1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,720 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 2 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:07,800 Speaker 1: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, Wherever you are in 3 00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:10,680 Speaker 1: the world, it is so great to have you here, 4 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:14,760 Speaker 1: back for another episode, as we, of course break down 5 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:19,480 Speaker 1: the psychology of your twenties. Before we get into today's episode, 6 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:23,280 Speaker 1: I have a really special announcement, and if you're listening 7 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,840 Speaker 1: to the episode in the week that it is coming out, 8 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: you might be some of the first people to know. 9 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:33,920 Speaker 1: I wrote a book, and come twenty twenty five, it 10 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:38,040 Speaker 1: will be yours. It is called Person in Progress, and 11 00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:42,080 Speaker 1: much like this podcast, it's a psychological roadmap basically to 12 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:47,240 Speaker 1: your twenties, with even more studies, even more guided exercises, 13 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,600 Speaker 1: even more personal stories, and it is for you, guys, 14 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:54,640 Speaker 1: to have and to hold. I cannot even believe that 15 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,560 Speaker 1: those words are coming out of my mouth. I wrote 16 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:00,720 Speaker 1: a book. Before I tell you any more details, I 17 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,760 Speaker 1: want to just firstly say thank you and to just 18 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:07,200 Speaker 1: express my very deep gratitude for every single listener of 19 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:10,320 Speaker 1: the podcast. There is not a moment that I don't 20 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:14,400 Speaker 1: pinch myself and feel so grateful to have you all, 21 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:18,480 Speaker 1: because it would have never been possible without your continued support, 22 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:21,479 Speaker 1: without all of you who tune in week after week. 23 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:24,200 Speaker 1: You know I may have written the book, but you 24 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:26,480 Speaker 1: are the reason I have the opportunity. So before I 25 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,200 Speaker 1: say anything else, I just want to say thank you 26 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:32,960 Speaker 1: and that I think you'll love this book as much, 27 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 1: if not more than the podcast and the episodes that 28 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:38,959 Speaker 1: I put out each week. So Person and Progress, let 29 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:40,840 Speaker 1: me tell you a little bit more about it. I've 30 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,880 Speaker 1: been in the process of writing this book for the 31 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:46,080 Speaker 1: last two years. I think I've given some hints here 32 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:47,960 Speaker 1: and there that it would be coming, so it's great 33 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 1: to finally have it out in the open. Person and 34 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 1: Progress is made up of four sections. They are Welcome 35 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:57,000 Speaker 1: to your callal Life, Crisis, Love on the Brain, Work 36 00:01:57,080 --> 00:02:02,080 Speaker 1: in Progress, and Everybody is Healing from Something. It covers 37 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:05,320 Speaker 1: so many of the complicated experiences of your twenties. It's 38 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:09,200 Speaker 1: over three hundred pages. We talk about how to figure 39 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 1: out exactly what you should be doing in your life, 40 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:15,639 Speaker 1: exactly who your authentic self is, how to make friends 41 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:19,360 Speaker 1: as an adult, how to stop repeating history in relationships, 42 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:25,239 Speaker 1: how to use psychology to fall in love, to heal guilt, shame, embarrassment, loneliness, 43 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,760 Speaker 1: and so much more. I could literally keep going. It 44 00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:31,079 Speaker 1: is also available for pre order right now, like at 45 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:34,400 Speaker 1: this very moment, it's just such a pinchby moment to 46 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,160 Speaker 1: like even be saying that. But if you do feel 47 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:41,560 Speaker 1: cool to do so, grab a preorder copy now so 48 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 1: that you get the book the day it comes out. 49 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:47,000 Speaker 1: Another benefit, it really helps get the book into local 50 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 1: bookstores and into local shops, local bookshops because preorder numbers 51 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:56,600 Speaker 1: help people determine the quantities that they're going to order 52 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,840 Speaker 1: come release. So if you are excited to get your 53 00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:04,080 Speaker 1: hands on it as am I, please consider pre ordering 54 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:08,000 Speaker 1: through the link in the description. Again, thank you, thank you, 55 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:11,959 Speaker 1: thank you for giving me this opportunity and for giving 56 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,800 Speaker 1: me this platform. There will be so many more details 57 00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:17,200 Speaker 1: to come in the following months, and if you want 58 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:20,920 Speaker 1: to see the cover, head to my Instagram and you 59 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:24,160 Speaker 1: can see so many more details and exactly what is 60 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,399 Speaker 1: going to be in your hands come twenty twenty five. 61 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 1: Without further ado, let's get into the episode. Today. We 62 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,800 Speaker 1: are going to be talking about how to create a 63 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:40,200 Speaker 1: self life in your twenties, and what I mean by 64 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 1: that is, how do we create a life of simple 65 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:50,960 Speaker 1: pleasures of joy, one that is gentle, happy, successful without 66 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:57,240 Speaker 1: feeling heavy and frustrating, as everything so often feels these days. 67 00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 1: It is a daily reality for a lot of us 68 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:04,080 Speaker 1: in this day decade. We are so focused on progress 69 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 1: and success. It's been drilled into our brains. We are 70 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 1: focused on not falling behind on this like predetermined racecourse 71 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:16,400 Speaker 1: that we all are traveling on, and it means that 72 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:20,160 Speaker 1: our lives firstly no longer seen like ours and at 73 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,359 Speaker 1: times they don't even feel enjoyable. All of our attention 74 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:26,279 Speaker 1: and our energy is like focused on work. It's focused 75 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:29,800 Speaker 1: on school, it's focused on achievement, and it's dictated by 76 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:33,800 Speaker 1: like this urgency culture to be doing it all and 77 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 1: to have it all together right now, to be rushing 78 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:40,520 Speaker 1: from one milestone to the next, from one place to 79 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,040 Speaker 1: the next. I think it's time that we sow down. 80 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,200 