: care for their friends, and like that's and give them

1464
01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:31,160
Speaker 2: every opportunity to succeed. And also yeah, like that really

1465
01:04:31,240 --> 01:04:32,720
Speaker 2: is it? Like I just want them to be like

1466
01:04:32,880 --> 01:04:36,560
Speaker 2: my job, I mean, I think, especially as a straight

1467
01:04:36,680 --> 01:04:39,960
Speaker 2: white man, my job is like and I've created two

1468
01:04:40,040 --> 01:04:44,000
Speaker 2: boys or co created two boys and white boys, like

1469
01:04:44,120 --> 01:04:46,160
Speaker 2: I want to make sure that they are you know,

1470
01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:53,080
Speaker 2: that they understand, they understand their place in the world,

1471
01:04:53,320 --> 01:04:57,360
Speaker 2: and how to understand that not everything works this way

1472
01:04:57,640 --> 01:04:59,160
Speaker 2: to be open to these things. It's like my job

1473
01:04:59,280 --> 01:05:02,880
Speaker 2: is to make them aware and better of everything so

1474
01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:07,600
Speaker 2: they can be good allies, good friends, good relationship partners

1475
01:05:07,640 --> 01:05:09,960
Speaker 2: to whomever they want to be with. Like that's my

1476
01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:12,480
Speaker 2: only job is to impart on them that I got

1477
01:05:12,560 --> 01:05:13,840
Speaker 2: to get them out the door as good humans.

1478
01:05:13,840 --> 01:05:17,080
Speaker 1: And I'm trying. That's beautiful and refreshing to hear too. Okay.

1479
01:05:17,400 --> 01:05:20,320
Speaker 3: End every episode of the podcast with a segment where

1480
01:05:20,400 --> 01:05:23,840
Speaker 3: I ask my dad for the day a piece of

1481
01:05:23,880 --> 01:05:27,040
Speaker 3: advice that I'd want to ask my dad if you

1482
01:05:27,160 --> 01:05:30,040
Speaker 3: were still here, right, and so as my dad for

1483
01:05:30,360 --> 01:05:33,400
Speaker 3: the day, Paul, I want to ask you, how do

1484
01:05:33,520 --> 01:05:36,120
Speaker 3: I figure out where to invest my money?

1485
01:05:36,600 --> 01:05:36,880
Speaker 2: Okay?

1486
01:05:37,040 --> 01:05:38,040
Speaker 1: What's your advice on in.

1487
01:05:40,200 --> 01:05:47,440
Speaker 2: Great question? First of all, you got to start saving,

1488
01:05:47,760 --> 01:05:52,560
Speaker 2: even at the base level, start saving. And then I

1489
01:05:52,720 --> 01:05:55,960
Speaker 2: am not a person that believes, like, if you are

1490
01:05:56,080 --> 01:05:59,680
Speaker 2: going to be investing, there are people that devote their

1491
01:05:59,760 --> 01:06:04,520
Speaker 2: entire hire their job is to invest money, right to

1492
01:06:04,840 --> 01:06:09,400
Speaker 2: do this. If I do that, it is getting one

1493
01:06:09,720 --> 01:06:12,840
Speaker 2: seventieth of my day. So what I would say to

1494
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:16,800
Speaker 2: you is, yeah, you we will find you, okay, by

1495
01:06:16,920 --> 01:06:21,120
Speaker 2: a very smart person, Okay that will be conservative with

1496
01:06:21,200 --> 01:06:24,040
Speaker 2: your money because like you know, and and then and

1497
01:06:24,320 --> 01:06:25,840
Speaker 2: and and we'll get you into something that will do

1498
01:06:25,880 --> 01:06:28,240
Speaker 2: it the right way because there is no I Am

1499
01:06:28,320 --> 01:06:30,360
Speaker 2: not going to be here and lead you down the

1500
01:06:30,400 --> 01:06:32,480
Speaker 2: path of destruction. I want you to. I want to

1501
01:06:32,560 --> 01:06:34,600
Speaker 2: save you money because the stock market. All this sort

1502
01:06:34,600 --> 01:06:38,280
Speaker 2: of stuff is always gambling at a level. It's always gambling, right, Okay,

1503
01:06:38,400 --> 01:06:41,400
Speaker 2: Let's let's go in with a professional gambler and you

1504
01:06:41,520 --> 01:06:43,200
Speaker 2: and you tell them, hey, I want to stay at

1505
01:06:43,200 --> 01:06:47,000
Speaker 2: the five dollars blackjack table. Okay, and and just slowly

1506
01:06:47,160 --> 01:06:48,080
Speaker 2: is still so unsteady?

1507
01:06:48,200 --> 01:06:48,439
Speaker 1: Okay?

1508
01:06:48,600 --> 01:06:49,720
Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, that's what I would say.

