1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:02,800 Speaker 1: And to make things worse, I'm the one. I'm the 2 00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:06,600 Speaker 1: one that pulled the plug on the life support. How 3 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:09,159 Speaker 1: could I be such an idiot? How could I have 4 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:23,000 Speaker 1: done that? What's up? Guys? Welcome back to the podcast, 5 00:00:23,040 --> 00:00:26,720 Speaker 1: Episode one hundred and eighty nine. One hundred and eighty nine, 6 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,600 Speaker 1: or some people say one hundred and eighty nine. I 7 00:00:29,640 --> 00:00:33,440 Speaker 1: say one hundred and eighty nine. I appreciate you guys coming. 8 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:36,360 Speaker 1: I love doing these podcasts and it doesn't feel like 9 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,879 Speaker 1: I've done that many, even though I've been with you 10 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,479 Speaker 1: guys for a long time now, answering your questions, and 11 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:44,000 Speaker 1: that's kind of the format of this podcast. If you're new, 12 00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:49,360 Speaker 1: is you email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com 13 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:52,880 Speaker 1: and I'll put it in the queue and it could 14 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 1: be about anything in life, really, and we'll talk about 15 00:00:56,200 --> 00:01:01,240 Speaker 1: it in long form, like we're sitting around a campfire. Right. 16 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 1: I want to say too that I'm very excited expectant 17 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,560 Speaker 1: about this book, my book Like a River, coming out 18 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 1: on August the first, and the reason I mentioned that 19 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:20,160 Speaker 1: here is because a lot of the questions that I get, 20 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 1: especially the ones about struggle or grief or loss or anxiety, 21 00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:28,560 Speaker 1: A lot of these things are going to be addressed 22 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:32,080 Speaker 1: in the book that happened to me, right, It's there's 23 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:35,320 Speaker 1: going to be very personal experiences with me. And so 24 00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:38,959 Speaker 1: we have a couple more months of me doing a 25 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:43,600 Speaker 1: podcast without that book out, and I'm so excited because 26 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,679 Speaker 1: once it does, it's going to be a conversation starter 27 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:50,560 Speaker 1: and it's going to allow me in many ways to say, hey, 28 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 1: check out the book. Check out the book, and then 29 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 1: ask that question again to me with the new perspective 30 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 1: of what you know from the book. I think that's 31 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:00,720 Speaker 1: going to be very helpful. I think that's going to 32 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:05,400 Speaker 1: push this podcast even further along and we'll be able 33 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,800 Speaker 1: to go to new depths of conversation. That's what I think. 34 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:13,040 Speaker 1: And for those of you that don't read, or you're 35 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:17,280 Speaker 1: not into reading at all, I'm also recording the audiobook version, 36 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 1: so you'll be able to get both of those on 37 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:22,679 Speaker 1: August first. So yeah, it's called like a River. Super 38 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:25,800 Speaker 1: excited about that. And let's jump into the first question 39 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:27,600 Speaker 1: here in the queue. I don't have notes in front 40 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 1: of me, I don't have famous quotes or answers to 41 00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,960 Speaker 1: tough questions. I'm just I'm just going to go for 42 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:38,840 Speaker 1: it here. This one actually just came in like twelve 43 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,240 Speaker 1: minutes ago, and so I was like, oh, one just 44 00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,919 Speaker 1: came in right before I hit record, and I might 45 00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:46,400 Speaker 1: as well just read that. And I read these for 46 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 1: the first time in front of you guys, so you're 47 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 1: hearing it at the same time that I'm reading it. 48 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,560 Speaker 1: Subject line on this first one says mental health and 49 00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:59,280 Speaker 1: work with mental health with work and life balance. Hey Greiner. 50 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,920 Speaker 1: First off, I'm a big fan of your music and 51 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,960 Speaker 1: podcasts and find peace from listening to your podcast while 52 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:07,119 Speaker 1: at work. I'm a deputy sheriff at a rural law 53 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,600 Speaker 1: enforcement agency in Utah. With that being said, I have 54 00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:13,280 Speaker 1: a front row seat to the worst things that this 55 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,560 Speaker 1: life has to offer, but have also seen things I 56 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:21,000 Speaker 1: can only describe as miracles. On top of work, my 57 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 1: wife and I have been experiencing reoccurring pregnancy, loss, and 58 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 1: miscarriage over the past few years. We do have a 59 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:30,640 Speaker 1: beautiful daughter who is now five years old. I feel 60 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 1: mentally strong most days, but still struggle. I'm not a 61 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:38,520 Speaker 1: religious person due to experiences in my youth with organized religion, 62 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 1: but feel great while listening to the words that you 63 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 1: share in your podcast, your music has hit a special 64 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 1: place in my heart lately, especially Tailgate Church. Pew, how 65 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:51,320 Speaker 1: do you recommend keeping my mental health strong? Can't wait 66 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:53,120 Speaker 1: to see you in Salt Lake on June The second 67 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:58,920 Speaker 1: says thanks Blake from Utah, and Blake, thank you for 68 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 1: your service. You have seen things that I can't imagine. 69 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 1: So all of us here at the podcast thank you 70 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,160 Speaker 1: for what you do. What you have chosen to do 71 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,040 Speaker 1: the line of work you've chosen to do to not 72 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 1: only put your your own life at risk, but you 73 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 1: are putting your mental health at risk by seeing things 74 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:25,360 Speaker 1: so that other people don't have to see them. Right. 75 00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:30,760 Speaker 1: That's tough, and so I can't begin to act like 76 00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:34,640 Speaker 1: I know what you go through on a daily basis. Literally, 77 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,919 Speaker 1: you wake up, you go to work, and you don't 78 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,719 Speaker 1: know if that day you're going to see something really bad, 79 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 1: or experience something really bad, or even physically experience something bad. 80 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,599 Speaker 1: So there's not an easy answer to that. And when 81 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,840 Speaker 1: you say, I think what you're trying to say too 82 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:56,040 Speaker 1: is hey, Grangeer, don't give me the religious stuff. I 83 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:58,480 Speaker 1: think that's what you're kind of saying. And you've heard 84 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,359 Speaker 1: this podcast a lot, so you know you know the 85 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:05,600 Speaker 1: direction I lean, but you have to understand that by 86 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:10,080 Speaker 1: asking me, hey Granger, give me your mental health analysis 87 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:16,480 Speaker 1: without being religious. That's that's like saying, hey Granger, I 88 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:19,880 Speaker 1: know you love you love soup, but I don't. I 89 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,000 Speaker 1: don't deal with bulls and spoons, So give me the 90 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:26,400 Speaker 1: soup on a plate, you know, Like, that's that's what 91 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,680 Speaker 1: I'm trying to do. So I'm gonna try to give 92 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,640 Speaker 1: you first. I'm gonna give you the spoon first. I'm 93 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,159 Speaker 1: gonna give you the soup on a plate and see 94 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:40,760 Speaker 1: how far we get with that. Right. Community is so 95 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:45,919 Speaker 1: important for you to stay involved with other men and 96 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:49,760 Speaker 1: women that have seen things that you have seen that 97 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,719 Speaker 1: I have experienced, things that you have experienced, and you 98 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 1: talk through it. I can't I can't imagine just how 99 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:02,520 Speaker 1: important and that would be for you to have some 100 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:06,080 Speaker 1: kind of support group that other than your wife. Because 101 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,360 Speaker 1: there's certain things you're just not going to tell your wife. 102 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,920 Speaker 1: There's certain certain roads you're not going to walk down 103 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,720 Speaker 1: with her, like hey, babe, let me let me tell 104 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:16,479 Speaker 1: you about this horrible thing I said, because you don't 105 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:20,240 Speaker 1: want to drag her into it. But there needs to 106 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:24,640 Speaker 1: be at its simplest form a text thread with four 107 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,600 Speaker 1: or five, six, seven people, it's like, hey, man, how's 108 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:32,920 Speaker 1: everybody's week going? Man, guys, I saw something crazy on Tuesday? 