WEBVTT - Corrbette Pasko Talks About Public Transpo

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<v Speaker 1>There's a meat cute in this story.

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<v Speaker 2>There's actually a meet cute. It's much later, you know, Like,

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<v Speaker 2>just imagine a meet cute that smells like pea.

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<v Speaker 1>So. I recently got back from a trip to Japan,

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<v Speaker 1>and there are so many beautiful aspects of Japanese culture,

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<v Speaker 1>from the incredible food, to the history, the artistry and

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<v Speaker 1>attention to detail, and every aspect of life. But the

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<v Speaker 1>thing that I found most surprising and satisfying was the

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<v Speaker 1>public transportation. Now, the subway stations, first of all, have

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<v Speaker 1>amazing gourmet food. I mean, subway sushi in Japan is

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<v Speaker 1>better than most four star sushi restaurants in LA And

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<v Speaker 1>the stations and the trains are pristine, they are sparkling.

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<v Speaker 1>There's not a piece of trash in sight. And then

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<v Speaker 1>once you're on the subway, it's silent. No one is

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<v Speaker 1>talking on their phone. No one is talking period. Even

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<v Speaker 1>when you're crammed in there like sardines, all you hear

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<v Speaker 1>is the Nintendos jingles that play to indicate that the

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<v Speaker 1>doors are closing and the train is leaving. Is beautiful,

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<v Speaker 1>kind of different than our public train system here in

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<v Speaker 1>the United States. I mean, I live in Los Angeles.

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<v Speaker 1>So I can't even really talk. I mean, our subway

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<v Speaker 1>is not even a subway, it's above ground and it

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<v Speaker 1>basically just takes you downtown if that's where you want

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<v Speaker 1>to go. So I'm not exactly an expert, but enter

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<v Speaker 1>my friend Corbett Pasco. Corbett is an actor, writer and

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<v Speaker 1>professional swear who you may know is the unofficial gen

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<v Speaker 1>X representative on TikTok. She also has a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>experience with the CTA, also known as the Chicago Transit Authority,

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<v Speaker 1>and she's got the stories to prove it. I'm will

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<v Speaker 1>mind the Gap McFadden. And this is hashtag story time,

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<v Speaker 1>brought to you by iHeartRadio.

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<v Speaker 2>So I was working downtown in the Loop in Chicago,

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<v Speaker 2>and I you know, I took public transit together there

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<v Speaker 2>because that's I have now relocated to California in the

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<v Speaker 2>last year. Well, I still don't thank you very much.

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<v Speaker 2>I still don't drive. That's difficult, Yeah it does.

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<v Speaker 1>You know La is notorious for like you drive to

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<v Speaker 1>the neighbor's house.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, oh no, it's it's worse. I'm in Sacramento, so,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean there's nothing, there's there's it looks people look

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<v Speaker 2>at you funny when you're walking. So I have a car,

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<v Speaker 2>I just I don't drive it well, so my husband

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<v Speaker 2>does that. But anyway, so taking public to get to work,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm coming home on the on the Brown Line,

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<v Speaker 2>which kind of you know, goes around the loop, and

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<v Speaker 2>there are several passengers if you're going to transfer at

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<v Speaker 2>any point, so it does a crowded train at rush

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<v Speaker 2>hour coming home. So I realized this is about ninety

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<v Speaker 2>six seven.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, okay.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm young, and I'm you know, in my little

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<v Speaker 2>professional day job before going to my little theater evening career,

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<v Speaker 2>and and everyone's packing on and there is a woman

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<v Speaker 2>in a in a dirty coat, a winter coat, and

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<v Speaker 2>that's you know, and she and she's shuffling along and

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<v Speaker 2>she seems elderly, and I'm trying to see if she

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<v Speaker 2>needs any assistance, but she seems to have it under control.

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<v Speaker 2>She's got a luggage cart that has a giant Hinkley

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<v Speaker 2>and Schmidt type water bottle, like the big old office bottles,

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<v Speaker 2>that's empty except for some change at the bottom. And

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<v Speaker 2>she's got that strap to her luggage cart and she's wheeling.

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<v Speaker 1>It on sort of like a five gallon sparklet style thing, okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Exactly, And I'm like, okay, she seems all right. I

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<v Speaker 2>think she's got it. So okay, so she gets on

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<v Speaker 2>the train and we all get on the train. Now

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<v Speaker 2>there's a button that was at that time more recently

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<v Speaker 2>installed on the train where you can push it to

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<v Speaker 2>talk to the conductor, but it also goes to the

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<v Speaker 2>entire train.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, okay's megaphone button's mm hmmm. Seems like that wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>well thought out.

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<v Speaker 2>No, it was a it was a bad choice. It

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<v Speaker 2>was that that really just should go right to the conductor,

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<v Speaker 2>maybe skip everybody else in between. And I think she

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<v Speaker 2>she knew somehow, she knew exactly where she was going.

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<v Speaker 2>So she got onto the train and we're all packed

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<v Speaker 2>in like sardines, and this tiny woman just leans into

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<v Speaker 2>the button and goes and I'm please know I am

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<v Speaker 2>not exaggerating this voice, because this is what the entire

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<v Speaker 2>train heard. At last, Christ is dead and Satan can rule,

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<v Speaker 2>And the entire train just looks at each other like,

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<v Speaker 2>oh fun. Oh no. So now you're trying to do

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<v Speaker 2>the thing where you're like, do I pretend she's invisible?

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<v Speaker 2>Or do I do I ask some questions? Do I

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<v Speaker 2>just keep my head down, so I'm I'm.

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<v Speaker 1>My this is before you know earbuds. You know, you

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<v Speaker 1>could no phone.

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<v Speaker 2>I can stare at.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, exactly. You just have to stare at your shoes

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<v Speaker 1>or like awkwardly make brisk eye contact with your with

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<v Speaker 1>your neighbors.

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<v Speaker 2>Yep, and just like maybe as a plea for help,

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<v Speaker 2>and they're like, can I help.

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<v Speaker 1>You maybe anything? Really lean into a book or a magazine.

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<v Speaker 2>If you can reach it. Because I'm standing at this point,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I can't get to that, okay. And I

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<v Speaker 2>can see her in the reflection of the the train

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<v Speaker 2>door in between cars, so I'm holding out of the

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<v Speaker 2>pole and I can see her just just behind my arm,

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<v Speaker 2>and then out of the corner of my vision, I

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<v Speaker 2>see her hand and I look down and she is

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<v Speaker 2>reaching for like a funian's bag that had fallen to

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<v Speaker 2>the ground and her and her fingers are just like

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<v Speaker 2>kind of witchily reaching for it. And I'm just gonna

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<v Speaker 2>let her be right. I'm just like, okay, not gonna

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<v Speaker 2>And then she stands up and she's like, fine, don't

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<v Speaker 2>help me, you fuck, And I was like, and then

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<v Speaker 2>she proceeds to sing a song about what a horror

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<v Speaker 2>I am to the entire train. I'm like, but I didn't. Okay, uh,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know we're all just and again I'm checking

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<v Speaker 2>her reflection to see if, like, is she going to

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<v Speaker 2>jump up and latch onto my arm like in a

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<v Speaker 2>bite hold? Should I rip? You know? Like just looking

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<v Speaker 2>like all right? And then she The historic event was

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<v Speaker 2>the Clinton Lewency Lewinsky scandal. Right, okay, this is like

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<v Speaker 2>early Internet when I remember working in this office as

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<v Speaker 2>people are reading the report and thinking, I shouldn't.

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<v Speaker 1>Know any of this? Why do I public?

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<v Speaker 2>I shouldn't None of us should know this. This feels

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<v Speaker 2>like we're going down a bad path here, man, too

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<v Speaker 2>much information here we are twenty twenty two. No, so

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<v Speaker 2>all that was very much on the public consciousness, including

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<v Speaker 2>our friend here who decided to educate all of us

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<v Speaker 2>and say, do you know why the bitch squealed? And

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not again that was her actual like Broomhilda s

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<v Speaker 2>or which Hazel esque if you want to go looney

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<v Speaker 2>Tunes about it.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm picturing that she was like on her way to

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<v Speaker 1>a production of Into the Woods.

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<v Speaker 2>You'd think, you know, right, it's just an.

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<v Speaker 1>Fol costume and makeup, hair and in character on the

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<v Speaker 1>way to you know, to like the premiere of Into

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<v Speaker 1>the Woods, which I feel like, what is just coming

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<v Speaker 1>out at that time?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, singing children will listen in her puppy goat, and

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<v Speaker 2>you know, of course no one's like, no, why did

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<v Speaker 2>they why? I don't know why? And she finally said,

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<v Speaker 2>because Clinton was a lousy fuck and that's why the

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<v Speaker 2>bitch squealed.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god. I mean, if this woman had a

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<v Speaker 1>TikTok account now, I feel like she would, she'd be

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<v Speaker 1>crushing it.

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<v Speaker 2>She absolutely would. She'd have sponsor. She'd be like trying

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<v Speaker 2>on those magnetic pear glasses.

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<v Speaker 1>And you're getting a lot of those ads right now.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, same, and some of them like I know that person.

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<v Speaker 1>She should be like, you know this disco stick eye rolling,

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<v Speaker 1>that's the one I get a lot. I guess that's

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<v Speaker 1>what I need in my life. Is like men's men's

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<v Speaker 1>under I you know, it's like, hey, it's cool if

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<v Speaker 1>you're a bro and you like you need a little

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<v Speaker 1>under eye care, Like I'm.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, man, we're gonna call it a disco stick

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<v Speaker 2>so you don't feel emasculated.

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<v Speaker 1>Exactly, just to keep this disco stick in my truck

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<v Speaker 1>and then like you know, a store.

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<v Speaker 2>Right under my my naked lady mudflaps.

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<v Speaker 1>Right when I'm going hunting, like before a hunt, I

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<v Speaker 1>always just like touch up my under ruck.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't need the dudes thinking I didn't sleep well

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<v Speaker 2>last night like I should right hill though, So she

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<v Speaker 2>got off at Sedgwick, which she called Hell's Maker. Ah,

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<v Speaker 2>Hell's Maker, and then got off and then spat upon

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<v Speaker 2>the train as it pulls away.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god. She is just she is a ten

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<v Speaker 1>at all times.

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<v Speaker 2>All the time, like there's no there's no relaxation that

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<v Speaker 2>woman does not.

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<v Speaker 1>So aggressive in every decision to making els maker. It's

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<v Speaker 1>like train I recently saw. I went to the Sinespia,

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<v Speaker 1>which is like in the cemetery movie thing in Los Angeles,

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<v Speaker 1>and we saw we watch Showgirls and and Elizabeth Berkeley's

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<v Speaker 1>performance in Showgirls is she is so aggressive in every

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<v Speaker 1>move that she does everything. It's so aggressive, and I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like this woman is at the same level. Maybe

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<v Speaker 1>it is Elizabeth Berkeley. She was studying for a role

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<v Speaker 1>in Into the Wands.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what I'm now that I'm thinking about it,

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<v Speaker 2>that very well could be. I mean, Elizabeth Berkeley is

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<v Speaker 2>like dancing at you, right, and this woman is kind

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<v Speaker 2>of living at you.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, exactly, spitting at you.

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<v Speaker 2>Spitting at you. Also not the first time I've been

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<v Speaker 2>spinning either in the city. Just just charming, just so charming.

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, is this is this payback for when

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<v Speaker 2>I was the obnoxious art school kid who was singing

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<v Speaker 2>harmonies of my original song with my friends on the

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<v Speaker 2>train in the way you know it was fifteen.

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, this is carm.

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<v Speaker 2>Fuck you for making us little than of that. Here's

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<v Speaker 2>this lady now aside from you know her, the dude

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<v Speaker 2>also telling me that I could talk all day because

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<v Speaker 2>my lady bits probably didn't smell good either, or the

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<v Speaker 2>preacher lady who told everyone that she was not going

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<v Speaker 2>to shut up because she was personally Gabriel's horn.

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<v Speaker 1>Also great.

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<v Speaker 2>The CTA also did, however, give me my husband. That

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<v Speaker 2>is where I met my husband on the disgusting red line.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh there's a meat cute in this story.

