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Speaker 1: Hopeless one dating app then dares right, the question is

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Speaker 1: whose love life is more tragic?

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Speaker 2: It's Battle of the Tinder Dates. It's the dating game

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Speaker 2: show that believes every good first date should be riddled

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Speaker 2: with crabs because you went out to a fancy seafood restaurant.

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Speaker 3: Isn't that oil?

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Speaker 2: Battle of the Tender Dates, where two of our listeners

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Speaker 2: go head to head and sometimes mouth to mouth to

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Speaker 2: find out whose love life is the most tragic. We'll

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Speaker 2: go over the rules in just a second, but first

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Speaker 2: let's meet today's contestants. In this corner, he's not trying

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Speaker 2: to rush things physically. That's in fact, he says he's

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Speaker 2: saving himself for his third marriage. Meet Self Control.

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Speaker 3: Col Hello, Hello everyone.

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Speaker 4: Glad you held back in your first two marriages?

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Speaker 3: Exactly good John Cole.

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Speaker 2: Then in the other corner, he gets ready for every

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Speaker 2: date with positive mirror affirmations and a strong cocktail of

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Speaker 2: testosterone injections.

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Speaker 5: Right into the rear.

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Speaker 2: Say hello to tiger Shark Mark.

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Speaker 5: Hello, everybody, Hello, Hello side effects. Mark.

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Speaker 2: All Right, I hope you're amped up for this game,

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Speaker 2: because here's how it works. One contestant will start by

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Speaker 2: telling one of their worst date stories, then the other

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Speaker 2: will try and counter with the nightmare story of their own.

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Speaker 2: We're going back and forth for three rounds until we

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Speaker 2: declare a winner. Let's start it off with self control.

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Speaker 2: Cole get it?

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Speaker 3: Well? Okay, So we were eating and she was staring

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Speaker 3: at my chewing and I asked if something was wrong,

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Speaker 3: like did I have food on my face or something,

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Speaker 3: and she told me I was chewing like an alpha

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Speaker 3: and was turning her off.

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Speaker 1: Off.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you're strong.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I kind of get it, Like, if the.

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Speaker 4: Chewing isn't right from the beginning, thirty years into the relationship,

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Speaker 4: you're gonna want to kill the other person for the

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Speaker 4: female that mark.

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Speaker 5: We're over to you. So this girl invited me over

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Speaker 5: to her place and I found out she was very,

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Speaker 5: very shy. She didn't want to talk, but she made

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Speaker 5: alphabet soup for us for dinner and only wanted to

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Speaker 5: communicate by spelling couplets. God, I kind of like that,

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Speaker 5: but like, what if you're a bad speller not.

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Speaker 2: To mention dirty talking in bed? Yeah, that's going to

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Speaker 2: be all right.

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Speaker 5: I had.

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Speaker 1: Superla.

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Speaker 5: We're on a round two.

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Speaker 2: That means Cole tossing it back to you all right.

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Speaker 3: So I took I took a date to an axe

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Speaker 3: throwing bar, and I thought it would be fine, But

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Speaker 3: then she showed up with her own acts who.

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Speaker 2: Like bowling with bringing your own bowling balls.

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Speaker 4: She's got a case for it exactly.

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Speaker 3: And then she asked the bar if they could put

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Speaker 3: up an eight by ten photo of her ex and

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Speaker 3: the target for her.

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Speaker 2: She really came prepared well, yeah.

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Speaker 3: And she was insane good and accurate at it, like

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Speaker 3: she hit it every time.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I probably wouldn't ghost her, though at the same vein,

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Speaker 1: I guess it's gonna be a tricky one to get

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Speaker 1: out of.

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Speaker 5: Very nicely friends her.

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Speaker 2: How did you feel about that goal?

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Speaker 3: I mean it terrified me. I mean I feel like

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Speaker 3: I need to go into witness protection.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, oh wow, you probably shouldn't be talking about it.

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Speaker 2: Hopefully she's not listening to this. You're great, whoever you are.

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Speaker 1: That guy didn't deserve.

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Speaker 3: You, Mark Counter.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. I once went out with a girl. We went

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Speaker 5: to dinner and she pulls out her laptop and she

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Speaker 5: hits me with a Timeshare presentation.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, does you have a quota?

