1 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:15,440 Speaker 1: You're listening to ID Part two, an innovative, one of 2 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:18,479 Speaker 1: a kind experiment in podcasting and love. This is a 3 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,800 Speaker 1: chance for people who are unlucky in love the first 4 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:24,920 Speaker 1: time around to have another shot at love. I'm one 5 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,240 Speaker 1: of your hosts, Janna Kramer, and I am living proof 6 00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:30,680 Speaker 1: that you can get love right the next chance around, 7 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:33,880 Speaker 1: or the next chance around after that. Today we're going 8 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:36,519 Speaker 1: to be joined by one of our celebrity mentors. You 9 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:40,040 Speaker 1: know her as the Cuban Barbie from Real Housewives of Miami, 10 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:43,120 Speaker 1: and she's the co host of the podcast I Poor Fevore. 11 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:48,239 Speaker 1: Please welcome Alexia Napola to the podcast. Alexia, I'd have 12 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,479 Speaker 1: to be honest with you, I haven't had the pleasure 13 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:55,160 Speaker 1: of watching the Miami Honestly, I feel like I've been 14 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:58,040 Speaker 1: kind of in a bubble. I'm ten months postpartum, and 15 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,880 Speaker 1: i feel like I'm snow out of the getting out 16 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:02,840 Speaker 1: of it. But I'm like, I need to catch up 17 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:05,880 Speaker 1: on all the shows, all the things, because I'm just 18 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,560 Speaker 1: I feel so out of the loop. But what I 19 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:11,280 Speaker 1: love about this is connecting with you on a human level, 20 00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 1: because you know, this show is about connecting people and 21 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:19,000 Speaker 1: finding love, and you have been on such a journey, 22 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 1: and there's so many pieces of your story that I 23 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,560 Speaker 1: relate to so much, so I'm so excited to just 24 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:26,319 Speaker 1: kind of get into the weeds of all of it. 25 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:30,200 Speaker 1: But right now, though, are you Are you currently filming 26 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,040 Speaker 1: not filming, like, what's what's going on? 27 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:34,680 Speaker 2: So we are. 28 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 3: We are filming our season seven of the Real Hosts 29 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 3: of Miami, and I guess you'll get to see my 30 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,480 Speaker 3: love journey on there this season, because I feel like 31 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:47,560 Speaker 3: I've had different love journeys throughout all my seasons, unfortunately, 32 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,680 Speaker 3: because all I wanted to do is be married all 33 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:50,240 Speaker 3: my life, by the. 34 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: Way, well, and so that is so interesting that you 35 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 1: say that, because I feel like that piece I relate 36 00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:59,280 Speaker 1: to too, because all I've wanted is to just have 37 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:03,600 Speaker 1: one wedding, one marriage, and just be with the love 38 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:06,640 Speaker 1: of my life. But it's been, it's been. It's been 39 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:08,400 Speaker 1: a hell of a ride to get to that point, 40 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:12,200 Speaker 1: because I've you know, just picked the wrong man, gotten 41 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:18,079 Speaker 1: into wrong relationships, unhealed versions of myself, and you know, finally, 42 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 1: you know, on my I'm not even going to tell 43 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,960 Speaker 1: you what number it is, but you know. 44 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,040 Speaker 2: I know myself. 45 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 1: But it's like, it's one of those things where I'm like, 46 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:27,960 Speaker 1: I didn't want it to be that many That's not 47 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:31,600 Speaker 1: that's I didn't go into things being like, oh I 48 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:34,720 Speaker 1: want to be divorced this many times. And so I'm 49 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:38,679 Speaker 1: curious with your first relationship with your with your first 50 00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:42,079 Speaker 1: husband that you have your two sons with, when how 51 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,080 Speaker 1: old were you when that marriage took place. 52 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:47,480 Speaker 3: I was twenty three when I started my relationship with them, 53 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 3: twenty two twenty three. So I feel like we have 54 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 3: we love different, you know at that age, or we 55 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:55,640 Speaker 3: look for different things, you know at that age. By 56 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:56,800 Speaker 3: the way I mean, I feel like we look for 57 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,560 Speaker 3: different things at doesn't really matter the age, but it 58 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,639 Speaker 3: depends what you're going through your life. And that's where 59 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:05,519 Speaker 3: you're talking about how we pick which is so important. 60 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,239 Speaker 3: So that's what I needed at that time in my life. 61 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,640 Speaker 3: You know, my father had passed away and my mother 62 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:14,000 Speaker 3: had moved to Spain, and I was it was the 63 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:17,640 Speaker 3: first time you know that I really felt like alone, 64 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,560 Speaker 3: you know, in my life. And then I met this 65 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 3: guy there was you know, my age. He brought me 66 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,639 Speaker 3: so much happiness. I was at a very like vulnerable place, 67 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,639 Speaker 3: very you know, sad time in my life and he 68 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 3: was like my prince Charming. 69 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 2: He came, he sent me off my feet, you know. 70 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:35,040 Speaker 3: He it's like what I needed, and that's what, you know, 71 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:36,480 Speaker 3: what I went for, you know, and I had my 72 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:40,520 Speaker 3: two beautiful kids. But you know that wasn't again he 73 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,480 Speaker 3: I at that moment, I thought he was a love 74 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:45,760 Speaker 3: of my life. But then I realized, you know, soon enough, 75 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:49,000 Speaker 3: that love isn't enough sometimes no matter how much he 76 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 3: loved the person, you know, because he was going through 77 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,360 Speaker 3: other things that I was like not okay with and 78 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 3: kind of like kept at a secret, which I know 79 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,600 Speaker 3: it's like, what's something that we're going to talk about 80 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 3: in relationships? You know that how you know these secrets 81 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 3: do affect you know us and affect our relationships. 82 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, for sure. How long were you in that marriage? 83 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:08,680 Speaker 2: For about ten years? 84 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,480 Speaker 3: You know we've we've got legally you know, divorced, not 85 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 3: because we wanted to, but because of the circumstances. And 86 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,560 Speaker 3: I had you know, two children with him, and I 87 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 3: still have, you know, a friendship and a relationship with 88 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,159 Speaker 3: him because of my kids. My kids adore him, and 89 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,640 Speaker 3: you know, I always tell my kids to love their father, 90 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:28,200 Speaker 3: you know, I wasn't one of these moms that you know, 91 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,039 Speaker 3: talked like ugly things about their dad. 92 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,240 Speaker 2: You know, I always wanted my. 93 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,000 Speaker 3: Kids to have a good relationship with their father, you know, 94 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:37,280 Speaker 3: regardless what the circumstances were. And their father does love 95 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,000 Speaker 3: them a lot, and you know, I think the kids 96 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:42,280 Speaker 3: grow up healthier that way. And you know, we don't 97 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,719 Speaker 3: choose our parents, you know, and this is this is 98 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 3: their dad, and he's a good man and he's you know, 99 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,880 Speaker 3: been there for them as much as you can, and 100 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:51,480 Speaker 3: they today have. 101 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:52,360 Speaker 2: A good relationship. 102 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 3: But what I love about you and I is that 103 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:59,000 Speaker 3: despite all these painful past relationships, we're never giving up 104 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,320 Speaker 3: on love. And like that's kind of like what I did, 105 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,320 Speaker 3: you know, Like that was that chapter in my life. 106 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:06,240 Speaker 3: But then I moved on to my second husband at 107 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:08,640 Speaker 3: a different stage of my life where I had two children, 108 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:12,680 Speaker 3: and you know, that makes it so much more difficult, 109 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,080 Speaker 3: and you look for different things, you know, when you 110 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,320 Speaker 3: have children. You know, I feel like your first husband 111 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,320 Speaker 3: is who you want to have a family with. And 112 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,680 Speaker 3: it's like that fairy tale story that you want the 113 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,239 Speaker 3: beautiful wedding, you want to have the kids, the house, 114 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:30,520 Speaker 3: the family and all that and I unfortunately got little 115 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,920 Speaker 3: bits and pieces of it, but not the whole thing 116 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,320 Speaker 3: that I wanted. And you know, ten years later we 117 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:43,560 Speaker 3: separated and I quickly pretty much met my second husband. 118 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:47,520 Speaker 3: And you see, that's what I've learned today, that we 119 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:52,720 Speaker 3: need to take some time between relationships because we need 120 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:54,800 Speaker 3: to heal, we need to learn from them, we need 121 00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:55,239 Speaker 3: to grow. 122 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 2: And at that point, I was thirty four years old. 123 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:03,000 Speaker 3: And you know, I wanted again, you know, that marriage, 124 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:07,320 Speaker 3: that family that I hadn't that I hadn't have with 125 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 3: my other husband. 126 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:10,839 Speaker 2: So you know, with him, he was older than me. 127 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,760 Speaker 3: He like right away came in also, like at a 128 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:16,400 Speaker 3: time in my life where I was kind of down. 129 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,240 Speaker 2: Also, you know, I had two small kids. I was 130 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 2: a single mom. 131 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,520 Speaker 3: You know, I was working as a school teacher and 132 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 3: and I was just doing everything by myself. And this 133 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:30,719 Speaker 3: came this amazing man that was very charismatic, very kind, 134 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:35,240 Speaker 3: very loving, and you know, successful, smart. He was like 135 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,160 Speaker 3: a problem solver. So he just came into my life 136 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:39,599 Speaker 3: like like what do you need? What can I do 137 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 3: for you? You know, like that kind of thing. And 138 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,560 Speaker 3: it was different, like I feel like my first husband 139 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,200 Speaker 3: was like love at first sight and like the butterflies 140 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,600 Speaker 3: in the stomach, and you know, I was young and 141 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:52,080 Speaker 3: and it was it was completely different, like from my 142 00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:55,640 Speaker 3: thirties when I met you know, my second husband, and 143 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 3: you know, I kind of like grew to love him 144 00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 3: and understand, you know, and I thought, with him, you know, 145 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,880 Speaker 3: I can have that not that perfect marriage, because perfect 146 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:09,120 Speaker 3: marriages do not exist, and we're all imperfect. But it's 147 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:11,640 Speaker 3: kind of more like what I wanted, the security, the 148 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:15,280 Speaker 3: stability that I didn't have in my first marriage. 