WEBVTT - Should I Stay or Should I Go with Alexia Nepola 0:00:11.840 --> 0:00:15.440 You're listening to ID Part two, an innovative, one of 0:00:15.480 --> 0:00:18.479 a kind experiment in podcasting and love. This is a 0:00:18.560 --> 0:00:21.800 chance for people who are unlucky in love the first 0:00:21.800 --> 0:00:24.920 time around to have another shot at love. I'm one 0:00:24.960 --> 0:00:27.240 of your hosts, Janna Kramer, and I am living proof 0:00:27.560 --> 0:00:30.680 that you can get love right the next chance around, 0:00:30.960 --> 0:00:33.880 or the next chance around after that. Today we're going 0:00:33.920 --> 0:00:36.519 to be joined by one of our celebrity mentors. You 0:00:36.560 --> 0:00:40.040 know her as the Cuban Barbie from Real Housewives of Miami, 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:43.120 and she's the co host of the podcast I Poor Fevore. 0:00:43.320 --> 0:00:48.239 Please welcome Alexia Napola to the podcast. Alexia, I'd have 0:00:48.280 --> 0:00:50.479 to be honest with you, I haven't had the pleasure 0:00:50.520 --> 0:00:55.160 of watching the Miami Honestly, I feel like I've been 0:00:55.240 --> 0:00:58.040 kind of in a bubble. I'm ten months postpartum, and 0:00:58.120 --> 0:01:00.880 i feel like I'm snow out of the getting out 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:02.840 of it. But I'm like, I need to catch up 0:01:02.880 --> 0:01:05.880 on all the shows, all the things, because I'm just 0:01:06.000 --> 0:01:07.560 I feel so out of the loop. But what I 0:01:07.600 --> 0:01:11.280 love about this is connecting with you on a human level, 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:15.520 because you know, this show is about connecting people and 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:19.000 finding love, and you have been on such a journey, 0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:21.880 and there's so many pieces of your story that I 0:01:21.920 --> 0:01:24.560 relate to so much, so I'm so excited to just 0:01:24.640 --> 0:01:26.319 kind of get into the weeds of all of it. 0:01:26.400 --> 0:01:30.200 But right now, though, are you Are you currently filming 0:01:30.240 --> 0:01:33.040 not filming, like, what's what's going on? 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:34.680 So we are. 0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:37.360 We are filming our season seven of the Real Hosts 0:01:37.400 --> 0:01:40.560 of Miami, and I guess you'll get to see my 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:43.480 love journey on there this season, because I feel like 0:01:43.520 --> 0:01:47.560 I've had different love journeys throughout all my seasons, unfortunately, 0:01:47.840 --> 0:01:49.680 because all I wanted to do is be married all 0:01:49.680 --> 0:01:50.240 my life, by the. 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:52.880 Way, well, and so that is so interesting that you 0:01:52.880 --> 0:01:56.080 say that, because I feel like that piece I relate 0:01:56.120 --> 0:01:59.280 to too, because all I've wanted is to just have 0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:03.600 one wedding, one marriage, and just be with the love 0:02:03.640 --> 0:02:06.640 of my life. But it's been, it's been. It's been 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:08.400 a hell of a ride to get to that point, 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:12.200 because I've you know, just picked the wrong man, gotten 0:02:12.200 --> 0:02:18.079 into wrong relationships, unhealed versions of myself, and you know, finally, 0:02:18.400 --> 0:02:20.280 you know, on my I'm not even going to tell 0:02:20.320 --> 0:02:21.960 you what number it is, but you know. 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:24.040 I know myself. 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:26.200 But it's like, it's one of those things where I'm like, 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:27.960 I didn't want it to be that many That's not 0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:31.600 that's I didn't go into things being like, oh I 0:02:31.639 --> 0:02:34.720 want to be divorced this many times. And so I'm 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:38.679 curious with your first relationship with your with your first 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:42.079 husband that you have your two sons with, when how 0:02:42.080 --> 0:02:44.080 old were you when that marriage took place. 0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:47.480 I was twenty three when I started my relationship with them, 0:02:47.480 --> 0:02:50.840 twenty two twenty three. So I feel like we have 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:53.440 we love different, you know at that age, or we 0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:55.640 look for different things, you know at that age. By 0:02:55.639 --> 0:02:56.800 the way I mean, I feel like we look for 0:02:56.840 --> 0:02:59.560 different things at doesn't really matter the age, but it 0:02:59.600 --> 0:03:02.639 depends what you're going through your life. And that's where 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:05.519 you're talking about how we pick which is so important. 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:08.239 So that's what I needed at that time in my life. 0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:11.640 You know, my father had passed away and my mother 0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:14.000 had moved to Spain, and I was it was the 0:03:14.040 --> 0:03:17.640 first time you know that I really felt like alone, 0:03:17.800 --> 0:03:19.560 you know, in my life. And then I met this 0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:22.120 guy there was you know, my age. He brought me 0:03:22.200 --> 0:03:25.639 so much happiness. I was at a very like vulnerable place, 0:03:25.960 --> 0:03:28.639 very you know, sad time in my life and he 0:03:28.840 --> 0:03:29.840 was like my prince Charming. 0:03:29.919 --> 0:03:31.840 He came, he sent me off my feet, you know. 0:03:31.919 --> 0:03:35.040 He it's like what I needed, and that's what, you know, 0:03:35.160 --> 0:03:36.480 what I went for, you know, and I had my 0:03:36.520 --> 0:03:40.520 two beautiful kids. But you know that wasn't again he 0:03:40.720 --> 0:03:42.480 I at that moment, I thought he was a love 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:45.760 of my life. But then I realized, you know, soon enough, 0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:49.000 that love isn't enough sometimes no matter how much he 0:03:49.080 --> 0:03:51.280 loved the person, you know, because he was going through 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:54.360 other things that I was like not okay with and 0:03:55.000 --> 0:03:56.680 kind of like kept at a secret, which I know 0:03:56.840 --> 0:03:58.600 it's like, what's something that we're going to talk about 0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:01.720 in relationships? You know that how you know these secrets 0:04:01.760 --> 0:04:04.520 do affect you know us and affect our relationships. 0:04:05.080 --> 0:04:07.080 Yeah, no, for sure. How long were you in that marriage? 0:04:07.120 --> 0:04:08.680 For about ten years? 0:04:09.000 --> 0:04:11.480 You know we've we've got legally you know, divorced, not 0:04:11.560 --> 0:04:14.600 because we wanted to, but because of the circumstances. And 0:04:14.680 --> 0:04:16.560 I had you know, two children with him, and I 0:04:16.600 --> 0:04:19.880 still have, you know, a friendship and a relationship with 0:04:19.960 --> 0:04:22.159 him because of my kids. My kids adore him, and 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:24.640 you know, I always tell my kids to love their father, 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:28.200 you know, I wasn't one of these moms that you know, 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:30.039 talked like ugly things about their dad. 0:04:30.120 --> 0:04:31.240 You know, I always wanted my. 0:04:31.240 --> 0:04:34.000 Kids to have a good relationship with their father, you know, 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:37.280 regardless what the circumstances were. And their father does love 0:04:37.320 --> 0:04:39.000 them a lot, and you know, I think the kids 0:04:39.000 --> 0:04:42.280 grow up healthier that way. And you know, we don't 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:44.719 choose our parents, you know, and this is this is 0:04:44.720 --> 0:04:46.680 their dad, and he's a good man and he's you know, 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:49.880 been there for them as much as you can, and 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:51.480 they today have. 0:04:51.440 --> 0:04:52.360 A good relationship. 0:04:53.160 --> 0:04:54.880 But what I love about you and I is that 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:59.000 despite all these painful past relationships, we're never giving up 0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:02.320 on love. And like that's kind of like what I did, 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:04.320 you know, Like that was that chapter in my life. 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:06.240 But then I moved on to my second husband at 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:08.640 a different stage of my life where I had two children, 0:05:09.320 --> 0:05:12.680 and you know, that makes it so much more difficult, 0:05:12.960 --> 0:05:15.080 and you look for different things, you know, when you 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:17.320 have children. You know, I feel like your first husband 0:05:17.440 --> 0:05:20.320 is who you want to have a family with. And 0:05:20.800 --> 0:05:23.680 it's like that fairy tale story that you want the 0:05:23.720 --> 0:05:26.239 beautiful wedding, you want to have the kids, the house, 0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:30.520 the family and all that and I unfortunately got little 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:32.920 bits and pieces of it, but not the whole thing 0:05:32.960 --> 0:05:36.320 that I wanted. And you know, ten years later we 0:05:37.480 --> 0:05:43.560 separated and I quickly pretty much met my second husband. 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:47.520 And you see, that's what I've learned today, that we 0:05:47.640 --> 0:05:52.720 need to take some time between relationships because we need 0:05:52.760 --> 0:05:54.800 to heal, we need to learn from them, we need 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:55.239 to grow. 0:05:55.880 --> 0:05:58.560 And at that point, I was thirty four years old. 