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<v Speaker 2>There's actually a meet cute. It's much later, you know, like,

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<v Speaker 2>just imagine a meat cute that smells like pee.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah right, you know, some of this that happens sometimes has.

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<v Speaker 2>A bottle of night train rolling around on it when

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<v Speaker 2>you didn't think anyone saw that anymore. And yet here

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<v Speaker 2>it is empty at six am. I uh, I had

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<v Speaker 2>passed him one other time, his Staarbucks mine. There was

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<v Speaker 2>a good morning, good morning. It was again it was

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<v Speaker 2>early two thousands. It was exciting to have a Starbucks

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<v Speaker 2>open up in your neighborhood. You were like, oh, I

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<v Speaker 2>can have Coffeeoh like a vanilla solatte. Gross passed me.

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<v Speaker 1>Shut up and drink your coffee.

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<v Speaker 2>Because before this, my favorite coffee shop was, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>one you could smoke in and a very wonderful, bitter

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<v Speaker 2>old man would pour me regular or decaff and that's

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<v Speaker 2>all he had.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's Joe's coffee, cup of Joe.

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<v Speaker 2>That's right. And snacks that he bought at the jewel

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<v Speaker 2>that day. I have cake today. Thank you, Don up

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<v Speaker 2>selling Don's Coffee Club. Amazing place. But uh so there

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<v Speaker 2>was a good morning, good morning, and I thought was like,

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<v Speaker 2>there's a cupe by in my neighborhood. That's neat. That

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<v Speaker 2>was pretty much the last I thought of that. And

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<v Speaker 2>uh and so I got on the train and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>I'm reading my books. See this time, I'm prepared. I

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<v Speaker 2>now have a book to shove my face into just

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<v Speaker 2>in case. Uh, And I and I look up and

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<v Speaker 2>I and I see the cute guy and and we're

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<v Speaker 2>doing there. I know it's a podcast. I have to

0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:24.160
<v Speaker 2>figure out an audio. Weaight to do the looking up

0:12:24.160 --> 0:12:28.880
<v Speaker 2>and smirking and looking down and looking up and you know,

0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:32.480
<v Speaker 2>trying not to be a complete asshole about it, but

0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:35.400
<v Speaker 2>you know you're looking up and blink and it's cute.

0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:38.800
<v Speaker 2>Yea And he no, that was the second time. Okay,

0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:40.559
<v Speaker 2>so no, So we're doing the we're doing the googly

0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:45.320
<v Speaker 2>I thing. And I had a transfer at Belmont. I

0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:47.720
<v Speaker 2>knocked into a guy on my way out because I

0:12:47.840 --> 0:12:50.680
<v Speaker 2>was looking at him. So that was super smooth. I

0:12:50.679 --> 0:12:53.880
<v Speaker 2>felt real good about that. I was like, I am

0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:58.560
<v Speaker 2>good job, okay, so uh and then I started doing

0:12:58.600 --> 0:13:00.439
<v Speaker 2>I used to do my make up on the train.

0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:03.160
<v Speaker 2>I was one of those people that I learned later

0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:04.520
<v Speaker 2>was a type of person that people did.

0:13:04.520 --> 0:13:08.840
<v Speaker 1>Not like it with the harmonizing and oh god.

0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:11.960
<v Speaker 2>I mean what, Dick, just let me read the train lady.

0:13:12.640 --> 0:13:16.719
<v Speaker 2>Why But I mean, I'm full eyeliner, like I got

0:13:16.720 --> 0:13:18.679
<v Speaker 2>a whole like I got a whole thing going like.

0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:21.000
<v Speaker 1>I mean, that's impressive though eyeliner on. There's a lot

0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:23.080
<v Speaker 1>of movement on a trade, you know, I know, I know.

0:13:23.120 --> 0:13:25.240
<v Speaker 2>I could also sleep until I dreamt and not miss

0:13:25.280 --> 0:13:26.920
<v Speaker 2>my stop. I mean, I had this down.

0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:28.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm wow.

0:13:29.040 --> 0:13:31.400
<v Speaker 2>However, if I start with the window too long, totally

0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:33.360
<v Speaker 2>missed my stop and I'm going to be late. But

0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:35.600
<v Speaker 2>you know I could do a full face of makeup

0:13:35.640 --> 0:13:40.240
<v Speaker 2>and have a catnap. I just can't normal people right, right, right,

0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:42.079
<v Speaker 2>So I'm not going to do a guy my way.

0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:44.840
<v Speaker 2>I start doing my makeup at home just in case

0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:46.440
<v Speaker 2>I run into Kukai again.

0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:48.840
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and it's.

0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:50.800
<v Speaker 2>Right, you know, I can't. I can't be caught off guard.

0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:54.520
<v Speaker 2>I I did see him again a couple of weeks later.

0:13:54.800 --> 0:13:57.559
<v Speaker 2>It was a little while, and in this time we're

0:13:57.559 --> 0:14:02.559
<v Speaker 2>both standing and he will not look at me. He refuses,

0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:06.560
<v Speaker 2>he's looking down. He's avoiding me at all costs, and

0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:11.960
<v Speaker 2>so my brain just starts to pick him apart. Fine, whatever, whatever,

0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:14.720
<v Speaker 2>I need you with your two arms, in your hair,

0:14:14.800 --> 0:14:15.360
<v Speaker 2>don't care.

0:14:15.320 --> 0:14:18.320
<v Speaker 1>Got your face, your shoes, your regular shoes.

0:14:18.440 --> 0:14:21.320
<v Speaker 2>Just regular normal people shoes. I thought you were special,

0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:27.000
<v Speaker 2>because you're not, so whatever, don't look at me. Fine, fine,

0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:29.040
<v Speaker 2>in fact, I'm gonna be upset if you do.

0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:32.480
<v Speaker 1>Let me check didn't look at me ever. Again.

0:14:32.600 --> 0:14:35.440
<v Speaker 2>I would prefer it if we never made eyes at

0:14:35.440 --> 0:14:36.920
<v Speaker 2>each other, and I would tell you that. But I'm

0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:40.400
<v Speaker 2>not going to speak to you. So I start to

0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:43.480
<v Speaker 2>get off at Belmont again because this guy, yeah, and

0:14:43.680 --> 0:14:48.920
<v Speaker 2>uh my brain actually started to yell at me like, hey, hey,

0:14:49.120 --> 0:14:52.040
<v Speaker 2>you dumb bitch. I don't know if you have noticed,

0:14:52.520 --> 0:14:55.680
<v Speaker 2>but that whatever that was that happened back there, that

0:14:55.760 --> 0:15:00.080
<v Speaker 2>doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. This train is disgusting, and

0:15:00.600 --> 0:15:05.480
<v Speaker 2>that awesome thing happened to you, and don't leave. So

0:15:05.600 --> 0:15:07.000
<v Speaker 2>I let the crowd push me into him, and I

0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:10.200
<v Speaker 2>put my bag down on his foot. That's like, I

0:15:10.320 --> 0:15:14.360
<v Speaker 2>just gasped a little bit, like one of the balsiest

0:15:14.360 --> 0:15:17.760
<v Speaker 2>things I've every good. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:21.280
<v Speaker 1>Did I crush your toe a little bit? And like

0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:23.280
<v Speaker 1>keep my bag and so my bad.

0:15:23.760 --> 0:15:28.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeps. So you know, we start talking because I've made

0:15:28.200 --> 0:15:30.720
<v Speaker 2>us talk now, and I was terrified that if we

0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:35.120
<v Speaker 2>started talking it would ruin everything. You know, start talking

0:15:35.120 --> 0:15:36.520
<v Speaker 2>about hunting and yeah.

0:15:37.400 --> 0:15:41.080
<v Speaker 1>Well my name's Herman, and you know, okay, where did that,

0:15:42.200 --> 0:15:44.680
<v Speaker 1>or he would be like, you know, Jesus is dead

0:15:44.800 --> 0:15:48.600
<v Speaker 1>and right now, oh shit, it's you.

0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:51.280
<v Speaker 2>Just pulls off the mask.

0:15:51.360 --> 0:15:56.640
<v Speaker 1>I knew it. How did you get along?

0:15:56.760 --> 0:16:01.360
<v Speaker 2>Cond so you're very good at masks? How did you

0:16:01.400 --> 0:16:02.240
<v Speaker 2>get taller.

0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:04.080
<v Speaker 1>Platform?

0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:08.640
<v Speaker 2>Stilty?

0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:09.920
<v Speaker 1>Give me them funnions?

0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:10.320
<v Speaker 2>Damn it?

0:16:11.680 --> 0:16:13.360
<v Speaker 1>It was all for the funds.

0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:19.840
<v Speaker 2>Jesus here, so you know. And he was he was

0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:23.640
<v Speaker 2>reading Twelfth Night, which you know, and I was in

0:16:23.680 --> 0:16:25.160
<v Speaker 2>a show with the guy, the guy who played my

0:16:25.200 --> 0:16:26.720
<v Speaker 2>husband in that show was also He's like, well, I'm

0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:28.720
<v Speaker 2>auditioning for him, Like so is this guy I'm in

0:16:28.760 --> 0:16:30.960
<v Speaker 2>a show with. And they wound up in it together.

0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:33.560
<v Speaker 2>And you know, he lived around the corner and he

0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:36.760
<v Speaker 2>worked where I used to, and well in the building.

0:16:36.760 --> 0:16:41.160
<v Speaker 1>Where was he a malvolio or wash?

0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:44.560
<v Speaker 2>He was? No, that was midsummer when he was who

0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:51.280
<v Speaker 2>he was? Oh my god, Oh no, isn't it. Nope,

0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:54.760
<v Speaker 2>that's is in midsommer summer. No, he was in midsommer.

0:16:54.760 --> 0:16:55.880
<v Speaker 2>He was yus and he was lying.

0:16:56.760 --> 0:16:58.560
<v Speaker 1>I also played Snug the Joiner.

0:16:58.720 --> 0:17:02.680
<v Speaker 2>Fantastic, of course you did. I love that story, you ladies.

0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:03.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:17:04.040 --> 0:17:06.919
<v Speaker 2>No, he's in a therapy session right now. It's probably

0:17:06.920 --> 0:17:08.440
<v Speaker 2>really not a good idea for me to be like, hey,

0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:11.080
<v Speaker 2>who were you.

0:17:10.760 --> 0:17:13.040
<v Speaker 1>Twelve n and twelve? Sir Anthony?

0:17:13.520 --> 0:17:15.600
<v Speaker 2>I think maybe you know that was the guy who

0:17:15.640 --> 0:17:19.040
<v Speaker 2>I who played my husband was any damn it? All right,

0:17:19.040 --> 0:17:21.120
<v Speaker 2>I'll have to ask him, like he was really good.

0:17:21.160 --> 0:17:22.600
<v Speaker 2>And that was another thing, is like, you know, we

0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:24.720
<v Speaker 2>had just started dating and I had to go see

0:17:24.760 --> 0:17:28.520
<v Speaker 2>him act. Yeah, and in Shakespeare. I'm like, please don't suck.

0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:31.040
<v Speaker 1>I know. Yeah, that's always that's always the risk where

0:17:31.080 --> 0:17:34.399
<v Speaker 1>it's like my girlfriend, she's an artist, and when she

0:17:34.440 --> 0:17:36.280
<v Speaker 1>first showed me or I was like, oh, I hope

0:17:36.280 --> 0:17:38.360
<v Speaker 1>this isn't terrible. And then I was like, oh, you're

0:17:38.560 --> 0:17:41.000
<v Speaker 1>super good, You're super talented. Yep.

0:17:41.040 --> 0:17:43.480
<v Speaker 2>I was like, because I can't keep dating you, because

0:17:43.480 --> 0:17:45.080
<v Speaker 2>I can't keep lying to you. I can't I can't

0:17:45.160 --> 0:17:47.120
<v Speaker 2>encourage you to do something that you're very bad at.

0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:48.919
<v Speaker 1>Right, Yeah, I can't live that life.

