WEBVTT - Break Down to Break Through: Part 2 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:07.160 Wind down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. Okay, 0:00:07.200 --> 0:00:11.799 so we're back. UM. I wanted to give space, uh 0:00:11.880 --> 0:00:17.640 for the experience of on site UM and I want 0:00:18.160 --> 0:00:21.880 I wanted to bring UM this again to you guys. 0:00:21.880 --> 0:00:23.360 This is the second half of the interview that we 0:00:23.400 --> 0:00:27.360 did with Miles, and I just think it's UM. Yeah, 0:00:27.440 --> 0:00:29.800 I'm excited for you guys to hear the second part 0:00:29.800 --> 0:00:35.080 of this and UM getting the mindset and here you are, 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:38.080 here's the second half. So what are the programs because 0:00:38.120 --> 0:00:40.239 I know there's the Living Centered, UM, I know the 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:42.519 one that I did, the Learning to Love Yourself has 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:46.199 now become healing, love and relationships, right, which is kind 0:00:46.200 --> 0:00:49.080 of what I came in on with a group setting, 0:00:49.080 --> 0:00:51.040 even though I was I was intensive. But and then 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:55.160 you have what are the other programs? You have? Living 0:00:55.160 --> 0:00:57.880 Centers your most most popular one. That's the one I 0:00:57.880 --> 0:01:00.600 would want you to do, Cat and you too, well, 0:01:00.680 --> 0:01:03.440 I personally for me when I was talking to Miles, like, 0:01:04.800 --> 0:01:07.840 I again, I've I've I've gone through the similar Living 0:01:07.880 --> 0:01:09.760 Centered in the you know, learning to Love Yourself was 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:12.200 kind of like there was there was models from from that. 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:15.280 But if you don't know again, miles. Please correct me 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:17.360 if I'm wrong. But what I've kind of told my 0:01:17.400 --> 0:01:19.759 friends is like, if you if you know your childhood 0:01:19.840 --> 0:01:25.640 traumas and the things and all of that. Um, I 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:28.520 think in an individual for me was what I needed 0:01:28.560 --> 0:01:31.200 because I wanted to pin I wanted to dig deeper 0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:32.840 and some of the things that I already knew, which 0:01:32.880 --> 0:01:34.959 is why I thought an individual would work better for me. 0:01:35.000 --> 0:01:37.120 But if you don't really know certain things I don't know, 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:39.640 correct me if I'm wrong. You're you're the you do 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:43.080 you tell us which one is best for people. We've 0:01:43.120 --> 0:01:47.520 got we've got a menu programs, and we've we've narrowed 0:01:47.560 --> 0:01:49.320 the focus a little bit over the last couple of 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:51.560 years just because it's supply and demand. We've just got 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:53.320 such high demand right now, and we want to make 0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:55.320 sure what we pull off we pull off really well. 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:57.240 And I want to preserve our staff so that we 0:01:57.280 --> 0:01:59.480 don't create some of the burnout that we see in 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:02.520 the people we support, even though it's been hard last 0:02:02.560 --> 0:02:05.080 two years because everybody in my profession has been churning 0:02:05.200 --> 0:02:08.799 really hard. But uh, we've narrowed our focus. I stepped 0:02:08.800 --> 0:02:10.200 out of day to day about a year ago. I 0:02:10.200 --> 0:02:11.720 think I was telling you this, Janna when we were 0:02:11.760 --> 0:02:15.120 checking in, so that I could step into our our 0:02:15.200 --> 0:02:18.639 holding company and our foundation and run both of those 0:02:18.720 --> 0:02:20.880 with a lot of new initiatives that we're building in 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:23.200 a five year plan to really scale up our programming, 0:02:23.840 --> 0:02:26.480 so I'm not as familiar with which ones were actually running. 0:02:26.480 --> 0:02:30.600 But there are the staples like learning our Living Centered program, 0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:33.080 which is kind of a flagship program that we're known for. 0:02:33.280 --> 0:02:36.080 It's kind of a five day catch all that anybody 0:02:36.080 --> 0:02:39.880 going through any type of adversity, stress, transition, or just 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:43.600 looking for deeper insight. Uh, It's a great place to start. 