1
00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:04,120
Speaker 1: Hi, Katherine, how are you doing. I'm amazing. I A

2
00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:06,600
Speaker 1: Oh good. I haven't been able to get warm for

3
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:09,640
Speaker 1: two days. I had a celery juice yesterday, which I

4
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,400
Speaker 1: used to drink all the time, but then I stopped

5
00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:14,480
Speaker 1: drinking it because I don't know who knows why I

6
00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:16,800
Speaker 1: do anything, And then uh, I drank it and I

7
00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:20,000
Speaker 1: have been cold since. Oh no, have you ever done

8
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,560
Speaker 1: one of those juice where you are fucking freezing by

9
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:27,280
Speaker 1: day three because you have no food in your system.

10
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:29,120
Speaker 1: I don't. Maybe there's something in the air because I've

11
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:31,720
Speaker 1: been hot, or at least when we were in New

12
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:36,479
Speaker 1: York together, I could not stop sweating. I was so hot.

13
00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:39,000
Speaker 1: Maybe it was the humidity, but it was like sixty

14
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:43,479
Speaker 1: four degrees and I just was so hot. Still, Yeah,

15
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:46,600
Speaker 1: that's annoying, too hot or cold? And then I guess

16
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:48,960
Speaker 1: the only thing about being cold that is annoying is

17
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,479
Speaker 1: that my nipples get so hard, and that's painful, you know,

18
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:55,360
Speaker 1: like I'm breastfeeding or something. That's a very annoying feeling.

19
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,080
Speaker 1: So I don't like that. But I do. I hate

20
00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,080
Speaker 1: when I go on stage, like if I don't have

21
00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,680
Speaker 1: the right jumpsuit of the right climate if I have

22
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,399
Speaker 1: too much material on and the air conditioning isn't on

23
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:07,080
Speaker 1: the up and up, and I have a real problem.

24
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:09,240
Speaker 1: I had to perform a few weeks ago in a

25
00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:14,199
Speaker 1: backyard outdoor barbecue for a corporate gig that I did,

26
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:18,600
Speaker 1: and that was very in Austin, and it was it

27
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:21,520
Speaker 1: was very moist. Is the word that I would use

28
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:25,960
Speaker 1: to describe that environment. Mois is a troubling word. Uh.

29
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,920
Speaker 1: Speaking of shows, So I have shows coming up, stand

30
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,160
Speaker 1: up shows. I just added thirty new stand up dates

31
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:36,080
Speaker 1: for areas all over the country, so make sure to

32
00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,039
Speaker 1: check those out. And there are still tickets for my

33
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,760
Speaker 1: second show in Nashville, where I'm taping my next special,

34
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:45,880
Speaker 1: directed by none other than my lover CHOKOI. Okay, So

35
00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:49,520
Speaker 1: I want to welcome our guest today, comedy writer, actor

36
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:53,000
Speaker 1: and host of the podcast I said, no gifts, please

37
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:56,920
Speaker 1: welcome Bridger Wineger. Hi, Bridger. How are you. I'm doing

38
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,280
Speaker 1: pretty well? How are you? I'm pretty well? You know

39
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,200
Speaker 1: Catherine because you're sitting right next to her, of course,

40
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,880
Speaker 1: so that helps that I wanted to talk about that

41
00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:09,480
Speaker 1: we have Mormonism in common somewhat. Oh sure, sure, I'm

42
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,480
Speaker 1: happy to talk about that I know that you came

43
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:14,040
Speaker 1: from a Mormon background, right, or you come from a

44
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:17,919
Speaker 1: Mormon background. I guess I kind of both of those things.

45
00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:21,440
Speaker 1: My family is Mormon. I grew up Mormon, no longer

46
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,960
Speaker 1: Mormon for a variety of factors, but the big one

47
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:31,560
Speaker 1: being my homosexuality, which is big no no for Mormonism. Yes,

48
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,480
Speaker 1: I didn't grow up Mormon, but my sister converted to Mormonism.

49
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:38,320
Speaker 1: My mother was Mormon, and then she dragged my sister

50
00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:42,160
Speaker 1: down to Mormonism with her, and then my sister slowly

51
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:44,840
Speaker 1: has snapped out of it over the years. When did

52
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:48,160
Speaker 1: your sister convert? Well, my brother passed away when we

53
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:51,400
Speaker 1: were a kids and she was older. And then, like

54
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:54,040
Speaker 1: they say that, you know, a lot of people come

55
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,040
Speaker 1: down with illness after somebody dies in their family, you know,

56
00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:01,440
Speaker 1: because of the internalization of everything. And so my sister

57
00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:04,040
Speaker 1: got LUPUS when she was in college and when she

58
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,720
Speaker 1: came home. Part of the ordeal of having that kind

59
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,960
Speaker 1: of and we believe it was misdiagnosed at this point

60
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,960
Speaker 1: because they put her on so many meds and so

61
00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,480
Speaker 1: many drugs that she was just a zombie basically for

62
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,639
Speaker 1: six months. She didn't leave the house. She lost all

63
00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:19,520
Speaker 1: her hair, she was on steroids. Her face, you know,

64
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,440
Speaker 1: it was she just as unrecognizable. And I think in

65
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:25,480
Speaker 1: that my mother thought, okay, let's you know, she had

66
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:28,280
Speaker 1: turned to religion after my brother died and then my sister.

67
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:29,800
Speaker 1: She thought that was kind of going to be the

68
00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:33,200
Speaker 1: self for her as well. So she converted my sister

69
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:37,080
Speaker 1: to Mormonism, and then my sister over time and once

70
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,480
Speaker 1: she had you know, got married and had a children

71
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:43,880
Speaker 1: of her own, I think realized the absurdity of Mormonism

72
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:47,960
Speaker 1: and how exclusionary it is. Oh yes, and wait, so

73
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:53,200
Speaker 1: did she marry a Mormon? And that was a good

74
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:58,680
Speaker 1: thing because he's not. It's always helpful to try and

75
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,640
Speaker 1: shake that out of your sister. Um. But yeah, growing up,

76
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:05,320
Speaker 1: it's funny that I meet so many Mormons that are homosexuals.

77
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:08,720
Speaker 1: It's like, I think those are the only Mormons that

78
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:13,240
Speaker 1: are gonna be coming into your I don't think you're

79
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:16,040
Speaker 1: gonna be getting any just regular Mormons. Yeah. I also

80
00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,960
Speaker 1: have an issue with the proselyticization, you know, the the

81
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:22,599
Speaker 1: the constant infringing on your personal space with talk of

82
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:26,239
Speaker 1: like what missionaries do showing up at your door teaching

83
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:29,080
Speaker 1: you the word. I have a problem with that kind

84
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,159
Speaker 1: of bullshit too. It's like, back the funk up and

85
00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:33,440
Speaker 1: I'll let you know what I'm interested in learning about.

86
00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:36,440
Speaker 1: Of course, I have an incredibly big problem with it

87
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:39,200
Speaker 1: because I did it. I went to I was in

88
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,640
Speaker 1: Malaysia doing it, and that was the breaking point for me.

89
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:45,360
Speaker 1: It was like, what am I doing? So what happened

90
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,640
Speaker 1: when you were there? Tell me about your breaking point.

91
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:51,640
Speaker 1: I grew up in Utah and my obviously my family

92
00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,680
Speaker 1: was Mormon, and in Utah, it's kind of just a

93
00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:56,719
Speaker 1: given if you're at least if you're male, that you'll

94
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,120
Speaker 1: be going on a Mormon mission when you turn At

95
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:00,760
Speaker 1: the time, it was when you would turn nineteen. I

96
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,040
Speaker 1: think it's younger now. But so even if you're not

97
00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:06,320
Speaker 1: that convinced of it, you're going to end up going

98
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:09,520
Speaker 1: somewhere for two years to do the proselytizing and trying

99
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,760
Speaker 1: to convince people to get on board. And also keep

100
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,920
Speaker 1: in mind for those people who don't know you're not well,

101
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,080
Speaker 1: correct me if I'm wrong, but you're you're not allowed

102
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,760
Speaker 1: to even call your parents right except on their birthday

103
00:05:19,839 --> 00:05:23,400
Speaker 1: or something. During this time, you get to. I believe

104
00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:27,880
Speaker 1: you get to call them on Mother's Day, uh and Christmas,

105
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,320
Speaker 1: and maybe I think like, and this is all of

106
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,719
Speaker 1: course based on my experience. I don't know even how

107
00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:38,280
Speaker 1: many years ago, fifteen something years ago, so I do

108
00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,160
Speaker 1: think they've kind of adjusted it, but not that much.

109
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:43,279
Speaker 1: You basically are cut off from the rest of the world.

110
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,560
Speaker 1: You can't watch TV, you can't listen to popular music,

111
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,920
Speaker 1: you can't read the news. It's essentially the one thing

112
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,000
Speaker 1: you get to read is the Book of Mormon or

113
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,599
Speaker 1: the Bible, and then the rest of the world is

114
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:56,960
Speaker 1: very unless you're like in a restaurant and there's a

115
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,600
Speaker 1: TV playing the news and you're like kind of stealing

116
00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:01,960
Speaker 1: as at what's going on in the outside world. You

117
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,600
Speaker 1: have no idea what's happening. Yeah, it's slightly eerily similar

118
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:10,080
Speaker 1: to The Handmaid's Tale, with less um forms. I guess seclusion,

119
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,960
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, you're also not allowed to have caffeine.