Speaker 1: It's my belief that when we really buy into this 81 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:50,120 Speaker 1: during our twenties, this like overatching perspective and attitude towards life, 82 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,960 Speaker 1: and we don't have the occasional reminder that life is 83 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,840 Speaker 1: short and we actually need to enjoy it. We end 84 00:04:55,960 --> 00:05:02,960 Speaker 1: up being overwhelmed by unnecessary stress. We prioritize productivity rather 85 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 1: than being kind to ourselves, being gentle to ourselves, experiencing 86 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 1: the world, shaking off that philosophy as well. It becomes 87 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,680 Speaker 1: harder that the older we get. So it's a very 88 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,839 Speaker 1: formative period where we can rewrite the script that we 89 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:21,560 Speaker 1: have been taught on how to enjoy our lives. That 90 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:23,640 Speaker 1: is what we want. We do not want to be 91 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:28,160 Speaker 1: operating at this really high stress frequency for you know, 92 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:31,599 Speaker 1: the next thirty forty years and never slowing down. I 93 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:35,400 Speaker 1: think it also comes down to this very important thing 94 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 1: to remember, which is that in a culture of hustling 95 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 1: and in the culture of success, you don't need to 96 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:45,159 Speaker 1: burn out to prove that you deserve good things. You 97 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:49,080 Speaker 1: don't need to deny yourself simple pleasures to prove you're 98 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:52,360 Speaker 1: a good person. We want to take a more it 99 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:56,080 Speaker 1: would say, positive psychology approach. We want to take our 100 00:05:56,120 --> 00:06:01,359 Speaker 1: mental health and our emotional health seriously by liberately choosing 101 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:06,719 Speaker 1: and pursuing a soft life. The soft life is about 102 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:13,240 Speaker 1: slowing down. It's about adopting a lifestyle of enjoyment. Comfort 103 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:19,040 Speaker 1: is simple pleasure. And it came from the Nigerian wellness 104 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:22,840 Speaker 1: community and from black female creators who were sharing this 105 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,680 Speaker 1: new approach in the last two to three years. That 106 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:31,719 Speaker 1: really combines agency, ambition, freedom without the need to sacrifice 107 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:35,360 Speaker 1: what you enjoyed. Always put others above you put yourself 108 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:39,359 Speaker 1: under this intense stress, you go easier on yourself. You 109 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:44,640 Speaker 1: appreciate the details of life rather than rushing through them. 110 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,520 Speaker 1: If you want to read about the exact history of 111 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,960 Speaker 1: this term, there is an amazing article by Andscape which 112 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:54,239 Speaker 1: is like an online journal titled the Soft Life Isn't 113 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:57,599 Speaker 1: as Easy as It looks Online and they interview some 114 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:01,719 Speaker 1: of the originators of this term. It's incredibly fascinating for 115 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,719 Speaker 1: you know where their desire to embrace the soft life 116 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:09,359 Speaker 1: and promote the soft life really came from. I like 117 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,120 Speaker 1: to think of it as well as really living similarly 118 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:16,960 Speaker 1: to how our ancestors would have lived long ago. They 119 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 1: would have woken with the sun. They would have felt 120 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,840 Speaker 1: their feet on the earth. They would have watched the 121 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,440 Speaker 1: trees move, watch the sunset, enjoyed like the sweetness of 122 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,920 Speaker 1: the berries really saved it. They would have done just 123 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,200 Speaker 1: what they needed to survive and then rest easy at 124 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 1: night with their clan. They didn't have to do lists, 125 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,680 Speaker 1: they didn't have teams meetings, they didn't have Microsoft work, 126 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:41,040 Speaker 1: they didn't have keynote presentations that needed to be done 127 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:45,400 Speaker 1: for their boss, and the soft life is about appreciating that. Obviously, 128 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 1: circumstances have changed, so we need jobs, we have these responsibilities. 129 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:52,600 Speaker 1: This is an element of who we are, but choosing 130 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 1: to return to a life before productivity defined us in 131 00:07:56,920 --> 00:08:00,640 Speaker 1: the time that we have. We want comfort, we want 132 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:05,040 Speaker 1: low stress. So let us jump into five ways you 133 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:09,160 Speaker 1: can really create that life for yourself at this pivotal point. 134 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:14,119 Speaker 1: How you can reprogram, resocialize, retrain your brain to see 135 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,720 Speaker 1: this as the version of success you should be pursuing, 136 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,760 Speaker 1: and talk about the psychology behind it, talk about the 137 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:23,800 Speaker 1: mental impact, all of that and more. After this shortbreak, 138 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 1: there are, of course a few straightforward ways to embrace 139 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:34,000 Speaker 1: the self life that we hear about quite frequently. You know. 140 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: Prioritize self care, especially self care that isn't just about 141 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:44,440 Speaker 1: self improvement, but a genuine generosity to yourself. Setting boundaries 142 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:49,320 Speaker 1: with people or situations which are emotionally taxing another important one. 143 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:54,520 Speaker 1: Practicing gratitude, incorporating rest, treating yourself every now and again, 144 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,680 Speaker 1: all very important, all pretty well known for a good reason. 145 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 1: But with that in mind, I really want to focus 146 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,320 Speaker 1: on five more specific things that are a little bit 147 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:06,319 Speaker 1: different and that you can do daily, weekly, monthly, that 148 00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:11,240 Speaker 1: have an evidence base behind them. The most significant one, 149 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:15,360 Speaker 1: in my mind, in my opinion, comes down to gratitude, 150 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:19,560 Speaker 1: and that is number one. Go searching for joy, Go 151 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: searching for things to savor and embrace the kind of 152 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,559 Speaker 1: little things that are presented to you every day. Savor 153 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:28,839 Speaker 1: you know, the crunchiness of the apple that you had 154 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:31,880 Speaker 1: for breakfast. Savor the fact that you found that perfect 155 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:35,520 Speaker 1: shower temperature, your cup of coffee, the little kid like 156 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,560 Speaker 1: giggling on your bus, the joy of your daily walk. 157 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:41,560 Speaker 1: You know, wake up without an alarm once a week, 158 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:46,679 Speaker 1: Choose a slower pace for your meals, Reconnect. Joy as 159 00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:50,840 Speaker 1: an emotion is so overlooked and so often confused with 160 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 1: happiness as well. But it's a lot deeper, it's a 161 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:57,040 Speaker 1: lot more profound. Joy is elation, It's delight. It's like 162 00:09:57,080 --> 00:10:03,120 Speaker 1: this whole body experience of synchronicity. Almost Like the best 163 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 1: way I can explain it is the sense that in 164 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:10,320 Speaker 1: that moment, you exist right now just to experience this. 165 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:13,000 Speaker 1: This is the reason you were put on this world. 