Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to
Speaker 1: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, Wherever you are in
Speaker 1: the world, it is so great to have you here,
Speaker 1: back for another episode, as we, of course break down
Speaker 1: the psychology of your twenties. Before we get into today's episode,
Speaker 1: I have a really special announcement, and if you're listening
Speaker 1: to the episode in the week that it is coming out,
Speaker 1: you might be some of the first people to know.
Speaker 1: I wrote a book, and come twenty twenty five, it
Speaker 1: will be yours. It is called Person in Progress, and
Speaker 1: much like this podcast, it's a psychological roadmap basically to
Speaker 1: your twenties, with even more studies, even more guided exercises,
Speaker 1: even more personal stories, and it is for you, guys,
Speaker 1: to have and to hold. I cannot even believe that
Speaker 1: those words are coming out of my mouth. I wrote
Speaker 1: a book. Before I tell you any more details, I
Speaker 1: want to just firstly say thank you and to just
Speaker 1: express my very deep gratitude for every single listener of
Speaker 1: the podcast. There is not a moment that I don't
Speaker 1: pinch myself and feel so grateful to have you all,
Speaker 1: because it would have never been possible without your continued support,
Speaker 1: without all of you who tune in week after week.
Speaker 1: You know I may have written the book, but you
Speaker 1: are the reason I have the opportunity. So before I
Speaker 1: say anything else, I just want to say thank you
Speaker 1: and that I think you'll love this book as much,
Speaker 1: if not more than the podcast and the episodes that
Speaker 1: I put out each week. So Person and Progress, let
Speaker 1: me tell you a little bit more about it. I've
Speaker 1: been in the process of writing this book for the
Speaker 1: last two years. I think I've given some hints here
Speaker 1: and there that it would be coming, so it's great
Speaker 1: to finally have it out in the open. Person and
Speaker 1: Progress is made up of four sections. They are Welcome
Speaker 1: to your callal Life, Crisis, Love on the Brain, Work
Speaker 1: in Progress, and Everybody is Healing from Something. It covers
Speaker 1: so many of the complicated experiences of your twenties. It's
Speaker 1: over three hundred pages. We talk about how to figure
Speaker 1: out exactly what you should be doing in your life,
Speaker 1: exactly who your authentic self is, how to make friends
Speaker 1: as an adult, how to stop repeating history in relationships,
Speaker 1: how to use psychology to fall in love, to heal guilt, shame, embarrassment, loneliness,
Speaker 1: and so much more. I could literally keep going. It
Speaker 1: is also available for pre order right now, like at
Speaker 1: this very moment, it's just such a pinchby moment to
Speaker 1: like even be saying that. But if you do feel
Speaker 1: cool to do so, grab a preorder copy now so
Speaker 1: that you get the book the day it comes out.
Speaker 1: Another benefit, it really helps get the book into local
Speaker 1: bookstores and into local shops, local bookshops because preorder numbers
Speaker 1: help people determine the quantities that they're going to order
Speaker 1: come release. So if you are excited to get your
Speaker 1: hands on it as am I, please consider pre ordering
Speaker 1: through the link in the description. Again, thank you, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you for giving me this opportunity and for giving
Speaker 1: me this platform. There will be so many more details
Speaker 1: to come in the following months, and if you want
Speaker 1: to see the cover, head to my Instagram and you
Speaker 1: can see so many more details and exactly what is
Speaker 1: going to be in your hands come twenty twenty five.
Speaker 1: Without further ado, let's get into the episode. Today. We
Speaker 1: are going to be talking about how to create a
Speaker 1: self life in your twenties, and what I mean by
Speaker 1: that is, how do we create a life of simple
Speaker 1: pleasures of joy, one that is gentle, happy, successful without
Speaker 1: feeling heavy and frustrating, as everything so often feels these days.
Speaker 1: It is a daily reality for a lot of us
Speaker 1: in this day decade. We are so focused on progress
Speaker 1: and success. It's been drilled into our brains. We are
Speaker 1: focused on not falling behind on this like predetermined racecourse
Speaker 1: that we all are traveling on, and it means that
Speaker 1: our lives firstly no longer seen like ours and at
Speaker 1: times they don't even feel enjoyable. All of our attention
Speaker 1: and our energy is like focused on work. It's focused
Speaker 1: on school, it's focused on achievement, and it's dictated by
Speaker 1: like this urgency culture to be doing it all and
Speaker 1: to have it all together right now, to be rushing
Speaker 1: from one milestone to the next, from one place to
Speaker 1: the next. I think it's time that we sow down.
