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Speaker 1: No, I'm owning all of me.

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Speaker 2: I can show, I can show, I can be in

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Speaker 2: a suit, I can do all of that. I'm not

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Speaker 2: into respectability politics.

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Speaker 1: I never was Angie Martinez in Real Life podcast? Hidja know? Hi? Angie?

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, I am finally here. Congratulations because I

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Speaker 2: met you at the beginning of my career and we

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Speaker 2: were both moving in different spaces. But you have your

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Speaker 2: own shit. Yeah, yeah, it's amazing. Yeah, but own in

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Speaker 2: like a deeper even deep, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 2: Like it goes even deeper, which is a testament to

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Speaker 2: I need to interview you your evolution.

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Speaker 1: What would you like to talk about today? No, let

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Speaker 1: me start, and the table's turn. I'm all the way

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Speaker 1: into that. Okay. Cool. Well, first of all, one of

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Speaker 1: the reasons I'm so excited about talking to you on

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Speaker 1: this platform is that you're such an artist artist, right,

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Speaker 1: You're so you know, you give us fantasy and like

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Speaker 1: space and like no, you take us on a ride,

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Speaker 1: which is what we love about you, and that's that's

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Speaker 1: a beautiful thing to offer as an artist. But when

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Speaker 1: we're talking about real life and like you're well, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, what's going on inside there? And

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Speaker 1: how you're navigating. I mean just every day genewm on

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Speaker 1: a like what are your challenges you? What are your

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Speaker 1: life mantras? And you know things like that. But I

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Speaker 1: guess we start. I always ask this question. Everybody on

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Speaker 1: the show is like, because I think there's nothing really

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Speaker 1: them today, how like today on a scale of one

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Speaker 1: to ten, how happy are you today? That scale of

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Speaker 1: one to ten, I don't know what it started off

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Speaker 1: on a like four.

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Speaker 2: When I woke up, you know what, you would say,

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Speaker 2: you should be on a team because of life, You've

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Speaker 2: been given life.

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Speaker 1: We wake up, I don't. I don't.

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Speaker 2: I have to train my mind to find joy, to

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Speaker 2: see the joy and find the gratitude in the littlest things.

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Speaker 2: Because I looked at my schedule and I was like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, I'm going.

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Speaker 1: Going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going.

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Speaker 2: Going, And I'm like, oh, I really I just want to,

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Speaker 2: like I want to be having this level of crew.

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Speaker 2: Say I want to be, But you know you're talking

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Speaker 2: about something you love. So to answer your question, you're

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Speaker 2: probably like, girl, get to the point I would say,

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Speaker 2: I'm on a hundred right now, I'm on a hundred,

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Speaker 2: and let me tell you why, because all we have

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Speaker 2: is right now. There was a point in time in

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Speaker 2: my life where I would I would be thinking so

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Speaker 2: much about the future that it was giving me anxi,

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Speaker 2: so much about Okay, well what did I do wrong

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Speaker 2: with the past, that it was keeping me still, you know,

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Speaker 2: depressed thinking about what could have, should have like you know,

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Speaker 2: maybe like.

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Speaker 1: The pat.

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Speaker 2: A couple of years back, me, I'm a new, updated

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Speaker 2: version of myself.

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Speaker 1: I heard you say that earlier.

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Speaker 2: I heard I've loved I've updated my code and everything.

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Speaker 2: But I'm present, so I'm happy. Yeah, when I'm present,

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Speaker 2: I'm happy. When I'm engaging with you, I'm happy.

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Speaker 1: This is great. Yeah, it's crazy because we always hear

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Speaker 1: that be in the now, being the president, that's the

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Speaker 1: key to happiness, and you hear it, but until you

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Speaker 1: learn to actually exercise it, you don't experience it. But

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Speaker 1: then when you do, it's like, oh, there's really something.

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Speaker 1: There's really something to being present, and that's directly being

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Speaker 1: connected to how happy you are.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, you gotta train, Like people think that you

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Speaker 2: wake up and you you have this free ass motherfucker

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Speaker 2: energy right right, But I have to it's a muscle.

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Speaker 2: I have to remember and remind myself that my inner voice,

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Speaker 2: Like what I think about me is the alpha, is

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Speaker 2: the omega. It's nothing that another person can tell me

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Speaker 2: about me that I don't know that. You don't know

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Speaker 2: me more than I know me.

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Speaker 1: You can't.

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Speaker 2: You don't define my joy or my happiness. Does that

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Speaker 2: make sense? Like, it's great when people are complimenting you

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Speaker 2: and giving you love or criticizing you, which is always

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Speaker 2: not so great, right, it's not. It don't feel good, right,

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Speaker 2: But how I think about me, my inner voice is

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Speaker 2: the loudest voice inside of me, in my head.

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Speaker 1: It's the it's the final say. That's it? Although, like,

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Speaker 1: how does that work? That's it? What do you mean?

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Speaker 1: Like everything? Like you?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I believe that we tell ourselves stories all the time,

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Speaker 2: whether it's to cope, whether it's to be in a delusion,

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Speaker 2: gonna ask relationship you want to be That's just why

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Speaker 2: don't we do that?

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Speaker 1: We tell ourselves story?

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Speaker 2: So why wouldn't I tell myself the story of what

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Speaker 2: I say? Janelle Mona is I'm the author of that?

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Speaker 1: Okay, what do you say? She is? Like, what is

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Speaker 1: your thing? You tell yourself?

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Speaker 2: She? They them free ask motherfucker? I am not above

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Speaker 2: making mistakes. I'm not perfect. I have no desire to

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Speaker 2: be perfect. I'm very talented. I have a lot to offer,

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Speaker 2: i have a lot to say at my core when

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Speaker 2: I'm not you know, an ego, Like I'm a beautiful person.

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Speaker 2: I'm a giving person. I'm a humble I have a

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Speaker 2: humble spirit. I'm funny. Uh, I'm giving, i am did

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Speaker 2: I already say that? Probably I'm giving, Like I'm layered,

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Speaker 2: I'm complex, I'm does ever the little.

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Speaker 1: Voice, other little negative voices come inside and try to

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Speaker 1: get in there.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and I I can be if I'm moving

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Speaker 2: in a spirit of like insecurity, I'm capable.

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Speaker 1: We are all capable.

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Speaker 2: Of not being the best version of ourselves. You know,

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Speaker 2: we're all capable of it. And I just had you

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Speaker 2: just have to know that. You got to check it

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Speaker 2: every time, like, oh, oh you got oh you got

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Speaker 2: some ship you need to deal with. Yeah, you got

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Speaker 2: some stuff you got to talk about to yourself with yourself.

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Speaker 1: So you do this often. This is like the thing

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Speaker 1: you do all do to a certain extent. It's just

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Speaker 1: what the stories? What stories do we tell ourselves? Right?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: What do we need? What is our day? Require you

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Speaker 1: got to tell your something. We were talking about this

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Speaker 1: a little bit earlier, and I was telling you about

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Speaker 1: why I was doing this podcast and stuff and saying

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Speaker 1: that this project is like the first time I'm experimenting.

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Speaker 1: I would always say, you know, God knows best, I

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Speaker 1: follow it. I would say those things. I never really

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Speaker 1: had a full project where I fully submit to letting

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Speaker 1: it be what it is. And it's a different it's

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Speaker 1: a different feeling when you do a project or you

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Speaker 1: do anything that way, when you surrender to like what

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Speaker 1: it's supposed to be. Like I was telling you this,

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Speaker 1: if you if you called me downstairs and we're like,

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Speaker 1: you know what my spirit's telling me. I don't feel

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Speaker 1: like talking today, and you're just might have been like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I just paid for this crew and

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Speaker 1: is it. But now I kind of be like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: your spirit's not telling another and it's it's so freeing

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Speaker 1: to have that. But when I look at you as

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Speaker 1: an artist, I feel like maybe you operate like that

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Speaker 1: all the time, like just based on what you present, and.

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Speaker 3: Like I don't know if that's true, like doing this today, no, no, not.

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Speaker 1: That, but you are free. You seem to be free

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Speaker 1: with your art, free with your I and I would

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Speaker 1: imagine that part of it.