166 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 1: This is such a human experience to feel joy, This 167 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 1: is what we're here for. Here is the thing. The 168 00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:23,440 Speaker 1: more you go searching for joy, the more it tends 169 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 1: to find you, even when you don't want it to. 170 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,280 Speaker 1: Because once our brains start searching for a certain kind 171 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:34,120 Speaker 1: of stimulus moment thing like a joyful thing, it becomes 172 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:37,600 Speaker 1: naturally more attuned to the presence of such things in 173 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:41,720 Speaker 1: our environment. So noticing joy makes joy more evident in 174 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:45,240 Speaker 1: your every day. It's kind of like when you notice 175 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:47,800 Speaker 1: a yellow car and you can't stop noticing them, Like 176 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:50,719 Speaker 1: there is a screen car near my house. It's like 177 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,719 Speaker 1: a lime green car. And now anytime I am in 178 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:56,120 Speaker 1: a new city, a new suburb, sometimes even in a 179 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:59,920 Speaker 1: new country, I see that car everywhere. I always notice 180 00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:04,840 Speaker 1: th it being around. Having that search for joy, that 181 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:10,000 Speaker 1: personal search for joy, is really really helpful for your 182 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,760 Speaker 1: health and your life satisfaction. So there was a study 183 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 1: published by the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland and 184 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:20,560 Speaker 1: it found that when we regularly experience joy day to day, 185 00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:22,959 Speaker 1: something we take for granted, something we don't tend to 186 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:26,720 Speaker 1: focus on in health literature, it triggers a number of 187 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:34,120 Speaker 1: psychological but also physical changes. Better blood flow, better focus, 188 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:40,240 Speaker 1: a better mood, all things that make for a softer life. Now, 189 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:43,480 Speaker 1: that was one study, but there is another one from 190 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:47,200 Speaker 1: twenty nineteen that was a research paper that is the 191 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:54,520 Speaker 1: perfect example of how embracing joy makes you more holistically well. So, 192 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:58,920 Speaker 1: this paper measured the impact of an intervention called picture this. 193 00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:02,760 Speaker 1: I love this intervention. It's very similar to the exercise 194 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,520 Speaker 1: that I'm going to talk about in just a second. 195 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:08,120 Speaker 1: But in the picture of this study, the researchers asked 196 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,960 Speaker 1: two hundred of their participants in the experimental condition to 197 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:16,880 Speaker 1: use their smartphones to take at least two photographs of 198 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:22,680 Speaker 1: an event, moment, place that made them feel joyful. And 199 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:25,560 Speaker 1: they have to do this each day for three weeks, 200 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:28,680 Speaker 1: and then they uploaded those photographs to a server for 201 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:32,319 Speaker 1: the staff to kind of look at. So the researchers 202 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,679 Speaker 1: gave them some examples of like things to take photosoft. 203 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,920 Speaker 1: You know, you could take a photo of the sky 204 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,360 Speaker 1: at sunset. You could take a photo of a good friend, 205 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,800 Speaker 1: of getting a really good grade on a paper, or 206 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:46,160 Speaker 1: a test that you worked hard for. They were also 207 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:50,320 Speaker 1: instructed this is the second part. They're instructed to focus 208 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:54,319 Speaker 1: on the physical sensations and the cognitive and emotional response 209 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,240 Speaker 1: that they had in that moment that they decided to 210 00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:01,880 Speaker 1: take a photograph. This is actually called sense reperceptual sharpening, 211 00:13:02,559 --> 00:13:07,080 Speaker 1: noticing how your senses respond to something that you're perceiving. Basically, 212 00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:10,800 Speaker 1: what they were doing in this not so sly way 213 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:15,720 Speaker 1: was forcing their participants to take note and take notice 214 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:19,600 Speaker 1: of joy, then capture a photo of the source. Over 215 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:24,240 Speaker 1: that period, all these two hundred people their mood improved, 216 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:28,480 Speaker 1: They became more grateful, more motivated, They expressed that they 217 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,880 Speaker 1: enjoyed their life more. For some people, it was actually 218 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:34,040 Speaker 1: quite a profound experience. They were like, I just didn't 219 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:38,079 Speaker 1: realize how much beauty my life had. It really seems 220 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:43,240 Speaker 1: to show that daily experiences of all curiosity, gratitude, love, 221 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,800 Speaker 1: that can put the average person on a trajectory of 222 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:50,840 Speaker 1: growth success. And we know that a soft life is 223 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:55,079 Speaker 1: about being present and immersed in experiencing whatever you get 224 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:58,040 Speaker 1: the privilege to enjoy and whatever you get the experience 225 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:03,400 Speaker 1: to you know, to feel. Taking inspiration from that study, 226 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,800 Speaker 1: and I love this study. I've talked about this on 227 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,400 Speaker 1: the podcast before and I've talked about it on Instagram. 