120
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:17,080
Speaker 1: You certainly can't have sex, no drugs or alcohol, which

121
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:19,040
Speaker 1: would be really hard to deal with if you I

122
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,200
Speaker 1: was going to become religious, that would be the first

123
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:28,120
Speaker 1: thing that I would need an exorbitant amount. Yeah. Yeah, well,

124
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,880
Speaker 1: before we get to all the fun stuff. We'll take

125
00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,480
Speaker 1: a quick break. Okay, sounds good, We'll be right back.

126
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:38,960
Speaker 1: And so what about your siblings. Are you in touch

127
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,800
Speaker 1: with your siblings at all? Oh? Yeah, I mean my

128
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,960
Speaker 1: family for the most part is like I came out

129
00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:49,920
Speaker 1: extremely late when I was thirty, largely because of Mormonism.

130
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:51,479
Speaker 1: I had left the church. I had been out of

131
00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:53,440
Speaker 1: it for maybe a decade before I came out. But

132
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,280
Speaker 1: the reason it took me so long as I was

133
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:57,680
Speaker 1: afraid I was going to lose my family or lose

134
00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:00,760
Speaker 1: connection with them. And then most of were oddly cool

135
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:04,440
Speaker 1: with it. My parents were very they were able to

136
00:07:04,480 --> 00:07:07,280
Speaker 1: catch on pretty quickly. And then some of my said,

137
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,520
Speaker 1: like my younger sister and I are like best friends,

138
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,560
Speaker 1: and I think she saw it coming and was totally

139
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,400
Speaker 1: cool with it. That I have two brothers who were

140
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:17,400
Speaker 1: on board for the most part, so it's uh. And

141
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:20,800
Speaker 1: then like extended family seems pretty good with it as well.

142
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,880
Speaker 1: It's been very surprising. Yeah, well that that sounds like

143
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:26,920
Speaker 1: a great experience then, right, because that's not the typical

144
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:30,400
Speaker 1: Mormon experience. I mean, it can really go in any direction,

145
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,000
Speaker 1: and that's what I was prepared for. So for it

146
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,840
Speaker 1: to have worked out this well, and for them to

147
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:37,120
Speaker 1: have embraced my boyfriend the way they have, it's been

148
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,440
Speaker 1: pretty amazing. Sometimes I'm like, does my mom still think

149
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,560
Speaker 1: this is a phase and that eventually I'll just break

150
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,200
Speaker 1: up with my boyfriend and then find a wife. But

151
00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,679
Speaker 1: I think for the most part, they've just been lovely.

152
00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,760
Speaker 1: And do you think that having to wait until your

153
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,840
Speaker 1: thirty coming out to your thirty, like, do you think

154
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:58,040
Speaker 1: that had idlitarious impact on your growth as a human

155
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:01,560
Speaker 1: being or do you feel like that was just your road?

156
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,960
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's I mean, it continues to impact

157
00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,560
Speaker 1: me within my relationship. I'm still like, there are still

158
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:12,080
Speaker 1: things I struggle with. Just intimacy in general with friends,

159
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,960
Speaker 1: with people in my life is still very difficult for

160
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,680
Speaker 1: me because I held so much from the people I

161
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,840
Speaker 1: loved for such a long time. It's hard for me

162
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,040
Speaker 1: to share feelings with even with my boyfriend. Will have

163
00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,840
Speaker 1: to drag information out of me because I'm just used

164
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,760
Speaker 1: to having this shield up, and then it affects other

165
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:34,320
Speaker 1: things too, just like making decisions. Just in general. I

166
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:37,200
Speaker 1: probably have another decade of therapy before I feel like

167
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:41,400
Speaker 1: I'll feel like a complete operating person. Yeah, And I

168
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:44,120
Speaker 1: think that is the point for any listeners who are

169
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:47,440
Speaker 1: parents with children who may come to you with a

170
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:51,200
Speaker 1: decision that you may not like or approve of, like

171
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:53,840
Speaker 1: you have to remember the impact that you're having on

172
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:56,720
Speaker 1: them for the rest of their lives postponing, you know,

173
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,120
Speaker 1: doing something at thirty that you could have done when

174
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,679
Speaker 1: you were twenty, or if you were really lucky and

175
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:05,280
Speaker 1: felt secure, and you know, even younger, you know you

176
00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:08,640
Speaker 1: could have been completely honest about your situation and not

177
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:12,199
Speaker 1: not have stunted your growth as an individual, as a

178
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:16,440
Speaker 1: sexual being, as somebody who could be vociferous about their

179
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:19,800
Speaker 1: feelings towards the same sex, and your pursuit of a

180
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:22,760
Speaker 1: relationship like these are all things that we should be

181
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,520
Speaker 1: able to be open about, and our family should be

182
00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:28,800
Speaker 1: open and loving, because that doesn't preclude you being a

183
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:32,320
Speaker 1: lovable person. That just means you have a different set

184
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:35,800
Speaker 1: of interests than your parents do, or that the people

185
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:39,360
Speaker 1: that you're surrounded with do, and prolonging that and stunting

186
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:43,400
Speaker 1: that has a negative impact on anybody's life. And that's

187
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,160
Speaker 1: something that would be helpful to remember and to think,

188
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:48,760
Speaker 1: especially when you disagree with somebody's lifestyle. It's like, as

189
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:52,360
Speaker 1: long as there's not doing anything harming another person, there's

190
00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:55,880
Speaker 1: no reason for your judgment to cloud your loving and

191
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,360
Speaker 1: acceptance of that person. Your love and acceptance of that person.

192
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,120
Speaker 1: So I would hope that anyone who finds out that

193
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:05,400
Speaker 1: they have a gay son or daughter or their son

194
00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:07,560
Speaker 1: or daughter is interested in things that they are not

195
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,400
Speaker 1: interested in to try and just accept and love that

196
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:15,400
Speaker 1: person for who they are and their individuality. Yeah, so

197
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:19,160
Speaker 1: your relationship, Now, you've been in a relationship for a bit, right, Yeah,

198
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,679
Speaker 1: I've been with my boyfriend for seven years. That's the

199
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:25,160
Speaker 1: lucky number, seven years. Do you feel a seven year

200
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:28,440
Speaker 1: itch or no? I feel like a thirty year which

201
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,040
Speaker 1: after the last two years of the pandemic, I truly

202
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,120
Speaker 1: feel like we could have celebrated like our twenty fifth

203
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,920
Speaker 1: anniversary this year, and it's like putting twenty years into

204
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,880
Speaker 1: a time capsule if you survived the pandemic together. Right,

205
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:44,439
Speaker 1: I mean, thank god, knock on wood, We're doing all right.

206
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:47,440
Speaker 1: But it's been a very challenging two years. I mean

207
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,199
Speaker 1: especially the first year of Like this is the one

208
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,880
Speaker 1: person I get to spend any time with. It can

209
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,599
Speaker 1: be a little it could be a little tough. Is

210
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:59,440
Speaker 1: that when you started your podcast. I started the podcast

211
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,920
Speaker 1: seven of twenty nineteen. We recorded our first episode. We

212
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:07,319
Speaker 1: banked sixteen episodes, and then we premiered on March twelve,

213
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:12,280
Speaker 1: which was like literally the day of Lockdown. So then

214
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:16,280
Speaker 1: it was this weird thing of like releasing sixteen weeks

215
00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:20,280
Speaker 1: of episodes that were recorded pre pandemic. The pandemic is

216
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,320
Speaker 1: not mentioned in any of them. It's like being sent

217
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:25,720
Speaker 1: from another universe essentially, And then was right into like

218
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,680
Speaker 1: getting on Zoom and being like, well, we'll only be

219
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,079
Speaker 1: doing this for three or four weeks and then we

220
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:33,160
Speaker 1: can get back into person. And now it's been two years. Yeah, right,

221
00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:35,840
Speaker 1: A lot has changed since the beginning of the pandemic.

222
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:38,400
Speaker 1: When we were washing our food with windex and when

223
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,640
Speaker 1: it got delivered to our house, I mean, we did

224
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:42,920
Speaker 1: a process where my niece was living with me and

225
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:45,360
Speaker 1: she would get the takeoff food. She has O c D,

226
00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:47,760
Speaker 1: so we'd let her clean the food and it was

227
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:50,280
Speaker 1: about forty five minutes before we could even get the

228
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,680
Speaker 1: packages open because she would cleave them for so long.

229
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,040
Speaker 1: And I look back at that time and think, what

230
00:11:55,160 --> 00:12:00,559
Speaker 1: a bunch of assholes. But we didn't know. It did

231
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,400
Speaker 1: feel like the Dark Ages for everyone was it's like

232
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:06,960
Speaker 1: superstition essentially. Yeah, And I have to say when that

233
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,280
Speaker 1: first happened, there was a sense of like, oh, it's

234
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:11,560
Speaker 1: like it was like a snow day for two weeks,

235
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,120
Speaker 1: Like the first time, you're like, oh, nobody can leave

236
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,760
Speaker 1: their house and nobody can socialize like I. That was

237
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,680
Speaker 1: such music to my ears, the idea that I was

238
00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:23,800
Speaker 1: forbidden from socializing or leaving my house because if it

239
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:25,880
Speaker 1: left to my own devices, I would love to just

240
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,840
Speaker 1: bop around in my own living room, popping a xanex

241
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:32,240
Speaker 1: here and there, taking mushrooms, reading books and watching TV.

242
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:35,800
Speaker 1: Because I'm being ordered to by the government. You know,

243
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:39,080
Speaker 1: there is no better lick, sir for me. But then

244
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,800
Speaker 1: obviously after the first initial two weeks, it started to

245
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,880
Speaker 1: get a little bit dicey. That's when people started to

246
00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,800
Speaker 1: get aunty. And then here we are, so hopefully we're

247
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:48,959
Speaker 1: on the tail end of things. So talk about your

248
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,280
Speaker 1: I Said No Gifts is your podcast. It's called I

249
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:54,040
Speaker 1: Said No Gifts. Tell us about your podcast because somebody

250
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:57,600
Speaker 1: brings a gift to your podcast even though the title

251
00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,679
Speaker 1: is to not bring gifts. That's exactly what it is.

