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Speaker 1: Hey, Alyssa Sale and this is John. Welcome to the

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Speaker 1: Okay story Time podcast game show.

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Speaker 2: The show where you can hear the greatest stories on

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Speaker 2: ours and.

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Speaker 1: Luckily you've won the jackpot for listening to the best

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Speaker 1: stories your ears could listen to. All you have to

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Speaker 1: do is wait for two minutes through these messages from

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Speaker 1: our sponsors.

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Speaker 3: I refuse to meet my father's new girlfriend because we

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Speaker 3: just lost our mother.

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Speaker 2: You're gonna move on way too fast. At least do

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Speaker 2: it secretly.

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Speaker 4: Let the rest of the family take their time.

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Speaker 5: Ye.

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Speaker 3: Ever, since I, twenty three female, lost my mom to

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Speaker 3: cancer last year in September, everything has been so hard.

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Speaker 3: Add to that, I found out that my father fifty

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Speaker 3: four male, has been talking to Slash getting to know

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Speaker 3: someone forty five female who I'm going to call em.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Sleepy Eater oh one

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Speaker 3: and if you want.

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Speaker 4: To submit your own stories, just go to our slash

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Speaker 4: Okay story.

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Speaker 3: Times subbreaded come on over. So my parents were married

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Speaker 3: for almost thirty years and as a normal couple, they

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Speaker 3: had their issues, but they still stay together. We are

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Speaker 3: also religious, which is going to be important later. Despite

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Speaker 3: the trauma and issues that I have had with them.

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Speaker 3: I love them. I've always looked up to my mom,

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Speaker 3: so losing her is one of the worst and most

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Speaker 3: heartbreaking things that have ever happened to me. My father

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Speaker 3: has been someone who would make sure that we were

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Speaker 3: taken care of, and I would say we could feel

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Speaker 3: his love and care thanks to my parents upbringing. I

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Speaker 3: would say it helped and showed us a lot later

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Speaker 3: in our own lives. This began when at my mom's funeral,

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Speaker 3: which was public for people who knew her. In our culture,

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Speaker 3: you did not invite people, but you announce it and

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Speaker 3: whoever comes as welcome. EM was introduced as my mom's

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Speaker 3: old friend. At first, I did not question it, since

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Speaker 3: it was quite usual for my mom to have friends

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Speaker 3: living abroad. After that, I had my own suspicions about

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Speaker 3: my father suddenly going to another country where EM lives

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Speaker 3: and how his behavior was changed. It confirmed my suspicions

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Speaker 3: which my older brother and his wife also had. He

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Speaker 3: brought her to my mom's ceremony at the temple. This

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Speaker 3: is something you do on the forty ninth day. This

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Speaker 3: is important in our religion. I was quite surprised, and

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Speaker 3: I did not feel happy about seeing a stranger at

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Speaker 3: a private family event. Funeral was okay since it was public,

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Speaker 3: but this noe. Later that day, we asked him about her,

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Speaker 3: and he told us that they had been talking ever

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Speaker 3: since he saw her number pop up on one of

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Speaker 3: the messaging apps that he uses, like WhatsApp, Viber, et cetera,

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Speaker 3: and he told her about my mom being sick. He

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Speaker 3: said that they had been only talking and after her

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Speaker 3: death they started dating. He mentioned how they also talked

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Speaker 3: about their future together since they both have younger kids.

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Speaker 3: She has two kids and on my side, I still

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Speaker 3: have a younger brother, all.

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Speaker 4: From thirteen to eighteen.

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Speaker 3: And it needs to be discussed carefully because apparently they

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Speaker 3: wanted to move in together to our country, where my

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Speaker 3: father lives. I was caught off guard since we had

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Speaker 3: just lost our mom and he was already thinking about

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Speaker 3: dating someone, a person who was apparently my mom's old friend.

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Speaker 3: It did not make any sense to me the way

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Speaker 3: that he started talking to her. But what was hard

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Speaker 3: to swallow was that it was when my mom was

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Speaker 3: still alive. Actly there were speculations that he was cheating

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Speaker 3: on her. He started saying, how our mom said that

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Speaker 3: she would be okay with it. I'm finding someone new. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but usually that's like it's like a while after you

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Speaker 3: wait until after the funeral. Yeah, we do not have

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Speaker 3: any issues with him being with someone new. However, we

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Speaker 3: did not expect it this soon. A month and a

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Speaker 3: few weeks after her passing. I found this quite ironic

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Speaker 3: because our father told us we had to follow these

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Speaker 3: rules during the morning period. I was taught that you

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Speaker 3: cannot attend any weddings or happy occasions.

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Speaker 4: For at least a year, so I suppose this does

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Speaker 4: not apply to my father.

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Speaker 3: I have heard about not marrying anyone for at least

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Speaker 3: three years too, but times change.

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Speaker 2: I mean, to be fair, I think that's all relative

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Speaker 2: based on your personal like however you're feeling.

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Speaker 4: Hm hmm.

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Speaker 2: It's I don't think that there need to be like

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Speaker 2: hard fast rules on any of this, but man, this

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Speaker 2: tasteless to be emotionally cheating on your wife while she's

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Speaker 2: passing away from cancer. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Not everyone has to follow it, but my family is

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Speaker 3: quite keen on it, and I also respect it, so

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Speaker 3: I have declined a few in which my friends understood.

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Speaker 3: He started accusing us of not wanting him to be happy,

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Speaker 3: and how we were forbidding him to date, et cetera,

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Speaker 3: which caused me to argue with him. He even used

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Speaker 3: our mom's name, which was quite infuriating since I have

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Speaker 3: trauma that involves skilt tripping too. After that, I stopped

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Speaker 3: talking to him and only talked to my siblings. Then

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Speaker 3: another argument happened in December when we disagreed on not

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Speaker 3: burying her ashes back in our homeland because we did

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Speaker 3: not live there and have lived in another country which

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Speaker 3: is our home now for years now. All my mom's

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Speaker 3: siblings and their families live here too, so why would

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Speaker 3: we bury her so far away when she hated our homeland.

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Speaker 3: Despite all of that, he still took her there and

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Speaker 3: buried her there.

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Speaker 4: Dang, that's that's rough.

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Speaker 3: I was told that my opinion does not matter and

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Speaker 3: that he is her husband so he has the right

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Speaker 3: to do it, but we did not. I accepted it

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Speaker 3: since knowing my mom, she would not care. She was

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Speaker 3: really religious, so for her the body does not matter

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Speaker 3: after passing. It was more about us being able to

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Speaker 3: visit her more often since our homeland is far away.

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Speaker 3: Eventually I I started talking to him again, but yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's been low contact. I was told I should not

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Speaker 3: act like this since he is my father that everyone

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Speaker 3: agreeves differently, so I should not be judgmental.

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Speaker 4: I thought about it.

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Speaker 3: And I think my reactions were justified. This is more

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Speaker 3: about the timing.

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Speaker 4: That he chose.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, agreed, I agree to.

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Speaker 3: I would say that if he chose to tell us

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Speaker 3: way later or something, and not at the private family

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Speaker 3: event with everyone, including my mom's siblings, we would not

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Speaker 3: have reacted so strongly. He started going to her country

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Speaker 3: every weekend, at first with my little brother, who only

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Speaker 3: knew her as an auntie but not as a girlfriend

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Speaker 3: or anything. But then he started leaving him home with

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Speaker 3: our relatives or by himself. I was quite annoyed and

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Speaker 3: did not understand why this was happening. My older brother

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Speaker 3: and I work abroad, but I try to go home

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Speaker 3: quite often. After all of this, I thought I had

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Speaker 3: had enough to deal with. However, last week I was

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Speaker 3: told by my older brother that our father wants to

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Speaker 3: marry her and move to her country along with my

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Speaker 3: little brother.

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Speaker 2: Who wait, too fast, buddy, what are we doing?

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Speaker 4: My god?

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Speaker 2: I mean, way too fast for it to have not

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Speaker 2: been going on the entire time. Your wife was sick,

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Speaker 2: which makes you disgusting right right.

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Speaker 3: It's like it's it would be even too fast if

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Speaker 3: you just met her naturally, and this you didn't have

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Speaker 3: a previous marriage.

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Speaker 2: That's just so fast absurd.

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Speaker 3: I was once again caught off guard, since last time

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Speaker 3: it was her moving to his country, not him. I

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Speaker 3: wasn't a MG fan of it. But as long as

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Speaker 3: my little brother could stay back home and just do

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Speaker 3: his own thing without worries. Our father told him that

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Speaker 3: he wants my little brother to repeat one year so

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Speaker 3: he could learn the language.

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Speaker 4: Mind you, he is.

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Speaker 3: In elementary school and next year he has to start

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Speaker 3: looking at high schools and then study for the exam,

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Speaker 3: So learning a new language while repeating a year and

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Speaker 3: then taking the exams in a language he does not know.

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Speaker 4: I am not sure about this.

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Speaker 3: Hey, sink or swim body and just push him into

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Speaker 3: the deep end, Why don't you. I'm not sure about this,

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Speaker 3: and I want this to be discussed thoroughly and carefully.

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Speaker 4: He is going through puberty, and at this you gotta

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Speaker 4: pay more and more attention.

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Speaker 3: I disagreed with this, and my little brother does not

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Speaker 3: want to move abroad either. I feel like I cannot

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Speaker 3: do anything at all. I cannot take in with me

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Speaker 3: since I can only afford to defend for myself and only

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Speaker 3: help out when needed. My brother told me our father

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Speaker 3: told him that when he disagreed with the move, he

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Speaker 3: was met with reactions and comments like you do not.

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Speaker 4: Care about me. It's my turn to be.

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Speaker 3: Happy now, and why are you not listening to me?

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Speaker 3: I'm upset and heartbroken by this. I have been crying

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Speaker 3: a lot, and I've been crying lollily because so many

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Speaker 3: of you have not checked this out on your favorite

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Speaker 3: broadcast app like iHeart Radio, Spotify, Apple Podcast whatever.

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Speaker 6: It's so fee there are full episodes with stories just

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Speaker 6: like this on all these apps.

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Speaker 2: Just just search our name, okay, story time and you

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Speaker 2: will find them all.

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Speaker 4: Save me from crying, and there is a little bit more.

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Speaker 2: Most is than my turn to be happy now. It's like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: what do you mean, like stop saying these things to

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Speaker 2: your kids. You can say them to yourself, you can

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Speaker 2: say them to your friends. Don't say that to your kids.

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Speaker 4: And it's just like, are you not also mourning like

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Speaker 4: this is?

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Speaker 3: It's literally no, Yeah, it's disrespectful of the family and

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Speaker 3: of like the wife and stuff. But it's like it's

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Speaker 3: just like, think about yourself though, and how you're you're

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Speaker 3: feeling your yourself.

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Speaker 4: It's disrespectful to.

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Speaker 3: Yourself and you're not giving yourself time to process all

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Speaker 3: of that.

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Speaker 2: It sounds like he's already processed at all, and he

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Speaker 2: didn't care about his wife and he had already moved

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Speaker 2: on to this other woman, which and to do it

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Speaker 2: like so transparently around the family, it's like, have you

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Speaker 2: no shame?

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Speaker 4: It's like, at least try to hide it. God.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, now because you're so tasteless, it's like you've now

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Speaker 2: made this a problem for everyone in your family.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: It's like you could say everyone grieves differently, but that's

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Speaker 3: usually about like the way you spend your time, or

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Speaker 3: like how much work you do, or the jokes you may.

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Speaker 4: It's not like, you know, I get married to grieve,

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Speaker 4: you know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: I take my new partner to the funeral.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, No, it's to grieve. It's just my way.

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Speaker 2: Brother. You give yourself a week and a half.

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Speaker 3: At least, literally, literally it was forty nine days forty

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Speaker 3: nine days wild.

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Speaker 2: Which is just it just confirms this guy was cheating

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Speaker 2: on her. Yeah, with emotionally, physically whatever he had let

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Speaker 2: go of their marriage, yeah, before she had passed away,

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Speaker 2: which is so.

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Speaker 3: Gross, But there is a little bit more. I plan

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Speaker 3: on talking to our father about it, so we will see.

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Speaker 3: My older brother told me that he wants us to

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Speaker 3: meet m My sister in law told me that we

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Speaker 3: should meet her so that we could see what kind

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Speaker 3: of a person she is. But I do not want

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Speaker 3: to meet her at all, at least not right now

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Speaker 3: or anytime soon.

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Speaker 4: So can I be blamed?

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Speaker 6: No?

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Speaker 3: Please feel free to ask any questions and share any advice.

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Speaker 4: What would you do if this happened to you?

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Speaker 3: Thank you for reading this, and once again sorry for

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Speaker 3: the long text, and there are some comments, But what what.

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Speaker 4: Would you do?

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Speaker 2: I mean, I would be so furious with my dad,

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Speaker 2: And I don't know if there's a cultural difference where

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Speaker 2: they are not getting so furious, but it's like I

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Speaker 2: would be, like you discuss me, like I'm not, I'm

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Speaker 2: done with you, like you've you've abandoned. And it's like

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Speaker 2: my mom had stage three cancer and she's in remission

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Speaker 2: now and everything's fine, but like if I find out that,

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Speaker 2: like you know, while my mom's sick, my dad runs

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Speaker 2: off and is like chatting with some woman like and

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Speaker 2: emotionally cheating on my mom, and while she's sick, I'd

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Speaker 2: be like, you're a you're s bag, and I want

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Speaker 2: nothing to do with you. Absolutely, Like the only saving

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Speaker 2: thing is like if there was some discussion where she's like,

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Speaker 2: I know that I'm not long for this earth, and

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Speaker 2: I don't want to be a roadblock to you continuing

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Speaker 2: to be happy. So feel free right now while I'm

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Speaker 2: still breathing to go find somebody else.