228 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,839 Speaker 1: But I have my own version of picture this and 229 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:15,160 Speaker 1: it's called the Smile file. Some people also have a 230 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:19,400 Speaker 1: Tada list. These are your only instructions, very similar to 231 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,680 Speaker 1: that exercise. Once a day, all you have to do 232 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,560 Speaker 1: is take a photo of screenshot or take a note 233 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,320 Speaker 1: of something that has brought you joy or something that 234 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:29,920 Speaker 1: has seemed so magical to you, almost like someone has 235 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,480 Speaker 1: placed this thing in your life and gone like, Toda, 236 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,440 Speaker 1: look at it, enjoy it. I made this for you. 237 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:39,360 Speaker 1: Savor that moment. Find one moment every single day, focus 238 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:42,800 Speaker 1: on the sensations. I think life becomes so much easier 239 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:47,320 Speaker 1: to enjoy and it's so much more gentle when you 240 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:52,120 Speaker 1: have this outside armor of gratitude, when that is the 241 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:56,920 Speaker 1: first thing that any experience that comes at you will 242 00:14:56,920 --> 00:15:01,200 Speaker 1: have to penetrate, an armor of gratitude. So moving on 243 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:05,080 Speaker 1: from that, our second step for adopting a soft way 244 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,320 Speaker 1: of living and a soft way of flourishing in our twenties. 245 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,440 Speaker 1: Every single day, I want you to remove two things 246 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:14,600 Speaker 1: from your to do list that you cannot do. Let 247 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,320 Speaker 1: me tell you there is a lot we can do 248 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,840 Speaker 1: in a day. There is twenty four hours. That's a 249 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,280 Speaker 1: lot of time, but there is a lot more that 250 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:25,160 Speaker 1: we actually don't need to do. We actually never need 251 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,560 Speaker 1: to do. We just convince ourselves that we're lazy if 252 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 1: we don't do it. If you grew up in an 253 00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:35,400 Speaker 1: environment where you were called lazy for relaxing, or your 254 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:39,640 Speaker 1: own overachiever, every single piece of your worth was tied 255 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:42,520 Speaker 1: to what you can do in a day, your grades, 256 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:46,880 Speaker 1: how impressive you looked. You know, these days, you may 257 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:52,640 Speaker 1: feel quite an intense internal conflict or guilt when you 258 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,400 Speaker 1: aren't busy, and so you feel like you have to 259 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:59,760 Speaker 1: earn your rest by creating more tasks, more challenges for 260 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 1: your self day in and day out. But the idea 261 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:07,360 Speaker 1: of being quote unquote lazy, it has no place in 262 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:11,160 Speaker 1: our soft era because reducing your stress by reducing how 263 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:16,160 Speaker 1: much you have to do, it's actually not laziness. It's deliberate. 264 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,880 Speaker 1: It's actually quite hard to do, and it is about 265 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:23,840 Speaker 1: providing yourself with space to be human rather than just 266 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:27,440 Speaker 1: being a product of how much output you can produce. 267 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,720 Speaker 1: Another version of that, so you can remove two things 268 00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:33,240 Speaker 1: from your list today. This is a version of that 269 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 1: that I swear by. And what I do is I 270 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,520 Speaker 1: have my to do list, that is the things I 271 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,600 Speaker 1: really need to do, couldn't do them any other day. 272 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:45,560 Speaker 1: Essential for my job, essential for living, essential for being 273 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:48,200 Speaker 1: a good friend, being a good partner, paying taxes, you 274 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:50,240 Speaker 1: know those kinds of things. That's my to do list. 275 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:52,960 Speaker 1: Then I have my I would like to do list. 276 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,680 Speaker 1: This is the things that I would really kind of 277 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,240 Speaker 1: like to get done, I really like to get around to. 278 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:00,120 Speaker 1: It's not gonna be the end of the world I 279 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:04,080 Speaker 1: don't do it. And then I have my extras list. 280 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,639 Speaker 1: This are the things that I would do if I 281 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:10,200 Speaker 1: have like a shit ton of time. But none of 282 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:12,720 Speaker 1: those things are essential. Anything on my I would like 283 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,840 Speaker 1: to or my extras list doesn't need to be done 284 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:19,639 Speaker 1: today or tomorrow. Eventually, they might even fall off the 285 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:23,600 Speaker 1: list all together, and nothing's gonna go wrong. So you 286 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,679 Speaker 1: have your must list, your I would like list, and 287 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 1: your extra list. Why is this important? Well, too often, 288 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:34,440 Speaker 1: and I'm guilty of this as well, but too often 289 00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:37,920 Speaker 1: we put every single small thing on our to do list, 290 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 1: from our small tasks to our large ambitions, and it's 291 00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:45,240 Speaker 1: just not helpful. I do think that we tend to 292 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:48,480 Speaker 1: do this as a way of organizing or structuring our 293 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:52,080 Speaker 1: thoughts and a way of visualizing and finding a space 294 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:55,440 Speaker 1: for remembering what needs to get done. But It has 295 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:59,119 Speaker 1: the ripple and effect of making us insanely overwhelmed because 296 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,959 Speaker 1: we have no vetting pro We have no vetting process 297 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:05,000 Speaker 1: as to what actually deserves to be on our daily agenda. 298 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,240 Speaker 1: It's like everything from do the dishes, to find my 299 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:12,080 Speaker 1: birth certificate, to get a new job, to insert huge 300 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,960 Speaker 1: tasks here. Because of this, we never actually finish the 301 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,760 Speaker 1: to do list. Every day, a new task is kind 302 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,199 Speaker 1: of carried over. You've added on more items but you 303 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,640 Speaker 1: can't do anyways. Then you don't do them. You feel 304 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 1: like a failure, even when you already did all the 305 00:18:26,520 --> 00:18:30,320 Speaker 1: things that you already needed to do. So why is 306 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,119 Speaker 1: it important to have a realistic list rather than an 307 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:37,159 Speaker 1: ambitious list. It's because of how our brains prioritize and 308 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:41,439 Speaker 1: think about unfinished tasks. They become rather intrusive. There is 309 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:45,200 Speaker 1: a natural spotlight on everything that we haven't done, rather 310 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,800 Speaker 1: than on what we have done. So this is due 311 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:51,000 Speaker 1: to a psychological phenomena known as the zygonic effect, which 312 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,960 Speaker 1: basically says that we tend to fixate on interrupted tasks 313 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:58,639 Speaker 1: or incomplete tasks more than others. When we feel like 314 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,080 Speaker 1: we have I hate you in this word, but failed 315 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,159 Speaker 1: to do something, something that we needed to do. This 316 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:08,399 Speaker 1: creates this underlying cognitive tension, and it means that our 317 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,600 Speaker 1: brain keeps coming back to it, keep saying, Hey, we 318 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:14,280 Speaker 1: haven't finished that yet, we haven't finished that yet, even 319 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,240 Speaker 1: as you're trying to switch off, even as you're trying 320 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:20,440 Speaker 1: to fall asleep, even when you are totally exhausted, even 321 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,520 Speaker 1: when actually there's no need to do that thing today. 