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Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio

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Speaker 1: and the Black Effects. Oh shit, be back on the air.

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Speaker 1: Happy New Year, everybody. We're back with yet another Can't

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Speaker 1: Fully Reckless episode with your girl just hilarious. What do

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Speaker 1: I do? I'd be fixing thats same as I did

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Speaker 1: last year. I'm gonna do the same shit this year.

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Speaker 1: We're just gonna keep on getting bigger and better, keep

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Speaker 1: on growing the podcast audience. As I came in number five,

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Speaker 1: the Great Brother Charlemagne to God, let me know that

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Speaker 1: our podcast came in number five, y'all. We in top

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Speaker 1: motherfucking five. That's nice, that's amazing, and we're gonna jump

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Speaker 1: straight into it. We got a voice note for the

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Speaker 1: top of the year, y'all know I love those. But

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Speaker 1: we also got some paragraphs. Y'all. People know these people

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Speaker 1: voices and they ain't trying to get caught. All right,

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Speaker 1: let's jump straight into it.

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Speaker 2: Hey, guys, I just want to say, like, I'm a

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Speaker 2: huge fan of yours. You know, I've been watching for years,

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Speaker 2: and you know I love you. I love your your work,

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Speaker 2: I love all that you're doing. I just wanted to

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Speaker 2: get to get that out the way, but I really

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Speaker 2: need advice, Like, oh my god. So I've been basically

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Speaker 2: I've been dating this guy for the last how long

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Speaker 2: has it been? Four months? And we kind of moved

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Speaker 2: pretty quickly because I noticed that, you know, like he's

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Speaker 2: a really good person. I just came out of a

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Speaker 2: not just but earlier this year, you know, I came

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Speaker 2: out of a toxic relationship with my daughter's die and

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Speaker 2: when I met him, it was like a breath of

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Speaker 2: fresh air. So things kind of moved quickly to the

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Speaker 2: point where I invited him.

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Speaker 1: To move in with me. Okay, girl, That's where a.

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Speaker 2: Problem started, because I noticed that he has a lot

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Speaker 2: of issues. He has issues with ed, like he can't

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Speaker 2: stay up, and he didn't tell me that at first,

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Speaker 2: so I had to find that I had to find

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Speaker 2: that out on my own, Like this is not something

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Speaker 2: that he disclosed to me. He claims that he didn't

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Speaker 2: know about it and that he thought it was just

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Speaker 2: every once in a while. I also realize that he's

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Speaker 2: a little bit so like not saying that he's done,

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Speaker 2: but like he doesn't stimulate me mentally. I will say,

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Speaker 2: the good about him is that he's a really good person,

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Speaker 2: like genuinely a good person at heart. I just feel

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Speaker 2: like I'm not four hundred percent happy. But at the

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Speaker 2: same time, like I'm trying to reason with myself, Like,

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Speaker 2: you know, nobody's perfect. You know, if you find somebody

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Speaker 2: who is willing to fight for you and willing to

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Speaker 2: work things out with you, then stick with them. But

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Speaker 2: he is, like, he's willing to work things out, and

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Speaker 2: you know, we talk about things and you know, but

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Speaker 2: I'm just not satisfied in the bedroom. And on top

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Speaker 2: of not being satisfyed in the bedroom, he's also like

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Speaker 2: he also calls himself an entrepreneur, but he's not bringing

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Speaker 2: in enough money to the point where for the last

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Speaker 2: three months that he's been by the last month that

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Speaker 2: he's been living with me, he didn't have his affiant

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Speaker 2: and I was a problem. So I have kids. He's

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Speaker 2: good with my kids, you know, like he's a good, good,

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Speaker 2: genuinely good person. But I'm just trying to I don't know,

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Speaker 2: like I guess I'm asked. My question is I'm sorry,

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Speaker 2: I know this is kind of long. I was trying

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Speaker 2: to give you all the details, but my question is, like,

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Speaker 2: is it worth staying in this relationship?

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Speaker 1: Like the ed problem.

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Speaker 2: He told me that he you know, goes to the

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Speaker 2: doctor and try to see what's.

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Speaker 1: Going on with it.