Speaker 1: It's my belief that when we really buy into this
Speaker 1: during our twenties, this like overatching perspective and attitude towards life,
Speaker 1: and we don't have the occasional reminder that life is
Speaker 1: short and we actually need to enjoy it. We end
Speaker 1: up being overwhelmed by unnecessary stress. We prioritize productivity rather
Speaker 1: than being kind to ourselves, being gentle to ourselves, experiencing
Speaker 1: the world, shaking off that philosophy as well. It becomes
Speaker 1: harder that the older we get. So it's a very
Speaker 1: formative period where we can rewrite the script that we
Speaker 1: have been taught on how to enjoy our lives. That
Speaker 1: is what we want. We do not want to be
Speaker 1: operating at this really high stress frequency for you know,
Speaker 1: the next thirty forty years and never slowing down. I
Speaker 1: think it also comes down to this very important thing
Speaker 1: to remember, which is that in a culture of hustling
Speaker 1: and in the culture of success, you don't need to
Speaker 1: burn out to prove that you deserve good things. You
Speaker 1: don't need to deny yourself simple pleasures to prove you're
Speaker 1: a good person. We want to take a more it
Speaker 1: would say, positive psychology approach. We want to take our
Speaker 1: mental health and our emotional health seriously by liberately choosing
Speaker 1: and pursuing a soft life. The soft life is about
Speaker 1: slowing down. It's about adopting a lifestyle of enjoyment. Comfort
Speaker 1: is simple pleasure. And it came from the Nigerian wellness
Speaker 1: community and from black female creators who were sharing this
Speaker 1: new approach in the last two to three years. That
Speaker 1: really combines agency, ambition, freedom without the need to sacrifice
Speaker 1: what you enjoyed. Always put others above you put yourself
Speaker 1: under this intense stress, you go easier on yourself. You
Speaker 1: appreciate the details of life rather than rushing through them.
Speaker 1: If you want to read about the exact history of
Speaker 1: this term, there is an amazing article by Andscape which
Speaker 1: is like an online journal titled the Soft Life Isn't
Speaker 1: as Easy as It looks Online and they interview some
Speaker 1: of the originators of this term. It's incredibly fascinating for
Speaker 1: you know where their desire to embrace the soft life
Speaker 1: and promote the soft life really came from. I like
Speaker 1: to think of it as well as really living similarly
Speaker 1: to how our ancestors would have lived long ago. They
Speaker 1: would have woken with the sun. They would have felt
Speaker 1: their feet on the earth. They would have watched the
Speaker 1: trees move, watch the sunset, enjoyed like the sweetness of
Speaker 1: the berries really saved it. They would have done just
Speaker 1: what they needed to survive and then rest easy at
Speaker 1: night with their clan. They didn't have to do lists,
Speaker 1: they didn't have teams meetings, they didn't have Microsoft work,
Speaker 1: they didn't have keynote presentations that needed to be done
Speaker 1: for their boss, and the soft life is about appreciating that. Obviously,
Speaker 1: circumstances have changed, so we need jobs, we have these responsibilities.
Speaker 1: This is an element of who we are, but choosing
Speaker 1: to return to a life before productivity defined us in
Speaker 1: the time that we have. We want comfort, we want
Speaker 1: low stress. So let us jump into five ways you
Speaker 1: can really create that life for yourself at this pivotal point.
Speaker 1: How you can reprogram, resocialize, retrain your brain to see
Speaker 1: this as the version of success you should be pursuing,
Speaker 1: and talk about the psychology behind it, talk about the
Speaker 1: mental impact, all of that and more. After this shortbreak,
Speaker 1: there are, of course a few straightforward ways to embrace
Speaker 1: the self life that we hear about quite frequently. You know.
Speaker 1: Prioritize self care, especially self care that isn't just about
Speaker 1: self improvement, but a genuine generosity to yourself. Setting boundaries
Speaker 1: with people or situations which are emotionally taxing another important one.
Speaker 1: Practicing gratitude, incorporating rest, treating yourself every now and again,
Speaker 1: all very important, all pretty well known for a good reason.
Speaker 1: But with that in mind, I really want to focus
Speaker 1: on five more specific things that are a little bit
Speaker 1: different and that you can do daily, weekly, monthly, that
Speaker 1: have an evidence base behind them. The most significant one,
Speaker 1: in my mind, in my opinion, comes down to gratitude,
Speaker 1: and that is number one. Go searching for joy, Go
Speaker 1: searching for things to savor and embrace the kind of
Speaker 1: little things that are presented to you every day. Savor
Speaker 1: you know, the crunchiness of the apple that you had
Speaker 1: for breakfast. Savor the fact that you found that perfect
Speaker 1: shower temperature, your cup of coffee, the little kid like
Speaker 1: giggling on your bus, the joy of your daily walk.