322 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,920 Speaker 1: In some ways this is sometimes helpful. You know, when 323 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,560 Speaker 1: you're really under the pump, you don't want to forget things, 324 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 1: you don't want things to slip off the list. But 325 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:35,200 Speaker 1: you are not meant to feel that way all the time, 326 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:39,719 Speaker 1: because then everything becomes about what you didn't do with 327 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:43,719 Speaker 1: your time, rather than prioritizing what you chose to do 328 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:46,400 Speaker 1: with your time in order to be more present in 329 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,960 Speaker 1: your life. So this is my new rule for myself. Yes, 330 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 1: I have my must like and like my extras list, 331 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:59,199 Speaker 1: but I also say, if any sentence starts with I 332 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:03,040 Speaker 1: could such as I could do this. I could add 333 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,520 Speaker 1: more things to my to do list. I could sign 334 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,360 Speaker 1: up for new projects. I could, you know, add this 335 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,919 Speaker 1: extra element that's going to take a lot of time. 336 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 1: I could find time in my day, I have to 337 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:16,520 Speaker 1: shut it down. Any sentence at this time in my life, 338 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:19,280 Speaker 1: when everything is so busy that starts with I could 339 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:22,399 Speaker 1: is I can't. I only have space for things that 340 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:25,639 Speaker 1: are urgent, for things that are important, for things that 341 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,800 Speaker 1: I want to do. Because I was doing all this 342 00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:32,359 Speaker 1: stuff before that just really drained me enormously, and it 343 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,879 Speaker 1: actually didn't even matter, like it had no impact on 344 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,560 Speaker 1: my life. It wouldn't have made my life better. It 345 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,840 Speaker 1: wasn't really doing anything, it wasn't important. It wouldn't have 346 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,359 Speaker 1: mattered whether it was done or not. And it made 347 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 1: my life heavy. And you know, it was things I 348 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,480 Speaker 1: didn't even care about, and the things that I did 349 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:53,800 Speaker 1: care about I wasn't able to prioritize because I was 350 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:59,000 Speaker 1: carrying the stress of these tasks that were unnecessary. You know, 351 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,080 Speaker 1: someone said to me recently, I think this really does 352 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:06,720 Speaker 1: summarize it. If you don't have to struggle, don't don't 353 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:10,080 Speaker 1: force yourself to struggle just because you think it means 354 00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:13,199 Speaker 1: you deserve more, just because you think that people are 355 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,800 Speaker 1: going to think you're lazy if you don't. So Tip 356 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,520 Speaker 1: number two, cut down that to do list, please and 357 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,119 Speaker 1: thank you. We're going to take a short break, but 358 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:25,080 Speaker 1: when we return, I want to discuss my remaining three 359 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:30,600 Speaker 1: steps or pieces of advice for creating that soft, tender, 360 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:39,520 Speaker 1: gentle life that you deserve in your twenties. Stay with us. 361 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,680 Speaker 1: One of the other crucial elements of creating a routine 362 00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:46,040 Speaker 1: and a lifestyle that lets you go slowly and at 363 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:50,040 Speaker 1: your own pace is developing a better relationship with stress. 364 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:54,680 Speaker 1: Now that probably sounds unrealistic, undoable for many of us. 365 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 1: Stress is of course, it's a necessary part of life. 366 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,200 Speaker 1: You know, like it or not ever going to eliminate 367 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,760 Speaker 1: it entirely, nor actually should you want to, because you'd 368 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:09,720 Speaker 1: miss out on so much important information. But we can 369 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:13,960 Speaker 1: get better at regulating our nervous system so that it's 370 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:19,080 Speaker 1: not being triggered by unnecessary stresses, things that are minor stresses, 371 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:23,359 Speaker 1: things that really don't deserve that much attention and energy, 372 00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:27,760 Speaker 1: you know, the daily hassles. Stress has an impact we 373 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,560 Speaker 1: want to be selective with when it is activated, because 374 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:34,040 Speaker 1: when our fight or flight response is you know, consistently 375 00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:38,040 Speaker 1: set off, it changes our immune system response, It suppresses digestion, 376 00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:41,960 Speaker 1: It reduces our body's ability to heal itself. There are 377 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:46,360 Speaker 1: so many cognitive impacts. It actually does put your body 378 00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:51,000 Speaker 1: under a lot of tension. It's like a vigorous workout 379 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,639 Speaker 1: for your body. And you know workouts are great workouts 380 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,600 Speaker 1: keep you healthy. You don't want to be doing like 381 00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:58,560 Speaker 1: four or five of them a day. It's gonna put 382 00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:02,200 Speaker 1: a strain. It also just like doesn't feel nice. That's 383 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,960 Speaker 1: like a pretty simple way to say it. I've noticed though, 384 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:08,080 Speaker 1: that so few of us realize how often we are 385 00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:12,240 Speaker 1: actually being pushed into that stressed state, how often our 386 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,880 Speaker 1: environment is triggering a response that was meant for survival. 387 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,960 Speaker 1: But this is not a matter of survival. You know, 388 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,520 Speaker 1: a workplace deadline, missing a train, having an argument with 389 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,120 Speaker 1: a friend is not a matter of survival. But we 390 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:30,199 Speaker 1: cannot help but feel like this insane stress response and 391 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,199 Speaker 1: this fight or flight response is being triggered because we 392 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:37,000 Speaker 1: have been trained by our environment to be more on edge. 393 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,480 Speaker 1: So this is a long way of saying number three. 