252
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,960
Speaker 1: Once a week, somebody shows up with a gift that

253
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,920
Speaker 1: I did not request, and then it kind of, you know,

254
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,320
Speaker 1: a derail's conversation. We end up having to talk about

255
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:11,960
Speaker 1: whatever they brought me and how much you dislike it.

256
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:16,480
Speaker 1: Extremely frustrating. Yes, right, and so you got discovered by

257
00:13:16,559 --> 00:13:19,600
Speaker 1: Jimmy Kimmel. Is that right for you? I did? Yeah.

258
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,680
Speaker 1: I had been in l A for like four and

259
00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:24,760
Speaker 1: a half years and had been tweeting kind of as

260
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,280
Speaker 1: my job. I had been working as a p A

261
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,360
Speaker 1: and I was like, the one way out of this

262
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,280
Speaker 1: might be Twitter. I don't because I didn't really know

263
00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:33,240
Speaker 1: anyone in the industry or anything, and I was ready

264
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,400
Speaker 1: to give up. I was like, well, I gave it

265
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,000
Speaker 1: four and a half years, maybe it's time to move

266
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:40,640
Speaker 1: back to Utah. And maybe a month later Jimmy DMed

267
00:13:40,679 --> 00:13:42,840
Speaker 1: me and it was like I like your tweets and

268
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:48,440
Speaker 1: then hired me. It was wow, Yeah, truly I owe

269
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:52,400
Speaker 1: him so many things, like at this point I probably

270
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,400
Speaker 1: said that so much. He's like, back off, but I

271
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:59,199
Speaker 1: don't care. He's such a sweetheart and started my writing career.

272
00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:01,600
Speaker 1: Oh awesome. How long did you work there or do

273
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,400
Speaker 1: you still work there. Um No, I was there for

274
00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,480
Speaker 1: a year and a half and then I went and

275
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,520
Speaker 1: I worked on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and I've worked more

276
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:12,640
Speaker 1: in like scripted TV. Good for you, Good for you. Okay, Well,

277
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,439
Speaker 1: you know this is an advice podcast, right, so people

278
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,920
Speaker 1: call in asking for our advice and we're just going

279
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,480
Speaker 1: to give it to them straight Catherine, What what do

280
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,120
Speaker 1: you have in store for us today? Or what do

281
00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:24,800
Speaker 1: we have in store for us today? Well, we have

282
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:28,000
Speaker 1: some dramatic stuff, but I'm going to make you wait

283
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:31,040
Speaker 1: until after an ad break and then we'll get to it. Okay,

284
00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:32,800
Speaker 1: We're gonna take a break and we'll be right back,

285
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:41,520
Speaker 1: and we're back. We're back. So our first email today

286
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:45,640
Speaker 1: comes from Heather. Heather says, Dear Chelsea, I don't know

287
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:49,120
Speaker 1: how to tell my husband he fucking sucks at buying presents.

288
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:52,480
Speaker 1: I have to always send him links to gifts I want,

289
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:56,280
Speaker 1: which takes away all the surprise. He's a great husband, father,

290
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:59,120
Speaker 1: and best friend. I think it bothers me so much

291
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,800
Speaker 1: because I'm so thoughtful with my gift giving and take

292
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,440
Speaker 1: care of everything when it comes to birthdays and holidays.

293
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:07,760
Speaker 1: I buy all the gifts for the kids and his parents.

294
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,320
Speaker 1: I don't need expensive items. A card and flowers would

295
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:15,200
Speaker 1: be nice. But once he bought me Microsoft Office for

296
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:18,480
Speaker 1: students for my birthday and I couldn't stop crying for

297
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:22,080
Speaker 1: an hour because I was so disappointed. I was pregnant

298
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,680
Speaker 1: and hormonal and in grad school at the time. He's

299
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,360
Speaker 1: sensitive and I know his feelings will be hurt. How

300
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,640
Speaker 1: do I tell him I need more thoughtfulness when it

301
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:32,280
Speaker 1: comes to him buying me presents without sounding like a

302
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:37,360
Speaker 1: materialistic asshole. Heather, Okay, well, actually, yeah, this is your

303
00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:43,480
Speaker 1: wheelhouse gifts, unwanted gifts. Yeah. I mean, let's just first

304
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:46,680
Speaker 1: of all, say buying anyone Microsoft Office for any occasion

305
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:52,440
Speaker 1: as an attack, that is, if you will. I mean,

306
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:56,760
Speaker 1: there's no excuse there, Like that's just a flat out

307
00:15:56,840 --> 00:16:00,200
Speaker 1: bad gift. But we should also say to Heather, some

308
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:03,800
Speaker 1: people are I think, are just not good at giving gifts.

309
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,800
Speaker 1: It's a skill. It's like not being good at playing

310
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,960
Speaker 1: the piano. It's like you can't be mad at somebody

311
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:10,600
Speaker 1: for not being able to play the piano. But this

312
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:14,000
Speaker 1: guy sounds somehow worse than not being good at gifts,

313
00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:21,160
Speaker 1: because he's like Microsoft Office. But giving gifts is so important,

314
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,200
Speaker 1: especially if that's your love language. I mean, I know

315
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:26,760
Speaker 1: a friend of mine who a series of bad gifts.

316
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,040
Speaker 1: It wasn't just one, but a series of bad gifts,

317
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,360
Speaker 1: and lack of thought about these gifts was one of

318
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,000
Speaker 1: the things that led directly to her breakup. For example,

319
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:39,080
Speaker 1: for a significant birthday, this guy had gone to the

320
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,320
Speaker 1: jewelry store and bought her something that was just like

321
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:44,400
Speaker 1: kind of weird and sort of dowdy, and he gave

322
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,000
Speaker 1: it to her, and as she's trying to sort of

323
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,160
Speaker 1: like put on a happy face and like say thank you,

324
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,200
Speaker 1: he goes, oh, well, yeah, I know it's not really

325
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,320
Speaker 1: your style, but the jewelry store was closing, so I

326
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,920
Speaker 1: just had to pick something. Like I actually said that,

327
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,280
Speaker 1: like truly, I think there are people who are just

328
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,000
Speaker 1: really bad at that, and for some people it's a

329
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:05,720
Speaker 1: really important thing. Right. This might sound judgy, and so

330
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,320
Speaker 1: be it. I would just argue, like, if gifts are

331
00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:11,199
Speaker 1: that fucking important to you, then that's a need for

332
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,480
Speaker 1: some reevaluation, you know, because like you said, I like

333
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,639
Speaker 1: what you said about being bad at playing the piano,

334
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,600
Speaker 1: Like it is a skill set and some people don't

335
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:21,000
Speaker 1: have all the skill sets. It shouldn't be the basis

336
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,760
Speaker 1: of whether or not you stay with or break up

337
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:26,800
Speaker 1: with somebody. And to to the question to Heather, I'm

338
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,200
Speaker 1: sure your husband has caught onto the fact you mean

339
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:34,520
Speaker 1: that you're not impressed, because you cited various examples of that.

340
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,480
Speaker 1: But in a very loving way, what you can ask

341
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:41,359
Speaker 1: him for is something that shows love, you know, something

342
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:45,320
Speaker 1: that shows your intimacy and that demonstrates that he knows

343
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:49,280
Speaker 1: and sees you. And Microsoft word or a blender are

344
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:52,639
Speaker 1: the same thing in that category. My driver, Billy is

345
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:54,680
Speaker 1: the worst gift giver ever with his wife. And this

346
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,760
Speaker 1: is a lot of straight men's problem, like they don't

347
00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,600
Speaker 1: have that attention to detail, you know, they don't care.

348
00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,280
Speaker 1: That mean the guy leaving the jewelry store like, oh

349
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:05,800
Speaker 1: I just got that. It actually sounds like the person

350
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,879
Speaker 1: that your friend is, Catherine that you're talking about. It

351
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:12,040
Speaker 1: sounds like their partners like you know what, fuck you?

352
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:15,160
Speaker 1: And maybe that was what really looked Yeah maybe so.

353
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,000
Speaker 1: But for Heather, you can say in a loving way

354
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,439
Speaker 1: like it doesn't have to be a big production, but

355
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,200
Speaker 1: it has to be something that you've thought, given thought

356
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:26,520
Speaker 1: to about what my reaction will be something that you

357
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:29,119
Speaker 1: know that I'll enjoy. I just need to show. I

358
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:32,440
Speaker 1: need you to demonstrate your thought and care for me, right,

359
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,720
Speaker 1: And that's not something that's going to blow up. You

360
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,680
Speaker 1: don't have to have an argument about it. It's just like, please,

361
00:18:38,119 --> 00:18:41,040
Speaker 1: you know, instead of crying. I understand you were pregnant

362
00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:43,359
Speaker 1: and your emotions and hormones were all over the map,

363
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:46,040
Speaker 1: but like, that's not the way to make your point either.

364
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,200
Speaker 1: The point is just to say, like, listen, I need

365
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,560
Speaker 1: you to demonstrate and give them some examples of things

366
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:53,320
Speaker 1: that would make you happy, noticing something that you need

367
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:56,119
Speaker 1: or that you're missing, or that something that you've mentioned

368
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:59,840
Speaker 1: you've liked before or on a friend or something like that.

369
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:04,760
Speaker 1: You can give the examples and also not hold everyone

370
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,000
Speaker 1: to the standard that they're going to be the best

371
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,199
Speaker 1: gift giver. I'm sure your husband has other qualities that

372
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:13,560
Speaker 1: you enjoy, and you should really start focusing a little

373
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,919
Speaker 1: bit more on those things. Yeah, a rule in my

374
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:20,120
Speaker 1: marriage is I don't want something I need. I want

375
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,000
Speaker 1: something I want which maybe i'll love actually quote, but

376
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,920
Speaker 1: he steers towards those things, whereas he wants like an

377
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:30,200
Speaker 1: ice maker for the kitchen, like he wants stuff that's useful,

378
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:35,119
Speaker 1: and yeah he wants hobby stuff. Yeah. My general thought

379
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:39,200
Speaker 1: is I just am very loud about the few material

380
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:42,200
Speaker 1: things I like to my boyfriend. I make it very clear.

381
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:45,520
Speaker 1: They're like three categories. I just repeat them over and over,

382
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,840
Speaker 1: especially near holidays or my birthday, and it makes it

383
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:50,919
Speaker 1: easy for him. He's not a great gift giver, and

384
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,120
Speaker 1: he he is a decent gift giver, but because I've

385
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,360
Speaker 1: given him all of the information and the tools, gave

386
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,720
Speaker 1: him some basic building blocks and let him go ahead

387
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:00,720
Speaker 1: with it. Yeah, I'm not going to give giving. I'm

388
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:02,760
Speaker 1: luckily I have an assistant who does that for me

389
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:05,720
Speaker 1: and then kind of does small amounts of research with

390
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,199
Speaker 1: my relationships to find out what those people need. But

391
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,360
Speaker 1: if I didn't have that, I wouldn't be great at

392
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,720
Speaker 1: it with Joe. Had one milestone with him, which is Christmas,

393
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,480
Speaker 1: and I got him a fancy watch because I know

394
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,919
Speaker 1: he loves watches. But I'm already like, funk, what am

395
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:19,520
Speaker 1: I going to do for his birthday? Like that was

396
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 1: my one gift, that's my one idea. I mean, he

397
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,479
Speaker 1: loves sneakers, but he buys himself pairs of those like

398
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,600
Speaker 1: all day long. So I'm already like, oh and he

399
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:29,960
Speaker 1: got me you know what he got me for my

400
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,720
Speaker 1: birthday just that just recently passed. He got me this

401
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,879
Speaker 1: because I said, please, don't get me a gift. Please.

402
00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 1: You know, I don't care about gifts. I have everything

403
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,719
Speaker 1: I need and I don't want for anything. And so

404
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:43,280
Speaker 1: he got me this huge amethyst stone that's got good

405
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 1: vibes and all of that. And I was like, oh God,

406
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,120
Speaker 1: that really made me think I better step my game

407
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,119
Speaker 1: up because that was a great gift, something I didn't

408
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,360
Speaker 1: know I needed. But of course I would welcome into

409
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,080
Speaker 1: my home. I always want positive vibes around me, you know,

410
00:20:56,320 --> 00:21:00,159
Speaker 1: especially with my nuggetive attitude. Now, let me ask if

411
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,359
Speaker 1: he had just straight up not gotten you anything, how

412
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:06,400
Speaker 1: would you have reacted? Um, would you have felt kind of?

413
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,040
Speaker 1: I wouldn't. I just don't care about that. I don't.

414
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,560
Speaker 1: I mean, it's nice to get gifts, and I appreciate it,

415
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:16,879
Speaker 1: but I don't require it. I'm going to get myself

416
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:19,399
Speaker 1: whatever I need. You know, I'm an independent woman, and

417
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,359
Speaker 1: I've been doing it for so long that it's going

418
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,760
Speaker 1: to take me a while to be able to really

419
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 1: like loosen up and get excited. That's the thing. I

420
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:30,080
Speaker 1: don't get excited about gifts, so I feel like it's fake.

421
00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:33,440
Speaker 1: When I opened them, I have to go, oh my god,

422
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 1: oh my god, I love this. Like that is the

423
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 1: part that I desire the least. What would you say

424
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,720
Speaker 1: your love language is? What are the love languages? Again,

425
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,320
Speaker 1: there's acts of service, so it's like doing things around

426
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:52,600
Speaker 1: the house. There are words of affirmation, quality time is one,

427
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:58,400
Speaker 1: gift giving and physical touch. Physical touch, I would say

428
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:01,240
Speaker 1: quality time is my love languag Yeah, I would say

429
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:05,040
Speaker 1: probably acts of service. Yeah, I feel like that going

430
00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:07,520
Speaker 1: both ways is a nice thing you can do and

431
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 1: it helps the other person. It's always personal. Yeah, yeah,

432
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,159
Speaker 1: that's a good one too. I do that too. I

433
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,439
Speaker 1: like to show up for people, you know, especially when

434
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 1: they're in need, make sure they know they're not alone,

435
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:24,480
Speaker 1: that kind of thing, and so few people do that. Yeah, right, exactly,

436
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 1: it's not a two way street a lot of the time. Well, Heather,

437
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:30,960
Speaker 1: I would say, like, look into what your husband's love

438
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 1: languages are. Let him know that gift giving might be

439
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,639
Speaker 1: really important to you. Also, if all else feels like

440
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:40,000
Speaker 1: recruited girlfriend to be like hey, here's what she wants.

441
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 1: Get this thing so it still feels like a surprise

442
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:47,440
Speaker 1: to you, but or like one of your kids, right yeah,

443
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,160
Speaker 1: or just say write me a nice card and give

444
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:53,200
Speaker 1: me money. Then I'll just buy the damn thing. Yeah.

445
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,440
Speaker 1: Actually I say that all the time. I'm like, please,

446
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 1: just write me a card. I love that that. I

447
00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:59,439
Speaker 1: love to read a card. I love words and I

448
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:02,160
Speaker 1: love language. That always moves you when you can read

449
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:08,480
Speaker 1: something sweet about yourself. Make a list of my best qualities,

450
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,639
Speaker 1: put in a card with money, and then write a

451
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,480
Speaker 1: fucking poem. I'm rhyming them all. Okay, get on it

452
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,399
Speaker 1: all right, Well, Heatherlow's know how it goes. And if

453
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 1: you get better gifts maybe next time. Yeah, we are

454
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:23,880
Speaker 1: going to take a quick break so you can hear

455
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:30,159
Speaker 1: and add and then we'll be right back. Well, we

456
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 1: have a couple of colors with us today. Our next

457
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 1: question comes from Ezra. He says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing

458
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:39,880
Speaker 1: to you about a problem I'm having with this one

459
00:23:39,960 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 1: friend who I think doesn't understand certain cues. She and

460
00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:45,359
Speaker 1: I have been friends for about four years. It's a

461
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:47,239
Speaker 1: solid friendship, but I think there are things we can

462
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:50,439
Speaker 1: work on She's known my boyfriend for about three years

463
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,679
Speaker 1: and she gets along with him well. Him and I

464
00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:55,439
Speaker 1: have been together for about seven years. She made a

465
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,920
Speaker 1: point to me that she considers him a friend separate

466
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,960
Speaker 1: to me, which I'm totally cool with. My problem is

467
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,880
Speaker 1: sometimes I'd ask her to hang out and she'd say

468
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 1: she's busy at the moment, but later would text my

469
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 1: boyfriend to hang out at a bar with her and

470
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,360
Speaker 1: her boyfriend so they can all hang out watch sports

471
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 1: except for me. Now. I don't know if it's intentional,

472
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,440
Speaker 1: but it makes me and my boyfriend really uncomfortable. He'd

473
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 1: come to me with the text and he wouldn't know

474
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:22,240
Speaker 1: what to do out of respect for me. I personally

475
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,600
Speaker 1: think it's weird and hurts my feelings a little bit

476
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,960
Speaker 1: because I always include her boyfriend when we're doing a

477
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,439
Speaker 1: group thing. I love that she loves my boyfriend, and

478
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,440
Speaker 1: I don't want to make it an awkward thing between us.

479
00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:34,399
Speaker 1: She's very German and can sometimes be a bit bitchy,

480
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 1: but I can too. What do you think I should do? Sincerely, Ezra?

481
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:41,800
Speaker 1: And he's here with his boyfriend Nathan. Oh hi guys, go,

482
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:46,480
Speaker 1: Oh my god, two bears. I love it than you

483
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 1: are you guys on a standing. Oh my god, you

484
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:52,040
Speaker 1: guys are so cute. Look at this double the fun

485
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. Yeah, I think that's weird.

486
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,719
Speaker 1: I mean, it's so funny that you say she's German

487
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 1: because that I'm German. And I know exactly what you mean.

488
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 1: I know exactly that kind of abrupt social cluelessness that

489
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 1: comes with that. A lot of my family members have

490
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,320
Speaker 1: it or they're just like, it's a little harsh, but

491
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,199
Speaker 1: it doesn't make sense for her to be doing that.

492
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:21,480
Speaker 1: It is exclusionary, like especially if you have the foundational

493
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:24,679
Speaker 1: relationship with her, which you do, right, which one of

494
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:27,719
Speaker 1: which one of you has the relationship with her. She's

495
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,800
Speaker 1: my friend, okay, and she's been friends with you way

496
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 1: before you were in this relationship. Okay. So yeah, that

497
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:40,359
Speaker 1: is weird and and and there's a nice way to say,

498
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:42,960
Speaker 1: and it should come from both of you. Hey makes

499
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:46,879
Speaker 1: us both uncomfortable. It's not you being paranoid or jealous.