0:17:49.119 --> 0:17:52.240
<v Speaker 2>No, So fortunate I didn't have to, but so yeah,

0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:54.720
<v Speaker 2>so we we got to talking about that, you know,

0:17:54.800 --> 0:17:57.960
<v Speaker 2>and I immediately called my friend who worked at DDB

0:17:58.200 --> 0:18:00.240
<v Speaker 2>with him, and I'm like, I need you to find

0:18:00.240 --> 0:18:03.240
<v Speaker 2>out about this person. He's like that guy everyone keeps

0:18:03.280 --> 0:18:05.919
<v Speaker 2>confusing me for that guy because we're both tall.

0:18:06.560 --> 0:18:07.480
<v Speaker 1>And that's it.

0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:09.560
<v Speaker 2>So that all you got, how you.

0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:10.040
<v Speaker 1>Have on him?

0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:13.920
<v Speaker 2>Okay? So yeah, then we went on our first date

0:18:14.560 --> 0:18:18.920
<v Speaker 2>December fifteenth, two thousand and two. Okay, yeah, so we're

0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:22.719
<v Speaker 2>coming up on twenty years now, so that yeah from

0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:23.280
<v Speaker 2>the red light?

0:18:23.560 --> 0:18:27.200
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god? And who asked? Did you ask him?

0:18:28.560 --> 0:18:31.359
<v Speaker 1>How did the date come? Like? How did you pop

0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:33.040
<v Speaker 1>the question or did he finally ask you?

0:18:33.400 --> 0:18:37.119
<v Speaker 2>We exchanged to email addresses again early internet, where that

0:18:37.160 --> 0:18:38.919
<v Speaker 2>was like, you won't get lost in spam. This is

0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:42.760
<v Speaker 2>probably fine, yeah, because otherwise you're giving your home number,

0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:48.400
<v Speaker 2>your landline, right, it's personal for word, right, So yeah,

0:18:48.680 --> 0:18:51.040
<v Speaker 2>I think he did, he suggested, And we went to

0:18:51.040 --> 0:18:55.760
<v Speaker 2>Moody's in Chicago for our first date, which was perfect

0:18:56.440 --> 0:18:58.880
<v Speaker 2>and we had a lovely time and I made sure

0:18:59.040 --> 0:19:00.200
<v Speaker 2>to kick him out.

0:19:03.040 --> 0:19:06.560
<v Speaker 1>That I relate. That happened to be my first date

0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:10.080
<v Speaker 1>with my girlfriend now, who I've been together for nine years.

0:19:10.440 --> 0:19:14.080
<v Speaker 1>First date, we went to a really nice dinner. Then

0:19:14.080 --> 0:19:16.080
<v Speaker 1>we were drinking whiskey out on her porch and we

0:19:16.080 --> 0:19:19.560
<v Speaker 1>were watching these two lesbian neighbors have this really intense

0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:21.119
<v Speaker 1>fight and they kept fighting and then making out and

0:19:21.119 --> 0:19:22.640
<v Speaker 1>fighting and we were just like, this is a soap

0:19:22.680 --> 0:19:25.120
<v Speaker 1>op rather than maze. And then there was also some

0:19:25.160 --> 0:19:27.680
<v Speaker 1>stray cats that were having a fight too in the alleyway.

0:19:27.920 --> 0:19:29.840
<v Speaker 1>There was just it was just like it was better

0:19:29.880 --> 0:19:33.320
<v Speaker 1>than TV. And then and then she she invited me

0:19:33.359 --> 0:19:36.159
<v Speaker 1>into her room to like give me this tie that

0:19:36.200 --> 0:19:38.000
<v Speaker 1>I had left or that she had stolen from me

0:19:38.040 --> 0:19:41.960
<v Speaker 1>one night, and then we like started kissing and then

0:19:42.240 --> 0:19:44.439
<v Speaker 1>I took off my shoes and she was like, what

0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:46.639
<v Speaker 1>are you doing? And I was like, I thought we

0:19:46.640 --> 0:19:48.720
<v Speaker 1>were gonna get on the bed and I didn't want

0:19:48.720 --> 0:19:50.119
<v Speaker 1>to get my shoes on your bed. And she was like,

0:19:50.280 --> 0:19:52.720
<v Speaker 1>we're not getting on the bed. Put your shoes back off.

0:19:52.840 --> 0:19:54.640
<v Speaker 2>Put your damps on, get out.

0:19:54.840 --> 0:19:56.679
<v Speaker 1>Yeah that's exactly what happened.

0:19:56.880 --> 0:20:00.159
<v Speaker 2>Oh no, full disclosure. We absolutely, we absolutely did that.

0:20:00.200 --> 0:20:02.880
<v Speaker 2>We did all of that shoes off and the whole thing.

0:20:02.920 --> 0:20:06.000
<v Speaker 2>But then I was like, okay, get out, Nelly. I

0:20:06.040 --> 0:20:07.880
<v Speaker 2>don't I don't want you waking up here in either

0:20:07.880 --> 0:20:10.639
<v Speaker 2>of us going oh no, because I think you're very lovely,

0:20:11.240 --> 0:20:12.000
<v Speaker 2>so get out.

0:20:14.280 --> 0:20:15.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. See I did even get there. I just got

0:20:15.960 --> 0:20:18.760
<v Speaker 1>two shoes off, and she was like, what's What do

0:20:18.800 --> 0:20:20.480
<v Speaker 1>you think you're doing while taking.

0:20:21.080 --> 0:20:23.080
<v Speaker 2>It's very presumptuous of you thinking I want to see

0:20:23.080 --> 0:20:23.520
<v Speaker 2>your toes.

0:20:23.680 --> 0:20:26.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but I also just I didn't want to people

0:20:26.280 --> 0:20:27.200
<v Speaker 1>get my shoes on earth.

0:20:27.720 --> 0:20:29.320
<v Speaker 2>You're trying to be polite.

0:20:29.480 --> 0:20:32.080
<v Speaker 1>It was presumptuous and polite at the same time.

0:20:32.880 --> 0:20:35.359
<v Speaker 2>I was very assuming, also very concerned about your duvet.

0:20:35.520 --> 0:20:41.399
<v Speaker 1>Yeah exactly, I just I didn't want so embarrassing putting

0:20:41.400 --> 0:20:45.120
<v Speaker 1>the shoes back. I guess they're not slip on stoo,

0:20:45.200 --> 0:20:47.000
<v Speaker 1>So I got it right. So I gotta tie and

0:20:47.160 --> 0:20:48.280
<v Speaker 1>relace these.

0:20:50.200 --> 0:20:51.160
<v Speaker 2>Hold on their dress shoes.

0:20:51.160 --> 0:20:53.160
<v Speaker 1>It's been lazy their knee high boots that.

0:20:54.480 --> 0:20:56.879
<v Speaker 2>They got some hook eyes. One second, I just got it.

0:20:57.720 --> 0:21:01.400
<v Speaker 2>I want the buckles. Stupid, stupid.

0:21:03.520 --> 0:21:05.760
<v Speaker 1>Okay, really, it has been fun.

0:21:06.920 --> 0:21:10.760
<v Speaker 2>You have a good night and a clean bed. I'm

0:21:10.760 --> 0:21:11.119
<v Speaker 2>gonna go.

0:21:13.600 --> 0:21:17.440
<v Speaker 1>Oh what a cute me and cute.

0:21:17.520 --> 0:21:21.520
<v Speaker 2>It was very cute. We we we got engaged and

0:21:21.520 --> 0:21:24.880
<v Speaker 2>then broke up and then moved apart. Yeah, we broke

0:21:24.920 --> 0:21:29.520
<v Speaker 2>our landlord's heart when we told them because my landlords

0:21:29.560 --> 0:21:32.080
<v Speaker 2>would not let me move in with my previous boyfriend. Okay,

0:21:33.000 --> 0:21:38.080
<v Speaker 2>they were hilarious, amazing people. I just asked what the

0:21:38.119 --> 0:21:40.639
<v Speaker 2>price of a two bedroom would be. And the patriarch

0:21:40.640 --> 0:21:44.720
<v Speaker 2>of the family, Gus, was like, no, you don't want

0:21:44.720 --> 0:21:47.240
<v Speaker 2>to do that. I was like, but what I just

0:21:47.320 --> 0:21:51.919
<v Speaker 2>want to know? How much is no? No, Gus, how

0:21:52.000 --> 0:21:54.200
<v Speaker 2>much is that not? You do that? And then something

0:21:54.280 --> 0:21:56.720
<v Speaker 2>happens and you got you got an apartment you can't

0:21:56.720 --> 0:22:01.119
<v Speaker 2>pay for. Oh something's good. Well that's rude. But also

0:22:01.240 --> 0:22:03.760
<v Speaker 2>they would come in to do work and sometimes do

0:22:03.840 --> 0:22:07.159
<v Speaker 2>my dishes. I'm like, June, did you do that?

0:22:07.320 --> 0:22:07.520
<v Speaker 1>Well?

0:22:07.560 --> 0:22:10.960
<v Speaker 2>They were just there. I just thought, June sumptuous and

0:22:11.000 --> 0:22:14.199
<v Speaker 2>polite and polite. Oh god. They had to redo some

0:22:14.200 --> 0:22:16.399
<v Speaker 2>pipes and like had to tear apart my closet at

0:22:16.440 --> 0:22:19.040
<v Speaker 2>one point, and she's and all of my shoes had

0:22:19.040 --> 0:22:20.640
<v Speaker 2>been moved to under my bed and she's like, those

0:22:20.640 --> 0:22:23.560
<v Speaker 2>are a lot of shoes. I was, all your shoes.

0:22:24.240 --> 0:22:27.360
<v Speaker 1>You might have a problem, thanks, June.

0:22:28.080 --> 0:22:30.119
<v Speaker 2>They came in to fix something one day and like

0:22:30.160 --> 0:22:31.760
<v Speaker 2>they didn't tell me, and they'd bust in and they're

0:22:31.840 --> 0:22:34.800
<v Speaker 2>yelling at each other. I'm like, Gus, you cannot talk

0:22:34.840 --> 0:22:36.760
<v Speaker 2>to your wife that way at ten o'clock in the

0:22:36.760 --> 0:22:37.119
<v Speaker 2>morning in.

0:22:37.160 --> 0:22:39.840
<v Speaker 1>My house, inside my bedroom.

0:22:39.440 --> 0:22:41.480
<v Speaker 2>Inside my bed, and he just palms me at twenty

0:22:41.560 --> 0:22:43.000
<v Speaker 2>and he's like, go get some breakfast.

0:22:43.880 --> 0:22:44.880
<v Speaker 1>You don't want to hear this.

0:22:46.320 --> 0:22:47.960
<v Speaker 2>He brought me a table. He's like, I don't like it.

0:22:48.000 --> 0:22:49.320
<v Speaker 2>You don't know how a cocktail table?

0:22:50.080 --> 0:22:50.320
<v Speaker 1>What?

0:22:51.600 --> 0:22:53.760
<v Speaker 2>An air conditioner, a toaster? Things would just show up

0:22:53.760 --> 0:22:56.080
<v Speaker 2>in my house. They are the greatest, weirdest landlords I've

0:22:56.080 --> 0:22:56.840
<v Speaker 2>ever had.

0:22:57.119 --> 0:22:58.560
<v Speaker 1>Really and blurring the lines.

0:22:59.000 --> 0:23:03.080
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah. And then they met my husband and instead

0:23:03.080 --> 0:23:05.720
<v Speaker 2>of like he would he would gesture for my ex

0:23:05.800 --> 0:23:09.480
<v Speaker 2>because he was short, which I'm short but he and

0:23:09.600 --> 0:23:11.720
<v Speaker 2>so was Gus. But he was like, where's and he

0:23:11.760 --> 0:23:13.520
<v Speaker 2>would like hold his hand up like short guy.

0:23:13.960 --> 0:23:15.320
<v Speaker 1>Yay, hi right.

0:23:15.400 --> 0:23:17.639
<v Speaker 2>I was like what. And for my husband he was like,

0:23:17.680 --> 0:23:19.240
<v Speaker 2>where's Captain America? Oh?

0:23:19.640 --> 0:23:20.080
<v Speaker 1>All right?

