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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

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Speaker 2: How are you.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I'm well, I'm just a stoy and my oorca.

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Speaker 2: I know it's week two for you.

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Speaker 1: I know it's very very relaxing here.

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Speaker 2: Anything exciting that you are doing on a regular basis.

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Speaker 3: Well, I'm supposed to be in full vacation mode. I

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Speaker 3: could not find my LSD for this trip, so we

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Speaker 3: looked High in Love in my house in LA and

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Speaker 3: we could not find it. Got lost in transport, so

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Speaker 3: I don't have my usual toolkit here. So it is

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Speaker 3: just very much being in the present moment with my family.

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Speaker 3: It is very much in the present moment. So a

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Speaker 3: lot of the left, and there's a couple still, a

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Speaker 3: couple of stragglers still here. And then I have a

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Speaker 3: new group arriving tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's exciting.

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Speaker 3: The best development is that the guy that works at

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Speaker 3: our house, he makes sure that I have a frozen

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Speaker 3: mango dackery every time I come home from a bike ride.

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Speaker 2: Oh lovely.

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Speaker 3: It's like I'm not even eating food anymore. It's there's

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Speaker 3: so much caloric intake from those dackerries that it's like

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Speaker 3: a full smoothie meal.

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Speaker 4: I mean, if it's the same guy as a couple

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Speaker 4: of years ago, and he's always handing out orange drinks.

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Speaker 3: Appral sprits, dackyries. Yeah, it's really good times, really good ones. Well,

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Speaker 3: the good news is I had a great time with

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Speaker 3: my nieces and nephews. Though we all bonded big time.

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Speaker 3: They all really really appreciated the trip, and yeah, all right,

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Speaker 3: we're just one big fucking happy family.

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Speaker 1: The Handlers.

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Speaker 2: I love it.

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Speaker 4: I was talking to your nieces and one of them

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Speaker 4: mentioned that you had told her whole family when they

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Speaker 4: stayed with you during the pandemic that they needed to

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Speaker 4: go get family therapy, and.

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Speaker 2: That you called the therapist on them.

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Speaker 1: I did, I did? I did?

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Speaker 2: I mean, listen, if you're a sister, can't call the

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Speaker 2: therapist on you.

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Speaker 1: I was like, we're gonna do a therapy session.

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Speaker 3: And I sat them all down in front of a

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Speaker 3: zoom and then I was like, what the fuck.

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Speaker 1: Am I doing here? Why do I have to be

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Speaker 1: in this session? It's for you guys?

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Speaker 2: Use myself?

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Speaker 5: I know.

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Speaker 2: Excellent, Chelsea. What should people write in about this week?

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Speaker 3: Roommate problems if you're if you're having an affair with

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Speaker 3: a married man or a man who is a girlfriend

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Speaker 3: or anyone who was a girlfriend or significant other, please

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Speaker 3: write in call in, we want to talk to you.

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Speaker 1: And also roommate problems.

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Speaker 2: Love those those are very juy.

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Speaker 4: I've had a lot of those in my life, so yeah,

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Speaker 4: and they always get messy because it's like that's supposed

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Speaker 4: to be sort of your safe space, and I don't know,

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Speaker 4: it gets very messy.

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Speaker 1: Very that's right.

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Speaker 4: I once had a roommate who had a tramp stamp

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Speaker 4: of the Cleveland Skyline. I think that tells you everything

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Speaker 4: you need to know about a person. No shade to

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Speaker 4: our Cleveland listeners.

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Speaker 1: Of course, that's a pretty big tradise. No, it was.

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Speaker 2: She was so proud of it too.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Oh, I do have a I do have an update,

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Speaker 4: one that made me respond to this caller with hell

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Speaker 4: y ask girl.

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Speaker 1: Okay, great.

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Speaker 4: So this was from the Joan Biez episode that we did,

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Speaker 4: and she had bipolar disorder and had to kind of

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Speaker 4: like go into some treatment and was back in with

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Speaker 4: mom and sort of struggling with like what's my place

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Speaker 4: in the world as I go back into the workforce.

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Speaker 4: But Abigail says, it's been about seven months since I

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Speaker 4: was on the show, and I have a wonderful update

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Speaker 4: to share. Thanks to your advice, I interviewed like crazy

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Speaker 4: and only applied to jobs I was genuinely interested in.

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Speaker 4: After some time, I landed a position at the Museum

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Speaker 4: of Fine Arts, Boston, which I just adore. It's been

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Speaker 4: a great joy to be immersed in art, and I

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Speaker 4: feel that I've found myself again.

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Speaker 2: While I'm still living at home.

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Speaker 4: I will never forget what Chelsea said about being under

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Speaker 4: her parents until she was in her thirties. I'm currently

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Speaker 4: in the process of rebuilding my life. Thank you for

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Speaker 4: your wise words of wisdom then and now. I so

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Speaker 4: appreciate you.

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Speaker 3: Gail, What do you mean under her parents until she

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Speaker 3: was thirty? She's talking about me being under a reliant

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Speaker 3: on them until.

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Speaker 4: I was Maybe I would, but you didn't live with

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Speaker 4: your parents when we were thirty. Right now, you came

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Speaker 4: to La.

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Speaker 3: Fucking kidding me, kidding me. I once tried to have

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Speaker 3: my dad moved out here to La and my family

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Speaker 3: vetoed it. They're like, Chelsea, can't handle that. What are

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Speaker 3: you doing? I was like, what, I've got the money,

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Speaker 3: I've got the space. We could just put them in

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Speaker 3: the next room and know what you're talking about.

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Speaker 2: Chelsea. Our guest today is Alex Edelman. I just watched

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Speaker 2: his special just for us.

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Speaker 3: I met Alex first in Vegas. This is when you

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Speaker 3: were dating Hannah Einbinder and I was, oh, this was

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Speaker 3: the night you were there, the night I got together

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Speaker 3: with Joe Coy for the first time.

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Speaker 1: No, no, we didn't get together.

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Speaker 3: He was there and that was when I decided I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna I'm gonna date him.

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Speaker 6: I remember that. I remember you talking to us about

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Speaker 6: that and he like, I think he loved the guy. Yeah,

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Speaker 6: Joe also used us. I'm not sure if you remember this,

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Speaker 6: but Joe used us all as like proxy gamblers. We

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Speaker 6: all went to like a blackjack table and I was like,

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Speaker 6: I'm gonna stay, and Joe was like, You're gonna hit.

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Speaker 6: And I was like, I'm gonna hit, and so like

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Speaker 6: Joe was like, and Hannah is like I'm gonna stay,

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Speaker 6: and just like you're gonna stay and Chelsea and he

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Speaker 6: was like go down. Like it was. It was actually

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Speaker 6: like kind of amazing. And at the end he was like,

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Speaker 6: you want eleven hundred dollars. I'm like, no, Joe, you

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Speaker 6: want eleven hundred dollars.

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Speaker 1: The real good luckturem there, just so we're clear, is

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Speaker 1: fucking me.

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Speaker 3: I'm the gambler, and I'm the one who wins, and

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Speaker 3: I'm the one who gives money to everyone so that

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Speaker 3: they win. Okay, so let's not get that fucking twisted.

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Speaker 3: Then I knew Alex, of course, so charming and lovely.

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Speaker 3: And then I kept hearing about his show, which is

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Speaker 3: called Just for Us, which was playing in New York,

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Speaker 3: and all of my friends were talking about it. Everyone

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Speaker 3: was going, everyone was going, so obviously I had to go.

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Speaker 3: I went with some friends and it blew. I mean,

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Speaker 3: it blows everyone away.

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Speaker 1: And he recently won a fucking Tony for it. How

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Speaker 1: fucking awesome is that it was?

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Speaker 6: It's so crazy. It feels like such a weird, like

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Speaker 6: make a wish thing. Everyone's like, good for him, you know,

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Speaker 6: good for good for this guy, and gosh, buddy, here's

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Speaker 6: a thing to keep going like it really is so

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Speaker 6: so nice. But yeah, it's so weird to do the

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Speaker 6: show and then your comedy heroes and the people that

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Speaker 6: you look up to just start coming like I remember,

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Speaker 6: I just saw Chelsea in the audience. I'll never forget it.

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Speaker 6: She was like sitting on the aisle and I heard

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Speaker 6: the laugh and I was like, what, Chelsea's here tonight,

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Speaker 6: And then like I looked down in the audience and

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Speaker 6: they see Chelsea, and I was like I kept having

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Speaker 6: you not look at her because I want don't want

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Speaker 6: to be like, what does Chelsea you think of that

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Speaker 6: shoke is enjoying the story like I did the show

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Speaker 6: like this, Like I was looking over well you.

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Speaker 3: I mean, you had legends every single night coming to

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Speaker 3: your show. You had everybody like Steve Martin and shit right,

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Speaker 3: like you had crazy people that you were taking pictures

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Speaker 3: with that you or I would see you posting every day.

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Speaker 3: So that must have just felt incredible to have so

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Speaker 3: much support from the community that you are in.

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Speaker 6: It was just nuts. And also I felt like a

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Speaker 6: real imposter syndrome. Although also it's nice to do a

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Speaker 6: thing that people are enjoying. Like I have done a

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Speaker 6: couple of solid shows, not all of them have resonated

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Speaker 6: like this one, and so and like you've experienced this.