0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:46.720 I recommend it too, is a first step. Uh. There 0:02:46.880 --> 0:02:49.280 is also Healing Trauma Program, which is a five day 0:02:49.280 --> 0:02:53.600 trauma immersive group experience. It's also really powerful and sometimes 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:57.040 that's a better fit upfront. There's Love and Relationship program, 0:02:57.520 --> 0:03:00.040 which Jenna talked about, which is another really good and 0:03:00.400 --> 0:03:04.000 then we do a lot of customized individual, couple, family 0:03:04.040 --> 0:03:06.960 type stuff, but usually an assessment would help lay out 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:10.880 the best need in your case, Janet, we were talking 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:15.920 about in occasionally, if somebody follows up after they've done 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:18.079 a couple of group programs, you can really get laser 0:03:18.080 --> 0:03:20.400 focused with an individual, but you'll miss a lot of 0:03:20.400 --> 0:03:22.760 the other dynamics that the education. So I like it 0:03:22.800 --> 0:03:26.400 as a follow up. But often if if somebody is 0:03:26.440 --> 0:03:29.160 really public and what they do, uh, and I feel 0:03:29.160 --> 0:03:31.320 like because they might have been through a press cycle, 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:34.119 uh that and I really want to get the eyes 0:03:34.160 --> 0:03:36.520 off of them, then I'll I'll suggest an individual just 0:03:36.560 --> 0:03:38.760 to insulate them a little bit more. But I've also 0:03:38.800 --> 0:03:41.880 put public people in groups and and done really well 0:03:42.120 --> 0:03:44.040 as well. So I don't know if that helped or 0:03:44.080 --> 0:03:47.120 confuse you more, But really the best step is get online, 0:03:47.120 --> 0:03:49.560 read about some of our programs, see if anything kinda 0:03:49.880 --> 0:03:52.800 feels relatable, and then let me get you on a 0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:54.880 call with a trusted voice on our end to help 0:03:54.880 --> 0:03:56.800 walk you through the process of assessing and figure out 0:03:56.800 --> 0:04:00.880 how we could guide you in the right spot. That's great, 0:04:01.960 --> 0:04:04.360 so good, so good you guys. Okay, so I have 0:04:04.600 --> 0:04:09.080 done like the pre call with your staff to get 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:11.360 Preston and I this I'm telling you, like, we were 0:04:11.400 --> 0:04:16.040 just so close. It was right down. Yeah, it was like, 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:19.880 you know, it's so much miles much time, do you 0:04:20.240 --> 0:04:24.320 but um, it's all good. It's just that I worked 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:27.000 on the record label side of things. I married an artist, 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:29.120 which is something I said I would never ever do, 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:32.359 and it was all fast and it was all great, 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:34.800 but you know, I had a previous marriage before, and 0:04:34.839 --> 0:04:36.839 so like when you speak of like this, the net 0:04:37.160 --> 0:04:39.520 of having some of the fallout when when you're going 0:04:39.520 --> 0:04:43.240 through divorce, like the net is crucial. So I just 0:04:43.279 --> 0:04:45.760 want to echo that one more time. But when your 0:04:45.839 --> 0:04:47.800 staff and I talked on the phone, and I'm very 0:04:47.839 --> 0:04:50.799 open to therapy, but I was a little intimidated because 0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:54.120 I felt like, this is we're talking the first I 0:04:54.120 --> 0:04:56.120 think the offer came in first, probably why I was 0:04:56.160 --> 0:04:58.599 like even pregnant with my little boys. So we're talking 0:04:58.600 --> 0:05:02.400 like four years ago, um, And I felt like now 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:04.520 it's gained such a good steam that so many people 0:05:04.560 --> 0:05:06.640 recognize it as a place to go, like I have 0:05:06.760 --> 0:05:09.080 never saw on site is something that's intimidating, but my 0:05:09.200 --> 0:05:13.320 husband does and I've always seen it's like, first of all, 0:05:13.360 --> 0:05:16.040 you have at five minute drive, and just the idea 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:19.720 of driving to open space does something for me in 0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:24.760 my Michigan heart. Probably I know, um, but your staff 0:05:24.839 --> 0:05:28.000 are so professional and so sweet, and just the questions 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:30.400 they went through on the phone with me, just everything 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:33.159 is so comfortable. You just make it feel safe from 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:35.640 like the first call, which I think just really matters. 0:05:35.720 --> 0:05:38.280 I mean, you talk about the insulation, but the insulation 0:05:38.400 --> 0:05:42.000 for me starts with how private it is, how it 0:05:42.120 --> 0:05:44.840 felt very like you know, they didn't really no one 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:47.000 was asking me who Preston was or who I was. 