WEBVTT - #189 Had To Pull The Plug 0:00:00.320 --> 0:00:02.800 And to make things worse, I'm the one. I'm the 0:00:02.840 --> 0:00:06.600 one that pulled the plug on the life support. How 0:00:06.640 --> 0:00:09.159 could I be such an idiot? How could I have 0:00:09.240 --> 0:00:23.000 done that? What's up? Guys? Welcome back to the podcast, 0:00:23.040 --> 0:00:26.720 Episode one hundred and eighty nine. One hundred and eighty nine, 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:29.600 or some people say one hundred and eighty nine. I 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:33.440 say one hundred and eighty nine. I appreciate you guys coming. 0:00:33.840 --> 0:00:36.360 I love doing these podcasts and it doesn't feel like 0:00:36.360 --> 0:00:38.879 I've done that many, even though I've been with you 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:41.479 guys for a long time now, answering your questions, and 0:00:41.800 --> 0:00:44.000 that's kind of the format of this podcast. If you're new, 0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:49.360 is you email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com 0:00:50.240 --> 0:00:52.880 and I'll put it in the queue and it could 0:00:52.920 --> 0:00:56.200 be about anything in life, really, and we'll talk about 0:00:56.200 --> 0:01:01.240 it in long form, like we're sitting around a campfire. Right. 0:01:03.320 --> 0:01:08.240 I want to say too that I'm very excited expectant 0:01:08.480 --> 0:01:11.560 about this book, my book Like a River, coming out 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:16.240 on August the first, and the reason I mentioned that 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:20.160 here is because a lot of the questions that I get, 0:01:20.240 --> 0:01:25.600 especially the ones about struggle or grief or loss or anxiety, 0:01:26.760 --> 0:01:28.560 A lot of these things are going to be addressed 0:01:28.600 --> 0:01:32.080 in the book that happened to me, right, It's there's 0:01:32.120 --> 0:01:35.320 going to be very personal experiences with me. And so 0:01:36.880 --> 0:01:38.959 we have a couple more months of me doing a 0:01:39.000 --> 0:01:43.600 podcast without that book out, and I'm so excited because 0:01:43.640 --> 0:01:46.679 once it does, it's going to be a conversation starter 0:01:47.680 --> 0:01:50.560 and it's going to allow me in many ways to say, hey, 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:52.840 check out the book. Check out the book, and then 0:01:52.920 --> 0:01:55.960 ask that question again to me with the new perspective 0:01:56.000 --> 0:01:58.720 of what you know from the book. I think that's 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:00.720 going to be very helpful. I think that's going to 0:02:00.760 --> 0:02:05.400 push this podcast even further along and we'll be able 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:08.800 to go to new depths of conversation. That's what I think. 0:02:09.560 --> 0:02:13.040 And for those of you that don't read, or you're 0:02:13.080 --> 0:02:17.280 not into reading at all, I'm also recording the audiobook version, 0:02:17.360 --> 0:02:19.440 so you'll be able to get both of those on 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:22.679 August first. So yeah, it's called like a River. Super 0:02:22.680 --> 0:02:25.800 excited about that. And let's jump into the first question 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:27.600 here in the queue. I don't have notes in front 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:31.720 of me, I don't have famous quotes or answers to 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:34.960 tough questions. I'm just I'm just going to go for 0:02:35.040 --> 0:02:38.840 it here. This one actually just came in like twelve 0:02:38.880 --> 0:02:41.240 minutes ago, and so I was like, oh, one just 0:02:41.280 --> 0:02:43.919 came in right before I hit record, and I might 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:46.400 as well just read that. And I read these for 0:02:46.440 --> 0:02:48.560 the first time in front of you guys, so you're 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:51.000 hearing it at the same time that I'm reading it. 0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:53.560 Subject line on this first one says mental health and 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:59.280 work with mental health with work and life balance. Hey Greiner. 