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Speaker 6: We've talked about like you are so prolific in terms

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Speaker 6: of like writing new material and doing new tours, and

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Speaker 6: it's so hard to like put away a thing that

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Speaker 6: is really successful because you've you've worked so hard and

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Speaker 6: so long, and I know you worked things out on

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Speaker 6: the road times, so you'll like get to a place

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Speaker 6: where it's like finished and cruising in a way that

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Speaker 6: it wasn't at like the beginning of a tour, and

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Speaker 6: then you're like time to film it and put it out.

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Speaker 6: Like it's a totally it's a real like exhausting mind

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Speaker 6: fuck experience.

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Speaker 3: Because you were working on this show for about six years, right, Yeah.

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Speaker 6: I mean I worked on it for a year and

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Speaker 6: then I sort of put away for like a year

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Speaker 6: to work on a television show. And then I was like,

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Speaker 6: all right, I'm going to recommit myself to my show

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Speaker 6: in this year of twenty twenty. And then like after

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Speaker 6: two months of like a four month tour, the whole

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Speaker 6: thing shut down and we didn't come back until twenty

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Speaker 6: twenty two. But like I've been working on it in

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Speaker 6: massaging this thing for you know, like robber Craft, I've

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Speaker 6: been massaging this thing for you know.

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Speaker 1: And now it's a special on HBO or on Max.

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Speaker 1: I should say, yeah, it's.

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Speaker 6: On It's on Max and air on HBO. Like it

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Speaker 6: really like it's the coolest thing that's ever happened to me.

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Speaker 3: So I know, Okay, So tell for our listeners who

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Speaker 3: are not familiar or haven't seen The Special yet, let's

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Speaker 3: talk about it. Why don't you tell us about it?

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Speaker 3: It's very fucking funny.

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Speaker 6: Well, it's obviously it's kind of special. It's full of jokes,

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Speaker 6: but there's a story at the center of it. I

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Speaker 6: went to this meeting of white nationalists and queens and

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Speaker 6: eventually one of them was like, sorry, but this guy's Jew,

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Speaker 6: and I'm like, yamma Jew, and so like that's what

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Speaker 6: the show is about. It is like this meeting, and

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Speaker 6: there are obviously tangents and stuff like that, and there's

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Speaker 6: like a cute one of the white nationalists and so

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Speaker 6: there's like a little daydream about that. But yeah, it's

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Speaker 6: mostly it's mostly about this meeting. And there are lots

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Speaker 6: of other stuff.

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Speaker 1: A lot of the twists and turns, but basically the

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Speaker 1: crux of the evening is you're meeting with a white

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Speaker 1: supremacy group, white nationalist group and them discovering that you're Jewish,

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Speaker 1: and then your reaction to that, which was what fear.

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Speaker 6: I mean, not really, it was mostly a conversation. You know,

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Speaker 6: it was mostly like, hey, maybe there's stuff we can

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Speaker 6: talk about, and it turned out there wasn't. But like,

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Speaker 6: it's just just an argument. Guys, listen, you just come

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Speaker 6: over for Shovis. We'll figure it all out, you know.

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Speaker 6: But like, but it really there's actually a critic once

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Speaker 6: pointed out correctly that not much happens is that, like

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Speaker 6: I go to this meeting and I eat a muffin

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Speaker 6: and then they find out that I'm Jewish and I leave.

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Speaker 6: But in between it's a useful like inflection point for

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Speaker 6: like conversations and like some tensions and some characters and

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Speaker 6: stuff like.

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Speaker 4: That, a lot of tension. I always like terrified the entire

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Speaker 4: time watching it.

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Speaker 3: Well, that's why it's so enthralling, and why so many

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Speaker 3: people are you know, so interested in seeing it and

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Speaker 3: talking about it and you're getting awards for it, is

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Speaker 3: because it is touching on a subject matter that people

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Speaker 3: are loath to tackle a and you know, it makes

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Speaker 3: people nervous. So many people are so conflict avoidant that

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Speaker 3: they don't even want to hear about anything like that,

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Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Luckily, there's a whole other

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Speaker 3: group of people that feel the opposite, but.

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Speaker 6: You've done that a lot. Like That's one of the

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Speaker 6: reasons that I think you're your uh beloved. Seems too simple,

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Speaker 6: but like you are because you tackle difficult stuff and

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Speaker 6: you're pro and not only you prolific, you like I've

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Speaker 6: always I preferred comedy that was like a little bit

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Speaker 6: of a high wire act. I've always preferred comedy that

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Speaker 6: took a little bit of like, we just have so

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Speaker 6: much comedy, and there's so many funny people, and there

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Speaker 6: are truly many brilliantly funny comedians. But now I think

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Speaker 6: we want a little like you want great comedy, but

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Speaker 6: you also want a little bit of like insight, or

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Speaker 6: you want a little bit of daring, or you want

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Speaker 6: like someone to talk face to face with someone about

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Speaker 6: race or about drugs, and you've done this in your

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Speaker 6: specials and your books and your series is and so like,

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Speaker 6: I think that's a really it's like a weird imperative

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Speaker 6: now for comedians who aren't just uploading short clips to

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Speaker 6: Instagram or TikTok, which is like a perfectly acceptable, fine

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Speaker 6: important way to like build your following. But I've always

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Speaker 6: been team long form, and I think when you're like

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Speaker 6: team long form. You have to give people like a little.

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Speaker 3: Like you know, yeah, well, because you want an arc, right,

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Speaker 3: You want to beginning, a middle, and an end of

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Speaker 3: a story, because that's what you are. You're telling a story.

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Speaker 3: And some comics are just telling jokes. But a lot

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Speaker 3: of comedians all are telling stories that that hour is

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Speaker 3: one long story. So tell me about how you're dealing

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Speaker 3: with all of your success and everything. Because I run

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Speaker 3: into Alex all the time. We run into each other,

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Speaker 3: so at social engagements all the time. He's the first

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Speaker 3: person I see every time I go anywhere. I said

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Speaker 3: to him the other day at that Kevin Hart brunch

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Speaker 3: that Kevin showed up two and a half hours late,

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Speaker 3: to tell me how you're handling everything, because we've had

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Speaker 3: a couple of conversations and I'm curious. I know that

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Speaker 3: you're special.

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Speaker 6: I mean, my family always did say that that was

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Speaker 6: a concern of theirs, that I was special. But look

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Speaker 6: I in terms of success it all. First of all,

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Speaker 6: there's a huge amount of imposter syndrome, like I said.

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Speaker 3: And second of all, still are you still feeling that

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Speaker 3: imposter syndrome.

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Speaker 6: A little bit? And also like a little bit less

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Speaker 6: just because I'm doing new stand up for the first time,

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Speaker 6: and like I had a show at Netflix as a joke,

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Speaker 6: which was like an hour and a half of material

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Speaker 6: that wasn't just for us. So that was really like comforting.

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Speaker 1: To have great good for you.

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Speaker 6: I know what that'll be. I don't know if it'll

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Speaker 6: be like another show. I'm pretty tight from doing this

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Speaker 6: one for years and years and years, but yeah, that

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Speaker 6: could be a good thing. And it's amazing to meet

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Speaker 6: like really interesting people, Like I went to this I

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Speaker 6: got to be one of the Time one hundred this year,

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Speaker 6: and I had like a really fulsome conversation with this

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Speaker 6: Skuy Motoza Zisa, who's like a Palestin Indian photojournalist. I mean,

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Speaker 6: had like a really visceral, intense personal conversation about like

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Speaker 6: this thing that obviously he and I have probably very

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Speaker 6: different opinions on. You know, some things we agree on,

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Speaker 6: some things we don't. And so like it's really cool

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Speaker 6: to be in new spaces meeting like new people, and

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Speaker 6: like it's amazing to be like a Time one hundred person,

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Speaker 6: or it's amazing to like get a Tony Award, and

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Speaker 6: so like, yeah, I really enjoy like getting to go

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Speaker 6: to some stuff. But I've also like learned to say

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Speaker 6: no a little bit. The last couple of months. I

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Speaker 6: used to say yes to everything because there wasn't very much.

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Speaker 6: It's very manageable to say yes to everything, but now

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Speaker 6: sometimes like it's just not feasible to go. And also

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Speaker 6: not to be too like granular here, there's something very

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Speaker 6: concerning about your iteration techniques taken away. I used to

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Speaker 6: just like nurture things at like open mics or small

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Speaker 6: work in progress shows, and now you know, when I

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Speaker 6: try to put work in progress shows on sale, it's

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Speaker 6: nice that they sell in tiny rooms, like very small rooms,

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Speaker 6: but the expectation has changed, and the idea that I'll

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Speaker 6: be able to sort of like labor away at something

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Speaker 6: tricky for a long time until I get it right,

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Speaker 6: that's changed a little bit. So like that's the element

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Speaker 6: of like success that concerns me. And also sometimes people

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Speaker 6: will feel comfortable saying a lot of stuff to me

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Speaker 6: that I was like that I'm like, oh gosh, I

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Speaker 6: would never say that to another person, or I can't

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Speaker 6: believe you're saying that to me, And like what my

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Speaker 6: director passed away right before we started on on Broadway,

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Speaker 6: and he was my best friend. We were really close,

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Speaker 6: and you know, sometimes people come to me in the

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Speaker 6: street and want to talk about him, and I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 6: you know, I want to write something about him at

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Speaker 6: some point because he was because they think about him

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Speaker 6: every day, and he's still like, you know, a big

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Speaker 6: part of my mental capacity. But someone came out to

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Speaker 6: me after a show. I was like, is it true

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Speaker 6: that your show would have been a little better if

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Speaker 6: your director was still alive? And I was like, my god,

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Speaker 6: it's like funny. I was like, I can't believe you'd

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Speaker 6: say that to me, and he was like, and by

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Speaker 6: the way, yes, a thousand percent would be better if

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Speaker 6: Adam was here, but there's nothing I can do about that.