149 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,280 Speaker 1: I think there is something where what you said about 150 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:20,960 Speaker 1: not jumping in right away is not such a huge 151 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,920 Speaker 1: piece because you know, a lot of times, if I 152 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:27,840 Speaker 1: reflect back on my history, I'm like I was always 153 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:33,760 Speaker 1: jumping from relationship to relationship, and especially this, you know 154 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 1: this my last divorce, I was like, I cannot keep 155 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 1: putting my happiness in a relationship and with another man, 156 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:45,040 Speaker 1: because that's where I always said, if I'm happy, that 157 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:48,680 Speaker 1: that means that I'm in a happy, loving relationship, and 158 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:51,559 Speaker 1: like that should not be what my happiness and how 159 00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:55,720 Speaker 1: my happiness exists. And so and I've even talked to 160 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 1: a few of my divorced girlfriends or like, oh, I 161 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:01,040 Speaker 1: just wish I could just meet someone, and I'm like, 162 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,360 Speaker 1: that is not going to make you happy. I think 163 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:07,400 Speaker 1: I guarantee you, like you'll have a dopamine hit within 164 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,160 Speaker 1: the first few weeks, but like you will go right 165 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,080 Speaker 1: back to feeling why do I feel not happy? Why 166 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:13,000 Speaker 1: do I feel you know, X, Y and Z. And 167 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,080 Speaker 1: then I had another girlfriend, you know, she was just 168 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,960 Speaker 1: like she was still married to her hausband. She's like, 169 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,680 Speaker 1: I want to divorce him, but I think it'd be 170 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 1: easier if I found someone first. And I'm like no, 171 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:25,200 Speaker 1: like no, no, no, no, like I literally no, because 172 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,160 Speaker 1: I'm like, again, I know how that would be easier. 173 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 1: And there was pieces of me too where in my 174 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,760 Speaker 1: last marriage, I mean like I was I was so 175 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:34,040 Speaker 1: out that I was like, you know what, I hope 176 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,679 Speaker 1: I meet someone, But it was I'm so glad that 177 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:39,760 Speaker 1: that wasn't the catalyst for my last ending of my marriage, 178 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 1: because A I got to walk out clean in that marriage, 179 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:46,199 Speaker 1: you know, not do the same thing that I've won. Yeah, 180 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:49,040 Speaker 1: I just was like like if anything is gonna like 181 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:51,840 Speaker 1: leave this, like it's you're just going to be the 182 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:53,320 Speaker 1: only cheater in this, Like I will not give you 183 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:58,480 Speaker 1: that satisfaction of cheating on you too, but with you know, 184 00:08:58,559 --> 00:09:01,640 Speaker 1: I was like, but also like having that piece, actually 185 00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,720 Speaker 1: leaving someone when you don't have someone else was the 186 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,680 Speaker 1: It was grueling and it was so hard, but I 187 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:11,040 Speaker 1: found myself through that process and then I took I 188 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:14,720 Speaker 1: did dates soon ish after, and again I was solved 189 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,679 Speaker 1: that I was repeating the same mistake. And I'm like, Okay, 190 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:19,560 Speaker 1: I'm literally attracting the same dude, the same cast, just 191 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,840 Speaker 1: a different name, you know what I mean? 192 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,800 Speaker 3: Same might all been different, name might have all been different, 193 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:28,280 Speaker 3: so I can't Yeah, yeah, they've all been way different, right, 194 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,960 Speaker 3: They've had different problems that I had my first, but 195 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,840 Speaker 3: I have done the same thing kind of, you know. 196 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,079 Speaker 3: And then it's funny, like you said about your friends, 197 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,400 Speaker 3: because when you're in a situation like that, I feel 198 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:38,880 Speaker 3: like you have to at. 199 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:41,319 Speaker 2: One point just like shut off all the noise because you. 200 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,880 Speaker 3: Know all your friends are going to give you different 201 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:44,960 Speaker 3: advice and you know, oh you need this, you need 202 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:45,320 Speaker 3: to do that. 203 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 2: You know how you forget about this when you move 204 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:47,680 Speaker 2: on to the next one. 205 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,360 Speaker 3: And in reality, we know you and I know that 206 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,840 Speaker 3: because you've gone through it, that that doesn't work. You 207 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,560 Speaker 3: need time for yourself. Your happiness does not depend on 208 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 3: any man. You need to find that happiness within yourself, 209 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,480 Speaker 3: whatever it may be. You need to self reflect, you 210 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,240 Speaker 3: need to like search for that. And I think that 211 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,680 Speaker 3: that comes with age and wisdom too, because you know, 212 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,120 Speaker 3: at twenty something, I didn't know that. You know, I 213 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 3: thought the same thing. I mean, I didn't think so much. 214 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:12,760 Speaker 3: I said, you know what I need like a man 215 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:16,640 Speaker 3: that's like older, more mature, that's already like settled. He's 216 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:18,600 Speaker 3: going to give me stability. And it's not it wasn't 217 00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,839 Speaker 3: even about the finance. It's just like the way they 218 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:24,160 Speaker 3: make you feel. And he gave me that like support 219 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,800 Speaker 3: and that security that I needed, you know that I 220 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:30,400 Speaker 3: didn't have in my first relationship. So my son, Frankie, 221 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,680 Speaker 3: while I was married to my second husband, he was 222 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:38,640 Speaker 3: involved in a horrific car accident and he almost passed away. 223 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,800 Speaker 3: But he's a miracle. He's alive and he's very much 224 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:45,440 Speaker 3: healthy and with us today. He suffers from a brain injury. 225 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,839 Speaker 3: But you see, there's where my husband, with my husband 226 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,720 Speaker 3: at the time, was really there for me. So my 227 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:56,359 Speaker 3: second husband passed away in twenty sixteen. We were separated, 228 00:10:56,960 --> 00:11:00,640 Speaker 3: but not divorce, but we still had a great relationship. 229 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,520 Speaker 3: We worked together, he visited the house. He was a 230 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:06,200 Speaker 3: stepfather to my kids, and he was a great you 231 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,640 Speaker 3: know step father to them, and we had a great relationship. 232 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 3: It was just like I felt like, with a tragic 233 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:18,920 Speaker 3: like you know, Frankie's accident, your family gets together for 234 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:22,079 Speaker 3: many ways, but you also become distant, you know, as 235 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,679 Speaker 3: a couple, you know, and I felt that, you know, 236 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 3: my main focus obviously wasn't saving Frankie's life, and that 237 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 3: affected our entire family dynamics, That affected my older son, 238 00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 3: That affected my relationship with herman in the way that 239 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,240 Speaker 3: you know, I wasn't really there for him, you know. 240 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,200 Speaker 2: So a few years later, that was in. 241 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:47,080 Speaker 3: Twenty eleven, in twenty fifteen, you know, we decide to 242 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:50,400 Speaker 3: have that uncomfortable conversation which a lot of couples have 243 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:54,160 Speaker 3: to have, kind of like you're not happy, I'm not happy, 244 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,959 Speaker 3: and you know, Frankie and Peter already well, and it's 245 00:11:58,040 --> 00:11:59,440 Speaker 3: kind of like I had a moment to think for 246 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,679 Speaker 3: myself and I said, wow, what has happened? Like I 247 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,360 Speaker 3: lost myself, Like I didn't know who I was. And 248 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 3: so I had the conversation with him, and he said, listen, 249 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,520 Speaker 3: you've gone through a lot. I'm always going to love you, 250 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:14,520 Speaker 3: but you know, I think it's just better we take 251 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:18,400 Speaker 3: some time off and you deserve to be happy. You know, 252 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,040 Speaker 3: I deserve to be happy. And at that point I 253 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:24,280 Speaker 3: wanted to go to counsel i because my mom's a psychiatrist. 254 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:27,120 Speaker 3: She was very therapeutic and even though she got divorced 255 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,640 Speaker 3: five times, she was really good at giving couples therapy. 256 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:32,840 Speaker 3: Not that that was a specialty, but she was always 257 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,959 Speaker 3: very like adamant about couples staying together, you know, unless 258 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,480 Speaker 3: it was like physical abuse or even some kind of 259 00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 3: emotional abuse, which is just as bad as physical abuse. 260 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:44,000 Speaker 3: But you know, she always encouraged it. You had a 261 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,160 Speaker 3: good man, and there were a lot of things you 262 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:49,680 Speaker 3: can work on to like work on that. So with 263 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,320 Speaker 3: that being said, you know, we had a friendly, nice 264 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 3: conversation and I said, well, okay, I mean I really 265 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:57,560 Speaker 3: didn't know what to do with what to do with 266 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:01,320 Speaker 3: that conversation. I said, but you know, let's just have fun, 267 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 3: you know, goes He told me, like, you can start 268 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,120 Speaker 3: going on with your friends. You can you know kind 269 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:06,719 Speaker 3: of like do what you want to do for now, 270 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,280 Speaker 3: because you know, I'm older than you and I want 271 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:10,040 Speaker 3: to live my life. 272 00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:10,240 Speaker 2: You know. 273 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:11,960 Speaker 3: At that point, he was like going out a lot, 274 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,520 Speaker 3: and I didn't want to go out obviously because I 275 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:14,760 Speaker 3: wanted to stay home with my kids. 276 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,520 Speaker 2: So we started growing apart. 