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Speaker 7: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd find that very hard to believe that was said.

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Speaker 3: I really doubt it. But there are some comments, so

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Speaker 3: let's see what the people have said. Comment number one says,

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Speaker 3: not the a hole. Let's face it, your dad had

259
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:13,480
Speaker 3: a lover before your mom passed away. He already had

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Speaker 3: plans before she passed away. He doesn't care about how

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Speaker 3: this negatively affects your brother. He only cares about himself.

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00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,160
Speaker 3: Try and figure out how you can help your brother.

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00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,439
Speaker 3: That's the only important thing.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 3: Don't meet her if you don't want to. There is

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Speaker 3: no way she was your mom's friend. This was probably

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00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:31,440
Speaker 3: a dating app hook up. Another comment says, not the

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00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,360
Speaker 3: a hole. Your father sounds like a petulant child that

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Speaker 3: was just freed from a life of servitude.

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Speaker 4: It's his time to be happy. So what was he

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Speaker 4: doing for those thirty years? He was so.

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Speaker 3: Unhappy in marriage that now he needs to do it

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Speaker 3: all again with the woman he was cheating on your

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Speaker 3: mom with and trying to guilt your younger brother into

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Speaker 3: giving up his whole life for his father. I'd be

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Speaker 3: working with my older brother to see if we could

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Speaker 3: keep the younger brother here with us, maybe getting child

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Speaker 3: to support money from the father. Talk to a lawyer,

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Speaker 3: and I'd leave that's selfish man in my rear view mirror,

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Speaker 3: never to talk to again.

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Speaker 4: And that is the end of that story.

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Speaker 2: My mother planned to surprise my father with divorce, and

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Speaker 2: I just watched it happen.

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Speaker 4: Grab some popcorse, give me a bump your.

285
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Speaker 2: Road, pulled up the lawn chair, and said this is

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Speaker 2: gonna be great. My parents have been married for almost

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Speaker 2: thirty years. Their marriage is not great. My dad's the

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Speaker 2: kind of person who will come home from work and

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Speaker 2: get angry that there isn't dinner on the table. Growing up,

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00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,560
Speaker 2: my dad never treated my mother like an equal. She

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00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:36,160
Speaker 2: was expected to do all the housework and look after

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Speaker 2: the children and dote on her husband at all times.

293
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Speaker 2: And I'm starting to see why you just sat back

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Speaker 2: and watched. By the way, this comes from user and

295
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,520
Speaker 2: elaborate divorce. And if you want to submit your own stories,

296
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:51,000
Speaker 2: go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. So my

297
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,040
Speaker 2: parents have been empty nesting for a few years now.

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Speaker 2: I have one younger sister and we are both out

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Speaker 2: of the house and have our own lives. Neither of

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00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:02,120
Speaker 2: us kids have particularly he liked our dad like we

301
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,880
Speaker 2: love him in the way that you love your family,

302
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Speaker 2: and we are grateful that he provided for us and

303
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,120
Speaker 2: helped us pay for college. But my dad is an

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00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,959
Speaker 2: a hole who treats my mom poorly, and I never

305
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,920
Speaker 2: respected him for this. I recently got brunch with my

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00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,040
Speaker 2: mother and she dropped some pretty heavy news. She's planning

307
00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:21,960
Speaker 2: on divorcing my father. Yes, I was honestly relieved and

308
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,839
Speaker 2: happy for her that she's finally doing this, but her

309
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:28,319
Speaker 2: plan to do so is rather troubling. My parents are

310
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:32,480
Speaker 2: Chinese immigrants. My dad's best friend growing up, Daniel, and

311
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,680
Speaker 2: his family have been saving up for a trip to

312
00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:37,920
Speaker 2: the United States for years. They'll be visiting my parents

313
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,880
Speaker 2: over Christmas, my dad naturally put the burden of this

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Speaker 2: whole trip on my mother. He told her to organize

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00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:48,520
Speaker 2: their whole vacation, planning the meals, reservations, activities, et cetera. Basically,

316
00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:51,160
Speaker 2: my mom is expected to be the complete tour guide

317
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Speaker 2: and handle all the stress and organization of their visit,

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Speaker 2: including picking them up from the airport, while my dad

319
00:13:56,559 --> 00:13:58,520
Speaker 2: just gets to hang out with his childhood friend and

320
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Speaker 2: not deal with anything. My mom doesn't even know these people. Apparently, However,

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00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:06,920
Speaker 2: this was the last straw for my mom. She is retaliated.

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00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:10,480
Speaker 2: She's only pretending to organize this trip and faked a

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00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:13,800
Speaker 2: bunch of reservations and stuff to appease my dad. Oh

324
00:14:15,679 --> 00:14:20,880
Speaker 2: that's a good plan, woo. My dad thinks everything is

325
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,920
Speaker 2: organized and Daniel's family is being completely taken care of.

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00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:27,200
Speaker 2: Her plan instead is to serve him with divorce papers.

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00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,920
Speaker 2: The day she is supposed to pick up Daniel's family

328
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:32,000
Speaker 2: from the airport, my dad will be out of town

329
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,880
Speaker 2: on business up until the day Daniel arrives, so she

330
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,400
Speaker 2: will be moved out by that Daniel's family will be

331
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,640
Speaker 2: stranded at the airport, and my dad will come home

332
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:43,640
Speaker 2: to an empty house. And no family. While I support

333
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:46,200
Speaker 2: the divorce, I can't help but feel like the plan

334
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:48,680
Speaker 2: is a little too cruel. She can be as vindictive

335
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,920
Speaker 2: towards my father as she wants, but to drag another

336
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:54,360
Speaker 2: family into this seems unfair. My dad completely deserves this,

337
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:57,400
Speaker 2: but Daniel didn't do anything and his family doesn't deserve

338
00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:59,720
Speaker 2: to fly into the US and face this level of

339
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:03,200
Speaker 2: com Is it my place to say anything? I voiced

340
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,360
Speaker 2: to my mother my concerns, and she basically was like,

341
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:10,280
Speaker 2: f it and f him, which, honestly, brother, I agree with.

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00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:11,440
Speaker 4: Yeah.

343
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Speaker 3: I wonder if if to make it like a little

344
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,960
Speaker 3: bit better, I wonder if maybe the mom can like

345
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:21,920
Speaker 3: send this family a message being like, hey, I'm sorry

346
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,280
Speaker 3: your husband didn't want to pick you up, or something

347
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,720
Speaker 3: like that, like you're or wait, no, her husband.

348
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,960
Speaker 2: I think I think it should just be like if

349
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,360
Speaker 2: you do anything to help them out, It's like it's

350
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,600
Speaker 2: not like you're gonna book them a hotel and now

351
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:36,080
Speaker 2: plan their whole trip for them if you're divorcing this guy.

352
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,880
Speaker 2: So instead, it's just like you know, once you already know,

353
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,160
Speaker 2: you're giving them the papers. I feel like she wants

354
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,640
Speaker 2: like the shock to hit the husband, though, because if

355
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,920
Speaker 2: she tells Daniel and his family, then it's probably gonna

356
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:50,840
Speaker 2: get back to the husband. Yeah, and deserves to be divorced.

357
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,040
Speaker 2: But yeah, I don't know. At this point. It's like

358
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,920
Speaker 2: more her husband's fault, yeah, than anyone's.

359
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,000
Speaker 3: I would say, you shouldn't have been relying on me

360
00:15:58,080 --> 00:15:58,720
Speaker 3: this whole time.

361
00:15:58,600 --> 00:15:59,400
Speaker 4: To do everything for you.

362
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:02,640
Speaker 2: Yeah. I barely talk to my father, but I don't

363
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,320
Speaker 2: know who I should reach out to or who I

364
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,720
Speaker 2: can talk some sense into. My dad has never been

365
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,360
Speaker 2: violent towards my mom or anything, but I'm also nervous

366
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,560
Speaker 2: about what would happen if I told my father the

367
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,240
Speaker 2: truth before my mom had a chance to gather herself

368
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,560
Speaker 2: and move out of the house without him being present.

369
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,880
Speaker 2: It just seems like an explosive argument waiting to happen.

370
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,400
Speaker 2: And you're right, Buddy's why you shouldn't do that. It'd

371
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,640
Speaker 2: be the dumbest thing you could ever do. Okay, let

372
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,200
Speaker 2: her handle it. She's earned whatever she wants to do

373
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:30,840
Speaker 2: at this point. Yeah, but we have an update, so

374
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:31,720
Speaker 2: we're gonna get into that.

375
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,080
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm so excited.

376
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,920
Speaker 2: Thank you to everyone who replied. It's been about a

377
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:38,800
Speaker 2: month since my post reading everyone's response has made a

378
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:42,200
Speaker 2: few things to me very clear that I especially had

379
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,920
Speaker 2: not thought of before. It is highly unlikely that Daniel's

380
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,160
Speaker 2: family being stranded at a large international airport in the

381
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,560
Speaker 2: US would be that big of an issue. Exactly. They

382
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:54,280
Speaker 2: can figure it out, buddy. They speak good enough English,

383
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:56,280
Speaker 2: they have cell phones, they have money, they have my

384
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:59,400
Speaker 2: dad's contact information. My mom's decision to wait for him

385
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,240
Speaker 2: to get his new ouse until he returns from his

386
00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:03,680
Speaker 2: trip is a strategic one so she can move out

387
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:07,000
Speaker 2: calmly and safely. While my father is not physically abusive,

388
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:09,439
Speaker 2: he certainly would not let my mom leave comfortably, and

389
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,320
Speaker 2: she doesn't need that stress. While some suggested that I

390
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:15,119
Speaker 2: step in and take over her duties, others claim that

391
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,000
Speaker 2: it was risky for me to take over this role.

392
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,800
Speaker 2: My father may then just see me as a replacement

393
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:22,560
Speaker 2: for his wife. This may set a bad precedent. Yeah,

394
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,159
Speaker 2: and your father doesn't deserve any help or support or

395
00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:27,040
Speaker 2: any of that. Yes, he's a terrible husband.

396
00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:31,120
Speaker 3: And also it's like, if this is an unfair thing

397
00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,840
Speaker 3: that your dad is doing towards your wife, why would

398
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,600
Speaker 3: you want to pill that role? Yeah, No, one should

399
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,199
Speaker 3: expect you to subject yourself to that.

400
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,680
Speaker 2: None of you like your dad. Don't help your dad.

401
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:44,720
Speaker 2: Your dad mistreated your mom their entire relationship. Stop it,

402
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,960
Speaker 2: stop it. Yeah. While I initially found her plan to

403
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,800
Speaker 2: be cruel, some of you rightfully pointed out that surely

404
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:54,480
Speaker 2: this act of cruelty pales tremendously compared to the years

405
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:58,840
Speaker 2: of mistreatment she has dealt with, so read it. I

406
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:02,240
Speaker 2: opted to know nothing and do nothing. And here's what happened.

407
00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,879
Speaker 2: Around the time Daniel's family was to be picked up,

408
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:07,280
Speaker 2: I got a phone call from my father. I decided,

409
00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,000
Speaker 2: especially since this was the middle of a workday, to

410
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:12,360
Speaker 2: ignore it because I frankly did not want to get

411
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:14,639
Speaker 2: wrapped up in the commotion. He called again and then

412
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:17,280
Speaker 2: sent me a series of texts demanding to know the

413
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,920
Speaker 2: whereabouts of my mother. Now, if you recall, my father

414
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,679
Speaker 2: had been on a business trip this entire week. His

415
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,360
Speaker 2: first chain of messages and calls was when he had

416
00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:28,119
Speaker 2: a layover in Denver. He was to be in Denver

417
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,520
Speaker 2: for three hours before he could get on his connection home.

418
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,560
Speaker 2: This means that at this point my dad is aware

419
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,359
Speaker 2: that Daniel's family has not been picked up. Because Daniel

420
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,679
Speaker 2: obviously called my father, and that my mother was not

421
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,000
Speaker 2: answering her phone, but he did not know why. He

422
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,920
Speaker 2: also called my younger sister, who said she genuinely had

423
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:47,159
Speaker 2: no idea what was going on, but also lived out

424
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,960
Speaker 2: of state, so I was unable to help. I later

425
00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,320
Speaker 2: find out that my sister was also briefed by my

426
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,560
Speaker 2: mother about what might happen so that she wouldn't get

427
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,919
Speaker 2: caught off guard, and she was just playing the fool

428
00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:58,960
Speaker 2: to help my mother along. I eventually text my dad back,

429
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,720
Speaker 2: saying I I have no idea what's going on, but

430
00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:03,520
Speaker 2: I'm very busy at work and won't be able to

431
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,000
Speaker 2: get back to him for a while. My dad, unable

432
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,000
Speaker 2: to find immediate answers, told Daniel there must have been

433
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,680
Speaker 2: some miscommunication. He told them to get a cab from

434
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:14,119
Speaker 2: the airport to the house and just make themselves at

435
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:16,639
Speaker 2: home until my father could get them. He gave Daniel

436
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,800
Speaker 2: the key code to the house, told him to call

437
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:21,760
Speaker 2: back once Daniel and his family were safely at home.

438
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,920
Speaker 2: Here's where things get a bit theatrical.

439
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,399
Speaker 4: I'm so excited, Oh boy, I was so excited.