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Speaker 6: And also like, yeah, I'm I just people ask me

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Speaker 6: a lot for my takes in Israel and Palestine, speaking

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Speaker 6: of Motaz, and like when I had that conversation with Motaz,

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Speaker 6: someone took a picture of it and I wound up

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Speaker 6: in the newspaper, and I'm like, that's fine, but I

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Speaker 6: still need to be able to have those conversations. I

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Speaker 6: still need to be able to talk about tricky things

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Speaker 6: with like an aspect of grace that you would afford

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Speaker 6: a person as opposed to an entity, So like that

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Speaker 6: is really tricky and really scary. And also I'm stretched

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Speaker 6: pretty thin, so it means it's hard for me to

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Speaker 6: like give correctly of myself to like friends and family

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Speaker 6: in a way that I used to be able to.

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Speaker 6: Like now it feels like a lot of times good

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Speaker 6: once in a life stuff is happening. So even though

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Speaker 6: I've learned to say no, you know, I just can't

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Speaker 6: show up for people in the way that I used to.

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Speaker 6: And I think that that will affect my friendships and

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Speaker 6: affect my ability to like date, and affect my ability

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Speaker 6: to like be a you know, like a person who

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Speaker 6: is like regular as a like a constant struggle between

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Speaker 6: these like exciting new things that I get to do

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Speaker 6: and the person that I still like very much want

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Speaker 6: to say sorry. I hope that answer is like I'm

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Speaker 6: being extremely transparent about like my biggest insecurity about this,

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Speaker 6: but like, but for the most part, my life is

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Speaker 6: very similar to the way it was before, with the

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Speaker 6: exception of like now I get to go to like

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Speaker 6: the Tonys or like I got to go to the

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Speaker 6: met Gala, So like that's a very very salubrious event

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Speaker 6: to get to go to. It's very but like at

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Speaker 6: the end, I still like page an uber home and

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Speaker 6: like wait a few minutes for surch pricing to go

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Speaker 6: down until I get the uber. You know, It's not

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Speaker 6: like I'm rich now or anything like that.

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Speaker 3: I think what you're saying about your family and your

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Speaker 3: friends and everything, I think that always finds its balance,

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Speaker 3: you know, because you're like at the beginning, not at

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Speaker 3: the very beginning, but you're at the beginning of a

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Speaker 3: long career. And when you are in this phase of

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Speaker 3: excitement and offers and opportunities, it is very hard to

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Speaker 3: say no. And family and friends always understand that as

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Speaker 3: long as that doesn't become your defining thing, like that's

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Speaker 3: all you care about. I've had that struggle before too, like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I've got this opportunity, but I'm supposed to go here

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Speaker 3: with my family. And I always err on the side

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Speaker 3: of family because that really is the most important thing.

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Speaker 1: And I have.

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Speaker 3: Flown, you know, made plans where I've had to fly

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Speaker 3: around the world in twenty four hours to accommodate everybody,

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Speaker 3: you know, But I always do find that it is

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Speaker 3: worth it because your bandwidth is the most important thing.

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Speaker 3: But as long as you are constantly filling your cup up,

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Speaker 3: you are more readily available to give to the people

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Speaker 3: in your life that deserve your attention and your space

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Speaker 3: and your time.

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Speaker 1: You don't ever want to give that away, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean.

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Speaker 3: Like people are understanding in the beginning, but those are

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Speaker 3: the people that are going to be there for you

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Speaker 3: when times are good or when you're struggling with something

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Speaker 3: or something's disappointed. So it is a tricky balance, but

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Speaker 3: it's totally doable.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, It's just like when there's like when the special

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00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:09,399
Speaker 6: came out, there's a really intense like period of like

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Speaker 6: pr and so it's still like intense and also very nice.

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Speaker 6: You get to like do things like like this. You

400
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Speaker 6: get to talk about your like project at the same time,

401
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,080
Speaker 6: Like I let a couple like friends down. My friend

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Speaker 6: made a trip from Boston to like see me at

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Speaker 6: the sort of like screening of the special that HBO had,

404
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Speaker 6: and I couldn't like really spend any time with her

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Speaker 6: because I had just like done the Tonight Show that day,

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Speaker 6: which was amazing, and like I had been on like

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Speaker 6: morning television, and then I got to the thing and

408
00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,639
Speaker 6: I was pulled like hither, thither and yon and so

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Speaker 6: like I really didn't have a chance to like talk

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Speaker 6: to my friend. And then my friend called me the

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Speaker 6: next day and very like appropriately was like I felt disrespected,

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Speaker 6: and I was like I understand because like I think

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Speaker 6: I saw her and I don't know they've even said

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Speaker 6: thank you or like if I was like appropriately like

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Speaker 6: great full for like this huge amount of effort, and

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Speaker 6: like she came like four hours on training then stayed

417
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Speaker 6: in a hotel, went back on the train the next

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Speaker 6: day like it's the day of her life and I

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Speaker 6: don't even know. So, like, you know, it's a thing

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Speaker 6: where it just requires a lot more intention than I

421
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Speaker 6: used to that I'm used to like expanding, and so

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Speaker 6: I'm gonna have to like be more thoughtful and intentional

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Speaker 6: in a way where I used to just be like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 6: I'll go to that thing because the only thing I'm

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Speaker 6: invited to this week. When you have like a project,

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00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,119
Speaker 6: every day feels like your birthday a little bit. People

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Speaker 6: were like, oh, look at this thing you made, and

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Speaker 6: you're like, yeah, look at this thing I made. And

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Speaker 6: then but like after like two weeks of.

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Speaker 3: That, yeah, because you don't want to take yourself that seriously.

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Speaker 3: And on that note, we're going to take a break and.

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Speaker 1: We'll be right back.

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Speaker 3: And we're back with Alex Edelman, who's special is on

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Speaker 3: Max called Just for Us.

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Speaker 1: So if you haven't seen it, go see it.

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Speaker 3: It is very eye opening and hilarious and you see

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Speaker 3: how talented this person is.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Alex on this podcast.

439
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,639
Speaker 3: I know, I know you're Jewish, so you've been to

440
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:10,000
Speaker 3: a lot of therapy, all Jews have, and we are

441
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,720
Speaker 3: going to use that therapy and spit it back out.

442
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,680
Speaker 4: I'm so excited to hear this, and I know kind

443
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:17,959
Speaker 4: of your thing is you love to use comedy to

444
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,719
Speaker 4: sort of tackle tough issues. So we're going to put

445
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:22,120
Speaker 4: that a little bit to the test today, starting with

446
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:27,080
Speaker 4: our first question. So Courtney says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a

447
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,879
Speaker 4: big fan of the podcast. I lost my husband two

448
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,200
Speaker 4: years ago to suicide. I was twenty nine at the

449
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:36,199
Speaker 4: time and he was thirty three. I found comedy and

450
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,600
Speaker 4: dark humor to be a very helpful tool, as well

451
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,280
Speaker 4: as therapy and support groups. I was pregnant with my

452
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,359
Speaker 4: second baby when he passed away. I now have a

453
00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:46,200
Speaker 4: four year old and an eighteen month old. I've done

454
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:48,480
Speaker 4: lots of work on myself and have started a fundraiser

455
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,280
Speaker 4: in memory of my late husband. I've started dating again

456
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:53,720
Speaker 4: and feel very out of my depth. I don't want

457
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:56,560
Speaker 4: to waste my time, and I tend to overshare. I

458
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,879
Speaker 4: don't want someone who can't handle my situation, but I

459
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,679
Speaker 4: know I need to balance the information I'm sharing. I

460
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:03,560
Speaker 4: also need to have someone who can understand that my

461
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,919
Speaker 4: late husband will always be a big part of my life.

462
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:09,560
Speaker 4: Any tips for dating after trauma? Courtney Alex, What do

463
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:10,960
Speaker 4: you think off the top of your head on that.

464
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:13,560
Speaker 6: I think that it's a really this is like a

465
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,880
Speaker 6: really tough struggle that comes down to a thing that's

466
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,359
Speaker 6: actually very universal, which is I am a certain way

467
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:23,199
Speaker 6: I feel certain things at a cellular level. Some of

468
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,560
Speaker 6: those things may be more socially valid than others, right Like,

469
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:30,560
Speaker 6: someone's political opinions might be as you know, ingrained in

470
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,920
Speaker 6: them as a trauma, right Like, And so you make

471
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,679
Speaker 6: allowances for a trauma where you wouldn't make them for

472
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,680
Speaker 6: you know, various political opinions, do you know what I mean?