277 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,160 Speaker 3: And I feel like as a woman, you always feel it, 278 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,800 Speaker 3: you know, like sometimes you say, oh my god, like 279 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,320 Speaker 3: I never you know, I never imagined he would do 280 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,400 Speaker 3: something like that, or like everything was perfect. It's like 281 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,240 Speaker 3: the signs are there, we don't want to see them. 282 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 3: In this case, everything happened appeared to be fine. But 283 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,600 Speaker 3: when I had a moment to breathe and to realize, 284 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:39,760 Speaker 3: you know, what was going on in my life, I said, 285 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:43,439 Speaker 3: I am so disconnected, you know, from this person. And 286 00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 3: when I had the conversation with him, I didn't have 287 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,800 Speaker 3: like the same I didn't have the response that I 288 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,960 Speaker 3: wanted to have, which was like, you know, let's work 289 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,480 Speaker 3: on this and let's go to therapy. 290 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:55,640 Speaker 2: It was kind of like, you know, you've gone through 291 00:13:55,679 --> 00:13:58,560 Speaker 2: a lot, so you know, maybe just like start having 292 00:13:58,559 --> 00:13:58,960 Speaker 2: some fun. 293 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,319 Speaker 1: Was his own alternative motive for him to be doing 294 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:05,600 Speaker 1: those other other relationship that he was in, Like do 295 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:07,599 Speaker 1: you do you kind of go, await a minute. 296 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,160 Speaker 2: No, No, I don't blame myself. I think at this point. 297 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:13,720 Speaker 1: You I'm saying, do you think back and go? Was 298 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,720 Speaker 1: he putting that on you to so that he could 299 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:19,040 Speaker 1: have his other extramarital. 300 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 3: I yes, now that's a really good question, and I 301 00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 3: have thought about that, because you know, I feel like 302 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,680 Speaker 3: sometimes when the men are keeping secrets, it's like to 303 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:33,040 Speaker 3: protect themselves also to protect me, and I always the 304 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,280 Speaker 3: good thing about me is that I've in my first 305 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 3: two marriages, I've always thought the men have kept secrets, 306 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:40,360 Speaker 3: but not to hurt me. 307 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:41,240 Speaker 2: Obviously. 308 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:43,680 Speaker 3: The first reason is to protect themselves because they're afraid 309 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 3: that they share this kind of information, whether it's you know, 310 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:49,360 Speaker 3: you know, legal things that they've done in their past, 311 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:53,400 Speaker 3: or whether it's you know, sexual things or infidelity. Obviously 312 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,520 Speaker 3: they know that we're not going to be okay with that, 313 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:58,240 Speaker 3: We're going to judge them, chain them, get into a fight, whatever. 314 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:02,440 Speaker 3: So I felt like he was having this conversation with 315 00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,800 Speaker 3: me because he didn't want to be selfish, like he 316 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:07,400 Speaker 3: loved me so much, and I really do believe that 317 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:10,880 Speaker 3: that he just wanted me. He couldn't have that conversation 318 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,560 Speaker 3: where he was actually gonna come out and say, listen, 319 00:15:13,720 --> 00:15:16,080 Speaker 3: you know, I am having an occur with somebody and 320 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:19,520 Speaker 3: it happens to me a man. He didn't want to 321 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,400 Speaker 3: hurt me, So this man would have never told me that. So, 322 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:25,000 Speaker 3: but at that point I think that he was already 323 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,120 Speaker 3: involved with that person. Yes, so it was easier, like 324 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,760 Speaker 3: you said to put it on me and said, you 325 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:32,440 Speaker 3: know what, go have fun. And by the way, I did. Yeah, 326 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:34,880 Speaker 3: I said, well, you've left me know the toy, said 327 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,760 Speaker 3: you know what? And I needed it, Jana, like I 328 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 3: really needed it, you know. So so that's. 329 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:40,120 Speaker 2: What I did. 330 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,320 Speaker 3: I started going out with my friends. We would work together. 331 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,480 Speaker 3: It was weird, like all my things have always been weird. Honestly, 332 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:48,880 Speaker 3: my relationships, it's kind of like we're afraid to talk 333 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:52,320 Speaker 3: about uncomfortable things, you know, that are going to hurt 334 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 3: us because you know, we we love each other, you know. 335 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,280 Speaker 2: I don't know if other couples have you know that 336 00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:58,080 Speaker 2: problem too. 337 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:01,600 Speaker 3: It's like it's a communication problem pretty much because we're 338 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 3: afraid just say things to each other that are going 339 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:04,880 Speaker 3: to hurt us. 340 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:08,440 Speaker 1: Well, I think also too, it brings up things where 341 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,840 Speaker 1: it's like sometimes when I say something to my husband, 342 00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:14,440 Speaker 1: he hears something totally different, like he hears me questioning him, 343 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,320 Speaker 1: Like that's not I wasn't questioning. I was just asking 344 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:18,600 Speaker 1: a question because I'm just curious. But like because they 345 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:23,080 Speaker 1: have their own past things from their relationships where the 346 00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,960 Speaker 1: woman might have been questioning his reasoning for things, and like, no, 347 00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:28,800 Speaker 1: that's not at all. I was just more like curious 348 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,840 Speaker 1: and so but how they react, and so it's it's learning, 349 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:36,200 Speaker 1: you know, the other people's traumas and past relationships and 350 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,400 Speaker 1: what they had to and how they reacted to things, 351 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,760 Speaker 1: and it's it's all I mean, like you said in 352 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,480 Speaker 1: the very beginning, there's no perfect relationship. It's really figuring 353 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 1: out how to communicate with each other. And you know, 354 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 1: I think a lot of times when you know, I've 355 00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:50,360 Speaker 1: had people reach out to me a lot because my 356 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:53,200 Speaker 1: last husband had multiple affairs, and you know, when I 357 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:56,160 Speaker 1: first found everything out, it was everything felt like a lie, 358 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,880 Speaker 1: every like from the wedding to you know, the birth 359 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,600 Speaker 1: of our daughter, to ourselves and like everything you know, 360 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:04,679 Speaker 1: was meant nothing and it was all a lie. And 361 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:08,679 Speaker 1: I've been able to figure out now that there are 362 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,200 Speaker 1: truths and there's lies within things, but that it wasn't 363 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,639 Speaker 1: all a lie for me, it was real and you know, 364 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:17,520 Speaker 1: for not for him to not allow to take away 365 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:21,760 Speaker 1: those memories. And you know, learning that your one ex 366 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:26,600 Speaker 1: husband was I would would say he was he was gay. 367 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:27,840 Speaker 2: Or he was bisexual. 368 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 3: I feel like he was bisexual, like towards the end, 369 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,600 Speaker 3: you know, while we were separated, you know, while I 370 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 3: was married to him, I had no idea. 371 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:39,439 Speaker 1: But how do you how do you deal with that 372 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:43,320 Speaker 1: that lie of Okay, our marriage was a lie? Like 373 00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:43,720 Speaker 1: what do you. 374 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 2: Don't you know? I don't. I never know. 375 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,680 Speaker 3: So that's I never felt like our marriage was a lie. 376 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,560 Speaker 3: I felt that he did have the ability to love 377 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,280 Speaker 3: me and fall in love with me, and he did 378 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,399 Speaker 3: and that's why we got married. And you know, we 379 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:59,920 Speaker 3: had you know, thirteen beautiful years and I just think 380 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,280 Speaker 3: that it was like towards you know, the end of 381 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:06,080 Speaker 3: our marriage, I said, I really do believe that. You know, 382 00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,600 Speaker 3: when you go through a traumatic experience in your family, 383 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:11,720 Speaker 3: your family falls apart, and there's you know, different things 384 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:14,160 Speaker 3: that fall apart. And again I'm not blaming myself because 385 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 3: I'm a mother before anything, and I had to focus 386 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:19,840 Speaker 3: on my children, and he supported that. But with that 387 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,159 Speaker 3: being said, you know, he also like you know, started 388 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,919 Speaker 3: going out and you know, finding his outlets. You know, 389 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:27,920 Speaker 3: like everybody deals with pain differently, and that affected him 390 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:31,600 Speaker 3: a lot. Frankie's accident, and you know, he was also older, 391 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,120 Speaker 3: you know, and I feel like sometimes you know, men 392 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,720 Speaker 3: go through different mid life crisis and they deal with 393 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 3: things differently. And I guess it's just something that he had, 394 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,800 Speaker 3: you know, within him, that he wanted to experience and 395 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:46,640 Speaker 3: it happened. I wish she would have told me, because 396 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,919 Speaker 3: you know, I would have been so open to this. 397 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:52,040 Speaker 3: You know, I am such an open person, and you know, 398 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:54,280 Speaker 3: I don't even and it might find funny, but like 399 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,280 Speaker 3: I rather a guie tee with a guy than with 400 00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:56,920 Speaker 3: a girl. 401 00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:58,080 Speaker 2: You know, that's just me. 402 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,960 Speaker 3: I may be different, I may be crazy, but for me, 403 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,080 Speaker 3: it's kind of like, Okay, well, I can't give them 404 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:05,560 Speaker 3: what a man can give him, you know, physically, you know, 405 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:09,080 Speaker 3: maybe emotionally yes, but you know, for me, it's just like, 406 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:10,960 