440
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,520
Speaker 2: Oh I love a good trip to the theater. My mother

441
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:34,320
Speaker 2: apparently attached the divorce papers to an easel with a

442
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:40,240
Speaker 2: nice big divorce label and note, and placed the easel

443
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,680
Speaker 2: right at the entrance hall to the house. So it's

444
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:47,200
Speaker 2: the first thing you see once you open the door. Wow,

445
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:54,120
Speaker 2: what a vibe. Oh, as you could guess who gets

446
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:58,760
Speaker 2: the divorce news first, Daniel and his family. Daniel then

447
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:02,040
Speaker 2: has to tell my father that my mother is divorcing him.

448
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:05,479
Speaker 2: This is precisely what happens. Daniel recounts this in private

449
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:07,959
Speaker 2: to me later, which is how I know. But apparently

450
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,720
Speaker 2: my father went through a range of emotions from disbelief

451
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:15,720
Speaker 2: to a fumbling stutter, to anger, you name it. This,

452
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,359
Speaker 2: by the way, is happening while he's at the Tenver

453
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:22,000
Speaker 2: Airport surrounded by his colleagues. He then has to presumably

454
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,840
Speaker 2: give some sort of explanation to his work friends and

455
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,200
Speaker 2: deal with an awkward and uncomfortable plane ride back home.

456
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,879
Speaker 2: Long story short, my dad was incredibly embarrassed and flustered.

457
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:35,159
Speaker 2: Let's go. Yes, yes, he had no idea what to

458
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,040
Speaker 2: do or how to help himself or anyone. Daniel actually

459
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,440
Speaker 2: ended up coming to the rescue because he is apparently

460
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:44,120
Speaker 2: quite the meticulous planner and had many suggestions for activities

461
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,440
Speaker 2: and sight seeing. Basically, Daniel took charge of his own vacation.

462
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:53,320
Speaker 2: Imagine that, how hard is that instead of having your

463
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,360
Speaker 2: friend's wife plan your whole vacation for you, you did

464
00:20:56,400 --> 00:21:00,879
Speaker 2: it yourself. Crazy, So Daniel play and his own vacation

465
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 2: while my dad fumbled around like a lost puppy, tagging

466
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:07,840
Speaker 2: along on their trip while being completely discombobulated. I expected

467
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:09,679
Speaker 2: my dad to put on a farce for Daniel and

468
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,720
Speaker 2: his family and pretend things were fine, but he was

469
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,400
Speaker 2: unable to do that at all. I think he legitimately

470
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,679
Speaker 2: and honestly believed that my mom would never leave him,

471
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:18,520
Speaker 2: and was too much at a loss for words to

472
00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:21,240
Speaker 2: even be angry. Later on, I stepped in to help

473
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,919
Speaker 2: out Daniel's family and make sure they were doing okay,

474
00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:26,919
Speaker 2: giving my dad some time to himself. Overall, while they

475
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:30,440
Speaker 2: weren't whined and dined in quite the way they probably expected,

476
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:33,360
Speaker 2: Daniel seemed like a good and understanding friend, and they

477
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,719
Speaker 2: managed to have a productive vacation. Daniel said, towards the end,

478
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,080
Speaker 2: when the shock had worn off, my dad and he

479
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,480
Speaker 2: were able to have a little fun. It was probably

480
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,280
Speaker 2: a good thing that Daniel was around to help my

481
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:45,800
Speaker 2: dad through it. As for my parents in general, they

482
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,880
Speaker 2: are only communicating through their lawyers. My mom moved out

483
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,360
Speaker 2: to her own apartment. She hasn't told my father where

484
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,639
Speaker 2: she lives, and I'm completely staying out of it. My

485
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,639
Speaker 2: mom seems like a brand new person to me, and

486
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,679
Speaker 2: I'm incredibly happy for her for being so brave and

487
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:02,000
Speaker 2: finally taking charge of her own life. And by the way,

488
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,679
Speaker 2: I want you to take charge right now and listen

489
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 2: to full episodes with stories like this. Just go to

490
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:13,080
Speaker 2: iHeartRadio or Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you get

491
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:16,479
Speaker 2: your podcasts from and search. Okay, story time, And we

492
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:21,720
Speaker 2: now have officially fifty consecutive days. That's twenty four times

493
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:25,560
Speaker 2: fifty hours worth of stories for you to listen to.

494
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:26,800
Speaker 4: It's fifty now.

495
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 2: Fifty, which is forty nine, Like this morning is fifty days.

496
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:32,840
Speaker 2: I just got the news we've crossed over to fifty.

497
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,200
Speaker 4: Woh so big moment.

498
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:38,439
Speaker 2: So go check it out right after this episode. And

499
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,120
Speaker 2: we do have a little bit of story left here,

500
00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 2: so let's finish this story off. Yeah, my dad is

501
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:48,560
Speaker 2: pathetic and completely helpless. Yeah all right, Well there's there,

502
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:49,359
Speaker 2: it is right there.

503
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:50,040
Speaker 4: Whoo.

504
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's been wrapping himself up in his work and

505
00:22:53,119 --> 00:22:56,879
Speaker 2: eating lots of takeout. I've been careful with my involvement.

506
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,840
Speaker 2: I will be supportive enough so he doesn't feel completely alone,

507
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,720
Speaker 2: but I'm adamant to not become some sort of caregiver

508
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,760
Speaker 2: for him. I refuse to answer questions about my mother's whereabouts,

509
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,919
Speaker 2: but I do express sympathy for her. It's important for

510
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,840
Speaker 2: me to make sure my father recognizes that, honestly, I'm

511
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:14,240
Speaker 2: on my mother's side and that I never agreed with

512
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:16,440
Speaker 2: the way that he treated her. That being said, I'm

513
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,480
Speaker 2: also careful not to antagonize my parents towards each other.

514
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,720
Speaker 2: I want this breakup to be as clean as possible,

515
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 2: and that it's the end of that story.

516
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,600
Speaker 3: My mother showed up at the hospital right after I

517
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:34,360
Speaker 3: gave birth, unannounced and uninvited.

518
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 2: Oh oh boy, the best way to show up anywhere.

519
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,480
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, wah, the worst way to show up anywhere.

520
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:47,480
Speaker 3: To fully appreciate the sheer audacity of my mother's actions,

521
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 3: here is the very important context.

522
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,040
Speaker 4: I twenty seven female, am.

523
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 3: The eldest of three, and my son is the first

524
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,880
Speaker 3: grandchild for both my and my husband's twenty eighth male

525
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,480
Speaker 3: my mother, fifty seven female, lives in the city where

526
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:02,119
Speaker 3: we grew up, but I now live around five to

527
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:04,439
Speaker 3: five and a half hours away in a small country

528
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:05,840
Speaker 3: town with my husband's family.

529
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,359
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from where be the Dragons

530
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:08,840
Speaker 4: And if you.

531
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 3: Want to submit your own stories, good to the r

532
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,399
Speaker 3: slash okay story times up bread it. So, when we

533
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,359
Speaker 3: found out that we were pregnant and started talking about hospitals,

534
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,880
Speaker 3: we decided to go to one of our local regional

535
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,919
Speaker 3: maternity wards, which is around two and a bit hours

536
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,119
Speaker 3: away from where we live, six and a half to

537
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,920
Speaker 3: seven from the city. It's the hospital all the women

538
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:28,560
Speaker 3: in our town go to if they didn't go to

539
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,479
Speaker 3: the city. Going to the local hospital and meant our

540
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,120
Speaker 3: travel time for appointments would be shorter than going into

541
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:35,600
Speaker 3: the city and the added benefit of not getting a

542
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,280
Speaker 3: surprise visit from my mother, or so I thought. My

543
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,240
Speaker 3: mother is not a bad person, but she can be

544
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 3: a lot. She has a psychology and counseling background, which

545
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,640
Speaker 3: means she is great at diagnosing other people, but she's

546
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:49,560
Speaker 3: not so good at self reflection and accepting when she

547
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 3: is wrong. Usually I can get her to listen to me,

548
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,640
Speaker 3: or I choose my words carefully so that I can

549
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:55,160
Speaker 3: make her.

550
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 4: Think that my ideas are hers. But things have changed

551
00:24:58,359 --> 00:24:59,679
Speaker 4: recently with the pregnancy.

552
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:03,280
Speaker 3: She has started making decisions without me on my behalf,

553
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,520
Speaker 3: stating that I shouldn't have to worry about these things

554
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 3: with my poor health and a baby on the way.

555
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 3: One particular instance involved of a much loved family member.

556
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,680
Speaker 3: I only found out that he was in the pollative

557
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:16,399
Speaker 3: care for my grandma by accident, and by the time

558
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:18,240
Speaker 3: I was able to find out what was going on,

559
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 3: he had passed away.

560
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:26,200
Speaker 2: That's kind of really your reaching towards unforgivable territory there.

561
00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,920
Speaker 3: The whole situation made me so stressed that I ended

562
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 3: up in the emergency room with high blood pressure due

563
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 3: to the stress. It was at that moment that I

564
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 3: decided to seek out professional help to reduce my stress and.

565
00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:37,760
Speaker 4: Not endanger the baby.

566
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,440
Speaker 3: Because of this incident, I have scaled back my contact

567
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 3: with her, and my sister, twenty five female, is considering

568
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,520
Speaker 3: going no contact after her wedding in November. My sister

569
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:50,200
Speaker 3: has copped the most rubbish from her out of us siblings,

570
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,920
Speaker 3: and my brother fifteen male, lives with her, but he

571
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 3: is dealing with the divorce of his parents. At the moment,

572
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:57,959
Speaker 3: I can see the same people pleasing attitude coming out

573
00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,720
Speaker 3: of him that I have. She's my mother and I

574
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:02,359
Speaker 3: love but I could not think of anything worse than

575
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:05,159
Speaker 3: having her in the labor ward with me. I would

576
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:08,240
Speaker 3: be focusing on her and not what I need to

577
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,080
Speaker 3: to keep her away from the hospital. I told her

578
00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:12,119
Speaker 3: my birth plan was to have no visitors in the

579
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 3: hospital because I wanted it to be just me and

580
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 3: my husband. Leading up to the do date, she kept

581
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:18,359
Speaker 3: texting me to say that she was willing to jump

582
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:21,040
Speaker 3: on a plane at a moment's notice if needed. Multiple

583
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,959
Speaker 3: times I said, thank you, but I really wanted it

584
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 3: to be just me and my husband. There is a

585
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 3: small regional airport in the town where the hospital is,

586
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 3: but flights are expensive, another thing I thought would be

587
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 3: a good deterren Now to the story, Grab a cup

588
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:38,639
Speaker 3: of tea and some snacks because this is a long one.

589
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 3: Unfortunately for everyone involved, the labor and delivery of my

590
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 3: son was not an easy one.

591
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:44,920
Speaker 4: We had grand plans of a natural.

592
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:48,120
Speaker 3: Birth with minimal interruptions and interventions except for trying all

593
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:51,159
Speaker 3: the fun substances, but when things started going South. We

594
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,679
Speaker 3: had to make some hard decisions. In the end, we made.

595
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:55,600
Speaker 4: The best choices for us at the right time. So

596
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:56,920
Speaker 4: even though I ended up.

597
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 3: Having seat section, it was not an emergency and I

598
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:02,200
Speaker 3: was still able to have a good birthing experience thanks

599
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 3: to my amazing medical team.

600
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 4: Yay yay. The most important thing to know in this

601
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:08,439
Speaker 4: story is that my son and I are healthy.

602
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 2: Indeed it is that's a great perspective.

603
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:12,000
Speaker 4: Yeah.

604
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 3: While I was busy trying to give birth, my husband

605
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 3: was keeping our parents updated about my progress. My mother

606
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:18,720
Speaker 3: and father in law were in town with us with

607
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:21,200
Speaker 3: the birth as extra backup if it was needed.

608
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:22,879
Speaker 4: At my therapist's suggestion, when.

609
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,840
Speaker 3: We decided to call it and have a sea section,

610
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,560
Speaker 3: my husband sent a quick text to our parents notifying

611
00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 3: them that we were going into the theater.

612
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 2: I think that's like a British term interesting, or I

613
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 2: think this is in English. This is taking place in

614
00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,520
Speaker 2: the UK, and I think theater is like once you're

615
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:39,520
Speaker 2: taken into surgery.

616
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:43,520
Speaker 3: But AnyWho, my mother in law was a bit panicked

617
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 3: when she saw this text, so she made sure that

618
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 3: she was ready to leave it a moment's notice if

619
00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:50,800
Speaker 3: we needed her. Take note here that she waited for

620
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:52,960
Speaker 3: more information before she did anything.

621
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:54,880
Speaker 4: My mother, on the other hand, took.

622
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,480
Speaker 6: This text as everything is going wrong and we need

623
00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:59,480
Speaker 6: you to jump on the next flight, but don't tell

624
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 6: us because we are too busy, and she booked flights

625
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 6: and accommodation for herself and my brother for a couple

626
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 6: of days.

627
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 2: Are you doing all that?

628
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 4: That's crazy?

629
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:10,560
Speaker 2: Oh? Why he told you to do this?

630
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:11,679
Speaker 4: And so much?

631
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:14,520
Speaker 3: The next day, we were recovering from a very long

632
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:16,840
Speaker 3: couple of days, and we decided that my husband should

633
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 3: go to the hotel room where his parents were staying

634
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 3: to get some proper rest. My husband carries his stress

635
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 3: in his gut, so he was not having a good

636
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:26,159
Speaker 3: time after watching me go through labor, and he was

637
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 3: a bit traumatized by the whole ordeal. So the plan

638
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:30,919
Speaker 3: was that he was going to take a couple of

639
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 3: hours to sleep and have a proper meal with his parents. BEFO,

640
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,359
Speaker 3: we're coming back to the hospital to stay with me

641
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 3: for the night. While I was finishing up breastfeeding our son.