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Speaker 2: No, yeah, you know, listen, I'll be completely honest with you.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I have guilt about canceling stuff, or not

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Speaker 2: even canceling, but like postponing to a time where my

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Speaker 2: energy I have the space for it. Because the truth

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Speaker 2: of the matter is, there are moments when I get overwhelmed.

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Speaker 2: Like I know, people see me acting, they see me singing,

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Speaker 2: writing books, doing all these like telling stories, doing these

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Speaker 2: amazing things, having these amazing opportunities. But with that comes

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Speaker 2: like I have to make sure that I'm not I

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Speaker 2: haven't put too much on my plate. So there are

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Speaker 2: moments where I have to say no to certain things,

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Speaker 2: and then I'm like, oh, did I say no to

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Speaker 2: the wrong thing? Or should I I can do it.

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Speaker 1: I can do it.

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Speaker 2: And then you push yourself and you don't enjoy the

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Speaker 2: experience because you've decided to at the same time, have

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Speaker 2: all of your worlds collide. And I felt that before,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like you, I'm I am just now learning

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Speaker 2: to like honor my inner gut, my inner voice in

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Speaker 2: a way that I wasn't. I think that we're in

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Speaker 2: this business and people say, well, you have to do

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Speaker 2: it like this, You need to do it like this.

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Speaker 2: This is how it's done. Go here, go here, go

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Speaker 2: work work, work, work work. Do never come across like

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Speaker 2: you don't you're not a hard worker, because you need

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Speaker 2: to work.

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Speaker 1: You need to do. And that's the family I came from.

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Speaker 1: I grew up my parents work. We brought into it

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Speaker 1: for many years.

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Speaker 2: I feel like they did what they needed to do

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Speaker 2: to provide right, Like I would never ever, you know,

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Speaker 2: say my mother exemplifying you know, she was a mad before,

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Speaker 2: a custodian all that, Like she was doing so many

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Speaker 2: different things to provide for us. And you saw that

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Speaker 2: and you just were like, work, work, work, right. But

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Speaker 2: I think at a certain point, yeah, we got to

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Speaker 2: say how do we redesign a life to where we're

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Speaker 2: working and we're also making it fun, Like that's what

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Speaker 2: I'm on. I've had meetings with my team. I'm like, listen,

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Speaker 2: this has got to be fun. Like where's the DJ

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Speaker 2: on the set or the photo shoot? But we're doing meetings.

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Speaker 2: We need in person where the drinks at. Like you

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Speaker 2: need to be smoking to commune. Okay, go get your weed.

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Speaker 2: Whatever you need to do. We're running, we're creating our

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Speaker 2: own worlds, right, so why not make it.

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Speaker 1: The one time I refuse?

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Speaker 2: So I do I have. I've had to make that choice.

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Speaker 2: And sometimes people who get it, like you get it,

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Speaker 2: we get it. We were talking about this out, you know,

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Speaker 2: outside of of starting, but before by ourselves. We were

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Speaker 2: just you know, I loved knowing that you were in

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Speaker 2: the space of creating an environment that works for you now,

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Speaker 2: not what worked in the past, not what but what

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Speaker 2: works now?

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Speaker 1: Right? What are we feeling that only could be honest

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Speaker 1: if if it's moving, because we're always moving, like we're evolving, pivoting, changing, learning,

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Speaker 1: And if what you're doing doesn't reflect that, you're not

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Speaker 1: it's not really fully honest and honest and be fully honest.

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Speaker 2: And you're in constant conflict of who you are now

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Speaker 2: and what you think you're doing and what you may

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Speaker 2: want to be doing.

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Speaker 1: Well, you're good. You gotta you could do it talk show?

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Speaker 1: You know, I said you could host the show. You know.

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Speaker 2: You know what, I'm gonna leave that to you. You

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Speaker 2: you You've been doing some incredible interviews and I love

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Speaker 2: I love what I've been seeing.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. I love it too, because I feel like

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Speaker 1: I learned something from everybody, from every I feel like

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Speaker 1: there's takeaways in every episode that I remember after that,

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Speaker 1: or that people I meet that listen take it and

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Speaker 1: use it. That's like the goal. That's the only thing

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Speaker 1: I care about in these conversations that we get. We

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Speaker 1: all get something out of it. That's the point. But

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Speaker 1: it was fun because you're just talking about that, because

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Speaker 1: about like having fun. I had. Kelly Clarkson was on

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Speaker 1: the last episode and she says she started doing this

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Speaker 1: thing where she she just calls it. She just says,

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Speaker 1: I'm still working, but I say I'm on vacation this week.

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Speaker 1: So that even when she goes in do her show,

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Speaker 1: they go out for drinks after, or she'll stop at

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Speaker 1: the beach on her way to work, or she finds

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Speaker 1: ways to make a vacation even though she's working. But

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Speaker 1: she's living like in vacation mode, which I thought was Kelly,

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Speaker 1: you were mine. Isn't that good?

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Speaker 2: I feel like I'm still in that.

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Speaker 1: Good No, that's a good one. But there's been a

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Speaker 1: few gems. I'm telling you, I've had. I picked up

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Speaker 1: a few things along the way. What are we gonna

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Speaker 1: pick up from you? Today. You know, That's what I mean.

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Speaker 1: What is your I don't know, especially now, probably always

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Speaker 1: changes for you. Uh huh, okay, what is the most

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Speaker 1: recent pivot? Lesson change? What is the thing? Because everybody's

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Speaker 1: in the little of something, what is the thing that's

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Speaker 1: like motivated like moving you now? You know it is.

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Speaker 2: Just speaking like when we were talking about Kelly Clarkson

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Speaker 2: and redesigning, not being afraid to if I'm holding myself

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Speaker 2: accountable for my energy for because here's the thing. Once

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Speaker 2: you experience peace, there's no going back from that, meaning

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Speaker 2: when you're not operating. I'll just speak for myself. There

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Speaker 2: was a time in my life where I was extremely

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Speaker 2: like bent on being like being a perfectionist from the

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Speaker 2: way that I performed to whatever you saw, Like wait,

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Speaker 2: it was it not going on in my head, It's

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Speaker 2: not here, it's trash, it's done. And I would go

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Speaker 2: back and have these breakdowns because I literally was trying

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Speaker 2: in my head like I saw something and I was

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Speaker 2: like if it didn't get to that level, there was

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Speaker 2: no there was nothing salvageable about it that I wanted

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Speaker 2: to keep. And I'm realizing that because I've watched other people,

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Speaker 2: I've watched other people do that, and I'm like, that's

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Speaker 2: not why I like you because you're perfect. I like

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Speaker 2: seeing how you got up from that, Like, I want

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Speaker 2: to know the backstory, the coaching that you had to

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Speaker 2: give yourself to become the champion that you are. Like,

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Speaker 2: it's not in the perfection that I moved, it's everything

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Speaker 2: that went into the moment where you fell down and

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Speaker 2: you decided to get the fuck back up and you

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Speaker 2: were and.

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Speaker 1: You were honest enough to let let me see you

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Speaker 1: fall down and you let me see that. Do you

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Speaker 1: understand how powerful that is?

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Speaker 2: That is what the world, in my opinion, I'm not

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Speaker 2: going to say the world, but those are the conversations

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Speaker 2: and the things that we need to see. We need

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Speaker 2: to know the boy behind the scenes of what it

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Speaker 2: took for you to get there. In that moment when

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Speaker 2: you when you were not at your best, what were

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Speaker 2: you telling yourself? Those are the moments that I've been

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Speaker 2: most impacted by, And those are the moments that I'm

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Speaker 2: allowing myself to have that I'm surrendering to that I'm

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Speaker 2: that I am.

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Speaker 1: When was one of those moments fail? When was one

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Speaker 1: of those moments we don't see it but we might

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Speaker 1: not see it, y'all.

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Speaker 2: Don't see it. Like they don't always happen on a stage.

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Speaker 2: They happen privately. They could happen when you're in a meeting.