109 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,600 Speaker 1: What was it? Yeah? I saw this and this and 110 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 1: this and then someone else. Go. Man, I saw something 111 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:43,680 Speaker 1: similar to that back in December of twenty seventeen. What'd 112 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:47,080 Speaker 1: you do about it? Man? To be honest with you, 113 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:48,880 Speaker 1: you know, I still think about it, but I did 114 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,760 Speaker 1: this and this. Oh that's helpful, you know, like that 115 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 1: that kind of community is so important for humans because 116 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,080 Speaker 1: on one level, it just reminds us that we're not 117 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:03,200 Speaker 1: in this alone. We're not in anything alone. There's always 118 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: someone walking a similar path, a parallel path in some 119 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:09,920 Speaker 1: way to what you're doing. So, Man, you might have 120 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,960 Speaker 1: this blake, but you might not. And so I want 121 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 1: to tell you that having that kind of community if guys, 122 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:20,320 Speaker 1: and I say guys, probably more importantly guys than girls, 123 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: because you are a guy and you don't want to 124 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:27,280 Speaker 1: you don't want to confide in a girl with emotional things. 125 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:31,800 Speaker 1: That's that could lead to bad stuff. So I'm saying 126 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:36,160 Speaker 1: predominantly guys, you're you're going to be just pouring in 127 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 1: and just checking up on them and you helping them 128 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,840 Speaker 1: and supporting them is just as helpful for your own 129 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:47,240 Speaker 1: mental health. So, for instance, someone goes, hey, Blake, man, 130 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 1: I uh, I got into some bad stuff the other day. 131 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 1: I gotta I drove up on a bad call and 132 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,680 Speaker 1: I'm really struggling with it. So then you, Blake, you 133 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,200 Speaker 1: hear that, and you go tell me about it, talk 134 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:01,800 Speaker 1: about lets talk about let me let me give you 135 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:05,080 Speaker 1: some thoughts about that, and let me give you You 136 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 1: don't have to fix the problem, you don't have to 137 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 1: give them a solution, but you can. You could say, 138 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 1: let me just listen to you for a little bit, 139 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:16,400 Speaker 1: let me just hear what you got to say. And 140 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: through this, as that person goes is the phone call 141 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 1: starts wrapping up and they say, hey, Blake, I appreciate 142 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 1: you man, thank you, thank you for listening. And then 143 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,080 Speaker 1: right then boom, there's like a little spark inside of 144 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:32,880 Speaker 1: you that goes, man, Actually I feel better myself for 145 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:35,400 Speaker 1: my own stuff that I got going on. I feel 146 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,440 Speaker 1: better for helping you and make it and helping you 147 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 1: to feel better. It's it's weird as humans how that works. It. 148 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:46,520 Speaker 1: You know, it's like we forgive and then we feel forgiven. 149 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:50,840 Speaker 1: We we relieve someone of their guilt and then we 150 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:55,120 Speaker 1: feel less guilt on our part. We compliment someone and 151 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 1: we feel we feel that gratitude come back to us. 152 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:02,560 Speaker 1: It's very interesting how this happens. It's almost like it's 153 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:04,960 Speaker 1: connected to the Gospel in some way. It's almost like 154 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:08,920 Speaker 1: Jesus said, love others as you love yourself. It's almost 155 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:13,240 Speaker 1: like he said that in a way that's not just philosophical, 156 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:17,400 Speaker 1: but it's in a way that maybe he knows our makeup, 157 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 1: he knows how we were created in a way, how 158 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:24,960 Speaker 1: we're programmed in a way to respond to this kind 159 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:30,719 Speaker 1: of this kind of stuff strange, right. I don't want 160 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,360 Speaker 1: to I don't want to end the question here with 161 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:37,520 Speaker 1: eating soup out of a plate. I do want to 162 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:43,120 Speaker 1: mention Blake that you said you have seen things you 163 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:46,880 Speaker 1: could only describe as miracles. I want to say, I 164 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:48,880 Speaker 1: want to want to point that out. I want to 165 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,040 Speaker 1: point out that you're you have been struggling in your 166 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 1: own personal life, not just work, but with your wife 167 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:59,280 Speaker 1: and family. And then I want to kind of highlight 168 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 1: that you say I'm not a religious person due to 169 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,240 Speaker 1: experiences in my youth with organized religion, I'm assuming you're 170 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:08,679 Speaker 1: talking about the Mormon Church. In fact, I know you are, 171 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:18,080 Speaker 1: and I want to highlight the fact that Jesus was 172 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:23,640 Speaker 1: not religious. In fact, he was against the extreme organized 173 00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:26,720 Speaker 1: religion of the Pharisees and Sadducees. I want to highlight 174 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:30,959 Speaker 1: that and just kind of put a pebble in your 175 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:34,080 Speaker 1: shoe as you're walking, so that you could remember that 176 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:38,640 Speaker 1: experiences you had in your youth due to organized religion. 177 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:42,440 Speaker 1: Those are your words. Have nothing to do with God. 178 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:46,439 Speaker 1: It has everything to do with man's misinterpretation of how 179 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,360 Speaker 1: to worship God. I'm going to leave it at that. 180 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 1: I'm assuming we're going to get on some kind of 181 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,360 Speaker 1: subject like this more in the podcast, but I want 182 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:57,320 Speaker 1: to kind of leave it with that and leave you 183 00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 1: with a plate full of soup and blake. I hope 184 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:02,680 Speaker 1: we can keep in touch, and I know I'm going 185 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:05,120 Speaker 1: to see you in Salt Lake on June second, so 186 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:12,719 Speaker 1: looking forward to that, brother. All right, let's go to 187 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,720 Speaker 1: another question here. The subject line says, how do I 188 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,120 Speaker 1: keep myself together? They grant your My name is Michael 189 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:23,199 Speaker 1: spelled that way? And am I c H E A 190 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:28,200 Speaker 1: L spelled that way? Because of my late grandmother. I 191 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:31,960 Speaker 1: just want to I wanted some guidance on how to 192 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:35,600 Speaker 1: move on and try to feel better. April thirtieth, twenty 193 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:39,760 Speaker 1: twenty three, my grandmother had passed. I was there and 194 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:45,040 Speaker 1: she quickly declined in health and fast within four days. 195 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,440 Speaker 1: I I'm trying to read. I'm reading exactly what he wrote. 