WEBVTT - #152 How to cope with an abusive ex, a lost loved one, and an addiction 0:00:00.360 --> 0:00:03.960 And here's the craziest thing we could possibly say to you. 0:00:03.960 --> 0:00:06.560 You have to forgive him. That's what I was just 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:11.000 about to say. You have to forgive him. And I've 0:00:11.039 --> 0:00:13.560 said this before and I'll say it again because it's 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:18.400 worth repeating. But sometimes with something like forgiveness of something 0:00:18.400 --> 0:00:22.000 that of this magnitude, we have to say it and 0:00:22.079 --> 0:00:37.080 preach it to ourselves before our heart absorbs it. What's up, guys, 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:40.440 Welcome back to the podcast Exciting News. Today, we have 0:00:40.520 --> 0:00:42.680 Bernie back guest. I haven't had a guest in a 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:45.120 long time. It's been just me, but we got long 0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:49.280 time as Bernie Calcote back. We've been friends for twenty 0:00:49.320 --> 0:00:52.600 five years. He's been on this podcast eighty five thousand 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:57.680 times and he has really built He's built so much 0:00:57.720 --> 0:01:02.120 of what this podcast has become. In the early days. Yeah, 0:01:02.200 --> 0:01:06.520 well you started it in the early days on the bus, Yeah, 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:11.520 in the in the in the Reformation. So basically we 0:01:11.560 --> 0:01:13.640 answer your questions if you're new to the podcast, we 0:01:13.720 --> 0:01:17.160 answer your questions. Like we're sitting on you know, in 0:01:17.160 --> 0:01:21.039 the pickup truck and it's me and Bernie and you're 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:22.399 in the back seat and you go, hey, guys, could 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:24.840 I run something by something been going on in my life? 0:01:24.840 --> 0:01:27.920 And then we walk through it in long form and 0:01:28.840 --> 0:01:32.000 we answer your question without notes and without preparation. We 0:01:32.240 --> 0:01:35.399 just give you friend advice. And Bernie is one of 0:01:35.400 --> 0:01:38.920 the best friend advisors that I have, and we do this. 0:01:39.319 --> 0:01:41.800 We still do it. We've talked about it many times 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:44.039 on this podcast, and we still do it to this day. 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:46.840 When we have something going on in our lives, one 0:01:46.840 --> 0:01:48.560 of us will call each other and be like, hey man, 0:01:48.920 --> 0:01:50.600 can you talk And when we say that, we have 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:52.680 to kind of schedule it because we're going to talk 0:01:52.720 --> 0:01:55.200 for an hour. So it's never like what's up, man, 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:57.080 how's it going, It's going good? How about you going good? 0:01:57.160 --> 0:02:00.640 Kay bye? It's like, hey man, maybe later on we 0:02:00.760 --> 0:02:02.680 actually get on the phone because we're going to talk 0:02:02.720 --> 0:02:05.640 for an hour. Oh and it's so good though, man, 0:02:05.720 --> 0:02:11.200 those deep, deep friendships and everything that comes with them, Man, 0:02:11.240 --> 0:02:14.480 it's such a blessing. So I agree. Well, we're gonna 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:18.480 answer your questions. If you have one, email Grangersmith Podcast 0:02:18.560 --> 0:02:21.040 at gmail dot com. We'll get right to it, and 0:02:20.720 --> 0:02:24.040 not just if you have a question, because wouldn't it 0:02:24.080 --> 0:02:28.000 be awesome Griz to one time open your email and 0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:32.000 start reading and somebody is like, not, hey, they broke 0:02:32.120 --> 0:02:35.160 up with me or they died, But man, I listened 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:38.640 to you guys, and then this wonderful thing inspired me. 0:02:38.800 --> 0:02:41.280 And what you know, I just wanted you to encourage 0:02:41.280 --> 0:02:45.000 you guys. You'd be like, yes, that's good. Yeah, give 0:02:45.080 --> 0:02:47.560 us some you longtime listeners. Give us some stories on 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:50.000 maybe something that's changed in your life because of a 0:02:50.040 --> 0:02:53.760 podcast episode. That would be really cool. Yeah. Encouragement is great, 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:57.600 you know. We sometimes you need it whenever you're getting 0:02:57.639 --> 0:03:00.560 into some of these really dark places with people which 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:03.680 you are really good at, like sitting with them, holding 0:03:03.760 --> 0:03:06.440 the space to like really dig into it. But I 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:08.120 think it's good every once in a while to hear like, 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:11.600 oh yeah, man, this is this is impacting people in 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:14.680 a really special way. So I hear back. Occasionally, I 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:16.760 hear back from people that I answer a question for 0:03:16.919 --> 0:03:19.480 and they'll say, hey, I applied this and here's what happened. 