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Speaker 2: And you know, he did say that he would get

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Speaker 2: a real job, like a regular job or whatever, not

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Speaker 2: just doing uber. So you know, these are things I

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Speaker 2: guess that can be worked on, but I just don't

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Speaker 2: have the patience and I don't want to settle, So

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Speaker 2: I just I guess I need your here input on

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Speaker 2: what would you do or do you think that these

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Speaker 2: are things that you know that I can I should

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Speaker 2: be more patient with.

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Speaker 1: Well, I appreciate you first of all for even having

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Speaker 1: the balls, you know, well, having the hearts. Sorry, trying

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Speaker 1: to get better with how I talk, trying to get

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Speaker 1: more professional, you know, thank you for even sharing because

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Speaker 1: this is in a lot of cases a very prideful

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Speaker 1: thing like people don't like to especially women, especially us.

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Speaker 1: You know, we don't like to put all of our

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Speaker 1: business out there on front street. Because this does seems

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Speaker 1: like a big It seemed like a big mistake that

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Speaker 1: you made. Mistake. Won I'm not saying the relationship is

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Speaker 1: a mistake. Let me be very careful. I'm saying the

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Speaker 1: mistake was moving him into quick Now I do understand

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Speaker 1: you said you had just got out of a really

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Speaker 1: toxic relationship with your ex. I believe you said your

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Speaker 1: kid's dad your ex, and you were a bit vulnerable.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go ahead and say you were vulnerable, maybe

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Speaker 1: even a bit gullible, you know, because who doesn't want

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Speaker 1: love even, you know, especially after a bad relationship or

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Speaker 1: not a bad relationship, but you know, just a relationship

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Speaker 1: that didn't work. Because I know it couldn't have been

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Speaker 1: all bad because you were there, and that was a

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Speaker 1: long term relationship that you had gotten out of. I

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Speaker 1: think you didn't give yourself enough time to heal. I

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Speaker 1: think you guys should have just continue to date, because

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Speaker 1: dating is how you get to know someone, and it

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Speaker 1: doesn't matter how long that takes. You have to get

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Speaker 1: to know someone before just moving them in and then

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Speaker 1: it's not just you, it's you and your kids. Now again,

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Speaker 1: I am not calling your relationship a mistake. You just

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Speaker 1: made the mistake, in my opinion, of moving him in.

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Speaker 1: Because what made you move him in after four months, well,

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Speaker 1: after three months of dealing with him? No, after one month? Right,

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Speaker 1: because you said y'all been dealing with each other, y'all

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Speaker 1: been together. You know, y'all been dealing with each other

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Speaker 1: for four months and he's been living with living with

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Speaker 1: you for three months. So one month and you moved

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Speaker 1: him in. Now I'm repeating this back to you because

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Speaker 1: most of the time, when I repeat somebody's mess back

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Speaker 1: to them, they easily can see it. They easily can

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Speaker 1: see the mistake that they made before I even give

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Speaker 1: the advice. Sometimes you just got to hear your shit back,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And that's what makes all

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Speaker 1: the different friends. You know, when you hear it out loud,

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Speaker 1: when you hear it coming from somebody else, and it's

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Speaker 1: kind of easier to judge it or even give advice

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Speaker 1: if it was someone else going through it, But it's you,

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Speaker 1: So me repeating it back to you should make you

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Speaker 1: be like, oh shit, yeah, this is crazy, but we've

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Speaker 1: all done it. Well. I ain't done that part, but

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Speaker 1: I've definitely moved too quickly, you know, fast and rapid

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Speaker 1: with a guy that I barely even knew. If you

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Speaker 1: love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll

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Speaker 1: be right back. Okay, So let's get into the eden.

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Speaker 1: When he moves in, you notice that sex is a

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Speaker 1: problem because he can't keep it up. Now, you said

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Speaker 1: that is something that you had to find out. No man, Well,

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say no man, but a lot of

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Speaker 1: men ain't gonna let you know that they can't get

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Speaker 1: it up. You understand what I'm saying, because a lot

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Speaker 1: of men don't even have the answer to why they

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Speaker 1: can't get it up. You know, it could be a

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Speaker 1: medical issue, it could be something going on there, It

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Speaker 1: could be a disconnect, it could be something mentally. And

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Speaker 1: he has to get those answers himself. He has to

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Speaker 1: go to a doctor, he has to go to a therapist.