1509
01:06:49,880 --> 01:06:52,000
Speaker 3: Would you say, is there a good way to find

1510
01:06:52,120 --> 01:06:55,960
Speaker 3: that professional gambler? Because I see, like Rihanna got it

1511
01:06:56,160 --> 01:06:59,600
Speaker 3: seems like screwed over many years ago by her professional gambler.

1512
01:06:59,640 --> 01:07:02,400
Speaker 3: And other famous people have these horror stories of getting

1513
01:07:02,680 --> 01:07:04,480
Speaker 3: fucked over by these these I.

1514
01:07:05,240 --> 01:07:10,040
Speaker 2: Think you have to ask people that are wealthy. They

1515
01:07:10,320 --> 01:07:13,160
Speaker 2: but they like right okay. And then and then you're

1516
01:07:13,200 --> 01:07:15,440
Speaker 2: gonna go on first dates with these people. Okay, you're

1517
01:07:15,440 --> 01:07:18,440
Speaker 2: gonna sniff out. I when I have a business manager,

1518
01:07:18,760 --> 01:07:21,640
Speaker 2: because I'm in this business and my business manager, I

1519
01:07:21,720 --> 01:07:23,919
Speaker 2: met a few and you know, you meet a couple

1520
01:07:23,960 --> 01:07:25,520
Speaker 2: and the couple are hey, you know, and we can

1521
01:07:25,600 --> 01:07:27,160
Speaker 2: do kind of we can kind of take this stuff

1522
01:07:27,160 --> 01:07:28,760
Speaker 2: over here, We'll put the money over here or do this,

1523
01:07:29,200 --> 01:07:31,880
Speaker 2: and you're like, ah, I don't want that. I went

1524
01:07:32,000 --> 01:07:35,520
Speaker 2: with the guy who was like who Literally I text

1525
01:07:35,640 --> 01:07:39,440
Speaker 2: He's like, when your son is born, text me, And

1526
01:07:39,760 --> 01:07:41,600
Speaker 2: the minute it was, he's like, great, we opened up

1527
01:07:41,680 --> 01:07:45,000
Speaker 2: a college bank account for that. Wow, you know what

1528
01:07:45,240 --> 01:07:47,160
Speaker 2: it's like. And he and and he's a person who's like,

1529
01:07:47,320 --> 01:07:49,720
Speaker 2: I'm putting the maximum amount of money away for you

1530
01:07:49,960 --> 01:07:55,720
Speaker 2: each year for retirement. Like I'm like, it is slow, steady,

1531
01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:57,240
Speaker 2: and it's like but I think it's like it's all

1532
01:07:57,280 --> 01:08:00,360
Speaker 2: about because I can come in and be like I go, yeah,

1533
01:08:00,520 --> 01:08:02,280
Speaker 2: let's I'm gonna tell you right now, crypto is the

1534
01:08:02,280 --> 01:08:04,040
Speaker 2: way to go. We're gonna put some money crypto over here.

1535
01:08:04,080 --> 01:08:05,600
Speaker 2: And I have a friend we're gonna actually move this

1536
01:08:05,600 --> 01:08:07,840
Speaker 2: money over here. Like once. They sound shady and shifty.

1537
01:08:08,040 --> 01:08:11,000
Speaker 2: They are let people tell you what they are. The

1538
01:08:11,120 --> 01:08:14,240
Speaker 2: person who feels like I it's like I am my

1539
01:08:14,520 --> 01:08:20,519
Speaker 2: two guys. Yeah, they are married. They are very like

1540
01:08:21,200 --> 01:08:24,000
Speaker 2: like you couldn't get more like suit and tie, kind

1541
01:08:24,040 --> 01:08:25,080
Speaker 2: of squeffly.

1542
01:08:24,800 --> 01:08:26,400
Speaker 1: Okay, square and lovely okay.

1543
01:08:26,400 --> 01:08:29,040
Speaker 2: They're like lovely guys who are not out. They're not

1544
01:08:29,160 --> 01:08:31,880
Speaker 2: like hey, let's go party eat steaks. If they're like

1545
01:08:31,960 --> 01:08:34,120
Speaker 2: they're just like, hey, we're gonna do this. This is smart,

1546
01:08:34,360 --> 01:08:36,599
Speaker 2: let's go there, let's make sure we do this, We'll

1547
01:08:36,640 --> 01:08:39,120
Speaker 2: invest this way. It's and and and they actually even

1548
01:08:39,120 --> 01:08:41,240
Speaker 2: stay out of investment that they they go, you can

1549
01:08:41,280 --> 01:08:42,400
Speaker 2: meet with this guy and well, what do you think.