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Speaker 2: They can happen when you know, perhaps you had a

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Speaker 2: running at a photo shoot. There was a photo shoot

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Speaker 2: that I had where I had to I had to

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Speaker 2: apologize two years after it for you know, for being

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Speaker 2: super like closed off, standoff, not trusting because I wanted

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Speaker 2: to go how I wanted to go, So I built

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Speaker 2: up a whole wall. I was like, only talk to

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Speaker 2: my team.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to, I don't want to engage because

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Speaker 2: I was just like overwhelmed. And I also was dealing

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Speaker 2: with some real anxiety that I didn't know what was happening,

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Speaker 2: Like I was having I guess anxiety meltdowns, and I

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Speaker 2: didn't want anybody to see me in that way.

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Speaker 1: So I came across as like stand offish.

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Speaker 2: But I was dealing with some mental health issues that

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Speaker 2: I and I'm not gonna say issues, but just challenge

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Speaker 2: perhaps challenges that I didn't quite understand how to coach

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Speaker 2: myself through, and an editor that I wanted. There was

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Speaker 2: a magazine that I wanted to do again, and they

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Speaker 2: brought that up. They brought it up to my PR team,

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Speaker 2: and it was tough to hear how they talked about

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Speaker 2: my behavior. But it wasn't like I wasn't. It wasn't

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Speaker 2: any it wasn't anything that I said. It was just

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Speaker 2: how I made them feel. And all I had to do.

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Speaker 2: I mean, all I could do was be like, that

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Speaker 2: was a time in my life where I was striving

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Speaker 2: for perfection. I wanted it to done my way. I

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Speaker 2: didn't trust them.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't. I didn't see them.

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Speaker 2: I just wanted what I wanted from the situation and

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Speaker 2: how but you can do that, but you have to

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Speaker 2: understand how that impacts other people. They're looking at it like, oh,

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Speaker 2: you don't respect my job, you don't respect who I am.

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Speaker 2: And they took and I had to just take that.

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Speaker 2: They were like, you know, you stayed in the room.

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Speaker 2: You didn't want to communicate with anybody. You didn't want

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Speaker 2: to talk to my assistant. My assistant cried.

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Speaker 1: You made somebody cry. It made me cry.

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Speaker 2: I started crying because I'm like, oh my god, I

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Speaker 2: didn't want.

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Speaker 1: To make that person. I didn't want to make.

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Speaker 2: Her feel that at all her experience and she loved me.

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Speaker 2: Her experience with me where I made her cry because

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Speaker 2: I was trying to be perfect and I was like, everybody,

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Speaker 2: get out of the way.

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Speaker 1: This is how we get to perfection. Only let me work.

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Speaker 1: And it didn't. It didn't. It wasn't right, It wasn't

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Speaker 1: the right energy. I feel all that, and that probably

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Speaker 1: is what caused some of that anxiety. There is a

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Speaker 1: thing though about an art artist and that little voice

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Speaker 1: in your head and having vision and not settling because

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Speaker 1: these are all things we're told, right, We're told all

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Speaker 1: those things. So how do you know when to fight

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Speaker 1: for what that thing is and when to fall back?

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Speaker 2: Oh, like, you trust your gut, your instinct, and sometimes

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Speaker 2: it can it'll it'll show up and reveal itself like

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Speaker 2: this is this is right? We need to be going here.

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Speaker 2: And that's a lot of what art is about, Like

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Speaker 2: making art is hard.

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Speaker 1: Well, I heard the album because I got that early

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Speaker 1: last night. It was so good. Other way, Brittany was there.

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Speaker 1: We have some footage of you. I wish you guys

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Speaker 1: were all there so you could know what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 1: The vibes I'm talking.

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Speaker 2: About where's my phone? Can somebody bring my phone in?

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Speaker 2: I have a whole notes what do you do? Notes

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Speaker 2: like that?

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Speaker 1: On the have you? But in your last night when

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Speaker 1: I was at the listening, I was writing. Were you

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Speaker 1: writing notes? I only wrote like two notes.

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Speaker 2: These are things that I've had to write down, like

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Speaker 2: when I am in my when I forget, Because sometimes

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Speaker 2: we want to go back to our old versions of ourselves.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if you know that or not.

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Speaker 2: You know no, but please break that down for me

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Speaker 2: because I know like I want to go back.

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Speaker 1: I feel like that in my life. I have a

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Speaker 1: little bit of that happening.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like you want we want to fall familiar with

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Speaker 2: how we used to operate.

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Speaker 1: Yes, but when you when you when you've like when.

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Speaker 2: You're gone into a new when you've evolved, you got

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Speaker 2: to really practice what you're preaching, what you're saying.

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Speaker 1: So these are my notes. Wait, I want you to

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Speaker 1: finish that. What was I saying? What was that you said?

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Speaker 1: When you're evolving, we we want to Yeah, we want

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Speaker 1: to go to old version. You know. The bodies like too,

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Speaker 1: like if your average one hundred and sixty pounds, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and you lose ten pounds your body. Yeah, it wants

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Speaker 1: to go back to one's sixty. So it's very hard

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Speaker 1: to get to a new weight. I know this because

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Speaker 1: I was dieting my whole life. That's true, not anymore,

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Speaker 1: but I get it.

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Speaker 2: But even my thix season right now like for me,

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Speaker 2: for me, like I'm in my I love it. I'm

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Speaker 2: embracing it. But I think we all fluctuate, like when

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Speaker 2: seasons are changing, I go through like I notice my

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Speaker 2: energy changing and I go through a more stressful period,

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Speaker 2: so I eat more. And I was watching the Laura

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Speaker 2: in London interview You Deal where she says she's like

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Speaker 2: an emotional eater. So when I'm stressed TwixT, when I'm stressed,

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Speaker 2: a lot of us we're eating, we're eating.

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Speaker 1: We're eating.

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Speaker 2: So when it's going into like summer from spring or

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Speaker 2: like from from winter to spring, I get I wouldn't

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Speaker 2: say a little depressed. I get like more anxious, I guess,

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Speaker 2: And so I start eating more and I get more

390
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:11,119
Speaker 2: thick my hitated. It's weather related, I think depression. And

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Speaker 2: I start eating more a little more comfort and so

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Speaker 2: my body is going to reflect that. So you might

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Speaker 2: see a little bit more booty, you see a little

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Speaker 2: bit more hips a little I got my little pouch.

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Speaker 1: Stop it I do. I mean, I'm petite, but it

396
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Speaker 1: can get thick.

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Speaker 2: And I've just I've learned. I'm like, I couldn't fit

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Speaker 2: them suits anymore. And I was like, oh my god,

399
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:37,080
Speaker 2: what is going on? And I would be dieting or

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Speaker 2: running or exercising trying to fit into and I'm just like, no, no,

401
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 2: we're here. This is where we are, Like, We're not

402
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,160
Speaker 2: about to be utilizing life to try to be an

403
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:54,159
Speaker 2: old version of ourselves, no matter how celebrated that version

404
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Speaker 2: of me was.

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm here. I'm here. That's so good because it's

406
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,080
Speaker 1: not just our bodies and physical it's like, yeah, you

407
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:07,040
Speaker 1: get comfortable. A lot of people do that. Let's you

408
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,760
Speaker 1: get comfortable at a phase in your life or an

409
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 1: accomplishment that you have, or a time when you were happy, yeah,

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00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,400
Speaker 1: or even a relationship you can be in a relationship,

411
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,560
Speaker 1: but what we had so many good times? Yeah, but

412
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Speaker 1: we had good times in ten years.

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Speaker 2: Right, Maybe it's maybe you want to stop, you to rethink,

414
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,479
Speaker 2: like what is what is what is the new version

415
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Speaker 2: of a freedom?

416
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Speaker 1: What does that feel like?

417
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Speaker 2: And that's usually when I feel most free is when

418
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Speaker 2: artistically I can honor exactly who I am right now.

419
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Speaker 2: I feel most free as a human when I can

420
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Speaker 2: honor exactly who I am right now.

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Speaker 1: And that's it, And that goes back to being present.

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Speaker 1: Like you said this, yeah, so you are. You seem

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Speaker 1: to be very present on this album in terms of

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Speaker 1: like you just sound free and like you're having fun.

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Speaker 2: I mean, that's exactly where I man. I just remember,

426
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 2: you're taking me back to even creating the project. So

427
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 2: a lot of the songs you heard was inspired by

428
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:13,200
Speaker 2: experiences that I had because my friends could not find

429
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Speaker 2: a venue to have parties.