196 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:52,840 Speaker 1: I her only grandson. I'm assuming I mean I was 197 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:56,360 Speaker 1: her only grandson. I was there every day until she 198 00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:59,840 Speaker 1: took her final breath in front of me. Well when 199 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:03,120 Speaker 1: I when that time had come, my uncle, and my 200 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:08,400 Speaker 1: father and my great aunt had all laid the decision 201 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:12,000 Speaker 1: on me to pull the plug. Of course, all the 202 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,720 Speaker 1: pressure I had to say yes, and I felt like 203 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:17,280 Speaker 1: I did the right thing. But I also feel wrong 204 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:22,800 Speaker 1: that I did that. There are there have only been 205 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,280 Speaker 1: a handful of times in my twenty six years alive 206 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:27,960 Speaker 1: that I've seen my father cry. My father is that 207 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:32,160 Speaker 1: type to get up and work and never complain, never 208 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,320 Speaker 1: let us see things that bother him, you know, the 209 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:41,160 Speaker 1: typical tough guy. He embraced me, and I lost my 210 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:44,640 Speaker 1: mind in the er. Once again, I'm trying to follow 211 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:48,080 Speaker 1: him this email. Here he goes on to say, I 212 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,120 Speaker 1: had this dark, empty hole in my heart, and I 213 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:54,080 Speaker 1: feel like it's taboo to talk to my father and 214 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:58,280 Speaker 1: mom about how I feel because I shouldn't burden them. 215 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 1: Some days it's harder than I appreciate your input. Thank you, Michael. 216 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:06,959 Speaker 1: All Right, Michael, this is this is a complex email, 217 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:12,520 Speaker 1: but I'm gonna make it simple. You you're emailing me 218 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:18,720 Speaker 1: too early. You're asking for guidance too early, because it 219 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:23,120 Speaker 1: hasn't even been a month yet since she passed, and 220 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,679 Speaker 1: not only did you lose someone that you loved greatly, 221 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 1: your grandmother, but you you feel responsible for making the 222 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:38,880 Speaker 1: decision to turn off the lights life support machine, even 223 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:44,280 Speaker 1: though I'm certain that you had guidance by doctors right 224 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,000 Speaker 1: to do this, so that this wasn't like you just 225 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:52,200 Speaker 1: decided to kill your grandmother or help her along with 226 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:56,120 Speaker 1: her suicide or that's weird stuff, but sometimes that's how 227 00:13:56,160 --> 00:14:01,160 Speaker 1: we feel with this, right. So the bottom line of 228 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 1: what's happening here is you are emailing me too early 229 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:10,040 Speaker 1: because these are some things that you're just gonna have 230 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 1: to process day by day, minute by minute. And there 231 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:21,040 Speaker 1: is nothing that anyone can say, or no special magic 232 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,480 Speaker 1: spell that I could put on you that's gonna get 233 00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:29,960 Speaker 1: you further along. But there's some days you're gonna feel good. 234 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,040 Speaker 1: You're gonna wake up and the sun's gonna be shining. 235 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:33,840 Speaker 1: You're gonna get up and go to work, and you're 236 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:38,120 Speaker 1: gonna you're gonna say, you know, I loved my grandma 237 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,560 Speaker 1: and I lost her, but she lived a good life. 238 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 1: And you know what, I'm okay with that. I'm pretty 239 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:46,040 Speaker 1: good with that. I'm hungry. I'm gonna eat a good meal, 240 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,840 Speaker 1: and I'm gonna remember her. Oh, I'm gonna look through 241 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,720 Speaker 1: some pictures of her. And she was so special and 242 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,000 Speaker 1: we shared so many times together, and I love that. 243 00:14:55,840 --> 00:15:00,640 Speaker 1: And then in a matter of hours, sometimes sometimes it's 244 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:02,520 Speaker 1: the next day when you wake up, or sometimes it's 245 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:06,280 Speaker 1: just literally an amount. Just in a matter of hours, 246 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:11,040 Speaker 1: everything changes, and it's like the sun goes behind the 247 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:14,200 Speaker 1: clouds and you and the darkness falls upon you, and 248 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:17,040 Speaker 1: you go, no, I can't, I can't. I can't live 249 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:20,400 Speaker 1: without her. I don't I want my grandma back. And 250 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,920 Speaker 1: and to make things worse, I'm the one. I'm the 251 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:25,880 Speaker 1: one that pulled the plug on the on the life support. 252 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:29,000 Speaker 1: How could I be such an idiot? How could I 253 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:33,960 Speaker 1: have done that? And that's like two different personalities just 254 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 1: fighting each other. Jeck go and hide, and it's it's 255 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:42,240 Speaker 1: these misfires in the brain, right because your brain is 256 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:49,320 Speaker 1: just cycling through daily life and sustaining itself through thoughts 257 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 1: and in calculating hunger and being tired and needing to 258 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 1: accomplish goals. And your brain's doing all these things and 259 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:02,960 Speaker 1: it'll cycle through like a computer and it goes Grandma, 260 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:08,600 Speaker 1: the error cycle again, Grandma, dude, error. It's just like 261 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:11,360 Speaker 1: a computer and you could feel it cycling and it 262 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,000 Speaker 1: comes up with an error message. And the error message 263 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,920 Speaker 1: shoots this message all the way across the other side 264 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,480 Speaker 1: of your brain, and then the other side of your 265 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:21,600 Speaker 1: brain goes, what's going on, right side of the brain 266 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,000 Speaker 1: and it says, I'm getting an error message from grandma 267 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:28,080 Speaker 1: and you go yeah, because she's dead. And then he goes, 268 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,200 Speaker 1: what hang on a second, and it sends it sends 269 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,440 Speaker 1: another message in it goes yeah, and you're the one 270 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 1: that pulled the plug. And then the other side of 271 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:37,800 Speaker 1: the brain takes that message and goes, hold on, guys, 272 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 1: this is this is this is not good. You know 273 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:43,160 Speaker 1: that's it's okay. Grandma was great and we loved her 274 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:46,440 Speaker 1: and we're this is a natural process of grieving, and 275 00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,160 Speaker 1: the other side of the brain goes shut up. Man, 276 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,440 Speaker 1: it's this this, this this battle. And I know what 277 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:55,000 Speaker 1: I'm rambling and it's sounding ridiculous right now, but this 278 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:58,400 Speaker 1: is what goes on. That's the most unscientific way to 279 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 1: put the waves of grief, but that's that's what's happening. 280 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,280 Speaker 1: You'll go through these waves. And what's important in a 281 00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:09,080 Speaker 1: wave of grief is to realize that when you're in 282 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:12,200 Speaker 1: when you're in the trough, which is the bottom of 283 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:16,240 Speaker 1: the wave, realizing you'll be back on the crest. Okay, 284 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:19,600 Speaker 1: it's that's a cycle. Life is a cycle of waves. 285 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:22,280 Speaker 1: Everything is a wave. The sound is a wave, light 286 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:26,280 Speaker 1: is a wave. Grief, love, it's all a wave. Heartbreak 287 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,840 Speaker 1: it's a wave. Pain is a wave, right, Joy is 288 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:34,800 Speaker 1: a wave. Happiness is a wave. Even the sunlight it's waves. 289 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:40,280 Speaker 1: So imagine yourself like you're at the ocean, and when 290 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:43,199 Speaker 1: you're in the trough, you will eventually go back up 291 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:46,560 Speaker 1: to the crest, not on your own doing. You don't 292 00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:51,280 Speaker 1: do this, you just float. But it's important to recognize 293 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,200 Speaker 1: I'm on the I'm on top. Things are pretty good, 294 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,159 Speaker 1: like the sunshine and things are pretty good, but I 295 00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,680 Speaker 1: know I'll be back down. So then you realize you're 296 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,680 Speaker 1: starting to creep down. And when you get down, it's realizing. 