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Speaker 1: Something he has to do to take care of himself.

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Speaker 1: Like he said, he didn't even know. He probably didn't

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Speaker 1: know he had the problem, but he probably thought that

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Speaker 1: it was because of the person. You know, a lot

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Speaker 1: of men don't really know, and instead of going to

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Speaker 1: find out if it's something medical or not, they just

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Speaker 1: assume may maybe it's the last bitch. Maybe maybe it's

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Speaker 1: this woman that's just not getting me up. Maybe you know.

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Speaker 1: So I don't I can't say that I blame him

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Speaker 1: for not telling you because he probably didn't even know why.

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Speaker 1: You know, he didn't know that it would happen with you,

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Speaker 1: you know. Now that's still no excuse for him not

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Speaker 1: going to get checked out. Yes, that can be worked on,

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Speaker 1: all right, that's a big thing. Not being sexually satisfied

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Speaker 1: in the bedroom does play a big part in a relationship. Okay,

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Speaker 1: moving on. You said he calls himself an entrepreneur? What

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Speaker 1: does he do? Not even being nosy, It's just things

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Speaker 1: that I want to know so I can help you better.

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Speaker 1: Is it something that does he have a business that

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Speaker 1: you do believe in that you do believe with some

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Speaker 1: investing or some hard work, or some more patience or

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Speaker 1: some more building, the right resources can flourish and take

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Speaker 1: care of him and you, you know, and or his half.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Is it something that can

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Speaker 1: be a very lucrative business? Is it something you know

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Speaker 1: or is he or is it something along the lines

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Speaker 1: of Oh, I'm just gonna be a rapper, you know,

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Speaker 1: and hoping my music kick off, which can also happen

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Speaker 1: these days. You hear this shit that's coming out now, shit,

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Speaker 1: you ain't even gotta know how to rap to become

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Speaker 1: a rapper, so, you know, so not judging if he is,

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Speaker 1: if it is something that way I'm just saying, because

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Speaker 1: you can't really shit on somebody's dreams unless you do

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Speaker 1: honestly see it for what it is. And it ain't

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Speaker 1: gonna work, you know, because a lot of people need

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Speaker 1: somebody real. You know, you don't need nobody that's gonna

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Speaker 1: shit on you, but you need somebody that's gonnakeep it

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Speaker 1: real with you. Look, baby, no, no, no, no no. This

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Speaker 1: bakery that you're trying to open the market right now

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Speaker 1: and ain't the time for that. So what we need

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Speaker 1: to do is get a fucking job until you can

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Speaker 1: fund your business idea, until you can get your business

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Speaker 1: off the ground. Because I got kids, and if you

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Speaker 1: with me, that mean we got kids, because you live

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Speaker 1: here with us. Now we're in a relationship. This is secure.

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Speaker 1: This is something that we have to move forward. Bills

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Speaker 1: are today your entrepreneurship and ain't kicking off the way

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Speaker 1: that you thought it would or the way that it

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Speaker 1: should be right now. You know, how long has he

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Speaker 1: been an entrepreneur? Does he give real effort into trying

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Speaker 1: to be an entrepreneur whatever it is, you know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. Do you see him actually working toward a goal?

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Speaker 1: You know, does he have ambition. You said, he is

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Speaker 1: a genuinely good person. He's good with your kids. That's

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Speaker 1: a plus. A lot of men who don't have kids

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Speaker 1: don't typically do well in situations with children, you know,

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Speaker 1: and households with children, because they don't have the experience.

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Speaker 1: It's not most men. I'm not putting a percentage on

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Speaker 1: the men, but that's just from experience and what I know.

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Speaker 1: So he seems to have a great deal of patience

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Speaker 1: because he don't even have no kids and you got kids. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you did say he drives Uber. Now I know Uber

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Speaker 1: can get you some money. You know, I got a

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Speaker 1: bunch of little cousins that do it. I know a

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Speaker 1: lot of people that do Uber. You know, you hit

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Speaker 1: them peak times and you get get on that road

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Speaker 1: at a certain time, and you put in that work.