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:21.680 But I would also like to hear from people that 0:03:21.919 --> 0:03:26.840 have never emailed but used something from someone else's question 0:03:26.880 --> 0:03:31.280 and listen apply to their life. It's interesting. Hey, maybe 0:03:31.480 --> 0:03:34.600 even I'm not talking about just positive, maybe something negative like, Hey, 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:38.240 I tried it and it would failed miserably. That would help. 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:41.960 That would help. Let's get right to the first question. 0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:45.200 The subject line says broken heart by ex husband from 0:03:45.320 --> 0:03:50.960 nasty divorce. Please help me. I am lost, so broken. 0:03:51.280 --> 0:03:53.520 I divorced my first husband that I was married to 0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:56.760 for seventeen years in nineteen ninety nine. We had three daughters. 0:03:57.200 --> 0:03:59.480 He treated me like a maid, not a wife. I 0:03:59.520 --> 0:04:04.000 had no he was just not a nice person. I 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:06.400 lost who I was. I just found out six months 0:04:06.400 --> 0:04:10.440 ago that he told my mom that our youngest daughter, 0:04:10.480 --> 0:04:14.720 who is thirty five, is not his, that I had 0:04:14.720 --> 0:04:17.120 an affair with our neighbor, which is a complete lie. 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:21.280 I never cheated on him. He also told several of 0:04:21.279 --> 0:04:24.479 our friends this same story, and my mother knew that 0:04:24.560 --> 0:04:27.719 was a lie, but she didn't not defend me. He 0:04:27.800 --> 0:04:30.200 told this back in two thousand and seven. I can't 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:33.520 let it go because he constantly lies about me and 0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:37.200 posts things about me on Facebook. I felt like I 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:39.600 should confront him. I could no longer take it. He 0:04:39.720 --> 0:04:42.000 is remarried in two thousand and three, and I was 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:45.360 remarried in two thousand and eight, but unfortunately, he took 0:04:45.400 --> 0:04:48.720 his life in twenty sixteen due to PTSD from the army, 0:04:48.760 --> 0:04:52.120 which I also suffer from. Please help me. I'm on 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:56.840 my own, Melissa. A lot of stuff here, Wow, a 0:04:56.880 --> 0:05:00.520 lot of stuff. So we're no longer like starting off 0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:02.919 with the light ones in order. I've been gone for 0:05:02.960 --> 0:05:06.839 a while. We're just like it. I don't prep these, 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:09.440 I don't read ahead on what I'm about to say, 0:05:09.640 --> 0:05:13.440 so it's just going to fall out. So Melissa, thank 0:05:13.480 --> 0:05:16.440 you for emailing you. You do have a lot of 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:19.640 stuff going on, and I'm so sorry. What I want 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:23.320 to deal with too, is your first question. Your very 0:05:23.320 --> 0:05:25.680 first question said please help me. I'm so lost and 0:05:25.800 --> 0:05:29.839 so broken, and then your last sentence says, please help me. 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:32.640 I'm on my own. So Bernie and I are going 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:36.720 to tell you right now, you're not alone here. Me 0:05:36.760 --> 0:05:38.560 and me and Bernie are listening to you. We're going 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:40.760 to talk through this. But there's also a lot of people, 0:05:41.000 --> 0:05:44.239 a lot of people that are going through something maybe 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:46.880 not exactly the same, but they're going through similar things. 