297 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,480 Speaker 1: You have to realize as you're down, I'm not gonna 298 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:08,280 Speaker 1: stay here. I'm not stuck at the bottom of this wave. 299 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:10,840 Speaker 1: I'll be back out. But what do I do? Now? 300 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,919 Speaker 1: What do I do when I'm at the bottom. I 301 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,480 Speaker 1: just breathe and I let my heart beat and I 302 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:20,439 Speaker 1: just let it be, realizing I'm just gonna let this 303 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,680 Speaker 1: pain sit over me and I'll be back out of it. 304 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,720 Speaker 1: But it's not the end. Okay, it's not the end. 305 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:33,960 Speaker 1: That's my best unscientific way to describe what you're going through. 306 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:40,560 Speaker 1: Let's take a break and bear it back. This show 307 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,640 Speaker 1: is sponsored by Better Help. We have talked so much 308 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,919 Speaker 1: on this show about people that might need a doctor's 309 00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:51,760 Speaker 1: help or medical attention or therapy, and that's where better 310 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,960 Speaker 1: Help can come in. It's so easy to get caught 311 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:58,000 Speaker 1: up in what everyone else needs from you, and you 312 00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,720 Speaker 1: never take a moment to think about what you need 313 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:02,359 Speaker 1: from yourself. It's kind of like the idea on the 314 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:05,320 Speaker 1: airplane when the mask drop out, of a ceiling. In 315 00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:08,520 Speaker 1: an emergency, you put the mask on yourself, so then 316 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:10,600 Speaker 1: you could put it on the child or whoever's next 317 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:13,399 Speaker 1: to you. But you got to be breathing first before 318 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:16,240 Speaker 1: you could help anybody else breathe. If you're listening to 319 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:18,680 Speaker 1: this and you've thought about therapy but you just don't 320 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:21,399 Speaker 1: really want to go through looking for one or driving 321 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,320 Speaker 1: across town and spending hours sitting on some kind of 322 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:28,800 Speaker 1: weird leather couch, perhaps better Help could be for you, 323 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,760 Speaker 1: maybe to bring a little more balance into your life, 324 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:35,200 Speaker 1: so you can keep supporting others without leaving yourself behind. 325 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,480 Speaker 1: And I like the idea of this because I'm just 326 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,760 Speaker 1: I'm not a good person when it comes to like 327 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,480 Speaker 1: scheduling an appointment for a doctor, and then you know 328 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,879 Speaker 1: driving in and for me it takes me twenty minutes 329 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,439 Speaker 1: thirty minutes to get into town, and so I just 330 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:51,000 Speaker 1: I like the idea of having something completely online. So 331 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:54,960 Speaker 1: if you're thinking about giving therapy a try, try out 332 00:19:55,200 --> 00:20:00,720 Speaker 1: Better Help. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, 333 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:04,320 Speaker 1: and suited to your schedule. That is so good for me. 334 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,439 Speaker 1: Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with 335 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 1: a licensed therapist, and then you could switch therapist at 336 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:16,280 Speaker 1: any time for no additional charge. Find more balance with 337 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:21,199 Speaker 1: better Help. Visit Betterhelp dot com slash Granger today and 338 00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:24,280 Speaker 1: get ten percent off your first month. That's Better Help 339 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:29,560 Speaker 1: h LP dot com slash Granger. You know, if you 340 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,280 Speaker 1: ever want to get a hold of me or have 341 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,280 Speaker 1: me send you a message, have you ever thought about 342 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:36,680 Speaker 1: cameo dot com. It's such a great way for me 343 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,199 Speaker 1: to be able to reach out to you guys and 344 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:41,800 Speaker 1: give you a gift of a video message. And you 345 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,440 Speaker 1: could order it for any of your friends, or for yourself, 346 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:48,359 Speaker 1: or for any anniversary or birthday or special occasion or 347 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:52,000 Speaker 1: pep talk of any kind. I've probably done every scenario 348 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:54,560 Speaker 1: that you could think of. You go to cameo dot 349 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,679 Speaker 1: com slash Granger Smith or download the cameo app and 350 00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:00,800 Speaker 1: search for me Granger Smith. I do a message right 351 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,600 Speaker 1: here on my phone, reading your prompt however you want 352 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:05,280 Speaker 1: me to say it, and then it just goes straight 353 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:08,760 Speaker 1: to your phone. It's literally a video message from me. 354 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,040 Speaker 1: It's so easy and so simple. And then finally, you, guys, 355 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,919 Speaker 1: I've told you, but please be aware that August first, 356 00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:17,080 Speaker 1: like a river. The book comes out. I would love 357 00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:19,440 Speaker 1: for you guys to check it out, and I'd love 358 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,720 Speaker 1: to get your feedback on that. You could pre order 359 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:25,200 Speaker 1: right now wherever you love to buy books. You could 360 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,000 Speaker 1: also be directed to all of those sites from my 361 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:36,520 Speaker 1: homepage grangersmith dot com. Back to the podcast, all right, 362 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,440 Speaker 1: Back to these questions. The first one I've pulled up here, 363 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:44,000 Speaker 1: subdecline says forgiveness Granger. I'd like to remain anonymous, but 364 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,800 Speaker 1: I have a question about forgiveness. I got married in 365 00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:52,320 Speaker 1: twenty sixteen, got divorced shortly after in twenty seventeen after 366 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:56,679 Speaker 1: my then wife had two miscarriages. I ended up remarrying 367 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,080 Speaker 1: in twenty nineteen to my now wife and have a 368 00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:02,720 Speaker 1: beautiful little girl. My first marriage was not biblical or 369 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:06,600 Speaker 1: God centered in any way. Even though the relationship didn't 370 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,560 Speaker 1: seem toxic, it was not healthy and I see that 371 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:14,120 Speaker 1: now being remarried in a great marriage. I still look 372 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:17,840 Speaker 1: back and know that there were issues in my first marriage. 373 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:21,800 Speaker 1: I never forgave asked for forgiveness from my ex. My 374 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:23,960 Speaker 1: question is would it be wrong to write a letter 375 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,960 Speaker 1: to my ex to ask for forgiveness but also forgive her? 376 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,760 Speaker 1: Should I talk about this to my wife. I think 377 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:35,040 Speaker 1: about this a lot, and I'm not sure what to do. PS. 378 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:38,840 Speaker 1: I met you at a show in twenty fourteen in Miami, Oklahoma, Miama, Oklahoma. 379 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:42,840 Speaker 1: Still the great memory. Thanks Anonymous. All right, Anonymous man, 380 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,520 Speaker 1: thank you for being vulnerable and opening up on something 381 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:51,280 Speaker 1: that's very close to your heart and very complicated. And 382 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,480 Speaker 1: I appreciate that. I appreciate you trusting me with it. 383 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,040 Speaker 1: I don't always have the right answers, but I'm just 384 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,800 Speaker 1: going to treat you like a friend. And we're driving 385 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:01,639 Speaker 1: down the road in a truck and you you say, hey, man, 386 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:03,959 Speaker 1: can I ask you this question? That's that's what this 387 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:11,240 Speaker 1: podcast is for. So here's my opinion. Yes, talk to 388 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,080 Speaker 1: your wife. You should talk to your wife about everything. 389 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:18,639 Speaker 1: You should be very upfront with this situation when you 390 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:23,879 Speaker 1: get divorced and then get remarried. Kind of part of 391 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:27,159 Speaker 1: that package. In my mind, part of the package of 392 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:32,160 Speaker 1: the remarriage is an understanding from the new wife that 393 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:36,720 Speaker 1: things weren't always you know, tied up in a pretty 394 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:40,080 Speaker 1: bow in your life relationship wise, that that should be obvious. 