WEBVTT - Sexual Essentials Feat. Samia 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.280 At this point I was just fighting, wanting to live, 0:00:03.480 --> 0:00:05.440 so at this point I had to let them go. 0:00:05.840 --> 0:00:10.520 This was always a known, okay thing. Oh I know 0:00:10.640 --> 0:00:14.040 he did that. And this is family business, because my 0:00:14.280 --> 0:00:17.599 station is not family business. This is a story of 0:00:17.800 --> 0:00:20.319 years later me coming back and correcting or wrong. 0:00:20.600 --> 0:00:23.079 It's never too late to fix something. 0:00:44.000 --> 0:00:46.720 Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and 0:00:46.760 --> 0:00:47.760 I'm Nila. 0:00:48.080 --> 0:00:49.160 And it's home day. 0:00:49.760 --> 0:00:51.240 It's Wednesday, Beaches. 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:54.480 Your favorite hoes are on your screen again if you're 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:56.560 watching YouTube, but you should be, and if you aren't, 0:00:56.560 --> 0:00:57.840 I want to encourage you to click the link of 0:00:57.880 --> 0:01:01.120 this episode description right the fuck now and subscribe because 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:04.039 there's some hot s bitches in the house. 0:01:04.600 --> 0:01:06.959 This is a fact. We look cute, We really do. 0:01:07.280 --> 0:01:10.119 And this month, I don't know if you've joined us already, 0:01:10.360 --> 0:01:13.480 but it's a very, very very special month for us. 0:01:13.600 --> 0:01:16.640 It is a good Mom's Guide, may And do you 0:01:16.640 --> 0:01:18.800 know why it's a good mom's guide? Tell them, baby, 0:01:18.920 --> 0:01:23.360 it's because you girls are author's bitches. And we wrote 0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:26.480 a book called a Good Mom's Guide to Making Bad Choices. 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:28.720 This is a fact as well. 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:33.120 This is our first book we've worked tiresly, very very 0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:38.560 very hard to produce this beautiful love child, and now 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:41.679 it's finally out and we're here to explore it with you. 0:01:41.880 --> 0:01:44.720 All of the themes in the book, all of the lessons, 0:01:44.760 --> 0:01:48.120 all of the funny and very personal stories. 0:01:48.920 --> 0:01:50.640 But before we get into the book, I just want 0:01:50.680 --> 0:01:52.480 to I just want to remind everyone a few things 0:01:52.520 --> 0:01:56.360 that we have going on that are exciting. Number One, 0:01:56.560 --> 0:01:58.720 we're going to Mexico. We're going on a retreat. 0:01:58.840 --> 0:01:59.760 Hallelujah. 0:02:00.040 --> 0:02:02.960 Retreat is happening July second and July twelfth. We're going 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:07.360 to Salulita, Mexico. If you're not familiar with Salulita, it's 0:02:07.360 --> 0:02:10.360 about an hour from Puerto Viata. If you're not familiar 0:02:10.360 --> 0:02:11.720 with Puerto Viata, I don't know what the fuck to 0:02:11.760 --> 0:02:13.320 tell you, bitch, look it up online. 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:15.400 But yeah, we're going there. 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:20.320 It's our eighth and ninth, seventh and eighth, it's a seventh. 0:02:20.360 --> 0:02:23.080 It's our seventh and eighth retreats. Yeah, it's our first 0:02:23.120 --> 0:02:26.320 one in Mexico. It's on a very special property that's 0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:30.800 ocean front. It's fucking beautiful and it's special. It's our 0:02:30.800 --> 0:02:33.320 first time getting out of Costa Rica on the retreat. 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:36.760 This retreat is like this, This part of Mexico is 0:02:36.800 --> 0:02:38.880 on a bed of rose quarts. So it's about to 0:02:38.880 --> 0:02:41.480 open up your motherfucking heart. It's about to restore you. 0:02:41.600 --> 0:02:43.720 You're about to relax you. We're about to nurture the 0:02:43.720 --> 0:02:45.639 fuck out of you, and you're not gonna have to 0:02:45.680 --> 0:02:48.160 worry about shit. So if you're worrying about what you're 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:51.040 going to do this summer, here's the answer. Baby, We 0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:53.320 got you. You're coming to Mexico with us. You're coming 0:02:53.360 --> 0:02:55.920 into release and heal and you know, just have your 0:02:55.919 --> 0:02:57.880 titties out and prance through the beach. 0:02:58.360 --> 0:02:59.120 Prance baby. 0:03:01.240 --> 0:03:02.360 Anyway, how are you feeling. 0:03:02.440 --> 0:03:05.880 I'm great, I'm excited. I'm We're in Atlanta right now. 