0:23:20.800 --> 0:23:22.840
<v Speaker 2>And then one day he's like, you need a bigger apartment.

0:23:23.359 --> 0:23:23.600
<v Speaker 1>He did.

0:23:23.720 --> 0:23:28.280
<v Speaker 2>He's like, Gus approves you may now continue your relationship.

0:23:28.800 --> 0:23:31.120
<v Speaker 2>He was like, you need a bigger apartment. I'm gonna

0:23:31.119 --> 0:23:35.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna start showing you apartments. I'm like, okay, he did.

0:23:35.840 --> 0:23:38.200
<v Speaker 2>He gave us a I moved within the building. Two

0:23:38.320 --> 0:23:41.960
<v Speaker 2>gorgeous apartments in the same building, just unbelievable, cleanest building

0:23:41.960 --> 0:23:42.800
<v Speaker 2>I've ever seen in my life.

0:23:43.000 --> 0:23:46.520
<v Speaker 1>Did did he make a speech at your wedding?

0:23:47.560 --> 0:23:51.679
<v Speaker 2>Sad? No, he should have. I should have invited the travelss.

0:23:51.720 --> 0:23:54.600
<v Speaker 2>But no, he actually passed away shortly after he uh

0:23:54.600 --> 0:23:58.480
<v Speaker 2>picked out our apartment. Oh god, so telling you know,

0:23:58.840 --> 0:24:02.080
<v Speaker 2>his his widow and and the daughter like, I'm so sorry.

0:24:02.119 --> 0:24:04.880
<v Speaker 2>But she's like, I can't believe it didn't work out.

0:24:04.960 --> 0:24:08.919
<v Speaker 2>I'm so sorry. You need anything you come back by

0:24:08.960 --> 0:24:10.280
<v Speaker 2>either of you. We just love you.

0:24:10.320 --> 0:24:13.720
<v Speaker 1>So they were so sweet, you need anything except more shoes.

0:24:13.720 --> 0:24:15.560
<v Speaker 2>Right, because I'm not gonna I'm not going to enable

0:24:15.600 --> 0:24:20.240
<v Speaker 2>you like that concern for you, concerned but and judgmental.

0:24:20.560 --> 0:24:20.879
<v Speaker 1>Still.

0:24:20.920 --> 0:24:22.960
<v Speaker 2>Oh, when they were trying to show the place, like

0:24:23.000 --> 0:24:24.480
<v Speaker 2>they came in, looked at my bathroom and she looks

0:24:24.480 --> 0:24:27.440
<v Speaker 2>at the at the tub and she's like, well, I'm

0:24:27.480 --> 0:24:30.080
<v Speaker 2>gonna have to comment that, but that'll be okay. I'm like,

0:24:30.240 --> 0:24:31.280
<v Speaker 2>I did.

0:24:31.240 --> 0:24:34.560
<v Speaker 1>No, not enough. You gotta put that back into it.

0:24:34.600 --> 0:24:36.080
<v Speaker 1>You I'll bow grace in there.

0:24:36.280 --> 0:24:38.480
<v Speaker 2>I mean, if you tried, it's worse than my mother.

0:24:44.960 --> 0:24:47.040
<v Speaker 2>So we broke up for a bit, uh, and we

0:24:47.040 --> 0:24:49.919
<v Speaker 2>moved apart. We got back together very quickly, but we

0:24:49.960 --> 0:24:53.000
<v Speaker 2>stayed living apart because we'd already made arrangements. It's a

0:24:53.000 --> 0:24:56.200
<v Speaker 2>long time and this was working out pretty well. Uh

0:24:56.480 --> 0:24:59.520
<v Speaker 2>so our uh save the dates for when we got

0:24:59.600 --> 0:25:03.399
<v Speaker 2>re engage, which was also very cute, just said in

0:25:03.560 --> 0:25:08.960
<v Speaker 2>very pretty script. It just said, seriously on them so weird, seriously, seriously, No,

0:25:09.000 --> 0:25:11.320
<v Speaker 2>we're gonna do it this time. When I told my

0:25:11.320 --> 0:25:15.520
<v Speaker 2>mother the second time we got engaged, she was like, oh,

0:25:15.560 --> 0:25:18.520
<v Speaker 2>well good. I was like, well, excuse me. She's like, well,

0:25:18.520 --> 0:25:22.280
<v Speaker 2>if you were gonna marry him, I was going to like, really, mom,

0:25:23.080 --> 0:25:25.280
<v Speaker 2>And yes, my mother was a fifty year smoker from Brooklyn.

0:25:26.240 --> 0:25:28.000
<v Speaker 2>Not to be confused with the Satan Lady. They're foy

0:25:28.000 --> 0:25:33.199
<v Speaker 2>different people. We were doing, uh the only production that

0:25:33.240 --> 0:25:35.359
<v Speaker 2>I directed for the theater company that I ran for

0:25:35.400 --> 0:25:38.400
<v Speaker 2>like twelve years. And at the end of the show,

0:25:38.880 --> 0:25:40.639
<v Speaker 2>my husband was supposed to propose to a woman that

0:25:40.680 --> 0:25:42.600
<v Speaker 2>he doesn't really know. He'd just been talking to her

0:25:42.600 --> 0:25:46.560
<v Speaker 2>in the lobby all night in this small town. You know,

0:25:46.600 --> 0:25:48.600
<v Speaker 2>So you're gonna marry me or what? And she's like, no,

0:25:48.680 --> 0:25:50.560
<v Speaker 2>I don't think so, mister Faber. He's like, all right,

0:25:50.960 --> 0:25:55.159
<v Speaker 2>like that kind of thing whatever, and the whole and

0:25:55.200 --> 0:25:58.080
<v Speaker 2>it was a dress rehearsal, because no man I would marry,

0:25:58.119 --> 0:26:02.280
<v Speaker 2>would ruin a fucking performance by proposing to me in

0:26:02.320 --> 0:26:04.200
<v Speaker 2>the middle. No one paid for that, No one wants

0:26:04.240 --> 0:26:04.800
<v Speaker 2>to see that.

0:26:04.800 --> 0:26:05.800
<v Speaker 1>That's a selfish move.

0:26:06.080 --> 0:26:08.920
<v Speaker 2>It's a very selfish move. Just no one. No one

0:26:08.920 --> 0:26:10.840
<v Speaker 2>here cares. They came to see the show.

0:26:10.840 --> 0:26:12.000
<v Speaker 1>What are you doing if you If you do it

0:26:12.000 --> 0:26:13.480
<v Speaker 1>on one show, then you have to do it every show,

0:26:13.720 --> 0:26:15.800
<v Speaker 1>and then you have to recreate that kind of emotion

0:26:16.119 --> 0:26:18.320
<v Speaker 1>and that discovery every time.

0:26:18.680 --> 0:26:21.080
<v Speaker 2>And our future is based on a performance.

0:26:21.080 --> 0:26:22.240
<v Speaker 1>It's not a lie. Yeah, it's a lie.

0:26:22.480 --> 0:26:23.000
<v Speaker 2>It's a lie.

0:26:23.720 --> 0:26:23.960
<v Speaker 1>Uh.

0:26:24.640 --> 0:26:27.920
<v Speaker 2>It was a dress rehearsal. And there was like two

0:26:27.920 --> 0:26:29.800
<v Speaker 2>minutes left of the play after he proposes, and he

0:26:29.920 --> 0:26:33.120
<v Speaker 2>told the people that it would affect but the whole night,

0:26:33.200 --> 0:26:35.440
<v Speaker 2>all my notes are like, why the fuck is your

0:26:35.520 --> 0:26:41.280
<v Speaker 2>character so fucking chipper? Like he's this disheveled business man

0:26:41.359 --> 0:26:43.680
<v Speaker 2>who's just very down in his luck, and I'm like, man,

0:26:44.160 --> 0:26:45.600
<v Speaker 2>a little step in your step.

0:26:45.680 --> 0:26:47.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, tone it down.

0:26:48.119 --> 0:26:50.639
<v Speaker 2>You're supposed to be bitter and jaded, and you're just like.

0:26:53.720 --> 0:26:55.679
<v Speaker 1>You. Why did you sing half of your lines?

0:26:56.480 --> 0:27:00.840
<v Speaker 2>Did you skip just now? I think you did? Clearly

0:27:00.880 --> 0:27:02.720
<v Speaker 2>that was a pot of barret as you exited the stage,

0:27:02.720 --> 0:27:07.040
<v Speaker 2>and I do not approve. So he asks, you know,

0:27:07.119 --> 0:27:08.320
<v Speaker 2>is you gonna marry me one? And she's like, no,

0:27:08.520 --> 0:27:11.840
<v Speaker 2>mister favor. He said, that's all right, I have someone

0:27:11.840 --> 0:27:14.720
<v Speaker 2>else in mind, and he walks out and to me

0:27:15.240 --> 0:27:18.840
<v Speaker 2>and drops to it and I was like, oh, no, I

0:27:18.960 --> 0:27:24.679
<v Speaker 2>didn't know. Don't read these notes? Did you have notes

0:27:24.760 --> 0:27:28.440
<v Speaker 2>on the proposal? I copious, copious notes.

0:27:28.480 --> 0:27:28.520
<v Speaker 1>No.

0:27:28.560 --> 0:27:29.920
<v Speaker 2>I stopped at that point and I told him I

0:27:29.960 --> 0:27:31.440
<v Speaker 2>think he was trying to get out of those notes.

0:27:34.359 --> 0:27:34.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:27:34.520 --> 0:27:36.840
<v Speaker 2>It was pretty adorable. It was pretty It was pretty cute.

0:27:37.440 --> 0:27:42.440
<v Speaker 1>That is that's sweet. No notes, no notes on the proposal.

0:27:42.160 --> 0:27:42.760
<v Speaker 2>No notes.

0:27:43.240 --> 0:27:43.399
<v Speaker 1>You know.

0:27:43.440 --> 0:27:44.920
<v Speaker 2>He was going to do it on the train, but

0:27:45.160 --> 0:27:48.040
<v Speaker 2>there was too much peace and someone was smoking.

0:27:48.200 --> 0:27:49.359
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, too many Satanists.

0:27:50.840 --> 0:27:52.760
<v Speaker 2>They were having a convention, and we just didn't want to.

0:27:53.119 --> 0:27:54.480
<v Speaker 1>He could have done it. You could have press the

0:27:54.480 --> 0:27:57.679
<v Speaker 1>button and been like, hear you, hear you all you

0:27:57.720 --> 0:27:59.200
<v Speaker 1>know travelers on this trade.

0:28:00.400 --> 0:28:01.960
<v Speaker 2>Here's the person I would like to spend the rest

0:28:01.960 --> 0:28:04.880
<v Speaker 2>of my days with. In car fifty four to seventeen.

0:28:04.840 --> 0:28:09.760
<v Speaker 1>Shut up, shut your mouth, this is my stop. We

0:28:09.840 --> 0:28:13.640
<v Speaker 1>got to stop pressing the buttons. It's for the conductor, right.

0:28:13.680 --> 0:28:19.120
<v Speaker 2>Trying to see the Cobs game. So that's that's those

0:28:19.119 --> 0:28:20.680
<v Speaker 2>are those are? I mean, that's kind of my mash

0:28:20.720 --> 0:28:22.240
<v Speaker 2>up of this of what the CTA gave us.

0:28:22.280 --> 0:28:25.520
<v Speaker 1>All. Yeah, I mean, it's a roller coaster. You never

0:28:25.600 --> 0:28:28.320
<v Speaker 1>know what you're going to get on the on the CTA, No, And.

0:28:28.320 --> 0:28:32.880
<v Speaker 2>For a while their slogan was absolutely unironically, take it,

0:28:34.040 --> 0:28:37.640
<v Speaker 2>take it, CTA, take it. I'm like, did anyone think

0:28:37.680 --> 0:28:38.920
<v Speaker 2>this all? I bet you did think this through.

0:28:39.160 --> 0:28:42.520
<v Speaker 1>It's the same it's the same company that was doing

0:28:42.560 --> 0:28:46.320
<v Speaker 1>the slogan for South Dakota, which what they had a

0:28:46.320 --> 0:28:52.720
<v Speaker 1>meth problem and their slogan was meth We're on it.