394 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,720 Speaker 1: If you want a soft life, we have to improve 395 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:48,159 Speaker 1: how we regulate our nervous system in organic ways, in 396 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:52,879 Speaker 1: ways that we are evolutionarily and our ancestors would have 397 00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:57,879 Speaker 1: regulated their emotional response and their stress response. A regulated 398 00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,919 Speaker 1: nervous system like that term it has been getting a 399 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:04,520 Speaker 1: lot of buzz online recently. I've noticed this. What it 400 00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:07,560 Speaker 1: basically means is that your body and your mind can 401 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:13,240 Speaker 1: effectively respond to stress. So it is not the complete 402 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:19,439 Speaker 1: removal the complete absence of stress. It's actually important to 403 00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:23,160 Speaker 1: note that it is about having this important two way 404 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:27,800 Speaker 1: street relationship with stress, where stress is welcomed but it 405 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:31,000 Speaker 1: is not allowed to dominate. You are able to return 406 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:34,399 Speaker 1: to a balanced, calm state after it has passed, and 407 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:38,560 Speaker 1: that state, that balance, is called homeostasis. It's crucial because 408 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,960 Speaker 1: it means that your nervous system isn't overreactive, it's not stuck. 409 00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:45,439 Speaker 1: It allows you to be flexible. It allows you to 410 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:50,400 Speaker 1: adapt to various situations. You're not a tense creature. Here 411 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,680 Speaker 1: are some ways that we can get to that regulated state. 412 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,760 Speaker 1: You need to have a process for grounding yourself and 413 00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:00,880 Speaker 1: for remaining present when everything in you is calling to panic. 414 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,679 Speaker 1: I always repeat to myself, just be where your feet are. 415 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:08,920 Speaker 1: Just be where your feet are, and that means taking 416 00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:11,040 Speaker 1: off my socks. I don't know if that's gross to 417 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,639 Speaker 1: some people, but whatever, I take off my socks, I 418 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,199 Speaker 1: take off my shoes. I just place my feet on 419 00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:19,560 Speaker 1: the floor, and I say, the only thing that I'm 420 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:23,280 Speaker 1: going to concern myself with is whatever is ten centimeters 421 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,879 Speaker 1: from where I'm standing. This is my zone, this is 422 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:30,640 Speaker 1: my present, This is what I can control. Not the future, 423 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,879 Speaker 1: not others, not the past. I'm going to take a 424 00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:36,919 Speaker 1: moment in the stress state to be where my feet are. 425 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,639 Speaker 1: This is even better when you combine it with like 426 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:45,480 Speaker 1: a natural environmental setting. So this kind of grounding it's 427 00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:50,600 Speaker 1: called earthing. When we combine that centering technique with nature. 428 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:57,119 Speaker 1: Earthing really focuses on realigning your electrical, your neural energy 429 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:01,160 Speaker 1: with the earth. You know, those were words they might 430 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:05,240 Speaker 1: not sound scientific, but the research behind this type of grounding, 431 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:09,399 Speaker 1: it really is the best study that I've come across 432 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:15,320 Speaker 1: this ever. It talks about how our lost connection with 433 00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:19,760 Speaker 1: nature and the earth has basically caused our nervous system 434 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:23,399 Speaker 1: to no longer have a stable environment in which to 435 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,639 Speaker 1: calm itself. You know, we no longer sleep on the ground. 436 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:32,080 Speaker 1: We rarely walk barefoot outdoors. We live and we work inside. 437 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:35,440 Speaker 1: We spend so much of our time disconnected, like up 438 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:38,600 Speaker 1: far above the ground in high rises, not out in nature. 439 00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,200 Speaker 1: Some of us wouldn't spend more than an hour outside 440 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,560 Speaker 1: a day, everything is loud, busy, or of a stimulating 441 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:49,800 Speaker 1: urgent that never ends, and all that external information means 442 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,840 Speaker 1: we need to be constantly on So our threshold for 443 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:58,400 Speaker 1: stress has been lowered. But when we practice earthing, we 444 00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:01,359 Speaker 1: return our body and our mind to the place it 445 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,640 Speaker 1: evolved from, to where it belongs, to where it can 446 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:10,159 Speaker 1: recalibrate itself and feel calm, And a grounded body is 447 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,320 Speaker 1: a healthier and stable body. The most fascinating part of 448 00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:16,280 Speaker 1: the study though, and you would you kind of have 449 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,119 Speaker 1: to see it to believe it, because I read this 450 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:20,119 Speaker 1: and I was like, I need some more evidence of this, 451 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,520 Speaker 1: I need something, I need a graph, I need a picture. 452 00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:26,440 Speaker 1: They had them. Basically in the study they looked at 453 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:31,400 Speaker 1: thermal imaging of a person's body before and after earthing. 454 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:36,000 Speaker 1: So thermal imaging basically looks at body temperature, and lower 455 00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:41,760 Speaker 1: body temperature would typically mean less inflammation, perhaps even less pain. 456 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:47,320 Speaker 1: That was very clearly documented in these images. People were 457 00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:52,560 Speaker 1: talking about how even spending thirty minutes earthing themselves, so 458 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:57,760 Speaker 1: just basically grounding using nature, they felt more calm their 459 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:02,440 Speaker 1: pain from certain chrod health problems or certain joint pains, 460 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:07,440 Speaker 1: things like that was relieved. They felt less stressed, less 461 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:11,520 Speaker 1: like almost even hot, less jittery. All of these coming 462 00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:17,760 Speaker 1: down to nature's innate capacity, its innate role as our 463 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:22,800 Speaker 1: friend and as our collaborator in handling our motions. So 464 00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:24,560 Speaker 1: there's some other things that you can do to help 465 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:27,359 Speaker 1: with that regulation. Cold showers in the morning, that's a 466 00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:30,679 Speaker 1: big one at the moment. Personally, don't like it, No, 467 00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,359 Speaker 1: it works not for me, but just to put it 468 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:36,520 Speaker 1: on the table. You can also do progressive muscle relaxation, 469 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:40,400 Speaker 1: which is beautiful. You can get guided versions of this online, 470 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:44,240 Speaker 1: which I really recommend. This one was something that I 471 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,520 Speaker 1: thought of for us, like, huh, this would really work, 472 00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:48,320 Speaker 1: And I tried it the other day and it was 473 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:52,560 Speaker 1: actually very very interesting. Unplugging from your phone or your 474 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,360 Speaker 1: headphones when you go for a walk. So we often, 475 00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:58,920 Speaker 1: you know, you and me both we are listening to podcasts, 476 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,800 Speaker 1: we are listening to music, we are calling our friends. 