473
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,240
Speaker 6: Like Like, people have a thing about themselves that is

474
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,320
Speaker 6: who they are, And the big question is can other

475
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:45,879
Speaker 6: people handle those things, and how much of myself do

476
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:47,960
Speaker 6: I have to hide or how much of myself my

477
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,840
Speaker 6: comfortable sublimating in order for someone to see me? How

478
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,639
Speaker 6: much do I gradually like reveal of myself? And I

479
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:58,040
Speaker 6: think the answer is it's a personal comfort thing, right, Like,

480
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:01,080
Speaker 6: if you feel like it's really important for you for

481
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:05,159
Speaker 6: someone to like be able to understand how you relate

482
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:08,040
Speaker 6: to your late husband right off the bat, even if

483
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,240
Speaker 6: it makes them uncomfortable, you will like find that person

484
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,760
Speaker 6: like that person will that person exists. But also like,

485
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,439
Speaker 6: I think this person should be progressing it with the

486
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,359
Speaker 6: comfort level that they feel, but they should be fully

487
00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:20,800
Speaker 6: aware that like that is a thing that may be

488
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:24,360
Speaker 6: difficult for some folks who are as secure or evolved

489
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:28,000
Speaker 6: or sensitive in the right way to handle.

490
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:28,639
Speaker 1: I agree.

491
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 3: I think you have to like gauge all of us

492
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:34,199
Speaker 3: individually when we're dealing with trauma or whatever. Have to

493
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,480
Speaker 3: gauge when we are ready to get back on the scene.

494
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,359
Speaker 3: And it sounds like you think you are ready to

495
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,040
Speaker 3: get back on the scene. And a good test of

496
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,840
Speaker 3: that is this is such an important issue to you

497
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:45,600
Speaker 3: that it has to be kind of at the forefront

498
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:49,000
Speaker 3: of any dating scenario. It sounds like it doesn't sound

499
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,359
Speaker 3: like something you can hold back and like tell somebody

500
00:21:51,359 --> 00:21:54,359
Speaker 3: about three months into a relationship, because that's not fair.

501
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 1: You really are dealing with trauma.

502
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,879
Speaker 3: And circling back to what Alex said about trauma is like,

503
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,240
Speaker 3: there are more allowances made for people who have been

504
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,399
Speaker 3: traumatized and have been through something difficult, and this is

505
00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:08,680
Speaker 3: as difficult as it gets. Your husband committing suicide, well,

506
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 3: you have two young children, pregnant with one and have another.

507
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,400
Speaker 1: It's all crazy. No one is prepared for that.

508
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:19,399
Speaker 3: So Mazeltov, that's Jewish for congratulations on getting it, getting

509
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:22,320
Speaker 3: this far, and for being a parent to those two

510
00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:25,320
Speaker 3: children by yourself, because nobody signed up for that, and

511
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 3: I know you didn't, and you're doing it, and I'm

512
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,919
Speaker 3: sure you're doing a hell of a job. So as

513
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:34,080
Speaker 3: far as the dating goes, I would say, really, it's

514
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,119
Speaker 3: a great way to read people out, you know what

515
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:39,040
Speaker 3: I mean. Somebody who doesn't get them out of there

516
00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:39,919
Speaker 3: right away?

517
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, somebody who does.

518
00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:43,920
Speaker 3: You keep them around and you grow into a friendship,

519
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:47,280
Speaker 3: hopefully like a love ship or whatever ship you're looking for.

520
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:51,399
Speaker 3: But I would be frontloading this information with potential dates,

521
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,439
Speaker 3: not on the apps or whatever, but like once you

522
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,360
Speaker 3: meet them and get to know them, like on the

523
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:59,120
Speaker 3: second or third date, explain you know, if you really

524
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 3: think that there's a there and there's some chemistry, you'd

525
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:06,520
Speaker 3: be surprised by other people's capabilities to deal with situations

526
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,439
Speaker 3: like this. Just like you're surprised in the in the

527
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:12,680
Speaker 3: disappointing sense, you can also be surprised in the other way.

528
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,359
Speaker 3: People will surprise you with how capable they are at

529
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,800
Speaker 3: dealing with something like this, or someone else who might

530
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 3: have had some sort of similar experience could be out

531
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:25,199
Speaker 3: there and that would and that would be amazing for you,

532
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:28,560
Speaker 3: or someone you know who lost their wife and wanted children.

533
00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:31,199
Speaker 3: You know, there's just so many different variations of what

534
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 3: could possibly be your future. So I would just try

535
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:37,000
Speaker 3: to step toward that and really get out there and

536
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:39,360
Speaker 3: start dating as your schedule permits.

537
00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:40,880
Speaker 1: You know, you don't have to go on five dates a.

538
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,560
Speaker 3: Week, but because it's also good practice for you to

539
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:47,480
Speaker 3: understand your comfort level with discussing this issue, and the

540
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,640
Speaker 3: more you talk about it, the easier it will become

541
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 3: and the farther away.

542
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,680
Speaker 1: The sharpness of the trauma.

543
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:55,879
Speaker 2: So yeah, I agree.

544
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:58,439
Speaker 4: My one thought is, and I haven't used the apps,

545
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,679
Speaker 4: but well, you're married, Yes, I've I'm married for a

546
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:02,919
Speaker 4: long time, so I'm not.

547
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,679
Speaker 1: Ashley Madison still available? Is that still an app? Or

548
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 1: did they go to jail?

549
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,520
Speaker 3: I think yeah, but I think they still exists. I

550
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 3: interviewed them once for one of my Netflix specials.

551
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:12,200
Speaker 5: Yeah.

552
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,040
Speaker 3: I went up to Toronto where they're based out of,

553
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:16,200
Speaker 3: and they're a couple of fucking I was like, looking

554
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,560
Speaker 3: at this woman, I'm like, really, this was your husband's idea,

555
00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:20,159
Speaker 3: stupid ass.

556
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:24,200
Speaker 6: She's like, were monogamous though, and he's like, uh yeah,

557
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 6: I think.

558
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,640
Speaker 3: I think he got caught a couple of weeks later

559
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,640
Speaker 3: after our interview for having multiple affairs.

560
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 4: Anyway, so we think she should not preempt the conversation

561
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:36,160
Speaker 4: on the apps, right, Like, so, I'm a widow, I've

562
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:36,919
Speaker 4: got two kids.

563
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,639
Speaker 1: I don't think widow is a good word to be

564
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 1: using that. I just don't think. I old, no, it does.

565
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 3: It's not inviting widow is you can say I'm a

566
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,360
Speaker 3: single mom with two kids, and then when you meet

567
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:51,360
Speaker 3: in person you talk about the real stuff.

568
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 6: You can you can just say, you can just say

569
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,960
Speaker 6: two kids. I would even be more concise, because they're

570
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:57,480
Speaker 6: going to be like, well, that makes sense unless they're

571
00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 6: unless it's Ashley Madison that you're on, people are going

572
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:01,400
Speaker 6: to assume that you means you have two kids. But yeah,

573
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:04,280
Speaker 6: the word widow, through no fault of widows themselves, has

574
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:09,440
Speaker 6: become uninviting it based on its association with various unbeloved

575
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 6: superhero movies and the most poisonous spider known to man.

576
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:16,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, or single mother of two looking to get after it, that's.

577
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:21,199
Speaker 6: Fun, But Chelsea's right, like, congrats to you for like

578
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:23,880
Speaker 6: getting back out there after a thing that requires so much,

579
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:28,119
Speaker 6: like unseen courage to actually like being the parent of

580
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 6: two small children, that alone is enough. And to be

581
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,240
Speaker 6: with and to be a widow, that alone is enough.

582
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:36,000
Speaker 6: To be in a widow in that fashion having to

583
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 6: deal with so much that that is truly a feat

584
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 6: so mis altoven.

585
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:44,679
Speaker 3: I have a question for you. Do people ever compare

586
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 3: you to Woody Allen? But only for artistic aspect?

587
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:50,720
Speaker 6: Yeah, but only no getting well, only because I love

588
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:54,440
Speaker 6: the clarinets so much and I know it's trying. Yes,

589
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,680
Speaker 6: I get I get compared sometimes artistically.

590
00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:02,240
Speaker 1: To let's hope ends there let's keep it that way.

591
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,320
Speaker 6: But yeah, no, I do. I love some of his

592
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,480
Speaker 6: movies and also the anecdot. And I also love your anecdote.

593
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:10,560
Speaker 6: Well you can cut it out of you don't, but

594
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:14,119
Speaker 6: it's my favorite thing. You've done it.

595
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:16,479
Speaker 1: You've mentioned, you said this, I mention it, I've mentioned it.

596
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 1: People will hear will have heard it.

597
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:19,359
Speaker 6: I love it so much.

598
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,439
Speaker 3: But yeah, thanks, I'm going to throw that into my

599
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:22,120
Speaker 3: next special.

600
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 1: Okay, what's the next, Catherine?

601
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:24,159
Speaker 6: What do we got?

602
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,399
Speaker 2: All right? We have a caller. Things get lighter from here.

603
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:27,119
Speaker 6: On my caller.

604
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,639
Speaker 1: He can be heavy, he's he can be happy or

605
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:31,920
Speaker 1: you're doing great.

606
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:32,840
Speaker 6: I'm not happy with it.