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:09.560 We're in this beautiful, beautiful we're on the Beautiful set, 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:12.680 but we're in someone's beautiful house. We're actually in the 0:03:12.720 --> 0:03:15.560 SI Content House here in Atlanta. If you are a podcaster, 0:03:15.880 --> 0:03:18.160 please make sure you check out the SI Content House. 0:03:18.360 --> 0:03:22.799 They have multiple sets, bomb Ass, just Vibes Energy, and 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:25.239 it's owned by none other than our dear friend, who 0:03:25.240 --> 0:03:27.600 I'm going to introduce right now because she is our 0:03:27.600 --> 0:03:32.040 guest today. So Maya Burton of sexual essentials and also 0:03:32.200 --> 0:03:34.200 not just not just a sex pod. 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:35.320 Not nothing. 0:03:36.520 --> 0:03:38.360 Podcast. 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:43.520 Congratulations because this is really you know, I'm just so 0:03:43.680 --> 0:03:45.840 proud of us. But I'm really I want to give 0:03:45.880 --> 0:03:48.320 you your flowers because I'm just so proud of you. 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:53.960 You are truly a rapid manifestor like you really are. 0:03:54.520 --> 0:03:57.840 You are a money generator. You are a rapid manifestor 0:03:57.840 --> 0:04:00.880 whatever you see you create. And like I know when 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:04.320 we like my body year or two to. 0:04:04.440 --> 0:04:07.360 Your like covid because we were they were online. 0:04:08.000 --> 0:04:10.320 No, not even where we met though, like when you 0:04:10.360 --> 0:04:13.280 came to the office where we were recording before, like 0:04:13.400 --> 0:04:15.800 you were talking, yes, you were talking about your podcast 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:18.400 and just what you wanted to create. And just like 0:04:18.560 --> 0:04:21.760 you took you took you, you studied, and then you 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:26.360 executed on such an elite level. So this, this space, 0:04:26.440 --> 0:04:30.479 this content house you created is impeccable. I'm beyond impressed. 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:31.799 So congratulations. 0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:34.720 I'm so proud of your friend. You know, all of 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:37.120 our friends are the ship. It's really true. Every time 0:04:37.160 --> 0:04:39.120 I see my friends and like especially you, I'm like, 0:04:39.160 --> 0:04:41.960 this is a reflection of me. I was like boss ass, 0:04:42.080 --> 0:04:46.839 badass women. And it's your birthday and dear friend is 0:04:47.000 --> 0:04:49.800 only thirty one and fucking killing it. This is like 0:04:49.800 --> 0:04:53.480 our rich friends, like our auntie's house, even though we're 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:55.120 older than her. I'm gonna go see our rich auntie 0:04:55.120 --> 0:04:58.560 because she's rich. But for I'm very very very very 0:04:58.640 --> 0:05:00.640 very proud of you for your braver read, for your 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:03.960 courage from sharing your story. And I'm just like, I'm 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:05.520 just so proud of us because you know, like we 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:07.320 didn't really know each other from a candapign we've met 0:05:07.320 --> 0:05:09.400 each other on the internet, and then we just told 0:05:09.400 --> 0:05:11.200 each other right then, like we're going to be friends. 0:05:11.320 --> 0:05:13.080 So this didn't make a decision. 0:05:14.000 --> 0:05:17.320 Hey, we're friends now. She was like, I'm coming to 0:05:17.440 --> 0:05:20.680 LA and I was like, perfect, because we're friends and 0:05:19.960 --> 0:05:23.839 we've actually continued on that journey. And it's because you. 0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:26.239 You also manifested that you said you wanted busy friends 0:05:26.520 --> 0:05:28.040 who could do the same thing. You know, this bitch 0:05:28.120 --> 0:05:30.800 loves to work and play, so this is like she 0:05:30.839 --> 0:05:32.080 only wants to be friends with you if you're gonna 0:05:32.080 --> 0:05:32.679 work too. 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:36.080 Or come to work with me. You got to be 0:05:36.120 --> 0:05:38.200 able to come to work with me. I receive all 0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:41.119 of that. Thank you guys so much for just being 0:05:41.200 --> 0:05:44.480 there and setting the example. I think it's easy to 0:05:45.600 --> 0:05:48.440 develop the ideas because I'm seeing so many things that 0:05:48.480 --> 0:05:51.320 are possible, and every single time there's something on my 0:05:51.360 --> 0:05:53.760 list and I'm kind of like, I don't know, and 0:05:53.760 --> 0:05:56.280 then y'all come out and y'all do some form of that, 0:05:56.440 --> 0:05:58.160 or you bring someone on the show that does that, 0:05:58.200 --> 0:06:00.000 and it's like, stop, you have. 