Speaker 1: You know, wake up without an alarm once a week,
Speaker 1: Choose a slower pace for your meals, Reconnect. Joy as
Speaker 1: an emotion is so overlooked and so often confused with
Speaker 1: happiness as well. But it's a lot deeper, it's a
Speaker 1: lot more profound. Joy is elation, It's delight. It's like
Speaker 1: this whole body experience of synchronicity. Almost Like the best
Speaker 1: way I can explain it is the sense that in
Speaker 1: that moment, you exist right now just to experience this.
Speaker 1: This is the reason you were put on this world.
Speaker 1: This is such a human experience to feel joy, This
Speaker 1: is what we're here for. Here is the thing. The
Speaker 1: more you go searching for joy, the more it tends
Speaker 1: to find you, even when you don't want it to.
Speaker 1: Because once our brains start searching for a certain kind
Speaker 1: of stimulus moment thing like a joyful thing, it becomes
Speaker 1: naturally more attuned to the presence of such things in
Speaker 1: our environment. So noticing joy makes joy more evident in
Speaker 1: your every day. It's kind of like when you notice
Speaker 1: a yellow car and you can't stop noticing them, Like
Speaker 1: there is a screen car near my house. It's like
Speaker 1: a lime green car. And now anytime I am in
Speaker 1: a new city, a new suburb, sometimes even in a
Speaker 1: new country, I see that car everywhere. I always notice
Speaker 1: th it being around. Having that search for joy, that
Speaker 1: personal search for joy, is really really helpful for your
Speaker 1: health and your life satisfaction. So there was a study
Speaker 1: published by the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland and
Speaker 1: it found that when we regularly experience joy day to day,
Speaker 1: something we take for granted, something we don't tend to
Speaker 1: focus on in health literature, it triggers a number of
Speaker 1: psychological but also physical changes. Better blood flow, better focus,
Speaker 1: a better mood, all things that make for a softer life. Now,
Speaker 1: that was one study, but there is another one from
Speaker 1: twenty nineteen that was a research paper that is the
Speaker 1: perfect example of how embracing joy makes you more holistically well. So,
Speaker 1: this paper measured the impact of an intervention called picture this.
Speaker 1: I love this intervention. It's very similar to the exercise
Speaker 1: that I'm going to talk about in just a second.
Speaker 1: But in the picture of this study, the researchers asked
Speaker 1: two hundred of their participants in the experimental condition to
Speaker 1: use their smartphones to take at least two photographs of
Speaker 1: an event, moment, place that made them feel joyful. And
Speaker 1: they have to do this each day for three weeks,
Speaker 1: and then they uploaded those photographs to a server for
Speaker 1: the staff to kind of look at. So the researchers
Speaker 1: gave them some examples of like things to take photosoft.
Speaker 1: You know, you could take a photo of the sky
Speaker 1: at sunset. You could take a photo of a good friend,
Speaker 1: of getting a really good grade on a paper, or
Speaker 1: a test that you worked hard for. They were also
Speaker 1: instructed this is the second part. They're instructed to focus
Speaker 1: on the physical sensations and the cognitive and emotional response
Speaker 1: that they had in that moment that they decided to
Speaker 1: take a photograph. This is actually called sense reperceptual sharpening,
Speaker 1: noticing how your senses respond to something that you're perceiving. Basically,
Speaker 1: what they were doing in this not so sly way
Speaker 1: was forcing their participants to take note and take notice
Speaker 1: of joy, then capture a photo of the source. Over
Speaker 1: that period, all these two hundred people their mood improved,
Speaker 1: They became more grateful, more motivated, They expressed that they
Speaker 1: enjoyed their life more. For some people, it was actually
Speaker 1: quite a profound experience. They were like, I just didn't
Speaker 1: realize how much beauty my life had. It really seems
Speaker 1: to show that daily experiences of all curiosity, gratitude, love,
Speaker 1: that can put the average person on a trajectory of
Speaker 1: growth success. And we know that a soft life is
Speaker 1: about being present and immersed in experiencing whatever you get
Speaker 1: the privilege to enjoy and whatever you get the experience
Speaker 1: to you know, to feel. Taking inspiration from that study,
Speaker 1: and I love this study. I've talked about this on
Speaker 1: the podcast before and I've talked about it on Instagram.