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:00.920 First off, I'm a big fan of your music and 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:03.960 podcasts and find peace from listening to your podcast while 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:07.119 at work. I'm a deputy sheriff at a rural law 0:03:07.200 --> 0:03:10.600 enforcement agency in Utah. With that being said, I have 0:03:10.639 --> 0:03:13.280 a front row seat to the worst things that this 0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:16.560 life has to offer, but have also seen things I 0:03:16.560 --> 0:03:21.000 can only describe as miracles. On top of work, my 0:03:21.120 --> 0:03:24.560 wife and I have been experiencing reoccurring pregnancy, loss, and 0:03:24.720 --> 0:03:27.760 miscarriage over the past few years. We do have a 0:03:27.760 --> 0:03:30.640 beautiful daughter who is now five years old. I feel 0:03:30.680 --> 0:03:34.280 mentally strong most days, but still struggle. I'm not a 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:38.520 religious person due to experiences in my youth with organized religion, 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:41.280 but feel great while listening to the words that you 0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:44.160 share in your podcast, your music has hit a special 0:03:44.200 --> 0:03:47.760 place in my heart lately, especially Tailgate Church. Pew, how 0:03:47.760 --> 0:03:51.320 do you recommend keeping my mental health strong? Can't wait 0:03:51.320 --> 0:03:53.120 to see you in Salt Lake on June The second 0:03:54.880 --> 0:03:58.920 says thanks Blake from Utah, and Blake, thank you for 0:03:58.920 --> 0:04:03.040 your service. You have seen things that I can't imagine. 0:04:03.040 --> 0:04:06.440 So all of us here at the podcast thank you 0:04:07.160 --> 0:04:10.160 for what you do. What you have chosen to do 0:04:10.200 --> 0:04:13.040 the line of work you've chosen to do to not 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:17.440 only put your your own life at risk, but you 0:04:18.360 --> 0:04:21.320 are putting your mental health at risk by seeing things 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:25.360 so that other people don't have to see them. Right. 0:04:26.279 --> 0:04:30.760 That's tough, and so I can't begin to act like 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:34.640 I know what you go through on a daily basis. Literally, 0:04:34.640 --> 0:04:36.919 you wake up, you go to work, and you don't 0:04:36.960 --> 0:04:39.719 know if that day you're going to see something really bad, 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:46.200 or experience something really bad, or even physically experience something bad. 0:04:47.240 --> 0:04:49.599 So there's not an easy answer to that. And when 0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:52.840 you say, I think what you're trying to say too 0:04:53.120 --> 0:04:56.040 is hey, Grangeer, don't give me the religious stuff. I 0:04:56.080 --> 0:04:58.480 think that's what you're kind of saying. And you've heard 0:04:58.520 --> 0:05:00.359 this podcast a lot, so you know you know the 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:05.600 direction I lean, but you have to understand that by 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:10.080 asking me, hey Granger, give me your mental health analysis 0:05:10.120 --> 0:05:16.480 without being religious. That's that's like saying, hey Granger, I 0:05:16.520 --> 0:05:19.880 know you love you love soup, but I don't. I 0:05:19.920 --> 0:05:23.000 don't deal with bulls and spoons, So give me the 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:26.400 soup on a plate, you know, Like, that's that's what 0:05:26.440 --> 0:05:28.680 I'm trying to do. So I'm gonna try to give 0:05:28.720 --> 0:05:31.640 you first. I'm gonna give you the spoon first. I'm 0:05:31.640 --> 0:05:34.159 gonna give you the soup on a plate and see 0:05:34.160 --> 0:05:40.760 how far we get with that. Right. Community is so 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:45.919 important for you to stay involved with other men and 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:49.760 women that have seen things that you have seen that 0:05:50.080 --> 0:05:53.719 I have experienced, things that you have experienced, and you 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:59.640 talk through it. I can't I can't imagine just how 0:05:59.640 --> 0:06:02.520 important and