Speaker 3: you know, love is love, like it could be with 407 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:13,719 Speaker 3: a man, it could be with a woman. But you know, 408 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:16,240 Speaker 3: it was really hard for me because I found out 409 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:19,000 Speaker 3: after he passed away like the day after we bury him, 410 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:22,720 Speaker 3: so that what was it was like a betrayal obviously, 411 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,560 Speaker 3: but then you kind of like try to justify it, right, 412 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,800 Speaker 3: like saying, you know, how can somebody like this like 413 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:30,600 Speaker 3: sit down the wife. You know, how can a husband 414 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,520 Speaker 3: sit down a wife and say, you know, by the way, 415 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,880 Speaker 3: you know, I'm in love with another man. It's hard, 416 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,359 Speaker 3: especially like a Latino man you know that has you know, 417 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:41,159 Speaker 3: somebody that's like well known in the community. You know, 418 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,800 Speaker 3: there were so many prejudices like he could have never 419 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,920 Speaker 3: done it. So I actually felt that, you know, I 420 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,080 Speaker 3: still do. You know, I'm happy that he got to live. 421 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 1: The right If you could ask him one question, what 422 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,120 Speaker 1: would it be if he. 423 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,960 Speaker 3: Was happy if he found Yeah, if he was happy, 424 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,760 Speaker 3: And I really believed that he was because I got 425 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,960 Speaker 3: to speak to that person and he told me like 426 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,040 Speaker 3: the whole story. And by the way he told the 427 00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 3: man also like this is my wife. He showed him 428 00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 3: a picture, this is my wife, and I love her 429 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:12,199 Speaker 3: and I don't ever want her to find out, so 430 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,360 Speaker 3: you know, and I know that, like I So that's 431 00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:16,440 Speaker 3: why I'm okay with it, because I know how much 432 00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,399 Speaker 3: he loved me. Like his intentions. For me, it's all 433 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:21,000 Speaker 3: about intentions, and people could see it the other way around. Well, 434 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,520 Speaker 3: if he loved you so much, then he wouldn't have 435 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,880 Speaker 3: done that to you, Right, it's a struggle. 436 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:26,480 Speaker 2: I get that. 437 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,399 Speaker 3: I also understand that it's true if they love you, 438 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,040 Speaker 3: what didn't want to hurt you. In his case, he 439 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,639 Speaker 3: was keeping it a secret because he didn't want to 440 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,840 Speaker 3: hurt me. And I know those were his intentions, and 441 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:36,840 Speaker 3: I'll know that forever. 442 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:50,159 Speaker 1: Do you believe in monogamous relationships? Do you do believe 443 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:52,560 Speaker 1: a man can be monogamous in a relationship? 444 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,000 Speaker 2: I do, Yeah, I do. 445 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,080 Speaker 3: I really do believe that, and I always want to 446 00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:58,760 Speaker 3: believe that, just like I believe in love. I want 447 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,240 Speaker 3: to believe that anogmist because I feel like when you 448 00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:06,760 Speaker 3: have that love and connection and you just can't be 449 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,639 Speaker 3: with another person, you know, for me, it's not for me, 450 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,680 Speaker 3: it's like the whole mind body, so like I need 451 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:14,399 Speaker 3: to be connected with the person. So I feel like 452 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,840 Speaker 3: the time you find that disconnection with your with your 453 00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,960 Speaker 3: husband or with your partner, you have to go because 454 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:24,960 Speaker 3: that means you're going to start being unfaithful and you 455 00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:27,119 Speaker 3: can't have like you know, the lack of trust and 456 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:29,080 Speaker 3: dishonesty in a relationship. 457 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:33,240 Speaker 1: So then how long? So when he passes you, guys, 458 00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:34,800 Speaker 1: how does that work? Does it? Do you have to 459 00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:36,879 Speaker 1: like do divorce papers or how like? 460 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 2: No, No, I was his wife. I was his wife. 461 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,320 Speaker 3: I mean I had a preen up. You girls have 462 00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,960 Speaker 3: talked about So I did have a preen up. But 463 00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 3: I was, you know, legally his wife. We as a 464 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,560 Speaker 3: matter of fact, we never even filed. We never even 465 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,520 Speaker 3: went to see an attorney. It was kind of like, 466 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,720 Speaker 3: if that's what I'm saying, all of my circumstances honestly 467 00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:02,600 Speaker 3: have been full strained because with him, we had that conversation. 468 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,680 Speaker 3: And then maybe a few months later he moved out 469 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:07,680 Speaker 3: of the house because he was going out at night 470 00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,560 Speaker 3: and getting home super late, and I was like, you 471 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,600 Speaker 3: know what, this is not going to end okay. And 472 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,160 Speaker 3: then by the way, I was going out too, and 473 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:16,800 Speaker 3: if I would be home like before him, he would 474 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:18,920 Speaker 3: call me like when are you coming home? I'm like, well, wait, 475 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,879 Speaker 3: I mean we're husband and wife, but you know we're 476 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:24,320 Speaker 3: you know, technically like really not together. 477 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,080 Speaker 2: We're taking a break. It was weird. 478 00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,560 Speaker 3: That's something I will not recommend to anybody. I know 479 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:30,040 Speaker 3: some people, you know. 480 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:33,200 Speaker 1: Breaks things work for there's different Like I could never 481 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,840 Speaker 1: personally have anyone come in a relationship man, woman, anything 482 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:40,600 Speaker 1: Like I'm like, I I know what that does for me, 483 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:44,560 Speaker 1: having the years of affairs and stuff. But you know, 484 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 1: some people are cool with swinging or this or that 485 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,520 Speaker 1: or no never. 486 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,720 Speaker 2: No, I am so jealous and possess them. 487 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,840 Speaker 3: I'm like, cuman, there's no way, I know for me, 488 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,359 Speaker 3: it was never about that, and he knew that. So 489 00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:59,920 Speaker 3: that's why he had to, you know, take his own way. 490 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,879 Speaker 3: So that's why he decided, you know, to move to 491 00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,639 Speaker 3: an apartment. So he had just gone an apartment a 492 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,240 Speaker 3: few months, you know, prior before he passed away and 493 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:11,520 Speaker 3: unfortunately had a heart attack and he passed away, and it. 494 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:16,119 Speaker 1: Was sorry after that. How long was it until you 495 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,240 Speaker 1: met your next husband? How many years? 496 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:22,840 Speaker 3: So I already knew my I already knew my husband 497 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:27,360 Speaker 3: today while Hermann was still alive, and I had dated him. 498 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,040 Speaker 3: You know, we were like dating for a while, okay, 499 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:34,399 Speaker 3: for a few months whatever, we're just dating, and but 500 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:37,800 Speaker 3: you know I wasn't ready. This is like there I knew, 501 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,480 Speaker 3: you know, I was in my forties and I have 502 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,840 Speaker 3: gone had gone through so much, you know, in both 503 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,800 Speaker 3: of my relationships, and not only in my relationships, but 504 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,679 Speaker 3: really what changed my life was my son, Jackson. 505 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:52,359 Speaker 1: I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry, Like it's second 506 00:23:52,359 --> 00:23:54,200 Speaker 1: he said. Son. I'm like, oh, it's like it's like 507 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:55,960 Speaker 1: when a dog dies in a movie. It's even worse, 508 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:58,159 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like your kids, I can't like, 509 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:02,120 Speaker 1: I love my husband, my children, anything happens like I'm 510 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:04,520 Speaker 1: so sorry, Like I can't even imagine, Like. 511 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:09,440 Speaker 3: The way you're a mom that was that's undescribable. Only 512 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:13,000 Speaker 3: a mom that's been there knows that pain. So I 513 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,719 Speaker 3: was like, you know what, when when herman and I 514 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,400 Speaker 3: just decided to take a break, like we said, there's 515 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,280 Speaker 3: time some time off, I was like, you know what, Alexael, like, 516 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:23,840 Speaker 3: you cannot be in a relationship with a man. You 517 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,560 Speaker 3: need to just have fun. You need to you know, 518 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:30,280 Speaker 3: do things for yourself, and you know, and that's what 519 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:34,560 Speaker 3: I did. And I did meet my third husband, and 520 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,400 Speaker 3: but like I said, I was not ready. I knew 521 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,159 Speaker 3: I couldn't be in a relationship like that at that 522 00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:43,160 Speaker 3: moment because I feel like timing was so important as 523 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,320 Speaker 3: well for and you know, the listeners out there, the 524 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:47,359 Speaker 3: girls should be thinking about that because I always had 525 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,200 Speaker 3: like with my friends, like, oh, it's all about time. 526 00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:50,280 Speaker 2: It's all about timing. 527 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:53,240 Speaker 3: Sometimes the right man comes into your life at the 528 00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:56,200 Speaker 3: wrong time in your life, and sometimes when you're ready, 529 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:57,720 Speaker 3: the wrong guy comes into your life. 530 00:24:58,000 --> 00:24:59,720 Speaker 2: So like, timing is really important. 531 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,439 Speaker 3: So I was very aware at that moment that I 532 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,960 Speaker 3: did not want to have a serious relationship, but you know, 533 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:05,960 Speaker 3: I did like him. 534 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:06,680 Speaker 2: And I did datum. 535 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,480 Speaker 3: And then it was six months after Hermann passed away 536 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:14,160 Speaker 3: that we started seeing each other again, you know, so. 537 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,880 Speaker 1: And even married for how long with him. 538 00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,800 Speaker 3: Legally married two years together? Eight years together. We've been 539 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:24,240 Speaker 3: living together for eight years, legally married for two years. 