642
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 3: Not long after my husband left, a nurse came into

643
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 3: my room with a brown paper back. She said that

644
00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:45,680
Speaker 3: my mom was downstairs. I looked at her confused, and

645
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 3: I told her that my mom was in the city.

646
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 3: She asked me for my name and I gave it

647
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 3: to her. She said that it was indeed my mom.

648
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,160
Speaker 3: I think she saw the look of utter shock on

649
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:55,920
Speaker 3: my face and asked me if I wanted her to

650
00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 3: send them away or if I just needed some time.

651
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 3: By this point, I saw my mom's right on the

652
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,760
Speaker 3: bag and realized that not only did she fly here

653
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:05,920
Speaker 3: without my knowledge or consent, but my brother was here

654
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 3: since his.

655
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,280
Speaker 4: Name was also on the back.

656
00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 3: I asked the nurse to buy me some time, and

657
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,040
Speaker 3: once she left, I immediately called my husband. Poor thing

658
00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 3: did not even get ten minutes before he had to

659
00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:18,080
Speaker 3: race back to the hospital to support me. Thankfully, my

660
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:21,480
Speaker 3: husband arrived at the hospital before my mother graced us.

661
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 4: With her presence.

662
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 3: She waltzed in with a big smile and said surprise,

663
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 3: looking incredibly pleased with herself. I have no idea what

664
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 3: my face looks like, but it must have been an

665
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 3: interesting picture to prompt her to say that I had

666
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 3: a choice if I.

667
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 4: Didn't want to see her today.

668
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, do I Yeah? Do I have that choice?

669
00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:44,000
Speaker 2: Because it feels like you just ambushed me.

670
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 4: Yeah. Doesn't feel like it at all.

671
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:49,760
Speaker 2: You really haven't given me any choice whatsoever.

672
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 4: I didn't really because I knew that if I did.

673
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 3: Turn her away, I would have never heard At the

674
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 3: end of it, I don't remember much else of the visit.

675
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:01,120
Speaker 3: I was so exhausted that I was barely funk on autopilot.

676
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:04,440
Speaker 3: In the end, she got exactly what she wanted. She

677
00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 3: got to cuddle the baby and was one of the

678
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,960
Speaker 3: first people to do so. I could tell my husband

679
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:12,480
Speaker 3: wasn't particularly happy with this. We're rewarding her bad behavior,

680
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 3: but I had no fight in me.

681
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:15,960
Speaker 4: Once she left.

682
00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 3: I was only able to keep it together for a

683
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:19,920
Speaker 3: couple of minutes before he started crying. The one thing

684
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,880
Speaker 3: I wanted out of my birthing experience was thrown out

685
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 3: the window. I haven't stopped crying about it since, but

686
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 3: most of the sadness has now turned into anger. I

687
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:31,160
Speaker 3: think I'm working through the stages of grief. I'm seeing

688
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 3: my therapist in a couple of days, and she is

689
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 3: going to have an absolute field day with this. By

690
00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 3: the way, what you guys could have an absolute field

691
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:43,160
Speaker 3: day with is the fifty days worth of content that

692
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:46,320
Speaker 3: we have for you, with full episodes where it's just

693
00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:49,080
Speaker 3: like these, Just go to iHeartRadio, Spotify, Apple Podcast, whatever

694
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:50,480
Speaker 3: your favorite podcast app is.

695
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 4: Search, Okay, storytime, go on, I have a field day,

696
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,880
Speaker 4: Go do that. And there is a little bit more.

697
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 2: But wow, yeah, that is really sad. I think what

698
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 2: you can do from here because it's like her taking

699
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 2: this away from you is so indicative of like where

700
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:12,560
Speaker 2: your relationship is at that it's like, once you make this,

701
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,000
Speaker 2: make it known like what she has done, and don't

702
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:18,080
Speaker 2: let her talk her way out of it. You say, no, no, no,

703
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 2: this is my experience, this is what I feel, this

704
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:23,960
Speaker 2: is how I think about it, this is what happened.

705
00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:28,000
Speaker 2: And then you go and because of that cutting you

706
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:31,840
Speaker 2: off right and don't and then don't entertain anything that

707
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:35,040
Speaker 2: she has to say because it's it's your decision. And

708
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:38,160
Speaker 2: she literally ambushed you to do this to you when

709
00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 2: you were in the most tired, vulnerable state of your

710
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 2: life and then she took away you like being the

711
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 2: first person to like hold your baby and stuff. Is

712
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:48,200
Speaker 2: that what?

713
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 6: Well?

714
00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:50,640
Speaker 3: She said she was one of the first people. So

715
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:52,400
Speaker 3: I don't know if she was the first person to

716
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 3: hold the baby the mom.

717
00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 2: But I doubt it, right, they right to the to

718
00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 2: the parents, but either way, she didn't want to marry

719
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:03,840
Speaker 2: at all, right, yeah she'd And it's.

720
00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:05,480
Speaker 3: The kind of thing I feel like, there's so many

721
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 3: situations where people do that, where there it's just like, well,

722
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:10,520
Speaker 3: I mean, you don't have to like I don't have

723
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 3: to be here if you don't want me to, or like,

724
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:15,360
Speaker 3: oh it's okay if you're mad at me, like you

725
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:15,840
Speaker 3: can say.

726
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 4: You know, so many situations where people do things like that.

727
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:22,479
Speaker 3: It's like, okay, knowing the person you're talking to and

728
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 3: knowing just social cues, you know that most people are

729
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 3: not going to be like, yeah I am mad at you,

730
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:28,920
Speaker 3: or yeah I do want you to leave because that's uncomfortable.

731
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 2: Most people are going to be polite.

732
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 4: Yeah.

733
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 3: So it's like, if you are assuming that they're wanning

734
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:36,360
Speaker 3: you out of there, you should just go.

735
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:37,520
Speaker 4: You should leave.

736
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 2: But Op's mom is clearly a little manipulative.

737
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 3: Looks like it. But we have a little bit more

738
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:47,480
Speaker 3: of this story. So everyone I've told about this situation

739
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:50,600
Speaker 3: is furious on my behalf, especially my best friend and

740
00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 3: my sister. My best friend was willing to drive to

741
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 3: my mother's house to yell at her and my sister

742
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 3: informed me that she told our mother not to visit

743
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:01,560
Speaker 3: until I was ready. Clearly neither of us got through

744
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 3: to her. I'm at my wits end with her, but

745
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:06,600
Speaker 3: I really don't want to cut contact with her because

746
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:09,200
Speaker 3: that would also mean cutting contact with my brother. My

747
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 3: husband has been an absolute saint when it comes to

748
00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:14,600
Speaker 3: my mother, but even a saint has limited patience, and.

749
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 4: I fear we have reached it.

750
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 3: I would love any advice from you guys, and I

751
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:20,959
Speaker 3: will try and get around to answering any questions you have.

752
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 4: And that's it. That's the story.

753
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:26,719
Speaker 1: Hey, it's sam' your ogi host here bring you back

754
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 1: to the stories. But here's three minutes bads from our sponsor.

755
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 7: My sister in law wants to raise our children as siblings.

756
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 2: I refused. Has anyone told her that's not how that works.

757
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:38,760
Speaker 4: What if you raise them as cousins?

758
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:41,640
Speaker 2: What if you'd had another kid and then they have

759
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 2: a sibling.

760
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:45,320
Speaker 7: I know the title is confusing, but let me explain me.

761
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 7: Twenty eight female and my husband twenty eight male, have

762
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:51,600
Speaker 7: been together for nine years, married for four We have

763
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:53,600
Speaker 7: a baby girl together. By the way, this comes from

764
00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 7: Significant Run eighteen forty nine. And if you want to

765
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 7: submit your own stories, good to our slash okay, storytime,

766
00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:02,760
Speaker 7: separate it, creature Place says nation help we feeling about

767
00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,840
Speaker 7: my husband's family. My husband was an only child until

768
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:08,240
Speaker 7: he was ten years old. His aunt, mother in law's

769
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 7: younger sister, and uncle fell into eternal sleep in a

770
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 7: car accident. My mother in law and father in law

771
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:18,280
Speaker 7: adopted their nephew slash my husband's cousin. Biologically, my husband

772
00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:21,480
Speaker 7: and brother in law twenty four male are cousins. Legally

773
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:24,800
Speaker 7: they are brothers. Until he started dating his now wife,

774
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 7: I had a great relationship with him, but his wife,

775
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:30,920
Speaker 7: my sister in law thirty two female, never liked me.

776
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:33,400
Speaker 7: I don't know what her problem was with me, but

777
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:37,200
Speaker 7: she was always distant and condescending. We were cordial for

778
00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 7: family's sake and kept our distance. Other than that, I

779
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,759
Speaker 7: have a wonderful relationship with my in laws. There is

780
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 7: something you guys need to know about my mother in law.

781
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,720
Speaker 7: She wanted a girl child but ended up with two boys.

782
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:50,400
Speaker 7: My mother in law's older sister has three boys, so

783
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:54,000
Speaker 7: everyone in my husband's families are boys. When my daughter

784
00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 7: was born, my mother in law and sister ride with happiness.

785
00:34:57,320 --> 00:35:00,720
Speaker 7: She is the first and only granddaughter on both sides

786
00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:03,040
Speaker 7: of our family. My brother in law really respects and

787
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:04,799
Speaker 7: loves my mother in law. When my sister in law

788
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:07,080
Speaker 7: got pregnant, she announced that they are definitely going to

789
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:09,759
Speaker 7: have a girl child too, even though it is too early.

790
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:10,479
Speaker 4: To know the gender of the baby.

791
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,040
Speaker 7: He was really disappointed when she found out they're gonna

792
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 7: have a boy.

793
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 4: I don't like that attitude.

794
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,040
Speaker 2: Man, if you're not ready to have them ready to

795
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 2: either a kid.

796
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 7: If you're not ready to have a baby, then don't

797
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:21,840
Speaker 7: have a baby.

798
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:25,479
Speaker 2: And if you really are like I need a girl, hike.

799
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:29,200
Speaker 5: My cousin just announces she's pregnant. I asked her, and

800
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,719
Speaker 5: like they kind of kept a secret from us, so

801
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 5: she's known for like a couple months.

802
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 2: And she's like, it's a boy.

803
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 5: And they were like, he really wanted a girl. But

804
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:41,800
Speaker 5: we're happy, but we really wanted a girl. Like come on, guys,

805
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 5: are you happy it's a boy? Like, yeah, we're just happy.

806
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 4: Uh, just got you get a kid, man, get a kid.

807
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 5: I was like, just try again.

808
00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:49,840
Speaker 7: You promise my mother in law to give her a

809
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 7: granddaughter soon. My mother in law told her she's happy

810
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:55,000
Speaker 7: if both the baby and mom are happy and healthy,

811
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,759
Speaker 7: he doesn't care about gender. Recently, my sister in law

812
00:35:57,760 --> 00:35:59,719
Speaker 7: and brother in law found out that they cannot have

813
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 7: more kids. This Sunday, we gathered at my mother in

814
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 7: law's elder sister's house. My husband's cousins girlfriend asked me

815
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:08,360
Speaker 7: if we will have more kids. I was honest and

816
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:10,799
Speaker 7: told her I don't know. We probably won't because our

817
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 7: lives are pretty busy with the office and a toddler.

818
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 7: My sister in law told me that we can raise

819
00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:17,839
Speaker 7: our kids as siblings. I was confused and asked her,

820
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 7: what does.

821
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:19,080
Speaker 4: That even mean.

822
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:22,719
Speaker 2: The woman who doesn't like you wants your kid, wants

823
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 2: your kid siblings with her kids.

824
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 7: She replied, since neither of our kids might not have siblings,

825
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:29,920
Speaker 7: we could raise our kids together.

826
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:30,359
Speaker 2: She said.

827
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 7: We can meet every Saturday and Sunday so that the

828
00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:34,400
Speaker 7: kids can spend some time together.

829
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:36,840
Speaker 4: Okay, but this is just cousins.

830
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:39,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, what you're describing to say siblings friends cousins, and

831
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:40,520
Speaker 2: I just say.

832
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:42,439
Speaker 7: Like, hey, can we raise them closely? When the kids

833
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:45,160
Speaker 7: grow they will share their chores, snacks, and toys at

834
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:45,880
Speaker 7: both our houses.

835
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:47,800
Speaker 4: Okay, that's a little weird the chores part.

836
00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 7: They will be joining the same school and have the

837
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:52,759
Speaker 7: same circle of friends. My sister in law wants to

838
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,720
Speaker 7: be my daughter's confident and secondary parent to my daughter

839
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:58,080
Speaker 7: so that she will experience raising a daughter, and my

840
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,040
Speaker 7: husband can do the boy things with their sons so

841
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:01,719
Speaker 7: that he will experience raising a son.

842
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:05,880
Speaker 2: This is unhinged. Don't do this. They're not collectibles. You

843
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 2: can exchange your children, let's trade.

844
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:12,359
Speaker 7: I was flabbergasted. I told her, no, we're not going

845
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 7: to do any of those things. My daughter and nephew

846
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:17,279
Speaker 7: are going to grow up like normal cousins. Sister in

847
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:20,040
Speaker 7: law was mad. She said, I'm depriving my daughter a

848
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:22,359
Speaker 7: sibling and my husband a chance to parent a son.