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:03.000 And you know, I wanted again, you know, that marriage, 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:07.320 that family that I hadn't that I hadn't have with 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:08.080 my other husband. 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:10.839 So you know, with him, he was older than me. 0:06:11.400 --> 0:06:13.760 He like right away came in also, like at a 0:06:13.760 --> 0:06:16.400 time in my life where I was kind of down. 0:06:16.480 --> 0:06:18.240 Also, you know, I had two small kids. I was 0:06:18.279 --> 0:06:18.960 a single mom. 0:06:19.440 --> 0:06:22.520 You know, I was working as a school teacher and 0:06:22.520 --> 0:06:24.920 and I was just doing everything by myself. And this 0:06:25.080 --> 0:06:30.719 came this amazing man that was very charismatic, very kind, 0:06:31.120 --> 0:06:35.240 very loving, and you know, successful, smart. He was like 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:38.160 a problem solver. So he just came into my life 0:06:38.240 --> 0:06:39.599 like like what do you need? What can I do 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:41.640 for you? You know, like that kind of thing. And 0:06:41.680 --> 0:06:43.560 it was different, like I feel like my first husband 0:06:43.680 --> 0:06:46.200 was like love at first sight and like the butterflies 0:06:46.200 --> 0:06:48.600 in the stomach, and you know, I was young and 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:52.080 and it was it was completely different, like from my 0:06:52.160 --> 0:06:55.640 thirties when I met you know, my second husband, and 0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:58.080 you know, I kind of like grew to love him 0:06:58.200 --> 0:07:01.760 and understand, you know, and I thought, with him, you know, 0:07:01.880 --> 0:07:04.880 I can have that not that perfect marriage, because perfect 0:07:04.880 --> 0:07:09.120 marriages do not exist, and we're all imperfect. But it's 0:07:09.200 --> 0:07:11.640 kind of more like what I wanted, the security, the 0:07:11.680 --> 0:07:15.280 stability that I didn't have in my first marriage. 0:07:15.360 --> 0:07:18.280 I think there is something where what you said about 0:07:18.320 --> 0:07:20.960 not jumping in right away is not such a huge 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:23.920 piece because you know, a lot of times, if I 0:07:24.160 --> 0:07:27.840 reflect back on my history, I'm like I was always 0:07:27.920 --> 0:07:33.760 jumping from relationship to relationship, and especially this, you know 0:07:33.800 --> 0:07:38.320 this my last divorce, I was like, I cannot keep 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:41.280 putting my happiness in a relationship and with another man, 0:07:41.360 --> 0:07:45.040 because that's where I always said, if I'm happy, that 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:48.680 that means that I'm in a happy, loving relationship, and 0:07:48.680 --> 0:07:51.559 like that should not be what my happiness and how 0:07:51.720 --> 0:07:55.720 my happiness exists. And so and I've even talked to 0:07:55.800 --> 0:07:58.600 a few of my divorced girlfriends or like, oh, I 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:01.040 just wish I could just meet someone, and I'm like, 0:08:01.120 --> 0:08:03.360 that is not going to make you happy. I think 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:07.400 I guarantee you, like you'll have a dopamine hit within 0:08:07.440 --> 0:08:09.160 the first few weeks, but like you will go right 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:11.080 back to feeling why do I feel not happy? Why 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:13.000 do I feel you know, X, Y and Z. And 0:08:13.000 --> 0:08:16.080 then I had another girlfriend, you know, she was just 0:08:16.120 --> 0:08:17.960 like she was still married to her hausband. She's like, 0:08:17.960 --> 0:08:19.680 I want to divorce him, but I think it'd be 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:21.960 easier if I found someone first. And I'm like no, 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:25.200 like no, no, no, no, like I literally no, because 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:27.160 I'm like, again, I know how that would be easier. 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:29.440 And there was pieces of me too where in my 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:31.760 last marriage, I mean like I was I was so 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:34.040 out that I was like, you know what, I hope 0:08:34.040 --> 0:08:36.679 I meet someone, But it was I'm so glad that 0:08:36.679 --> 0:08:39.760 that wasn't the catalyst for my last ending of my marriage, 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:43.240 because A I got to walk out clean in that marriage, 0:08:43.280 --> 0:08:46.199 you know, not do the same thing that I've won. Yeah, 0:08:46.240 --> 0:08:49.040 I just was like like if anything is gonna like 0:08:49.480 --> 0:08:51.840 leave this, like it's you're just going to be the 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:53.320 only cheater in this, Like I will not give you 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:58.480 that satisfaction of cheating on you too, but with you know, 0:08:58.559 --> 0:09:01.640 I was like, but also like having that piece, actually 0:09:01.720 --> 0:09:04.720 leaving someone when you don't have someone else was the 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:07.680 It was grueling and it was so hard, but I 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:11.040 found myself through that process and then I took I 0:09:11.360 --> 0:09:14.720 did dates soon ish after, and again I was solved 0:09:14.760 --> 0:09:16.679 that I was repeating the same mistake. And I'm like, Okay, 0:09:16.679 --> 0:09:19.560 I'm literally attracting the same dude, the same cast, just 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:20.840 a different name, you know what I mean? 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:23.800 Same might all been different, name might have all been different, 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:28.280 so I can't Yeah, yeah, they've all been way different, right, 0:09:28.320 --> 0:09:30.960 They've had different problems that I had my first, but 0:09:31.000 --> 0:09:32.840 I have done the same thing kind of, you know. 0:09:32.920 --> 0:09:35.079 And then it's funny, like you said about your friends, 0:09:35.360 --> 0:09:37.400 because when you're in a situation like that, I feel 0:09:37.440 --> 0:09:38.880 like you have to at. 0:09:38.679 --> 0:09:41.319 One point just like shut off all the noise because you. 0:09:41.240 --> 0:09:42.880 Know all your friends are going to give you different 0:09:42.920 --> 0:09:44.960 advice and you know, oh you need this, you need 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:45.320 to do that. 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:46.800 You know how you forget about this when you move 0:09:46.840 --> 0:09:47.680 on to the next one. 0:09:48.040 --> 0:09:50.360 And in reality, we know you and I know that 0:09:50.400 --> 0:09:52.840 because you've gone through it, that that doesn't work. You 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:55.560 need time for yourself. Your happiness does not depend on 0:09:55.640 --> 0:09:59.120 any man. You need to find that happiness within yourself, 0:09:59.320 --> 0:10:01.480 whatever it may be. You need to self reflect, you 0:10:01.520 --> 0:10:04.240 need to like search for that. And I think that 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:06.680 that comes with age and wisdom too, because you know, 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:09.120 at twenty something, I didn't know that. You know, I 0:10:09.120 --> 0:10:11.160 thought the same thing. I mean, I didn't think so much. 0:10:11.200 --> 0:10:12.760 I said, you know what I need like a man 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:16.640 that's like older, more mature, that's already like settled. He's 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:18.600 going to give me stability. And it's not it wasn't 0:10:18.600 --> 0:10:20.839 even about the finance. It's just like the way they 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:24.160 make you feel. And he gave me that like support 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:26.800 and that security that I needed, you know that I 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:30.400 didn't have in my first relationship. So my son, Frankie, 0:10:30.480 --> 0:10:33.680 while I was married to my second husband, he was 0:10:33.720 --> 0:10:38.640 involved in a horrific car accident and he almost passed away. 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:41.800 But he's a miracle. He's alive and he's very much 0:10:42.000 --> 0:10:45.440 healthy and with us today. He suffers from a brain injury. 0:10:45.880 --> 0:10:48.839 But you see, there's where my husband, with my husband 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:51.720 at the time, was really there for me. So my 0:10:51.840 --> 0:10:56.359 second husband passed away in twenty sixteen. We were separated, 0:10:56.960 --> 0:11:00.640 but not divorce, but we still had a great relationship. 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:03.520 We worked together, he visited the house. He was a 0:11:03.520 --> 0:11:06.200 stepfather to my kids, and he was a great you 0:11:06.200 --> 0:11:09.640 know step father to them, and we had a great relationship. 