that would be for you to have some 0:06:02.640 --> 0:06:06.080 kind of support group that other than your wife. Because 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:09.360 there's certain things you're just not going to tell your wife. 0:06:09.400 --> 0:06:11.920 There's certain certain roads you're not going to walk down 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:14.720 with her, like hey, babe, let me let me tell 0:06:14.720 --> 0:06:16.479 you about this horrible thing I said, because you don't 0:06:16.480 --> 0:06:20.240 want to drag her into it. But there needs to 0:06:20.279 --> 0:06:24.640 be at its simplest form a text thread with four 0:06:24.760 --> 0:06:27.600 or five, six, seven people, it's like, hey, man, how's 0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:32.920 everybody's week going? Man, guys, I saw something crazy on Tuesday? 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:36.600 What was it? Yeah? I saw this and this and 0:06:36.600 --> 0:06:39.680 this and then someone else. Go. Man, I saw something 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:43.680 similar to that back in December of twenty seventeen. What'd 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:47.080 you do about it? Man? To be honest with you, 0:06:47.080 --> 0:06:48.880 you know, I still think about it, but I did 0:06:48.880 --> 0:06:51.760 this and this. Oh that's helpful, you know, like that 0:06:51.760 --> 0:06:56.320 that kind of community is so important for humans because 0:06:57.960 --> 0:07:00.080 on one level, it just reminds us that we're not 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:03.200 in this alone. We're not in anything alone. There's always 0:07:03.240 --> 0:07:06.320 someone walking a similar path, a parallel path in some 0:07:06.520 --> 0:07:09.920 way to what you're doing. So, Man, you might have 0:07:10.000 --> 0:07:12.960 this blake, but you might not. And so I want 0:07:12.960 --> 0:07:16.360 to tell you that having that kind of community if guys, 0:07:16.520 --> 0:07:20.320 and I say guys, probably more importantly guys than girls, 0:07:20.360 --> 0:07:22.800 because you are a guy and you don't want to 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:27.280 you don't want to confide in a girl with emotional things. 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:31.800 That's that could lead to bad stuff. So I'm saying 0:07:33.160 --> 0:07:36.160 predominantly guys, you're you're going to be just pouring in 0:07:36.200 --> 0:07:40.480 and just checking up on them and you helping them 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:42.840 and supporting them is just as helpful for your own 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:47.240 mental health. So, for instance, someone goes, hey, Blake, man, 0:07:47.280 --> 0:07:50.160 I uh, I got into some bad stuff the other day. 0:07:50.480 --> 0:07:53.840 I gotta I drove up on a bad call and 0:07:53.880 --> 0:07:56.680 I'm really struggling with it. So then you, Blake, you 0:07:56.720 --> 0:07:59.200 hear that, and you go tell me about it, talk 0:07:59.240 --> 0:08:01.800 about lets talk about let me let me give you 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:05.080 some thoughts about that, and let me give you You 0:08:05.080 --> 0:08:07.200 don't have to fix the problem, you don't have to 0:08:07.240 --> 0:08:10.840 give them a solution, but you can. You could say, 0:08:12.440 --> 0:08:14.160 let me just listen to you for a little bit, 0:08:14.360 --> 0:08:16.400 let me just hear what you got to say. And 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:19.280 through this, as that person goes is the phone call 0:08:19.480 --> 0:08:22.200 starts wrapping up and they say, hey, Blake, I appreciate 0:08:22.240 --> 0:08:25.760 you man, thank you, thank you for listening. And then 0:08:25.840 --> 0:08:28.080 right then boom, there's like a little spark inside of 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:32.880 you that goes, man, Actually I feel better myself for 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:35.400 my own stuff that I got going on. I feel 0:08:35.400 --> 0:08:37.440 better for helping you and make it and helping you 0:08:37.520 --> 0:08:42.800 to feel better. It's it's weird as humans how that works. It. 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:46.520 You know, it's like we forgive and then we feel forgiven. 