500
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,440
Speaker 1: It's like we're both a little bit weirded out by that,

501
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 1: because why would one of you want to go hang

502
00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,239
Speaker 1: out with them as a couple without both of you, Like,

503
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 1: what what is you're not a throuble. Yeah, it's really

504
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:02,160
Speaker 1: strange that she's doing that because we're totally fine hanging

505
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,520
Speaker 1: out with a group like all together, and she's been

506
00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:08,720
Speaker 1: doing that like recently. Yeah, in the last like year,

507
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 1: I would say, she's been reaching out to us, like

508
00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 1: reaching out to each of us individually, especially me, and

509
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 1: kind of like, what did it do? Yeah, it just

510
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 1: feels off. So and I don't know if like I

511
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 1: should be the one to like say because she reaches

512
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,159
Speaker 1: out to me, or like he should bring it up.

513
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,240
Speaker 1: Like it's kind of like you say no every time

514
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,400
Speaker 1: to her. I say no because I'm like, I don't

515
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 1: want to make it awkward. I think there's a little

516
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 1: I mean, you could do that too. I mean somebody

517
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 1: should say something to her. I like the idea of

518
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:38,679
Speaker 1: you guys going together as a united front so she

519
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 1: doesn't get it twisted and moving forward that she understands

520
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 1: you guys are a pair, you're a unit, you're a couple,

521
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,080
Speaker 1: and there's no more of that. And as a united front,

522
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 1: it's like parenting, you know, an arrant child like then

523
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:54,160
Speaker 1: there's no question about what the next move is. I mean,

524
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:56,119
Speaker 1: do you feel comfortable sending in an email or just

525
00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 1: like having is it something that you would sit down

526
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:00,479
Speaker 1: and have a conversation with her about? Is like she

527
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 1: kind of she didn't bring it up, and she is

528
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:06,400
Speaker 1: like anything, he's never available. She's like, it's it's weird.

529
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 1: He keeps blowing her off. And I guess that was

530
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:12,240
Speaker 1: like my way into say, like, by the way, I

531
00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,960
Speaker 1: think this is a little strange, but I just kind

532
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 1: of frozen. I just kind of like, yeah, I think

533
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 1: it's just it's just busy or maybe he feels weird

534
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:21,640
Speaker 1: about And then she didn't say anything and she kept

535
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 1: doing it afterwards, So yeah, yeah, I think in person

536
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 1: is probably the best way, just because then we can

537
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:31,520
Speaker 1: like see her and have the conversation and not getting

538
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 1: miss misconstrued with texts and stuff. You know. Yeah, Bridget,

539
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,840
Speaker 1: what do you think? Well, Azra, I don't want to

540
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:40,679
Speaker 1: point any fingers, but maybe you're a little at fault

541
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 1: for getting a boyfriend that she likes more than you.

542
00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 1: Is it like, did you think about that before entering

543
00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:51,800
Speaker 1: this relationship. I feel like this woman socially is just

544
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:56,399
Speaker 1: very strange. She is, Yeah, what are either of you

545
00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:59,879
Speaker 1: getting out of this? She's very direct and she's just

546
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,879
Speaker 1: say things sometimes and like some of her reactions. Sometimes

547
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:06,119
Speaker 1: I'm like, if I ever crossed her, there's gonna be

548
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 1: like this, She's gonna do something really drastic. So I

549
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:11,680
Speaker 1: try not to like get on her back. So even

550
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 1: though like I really do like her as a friend,

551
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 1: have great conversations, and I love her honesty, but yeah,

552
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:20,359
Speaker 1: there's a part of I mean that I don't comfortable

553
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:24,520
Speaker 1: with everything with her yet Yeah, well, hey, she should

554
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 1: not have that kind of power over you. She's a friend,

555
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,639
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, She's not your employer, and

556
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 1: that your employer should even have that kind of power

557
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 1: over you. So yeah, that's why it's even better to

558
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 1: go at her with the United Front. Bridger, I'm sorry

559
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 1: I interrupted you. I couldn't control myself. Well, it's a

560
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,160
Speaker 1: very odd situation. I mean, if you love conversations with her,

561
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:44,760
Speaker 1: she seems like a bad friend, but she could make

562
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 1: a good like co host to a podcast. The three

563
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 1: of you could host that conversations and then you know

564
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 1: you're scheduling everything together. It's very formal, and she, you know,

565
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 1: I feel like she's trying to drive a wedge between

566
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 1: the two of you. And if you've got a podcast contract.

567
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 1: There's more lea of issues that she's going to have

568
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:04,280
Speaker 1: to get around. I'm just setting up some I'm thinking

569
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 1: about some outside the box options because this woman seems

570
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 1: out of control yet I also wonder if you could

571
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:16,040
Speaker 1: just joke with her and be like, why do you

572
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,640
Speaker 1: keep doing that? That's so silly, and then start a

573
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 1: group chat a group text chain. So it's like, come,

574
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 1: ask us both if we want to hang out and Ezra,

575
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:27,320
Speaker 1: like you had mentioned on our call together, they like

576
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,240
Speaker 1: sports a little bit more than you do, but like

577
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 1: it's still will be fun to be invited. So like

578
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:34,760
Speaker 1: just be like, girl, like, why don't you I'll come too,

579
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,040
Speaker 1: even if I'm not into sports. You know, yeah, but

580
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 1: you know what I will say. I I know what

581
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:40,880
Speaker 1: you're saying, Catherine, But I find with people like who

582
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 1: are direct and abrupt, they respect being. You know, when

583
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:47,920
Speaker 1: you're direct and abrupt with them, they don't expect it

584
00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:50,160
Speaker 1: because they know that they've got power over you. They

585
00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 1: know she knows she's intimidating, she knows that she's a

586
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:55,320
Speaker 1: strong personality. So if you come back at her with

587
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 1: the two of you in the United Front and you're

588
00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:02,000
Speaker 1: actually very direct about it, there's no room for an misinterpretation. Yeah, yeah,

589
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 1: it's like you have to bully a bully almost. Yeah,

590
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 1: I didn't think about their approach, but no, I didn't

591
00:30:10,640 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 1: go for it. Yeah, yeah, don't be worried about retaliation

592
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 1: or getting on her bad side. That's not a friendship

593
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:20,360
Speaker 1: anyway if you feel that way. So this is gonna

594
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 1: be a good exercise for you guys, for you as

595
00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:24,720
Speaker 1: or two. If you feel that way about her, it's

596
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 1: good to stand up to a bully in a way,

597
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, I know bully is a strong

598
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:30,520
Speaker 1: word for what she she's doing, but it is a

599
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 1: little bit bullish. And news is if she blows up,

600
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:38,240
Speaker 1: she's losing two friends. And you've eat you're losing half

601
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 1: a friend. So you have numbers on your side here.

602
00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:44,239
Speaker 1: It's a good that's a good thing to tell her

603
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 1: to you're half a friend. It was my way to

604
00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 1: deal with it. We're just to not because I haven't

605
00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 1: reached out her, right Also, I haven't seen her. Was

606
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,600
Speaker 1: just like I didn't go sir, I just don't. I

607
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 1: haven't reached out because I just have been feeling weird

608
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,600
Speaker 1: towards her, and I know she's told you happy for

609
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:00,080
Speaker 1: a day a couple of days ago, and she's that

610
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,960
Speaker 1: she wanted to hang. Yeah, but I haven't heard from rest.

611
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 1: She's kind of am I right now. So we're if

612
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 1: she comes back, have a conversation with her together. I

613
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:17,120
Speaker 1: think that's a good Yeah. Yeah, yeah, sounds good. That

614
00:31:17,160 --> 00:31:19,800
Speaker 1: sounds good. Let us know how that goes. Well, we'll

615
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:30,720
Speaker 1: thank you. Okay, you guys got sex okay, by Okay, Well,

616
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:34,920
Speaker 1: that woman sounds like what is that? What is that behavior? Yeah?

617
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 1: So weird. You're not going to figure it out like

618
00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 1: they lived together. I know, I know. It seems a

619
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:46,840
Speaker 1: little bit twisty. Yeah, there's some psychosexuality happening there. It's

620
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:53,920
Speaker 1: it seems dangerous psychosexuality. That's a good term for this podcast. Psychosexuality.

621
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 1: Define that for me Briger, what is psychosexuality? I feel

622
00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:00,479
Speaker 1: like there's just some real basic instinct tie. You know,

623
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 1: somebody's going to end up. There's some danger. Somebody is

624
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 1: playing games, mind games games. Yes, I agree with that.

625
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 1: She obviously knows what she's doing. Yes, And she's got

626
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,120
Speaker 1: two very attractive men that she can kind of toy

627
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 1: with and she's using them as her pawns. Yeah, those

628
00:32:20,240 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 1: two are very cute as many times as I can

629
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 1: during this Yes, Well, our next call comes from m

630
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:32,440
Speaker 1: she's thirty three. Dear Chelsea, I have a huge crush

631
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,760
Speaker 1: on my personal trainer, and I don't know if I

632
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 1: should do anything about it. I've been training with him

633
00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:41,320
Speaker 1: for six months and my feelings haven't changed. I'm aware

634
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 1: in his type of work he gets to know all

635
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:45,080
Speaker 1: his clients and that it's part of his job to

636
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:48,040
Speaker 1: help them feel good. But I almost feel like sometimes

637
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 1: he's trying to see how I'll respond to some things,

638
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,640
Speaker 1: maybe find out if I'm liking him to or if

639
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,200
Speaker 1: it's all just fun and flirty and nothing more. I

640
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,000
Speaker 1: know this probably happens a lot with people in the

641
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,600
Speaker 1: fitness industry, but he doesn't seem like the type of

642
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 1: trainer out here just to hook up with clients. On

643
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,480
Speaker 1: the other hand, he's the best personal trainer I've ever

644
00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:07,560
Speaker 1: worked with. He teaches me a lot. We talked about nutrition.

645
00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:10,400
Speaker 1: He really keeps me on track, and I'm finally seeing results.

646
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:12,480
Speaker 1: So part of me doesn't want to ruin a good

647
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:14,720
Speaker 1: thing by opening my fat mouth. I feel like a

648
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 1: little girl with a schoolyard crush, and it's getting to

649
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 1: the point where it's consuming my thoughts day today and

650
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:22,200
Speaker 1: becoming a major distraction. I need to know if I

651
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:24,320
Speaker 1: should let this go or tell him how I feel.

652
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 1: M How long did she say that she's been having

653
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,959
Speaker 1: these feelings and how long have they been training? Six months?

654
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:35,240
Speaker 1: The whole time she's had a crush on him, right, yes, right, um, yeah,

655
00:33:35,280 --> 00:33:40,440
Speaker 1: that's right. Hi a Joe KOI swat and I love it.

656
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:47,320
Speaker 1: I thought you'd appreciate that. H Hi, Hi, how are you?

657
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 1: I'm great? How are you? Thank good having me Bridgers

658
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 1: here today? He is our special guest and then Catherine

659
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 1: is my co host, so say hello to them. Okay,

660
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:00,720
Speaker 1: so you've been training with him for six months and

661
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:03,600
Speaker 1: you felt this way since you started training with him. Yeah,

662
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 1: that's right. I actually had a trainer at the same

663
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:10,440
Speaker 1: GYMP previously and she moved on to another role and

664
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 1: I had the opportunity to pick my trainer, and I like,

665
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 1: you know, I had taken classes with him and kind

666
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:17,840
Speaker 1: of knew like he had a cool personality and everything.

667
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:19,880
Speaker 1: And then once we started having like our one on

668
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 1: one sessions, I was like, oh, okay, I think I

669
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 1: think a little bit more about him. You know, are

670
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:31,480
Speaker 1: you from New Jersey or Philly, South Jersey. Yeah. Action,

671
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 1: She said, you sound like my old roommate Colleen, who

672
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 1: we had on the podcast. That's funny. Uh. Well, Roger,

673
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 1: do you want to go first on this one and

674
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:43,719
Speaker 1: then I'll chime in. Well, let's just say first of all,

675
00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 1: finding a decent trainer at all is such a nightmare.

676
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:48,359
Speaker 1: So the fact that you found one that you like,

677
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:51,680
Speaker 1: you liked him from the day one. He must be

678
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:55,520
Speaker 1: good looking. Yeah, So have you had any conversations outside

679
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 1: of anything that you know about his outside life outside

680
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 1: of being of the lift weights or to cardio. Yeah.

681
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:05,160
Speaker 1: During your sessions sometimes will talk personally, just kind of

682
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:06,839
Speaker 1: get to know each other. But I feel like that's

683
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:10,720
Speaker 1: probably typical getting to know your clients. Sometimes they'll text

684
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:13,840
Speaker 1: outside of the gym, but it's always gym related, nutrition

685
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:17,600
Speaker 1: related things like that, So it's still kind of keeping

686
00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:21,640
Speaker 1: it professional, right, And it would it be a huge

687
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 1: loss if he went away as a trainer. That's the thing.

688
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:27,000
Speaker 1: I feel like, it's really hard to find a good trainer.

689
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 1: So that's why I'm like I'm torn inside on like

690
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 1: what I want to if I want to do anything here,

691
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:37,319
Speaker 1: because yeah, I think there's plenty of great trainers out there. Okay, Well,

692
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:41,799
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just my initial gut instinct is he's not

693
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 1: your therapist. You know, this is a guy you're at

694
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:48,920
Speaker 1: the gym. I think that it's okay at least flirting

695
00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:51,799
Speaker 1: with the idea of asking him to hang out. I

696
00:35:51,840 --> 00:35:55,200
Speaker 1: think that's perfectly fair, and if it goes south, you'll

697
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 1: move on to another trainer. Chelsea, what do you think

698
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:00,440
Speaker 1: of this situation? Okay, I'm going to just agree with

699
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:03,239
Speaker 1: you because I think a good trainer, especially now that

700
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 1: you're seeing results and you're getting your act together, and

701
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 1: that he's doubling as a nutritionist, I think all of

702
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 1: those are such valuable components to have in your life

703
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 1: because they will shift everything that's happening in your life.

704
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:17,720
Speaker 1: When you're healthier and you're stronger, Like there's a mental

705
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:20,920
Speaker 1: gradation that happens, and you're just kind of now starting

706
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:22,920
Speaker 1: to feel it. Six months isn't that long of a

707
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 1: time if something is going to develop between you two.

708
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 1: I mean, your feelings may pass, is what I'm saying.

709
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 1: A lot of people have crushes on their trainers, and

710
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 1: then after nine months, three more months could happen you'll

711
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:34,799
Speaker 1: be like, what was I thinking? You know, So, don't

712
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:38,319
Speaker 1: sacrifice a relationship that's working for what it is on

713
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 1: the surface. It's working for what you hired him for, right,

714
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 1: he's working in that sense. Don't sacrifice that for six

715
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,719
Speaker 1: months of like a feeling you have. You just have

716
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:49,719
Speaker 1: a crush on your trainer. That's not a big deal.

717
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 1: You'll probably get over it. If you're not over it

718
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:55,480
Speaker 1: in a year, things will develop and progress. If it's

719
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 1: a mutual thing. Naturally, if he's into you, you'll find

720
00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:01,320
Speaker 1: out about that at some point as you become closer

721
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:03,360
Speaker 1: and as you guys spend more and more time together.

722
00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 1: But I would take the benefits of having a good

723
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:09,200
Speaker 1: trainer over the benefits of exposing your question maybe having

724
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:11,440
Speaker 1: to get a new one just when things are clicking

725
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:14,680
Speaker 1: on that level. Right, And to that point, I will say,

726
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:17,880
Speaker 1: you're only interacting with him in a professional way. For

727
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:22,080
Speaker 1: all we know outside of the professional atmosphere, he's horrible.

728
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:26,319
Speaker 1: He's giving you his very best self, so you're gonna

729
00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:29,400
Speaker 1: have and he's probably he's probably in shape, he is

730
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,800
Speaker 1: obviously good looking. And then you go to his apartment

731
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,320
Speaker 1: it's a total ship hole, and uh, this guy is

732
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 1: obnoxious and you have nothing in common. That's the risk

733
00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:42,759
Speaker 1: you're taking here. Yeah, he might just be great at

734
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 1: getting you in shape and like he's pleasant enough. Yeah,

735
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,279
Speaker 1: and also as time goes on, you know, Yeah, there's

736
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:51,040
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with saying, hey, do you want to join

737
00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:52,560
Speaker 1: me in a group of friends or do you want

738
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:54,400
Speaker 1: to go to a concert or whatever you're interested in

739
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 1: doing with him and get a read on it, you know.

740
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,120
Speaker 1: But you don't have to be like, I have feelings

741
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 1: for you, you know what I mean. You can kind

742
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,240
Speaker 1: of get your answer without digging too deep. But focus

743
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:05,799
Speaker 1: on all the good things you're getting out of the

744
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 1: relationship and beat content and happy with that because a

745
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 1: lot of people work a long time to get a

746
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:12,760
Speaker 1: good trainer and to get healthy and to get stronger,

747
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:14,480
Speaker 1: and that's going to be a benefit you more than

748
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:17,480
Speaker 1: anything else that we're talking about right now. Yeah. Yeah, No,

749
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:19,439
Speaker 1: that's really good advice. And it's one of those things

750
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 1: I've been thinking about. It's like, I don't necessarily want

751
00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 1: to go out of my way and say, hey, you know,

752
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:27,040
Speaker 1: I'm having these feelings or whatever. But at the same time,

753
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:29,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is a really good thing that we

754
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:32,799
Speaker 1: have going on, so maybe it's worth just letting it

755
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:34,840
Speaker 1: be that, and then if something comes of it in

756
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,120
Speaker 1: the future, great, If not, like you said, like I

757
00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 1: might in a couple of weeks or a few months

758
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:41,719
Speaker 1: be like, I can't believe how to crush on him

759
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:45,520
Speaker 1: and be over it. So I've done that with almost

760
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,120
Speaker 1: every trainer I've ever worked with. In fact, the trainer

761
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 1: I use now as somebody I've never had a crush on,

762
00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,879
Speaker 1: which is why I'm still with him. But I mean,

763
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:55,279
Speaker 1: I felt that's this way that you're talking about, which

764
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 1: is why I'm giving you this advice, Like with a

765
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:00,160
Speaker 1: bunch of guys that I'm so glad I never did

766
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 1: anything with. I once had a tennis coach and I

767
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 1: texted him. We had gone for drinks and I texted him,

768
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:08,360
Speaker 1: this was years ago, and I was like, Hey, do

769
00:39:08,400 --> 00:39:11,120
Speaker 1: you want to come over and let's get this party started?

770
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:15,080
Speaker 1: And he wrote back, no, I don't and this is

771
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:17,759
Speaker 1: a totally professional relationship and I can't believe you even

772
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:22,359
Speaker 1: set that text. And I was like mortified. So I

773
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:25,000
Speaker 1: never made that mistake again because that was more and

774
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:26,480
Speaker 1: more you know what I mean, Like that was just

775
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:30,000
Speaker 1: why why I just don't mess up a good thing, right, Yeah,

776
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:32,760
Speaker 1: And I know like younger version of me probably would

777
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:34,800
Speaker 1: have done something like that, you know, like sen a

778
00:39:34,880 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 1: text never regretted it, But older like me now, I'm like,

779
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,840
Speaker 1: you know what, don't like, don't make the same mistakes

780
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,560
Speaker 1: you've made before and just write it out. See what happens.