849
00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 7: I was honestly pissed and told her, if I feel

850
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:26,279
Speaker 7: like my husband wants to have a son and my

851
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 7: daughter needs a sibling, then we will have another child

852
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:32,239
Speaker 7: or adopt one. She started screaming. I don't know what

853
00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:35,080
Speaker 7: happened because we left pretty quickly. I talked to my

854
00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:37,720
Speaker 7: husband's cousin. She told me sister in law is seething

855
00:37:37,800 --> 00:37:39,920
Speaker 7: with anger and everyone is confused about my sister in

856
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 7: law's behavior. I am cuddling my kid, and her comments

857
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:46,280
Speaker 7: about being my daughter's confidant and secondary parent is giving

858
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:48,879
Speaker 7: me a bad taste. So Reddit, am I the a hole?

859
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:50,919
Speaker 7: What do you guys think my best plan of action

860
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:52,320
Speaker 7: would be? And there is an update.

861
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 2: Absolutely do not entertain this for one second. Sane be like,

862
00:37:57,880 --> 00:38:00,600
Speaker 2: she's like, you're depriving your husband if father a son.

863
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:03,840
Speaker 2: It's like, no, you're depriving your brother of being an uncle.

864
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:05,240
Speaker 2: What are you talking about?

865
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 4: Just be the uncle you can be around this kid.

866
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 4: You can do fun.

867
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:12,880
Speaker 2: Parentees as it was taken by that approach.

868
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:16,080
Speaker 5: So fun, that's so cool and I love that, But

869
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 5: now it's so creepy in psycho that I'm like, stay

870
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:19,120
Speaker 5: away from me.

871
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:21,680
Speaker 4: I don't even want you near them and a cousin.

872
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:23,799
Speaker 2: And we're gonna make sure they go to the same

873
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:25,320
Speaker 2: school and have the same circle of friends. Yeah, like,

874
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:27,360
Speaker 2: what what are we talking about? You can't even know that?

875
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,040
Speaker 2: And are you giving them a name? And it's to

876
00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 2: be our name? Yeah, And then we'll adopt those kids

877
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:34,280
Speaker 2: who make them supper. They'll take you, we'll grow up family.

878
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:36,440
Speaker 4: We'll take your child and she will be a changeling,

879
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:38,320
Speaker 4: and we will leave you a son.

880
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:41,280
Speaker 7: Hello, people, thank you so much for all the advice.

881
00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:43,600
Speaker 7: Seventy percent of the people told me to stay away

882
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:45,840
Speaker 7: from my sister in law and thirty percent told me

883
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:48,759
Speaker 7: to be empathetic towards her struggle. Following your advice, we

884
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:51,840
Speaker 7: came to a conclusion. This Saturday, since my husband is

885
00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:54,879
Speaker 7: working from home, me and my daughter went to my parents' house.

886
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 7: We had a pool party. It was so fun. After

887
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:00,479
Speaker 7: the party, I was checking my phone. There were miss

888
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:02,720
Speaker 7: calls for my sister in law and husband. I called

889
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 7: my husband and found out that my sister in law

890
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:06,919
Speaker 7: came to our house with my nephew for bonding time.

891
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,759
Speaker 7: My husband firmly told her not too calm, unannounced, and

892
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,239
Speaker 7: we already had other plans. There were messages from my

893
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:14,480
Speaker 7: brother in law to please meet at a cafe the

894
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:17,120
Speaker 7: next day. Me and my husband decided we will be

895
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,680
Speaker 7: meeting with only my brother in law. Next day we

896
00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:22,120
Speaker 7: met my brother in law. He apologized profusely for his

897
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:25,080
Speaker 7: wife's behavior. You had no idea about her plan.

898
00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:30,280
Speaker 2: That's even crazy how she did without consulting the other party.

899
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 4: You crazy nuts.

900
00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:35,080
Speaker 7: He promised us she will not be parenting our daughter.

901
00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 7: He explained the reason behind her behavior. My sister in

902
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:39,960
Speaker 7: law does not have a good relationship with her parents.

903
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:42,239
Speaker 7: Considering how well my mother in law treeded her, she

904
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 7: wanted to fulfill my mother in law's wishes about granddaughter,

905
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:48,080
Speaker 7: so she hoped she could have a daughter. Well, you

906
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:50,560
Speaker 7: can hope all you want, but you're not getting your.

907
00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:53,080
Speaker 2: Dreams just coming from a misguided place.

908
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 4: Like you know what you need therapy?

909
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:57,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, or maybe another kid or yeah, don't give this

910
00:39:57,880 --> 00:40:00,840
Speaker 2: lady another kid. Don't give this lady another kids. Instead

911
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 2: of being like, oh, I have to take your daughter

912
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:08,200
Speaker 2: and make your mind your daughter it's like a daughter.

913
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:10,240
Speaker 2: I need kids.

914
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,040
Speaker 7: Me and my husband accepted his apology and laid out

915
00:40:13,040 --> 00:40:15,800
Speaker 7: our boundaries. No more showing up unannounced. My sister in

916
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 7: law is a stay atal mom. She used to drop

917
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 7: her kid with me every week for a few hours

918
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 7: to have alone time. She's like, here, you can be

919
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:24,239
Speaker 7: the parent of my child if I get yours. And

920
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 7: we decided no more dropping their kid at our homes.

921
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:29,920
Speaker 7: Kids will be meaning only at the monthly brunch at

922
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:31,799
Speaker 7: my in law's home. I don't want my daughter to

923
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,480
Speaker 7: go completely no contact with her cousin. My kid isn't

924
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:36,719
Speaker 7: going to their house. I also don't think it's right

925
00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:38,759
Speaker 7: to ask a mother to drop the kid and get

926
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:40,760
Speaker 7: out of the house. So we will not be taking

927
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 7: care of the nephew every week. We are going low

928
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 7: contact with sister in law and no more talking about

929
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 7: sharing the kids. She will not be alone with my

930
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 7: daughter under any circumstance. I expect an apology from her.

931
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:54,279
Speaker 7: My brother in law was disappointed, but agreed with the conditions.

932
00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:56,239
Speaker 7: He told us he doesn't even want to have any

933
00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 7: more kids because they cannot afford it.

934
00:40:58,320 --> 00:40:59,160
Speaker 2: Oh, well, there it is.

935
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 7: They're just now on the same page at all. My husband,

936
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:03,839
Speaker 7: mother in law, and brother in law went to talk

937
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:06,520
Speaker 7: to her. Apparently, my husband was stern with her. He

938
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:09,840
Speaker 7: was furious about parenting our daughter and was treating the

939
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 7: kids like props. He isn't interested in doing father son

940
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:14,879
Speaker 7: things with them. We will be the aunt and uncle

941
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:16,239
Speaker 7: that spoils him. That's all.

942
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:16,759
Speaker 2: That's it.

943
00:41:16,960 --> 00:41:19,120
Speaker 7: She isn't going to be our daughter's confidante. She is

944
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 7: never going to parent our kid. She actually lost all

945
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:24,120
Speaker 7: of the privileges of an aunt. She isn't going to

946
00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:26,799
Speaker 7: be alone with our daughter under any circumstances. My mother

947
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:29,360
Speaker 7: in law assured her she loves her children equally. My

948
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:31,440
Speaker 7: brother in law wanted her to go through an evaluation,

949
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:35,279
Speaker 7: but she firmly refused. She understands she crossed boundaries and

950
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:37,840
Speaker 7: she respects her space. She isn't going to a doctor.

951
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:39,759
Speaker 7: She was just dealing with the loss of not having

952
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:42,319
Speaker 7: any more kids. She apologized to my husband and mother

953
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:44,360
Speaker 7: in law. She texted me a few hours later and

954
00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:47,360
Speaker 7: apologized for now, we will stick to the rules. I

955
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:49,840
Speaker 7: feel like her apology is sincere, but I'm going to

956
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:53,000
Speaker 7: maintain the distance. I will be protecting my kid. I

957
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 7: read each and every comment, so I will be answering

958
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:58,240
Speaker 7: a few questions. What's my husband and brother in law's

959
00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:00,840
Speaker 7: opinion on this. They are not okay with the arrangement

960
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 7: and shocked too. What's wrong with having a close relationship?

961
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:04,320
Speaker 4: Nothing?

962
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 7: Absolutely nothing. I love my nephew, but I'm not going

963
00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:10,520
Speaker 7: to raise them like siblings. Again, it's just the way

964
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:11,400
Speaker 7: that she went about it.

965
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:13,759
Speaker 2: That was like the coscause that's what they are.

966
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:14,759
Speaker 4: That's what they are.

967
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:20,840
Speaker 7: I am happy if they have a close relationship, but

968
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:22,880
Speaker 7: I'm not going to force them to act like siblings.

969
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:23,839
Speaker 4: What if they hate each other?

970
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:24,759
Speaker 8: What are you gonna do.

971
00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 2: Respect.

972
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:31,840
Speaker 7: I am not happy your weekend brother. I am not

973
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:35,280
Speaker 7: happy she decided everything about their lives. What about security?

974
00:42:35,360 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 7: We have strong security and wonderful neighbors. I already informed

975
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:39,919
Speaker 7: them about the situation briefly, and they.

976
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:40,919
Speaker 2: Told me they have my back.

977
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 7: Sister in law and brother in law don't have keys,

978
00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:45,960
Speaker 7: neither do my in laws. I'm going to check the

979
00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:48,920
Speaker 7: breaks and locks frequently. Also in case something happens. My

980
00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:52,320
Speaker 7: parents will be getting custody of my daughter. Dang, that's scary.

981
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:54,719
Speaker 7: What about sister in law and nephew. I told my

982
00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:57,640
Speaker 7: husband about PEPD. He discussed brother in law and mother

983
00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 7: in law. They tried talking to sister, but she is

984
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 7: reluctant to go. My brother in law promised he's going

985
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:06,719
Speaker 7: to make sure she will start therapy. My nephew is

986
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:09,480
Speaker 7: happy and healthy. He is well taken care of. We

987
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:13,800
Speaker 7: will be checking up on him frequently. Someone called me ai, Lol,

988
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 7: that's real funny. From now, we will be visiting my

989
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:18,440
Speaker 7: in law's house confirming sister in law isn't going to

990
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:21,080
Speaker 7: be there. My daughter visits the park regularly, so she

991
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:23,480
Speaker 7: will not be deprived of meeting with people her age.

992
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 7: We also decided my best friend's parents or my parents

993
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,400
Speaker 7: will be taking our kid in case of emergency. My

994
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:31,560
Speaker 7: daughter loves my best friend's kids for females, some female,

995
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:33,880
Speaker 7: so I guess there will be no problem. Anytime my

996
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:36,279
Speaker 7: mother in law misses her granddaughter, she is welcome in

997
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:38,759
Speaker 7: our house. And you guys are welcome to listen to

998
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:40,839
Speaker 7: full episodes with stories just like this.

999
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:41,919
Speaker 2: Anytime you miss us.

1000
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:45,279
Speaker 7: Literally anytime, just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite.

1001
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:46,279
Speaker 2: Podcast happen search of book a story.

1002
00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 4: Do you have any final thought?

1003
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:52,080
Speaker 2: She needs help, she needs big time help. And yeah,

1004
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:53,839
Speaker 2: I don't think she should adopt another kid.

1005
00:43:54,000 --> 00:43:59,080
Speaker 7: She's no, no, she needs she needs therapy. And it

1006
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 7: seems like the brother in law on the same page,

1007
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 7: which is good.

1008
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:03,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you guys, truly.

1009
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:05,640
Speaker 7: If there are any queries, I'm happy to answer. Me

1010
00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:08,399
Speaker 7: and my husband had so much discussion regarding everything. It's

1011
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 7: a combined decision. I didn't go with them because we

1012
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:13,360
Speaker 7: thought she would feel ganged up, so my husband handled

1013
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:16,680
Speaker 7: it until something major happens. I will not be updating. Yes,

1014
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:18,719
Speaker 7: I did read the story about women whose sister in

1015
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:21,399
Speaker 7: law wants their baby. It scared the crap out of me.

1016
00:44:21,640 --> 00:44:23,800
Speaker 4: And that is the end of the story.

1017
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:28,880
Speaker 2: My sister in law tried to fool me for her wedding,

1018
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 2: so I am not attending anymore. You go, girl, Humm,

1019
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,440
Speaker 2: I don't know how to handle a situation I'm in.

1020
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:40,400
Speaker 2: I also apologize in advance for the long wall of text.

1021
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:44,520
Speaker 2: It's a complicated situation. My husband's sister is somewhat estranged

1022
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:46,800
Speaker 2: from the family, and her name is Amanda. She doesn't

1023
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:49,359
Speaker 2: have any girlfriends. Oh. By the way, this comes from

1024
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:52,080
Speaker 2: users snubbed and if you want to submit your own stories,

1025
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:54,919
Speaker 2: go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. Do it there.

1026
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:57,799
Speaker 2: So she is very close to her mom and her

1027
00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,800
Speaker 2: brother's girlfriend, but not really to the rest of her family.

1028
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:03,640
Speaker 2: In fact, she only really comes around when she needs

1029
00:45:03,680 --> 00:45:06,759
Speaker 2: something or when she knows that you can be of use. Otherwise,

1030
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 2: she rarely attends functions and never talks, writes, or calls,

1031
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:14,960
Speaker 2: and never otherwise actively engages with or supports the family.

1032
00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 2: Most of this is stuff I've been too naive to

1033
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:20,839
Speaker 2: notice until now, and as the new in law, I've

1034
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,520
Speaker 2: been eager to make sure I'm on everyone's good side

1035
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:26,880
Speaker 2: at any rate. Recently, Amanda and I began forming a bond,

1036
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:29,000
Speaker 2: and I genuinely felt like I could call her a

1037
00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:32,120
Speaker 2: very close friend. She and her fiance are getting married

1038
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:35,520
Speaker 2: this May. It's just a ceremony as he is an

1039
00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:38,160
Speaker 2: illegal immigrant right now and they do have a child together.