0:11:10.000 --> 0:11:13.600 It was just like I felt like, with a tragic 0:11:13.960 --> 0:11:18.920 like you know, Frankie's accident, your family gets together for 0:11:19.080 --> 0:11:22.079 many ways, but you also become distant, you know, as 0:11:22.120 --> 0:11:24.679 a couple, you know, and I felt that, you know, 0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:28.800 my main focus obviously wasn't saving Frankie's life, and that 0:11:28.880 --> 0:11:32.280 affected our entire family dynamics, That affected my older son, 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:36.520 That affected my relationship with herman in the way that 0:11:37.120 --> 0:11:39.240 you know, I wasn't really there for him, you know. 0:11:40.200 --> 0:11:43.200 So a few years later, that was in. 0:11:43.240 --> 0:11:47.080 Twenty eleven, in twenty fifteen, you know, we decide to 0:11:47.120 --> 0:11:50.400 have that uncomfortable conversation which a lot of couples have 0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:54.160 to have, kind of like you're not happy, I'm not happy, 0:11:54.800 --> 0:11:57.959 and you know, Frankie and Peter already well, and it's 0:11:58.040 --> 0:11:59.440 kind of like I had a moment to think for 0:11:59.520 --> 0:12:02.679 myself and I said, wow, what has happened? Like I 0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:05.360 lost myself, Like I didn't know who I was. And 0:12:07.320 --> 0:12:10.120 so I had the conversation with him, and he said, listen, 0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:12.520 you've gone through a lot. I'm always going to love you, 0:12:12.640 --> 0:12:14.520 but you know, I think it's just better we take 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:18.400 some time off and you deserve to be happy. You know, 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:21.040 I deserve to be happy. And at that point I 0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:24.280 wanted to go to counsel i because my mom's a psychiatrist. 0:12:24.360 --> 0:12:27.120 She was very therapeutic and even though she got divorced 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:29.640 five times, she was really good at giving couples therapy. 0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:32.840 Not that that was a specialty, but she was always 0:12:32.960 --> 0:12:35.959 very like adamant about couples staying together, you know, unless 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:38.480 it was like physical abuse or even some kind of 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.120 emotional abuse, which is just as bad as physical abuse. 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:44.000 But you know, she always encouraged it. You had a 0:12:44.040 --> 0:12:46.160 good man, and there were a lot of things you 0:12:46.160 --> 0:12:49.680 can work on to like work on that. So with 0:12:49.800 --> 0:12:52.320 that being said, you know, we had a friendly, nice 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:56.040 conversation and I said, well, okay, I mean I really 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:57.560 didn't know what to do with what to do with 0:12:57.600 --> 0:13:01.320 that conversation. I said, but you know, let's just have fun, 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:03.040 you know, goes He told me, like, you can start 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:05.120 going on with your friends. You can you know kind 0:13:05.120 --> 0:13:06.719 of like do what you want to do for now, 0:13:06.840 --> 0:13:09.280 because you know, I'm older than you and I want 0:13:09.320 --> 0:13:10.040 to live my life. 0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:10.240 You know. 0:13:10.320 --> 0:13:11.960 At that point, he was like going out a lot, 0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:13.520 and I didn't want to go out obviously because I 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:14.760 wanted to stay home with my kids. 0:13:14.920 --> 0:13:16.520 So we started growing apart. 0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:19.160 And I feel like as a woman, you always feel it, 0:13:19.200 --> 0:13:21.800 you know, like sometimes you say, oh my god, like 0:13:21.880 --> 0:13:24.320 I never you know, I never imagined he would do 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:26.400 something like that, or like everything was perfect. It's like 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:28.240 the signs are there, we don't want to see them. 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:33.160 In this case, everything happened appeared to be fine. But 0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:36.600 when I had a moment to breathe and to realize, 0:13:37.640 --> 0:13:39.760 you know, what was going on in my life, I said, 0:13:39.880 --> 0:13:43.439 I am so disconnected, you know, from this person. And 0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:47.480 when I had the conversation with him, I didn't have 0:13:47.640 --> 0:13:49.800 like the same I didn't have the response that I 0:13:49.840 --> 0:13:51.960 wanted to have, which was like, you know, let's work 0:13:52.000 --> 0:13:53.480 on this and let's go to therapy. 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:55.640 It was kind of like, you know, you've gone through 0:13:55.679 --> 0:13:58.560 a lot, so you know, maybe just like start having 0:13:58.559 --> 0:13:58.960 some fun. 0:13:59.440 --> 0:14:02.319 Was his own alternative motive for him to be doing 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:05.600 those other other relationship that he was in, Like do 0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:07.599 you do you kind of go, await a minute. 0:14:07.520 --> 0:14:10.160 No, No, I don't blame myself. I think at this point. 0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:13.720 You I'm saying, do you think back and go? Was 0:14:13.760 --> 0:14:16.720 he putting that on you to so that he could 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:19.040 have his other extramarital. 0:14:19.240 --> 0:14:23.640 I yes, now that's a really good question, and I 0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:25.920 have thought about that, because you know, I feel like 0:14:26.000 --> 0:14:28.680 sometimes when the men are keeping secrets, it's like to 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:33.040 protect themselves also to protect me, and I always the 0:14:33.080 --> 0:14:35.280 good thing about me is that I've in my first 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:38.760 two marriages, I've always thought the men have kept secrets, 0:14:39.160 --> 0:14:40.360 but not to hurt me. 0:14:40.760 --> 0:14:41.240 Obviously. 0:14:41.360 --> 0:14:43.680 The first reason is to protect themselves because they're afraid 0:14:43.680 --> 0:14:46.680 that they share this kind of information, whether it's you know, 0:14:47.200 --> 0:14:49.360 you know, legal things that they've done in their past, 0:14:49.480 --> 0:14:53.400 or whether it's you know, sexual things or infidelity. Obviously 0:14:53.560 --> 0:14:55.520 they know that we're not going to be okay with that, 0:14:55.560 --> 0:14:58.240 We're going to judge them, chain them, get into a fight, whatever. 0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:02.440 So I felt like he was having this conversation with 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:04.800 me because he didn't want to be selfish, like he 0:15:04.880 --> 0:15:07.400 loved me so much, and I really do believe that 0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:10.880 that he just wanted me. He couldn't have that conversation 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:13.560 where he was actually gonna come out and say, listen, 0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:16.080 you know, I am having an occur with somebody and 0:15:16.120 --> 0:15:19.520 it happens to me a man. He didn't want to 0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:22.400 hurt me, So this man would have never told me that. So, 0:15:22.520 --> 0:15:25.000 but at that point I think that he was already 0:15:25.000 --> 0:15:27.120 involved with that person. Yes, so it was easier, like 0:15:27.120 --> 0:15:28.760 you said to put it on me and said, you 0:15:28.800 --> 0:15:32.440 know what, go have fun. And by the way, I did. Yeah, 0:15:32.560 --> 0:15:34.880 I said, well, you've left me know the toy, said 0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:36.760 you know what? And I needed it, Jana, like I 0:15:36.840 --> 0:15:39.880 really needed it, you know. So so that's. 0:15:39.760 --> 0:15:40.120 What I did. 0:15:40.120 --> 0:15:42.320 I started going out with my friends. We would work together. 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:45.480 It was weird, like all my things have always been weird. Honestly, 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:48.880 my relationships, it's kind of like we're afraid to talk 0:15:48.960 --> 0:15:52.320 about uncomfortable things, you know, that are going to hurt 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:55.040 us because you know, we we love each other, you know. 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:57.280 I don't know if other couples have you know that 0:15:57.440 --> 0:15:58.080 problem too. 0:15:58.120 --> 0:16:01.600 It's like it's a communication problem pretty much because we're 0:16:01.600 --> 0:16:04.320 afraid just say things to each other that are going 0:16:04.360 --> 0:16:04.880 to hurt us. 0:16:05.360 --> 0:16:08.440 Well, I think also too, it brings up things where 0:16:08.560 --> 0:16:10.840 it's like sometimes when I say something to my husband, 0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:14.440 he hears something totally different, like he hears me questioning him, 0:16:14.440 --> 0:16:16.320 Like that's not I wasn't questioning. I was just asking 0:16:16.320 --> 0:16:18.600 a question because I'm just curious. But like because they 0:16:18.600 --> 0:16:23.080 have their own past things from their relationships where the 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:26.960 woman might have been questioning his reasoning for things, and like, no, 0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:28.800 that's not at all. I was just more like curious 0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:31.840 and so but how they react, and so it's it's learning, 0:16:32.880 --> 0:16:36.200 you know, the other people's traumas and past relationships and 0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:38.400 what they had to and how they reacted to things, 0:16:38.440 --> 0:16:40.760 and it's it's all I mean, like you said in 0:16:40.800 --> 0:16:43.480 the very beginning, there's no perfect relationship. It's really figuring 0:16:43.480 --> 0:16:45.680 out how to communicate with each other. And you know, 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:48.680 I think a lot of times when you know, I've 0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:50.360 had people reach out to me a lot because my 0:16:50.480 --> 0:16:53.200 last husband had multiple affairs, and you know, when I 0:16:53.240 --> 0:16:56.160 first found everything out, it was everything felt like a lie, 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:58.880 every like from the wedding to you know, the birth 0:16:58.880 --> 0:17:01.600 of our daughter, to ourselves and like everything you know, 0:17:01.760 --> 0:17:04.679 was meant nothing and it was all a lie. And 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:08.679 I've been able to figure out now that there are 0:17:08.760 --> 0:17:11.200 truths and there's lies within things, but that it wasn't 0:17:11.240 --> 0:17:14.639 all a lie for me, it was real and you know, 0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:17.520 for not for him to not allow to take away 0:17:17.520 --> 0:17:21.760 those memories. And you know, learning that your one ex 0:17:21.840 --> 0:17:26.600 husband was I would would say he was he was gay. 0:17:26.600 --> 0:17:27.840 Or he was bisexual. 