540 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:29,240 Speaker 1: So I read that he filed for divorce, and do 541 00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:29,680 Speaker 1: we know. 542 00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 2: Why he did? 543 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:35,840 Speaker 3: So I didn't know myself at the moment, why you 544 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:36,639 Speaker 3: know he would do this? 545 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,119 Speaker 1: So you had no idea. He just filed and you 546 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:40,760 Speaker 1: had no idea, Like there wasn't like, hey, we should 547 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:41,920 Speaker 1: get a divorce conversation. 548 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,359 Speaker 2: No, no, So there wasn't. 549 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:50,159 Speaker 3: And he first left the house on a Saturday, and 550 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,880 Speaker 3: then he filed for divorce on Thursday. And I wasn't 551 00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,359 Speaker 3: expecting him to leave, like to move out of the 552 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:59,719 Speaker 3: apartment like that either. So basically it's you know a 553 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:02,080 Speaker 3: lot of things, you know, it's just not like one thing. 554 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,240 Speaker 3: And by the way, with my second husband, it wasn't 555 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:08,760 Speaker 3: really about his sexuality either, you know, it wasn't like 556 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,280 Speaker 3: we had that conversation. And that's why, you know, we 557 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:14,440 Speaker 3: just kind of like drifted apart, like I said, as 558 00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,760 Speaker 3: a couple because of the circumstances. And then you know, 559 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,679 Speaker 3: eventually I found out after he passed, await what had happened. 560 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:26,719 Speaker 3: And with the father of my kids, it was a 561 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,679 Speaker 3: lot of things. You know, he had gone to prison, 562 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:30,879 Speaker 3: he had come back home. 563 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:32,679 Speaker 2: You know, you lose. 564 00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:36,000 Speaker 3: Respect and you know, that respect and admiration that I 565 00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:38,800 Speaker 3: had for him, you know, I saw him like as weak. 566 00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:42,080 Speaker 3: You know, it's so hard, you know, to come back 567 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:45,040 Speaker 3: into society again, back into your family and to just 568 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,159 Speaker 3: you know, keep on living a normal life. Like that 569 00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:50,879 Speaker 3: affected us a lot. I was a single mom for 570 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:54,439 Speaker 3: five years. I had two kids. It was just crazy stuff. 571 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:57,119 Speaker 3: And I didn't have the tools. I didn't have the maturity. 572 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:01,840 Speaker 3: I you know, I didn't have to support and that's 573 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,800 Speaker 3: why we just, you know, we're arguing all the time, 574 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:05,680 Speaker 3: we were fighting. 575 00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:09,520 Speaker 2: You know, it's never really been more than that, you know. 576 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,600 Speaker 3: I just think it was like two young people that 577 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,600 Speaker 3: had those horrible circumstances. We didn't know how to deal 578 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,919 Speaker 3: with it, and we just you know, grew apart and 579 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:19,440 Speaker 3: just kind of broke off. Yeah. 580 00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,320 Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm just thinking like if my husband 581 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:24,480 Speaker 1: just was like filed for divorce, I mean, a feeling 582 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:28,119 Speaker 1: super blindsided, but also I'd be like, Okay, here's here's 583 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:31,639 Speaker 1: maybe why, like he was unhappy with X Y and Z. 584 00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,200 Speaker 3: Oh oh, okay, well yes, well obviously, I mean, I 585 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,080 Speaker 3: don't think anybody's faults for divorces. They're happy in the relationship, 586 00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:40,119 Speaker 3: but was expecting and no, so he's yes saying that 587 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,679 Speaker 3: he was unhappy because first of all, I'm a public person, 588 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:45,040 Speaker 3: which you already knew about, right, and. 589 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:46,480 Speaker 2: Like you know. 590 00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:49,240 Speaker 3: That when you're a public person, and especially the kind 591 00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,440 Speaker 3: of show that I'm on, everybody knows my story, everybody 592 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,320 Speaker 3: knows my life. But when he did start dating me, 593 00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:57,920 Speaker 3: he had already done three seasons of this show. He 594 00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,720 Speaker 3: already knew who I was, and this is the person 595 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:02,240 Speaker 3: that he fell in love with He fell in love 596 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:05,800 Speaker 3: with me and my world. He knew my baggage, which 597 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:07,639 Speaker 3: I don't even like to call it baggage because my 598 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:10,159 Speaker 3: children are not my baggage. They're an extension of me 599 00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,960 Speaker 3: and they go with me everywhere, and if you love me, 600 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:15,880 Speaker 3: you have to love my kids and the accepting of them. 601 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,520 Speaker 3: So he knew all the circumstances. Like with this relationship, 602 00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,959 Speaker 3: I can tell you with my third relationship, my last one, 603 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:25,520 Speaker 3: there was no secrets at all, at least well, there's 604 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:28,120 Speaker 3: never been secrets with any of my husbands on my part, 605 00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:31,120 Speaker 3: and I want to believe that he didn't have any 606 00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:34,760 Speaker 3: secrets either, like the last one. But what I'm trying 607 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:38,400 Speaker 3: to say is that he knew who I was. He 608 00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:42,360 Speaker 3: knew my entire life, and I was so honest, and 609 00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:45,160 Speaker 3: you know, I had done so much growth, you know, 610 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,200 Speaker 3: and dealing because once I started dating him again, I 611 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:51,240 Speaker 3: was still grieving Herman's loss because even though I wasn't 612 00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,600 Speaker 3: physically with him for the last year and a half, 613 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:56,400 Speaker 3: I was very emotionally connected to Herman. He was a 614 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,040 Speaker 3: very good person who was a very kind man. We 615 00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:02,360 Speaker 3: spent many years together and I have a lot of 616 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:06,960 Speaker 3: love for him, and so once again I get into 617 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:11,560 Speaker 3: a relationship six months later, and again I felt like 618 00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:15,440 Speaker 3: all my relationships I've gone into when I've been down, 619 00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:18,400 Speaker 3: you know, they haven't seen the best of Alexia. It's 620 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:20,600 Speaker 3: not Alexi's best. They've gotten me when I've been like 621 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,920 Speaker 3: down and vulnerable and like you said, looking for happiness, 622 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,360 Speaker 3: because I haven't been happy myself because a lot of things. 623 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,480 Speaker 3: Obviously I was grieving Hermon's death, right and all this 624 00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,240 Speaker 3: new information that I was finding out, and I had 625 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:35,160 Speaker 3: all these questions, and I had legal problems with like 626 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:36,160 Speaker 3: Carman's children. 627 00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:38,040 Speaker 2: So I was going through a lot, is what I'm 628 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:39,000 Speaker 2: trying to tell you. 629 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:40,840 Speaker 1: Right, But I also I just want to say this 630 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:43,080 Speaker 1: because I feel like a lot of times we take 631 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,760 Speaker 1: the hit for going through a lot, Like when I 632 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,200 Speaker 1: when I started dating someone post divorce. You know, the 633 00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:52,280 Speaker 1: guy was very much like call me when you heal, 634 00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:54,480 Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know, it made me feel bad 635 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,840 Speaker 1: for crying when I didn't have my kids, you know, 636 00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,040 Speaker 1: for Christmas, And it was like the first of all 637 00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:01,840 Speaker 1: the many first I was having and it's like, listen, 638 00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,200 Speaker 1: you made me feel bad for feeling like I had 639 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,640 Speaker 1: a lot to heal and work on. Like, I know 640 00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:08,240 Speaker 1: I have a lot to heal and work on, but 641 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,560 Speaker 1: I don't need someone to remind me that I'm like, 642 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:14,360 Speaker 1: I'm not a bad person for having feelings or for 643 00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:18,680 Speaker 1: for having for feeling grief or sadness because of a situation. 644 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,520 Speaker 1: And like, you know, hearing you say like you had stuff, well, 645 00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:24,240 Speaker 1: of course you did. You were. You're dealing with traumas 646 00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:27,920 Speaker 1: and grief and loss and you know, separation. Those are 647 00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:30,720 Speaker 1: things that you know, the man shouldn't make you feel 648 00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:33,360 Speaker 1: like like, yes, did you get did they get the 649 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,680 Speaker 1: perfect versions of both of us? Know, but also they 650 00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:39,560 Speaker 1: don't need to shed like they don't need to make 651 00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:40,520 Speaker 1: us feel bad about that. 652 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:41,640 Speaker 2: Right, make it worse? 653 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:44,520 Speaker 3: Right, No, And a good partner, why you're right, you're 654 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:46,479 Speaker 3: absolutely right, And a good partner will be there to 655 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:49,440 Speaker 3: listen to you, lift you up your feet and help 656 00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,200 Speaker 3: you get through it right and navigate through that. And 657 00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:55,240 Speaker 3: that's what it happened. That's actually what happened, and that's 658 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:58,800 Speaker 3: why we did get married. But you know, he has 659 00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:01,880 Speaker 3: two daughters. You know, I have my children. His daughters 660 00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:04,640 Speaker 3: came to live with us. You know, we never you know, 661 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:07,440 Speaker 3: blended as a family. You know, it's really hard for him, 662 00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:10,160 Speaker 3: you know, like being you know, for a father full time, 663 00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:11,280 Speaker 3: living with us full time. 664 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:13,400 Speaker 2: We had a lot of pressure. You know. 665 00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,480 Speaker 3: We went from being like boyfriend and girlfriend you know, 666 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:19,640 Speaker 3: kind of like on our own and you know, traveling 667 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:22,040 Speaker 3: and just like that honeymoon state that we had like 668 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:23,840 Speaker 3: the first two or three years. So of course our 669 00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:27,320 Speaker 3: relationship was beautiful. Once again, he came in, he sought 670 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:30,240 Speaker 3: me off my feet. I started feeling happy again, which 671 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:32,600 Speaker 3: is like what you're saying. When you're like in a 672 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:35,360 Speaker 3: bad place and we meet a guy and they bring 673 00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:37,520 