1040
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:40,319
Speaker 2: When she had the baby, my husband and I were

1041
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:42,520
Speaker 2: the only ones of her siblings that she allowed to

1042
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:45,319
Speaker 2: visit while in the hospital. I've taken baby photos for her.

1043
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:47,960
Speaker 2: I've helped her with so much. We really had a

1044
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:52,040
Speaker 2: good friendship going. Anyways, she is incredibly thrifty, so she's

1045
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:55,360
Speaker 2: trying to make this wedding happen as inexpensively as possible.

1046
00:45:55,440 --> 00:45:58,440
Speaker 2: I am a professional photographer, so she asked me why

1047
00:45:58,480 --> 00:46:01,480
Speaker 2: we charge so much for I explained to her all

1048
00:46:01,520 --> 00:46:02,960
Speaker 2: of what goes into it, and she was like.

1049
00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:04,960
Speaker 4: I don't want to have to pay for just a

1050
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:05,640
Speaker 4: few photos.

1051
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:09,080
Speaker 2: In my naivete, I shrugged it off. But I feel

1052
00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 2: this is pertinent because it comes into play later. She

1053
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:13,760
Speaker 2: already had bought a dress for one to two hundred

1054
00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:16,800
Speaker 2: dollars at a thrift shop, which that's not thrifty, but

1055
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,359
Speaker 2: was unhappy about it, so she took me and her

1056
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:21,960
Speaker 2: maid of honor, Sally, her brother's girlfriend to go dress

1057
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:25,240
Speaker 2: shopping with her. Until this point, she only wanted Sally

1058
00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:27,600
Speaker 2: to be in her wedding, which I was fine with.

1059
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:31,040
Speaker 2: When trying on dresses, she also asked me to be

1060
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:31,840
Speaker 2: her bridesmaid.

1061
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,640
Speaker 8: Okay, so she's recruiting. Now, she just recruited. You just

1062
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:35,320
Speaker 8: got recruited.

1063
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:37,320
Speaker 2: Because I knew she was in the heat of the moment,

1064
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:40,279
Speaker 2: I purposefully did not partake when she asked Sally to

1065
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:43,239
Speaker 2: try on a bridesmaid dress. I simply and happily sat

1066
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 2: back and enjoyed being on the other side of wedding

1067
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:48,359
Speaker 2: dress shopping. A few days later, I asked her if

1068
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,680
Speaker 2: she really meant it when she asked me to be

1069
00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:54,319
Speaker 2: her bridesmaid. Very excitedly, she said something along the lines of, oh, yes,

1070
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:57,120
Speaker 2: of course, I wouldn't dream of getting married without both

1071
00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:59,879
Speaker 2: of you up there with me. So I was excited. Game.

1072
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:02,360
Speaker 2: Come on, man, I like that. I like that.

1073
00:47:02,880 --> 00:47:05,359
Speaker 8: She kind of took a step back, asked her if

1074
00:47:05,360 --> 00:47:07,279
Speaker 8: it was in the heat of the moment, and then

1075
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:07,680
Speaker 8: went for it.

1076
00:47:07,719 --> 00:47:08,920
Speaker 2: Gave her the time to process.

1077
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:11,640
Speaker 5: You sounded like that one character from a regular show.

1078
00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:14,359
Speaker 5: I can't think it's name or now Pops pops, thank

1079
00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:15,160
Speaker 5: you me.

1080
00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:16,000
Speaker 3: Eh.

1081
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:20,680
Speaker 2: Yes. About a month later, she approached me at one

1082
00:47:20,719 --> 00:47:23,360
Speaker 2: of the family dinners and said that she regretted asking

1083
00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:25,360
Speaker 2: me to be a bridesmaid because she wanted me to

1084
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 2: be her photographer instead.

1085
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:29,759
Speaker 8: Oh, so she went back on that. So are we

1086
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:30,799
Speaker 8: still going to be She.

1087
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:36,319
Speaker 2: Did a double one eighty. She said, photographer just getting bridesmaid? No,

1088
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 2: I wan't use my photographer.

1089
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:38,200
Speaker 8: Okay.

1090
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:41,360
Speaker 2: I think my feelings were hurt that she was so

1091
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:44,080
Speaker 2: insistent on me being her bridesmaid, but whenever I was

1092
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:46,360
Speaker 2: happy that she still wanted me to be involved. I

1093
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,360
Speaker 2: asked her what kind of budget she was thinking about.

1094
00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:51,440
Speaker 2: She looked incredibly puzzled and said, Oh, I didn't realize

1095
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 2: I need a budget for you to do this. I

1096
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:55,800
Speaker 2: let her know that while I wouldn't charge her full prize,

1097
00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:58,319
Speaker 2: I'd still need to cover my bare minimum.

1098
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:02,640
Speaker 8: Gas getting there, a little bit of the equipment some time.

1099
00:48:02,719 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 8: Maybe are we putting time in there?

1100
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:06,560
Speaker 2: Pay your friends to do jobs that they do. Yeah.

1101
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:08,799
Speaker 2: She said that this was okay and she would be

1102
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:11,239
Speaker 2: fine with that. She mentioned she was hoping not to

1103
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:13,759
Speaker 2: have to pay more than five hundred dollars. Those are

1104
00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:16,960
Speaker 2: tight numbers. Less than a quarter of what is typically

1105
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:19,640
Speaker 2: charged in my area, but I could make it work

1106
00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:22,200
Speaker 2: for family. I again confirmed with her, and she said

1107
00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:24,000
Speaker 2: she wanted me to do it no matter what. I

1108
00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:26,000
Speaker 2: told her, I'd send her a contract just to cover

1109
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:29,920
Speaker 2: my bases, and she nodded happily. So I went home,

1110
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:32,399
Speaker 2: pulled the contract for her and sent it her way.

1111
00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:34,480
Speaker 2: A month or so ago. She said she'd read it over,

1112
00:48:34,520 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 2: sign it, and return it with her deposit in a

1113
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:39,040
Speaker 2: few days. Well a few days ago, she finally wrote back.

1114
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:41,319
Speaker 2: She and her fiance decided that they did not want

1115
00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:43,840
Speaker 2: me to take their photos after all. I was incredibly

1116
00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:46,479
Speaker 2: puzzled by this, and about an hour later, Sally called

1117
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:48,959
Speaker 2: and said that my mother in law, Amanda's mom, told

1118
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 2: Amanda after she met with me, that she shouldn't have

1119
00:48:51,239 --> 00:48:53,880
Speaker 2: to pay me to be her photographer at all, and

1120
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:56,080
Speaker 2: then I should just take photos and send them to

1121
00:48:56,120 --> 00:48:58,520
Speaker 2: her without doing anything else if I was so worried

1122
00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:02,600
Speaker 2: about costs. So Amanda was hoping that by doing this,

1123
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:05,120
Speaker 2: I'd just bring my camera anyway and she could still

1124
00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:08,160
Speaker 2: get her pictures. Sally apologized because she knew about this

1125
00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 2: and didn't say anything. I again told her that there

1126
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:12,880
Speaker 2: was no need to apologize and that all is well.

1127
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:15,920
Speaker 2: My mother in law is a medler. This is not news.

1128
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 2: I never know when she's going to strike, but the

1129
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,560
Speaker 2: fact that she told Amanda these things doesn't surprise me.

1130
00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:25,080
Speaker 2: Though it does frustrate me. But all is not well.

1131
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:27,960
Speaker 2: I mean, seriously, fool me one shaman, uh, fool me twice.

1132
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:29,839
Speaker 2: I'm to the point where my feelings a hood. If

1133
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:32,960
Speaker 2: it was just some person, it wouldn't bother me. People

1134
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:35,759
Speaker 2: back out, it happens, but to be snubbed twice by

1135
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:39,200
Speaker 2: my husband's sister really hurts me to my core. This

1136
00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,520
Speaker 2: is where I started realizing what kind of person she

1137
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:43,400
Speaker 2: truly is. I know this is a heat of the

1138
00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:46,800
Speaker 2: moment emotions situation, but I no longer want to attend

1139
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:48,840
Speaker 2: her wedding. I talk to my husband about it, and

1140
00:49:48,920 --> 00:49:51,480
Speaker 2: of course it's his sister, and of course I will

1141
00:49:51,520 --> 00:49:53,719
Speaker 2: go with him. My equipment will not be making the

1142
00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:55,640
Speaker 2: trek with me to her wedding no matter what. I'm

1143
00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:58,120
Speaker 2: also done agreeing to do things for her because I'm

1144
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:00,359
Speaker 2: not having her back out on me yet again? Am

1145
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:02,839
Speaker 2: I right for a feeling this way? What should I do?

1146
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:05,920
Speaker 2: I have yet to respond to Amanda's email saying she

1147
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:09,760
Speaker 2: doesn't want me to photograph, and there is an update. Yeah, honestly,

1148
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 2: I agree with what you're doing here. I think still

1149
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:16,800
Speaker 2: go because it's like your husband's sister would be weird,

1150
00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:19,360
Speaker 2: but like, not in thet don't go in the capacity

1151
00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:22,680
Speaker 2: as a photographer. Don't play that at all. I think

1152
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:24,799
Speaker 2: I would be more offended by, like, dude, I'm trying

1153
00:50:24,840 --> 00:50:27,040
Speaker 2: to this is like what I do professionally. I'm a

1154
00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:33,360
Speaker 2: professional photographer. I'm offering to give you essentially at cost,

1155
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 2: the bare minimum what I can charge for an entire

1156
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:41,200
Speaker 2: wedding photography. Well, when people have aren't a skill set

1157
00:50:41,239 --> 00:50:43,879
Speaker 2: that you need, regardless if they're your friend or family,

1158
00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:47,480
Speaker 2: you should pay them. So the last post drew quite

1159
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:50,000
Speaker 2: a bit of criticism and an equal backing of support.

1160
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:52,440
Speaker 2: I was kind of surprised at how many people posted

1161
00:50:52,560 --> 00:50:54,919
Speaker 2: in general. I was also surprised to see how many

1162
00:50:54,920 --> 00:50:58,000
Speaker 2: people outside my industry were criticizing not only my posts,

1163
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:01,000
Speaker 2: but those who were sympathetic to me and my industry.

1164
00:51:01,080 --> 00:51:03,680
Speaker 2: The point is, my photography business is my own and

1165
00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:06,760
Speaker 2: I have valid reasons. I know a lot of people

1166
00:51:06,800 --> 00:51:09,840
Speaker 2: don't really understand all of the work behind what photographers do,

1167
00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:13,000
Speaker 2: and that's fine to each their own anyway, I send

1168
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:15,080
Speaker 2: her a message and graciously let her know that I

1169
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:17,960
Speaker 2: understand and we would be there to support her regardless.

1170
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:20,640
Speaker 2: Everything was going great. She found a high school student

1171
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:23,520
Speaker 2: who is new to photography and is willing to shoot

1172
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:27,120
Speaker 2: for free, which is fine. That's not something I'd do

1173
00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:32,080
Speaker 2: personally or something Riley would do. Smart. No, okay, it's

1174
00:51:32,120 --> 00:51:35,520
Speaker 2: like getting a nice, complicated tattoo from an apprentice who's

1175
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:37,920
Speaker 2: never done one before. Yeah. Thanks, somebody my credentials right

1176
00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:44,000
Speaker 2: now and thanks. Yeah. So hiring an amateur photographer is

1177
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,040
Speaker 2: not something I do personally, as a wedding is not

1178
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:48,440
Speaker 2: a place for someone to build their portfolio. But I'm

1179
00:51:48,480 --> 00:51:51,600
Speaker 2: keeping quiet and letting Amanda make her own choices. Something

1180
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:54,839
Speaker 2: that has never really mattered until now. Also popped up

1181
00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:57,439
Speaker 2: every year on the original date of her wedding, I'd

1182
00:51:57,480 --> 00:52:00,000
Speaker 2: be three days into a five day shoot for any

1183
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:03,879
Speaker 2: nationally televised sporting event in our AREAF. I've been doing

1184
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:06,080
Speaker 2: it for five years now and have been taking lead

1185
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:10,360
Speaker 2: for two years now. Oohoo. I regularly get consultation offers

1186
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:14,560
Speaker 2: and business following. I gladly stepped down this year, and

1187
00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:17,600
Speaker 2: she knows of this. Even if this isn't a real wedding,

1188
00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:19,959
Speaker 2: it is the ceremony for his one and only sister,

1189
00:52:20,000 --> 00:52:22,600
Speaker 2: who will do a courthouse wedding once they are able.

1190
00:52:22,719 --> 00:52:25,160
Speaker 2: Regardless for family, we wouldn't miss it for the world.

1191
00:52:25,239 --> 00:52:27,640
Speaker 2: This was a decision I had to make last fall,

1192
00:52:27,719 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 2: and it never really mattered that much. My company obviously

1193
00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:32,560
Speaker 2: has already selected a photographer to go in my place,

1194
00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:35,839
Speaker 2: and I've already worked with that photographer on various assignments.

1195
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:37,759
Speaker 2: My husband has told me from the start that I

1196
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:39,680
Speaker 2: shouldn't have given it up, as there is always the

1197
00:52:39,680 --> 00:52:42,560
Speaker 2: possibility that I could be replaced by this other photographer.

1198
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 2: For me, though, it didn't matter, not for family. Q.