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:30.600 I feel like he was bisexual, like towards the end, 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:33.600 you know, while we were separated, you know, while I 0:17:33.680 --> 0:17:36.760 was married to him, I had no idea. 0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:39.439 But how do you how do you deal with that 0:17:39.440 --> 0:17:43.320 that lie of Okay, our marriage was a lie? Like 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:43.720 what do you. 0:17:43.680 --> 0:17:45.760 Don't you know? I don't. I never know. 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:48.680 So that's I never felt like our marriage was a lie. 0:17:49.160 --> 0:17:51.560 I felt that he did have the ability to love 0:17:51.600 --> 0:17:53.280 me and fall in love with me, and he did 0:17:53.320 --> 0:17:55.399 and that's why we got married. And you know, we 0:17:55.480 --> 0:17:59.920 had you know, thirteen beautiful years and I just think 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:02.280 that it was like towards you know, the end of 0:18:02.280 --> 0:18:06.080 our marriage, I said, I really do believe that. You know, 0:18:06.119 --> 0:18:08.600 when you go through a traumatic experience in your family, 0:18:08.760 --> 0:18:11.720 your family falls apart, and there's you know, different things 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:14.160 that fall apart. And again I'm not blaming myself because 0:18:14.160 --> 0:18:17.080 I'm a mother before anything, and I had to focus 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:19.840 on my children, and he supported that. But with that 0:18:19.920 --> 0:18:22.159 being said, you know, he also like you know, started 0:18:22.200 --> 0:18:23.919 going out and you know, finding his outlets. You know, 0:18:23.960 --> 0:18:27.920 like everybody deals with pain differently, and that affected him 0:18:27.920 --> 0:18:31.600 a lot. Frankie's accident, and you know, he was also older, 0:18:31.680 --> 0:18:34.120 you know, and I feel like sometimes you know, men 0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:36.720 go through different mid life crisis and they deal with 0:18:36.760 --> 0:18:40.520 things differently. And I guess it's just something that he had, 0:18:40.560 --> 0:18:42.800 you know, within him, that he wanted to experience and 0:18:43.240 --> 0:18:46.640 it happened. I wish she would have told me, because 0:18:47.000 --> 0:18:48.919 you know, I would have been so open to this. 0:18:49.040 --> 0:18:52.040 You know, I am such an open person, and you know, 0:18:52.160 --> 0:18:54.280 I don't even and it might find funny, but like 0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:56.280 I rather a guie tee with a guy than with 0:18:56.359 --> 0:18:56.920 a girl. 0:18:57.119 --> 0:18:58.080 You know, that's just me. 0:18:58.320 --> 0:19:00.960 I may be different, I may be crazy, but for me, 0:19:01.200 --> 0:19:03.080 it's kind of like, Okay, well, I can't give them 0:19:03.080 --> 0:19:05.560 what a man can give him, you know, physically, you know, 0:19:05.560 --> 0:19:09.080 maybe emotionally yes, but you know, for me, it's just like, 0:19:09.160 --> 0:19:10.960 you know, love is love, like it could be with 0:19:11.040 --> 0:19:13.719 a man, it could be with a woman. But you know, 0:19:13.800 --> 0:19:16.240 it was really hard for me because I found out 0:19:16.320 --> 0:19:19.000 after he passed away like the day after we bury him, 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:22.720 so that what was it was like a betrayal obviously, 0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:25.560 but then you kind of like try to justify it, right, 0:19:25.600 --> 0:19:28.800 like saying, you know, how can somebody like this like 0:19:28.840 --> 0:19:30.600 sit down the wife. You know, how can a husband 0:19:30.600 --> 0:19:32.520 sit down a wife and say, you know, by the way, 0:19:32.720 --> 0:19:34.880 you know, I'm in love with another man. It's hard, 0:19:34.960 --> 0:19:38.359 especially like a Latino man you know that has you know, 0:19:38.440 --> 0:19:41.159 somebody that's like well known in the community. You know, 0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:43.800 there were so many prejudices like he could have never 0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:45.920 done it. So I actually felt that, you know, I 0:19:46.600 --> 0:19:49.080 still do. You know, I'm happy that he got to live. 0:19:48.920 --> 0:19:51.760 The right If you could ask him one question, what 0:19:51.800 --> 0:19:53.120 would it be if he. 0:19:53.160 --> 0:19:55.960 Was happy if he found Yeah, if he was happy, 0:19:56.040 --> 0:19:58.760 And I really believed that he was because I got 0:19:58.800 --> 0:20:01.960 to speak to that person and he told me like 0:20:02.000 --> 0:20:04.040 the whole story. And by the way he told the 0:20:04.119 --> 0:20:07.280 man also like this is my wife. He showed him 0:20:07.280 --> 0:20:09.080 a picture, this is my wife, and I love her 0:20:09.760 --> 0:20:12.199 and I don't ever want her to find out, so 0:20:12.440 --> 0:20:14.360 you know, and I know that, like I So that's 0:20:14.359 --> 0:20:16.440 why I'm okay with it, because I know how much 0:20:16.480 --> 0:20:18.399 he loved me. Like his intentions. For me, it's all 0:20:18.440 --> 0:20:21.000 about intentions, and people could see it the other way around. Well, 0:20:21.000 --> 0:20:22.520 if he loved you so much, then he wouldn't have 0:20:22.600 --> 0:20:25.880 done that to you, Right, it's a struggle. 0:20:26.000 --> 0:20:26.480 I get that. 0:20:26.560 --> 0:20:29.399 I also understand that it's true if they love you, 0:20:29.440 --> 0:20:31.040 what didn't want to hurt you. In his case, he 0:20:31.200 --> 0:20:33.639 was keeping it a secret because he didn't want to 0:20:33.680 --> 0:20:35.840 hurt me. And I know those were his intentions, and 0:20:35.920 --> 0:20:36.840 I'll know that forever. 0:20:46.920 --> 0:20:50.159 Do you believe in monogamous relationships? Do you do believe 0:20:50.160 --> 0:20:52.560 a man can be monogamous in a relationship? 0:20:53.320 --> 0:20:55.000 I do, Yeah, I do. 0:20:55.440 --> 0:20:57.080 I really do believe that, and I always want to 0:20:57.080 --> 0:20:58.760 believe that, just like I believe in love. I want 0:20:58.800 --> 0:21:02.240 to believe that anogmist because I feel like when you 0:21:02.320 --> 0:21:06.760 have that love and connection and you just can't be 0:21:06.880 --> 0:21:09.639 with another person, you know, for me, it's not for me, 0:21:09.680 --> 0:21:11.680 it's like the whole mind body, so like I need 0:21:11.720 --> 0:21:14.399 to be connected with the person. So I feel like 0:21:14.520 --> 0:21:17.840 the time you find that disconnection with your with your 0:21:17.920 --> 0:21:20.960 husband or with your partner, you have to go because 0:21:20.960 --> 0:21:24.960 that means you're going to start being unfaithful and you 0:21:25.040 --> 0:21:27.119 can't have like you know, the lack of trust and 0:21:27.600 --> 0:21:29.080 dishonesty in a relationship. 0:21:29.480 --> 0:21:33.240 So then how long? So when he passes you, guys, 0:21:33.280 --> 0:21:34.800 how does that work? Does it? Do you have to 0:21:34.840 --> 0:21:36.879 like do divorce papers or how like? 0:21:37.160 --> 0:21:40.560 No, No, I was his wife. I was his wife. 0:21:40.680 --> 0:21:43.320 I mean I had a preen up. You girls have 0:21:43.440 --> 0:21:46.960 talked about So I did have a preen up. But 0:21:47.119 --> 0:21:49.480 I was, you know, legally his wife. We as a 0:21:49.560 --> 0:21:52.560 matter of fact, we never even filed. We never even 0:21:52.640 --> 0:21:54.520 went to see an attorney. It was kind of like, 0:21:54.560 --> 0:21:57.720 if that's what I'm saying, all of my circumstances honestly 0:21:57.760 --> 0:22:02.600 have been full strained because with him, we had that conversation. 0:22:03.400 --> 0:22:05.680 And then maybe a few months later he moved out 0:22:05.680 --> 0:22:07.680 of the house because he was going out at night 0:22:07.760 --> 0:22:09.560 and getting home super late, and I was like, you 0:22:09.600 --> 0:22:11.600 know what, this is not going to end okay. And 0:22:11.640 --> 0:22:14.160 then by the way, I was going out too, and 0:22:14.560 --> 0:22:16.800 if I would be home like before him, he would 0:22:16.840 --> 0:22:18.920 call me like when are you coming home? I'm like, well, wait, 0:22:19.000 --> 0:22:21.879 I mean we're husband and wife, but you know we're 0:22:22.320 --> 0:22:24.320 you know, technically like really not together. 0:22:24.400 --> 0:22:26.080 We're taking a break. It was weird. 0:22:26.119 --> 0:22:28.560 That's something I will not recommend to anybody. I know 0:22:28.640 --> 0:22:30.040 some people, you know. 0:22:30.080 --> 0:22:33.200 Breaks things work for there's different Like I could never 0:22:33.240 --> 0:22:35.840 personally have anyone come in a relationship man, woman, anything 0:22:35.920 --> 0:22:40.600 Like I'm like, I I know what that does for me, 0:22:41.240 --> 0:22:44.560 having the years of affairs and stuff. But you know, 0:22:44.640 --> 0:22:47.520 some people are cool with swinging or this or that 0:22:47.720 --> 0:22:49.520 or no never. 0:22:49.640 --> 0:22:51.720 No, I am so jealous and possess them. 0:22:51.840 --> 0:22:54.840 I'm like, cuman, there's no way, I know for me, 0:22:54.960 --> 0:22:57.359 it was never about that, and he knew that. So 0:22:57.440 --> 0:22:59.920 that's why he had to, you know, take his own way. 0:23:00.400 --> 0:23:02.879 So that's why he decided, you know, to move to 0:23:02.920 --> 0:23:05.639 an apartment. So he had just gone an apartment a 0:23:05.640 --> 0:23:08.240 few months, you know, prior before he passed away and 0:23:08.320 --> 0:23:11.520 unfortunately had a heart attack and he passed away, and it. 0:23:11.440 --> 0:23:16.119 Was sorry after that. How long was it until you 0:23:16.160 --> 0:23:18.240 met your next husband? How many years? 