0:08:47.040 --> 0:08:50.840 We we relieve someone of their guilt and then we 0:08:50.880 --> 0:08:55.120 feel less guilt on our part. We compliment someone and 0:08:55.160 --> 0:08:57.920 we feel we feel that gratitude come back to us. 0:08:58.400 --> 0:09:02.560 It's very interesting how this happens. It's almost like it's 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:04.960 connected to the Gospel in some way. It's almost like 0:09:05.080 --> 0:09:08.920 Jesus said, love others as you love yourself. It's almost 0:09:09.280 --> 0:09:13.240 like he said that in a way that's not just philosophical, 0:09:13.320 --> 0:09:17.400 but it's in a way that maybe he knows our makeup, 0:09:17.600 --> 0:09:21.160 he knows how we were created in a way, how 0:09:21.160 --> 0:09:24.960 we're programmed in a way to respond to this kind 0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:30.719 of this kind of stuff strange, right. I don't want 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:33.360 to I don't want to end the question here with 0:09:33.480 --> 0:09:37.520 eating soup out of a plate. I do want to 0:09:37.720 --> 0:09:43.120 mention Blake that you said you have seen things you 0:09:43.160 --> 0:09:46.880 could only describe as miracles. I want to say, I 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:48.880 want to want to point that out. I want to 0:09:48.880 --> 0:09:51.040 point out that you're you have been struggling in your 0:09:51.040 --> 0:09:53.880 own personal life, not just work, but with your wife 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:59.280 and family. And then I want to kind of highlight 0:09:59.320 --> 0:10:01.040 that you say I'm not a religious person due to 0:10:01.600 --> 0:10:04.240 experiences in my youth with organized religion, I'm assuming you're 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:08.679 talking about the Mormon Church. In fact, I know you are, 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:18.080 and I want to highlight the fact that Jesus was 0:10:18.080 --> 0:10:23.640 not religious. In fact, he was against the extreme organized 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:26.720 religion of the Pharisees and Sadducees. I want to highlight 0:10:26.760 --> 0:10:30.959 that and just kind of put a pebble in your 0:10:31.000 --> 0:10:34.080 shoe as you're walking, so that you could remember that 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:38.640 experiences you had in your youth due to organized religion. 0:10:38.720 --> 0:10:42.440 Those are your words. Have nothing to do with God. 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:46.439 It has everything to do with man's misinterpretation of how 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:49.360 to worship God. I'm going to leave it at that. 0:10:50.040 --> 0:10:51.800 I'm assuming we're going to get on some kind of 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:54.360 subject like this more in the podcast, but I want 0:10:54.360 --> 0:10:57.320 to kind of leave it with that and leave you 0:10:57.400 --> 0:11:01.120 with a plate full of soup and blake. I hope 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:02.680 we can keep in touch, and I know I'm going 0:11:02.720 --> 0:11:05.120 to see you in Salt Lake on June second, so 0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:12.719 looking forward to that, brother. All right, let's go to 0:11:12.760 --> 0:11:15.720 another question here. The subject line says, how do I 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:19.120 keep myself together? They grant your My name is Michael 0:11:19.920 --> 0:11:23.199 spelled that way? And am I c H E A 0:11:23.480 --> 0:11:28.200 L spelled that way? Because of my late grandmother. I 0:11:28.320 --> 0:11:31.960 just want to I wanted some guidance on how to 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:35.600 move on and try to feel better. April thirtieth, twenty 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:39.760 twenty three, my grandmother had passed. I was there and 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:45.040 she quickly declined in health and fast within four days. 0:11:45.800 --> 0:11:49.440 I I'm trying to read. I'm reading exactly what he wrote. 