477 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,360 Speaker 1: We've got our noise canceling headphones on, we've got earbuds 478 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:08,080 Speaker 1: in instead. Next time you go for a walk, take 479 00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:11,680 Speaker 1: your headphones off, just pay attention to your environment, and 480 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:15,920 Speaker 1: it means that we don't experience this disconnection between what 481 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,560 Speaker 1: we're listening to our senses and what we're seeing, so 482 00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:22,720 Speaker 1: our eyes and our ears are not processing different information. 483 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:27,080 Speaker 1: I just think that all those options are free, like 484 00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,680 Speaker 1: you can literally do them tomorrow. But it really just 485 00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:35,040 Speaker 1: like reconnects your mind and your body to your environment 486 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:39,080 Speaker 1: in a way that our current situation and our current 487 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:46,680 Speaker 1: work life travel existence doesn't really promote. This really brings 488 00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:48,960 Speaker 1: me to my next big tip. Look at this amazing 489 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,520 Speaker 1: segue I'm about to perform, because my next piece of 490 00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:54,800 Speaker 1: advice is really really related to that, and it's related 491 00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:58,400 Speaker 1: to how we treat self care as a consumerist act 492 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:03,040 Speaker 1: when we should be folksocusing more on creation. Self care 493 00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:07,000 Speaker 1: is really really important, but it's so often associated with 494 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:13,040 Speaker 1: spending money and having more skincare, more candles, more luxuries, 495 00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:16,680 Speaker 1: buying yourself little things. This is all really really nice, right, 496 00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:19,200 Speaker 1: I do it all the time. It's a joy getting 497 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,920 Speaker 1: a new little trinket. It's a joy getting something that 498 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:24,880 Speaker 1: you've really worked hard for. But it can also make 499 00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:28,479 Speaker 1: self care unattainable, and after a while, I would make 500 00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:32,200 Speaker 1: the argument that it makes self care quite shallow. If 501 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:35,000 Speaker 1: you can just like buy yourself a better mood, it's 502 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:37,160 Speaker 1: of course going to give you the dopamine hit that 503 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:41,000 Speaker 1: you want, because it is an act of consumerism, and 504 00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:44,480 Speaker 1: companies are great at leveraging that to get you to 505 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:48,000 Speaker 1: think that self care really just means buying more things, 506 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:51,760 Speaker 1: really just means consuming more things thinking it's going to 507 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:56,960 Speaker 1: make you happier. There was a really great Vox article 508 00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:01,240 Speaker 1: written about this in I think June or July this year. 509 00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:05,680 Speaker 1: It's called How the Self Care Industry Made Us So Lonely, 510 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,960 Speaker 1: and it talks about how self care used to be 511 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:13,480 Speaker 1: a term that meant nurturing yourself by filling your cup 512 00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:18,640 Speaker 1: with community and creation and rest expression. All of these 513 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:23,280 Speaker 1: are so psychologically nourishing. But nowadays those things are harder 514 00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:26,280 Speaker 1: to come by and they're harder to prioritize because we 515 00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:30,760 Speaker 1: are so disconnected. Those spaces aren't as available, those communities 516 00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:34,200 Speaker 1: aren't as available, and so we replace them with what 517 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:38,440 Speaker 1: we can buy or what is most convenient and available, 518 00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:42,960 Speaker 1: which can actually make our lives quite heavy. We talked 519 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,120 Speaker 1: about this in last week's episodes. If you're up to date, 520 00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:47,560 Speaker 1: last week we talked about hobbies. I don't know if 521 00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 1: it was last week or on Tuesday. Now, our most 522 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:53,840 Speaker 1: recent episode, we talked about hobbies, and I talked about 523 00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:57,560 Speaker 1: how we are so exhausted from how busy society keeps 524 00:31:57,640 --> 00:31:59,800 Speaker 1: us that often we just want to do what's easiest. 525 00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:03,040 Speaker 1: We want to have the quickest meal, We want the 526 00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:06,520 Speaker 1: most convenient way to switch off our brain by scrolling 527 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,880 Speaker 1: by watching TV, all of which have their place, but 528 00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:14,479 Speaker 1: continuously choosing that is your place to relax. Choosing that 529 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:19,600 Speaker 1: as your source of kind of decompressing, it's going to 530 00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:21,600 Speaker 1: detract from your life. It's going to make it a 531 00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:29,000 Speaker 1: lot less tasty. If you want that delicate, soft, cozy life, 532 00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:33,360 Speaker 1: you need to make more space for creating things and 533 00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:37,680 Speaker 1: more space for expression, and dedicate less time, less money, 534 00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:42,040 Speaker 1: less room to just consuming. So two to three days 535 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:45,479 Speaker 1: a week, I want you to invest in creation as 536 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,880 Speaker 1: a way to feel more connected to what you're doing. 537 00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:51,960 Speaker 1: So your food, your items, your space, your hobbies. Take 538 00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:55,760 Speaker 1: the extra thirty minutes, the extra hour to really pour 539 00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:59,960 Speaker 1: some care and love into your dinner or your breakfast, 540 00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:03,239 Speaker 1: and to feel proud of what you're making yourself, how 541 00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:07,040 Speaker 1: you're nourishing yourself. Take an afternoon off, Take it an 542 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:11,160 Speaker 1: afternoon off on your weekend to pursue a creative project, 543 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:15,800 Speaker 1: get a herb garden, volunteer, take care of someone else, 544 00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:20,880 Speaker 1: be generous to someone else, put something back into the world. 