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:02.680 Everything that you need. You're good, you know. 0:06:02.839 --> 0:06:07.640 And so this is such a full circle moment, like 0:06:08.440 --> 0:06:12.400 this is some HBO documentary type ship, since we since 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:16.040 we manifest in I just you know, it's some HBO 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:17.240 documentary type ship. 0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:20.320 I received that. I love HBO on a documentary. 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:23.440 Okay, I think about it all the time. Every time 0:06:23.480 --> 0:06:25.000 I make a vlog that I don't really want to make, 0:06:25.040 --> 0:06:27.400 I'm like, this is perfect for my true Hollywood story. 0:06:27.480 --> 0:06:28.880 It's okay, I'm gonna make the blog. 0:06:29.160 --> 0:06:34.200 Get all the practicing. You're not just started blogging. I feel, yeah, 0:06:34.400 --> 0:06:39.960 I know, I'm starting to do the amount of blogs 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:43.640 never before seen, never before seen by anyone, that me 0:06:43.640 --> 0:06:45.880 and Jamila have made on our phones over the years, 0:06:46.320 --> 0:06:51.880 Like we would be TikTok real mastering bitches by now, 0:06:52.000 --> 0:06:52.880 but no one on. 0:06:52.880 --> 0:06:56.320 The earth has ever seen, and then they get lost. 0:06:56.839 --> 0:06:59.039 They get lost deep in the archive and like never 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:01.279 to be found again. Into my phone wants to like, 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:03.480 you know, do those stupid ass memories where they trigger you, 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:05.440 where they're like show you old niggas you don't want 0:07:05.480 --> 0:07:06.880 to see and all types of shit. 0:07:07.080 --> 0:07:09.640 And I'm like, oh, ship, there's that blog that I 0:07:09.720 --> 0:07:10.360 never posted. 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:14.600 I have a memory of Mila with the sex bar 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:18.520 between your legs and we were doing the Position of 0:07:18.560 --> 0:07:20.960 the Day and I was like, hey, guys, I'm coming 0:07:20.960 --> 0:07:24.280 to Elaine. Can you be on my Patreon? And You're like, sure, 0:07:24.320 --> 0:07:25.440 what we're gonna do? And I was like, so I 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:26.280 brought this stuff. 0:07:26.480 --> 0:07:29.680 I brought this sex bar and I'm gonna show. 0:07:29.520 --> 0:07:33.520 Me ern you demonstraight you put it on, okay, and 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:38.040 then Mila you fuck her like this? And Nate told me, okay, 0:07:38.080 --> 0:07:40.120 whatever you want, support for me, whatever you want, you 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:41.080 gotta show up for your friend. 0:07:43.400 --> 0:07:46.360 What the fuck are you doing my friends, Samaya, I'm working. 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:49.000 I call you right back, interrupted me. 0:07:49.200 --> 0:07:51.480 David, you need to insert that clip right here. 0:07:53.640 --> 0:07:56.440 It's pretty it's pretty fucking good, or join go to 0:07:56.520 --> 0:07:59.840 patreon to see it because it's it's it's a moment. 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:01.080 Some nice stuff there. 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:02.120 It's a moment. 0:08:04.400 --> 0:08:07.280 I think speaking of niggas that our phone reminds us 0:08:07.320 --> 0:08:10.040 of that we don't want to see anymore. This brings 0:08:10.080 --> 0:08:10.840 us to our book. 0:08:14.800 --> 0:08:16.160 That's a great like that. 0:08:16.320 --> 0:08:20.040 Yeah, you know, we have a very robust book that 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:22.800 we wrote for all the women and I mean really 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:24.960 all the humans, because niggas need to read this men 0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:29.000 men need to read this book too, and we wanted 0:08:29.000 --> 0:08:30.960 to just get your perspective on some of the things. 