0:28:56.560 --> 0:28:59.240
<v Speaker 1>I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. It's very true.

0:28:59.720 --> 0:29:01.680
<v Speaker 2>Why it's just you and a couple of bison right now,

0:29:02.600 --> 0:29:02.960
<v Speaker 2>it's it.

0:29:03.360 --> 0:29:04.040
<v Speaker 1>We're on it.

0:29:04.240 --> 0:29:07.120
<v Speaker 2>We're on it. Yeah, you want to be on it too,

0:29:07.800 --> 0:29:10.520
<v Speaker 2>Come visit. You don't need teeth.

0:29:10.560 --> 0:29:11.920
<v Speaker 1>Let's go. We were on it.

0:29:12.240 --> 0:29:15.440
<v Speaker 2>We're on it. So fun. It's a great time.

0:29:16.280 --> 0:29:18.600
<v Speaker 1>And then so now it's been almost twenty years, right

0:29:18.800 --> 0:29:20.400
<v Speaker 1>or has it been twenty It'll.

0:29:20.240 --> 0:29:23.400
<v Speaker 2>Be twenty in December. Oh yeah, hell yeah.

0:29:23.360 --> 0:29:25.400
<v Speaker 1>You guys should go for a ride on the on

0:29:25.400 --> 0:29:25.840
<v Speaker 1>the train.

0:29:26.120 --> 0:29:28.320
<v Speaker 2>We're gonna go back to Chicago. Get on the train. Yeah,

0:29:28.360 --> 0:29:32.720
<v Speaker 2>push the button. See what happens, right? I mean, why not? Honestly,

0:29:33.440 --> 0:29:35.320
<v Speaker 2>I go back to Chicago a lot, so that we'll

0:29:35.360 --> 0:29:37.000
<v Speaker 2>have to or you've had that in there.

0:29:37.160 --> 0:29:40.040
<v Speaker 1>You could. You could bring back the play that you

0:29:40.040 --> 0:29:40.640
<v Speaker 1>guys were doing.

0:29:40.960 --> 0:29:43.960
<v Speaker 2>We could. I did love that show. Actually did not

0:29:44.040 --> 0:29:45.680
<v Speaker 2>a lot of other people did, but I thought it

0:29:45.720 --> 0:29:46.080
<v Speaker 2>was great.

0:29:46.400 --> 0:29:49.720
<v Speaker 1>Read mount it, read mount the show. Get the cast

0:29:49.800 --> 0:29:52.360
<v Speaker 1>back together, Come on, I get the bad back together. Everybody,

0:29:52.480 --> 0:29:53.440
<v Speaker 1>let us do it.

0:29:53.440 --> 0:29:55.440
<v Speaker 2>It's a depressing show about a small town. Let's go

0:29:56.920 --> 0:30:04.760
<v Speaker 2>archa no American notes. Yeah, familiar, very very weird, wonderful

0:30:04.920 --> 0:30:08.560
<v Speaker 2>kind of just small town Americana kind of show.

0:30:09.000 --> 0:30:09.400
<v Speaker 1>I love it.

0:30:09.440 --> 0:30:11.320
<v Speaker 2>And it was like just little bits. And what I

0:30:11.320 --> 0:30:14.080
<v Speaker 2>loved is our set designers actually built these little platforms,

0:30:14.400 --> 0:30:16.280
<v Speaker 2>these little wagons that just kind of moved in and out.

0:30:16.320 --> 0:30:18.760
<v Speaker 2>So they were very detailed because it was like just

0:30:18.800 --> 0:30:20.720
<v Speaker 2>a chair with a bunch of shits arounding it. Yeah,

0:30:20.800 --> 0:30:23.720
<v Speaker 2>just a little bit of a bar. So they just

0:30:23.760 --> 0:30:25.480
<v Speaker 2>kind of moved in and out of this small town.

0:30:25.520 --> 0:30:26.200
<v Speaker 2>And I loved it.

0:30:26.240 --> 0:30:29.800
<v Speaker 1>I just loved it. I got to read that I'm

0:30:29.800 --> 0:30:33.760
<v Speaker 1>always looking for I just read I did this in college,

0:30:33.840 --> 0:30:36.120
<v Speaker 1>but just came back to Bob Rauschenberg America, the Chuck

0:30:36.160 --> 0:30:38.360
<v Speaker 1>Me play, which I if you I've read. It's also

0:30:38.920 --> 0:30:41.920
<v Speaker 1>it's a very much a little slice of Americana, and

0:30:41.960 --> 0:30:43.280
<v Speaker 1>it's a lot of little vignettes.

0:30:43.320 --> 0:30:48.400
<v Speaker 2>And yeah, that's probably I'm gonna guess, because this tells

0:30:48.440 --> 0:30:49.400
<v Speaker 2>me it's probably a little better.

0:30:51.120 --> 0:30:55.480
<v Speaker 1>He's the most performed playwright living playwright because he makes

0:30:55.520 --> 0:30:57.760
<v Speaker 1>everything public domain. Just he says, to do my play

0:30:57.840 --> 0:30:58.720
<v Speaker 1>is for free. I don't care.

0:30:59.320 --> 0:31:03.080
<v Speaker 2>That's definitely a good call. We produced a show once

0:31:03.400 --> 0:31:05.840
<v Speaker 2>we were just talking about this was a Clive Barker play, okay,

0:31:06.760 --> 0:31:12.520
<v Speaker 2>called Frankenstein and Love. I look back at that and went, oh, no,

0:31:13.080 --> 0:31:16.560
<v Speaker 2>there's a lot of problems there. But Clive Barker knew

0:31:16.600 --> 0:31:20.560
<v Speaker 2>that it was so difficult to do that. The rights

0:31:20.560 --> 0:31:21.080
<v Speaker 2>were a dollar.

0:31:21.720 --> 0:31:23.680
<v Speaker 1>Oh good luck.

0:31:24.040 --> 0:31:27.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean honestly, he's like, have fun, that's the

0:31:27.720 --> 0:31:28.840
<v Speaker 2>way that so much blood.

0:31:29.040 --> 0:31:31.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's like you got to buy all these wedding

0:31:31.200 --> 0:31:34.680
<v Speaker 1>dresses and cover them in blood. It's a dollar.

0:31:35.000 --> 0:31:37.800
<v Speaker 2>So many parts, so many baby parts. We were calling

0:31:37.880 --> 0:31:42.000
<v Speaker 2>a place called Dapper Cadaver Ordering the Dismemberment Special.

0:31:42.720 --> 0:31:47.720
<v Speaker 1>There have you really? Yeah, there's one in in the

0:31:47.800 --> 0:31:50.760
<v Speaker 1>Valley in Los Angeles and that's where you're from. You Yeah, okay,

0:31:50.760 --> 0:31:56.520
<v Speaker 1>I've been there. It's crazy. It's a wild wild it's impressive.

0:31:56.680 --> 0:31:59.240
<v Speaker 2>Like I can only imagine going in there.

0:31:59.280 --> 0:32:03.640
<v Speaker 1>I can't remember why. Oh, we were renting a coffin

0:32:04.800 --> 0:32:09.440
<v Speaker 1>or for a sketch, like you do. We were shooting

0:32:09.480 --> 0:32:14.120
<v Speaker 1>a sketch that was it was a three sixty video POV.

0:32:14.400 --> 0:32:19.600
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, of you being the person in the you

0:32:19.720 --> 0:32:23.560
<v Speaker 1>being the dead person. Nope, absolutely in the coffin. And

0:32:23.560 --> 0:32:26.840
<v Speaker 1>then it was this like this parade of your family

0:32:26.920 --> 0:32:30.040
<v Speaker 1>members and ex girlfriend or whatever all showing up and

0:32:30.520 --> 0:32:33.920
<v Speaker 1>like it's confessing horrible things and crying and you know,

0:32:34.320 --> 0:32:36.360
<v Speaker 1>it's just this shit show funeral.

0:32:36.840 --> 0:32:38.840
<v Speaker 2>That I'm here for. That just not the lowering into

0:32:38.840 --> 0:32:40.000
<v Speaker 2>the ground park. Let's not do that.

0:32:40.120 --> 0:32:42.400
<v Speaker 1>No, No, that wasn't in there. I mean the I

0:32:42.520 --> 0:32:44.400
<v Speaker 1>was the creepy priest and there was a closing of

0:32:44.400 --> 0:32:47.720
<v Speaker 1>the coffin at the end of it. But but yeah,

0:32:47.760 --> 0:32:49.800
<v Speaker 1>that's why that's why we went to the African Ever.

0:32:50.320 --> 0:32:54.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeap, it would just had people non on arms and things.

0:32:54.400 --> 0:32:59.040
<v Speaker 1>A lot of severed limbs, aliens and yep, it's really

0:32:59.040 --> 0:33:01.680
<v Speaker 1>impressive what they do there. This episode is brought to

0:33:01.680 --> 0:33:02.400
<v Speaker 1>you by Dapper cad.

0:33:02.320 --> 0:33:06.400
<v Speaker 2>Ever sponsors daper could Ever.

0:33:15.240 --> 0:33:18.520
<v Speaker 1>Let's play a little bit of a first, first, last, best, worst.

0:33:19.080 --> 0:33:21.960
<v Speaker 1>Let's yes, why don't we do worsts and we do

0:33:22.120 --> 0:33:24.880
<v Speaker 1>all we run through the gamut of worst. All right,

0:33:24.960 --> 0:33:26.720
<v Speaker 1>let's go, okay, so worst job.

0:33:27.320 --> 0:33:31.200
<v Speaker 2>Okay, see now there's there's like a tie faction, right.

0:33:32.760 --> 0:33:34.840
<v Speaker 2>It's gonna have to probably be my first one though,

0:33:36.120 --> 0:33:41.120
<v Speaker 2>because it was telemarketing, and it was telemarketing to businesses

0:33:41.200 --> 0:33:47.200
<v Speaker 2>across the country selling ads with PSAs attached for their

0:33:47.320 --> 0:33:51.320
<v Speaker 2>local radio station. So like I'm calling Decatur, Georgia, going

0:33:51.400 --> 0:33:55.040
<v Speaker 2>through the Yellow Pages and there's a book of like.

0:33:56.960 --> 0:33:57.760
<v Speaker 1>Of p s.

0:33:57.840 --> 0:34:00.680
<v Speaker 2>As you know, back to school is like safety and

0:34:01.520 --> 0:34:06.280
<v Speaker 2>domestic abuse is real popular right now. And then you've

0:34:06.280 --> 0:34:09.320
<v Speaker 2>got here's the ad for an automotive company, here's the

0:34:09.480 --> 0:34:12.160
<v Speaker 2>ad for and you're going to read this whole fucking

0:34:12.200 --> 0:34:14.640
<v Speaker 2>thing if you can get to it. And I am

0:34:14.719 --> 0:34:20.560
<v Speaker 2>fifteen years old, you know, windowless, smoke filled office of

0:34:20.719 --> 0:34:22.760
<v Speaker 2>harassment and bad coffee.

0:34:23.040 --> 0:34:27.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I can smell that office right now, right, I

0:34:27.080 --> 0:34:29.880
<v Speaker 1>can taste it, you can. Yeah. And also there's just

0:34:29.960 --> 0:34:31.600
<v Speaker 1>like depression in the air.

0:34:32.360 --> 0:34:34.920
<v Speaker 2>Oh oh, it's yellowing the walls more than the smoke,

0:34:35.120 --> 0:34:37.800
<v Speaker 2>like it's and then you're writing your your sales on

0:34:38.160 --> 0:34:42.319
<v Speaker 2>a whiteboard. You know it's got this sad Glengarry Glenn

0:34:42.480 --> 0:34:47.200
<v Speaker 2>Ross with none of the wealth. Right, you know you're

0:34:47.239 --> 0:34:49.440
<v Speaker 2>selling Phoenix, Arizona. And you're like, and that's brought to

0:34:49.480 --> 0:34:51.400
<v Speaker 2>you by Mike's Auto Supply. Where service is more than

0:34:51.440 --> 0:34:53.160
<v Speaker 2>a word, it's a fact. It's a fact based on

0:34:53.239 --> 0:34:56.360
<v Speaker 2>the care replace and satisfying each one of our customers,

0:34:56.640 --> 0:34:58.920
<v Speaker 2>Like you're going to get through that whole thing, oh man.