Speaker 1: But I have my own version of picture this and
Speaker 1: it's called the Smile file. Some people also have a
Speaker 1: Tada list. These are your only instructions, very similar to
Speaker 1: that exercise. Once a day, all you have to do
Speaker 1: is take a photo of screenshot or take a note
Speaker 1: of something that has brought you joy or something that
Speaker 1: has seemed so magical to you, almost like someone has
Speaker 1: placed this thing in your life and gone like, Toda,
Speaker 1: look at it, enjoy it. I made this for you.
Speaker 1: Savor that moment. Find one moment every single day, focus
Speaker 1: on the sensations. I think life becomes so much easier
Speaker 1: to enjoy and it's so much more gentle when you
Speaker 1: have this outside armor of gratitude, when that is the
Speaker 1: first thing that any experience that comes at you will
Speaker 1: have to penetrate, an armor of gratitude. So moving on
Speaker 1: from that, our second step for adopting a soft way
Speaker 1: of living and a soft way of flourishing in our twenties.
Speaker 1: Every single day, I want you to remove two things
Speaker 1: from your to do list that you cannot do. Let
Speaker 1: me tell you there is a lot we can do
Speaker 1: in a day. There is twenty four hours. That's a
Speaker 1: lot of time, but there is a lot more that
Speaker 1: we actually don't need to do. We actually never need
Speaker 1: to do. We just convince ourselves that we're lazy if
Speaker 1: we don't do it. If you grew up in an
Speaker 1: environment where you were called lazy for relaxing, or your
Speaker 1: own overachiever, every single piece of your worth was tied
Speaker 1: to what you can do in a day, your grades,
Speaker 1: how impressive you looked. You know, these days, you may
Speaker 1: feel quite an intense internal conflict or guilt when you
Speaker 1: aren't busy, and so you feel like you have to
Speaker 1: earn your rest by creating more tasks, more challenges for
Speaker 1: your self day in and day out. But the idea
Speaker 1: of being quote unquote lazy, it has no place in
Speaker 1: our soft era because reducing your stress by reducing how
Speaker 1: much you have to do, it's actually not laziness. It's deliberate.
Speaker 1: It's actually quite hard to do, and it is about
Speaker 1: providing yourself with space to be human rather than just
Speaker 1: being a product of how much output you can produce.
Speaker 1: Another version of that, so you can remove two things
Speaker 1: from your list today. This is a version of that
Speaker 1: that I swear by. And what I do is I
Speaker 1: have my to do list, that is the things I
Speaker 1: really need to do, couldn't do them any other day.
Speaker 1: Essential for my job, essential for living, essential for being
Speaker 1: a good friend, being a good partner, paying taxes, you
Speaker 1: know those kinds of things. That's my to do list.
Speaker 1: Then I have my I would like to do list.
Speaker 1: This is the things that I would really kind of
Speaker 1: like to get done, I really like to get around to.
Speaker 1: It's not gonna be the end of the world I
Speaker 1: don't do it. And then I have my extras list.
Speaker 1: This are the things that I would do if I
Speaker 1: have like a shit ton of time. But none of
Speaker 1: those things are essential. Anything on my I would like
Speaker 1: to or my extras list doesn't need to be done
Speaker 1: today or tomorrow. Eventually, they might even fall off the
Speaker 1: list all together, and nothing's gonna go wrong. So you
Speaker 1: have your must list, your I would like list, and
Speaker 1: your extra list. Why is this important? Well, too often,
Speaker 1: and I'm guilty of this as well, but too often
Speaker 1: we put every single small thing on our to do list,
Speaker 1: from our small tasks to our large ambitions, and it's
Speaker 1: just not helpful. I do think that we tend to
Speaker 1: do this as a way of organizing or structuring our
Speaker 1: thoughts and a way of visualizing and finding a space
Speaker 1: for remembering what needs to get done. But It has
Speaker 1: the ripple and effect of making us insanely overwhelmed because
Speaker 1: we have no vetting pro We have no vetting process
Speaker 1: as to what actually deserves to be on our daily agenda.
Speaker 1: It's like everything from do the dishes, to find my
Speaker 1: birth certificate, to get a new job, to insert huge
Speaker 1: tasks here. Because of this, we never actually finish the
Speaker 1: to do list. Every day, a new task is kind
Speaker 1: of carried over. You've added on more items but you
Speaker 1: can't do anyways. Then you don't do them. You feel
Speaker 1: like a failure, even when you already did all the
Speaker 1: things that you already needed to do. So why is
Speaker 1: it important to have a realistic list rather than an
Speaker 1: ambitious list. It's because of how our brains prioritize and
Speaker 1: think about unfinished tasks. They become rather intrusive. There is
Speaker 1: a natural spotlight on everything that we haven't done, rather
Speaker 1: than on what we have done. So this is due
Speaker 1: to a psychological phenomena known as the zygonic effect, which
Speaker 1: basically says that we tend to fixate on interrupted tasks
Speaker 1: or incomplete tasks more than others. When we feel like
Speaker 1: we have I hate you in this word, but failed
Speaker 1: to do something, something that we needed to do. This
Speaker 1: creates this underlying cognitive tension, and it means that our
Speaker 1: brain keeps coming back to it, keep saying, Hey, we
Speaker 1: haven't finished that yet, we haven't finished that yet, even
Speaker 1: as you're trying to switch off, even as you're trying
Speaker 1: to fall asleep, even when you are totally exhausted, even
Speaker 1: when actually there's no need to do that thing today.