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:32.400 You know, I don't I don't know if you guys 0:08:32.400 --> 0:08:36.760 have picked up your book yet, but picked the book up, okay, copies, 0:08:37.080 --> 0:08:42.080 thank you. The book is broken up in three and 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:45.800 three parts, and the first part is before children BC, 0:08:46.480 --> 0:08:47.800 and then the second part. 0:08:47.800 --> 0:08:50.480 Is after Daddy, and. 0:08:50.440 --> 0:08:55.560 Then the third part is revelation, like revelations like in 0:08:55.600 --> 0:09:02.079 the Bible, but not the Bible. So we kind of 0:09:02.120 --> 0:09:05.080 talked about our journeys and our experiences before we had kids, 0:09:05.080 --> 0:09:08.280 who we were, childhood stuff because obviously, like our parenting 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:12.520 is directly directly affected by that. And then we talked about, 0:09:12.559 --> 0:09:15.840 you know, our pregnancies, finding out we were pregnant, giving birth, 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:20.080 which is fucking can be traumatic and life changing experience, 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:22.760 and then we talked about our breakups and how that 0:09:22.800 --> 0:09:25.040 deeply affected us and how we healed through that and 0:09:25.120 --> 0:09:28.440 kind of finally, you know, got our our grounds and 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:30.520 got back on top. So we just want to talk 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:32.040 to you about those things so I know you've had 0:09:32.040 --> 0:09:34.680 a similar experience. We are all single moms. 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:36.240 That's the fact. 0:09:36.600 --> 0:09:37.640 We're all moms. 0:09:38.160 --> 0:09:39.840 Didn't put it in my calendar that way, but here 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:40.080 we are. 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:42.880 I don't think any of us in the calendar, honestly, 0:09:43.040 --> 0:09:45.800 like what the fuck? That wasn't the plan, but look 0:09:45.840 --> 0:09:48.640 at the glory and you know, not even thinking about that. 0:09:48.760 --> 0:09:51.120 I'm like, this is a question for you because you've 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:57.040 had tremendous success and like an untraditional taboo space. Do 0:09:57.080 --> 0:09:58.840 you think that you would have come up on this 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:02.640 space had you stay in your relationship with your child's father. 0:10:03.760 --> 0:10:07.800 I would not have been as successful at all. I 0:10:07.880 --> 0:10:12.600 did start sexual Essentials when I was breastfeeding, so it 0:10:12.679 --> 0:10:15.080 was definitely something I was committing to, but I wasn't 0:10:15.080 --> 0:10:17.400 being my full self because there were so many things 0:10:17.440 --> 0:10:20.319 that the way I was being viewed as a mom, 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:22.200 and the things I wanted to teach and how I 0:10:22.200 --> 0:10:23.680 wanted to teach them and who would be able to 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:26.240 see me. At one point, I was showing him my 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:28.680 reels from some of the classes, like are you okay 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:31.600 with how this looks? Before I posted? But I'm not 0:10:31.640 --> 0:10:33.440 sucking or real dick, we don't even have that part 0:10:33.440 --> 0:10:36.000 on there, but oh I'm torking or you know what 0:10:36.040 --> 0:10:39.480 I'm saying something like that, And it's like, oh, can 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:41.240 you tone this down a little bit? And it's just 0:10:41.280 --> 0:10:43.880 like every single time you agree to that, you're chipping 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:47.840 away from a part of you. And I also made 0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:50.320 a commitment. I made a commitment to this marriage and 0:10:50.360 --> 0:10:53.120 I did not take that lightly. And more so than that, 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:56.480 I made a commitment to my child just at conception 0:10:56.600 --> 0:10:59.240 that I am there. So it's like, am I doing 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:01.319 everything I can do to make this work? And it 0:11:01.360 --> 0:11:04.760 felt like compromise. But when you get married before you 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:07.440 know who you are and you've decided and made peace 0:11:07.480 --> 0:11:09.240 with who you are and the parts of you you 0:11:09.280 --> 0:11:11.120 thought you didn't want to be, and you just accept 0:11:11.120 --> 0:11:16.000 the basket and how it looks, you know, you don't 0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:19.640 even realize that you're tripping away at you. And I 0:11:19.800 --> 0:11:23.360 made I hit six figures and was making five figures 0:11:23.400 --> 0:11:26.080 a month, and I'm not talking about like the tens. 0:11:26.440 --> 0:11:28.320 You know, we got up to thirty five thousand a 0:11:28.320 --> 0:11:32.599 month on Patreon a year after this man, you know 0:11:32.640 --> 0:11:36.080 what I'm saying, like left my life. And it's not 0:11:36.640 --> 0:11:38.640 as if I was not accountable for a part of this. 0:11:38.720 --> 0:11:41.520 I totally played a role. This was just the wrong 0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:45.520 decision period. But still it just shows me not being 0:11:45.600 --> 0:11:48.080 me was the key to every single thing that I 0:11:48.200 --> 0:11:51.719 wanted that I desired that. But if you don't give 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:55.040 yourself permission to want something that is ballsy as fucked, 0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:57.280 then why should the universe or anybody else. 0:11:57.160 --> 0:11:58.600 Just give it to you? You know? 