Speaker 3: all this joy into our life, We're like, this is it. 674 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:39,720 Speaker 3: He's the guy. Oh my god, I haven't felt happy 675 00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:42,040 Speaker 3: like this in years. And it's kind of like you 676 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:45,479 Speaker 3: confuse it and then it's easy for you to, you know, 677 00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:47,560 Speaker 3: to pick that guy, just like not the first one 678 00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:50,160 Speaker 3: that comes along. But it's kind of like, Okay, you 679 00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,600 Speaker 3: really feel inside like this is the man that's going 680 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:55,560 Speaker 3: to make me happy. And I mean initially, we all, 681 00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,720 Speaker 3: I mean we all want to be happy, but like 682 00:31:57,800 --> 00:31:59,920 Speaker 3: you said, we have to be happy ourselves so we 683 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,280 Speaker 3: can make others happy. Like now I know that I 684 00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:04,880 Speaker 3: just want them to add happiness to my life, you know, 685 00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:06,200 Speaker 3: just don't come take it away. 686 00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:11,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, and in this marriage, now that he's divorced, I've 687 00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:14,000 Speaker 1: heard that you guys have kind of hooked up post 688 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:18,920 Speaker 1: the filings. Is that the thing you can well, of 689 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,240 Speaker 1: course it is you love this person, he loves you. 690 00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:24,800 Speaker 1: But I'm curious, like, is there is there reconciliation within 691 00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:26,800 Speaker 1: that where you're like, Okay, I'm going to go work 692 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:29,760 Speaker 1: on this and then can we work on this together? 693 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,280 Speaker 1: And can this work? Because I'm a big believer in 694 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:34,720 Speaker 1: reconciliation with two people are willing to show up to 695 00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,480 Speaker 1: their be their best versions and no, you. 696 00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:38,360 Speaker 2: Have to show up. 697 00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:41,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's where we're at exactly because you know, and 698 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,280 Speaker 3: just like therapy that we tried therapy, I feel like 699 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:47,640 Speaker 3: for this to work, both of us have to want it. 700 00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:50,560 Speaker 3: It takes so much work and effort, and I think 701 00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,040 Speaker 3: that today, you know, couples just want to give up 702 00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:55,360 Speaker 3: because it's easier. They don't want to put in the work, 703 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:57,680 Speaker 3: they don't want to go to therapy, they don't want 704 00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:00,400 Speaker 3: to take time for themselves and say I'm the problem 705 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:01,280 Speaker 3: or you're the problem. 706 00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:02,960 Speaker 2: And it's not even about who's the problem. 707 00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:05,040 Speaker 3: Is that how are we going to make this better 708 00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:09,360 Speaker 3: and fix it and own accountability and validate each other's feelings? 709 00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:09,680 Speaker 2: You know. 710 00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:12,040 Speaker 3: So it's it's hard. I feel like it's so much 711 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:15,200 Speaker 3: easier today then back in the day to just walk away, 712 00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:17,560 Speaker 3: and then there's so many options for the other people, 713 00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:20,040 Speaker 3: you know, like saying like you're saying your friends like, 714 00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,080 Speaker 3: isn't it easier like just to like give up on 715 00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:24,240 Speaker 3: it and like to find another guy, like look. 716 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:26,680 Speaker 1: At you because your problems are still going to exist 717 00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:28,320 Speaker 1: and they're going to have problems. So now you're going 718 00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:31,440 Speaker 1: to have a whole new out the problems that you 719 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:32,240 Speaker 1: have to then deal with. 720 00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:33,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, I. 721 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,440 Speaker 3: Don't even want to see a man, Like honestly, I'm like, 722 00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,360 Speaker 3: right now I am not. So, you know, it's so 723 00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:40,800 Speaker 3: this is what's made it so hard this time around, 724 00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:44,400 Speaker 3: because we were in love with each other. We were like, 725 00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:46,880 Speaker 3: I think it's like an obsession. Honestly, I don't even 726 00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:49,120 Speaker 3: know if it's love anymore. It's an obsession and addiction. 727 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:51,040 Speaker 3: I don't know what we want to call it. But 728 00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:54,720 Speaker 3: and you know, we do have problems, you know, communicating, 729 00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:58,080 Speaker 3: But I feel like, you know, a lot of couples do, right, 730 00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,640 Speaker 3: it's just learning how to talk to each other. So 731 00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:03,080 Speaker 3: we'll have like the highs and the low some good days, 732 00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,440 Speaker 3: some bad days. But then on top of it, you know, 733 00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:07,560 Speaker 3: I'm filming the show. So that makes it like a 734 00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:09,799 Speaker 3: lot easier, I mean, sorry, it makes it a lot 735 00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:13,919 Speaker 3: harder on my relationship because he never liked the show. 736 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:14,640 Speaker 2: That is the truth. 737 00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,440 Speaker 3: And I've always said it, and I've always said I've 738 00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:20,640 Speaker 3: said it publicly, I've said it to him. I will 739 00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:24,120 Speaker 3: always pick you, you know, meaning my husband and taught 740 00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:27,480 Speaker 3: in this case, and my children and my family over 741 00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:31,080 Speaker 3: the show. But you know, sometimes I feel like he's 742 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,680 Speaker 3: using it as an skateboard because he doesn't like it. 743 00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:38,640 Speaker 3: And honestly, you know, I feel like whatever partner you 744 00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:42,080 Speaker 3: have in your life needs to support you, and I 745 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:43,719 Speaker 3: haven't had that support from him. 746 00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:45,479 Speaker 2: You know, I get it. He doesn't align with the show. 747 00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:46,399 Speaker 2: He doesn't like it. 748 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,680 Speaker 3: And by the way, it's really not immense show, like 749 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:52,240 Speaker 3: I honestly don't recommend for any other husbands to be involved, 750 00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:55,879 Speaker 3: but it is what it is. But we never really 751 00:34:55,880 --> 00:35:00,640 Speaker 3: had that conversation about, you know, pick me or the show, right, 752 00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,239 Speaker 3: So because it would always it would always be him. 753 00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:05,800 Speaker 3: It would always be him, and I gave him that option. 754 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:07,640 Speaker 3: I wanted to do it, but he's like, oh no, 755 00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:09,719 Speaker 3: Like I can't. You know, you can't do that because 756 00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:13,279 Speaker 3: then you're going to resent me. So, you know, it's 757 00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:17,400 Speaker 3: been like an emotional rollercoaster. I feel like I'm in 758 00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:21,440 Speaker 3: an emotional limbo because you know, I don't know what 759 00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:21,680 Speaker 3: to do. 760 00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:22,920 Speaker 2: It's been six months. 761 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:24,759 Speaker 1: Does he want to try to make it work? 762 00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:26,319 Speaker 2: I feel like. 763 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:29,439 Speaker 3: We're both trying to make it work. But why isn't 764 00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:32,799 Speaker 3: it working after six months? Right? It's like how much 765 00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:34,920 Speaker 3: time do you give yourself? Like how much time do 766 00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:35,320 Speaker 3: you think? 767 00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:36,040 Speaker 2: Right? 768 00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,080 Speaker 1: I mean, that's that's just a question because it's like 769 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:42,360 Speaker 1: you got to address the main issue, is what is 770 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:44,800 Speaker 1: the issue, and then work on that because if it 771 00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:46,520 Speaker 1: doesn't change, then it's just the same thing's going to 772 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,319 Speaker 1: keep happening again and again. Then how long do you 773 00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:49,280 Speaker 1: continue to try? 774 00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:50,160 Speaker 2: Right? 775 00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:54,040 Speaker 1: But I mean, if you guys are dating again, I 776 00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:58,799 Speaker 1: mean I feel like and there's hope for potential reconciliation. 777 00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:00,640 Speaker 1: I mean, I again, I'm always the one that's like, 778 00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:02,160 Speaker 1: if you guys can get to the root of it, 779 00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:05,319 Speaker 1: and then you know, plan a new seed with it, 780 00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:06,640 Speaker 1: it grows, right. 781 00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:09,520 Speaker 3: I mean, I feel like whatever problems we had before, 782 00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:14,239 Speaker 3: we don't have anymore. But just because you know, his 783 00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:17,400 Speaker 3: daughters went to college and you know, and so you know, 784 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:19,319 Speaker 3: I think that added a lot. 785 00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:21,720 Speaker 2: Of stress on the marriage. And the show. 786 00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:23,880 Speaker 3: A reality show adds a lot of stress on your 787 00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:27,120 Speaker 3: marriage as well. You have to have a very very 788 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,239 Speaker 3: typeon you have to be a team and even so, 789 00:36:31,000 --> 00:36:34,360 Speaker 3: you know, I mean, obviously there's editing takes into place. 790 00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:37,680 Speaker 3: So sometimes you see yourself, you know, on the show 791 00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:39,800 Speaker 3: and you're like, my god, like I'm not that person. 792 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,160 Speaker 3: You know why or you know why am I looking 793 00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,719 Speaker 3: that way? So you know, I respect all of that, 794 00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,359 Speaker 3: you know, when I get it. These guys don't show 795 00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:49,520 Speaker 3: up to do these kind of shows. They don't sign 796 00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:49,960 Speaker 3: up for it. 797 00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:54,319 Speaker 2: We do. But I feel like there's more there, you know. 798 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:56,600 Speaker 3: I think that that's just easier friend to say, like, well, 799 00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:58,279 Speaker 3: you know, I don't like the show, I don't like 800 00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:00,319 Speaker 3: your life, I don't like your world, so I'm just 801 00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:01,600 Speaker 3: gonna like exit it. 802 00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:03,919 Speaker 1: Well, but here's the deal, Like you're saying that you'll 803 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:05,920 Speaker 1: choose him. So that's my that's my piece and like, 804 00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:07,640 Speaker 1: what is he Why is he trying to push you away? 805 00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:10,960 Speaker 1: When you're saying I will choose you right. 806 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,239 Speaker 3: Well, I've said that right and I'll keep on saying 807 00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:16,920 Speaker 3: it because you know, I that is the real story. 