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:48.840 It was more so like, Okay, so this is what 0:05:48.880 --> 0:05:50.560 we're doing, and this is what you want to focus on. 0:05:50.600 --> 0:05:52.880 It was just it's really a beautiful community of people 0:05:52.920 --> 0:05:55.799 you have there. So then what would it take for Preston, 0:05:55.920 --> 0:05:58.520 Like what do you think there's something that like I 0:05:58.600 --> 0:06:01.840 think now so he's with both of you know, Brian 0:06:01.960 --> 0:06:04.840 Kelly and Tyler Hubbard and Tyler Hubbard. Both Brian and 0:06:04.839 --> 0:06:06.960 Tyler have been very open. Those are the Florida Georgia 0:06:07.000 --> 0:06:10.039 line guys for those that don't know country music. Um, 0:06:10.080 --> 0:06:13.080 they've been very open about the benefits of on site. 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:16.000 And so I think now having that he's willing to go, 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:19.599 I would say, we're in a two thousand nineteen pace 0:06:19.760 --> 0:06:22.120 right now, So I don't know that like it would 0:06:22.160 --> 0:06:23.719 be the time for us is probably going to be 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:26.680 this winter, but I would love for us to go again. 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:28.359 I feel like we're at a better place as a 0:06:28.400 --> 0:06:30.800 couple to actually hear each other. We work with Chad 0:06:30.839 --> 0:06:34.400 at Porter's Call pretty intimately, and so I think his 0:06:34.600 --> 0:06:37.880 view now of therapy has like this healthier and like 0:06:37.960 --> 0:06:42.679 a more safe feeling for him. I mean, we can't 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:45.000 be married without Chad. I'm pretty public about that, so 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:47.840 I tell everyone Chad's coming to our anniversary dinner every 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:51.240 year because he's our guy. But I think I just 0:06:51.279 --> 0:06:54.200 think the way that your people that love and support you, 0:06:54.560 --> 0:06:57.799 um Miles and on site are just so open about 0:06:57.800 --> 0:07:01.320 what it's done. And I've seen in insane change in 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:04.080 Janna since this last on site, and I've said that 0:07:04.200 --> 0:07:09.920 to her, like there is there's just a difference. It's 0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:15.440 a really special difference progress and not that I'm the 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:19.520 judge of progress look at but it's just a different 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:22.520 certainty about her. There's a different knowing of who she 0:07:22.600 --> 0:07:24.880 really is, not like what she's supposed to be. I 0:07:24.880 --> 0:07:26.480 can't look at he right now, We'll both start crying. 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:31.040 But it's I've seen what you guys have done for people, 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:34.600 and it just it matters. Would you be open to 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:37.240 sharing that weatherr how I'm curious to hear it. But 0:07:37.240 --> 0:07:38.560 I think it might even be better if you just 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:45.800 told her. I have told her, Um, I think for both, well, 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:53.120 here we go. I'm going to enroll with myself. No, 0:07:53.480 --> 0:07:59.400 I just feel like I'm not ready for this. Today 0:08:01.760 --> 0:08:05.320 we both have felt like lost girls. I think a 0:08:05.400 --> 0:08:11.240 lot we have I need to like lock it up. 0:08:11.240 --> 0:08:13.360 I'm also not a pretty crier. I told the girl. 0:08:14.480 --> 0:08:16.080 I was like, I'm not a pretty crier. Some of 0:08:16.120 --> 0:08:17.840 us look like cartoons. And I was like, I'm in 0:08:17.880 --> 0:08:22.360 a medical emergency. But um, I told her, I think 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:24.080 like Janna and I had bonded over the fact that 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:27.320 like we have missed the Michigan versions of ourselves, like 0:08:27.440 --> 0:08:33.880 the simplified like small town, and this Nashville life has 0:08:34.320 --> 0:08:36.360 or industry life has a way of like kind of 0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:40.839 sneakily robbing that from you. And so the biggest thing 0:08:40.880 --> 0:08:43.400 I think I've seen and it was kind of ironic 0:08:43.400 --> 0:08:46.400 because I had found these really super cute Michigan sweatshirts 0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:49.240 for us, and it was ironic because it was after 0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:51.280 she got back, But it was almost like a reminder 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:53.800 to both of us to just stay true to the 0:08:53.840 --> 0:08:55.880 heart of it. I think, But I feel like I've 0:08:55.880 --> 0:08:58.920 seen more of that girl in Janna over the last 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:05.359 month or so than ever and just a lessoned control, 0:09:07.880 --> 0:09:13.400 which I think the whole church that aim in um. 