1550
01:08:42,400 --> 01:08:43,639
Speaker 2: It's like, Oh, I think you should. If you're gonna

1551
01:08:43,640 --> 01:08:46,240
Speaker 2: do anything, I would do this minimum. It's it's just

1552
01:08:46,800 --> 01:08:50,320
Speaker 2: and I've never been worried about it. I've never bought it.

1553
01:08:50,600 --> 01:08:51,920
Speaker 2: You know. It's like, because I have people who are like,

1554
01:08:52,080 --> 01:08:55,400
Speaker 2: buy these houses my friends, I'm like, you affording that house.

1555
01:08:55,479 --> 01:08:57,479
Speaker 2: So it's okay because my business manager said, I'm like yeah,

1556
01:08:57,520 --> 01:08:59,040
Speaker 2: but but then when like a COVID or something hits

1557
01:08:59,120 --> 01:09:01,200
Speaker 2: or something, we're gonna you're fucked.

1558
01:09:01,479 --> 01:09:02,559
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you.

1559
01:09:02,600 --> 01:09:05,000
Speaker 2: Can sustain it right now. But yeah, you know anyway,

1560
01:09:05,040 --> 01:09:05,840
Speaker 2: that's that's my advice.

1561
01:09:06,120 --> 01:09:08,080
Speaker 3: This is really helpful. No, no, no, this is so helpful.

1562
01:09:08,120 --> 01:09:12,559
Speaker 3: And so I'm hearing like slow and steady. It sounds

1563
01:09:12,600 --> 01:09:14,679
Speaker 3: like the conservative guys when it comes to your money,

1564
01:09:14,760 --> 01:09:16,559
Speaker 3: when it comes to a business manager, the people who

1565
01:09:16,560 --> 01:09:19,439
Speaker 3: are like, we're not trying to do anything wild. We're

1566
01:09:20,000 --> 01:09:23,479
Speaker 3: very mindful of saving and preserving what you have and

1567
01:09:23,640 --> 01:09:25,519
Speaker 3: trying to make it work through. But again doing it

1568
01:09:25,720 --> 01:09:28,840
Speaker 3: smart lee and wise, and there will.

1569
01:09:28,680 --> 01:09:30,000
Speaker 2: Be people out there. And like, the other thing too,

1570
01:09:30,120 --> 01:09:33,000
Speaker 2: is like if you are if you're fucking Ryan Reynolds,

1571
01:09:33,040 --> 01:09:34,599
Speaker 2: you have a ton of money, right, Like you can

1572
01:09:34,680 --> 01:09:37,760
Speaker 2: go invest and buy a mobile, Mint Mobile, and you

1573
01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:39,720
Speaker 2: can buy a fucking tequila company. You can do all

1574
01:09:39,760 --> 01:09:41,840
Speaker 2: this sort of stuff. You buy a soccer team. But

1575
01:09:41,920 --> 01:09:44,960
Speaker 2: if we're talking about people like us, yeah, we're making money,

1576
01:09:45,120 --> 01:09:47,240
Speaker 2: we're having fun, you know, but it's also like we're

1577
01:09:47,280 --> 01:09:49,040
Speaker 2: not like, you know, I don't think either one of

1578
01:09:49,120 --> 01:09:51,559
Speaker 2: us is pulling down a twenty million dollars pay day.

1579
01:09:51,560 --> 01:09:53,200
Speaker 2: You know, we're not like, good, what do I do

1580
01:09:53,240 --> 01:09:55,439
Speaker 2: with these one hundred million dollar checks? You know? It's

1581
01:09:55,479 --> 01:09:57,160
Speaker 2: like no, it's like if you have that money, there's

1582
01:09:57,160 --> 01:09:57,840
Speaker 2: a whole different boss.

1583
01:09:58,439 --> 01:10:00,639
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, yeah, who does the stakes?

1584
01:10:00,680 --> 01:10:03,960
Speaker 2: And if you go in, yeah, go get that guy

1585
01:10:04,080 --> 01:10:06,400
Speaker 2: like by this, by a stadium, by a thing like

1586
01:10:06,439 --> 01:10:08,320
Speaker 2: I always think back to this one piece of advice,

1587
01:10:08,360 --> 01:10:10,639
Speaker 2: which I've never taken, but I like it. In theory,

1588
01:10:11,200 --> 01:10:14,040
Speaker 2: Arnold Swartzenegger was a millionaire before he got in movies,

1589
01:10:14,080 --> 01:10:15,320
Speaker 2: and the way he did it was he took all

1590
01:10:15,360 --> 01:10:17,720
Speaker 2: of his wrestling money and he bought real estate and

1591
01:10:17,720 --> 01:10:19,600
Speaker 2: what he do you buy? He bought parking garages in

1592
01:10:19,840 --> 01:10:22,080
Speaker 2: La Wow, and like and that, and he's like, because

1593
01:10:22,080 --> 01:10:24,080
Speaker 2: that real estate is always going to stay in real