808 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:29,000 Speaker 1: Are you guys living together apart? 809 00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:32,120 Speaker 3: We're not living together, which is it's good and it's 810 00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:34,120 Speaker 3: bad because you know, I've had a lot of time, 811 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:37,520 Speaker 3: you know, for myself to do things for me to heal, 812 00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:41,239 Speaker 3: to understand things, to read books, to listen to podcasts, to. 813 00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:43,680 Speaker 2: Go on walks, and so it's fun. 814 00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:45,480 Speaker 3: You know, it's hot and sexy to like date and 815 00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:47,560 Speaker 3: see each other again because you still have that chemistry 816 00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,960 Speaker 3: and we like each other. But it's when we start 817 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:55,920 Speaker 3: talking about deeper things that we you know, start you know, 818 00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:58,520 Speaker 3: not with the fighting, but with like good disagreements. 819 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:01,319 Speaker 1: Will you will you guys do therapy together? Like do 820 00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:02,480 Speaker 1: you believe in that together? 821 00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:07,120 Speaker 3: So we tried that and it really didn't work for 822 00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:11,120 Speaker 3: us because well, in my case, I wanted to continue 823 00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:13,200 Speaker 3: it because I can take it, like I can take 824 00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:16,960 Speaker 3: talking about the past, crying about it and moving forward. 825 00:38:17,239 --> 00:38:20,120 Speaker 3: But I felt like in his case, he was he 826 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:23,040 Speaker 3: just couldn't take it. You know, it's hard. Even the therapy, 827 00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:26,760 Speaker 3: you have to relive you know, all those all those 828 00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:30,040 Speaker 3: horrible moments that you did fight about and were triggers, 829 00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:32,880 Speaker 3: you have to relive them again. And so it was 830 00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:34,920 Speaker 3: it was really really tough for him, but you know, 831 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,600 Speaker 3: at least he tried. And then we've had of agreed 832 00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:39,960 Speaker 3: that it wasn't great for us. I don't know if 833 00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:43,280 Speaker 3: it was a therapist or it was just us ourselves, 834 00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:45,960 Speaker 3: and you know, we're both like reading books and talking 835 00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:46,520 Speaker 3: to each other. 836 00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:47,160 Speaker 2: We're bored. 837 00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:49,279 Speaker 3: Like I can tell you for sure that I'm a 838 00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:53,480 Speaker 3: lot more self aware and educated, and I think that 839 00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:56,440 Speaker 3: that really changes things because sometimes when you're in it, 840 00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,880 Speaker 3: you know, you don't realize it. But now that we 841 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:02,319 Speaker 3: have time apart and we have time for ourselves, you 842 00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:05,000 Speaker 3: kind of like when we start a conversation, I'm like, Okay, 843 00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:06,719 Speaker 3: I know where this is going. I know what you're 844 00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:11,240 Speaker 3: doing and you know whatnot. But but yeah, I still 845 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:12,640 Speaker 3: don't know what we're doing. 846 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,640 Speaker 2: You know. I know we're liking going out and kind. 847 00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:16,920 Speaker 3: Of like the dating, but I'm like, am I going 848 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:19,080 Speaker 3: to go from being your wife to be like your girlfriend? 849 00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,439 Speaker 3: Like it doesn't make any sense. I mean, I still 850 00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:22,280 Speaker 3: feel like his wife. 851 00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:25,920 Speaker 1: I think if there's love still there and you know, 852 00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:29,040 Speaker 1: two people are willing to try, I'm always like such 853 00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:31,120 Speaker 1: an advocate for that. And my therapist one time said, 854 00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:35,440 Speaker 1: don't make any big decisions. He's she's like, do a 855 00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:40,960 Speaker 1: year essentially, So you know, you have to trust your 856 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:42,920 Speaker 1: heart with that. But I always say to people again, like, 857 00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:46,759 Speaker 1: it's not it's not greener stepping out, it's it's you 858 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:50,520 Speaker 1: can have a stronger marriage if you know, if you 859 00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:52,200 Speaker 1: and like you said, you're like you want to put 860 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:53,719 Speaker 1: in the work and you're trying to do it, and 861 00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:56,239 Speaker 1: so you know, I think, you know, for our listeners, 862 00:39:56,360 --> 00:40:00,120 Speaker 1: what would be your biggest tip to them that you 863 00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:02,120 Speaker 1: would tell them if they were in the situation, Because 864 00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:05,120 Speaker 1: that's sometimes a lot of times I shadow that because 865 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,120 Speaker 1: I'm like, what would I tell my friend because that's 866 00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,000 Speaker 1: the advice and that I would want to take. 867 00:40:09,560 --> 00:40:10,000 Speaker 2: That's true. 868 00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,600 Speaker 3: Well, apparently it gives really good advice to everyone else 869 00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:15,000 Speaker 3: into my friends, But then I don't I don't apply 870 00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:18,520 Speaker 3: it to myself. You know, I've always been the kind 871 00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:21,640 Speaker 3: of person that has followed her heart, and even if 872 00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:24,560 Speaker 3: I had all the obstacles and challenges and the entire 873 00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:26,640 Speaker 3: world telling me don't do it. A let's you don't 874 00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:29,000 Speaker 3: do it, and you know your friend will obviously love 875 00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:31,239 Speaker 3: and want to protect you and want to protect your heart. 876 00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:35,439 Speaker 3: So everybody has a different opinion. But I've always really 877 00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:39,560 Speaker 3: followed my heart. So whatever my heart, my heart's telling 878 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:42,080 Speaker 3: me right now to continue to fight for this, you know, 879 00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:45,120 Speaker 3: and and to try to fix it and make it better. 880 00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:47,320 Speaker 3: That's another thing about me that I'm like a fixer, 881 00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:51,440 Speaker 3: like I need to fix everything, and sometimes you have. 882 00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:52,600 Speaker 2: To know when. 883 00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:56,239 Speaker 3: There's no more you can do, right, It's kind of 884 00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,200 Speaker 3: like you have to know when to walk away. 885 00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:02,360 Speaker 1: Well, and you're an insane smart business woman too, Like 886 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,839 Speaker 1: you're very smart with all of that. So I think 887 00:41:05,280 --> 00:41:08,839 Speaker 1: you know for our listeners too, you're you know when 888 00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:13,400 Speaker 1: it comes to finances, like you are very savvy. What 889 00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:16,680 Speaker 1: has been your biggest mistake you've made in that department 890 00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:19,160 Speaker 1: in relationships? And then what do you think has saved 891 00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:20,120 Speaker 1: you the most. 892 00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:23,719 Speaker 3: So I feel that the worst thing that I've done 893 00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:27,600 Speaker 3: is that I've never really been involved in the finances 894 00:41:27,680 --> 00:41:30,280 Speaker 3: with the men. The men have taken care of everything 895 00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:37,040 Speaker 3: because they've had those personalities and they've usually had more money, 896 00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:40,440 Speaker 3: so they've taken it upon themselves to pay for everything 897 00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:43,560 Speaker 3: and to kind of like just share what they've wanted 898 00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:46,520 Speaker 3: to share. And you know, I believe like your first 899 00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:49,280 Speaker 3: husband is different from like your second and third husband. 900 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:49,400 Speaker 1: You know. 901 00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:51,560 Speaker 3: I feel like when you get married together and you know, 902 00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:54,680 Speaker 3: for the first time, and you know you're both starting off, 903 00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:58,040 Speaker 3: I believe that it's usually more like you share more 904 00:41:58,080 --> 00:42:00,680 Speaker 3: about the finances, and you know, you kind of like 905 00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:03,280 Speaker 3: are growing your life and building your life and growing, 906 00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:06,719 Speaker 3: so you're more involved. But I found with like my 907 00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:09,520 Speaker 3: second husband, it was kind of like you never really shared, 908 00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:11,520 Speaker 3: you know, how much he had or how much he 909 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:13,359 Speaker 3: didn't have. You know, I kind of like found out 910 00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:16,280 Speaker 3: after he passed away, and I was but he always 911 00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:18,279 Speaker 3: made me feel secure, so it's not like I had 912 00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:21,600 Speaker 3: to like question, you know, his finances. But you know, 913 00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:23,960 Speaker 3: I advise every woman that they really need to be 914 00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:27,359 Speaker 3: involved and they need to know what's going on, and 915 00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:30,560 Speaker 3: you know, take that initiative because things happen like divorce 916 00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,839 Speaker 3: or death and then you know they don't know what's 917 00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:35,200 Speaker 3: going on, which is practiced. Really what happened to me 918 00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:36,879 Speaker 3: after herman's death? 919 00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:40,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, sure, what do you think is the one thing 920 00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:43,600 Speaker 1: that you need to work on the most for like 921 00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:47,040 Speaker 1: in the relationship, and then also just you personally, like 922 00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:48,719 Speaker 1: you're one thing that you're like, this is what I 923 00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:50,680 Speaker 1: keep hitting up against. 924 00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:54,000 Speaker 3: So I mean, I feel like I need to work 925 00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:59,319 Speaker 3: more on just being a little bit more guarded with 926 00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:01,560 Speaker 3: my heart. You know, I feel like I'm such an 927 00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:05,239 Speaker 3: EmPATH now I'm an educated EmPATH. So it's like I 928 00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:08,480 Speaker 3: you know, you need to protect your heart sometimes because 929 00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:12,320 Speaker 3: you can't give it away just to anyone or to anybody. 