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:01.840 And so no, I would not be as successful. I 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:05.679 would be working a job and working my business and 0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:08.520 packing my orders and not growing and not having my 0:12:08.559 --> 0:12:11.080 own office because your man cave is in the office 0:12:11.160 --> 0:12:14.320 and that's your personal space, but this business is. But 0:12:14.360 --> 0:12:18.280 you know, and I would be explaining why the degree 0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:21.200 I have works the way that it does, you know, 0:12:22.000 --> 0:12:25.160 and you know, constantly feeling invalidated because you're the man 0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:25.920 of the house. 0:12:28.720 --> 0:12:29.360 When you got married. 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:30.480 I was twenty two when I got married. 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:31.400 Wow, it's very young. 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:36.280 I've always been so mature for my age. 0:12:36.559 --> 0:12:39.080 Yeah, watching a visuals right, because the quotations are out 0:12:39.240 --> 0:12:42.560 the quotes, and you know, that's always just the sign 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:45.199 of the trauma that we've you know, went through, and 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:47.920 unfortunately I hadn't unrivaled with that trauma. So it's not 0:12:48.000 --> 0:12:50.120 all his fault, nor mine or any of that. It's 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:53.040 really not that type of situation like you know, I'm 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:55.400 a I'm a mom that's single, you know. 0:12:55.559 --> 0:12:57.400 And but yeah, I. 0:12:57.760 --> 0:12:59.559 Was super mature, so I was very clear about what 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:02.240 I wanted, but I wasn't clear on the entire vision. 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:06.440 I wasn't really aware of the bigger picture. And the 0:13:06.440 --> 0:13:10.079 bigger picture was I meant to be a star, you know, period. 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:12.320 I am a major manifest Do you. 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:13.440 Think that you. 0:13:15.440 --> 0:13:17.360 I mean because you got married at twenty two, and 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:20.680 I think, like I think about when we were on 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:24.920 your episode when we're talking about just like the checklist 0:13:25.000 --> 0:13:27.320 that women have as far as like, Okay, you met 0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:29.920 the person, you're in love, you get married, then you 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:32.360 have the baby. Whereas versus like me and Mila kind 0:13:32.360 --> 0:13:35.080 of did a little different. I got the baby, I 0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:37.559 got I got pregnant, then I got engaged, and obviously 0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:40.480 the marriage never came to Fruition where you know, Miila, 0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:41.760 she got pregnant. 0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:42.560 I don't know. 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:44.440 Maybe you were planning on getting married at some point, 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:46.240 but that's just not the story of what happened. 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:48.520 No, no, no, no, no, was seventh grade. I was planning 0:13:48.520 --> 0:13:49.640 on marrying him in the ninth grade. 0:13:53.240 --> 0:13:56.400 But did you feel like, was the marriage kind of 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:58.360 like what the next step was in your mind just 0:13:59.000 --> 0:14:03.319 because of what society he like has painted around love 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:05.960 and you know, what women should aspire to, or was 0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:08.880 it that you truly wanted to marry this person and 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:09.840 spend the rest. 0:14:09.640 --> 0:14:10.360 Of your life with them. 0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:12.920 I truly wanted to be with this person. 