1199
00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:47,960
Speaker 2: Late last week, she announced on Facebook that she and

1200
00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:50,040
Speaker 2: her fiance were moving their wedding to the middle of

1201
00:52:50,080 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 2: this summer because they felt that their original date was

1202
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:54,719
Speaker 2: coming too quick and they wouldn't be ready by then.

1203
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:57,799
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, this is so wishy washy.

1204
00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:01,360
Speaker 5: Well, what kind of wedding is this where they like, literally,

1205
00:53:01,440 --> 00:53:02,760
Speaker 5: I'm not going to his wedding anymore.

1206
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:07,160
Speaker 2: Rimp on a stick, dude, that's why you don't do that. Okay,

1207
00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:10,600
Speaker 2: are we all in agreement. Now, yeah, don't quit your

1208
00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:15,680
Speaker 2: nice job. Don't get yourself replaced by another photographer so

1209
00:53:15,719 --> 00:53:18,480
Speaker 2: you can not go to a wedding that doesn't happen

1210
00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:22,680
Speaker 2: for goodness sakes. Okay, she didn't notify anyone personally before

1211
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:25,359
Speaker 2: making this post on Facebook and still has not made

1212
00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:28,880
Speaker 2: any formal announcements to anyone outside of Facebook. No updates

1213
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:31,840
Speaker 2: are being mailed. Her stance on this issue is exactly quote,

1214
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:33,960
Speaker 2: if people really care about me that look at my

1215
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:36,960
Speaker 2: Facebook and see that note on my wall six weeks

1216
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:39,759
Speaker 2: notice on a date that has been planned on officially

1217
00:53:40,120 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 2: since last summer. A lot of family coming in from

1218
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:45,120
Speaker 2: out of town had already purchased flights and hotels. Everyone

1219
00:53:45,160 --> 00:53:48,760
Speaker 2: had already made their concessions, including myself on my yearly gig.

1220
00:53:48,880 --> 00:53:53,440
Speaker 2: Vendors were already on lock everything. My husband was incredibly upset.

1221
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:55,279
Speaker 2: I've never seen him get so upset, and he made

1222
00:53:55,280 --> 00:53:58,000
Speaker 2: it no secret to her just how upset he was

1223
00:53:58,080 --> 00:54:01,279
Speaker 2: that she had already basically smacking me in the face

1224
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:03,719
Speaker 2: twice and now had moved something she knew that I

1225
00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:06,759
Speaker 2: had made huge concessions for that she was aware of,

1226
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:09,359
Speaker 2: and that family had already booked travel arrangements, not to

1227
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:11,680
Speaker 2: mention the tacky manner she did it in. They had

1228
00:54:11,719 --> 00:54:14,480
Speaker 2: a huge argument and basically aren't speaking. Most of the

1229
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:17,680
Speaker 2: family is incredibly upset as well. And by the way,

1230
00:54:18,320 --> 00:54:21,080
Speaker 2: you would never be incredibly upset if you listened to

1231
00:54:21,080 --> 00:54:23,920
Speaker 2: full episodes with stories like this. What you gotta do

1232
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:26,920
Speaker 2: is to Spotify, Apple Podcasts or iHeartRadio wherever you get

1233
00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:29,480
Speaker 2: your podcast search, okay, story time, and there you will

1234
00:54:29,520 --> 00:54:36,759
Speaker 2: have our entire library. Real talk, though, I'm I'm I'm

1235
00:54:36,800 --> 00:54:40,200
Speaker 2: going low contact and I'm not doing anything for your wedding.

1236
00:54:40,239 --> 00:54:43,359
Speaker 2: I'm not going to your wedding. This is I think

1237
00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:45,200
Speaker 2: I'm just triggered as like someone who used to do

1238
00:54:45,239 --> 00:54:47,879
Speaker 2: a lot of freelance work, and like if I had

1239
00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:49,960
Speaker 2: a gig that happened every year and I'd done it

1240
00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:52,760
Speaker 2: for five years, and then I backed out of it

1241
00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:55,520
Speaker 2: just to do not even to photograph your wedding, just

1242
00:54:55,520 --> 00:54:57,279
Speaker 2: to go to it, I guess at this point, and

1243
00:54:57,280 --> 00:55:01,080
Speaker 2: then you switch it up, I'm done with you.

1244
00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:03,480
Speaker 8: Yeah, agreed, agreed.

1245
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:07,200
Speaker 2: Uh, Okay, here we go. Let's finish this story. Interestingly enough,

1246
00:55:07,320 --> 00:55:10,120
Speaker 2: we already have obligations with my family that are equally

1247
00:55:10,160 --> 00:55:13,040
Speaker 2: important on the new weekend that she chose. I told

1248
00:55:13,040 --> 00:55:14,680
Speaker 2: my husband if he wanted to go to her wedding,

1249
00:55:14,760 --> 00:55:16,880
Speaker 2: he could back out and I would go by myself.

1250
00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:20,040
Speaker 2: He said he wouldn't be attending his sister's fake wedding.

1251
00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:22,799
Speaker 2: He is now saying he's almost certain she will change

1252
00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:26,560
Speaker 2: the date again if this wedding even actually happens. Needless

1253
00:55:26,560 --> 00:55:28,560
Speaker 2: to say, I'm upset, but I'm trying not to let

1254
00:55:28,640 --> 00:55:31,239
Speaker 2: it bother me. If I lose this annual gig to her,

1255
00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:34,160
Speaker 2: my husband would be incredibly upset. But it's a choice

1256
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:36,720
Speaker 2: I made, and in the end, I can't blame anyone

1257
00:55:36,719 --> 00:55:39,239
Speaker 2: but myself for that. And that is the end of

1258
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:41,920
Speaker 2: that story. And again, folks, I will say, let this

1259
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:45,440
Speaker 2: be a lesson. Do not sacrifice your if your freelancer,

1260
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:51,680
Speaker 2: don't sacrifice your best gig to do this for anybody.

1261
00:55:52,160 --> 00:55:53,680
Speaker 8: Well, guys, that was the end of that story.

1262
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:56,560
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Jan here, og host of the show. We're

1263
00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:58,160
Speaker 2: gonna get back to these juicy stories. But here's a

1264
00:55:58,200 --> 00:55:59,840
Speaker 2: quick three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

1265
00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:03,560
Speaker 8: My sister in law secretly holds a grudge against me,

1266
00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:05,440
Speaker 8: just making me paranoid.

1267
00:56:06,040 --> 00:56:08,120
Speaker 2: What was that? Oh, ex nothing.

1268
00:56:08,280 --> 00:56:09,759
Speaker 8: Okay, So this is going to be a bit of

1269
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:12,080
Speaker 8: a long one, but I'll try to be as concise

1270
00:56:12,120 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 8: as possible. So here's the deal. Hi, thirty three female.

1271
00:56:15,280 --> 00:56:18,160
Speaker 8: Don't know if I am being completely paranoid or if

1272
00:56:18,200 --> 00:56:21,040
Speaker 8: there's something really fishy about the way my sister in

1273
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:24,200
Speaker 8: law thirty eight female has been acting lately. By the way,

1274
00:56:24,200 --> 00:56:26,279
Speaker 8: it comes from low needle worker at six twenty And

1275
00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:27,920
Speaker 8: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

1276
00:56:27,960 --> 00:56:31,080
Speaker 8: our slosh okay storage. I'm subburded. So for context, both

1277
00:56:31,120 --> 00:56:33,640
Speaker 8: my brother forty five male and I moved back to

1278
00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:36,560
Speaker 8: our dad's hometown, him almost a decade ago and me

1279
00:56:36,800 --> 00:56:39,080
Speaker 8: in the last year. About five years ago. He started

1280
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:42,680
Speaker 8: dating this local girl and they are practically married nowadays. Overall,

1281
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:45,640
Speaker 8: sister in law is a great girl, and we've been

1282
00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:48,800
Speaker 8: so lucky that she chose to be part of our family.

1283
00:56:48,840 --> 00:56:51,080
Speaker 8: We are very good and close friends. But here comes

1284
00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:56,759
Speaker 8: the small town nonsense. There is an immensive social gap

1285
00:56:56,800 --> 00:57:00,680
Speaker 8: between her and him. To give some cond text, her

1286
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:03,680
Speaker 8: mom used to work temporarily as a maid for people

1287
00:57:03,800 --> 00:57:07,080
Speaker 8: from my family, which in my culture also means extended

1288
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:10,920
Speaker 8: family thank grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. She and her family

1289
00:57:10,960 --> 00:57:14,840
Speaker 8: struggled so much. I can't even begin to describe or understand. Really,

1290
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:18,400
Speaker 8: she made well for herself, worked really hard, and is

1291
00:57:18,520 --> 00:57:22,680
Speaker 8: a successful professional. She has bought her own beautiful house

1292
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:26,320
Speaker 8: and continues to improve herself daily. Let's freaking go seriously.

1293
00:57:26,360 --> 00:57:28,200
Speaker 8: There are a few people in this world whom I

1294
00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:31,960
Speaker 8: admire so much. But needless to say, she carries a

1295
00:57:32,080 --> 00:57:36,080
Speaker 8: lot of trauma. She is very anxious all the time.

1296
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:39,760
Speaker 8: It is sometimes quite overwhelming. It is also very clear

1297
00:57:39,800 --> 00:57:42,080
Speaker 8: from the beginning that she had a constant need to

1298
00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:45,000
Speaker 8: affirm she was not dating my brother out of convenience,

1299
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:48,160
Speaker 8: and for our part, we always tread very carefully not

1300
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:51,200
Speaker 8: to make her feel in any way misplaced among us.

1301
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:53,560
Speaker 8: So with all that, I can get to what is

1302
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:55,800
Speaker 8: going on and why I need some advice on whether

1303
00:57:56,120 --> 00:57:59,040
Speaker 8: how do I spell this? Am I being paranoid and

1304
00:57:59,120 --> 00:58:02,400
Speaker 8: need to get a great or not? Since Dad passed away,

1305
00:58:02,520 --> 00:58:05,080
Speaker 8: I have been taking care of my mom, seventy six female.

1306
00:58:05,120 --> 00:58:06,959
Speaker 8: Her mine has been taking a turn for the worse,

1307
00:58:07,200 --> 00:58:11,080
Speaker 8: and she sometimes forgets things she says or does very quickly.

1308
00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:13,680
Speaker 8: A few months ago this happened. We had a booth

1309
00:58:13,720 --> 00:58:16,920
Speaker 8: that an expedition for a local business. The event was

1310
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:19,800
Speaker 8: already over for the night, but being the party people

1311
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:22,520
Speaker 8: we are, at some point there were about ten people

1312
00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:26,720
Speaker 8: at our booth, most fellow exhibitors, drinking, chatting, playing the guitar,

1313
00:58:26,960 --> 00:58:30,360
Speaker 8: and singing. We were all tired, but we couldn't sleepily

1314
00:58:30,440 --> 00:58:32,640
Speaker 8: close the booth and send people home. That would have

1315
00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:35,800
Speaker 8: been incredibly rude, so we stayed on. My brother left

1316
00:58:35,800 --> 00:58:38,480
Speaker 8: early and my mom, sister in law, and I stayed

1317
00:58:38,480 --> 00:58:41,200
Speaker 8: to deal with our guests. At some point, my quite

1318
00:58:41,280 --> 00:58:44,040
Speaker 8: wasted mom got fed up with people playing and singing

1319
00:58:44,080 --> 00:58:48,400
Speaker 8: songs she hated, and started just discreetly asking me to

1320
00:58:48,480 --> 00:58:51,080
Speaker 8: leave multiple times. I told my sister in law and

1321
00:58:51,120 --> 00:58:53,320
Speaker 8: we decided it was best to call my brother back

1322
00:58:53,360 --> 00:58:56,280
Speaker 8: so I could take my mom home. Right before she arrived,

1323
00:58:56,360 --> 00:58:59,240
Speaker 8: someone took the guitar and started playing songs my mom enjoyed,

1324
00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:01,960
Speaker 8: so obviously she do you stop asking to leave? Seeing that,

1325
00:59:02,000 --> 00:59:04,840
Speaker 8: sister in law got angry with me and immediately assumed

1326
00:59:04,880 --> 00:59:07,360
Speaker 8: I was lying and using my mom as an excuse

1327
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:09,320
Speaker 8: to go home. We were at the expedition for about

1328
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:11,480
Speaker 8: twelve hours straight. At this point, we were all a

1329
00:59:11,480 --> 00:59:13,840
Speaker 8: bit wasted and Also, we were a few meters away

1330
00:59:13,840 --> 00:59:15,960
Speaker 8: from the party, and I was trying very hard to

1331
00:59:16,000 --> 00:59:20,160
Speaker 8: defend myself, but she got into overwhelming mode and simply

1332
00:59:20,200 --> 00:59:22,520
Speaker 8: wouldn't let me. I got more and more flustered, and

1333
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:25,480
Speaker 8: when she finally called me a spoiled brett who was

1334
00:59:25,600 --> 00:59:28,120
Speaker 8: using her mom to get what I wanted, I snapped

1335
00:59:28,240 --> 00:59:31,560
Speaker 8: and screamed at her my mistake, obviously.

1336
00:59:31,040 --> 00:59:33,760
Speaker 2: I mean fifty fifty to fifty.

1337
00:59:34,280 --> 00:59:34,480
Speaker 3: Let me.

1338
00:59:34,640 --> 00:59:38,200
Speaker 8: Actually, we're being pushed to your heads or tails?

1339
00:59:38,240 --> 00:59:43,720
Speaker 2: Ready? Heads? Oh? Yeah, you know what you were? Actually

1340
00:59:43,720 --> 00:59:47,280
Speaker 2: that is your bad. Sorry, the coin has spoken.