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Speaker 1: Every day.

431
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Speaker 2: People shout out to everyday people, it's here in New York.

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Speaker 2: They go to lay in the Continent Africa, like all

433
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Speaker 2: around and it is the most beautiful black and brown

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Speaker 2: people you have ever seen, every day partying, strangers looking

435
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:36,479
Speaker 2: at each other, smiling, hugging. It goes from four pm

436
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:39,399
Speaker 2: to six in the morning. Seven in the morning. My

437
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:42,720
Speaker 2: friends couldn't find a venue, and I was like, come

438
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,400
Speaker 2: to our place, Like, we have a place in la

439
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:47,879
Speaker 2: that has a studio and that is also kind of

440
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:51,119
Speaker 2: indoor outdoor, and it's wonderland. It's the name of it,

441
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,159
Speaker 2: and I was like, come here. And it was in

442
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,280
Speaker 2: the middle of the pandemic, so we were kind of

443
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:59,120
Speaker 2: having illegal parties, but they were safe because.

444
00:23:58,920 --> 00:23:59,760
Speaker 1: We were testing people.

445
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:03,879
Speaker 2: And I looked around when I saw everybody coming in,

446
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 2: like the vibe from four pm to six pm felt

447
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 2: one way, you know, like you see people in the sun,

448
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 2: you're looking at the swimming suits, you're in the pool.

449
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 2: Then from six to nine, as the sun is going down,

450
00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:19,439
Speaker 2: you're looking at the magenta sky. You're looking at like

451
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:23,399
Speaker 2: the mountains, and you're looking at people and how they're moving.

452
00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 2: And then it goes into night. People are sweating, clothes

453
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 2: are coming off like it's it feels like boxed it.

454
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:34,600
Speaker 2: It doesn't feel like that's a hum. Yeah, it's like

455
00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 2: the greatest experience on Earth. And I was just like,

456
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 2: oh my god, if I could bottle this up, put

457
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 2: it in like some type of bottle and sprinkle it

458
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 2: around the world, like I would do that. And I

459
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:53,040
Speaker 2: said that I have to musically, I have to capture

460
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 2: what I'm seeing because y'all have got to be here

461
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:59,960
Speaker 2: with me. This is life, This is like why we live,

462
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 2: this is what we fight for, this is what we

463
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:06,679
Speaker 2: fight to protect. And what I would do is it

464
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:08,199
Speaker 2: started with that party. I was like, I want to

465
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,840
Speaker 2: make music for these people, these black and brown people

466
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:15,720
Speaker 2: from Ghana to Atlanta, to South Africa, to la to

467
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:20,639
Speaker 2: Jamaica to the Caribbeans, Like I want New York. I

468
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:23,919
Speaker 2: want all of us to have a soundtrack to this lifestyle.

469
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 2: And what I would do is I would make songs

470
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:30,399
Speaker 2: like Monday Tuesday, make the music. And then I'm like,

471
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 2: if these songs can't work at that party, they're not

472
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,680
Speaker 2: coming on the album. That I got really intentional because

473
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,480
Speaker 2: it mattered. I was like, I want them to be

474
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 2: able to put on my music and play it.

475
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:41,360
Speaker 1: At every part.

476
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:43,080
Speaker 2: I don't want us always having to go here or

477
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 2: there or whatever state. I'm about to make some music

478
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,880
Speaker 2: for us. And so that's how That's how I made

479
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 2: the album.

480
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's how I mean. But what is that feeling?

481
00:25:51,359 --> 00:26:00,520
Speaker 1: So what are we trying to capture? Like what is the.

482
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:01,159
Speaker 2: The smiles of like two gorgeous black women looking at

483
00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 2: each other that don't know each other. Ah, they may

484
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:09,800
Speaker 2: be from Jamaica or Atlanta or South Africa or whatever,

485
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:11,120
Speaker 2: just like admiring.

486
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:12,280
Speaker 1: Each other from across the room.

487
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 2: You know, or even that guy that's in the pool

488
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,440
Speaker 2: with his drink looking over at you and y'all staring

489
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:22,200
Speaker 2: at each other, the sweat that's dripping off the bodies,

490
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 2: the breasts of us. Like, all I could think about

491
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 2: is Nina Simone being like an artist job is to

492
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 2: reflect the times, and a time was hald all to.

493
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 1: Think about a time was right.

494
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:38,680
Speaker 2: All I could think about is Maurice White, like I

495
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:41,640
Speaker 2: said last night from Earth, Wind and Fire, saying, if

496
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:43,679
Speaker 2: there ain't no beauty, you got to make some beauty,

497
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 2: have mercy, Like if there ain't no beauty, meaning everything

498
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 2: that's going on in our world, you're never going to

499
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 2: be exempt of problems. Were always gonna have something going

500
00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 2: on that is heavy in the middle of all that

501
00:26:58,720 --> 00:26:59,439
Speaker 2: make your beauty.

502
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,639
Speaker 1: Oh, I love that. I want to ask you about

503
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:07,440
Speaker 1: float season. Come on, ask me, ask me anything did

504
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 1: we do? Let's do another? Cheers? We are here. We

505
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:16,359
Speaker 1: are here, at present and very present, very present. Okay.

506
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,160
Speaker 1: So there's a few different areas of float that I'm

507
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 1: interested in. One is the sexuality of it and the

508
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,640
Speaker 1: comfort and the sexuality of it. Right, Like, so, how

509
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,720
Speaker 1: does that? How does that? You gotta imagine me right

510
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 1: I started. I was doing hip hop radio at a

511
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,560
Speaker 1: very young age, and I always was like, I'm gonna

512
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 1: wear baggiest clothes I could ever wear, because I don't

513
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,200
Speaker 1: want the guys on the other side of the mic

514
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:46,120
Speaker 1: over there trying to like look at me in any

515
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,959
Speaker 1: way except for what the conversation we're having. So I

516
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 1: came into the game on some shying away from sexuality,

517
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And if I'm being honest,

518
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:02,200
Speaker 1: and I'm almos embarrassed to say this, almost a little

519
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:07,399
Speaker 1: judgmental of people who were overtly sexual because I almost

520
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 1: assumed they were using that as a shortcut to things. Wow,

521
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 1: If I'm being honest, I've evolved a lot since then,

522
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,880
Speaker 1: and I learned to almost admire it. Yeah, it went

523
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 1: from like judgmental about it to admiring it, because at

524
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:26,080
Speaker 1: some point it goes from like you shouldn't have to

525
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:30,640
Speaker 1: wear anything to be anything. And everybody operates through sexuality

526
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 1: and being public about sexuality in different ways, and you

527
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:36,800
Speaker 1: navigated however it makes you feel comfortable. But I feel

528
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 1: like this album is you've always been kind of comfortable somewhat.

529
00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 1: This is my interpretation. Correct me if I'm wrong. Correct

530
00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 1: me if anything is, go ahead. But to me, it

531
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:54,640
Speaker 1: seems you are far more comfortable in the conversation at

532
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 1: least in the music. Is that something you think about?

533
00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 1: How much does it play in the art. This is great.

534
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 1: I'm so happy you asked me this question. Really, this

535
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 1: is great.

536
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 2: No, it's important that we have these discussions about how

537
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:08,640
Speaker 2: we've evolved. And it's also kind of sad in a

538
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 2: sense because when I think about misogyny, when I think

539
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:18,800
Speaker 2: about the patriarchy, when I think about how we as

540
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:29,760
Speaker 2: energies have sort of been like programmed into believing that

541
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:35,400
Speaker 2: just because you dressed this way, you don't deserve this

542
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 2: amount of respect or this is a respectable way of dressing.

543
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:42,800
Speaker 2: I remember, like when I wore my suit, a lot

544
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 2: of people would push those respectability politics on me, and

545
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 2: I hated it.

546
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 1: Hated it. I'm like, you think I wear a suit

547
00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:54,840
Speaker 1: because what right?

548
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 2: Because I'm anti because I'm anti somebody who's not that.

549
00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:03,800
Speaker 2: The message such has always been about agency, about me

550
00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 2: choosing how I want to express myself. Like, it's not

551
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 2: about anything other than that. It's about having the autonomy

552
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:16,200
Speaker 2: to say this is what I think is cool right now?