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:49.680 There's a lot of nasty divorces, there's a lot of lies, 0:05:50.080 --> 0:05:52.440 there's a lot of people who have lost a loved 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:56.359 one through suicide, and so you are not alone in 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:59.599 your situation. And that's part of what this podcast does 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:02.679 for a lot of people. I think I think ninety 0:06:02.720 --> 0:06:05.800 nine point nine percent of people don't email me. They 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:09.839 just listen, and they listen so that they could acknowledge 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:12.479 that they're not alone in their problems. Because we have 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:15.880 a tendency as humans to think I'm just this. No 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:18.080 one else has it as bad as I do. No 0:06:18.120 --> 0:06:20.240 one else is in this dark hole that I'm in, 0:06:20.920 --> 0:06:27.280 And that's just not true. And also, didn't she say 0:06:27.480 --> 0:06:31.839 she remarried, Yes, she remarried, but he took his life. 0:06:32.120 --> 0:06:37.599 Oh okay, her current Yeah, her second husband, second husband, Okay, 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:40.080 I thought she was referring to the first one. Okay, 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:42.800 so the first one is still out there telling lies 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:50.400 that their daughter is what came from an affair, right, Okay, Man, Melissa, 0:06:50.440 --> 0:06:57.080 this is really heavy. Let's start with this. Let's start 0:06:57.120 --> 0:07:00.480 with this. I can't let it go because he instantly 0:07:00.480 --> 0:07:02.760 lies about me and post things about me on Facebook. 0:07:03.240 --> 0:07:08.599 Let's start with Facebook. Me and you love that subject, Well, 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:11.720 first of all, block him. Let's go ahead and do that. 0:07:11.720 --> 0:07:14.200 It's not gonna it's not gonna fix everything, but it's 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:16.200 gonna fix you seeing it, so it's not going to 0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:20.040 stop him from lying, which you can't and no one can't. 0:07:20.240 --> 0:07:22.960 We can't control other people. We can only control ourselves 0:07:23.000 --> 0:07:25.440 and how we react to them. So we're gonna block 0:07:25.520 --> 0:07:28.600 him on Facebook first so you're not seeing it. And 0:07:28.640 --> 0:07:30.280 then when other people come up and say, did you 0:07:30.280 --> 0:07:32.400 see what your ex posted about you? You go you 0:07:32.440 --> 0:07:34.840 just look him straight in the eye and say, oh, no, 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:36.800 I blocked him. I don't. I don't follow what he 0:07:36.800 --> 0:07:41.680 says because it's usually a lie done. Yeah. The other 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:44.320 thing that you could do, probably in your mental state. 0:07:45.280 --> 0:07:47.920 And I say this with like all humility, and I'm 0:07:47.920 --> 0:07:52.000 not condemning you know, anybody for your choices or whatnot, 0:07:52.200 --> 0:07:56.320 but you could get off of social media altogether because 0:07:56.360 --> 0:07:58.560 then when that person says, did you read what he 0:07:58.680 --> 0:08:01.800 said about you? You could be like, actually, I didn't, 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:04.880 and I don't really care to know. I'm not on 0:08:04.920 --> 0:08:09.080 social media. Because it sounds like Melissa, you need to 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:14.800 be focused on some healing and connecting with people that 0:08:14.960 --> 0:08:20.000 are with you in real life and not kind of 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:24.920 going into that whole of you know, fantasy and not 0:08:25.320 --> 0:08:28.600 reality of things that everybody's doing. They're painting like you said, 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:31.360 they use car salesman like, they're all painting these pictures 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:34.360 of the best versions of themselves. And it's probably weighing 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:37.320 on you emotionally, even whether you know it or not. 0:08:39.520 --> 0:08:42.240 In light of your ex posting this stuff, I mean, 0:08:42.360 --> 0:08:45.920 and it sounds like you're struggling with PTSD. You've got 0:08:45.920 --> 0:08:49.960 a lot of emotional work. It sounds like that you 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:54.600 need to do. I would probably do an inventory. It's 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:57.439 