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Speaker 1: You can make some money. But I understand it's not

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Speaker 1: enough for you. Okay, And then you know, you see

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Speaker 1: M conflicted because now I understand I've been in your

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Speaker 1: place before, I've been in your shoes. I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to sit here and just act like I haven't. You know,

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Speaker 1: you're conflicted right now because you're not happy in the bed,

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Speaker 1: You're not happy with him financially because you feel like

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Speaker 1: you just move this guy in and while you do

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Speaker 1: like him, while you do love him, you know, maybe

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Speaker 1: even love him, you feel like you made a mistake.

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Speaker 1: That's just what it is, and you just try and

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Speaker 1: not to say it, try not to look at it

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Speaker 1: that way. The good part is you're only four months in. Okay.

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Speaker 1: I like when you said nobody's perfect. No, nobody's perfect.

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Speaker 1: And yes, if you do find somebody that genuinely loves you,

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Speaker 1: genuinely is a good person, because it's hard to find

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Speaker 1: those people these days, then you do stick with it. However,

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Speaker 1: you do not settle. You just don't settle. Where was

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Speaker 1: he living before? Is there any chance that he could

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Speaker 1: go back there and you guys could start over? You

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, because what I don't want you

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Speaker 1: to do is settle, keep him in your house. And

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Speaker 1: you're unhappy, and you just praying on patience, praying that

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Speaker 1: one day at work, and then you're slowly but surely

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Speaker 1: getting miserable, and then you're starting to dislike him, and

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Speaker 1: now you're starting to hate him, and then you're starting

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Speaker 1: to resent him because that's not fair to him either.

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Speaker 1: It's not fair to you, and it's not fair to

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Speaker 1: your kids because the longer he's there, he's building a

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Speaker 1: bond with them. Okay, but mommy's not happy. He wasn't

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Speaker 1: even around long enough for them to meet him and

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Speaker 1: live with him. Right. I'm just telling you, from mom

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Speaker 1: to mom, I've done this, I've been in this before. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm not judging you, says, I'm just telling you, baby.

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Speaker 1: So even with that being said, you really don't see

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Speaker 1: a future here. You're trying to see a future here. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I would say, don't give up on it one hundred percent,

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Speaker 1: but sit down and have a real conversation with him.

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Speaker 1: Sit down and have a real conversation with him, because

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Speaker 1: it ain't all on him. It's not you invited him

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Speaker 1: to move with you. Those were your words, that that

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Speaker 1: was an action that no man in his place could

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Speaker 1: refuse or would refuse. Shit. You know, now, if you

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Speaker 1: ask him, I bet he in love like a mother.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. He got a partner that's

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Speaker 1: helping him, that's understanding a situation. You of course, you

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Speaker 1: have beautiful children that he's created this beautiful bond with,

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Speaker 1: you know, probably making him want some kids of his own.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. And you seem like just

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Speaker 1: this a phenomenal woman. You do deserve more, but you

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Speaker 1: just made a mistake moving too fast, moving too quick.

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Speaker 1: It's okay to still heal because I bet you still

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Speaker 1: do things like compare him to your ex in some

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Speaker 1: ways when you weren't even happy in that relationship. Because

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Speaker 1: I've done it before. You know, we just start comparing

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Speaker 1: and we'll try to find the good and the last

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Speaker 1: relationship as it compares to what you're what's happening now,

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Speaker 1: what you're going through now, because I bet you said

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Speaker 1: it to yourself. I mean the nigga was toxic. The

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Speaker 1: last nigga was toxic, but I mean he could get

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Speaker 1: it up and he was getting money, but you still

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Speaker 1: wasn't happy. Okay, hold up, hold up, I know this

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Speaker 1: shit getting good, But listen to just a couple seconds

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Speaker 1: of a I'm marks you. If you love me, you'll listen.

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Speaker 1: Nobody has it all off top. Okay, I'm letting you

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Speaker 1: know that from experience. I'm not saying it won't get there,

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Speaker 1: because it can. You can have it all. You can

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Speaker 1: have whatever you want, manifest you can you can it's real.

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Speaker 1: You can have whatever you want when you meet your partner. No,

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Speaker 1: He and God always be at the top. But y'all

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Speaker 1: can build together and make it there together. If you

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Speaker 1: already there, shit, build him up and he can be

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Speaker 1: up there with you. If you meet a man that's

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Speaker 1: already there and you ain't there, shit, and he believes

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Speaker 1: in you and he loves you and he wants you,

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Speaker 1: he gonna build you up and you're gonna make it there. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you understand me. So I think it needs to be

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Speaker 1: a real, genuine conversation. And I know you probably don't

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Speaker 1: want to hurt his feelings because he is a good person.

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Speaker 1: He is a good man at heart, and there's nothing

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Speaker 1: wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with being honest and

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Speaker 1: being opened that way probably make your relationship stronger. Tell

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Speaker 1: him be honest. Listen, I made a mistake. I was

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Speaker 1: just getting out of a relationship. I love you, I

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Speaker 1: really really want this to work. And if it's going

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Speaker 1: to work, I need you to understand and be open

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Speaker 1: minded enough to not take what I'm about to say

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Speaker 1: as insults. I'm not happy in the bedroom. That plays

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Speaker 1: the big part in our relationship, in any relationship. Okay,

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Speaker 1: But I do suggest that you go see something, Go

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Speaker 1: see a doctor, go see go see if there's something

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Speaker 1: you can do about it. You know, because as painful

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Speaker 1: as it is for me, I know it's uncomfortable for you.

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Speaker 1: I know it's painful for you to not be able

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Speaker 1: to get it up. Shit, you want a nut just

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Speaker 1: as bad as I want a nut. You know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. Death is not one sided. It's both sided. Girl.

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Speaker 1: I know he's feeling it. If you're feeling it, you

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Speaker 1: know how you think he feeling. If you feeling that way,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And then move on to

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Speaker 1: the finances and be serious and your ground. Don't be rude.

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Speaker 1: No man wants you to talk down because he probably

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Speaker 1: already feel less than because he can't provide. You understand

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. But again, this was your invitation, So

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Speaker 1: you just keep that shit a huntred with him too.

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Speaker 1: And you do that and tell him this entrepreneur thing

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Speaker 1: that you're doing. Now, I don't call it a thing. Lord, shit,

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Speaker 1: he won't be like, what the fuck? Okay, Now, don't

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Speaker 1: minimize it like that, you say, I understand you are

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Speaker 1: an entrepreneur, but I need for you to get a

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Speaker 1: job until you able to get this business off the

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Speaker 1: ground and up and running. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: But it can't happen here. You can still come past

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Speaker 1: and see the kids, You can still come over. But

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Speaker 1: I think I made the mistake of moving too fast

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Speaker 1: and inviting you to move in. And I appreciate what

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Speaker 1: you do for me. I appreciate how you stimulate me mentally. Actually,

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Speaker 1: damn you said, he don't Okay, Okay, Yeah, this conversation

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Speaker 1: needs to happen because I don't want you to start

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Speaker 1: resenting him, because that's not fair. It's not fair to

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Speaker 1: you and him more the kids. So he needs to go,

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Speaker 1: He needs to move out, and there needs to be

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Speaker 1: a distance created. And just in that part, in that

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Speaker 1: aspect of it. Now, is he the type to blow

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Speaker 1: up on your ass? Is he the type that would

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Speaker 1: even understand? That's why I'm saying, ask him to be

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Speaker 1: open minded if he it isn't already, you know, because

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Speaker 1: some men won't be able to take that, but some

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Speaker 1: men are. Some men are able to take the hard,

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Speaker 1: cold truth because at times, I know it's cliche, but

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Speaker 1: the truth does hurt. But it also matters to tell

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Speaker 1: the truth, because if you lie, both of y'all gonna

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Speaker 1: be unhappy. It ain't gonna it ain't gonna work out

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Speaker 1: at the end, because you're gonna blow up one day

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Speaker 1: and you're gonna say some things that I damn sure

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Speaker 1: know you're gonna regret. Have the conversation while still early.