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:16.240 But yeah, like I've just seen the less anxious version 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:18.680 and I want to touch your hair, but you just 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:24.400 washed it. I want. Yeah, thanks for sharing that. That's uh. 0:09:24.880 --> 0:09:27.400 I think it's it's one of the most And look, 0:09:27.400 --> 0:09:29.640 I know we've we've talked a lot about on site here, 0:09:29.640 --> 0:09:32.640 which I'm thankful for because I really believe in the mission. However, 0:09:32.640 --> 0:09:35.400 it's it's bigger than one one place or one program. 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:38.360 The conversation I hope is encouraging not only for the 0:09:38.360 --> 0:09:40.240 four of us that are here in it, but that 0:09:40.320 --> 0:09:44.000 it would ripple out. And just because if you strip back, 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:45.679 you know, what do you guys do really at the 0:09:45.760 --> 0:09:47.640 end of the day, We help people say the unset 0:09:48.160 --> 0:09:51.840 and speak truth into themselves and into the people they 0:09:51.840 --> 0:09:54.080 care about. And you just did that in a beautiful way. 0:09:54.679 --> 0:09:56.760 And I think our in our you know, we're culturally 0:09:56.800 --> 0:09:59.760 conditioned not to do that because we think we have 0:09:59.880 --> 0:10:03.120 to look and feel a certain way. And uh, I 0:10:03.240 --> 0:10:06.760 like breaking cultural norms, especially on behalf of pouring some 0:10:06.840 --> 0:10:09.440 empathy into each other's hearts because right now there's a 0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:12.720 there's a real void of that as you know out 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:16.000 in culture. And you mentioned you know the stress of 0:10:16.080 --> 0:10:19.800 kind of being in your profession and and I don't 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:21.760 know if I've shared this with I don't I've shared 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:24.520 it with Jenna before, but kind of this artist or 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:28.680 creative's dilemma. And I've worked with a lot of artists 0:10:28.720 --> 0:10:33.199 in all genres with this model, but now I'm seeing 0:10:33.240 --> 0:10:35.560 it's very prevalent to you for those that are with 0:10:35.880 --> 0:10:38.440 the artist or you know, spouses of artists or in 0:10:38.440 --> 0:10:41.000 the artist camp because you know you're you're in that 0:10:41.120 --> 0:10:46.199 environment to do right. I mean, it's like a not 0:10:46.280 --> 0:10:49.440 what I would have signed up for for myself, right 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:52.400 and it very quickly it's you know, the artists or 0:10:52.440 --> 0:10:59.160 creatives dilemma would go that public professions they create abnormal 0:10:59.200 --> 0:11:02.760 life circumstance is and we could take a panel right 0:11:02.760 --> 0:11:05.480 now and say what's abnormal about being public or or 0:11:05.640 --> 0:11:08.320 building a platform to distribute art? And there's a lot 0:11:08.440 --> 0:11:12.000 from the pace, uh you know, to um always being 0:11:12.080 --> 0:11:14.120 always having to be, on being public, on and on 0:11:14.160 --> 0:11:17.520 and on. Public professions create abnormal life circumstances we know 0:11:17.600 --> 0:11:20.240 from our space and the Human Service Bus. Instead, abnormal 0:11:20.280 --> 0:11:23.920 life circumstances create high levels of stress. We also know 0:11:24.040 --> 0:11:32.000 that unaddressed stress creates anxiety, depression, uh strained relationships, addictions, etcetera. Ironically, 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:36.880 all of which kill creativity and connection. So the two 0:11:36.920 --> 0:11:39.040 of the big attributes that bring people to the dance 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:42.319 and the music space are their creativity and their ability 0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:44.320 to connect. That's usually what gets you up in the morning, 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:46.200 keeps you up at night. And you're signing up for 0:11:46.200 --> 0:11:49.240 a career that, if commercially successful, was designed to kill it, 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:55.440 and it's really interesting. Usually people lean forward and they're like, well, 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:58.199 wait a minute, and but there's good news too. It's 0:11:58.240 --> 0:12:00.240 not just daunting. It's just that most of the people 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:03.880 behind the career aren't going to tell you that up 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:07.079 front or just before they invest in launching you out 0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:09.000 of a canyon to phone you out on radio tour 0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:13.839 of the single without spending and investing some time saying hey, 