Speaker 1: In some ways this is sometimes helpful. You know, when
Speaker 1: you're really under the pump, you don't want to forget things,
Speaker 1: you don't want things to slip off the list. But
Speaker 1: you are not meant to feel that way all the time,
Speaker 1: because then everything becomes about what you didn't do with
Speaker 1: your time, rather than prioritizing what you chose to do
Speaker 1: with your time in order to be more present in
Speaker 1: your life. So this is my new rule for myself. Yes,
Speaker 1: I have my must like and like my extras list,
Speaker 1: but I also say, if any sentence starts with I
Speaker 1: could such as I could do this. I could add
Speaker 1: more things to my to do list. I could sign
Speaker 1: up for new projects. I could, you know, add this
Speaker 1: extra element that's going to take a lot of time.
Speaker 1: I could find time in my day, I have to
Speaker 1: shut it down. Any sentence at this time in my life,
Speaker 1: when everything is so busy that starts with I could
Speaker 1: is I can't. I only have space for things that
Speaker 1: are urgent, for things that are important, for things that
Speaker 1: I want to do. Because I was doing all this
Speaker 1: stuff before that just really drained me enormously, and it
Speaker 1: actually didn't even matter, like it had no impact on
Speaker 1: my life. It wouldn't have made my life better. It
Speaker 1: wasn't really doing anything, it wasn't important. It wouldn't have
Speaker 1: mattered whether it was done or not. And it made
Speaker 1: my life heavy. And you know, it was things I
Speaker 1: didn't even care about, and the things that I did
Speaker 1: care about I wasn't able to prioritize because I was
Speaker 1: carrying the stress of these tasks that were unnecessary. You know,
Speaker 1: someone said to me recently, I think this really does
Speaker 1: summarize it. If you don't have to struggle, don't don't
Speaker 1: force yourself to struggle just because you think it means
Speaker 1: you deserve more, just because you think that people are
Speaker 1: going to think you're lazy if you don't. So Tip
Speaker 1: number two, cut down that to do list, please and
Speaker 1: thank you. We're going to take a short break, but
Speaker 1: when we return, I want to discuss my remaining three
Speaker 1: steps or pieces of advice for creating that soft, tender,
Speaker 1: gentle life that you deserve in your twenties. Stay with us.
Speaker 1: One of the other crucial elements of creating a routine
Speaker 1: and a lifestyle that lets you go slowly and at
Speaker 1: your own pace is developing a better relationship with stress.
Speaker 1: Now that probably sounds unrealistic, undoable for many of us.
Speaker 1: Stress is of course, it's a necessary part of life.
Speaker 1: You know, like it or not ever going to eliminate
Speaker 1: it entirely, nor actually should you want to, because you'd
Speaker 1: miss out on so much important information. But we can
Speaker 1: get better at regulating our nervous system so that it's
Speaker 1: not being triggered by unnecessary stresses, things that are minor stresses,
Speaker 1: things that really don't deserve that much attention and energy,
Speaker 1: you know, the daily hassles. Stress has an impact we
Speaker 1: want to be selective with when it is activated, because
Speaker 1: when our fight or flight response is you know, consistently
Speaker 1: set off, it changes our immune system response, It suppresses digestion,
Speaker 1: It reduces our body's ability to heal itself. There are
Speaker 1: so many cognitive impacts. It actually does put your body
Speaker 1: under a lot of tension. It's like a vigorous workout
Speaker 1: for your body. And you know workouts are great workouts
Speaker 1: keep you healthy. You don't want to be doing like
Speaker 1: four or five of them a day. It's gonna put
Speaker 1: a strain. It also just like doesn't feel nice. That's
Speaker 1: like a pretty simple way to say it. I've noticed though,
Speaker 1: that so few of us realize how often we are
Speaker 1: actually being pushed into that stressed state, how often our
Speaker 1: environment is triggering a response that was meant for survival.