781
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:46,120
Speaker 1: Maybe nothing happens. I don't know, but it's that thing

782
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,080
Speaker 1: where it's been in my mind and I'm thinking about

783
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 1: it all the time, and I just needed somebody else's

784
00:39:51,160 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 1: perspective on the whole thing. Well, good, I'm glad you

785
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:57,399
Speaker 1: called in. Yeah, thank you so much. Thank god, we're

786
00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:01,160
Speaker 1: here for you to the So come say hi to

787
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:04,480
Speaker 1: our friend from South Jersey who's wearing a Joe Koi sweatshirt. Honey,

788
00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:06,960
Speaker 1: look she got your your merch. She helped pay for

789
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:10,879
Speaker 1: that birthday present you got me. Hi. Look say hi

790
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:17,799
Speaker 1: hi Joe. Oh my god, this is crazy. You were phenomenal.

791
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:20,560
Speaker 1: By the way, this is Atlantic City a few weeks ago.

792
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:22,399
Speaker 1: She said, it was a c a few weeks ago,

793
00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 1: and you were phenomenal. Thank you. You don't have enough

794
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 1: headphones for the both of us. We can't afford that yet.

795
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:32,239
Speaker 1: So I have to translate. But that's okay. Okay, bye, honey,

796
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:38,839
Speaker 1: okay bye. I used to be her trainer. He used

797
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 1: to be my trainer, he said, shut up, there's a microphone.

798
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:49,319
Speaker 1: I'm so confused about how my thank it away from us.

799
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, you guys, he's such an interloper. Okay, well,

800
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:56,960
Speaker 1: good luck with that and keep training. Yeah yeah, let

801
00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 1: us know. But let us know if he ever makes

802
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 1: a move on you, because that'll be a nice twist

803
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,040
Speaker 1: and turn and then you'll be so happy you waited.

804
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:06,480
Speaker 1: Yeah right, yeah, I would definitely keep you posted. Alright,

805
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 1: thank you, all right, thank you. Bye. This is going

806
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:16,800
Speaker 1: to be called Dear Chelsea with Joe Coy interruptions. People

807
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 1: are always charmed by those, so you know, well, we

808
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:25,240
Speaker 1: have two more quick questions. Our next email comes from Philip.

809
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:28,080
Speaker 1: He says, Hi, Chelsea, I really enjoy your podcast, and

810
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:31,279
Speaker 1: I love how straightforward and honest your advice is. I'm

811
00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:33,439
Speaker 1: a forty year old single gay man, and I feel

812
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:36,280
Speaker 1: like I've been looking for a meaningful relationship for forever.

813
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:39,439
Speaker 1: I've used just about every gay dating site and hook

814
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 1: up app from gay dot Com back in the day

815
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:45,400
Speaker 1: to Grinder, Scruff, and Adam. For Adam, it's relatively easy

816
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:48,000
Speaker 1: to find hookups online, but if you even hint that

817
00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:50,160
Speaker 1: you want to go on a date, you're likely to

818
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:53,240
Speaker 1: get ghosted or get told that they're just looking for friends.

819
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:56,240
Speaker 1: The amount of guys and relationships who are on dating

820
00:41:56,239 --> 00:41:59,680
Speaker 1: and hook up apps is also truly staggering. I'm pretty

821
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,239
Speaker 1: happy being single, and I'd rather stay single than being

822
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:05,080
Speaker 1: a bad relationship. But I often think about how nice

823
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 1: it would be to have someone to come home to

824
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 1: every day and experience life with. Using dating apps exhausts me,

825
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 1: and I'm not much of a bar person. Do you

826
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:14,640
Speaker 1: have any advice for how I might be able to

827
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:18,040
Speaker 1: meet some eligible single guys that might actually be interested

828
00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:22,839
Speaker 1: in more than just a one night stand, Philip, Well,

829
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:25,160
Speaker 1: if you're not interested in any of that, well, Bridger,

830
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:27,160
Speaker 1: I mean you're gay. You probably have a better handle

831
00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:30,480
Speaker 1: on this situation than I do. Yeah, well, I mean,

832
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:33,520
Speaker 1: who can say for sure, but I do have some

833
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 1: experience in this. I entered my relationships seven years ago

834
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:39,480
Speaker 1: through Tinder, and I think at least at the time,

835
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 1: Tinder was at least for the gay community the dating

836
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:49,160
Speaker 1: option compared to Grinder. Grinder took care of hook ups

837
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:50,400
Speaker 1: and that sort of thing, and then you would get

838
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:52,480
Speaker 1: on Tinder to meet people who actually want to meet

839
00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:55,600
Speaker 1: you and have conversations this kind of thing. I can't say,

840
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 1: God knows what Tinder looks like at this point, but

841
00:42:58,480 --> 00:42:59,719
Speaker 1: I'll say if you don't want to be on these,

842
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:01,759
Speaker 1: so you don't. I don't go to bars, I'm not

843
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 1: going out to parties in this sort of thing. I

844
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:04,799
Speaker 1: know a lot of friends who have had a lot

845
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:07,879
Speaker 1: of success going to like joining an adult soccer league,

846
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 1: like a gay soccer league, or what are you interested in? There?

847
00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:14,239
Speaker 1: Can you get online and look up groups and there

848
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:19,560
Speaker 1: are frequently, especially in the queer arena, groups of people

849
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:21,960
Speaker 1: that share interests that will meet up and that's a

850
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:24,359
Speaker 1: nice easy way to do. I love that. I love that.

851
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:26,440
Speaker 1: And another thing you can also do is reach out

852
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:30,040
Speaker 1: to your other your network of people, other gay friends

853
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:33,120
Speaker 1: and other straight friends who and ask everybody in a

854
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 1: very genuine, earnest way, like, hey, I'm having I haven't

855
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:38,200
Speaker 1: had the best luck with all these dating apps. It

856
00:43:38,239 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 1: feels a little slightly insincere. I'd like a more personal

857
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 1: kind of connection with somebody visa VU or somebody that

858
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 1: I trust and ask people like, do you have anybody

859
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:50,959
Speaker 1: in that you think I could maybe connect with, even

860
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:53,400
Speaker 1: on a friendship level, you know, because some people aren't

861
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 1: great at seeing who potentially would have chemistry together. But

862
00:43:56,719 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 1: you know, you can ask your friends and the people

863
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,680
Speaker 1: close in your life if they have anyone they can

864
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:04,759
Speaker 1: think of at work, someone they know fairly well, someone

865
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:06,960
Speaker 1: they know really well, just to try and get out

866
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 1: there in a different way and meet people in a

867
00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:11,799
Speaker 1: different way, and if they'd be comfortable setting you up.

868
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:14,719
Speaker 1: And another thing, I know we just talked about all

869
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 1: these apps, but like Instagram is a way that a

870
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:19,880
Speaker 1: lot of people are hooking up these days. D m

871
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:23,240
Speaker 1: NG somebody. It is kind of the new dating app also,

872
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:26,440
Speaker 1: like because you can see a whole person's vibe from

873
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:29,600
Speaker 1: their Instagram page and then you can get a conversation going.

874
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:34,480
Speaker 1: And it's not necessarily like being on tender, you know,

875
00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 1: it's more of a casual kind of and then if

876
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:39,359
Speaker 1: you click with somebody, it's a natural thing to say, Hey,

877
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:41,200
Speaker 1: let's go be for a drink or let's go for

878
00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:44,520
Speaker 1: a hike or whatever your idea of a date is. Yeah, yeah,

879
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 1: Instagram is nice in that way where it's not dating first,

880
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:52,320
Speaker 1: it's life first, and then you start liking someone's things

881
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 1: or whatever you do on this thing, and then you

882
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:56,760
Speaker 1: can kind of casually get into it without the pressure

883
00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 1: of a feeling like it's going to be a relationship.

884
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:00,719
Speaker 1: You can kind of get to know each other. Yeah,

885
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 1: I think that takes a lot of the pressure off

886
00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 1: because being on a dating site is like it's there

887
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:08,359
Speaker 1: is something embarrassing about both of you being like we're

888
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,720
Speaker 1: trying to find somebody, you know, like there isn't really,

889
00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:14,600
Speaker 1: but it can feel slightly desperate or it can feel

890
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:18,600
Speaker 1: embarrassing because there's no chance of a friendship because you know,

891
00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:21,120
Speaker 1: if you're damning somebody on Instagram, you could develop and

892
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,560
Speaker 1: cultivated friendship that doesn't lead to anything. And that's nice

893
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 1: as well. And the same with any of your friends

894
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:28,640
Speaker 1: or family members who may have somebody that they think

895
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:30,600
Speaker 1: of that might be a good match for you. You know,

896
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 1: that's a better way of networking if you're over the

897
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:37,280
Speaker 1: dating apps. And I will say, I mean speaking personally,

898
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:41,120
Speaker 1: I love match making. I love putting friends with other friends.

899
00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:43,880
Speaker 1: Don't underestimate, especially if you're gay, there's definitely someone in

900
00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:47,160
Speaker 1: your life who loves doing the same thing. Start reaching

901
00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:50,480
Speaker 1: out and somebody might be just waiting to set you

902
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:53,759
Speaker 1: up with somebody. Yeah, that's a good point. There you go.

903
00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 1: There you haven't problem solved. I was waiting for that,

904
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:00,600
Speaker 1: waiting for it. Well, thanks Philip. Let us know how

905
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:05,880
Speaker 1: it goes. And our last question comes from Jessica. Jessica says,

906
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:09,399
Speaker 1: dear Chelsea, let's get straight to the point. I'm hilarious.

907
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:11,160
Speaker 1: I've been told that I need to do stand up.