0:12:13.880 --> 0:12:16.960 this is not just possible, it's probable, but there is 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:18.480 something we can do about it. You know, if you 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:21.560 know this, it goes from obstacle to opportunity. If we 0:12:21.559 --> 0:12:24.679 can educate and inform me up front. Then you can 0:12:24.760 --> 0:12:28.480 actually have a successful, sustainable career in a fast paced, 0:12:28.520 --> 0:12:31.600 stressful environment and have yourself to show at the end 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:34.760 of it, not this personality you've created. And that's the 0:12:34.760 --> 0:12:36.560 goal I think for any of us that do public 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:51.840 facing stuff. Where do you find yourself struggling because you 0:12:51.880 --> 0:12:56.080 are so public? And um, what's what's the thing that 0:12:56.400 --> 0:13:01.600 um you kind of see yourself revisiting a lot? Well, 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:05.920 this last two years, I've really done some deep reflection 0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:09.480 on just that because I I made a choice. You know, 0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:12.680 I think probably back when I met you, I had 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:15.200 not made the choice yet to be public in my profession. 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:17.839 I was still felt like my best role as an 0:13:17.840 --> 0:13:21.319 advocate for mental wellness emotional health is to be behind 0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:25.040 the curtain. And uh, you know, finally I started doing 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:27.960 a lot of media back in the day, and I 0:13:28.000 --> 0:13:32.120 saw this this dangerous but enlightening intersection of mental health 0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:35.800 and media where I would get some critique, you know, 0:13:35.840 --> 0:13:37.599 if I got if I went on The Doctors or 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:40.719 Doctor Feel or any of these shows, and I'd get 0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:42.440 some critique from my space because they'd be like, you 0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:44.440 can't go on and talk about our work. It kind 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.040 of exploits it. And I said, well, if we don't 0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:49.520 exploit it in a positive way, then we're going to 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:52.680 continue to complain about the stigma that those in our industry, 0:13:52.679 --> 0:13:55.560 we're the one creating it because we box in our information. 0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:57.640 We've got to figure out a way to get this 0:13:57.679 --> 0:13:59.240 message out here in a better way. So I made 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:01.760 that choice Jenna back then that I'm gonna try this. 0:14:01.880 --> 0:14:03.800 It's gonna be messy at times, but I'm gonna start 0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:06.800 doing media. And you know, I flew out to l 0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:08.920 A And did a show for a year, hosted a 0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:12.800 show myself for Fox, and really learned a lot. But 0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:16.280 the more public I got, the more uh, it got 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:19.040 really hard to practice a lot of what I've been preaching, 0:14:19.480 --> 0:14:23.359 so everything I've been saying and testing theories for public personalities. 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:26.800 When it got really close to home, I was like, Oh, 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:30.080 this is harder than I ever imagine. Now. The beauty 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:33.880 is that it was humbling, uh And I'm not Uh. 0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:35.920 You know, my my goal is not necessarily to be 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:40.440 public too as for my job, because I've got a job, 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:43.280 and but but I've noticed that if I do put 0:14:43.320 --> 0:14:46.640 myself out there, more people typically get encouraged or get 0:14:46.680 --> 0:14:48.600 access to care. So I'm willing to go along for 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:50.840 that ride and getting ready to finish a book and 0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:52.920 do stuff like that so I know more of its coming. 