607
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:37,840
Speaker 3: On nothing, he's very bright. Yeah, and emotionally adept.

608
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:42,280
Speaker 4: That's very clear. Well, let's see. Let's talk to Jessica next.

609
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 4: Jessica is calling in from Mexico City. She says, I'm

610
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 4: a forty year old woman who's lived outside of the

611
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,720
Speaker 4: United States for six years. I've been single for seven

612
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:56,119
Speaker 4: years after a bad breakup, and have been chronically dating

613
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 4: men under thirty for far too long. Each year, I

614
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,640
Speaker 4: make a resolution to not date anyone younger than thirty five.

615
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 4: But here are the problems. One I'm young at heart,

616
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:08,640
Speaker 4: and older guys my own age seem like they want

617
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:12,400
Speaker 4: to be my dad. Yes, possibly abandonment and daddy issues there.

618
00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 4: I still go to music festivals, concerts and quote younger

619
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:18,320
Speaker 4: crowd places, and I want someone who can keep up.

620
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:22,520
Speaker 4: Two guys my age who are single are either absolute trash,

621
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 4: not actually single, or want kids. I'd rather collect passport

622
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 4: stamps and burn through my disposable income. So I end

623
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 4: up going out a few times with these young guys,

624
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:33,680
Speaker 4: and of course they are always two immature in one

625
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 4: way or another except the bedroom, and that's where they excel.

626
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:37,240
Speaker 2: And it ends.

627
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:39,560
Speaker 4: I really want to get married eventually, but I'm stuck

628
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 4: in this vicious cycle and I can't seem to get out.

629
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:43,960
Speaker 4: My questions are, should I give up the gen Z

630
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 4: dating life even though I'm very popular for those more

631
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 4: aligned to my maturity?

632
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:54,280
Speaker 3: Jessica, Hi, Jessica, Hi Jessica. Hi guys, this is Alex Edelman,

633
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,679
Speaker 3: our special guest. Today we need a male's perspective. How

634
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:02,920
Speaker 3: old are you again? How old? I'm forty two, forty two,

635
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 3: and you like guys that are under thirty five?

636
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 1: Is that the right bracket? Or under thirty.

637
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 5: Thirty five but over thirty. But right now it's like

638
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 5: late twenties, early thirties. But my goal is thirty.

639
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:13,880
Speaker 6: Five and over.

640
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:15,920
Speaker 5: But it hasn't happened that frequently.

641
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:20,720
Speaker 6: But I'm curious what you're You say that you're looking

642
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 6: for you're looking for marriage, but you're not looking for children. Yeah,

643
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:29,240
Speaker 6: so you're looking for your person and you also like

644
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 6: guys who who know who like dou alpa.

645
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:39,440
Speaker 5: Is Listen, Like I travel a lot, and I go

646
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 5: to music vessels to show all the time, like I said.

647
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 5: And so when you know, I try to go to

648
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:49,120
Speaker 5: like maybe restaurant bars that have older people in it,

649
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 5: and they're either married or I don't know. It feels

650
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 5: like there's no one left my age anyways, Like I've

651
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 5: been trying to wait for these divorces.

652
00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:00,520
Speaker 1: That's not true. I'm so sick of people's There are

653
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 1: no men around. There are men everywhere.

654
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 6: They're falling out of trees, Jessica, they are.

655
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,720
Speaker 1: You have to change your dating your number on your app?

656
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 6: What apps are you doing?

657
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 5: You're right, My friends made me do this last year,

658
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,080
Speaker 5: two years ago. So my dating range is thirty five

659
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 5: to forty five on my on my dating apps, but

660
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 5: you know, the ones that I meet out which are

661
00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 5: end up being more successful for me just happened to

662
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 5: be younger. And some of the younger guys are like,

663
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:34,080
Speaker 5: they kind of are nicer, and I like how you know,

664
00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:38,600
Speaker 5: there's more consent talk, there's more like talking about your feelings, like,

665
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 5: there's more respect in some ways, whereas like men who

666
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 5: are older like think that they know more than me,

667
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:45,000
Speaker 5: and it's not true.

668
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,960
Speaker 1: Okay, but you're generalizing everybody.

669
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 3: You realize you're generalizing younger guys that they're the only

670
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 3: ones that are good and bad and that are communicative

671
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 3: and emotionally sound or have an emotional like And then

672
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 3: you're saying that all guys older than you are idiots

673
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 3: or chauvinistic or whatever. Neither of those things are true.

674
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 3: You're right, you don't want children.

675
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:05,040
Speaker 1: Is that right?

676
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 6: Correct?

677
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 1: Okay, So there's no rush for anything right now. A

678
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:10,960
Speaker 1: you should be having a.

679
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 3: Good time any way that suits you. You don't have

680
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:16,840
Speaker 3: to like find your partner at forty two years old.

681
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 3: I'm forty nine years old and I still haven't found

682
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 3: my partner, and I'm not fucking stressed about it.

683
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 1: I've got lots of options.

684
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 3: I'm just trying to figure out if what is worth

685
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,240
Speaker 3: my time, you know what I mean. You don't have

686
00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 3: to look at everything like there's a time frame, because

687
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:32,760
Speaker 3: that's not being present at all, and present was where

688
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 3: all the joyfulness comes from, being absolutely present minded enjoying

689
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 3: the sex with these younger guys. Let's try not to

690
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:41,080
Speaker 3: go below thirty. I mean, that's just not necessary.

691
00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 5: That's true.

692
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 3: We can't get mad at men for behaving that way

693
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:45,760
Speaker 3: when we're also going to behave that way.

694
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:49,480
Speaker 1: Or the opposite argument is it's our turn. But I

695
00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 1: think just for.

696
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 3: What you're looking for, you do want a companion more

697
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:55,800
Speaker 3: like you are looking for a steady guy.

698
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 1: I think, just keep going doing what.

699
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 3: You're doing, like you don't have to judge your but

700
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 3: just like you know, set it up so that you're

701
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:06,200
Speaker 3: gonna have success between the ages of what is it,

702
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 3: thirty five and forty five?

703
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,719
Speaker 1: Is what you decided. I think that's perfect, Alex.

704
00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 6: I mean, look, I've dated older people. I was in

705
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:14,840
Speaker 6: a relationship with someone who's seven years older than me,

706
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:16,800
Speaker 6: and then I was relationship with someone who's sixties younger

707
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 6: than me, and like the people I've dated since then

708
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 6: have been pretty much two or three years older than me,

709
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:26,520
Speaker 6: so like everything, So like I understand in terms of

710
00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 6: like maturity and also if you're going to generalize, I

711
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:33,120
Speaker 6: have found that maturity can be like tied to different things,

712
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,719
Speaker 6: especially in like urban environments. Right, you meet people who

713
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 6: are in an urban environment, they have like a preternatural

714
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:42,800
Speaker 6: hardness to them. Like every Los Angeles person feels like

715
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 6: twenty five years older because they're all like smoking cigarettes

716
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 6: and like jaded with the business already. So like, by

717
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 6: the same time, like maturity is so multi varied. Someone

718
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 6: can be mature in an economic way but not mature

719
00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:58,920
Speaker 6: in an emotional way, or mature in an emotional way

720
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,959
Speaker 6: but not mature and in a communication way. And like

721
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 6: we're mature in a communication way and not mature sexually,

722
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,560
Speaker 6: and so like you have to figure out which maturities

723
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:11,560
Speaker 6: are like most important to you, because if you're not

724
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 6: stressed about children, then what is the stress about dating

725
00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:21,000
Speaker 6: someone who is, you know, thirty three instead of thirty five?

726
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 6: Is this like an imposed thing? Is I say? Or

727
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:26,400
Speaker 6: are you looking for someone to keep pace with you?

728
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's two things. I've been single for seven years,

729
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,440
Speaker 5: so like not any dating for more than like three

730
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:35,720
Speaker 5: months for seven years, so like, no, I love you,

731
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:38,520
Speaker 5: you know, no like huddles at home, I travel all

732
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 5: the time, but I want to be with that person.

733
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 5: And absolutely I work really hard on being in the

734
00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,000
Speaker 5: president and I have a lot of fun for sure,

735
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,160
Speaker 5: And it is something that's always in the back of

736
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:50,520
Speaker 5: my head that I know I have to stop worrying

737
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:52,720
Speaker 5: about it. I've been telling myself that for years. My

738
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:56,600
Speaker 5: therapist tells me that too. But at the seven years,

739
00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 5: especially after seeing all of your friends partner up, and

740
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:03,280
Speaker 5: I'm like, I'm with the seventeenth wheel to my own birthday,

741
00:33:03,440 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 5: you know, and You're just like, all right, I'm freaking

742
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:08,040
Speaker 5: tired of this. My thing is like, yes, I am

743
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 5: looking for someone to have to share my life with,

744
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,920
Speaker 5: but I'm in this like hamster wheel of like meeting

745
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:17,200
Speaker 5: a young guy and they don't want the same thing

746
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 5: as me, and then yes they are out there, but

747
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,120
Speaker 5: I haven't met the older guy that wants the same

748
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 5: thing as me either, Like they're they're either fucking off

749
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 5: from like their dictul divorce or nobody wanted them in

750
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 5: the first place. That's just been my opinion. And I

751
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:34,640
Speaker 5: haven't lived in the States for like six years, and

752
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:38,160
Speaker 5: so dating is even a little bit more complicated when

753
00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 5: if there's language barriers and cultural differences and I'm really tall.