1341
00:59:47,720 --> 00:59:51,640
Speaker 8: Everyone was obviously the argument until that point. At this moment,

1342
00:59:51,680 --> 00:59:53,840
Speaker 8: they all stared at me like I had grown a

1343
00:59:53,880 --> 00:59:54,480
Speaker 8: second head.

1344
00:59:54,560 --> 00:59:55,240
Speaker 2: Sister in law.

1345
00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:57,440
Speaker 8: Started screaming at me that I had no right to

1346
00:59:57,440 --> 00:59:59,800
Speaker 8: scream at her. My brother arrived so what was going

1347
00:59:59,800 --> 01:00:02,400
Speaker 8: on and excused himself, not wanting to be caught up

1348
01:00:02,440 --> 01:00:05,080
Speaker 8: in the mess. So I did the only sensible thing,

1349
01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:07,600
Speaker 8: hid in the car and cried my eyes out until

1350
01:00:07,640 --> 01:00:10,120
Speaker 8: about an hour later when my mom was escorted to

1351
01:00:10,120 --> 01:00:12,120
Speaker 8: the car and we went home. The next day, I

1352
01:00:12,160 --> 01:00:14,480
Speaker 8: reached out to sister in law to apologize and explain

1353
01:00:14,560 --> 01:00:17,800
Speaker 8: the misunderstanding. But before I could, she said she was

1354
01:00:17,880 --> 01:00:20,240
Speaker 8: hurt with me and needed some time to process it all.

1355
01:00:20,320 --> 01:00:23,000
Speaker 8: She repeated, now sober, that I was using my mom,

1356
01:00:23,080 --> 01:00:26,480
Speaker 8: so I simply left without giving or receiving an apology.

1357
01:00:26,560 --> 01:00:29,840
Speaker 8: It stuck with me, though I promised myself I wouldn't

1358
01:00:29,920 --> 01:00:33,480
Speaker 8: let myself fall into that situation again. Eventually things got

1359
01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:36,920
Speaker 8: back to normal, but when another almost incident happened, nothing

1360
01:00:37,080 --> 01:00:40,280
Speaker 8: so dramatic, but while discussing the logistics of a family

1361
01:00:40,280 --> 01:00:43,120
Speaker 8: trip we are in, I mentioned she could have negotiated

1362
01:00:43,200 --> 01:00:45,240
Speaker 8: with her boss for a day off so she didn't

1363
01:00:45,240 --> 01:00:47,680
Speaker 8: need to leave work a half day and come back

1364
01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:51,280
Speaker 8: to the event. Earlier that week, her boss warehouse had flooded.

1365
01:00:51,400 --> 01:00:54,040
Speaker 8: She and some colleagues left their homes in the early

1366
01:00:54,120 --> 01:00:56,840
Speaker 8: hours to help save the stored items. As to thank you,

1367
01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:59,600
Speaker 8: the boss gave each of them a small sum of money.

1368
01:01:00,360 --> 01:01:03,000
Speaker 8: It was nice to have a little extra in her purse,

1369
01:01:03,080 --> 01:01:05,920
Speaker 8: but she didn't necessarily need it, and I commented that

1370
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:08,640
Speaker 8: she could have negotiated the half day instead of taking

1371
01:01:08,680 --> 01:01:12,040
Speaker 8: the cash. That led to another modernologue of her accusing

1372
01:01:12,080 --> 01:01:14,920
Speaker 8: me of being unprofessional and that she would never let

1373
01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:18,320
Speaker 8: her employer hang like that. As if I said, she

1374
01:01:18,360 --> 01:01:20,720
Speaker 8: should call him on the spot telling him she wouldn't

1375
01:01:20,720 --> 01:01:22,640
Speaker 8: show up the next day, which is not what I said.

1376
01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:25,520
Speaker 8: Of course, that led to an uncle, one of the

1377
01:01:25,520 --> 01:01:28,720
Speaker 8: good ones, briefly lecturing me unworth ethics. I think you

1378
01:01:28,840 --> 01:01:30,480
Speaker 8: missed the part there.

1379
01:01:30,840 --> 01:01:31,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1380
01:01:31,480 --> 01:01:34,160
Speaker 8: Also, uh, sister in law does not respect you.

1381
01:01:34,240 --> 01:01:35,800
Speaker 2: She doesn't respect you. Move yourself.

1382
01:01:36,080 --> 01:01:38,400
Speaker 8: I think she's snapping at you because she thinks you're

1383
01:01:38,400 --> 01:01:40,840
Speaker 8: spoiled brat and you don't know anything about work.

1384
01:01:41,360 --> 01:01:43,479
Speaker 2: I'm removing myself, led do your.

1385
01:01:43,360 --> 01:01:47,640
Speaker 8: Own thing and give her. There he goes, and he's gone.

1386
01:01:47,680 --> 01:01:47,960
Speaker 2: Guys.

1387
01:01:48,200 --> 01:01:51,640
Speaker 8: Finally, last week things got a bit more aggressive again.

1388
01:01:51,840 --> 01:01:55,200
Speaker 8: We are all quite wasted already. Yes, drinking culture here

1389
01:01:55,320 --> 01:01:57,959
Speaker 8: is a thing. We had spent the day at having

1390
01:01:58,000 --> 01:02:00,640
Speaker 8: beers by River sister in law, brother, her and I

1391
01:02:00,840 --> 01:02:03,600
Speaker 8: and mom's sister and law friend. Also, sorry, I think

1392
01:02:03,600 --> 01:02:05,880
Speaker 8: they're in Ireland. They gotta be Irish.

1393
01:02:06,080 --> 01:02:08,400
Speaker 2: The meters is definitely there's a meter.

1394
01:02:08,520 --> 01:02:12,200
Speaker 8: Why'd they say exposition meters? They got their sewn potatoes.

1395
01:02:13,280 --> 01:02:14,080
Speaker 8: Let's be real old.

1396
01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:17,120
Speaker 2: Potato expo in Ireland.

1397
01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:21,240
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, dude, come on, oh he Okay. We had

1398
01:02:21,280 --> 01:02:24,640
Speaker 8: spent the day having beers by a river, sistern law, brother, mom,

1399
01:02:24,840 --> 01:02:27,280
Speaker 8: I sistern Law's friend. When it came time to go

1400
01:02:27,360 --> 01:02:29,920
Speaker 8: home night, already we were gathering our stuff in the back,

1401
01:02:30,040 --> 01:02:32,560
Speaker 8: I always cleaning the dishes, and sistern in law told

1402
01:02:32,600 --> 01:02:35,240
Speaker 8: me she was gathering some things. They were left on

1403
01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:37,920
Speaker 8: the table. I had left my phone, slash glasses, slash

1404
01:02:37,920 --> 01:02:40,320
Speaker 8: speaker on the table, so when I saw the speaker

1405
01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:43,160
Speaker 8: and glasses in the bag, I assumed she had taken

1406
01:02:43,240 --> 01:02:45,160
Speaker 8: them and put them in there. I grabbed the bag,

1407
01:02:45,200 --> 01:02:46,720
Speaker 8: put it in the front of the car and we

1408
01:02:46,760 --> 01:02:49,200
Speaker 8: all entered. That's when I noticed I didn't have my phone.

1409
01:02:49,240 --> 01:02:50,960
Speaker 8: I came back to the side of the bar by

1410
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:53,120
Speaker 8: the river, but it wasn't there, so I asked my

1411
01:02:53,160 --> 01:02:55,120
Speaker 8: brother to open the trunk because sister in law must

1412
01:02:55,120 --> 01:02:56,440
Speaker 8: have put it in the bag with the rest of

1413
01:02:56,440 --> 01:02:56,800
Speaker 8: my stuff.

1414
01:02:56,840 --> 01:02:57,320
Speaker 2: My mistake.

1415
01:02:57,320 --> 01:02:59,440
Speaker 8: Again. Brother left the car to help me with a lantern,

1416
01:02:59,520 --> 01:03:02,640
Speaker 8: and she left as well, already in an overwhelming mood,

1417
01:03:02,880 --> 01:03:05,320
Speaker 8: saying she didn't take anything of mine. I tried to

1418
01:03:05,400 --> 01:03:08,120
Speaker 8: explain that's not what I meant, while trying to find

1419
01:03:08,160 --> 01:03:10,600
Speaker 8: my phone as fast as possible so we could just go,

1420
01:03:10,800 --> 01:03:14,120
Speaker 8: but things escalated. Of course, I didn't scream this time,

1421
01:03:14,280 --> 01:03:16,520
Speaker 8: I believe, but I did tell her to get in

1422
01:03:16,560 --> 01:03:18,680
Speaker 8: the car. By the time I managed to find my phone,

1423
01:03:18,760 --> 01:03:21,080
Speaker 8: sister in law had already left again for the bar,

1424
01:03:21,240 --> 01:03:23,360
Speaker 8: screaming at the top of her lungs that she wasn't

1425
01:03:23,400 --> 01:03:25,240
Speaker 8: going anywhere with me in the car. That was good

1426
01:03:25,320 --> 01:03:28,760
Speaker 8: forty minute drive from home. Brother was also in the bar,

1427
01:03:29,040 --> 01:03:31,560
Speaker 8: trying his best to distance himself from the drama. I

1428
01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:33,439
Speaker 8: took a deep breath and went to sister in law,

1429
01:03:33,520 --> 01:03:35,760
Speaker 8: trying to reason with her, and she screamed at me

1430
01:03:35,920 --> 01:03:39,400
Speaker 8: the following go after sell four times, you spoiled rich girl.

1431
01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:41,800
Speaker 8: You think you can order everyone around. I did not

1432
01:03:41,960 --> 01:03:44,440
Speaker 8: take your phone, and she proceeded to take a phone

1433
01:03:44,480 --> 01:03:47,600
Speaker 8: and throw it on the table with force. It didn't break, thankfully.

1434
01:03:47,720 --> 01:03:51,080
Speaker 8: She has a lot of going on, and I think

1435
01:03:51,160 --> 01:03:54,560
Speaker 8: she's putting a lot of that blame on op and

1436
01:03:55,160 --> 01:03:57,919
Speaker 8: low key. I'm gonna need to be there. I'm gonna

1437
01:03:57,920 --> 01:04:02,880
Speaker 8: need to see what vibes with the tone of voices. Yes,

1438
01:04:02,960 --> 01:04:05,400
Speaker 8: because I could see how this is being mistruded.

1439
01:04:05,520 --> 01:04:08,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, but everyone, there's a lot of nuance to how

1440
01:04:08,680 --> 01:04:11,760
Speaker 2: this would play out, like in a in a setting

1441
01:04:11,760 --> 01:04:13,240
Speaker 2: where we're present she.

1442
01:04:13,280 --> 01:04:16,240
Speaker 8: Was crying a lot and was very distraught. My mom

1443
01:04:16,360 --> 01:04:19,360
Speaker 8: had to physically restrain her and talk to her. But

1444
01:04:19,480 --> 01:04:21,840
Speaker 8: we will never physically restrain you from checking out our

1445
01:04:21,880 --> 01:04:25,200
Speaker 8: podcast on your favorite podcast platform. Just search up Okay

1446
01:04:25,200 --> 01:04:28,160
Speaker 8: Storytom on Apple, Spotify, our Heart Radio, wherever you listen

1447
01:04:28,240 --> 01:04:31,600
Speaker 8: to your favorite podcasts, and We're there were stories just

1448
01:04:31,640 --> 01:04:35,040
Speaker 8: like this that aren't as super crazy, but they are crazy.

1449
01:04:35,120 --> 01:04:36,720
Speaker 2: I feel like a lot of times though, people just

1450
01:04:36,800 --> 01:04:39,920
Speaker 2: like construe like people being emotional as people being bratty

1451
01:04:40,120 --> 01:04:43,040
Speaker 2: because like their emotions are inconvenient in the moment. Yeah,

1452
01:04:43,240 --> 01:04:46,280
Speaker 2: and it's like that's not necessary, Like not everybody has

1453
01:04:46,360 --> 01:04:50,560
Speaker 2: their emotions mastered. Yeah, that's what it is. Some people

1454
01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:54,680
Speaker 2: have mastered themselves and have control over that, but a

1455
01:04:54,680 --> 01:04:57,800
Speaker 2: lot of people don't. So the goal should be to

1456
01:04:57,840 --> 01:05:01,480
Speaker 2: be able to move through your emotions without them taking

1457
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:03,959
Speaker 2: control over you, exactly. That's the goal.

1458
01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:06,920
Speaker 8: That's the goal. So she apologized, saying this would not

1459
01:05:07,040 --> 01:05:09,000
Speaker 8: happen again and that she would try to listen to

1460
01:05:09,120 --> 01:05:11,640
Speaker 8: in the future. But I'm wary because it seems something

1461
01:05:11,760 --> 01:05:13,959
Speaker 8: is going on and that she's got some serious beef

1462
01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:16,520
Speaker 8: with me. Am I being paranoid or Is this just

1463
01:05:16,560 --> 01:05:19,160
Speaker 8: to be expected given the whole context of things. I've

1464
01:05:19,200 --> 01:05:22,000
Speaker 8: been trying to see other situations in which I could

1465
01:05:22,080 --> 01:05:25,000
Speaker 8: have offended her to be on the receiving end of

1466
01:05:25,040 --> 01:05:28,400
Speaker 8: those opinions and outbursts, But I can't any advice I'm

1467
01:05:28,400 --> 01:05:30,600
Speaker 8: in need because I love her and my brother very

1468
01:05:30,680 --> 01:05:32,680
Speaker 8: much and don't want us to be a strange