0:14:53.560 --> 0:14:59.040 But I've really, uh, I really struggled to um manage 0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:02.120 the pace because I'm guilty of when I feel stress 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:04.960 instead of if I put things down, I'll pick up 0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:08.200 more than I'm putting down as a stress response. So 0:15:08.240 --> 0:15:11.320 I found myself, uh, Janna, to answer your question over 0:15:11.360 --> 0:15:14.120 working a little bit like during the pandemic, when I 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:15.880 had an opportunity to come home because we had to 0:15:15.880 --> 0:15:20.040 shut things down. I I've wanted that for a long time, 0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:23.120 to be home and be present and not have responsibility. 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:24.880 But I had this stress of like I gotta keep 0:15:25.320 --> 0:15:28.600 eighty people employed with no income, and I wanted I 0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:30.760 was determined to do it, and there was nothing I 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:32.680 could do at that time other than do what everybody 0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:34.800 else did, which is less waited out and see what happens. 0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:38.360 But I generated all this activity and got myself busier 0:15:38.360 --> 0:15:40.400 than I was pre pandemic, and I thought, this is 0:15:40.440 --> 0:15:43.280 a full stress response, and what does it do to me? 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:47.680 It invades my marriage, um, it impacts me as a father, UM, 0:15:47.920 --> 0:15:50.720 it it gets me back in that space of survival, 0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:53.160 which you know, we can get into my story a lot, 0:15:53.200 --> 0:15:56.160 but that's where I started. I came from a really great, 0:15:56.920 --> 0:16:00.320 well intended family that wasn't perfect, and we did a 0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:03.560 lot of things well, but we didn't do emotion. And 0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:05.120 and you know, I would say we were kind of 0:16:05.200 --> 0:16:08.720 illiterate and around the emotional piece. But I'm so thankful 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:11.440 for the other parts. And now full circle, you know, 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:14.560 we've my parents are doing their best parenting now in 0:16:14.600 --> 0:16:17.640 their seventies. It's remarkable how they're showing up because they 0:16:17.720 --> 0:16:20.800 tap into that emotional piece. Yeah they've done they've gone 0:16:20.800 --> 0:16:24.680 and done smon size stuff and um. But you know, anyway, 0:16:24.720 --> 0:16:26.880 I went on a rent there. When he said what's 0:16:26.880 --> 0:16:28.320 going on? I said a lot. You're sure you got 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:31.960 time for this, but I I when when I go 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:35.960 into that stress response, my immediate is to shut down emotion. 0:16:36.040 --> 0:16:39.080 And you don't really get an integrated version of me. Uh, 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:42.760 you get this stoic, disconnected version of me. And my 0:16:42.760 --> 0:16:44.800 wife's got a really good radar for it. She knows 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:48.000 when that guy shows up at home versus the present. 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:50.920 You know, Dad and I would say I've done more 0:16:50.960 --> 0:16:52.800 of that in the last two or three years, and 0:16:52.880 --> 0:16:54.960 I'm proud of and it's created, and it's created quite 0:16:55.000 --> 0:16:57.720 a bit of distraction in my life. I lost a 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:00.640 little focus for it, lost sleep over it. Now here's 0:17:00.640 --> 0:17:03.160 the good news is Um, you know it's not I 0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:05.119 say this all the time in our space. Carlos, a 0:17:05.160 --> 0:17:06.800 guy that works for says it all the time. It's 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:12.480 it's not about the rip. It's really about the repair. 0:17:13.119 --> 0:17:16.000 And so when that comes to relationships and how you 0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:19.760 pursue you will never do this perfectly like people sometimes think. 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:22.080 Because I work in this space, I'm armed with all 0:17:22.080 --> 0:17:24.800 these tools and I must live this perfectly congruent life. 