1
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,040
Speaker 1: Paramore misery business on one or two point seven. It

2
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:07,200
Speaker 1: is kiss f M. Let's get into it relationships. And

3
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,440
Speaker 1: you know, when you break up with somebody, it is

4
00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:14,280
Speaker 1: very hard to emotionally get past that breakup, right, you

5
00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:15,960
Speaker 1: can go through ebbs and flows of it all. But

6
00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:19,120
Speaker 1: Dr Desirie Robinson is joining us now a certified sex

7
00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:23,120
Speaker 1: therapist and psychotherapist who focuses on the connection the intimacy

8
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:26,080
Speaker 1: to trauma that we all go through. Dr Desire, thank

9
00:00:26,079 --> 00:00:30,360
Speaker 1: you for coming on. We appreciate it, Thank you, just fine,

10
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:34,040
Speaker 1: happy to be here. Great Desire, Thank you for coming on.

11
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:37,080
Speaker 1: So you say, if you're fresh out of a breakup

12
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,839
Speaker 1: and you find yourself really hung up on that other person,

13
00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:44,880
Speaker 1: then the best thing to do is sleep with someone else.

14
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:51,120
Speaker 1: It's an option, It's truly an option. Yet and why

15
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:55,320
Speaker 1: is that a good option? So here's the key here.

16
00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,600
Speaker 1: My biggest philosophy is that people have to be honest

17
00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:03,360
Speaker 1: and truthful with themselves. Right, we're not romanticizing this next person.

18
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:07,800
Speaker 1: They are not your next relationship or spouse. This is

19
00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:11,600
Speaker 1: really closing the chapter that this previous relationship is over,

20
00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:15,679
Speaker 1: and so how do we move you forward in your story?

21
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:18,960
Speaker 1: And that doesn't have to be abstinent of sexual pleasure

22
00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:25,000
Speaker 1: at all. Cesany you were saying that you do, you

23
00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:26,920
Speaker 1: think it could be a good option if you need

24
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,560
Speaker 1: to get over somebody to do this. If this person

25
00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:38,360
Speaker 1: ended up becoming my husband success story, Yeah, I went

26
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:41,840
Speaker 1: from getting over to getting under a lot and it

27
00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:44,240
Speaker 1: just made me depressed. It was like I was so

28
00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:48,960
Speaker 1: I felt so sad. It made way way worse. That

29
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,800
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense to me, And a lot

30
00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:54,400
Speaker 1: of people actually do this, and so I wouldn't encourage

31
00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:58,160
Speaker 1: if it's more so nameless, faceless spects, if it's not

32
00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:01,480
Speaker 1: with any sort of intention and right. So, the idea

33
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:06,559
Speaker 1: is that pleasure sex intimacy first off, is super subjective.

34
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:09,720
Speaker 1: It means different things to different people. So if we're

35
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,120
Speaker 1: going into this like, hey, let me try to do

36
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:16,000
Speaker 1: revenge or prove something that wouldn't be helpful to you

37
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:19,600
Speaker 1: as an individual compared to how can I work on

38
00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:22,920
Speaker 1: my sexual communication skills? A third of MYSS just building

39
00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:26,920
Speaker 1: my yes as a nose without the emotional connection, right,

40
00:02:26,919 --> 00:02:28,919
Speaker 1: because sometimes we're worried about oh I don't want to

41
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:32,760
Speaker 1: hurt someone's feelings, etcetera. This can absolutely be a space

42
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:37,320
Speaker 1: to move through a breakup without associating it with this

43
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,480
Speaker 1: other person per se. It comes to me a self

44
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:42,560
Speaker 1: confidence booster in a way. Yeah. I mean I when I,

45
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,400
Speaker 1: when I was trying to get over an X, I

46
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:48,000
Speaker 1: essentially started dating my now husband And we didn't obviously

47
00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:51,440
Speaker 1: have sex right away, but we just essentially started dating

48
00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:55,120
Speaker 1: and then it led to that. But it was this method.

49
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,720
Speaker 1: It was like my sister set me up with him

50
00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,560
Speaker 1: so that I could get over my ex. Like it

51
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,440
Speaker 1: was a quote unquote rebound. Like it was. That's what

52
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:03,840
Speaker 1: I thought it was going to be. It was the

53
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,480
Speaker 1: beginning of summer, and I thought it was going to

54
00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,480
Speaker 1: be a summer fling and that would be the end

55
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:11,040
Speaker 1: of it. What about let me ask you this, we're

56
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:15,600
Speaker 1: talking about this earlier. What do you think of the

57
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:17,880
Speaker 1: dynamic that two people are busy in a relationship and

58
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,120
Speaker 1: they have to schedule intimacy. Is that a good thing

59
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:25,919
Speaker 1: or is that tragic? I love it. I absolutely love it.

60
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,560
Speaker 1: Part of it is the intention, Right, you make time

61
00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:33,079
Speaker 1: for baseball, for your kids, whatever, but you're not going

62
00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:35,840
Speaker 1: to make time to really make love to your partner.

63
00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:40,120
Speaker 1: Absolutely not. We're all busy people, busy lives and some

64
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:43,600
Speaker 1: of this can be scheduled. The beauty is leading up

65
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,960
Speaker 1: to the scheduled sex. You can absolutely create a culture

66
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:51,880
Speaker 1: of intimacy, eroticism, flirt, sex, do whatever. It's not just

67
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,880
Speaker 1: the act, it's also the dynamic that you're building, the

68
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:59,000
Speaker 1: build up. I like that. It's a good spin on it. Well,

69
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,360
Speaker 1: listen right, thank you so much for coming on. We

70
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:05,120
Speaker 1: appreciate the insights. Always interesting. Thank you so much for

71
00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:08,920
Speaker 1: having me. Of course, you take care. She was really

72
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:12,960
Speaker 1: into that. Yeah, she likes it does make sense to her,

73
00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:16,040
Speaker 1: say it the way she says perspective. The scheduling is

74
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,000
Speaker 1: we never schedule it. But I might be into that.

75
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:23,200
Speaker 1: All right, Uh, but I'm still not making food my

76
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:27,360
Speaker 1: homework assignment. You're doing the apple taste test, Okay, send

77
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,080
Speaker 1: us the apples. I'm just too lazy to go pick

78
00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:33,560
Speaker 1: them all out. Yeah, I want the whole setup and

79
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:39,359
Speaker 1: the cups. I decided I'm gonna be busy tonight. Bills

80
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:41,280
Speaker 1: in the five six too. Let's get you paid next