0:11:50.120 --> 0:11:52.840 I her only grandson. I'm assuming I mean I was 0:11:52.840 --> 0:11:56.360 her only grandson. I was there every day until she 0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:59.840 took her final breath in front of me. Well when 0:11:59.840 --> 0:12:03.120 I when that time had come, my uncle, and my 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:08.400 father and my great aunt had all laid the decision 0:12:08.480 --> 0:12:12.000 on me to pull the plug. Of course, all the 0:12:12.040 --> 0:12:14.720 pressure I had to say yes, and I felt like 0:12:14.760 --> 0:12:17.280 I did the right thing. But I also feel wrong 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:22.800 that I did that. There are there have only been 0:12:22.800 --> 0:12:25.280 a handful of times in my twenty six years alive 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:27.960 that I've seen my father cry. My father is that 0:12:28.080 --> 0:12:32.160 type to get up and work and never complain, never 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:35.320 let us see things that bother him, you know, the 0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:41.160 typical tough guy. He embraced me, and I lost my 0:12:41.240 --> 0:12:44.640 mind in the er. Once again, I'm trying to follow 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:48.080 him this email. Here he goes on to say, I 0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:50.120 had this dark, empty hole in my heart, and I 0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:54.080 feel like it's taboo to talk to my father and 0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:58.280 mom about how I feel because I shouldn't burden them. 0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:01.760 Some days it's harder than I appreciate your input. Thank you, Michael. 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:06.959 All Right, Michael, this is this is a complex email, 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:12.520 but I'm gonna make it simple. You you're emailing me 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:18.720 too early. You're asking for guidance too early, because it 0:13:18.760 --> 0:13:23.120 hasn't even been a month yet since she passed, and 0:13:23.320 --> 0:13:26.679 not only did you lose someone that you loved greatly, 0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:34.000 your grandmother, but you you feel responsible for making the 0:13:34.120 --> 0:13:38.880 decision to turn off the lights life support machine, even 0:13:38.920 --> 0:13:44.280 though I'm certain that you had guidance by doctors right 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:46.000 to do this, so that this wasn't like you just 0:13:46.800 --> 0:13:52.200 decided to kill your grandmother or help her along with 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:56.120 her suicide or that's weird stuff, but sometimes that's how 0:13:56.160 --> 0:14:01.160 we feel with this, right. So the bottom line of 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:06.040 what's happening here is you are emailing me too early 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:10.040 because these are some things that you're just gonna have 0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:17.160 to process day by day, minute by minute. And there 0:14:17.240 --> 0:14:21.040 is nothing that anyone can say, or no special magic 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:24.480 spell that I could put on you that's gonna get 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:29.960 you further along. But there's some days you're gonna feel good. 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:32.040 You're gonna wake up and the sun's gonna be shining. 0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:33.840 You're gonna get up and go to work, and you're 0:14:33.880 --> 0:14:38.120 gonna you're gonna say, you know, I loved my grandma 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:40.560 and I lost her, but she lived a good life. 0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:42.520 And you know what, I'm okay with that. I'm pretty 0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:46.040 good with that. I'm hungry. I'm gonna eat a good meal, 0:14:46.760 --> 0:14:48.840 and I'm gonna remember her. Oh, I'm gonna look through 0:14:48.840 --> 0:14:51.720 some pictures of her. And she was so special and 0:14:51.760 --> 0:14:54.000 we shared so many times together, and I love that. 0:14:55.840 --> 0:15:00.640 And then in a matter of hours, sometimes sometimes it's 0:15:00.640 --> 0:15:02.520 the next day when you wake up, or sometimes it's 0:15:02.560 --> 0:15:06.280 just literally an amount. Just in a matter of hours, 0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:11.040 everything changes, and it's like the sun goes behind the 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:14.200 clouds and you and the darkness falls upon you, and 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:17.040 you go, no, I can't, I can't. I can't live 0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:20.400 without her. I don't I want my grandma back. And 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:22.920 and to make things worse, I'm the one. I'm the 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:25.880 one that pulled the plug on the on the life support. 