0:23:18.640 --> 0:23:22.840 So I already knew my I already knew my husband 0:23:22.840 --> 0:23:27.360 today while Hermann was still alive, and I had dated him. 0:23:27.400 --> 0:23:30.040 You know, we were like dating for a while, okay, 0:23:30.040 --> 0:23:34.399 for a few months whatever, we're just dating, and but 0:23:34.560 --> 0:23:37.800 you know I wasn't ready. This is like there I knew, 0:23:38.000 --> 0:23:40.480 you know, I was in my forties and I have 0:23:40.600 --> 0:23:42.840 gone had gone through so much, you know, in both 0:23:42.880 --> 0:23:45.800 of my relationships, and not only in my relationships, but 0:23:45.960 --> 0:23:48.679 really what changed my life was my son, Jackson. 0:23:48.920 --> 0:23:52.359 I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry, Like it's second 0:23:52.359 --> 0:23:54.200 he said. Son. I'm like, oh, it's like it's like 0:23:54.240 --> 0:23:55.960 when a dog dies in a movie. It's even worse, 0:23:55.960 --> 0:23:58.159 you know what I mean, Like your kids, I can't like, 0:23:58.280 --> 0:24:02.120 I love my husband, my children, anything happens like I'm 0:24:02.320 --> 0:24:04.520 so sorry, Like I can't even imagine, Like. 0:24:04.960 --> 0:24:09.440 The way you're a mom that was that's undescribable. Only 0:24:09.640 --> 0:24:13.000 a mom that's been there knows that pain. So I 0:24:13.160 --> 0:24:15.719 was like, you know what, when when herman and I 0:24:15.760 --> 0:24:18.400 just decided to take a break, like we said, there's 0:24:18.480 --> 0:24:21.280 time some time off, I was like, you know what, Alexael, like, 0:24:21.400 --> 0:24:23.840 you cannot be in a relationship with a man. You 0:24:23.960 --> 0:24:26.560 need to just have fun. You need to you know, 0:24:26.640 --> 0:24:30.280 do things for yourself, and you know, and that's what 0:24:30.320 --> 0:24:34.560 I did. And I did meet my third husband, and 0:24:34.920 --> 0:24:37.400 but like I said, I was not ready. I knew 0:24:37.440 --> 0:24:40.159 I couldn't be in a relationship like that at that 0:24:40.280 --> 0:24:43.160 moment because I feel like timing was so important as 0:24:43.160 --> 0:24:45.320 well for and you know, the listeners out there, the 0:24:45.320 --> 0:24:47.359 girls should be thinking about that because I always had 0:24:47.400 --> 0:24:49.200 like with my friends, like, oh, it's all about time. 0:24:49.359 --> 0:24:50.280 It's all about timing. 0:24:50.640 --> 0:24:53.240 Sometimes the right man comes into your life at the 0:24:53.240 --> 0:24:56.200 wrong time in your life, and sometimes when you're ready, 0:24:56.240 --> 0:24:57.720 the wrong guy comes into your life. 0:24:58.000 --> 0:24:59.720 So like, timing is really important. 0:25:00.080 --> 0:25:02.439 So I was very aware at that moment that I 0:25:02.480 --> 0:25:04.960 did not want to have a serious relationship, but you know, 0:25:05.040 --> 0:25:05.960 I did like him. 0:25:05.800 --> 0:25:06.680 And I did datum. 0:25:07.200 --> 0:25:10.480 And then it was six months after Hermann passed away 0:25:10.640 --> 0:25:14.160 that we started seeing each other again, you know, so. 0:25:14.600 --> 0:25:16.880 And even married for how long with him. 0:25:17.000 --> 0:25:20.800 Legally married two years together? Eight years together. We've been 0:25:20.880 --> 0:25:24.240 living together for eight years, legally married for two years. 0:25:24.520 --> 0:25:29.240 So I read that he filed for divorce, and do 0:25:29.320 --> 0:25:29.680 we know. 0:25:29.680 --> 0:25:30.760 Why he did? 0:25:31.680 --> 0:25:35.840 So I didn't know myself at the moment, why you 0:25:35.880 --> 0:25:36.639 know he would do this? 0:25:37.040 --> 0:25:39.119 So you had no idea. He just filed and you 0:25:39.160 --> 0:25:40.760 had no idea, Like there wasn't like, hey, we should 0:25:40.760 --> 0:25:41.920 get a divorce conversation. 0:25:42.600 --> 0:25:44.359 No, no, So there wasn't. 0:25:45.000 --> 0:25:50.159 And he first left the house on a Saturday, and 0:25:50.200 --> 0:25:53.880 then he filed for divorce on Thursday. And I wasn't 0:25:53.880 --> 0:25:56.359 expecting him to leave, like to move out of the 0:25:56.400 --> 0:25:59.719 apartment like that either. So basically it's you know a 0:25:59.720 --> 0:26:02.080 lot of things, you know, it's just not like one thing. 0:26:02.160 --> 0:26:05.240 And by the way, with my second husband, it wasn't 0:26:05.280 --> 0:26:08.760 really about his sexuality either, you know, it wasn't like 0:26:09.040 --> 0:26:11.280 we had that conversation. And that's why, you know, we 0:26:11.480 --> 0:26:14.440 just kind of like drifted apart, like I said, as 0:26:14.480 --> 0:26:17.760 a couple because of the circumstances. And then you know, 0:26:17.880 --> 0:26:20.679 eventually I found out after he passed, await what had happened. 0:26:21.280 --> 0:26:26.719 And with the father of my kids, it was a 0:26:26.800 --> 0:26:29.679 lot of things. You know, he had gone to prison, 0:26:29.800 --> 0:26:30.879 he had come back home. 0:26:31.440 --> 0:26:32.679 You know, you lose. 0:26:32.560 --> 0:26:36.000 Respect and you know, that respect and admiration that I 0:26:36.080 --> 0:26:38.800 had for him, you know, I saw him like as weak. 0:26:39.280 --> 0:26:42.080 You know, it's so hard, you know, to come back 0:26:42.080 --> 0:26:45.040 into society again, back into your family and to just 0:26:46.000 --> 0:26:48.159 you know, keep on living a normal life. Like that 0:26:48.280 --> 0:26:50.879 affected us a lot. I was a single mom for 0:26:50.960 --> 0:26:54.439 five years. I had two kids. It was just crazy stuff. 0:26:54.480 --> 0:26:57.119 And I didn't have the tools. I didn't have the maturity. 0:26:58.760 --> 0:27:01.840 I you know, I didn't have to support and that's 0:27:01.880 --> 0:27:04.800 why we just, you know, we're arguing all the time, 0:27:04.880 --> 0:27:05.680 we were fighting. 0:27:06.359 --> 0:27:09.520 You know, it's never really been more than that, you know. 0:27:09.600 --> 0:27:11.600 I just think it was like two young people that 0:27:11.880 --> 0:27:14.600 had those horrible circumstances. We didn't know how to deal 0:27:14.640 --> 0:27:17.919 with it, and we just you know, grew apart and 0:27:18.080 --> 0:27:19.440 just kind of broke off. Yeah. 0:27:19.480 --> 0:27:21.320 I don't know. I'm just thinking like if my husband 0:27:21.560 --> 0:27:24.480 just was like filed for divorce, I mean, a feeling 0:27:24.520 --> 0:27:28.119 super blindsided, but also I'd be like, Okay, here's here's 0:27:28.200 --> 0:27:31.639 maybe why, like he was unhappy with X Y and Z. 0:27:31.800 --> 0:27:34.200 Oh oh, okay, well yes, well obviously, I mean, I 0:27:34.240 --> 0:27:37.080 don't think anybody's faults for divorces. They're happy in the relationship, 0:27:37.440 --> 0:27:40.119 but was expecting and no, so he's yes saying that 0:27:40.160 --> 0:27:42.679 he was unhappy because first of all, I'm a public person, 0:27:42.720 --> 0:27:45.040 which you already knew about, right, and. 0:27:45.160 --> 0:27:46.480 Like you know. 0:27:46.560 --> 0:27:49.240 That when you're a public person, and especially the kind 0:27:49.240 --> 0:27:52.440 of show that I'm on, everybody knows my story, everybody 0:27:52.480 --> 0:27:55.320 knows my life. But when he did start dating me, 0:27:55.560 --> 0:27:57.920 he had already done three seasons of this show. He 0:27:57.960 --> 0:28:00.720 already knew who I was, and this is the person 0:28:00.720 --> 0:28:02.240 that he fell in love with He fell in love 0:28:02.280 --> 0:28:05.800 with me and my world. He knew my baggage, which 0:28:05.840 --> 0:28:07.639 I don't even like to call it baggage because my 0:28:07.720 --> 0:28:10.159 children are not my baggage. They're an extension of me 0:28:10.840 --> 0:28:13.960 and they go with me everywhere, and if you love me, 0:28:14.040 --> 0:28:15.880 you have to love my kids and the accepting of them. 0:28:15.920 --> 0:28:18.520 So he knew all the circumstances. Like with this relationship, 0:28:18.520 --> 0:28:21.959 I can tell you with my third relationship, my last one, 0:28:22.520 --> 0:28:25.520 there was no secrets at all, at least well, there's 0:28:25.520 --> 0:28:28.120 never been secrets with any of my husbands on my part, 0:28:29.080 --> 0:28:31.120 and I want to believe that he didn't have any 0:28:31.119 --> 0:28:34.760 secrets either, like the last one. But what I'm trying 0:28:34.760 --> 0:28:38.400 to say is that he knew who I was. He 0:28:38.480 --> 0:28:42.360 knew my entire life, and I was so honest, and 0:28:42.440 --> 0:28:45.160 you know, I had done so much growth, you know, 0:28:45.200 --> 0:28:48.200 and dealing because once I started dating him again, I 0:28:48.240 --> 0:28:51.240 was still grieving Herman's loss because even though I wasn't 0:28:51.280 --> 0:28:53.600 physically with him for the last year and a half, 0:28:54.160 --> 0:28:56.400 I was very emotionally connected to Herman. He was a 0:28:56.520 --> 0:28:59.040 very good person who was a very kind man. We 0:28:59.200 --> 0:29:02.360 spent many years together and I have a lot of 0:29:02.400 --> 0:29:06.960 love for him, and so once again I get into 0:29:07.000 --> 0:29:11.560 a relationship six months later, and again I felt like 0:29:11.640 --> 0:29:15.440 all my relationships I've gone into when I've been down, 0:29:16.120 --> 0:29:18.400 you know, they haven't seen the best of Alexia. It's 0:29:18.400 --> 0:29:20.600 not Alexi's best. They've gotten me when I've been like 0:29:20.680 --> 0:29:23.920 down and vulnerable and like you said, looking for happiness, 0:29:23.960 --> 0:29:26.360 because I haven't been happy myself because a lot of things. 0:29:26.400 --> 0:29:29.480 Obviously I was grieving Hermon's death, right and all this 0:29:29.560 --> 0:29:32.240 new information that I was finding out, and I had 0:29:32.280 --> 0:29:35.160 all these questions, and I had legal problems with like 0:29:35.200 --> 0:29:36.160 Carman's children. 0:29:36.560 --> 0:29:38.040 So I was going through a lot, is what I'm 0:29:38.040 --> 0:29:39.000 trying to tell you. 0:29:38.840 --> 0:29:40.840 Right, But I also I just want to say this 0:29:40.880 --> 0:29:43.080 because I feel like a lot of times we take 0:29:43.160 --> 0:29:46.760 the hit for going through a lot, Like when I 0:29:46.800 --> 0:29:49.200 when I started dating someone post divorce. You know, the 0:29:49.240 --> 0:29:52.280 guy was very much like call me when you heal, 0:29:52.360 --> 0:29:54.480 and I'm like, you know, it made me feel bad 0:29:54.600 --> 0:29:56.840 for crying when I didn't have my kids, you know, 0:29:56.880 --> 0:29:59.040 for Christmas, And it was like the first of all 0:29:59.120 --> 0:30:01.840 the many first I was having and it's like, listen, 0:30:01.880 --> 0:30:04.200 you made me feel bad for feeling like I had 0:30:04.240 --> 0:30:06.640 a lot to heal and work on. Like, I know 0:30:06.720 --> 0:30:08.240 I have a lot to heal and work on, but 0:30:08.640 --> 0:30:11.560 I don't need someone to remind me that I'm like, 0:30:11.600 --> 0:30:14.360 I'm not a bad person for having feelings or for 0:30:14.360 --> 0:30:18.680 for having for feeling grief or sadness because of a situation. 