not just social media, do an inventory of your life. 0:08:59.000 --> 0:09:01.079 Because the way to our heart, it's just through our minds, 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:02.880 and the way to our minds is through our eyes 0:09:02.920 --> 0:09:04.720 and our ears. So what are you watching, what are 0:09:04.760 --> 0:09:08.160 you looking at, what are you listening to? And how 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:10.560 are those things getting into your brain seeping down into 0:09:10.600 --> 0:09:13.960 your heart. We need to maybe clear out some of 0:09:13.960 --> 0:09:17.120 the stuff that's not healthy and just really try to 0:09:17.160 --> 0:09:21.000 like zone in on some things that are. Yeah, that's great. 0:09:22.040 --> 0:09:26.960 Here's another crazy twist for you, Melissa. I believe you 0:09:27.240 --> 0:09:29.440 because I don't. I don't think you would you would 0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:31.199 have a reason to email me and lie about this 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:35.280 supposed affair. But let's just throw this out there. What 0:09:35.320 --> 0:09:38.200 if you did, like, what if what if it was 0:09:39.080 --> 0:09:43.360 an affair that you had your son with. Well, I'm 0:09:43.360 --> 0:09:45.080 not talking about the relationship with your son, but I'm 0:09:45.080 --> 0:09:48.200 talking about the relationship with everyone else that was thirty 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:51.520 five years ago. Anyway, no one is the same as 0:09:51.520 --> 0:09:55.360 they were at thirty five years ago. So you're looking 0:09:55.400 --> 0:09:58.000 at it like that's you today right now, like a 0:09:58.080 --> 0:10:01.960 mistake that you made today is affecting you. But it's 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:05.680 thirty five years ago and it's a lie. But you're 0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:09.120 living it like it's happening in your face today in 0:10:09.200 --> 0:10:12.839 this moment, and it really shouldn't affect you at all, 0:10:12.920 --> 0:10:16.200 something that happened that long ago. Anyone that knows your 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:19.520 ex husband knows that he's a deceiver. They know what 0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:21.720 kind of guy is. They know that you were treated 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:23.719 like a maid and not like a wife, that you 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:27.600 had no voice. You got to let that go. And 0:10:27.640 --> 0:10:31.120 here's the craziest thing we could possibly say to you. 0:10:31.120 --> 0:10:33.679 You have to forgive him. That's what I was just 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:38.160 about to say. You have to forgive him. And I've 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:40.720 said this before and I'll say it again because it's 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:45.560 worth repeating. But sometimes with something like forgiveness of something 0:10:46.000 --> 0:10:49.520 of this magnitude, we have to say it and preach 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:53.160 it to ourselves before our heart absorbs it. So we 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:54.840 say it with our mouth and we just say, you 0:10:54.880 --> 0:10:57.280 know what. And you could even tell the next person 0:10:57.320 --> 0:10:58.760 that comes up to you and says, did you hear 0:10:58.760 --> 0:11:02.040 about the lie that you're ex? Husband said, you could 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:03.959 look them right in the face. And just like Bernie said, 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:06.839 I love his answer. First of all, a first part 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:09.680 of the answer is no, I didn't, and I don't 0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:12.120 really care to know. And the second part of your 0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:16.160 answer is, but I forgive them, Like wow, what an 0:11:16.200 --> 0:11:18.960 impact that would make on the person that's spreading gossip 0:11:19.400 --> 0:11:22.240 and stirring you up. And you go, but I forgive him. 