1594
01:10:24,160 --> 01:10:25,760
Speaker 2: estate and people will say that. But then it's like, well,

1595
01:10:25,800 --> 01:10:27,760
Speaker 2: then you become a landlord. And then it's like, well

1596
01:10:27,800 --> 01:10:29,400
Speaker 2: that's the whole other thing. It's like, and then you

1597
01:10:29,479 --> 01:10:31,760
Speaker 2: need to hire a team if you have the money

1598
01:10:31,840 --> 01:10:34,680
Speaker 2: to buy real estate. Yeah, but it's also like, why

1599
01:10:34,720 --> 01:10:36,400
Speaker 2: am I buying? Like I've talked to other people who

1600
01:10:36,439 --> 01:10:40,400
Speaker 2: are mores, have less money than me, and I'm buying

1601
01:10:40,479 --> 01:10:45,160
Speaker 2: this the strip mall. I'm like, why are you doing

1602
01:10:45,280 --> 01:10:47,160
Speaker 2: it like as you can? And then you but then

1603
01:10:47,200 --> 01:10:49,040
Speaker 2: you're like, but then if anything that goes wrong with

1604
01:10:49,040 --> 01:10:50,400
Speaker 2: that strip mall, that's your fault.

1605
01:10:50,479 --> 01:10:52,800
Speaker 1: Right, Okay, Okay, I understand.

1606
01:10:52,960 --> 01:10:56,479
Speaker 3: I understand the kind of business manager or professional gambler

1607
01:10:56,520 --> 01:10:58,920
Speaker 3: you're describing to me, and I feel like I'm going

1608
01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:01,560
Speaker 3: to do a good job navigating in front of it.

1609
01:11:01,680 --> 01:11:01,800
Speaker 3: You know.

1610
01:11:01,840 --> 01:11:04,679
Speaker 1: It is very very very helpful. Thank you so much, Dad.

1611
01:11:05,040 --> 01:11:08,559
Speaker 1: Thanks Dad. Do you have anything you would like to plug?

1612
01:11:09,560 --> 01:11:12,759
Speaker 2: No, just my book Joyful Recollections of Trauma is available

1613
01:11:12,760 --> 01:11:14,840
Speaker 2: as an audiobook and ebook whatever you want to get

1614
01:11:14,880 --> 01:11:17,040
Speaker 2: it as and if you have read it, I thank

1615
01:11:17,120 --> 01:11:19,600
Speaker 2: you and keep the reviews coming because one of the

1616
01:11:19,640 --> 01:11:21,920
Speaker 2: coolest things about this book has been people have been

1617
01:11:22,000 --> 01:11:26,160
Speaker 2: reviewing it so kindly and that actually helps sell more books.

1618
01:11:26,240 --> 01:11:27,120
Speaker 2: So that's credible.

1619
01:11:27,520 --> 01:11:30,559
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, we are going to be buying and listening

1620
01:11:30,760 --> 01:11:31,240
Speaker 1: to your.

1621
01:11:31,200 --> 01:11:33,200
Speaker 2: Book, and it has a lot of dad stuff, a

1622
01:11:33,320 --> 01:11:34,400
Speaker 2: lot of dad you know.

1623
01:11:34,479 --> 01:11:36,960
Speaker 3: That's what I'm here for. All here for the dad stuff.

1624
01:11:37,040 --> 01:11:39,360
Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Paul, really really appreciate it.

1625
01:11:39,439 --> 01:11:40,400
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, my pleasure.

1626
01:11:42,240 --> 01:11:43,080
Speaker 1: Thanks. Dad is a.

1627
01:11:43,120 --> 01:11:46,360
Speaker 3: Headgum podcast created and hosted by me Ago Wodem.

1628
01:11:46,680 --> 01:11:48,400
Speaker 1: The show is produced and edited.

1629
01:11:48,160 --> 01:11:52,080
Speaker 3: By Anita Flores and engineered by Anita Flores and Anya Kanofskaya,

1630
01:11:52,360 --> 01:11:54,160
Speaker 3: with executive producer Emma Foley.

1631
01:11:54,720 --> 01:11:57,920
Speaker 1: Katie Moose is our VP of Content and headgub. Special

1632
01:11:57,960 --> 01:12:00,759
Speaker 1: thanks to Jason Atheni for our show. Are Faris Marshi

1633
01:12:00,840 --> 01:12:04,080
Speaker 1: for our theme song From your podcast by Headgum. Visit

1634
01:12:04,160 --> 01:12:07,559
Speaker 1: headgum dot com or wherever you hear your favorite shows.

1635
01:12:08,040 --> 01:12:11,400
Speaker 1: Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts and maybe, just

1636
01:12:11,720 --> 01:12:14,200
Speaker 1: maybe we'll read it on a future episode.