0:34:59.680 --> 0:35:02.960
<v Speaker 2>And then and you're like, who, Mike, that was a mouthful.

0:35:03.040 --> 0:35:04.840
<v Speaker 2>So what do you say you got thirty seconds for

0:35:04.920 --> 0:35:05.600
<v Speaker 2>four ninety nine?

0:35:06.160 --> 0:35:09.239
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean it's it.

0:35:10.480 --> 0:35:12.319
<v Speaker 2>I didn't have a lot of a soul left at

0:35:12.360 --> 0:35:15.400
<v Speaker 2>that point, and there wasn't much to squash. But I

0:35:15.560 --> 0:35:20.120
<v Speaker 2>did start drinking coffee, I started drinking alcohol. I mean

0:35:20.520 --> 0:35:23.520
<v Speaker 2>it wasn't too far behind. And then I started a

0:35:23.560 --> 0:35:26.400
<v Speaker 2>second job at a casual corner at the mall. But

0:35:26.520 --> 0:35:28.840
<v Speaker 2>I had to keep all of my clothes for it

0:35:28.960 --> 0:35:31.520
<v Speaker 2>upstairs and keep my hair tightly pulled back because of

0:35:31.600 --> 0:35:39.400
<v Speaker 2>the smoke smell. I wouldn't show up. Reeking Corner, Oh,

0:35:39.520 --> 0:35:43.080
<v Speaker 2>casual corner is a place in Amal where when you

0:35:43.239 --> 0:35:46.720
<v Speaker 2>pick out an item of clothing, I have to find

0:35:46.800 --> 0:35:49.040
<v Speaker 2>you ten items to mix ayat with that.

0:35:49.280 --> 0:35:53.319
<v Speaker 1>Wow, you get all the outfits, so many shoulder at

0:35:53.320 --> 0:35:56.200
<v Speaker 1>the ads. Yeah, sounds kind of like a blouse barn

0:35:56.280 --> 0:35:56.640
<v Speaker 1>or something.

0:35:56.840 --> 0:36:01.640
<v Speaker 2>It's I got blouse barn a slack stand.

0:36:03.920 --> 0:36:05.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it could be sort of a khaki corner too.

0:36:07.000 --> 0:36:07.719
<v Speaker 2>I dressed deeple.

0:36:09.920 --> 0:36:13.719
<v Speaker 1>How long did you last at the at the telemarketing job?

0:36:13.880 --> 0:36:16.600
<v Speaker 2>Longer than I should have a couple of years. And

0:36:17.160 --> 0:36:19.560
<v Speaker 2>they let me take the job to college. I was

0:36:19.640 --> 0:36:23.760
<v Speaker 2>able to take phone books with me from these places

0:36:24.160 --> 0:36:26.840
<v Speaker 2>to college, so I could make some extra money as

0:36:26.880 --> 0:36:29.080
<v Speaker 2>though anyway, and I have to record when I'm selling,

0:36:29.320 --> 0:36:31.560
<v Speaker 2>like you know, with a tape recording. Tell me you're

0:36:31.560 --> 0:36:31.800
<v Speaker 2>doing it?

0:36:32.000 --> 0:36:32.239
<v Speaker 1>Wow?

0:36:32.760 --> 0:36:35.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah I didn't. I didn't sell anything.

0:36:35.520 --> 0:36:36.560
<v Speaker 1>We're are those tapes now?

0:36:37.000 --> 0:36:41.480
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I'm concerned I should find them. I

0:36:41.600 --> 0:36:45.719
<v Speaker 2>could not sell the South, No, I could sell some

0:36:45.840 --> 0:36:48.920
<v Speaker 2>of the South. I had to fake an accent I

0:36:49.000 --> 0:36:50.799
<v Speaker 2>could not sell the West Coast. To save my life,

0:36:50.800 --> 0:36:52.120
<v Speaker 2>I could say I could sell the East Coast. I

0:36:52.160 --> 0:36:55.960
<v Speaker 2>talked too fast. I had to change my name. My

0:36:56.440 --> 0:36:57.960
<v Speaker 2>maiden name is Foyerstein.

0:36:58.360 --> 0:36:58.719
<v Speaker 1>Uh huh.

0:37:00.000 --> 0:37:01.640
<v Speaker 2>I knew that people around the country would not like that.

0:37:02.880 --> 0:37:06.040
<v Speaker 1>That's yeah, that's a depressing fact. Yep.

0:37:06.239 --> 0:37:07.640
<v Speaker 2>So I had to be Corey Peters.

0:37:09.800 --> 0:37:11.720
<v Speaker 1>I thought you were. I feel like a lot of times,

0:37:12.160 --> 0:37:16.920
<v Speaker 1>especially with Indian telemarketers, they choose like president's names to

0:37:17.120 --> 0:37:19.520
<v Speaker 1>be like and then I'm John Adams and you know,

0:37:19.640 --> 0:37:23.040
<v Speaker 1>it's like, it's not okay.

0:37:23.280 --> 0:37:26.640
<v Speaker 2>Why'd you pick that one? I mean I could say

0:37:26.640 --> 0:37:28.359
<v Speaker 2>that for any president you choose why why that one?

0:37:28.640 --> 0:37:35.040
<v Speaker 1>I'm Tyler Polk. Wait it was Tyler Polk. Is his

0:37:35.160 --> 0:37:35.600
<v Speaker 1>name Tyler?

0:37:35.800 --> 0:37:37.879
<v Speaker 2>Or is it j James James K Polk?

0:37:38.080 --> 0:37:41.200
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I was. But the president before Polk was was Tyler.

0:37:41.400 --> 0:37:45.360
<v Speaker 1>I think that's why combined Tyler Polk, Taylor, and Fillmore

0:37:45.480 --> 0:37:46.839
<v Speaker 1>that's my those are my names.

0:37:48.960 --> 0:37:52.759
<v Speaker 2>I'm John F taft are you? I don't think that's right?

0:37:54.080 --> 0:38:01.880
<v Speaker 1>Washington and Adams, Jefferson and Madison that is that's me. Okay,

0:38:02.040 --> 0:38:04.160
<v Speaker 1>So that's the worst. That was the worst job.

0:38:04.520 --> 0:38:06.759
<v Speaker 2>Now I was also a singing, dancing waiter on a

0:38:06.920 --> 0:38:10.480
<v Speaker 2>cruise ship on the Spirit of Chicago, and you knew

0:38:10.520 --> 0:38:11.960
<v Speaker 2>it was time for the show when our black and

0:38:11.960 --> 0:38:14.600
<v Speaker 2>white best got flipped around to be golden.

0:38:14.360 --> 0:38:19.040
<v Speaker 1>Mat Oh, Mama, that sounds like the best job.

0:38:19.440 --> 0:38:20.759
<v Speaker 2>I mean, it kind of was for a little while.

0:38:21.200 --> 0:38:21.719
<v Speaker 2>I can't lie.

0:38:22.040 --> 0:38:26.240
<v Speaker 1>I've also been a singing waiter, and I definitely enjoyed

0:38:27.000 --> 0:38:29.800
<v Speaker 1>my time. I enjoyed the singing aspect of the waiting.

0:38:29.960 --> 0:38:32.440
<v Speaker 1>I liked the singing part more than the serving. Oh

0:38:32.520 --> 0:38:34.600
<v Speaker 1>there was there was this one guy. I worked at

0:38:34.640 --> 0:38:37.720
<v Speaker 1>this restaurant called c Ando Tratoria in uh In, Venice,

0:38:38.080 --> 0:38:42.120
<v Speaker 1>and they come around once a night or twice a

0:38:42.200 --> 0:38:45.400
<v Speaker 1>night and we sing That's amore, and all the waiters

0:38:45.880 --> 0:38:49.160
<v Speaker 1>come around with glasses and they cheers the gas basically

0:38:49.200 --> 0:38:52.160
<v Speaker 1>to get them to drink more. But we're all drinking

0:38:52.200 --> 0:38:55.080
<v Speaker 1>diet coke or whatever, like we're not, you know, drinking wine.

0:38:56.360 --> 0:38:58.200
<v Speaker 1>And then when we would sing Happy Birthday, we'd sing

0:38:58.280 --> 0:39:01.160
<v Speaker 1>it in Italian. I'm remember the first time I went

0:39:01.200 --> 0:39:02.839
<v Speaker 1>out to sing it. I went up and I did

0:39:03.160 --> 0:39:05.600
<v Speaker 1>the harmony, and this waiter came back and he was

0:39:05.680 --> 0:39:07.839
<v Speaker 1>like he had been there a while, and he was like, hey,

0:39:07.880 --> 0:39:09.520
<v Speaker 1>did you do the Do you do the high harmony

0:39:09.600 --> 0:39:11.920
<v Speaker 1>on the on the Happy Birthday? And I was like,

0:39:12.000 --> 0:39:14.400
<v Speaker 1>oh yeah. He was like, that's my harmony. Oh and

0:39:14.520 --> 0:39:16.880
<v Speaker 1>I was like what. He's like, yeah, that's uh I

0:39:16.960 --> 0:39:20.280
<v Speaker 1>do the high harmony. And I was like, that's okay,

0:39:21.120 --> 0:39:22.960
<v Speaker 1>get the get the fuck out of my note, Get

0:39:23.000 --> 0:39:25.640
<v Speaker 1>the fuck off my harmony faces and I was like, well,

0:39:25.680 --> 0:39:27.680
<v Speaker 1>it's not yours. It's a harmony and belongs to the universe,

0:39:27.719 --> 0:39:29.319
<v Speaker 1>so fuck off.

0:39:30.360 --> 0:39:32.080
<v Speaker 2>Fine, I'll find a fifth What do you think about that?

0:39:33.360 --> 0:39:36.800
<v Speaker 2>Come in, don't. I will dissonant the fuck out of

0:39:36.840 --> 0:39:37.120
<v Speaker 2>this court.

0:39:37.160 --> 0:39:39.000
<v Speaker 1>Watch. I just keep trying to one up each other

0:39:39.040 --> 0:39:39.480
<v Speaker 1>and get.

0:39:43.920 --> 0:39:45.640
<v Speaker 2>Till one of you just suddenly makes it minor and

0:39:45.680 --> 0:39:46.360
<v Speaker 2>you're like, ah.

0:39:46.680 --> 0:39:53.680
<v Speaker 1>God, really, I will butcher that Italian version of happy Birthdays. Gross.

0:39:53.960 --> 0:39:54.439
<v Speaker 2>It's dark.

0:39:54.680 --> 0:39:55.399
<v Speaker 1>It's real dark.

0:39:56.080 --> 0:39:56.640
<v Speaker 2>I feel sad.

0:39:56.920 --> 0:39:57.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:39:57.800 --> 0:40:00.239
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I did slaughter so many pop too, so that

0:40:00.320 --> 0:40:02.839
<v Speaker 2>I can't hear anymore without like thinking of a lot

0:40:02.880 --> 0:40:05.680
<v Speaker 2>of three pointer turns or like clapping with the mic

0:40:05.760 --> 0:40:07.759
<v Speaker 2>in your hand, just clapping your wrist.

0:40:09.680 --> 0:40:14.160
<v Speaker 1>Okay, so that's the worst job. Let's go to let's

0:40:14.200 --> 0:40:16.480
<v Speaker 1>go worst kiss.

0:40:17.520 --> 0:40:19.400
<v Speaker 2>Oh, yeah, it was.

0:40:19.560 --> 0:40:22.520
<v Speaker 1>It was an early one and I feel like it

0:40:22.600 --> 0:40:23.600
<v Speaker 1>was the last one that I had.

0:40:24.040 --> 0:40:25.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it was. It was just in the other room.