754
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 1: Where are you living?

755
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:45,479
Speaker 5: I live in Mexico City now and I lived in

756
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 5: Indonesia before this.

757
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:47,400
Speaker 1: That's fun.

758
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 6: I mean it sounds to me, Jessica, like you have

759
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 6: a pretty parapatetic lifestyle, right, Like you travel a lot,

760
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 6: and it's like you're you're on the go in a

761
00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 6: macro sance and a micro one right like you. I

762
00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 6: assume your days are full of fun and a tip

763
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,239
Speaker 6: and stuff like that. They sure are, and you're not

764
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:05,960
Speaker 6: like tethered. But also what you're looking for as an anchor,

765
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:08,799
Speaker 6: and so I have this exact same problem because I'm

766
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:12,080
Speaker 6: a touring comedian, And so if you're looking for someone

767
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:13,759
Speaker 6: to be an anchor, you might also have to like

768
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 6: anchor yourself a little bit. You might have to like

769
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:18,799
Speaker 6: spend time in a way in an environment that's like

770
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 6: a little more interior focus. You might have to like

771
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 6: not be going to a bazillion events constantly, because it

772
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 6: feels like you have two desires and they may be

773
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 6: like slightly competing. And that's my two sentences.

774
00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:37,560
Speaker 3: Very sagacious advice, and a great vocabulary. I love all

775
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:39,840
Speaker 3: of the things you're saying, Alex. Do you hear what

776
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:42,239
Speaker 3: he's saying, Jessica, I could. I totally agree with that.

777
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 3: It seems like you're what your desires and your actions

778
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 3: are in conflict.

779
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:50,359
Speaker 5: Yeah. I mean, I've lived in the same apartment for

780
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 5: three years, so when I say I travel, it's like

781
00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:54,920
Speaker 5: weekends or like for the summer. I'm going to Europe

782
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:56,320
Speaker 5: tomorrow for like the summer.

783
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 6: But that's a big thing, that's Jessica. That's like a

784
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,120
Speaker 6: big It's like you're like, I, look, I live in

785
00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:03,000
Speaker 6: the same apartment, but I am gonna leave to go

786
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:04,560
Speaker 6: to halfway across the world.

787
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 5: I know, but I'm very popular in Europe, you guys,

788
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 5: And there's so much taller.

789
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 3: There's a lot of sex to be had in Europe,

790
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 3: so it's definitely have a great time over there.

791
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:16,880
Speaker 1: I feel the same way about Europe.

792
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 6: But what are you gonna do. You're gonna meet a

793
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:21,400
Speaker 6: guy in like France or Albania or Croatia or something,

794
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 6: and then like at.

795
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 5: The end of the year going to tomorrow Alex, Okay,

796
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:28,479
Speaker 5: I understand, but then you're gonna like meet a guy

797
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:30,759
Speaker 5: after that, that is the plan, and then I can

798
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:32,279
Speaker 5: move there because I'm remote.

799
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 6: So I'm like, so I'm like, I'm not trying to

800
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 6: like read you to filth here, Jessica. Out of the

801
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 6: many countries in Europe, I picked the two that I

802
00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:44,400
Speaker 6: thought were them. I was sort of like farm flung

803
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:48,920
Speaker 6: and impractical. I thought, like, I'll say Estonia, that'd be

804
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:52,479
Speaker 6: too much. But like, but so you're gonna meet these

805
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,319
Speaker 6: You're gonna meet these guys. But presumably you go and

806
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,839
Speaker 6: meet someone and you're only there for the summer and

807
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:01,359
Speaker 6: then like what you take them back to Mexico City,

808
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 6: you move to Croatia, Like these are not like this

809
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 6: is it is? It is hard to and by the way,

810
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:08,480
Speaker 6: which isn't just say you shouldn't do it, Like you're

811
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:10,200
Speaker 6: living your life. It seems like you really enjoy your

812
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,799
Speaker 6: life and this is like not a front burner of

813
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:17,719
Speaker 6: your brain problem all the way through, but like it is,

814
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:19,840
Speaker 6: it does make it difficult. And I'm only saying this

815
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,120
Speaker 6: because of way too much experience. It does really make

816
00:36:22,160 --> 00:36:24,920
Speaker 6: it difficult to maintain a relationship when like there is

817
00:36:24,960 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 6: a deadline and where you're leaving and so like if

818
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 6: you go for the summer, Let's say you're going for

819
00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 6: like three months or three and a half months, and

820
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 6: you meet a guy like two weeks in, that's still

821
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 6: like a lot of pressure to put on a three

822
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:37,160
Speaker 6: month relationship. Be like, hey, do you want to move

823
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:40,279
Speaker 6: to Mexico City with me? Mister Croatia, Like, and you're

824
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,360
Speaker 6: not even staying in cross You're going to Albania, So

825
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:47,920
Speaker 6: like that's two countries. It's anomaly. I somehow doubt that

826
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 6: if I'm being.

827
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,399
Speaker 5: Honestly, there are only the two months of the year,

828
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 5: Like I'm in Mexico City the rest of the year.

829
00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:53,799
Speaker 5: That's only two months of that year.

830
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:56,399
Speaker 1: Okay, listen, I'm going to reroute. You just lean into

831
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 1: your lifestyle.

832
00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 3: Yes, until you're home and grounded now place for a

833
00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:03,239
Speaker 3: long period of time. I mean, you can do a

834
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:05,319
Speaker 3: lot of inner work, and you can meditate, and you

835
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:07,640
Speaker 3: could write down what you're looking for. And I find

836
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:11,920
Speaker 3: all of that manifestation stuff is impactful. As long as

837
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:14,279
Speaker 3: you believe in it, it works, you know what I mean.

838
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:15,840
Speaker 3: That's all we all need to do is believe what

839
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:18,759
Speaker 3: we're doing. It sounds to me a couple of the

840
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:22,520
Speaker 3: things that you've said, is that you're comparing yourself to

841
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:25,080
Speaker 3: all of these other people around you instead of leaning

842
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:26,800
Speaker 3: in and enjoying your life.

843
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 1: Yes, your life is your own life. You're on a

844
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:29,840
Speaker 1: different path.

845
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:35,400
Speaker 3: None of your friends are going from Mexico City to Croatia, Albania, Montenegro, Estonia,

846
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,399
Speaker 3: you know for the summer, right, well besides the one's

847
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:38,880
Speaker 3: going with me.

848
00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:42,359
Speaker 5: But yeah, all.

849
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:45,719
Speaker 3: Right, I think you should just stop putting pressure on yourself.

850
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:47,160
Speaker 5: Yeah that's the thing.

851
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:51,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, stop that. Stop looking outside of your own life.

852
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,440
Speaker 3: That's what social media is for, and that's why it

853
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 3: is so damaging because people look and see, oh I

854
00:37:58,080 --> 00:37:59,880
Speaker 3: want to do that. I should be doing that, And

855
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:02,120
Speaker 3: that's what you're doing in your real life. It sounds

856
00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:04,440
Speaker 3: like and just because someone else has had a partner

857
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 3: and you haven't had one for seven years, you're on

858
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:06,879
Speaker 3: a different path.

859
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:08,200
Speaker 1: That's okay.

860
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 6: Do you know who?

861
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 3: You know?

862
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:13,040
Speaker 6: The IRA, the Irish Republican Army. They were like Irish

863
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:18,719
Speaker 6: terrorists and all that stuff. Someone asked, yeah, yeah, they

864
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:22,600
Speaker 6: were trying to kill Margaret Thatcher. And a reporter asked

865
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 6: someone to this goes somewhere, I promise, And a reporter

866
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 6: asked the head of the IRA how they felt, and

867
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,920
Speaker 6: they went, you know, pretty good actually about our chances

868
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:33,200
Speaker 6: And they said why and they said, well, she needs

869
00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:34,759
Speaker 6: to be perfect every time. We only need to be

870
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:40,280
Speaker 6: perfect ones. And so I think this about like dating

871
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:44,839
Speaker 6: in high stress environments in the sense that like you're

872
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 6: looking for a specific type of person and you only

873
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 6: need to be right once, and so like, I think

874
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:52,920
Speaker 6: that takes a little bit of pressure of you're the

875
00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 6: Irish Republican Army, like you don't you know, and the

876
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:58,080
Speaker 6: world and the dating pool is Margaret Thatcher, right, like

877
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:01,240
Speaker 6: they like, you need to just find you're one target.

878
00:39:01,239 --> 00:39:03,000
Speaker 1: Parallel, Yeah, you can't.

879
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:06,320
Speaker 6: Find your one target, and and that one target is

880
00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:09,000
Speaker 6: a person who also is mature in the ways that

881
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:12,439
Speaker 6: you value and kinetic and fun and young at heart

882
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:15,719
Speaker 6: and cool with going to Albania for the summer. You'll

883
00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:18,120
Speaker 6: fucking you'll figure it out. You'll find that person and

884
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:19,880
Speaker 6: in the meantime you'll have like a good amount of time.