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Speaker 3: She's kind of fulfilled.

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Speaker 5: By the end of the month, I didn't know if

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Speaker 5: she was showing me what she did for work or

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Speaker 5: what was going on, and if she was actually trying

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Speaker 5: to sell me something. She kept answering, I don't know.

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Speaker 5: It just seems like a no brainer. If you don't

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Speaker 5: take me up on.

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Speaker 2: It's a line.

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Speaker 4: I mean, by week three, you're gonna be happy.

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Speaker 3: You did it.

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Speaker 5: I mean an hour later I wound up. I'ming a

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Speaker 5: condo for a.

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Speaker 4: Few weeks, but you didn't have another date.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, at least got a beach facing unit.

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Speaker 5: That worth it.

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Speaker 2: Okay, we're on to the third and final round. That

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Speaker 2: means we need your best stories here, gentlemen. So self control, Cole,

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Speaker 2: What have you got for us?

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Speaker 3: So I matched with this super hot girl and she

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Speaker 3: told me she had a surprise date planned.

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Speaker 5: All right, and okay, my.

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Speaker 3: Red flag radar should have went off because she told

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Speaker 3: me to meet her outside of Starbucks at three am. Whoa.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I just feel like she's planning to commit

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Speaker 4: a crime.

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Speaker 2: Some people are mourning people.

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Speaker 5: Is not the morning.

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Speaker 3: Okay, I'm bear waiting and she shows up a half

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Speaker 3: hour later and gives me a huge hug.

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Speaker 4: You actually went at three in the morning.

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Speaker 3: She was super hot. She was superad Okay, apparently we

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Speaker 3: were first in line to get there's hard to find Starbucks,

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Speaker 3: bear Cup.

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Speaker 5: What happened when she bought it?

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Speaker 3: She sprinted back to her car, took off, and then

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Speaker 3: she blocked me.

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Speaker 1: She just used you to hold the spot in line.

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Speaker 2: Gus is so jealous right now. Such a good move day, Wow, Tiger,

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Speaker 2: this is your last chance.

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Speaker 5: Okay. So I took a date to a rooftop bar

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Speaker 5: that she suggested sold. We got there and they had

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Speaker 5: a table roped off for her with an incredible view.

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Speaker 5: Whoa Okay, yeah, I was impressed, and I asked her

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Speaker 5: how did you get this table roped off? And it

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Speaker 5: turns out every Friday she pays the host extra so

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Speaker 5: she can have a perfect view of her ex's apartment

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Speaker 5: to see if he's hanging out with someone.

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Speaker 4: Like two Birds with one Stone a date spine on

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Speaker 4: the excuse.

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Speaker 1: He's flying back.

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Speaker 2: He sees her on a date too.

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Speaker 5: You know, how does that hangout go?

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Speaker 3: Well?

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Speaker 5: After she told me that she actually reached into her

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Speaker 5: person pulled out binocular.

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Speaker 2: Okay again, very healthy.

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Speaker 4: Sure, I can't believe you.

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Speaker 2: Would let her go, Mark, Shame on you. Oh my God,

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Speaker 2: there's the final belt, which means the match is over.

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Speaker 2: So judges, let's score this. Alexis who you giving it to?

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Speaker 1: Cole for getting used for the bear Cup scam? I

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Speaker 1: see I go Mark for time Share dinner because he's

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Speaker 1: a sucker that bought it.

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Speaker 2: It up here, Jose, you're the final decision.

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Speaker 3: We gotta go Bear Cup.

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Speaker 2: Cole Man, Okay, okay, self control, Coal, congratulations, you are

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Speaker 2: our Desperado dude of the week. I know, does that feel?

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Speaker 3: It feels amazing? I feel very blessed.

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Speaker 4: I think that should be the op of what you're feeling. Cold,

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Speaker 4: But okay, I.

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Speaker 3: Was going to Starvick's gift card to give him.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I know we're talking like too much of an

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Speaker 2: alpha right now.

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Speaker 5: Cole, you better.

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Speaker 2: Simmer downing to seven eight, five, nine two if you

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Speaker 2: want up here on the next edition of Battle of

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Speaker 2: the Tender dates your phone tab's coming up

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Speaker 3: Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning,