WEBVTT - Get Ready for Another Major FICO Score Change 0:00:16.200 --> 0:00:23.320 Hey, hey, hey, I feel super awesome right now. We're back, 0:00:23.680 --> 0:00:29.440 We're black, we're brown, and ambition. Have you on the ambition? 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:33.800 Hey man, hey, I'm here. Another show, another week. We're 0:00:33.800 --> 0:00:34.239 doing it. 0:00:35.080 --> 0:00:36.360 Yes, we're doing it. 0:00:37.080 --> 0:00:39.479 Thank you guys so much for all your first and foremost. 0:00:39.479 --> 0:00:40.960 Thank you guys so much. I got a flood of 0:00:40.960 --> 0:00:44.840 messages and well wishes and so many like I really enjoyed. 0:00:44.880 --> 0:00:47.120 One woman even sent me a voice message. I didn't 0:00:47.120 --> 0:00:49.000 know you could do that on Instagram. It freaked me out. 0:00:49.120 --> 0:00:51.800 I was like, do I press play? And then what happens? 0:00:51.920 --> 0:00:55.920 She's talking to me. It's like an Instagram voicemail, like 0:00:56.040 --> 0:00:58.880 just just sharing. It was so all these heartfelt messages 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:00.800 and just people pouring out their hearts and telling me 0:01:00.800 --> 0:01:06.000 their personal stories of struggling with those early weeks of motherhood. 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:08.120 So I really really appreciate it. Thank you guys for 0:01:08.240 --> 0:01:11.360 hearing me. I had a little bit of a vulnerability hangover. 0:01:11.560 --> 0:01:15.800 Do you know that expression? Do you follow Berne Brown? Yeah, 0:01:15.880 --> 0:01:18.959 that's her her. She writes about vulnerability and I was like, 0:01:19.040 --> 0:01:22.520 being vulnerable as a leader and stuff, and I'm like, oh, 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:25.000 this is what a vulnerability hangover feels. Like you cry 0:01:25.040 --> 0:01:29.679 in your national podcast and just live with that for 0:01:29.720 --> 0:01:31.959 a week. And y'all know I edit the show, so 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:36.520 I was my finger was itching delete, but no, I 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:38.720 mean I had to stand in my truth and thank 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:41.120 y'all for hearing me. And I was just talking to 0:01:41.160 --> 0:01:43.560 Tiff because right now I'm getting that itch to go 0:01:43.640 --> 0:01:46.479 back to work or just you know, it's it's hard 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:49.320 when you are at a level of productivity and like 0:01:49.400 --> 0:01:51.680 with your career. You know, Tiff, you're thinking about having 0:01:51.680 --> 0:01:54.720 a family too, so it's like, how will you juggle 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:55.720 the person you were? 0:01:55.840 --> 0:01:56.440 Who? Really? 0:01:56.480 --> 0:01:59.640 Just I mean, I love my calendar was my favorite thing. 0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:02.720 I love a packed calendar. I love to know every 0:02:02.800 --> 0:02:04.920 half hour chunk of my day and what was what 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:11.280 I was gonna do. And this life of eat, sleep, poop, eat, sleep, poop, cry, eat, 0:02:11.280 --> 0:02:14.600 you know, eat, sleep, poop, like that monotony is just 0:02:15.240 --> 0:02:16.880 I guess I'm at that point in the attorney leave 0:02:16.880 --> 0:02:19.239 where it's just like, oh, I my brain can do 0:02:19.360 --> 0:02:23.120 more than this, Like where are my tasks? And my 0:02:23.200 --> 0:02:25.680 therapist was telling me, like I see this woman like 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:27.960 you all the time. You look for things that you 0:02:28.000 --> 0:02:29.960 can do on top of keeping the baby, alive every 0:02:30.040 --> 0:02:32.680 day just to like reach your productivity, just so you 0:02:32.680 --> 0:02:34.399 can feel like you're productive. And she's like, you got 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:37.639 to stop, like keeping the baby alive. That takes all 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:40.040 the mental energy, and you're just setting yourself up for 0:02:40.080 --> 0:02:43.840 disappointment when you feel like you didn't accomplish anything from 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:46.760 day to day. And that's when I'm like trying to 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:49.960 make peace with that, trying to like, Okay, no, I 0:02:49.960 --> 0:02:53.520 didn't unload the dishwasher. Yes, the laundry is still like 0:02:53.680 --> 0:02:56.120 not even in a basket, just sprawl across the floor. 0:02:56.200 --> 0:02:59.040 I mean, my closet is just like a landmine of 0:02:59.120 --> 0:03:02.840 just nursing pad and nursing tops and like just crap 0:03:03.000 --> 0:03:05.600 onesies and whatever else on the floor. And I've had 0:03:05.639 --> 0:03:08.640 to kind of just okay, not everything got done, but 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:12.960 the baby is sleeping and fed and happy, and you 0:03:13.000 --> 0:03:15.920 know what, that's the stamp of approval. Day to day. 0:03:16.240 --> 0:03:17.960 I sound like I've made I've worked it out, but 0:03:18.040 --> 0:03:21.560 I'm still struggling with the whole you know, that's feeling 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:22.919 I'm not productive. 0:03:22.720 --> 0:03:26.480 Watching you because i I'm to be fully transparent, so 0:03:26.520 --> 0:03:28.519 I took you know, it's been two years. Have you 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:30.840 been listening to brown and vision, which I'm sure you have. 0:03:30.919 --> 0:03:33.040 It's been two years of like back to back IVF, 0:03:33.080 --> 0:03:36.000 like I stopped traveling, I stopped speaking as much. I 0:03:36.000 --> 0:03:37.680 said no to a lot of things so I could 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:42.360 be home and still no baby. So that part it's 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:45.839 been kind of stressful. And then in December I had 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:48.240 it was a December, I think it was December. I 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:53.040 had another scar removal surgery. Because some people like keloid 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:55.640 on the outside, Apparently I scar easily on the inside. 0:03:55.680 --> 0:03:58.960 So I found out two years ago I had fibroids 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:01.960 because I had a miss carriage and so I knew 0:04:01.960 --> 0:04:03.360 when I was pregnant. I was like, yeah, yeah, I 0:04:03.360 --> 0:04:05.920 did not know I had fiveboids until like, I was like, 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:08.680 I'm spotting. So I went to the emergency room and 0:04:08.720 --> 0:04:11.160 they were like, we don't see anything but the fibroids. 0:04:11.480 --> 0:04:13.280 They couldn't even see the baby. That's how many fibrids 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:17.559 I had. And so that's when I had my fiber 0:04:17.680 --> 0:04:20.479 removal surgery. And when I did, my gynecologists was like, 0:04:20.520 --> 0:04:23.159 you know, you're thirty eight, and if you're wanted to 0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:26.240 have a baby, I would stack the odds in your 0:04:26.240 --> 0:04:30.919 favor and not just try naturally, I would, you know, 0:04:31.200 --> 0:04:33.679 use the help of a fertility doctor. And I said okay, 0:04:34.920 --> 0:04:36.720 And that's when I found out like all these other 0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:40.320 things that are like one, I guess I don't know 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:45.080 if it's hereditary or whatever, but my eggs I don't 0:04:45.120 --> 0:04:48.039 have the level and quality of eggs that I that 0:04:48.160 --> 0:04:51.280 the average woman of my age has. So I guess 0:04:51.279 --> 0:04:53.040 to make it like, you know, I don't know what 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:55.200 age you could say, but I'm forty, but maybe my 0:04:55.240 --> 0:04:58.920 eggs would would skew like more true for forty five 0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:01.719 year old as you know, as women your eggs, you know, 0:05:01.760 --> 0:05:03.920 so as a result, I'm not as fertile as you 0:05:03.960 --> 0:05:06.279 would think. Like at thirty eight, it was like, you know, 0:05:06.440 --> 0:05:08.839 I should still be relatively fertile, but I had a 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:12.120 low I think it was called HG HSG. HG, don't 0:05:12.120 --> 0:05:14.480 get me to it's something with h Basically my levels 0:05:14.520 --> 0:05:18.120 were low. And it was like, so, then, no, I 0:05:18.120 --> 0:05:20.800 think it's HSG. I want to say something. 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:23.559 Like HSGA hormone. I should know these things something. 0:05:23.720 --> 0:05:26.800 Yeah, So it's basically like my hormone level is low 0:05:27.600 --> 0:05:29.839 for my age range. So then it was especially like 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:32.240 you need to use a fertility clinic because not that 0:05:32.320 --> 0:05:34.640 I can't get pregnant naturally, but it's going to be 0:05:34.960 --> 0:05:37.799 much much, much harder. And if I was twenty one, 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:40.760 then it would be fine. You have all these years, 0:05:40.760 --> 0:05:43.680 but at thirty eight, it's like, you know, you're it's ticking, 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:46.600 and so like stacked the odds in your favor. So 0:05:46.680 --> 0:05:49.640 we did you know, I've gone through the process of 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:53.760 removing the fibroids, and then once you removed the fibroids, 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:56.680 my uterus like I had too much scar tissue as 0:05:56.680 --> 0:05:58.640 a result because I had a lot of fibroids, So 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:02.400 we removed the scar tissue. Scar tissued again. The scar 0:06:02.440 --> 0:06:06.080 tissue propped open the universe with an iu iud Like 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:08.719 you know, it looks like a little umbrella, kind of 0:06:09.520 --> 0:06:11.320 like the inside of an umbrella that if you were 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:14.000 to take off. Yeah, so the prop me open so 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:18.760 that way it can heal without the without scarring together, 0:06:18.800 --> 0:06:21.480 because your skin wants to fuse together, like whenever skin 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:24.120 is raw and open. So that's what my units was doing. 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:27.000 And but in the meantime I was doing cycles and 0:06:27.000 --> 0:06:29.800 cycles or when they basically pump me with a bunch 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:32.919 of hormones. So when you're after your period comes and 0:06:32.920 --> 0:06:36.400 your normal ovulation cycle happens. Instead of producing one egg, 0:06:36.720 --> 0:06:41.200 you produce multiple eggs. Now, someone a woman of my age, 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:43.719 when I was thirty eight, I would have on average, 0:06:43.839 --> 0:06:47.320 like eight follicles, and you produce eight eggs. I had four, 0:06:47.839 --> 0:06:50.160 and so I was producing four follicles, and I was 0:06:50.160 --> 0:06:53.920 producing three to four eggs every cycle. But then I 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:57.599 got pregnant again from but this time with IVF, and 0:06:57.600 --> 0:06:59.960 then I had another miscarriage, and they're like, okay, let's 0:07:00.200 --> 0:07:03.400 test this embryo. An embryo is just a mixer, like 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:05.120 it's like a pre baby almost. It's like, you know, 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:07.719 the sperm and the and the egg before it's like 0:07:07.800 --> 0:07:10.560 fully coming to baby. And it turned out that that 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:17.800 baby had UH chromosomal issues, which is not uncommon for 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:20.200 an older woman, you know what I mean, Like if 0:07:20.240 --> 0:07:23.040 I was into my late for so so this it 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:26.680 was really like evidence then like okay, your eggs are 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:29.880 not as healthy as they as they could be. And 0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:34.440 so every single psycho since then I have paid an 0:07:34.480 --> 0:07:38.000 additional amount of money to test the embryo because usually 0:07:38.040 --> 0:07:39.800 you don't have to test it. What happens is they 0:07:39.800 --> 0:07:42.560 put an embryo inside you. Your body does the rest. 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:45.600 Your body says good, bad, let it go whatever. But 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:50.200 for me, because I know that, you know, my equality 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:52.960 is not so great, I don't want to waste like 0:07:53.120 --> 0:07:57.360 the time and putting in an embryo that is not healthy, 0:07:57.680 --> 0:07:59.560 because what my body is going to do is I'm 0:07:59.600 --> 0:08:03.200 going to carry. And what happened with my last miscarriage, 0:08:03.360 --> 0:08:05.640 it caused scar tissue. So then I had another two 0:08:05.880 --> 0:08:08.360 scar tissue. So it's like it took me almost a 0:08:08.440 --> 0:08:12.960 year to recover from the physically inside recover from the 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:16.520 last miscarriage because of the scar tissue. So I'm like, 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:18.800 I don't have a year if you put in an 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:20.520 embryo that is not going to be healthy and my 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:22.560 body's going to reject anyway. So we need to know 0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:25.280 ahead of time. So I've done like four or five 0:08:25.280 --> 0:08:29.480 different cycles, honestly, and like at like out of maybe 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:33.160 ten to twelve embryos, I have one healthy embryo. The 0:08:33.240 --> 0:08:35.760 last cycle we did, none of them were healthy and 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:39.000 then they found more scar tissue. I'm like, oh my god, honestly, 0:08:39.120 --> 0:08:43.120 and so in January I was like I step away, 0:08:43.600 --> 0:08:44.559 like it's too much. 0:08:44.600 --> 0:08:47.920 It's a lot that's at just take up. I mean, 0:08:47.960 --> 0:08:50.720 I just wanted a moment to acknowledge the work you 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:54.079 are putting in, Like that's a lot of silent work 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:58.760 and a lot of silent I mean, I can't even imagine. 0:08:58.920 --> 0:09:02.120 I can't even imagine even doing all this for so long, and. 0:09:02.080 --> 0:09:04.160 It's just been like so like of course frustrating. So 0:09:04.200 --> 0:09:06.199 I was like in January, I was like, okay, I 0:09:06.480 --> 0:09:08.520 So I called my doctor and I was like, honestly, 0:09:08.760 --> 0:09:11.920 I need a break because it's been two years. She's like, 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:13.959 and I's like, my joice, do I need to lose weight? Try? 0:09:14.000 --> 0:09:16.040 Because you remember that's why I had gone vegan. Like 0:09:16.160 --> 0:09:18.160 I was like, whatever it takes, Like I don't want 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:20.320 to look back twenty years from now and say, dank, Tiffany. 0:09:20.440 --> 0:09:22.560 You really could have went on one less vacation or 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:24.840 said no to that speaking engagement and really put the 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:27.560 energy into having a family. And so I didn't want that, 0:09:27.960 --> 0:09:29.160 you know. Like, so I was like, I'm going to 0:09:29.240 --> 0:09:31.080 do all that I'm supposed to do. And she's like, tify, 0:09:31.160 --> 0:09:33.720 you've been my doctor was telling my fertility doctor, you 0:09:33.760 --> 0:09:37.120 have been a model patient. You've come to every you know, 0:09:37.120 --> 0:09:39.720 you haven't missed any shots. And you know you've come 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:42.520 to every appointment. You know, you you you have, you know, 0:09:42.720 --> 0:09:44.920 you've been a model patient. If there was something I 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:47.400 could say, do this better so to make it, She's like, 0:09:47.440 --> 0:09:49.360 but I can't, and so she's like, I think it 0:09:49.400 --> 0:09:50.560 is a good idea for you to take a break. 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:52.440 So I took January kind of like off, just to 0:09:53.080 --> 0:09:55.240 because the what what a cycle looks like is that 0:09:55.320 --> 0:09:59.920 you're giving yourself a shot every morning, every evening. Then 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:03.480 every other day you're at the doctor. Well for my doctor, 0:10:03.520 --> 0:10:08.559 they do they do something called like pre appointments at 0:10:08.600 --> 0:10:11.480 six thirty am, and so women who are doing the cycle, 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:13.680 it's like you have to get blood drawn and you 0:10:13.760 --> 0:10:17.320 have to do basically when do you go to the guy? Now, 0:10:17.360 --> 0:10:18.599 what is it when they're basically like looking in the 0:10:18.600 --> 0:10:22.680 side of your regina? Yes, basically can you imagine that every 0:10:22.760 --> 0:10:26.640 other day blood like the blood drawn. I'm like, yo, 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:29.960 I take my blood. It's nothing in comparison to like 0:10:30.120 --> 0:10:33.520 every other morning at six am, crawling out of bed, 0:10:33.880 --> 0:10:35.960 waiting on the cold steps with like all these other women. 0:10:36.000 --> 0:10:38.840 You just kind of looking at each other like hi, Maria, Hi, 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:41.560 and you're waiting for them to open the doors, turn 0:10:41.600 --> 0:10:44.480 on the lights before the office even opens so they 0:10:44.480 --> 0:10:46.200 could draw your blood, which, like I said to me, 0:10:46.280 --> 0:10:48.160 that's the easy part. But then for me to lay 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:51.200 legs cocked open, for you to put metal inside me, 0:10:51.200 --> 0:10:54.600 for you to look again, and it's just like it's 0:10:54.640 --> 0:10:56.480 just so I just like I I just need it. 0:10:56.559 --> 0:10:58.960 I just need a break. So I was good at 0:10:59.000 --> 0:11:00.760 like I said, at first January. Then I was like, 0:11:00.760 --> 0:11:02.520 you know, I'm not gonna start back again until April. 0:11:02.559 --> 0:11:03.880 You know I'm gonna And then I was like, you 0:11:03.880 --> 0:11:05.760 know what, maybe I won't even have a baby. Maybe 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:09.360 I'll just But then I see Roman and Amelia, my 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:12.280 niece and my nephew, and I'm like, I really like 0:11:12.520 --> 0:11:15.120 I want that, you know, like and but then there's 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:17.920 also this fear that like I am super driven, so 0:11:17.960 --> 0:11:20.880 I'm scared like, well, like, you know, I see the 0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:23.360 struggle you're going through, Manny, and I feel like as 0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:25.720 it relates to like our careers and how much we 0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:29.280 love the work, like I'm scared, like what if what 0:11:29.400 --> 0:11:31.600 does that look like? On the other side, Like am 0:11:31.640 --> 0:11:34.960 I gonna be able to adjust because of how much 0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:37.560 I really enjoy doing and being the budget the still 0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:40.000 so that part is also scary too. So I've been vacillating. Yeah, 0:11:40.320 --> 0:11:40.959 back and forth. 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:43.520 We have to I'm not back in the work. I'm 0:11:43.520 --> 0:11:45.400 not back at work yet, but yes I will address 0:11:45.400 --> 0:11:48.000 because if I don't, I will go insane, and I 0:11:48.000 --> 0:11:51.760 think you will too. The survival is that is figuring 0:11:51.800 --> 0:11:55.440 out how do you stay true? How do you And 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:57.880 this is just me speaking to my future self. I 0:11:59.040 --> 0:12:02.120 know that I've obviously life has changed, priorities have change, 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:05.160 but you still have to You still have to do 0:12:05.200 --> 0:12:08.160 what drives you and what speaks to your soul and 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:10.000 what makes you who you are at your core, the 0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:12.160 important things, you know, not the extra stuff you can 0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:14.160 say no to this or that, but like the core 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:17.600 of what you do. And I just feel like and 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:20.480 especially for you as an entrepreneur, I've heard time and 0:12:20.520 --> 0:12:25.440 again I know people with similar you know, structured like 0:12:25.520 --> 0:12:30.319 businesses like yours sometimes say children make you work more efficiently, 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:34.199 can make more, can make you more uh, can make 0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:37.280 you more driven and and and make you request more 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:39.240 for what you do so that you earn more than 0:12:39.240 --> 0:12:42.400 you used to. I just and maybe this has comfort, 0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:44.800 maybe it's not comforting, but I feel like we have to. 0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:48.520 We have to find a way to do the work 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:53.080 and do the mothering thing, or else we just won't 0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:56.200 be happy. And you know who wants to have an 0:12:56.280 --> 0:13:00.959 unhappy an unhappy wife and an unhappy mom. It's not 0:13:01.040 --> 0:13:03.720 just it's just gonna drag the whole household. So I mean, 0:13:03.800 --> 0:13:04.960 drag the whole household down. 0:13:06.640 --> 0:13:08.800 So I just like so, I honestly I decided because 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:10.040 I was just like, I'm gonna wait. I'm gonna wait 0:13:10.200 --> 0:13:11.480 to push you back, push it back, and push it back. 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:13.880 And then really this weekend I was just really thinking 0:13:13.920 --> 0:13:15.600 about it. My niece and my nephew came over it, 0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:18.280 and it was just like they're just so awesome, you know, 0:13:18.559 --> 0:13:20.880 like the two and two and four, such great agents. 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:27.720 They're fun, they talk, they they joke like, you know, yes, 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:34.320 even though like a million to wipe my butt, and 0:13:34.360 --> 0:13:36.840 she calls me Auntie Poopy to be funny, like Auntie Poopy, 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:39.199 and I'm just like, it's just it's just everything. They 0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:43.080 are everything. And I thought like, I, yes, Tiffany, you 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:45.640 do want this. I get the frustration, but I'm not 0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:49.480 we haven't come this far to give up. And so yeah, 0:13:49.520 --> 0:13:52.680 so I actually have to call my fertility doctor again. Uh. 0:13:52.840 --> 0:13:54.080 I was supposed to call today but I didn't. I'm 0:13:54.080 --> 0:13:57.800 gonna call tomorrow to say, Okay, what's next. I'm praying 0:13:58.000 --> 0:14:01.280 that this last scar tissue has really move the last 0:14:01.760 --> 0:14:04.680 scars that were inside my uterus, because what happens with 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:06.880 when you think about scars too, you should think about 0:14:06.880 --> 0:14:09.720 it as like almost like a scab that's holding part 0:14:09.720 --> 0:14:13.400 of your uterus together, and so you want an open, 0:14:13.520 --> 0:14:16.680 clear uterus so that way the baby has full space 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:19.080 to grow. But you've got like it's not like a 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:22.080 scab on the roof on the side, it's the scab, 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:24.920 it's holding one it's connecting one side of your unius 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:28.640 to the other. So almost like like so it's like 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:31.280 a balloon that you squeezed in the middle, so there's 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:32.840 no space for a baby to grow on one side 0:14:32.840 --> 0:14:34.400 of the bubble of the balloon or the other side 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:35.640 of the bubble of the boom. So they have to 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:38.840 remove that. And so I'm hoping that you know, when 0:14:38.840 --> 0:14:40.720 they go to look that they're like, yeah, it's all clear, 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:43.520 which is great. So I've already told myself, like I 0:14:43.520 --> 0:14:47.280 have three options. I'm gonna do one more cycle because 0:14:47.320 --> 0:14:48.600 if I you know, by now, if I do a 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:50.640 cycle and that we don't have any healthy embryos, and 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:53.840 it just means that my body's been basically like you know, 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:56.200 I don't know that the medicine is just not working. 0:14:56.520 --> 0:14:59.480 And then if that cycle doesn't yield any good embryos, 0:14:59.520 --> 0:15:03.440 I I still I do have one good embryo from 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:07.600 like a year ago that we froze, and so I'm 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:10.000 then after that, I'll just have them put that embryo in. 0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:12.880 If this cycle doesn't yield any fresh embryos, they'll put 0:15:12.880 --> 0:15:16.840 that embryo in and then prayerfully that embryo takes if 0:15:16.880 --> 0:15:19.360 the cycle, the next cycle doesn't yield anything, and then 0:15:19.400 --> 0:15:21.640 if that doesn't happen, I just told myself honestly, I 0:15:21.720 --> 0:15:23.960 think I'm just gonna try my hand at just us 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:29.840 trying naturally with a clear fiboard free scar tissue free uterus. 0:15:29.960 --> 0:15:33.400 So that's like the third because you can't try naturally 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:37.480 while you're doing IVF because they do test things sometimes 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:39.960 that could hurt a child if you don't even know 0:15:39.960 --> 0:15:41.760 you're pregnant. So let's just say me and Jerella trying 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:44.120 like naturally, and I happen to be pregnant and in 0:15:44.240 --> 0:15:45.640 three days and I don't even know. But then I 0:15:45.680 --> 0:15:47.880 go to the doctor and sometimes they do this thing 0:15:47.920 --> 0:15:51.040 where it's called the high hydro something where they literally 0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:54.600 fill your unius with water so they can see it fully, 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:57.200 so you don't want to drown your potential baby, you know. 0:15:57.160 --> 0:15:58.760 So you can't realize all that. 0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:01.720 Man, Oh my gosh, like this. There's one where they 0:16:01.880 --> 0:16:05.760 literally put ink inside you so and it like burns 0:16:06.000 --> 0:16:08.440 so they can see they can get a picture, like 0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:12.040 a clear picture of what your unus is looking like, 0:16:12.080 --> 0:16:13.800 so they can see all the scar tissues. When I 0:16:13.880 --> 0:16:17.160 tell you, whoo, if it wasn't for the budgetista, like 0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:19.720 I put it like in a section of my head 0:16:19.760 --> 0:16:22.600 of like like like on to do list, go to 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:24.560 the doctor in the morning, let them look in your 0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:27.720 vagina for the thousand times. Then I come home. Then 0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:30.000 I you know, like I because if not, it just 0:16:30.000 --> 0:16:31.760 will make you crazy. Like even hearing it coming from 0:16:31.760 --> 0:16:34.360 my mouth, I'm like, yo, this sounds crazy. But you 0:16:34.360 --> 0:16:36.120 can't look at it like that or you won't do it. 0:16:36.600 --> 0:16:39.560 And so but not everyone. So here's the thing. A 0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:42.160 friend of mine she did one cycle got pregnant, boom. 0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:45.240 So IVF doesn't look like this for everyone, Like I'm 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:49.440 just having a harder time than most. Quite honestly, it's 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:55.120 it's they say, IVF is typically sixty percent successful. So yeah, 0:16:55.480 --> 0:16:58.960 and not everyone sticks with it, honestly, because I'm really fortunate, 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:01.720 which I'm grateful of is that a superman might my husband, 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:06.920 his his benefits cover everything. I pay a ten dollars copay. 0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:08.880 Sometimes when I go to see the doctor, I don't 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:13.160 know if I've even spent two hundred dollars extraordinary, I mean, honestly, 0:17:13.480 --> 0:17:16.480 the blessing I'm blessed Mary, yeah m hm. So whenever 0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:20.280 I'm feeling super overwhelmed, I remind myself, like Tiffany, like 0:17:20.520 --> 0:17:24.520 you have probably spent over two hundred thousand not probably, 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:26.960 but this process would have cost me out of pocket 0:17:27.000 --> 0:17:30.879 over two hundred thousand dollars already already if if like 0:17:30.920 --> 0:17:33.560 you know, because I'll see the medicine. Sometimes the medicine 0:17:33.600 --> 0:17:36.040 list will come up and it'll say, all of these 0:17:36.040 --> 0:17:38.280 shots and everything, we're sending you eighty thousand dollars, but 0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:41.200 your your call pay for the medicine zero dollars. I 0:17:41.200 --> 0:17:45.560 don't even pay for the medicine. Yeah, so as much 0:17:45.680 --> 0:17:47.080 like you know, you don't have to cry for me, Argentina, 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:48.400 because I know it's hard, but I live a really 0:17:48.400 --> 0:17:52.480 blessed fortunate life because so many women don't have access 0:17:52.520 --> 0:17:54.720 to healthcare that would take care of this for them. 0:17:54.760 --> 0:17:59.119 So I don't know, pray for me. I feel hopeful 0:17:59.119 --> 0:18:00.800 because I'm just like, I do have one good embryo. 0:18:00.880 --> 0:18:03.440 My body has shown twice that it can indeed be pregnant. 0:18:03.720 --> 0:18:07.000 It's just like, I'm just creating the ideal environment and 0:18:07.040 --> 0:18:09.520 we already we have a healthy embryo. So even if 0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:12.520 this cycle doesn't yield a healthy embryo, that we do 0:18:12.600 --> 0:18:14.920 have one that we can implant and pray, pray, pray, pray, 0:18:14.960 --> 0:18:17.080 pray over it and not go anywhere and stay home 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:20.320 and relax and utsa and yeah. 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:24.320 But I just think they are goddamn superhero because that 0:18:24.440 --> 0:18:28.000 it just I mean. And you know, and I've been 0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:31.240 following Amy Schumer and I know she's going through She's 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:33.480 like sharing her IVF journey right now, and she's like, 0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:36.040 first of all, her Instagram page is hilarious. She's like 0:18:36.119 --> 0:18:40.800 the raw real motherhood anyway. But like the work that 0:18:41.320 --> 0:18:45.000 you're doing and so many women are doing too to 0:18:45.080 --> 0:18:49.679 have children, Like it's it's extraordinary and I want it for. 0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:53.080 You so bad and also you're going through it like 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:54.960 you know, I know sometimes like the secret shame and 0:18:55.040 --> 0:18:58.879 sometimes you just I share because and what I love honestly, 0:18:58.880 --> 0:19:02.480 ib our listens are so awesome because nobody hits me 0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:05.120 in the DMS and says, so it's got all the baby, 0:19:05.160 --> 0:19:07.680 So it's gonna because you guys have been so awesome 0:19:07.720 --> 0:19:10.120 in like letting me share when I want to share, 0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:12.080 and then when I don't, leaving it alone because sometimes 0:19:12.119 --> 0:19:14.800 it's too overwhelming. So so honestly, like our listeners been have 0:19:14.880 --> 0:19:19.640 been so so amazing that when I share, they reach out, 0:19:19.720 --> 0:19:21.960 you know, they you know, they ask me questions and 0:19:21.960 --> 0:19:23.520 then when I don't like I said, they leave it. 0:19:23.560 --> 0:19:25.679 And so that's been really great because sometimes it can 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:29.119 be really like overwhelming, like when someone's asking you know, 0:19:29.200 --> 0:19:30.960 when you're like, especially if you had a really bad 0:19:31.000 --> 0:19:33.040 doubt or you have you got the news, oh you 0:19:33.040 --> 0:19:36.520 need another scar movers surgery, and you're Likejesus, suck how 0:19:36.520 --> 0:19:38.080 many times you have to go down under Naesi? Because 0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:40.639 when you have to go under anesthesia, like put you 0:19:40.680 --> 0:19:42.760 to sleep, and you know that's a risk. Every time 0:19:42.800 --> 0:19:44.400 you get put to sleep, there is a chance you 0:19:44.440 --> 0:19:47.800 will not wake up. And so like it's just you know, 0:19:48.119 --> 0:19:50.040 so some days you have those days and you're like, 0:19:50.880 --> 0:19:52.159 I don't want to freak of talk about it, and 0:19:52.280 --> 0:19:54.639 other days I'm like, I don't mind talking about it 0:19:54.680 --> 0:19:57.399