553
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:18,920
Speaker 2: Like I like how this looks I'm paying homage. I

554
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 2: want to do this, I want to do that, and

555
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 2: it's so interesting, like I don't think I've ever told

556
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:29,360
Speaker 2: this story, but this is, this is but so I remember, Oh,

557
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 2: this was early on in my career and I had

558
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 2: I remember I was just wearing my tuxedos, wearing my suits.

559
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:37,560
Speaker 2: I thought it was cool. I was paying homage to

560
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 2: my working class family. I was, you know, like I

561
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 2: loved and it could have been maybe I was non binary.

562
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 2: Then I was like I was pushing back against gender

563
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 2: norms and I was like trying to find my way

564
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:55,320
Speaker 2: cause I'm growing up. I grew up publicly being famous,

565
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 2: so it's like I don't have Everything is not always

566
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 2: about oh I'm trying to sell this. I'm expressing myself

567
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 2: because I'm growing. It has nothing to do with a

568
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:10,479
Speaker 2: marketing plan, right yeah, thigga, I'm growing. I'm trying to

569
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 2: understand what I like and who I am. And you know, okay,

570
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 2: I like that. I don't like that, Like that's just real.

571
00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:20,400
Speaker 2: I remember I went on a red carpet and I

572
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 2: was so excited. I wore this white blazer with black

573
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 2: lapels and I didn't have a shirt on under it.

574
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,240
Speaker 2: I didn't have a shirt on under it, so I

575
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,280
Speaker 2: only show it showed my cleavage. And so it was

576
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 2: probably like that like if the cameras can roll in,

577
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 2: she's given us permission.

578
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 1: So I did. I did an outfit where al it

579
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:47,520
Speaker 1: was just like.

580
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 2: A little bit of cleavage, just this this much good,

581
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 2: just this much, this much showing. And I did a

582
00:31:53,600 --> 00:32:00,120
Speaker 2: red carpet and I got an email from somebody you know,

583
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 2: who was a mentor to me that I respected, that

584
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:03,960
Speaker 2: loved me.

585
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:05,480
Speaker 1: Was a man.

586
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 2: With the photo of me in the tuxedo with my cleavage,

587
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 2: you know, showing like no, no, please, don't do this.

588
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 1: And I'm like what.

589
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 2: And I immediately because I was also in a space

590
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 2: of like I also was dealing with rejection abandonment issues,

591
00:32:31,480 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 2: so I thought, like I did something wrong, They're not

592
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:35,400
Speaker 2: gonna love me anymore. D D.

593
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,479
Speaker 1: I went through that whole thing, and I was like,

594
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 1: what did I do? What did I do? Did I?

595
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 2: I just I'm wearing something that I like, and they

596
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:49,280
Speaker 2: were just like, you know, if you show this, then

597
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 2: they're not going to take your message. Clearly, they're not

598
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 2: gonna they're not gonna listen to what it is that

599
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 2: you have to say. If I show my cleavage on

600
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:00,720
Speaker 2: the carpet, they're not gonna listen to my messaging. And

601
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 2: I remember going to do an interview after that and

602
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:07,600
Speaker 2: I said that, and it's one of the things I

603
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:13,000
Speaker 2: regret because they were so wrong, Like that was so

604
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 2: wrong of them to make me feel like I can't

605
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:20,520
Speaker 2: express myself or show my cleavage because oh it's gonna over. No,

606
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 2: I'm owning all of me. I'm owning all of me,

607
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:25,959
Speaker 2: and I'm showing up for me. And I think what

608
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,320
Speaker 2: you're seeing right now, Angie, is me showing up for

609
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:33,440
Speaker 2: me and me not allowing a man or a mentor

610
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 2: or anybody to tell me that I can't own all

611
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:41,360
Speaker 2: of me. I can be I can show titties, I

612
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,160
Speaker 2: can show ass I can be in a suit, I

613
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:46,160
Speaker 2: can be in a swimsuit. I can drink, I can

614
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:48,760
Speaker 2: smoke weed. I can do all of that. I'm not

615
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 2: into respectability politics.

616
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 1: I never was.

617
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 2: And I think when you're taught at an early age,

618
00:33:55,760 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 2: you know all that person is sagging their pants bringing

619
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 2: the black community down. Like respectability politics is killing us spiritually. Yeah,

620
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 2: it's killing us. Like we don't talk about that enough.

621
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 2: And I think what you see, and I've been doing

622
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:18,239
Speaker 2: it for years is like trying my best to like

623
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:25,840
Speaker 2: dissolve that and and and unlearned all of that. I

624
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:28,239
Speaker 2: think that they I think, even if it's in the

625
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 2: need to protect us, it's not right.

626
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:33,239
Speaker 1: It's not right. It's not right. I want to go

627
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,360
Speaker 1: back to that respectability of politics. But what did you

628
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 1: say to this person? Did you how do you handle that?

629
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 1: I said, you said nothing to this day. Let's call

630
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:43,080
Speaker 1: that person right now, live on.

631
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:47,000
Speaker 2: I know, I know right, I said nothing because I

632
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:48,279
Speaker 2: really thought, you know what.

633
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 1: It reminded me. But when they see like this or

634
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:53,319
Speaker 1: you're talking about this, will they know it's them if

635
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:54,319
Speaker 1: they see it?

636
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, perhaps they will. But here's the thing. It went

637
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 2: back to, like your own goals, saying like you're a

638
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:07,239
Speaker 2: good girl, don't be like them. Yeah, And it's so

639
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:11,240
Speaker 2: divisive and it's so wrong. It's like we're all expressing ourselves.

640
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:15,440
Speaker 2: We live and listen. How I express myself is because

641
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:18,399
Speaker 2: I'm a human, I'm an android, I'm who I am

642
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:23,799
Speaker 2: on earth. The music reflects how I'm living. It's not

643
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:26,040
Speaker 2: the other way around. I'm not gonna make music to

644
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:29,200
Speaker 2: match or make music and then me like, so, let

645
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 2: me try to live like my music. No, It's like,

646
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 2: this is who I am, this is where I'm at.

647
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:36,719
Speaker 2: I have to grow, I have to learn, I have

648
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 2: to you know, own all of me, and all of

649
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 2: that will shine through my music, not the other way around.

650
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 1: When I send my music sins. That makes sense. But

651
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:52,160
Speaker 1: there is people, and that's why I think it's brave, right,

652
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:57,359
Speaker 1: because when I go back to sexuality, it's like people

653
00:35:57,440 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 1: are a little obsessed with it.

654
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I wonder why. I wonder if people are

655
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:04,320
Speaker 2: trying to figure out.

656
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:08,200
Speaker 1: Their own often often probably yes, that is the case.

657
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:11,760
Speaker 1: But you know, as an artist and as a public figure,

658
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 1: when you make when you it's like it's going to

659
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 1: be the headline. Yeah, it's going to be the thing

660
00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:21,000
Speaker 1: that it's going to be the Yeah, it just is right.

661
00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 1: And so does that does that affect how you address it? Share?

662
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 1: You know, because if you want to be free about

663
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:34,040
Speaker 1: your life and you're making music about how you're living,

664
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:35,920
Speaker 1: but then you also have the real world and how

665
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:41,000
Speaker 1: how gross it can be sometimes Yeah, I guess what

666
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:42,720
Speaker 1: you know, what I'm saying, like, how do you navigate?

667
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:44,520
Speaker 1: How do you navigate that do you care?

668
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 2: Do you These are amazing questions because people don't get it, Like,

669
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:52,360
Speaker 2: I'm thankful that you ask this question. That's part of

670
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:54,879
Speaker 2: the reason why a lot of people don't open up.

671
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:58,399
Speaker 2: I know, people pick one part of who you are.

672
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 2: And thank God, I'm proud to be queer, like I'm

673
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 2: proud to be you know, I've been in polyamorous relationships,

674
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:11,840
Speaker 2: I have been in monogamous relationships, like I honor my journey.