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:25.480 He's human and we went through a lot of stuff 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:30.200 together and he's not totally to blame with everything. I 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:33.400 wasn't the perfect person either, but I have over the 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:36.000 years I have forgiven him. Now, your heart might be 0:11:36.040 --> 0:11:38.400 screaming in that moment, no I don't, No, I don't, No, 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:40.720 I don't, But your mouth is saying it, and you 0:11:40.840 --> 0:11:43.680 keep preaching it back to your heart over and over. Yeah, 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:52.880 I think it's good to separate forgiveness and reconciliation and healing, 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:56.679 so that, like Grangeer is saying, saying that out loud 0:11:56.720 --> 0:12:00.440 and really preaching that to yourself and forgiving him and 0:12:00.480 --> 0:12:05.760 maybe forgiving him again, just embodying that idea of forgiveness, 0:12:05.760 --> 0:12:09.960 like I am really forgiving him as I've been forgiven. 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:13.760 So let's not forget that part and let that weigh 0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:17.560 on your mind even heavier than what he's doing is. Like, Man, 0:12:17.679 --> 0:12:23.360 I have been forgiven, so the only natural thing for 0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:25.839 me to do is extend that same forgiveness. But that 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:29.840 doesn't remove the hurt and the pain and damage of 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:32.720 everything that he's done immediately. It doesn't work that way. 0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:38.320 Like healing of the heart and reconciliation or healing or 0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:41.880 anything like that definitely takes time. And that's why I 0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:47.280 would say, if you're not already seeing a counselor of 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:52.080 some kind or a therapist or I highly recommend it 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:56.520 to everybody who's listening, because we all need that counsel. 0:12:56.640 --> 0:13:01.080 We all need somebody appointing us in encouraging us and 0:13:01.120 --> 0:13:05.080 guiding us. But for you, Melissa, I would definitely say, 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:09.120 if we're talking just practical things, I'm lost. You need 0:13:09.160 --> 0:13:13.240 a guide. The Word of God can definitely be your guide, 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:15.640 and it's going to point you to forgiveness and then 0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:21.360 also couple that with somebody of sound mind and wise 0:13:21.440 --> 0:13:24.760 counsel to just help you kind of process some of 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:27.679 the hurt that has happened over the years. I love it. 0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:32.559 I love what he said about separating forgiveness with reconciliation, 0:13:33.160 --> 0:13:34.920 and a way to look at that just at a 0:13:35.040 --> 0:13:37.480 surface level would be the way that you would forgive 0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:41.360 a rattlesnake. It's like, I, dude, I got bit by 0:13:41.360 --> 0:13:45.320 a rattlesnake. But I forgive the snake because that's the 0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:49.400 snake's nature is to bite when it's when it feels threatened, 0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:52.680 and it bit me as a reaction of the threat 0:13:52.679 --> 0:13:55.439 that it thought I was. So I forgive the snake 0:13:55.480 --> 0:13:57.880 for its nature of what it is. But I'm not 0:13:57.920 --> 0:14:00.800 going to go stick in my hand in holes anymore. Right, 0:14:01.440 --> 0:14:04.880 I'm gonna watch myself when I'm around rocks in Texas 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:08.080 because there's rattlesnakes and they will bite. So you're not 0:14:08.120 --> 0:14:11.160 going to take your ex husband out to dinner and say, hey, 0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:13.920 meals on me. You know, you're not going to stick 0:14:13.960 --> 0:14:17.040 your hand in holes. But you could still forgive him 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:19.520 for his nature and for what he is, and love 0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:22.720 him for what he is, because you were broken just 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:24.560 like him in your own way and we all are. 