Speaker 1: But this is not a matter of survival. You know,
Speaker 1: a workplace deadline, missing a train, having an argument with
Speaker 1: a friend is not a matter of survival. But we
Speaker 1: cannot help but feel like this insane stress response and
Speaker 1: this fight or flight response is being triggered because we
Speaker 1: have been trained by our environment to be more on edge.
Speaker 1: So this is a long way of saying number three.
Speaker 1: If you want a soft life, we have to improve
Speaker 1: how we regulate our nervous system in organic ways, in
Speaker 1: ways that we are evolutionarily and our ancestors would have
Speaker 1: regulated their emotional response and their stress response. A regulated
Speaker 1: nervous system like that term it has been getting a
Speaker 1: lot of buzz online recently. I've noticed this. What it
Speaker 1: basically means is that your body and your mind can
Speaker 1: effectively respond to stress. So it is not the complete
Speaker 1: removal the complete absence of stress. It's actually important to
Speaker 1: note that it is about having this important two way
Speaker 1: street relationship with stress, where stress is welcomed but it
Speaker 1: is not allowed to dominate. You are able to return
Speaker 1: to a balanced, calm state after it has passed, and
Speaker 1: that state, that balance, is called homeostasis. It's crucial because
Speaker 1: it means that your nervous system isn't overreactive, it's not stuck.
Speaker 1: It allows you to be flexible. It allows you to
Speaker 1: adapt to various situations. You're not a tense creature. Here
Speaker 1: are some ways that we can get to that regulated state.
Speaker 1: You need to have a process for grounding yourself and
Speaker 1: for remaining present when everything in you is calling to panic.
Speaker 1: I always repeat to myself, just be where your feet are.
Speaker 1: Just be where your feet are, and that means taking
Speaker 1: off my socks. I don't know if that's gross to
Speaker 1: some people, but whatever, I take off my socks, I
Speaker 1: take off my shoes. I just place my feet on
Speaker 1: the floor, and I say, the only thing that I'm
Speaker 1: going to concern myself with is whatever is ten centimeters
Speaker 1: from where I'm standing. This is my zone, this is
Speaker 1: my present, This is what I can control. Not the future,
Speaker 1: not others, not the past. I'm going to take a
Speaker 1: moment in the stress state to be where my feet are.
Speaker 1: This is even better when you combine it with like
Speaker 1: a natural environmental setting. So this kind of grounding it's
Speaker 1: called earthing. When we combine that centering technique with nature.
Speaker 1: Earthing really focuses on realigning your electrical, your neural energy
Speaker 1: with the earth. You know, those were words they might
Speaker 1: not sound scientific, but the research behind this type of grounding,
Speaker 1: it really is the best study that I've come across
Speaker 1: this ever. It talks about how our lost connection with
Speaker 1: nature and the earth has basically caused our nervous system
Speaker 1: to no longer have a stable environment in which to
Speaker 1: calm itself. You know, we no longer sleep on the ground.
Speaker 1: We rarely walk barefoot outdoors. We live and we work inside.
Speaker 1: We spend so much of our time disconnected, like up
Speaker 1: far above the ground in high rises, not out in nature.
Speaker 1: Some of us wouldn't spend more than an hour outside
Speaker 1: a day, everything is loud, busy, or of a stimulating
Speaker 1: urgent that never ends, and all that external information means
Speaker 1: we need to be constantly on So our threshold for
Speaker 1: stress has been lowered. But when we practice earthing, we
Speaker 1: return our body and our mind to the place it
Speaker 1: evolved from, to where it belongs, to where it can
Speaker 1: recalibrate itself and feel calm, And a grounded body is
Speaker 1: a healthier and stable body. The most fascinating part of
Speaker 1: the study though, and you would you kind of have
Speaker 1: to see it to believe it, because I read this
Speaker 1: and I was like, I need some more evidence of this,
Speaker 1: I need something, I need a graph, I need a picture.
Speaker 1: They had them. Basically in the study they looked at
Speaker 1: thermal imaging of a person's body before and after earthing.
Speaker 1: So thermal imaging basically looks at body temperature, and lower
Speaker 1: body temperature would typically mean less inflammation, perhaps even less pain.