0:40:26.120 --> 0:40:29.040
<v Speaker 2>And I don't know how to tell my husband. He's

0:40:29.120 --> 0:40:37.080
<v Speaker 2>terrible at this. I had just moved to Melrose Park

0:40:37.360 --> 0:40:38.759
<v Speaker 2>and you know, like so I think I had like

0:40:38.800 --> 0:40:41.440
<v Speaker 2>a neighborhood boyfriend for a second, you know, and as

0:40:41.520 --> 0:40:43.760
<v Speaker 2>new kid, that was exciting. Was before like I started

0:40:43.800 --> 0:40:46.360
<v Speaker 2>school and I thought he was so nice.

0:40:46.680 --> 0:40:48.640
<v Speaker 1>How old are we we are?

0:40:49.960 --> 0:40:52.799
<v Speaker 2>Let's see, we're like thirteen fourteen, Okay.

0:40:53.160 --> 0:40:56.760
<v Speaker 1>So eighth grade is middle school too? High school?

0:40:57.320 --> 0:40:59.759
<v Speaker 2>Like yeah, into high school like not first ever, but

0:40:59.880 --> 0:41:02.560
<v Speaker 2>like first like I feel grown up now kind of thing.

0:41:02.680 --> 0:41:04.560
<v Speaker 2>You know, I had middle school boyfriends.

0:41:04.960 --> 0:41:05.120
<v Speaker 1>Yea.

0:41:06.000 --> 0:41:07.640
<v Speaker 2>So I was like, you know, I'm new kid, this

0:41:07.760 --> 0:41:12.560
<v Speaker 2>is adult time now, so okay, like yeah, and then yeah,

0:41:12.600 --> 0:41:15.960
<v Speaker 2>I was bad. I avoided him. I did not want

0:41:16.040 --> 0:41:19.600
<v Speaker 2>to see him anymore because it was like a labrador

0:41:19.880 --> 0:41:24.400
<v Speaker 2>just really loved your face and too much. It's a

0:41:24.400 --> 0:41:29.920
<v Speaker 2>little demigorgonesque. Just it's a lot going on, like just

0:41:30.040 --> 0:41:33.000
<v Speaker 2>the whole face. And I was like, ah, that was bad.

0:41:33.200 --> 0:41:36.960
<v Speaker 2>I did not, like I'm so damp on my face.

0:41:38.280 --> 0:41:41.040
<v Speaker 1>Full towel wipe down after that?

0:41:41.280 --> 0:41:43.800
<v Speaker 2>How did you do that? How did you even enclose

0:41:43.920 --> 0:41:44.319
<v Speaker 2>your mouth?

0:41:44.680 --> 0:41:47.839
<v Speaker 1>Like I unhinge my jaw. That's like my move, that's

0:41:47.880 --> 0:41:49.920
<v Speaker 1>what that's like my specialty.

0:41:50.400 --> 0:41:52.320
<v Speaker 2>You know, I'm just gonna swallow you hole like Diana

0:41:52.400 --> 0:41:53.719
<v Speaker 2>taking down a hamster and v like.

0:41:54.640 --> 0:41:58.000
<v Speaker 1>Have you ever seen Blade two? That's kind of that's

0:41:58.080 --> 0:42:01.400
<v Speaker 1>what I do. My lower jaw is kind of just.

0:42:04.280 --> 0:42:06.279
<v Speaker 2>I thought he was such a nice kid too, and

0:42:06.360 --> 0:42:07.840
<v Speaker 2>I was like I and I kept avoiding him, and

0:42:07.840 --> 0:42:10.719
<v Speaker 2>he's like asking my friends, like where is she? She's

0:42:10.760 --> 0:42:13.759
<v Speaker 2>not around. I don't know where she is. Like I

0:42:13.840 --> 0:42:16.600
<v Speaker 2>totally chickened out. I did not tell him like I

0:42:16.920 --> 0:42:17.680
<v Speaker 2>can't kiss stuff.

0:42:17.880 --> 0:42:20.399
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you don't want to break his you know, his young,

0:42:20.480 --> 0:42:21.520
<v Speaker 1>fragile heart.

0:42:22.160 --> 0:42:24.760
<v Speaker 2>I know, And but I did anyway by completely avoiding

0:42:24.920 --> 0:42:25.520
<v Speaker 2>him forever.

0:42:25.920 --> 0:42:28.759
<v Speaker 1>But that may have been the better move than the

0:42:28.880 --> 0:42:32.040
<v Speaker 1>brutal honesty of him being a terrible But who knows,

0:42:32.120 --> 0:42:35.680
<v Speaker 1>maybe he'd kept kissing like that to this day. Maybe

0:42:35.719 --> 0:42:36.520
<v Speaker 1>nobody's told him.

0:42:37.080 --> 0:42:39.560
<v Speaker 2>Maybe so no one was just like, you know, shook

0:42:39.600 --> 0:42:41.080
<v Speaker 2>themselves off like a dog after a bath.

0:42:43.160 --> 0:42:44.120
<v Speaker 1>Why is my hair wet?

0:42:44.719 --> 0:42:45.600
<v Speaker 2>How did you do that.

0:42:47.120 --> 0:42:47.480
<v Speaker 1>Jesus.

0:42:47.920 --> 0:42:49.799
<v Speaker 2>I mean, his breath wasn't horrible, so at least there

0:42:49.880 --> 0:42:52.200
<v Speaker 2>was that. But I mean, but since I was wearing

0:42:52.239 --> 0:42:55.960
<v Speaker 2>it can smell your teeth.

0:42:59.239 --> 0:43:01.719
<v Speaker 1>Okay, so that it's the worst kiss for sure. Okay,

0:43:01.760 --> 0:43:04.279
<v Speaker 1>let's do one more. Let's say, what about party? Is

0:43:04.360 --> 0:43:05.440
<v Speaker 1>worst party a possible one?

0:43:05.480 --> 0:43:07.040
<v Speaker 2>I mean there's always a bad party, right, Like there's

0:43:07.080 --> 0:43:08.640
<v Speaker 2>there's the party that I lied to my mother that

0:43:08.680 --> 0:43:10.120
<v Speaker 2>I said I wasn't going to that I went to.

0:43:11.320 --> 0:43:13.160
<v Speaker 2>You know that my mother, who never locked the door

0:43:13.200 --> 0:43:15.600
<v Speaker 2>in Melrose Park, locked the door because she knew I

0:43:15.680 --> 0:43:17.000
<v Speaker 2>was going to come home, like because she knew I

0:43:17.080 --> 0:43:21.560
<v Speaker 2>was gonna lie. You know, right where I tried to

0:43:21.640 --> 0:43:24.160
<v Speaker 2>drink beer with college kids and threw up a lot.

0:43:24.239 --> 0:43:27.000
<v Speaker 2>Here we go with the throwing up, I would say

0:43:27.360 --> 0:43:32.239
<v Speaker 2>because of the aftermath. No, that wasn't the one I

0:43:32.320 --> 0:43:36.920
<v Speaker 2>threw that was pretty bad. But in college there was

0:43:36.960 --> 0:43:40.920
<v Speaker 2>one across the street that I went to, and I

0:43:41.040 --> 0:43:45.840
<v Speaker 2>think the party itself was fine, maybe, but I.

0:43:46.080 --> 0:43:47.320
<v Speaker 1>It was my behavior that was.

0:43:47.800 --> 0:43:49.959
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's when I woke up covered in my own vomit.

0:43:50.080 --> 0:43:52.719
<v Speaker 2>That was like that that's bad. That's not good. Oh no, no, No,

0:43:52.920 --> 0:43:54.839
<v Speaker 2>the one that I threw. I wound up crying at

0:43:54.880 --> 0:43:58.799
<v Speaker 2>the end. Okay, So so we decided to throw a party. Yeah,

0:43:59.719 --> 0:44:01.720
<v Speaker 2>and you know, we had a terrible apartment.

0:44:01.880 --> 0:44:03.600
<v Speaker 1>And this is in college. Yeah, okay.

0:44:03.960 --> 0:44:06.440
<v Speaker 2>And there's the guy who always made the yellow shots

0:44:06.440 --> 0:44:09.600
<v Speaker 2>at his parties, right, like, those dude's yellow shots are legendary.

0:44:09.640 --> 0:44:13.520
<v Speaker 2>Our standards were so low, and he gave me his recipe.

0:44:13.760 --> 0:44:17.359
<v Speaker 1>Right. Also, kids, now don't understand that when we used

0:44:17.400 --> 0:44:20.560
<v Speaker 1>to have edibles at parties, you had no idea how

0:44:20.640 --> 0:44:24.719
<v Speaker 1>much weed was in them. Now everything's so like scientifically

0:44:25.200 --> 0:44:28.640
<v Speaker 1>dosed out and you know exactly how much. But you

0:44:28.640 --> 0:44:31.719
<v Speaker 1>would eat a brownie and just be like, well, good luck,

0:44:32.080 --> 0:44:35.319
<v Speaker 1>good luck to me. Who knows that could have been

0:44:35.360 --> 0:44:37.320
<v Speaker 1>a pound of weed in that thing. I don't know.

0:44:37.800 --> 0:44:39.680
<v Speaker 2>I might be in the hospital. I really don't know.

0:44:40.080 --> 0:44:42.680
<v Speaker 2>I just took ecstasy from someone in a bathroom at

0:44:42.719 --> 0:44:43.440
<v Speaker 2>a club in London.

0:44:43.640 --> 0:44:47.439
<v Speaker 1>Hope I live, right, I did? Yeah?

0:44:51.600 --> 0:44:54.520
<v Speaker 2>So true. I remember like guarding all of the poppers

0:44:54.640 --> 0:44:57.279
<v Speaker 2>for people to do the nightdress at parties. I'm like, well,

0:44:57.320 --> 0:44:58.960
<v Speaker 2>how many of you had and when's the last time

0:44:59.000 --> 0:44:59.880
<v Speaker 2>you had one? Well, no, you're not.

0:45:00.080 --> 0:45:02.880
<v Speaker 1>How much oxygen have you breathed in between nineties.

0:45:03.320 --> 0:45:04.960
<v Speaker 2>I can't have you brain damaged in this thing.

0:45:05.120 --> 0:45:07.080
<v Speaker 1>You've got to breathe some more oxygen. Take a little

0:45:07.080 --> 0:45:07.799
<v Speaker 1>oxygen break.

0:45:08.200 --> 0:45:09.040
<v Speaker 2>I'll come back around.

0:45:09.520 --> 0:45:11.480
<v Speaker 1>So weird. Every high school party I went to there

0:45:11.520 --> 0:45:12.960
<v Speaker 1>was a nose tank, and I was just like, this

0:45:13.120 --> 0:45:14.960
<v Speaker 1>is normal, this is what we do.

0:45:15.239 --> 0:45:17.920
<v Speaker 2>Why that's wrong with us?

0:45:18.080 --> 0:45:18.640
<v Speaker 1>So dumb?

0:45:19.080 --> 0:45:22.040
<v Speaker 2>We had to go to the adult bookstore to ask Cartridges,

0:45:22.239 --> 0:45:25.279
<v Speaker 2>like what the fuck? Well, I mean the fact that

0:45:25.320 --> 0:45:28.120
<v Speaker 2>those are even there, Like, we didn't know this is normal.

0:45:30.239 --> 0:45:32.040
<v Speaker 2>So the dude, to his credit, was like, you want

0:45:32.080 --> 0:45:35.160
<v Speaker 2>to make the first batch really strong to warn everyone

0:45:35.440 --> 0:45:37.879
<v Speaker 2>so they act accordingly, And I was like, cool, good,

0:45:38.160 --> 0:45:41.360
<v Speaker 2>good to know. He was talking about vodka, and I

0:45:41.440 --> 0:45:44.960
<v Speaker 2>made them with ever Clear because I was college sophomore

0:45:45.040 --> 0:45:51.000
<v Speaker 2>trash Yeah, in addition to buying a brand new trash

0:45:51.080 --> 0:45:52.200
<v Speaker 2>can to make punch in.

0:45:53.760 --> 0:45:55.920
<v Speaker 1>That's that's kind that you at least got a new

0:45:55.960 --> 0:45:58.279
<v Speaker 1>one that you didn't just like wash out the old one.