885
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:22,360
Speaker 6: So I totally agree with Chelsea and that like should

886
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:23,480
Speaker 6: like not pathologize.

887
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 5: You're like, yeah, yeah, it's not, it's not even one

888
00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:30,000
Speaker 5: hundred percent of comparison. It's sometimes it's just like, it's

889
00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:32,480
Speaker 5: just what it is, what I want inside. But the

890
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:38,680
Speaker 5: incongruency is exactly the thing, because what I'm entertaining isn't

891
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:41,560
Speaker 5: exactly going to serve me in the long term. But

892
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,520
Speaker 5: also maybe it's not as werner as I thought it

893
00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 5: was because fun is like my number one value, and

894
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:51,080
Speaker 5: like freedom is my number one value and all this.

895
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 4: You know, so maybe you're gonna bet a thirty year

896
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:56,799
Speaker 4: old who's an old soul, you know, I think I

897
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:58,000
Speaker 4: think what Chelsea said.

898
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,759
Speaker 1: About old thirty five to forty, When are we going

899
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:03,960
Speaker 1: back to thirty? No, I gave you thirty, Okay, forget it.

900
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,080
Speaker 1: I take it back. I was wrong. I wasn't even

901
00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:08,080
Speaker 1: paying attention to what I was saying. No, I think

902
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:09,200
Speaker 1: I think that's right.

903
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 3: Also, there's a lot of self love that needs to

904
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 3: go into having a fun life.

905
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:16,040
Speaker 1: Like I take fun very seriously.

906
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:17,319
Speaker 5: I know, I know you do.

907
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 1: I look up to you, and that's the right attitude.

908
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:22,719
Speaker 3: But you there's also a lot of self respect and

909
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:25,239
Speaker 3: self love that you have to instill in yourself to

910
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:28,919
Speaker 3: not feel the pressure that of these outside sources because

911
00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 3: you're just looking around feeling pressure. I understand you're saying

912
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 3: that you feel it within yourself. But like when you

913
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:37,680
Speaker 3: love yourself enough and you have all of that going on,

914
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:41,960
Speaker 3: that is like, oh, that would be a great addition,

915
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:44,400
Speaker 3: but it's not necessary.

916
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:47,280
Speaker 5: Right, And that is what I hope I come across

917
00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:50,480
Speaker 5: as I don't want to justinate anyone Otherwise I would

918
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,680
Speaker 5: have by now right, Like it has to be. He

919
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 5: has to be additive to my life because my life

920
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:57,960
Speaker 5: is full and complete and I have a bunch of

921
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 5: girlfriends and I you know, I have all fun in

922
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:00,800
Speaker 5: the world.

923
00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 1: Listen, you're gonna be fine.

924
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,439
Speaker 3: Go have fun in Albania, Go fuck your brains out,

925
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:08,520
Speaker 3: or have fun with your friends. Whatever you want is fine.

926
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:12,200
Speaker 3: But just be in a place of acceptance instead of craving.

927
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:14,719
Speaker 3: You know what I mean, except your life. You've said

928
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,839
Speaker 3: like five times in this short time, how much fun

929
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:18,239
Speaker 3: you have?

930
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:19,279
Speaker 1: Focus on that.

931
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:24,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, I consider that you waited this long because you're

932
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 4: waiting for the right one. As they would say an Espanol,

933
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 4: di vertte. Okay, thank you so much for calling.

934
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:37,560
Speaker 1: In, bye bye, thank you. Okay, that was all over

935
00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 1: the shop.

936
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:39,360
Speaker 2: What that was great?

937
00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:39,720
Speaker 1: Actually?

938
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:40,319
Speaker 2: I love that.

939
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:42,319
Speaker 1: I know it was funny. Yeah, I like it when

940
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:43,480
Speaker 1: it's ate you know what I mean.

941
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 3: Sometimes things get very seriously and then I have to

942
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,799
Speaker 3: go home and smoke a big fatty. Great, we'll take

943
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 3: a break and we'll be right back with Alex Edelman.

944
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 3: And we're back with Alex Edelman for our last caller.

945
00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:01,480
Speaker 4: We are back, so any he says, Dear Chelsea, I

946
00:42:01,480 --> 00:42:04,480
Speaker 4: have a bit of a situation at home. My roommate

947
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,359
Speaker 4: and I have lived together for two and a half years,

948
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 4: and I absolutely love our living situation. We get all

949
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:11,399
Speaker 4: on great and we haven't had any issues, aside from

950
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:14,120
Speaker 4: her being late on rent a few times. Unfortunately, the

951
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 4: past couple of weeks, she has been bringing this guy

952
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 4: she's dating home every single night.

953
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:19,440
Speaker 2: A year ago, when.

954
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 4: They first tried dating, she'd come home constantly in tears

955
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 4: about him.

956
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,320
Speaker 2: He'd start arguments in public.

957
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 1: The works.

958
00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 4: Now out of nowhere, she is back with him, and

959
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:29,480
Speaker 4: she's taking a break from drinking.

960
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:31,000
Speaker 2: I didn't think much about it.

961
00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:33,120
Speaker 4: A break is always good, but now I know why

962
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:35,160
Speaker 4: he's in her life, and if they're going to date,

963
00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:38,160
Speaker 4: they cannot drink around each other per his terms. She's

964
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:40,560
Speaker 4: gone out with him and partied with other friends, something

965
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 4: she very much enjoys. Being social and hanging out with

966
00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:45,879
Speaker 4: groups of friends and going to shows. Now she can't

967
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 4: do that as much as she'd like, because every single night,

968
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 4: around ten or eleven, she sneaks him into our home

969
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:53,359
Speaker 4: and he stays the night. I should note she goes

970
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 4: for the bad guys and not the nice ones. So

971
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:58,360
Speaker 4: to me, this isn't worth her time. He's a scrub.

972
00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:01,200
Speaker 4: Women's intuition iscrew me inside me that he has to

973
00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:04,319
Speaker 4: control her. I can't even acknowledge his presence when he's here,

974
00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:06,239
Speaker 4: he says hi, and I can't even look at him,

975
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 4: let alone say hi back. It's extremely uncomfortable for me,

976
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:11,520
Speaker 4: and I don't trust him in my home. I've looked

977
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 4: here for five years and it's my safety net where

978
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:16,160
Speaker 4: I can relax, chill out and feel comfortable. But now

979
00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:18,440
Speaker 4: because I'm getting so angry every night he walks in

980
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:20,200
Speaker 4: with her, it has ruined my nights for the past

981
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:20,840
Speaker 4: couple of weeks.

982
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:23,799
Speaker 3: Oh that's a bummer, Hi, Amy, this is Alex, our

983
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:27,799
Speaker 3: special guest today, Alex Edelman. Amy, So it sounds like

984
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:29,520
Speaker 3: you're gonna have to ask you You're going to have

985
00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:31,799
Speaker 3: to just tell your roommate you don't feel comfortable with

986
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 3: him in the house, and if she wants to continue

987
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:38,520
Speaker 3: dating him, then she's gonna have to get a new place, okay,

988
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:40,440
Speaker 3: or find a new place to live. I mean, you

989
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:42,359
Speaker 3: should never feel unsafe in your own house.

990
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 1: That's just thank you. Never ever, ever, ever.

991
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:47,839
Speaker 7: That's like the one place that like I've made it

992
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 7: for her and myself, like yes, safe zone, safety net,

993
00:43:52,719 --> 00:43:55,239
Speaker 7: And I've just been like, how do I handle this?

994
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:56,960
Speaker 7: I don't want to be polite because in a way,

995
00:43:57,000 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 7: I'm like, this is like I need to be strict

996
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 7: about this. Your conversations been like super agreeable, like I

997
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:06,440
Speaker 7: love living here. I don't want it to be uncomfortable

998
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:08,600
Speaker 7: for anybody. Let's make this a safety place.

999
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:12,239
Speaker 2: And then and then she's sneaking him in, right, and.

1000
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:14,759
Speaker 7: Then yeah, like four times in the past like six days.

1001
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:16,920
Speaker 3: Does she think you don't know that he's being snuck in?

1002
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 7: I'm right there.

1003
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:19,879
Speaker 3: Oh you're because you're saying hi to well, he's saying

1004
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 3: hi to you and you're not responding, right, Okay, Well,

1005
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:25,799
Speaker 3: it's very reasonable for you to want to feel safe. Well,

1006
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:28,640
Speaker 3: the conversation will go probably something like this. You'll say this,

1007
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,440
Speaker 3: and then she'll say, how could you feel unsafe around him?

1008
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,880
Speaker 3: Da da da da. It doesn't matter why you feel unsafe,

1009
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:37,759
Speaker 3: it matters that you do. Yeah, And it matters that

1010
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:40,000
Speaker 3: she respects that, because that's what a friendship is.

1011
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:40,760
Speaker 6: Okay.

1012
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 7: See, And I didn't want to be like push, you'd

1013
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 7: be like, I know this is your place too, blah

1014
00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 7: blah blah. I want to be able to come home

1015
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:48,640
Speaker 7: and walk around in my underwear T shirt, yes, and

1016
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 7: not have to worry about whatever?

1017
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:52,520
Speaker 3: And are you prepared to have someone else come? And

1018
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 3: like do you know? I know this is new, but

1019
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:56,799
Speaker 3: are you prepared to have somebody else? If she does

1020
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:57,919
Speaker 3: choose to move out?