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:29.000 How could I be such an idiot? How could I 0:15:29.120 --> 0:15:33.960 have done that? And that's like two different personalities just 0:15:34.040 --> 0:15:37.800 fighting each other. Jeck go and hide, and it's it's 0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:42.240 these misfires in the brain, right because your brain is 0:15:42.520 --> 0:15:49.320 just cycling through daily life and sustaining itself through thoughts 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:55.040 and in calculating hunger and being tired and needing to 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:58.880 accomplish goals. And your brain's doing all these things and 0:15:59.240 --> 0:16:02.960 it'll cycle through like a computer and it goes Grandma, 0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:08.600 the error cycle again, Grandma, dude, error. It's just like 0:16:08.640 --> 0:16:11.360 a computer and you could feel it cycling and it 0:16:11.400 --> 0:16:14.000 comes up with an error message. And the error message 0:16:14.280 --> 0:16:16.920 shoots this message all the way across the other side 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:18.480 of your brain, and then the other side of your 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:21.600 brain goes, what's going on, right side of the brain 0:16:21.640 --> 0:16:24.000 and it says, I'm getting an error message from grandma 0:16:24.080 --> 0:16:28.080 and you go yeah, because she's dead. And then he goes, 0:16:28.120 --> 0:16:30.200 what hang on a second, and it sends it sends 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:32.440 another message in it goes yeah, and you're the one 0:16:32.440 --> 0:16:35.040 that pulled the plug. And then the other side of 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.800 the brain takes that message and goes, hold on, guys, 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:40.360 this is this is this is not good. You know 0:16:40.440 --> 0:16:43.160 that's it's okay. Grandma was great and we loved her 0:16:43.200 --> 0:16:46.440 and we're this is a natural process of grieving, and 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:48.160 the other side of the brain goes shut up. Man, 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:51.440 it's this this, this this battle. And I know what 0:16:51.560 --> 0:16:55.000 I'm rambling and it's sounding ridiculous right now, but this 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:58.400 is what goes on. That's the most unscientific way to 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:02.360 put the waves of grief, but that's that's what's happening. 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:06.280 You'll go through these waves. And what's important in a 0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:09.080 wave of grief is to realize that when you're in 0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:12.200 when you're in the trough, which is the bottom of 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:16.240 the wave, realizing you'll be back on the crest. Okay, 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:19.600 it's that's a cycle. Life is a cycle of waves. 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:22.280 Everything is a wave. The sound is a wave, light 0:17:22.400 --> 0:17:26.280 is a wave. Grief, love, it's all a wave. Heartbreak 0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:29.840 it's a wave. Pain is a wave, right, Joy is 0:17:29.880 --> 0:17:34.800 a wave. Happiness is a wave. Even the sunlight it's waves. 