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:15.040 I wanted to I wanted to commit to the type 0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:17.320 of love I wanted to have, and that is a 0:14:17.440 --> 0:14:22.360 very selfish way to love. I can't commit to any 0:14:22.360 --> 0:14:25.560 of those things if I can't commit to myself. So 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:27.640 I really don't know how much I can commit to you. 0:14:27.760 --> 0:14:29.280 And I told you I could give you everything, and 0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:31.200 I did, and that was stupid because I gave you 0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:32.560 everything and left myself with nothing. 0:14:32.720 --> 0:14:35.480 You know, I never wanted to get married. 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:37.680 I've always been a wild child, and it's just so 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:40.360 crazy how many times I put myself in taming situations, 0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:41.800 and I don't do well at least stuff. 0:14:41.960 --> 0:14:42.880 It's just not my thing. 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:49.440 Two peas in the fucking pot. I've definitely gotten into 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:52.320 relationships with the thought like if I get in a relationship, 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:54.080 I can sit the fuck down. Like if I get 0:14:54.120 --> 0:14:58.000 a relationship, I will chill out, like it's like it's 0:14:58.000 --> 0:14:59.560 my own it's like my own leish. 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:03.680 But but now it's But I met someone and I 0:15:03.720 --> 0:15:06.120 had the feels, and you know, they liked me at 0:15:06.120 --> 0:15:09.520 that time, and I would say that feelings escalated very 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:13.400 quickly or whatever, and it felt right. And I think 0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:15.440 that something, and I think I know that something I've 0:15:15.440 --> 0:15:17.360 had to work on over the years, was even if 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:19.760 it's right, it'll still be right if you give it time. 0:15:20.160 --> 0:15:22.640 But feeling so rush to make decisions and to act 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:25.400 and do something about the way that we feel, as 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:31.320 well as modeling an incorrect marriage or union that I 0:15:31.400 --> 0:15:35.240 had been worshiping for years, so understanding that through my 0:15:35.360 --> 0:15:40.920 own Stockholm syndrome with my parents, I was idealizing something 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:43.280 that was terrible for me, something that was breaking me down, 0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:46.120 something that was invalidating me. But when you go to 0:15:46.200 --> 0:15:48.480 therapy and you're trying to do the work. You think 0:15:48.520 --> 0:15:51.480 you're handling the issue that's right there at hand. But 0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:54.000 when a lot of people don't make it past the digging, 0:15:54.040 --> 0:15:56.120 things get better and they're like, okay, so things got better. 0:15:56.720 --> 0:16:00.200 And for me, I had a child, which meant I 0:16:00.280 --> 0:16:02.800 didn't have that luxury. As soon as I had that child, 0:16:03.080 --> 0:16:07.240 motherly instinct saved me. And it was right then that 0:16:07.280 --> 0:16:09.560 I realized, oh, the way I'm thinking is fucked up, 0:16:09.560 --> 0:16:11.360 because if somebody touches my kid like this, or just 0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:13.160 my kid like that, you know what I mean. And 0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:15.760 so now I realized the marriage I had been modeling 0:16:15.840 --> 0:16:17.880 and the lifestyle I had been modeling was based off 0:16:17.920 --> 0:16:22.360 some fuck ass shit like some generational patterns, generational credit curses. 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:24.720 And so I didn't leave my marriage at all. He 0:16:24.840 --> 0:16:26.840 left me, but he left me because I started choosing 0:16:26.880 --> 0:16:30.280 myself more and we started bumping hisas even more, and 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:32.640 even fixing and changing and being a better me just 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:36.840 didn't save what wasn't meant to be saved, you know, right, I. 