1021
00:44:58,440 --> 00:45:01,400
Speaker 7: I'm like financially stable and enough to like wait, like

1022
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:03,800
Speaker 7: wait that distance between transitioning?

1023
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:06,400
Speaker 1: And also, can't she go to his house? Isn't that

1024
00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:06,920
Speaker 1: an option?

1025
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:10,600
Speaker 7: She's not allowed to She's not allowed his roommates like no.

1026
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:17,520
Speaker 6: Oh, okay, Amy, Can I ask you a question? Is

1027
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:19,520
Speaker 6: a bit? Ye? Are you conflict avoidant?

1028
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:19,960
Speaker 5: No?

1029
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:22,279
Speaker 6: All right, well then I would how hard are to be?

1030
00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:22,600
Speaker 5: You?

1031
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:22,879
Speaker 3: Wait?

1032
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:25,759
Speaker 1: Wait? Can you move in with his roommates and she

1033
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:26,680
Speaker 1: and him.

1034
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:27,680
Speaker 3: Just move into your place?

1035
00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:28,959
Speaker 6: Oh my god?

1036
00:45:29,160 --> 00:45:32,240
Speaker 1: Why seems like the obvious solution.

1037
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 7: It's so funny I mean, if I knew them, it

1038
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:37,480
Speaker 7: might have it might be work. But I'm also like

1039
00:45:37,840 --> 00:45:38,160
Speaker 7: not in.

1040
00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 3: You seem together and mature. Alex, what go ahead? I

1041
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 3: interrupted you this time? What were you going to say?

1042
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:45,319
Speaker 6: We've had too it's of advice so far that we're

1043
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:49,799
Speaker 6: like long, difficult, drawn out things and like not that

1044
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:52,880
Speaker 6: this isn't difficult, but like this is fairly simple. You

1045
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:55,239
Speaker 6: don't feel safe in your own home your roommates not

1046
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 6: respecting your wishes. By the way, if you if it

1047
00:45:58,120 --> 00:45:59,719
Speaker 6: hasn't been made clear to your roommate that these are

1048
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 6: you wish is, then it's uncomment on you to do that.

1049
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:03,439
Speaker 6: But if you have made this clear, then you guys

1050
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,000
Speaker 6: have to stopped living together. It's like not a compatible situation.

1051
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:07,520
Speaker 6: And like roommates is.

1052
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:10,200
Speaker 1: Actually like a very it's an intimate thing.

1053
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:13,400
Speaker 6: It's a very intimate. It's this very serious relationship. You

1054
00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:16,359
Speaker 6: are living together. You are huge parts of each other's life,

1055
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:18,840
Speaker 6: and there is a huge incongruity here. This situation is

1056
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,480
Speaker 6: like completely untenable and like you need to be like hey,

1057
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:24,279
Speaker 6: can you leave or be like hey, this is how

1058
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:27,200
Speaker 6: I feel. It's not okay with me. I'm really sorry.

1059
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:30,319
Speaker 7: Chelsea's Chelsea's idea of just being like, look, this is

1060
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:32,319
Speaker 7: how it's got to be. Otherwise we're going to have

1061
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:33,480
Speaker 7: to just go our separate.

1062
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 6: I think it's very simple. I should have just said,

1063
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:39,240
Speaker 6: Chelsea's right, that's literally, that's literally, that's.

1064
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:40,160
Speaker 7: How this podcast is.

1065
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:43,439
Speaker 6: It's always like I've just super cut and dry here.

1066
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:45,280
Speaker 1: I believe in you, Amy.

1067
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:47,400
Speaker 3: I know you're going to handle this and you're strong

1068
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:49,200
Speaker 3: and that you have nothing to worry about. So go

1069
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 3: have the conversation and you know it'll take her a

1070
00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:53,040
Speaker 3: minute to digest it.

1071
00:46:53,080 --> 00:46:56,520
Speaker 1: I'm sure, but that's not your problem. It's not your problem.

1072
00:46:56,560 --> 00:47:00,440
Speaker 1: I'm your pro exactly. Okay, we'll have a great day,

1073
00:47:00,440 --> 00:47:01,399
Speaker 1: and thanks for calling in.

1074
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me take care.

1075
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:04,840
Speaker 6: That was easy.

1076
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:06,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was nice.

1077
00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:07,800
Speaker 3: That was a nice way to end our day together,

1078
00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:09,680
Speaker 3: our afternoon together, our morning.

1079
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:10,440
Speaker 1: Alex.

1080
00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 3: I loved your advice. You're so bright, you're so smart.

1081
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:15,799
Speaker 3: I mean, I've already I already knew that, but it's

1082
00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:18,279
Speaker 3: nice to hear. It's nice to hear it within the

1083
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:21,840
Speaker 3: podcast and giving advice to people in a very fruitful way.

1084
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:23,799
Speaker 6: I love it. And I by the way, it's so

1085
00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:25,799
Speaker 6: funny in each of these bits of advice, I see

1086
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:28,400
Speaker 6: like little problems that I've dealt with, or little situations

1087
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,960
Speaker 6: where I've been like deficient, or little situations where I like,

1088
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:33,880
Speaker 6: you should have been clear or spoken out for myself,

1089
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:37,080
Speaker 6: or in the case of that of the parapatetic person,

1090
00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:40,880
Speaker 6: I was like, lady, I totally hear you, and also

1091
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 6: feel that maybe you either need to make lifestyle change

1092
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:46,000
Speaker 6: or just be comfortable with the life that you're living.

1093
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 6: And so like, it's amazing how many people who ask

1094
00:47:48,640 --> 00:47:50,400
Speaker 6: tough questions. You're like, I've had a little bit of

1095
00:47:50,480 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 6: that somewhere.

1096
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:53,880
Speaker 3: So I don't know, yeah, yeah, And also it's always

1097
00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:55,440
Speaker 3: nice to know, Like it's always nice to get an

1098
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:58,759
Speaker 3: outside opinion of a situation where people who don't know

1099
00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:02,160
Speaker 3: anything about you are telling you objectively what the situation

1100
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:03,160
Speaker 3: looks like.

1101
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:04,839
Speaker 1: Like that's what a counselor is, you know.

1102
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:07,920
Speaker 3: Okay, So Alex, we're gonna bid you ado congrats on

1103
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:08,959
Speaker 3: your special.

1104
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:11,160
Speaker 6: With thanks so much for having me, guys true.

1105
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:14,319
Speaker 3: Anytime, honey, anytime, I love you. And the specialist called

1106
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:16,239
Speaker 3: just for Us and it's streaming on Max.

1107
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:18,279
Speaker 6: Yes and please watch it if you're listening. Please do

1108
00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:19,279
Speaker 6: watch yeah, watch it.

1109
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:19,839
Speaker 1: It's worth it.

1110
00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 3: Okay, take sure, Okay. So upcoming shows that I have

1111
00:48:24,320 --> 00:48:28,799
Speaker 3: you guys, Auckland, New Zealand, Wellington, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia,

1112
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:32,239
Speaker 3: Brisbane and Australia, Sydney, Australia. We've added second shows to

1113
00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:34,160
Speaker 3: places that have sold out the first and then I'm

1114
00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:38,560
Speaker 3: gonna be in Hawaii on Maui, Kahulue, and Honolulu. I

1115
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 3: will be there in July. Also in July, I'm coming

1116
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:44,160
Speaker 3: to Niagara Falls on July twenty seventh. I'm coming to Hollywood,

1117
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:47,719
Speaker 3: Florida for my only show in Florida on July twenty eighth.

1118
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:50,399
Speaker 3: I'll be in Auburn, Washington on August first, and then

1119
00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:54,360
Speaker 3: Santa Rosa, California for my second show August second. August

1120
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:56,960
Speaker 3: seventeenth is the Santa Barbara Bull. You do not want

1121
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,640
Speaker 3: to miss that. And then I will be all over

1122
00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:05,480
Speaker 3: me Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina. I'm coming to Texas.

1123
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:07,959
Speaker 3: I'm coming to Saint Louis and Kansas City, and then

1124
00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:11,160
Speaker 3: I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea

1125
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:14,320
Speaker 3: Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three dates in

1126
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:17,880
Speaker 3: Vegas are September first, Labor Day weekend, and then November

1127
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:19,840
Speaker 3: two and November thirtieth.

1128
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:22,759
Speaker 1: I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York, at the King's Theater

1129
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:25,200
Speaker 1: on November eighth.

1130
00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:28,359
Speaker 3: And i have tickets on sale throughout the end of

1131
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:31,560
Speaker 3: the year in December, so if you're in a city

1132
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:36,000
Speaker 3: like Philadelphia or Bethlehem, or San Diego or New Orleans

1133
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:39,280
Speaker 3: or Omaha, check Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.

1134
00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:40,759
Speaker 1: Okay, if you'd like.

1135
00:49:40,719 --> 00:49:43,600
Speaker 4: Advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at Dear Chelsea

1136
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:46,120
Speaker 4: podcast at gmail dot com and be sure to include

1137
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:49,480
Speaker 4: your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by

1138
00:49:49,480 --> 00:49:52,680
Speaker 4: Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and be sure to

1139
00:49:52,760 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 4: check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com