395 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,760 Speaker 1: No new wife is going to be surprised by this 396 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,679 Speaker 1: kind of information or at least she shouldn't and you 397 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:51,920 Speaker 1: should talk about this because this is a product of 398 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,040 Speaker 1: a broken home and it's not bad. It's I mean 399 00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:59,000 Speaker 1: it's not. It's not a bad analysis on you because 400 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:01,760 Speaker 1: this is just where you are, this is just what 401 00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:05,160 Speaker 1: your life is right now. This is the card you've 402 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,879 Speaker 1: been dealt, and you've got to play it right. I 403 00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:11,159 Speaker 1: set that up because I'm trying to justify why the 404 00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:14,719 Speaker 1: new wife should be cool with this kind of conversation. 405 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:21,359 Speaker 1: She should expect it. And that is the tragedy of 406 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:26,560 Speaker 1: divorce itself. Divorce is just shouldn't be always part of 407 00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:29,560 Speaker 1: the plan. It shouldn't be part of a plan. But 408 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,879 Speaker 1: in this world, we live with it like it is, 409 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:37,360 Speaker 1: like it's normal, Like everyone gets divorced, and so that's 410 00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:39,600 Speaker 1: just part of it. You mess up, You strike out 411 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:41,919 Speaker 1: the first one, then you get the second one, and 412 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,640 Speaker 1: then hopefully that goes well. But you might strike out 413 00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:46,439 Speaker 1: on that one, and then you go to the third one. 414 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:48,320 Speaker 1: By the time you're a little bit older in life, 415 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:51,240 Speaker 1: maybe you haven't figured out on the third spouse. That's 416 00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:53,480 Speaker 1: kind of the way this culture thinks, and it's just 417 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,480 Speaker 1: not right. It's not right. I don't agree with it 418 00:24:56,560 --> 00:25:01,000 Speaker 1: at all. But once again, it's not a bad analysis 419 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:04,600 Speaker 1: on you. I'm just kind of kind of putting your 420 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,120 Speaker 1: story on top of culture and going, yeah, I see it, 421 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:11,439 Speaker 1: I see it there. It is right. So what I 422 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,439 Speaker 1: think you're doing is full of integrity, and it's a 423 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:17,399 Speaker 1: very good thing, Anonymous. It's a very good thing, and 424 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:24,520 Speaker 1: I'm all about it. Divorce in this way, especially when 425 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:28,679 Speaker 1: you say when you're talking about biblical or godly divorce 426 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:36,480 Speaker 1: in this way needs to be completely reconciled in itself, 427 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:42,760 Speaker 1: hopefully before the next marriage. It should be through church. 428 00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:47,719 Speaker 1: It should be So you didn't yet, but that's okay 429 00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:49,880 Speaker 1: because we're doing it now. We're talking about it now. 430 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,760 Speaker 1: And so that would be my counsel to you, is that, Yes, 431 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:54,800 Speaker 1: you go to your wife, here's here's the practical thing. 432 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,120 Speaker 1: You go to your wife and you say, but here's 433 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:02,920 Speaker 1: the story I feel is heavy on my heart. I'm 434 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,199 Speaker 1: so grateful for you, I love you, etc. Etc. Got 435 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,399 Speaker 1: to say that, and then you say, I need to 436 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,399 Speaker 1: reach out to her in some way. Can you help me, 437 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:15,399 Speaker 1: new wife, Can you help me logistically figure out appropriate, 438 00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:20,400 Speaker 1: in all respect to you, appropriate way to reach out 439 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 1: to her to start this conversation. Right, Maybe it's a letter, 440 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,440 Speaker 1: maybe it's an email, Maybe it's a cup of coffee, 441 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:28,919 Speaker 1: maybe it's a phone call, maybe it's a text. But 442 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:34,680 Speaker 1: work that out with your current wife. And then when 443 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:37,159 Speaker 1: you do reach out, and I think you absolutely should, 444 00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:40,560 Speaker 1: because this has to be reconciled. It will. Your conscience 445 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:43,600 Speaker 1: will not let you live this down if you don't. 446 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:46,359 Speaker 1: So I don't have to tell you your own conscious 447 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,080 Speaker 1: is not gonna let you sleep until you do this. 448 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,520 Speaker 1: But yes, say it's a letter. Hypothetically, let's go with 449 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:56,879 Speaker 1: a letter. You write her a letter and you just say, 450 00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:05,240 Speaker 1: dear ex wife, your name. I think about the way 451 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:09,720 Speaker 1: that things ended quite a bit, and as you know, 452 00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:15,040 Speaker 1: I'm happily married now, but because of the way that 453 00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:21,240 Speaker 1: we were bonded together, I feel a connection that has 454 00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:23,960 Speaker 1: not that I have not been able to put to rest. 455 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:28,320 Speaker 1: And I feel like I could do that through forgiving you. 456 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,960 Speaker 1: And I know that we had hard times. I know 457 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:36,440 Speaker 1: that you didn't say toxic. You said it was not toxic, 458 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:38,879 Speaker 1: but you said it wasn't healthy, So so I know 459 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:42,560 Speaker 1: that it wasn't healthy at all times. And I know 460 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:45,119 Speaker 1: that we both said some things that maybe we shouldn't have, 461 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:47,200 Speaker 1: and maybe we left it in a way that we 462 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:50,119 Speaker 1: shouldn't have. And I just want to tell you right now, 463 00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,840 Speaker 1: and you don't have to respond at all, but I 464 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:56,880 Speaker 1: want to tell you that I'm just so sorry and 465 00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:00,399 Speaker 1: I forgive you for everything that you did. And I 466 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:03,360 Speaker 1: know that there's pain that was associated with her, with 467 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:06,960 Speaker 1: our marriage, with the miscarriages, and I just want to 468 00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,359 Speaker 1: tell you I don't hold any of that against you 469 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:13,560 Speaker 1: at all, and I completely forgive you for anything that 470 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:17,000 Speaker 1: might have happened. Right and then you could leave it 471 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:19,440 Speaker 1: open ended, and you could. You could, you can say, 472 00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:23,120 Speaker 1: do you forgive me? But but that's almost it goes 473 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,680 Speaker 1: without saying that she's that just that's part of it. 474 00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:32,399 Speaker 1: But here's the hard part. You can't expect anything to 475 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:36,359 Speaker 1: come out of this beside your own healing. What I 476 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:39,320 Speaker 1: mean is you can't expect her to reply. You can't 477 00:28:39,320 --> 00:28:43,080 Speaker 1: expect her to say I agree, I feel the same way. 478 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:46,479 Speaker 1: I'm glad you reached out. I forgive you too. You 479 00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:51,640 Speaker 1: can't expect anything from her. In fact, you could get 480 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:54,880 Speaker 1: something bad. You could get her to say, don't you 481 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:59,960 Speaker 1: ever reach out to me again? So you don't build 482 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:04,480 Speaker 1: old expectations on what she's going to say at all. 483 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:09,800 Speaker 1: You build your expectation on your own ability to forgive 484 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:14,200 Speaker 1: her and say you're sorry to her, to close that 485 00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:18,880 Speaker 1: door yourself, because that's what you can control. And I 486 00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,640 Speaker 1: believe your healing comes from that and not from the 487 00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:24,880 Speaker 1: way that she reacts to it. I think it's a 488 00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:31,600 Speaker 1: good thing you're doing, brother. Next question, subject line says 489 00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:35,000 Speaker 1: regrets in life. Hey Granger, my name is Joshua. I'm 490 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,680 Speaker 1: a born again Christian. My question is how do I 491 00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:42,560 Speaker 1: get past the past. I feel as if a cycle 492 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:45,840 Speaker 1: I live in has been almost ten years long now. 493 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,880 Speaker 1: My wife calls me a hermit because I don't like 494 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:53,120 Speaker 1: being around people. I suffer from depression and chronic migraines 495 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:57,200 Speaker 1: that were set off by a TBI accident while I 496 00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:00,840 Speaker 1: served our nation in the army. A part of me 497 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:04,200 Speaker 1: regrets serving because I did not used to be like this. 498 00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,880 Speaker 1: My wife says it has progressed and is causing problems 499 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,720 Speaker 1: in our marriage. I want to change, but it seems 500 00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:13,280 Speaker 1: no matter how hard I try, I revert back to 501 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:16,320 Speaker 1: my reclusive state of mind. I'm afraid to ask for 502 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:20,360 Speaker 1: help from my pastor or from the VA because I 503 00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:24,400 Speaker 1: know the negative persona placed on veterans who have mental struggles. 