0:17:36.600 --> 0:17:40.280 So imagine yourself like you're at the ocean, and when 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:43.199 you're in the trough, you will eventually go back up 0:17:43.280 --> 0:17:46.560 to the crest, not on your own doing. You don't 0:17:46.600 --> 0:17:51.280 do this, you just float. But it's important to recognize 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:54.200 I'm on the I'm on top. Things are pretty good, 0:17:54.240 --> 0:17:57.159 like the sunshine and things are pretty good, but I 0:17:57.280 --> 0:17:59.680 know I'll be back down. So then you realize you're 0:17:59.680 --> 0:18:02.680 starting to creep down. And when you get down, it's realizing. 0:18:02.720 --> 0:18:05.480 You have to realize as you're down, I'm not gonna 0:18:05.480 --> 0:18:08.280 stay here. I'm not stuck at the bottom of this wave. 0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:10.840 I'll be back out. But what do I do? Now? 0:18:10.880 --> 0:18:12.919 What do I do when I'm at the bottom. I 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:15.480 just breathe and I let my heart beat and I 0:18:15.680 --> 0:18:20.439 just let it be, realizing I'm just gonna let this 0:18:20.600 --> 0:18:23.680 pain sit over me and I'll be back out of it. 0:18:24.320 --> 0:18:26.720 But it's not the end. Okay, it's not the end. 0:18:29.080 --> 0:18:33.960 That's my best unscientific way to describe what you're going through. 0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:40.560 Let's take a break and bear it back. This show 0:18:40.640 --> 0:18:43.640 is sponsored by Better Help. We have talked so much 0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:46.919 on this show about people that might need a doctor's 0:18:47.119 --> 0:18:51.760 help or medical attention or therapy, and that's where better 0:18:51.800 --> 0:18:54.960 Help can come in. It's so easy to get caught 0:18:55.040 --> 0:18:58.000 up in what everyone else needs from you, and you 0:18:58.040 --> 0:18:59.720 never take a moment to think about what you need 0:18:59.800 --> 0:19:02.359 from yourself. It's kind of like the idea on the 0:19:02.359 --> 0:19:05.320 airplane when the mask drop out, of a ceiling. In 0:19:05.359 --> 0:19:08.520 an emergency, you put the mask on yourself, so then 0:19:08.560 --> 0:19:10.600 you could put it on the child or whoever's next 0:19:10.640 --> 0:19:13.399 to you. But you got to be breathing first before 0:19:13.400 --> 0:19:16.240 you could help anybody else breathe. If you're listening to 0:19:16.280 --> 0:19:18.680 this and you've thought about therapy but you just don't 0:19:18.720 --> 0:19:21.399 really want to go through looking for one or driving 0:19:21.480 --> 0:19:24.320 across town and spending hours sitting on some kind of 0:19:24.320 --> 0:19:28.800 weird leather couch, perhaps better Help could be for you, 0:19:28.840 --> 0:19:31.760 maybe to bring a little more balance into your life, 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:35.200 so you can keep supporting others without leaving yourself behind. 0:19:35.400 --> 0:19:37.480 And I like the idea of this because I'm just 0:19:38.000 --> 0:19:39.760 I'm not a good person when it comes to like 0:19:39.840 --> 0:19:42.480 scheduling an appointment for a doctor, and then you know 0:19:42.600 --> 0:19:44.879 driving in and for me it takes me twenty minutes 0:19:44.920 --> 0:19:47.439 thirty minutes to get into town, and so I just 0:19:47.640 --> 0:19:51.000 I like the idea of having something completely online. So 0:19:51.080 --> 0:19:54.960 if you're thinking about giving therapy a try, try out 0:19:55.200 --> 0:20:00.720 Better Help. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, 0:20:00.800 --> 0:20:04.320 and suited to your schedule. That is so good for me. 0:20:05.160 --> 0:20:07.439 Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with 0:20:07.480 --> 0:20:11.080 a licensed therapist, and then you could switch therapist at 0:20:11.080 --> 0:20:16.280 any time for no additional charge. Find more balance with 0:20:16.480 --> 0:20:21.199 better Help. Visit Betterhelp dot com slash Granger today and 0:20:21.240 --> 0:20:24.280 get ten percent off your first month. That's Better Help 0:20:24.640 --> 0:20:29.560 h LP dot com slash Granger. You know, if you 0:20:29.560 --> 0:20:31.280 ever want to get a hold of me or have 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:33.280 me send you a message, have you ever thought about 0:20:33.320 --> 0:20:36.680 cameo dot com. It's such a great way for me 0:20:36.920 --> 0:20:39.199 to be able to reach out to you guys and 0:20:39.240 --> 0:20:41.800 give you a gift of a video message. And you 0:20:41.840 --> 0:20:44.440 could order it for any of