545 00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:26,640 Speaker 1: That is a real, true act of softness, being open 546 00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:31,600 Speaker 1: enough to want to give and not just receive. Finally, 547 00:33:32,240 --> 00:33:34,840 Speaker 1: rethink what you believe success should look like. This is 548 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:38,480 Speaker 1: a big aspect of shifting from a productive, heavy life 549 00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:42,920 Speaker 1: to a slower, softer, gentler life. Typically, you know, and 550 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:47,520 Speaker 1: historically our biggest indicators of success they are material and 551 00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:51,560 Speaker 1: they are social. You make more money, you receive more praise, 552 00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:53,520 Speaker 1: do you have more respect, you have a nicer house. 553 00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:58,320 Speaker 1: But what does any of that actually mean if you 554 00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:01,600 Speaker 1: are always in a rush anyway, and if you never 555 00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:05,080 Speaker 1: have this space to enjoy it, what makes that a 556 00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:08,400 Speaker 1: more desirable life than the soft life? You know, because 557 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:11,279 Speaker 1: quite frankly, you can have all those things, and a 558 00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:14,440 Speaker 1: lot of people have experienced all of those things and 559 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:18,719 Speaker 1: still said, I am quite miserable. So let's consider the alternative, 560 00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:24,520 Speaker 1: a balanced lifestyle, a day filled of variety, time to 561 00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:29,920 Speaker 1: just exist, enjoy your experiences, time to socialize, to build connection, 562 00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:34,680 Speaker 1: room to slow down. Maturing to me at least is 563 00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:38,600 Speaker 1: realizing that is very appealing. That is the outcome we 564 00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:42,239 Speaker 1: should want. A few weeks ago, I did an episode 565 00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:45,560 Speaker 1: I think it's called How to Be Truly Successful in 566 00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:49,839 Speaker 1: Your Twenties, Episode two hundred and twenty one, Episode two 567 00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:52,600 Speaker 1: hundred and twenty one. Yes, and I really wanted to 568 00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:55,759 Speaker 1: wreck you to listen to that, because when we talk 569 00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:59,400 Speaker 1: about redefining success, that's like the best place to turn 570 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,440 Speaker 1: so in depth, and it could be a wake up 571 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:06,240 Speaker 1: call that you might need to hear that we're putting 572 00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:09,680 Speaker 1: so much weight on the traditional notions of success, no 573 00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:12,239 Speaker 1: fault of our own. That's how we've been socialized, that's 574 00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:15,960 Speaker 1: how we've been conditioned, how we've been raised. But at 575 00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:21,920 Speaker 1: their center, they are about self sacrifice. They are about discipline, productivity, image. 576 00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:30,240 Speaker 1: The alternative is about giving, enjoying, resting, slowing down, caring, 577 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:35,080 Speaker 1: and you know, I just think that's more valuable. Doesn't 578 00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:38,960 Speaker 1: mean you can't still be successful in traditional ways, but 579 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,399 Speaker 1: it's about kind of opting out of the rat race 580 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:45,160 Speaker 1: at some point and being like, huh this, I can't 581 00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,319 Speaker 1: win in this system. I can't win if I have 582 00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,759 Speaker 1: to just keep being productive for the rest of my 583 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:54,239 Speaker 1: life to obtain all these sweet, beautiful joys that they're 584 00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:57,759 Speaker 1: telling me I'm obtaining because of this work, but never 585 00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,360 Speaker 1: actually being able to enjoy them. Like you kind of 586 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:04,120 Speaker 1: start to really see how that's not a healthy cycle. 587 00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:08,160 Speaker 1: So choose the gentler life. It's the simple things. It's 588 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:13,480 Speaker 1: the minimalistic things, not the flashy things. It's joy, nature, community, creation, 589 00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:17,080 Speaker 1: a regulated nervous system. That is true wealth to me, 590 00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:20,479 Speaker 1: and the tips that we've shared today will hopefully bring 591 00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:23,920 Speaker 1: you closer to having more of that in your life. So, 592 00:36:24,719 --> 00:36:28,000 Speaker 1: in wrapping up this episode, I'm hoping that this left 593 00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:30,480 Speaker 1: an impression on you, or it just made you think 594 00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:34,480 Speaker 1: that's really what's important. I hope you please do just 595 00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:37,080 Speaker 1: one of these things, just see if it. If it helps, 596 00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,640 Speaker 1: you could even literally just not set an alarm every 597 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:42,879 Speaker 1: now and again. Slow down, cook a nice meal, see 598 00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:47,160 Speaker 1: what happens. See if life feels more fulfilling, and more rich. 599 00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:49,759 Speaker 1: If you have listened this far, thank you so much. 600 00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:51,879 Speaker 1: Just a reminder that if you want to pre order 601 00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:54,680 Speaker 1: my book, you can do that right now, at this 602 00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:56,879 Speaker 1: very minute that you are listening. If you just want 603 00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:58,400 Speaker 1: to check out the cover, if you just want to 604 00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,920 Speaker 1: see what the blurb looks like, I don't know, whatever 605 00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:03,480 Speaker 1: flow to your boat. I'll leave a link in the description. 606 00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:06,759 Speaker 1: It truly is an honor to get to announce this 607 00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:10,480 Speaker 1: to you guys, my wonderful listeners today. As for this episode, 608 00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:13,359 Speaker 1: as for the podcast, make sure you have left us 609 00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:15,680 Speaker 1: a five star review. Make sure you are following along 610 00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:18,640 Speaker 1: on Apple or Spotify so you get alerted when new 611 00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:22,200 Speaker 1: episodes come out. It's almost December, which you know means 612 00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:24,440 Speaker 1: the twelve days of guests. I can't wait to announce 613 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:27,440 Speaker 1: who is coming on. You can follow us on Instagram 614 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,520 Speaker 1: if you want a sneak peek of that as well 615 00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:34,280 Speaker 1: at that Psychology podcast. And until next time, stay safe, 616 00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:38,840 Speaker 1: be kind, be gentle to yourself, embrace the soft life, 617 00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:41,040 Speaker 1: and we will talk very very soon.