504 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:29,120 Speaker 1: Any help would be appreciated. Thank you and God blessed Joshua. 505 00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:34,040 Speaker 1: All right, Joshua, scanning back on your email as I 506 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:40,960 Speaker 1: read it for the first time. Here, So you're a 507 00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,240 Speaker 1: born again Christian, that's the interesting part you said in 508 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:47,360 Speaker 1: the first line. And then I just want to tell you, 509 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,720 Speaker 1: first of all, thank you for your service, and thank 510 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:56,960 Speaker 1: you for trusting me with such sensitive information, being vulnerable 511 00:30:57,000 --> 00:31:00,240 Speaker 1: like this. I appreciate it, and I could feel the pain. 512 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:07,320 Speaker 1: I could see the pain in your words. First off, 513 00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:13,880 Speaker 1: let's go to suffering from depression and chronic migraines that 514 00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:18,880 Speaker 1: were set off by a TBI incident while serving. Let's 515 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:21,760 Speaker 1: start with that, because that's something that's going to get 516 00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:24,200 Speaker 1: into a world I cannot help you with at all. 517 00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:29,120 Speaker 1: That's going to require a doctor, which is going to 518 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:34,640 Speaker 1: need to come through the VA. So eventually, the way 519 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,320 Speaker 1: I see this, Joshua, and really this is the way 520 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:41,520 Speaker 1: I see it, that we in life. Just like the 521 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,720 Speaker 1: last question, I said, here's what you're responsible for, here's 522 00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,200 Speaker 1: what you can do, and here's what you shouldn't expect, 523 00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,400 Speaker 1: and here's what you're not responsible for. Right. That was 524 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:52,040 Speaker 1: the last question dealing with the ex wife. But in 525 00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:54,600 Speaker 1: your in your scenario, it's the same thing. We have 526 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:58,840 Speaker 1: to start separating what you're responsible for and what you're not. 527 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:01,840 Speaker 1: And so you don't put expectations on what you're not. 528 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:06,200 Speaker 1: You put your expectations on what you are responsible for. 529 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,200 Speaker 1: So this is what I think you're responsible for. The 530 00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:12,720 Speaker 1: line that you said, I'm afraid to ask for help 531 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:15,120 Speaker 1: from my pastor or the VA because I know the 532 00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:18,640 Speaker 1: negative persona placed on veterans who have mental struggles. I'm 533 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:22,040 Speaker 1: going to say, Joshua, your job coming from me as 534 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:23,920 Speaker 1: your friend listening to this. If we're driving in the 535 00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:26,200 Speaker 1: pickup truck and you bring this up to me, I say, Joshua, 536 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,720 Speaker 1: right now, you got to get over that. You got 537 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:31,480 Speaker 1: to you got to get past that. You don't have 538 00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:35,040 Speaker 1: to get past depression. You don't have to get past migraines. 539 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:37,440 Speaker 1: You don't have to get past being a hermit. You 540 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:40,200 Speaker 1: don't have to get past your wife feeling like the 541 00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:42,880 Speaker 1: marriage is struggling. You don't have to get past the 542 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:46,240 Speaker 1: PTSD you have from serving. You don't have to get 543 00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:50,000 Speaker 1: past that's the ten year cycle that you're stuck in. Okay, 544 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:53,560 Speaker 1: let's make a priority list all that stuff you can't 545 00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:56,959 Speaker 1: control right now. But what can start it is what 546 00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:00,240 Speaker 1: can kickstart all of this is the one thing you 547 00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:03,840 Speaker 1: can control, and that's you get in your pickup truck 548 00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:07,920 Speaker 1: and you drive down there to the VA and you say, 549 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:13,480 Speaker 1: my name's Joshua. I'm struggling. I got a lot of 550 00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:21,760 Speaker 1: mental issues from serving and I need to talk to somebody, Okay. 551 00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:23,719 Speaker 1: And you said the very first line, you said, I'm 552 00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:28,440 Speaker 1: a born again Christian. Prove that to me. Prove it 553 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,080 Speaker 1: to me. You know how, you know how you could 554 00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:36,200 Speaker 1: prove that to me by showing me, showing me, show 555 00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:39,000 Speaker 1: me that your faith is real. Right, you say I've 556 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:42,120 Speaker 1: got faith. I say, show me live it out. Go 557 00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:45,520 Speaker 1: to your pastor. You said, I don't want to go 558 00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:50,000 Speaker 1: to my pastor. Why Because there's this negative persona placed 559 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:54,320 Speaker 1: on veterans who have mental struggles. Brother, you're gonna have 560 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,280 Speaker 1: to get past that. You got to get past that. 561 00:33:57,960 --> 00:33:59,400 Speaker 1: You got to go to your pastor, and you got 562 00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:05,200 Speaker 1: to you gotta say. Let me ask you this, why, Joshua, 563 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:11,479 Speaker 1: do you feel comfortable emailing me the country singer guy 564 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:16,720 Speaker 1: that's on a podcast, and yet you can't tell behind 565 00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:20,680 Speaker 1: closed doors your pastor or somebody at the VA. I 566 00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:22,520 Speaker 1: want to challenge you with that. I want to it's 567 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,719 Speaker 1: a friendly challenge. I let's say, get your butt in 568 00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:28,520 Speaker 1: your truck and go to the church or the VA, 569 00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:31,520 Speaker 1: and hopefully both, and tell them your story and just 570 00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:35,800 Speaker 1: be vulnerable and just say it exactly. You don't have 571 00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:38,680 Speaker 1: to say anything more than what you told me. Just say. 572 00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:44,840 Speaker 1: My name is Josh Struggling. I've got some migraines. My 573 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:49,160 Speaker 1: wife calls me a hermit. I'm suffering from depression. I 574 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:51,759 Speaker 1: feel like my marriage is suffering because of this, and 575 00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:56,560 Speaker 1: I need some help. You don't have to be a 576 00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:01,200 Speaker 1: superman here. You don't have to be a superhero. You 577 00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:03,800 Speaker 1: don't have to be all buttoned up and everything's perfect. 