908
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:14,040
Speaker 1: I know that I would absolutely thrive more than ever

909
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 1: in the business. I just have a problem with over stimulation.

910
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:19,880
Speaker 1: Another problem I have with this career pursuit is the

911
00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 1: fact that I may have to relocate, which is expensive.

912
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:26,279
Speaker 1: What is your advice for getting started and handling all

913
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:28,840
Speaker 1: of the attention and pressure that comes with the fame?

914
00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:33,359
Speaker 1: Cheers Jessica. Well, first of all, if you really feel

915
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:35,719
Speaker 1: passionately about something, you need to go after it, you know,

916
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:38,400
Speaker 1: so you just it's like a bowling ball. You just

917
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:40,920
Speaker 1: got to throw it down the lane and then everything

918
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:43,080
Speaker 1: gets out of the way that's supposed to So you

919
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:46,319
Speaker 1: have to be so intentional about doing it because it's

920
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:48,680
Speaker 1: something that doesn't always turn out exactly the way that

921
00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:50,960
Speaker 1: you want, but absolutely can turn out the way that

922
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:53,200
Speaker 1: you want, and it's your attitude that is going to

923
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 1: get you there. So the attention that comes from it,

924
00:46:56,640 --> 00:47:00,160
Speaker 1: that's kind of part of the equation. So handling it

925
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:03,359
Speaker 1: should be something that you're very comfortable with moving into that.

926
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:06,120
Speaker 1: You know you are going to get attention negative and positive.

927
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:09,120
Speaker 1: That's guaranteed, and you have to be okay with that,

928
00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:12,359
Speaker 1: and you have to be solid enough inside that that's

929
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:13,920
Speaker 1: not going to fluster you and it's not going to

930
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 1: make you feel badly about yourself. You have to have

931
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:19,440
Speaker 1: a real strong sense of self moving into that, and

932
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 1: that you should get started sooner than later, because your

933
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 1: belief in yourself is great, and that's what you need

934
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:26,680
Speaker 1: to succeed. Is you need to believe in yourself because

935
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:29,440
Speaker 1: there's nobody's gonna believe in you unless you do anyway.

936
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:31,360
Speaker 1: But there are a lot of people trying to do

937
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:34,279
Speaker 1: the same thing. So that belief in yourself maybe the

938
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:36,279
Speaker 1: very thing that sets you apart from other people and

939
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:39,120
Speaker 1: that does cause you success. But you just have to

940
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:42,319
Speaker 1: move in that direction quickly and start it because it's

941
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 1: a process and it can be arduous. Doesn't necessarily happen

942
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:48,279
Speaker 1: in a couple of years or five years. It could

943
00:47:48,320 --> 00:47:50,880
Speaker 1: take ten years. Yeah, I will say if you're afraid

944
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:53,919
Speaker 1: of the overwhelming attention, if that's the part of stand

945
00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:56,239
Speaker 1: up comedy that you're afraid of, that probably won't be

946
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:58,440
Speaker 1: a concern for five years. You're gonna have a lot

947
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:01,160
Speaker 1: of people. Maybe a lack of atten might be a

948
00:48:01,160 --> 00:48:06,160
Speaker 1: bigger concern, right exactly. But yeah, yeah, I think it's

949
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:09,080
Speaker 1: funny because she in her email there's only one option

950
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:12,440
Speaker 1: and it is like maximum fame and fortune, which like

951
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:15,360
Speaker 1: I kind of love for her also like it's funny,

952
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:17,360
Speaker 1: but it's also like I love it for her because

953
00:48:17,640 --> 00:48:19,480
Speaker 1: I do think you have to be like, well, obviously

954
00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:21,840
Speaker 1: this is the outcome, Chelsea. We've talked about this with

955
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 1: you before. We were like I just was going to

956
00:48:23,719 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 1: have to be rich because I like to go to

957
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:31,400
Speaker 1: find things in life. So you know, I think that's great. Yeah, exactly.

958
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:34,920
Speaker 1: It's funny that you say stimulate, like the stimulation. It's

959
00:48:34,960 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 1: like the stimulation is part of the job. You want

960
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:39,440
Speaker 1: to be stimulated, and you want to be stimulating to

961
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,520
Speaker 1: other people. That's part of being a performer, you know,

962
00:48:42,800 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 1: engaging and stimulation, So you gotta get on board with it, Like,

963
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:49,960
Speaker 1: if I do this, I'm going to be famous. So like,

964
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:54,200
Speaker 1: what are the what are the real consequences here, Jessica,

965
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:56,719
Speaker 1: let us know how it goes, and good luck, good

966
00:48:56,800 --> 00:49:00,440
Speaker 1: luck and godspeed. Yes, well, we'll take a quick break

967
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:08,040
Speaker 1: and be right back with Bridger and Chelsea. And we're

968
00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:12,640
Speaker 1: back with Bridger Wineger. So this is the part of

969
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:15,239
Speaker 1: the show where we usually have our guest ask for

970
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:19,320
Speaker 1: a piece of advice from Chelsea. Chelsea, I would love

971
00:49:19,480 --> 00:49:21,839
Speaker 1: to be better at making decisions. I feel like you're

972
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:26,440
Speaker 1: a probably pretty decisive person, and I am truly awful

973
00:49:26,760 --> 00:49:29,880
Speaker 1: at even the smartly, Like deciding on what I'm going

974
00:49:29,920 --> 00:49:32,480
Speaker 1: to have for dinner can take hours? How do you

975
00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:35,319
Speaker 1: get to a decision quickly? Honestly, I just don't think

976
00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:37,160
Speaker 1: there are a lot of bad decisions. I think that

977
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:39,080
Speaker 1: you when you make it, especially when you're talking about

978
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:40,719
Speaker 1: what you're going to have for dinner, Like I think

979
00:49:40,719 --> 00:49:43,200
Speaker 1: that you just have to you when you make a decision,

980
00:49:43,680 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 1: you just have to forget about the other decisions and

981
00:49:46,239 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 1: stick with that, you know what I mean. It's again

982
00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:52,279
Speaker 1: like referencing the bowling ball. Whenever I've had trouble, I've

983
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 1: been indecisive, which isn't an ongoing theme with me. I'm

984
00:49:55,200 --> 00:49:57,319
Speaker 1: very decisive. I can always say yes, no, I want

985
00:49:57,320 --> 00:49:58,880
Speaker 1: to do that, I don't want to do that. But

986
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:01,720
Speaker 1: if I am having trouble bill with something, I usually

987
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:04,200
Speaker 1: just say, okay, you just have to pick one and

988
00:50:04,239 --> 00:50:06,480
Speaker 1: then stick with that and then go in that direction.

989
00:50:06,520 --> 00:50:09,000
Speaker 1: Like if you're choosing, okay, am I gonna have sea

990
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:12,320
Speaker 1: bass tonight or chicken whatever, just pick what that's the

991
00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:15,239
Speaker 1: least of your worries. Have one, and then enjoy it

992
00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:17,440
Speaker 1: and forget about the rest. When you're talking about bigger

993
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:20,719
Speaker 1: decisions that are a little bit more nuanced, I think

994
00:50:20,760 --> 00:50:24,400
Speaker 1: it's very beneficial if you are indecisive to practice just

995
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:29,200
Speaker 1: sitting with yourself quietly for a moment and just closing

996
00:50:29,239 --> 00:50:32,720
Speaker 1: your eyes and thinking about your options, because more often

997
00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:36,120
Speaker 1: than not, your instinct will rise up and inform you

998
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:39,240
Speaker 1: what you're supposed to be doing. Once you've made the decision,

999
00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 1: being the confidence to go forward with it, that's my concern.

1000
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:45,040
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm all I continue to second guess

1001
00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:47,920
Speaker 1: until even after the result. I don't know how to

1002
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:50,480
Speaker 1: get rid of that. Well, I mean that's self talk,

1003
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:53,279
Speaker 1: you know, that's self. That's your dialogue, that's in your head,

1004
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:55,640
Speaker 1: and that's your ego saying did you make the right decision?

1005
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:57,880
Speaker 1: Did you make the So you have to give yourself

1006
00:50:57,920 --> 00:51:00,560
Speaker 1: a little bit more self love and be like, these

1007
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:03,000
Speaker 1: are the decisions I'm making. Like you know, it's a practice.

1008
00:51:03,080 --> 00:51:06,280
Speaker 1: It doesn't happen overnight. But you have to have confidence

1009
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:09,439
Speaker 1: in your decision making ability. Look where you're sitting right now,

1010
00:51:09,719 --> 00:51:12,279
Speaker 1: Look at your life, Look at the decisions that you've

1011
00:51:12,320 --> 00:51:15,400
Speaker 1: made that lead to where you are. You're obviously capable

1012
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:18,120
Speaker 1: at making good ones. So have a little bit more

1013
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:26,279
Speaker 1: trust in yourself. That's lovely. Problem solved again. Well, I'm

1014
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:30,240
Speaker 1: glad I came. I'm me too, Me too. This was fun, Bridger.

1015
00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:31,880
Speaker 1: I had such a good time with you. Oh, I

1016
00:51:31,920 --> 00:51:33,840
Speaker 1: had a wonderful time. I'm so glad you had me.

1017
00:51:34,480 --> 00:51:38,280
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you. Well, take it easy, Bridger, Catherine,

1018
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:40,600
Speaker 1: I will see you next week. Bridger, I'll see you

1019
00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:42,799
Speaker 1: at whatever house party we run into each other at.

1020
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:48,200
Speaker 1: Don't bring a gift, I won't. Don't worry. So if

1021
00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:50,920
Speaker 1: you'd like to ask Chelsea a question, email us at

1022
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:55,160
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com.