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:30.000 So forgive him and love him and get off social media. Yeah, 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:34.040 and don't perpetuate the gossip that's coming to you when 0:14:34.040 --> 0:14:36.040 people want to stir you up, because they know that 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:38.080 you're the kind of person that can get stirred up. 0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:40.520 And they said, do you hear about your ex? You 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:43.280 hear what he's saying about your boy from thirty five 0:14:43.360 --> 0:14:47.680 years ago? Don't extend that conversation at all, kill it 0:14:47.920 --> 0:14:51.920 right then, say no, I didn't. In fact, anything he 0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:54.520 says wouldn't surprise me at this point, but I have 0:14:54.600 --> 0:14:58.880 forgiven him. There's nothing else to say. Yeah, the person's like, okay, 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:01.600 let's talk about something else else. Yeah. Yeah, And your 0:15:01.680 --> 0:15:04.600 kindness is going to go a long long way for sure. 0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:07.480 So all right, let's move on. Let's hit another one. 0:15:07.480 --> 0:15:10.880 This subject line is letting go of the past. At 0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:13.520 Grand Drum twenty far'd like to remain anonymous. My boyfriend 0:15:13.520 --> 0:15:14.800 and I have been dating for about two and a 0:15:14.840 --> 0:15:17.360 half years, with a six month break in the middle. 0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:20.800 We got back together and after we both grew on 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:23.280 our own and he came back after we realized we 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:25.600 couldn't stand being a part and loved each other too 0:15:25.680 --> 0:15:28.360 much to be with anyone else. We tried dating other 0:15:28.400 --> 0:15:32.160 people with while we were apart, and it's something that 0:15:32.520 --> 0:15:37.080 we have worked on together to move forward. However, I 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:39.720 still find it really hard sometimes when stuff gets brought up, 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:45.440 like around friends about girls that he slept with, and 0:15:45.480 --> 0:15:48.520 it's always a joke, but recently it came out that 0:15:48.560 --> 0:15:51.280 while we were on break, there were two other girls 0:15:51.320 --> 0:15:55.360 he slept with that he forgot to mention or to 0:15:55.400 --> 0:15:58.200 tell me about when we got back together. He is 0:15:58.280 --> 0:16:01.800 a he hey he had this is funny. He has 0:16:01.840 --> 0:16:04.120 a large body count. Okay, I think I know what 0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:06.360 you're saying. He has a large body count where I 0:16:06.480 --> 0:16:09.800 have chosen to wait till marriage and he has always 0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:13.760 respected that. So I guess my question is how do 0:16:13.800 --> 0:16:16.120 I let these things that were in the past go, 0:16:16.480 --> 0:16:18.400 even though it still really hurts my heart every time 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:22.280 I hear about things like this. Thank you Anonymous twenty 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:26.760 four dated for two and a half years, six month break, 0:16:26.960 --> 0:16:30.240 got back together. He slept with girls in the break. 0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:32.560 You realize that you were meant for each other, so 0:16:32.600 --> 0:16:36.480 you got back together. You are waiting till marriage. Okay, 0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:40.720 there's a lot to unpack here. But if you're with 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:45.040 me in the truck right now, I would say, why 0:16:45.040 --> 0:16:46.720 did you get back with Why did you get back 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:52.840 with him? Like? What is he bringing to you? You 0:16:52.880 --> 0:16:57.640 guys have very different morals. They're going two different directions, 0:16:58.160 --> 0:17:01.960 and so it's really hard to recognized the reconcile these 0:17:01.960 --> 0:17:06.320 two very different moral standards and bring them back together 0:17:06.440 --> 0:17:10.600 and then expect things to be normal. And that's why 0:17:10.600 --> 0:17:16.120 they're not. We say about this brand, Yeah, I'm this 0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:18.200 one brings up a lot of questions that I would 0:17:18.280 --> 0:17:22.360 have for anonymous, like how did you find out? What 0:17:22.440 --> 0:17:25.600 was that conversation? Like was it I think on the 0:17:25.680 --> 0:17:28.600 last podcast you talked about the guy that went to 0:17:28.640 --> 0:17:32.960 the church conference and felt this conviction and went to 0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:36.440 his wife to confess these things, and she emailed me back. 