your friends, or for yourself, 0:20:44.520 --> 0:20:48.359 or for any anniversary or birthday or special occasion or 0:20:48.640 --> 0:20:52.000 pep talk of any kind. I've probably done every scenario 0:20:52.080 --> 0:20:54.560 that you could think of. You go to cameo dot 0:20:54.600 --> 0:20:57.679 com slash Granger Smith or download the cameo app and 0:20:57.720 --> 0:21:00.800 search for me Granger Smith. I do a message right 0:21:00.800 --> 0:21:03.600 here on my phone, reading your prompt however you want 0:21:03.640 --> 0:21:05.280 me to say it, and then it just goes straight 0:21:05.320 --> 0:21:08.760 to your phone. It's literally a video message from me. 0:21:08.880 --> 0:21:12.040 It's so easy and so simple. And then finally, you, guys, 0:21:12.400 --> 0:21:14.919 I've told you, but please be aware that August first, 0:21:15.119 --> 0:21:17.080 like a river. The book comes out. I would love 0:21:17.119 --> 0:21:19.440 for you guys to check it out, and I'd love 0:21:19.480 --> 0:21:21.720 to get your feedback on that. You could pre order 0:21:21.880 --> 0:21:25.200 right now wherever you love to buy books. You could 0:21:25.240 --> 0:21:28.000 also be directed to all of those sites from my 0:21:28.160 --> 0:21:36.520 homepage grangersmith dot com. Back to the podcast, all right, 0:21:36.560 --> 0:21:39.440 Back to these questions. The first one I've pulled up here, 0:21:39.720 --> 0:21:44.000 subdecline says forgiveness Granger. I'd like to remain anonymous, but 0:21:44.040 --> 0:21:46.800 I have a question about forgiveness. I got married in 0:21:46.840 --> 0:21:52.320 twenty sixteen, got divorced shortly after in twenty seventeen after 0:21:52.600 --> 0:21:56.679 my then wife had two miscarriages. I ended up remarrying 0:21:56.680 --> 0:21:59.080 in twenty nineteen to my now wife and have a 0:21:59.119 --> 0:22:02.720 beautiful little girl. My first marriage was not biblical or 0:22:02.760 --> 0:22:06.600 God centered in any way. Even though the relationship didn't 0:22:06.680 --> 0:22:10.560 seem toxic, it was not healthy and I see that 0:22:10.720 --> 0:22:14.120 now being remarried in a great marriage. I still look 0:22:14.240 --> 0:22:17.840 back and know that there were issues in my first marriage. 0:22:17.880 --> 0:22:21.800 I never forgave asked for forgiveness from my ex. My 0:22:21.920 --> 0:22:23.960 question is would it be wrong to write a letter 0:22:24.000 --> 0:22:27.960 to my ex to ask for forgiveness but also forgive her? 0:22:28.720 --> 0:22:31.760 Should I talk about this to my wife. I think 0:22:31.800 --> 0:22:35.040 about this a lot, and I'm not sure what to do. PS. 0:22:35.080 --> 0:22:38.840 I met you at a show in twenty fourteen in Miami, Oklahoma, Miama, Oklahoma. 0:22:39.000 --> 0:22:42.840 Still the great memory. Thanks Anonymous. All right, Anonymous man, 0:22:42.880 --> 0:22:45.520 thank you for being vulnerable and opening up on something 0:22:45.520 --> 0:22:51.280 that's very close to your heart and very complicated. And 0:22:51.320 --> 0:22:53.480 I appreciate that. I appreciate you trusting me with it. 0:22:54.000 --> 0:22:56.040 I don't always have the right answers, but I'm just 0:22:56.080 --> 0:22:58.800 going to treat you like a friend. And we're driving 0:22:58.840 --> 0:23:01.639 down the road in a truck and you you say, hey, man, 0:23:01.680 --> 0:23:03.959 can I ask you this question? That's that's what this 0:23:04.000 --> 0:23:11.240 podcast is for. So here's my opinion. Yes, talk to 0:23:11.280 --> 0:23:13.080 your wife. You should talk to your wife about everything. 0:23:13.560 --> 0:23:18.639 You should be very upfront with this situation when you 0:23:19.840 --> 0:23:23.879 get divorced and then get remarried. Kind of part of 0:23:23.880 --> 0:23:27.159 that package. In my mind, part of the package of 0:23:27.560 --> 0:23:32.160 the remarriage is an understanding from the new wife that 0:23:32.440 --> 0:23:36.720 things weren't always you know, tied up in a pretty 0:23:36.760 --> 0:23:40.080 bow in your life relationship wise, that that should be obvious. 0:23:42.200 --> 0:23:45.760 No new wife is going to be surprised by this 0:23:45.920 --> 0:23:48.679 kind of information or at least she shouldn't and you 0:23:48.680 --> 0:23:51.920 should talk about this because this is a product of 0:23:52.320 --> 0:23:55.040 a broken home and it's not bad. It's I mean 0:23:55.040 --> 0:23:59.000 it's not. It's not a bad analysis on you because 0:23:59.280 --> 0:24:01.760 this is just where you are, this is just what 0:24:01.800 --> 0:24:05.160