578 00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:07,200 Speaker 1: In these kind of situations, you got to go now, 579 00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:09,160 Speaker 1: and you got to open up, and you got to 580 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,640 Speaker 1: just let you get us. Let it loose. No one, Josh, 581 00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:15,400 Speaker 1: hear me. No one is gonna blame you for this, man, 582 00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,600 Speaker 1: no one. You served our country. You served us well, 583 00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:22,200 Speaker 1: thank you for that. Now let us serve you right, 584 00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:25,240 Speaker 1: Let us in our system, let us serve you back. 585 00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:27,279 Speaker 1: As a way to say thank you for what you 586 00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:29,920 Speaker 1: have done for us. You have allowed me and my 587 00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,600 Speaker 1: family to live a life that we get to choose 588 00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:34,880 Speaker 1: the career path and choose where we go to school, 589 00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:39,719 Speaker 1: and choose how we live, choose where we worship. You've 590 00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:43,200 Speaker 1: allowed us that, so allow us to serve you back now. 591 00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:46,799 Speaker 1: And we do that through the VA, and we do 592 00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:50,439 Speaker 1: that through our local pastors. Plug into your local church, 593 00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:54,560 Speaker 1: pour into the pastor, let him pour into you. I 594 00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:56,319 Speaker 1: can't speak as much for the VA because I know 595 00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:59,640 Speaker 1: that they have a bad rep sometimes and I know 596 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:01,840 Speaker 1: that some times it might be a waiting list and 597 00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,640 Speaker 1: it might be long lines, and it might be no 598 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:08,640 Speaker 1: phone calls back. But let me ask you this question, 599 00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:15,200 Speaker 1: is your marriage worth it? Is your life for these 600 00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:21,120 Speaker 1: past ten years, this cycle? Is it worth ending the cycle? Then? 601 00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:22,680 Speaker 1: I think you would get on that waiting list. I 602 00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:24,480 Speaker 1: think you'd make that phone call. I think you'd go 603 00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:26,880 Speaker 1: talk to the pastor. And this is not this is 604 00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:28,799 Speaker 1: not a meet with a pastor. And it's and it's 605 00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:32,480 Speaker 1: fixed because there's going to be a doctor involved that's 606 00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:35,360 Speaker 1: going to deal with these migraines. Right, these chronic migraines 607 00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:38,680 Speaker 1: are going to require medication, and the medication is going 608 00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:40,319 Speaker 1: to come from a doctor, and the doctor is going 609 00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:44,719 Speaker 1: to come from someone who knows you. It's not a 610 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,600 Speaker 1: quick fix, but this is the starting line, the starting 611 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,480 Speaker 1: line for you, my friend. My challenge is to break 612 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:54,279 Speaker 1: this mentality. Break it apart. That says, I don't want 613 00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:57,120 Speaker 1: to open up because I'm I'm too strong. I don't 614 00:36:57,120 --> 00:37:05,799 Speaker 1: want to reveal that I'm soft. You gotta stop it, Josh. 615 00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:10,800 Speaker 1: Next question, subject client says, girlfriend, Hi, my name is Brandon. 616 00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:14,600 Speaker 1: I'm fourteen. I live in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I'm dating this girl. 617 00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:17,600 Speaker 1: She's amazing. I love her so much. But the problem 618 00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:22,320 Speaker 1: is I barely get to see her. She is constantly busy, 619 00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:25,279 Speaker 1: and I really don't want to lose I don't want 620 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:28,080 Speaker 1: her to lose interest from not seeing me. Do you 621 00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:32,040 Speaker 1: have any idea what I could do? I'm sorry, I 622 00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:36,799 Speaker 1: said Brandon, didn't I it's Braiden. Braiden, you're fourteen. You 623 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:40,680 Speaker 1: let me reread your sentence. Let me just point out 624 00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:43,759 Speaker 1: your sentence doesn't have a single punctuation and the whole 625 00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:49,960 Speaker 1: paragraph doesn't have a single punctuation point at all. I'm 626 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,399 Speaker 1: dating this girl. She's amazing, and I love her so much. 627 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:55,040 Speaker 1: But the problem is I barely get to see her. 628 00:37:56,200 --> 00:38:02,560 Speaker 1: She is constantly busy, and I really don't want her. Okay, Brandon, 629 00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:08,720 Speaker 1: back away from the girl, Back away from the girl, Buddy, 630 00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:14,640 Speaker 1: it's there's better things right now at fourteen. It's it's 631 00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:18,720 Speaker 1: so hard to be so wrapped up at fourteen thinking 632 00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:23,680 Speaker 1: the girls amazing and you love her so much. I'm 633 00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:28,239 Speaker 1: gonna tell you, Braiden, that's a problem. Okay. It's also 634 00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:32,160 Speaker 1: a problem that I keep saying, Brandon, Braiden, it's a problem. Okay, 635 00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:37,080 Speaker 1: hear me on this. Be fourteen, Be in a club, 636 00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:39,960 Speaker 1: or have a hobby, or play a sport, be with 637 00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:43,560 Speaker 1: your buddies, go out with your friends, and do stuff 638 00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:47,279 Speaker 1: like what can you do? You can't even drive. You 639 00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:52,160 Speaker 1: can't even drive yet that and you're loving a girl 640 00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,560 Speaker 1: so much. This is only going to lead to problems. 641 00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:56,520 Speaker 1: And how do I know? How do I know this 642 00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:59,920 Speaker 1: besides the fact that I was fourteen? I know this 643 00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:06,080 Speaker 1: because she's busy and she's a little girl. If she's 644 00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,680 Speaker 1: too busy for you, and she's a little girl, which 645 00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:12,040 Speaker 1: she is a young teenager and she's too busy for you, 646 00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:16,000 Speaker 1: that means she doesn't want to see you. She doesn't 647 00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:19,120 Speaker 1: want to be around you. You are smothering her. Stop 648 00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:23,480 Speaker 1: smothering her. Back away, go with your friends, your guy friends, 649 00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:27,359 Speaker 1: and get a hobby. That's my advice. If I had 650 00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:30,160 Speaker 1: a guest here like Bernie, he would say, Granger, hang on, 651 00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:34,719 Speaker 1: be nicer. But Braiden, I'm telling you. I only tell 652 00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:37,720 Speaker 1: you things because I want to tell you the truth. 653 00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:42,680 Speaker 1: It would be ridiculous for me to go Braiden. Oh, 654 00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:46,759 Speaker 1: thanks for emailing buddy, so sorry to hear about this 655 00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:50,319 Speaker 1: girl problem. Maybe get some roses, drop it off on 656 00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:53,719 Speaker 1: her front porch, Braiden. Maybe maybe write her a nice 657 00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:55,960 Speaker 1: love note and get some hr She's kisses and put 658 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:59,799 Speaker 1: it next to the roses. Just remember be patient with her. 659 00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:02,760 Speaker 1: Text you all the time and just say thinking about 660 00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:08,640 Speaker 1: you and pour into her. It would be ridiculous. That 661 00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:17,160 Speaker 1: would be ridiculous. Uh, seriously, I just realized something. After 662 00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:19,360 Speaker 1: this whole time I've been talking to you, I realized something. 663 00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:23,440 Speaker 1: You misspelled your own name. Your name is Brandon, and 664 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,320 Speaker 1: in the email it says Braiden. But in your email 665 00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:29,319 Speaker 1: it says b A N D O N. And then 666 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:35,040 Speaker 1: your email says, hey, my name is braid Dawn, fix 667 00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:38,560 Speaker 1: your punctuation, fix your spelling, get your name right, dump 668 00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:40,720 Speaker 1: the girl, get a hobby, hang out with your buddies, 669 00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:46,680 Speaker 1: and let's go fishing sometime. That's my advice. Jump on 670 00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:49,600 Speaker 1: one more here. Seven client says guidance. Hey granderom, my 671 00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:52,000 Speaker 1: name is Andrew. I'm twenty eight from Illinois. Recently my 672 00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:54,560 Speaker 1: grandpa passed away. It's been quite a challenge for me 673 00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:57,520 Speaker 1: and my family. On top of that, there's also a 674 00:40:57,520 --> 00:40:59,799 Speaker 1: lot of changes going on where I work as a 675 00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:03,280 Speaker 1: car technician. I struggle with anxiety quite a bit, especially 676 00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:06,800 Speaker 1: with my job, and I know God is always in control, 677 00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:09,759 Speaker 1: but lately I feel like it's been getting worse and 678 00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,640 Speaker 1: worse for me. I guess my question is, how do 679 00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:16,200 Speaker 1: you truly have that comfort and peace when everything around 680 00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:18,960 Speaker 