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:27.119 And some days, yes, but some days I'm just a 0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:31.160 hot mess, just like everybody else. And but I'm I'm 0:17:31.200 --> 0:17:34.560 a hot mess that has tools and and and the 0:17:35.040 --> 0:17:38.080 lag time between how long I'll let life run me 0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:41.080 versus me reclaiming my life has short has gone from 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:43.960 this to this over the years. So when I do 0:17:44.080 --> 0:17:47.399 have a setback, Um, it doesn't take me three months 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:49.720 to notice it. It takes me like three days and 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:52.040 I'm like, oh, I better double down, We better do 0:17:52.080 --> 0:17:53.960 a little work around this, or else it could get 0:17:54.359 --> 0:17:57.359 it could get really really tough. That's going to my 0:17:57.400 --> 0:18:02.160 new Instagram handle, hot Mess with Tools, my new dating 0:18:02.320 --> 0:18:08.280 dating profile, hot Mess with the Duels hot Mess No. 0:18:08.480 --> 0:18:10.159 I love I love what you said though, and I 0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:12.800 think it's um yeah, I think that's beautiful. And I 0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:16.119 love the family system in that too, and how you 0:18:16.160 --> 0:18:18.040 know you were raised in something and then you know 0:18:18.080 --> 0:18:20.040 your parents, you're you're able to see, you know, the 0:18:20.160 --> 0:18:22.000 version that you've kind of always wanted. And then but 0:18:22.040 --> 0:18:24.199 you also see how why you were the way that 0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:26.040 you were because your parents weren't emotional and you didn't 0:18:26.080 --> 0:18:29.399 talk about emotions. And I know Catherine is connecting. I 0:18:29.480 --> 0:18:30.920 kind of looked at you when he said that because 0:18:30.920 --> 0:18:34.440 it's like that's you know, and and to see maybe 0:18:34.440 --> 0:18:37.160 what your kids will have experience like with Myles experienced 0:18:37.160 --> 0:18:39.400 as a kid. It was actually huge to hear because 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:42.280 like that's what gets me. It's like being the parent, 0:18:42.640 --> 0:18:45.520 like doing that again, like to my kids, that's what 0:18:45.560 --> 0:18:47.440 will make me cry. So that is probably why I 0:18:47.520 --> 0:18:49.320 will end up in on site. But you know, but 0:18:49.520 --> 0:18:52.200 what a gift you'll give to so that way, I mean, Miles, 0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:54.520 you know, he was in that home and it's like 0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:56.479 hearing that, like what it can be like to not 0:18:56.600 --> 0:19:00.480 have that emotion and talk about it that's affected certain things, 0:19:00.520 --> 0:19:02.960 And like, I'm shocked to hear that about you, like 0:19:03.040 --> 0:19:05.400 that you come from a home that doesn't talk about emotions, 0:19:05.560 --> 0:19:07.480 you know. I mean, it's it's good to hear that, though, 0:19:07.520 --> 0:19:09.920 because I'm just used to people like me that still 0:19:09.920 --> 0:19:11.920 don't really like to talk about emotions. You know, they 0:19:11.920 --> 0:19:14.320 grew up that way. So I think it's more common 0:19:14.359 --> 0:19:16.280 than you think. I mean, i'd honestly say that's why 0:19:16.320 --> 0:19:20.000 my husband's probably was intimidated at first, I see. And 0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:21.879 that's why I say I joke around a lot like 0:19:21.920 --> 0:19:24.160 that I'm was the guy in the relationship. It's really 0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:26.439 just because I feel like I find more men that 0:19:26.480 --> 0:19:29.359 are that way they don't like to talk about their emotions. 0:19:29.840 --> 0:19:31.720 But I mean, I'm finding a lot more women too, 0:19:31.760 --> 0:19:34.879 But that's kind of like the more common thing for sure. 0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:37.879 I think something you guys do really special, Miles, is 0:19:38.080 --> 0:19:41.000 you also just provide like the gift of time to 0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:44.600 people at on site. And that's one thing I just 0:19:44.640 --> 0:19:47.120 wanted to like make sure I pointed out, because I 0:19:47.160 --> 0:19:50.080 think this world is first of all, we like opened 0:19:50.119 --> 0:19:53.200 back up, and we like quadruple booked ourselves, which is 0:19:53.440 --> 0:19:55.399 the burnout and in the exhaustion, and all of us 0:19:55.400 --> 0:19:59.560 are in this like twenty nineteen pace with you know, 0:20:00.000 --> 0:20:04.760 are in mind. But when you gift people time with themselves, 0:20:06.119 --> 0:20:08.200 that's why it's never been intimidating. I guess to me 0:20:08.280 --> 0:20:10.040 is just because I'm like, oh gosh, what I wouldn't 0:20:10.040 --> 0:20:12.880 give for someone to just actually protect my own time 0:20:12.920 --> 0:20:15.680 with myself is how I've always envisioned on site. Well, 0:20:15.680 --> 0:20:18.479 that's why I love the The first day of not 0:20:18.560 --> 0:20:22.920 having any phone or it was very hard to give 0:20:22.920 --> 0:20:24.480 that up because what do you what do I do 0:20:24.520 --> 0:20:26.080 at night when I go to my Instagram or I 0:20:26.119 --> 0:20:30.040 scroll or I text you guys or anyan us, Like 0:20:32.000 --> 0:20:37.159 I'm really nervous. It's like a long time. Well I know, 0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:39.760 and this is like that's you know. That was my 0:20:39.880 --> 0:20:43.200 way of you know, coping with maybe anxiety or coping 0:20:43.240 --> 0:20:46.919 with um my loneliness, or coping with and was was 0:20:47.760 --> 0:20:50.639