0:30:19.400 --> 0:30:21.520 And like, you know, hearing you say like you had stuff, well, 0:30:21.520 --> 0:30:24.240 of course you did. You were. You're dealing with traumas 0:30:24.320 --> 0:30:27.920 and grief and loss and you know, separation. Those are 0:30:27.960 --> 0:30:30.720 things that you know, the man shouldn't make you feel 0:30:30.880 --> 0:30:33.360 like like, yes, did you get did they get the 0:30:33.400 --> 0:30:36.680 perfect versions of both of us? Know, but also they 0:30:36.680 --> 0:30:39.560 don't need to shed like they don't need to make 0:30:39.640 --> 0:30:40.520 us feel bad about that. 0:30:40.680 --> 0:30:41.640 Right, make it worse? 0:30:41.800 --> 0:30:44.520 Right, No, And a good partner, why you're right, you're 0:30:44.520 --> 0:30:46.479 absolutely right, And a good partner will be there to 0:30:46.520 --> 0:30:49.440 listen to you, lift you up your feet and help 0:30:49.520 --> 0:30:52.200 you get through it right and navigate through that. And 0:30:52.240 --> 0:30:55.240 that's what it happened. That's actually what happened, and that's 0:30:55.280 --> 0:30:58.800 why we did get married. But you know, he has 0:30:58.920 --> 0:31:01.880 two daughters. You know, I have my children. His daughters 0:31:01.880 --> 0:31:04.640 came to live with us. You know, we never you know, 0:31:04.920 --> 0:31:07.440 blended as a family. You know, it's really hard for him, 0:31:07.560 --> 0:31:10.160 you know, like being you know, for a father full time, 0:31:10.280 --> 0:31:11.280 living with us full time. 0:31:11.600 --> 0:31:13.400 We had a lot of pressure. You know. 0:31:13.440 --> 0:31:16.480 We went from being like boyfriend and girlfriend you know, 0:31:16.600 --> 0:31:19.640 kind of like on our own and you know, traveling 0:31:19.800 --> 0:31:22.040 and just like that honeymoon state that we had like 0:31:22.080 --> 0:31:23.840 the first two or three years. So of course our 0:31:23.880 --> 0:31:27.320 relationship was beautiful. Once again, he came in, he sought 0:31:27.360 --> 0:31:30.240 me off my feet. I started feeling happy again, which 0:31:30.240 --> 0:31:32.600 is like what you're saying. When you're like in a 0:31:32.640 --> 0:31:35.360 bad place and we meet a guy and they bring 0:31:35.400 --> 0:31:37.520 all this joy into our life, We're like, this is it. 0:31:37.640 --> 0:31:39.720 He's the guy. Oh my god, I haven't felt happy 0:31:39.760 --> 0:31:42.040 like this in years. And it's kind of like you 0:31:42.120 --> 0:31:45.479 confuse it and then it's easy for you to, you know, 0:31:45.640 --> 0:31:47.560 to pick that guy, just like not the first one 0:31:47.600 --> 0:31:50.160 that comes along. But it's kind of like, Okay, you 0:31:50.240 --> 0:31:52.600 really feel inside like this is the man that's going 0:31:52.680 --> 0:31:55.560 to make me happy. And I mean initially, we all, 0:31:55.600 --> 0:31:57.720 I mean we all want to be happy, but like 0:31:57.800 --> 0:31:59.920 you said, we have to be happy ourselves so we 0:32:00.120 --> 0:32:02.280 can make others happy. Like now I know that I 0:32:02.360 --> 0:32:04.880 just want them to add happiness to my life, you know, 0:32:05.040 --> 0:32:06.200 just don't come take it away. 0:32:06.720 --> 0:32:11.040 Yeah, and in this marriage, now that he's divorced, I've 0:32:11.080 --> 0:32:14.000 heard that you guys have kind of hooked up post 0:32:14.400 --> 0:32:18.920 the filings. Is that the thing you can well, of 0:32:19.000 --> 0:32:21.240 course it is you love this person, he loves you. 0:32:21.280 --> 0:32:24.800 But I'm curious, like, is there is there reconciliation within 0:32:24.880 --> 0:32:26.800 that where you're like, Okay, I'm going to go work 0:32:26.840 --> 0:32:29.760 on this and then can we work on this together? 0:32:29.960 --> 0:32:32.280 And can this work? Because I'm a big believer in 0:32:32.320 --> 0:32:34.720 reconciliation with two people are willing to show up to 0:32:34.760 --> 0:32:37.480 their be their best versions and no, you. 0:32:37.520 --> 0:32:38.360 Have to show up. 0:32:38.560 --> 0:32:41.880 Yeah, that's where we're at exactly because you know, and 0:32:42.040 --> 0:32:44.280 just like therapy that we tried therapy, I feel like 0:32:44.400 --> 0:32:47.640 for this to work, both of us have to want it. 0:32:47.640 --> 0:32:50.560 It takes so much work and effort, and I think 0:32:50.600 --> 0:32:53.040 that today, you know, couples just want to give up 0:32:53.040 --> 0:32:55.360 because it's easier. They don't want to put in the work, 0:32:55.600 --> 0:32:57.680 they don't want to go to therapy, they don't want 0:32:57.680 --> 0:33:00.400 to take time for themselves and say I'm the problem 0:33:00.520 --> 0:33:01.280 or you're the problem. 0:33:01.320 --> 0:33:02.960 And it's not even about who's the problem. 0:33:03.320 --> 0:33:05.040 Is that how are we going to make this better 0:33:05.080 --> 0:33:09.360 and fix it and own accountability and validate each other's feelings? 0:33:09.480 --> 0:33:09.680 You know. 0:33:09.800 --> 0:33:12.040 So it's it's hard. I feel like it's so much 0:33:12.040 --> 0:33:15.200 easier today then back in the day to just walk away, 0:33:15.240 --> 0:33:17.560 and then there's so many options for the other people, 0:33:18.160 --> 0:33:20.040 you know, like saying like you're saying your friends like, 0:33:20.160 --> 0:33:22.080 isn't it easier like just to like give up on 0:33:22.160 --> 0:33:24.240 it and like to find another guy, like look. 0:33:24.120 --> 0:33:26.680 At you because your problems are still going to exist 0:33:26.720 --> 0:33:28.320 and they're going to have problems. So now you're going 0:33:28.360 --> 0:33:31.440 to have a whole new out the problems that you 0:33:31.440 --> 0:33:32.240 have to then deal with. 0:33:32.520 --> 0:33:33.280 Yeah, I'm like, I. 0:33:33.200 --> 0:33:35.440 Don't even want to see a man, Like honestly, I'm like, 0:33:35.560 --> 0:33:38.360 right now I am not. So, you know, it's so 0:33:38.520 --> 0:33:40.800 this is what's made it so hard this time around, 0:33:41.280 --> 0:33:44.400 because we were in love with each other. We were like, 0:33:44.480 --> 0:33:46.880 I think it's like an obsession. Honestly, I don't even 0:33:46.960 --> 0:33:49.120 know if it's love anymore. It's an obsession and addiction. 0:33:49.280 --> 0:33:51.040 I don't know what we want to call it. But 0:33:51.760 --> 0:33:54.720 and you know, we do have problems, you know, communicating, 0:33:54.920 --> 0:33:58.080 But I feel like, you know, a lot of couples do, right, 0:33:58.160 --> 0:34:00.640 it's just learning how to talk to each other. So 0:34:00.680 --> 0:34:03.080 we'll have like the highs and the low some good days, 0:34:03.080 --> 0:34:05.440 some bad days. But then on top of it, you know, 0:34:05.440 --> 0:34:07.560 I'm filming the show. So that makes it like a 0:34:07.560 --> 0:34:09.799 lot easier, I mean, sorry, it makes it a lot 0:34:09.880 --> 0:34:13.919 harder on my relationship because he never liked the show. 0:34:14.000 --> 0:34:14.640 That is the truth. 0:34:14.640 --> 0:34:17.440 And I've always said it, and I've always said I've 0:34:17.480 --> 0:34:20.640 said it publicly, I've said it to him. I will 0:34:20.760 --> 0:34:24.120 always pick you, you know, meaning my husband and taught 0:34:24.120 --> 0:34:27.480 in this case, and my children and my family over 0:34:27.560 --> 0:34:31.080 the show. But you know, sometimes I feel like he's 0:34:31.160 --> 0:34:33.680 using it as an skateboard because he doesn't like it. 0:34:34.440 --> 0:34:38.640 And honestly, you know, I feel like whatever partner you 0:34:38.680 --> 0:34:42.080 have in your life needs to support you, and I 0:34:42.280 --> 0:34:43.719 haven't had that support from him. 0:34:43.760 --> 0:34:45.479 You know, I get it. He doesn't align with the show. 0:34:45.560 --> 0:34:46.399 He doesn't like it. 0:34:46.440 --> 0:34:48.680 And by the way, it's really not immense show, like 0:34:48.760 --> 0:34:52.240 I honestly don't recommend for any other husbands to be involved, 0:34:52.960 --> 0:34:55.879 but it is what it is. But we never really 0:34:55.880 --> 0:35:00.640 had that conversation about, you know, pick me or the show, right, 0:35:00.680 --> 0:35:03.239 So because it would always it would always be him. 0:35:03.440 --> 0:35:05.800 It would always be him, and I gave him that option. 0:35:05.840 --> 0:35:07.640 I wanted to do it, but he's like, oh no, 0:35:07.760 --> 0:35:09.719 Like I can't. You know, you can't do that because 0:35:09.719 --> 0:35:13.279 then you're going to resent me. So, you know, it's 0:35:13.280 --> 0:35:17.400 been like an emotional rollercoaster. I feel like I'm in 0:35:17.400 --> 0:35:21.440 an emotional limbo because you know, I don't know what 0:35:21.480 --> 0:35:21.680 to do. 0:35:21.760 --> 0:35:22.920 It's been six months. 0:35:22.960 --> 0:35:24.759 Does he want to try to make it work? 0:35:25.880 --> 0:35:26.319 I feel like. 0:35:26.320 --> 0:35:29.439 We're both trying to make it work. But why isn't 0:35:29.440 --> 0:35:32.799 it working after six months? Right? It's like how much 0:35:32.840 --> 0:35:34.920 time do you give yourself? Like how much time do 0:35:34.960 --> 0:35:35.320 you think? 0:35:35.840 --> 0:35:36.040 Right? 0:35:36.120 --> 0:35:38.080 I mean, that's that's just a question because it's like 0:35:38.640 --> 0:35:42.360 you got to address the main issue, is what is 0:35:42.400 --> 0:35:44.800 the issue, and then work on that because if it 0:35:44.800 --> 0:35:46.520 doesn't change, then it's just the same thing's going to 0:35:46.600 --> 0:35:48.319 keep happening again and again. Then how long do you 0:35:48.360 --> 0:35:49.280 continue to try? 0:35:50.040 --> 0:35:50.160 Right? 0:35:50.760 --> 0:35:54.040 But I mean, if you guys are dating again, I 0:35:54.080 --> 0:35:58.799 mean I feel like and there's hope for potential reconciliation. 0:35:58.880 --> 0:36:00.640 I mean, I again, I'm always the one that's like, 0:36:00.680 --> 0:36:02.160 if you guys can get to the root of it, 0:36:02.239 --> 0:36:05.319 and then you know, plan a new seed with it, 0:36:05.320 --> 0:36:06.640 it grows, right. 0:36:06.719 --> 0:36:09.520 I mean, I feel like whatever problems we had before, 0:36:10.239 --> 0:36:14.239 we don't have anymore. But just because you know, his 0:36:14.360 --> 0:36:17.400 daughters went to college and you know, and so you know, 0:36:18.200 --> 0:36:19.319 I think that added a lot. 0:36:19.239 --> 0:36:21.720 Of stress on the marriage. And the show. 0:36:21.840 --> 0:36:23.880 A reality show adds a lot of stress on your 0:36:23.920 --> 0:36:27.120 marriage as well. You have to have a very very 0:36:27.320 --> 0:36:30.239 typeon you have to be a team and even so, 0:36:31.000 --> 0:36:34.360 you know, I mean, obviously there's editing takes into place. 