675
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, and but speaking about it

676
00:37:15,320 --> 00:37:18,440
Speaker 2: sometimes does come with a lot of pressure. It comes

677
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:22,000
Speaker 2: with a lot of pressure to represent. You know, you're

678
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 2: that one, so you need to say the right things

679
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 2: all that. I don't put that pressure myself. I speak

680
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:30,840
Speaker 2: for me. I love though, that people can identify with

681
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:35,120
Speaker 2: what it is that I'm saying and they feel empowered,

682
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 2: they feel seen. That's important. I remember where I was

683
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:41,920
Speaker 2: in my life and I remember loving Lauren Hill. I

684
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:42,520
Speaker 2: felt seen.

685
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:44,719
Speaker 1: I felt like, ah, I love Lord, this is where

686
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 1: I'm at, you know.

687
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:48,799
Speaker 2: But now I'm where I'm at here, and I know

688
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 2: that perhaps I might be that to somebody else, right,

689
00:37:54,239 --> 00:37:57,440
Speaker 2: But I think that a lot of people are you know,

690
00:37:57,480 --> 00:38:01,480
Speaker 2: they might not want that attention, and I never feel

691
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,399
Speaker 2: like people should feel pressured. And that's this goes back

692
00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:06,399
Speaker 2: to when people say, well, why didn't you come out

693
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 2: about your sexuality. I've seen them say this to people

694
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 2: after years, They're like, well, what took you so long?

695
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 2: And I'm like this, it's like, it's a lot to

696
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:21,319
Speaker 2: be famous and have to talk about that, and then

697
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 2: it becomes that's the only thing folks, you know, want

698
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:28,080
Speaker 2: to say, and people want to I keep saying people,

699
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 2: I'll say myself, I'm a person who wants to be

700
00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:34,560
Speaker 2: all of me. Yes i am this, and yes I'm

701
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:38,719
Speaker 2: also this, Yes I'm that, Yes I'm also this, And

702
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,759
Speaker 2: I think that that does put some pressure. And if

703
00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:45,759
Speaker 2: you're shy, and if you're introverted, or maybe you just

704
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:49,719
Speaker 2: you don't want to maybe you and I feel like

705
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 2: there's nothing wrong with that the part of that part

706
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:53,240
Speaker 2: of your life.

707
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:55,319
Speaker 1: That this is why I almost am like I didn't

708
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 1: want to bring it up because I'm like, if I'm her,

709
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:01,400
Speaker 1: that's annoying to me. You know, I'm trying to be

710
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:04,759
Speaker 1: in your like if I'm you, and people ask me

711
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:07,319
Speaker 1: about that all the time. I'm annoyed by that. For you.

712
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:10,520
Speaker 1: But and I will ask you the one part of

713
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 1: it that is interesting to me, and we could throw

714
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:14,160
Speaker 1: it away if you're not interested in talking about it.

715
00:39:14,239 --> 00:39:18,040
Speaker 1: But I'm fascinated about like because it is Is it?

716
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:20,520
Speaker 1: Like how you say people could relate to you because

717
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:23,760
Speaker 1: of that, maybe somebody feel seen, even somebody who's probably

718
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:26,120
Speaker 1: in it right now, Like, how do you get to

719
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 1: the point where you find comfort in claiming whatever your

720
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,759
Speaker 1: whatever your thing is? And I just wonder if there

721
00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:38,760
Speaker 1: were challenges for you in getting to that point.

722
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 2: You know what's scary, Angie, is the laws that they're making.

723
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:49,640
Speaker 2: What do you mean against trans people, Like against the

724
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:55,960
Speaker 2: LGBTQI plus community. They are making laws right now, governors

725
00:39:57,400 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 2: to stop schools from talking about the anything that mentions

726
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:05,960
Speaker 2: lgbt q I A plus communities, anything that mentions black folks,

727
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 2: black critical race theory, like you can go to jail

728
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 2: in certain states for performing a drag.

729
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:17,920
Speaker 1: Show's insanity, well as.

730
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:24,160
Speaker 2: On abortion rights, and there's a real it's all connected.

731
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:28,920
Speaker 2: And so when I think about that, I'm like, yeah,

732
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 2: I'm proud, I'm gonna talk about it. I'm gonna make

733
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 2: sure that when it's time to vote, because when you

734
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:39,520
Speaker 2: start messing with people's rights to be who they are.

735
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,160
Speaker 2: I will always have a problem with you with that,

736
00:40:43,640 --> 00:40:48,279
Speaker 2: and I will always feel like with my platform and

737
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 2: with who who I am, just ask my life, Like

738
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:52,439
Speaker 2: I'm not about to sit back and take that shit.

739
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:56,719
Speaker 2: Like imagine if I wasn't famous, really like imagine if

740
00:40:56,719 --> 00:40:59,239
Speaker 2: I wasn't who I was and I was living in

741
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:04,880
Speaker 2: my hometown Kansas. You know, they try to absolutely like

742
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:12,040
Speaker 2: pass you know, anti abortion rights and LGBTQUI plus like

743
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:16,880
Speaker 2: right like they I'm in a Bible Belt, you know, uh,

744
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:18,120
Speaker 2: conservative place.

745
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:20,400
Speaker 1: I'm not famous. I'm in my house.

746
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 2: My whole family agrees with these people that you know,

747
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:28,759
Speaker 2: gay people shouldn't have rights and all this shit. Like imagine,

748
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 2: I'm imagining myself as that person, as that younger person

749
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:36,480
Speaker 2: whose you know, whole life is tied to their family

750
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:43,319
Speaker 2: and they're ostracized now because for being them. I don't

751
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:45,760
Speaker 2: know why people think that being gay or being queer

752
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:52,480
Speaker 2: just came out like you're putting you on that new nude,

753
00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:57,040
Speaker 2: Like what people being gay, people being queer, people being

754
00:41:57,520 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 2: trans people being non binary. Maybe there was in language

755
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 2: with it, but history shows us like they've been doing

756
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 2: this this is not we have been who we've been

757
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 2: throughout history, and what makes what makes me say I

758
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:15,279
Speaker 2: can't just sit back and like I don't want to

759
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 2: talk about that. No, No, I'm proud and I'm standing

760
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:23,880
Speaker 2: with my people and we're not gonna allow you to

761
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:26,280
Speaker 2: impede on our human rights.

762
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,520
Speaker 1: What do you say to that little girl, that little

763
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:33,400
Speaker 1: girl who's not famous, who's in that family right this second?

764
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:38,720
Speaker 2: Man, you have so much family, even outside of your family.

765
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 2: Family to me can be chosen.

766
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 1: Family.

767
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:46,520
Speaker 2: Family is who loves you right now, who loves you

768
00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:51,400
Speaker 2: for who you are, Who's not making you live in fear?

769
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:57,920
Speaker 2: You know, who's not making you want to kill yourself

770
00:42:58,239 --> 00:43:01,640
Speaker 2: like you have the suicide level? And I don't I'm

771
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:03,920
Speaker 2: not I said, I'm not trying to make Yeah, I

772
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:05,400
Speaker 2: don't want to make this heavy.

773
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 1: But this is the reality that we're going to.

774
00:43:07,440 --> 00:43:11,359
Speaker 2: Be life right because sometimes that little girls cook like

775
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:15,240
Speaker 2: they don't see another way, They don't see that there's

776
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:16,040
Speaker 2: family for you.

777
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:18,160
Speaker 1: And I'm just here to tell you there's family for you.

778
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:18,839
Speaker 1: I love you.

779
00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:24,080
Speaker 2: Come to the concerts if you can, like you will

780
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:26,920
Speaker 2: meet people just like you. That's what I've tried to

781
00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:30,160
Speaker 2: do when I wrote Dirty Computer the last project. I

782
00:43:30,239 --> 00:43:31,920
Speaker 2: was like, Oh, this is going to be church for

783
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 2: people whose own church won't accept them.

784
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:36,920
Speaker 1: How did you navigate through that? Like through your family

785
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:41,400
Speaker 1: and the church And look at I mean, you do

786
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:43,680
Speaker 1: it so gracefully and so well, and it seems like

787
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:48,040
Speaker 1: you know, you're like composed and you're artistic and so

788
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:50,120
Speaker 1: it just seems like it comes easy to you. But

789
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:52,560
Speaker 1: I can't imagine. I gotta imagine it hasn't always like

790
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:55,080
Speaker 1: how do you how did you come into that? Let

791
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:55,600
Speaker 1: me tell you.