0:45:58.480 --> 0:46:01.160
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, I thought that would Yeah, I'd like it.

0:46:01.440 --> 0:46:05.560
<v Speaker 2>And the universe was like, don't drink because every time

0:46:05.640 --> 0:46:07.719
<v Speaker 2>I tried the first time I put my cup in

0:46:07.760 --> 0:46:09.160
<v Speaker 2>the punch thing there was a hole in my cup.

0:46:09.520 --> 0:46:11.839
<v Speaker 2>The second time, someone was walking upstairs and literally kicked

0:46:11.840 --> 0:46:14.680
<v Speaker 2>my cup out of my hand, Like the fuck man,

0:46:17.040 --> 0:46:20.480
<v Speaker 2>I did wind up. No, that didn't happen yet. It

0:46:20.480 --> 0:46:21.759
<v Speaker 2>wasn't to my junior yar that I threw up so

0:46:21.800 --> 0:46:26.680
<v Speaker 2>hard at peed. That was that was later, but I did.

0:46:27.080 --> 0:46:30.040
<v Speaker 2>There was some some dude I liked who wasn't there

0:46:30.200 --> 0:46:31.480
<v Speaker 2>or interested or something.

0:46:31.560 --> 0:46:32.120
<v Speaker 1>Who can say.

0:46:32.800 --> 0:46:35.360
<v Speaker 2>And I'm newly on birth control and out of my

0:46:35.480 --> 0:46:37.759
<v Speaker 2>mind on hormones. I have no idea what's wrong with me.

0:46:38.360 --> 0:46:42.400
<v Speaker 2>And I'm just sobbing outside by myself and the most pathetic,

0:46:43.160 --> 0:46:47.480
<v Speaker 2>hilarious moment. And I knew it at the time, but

0:46:47.640 --> 0:46:49.399
<v Speaker 2>it just gets funnier to me as I get older.

0:46:49.640 --> 0:46:52.920
<v Speaker 2>Is I felt an arm around my waist to comfort

0:46:53.000 --> 0:46:54.840
<v Speaker 2>me as I cried, and I was like, oh, and

0:46:54.960 --> 0:47:00.600
<v Speaker 2>I look at it. It's just a stray cat wrapping itself. Oh,

0:47:01.120 --> 0:47:04.160
<v Speaker 2>probably giving me fleas. And I was like, of course

0:47:04.239 --> 0:47:05.840
<v Speaker 2>you're not a person.

0:47:08.680 --> 0:47:10.040
<v Speaker 1>But thanks for being here.

0:47:10.480 --> 0:47:16.879
<v Speaker 2>That's really nice of you. My friend came to visit,

0:47:17.760 --> 0:47:20.920
<v Speaker 2>passed out in my bed, had the kid. Oh it

0:47:21.040 --> 0:47:24.160
<v Speaker 2>was a TI die party too, because we're very stupid and.

0:47:25.719 --> 0:47:27.719
<v Speaker 1>Wait, were you wear tie things or were you were

0:47:27.760 --> 0:47:33.799
<v Speaker 1>tie dyeing thing? What a mess with you get super

0:47:33.880 --> 0:47:35.680
<v Speaker 1>drunk and then like play with die?

0:47:36.120 --> 0:47:39.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and let's have the Fiddler from the current production

0:47:39.480 --> 0:47:42.160
<v Speaker 2>Fiddler on the Roof put his head in the die sink. No,

0:47:42.800 --> 0:47:46.280
<v Speaker 2>like just smiling, going DK no, wait.

0:47:48.680 --> 0:47:51.160
<v Speaker 1>It's not going to come out. No it didn't.

0:47:53.320 --> 0:47:55.320
<v Speaker 2>So I think just for the sheer train wreck that

0:47:55.440 --> 0:47:58.600
<v Speaker 2>I was, I'll call that. I'll call that the worst one.

0:47:59.440 --> 0:48:03.080
<v Speaker 1>I love that. I love that respecond of it. Well,

0:48:04.040 --> 0:48:08.360
<v Speaker 1>I mean, is there any moral to all of these stories?

0:48:08.760 --> 0:48:11.960
<v Speaker 1>Is there some through line, some thread that we can

0:48:12.080 --> 0:48:13.000
<v Speaker 1>tie it all together?

0:48:13.680 --> 0:48:17.759
<v Speaker 2>Uh, just don't be trash, like, don't try not to

0:48:17.800 --> 0:48:20.239
<v Speaker 2>be a complete mess at these things, and maybe it

0:48:20.280 --> 0:48:21.040
<v Speaker 2>won't be terrible.

0:48:21.719 --> 0:48:26.359
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. And so you never know where where love will

0:48:26.760 --> 0:48:31.239
<v Speaker 1>will rear its head, whether it's a future husband or

0:48:31.520 --> 0:48:32.200
<v Speaker 1>a straight cat.

0:48:32.800 --> 0:48:34.759
<v Speaker 2>You don't know. You don't know who's out there ready

0:48:34.800 --> 0:48:38.520
<v Speaker 2>to love you. It could be Satan lady, it could

0:48:38.600 --> 0:48:43.440
<v Speaker 2>be your future husband. Yeah, you know, I will say

0:48:43.680 --> 0:48:47.880
<v Speaker 2>on a random party, I was waiting tables and I

0:48:47.960 --> 0:48:50.520
<v Speaker 2>was training, So all the tips, you know, go to

0:48:50.600 --> 0:48:53.759
<v Speaker 2>the person that's training you, right, right, on your last

0:48:54.000 --> 0:48:56.839
<v Speaker 2>they're shadowing you on the list I had. The last

0:48:56.880 --> 0:49:00.440
<v Speaker 2>table was a table full of drunken British businessmen, and

0:49:00.600 --> 0:49:02.560
<v Speaker 2>they were right, and they were closing down the place.

0:49:03.400 --> 0:49:05.800
<v Speaker 2>They were incensed when they found out that the tips

0:49:05.800 --> 0:49:07.520
<v Speaker 2>were not going to me. I'm like, it's fine, this

0:49:07.680 --> 0:49:08.479
<v Speaker 2>is just how it works.

0:49:08.560 --> 0:49:12.839
<v Speaker 1>No love, no love, a bang up job. No, it's

0:49:13.000 --> 0:49:13.640
<v Speaker 1>got to go to you.

0:49:14.239 --> 0:49:18.040
<v Speaker 2>It's brilliant, a brilliant and this is this is absolute,

0:49:18.360 --> 0:49:19.240
<v Speaker 2>absolute rubbish.

0:49:19.480 --> 0:49:19.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:49:20.600 --> 0:49:23.000
<v Speaker 2>So he's like, what are you doing Saturday nine. I'm like,

0:49:23.040 --> 0:49:25.719
<v Speaker 2>I am not going anywhere with you. He's like no, no, no, no, no, no,

0:49:25.800 --> 0:49:30.320
<v Speaker 2>no no, and he hands me three temporary tattoos and

0:49:30.360 --> 0:49:32.400
<v Speaker 2>he says, I want you to take these. These are

0:49:32.480 --> 0:49:36.160
<v Speaker 2>your tickets to this party, okay, And I'm like, a,

0:49:37.120 --> 0:49:39.439
<v Speaker 2>sure they are, but I called to you my friends.

0:49:39.480 --> 0:49:41.879
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, here's something that could be a complete mess.

0:49:42.960 --> 0:49:45.600
<v Speaker 2>And so we put the tattoos on and sure enough,

0:49:46.080 --> 0:49:49.400
<v Speaker 2>it's a big party for their software company in the

0:49:49.440 --> 0:49:53.759
<v Speaker 2>middle of Soldier Field with a giant tent and fireworks

0:49:54.160 --> 0:49:56.920
<v Speaker 2>with Donna Summer and Blood, Sweat and Tears performing Oh

0:49:57.040 --> 0:49:59.160
<v Speaker 2>My Yead and they're like, look, it's a waitress for

0:49:59.239 --> 0:49:59.520
<v Speaker 2>the other night.

0:50:03.120 --> 0:50:04.439
<v Speaker 1>What a fun? What a fun?

0:50:04.880 --> 0:50:05.000
<v Speaker 2>Uh?

0:50:05.480 --> 0:50:09.320
<v Speaker 1>If screw wristbands, temporary tattoos are way better, like ticket

0:50:09.360 --> 0:50:11.000
<v Speaker 1>to the party, way better.

0:50:11.360 --> 0:50:16.120
<v Speaker 2>More fun. Probably somehow economically friendly or environmentally friendly. Yeah,

0:50:16.280 --> 0:50:19.200
<v Speaker 2>maybe not. I don't know, but we're doing that.

0:50:19.600 --> 0:50:21.000
<v Speaker 1>I like it, Yeah, I love it.

0:50:21.480 --> 0:50:23.680
<v Speaker 2>Be open, Try not to get too messy.

0:50:25.120 --> 0:50:28.360
<v Speaker 1>That's that's it, right there, Be open, try not to

0:50:28.400 --> 0:50:30.400
<v Speaker 1>get too messy. That's it. I'm gonna I want that

0:50:30.560 --> 0:50:34.360
<v Speaker 1>on a poster hanging in my office. Yeah, with a

0:50:34.400 --> 0:50:39.080
<v Speaker 1>stray cat and and a homeless woman, and like a

0:50:39.200 --> 0:50:40.480
<v Speaker 1>handsome Captain America.

0:50:41.080 --> 0:50:43.160
<v Speaker 2>Yes, it's like a kitten in a tree.

0:50:44.680 --> 0:50:48.520
<v Speaker 1>Pushing a Yeah, Captain America is like throwing a shield

0:50:48.640 --> 0:50:54.440
<v Speaker 1>right at the unhoused woman. Yeah. Yeah, but she's got

0:50:54.560 --> 0:50:58.200
<v Speaker 1>Satan powers. She's gonna be an awesome If anybody listening

0:50:58.280 --> 0:51:01.239
<v Speaker 1>is a graphic designer wants to make we will post it.

0:51:01.440 --> 0:51:03.279
<v Speaker 1>We will post it to our Instagram. Please send it.

0:51:03.640 --> 0:51:06.359
<v Speaker 2>I will sell it on my merchhop and make sure

0:51:06.400 --> 0:51:07.520
<v Speaker 2>you get all of the prosins.

0:51:08.200 --> 0:51:12.919
<v Speaker 1>Please. Awesome. Well, Corbette, thank you so very much.

0:51:13.400 --> 0:51:15.160
<v Speaker 2>Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.

0:51:16.880 --> 0:51:18.800
<v Speaker 1>Well, that about does it. For this week's episode of

0:51:18.840 --> 0:51:21.480
<v Speaker 1>Hashtag story Time. Thanks again to Corbett for making time

0:51:21.560 --> 0:51:23.239
<v Speaker 1>to come on the pod. Head on down to the

0:51:23.360 --> 0:51:25.640
<v Speaker 1>description for all of those sweet sweet links. Take a

0:51:25.680 --> 0:51:27.919
<v Speaker 1>second right now and hit subscribe so you don't miss

0:51:28.000 --> 0:51:31.520
<v Speaker 1>next week's episode. We've got a fable family EP coming

0:51:31.600 --> 0:51:33.600
<v Speaker 1>at you, so give us a call at the Storytime

0:51:33.640 --> 0:51:37.120
<v Speaker 1>hotline three two, three, seven, four one eighteen seventy three

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<v Speaker 1>and tell us your story and we'll put you in

0:51:39.760 --> 0:51:43.279
<v Speaker 1>the next episode. Seriously, give us a call. I dare

0:51:43.360 --> 0:51:45.919
<v Speaker 1>you do it? Also, if you're enjoying the podcast, please

0:51:46.000 --> 0:51:47.480
<v Speaker 1>leave us a review. It helps us out a lot

0:51:47.520 --> 0:51:50.600
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0:51:50.640 --> 0:51:54.040
<v Speaker 1>produced by iHeartRadio and Curativity Productions, Hosted by Will McFadden,

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<v Speaker 1>Sound designed by Tony maddox, written by Will McFadden and

0:51:56.680 --> 0:52:00.440
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