0:36:34.920 --> 0:36:37.680 So sometimes you see yourself, you know, on the show 0:36:37.760 --> 0:36:39.800 and you're like, my god, like I'm not that person. 0:36:40.400 --> 0:36:43.160 You know why or you know why am I looking 0:36:43.200 --> 0:36:45.719 that way? So you know, I respect all of that, 0:36:45.920 --> 0:36:47.359 you know, when I get it. These guys don't show 0:36:47.440 --> 0:36:49.520 up to do these kind of shows. They don't sign 0:36:49.600 --> 0:36:49.960 up for it. 0:36:50.040 --> 0:36:54.319 We do. But I feel like there's more there, you know. 0:36:54.360 --> 0:36:56.600 I think that that's just easier friend to say, like, well, 0:36:56.640 --> 0:36:58.279 you know, I don't like the show, I don't like 0:36:58.320 --> 0:37:00.319 your life, I don't like your world, so I'm just 0:37:00.400 --> 0:37:01.600 gonna like exit it. 0:37:01.840 --> 0:37:03.919 Well, but here's the deal, Like you're saying that you'll 0:37:04.000 --> 0:37:05.920 choose him. So that's my that's my piece and like, 0:37:05.920 --> 0:37:07.640 what is he Why is he trying to push you away? 0:37:07.640 --> 0:37:10.960 When you're saying I will choose you right. 0:37:11.000 --> 0:37:13.239 Well, I've said that right and I'll keep on saying 0:37:13.280 --> 0:37:16.920 it because you know, I that is the real story. 0:37:27.640 --> 0:37:29.000 Are you guys living together apart? 0:37:29.080 --> 0:37:32.120 We're not living together, which is it's good and it's 0:37:32.120 --> 0:37:34.120 bad because you know, I've had a lot of time, 0:37:34.200 --> 0:37:37.520 you know, for myself to do things for me to heal, 0:37:38.040 --> 0:37:41.239 to understand things, to read books, to listen to podcasts, to. 0:37:41.280 --> 0:37:43.680 Go on walks, and so it's fun. 0:37:43.719 --> 0:37:45.480 You know, it's hot and sexy to like date and 0:37:45.480 --> 0:37:47.560 see each other again because you still have that chemistry 0:37:47.600 --> 0:37:49.960 and we like each other. But it's when we start 0:37:50.000 --> 0:37:55.920 talking about deeper things that we you know, start you know, 0:37:56.200 --> 0:37:58.520 not with the fighting, but with like good disagreements. 0:37:58.840 --> 0:38:01.319 Will you will you guys do therapy together? Like do 0:38:01.360 --> 0:38:02.480 you believe in that together? 0:38:03.080 --> 0:38:07.120 So we tried that and it really didn't work for 0:38:07.200 --> 0:38:11.120 us because well, in my case, I wanted to continue 0:38:11.120 --> 0:38:13.200 it because I can take it, like I can take 0:38:13.360 --> 0:38:16.960 talking about the past, crying about it and moving forward. 0:38:17.239 --> 0:38:20.120 But I felt like in his case, he was he 0:38:20.200 --> 0:38:23.040 just couldn't take it. You know, it's hard. Even the therapy, 0:38:23.080 --> 0:38:26.760 you have to relive you know, all those all those 0:38:26.920 --> 0:38:30.040 horrible moments that you did fight about and were triggers, 0:38:30.400 --> 0:38:32.880 you have to relive them again. And so it was 0:38:32.920 --> 0:38:34.920 it was really really tough for him, but you know, 0:38:34.960 --> 0:38:37.600 at least he tried. And then we've had of agreed 0:38:37.680 --> 0:38:39.960 that it wasn't great for us. I don't know if 0:38:40.000 --> 0:38:43.280 it was a therapist or it was just us ourselves, 0:38:43.560 --> 0:38:45.960 and you know, we're both like reading books and talking 0:38:46.000 --> 0:38:46.520 to each other. 0:38:46.640 --> 0:38:47.160 We're bored. 0:38:47.200 --> 0:38:49.279 Like I can tell you for sure that I'm a 0:38:49.320 --> 0:38:53.480 lot more self aware and educated, and I think that 0:38:53.480 --> 0:38:56.440 that really changes things because sometimes when you're in it, 0:38:56.640 --> 0:38:58.880 you know, you don't realize it. But now that we 0:38:59.000 --> 0:39:02.319 have time apart and we have time for ourselves, you 0:39:02.480 --> 0:39:05.000 kind of like when we start a conversation, I'm like, Okay, 0:39:05.040 --> 0:39:06.719 I know where this is going. I know what you're 0:39:06.760 --> 0:39:11.240 doing and you know whatnot. But but yeah, I still 0:39:11.520 --> 0:39:12.640 don't know what we're doing. 0:39:12.760 --> 0:39:15.640 You know. I know we're liking going out and kind. 0:39:15.480 --> 0:39:16.920 Of like the dating, but I'm like, am I going 0:39:17.000 --> 0:39:19.080 to go from being your wife to be like your girlfriend? 0:39:19.160 --> 0:39:21.439 Like it doesn't make any sense. I mean, I still 0:39:21.480 --> 0:39:22.280 feel like his wife. 0:39:22.880 --> 0:39:25.920 I think if there's love still there and you know, 0:39:26.239 --> 0:39:29.040 two people are willing to try, I'm always like such 0:39:29.080 --> 0:39:31.120 an advocate for that. And my therapist one time said, 0:39:31.160 --> 0:39:35.440 don't make any big decisions. He's she's like, do a 0:39:35.520 --> 0:39:40.960 year essentially, So you know, you have to trust your 0:39:41.000 --> 0:39:42.920 heart with that. But I always say to people again, like, 0:39:42.960 --> 0:39:46.759 it's not it's not greener stepping out, it's it's you 0:39:46.800 --> 0:39:50.520 can have a stronger marriage if you know, if you 0:39:50.600 --> 0:39:52.200 and like you said, you're like you want to put 0:39:52.200 --> 0:39:53.719 in the work and you're trying to do it, and 0:39:53.760 --> 0:39:56.239 so you know, I think, you know, for our listeners, 0:39:56.360 --> 0:40:00.120 what would be your biggest tip to them that you 0:40:00.120 --> 0:40:02.120 would tell them if they were in the situation, Because 0:40:02.120 --> 0:40:05.120 that's sometimes a lot of times I shadow that because 0:40:05.120 --> 0:40:07.120 I'm like, what would I tell my friend because that's 0:40:07.160 --> 0:40:09.000 the advice and that I would want to take. 0:40:09.560 --> 0:40:10.000 That's true. 0:40:10.000 --> 0:40:12.600 Well, apparently it gives really good advice to everyone else 0:40:12.640 --> 0:40:15.000 into my friends, But then I don't I don't apply 0:40:15.080 --> 0:40:18.520 it to myself. You know, I've always been the kind 0:40:18.560 --> 0:40:21.640 of person that has followed her heart, and even if 0:40:21.680 --> 0:40:24.560 I had all the obstacles and challenges and the entire 0:40:24.560 --> 0:40:26.640 world telling me don't do it. A let's you don't 0:40:26.680 --> 0:40:29.000 do it, and you know your friend will obviously love 0:40:29.040 --> 0:40:31.239 and want to protect you and want to protect your heart. 0:40:31.760 --> 0:40:35.439 So everybody has a different opinion. But I've always really 0:40:35.440 --> 0:40:39.560 followed my heart. So whatever my heart, my heart's telling 0:40:39.600 --> 0:40:42.080 me right now to continue to fight for this, you know, 0:40:42.280 --> 0:40:45.120 and and to try to fix it and make it better. 0:40:45.200 --> 0:40:47.320 That's another thing about me that I'm like a fixer, 0:40:47.480 --> 0:40:51.440 like I need to fix everything, and sometimes you have. 0:40:51.480 --> 0:40:52.600 To know when. 0:40:54.320 --> 0:40:56.239 There's no more you can do, right, It's kind of 0:40:56.280 --> 0:40:58.200 like you have to know when to walk away. 0:40:59.239 --> 0:41:02.360 Well, and you're an insane smart business woman too, Like 0:41:02.400 --> 0:41:04.839 you're very smart with all of that. So I think 0:41:05.280 --> 0:41:08.839 you know for our listeners too, you're you know when 0:41:08.880 --> 0:41:13.400 it comes to finances, like you are very savvy. What 0:41:13.600 --> 0:41:16.680 has been your biggest mistake you've made in that department 0:41:16.680 --> 0:41:19.160 in relationships? And then what do you think has saved 0:41:19.160 --> 0:41:20.120 you the most. 0:41:20.840 --> 0:41:23.719 So I feel that the worst thing that I've done 0:41:23.800 --> 0:41:27.600 is that I've never really been involved in the finances 0:41:27.680 --> 0:41:30.280 with the men. The men have taken care of everything 0:41:31.160 --> 0:41:37.040 because they've had those personalities and they've usually had more money, 0:41:37.280 --> 0:41:40.440 so they've taken it upon themselves to pay for everything 0:41:41.080 --> 0:41:43.560 and to kind of like just share what they've wanted 0:41:43.600 --> 0:41:46.520 to share. And you know, I believe like your first 0:41:46.600 --> 0:41:49.280 husband is different from like your second and third husband. 0:41:49.320 --> 0:41:49.400 You know. 0:41:49.440 --> 0:41:51.560 I feel like when you get married together and you know, 0:41:51.719 --> 0:41:54.680 for the first time, and you know you're both starting off, 0:41:55.680 --> 0:41:58.040 I believe that it's usually more like you share more 0:41:58.080 --> 0:42:00.680 about the finances, and you know, you kind of like 0:42:00.719 --> 0:42:03.280 are growing your life and building your life and growing, 0:42:03.680 --> 0:42:06.719 so you're more involved. But I found with like my 0:42:06.800 --> 0:42:09.520 second husband, it was kind of like you never really shared, 0:42:09.560 --> 0:42:11.520 you know, how much he had or how much he 0:42:11.560 --> 0:42:13.359 didn't have. You know, I kind of like found out 0:42:13.400 --> 0:42:16.280 after he passed away, and I was but he always 0:42:16.280 --> 0:42:18.279 made me feel secure, so it's not like I had 0:42:18.320 --> 0:42:21.600 to like question, you know, his finances. But you know, 0:42:21.640 --> 0:42:23.960 I advise every woman that they really need to be 0:42:24.280 --> 0:42:27.359 involved and they need to know what's going on, and 0:42:27.400 --> 0:42:30.560 you know, take that initiative because things happen like divorce 0:42:30.640 --> 0:42:32.839 or death and then you know they don't know what's 0:42:32.880 --> 0:42:35.200 going on, which is practiced. Really what happened to me 0:42:35.320 --> 0:42:36.879 after herman's death? 0:42:37.400 --> 0:42:40.000 Yeah, sure, what do you think is the one thing 0:42:40.280 --> 0:42:43.600 that you need to work on the most for like 0:42:44.200 --> 0:42:47.040 in the relationship, and then also just you personally, like 0:42:47.080 --> 0:42:48.719 you're one thing that you're like, this is what I 0:42:48.840 --> 0:42:50.680 keep hitting up against. 0:42:51.680 --> 0:42:54.000 So I mean, I feel like I need to work 0:42:54.040 --> 0:42:59.319 more on just being a little bit more guarded with 0:42:59.360 --> 0:43:01.560 my heart. You know, I feel like I'm such an 0:43:01.560 --> 0:43:05.239 EmPATH now I'm an educated EmPATH. So it's like I 0:43:05.440 --> 0:43:08.480 you know, you need to protect your heart sometimes because 0:43:08.520 --> 0:43:12.320 you can't give it away just to anyone or to anybody. 