Speaker 1: That was very clearly documented in these images. People were
Speaker 1: talking about how even spending thirty minutes earthing themselves, so
Speaker 1: just basically grounding using nature, they felt more calm their
Speaker 1: pain from certain chrod health problems or certain joint pains,
Speaker 1: things like that was relieved. They felt less stressed, less
Speaker 1: like almost even hot, less jittery. All of these coming
Speaker 1: down to nature's innate capacity, its innate role as our
Speaker 1: friend and as our collaborator in handling our motions. So
Speaker 1: there's some other things that you can do to help
Speaker 1: with that regulation. Cold showers in the morning, that's a
Speaker 1: big one at the moment. Personally, don't like it, No,
Speaker 1: it works not for me, but just to put it
Speaker 1: on the table. You can also do progressive muscle relaxation,
Speaker 1: which is beautiful. You can get guided versions of this online,
Speaker 1: which I really recommend. This one was something that I
Speaker 1: thought of for us, like, huh, this would really work,
Speaker 1: And I tried it the other day and it was
Speaker 1: actually very very interesting. Unplugging from your phone or your
Speaker 1: headphones when you go for a walk. So we often,
Speaker 1: you know, you and me both we are listening to podcasts,
Speaker 1: we are listening to music, we are calling our friends.
Speaker 1: We've got our noise canceling headphones on, we've got earbuds
Speaker 1: in instead. Next time you go for a walk, take
Speaker 1: your headphones off, just pay attention to your environment, and
Speaker 1: it means that we don't experience this disconnection between what
Speaker 1: we're listening to our senses and what we're seeing, so
Speaker 1: our eyes and our ears are not processing different information.
Speaker 1: I just think that all those options are free, like
Speaker 1: you can literally do them tomorrow. But it really just
Speaker 1: like reconnects your mind and your body to your environment
Speaker 1: in a way that our current situation and our current
Speaker 1: work life travel existence doesn't really promote. This really brings
Speaker 1: me to my next big tip. Look at this amazing
Speaker 1: segue I'm about to perform, because my next piece of
Speaker 1: advice is really really related to that, and it's related
Speaker 1: to how we treat self care as a consumerist act
Speaker 1: when we should be folksocusing more on creation. Self care
Speaker 1: is really really important, but it's so often associated with
Speaker 1: spending money and having more skincare, more candles, more luxuries,
Speaker 1: buying yourself little things. This is all really really nice, right,
Speaker 1: I do it all the time. It's a joy getting
Speaker 1: a new little trinket. It's a joy getting something that
Speaker 1: you've really worked hard for. But it can also make
Speaker 1: self care unattainable, and after a while, I would make
Speaker 1: the argument that it makes self care quite shallow. If
Speaker 1: you can just like buy yourself a better mood, it's
Speaker 1: of course going to give you the dopamine hit that
Speaker 1: you want, because it is an act of consumerism, and
Speaker 1: companies are great at leveraging that to get you to
Speaker 1: think that self care really just means buying more things,
Speaker 1: really just means consuming more things thinking it's going to
Speaker 1: make you happier. There was a really great Vox article
Speaker 1: written about this in I think June or July this year.
Speaker 1: It's called How the Self Care Industry Made Us So Lonely,
Speaker 1: and it talks about how self care used to be
Speaker 1: a term that meant nurturing yourself by filling your cup
Speaker 1: with community and creation and rest expression. All of these
Speaker 1: are so psychologically nourishing. But nowadays those things are harder
Speaker 1: to come by and they're harder to prioritize because we
Speaker 1: are so disconnected. Those spaces aren't as available, those communities
Speaker 1: aren't as available, and so we replace them with what
Speaker 1: we can buy or what is most convenient and available,
Speaker 1: which can actually make our lives quite heavy. We talked
Speaker 1: about this in last week's episodes. If you're up to date,
Speaker 1: last week we talked about hobbies. I don't know if
Speaker 1: it was last week or on Tuesday. Now, our most
Speaker 1: recent episode, we talked about hobbies, and I talked about
Speaker 1: how we are so exhausted from how busy society keeps
Speaker 1: us that often we just want to do what's easiest.
Speaker 1: We want to have the quickest meal, We want the
Speaker 1: most convenient way to switch off our brain by scrolling
Speaker 1: by watching TV, all of which have their place, but
Speaker 1: continuously choosing that is your place to relax. Choosing that
Speaker 1: as your source of kind of decompressing, it's going to
Speaker 1: detract from your life. It's going to make it a
Speaker 1: lot less tasty. If you want that delicate, soft, cozy life,
Speaker 1: you need to make more space for creating things and
Speaker 1: more space for expression, and dedicate less time, less money,
Speaker 1: less room to just consuming. So two to three days
Speaker 1: a week, I want you to invest in creation as
Speaker 1: a way to feel more connected to what you're doing.
Speaker 1: So your food, your items, your space, your hobbies. Take
Speaker 1: the extra thirty minutes, the extra hour to really pour
Speaker 1: some care and love into your dinner or your breakfast,
Speaker 1: and to feel proud of what you're making yourself, how
Speaker 1: you're nourishing yourself. Take an afternoon off, Take it an
Speaker 1: afternoon off on your weekend to pursue a creative project,
Speaker 1: get a herb garden, volunteer, take care of someone else,
Speaker 1: be generous to someone else, put something back into the world.