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Speaker 1: Four months is not that long. Okay, Please do that

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Speaker 1: for yourself, your sanity, and your baby's too, you know,

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Speaker 1: and do that for him too, just for the sake

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Speaker 1: of breaking a heart and for the sake of breaking

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Speaker 1: your own heart because you know you're not happy. Check

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Speaker 1: back in with me. Let me know, girl, Okay, moving on.

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Speaker 1: I lost my fiance about a month ago. Shit, wasn't

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Speaker 1: doing the best for months, she would say. I wasn't

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Speaker 1: making her happy, wasn't a great father at times, rarely

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Speaker 1: having sex. Long story short of female message me sending

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Speaker 1: me picks. I sent one back next morning. Fiance seen it.

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Speaker 1: Damn We split shortly after that after the picture. Okay,

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Speaker 1: this girl is my life. We got a daughter, and

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Speaker 1: she's there for my other kids. How do I get

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Speaker 1: her back? First of all, nigga, you ain't even let

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Speaker 1: me know. Shit, you just you're leaving some shit out.

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Speaker 1: There's some other shit that you done did ain't nobody

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Speaker 1: uh uh? Your fiance ain't gonna leave you just because

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Speaker 1: she's seeing a bitch sent a picture to your phone.

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Speaker 1: You've been doing something else, and I ain't even gonna

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Speaker 1: take your shit until you open up all the way

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Speaker 1: up and let me know what you did. I ain't

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Speaker 1: playing with you. I am not playing. This is crazy.

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Speaker 1: You gonna send me this little bit of shit. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna read it again. I lost my fiance about a

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Speaker 1: month ago. Shit wasn't doing the best for months, she

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Speaker 1: would say. I wasn't making that happy, wasn't a great

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Speaker 1: father at times, rarely having sex. Long story short, how

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Speaker 1: fuck you're gonna say? Long story short? And the story

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00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,399
Speaker 1: already fucking short. Long story short of female message me

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Speaker 1: sending me picks. I sent one back next morning. Fiance

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00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:25,600
Speaker 1: seen it. We split shortly after that. This girl is

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Speaker 1: my life, got a daughter, and she there for my

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Speaker 1: other kids. How do I get her back? You tell

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Speaker 1: a motherfucking truth about everything, So help you God, because

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00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:37,000
Speaker 1: ain't nobody sitting here believe I ain't believing this shit.

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00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:39,879
Speaker 1: I'm not believing it. That you can come back, and

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00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:43,399
Speaker 1: you can send me take your time, take your time,

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00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,359
Speaker 1: open up to me and tell me what happened, because

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Speaker 1: you ain't gonna get her back, like this is shit,

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Speaker 1: This is probably how you lost them, all short and

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00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,320
Speaker 1: shit and nonchalant, like you don't give a damn you

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00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:56,159
Speaker 1: don't really want her back, and this is crazy. You

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Speaker 1: sent me this same message May twenty fourth, sending me

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Speaker 1: the same shit December eighteenth. All right, so that was

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Speaker 1: like what six months ago? Yeah, this was seven months ago,

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00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:09,479
Speaker 1: and then you came back and sent it again. So

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00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:15,119
Speaker 1: you still wanna obviously, but the dates then changed. I

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00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,359
Speaker 1: know the dates changed. You sent you copying and paste

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Speaker 1: and sent the same shit. So you ain't got a

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Speaker 1: back yet, and you ain't going to with this nonsense.

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00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 1: Try again. I better open up my DM for carefully

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00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:30,199
Speaker 1: reckless and see a longer message. Shit, send a voice note,

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Speaker 1: talk to me, because this ain't gonna get you nowhere

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Speaker 1: with me, I say, she don't take your ass back

401
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,440
Speaker 1: because you lying about something and you hiding some shit,

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Speaker 1: And yeah, I ain't playing with you niggas in twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty four. I ain't playing with you women in twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty four, I ain't doing it. Get your shit together,

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Speaker 1: And just like that, we've come to the end of

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Speaker 1: yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl Esselarius. I

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00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,800
Speaker 1: ain't playing with y'all, niggas, I ain't playing with you,

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Speaker 1: and then my deepest paying voice peace. Catch you next

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Speaker 1: week as a class A name can't. Fully Reckless is

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Speaker 1: a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more

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00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 1: podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or

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00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,119
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to your favorite shows.