1: you seems like it's falling apart. PS. I met you 681 00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:22,120 Speaker 1: at a concert recently in Illinois and briefly discussed my anxiety, 682 00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:26,280 Speaker 1: and it was an absolute blessing to speak with you. Andrew, 683 00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:30,200 Speaker 1: Thank you, brother. You also included a picture of us here, 684 00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:34,080 Speaker 1: which is great. I appreciate you. It always helps when 685 00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:35,520 Speaker 1: you include a picture, and then I could put a 686 00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:40,080 Speaker 1: face to your words here. Yeah, this is an email 687 00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:45,239 Speaker 1: that there's one line that just stands out that just 688 00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:48,960 Speaker 1: and I wonder if people listen to this podcast and go, oh, 689 00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:50,799 Speaker 1: I know where Granger's going with this when I've heard 690 00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:55,040 Speaker 1: him one hundred and eighty nine different episodes. But there's 691 00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:56,920 Speaker 1: one line that sticks out to me right off the bat. 692 00:41:57,200 --> 00:42:01,640 Speaker 1: And you you start with a bunch of anxiety and 693 00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:07,080 Speaker 1: I'm losing losing a grandpa, and you end it with 694 00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:11,800 Speaker 1: a bunch of anxiety. And I want to point out 695 00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:15,040 Speaker 1: what you said in the middle. You said, I know 696 00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:21,560 Speaker 1: God is always in control. And I say back to you, Andrew, 697 00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:27,000 Speaker 1: do you No, you don't, you don't. I don't believe you. 698 00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:31,160 Speaker 1: I don't believe you at all. I don't believe you 699 00:42:31,160 --> 00:42:34,080 Speaker 1: one bit. I mean, it's like use that, use that 700 00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:37,480 Speaker 1: in any other scenario in life. It doesn't work that 701 00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:42,600 Speaker 1: I don't believe you. What if you said? What if 702 00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:49,600 Speaker 1: you said? Man? I just I am struggling with catching 703 00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:56,880 Speaker 1: the football and I don't like practices, and the Texas 704 00:42:56,880 --> 00:43:00,040 Speaker 1: heat is so rough on me in two days and 705 00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:04,360 Speaker 1: my coach yells at me all the time, and I 706 00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:08,320 Speaker 1: just I don't know. These shoulder pads are really scratching 707 00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:12,840 Speaker 1: me and making my shoulders break out with hives. But 708 00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:16,040 Speaker 1: I really love football. I would say, you don't love football, don't. 709 00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:18,240 Speaker 1: You don't love it at all? You don't. You don't, 710 00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:22,640 Speaker 1: and Andrew, You don't trust God. You don't say I'm struggling, 711 00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:26,960 Speaker 1: I'm grieving, I'm hurting. My job sucks. I don't know 712 00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:29,400 Speaker 1: what to do. That's the key right there. I don't 713 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:32,920 Speaker 1: know where to go from here. I don't know how 714 00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:36,000 Speaker 1: to have comfort and peace. I don't know how to 715 00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:38,640 Speaker 1: have comfort and peace when everything around me is falling apart. 716 00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:44,080 Speaker 1: But I trust God. I say, no, you don't. So 717 00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:51,399 Speaker 1: you gain trust by surrendering to him and by absorbing 718 00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:55,800 Speaker 1: his words, ever living, breathing word the Bible. You absorb 719 00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:57,960 Speaker 1: that word and you read it, and you wake up 720 00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,200 Speaker 1: and you set your alarm earlier, and you say, yeah, 721 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:05,160 Speaker 1: I'm gonna man, my life is really crazy right now God, 722 00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:09,600 Speaker 1: and so I decided to open up Philippians one right, 723 00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:11,719 Speaker 1: That's where I want you to start. Andrew. Then, my 724 00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:14,600 Speaker 1: challenge to you is to read the Book of Philippians, 725 00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:17,880 Speaker 1: the Letter of Philippians, and read through it and a 726 00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:21,080 Speaker 1: couple of days. It's very short, very very short, but 727 00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:22,480 Speaker 1: I want to give you a couple of days to 728 00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:25,000 Speaker 1: read it and read it again, and read it again 729 00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:28,720 Speaker 1: three times, three times. I want you to read through Philippians, okay, 730 00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:33,560 Speaker 1: starting with one. I'm not talking about finding special verses. 731 00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:38,080 Speaker 1: I'm not talking about following a map of things to 732 00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,399 Speaker 1: where the Bible talks about what you're dealing with. I'm 733 00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:47,240 Speaker 1: talking about absorbing it. Absorbing Paul's letter in one reading, 734 00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:51,120 Speaker 1: and I want you to read that three times over 735 00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:53,719 Speaker 1: the course of two days. And I want you to 736 00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:57,560 Speaker 1: keep telling God that like God, I say that I 737 00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:00,760 Speaker 1: trust you, but I'm not living like it. I say 738 00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:04,120 Speaker 1: that I trust you, but I'm nervous. I say that 739 00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:06,600 Speaker 1: I trust you, but I sure don't prove it at 740 00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:10,239 Speaker 1: all to anyone. Help me with this. Help me to 741 00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:14,200 Speaker 1: trust you, help me to surrender, help me to understand 742 00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,279 Speaker 1: that this whole job falling apart and me losing my 743 00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:19,319 Speaker 1: grandpa helped me to understand that this is part of 744 00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:21,560 Speaker 1: my life here. And so I give it to you 745 00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:24,640 Speaker 1: because I can't control these things. I can't control my job, 746 00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:27,680 Speaker 1: I can't control my grandpa. I can't control the people 747 00:45:27,719 --> 00:45:31,000 Speaker 1: that I love. I can't control anything falling apart. But 748 00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:34,319 Speaker 1: what I can control is how I trust you through 749 00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:39,399 Speaker 1: it all. How would you know that, Andrew? How would 750 00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:43,320 Speaker 1: you base trust on something like this? Right? How could 751 00:45:43,360 --> 00:45:47,120 Speaker 1: you base your trust on God? Let me give you 752 00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:50,960 Speaker 1: a hint. He knows the end, He planned the middle, 753 00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:56,040 Speaker 1: and he built the whole concept before it even started. 754 00:45:57,280 --> 00:46:01,040 Speaker 1: Would that help you trust anybody? I said, Oh yeah, 755 00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:04,600 Speaker 1: talk to him. He planned this whole thing out and 756 00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:07,880 Speaker 1: he knows how it ends. And guess what. Here's the kicker. 757 00:46:08,719 --> 00:46:14,879 Speaker 1: It ends good. You go, oh, well, yeah, I would 758 00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:17,920 Speaker 1: trust that. I would trust the person that planned it, 759 00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:24,200 Speaker 1: built it, ended it good. I would trust that even 760 00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:27,200 Speaker 1: when in the middle it doesn't seem like it's worth anything. 761 00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:29,920 Speaker 1: I've talked a lot about this and a lot of 762 00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:31,880 Speaker 1: different things in my life. Andrew, you probably heard me. 763 00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:35,360 Speaker 1: But I want to challenge you with that. Reading Philippians 764 00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:39,960 Speaker 1: three times in two days, and while you're doing it, 765 00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:43,640 Speaker 1: break out in prayer and go God, I don't trust you. 766 00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:50,319 Speaker 1: I want to help me with that, be honest. That's 767 00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:53,000 Speaker 1: all we got. Love you guys, all of y'all for emailing. 768 00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:55,360 Speaker 1: Thank you so much, and we'll see you next Monday. 769 00:46:55,960 --> 00:46:59,000 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate 770 00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:01,200 Speaker 1: all of you guys. You could help me out by 771 00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:05,120 Speaker 1: rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe 772 00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:07,840 Speaker 1: to this channel. Hit that little like button and the 773 00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:11,640 Speaker 1: notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload 774 00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:14,120 Speaker 1: a video. If you have a question for me that 775 00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:18,160 Speaker 1: you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at 776 00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:20,720 Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Yi