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:38.840 By the way she did, she said that this was 0:17:38.960 --> 0:17:47.760 really hard love, but I needed it. You dish out 0:17:47.840 --> 0:17:50.720 some hard love sometimes, Am I right? Guys? But it's 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:56.080 all good man? Yeah? Just what I mean? How did 0:17:56.080 --> 0:17:58.359 they get back together? What did he say? Was it 0:17:58.480 --> 0:18:05.399 like he got busted? Or is there any kind of 0:18:05.440 --> 0:18:09.679 spiritual conviction here? Is there any like, you know, commitment 0:18:10.600 --> 0:18:15.119 to their faith together in this relationship, without really knowing 0:18:15.160 --> 0:18:20.640 those things just at face value. I'm like, I don't know. Yeah, 0:18:20.720 --> 0:18:24.640 face value, this was a rebound. Yeah, you rebounded to him. 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:28.080 You're saying, six months break, you got back together because 0:18:28.160 --> 0:18:30.400 we realized we couldn't stand being a part and loved 0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:33.320 each other too much. Okay, well that's it. That's not 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:37.240 enough time. Six months is not enough time for you 0:18:37.359 --> 0:18:42.480 to go. Yeah, I'm cool, I'm good, I'm over it. Yeah, 0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:46.480 yeah I would, I would say, I don't. I don't 0:18:46.520 --> 0:18:49.040 know if I would invest any further in their relationship. 0:18:49.160 --> 0:18:52.840 I'm sorry, I'm saying the same thing. Yeah, And again, 0:18:52.960 --> 0:18:55.000 like we don't know one hundred percent of the context. 0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:56.880 You could email us back and be like, no, well 0:18:57.119 --> 0:19:02.480 here's you know whatever. But it just sounds like he's 0:19:02.760 --> 0:19:09.200 he's got some things probably to work out. And I mean, yeah, 0:19:09.320 --> 0:19:13.440 you sound sometimes on TikTok people say this guy only 0:19:13.480 --> 0:19:16.040 tells people just to break up. But the slightest thing. 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:19.440 I'm sorry, So now I'm hesitant because of TikTok. I'm 0:19:19.480 --> 0:19:22.760 hesitant to say dump him. Yeah, but that's kind of 0:19:22.760 --> 0:19:25.679 what I'm saying. Anonymous, like you're friends, I would just 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:28.879 say dump him. And I know it's hard. It's called heartbreak, 0:19:28.880 --> 0:19:31.199 and of course it's hard. You got six months, you 0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:34.200 tried to recover. It wasn't enough. You loved him. Two 0:19:34.200 --> 0:19:36.320 and a half years is a long time, and it's 0:19:36.359 --> 0:19:38.919 also a long time to save yourself for marriage with 0:19:39.000 --> 0:19:42.000 a guy that hasn't saved hisself for marriage. So you're 0:19:42.040 --> 0:19:45.479 expecting a lot from this guy. Well, and if she 0:19:45.480 --> 0:19:49.760 she's twenty four and she's been saving herself for marriage, 0:19:49.840 --> 0:19:53.639 So it sounds like there's some kind of like conviction 0:19:54.960 --> 0:19:59.080 in her heart somewhere to that, yeah, right, which which 0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:02.200 makes me believe like, okay, maybe she is a Christian. 0:20:02.240 --> 0:20:06.600 Maybe she believes in, you know, having sex with your 0:20:06.840 --> 0:20:11.080 white or with your husband or wife. And it doesn't 0:20:11.080 --> 0:20:14.760 sound like this guy has the same you know, like whatever, 0:20:14.840 --> 0:20:16.439 do what you want, but it doesn't sound like he 0:20:16.520 --> 0:20:20.520 has the same values. And Matt brings up more problems 0:20:20.560 --> 0:20:22.959 down the road, more problems down the road. And I 0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:26.080 know you may be thinking, man, I'm twenty four. A 0:20:26.080 --> 0:20:29.160 lot of people are starting to talk about getting engaged, 0:20:29.240 --> 0:20:31.560 and I don't want to get old. And yeah, dude, 0:20:31.600 --> 0:20:36.040 you're still young. Yeah, you're still young, and you need 0:20:36.080 --> 0:20:40.159 to be treated and respected and valued and pursued and 0:20:40.200 --> 0:20:44.320 adored for the person that you are and love the 0:20:44.320 --> 0:20:47.480 way that Jesus loves you, not the way that this 0:20:47.560 --> 0:20:50.240 dude's doing. So yeah, I say dumping. Let's take a break, 0:20:50.280 --> 0:20:57.480 beer right back. Podcast today is brought to you all 0:20:57.520 --> 0:21:00.600 by Raycon. You know, we have been flying so much, 0:21:00.800 --> 0:21:03.119 so many flights, so many fly dates with the band. 0:21:03.520 --> 0:21:06.520 I've needed to listen to a lot of audio, books, music, 0:21:06.720 --> 0:21:08.800 watching the new movie we just made. 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