792
00:43:57,160 --> 00:43:59,719
Speaker 2: I mean as I think about it, you know, like

793
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:04,080
Speaker 2: I'm mentioned earlier, like imagining myself not being famous, not

794
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:06,480
Speaker 2: being who I was, being little Janelle and having to

795
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:10,239
Speaker 2: go through this who And I've had little cousins who've

796
00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 2: had to go through and I've had to be their refuge.

797
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:14,680
Speaker 2: They call me, they text me, and I'm like, I

798
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 2: love you, like I know you're I know that your

799
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:23,720
Speaker 2: family is in that space where they're using the Bible

800
00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 2: or they're using religion as a as a wit. Just

801
00:44:28,520 --> 00:44:32,360
Speaker 2: know that I love you. You are not it's not

802
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 2: a choice. This is who you are. And there are

803
00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:37,360
Speaker 2: a lot more people out there like you, and I

804
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 2: just wish now I'm sure like I had to do

805
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:42,759
Speaker 2: that healing too. I'm showing up for little Janelle. You know,

806
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:44,080
Speaker 2: little Janelle couldn't.

807
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:50,799
Speaker 1: Say fuck y'all. Little Janelle couldn't say fuck y'all. What

808
00:44:50,880 --> 00:44:53,759
Speaker 1: did you say? What I am? What did little Janelle's say?

809
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:57,040
Speaker 2: Little Janelle probably was scared or not, probably was scared.

810
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:59,800
Speaker 2: And just you know, you're in this is your community,

811
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 2: you know, like you're like, I don't want I don't

812
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 2: want to be bullied. I don't want to draw attention

813
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:06,560
Speaker 2: and mind you.

814
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:09,719
Speaker 1: Because I think outside of sexuality, even just anyway where

815
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:12,800
Speaker 1: you're anywhere or anywhere where you are deemed to be

816
00:45:13,480 --> 00:45:16,720
Speaker 1: something else than your community, immediate community, you're different.

817
00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 2: You're gonna always like people want to people are gonna

818
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:22,040
Speaker 2: test you.

819
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:23,799
Speaker 1: That's just reality.

820
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:26,920
Speaker 2: They just I mean, I just remember even as an artist,

821
00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:31,239
Speaker 2: you know, people always wanted to test you or or

822
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:36,799
Speaker 2: challenge you, or or or you know, be like why

823
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:40,200
Speaker 2: are you doing this? You know you just want to

824
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:44,799
Speaker 2: be different. You're not really different, and and you just

825
00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:47,200
Speaker 2: have to You got to be brave. It takes a

826
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:51,239
Speaker 2: lot of bravery to walk in your truth, even in that.

827
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:58,800
Speaker 1: What was I gonna say we got lost, we got lost,

828
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:02,439
Speaker 1: you know what, we're gonna get lost? Laws. It's all

829
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:05,640
Speaker 1: about flowing laws, just going with the moment. We float

830
00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:07,560
Speaker 1: and flo float, and I keep saying flow. It is

831
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:12,560
Speaker 1: floating day. Let me tell you a float. This is

832
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:15,799
Speaker 1: probably so completely and sometimes you probably make art in it.

833
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:18,960
Speaker 1: People receive it not necessarily how you made it. But

834
00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:23,120
Speaker 1: float to me is like what I I don't know

835
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:25,319
Speaker 1: what it brought up for me. It's like just like

836
00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:27,759
Speaker 1: that freeness of being in the moment and stuff. And

837
00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:29,600
Speaker 1: it made me think of a story and I was like,

838
00:46:29,640 --> 00:46:35,359
Speaker 1: maybe i'll share that today. That my grandmother passed right,

839
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:39,120
Speaker 1: she was like this amazing heart where she worked twenty

840
00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:41,879
Speaker 1: five years at the hospital, worked a whole life, two

841
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:44,040
Speaker 1: hours on the train, you know, hardworking like you talked

842
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 1: about it. But she was stressed out about everything in life.

843
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:48,680
Speaker 1: Everything would stress her out. If I told I was

844
00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:52,719
Speaker 1: coming at three and then changed it to five, ah, why,

845
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:55,440
Speaker 1: Like everything would it would stress her out. I used

846
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:57,759
Speaker 1: to do this to her because she would always be

847
00:46:57,800 --> 00:47:01,280
Speaker 1: like this, So I literally with my fingers, my fingers

848
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 1: would try to like unravel her little. She would relax anyway,

849
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:10,240
Speaker 1: So I was at the hospital when she passed, and

850
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:15,680
Speaker 1: her face looked like ten years younger. Oh have you

851
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:18,920
Speaker 1: ever seen somebody pass like the real time, not in

852
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:23,080
Speaker 1: real time? I haven't. I watched her go and I

853
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 1: watched her face go, and I watched the furl smooth

854
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:29,279
Speaker 1: and I saw I was looking at my grandmother like,

855
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 1: oh my god, she looks ten years younger, like in

856
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:35,839
Speaker 1: moments from the time she was alive to the time

857
00:47:35,920 --> 00:47:40,400
Speaker 1: she was gone, and it was like she ten years gone.

858
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:42,840
Speaker 1: And in that moment I looked at I was like, Wow,

859
00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:45,480
Speaker 1: I want to I want to learn how to do

860
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:56,680
Speaker 1: that while I'm here. Yeah, whatever she just experienced, right, yes, yes,

861
00:47:57,640 --> 00:48:00,520
Speaker 1: like whatever she just experienced, I want to do that

862
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:01,440
Speaker 1: while I'm here.

863
00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:05,800
Speaker 2: That's it. That's it, right, I feel that. And I

864
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:08,239
Speaker 2: don't know why I say no more, I see it,

865
00:48:08,520 --> 00:48:13,160
Speaker 2: I feel it. I'm into that vision. Yes, absolutely.

866
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:15,000
Speaker 1: Anyway, when I was listening to the song, it brought

867
00:48:15,080 --> 00:48:17,480
Speaker 1: up that memory and that thought for me. Ran. I

868
00:48:17,520 --> 00:48:19,279
Speaker 1: know that's not what the song is about, but it

869
00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 1: didn't bring up for some reason. It is about that

870
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:25,319
Speaker 1: kind of It is about releasing if nothing else, you

871
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:29,239
Speaker 1: don't say inspired by this conversation is to float, it's

872
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:30,280
Speaker 1: to be free.

873
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,359
Speaker 2: You had to let here. I had to let things go.

874
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:36,040
Speaker 2: I had to let shit go.

875
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:36,840
Speaker 1: In order to float. What'd you let go?

876
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 2: Like in the lyrics, I say, I used to let

877
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:41,480
Speaker 2: niggas get to me. I used to be my own enemy.

878
00:48:41,760 --> 00:48:45,000
Speaker 2: Now I done have several epiphanies over some breakfast at Tiffany's.

879
00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:48,000
Speaker 2: Had to forgive on my freenemies. They're not who they

880
00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:50,880
Speaker 2: pretend to be. Ooh, I had to protect all my energy.

881
00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 2: I'm feeling much lighter now I float. M hmm, it's

882
00:48:54,880 --> 00:48:56,880
Speaker 2: a lot. It's a lot going on right there.

883
00:48:58,160 --> 00:48:58,960
Speaker 1: That's so good.

884
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:01,280
Speaker 2: I mean, it's kind of like what we talked about earlier.

885
00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:04,160
Speaker 2: You know, once you realize like you are the author

886
00:49:04,239 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 2: of your thoughts and how you think, and you have

887
00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 2: to be vigilant about your joy, vigilant about what you

888
00:49:11,520 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 2: tell yourself, what you feed yourself. Like somebody can go

889
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:19,000
Speaker 2: say something like, oh, I think Janelle Monee is this,

890
00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:22,640
Speaker 2: or I think she's this, I think she's this. They

891
00:49:22,640 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 2: can say all these things, but when you're when you're

892
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:30,279
Speaker 2: dealing with trauma, it can attach to that trauma, right,

893
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:31,480
Speaker 2: and then it's.