930 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,880 Speaker 3: And I just need to take my time, you know, 931 00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:20,000 Speaker 3: to just feel good about myself. And like I said, 932 00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:21,920 Speaker 3: I do like so much in my life and now 933 00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:24,120 Speaker 3: to the point like I used to be ashamed about 934 00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:25,960 Speaker 3: a lot of things in my life, not about me 935 00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:28,960 Speaker 3: and me as a person, but around what was around me. 936 00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:33,160 Speaker 3: And so I've done good with that as far as 937 00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:36,760 Speaker 3: like being seeing the good about it, seeing my life lessons, 938 00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:39,239 Speaker 3: learning from it, and actually being proud that I am 939 00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:41,480 Speaker 3: the woman that I am today because of what I've 940 00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:44,800 Speaker 3: gone through and learned from. And as far as the 941 00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:48,480 Speaker 3: finances is like you have to have your own money, 942 00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:51,799 Speaker 3: you have to be independent, and if the guy has 943 00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:55,360 Speaker 3: money more power to you. But I feel like a 944 00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:58,000 Speaker 3: man respects a woman a lot more in a marriage 945 00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:02,280 Speaker 3: when she comes with her own education, with her own money, 946 00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:06,759 Speaker 3: with her own with her own skills, and like it's 947 00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:08,879 Speaker 3: not like she has to contribute to the household and 948 00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:11,560 Speaker 3: she has suit. I'm sure she will, but I feel 949 00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:14,680 Speaker 3: like the whole thing changes. You know, they have a 950 00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:16,719 Speaker 3: different perspective of who you are. 951 00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:19,759 Speaker 1: They respect you more as long as they're secure. Because 952 00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:24,560 Speaker 1: my problem is my past relationships. The guys always said 953 00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:26,960 Speaker 1: that was like their favorite quality about me that I 954 00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:30,680 Speaker 1: you know, provided that I was the quote unquote breadwinner, 955 00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:33,800 Speaker 1: But then that became the thing they used against me too, sure, 956 00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:36,800 Speaker 1: and I feel like that came from their own insecurities 957 00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:40,880 Speaker 1: of things. But then I'm like, well, but I remember 958 00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:42,719 Speaker 1: when I got divorced. My husband was like, we'll have 959 00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:44,960 Speaker 1: fun making money. I'm like, is that a bad thing? Like, 960 00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:47,680 Speaker 1: I guess I'm supporting you and paying child support. I 961 00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:49,399 Speaker 1: wouldn't complain about like. 962 00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:52,120 Speaker 2: Why, like what he should want you to make more money? 963 00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:55,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm like, huh, But speaking of that co parenting 964 00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:58,680 Speaker 1: side of things, what is your And I so agree 965 00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:01,400 Speaker 1: with you because there's nothing like I could you know, 966 00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:07,040 Speaker 1: I could say the meanest things about him to you know, 967 00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:09,799 Speaker 1: one day my kids and now I could just treat 968 00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:12,120 Speaker 1: him terribly, but I'm like, for what what what is 969 00:45:12,160 --> 00:45:14,400 Speaker 1: that going to help or do? And like for me, 970 00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:17,319 Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, they think their dad is the 971 00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:19,640 Speaker 1: most amazing human on the planet. Amazing. I'm doing my 972 00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:23,040 Speaker 1: job then as a mom, you know, so they always 973 00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:26,839 Speaker 1: believe that, you know, and if they want to ask 974 00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:29,239 Speaker 1: questions later on, they can go to him or us 975 00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:32,600 Speaker 1: later to find But you know, and we we do 976 00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:35,479 Speaker 1: kind of high five ourselves at times, being like, hey, 977 00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:38,279 Speaker 1: this is hasn't been an easy journey to get here, 978 00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:40,520 Speaker 1: but you know, thanks for being a good you know, 979 00:45:40,560 --> 00:45:43,080 Speaker 1: because I've been kind to him, He's been kind back 980 00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:45,640 Speaker 1: to me. So it's like it's been good. But I 981 00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:47,560 Speaker 1: know a lot of people struggle on that co parenting 982 00:45:47,840 --> 00:45:50,080 Speaker 1: and since this is I do part two, most people 983 00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:52,719 Speaker 1: are probably going to come with kids. So what is 984 00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:57,120 Speaker 1: your biggest tip for co parenting for the listeners when 985 00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:58,560 Speaker 1: they start to find love. 986 00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:01,440 Speaker 3: You know, I mean, it's not the kid's fault that 987 00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:03,880 Speaker 3: their parents are no longer together, and our children are 988 00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:06,680 Speaker 3: always going to want us with obviously their. 989 00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:09,799 Speaker 2: Dad, but the couple. 990 00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:13,040 Speaker 3: You know, the moms and dads really don't realize and 991 00:46:13,239 --> 00:46:17,280 Speaker 3: understand how much they hurt their kids by speaking badly 992 00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:20,160 Speaker 3: about their mothers and fathers, because at the end of 993 00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:24,240 Speaker 3: the day, they know it already inside. Like sometimes obviously 994 00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:26,920 Speaker 3: they grow up and then they'll they'll they'll find their 995 00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:30,120 Speaker 3: own assumptions. They know everything that's going on. I mean, 996 00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:33,800 Speaker 3: years later, my older son said, with both of my marriages, 997 00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:36,480 Speaker 3: my older sons has said, you know what, Mom, I 998 00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:39,759 Speaker 3: know you tried. You're an amazing mom, and I love you. 999 00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:42,480 Speaker 3: I know how much you tried. And I understand why 1000 00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:44,880 Speaker 3: you divorce my dad, and I understand why you and 1001 00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:49,120 Speaker 3: herman are separated. Like there's an understanding there. It's uncomfortable 1002 00:46:49,120 --> 00:46:50,919 Speaker 3: to talk to them, but you need to protect them. 1003 00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:53,719 Speaker 3: And I'm always about protecting, you know, my kids and 1004 00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:56,040 Speaker 3: their hearts. Like they're they're you know, they're not blinds, 1005 00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:58,880 Speaker 3: they're not deaf like they're they're listening. They're seeing so 1006 00:46:59,040 --> 00:47:02,279 Speaker 3: deep inside they so why put more on them. It's 1007 00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:05,320 Speaker 3: already hard enough. You know, the parents really have to 1008 00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:07,520 Speaker 3: learn how to get along. And I get it in 1009 00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:10,800 Speaker 3: the beginning. It's hard, especially under circumstances like that of 1010 00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:12,720 Speaker 3: like cheating or betrayal or whatnot. 1011 00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:15,120 Speaker 2: But you need to move past past that. 1012 00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:17,680 Speaker 3: And be there for their children because no matter what, 1013 00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:19,920 Speaker 3: no matter how bad you talk about the dad or 1014 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:22,600 Speaker 3: the mom, they're still going to love their parents. I mean, 1015 00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:24,960 Speaker 3: or you know, once they grow up and once they're eighteen, 1016 00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:27,440 Speaker 3: they're gonna they're going to have the right, you know, 1017 00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:29,760 Speaker 3: to go live with whatever parent they want to spend 1018 00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:32,879 Speaker 3: more time. So just why do that to them? 1019 00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:34,920 Speaker 1: On dred percent? And then what do you hope to 1020 00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:37,040 Speaker 1: teach the listeners through this experience? 1021 00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:39,799 Speaker 3: Well, I first want to say, don't give up on love, 1022 00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:43,920 Speaker 3: because you know, love is there and you just have 1023 00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:45,880 Speaker 3: to want it. You have to be open to it, 1024 00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:49,440 Speaker 3: have an open mind, have an open heart. Manifest it, 1025 00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:52,319 Speaker 3: you know, manifest the kind of man, the kind of 1026 00:47:52,320 --> 00:47:55,879 Speaker 3: relationship you want, you know what you're looking for. Don't 1027 00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:57,680 Speaker 3: be obsessed because you know there's a lot of women 1028 00:47:57,680 --> 00:47:59,120 Speaker 3: that are like, oh my god every time they go 1029 00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:00,960 Speaker 3: od it's like to for a guy, Like I have 1030 00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:03,160 Speaker 3: to find a guy, you know, I find that you 1031 00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:06,600 Speaker 3: find that person when you're least looking for it, and 1032 00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:08,840 Speaker 3: that's how it's happened. To me like I have not 1033 00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:12,600 Speaker 3: been looking for any of the of my men, you know, 1034 00:48:12,680 --> 00:48:15,799 Speaker 3: and any of these relationships. I just wanted to be out, 1035 00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:19,520 Speaker 3: have fun, talk to people, have a drink, and I've 1036 00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:22,080 Speaker 3: you know, and that's how I've met like my three husbands. 1037 00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:24,560 Speaker 2: I haven't done the dating online ding. I don't think 1038 00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:27,120 Speaker 2: I'm very much like I like to like see the guy, 1039 00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:30,480 Speaker 2: like see the person, yeah, and interact. I don't know 1040 00:48:30,520 --> 00:48:31,960 Speaker 2: how much online day. 1041 00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:34,359 Speaker 1: I know you're going to be You're going to be 1042 00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:38,120 Speaker 1: such an amazing guest mentor so thank you so much 1043 00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:41,480 Speaker 1: for coming on this journey alongside with us. We appreciate 1044 00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:43,200 Speaker 1: you so much. And I just I love a girl 1045 00:48:43,200 --> 00:48:45,920 Speaker 1: that loves to love like you know, just we all 1046 00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:47,200 Speaker 1: got a little j low in us. 1047 00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:49,040 Speaker 2: So yes, that is for sure. 1048 00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:51,839 Speaker 3: Never give up. You know, love is everything. I mean, 1049 00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:54,200 Speaker 3: this is why you fight for everything because of love. 1050 00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:56,680 Speaker 3: Love for your children, love for your husband, different kinds 1051 00:48:56,680 --> 00:48:59,919 Speaker 3: of love, but that feeling of love is just every 1052 00:49:00,200 --> 00:49:01,359 Speaker 3: and that's what keeps me going. 1053 00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:04,560 Speaker 1: And we're going to love ourselves first and then everyone 1054 00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:07,879 Speaker 1: else around us. It's same to Amenda that Alexia, you're 1055 00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:09,520 Speaker 1: the best. Thank you so much for coming on. 1056 00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:13,120 Speaker 2: Thank you Jana so much. Fit Bye, honey bye. 1057 00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:15,279 Speaker 1: We are so thrilled to have Alexia be a part 1058 00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:17,839 Speaker 1: of our celebrity mentor team on I Do Part two. 1059 00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:19,879 Speaker 1: So if you are struggling on if you should stay 1060 00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:22,280 Speaker 1: in a relationship or leave it, or how to reconcile 1061 00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:24,520 Speaker 1: a relationship, we want to hear from you, or if 1062 00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:26,879 Speaker 1: you're single and ready to find love again, call us 1063 00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:30,640 Speaker 1: one eight four four four I Do Pod. That's eight 1064 00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:34,160 Speaker 1: four four four four three six seven six three or 1065 00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:37,359 Speaker 1: email us at I dopodt iHeartRadio dot com. Follow us 1066 00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:39,920 Speaker 1: on Instagram at I Do Part two pod. I Do 1067 00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:43,799 Speaker 1: Part two. That's the number two pod. I Do Part 1068 00:49:43,840 --> 00:49:46,839 Speaker 1: two an iHeartRadio podcast where falling in love is the 1069 00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:47,640 Speaker 1: main objective