0:43:13.000 --> 0:43:15.880 And I just need to take my time, you know, 0:43:16.000 --> 0:43:20.000 to just feel good about myself. And like I said, 0:43:20.040 --> 0:43:21.920 I do like so much in my life and now 0:43:22.120 --> 0:43:24.120 to the point like I used to be ashamed about 0:43:24.120 --> 0:43:25.960 a lot of things in my life, not about me 0:43:26.440 --> 0:43:28.960 and me as a person, but around what was around me. 0:43:29.680 --> 0:43:33.160 And so I've done good with that as far as 0:43:33.200 --> 0:43:36.760 like being seeing the good about it, seeing my life lessons, 0:43:36.880 --> 0:43:39.239 learning from it, and actually being proud that I am 0:43:39.280 --> 0:43:41.480 the woman that I am today because of what I've 0:43:41.520 --> 0:43:44.800 gone through and learned from. And as far as the 0:43:44.920 --> 0:43:48.480 finances is like you have to have your own money, 0:43:48.560 --> 0:43:51.799 you have to be independent, and if the guy has 0:43:51.840 --> 0:43:55.360 money more power to you. But I feel like a 0:43:55.440 --> 0:43:58.000 man respects a woman a lot more in a marriage 0:43:58.080 --> 0:44:02.280 when she comes with her own education, with her own money, 0:44:02.760 --> 0:44:06.759 with her own with her own skills, and like it's 0:44:06.760 --> 0:44:08.879 not like she has to contribute to the household and 0:44:08.920 --> 0:44:11.560 she has suit. I'm sure she will, but I feel 0:44:11.640 --> 0:44:14.680 like the whole thing changes. You know, they have a 0:44:14.719 --> 0:44:16.719 different perspective of who you are. 0:44:16.840 --> 0:44:19.759 They respect you more as long as they're secure. Because 0:44:19.800 --> 0:44:24.560 my problem is my past relationships. The guys always said 0:44:24.560 --> 0:44:26.960 that was like their favorite quality about me that I 0:44:27.040 --> 0:44:30.680 you know, provided that I was the quote unquote breadwinner, 0:44:30.719 --> 0:44:33.800 But then that became the thing they used against me too, sure, 0:44:33.840 --> 0:44:36.800 and I feel like that came from their own insecurities 0:44:37.239 --> 0:44:40.880 of things. But then I'm like, well, but I remember 0:44:40.920 --> 0:44:42.719 when I got divorced. My husband was like, we'll have 0:44:42.760 --> 0:44:44.960 fun making money. I'm like, is that a bad thing? Like, 0:44:45.080 --> 0:44:47.680 I guess I'm supporting you and paying child support. I 0:44:47.680 --> 0:44:49.399 wouldn't complain about like. 0:44:49.680 --> 0:44:52.120 Why, like what he should want you to make more money? 0:44:52.480 --> 0:44:55.360 Yeah, I'm like, huh, But speaking of that co parenting 0:44:55.400 --> 0:44:58.680 side of things, what is your And I so agree 0:44:58.680 --> 0:45:01.400 with you because there's nothing like I could you know, 0:45:01.760 --> 0:45:07.040 I could say the meanest things about him to you know, 0:45:07.360 --> 0:45:09.799 one day my kids and now I could just treat 0:45:09.840 --> 0:45:12.120 him terribly, but I'm like, for what what what is 0:45:12.160 --> 0:45:14.400 that going to help or do? And like for me, 0:45:14.480 --> 0:45:17.319 I'm like, you know, they think their dad is the 0:45:17.320 --> 0:45:19.640 most amazing human on the planet. Amazing. I'm doing my 0:45:19.719 --> 0:45:23.040 job then as a mom, you know, so they always 0:45:23.080 --> 0:45:26.839 believe that, you know, and if they want to ask 0:45:26.920 --> 0:45:29.239 questions later on, they can go to him or us 0:45:29.320 --> 0:45:32.600 later to find But you know, and we we do 0:45:32.840 --> 0:45:35.479 kind of high five ourselves at times, being like, hey, 0:45:35.560 --> 0:45:38.279 this is hasn't been an easy journey to get here, 0:45:38.320 --> 0:45:40.520 but you know, thanks for being a good you know, 0:45:40.560 --> 0:45:43.080 because I've been kind to him, He's been kind back 0:45:43.080 --> 0:45:45.640 to me. So it's like it's been good. But I 0:45:45.680 --> 0:45:47.560 know a lot of people struggle on that co parenting 0:45:47.840 --> 0:45:50.080 and since this is I do part two, most people 0:45:50.080 --> 0:45:52.719 are probably going to come with kids. So what is 0:45:52.760 --> 0:45:57.120 your biggest tip for co parenting for the listeners when 0:45:57.280 --> 0:45:58.560 they start to find love. 0:45:59.120 --> 0:46:01.440 You know, I mean, it's not the kid's fault that 0:46:01.520 --> 0:46:03.880 their parents are no longer together, and our children are 0:46:03.880 --> 0:46:06.680 always going to want us with obviously their. 0:46:06.640 --> 0:46:09.799 Dad, but the couple. 0:46:09.880 --> 0:46:13.040 You know, the moms and dads really don't realize and 0:46:13.239 --> 0:46:17.280 understand how much they hurt their kids by speaking badly 0:46:17.560 --> 0:46:20.160 about their mothers and fathers, because at the end of 0:46:20.200 --> 0:46:24.240 the day, they know it already inside. Like sometimes obviously 0:46:24.239 --> 0:46:26.920 they grow up and then they'll they'll they'll find their 0:46:26.920 --> 0:46:30.120 own assumptions. They know everything that's going on. I mean, 0:46:30.280 --> 0:46:33.800 years later, my older son said, with both of my marriages, 0:46:33.840 --> 0:46:36.480 my older sons has said, you know what, Mom, I 0:46:36.560 --> 0:46:39.759 know you tried. You're an amazing mom, and I love you. 0:46:39.840 --> 0:46:42.480 I know how much you tried. And I understand why 0:46:42.480 --> 0:46:44.880 you divorce my dad, and I understand why you and 0:46:44.920 --> 0:46:49.120 herman are separated. Like there's an understanding there. It's uncomfortable 0:46:49.120 --> 0:46:50.919 to talk to them, but you need to protect them. 0:46:51.440 --> 0:46:53.719 And I'm always about protecting, you know, my kids and 0:46:53.760 --> 0:46:56.040 their hearts. Like they're they're you know, they're not blinds, 0:46:56.080 --> 0:46:58.880 they're not deaf like they're they're listening. They're seeing so 0:46:59.040 --> 0:47:02.279 deep inside they so why put more on them. It's 0:47:02.320 --> 0:47:05.320 already hard enough. You know, the parents really have to 0:47:05.400 --> 0:47:07.520 learn how to get along. And I get it in 0:47:07.560 --> 0:47:10.800 the beginning. It's hard, especially under circumstances like that of 0:47:10.960 --> 0:47:12.720 like cheating or betrayal or whatnot. 0:47:13.040 --> 0:47:15.120 But you need to move past past that. 0:47:15.719 --> 0:47:17.680 And be there for their children because no matter what, 0:47:17.960 --> 0:47:19.920 no matter how bad you talk about the dad or 0:47:19.920 --> 0:47:22.600 the mom, they're still going to love their parents. I mean, 0:47:22.760 --> 0:47:24.960 or you know, once they grow up and once they're eighteen, 0:47:25.360 --> 0:47:27.440 they're gonna they're going to have the right, you know, 0:47:27.520 --> 0:47:29.760 to go live with whatever parent they want to spend 0:47:29.760 --> 0:47:32.879 more time. So just why do that to them? 0:47:33.000 --> 0:47:34.920 On dred percent? And then what do you hope to 0:47:35.000 --> 0:47:37.040 teach the listeners through this experience? 0:47:37.560 --> 0:47:39.799 Well, I first want to say, don't give up on love, 0:47:40.360 --> 0:47:43.920 because you know, love is there and you just have 0:47:44.040 --> 0:47:45.880 to want it. You have to be open to it, 0:47:46.040 --> 0:47:49.440 have an open mind, have an open heart. Manifest it, 0:47:49.560 --> 0:47:52.319 you know, manifest the kind of man, the kind of 0:47:52.320 --> 0:47:55.879 relationship you want, you know what you're looking for. Don't 0:47:55.920 --> 0:47:57.680 be obsessed because you know there's a lot of women 0:47:57.680 --> 0:47:59.120 that are like, oh my god every time they go 0:47:59.160 --> 0:48:00.960 od it's like to for a guy, Like I have 0:48:01.000 --> 0:48:03.160 to find a guy, you know, I find that you 0:48:03.280 --> 0:48:06.600 find that person when you're least looking for it, and 0:48:06.640 --> 0:48:08.840 that's how it's happened. To me like I have not 0:48:09.000 --> 0:48:12.600 been looking for any of the of my men, you know, 0:48:12.680 --> 0:48:15.799 and any of these relationships. I just wanted to be out, 0:48:16.000 --> 0:48:19.520 have fun, talk to people, have a drink, and I've 0:48:19.680 --> 0:48:22.080 you know, and that's how I've met like my three husbands. 0:48:22.280 --> 0:48:24.560 I haven't done the dating online ding. I don't think 0:48:24.560 --> 0:48:27.120 I'm very much like I like to like see the guy, 0:48:27.320 --> 0:48:30.480 like see the person, yeah, and interact. I don't know 0:48:30.520 --> 0:48:31.960 how much online day. 0:48:32.280 --> 0:48:34.359 I know you're going to be You're going to be 0:48:34.400 --> 0:48:38.120 such an amazing guest mentor so thank you so much 0:48:38.200 --> 0:48:41.480 for coming on this journey alongside with us. We appreciate 0:48:41.480 --> 0:48:43.200 you so much. And I just I love a girl 0:48:43.200 --> 0:48:45.920 that loves to love like you know, just we all 0:48:45.920 --> 0:48:47.200 got a little j low in us. 0:48:47.400 --> 0:48:49.040 So yes, that is for sure. 0:48:49.400 --> 0:48:51.839 Never give up. You know, love is everything. I mean, 0:48:51.920 --> 0:48:54.200 this is why you fight for everything because of love. 0:48:54.280 --> 0:48:56.680 Love for your children, love for your husband, different kinds 0:48:56.680 --> 0:48:59.919 of love, but that feeling of love is just every 0:49:00.200 --> 0:49:01.359 and that's what keeps me going. 0:49:01.920 --> 0:49:04.560 And we're going to love ourselves first and then everyone 0:49:04.560 --> 0:49:07.879 else around us. It's same to Amenda that Alexia, you're 0:49:07.920 --> 0:49:09.520 the best. Thank you so much for coming on. 0:49:10.040 --> 0:49:13.120 Thank you Jana so much. Fit Bye, honey bye. 0:49:13.280 --> 0:49:15.279 We are so thrilled to have Alexia be a part 0:49:15.280 --> 0:49:17.839 of our celebrity mentor team on I Do Part two. 0:49:17.880 --> 0:49:19.879 So if you are struggling on if you should stay 0:49:19.880 --> 0:49:22.280 in a relationship or leave it, or how to reconcile 0:49:22.320 --> 0:49:24.520 a relationship, we want to hear from you, or if 0:49:24.520 --> 0:49:26.879 you're single and ready to find love again, call us 0:49:27.160 --> 0:49:30.640 one eight four four four I Do Pod. That's eight 0:49:30.719 --> 0:49:34.160 four four four four three six seven six three or 0:49:34.200 --> 0:49:37.359 email us at I dopodt iHeartRadio dot com. Follow us 0:49:37.360 --> 0:49:39.920 on Instagram at I Do Part two pod. I Do 0:49:40.320 --> 0:49:43.799 Part two. That's the number two pod. I Do Part 0:49:43.840 --> 0:49:46.839 two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the 0:49:46.880 --> 0:49:47.640 main objective