Speaker 1: That is a real, true act of softness, being open
Speaker 1: enough to want to give and not just receive. Finally,
Speaker 1: rethink what you believe success should look like. This is
Speaker 1: a big aspect of shifting from a productive, heavy life
Speaker 1: to a slower, softer, gentler life. Typically, you know, and
Speaker 1: historically our biggest indicators of success they are material and
Speaker 1: they are social. You make more money, you receive more praise,
Speaker 1: do you have more respect, you have a nicer house.
Speaker 1: But what does any of that actually mean if you
Speaker 1: are always in a rush anyway, and if you never
Speaker 1: have this space to enjoy it, what makes that a
Speaker 1: more desirable life than the soft life? You know, because
Speaker 1: quite frankly, you can have all those things, and a
Speaker 1: lot of people have experienced all of those things and
Speaker 1: still said, I am quite miserable. So let's consider the alternative,
Speaker 1: a balanced lifestyle, a day filled of variety, time to
Speaker 1: just exist, enjoy your experiences, time to socialize, to build connection,
Speaker 1: room to slow down. Maturing to me at least is
Speaker 1: realizing that is very appealing. That is the outcome we
Speaker 1: should want. A few weeks ago, I did an episode
Speaker 1: I think it's called How to Be Truly Successful in
Speaker 1: Your Twenties, Episode two hundred and twenty one, Episode two
Speaker 1: hundred and twenty one. Yes, and I really wanted to
Speaker 1: wreck you to listen to that, because when we talk
Speaker 1: about redefining success, that's like the best place to turn
Speaker 1: so in depth, and it could be a wake up
Speaker 1: call that you might need to hear that we're putting
Speaker 1: so much weight on the traditional notions of success, no
Speaker 1: fault of our own. That's how we've been socialized, that's
Speaker 1: how we've been conditioned, how we've been raised. But at
Speaker 1: their center, they are about self sacrifice. They are about discipline, productivity, image.
Speaker 1: The alternative is about giving, enjoying, resting, slowing down, caring,
Speaker 1: and you know, I just think that's more valuable. Doesn't
Speaker 1: mean you can't still be successful in traditional ways, but
Speaker 1: it's about kind of opting out of the rat race
Speaker 1: at some point and being like, huh this, I can't
Speaker 1: win in this system. I can't win if I have
Speaker 1: to just keep being productive for the rest of my
Speaker 1: life to obtain all these sweet, beautiful joys that they're
Speaker 1: telling me I'm obtaining because of this work, but never
Speaker 1: actually being able to enjoy them. Like you kind of
Speaker 1: start to really see how that's not a healthy cycle.
Speaker 1: So choose the gentler life. It's the simple things. It's
Speaker 1: the minimalistic things, not the flashy things. It's joy, nature, community, creation,
Speaker 1: a regulated nervous system. That is true wealth to me,
Speaker 1: and the tips that we've shared today will hopefully bring
Speaker 1: you closer to having more of that in your life. So,
Speaker 1: in wrapping up this episode, I'm hoping that this left
Speaker 1: an impression on you, or it just made you think
Speaker 1: that's really what's important. I hope you please do just
Speaker 1: one of these things, just see if it. If it helps,
Speaker 1: you could even literally just not set an alarm every
Speaker 1: now and again. Slow down, cook a nice meal, see
Speaker 1: what happens. See if life feels more fulfilling, and more rich.
Speaker 1: If you have listened this far, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Just a reminder that if you want to pre order
Speaker 1: my book, you can do that right now, at this
Speaker 1: very minute that you are listening. If you just want
Speaker 1: to check out the cover, if you just want to
Speaker 1: see what the blurb looks like, I don't know, whatever
Speaker 1: flow to your boat. I'll leave a link in the description.
Speaker 1: It truly is an honor to get to announce this
Speaker 1: to you guys, my wonderful listeners today. As for this episode,
Speaker 1: as for the podcast, make sure you have left us
Speaker 1: a five star review. Make sure you are following along
Speaker 1: on Apple or Spotify so you get alerted when new
Speaker 1: episodes come out. It's almost December, which you know means
Speaker 1: the twelve days of guests. I can't wait to announce
Speaker 1: who is coming on. You can follow us on Instagram
Speaker 1: if you want a sneak peek of that as well
Speaker 1: at that Psychology podcast. And until next time, stay safe,
Speaker 1: be kind, be gentle to yourself, embrace the soft life,
Speaker 1: and we will talk very very soon.