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:39.880 Think about in our book we have we have a 0:16:39.880 --> 0:16:41.360 bunch of different things in the book, where when then 0:16:41.400 --> 0:16:43.240 can kind of like check in with themselves and do 0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:46.680 some work. And one of the things that I wish 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:49.240 I would have done, and I probably would have lied 0:16:49.280 --> 0:16:54.800 to myself even doing this at that time, was a checklist, 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:56.280 like a list of like. 0:16:56.640 --> 0:16:58.320 Should I have this baby or should I not? 0:16:58.600 --> 0:17:00.440 The reason is why it's a good idea to have 0:17:00.480 --> 0:17:02.440 this baby, or the reasons why it's a good idea 0:17:02.480 --> 0:17:04.919 to get married, versus the reasons why it may not be. 0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:09.000 And like, you know, I heard you mention that like 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:11.240 you felt like your husband didn't like you very much 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:14.480 and that he wasn't that I guess maybe loving during 0:17:14.520 --> 0:17:17.520 the times in your pregnancy. He would like dive into 0:17:17.560 --> 0:17:20.120 that a little bit more. And I'm curious, like would 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:21.480 those things be on that checklist? 0:17:21.920 --> 0:17:26.800 Like so, I you know, I'm poly princess. I'm just 0:17:26.960 --> 0:17:29.119 I am free to be you and me and whatever 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:31.320 works for you. I accept that for you, and I 0:17:31.359 --> 0:17:32.439 want you to accept works for me. 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:32.720 Right. 0:17:33.400 --> 0:17:36.600 So the truth was is that like after a year 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:39.240 of marriage, we were at that crosswords where it's like 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:43.080 I'm not happy, you're not happy. But also we were 0:17:43.119 --> 0:17:45.560 talking to people and they were saying, well, that's usually 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:47.359 how it goes if you've never lived together before you 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:47.960 got married. 0:17:48.240 --> 0:17:50.200 Then we did not live together. 0:17:50.320 --> 0:17:55.800 I was like, my dad was a deacon, but also 0:17:55.880 --> 0:17:59.479 I am that aries wild child. So the idea of 0:17:59.520 --> 0:18:01.440 living with somebody who I wasn't about to marry you 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:03.520 scared the shit out of me because I was like, oh, 0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:06.560 hell no, like you know no. And so I was like, okay, 0:18:06.600 --> 0:18:08.879 this work, this works right, And we were spending almost 0:18:08.880 --> 0:18:09.560 every night together. 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:11.080 You think it ignorant. I was twenty two. 0:18:11.119 --> 0:18:11.760 You know what I'm saying. 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:14.600 You think that shit close enough, that shit farther far 0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:15.160 as fuck? 0:18:15.280 --> 0:18:17.800 Okay, so that's some. 0:18:17.760 --> 0:18:20.040 People that think that, oh I might have a niece. 0:18:20.080 --> 0:18:21.280 So say I spent a lot of time with her. 0:18:21.320 --> 0:18:26.840 I basically raised her. No, you did not know. 0:18:27.119 --> 0:18:31.719 And so so we were asking people and and mind you, 0:18:31.760 --> 0:18:34.840 we were you don't know to you know right, We 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:35.640 didn't know it was wrong. 0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:36.320 We knew we liked to. 0:18:36.320 --> 0:18:38.000 Just we didn't be like I don't want to go 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:40.000 down the aisle, like no, we wanted to do that. 0:18:40.000 --> 0:18:43.600 That day, a year later, we were told with what 0:18:43.600 --> 0:18:45.920 we were feeling was normal, and then it was like, okay, 0:18:45.920 --> 0:18:48.040 well let's do some work on it. Let's go to counseling, 0:18:48.119 --> 0:18:50.320 let's do that. We did those things right then it 0:18:50.359 --> 0:18:51.320 was like, okay, what else can we do? 0:18:51.320 --> 0:18:51.840 You know what I'm saying? 0:18:51.880 --> 0:18:52.800 What was the shift though? 0:18:52.920 --> 0:18:54.919 The shift was that he finally realized that I wouldn't 0:18:54.920 --> 0:18:57.200 gonna stop fucking trying to work out my goddamn marriage. 0:18:57.720 --> 0:18:59.640 But what was a shift in that that in your 0:18:59.720 --> 0:19:01.720