894
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:35,960
Speaker 3: Like, oh, I believe it you're right. I am this person,

895
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:38,839
Speaker 3: I am that I am. Oh I can't do this,

896
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:43,120
Speaker 3: I'm not. But when you have let that go, you've

897
00:49:43,120 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 3: done the healing, you've done the work, and.

898
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:46,960
Speaker 1: Let me let me be. Mind.

899
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:50,080
Speaker 2: I don't know who's watching this. Everybody can't have therapy.

900
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 2: I understand that it should be fucking free.

901
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:55,239
Speaker 1: It should be right. I tried to give therapy on

902
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:59,720
Speaker 1: this one, free therapy when we can, God bless you.

903
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:02,480
Speaker 1: Nobody should have to go through life suffering.

904
00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:07,000
Speaker 2: That breaks my heart when when oh it breaks my

905
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:10,080
Speaker 2: heart that people that everybody.

906
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:14,120
Speaker 1: So much harder when you don't unravel and shit, that

907
00:50:14,239 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 1: people can trigger that latch onto that trauma.

908
00:50:17,280 --> 00:50:19,040
Speaker 2: So I had to unravel. I had to go back

909
00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:22,920
Speaker 2: to my childhood. I had to realize I had abandonment issues.

910
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:27,720
Speaker 2: I had, you know, rejection issues like when did this happen?

911
00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:31,960
Speaker 2: When did this start? And understanding that and knowing it

912
00:50:32,000 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 2: and being aware, hyper aware of when it brings when

913
00:50:35,120 --> 00:50:38,520
Speaker 2: it comes up again. Oh, that's just that, Okay, Oh

914
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:41,239
Speaker 2: that's just that. Oh I know what it is. That's

915
00:50:41,320 --> 00:50:44,719
Speaker 2: just that I have a name for it. I understand

916
00:50:44,719 --> 00:50:47,040
Speaker 2: that that's linked to something that happened to me. In

917
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:50,719
Speaker 2: the past. This is my moment to correct it. I

918
00:50:50,760 --> 00:50:53,040
Speaker 2: can correct it. It's kind of like back to the future.

919
00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:58,440
Speaker 2: I get to correct some things that have happened that

920
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:00,400
Speaker 2: show up. And here's the thing you need to know

921
00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:04,640
Speaker 2: about energy. For me, it manifests itself in different ways.

922
00:51:05,120 --> 00:51:09,040
Speaker 2: So you may think like I've mastered that, Like, ah,

923
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 2: I've gotten through that. It'll come back up and disguise

924
00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:19,160
Speaker 2: itself as a friend or an opportunity that you now

925
00:51:19,239 --> 00:51:21,759
Speaker 2: have to work through. You now have to navigate that.

926
00:51:22,320 --> 00:51:24,359
Speaker 2: But you'll know you'll see it. You'll be like, ah,

927
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:27,000
Speaker 2: this is a next test. It's like a video game.

928
00:51:27,280 --> 00:51:29,240
Speaker 2: I really do think that we are in a matrix.

929
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:31,360
Speaker 1: I think so till I feel that it's.

930
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:33,959
Speaker 2: A video game and that's it, and you play the game,

931
00:51:34,280 --> 00:51:36,800
Speaker 2: then you play it well, and you can also create

932
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:40,919
Speaker 2: your own matrix within this matrix. And what I do

933
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:43,600
Speaker 2: is if I know that I created this matrix, if

934
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:45,919
Speaker 2: I'm believing d this is true, this is true, that's true,

935
00:51:45,920 --> 00:51:48,600
Speaker 2: that's true, that's true, I can undo my matrix.

936
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:56,400
Speaker 1: Give us one. The biggest trick to do that do

937
00:51:56,440 --> 00:51:58,239
Speaker 1: you have, like, what's the one thing you do that

938
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:01,600
Speaker 1: works well? If I tell you that that means you

939
00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:05,120
Speaker 1: might heal someone that's watching. Yes, and that's what I want.

940
00:52:05,239 --> 00:52:06,800
Speaker 1: I want. I want people to be free. Let me

941
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:09,680
Speaker 1: look at my notes. This is the rip. Give me

942
00:52:09,719 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 1: one of your tools. You can't leave us, you can't

943
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:13,160
Speaker 1: leave us today without normal.

944
00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 2: This is Let me give y'all some gems or these

945
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:20,000
Speaker 2: are things that I work that work for me. All right,

946
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:23,000
Speaker 2: I'm better than this moment.

947
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:27,280
Speaker 1: It will pass. Oh so good.

948
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:32,960
Speaker 2: Don't be afraid to be a beginner. Yes, you don't

949
00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:35,799
Speaker 2: have to have everything fucking figured out all the time.

950
00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:38,800
Speaker 1: You could be a beginner. Be a beginner. It's fine.

951
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:43,240
Speaker 2: Something you think you haven't figured out, versus when you don't,

952
00:52:43,400 --> 00:52:46,880
Speaker 2: you're a conflict. You've sold yourself a dream that's not

953
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 2: a reality. You're a beginner. Own it. If I give

954
00:52:53,239 --> 00:52:58,040
Speaker 2: grace to you, I must give grace to myself. It's

955
00:52:58,040 --> 00:53:01,560
Speaker 2: nobody else that should get more grace. Then I give

956
00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:05,840
Speaker 2: to myself. So that's patient.

957
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:06,719
Speaker 1: And this is.

958
00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:10,759
Speaker 2: Who I have an emotional support coach. That's what I

959
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:13,640
Speaker 2: like to call her. Love that and she's one of

960
00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:16,440
Speaker 2: my best friends, Kelly. We came up with this together.

961
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:23,279
Speaker 2: I love myself at and in every evolution, both beneficial

962
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:28,920
Speaker 2: and non beneficial, good, bad or indifferent. I honor myself

963
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:32,759
Speaker 2: for operating in the fullness that I could at that

964
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:36,680
Speaker 2: time and at that space. I am proud of myself

965
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:40,480
Speaker 2: for the bravery to grow. I'm proud of myself for

966
00:53:40,600 --> 00:53:44,640
Speaker 2: finding tools and figuring this shit out. I will give

967
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:49,640
Speaker 2: myself grace to figure it out, grace to stumble, grace

968
00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:50,800
Speaker 2: to pause.

969
00:53:51,719 --> 00:53:54,360
Speaker 1: I highlight and I cancel. This is my favorite.

970
00:53:54,360 --> 00:53:58,239
Speaker 2: I highlight, and I cancel all contracts and agreements that

971
00:53:58,440 --> 00:54:02,560
Speaker 2: don't serve me from my highest good. And I give

972
00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:06,840
Speaker 2: myself permission to evolve as often as I need to

973
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:11,439
Speaker 2: in any way that I need to without explanation. I'm

974
00:54:11,440 --> 00:54:12,239
Speaker 2: not explaining shit.

975
00:54:13,520 --> 00:54:20,960
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm going to need that. We're gonna post that

976
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:22,520
Speaker 1: as a clip and we're can put the words up

977
00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:25,720
Speaker 1: so it just goes in your head. And the lives

978
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:27,160
Speaker 1: we lead, to the lives we.

979
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:29,520
Speaker 2: Lead, to the dreams we chase, to the dreams we chase,

980
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:32,040
Speaker 2: to the moments that we make, and to the fucked

981
00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:34,040
Speaker 2: up ship we can't rate, to.

982
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:36,560
Speaker 1: The moments we make. We can't rate. Cheers to you,

983
00:54:36,680 --> 00:54:39,560
Speaker 1: So you're so proud of you in real life? What

984
00:54:39,600 --> 00:54:40,960
Speaker 1: do you want to be remembered for.

985
00:54:42,920 --> 00:54:45,200
Speaker 2: I want to be remembered for a free ass motherfucker.

986
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:51,719
Speaker 2: I didn't let nobody define me. I gave everything I

987
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:56,520
Speaker 2: had and I did the best that I absolutely could. Yeah,

988
00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:59,240
Speaker 2: I think you know what, I'm gonna stop.

989
00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:02,920
Speaker 1: Free as motherfuck, free ass motherfuckers, free ass motherfucker the way.

990
00:55:03,040 --> 00:55:06,759
Speaker 1: That's how we should just end it. That's it. Yeah,

991
00:55:11,680 --> 00:55:11,719
Speaker 1: m