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Speaker 1: Motherfucking many year sold many motherfucknisodes. Uh huh, Shoot, there

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Speaker 1: it is there it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to

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Speaker 1: another spectacular many episode of My Mama Told Me, the

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Speaker 1: podcast where we dive deep, deep, deep deep into the

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Speaker 1: pockets of black conspiracy theories and we finally worked to

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Speaker 1: prove the theories that you, the listeners have at home.

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Speaker 1: It's a mini episode. This is what the funk we do.

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Speaker 1: We talk to you, We hear your thoughts, we hear

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Speaker 1: your opinions. We take all of that in and then

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Speaker 1: I do research and I make fun of you for

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Speaker 1: the stupid things that you believe and say. It's a

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Speaker 1: great time. It's a real fun rhythm we've built where

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Speaker 1: you send me stuff and then I buraied you privately

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Speaker 1: and then I buried you publicly. It truly is a

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Speaker 1: coy dance that we have going. Let's never stop, let's

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Speaker 1: let's let's do this always. You and I the listener

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Speaker 1: at home. I'm doing well. I'm coming to you from

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Speaker 1: New York City while Brooklyn, New York. I'm currently working

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Speaker 1: on a television show which requires me to be here

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Speaker 1: for for shoots, and it also requires me to sleep

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Speaker 1: in a basement apartment where I've seen quite a few

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Speaker 1: uh different specimens. Bugs that I can't recognize with more

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Speaker 1: legs than they should have, and rodents as tall as

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Speaker 1: as uh Honda civics, just big fucking rats running around

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Speaker 1: and digging through trash. And then I just gotta go

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Speaker 1: and pretend like that doesn't terrify me as I sleep

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Speaker 1: in a basement. There also is a gentleman who I've

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Speaker 1: I've been referring to as the chairman who at night,

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Speaker 1: the room that I've sleeping faces the street, and there

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Speaker 1: is a chair that's placed outside of the window where

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Speaker 1: I guess the people who regularly live here just like

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Speaker 1: to sit out on the balcony. And there's no balcony.

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Speaker 1: It's again a basement apartment, but out where like sun

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Speaker 1: kind of exists, and uh, that chair sits there all

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Speaker 1: the time. And then there's a light, that motion sensor

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Speaker 1: light that goes off if anybody moves down there. And

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Speaker 1: around three am almost every night, that light goes off,

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Speaker 1: and I'm pretty sure it's because the dude is sleeping

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Speaker 1: where my head is, you know what I mean? And uh,

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Speaker 1: I just got to settle into that because I can't

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Speaker 1: pull back that curtain and see the man. And now

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Speaker 1: I guess he has to kill me or I have

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Speaker 1: to kill him. It becomes a highlander situation. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I'm avoiding it. That said, I'm not avoiding today's episode because, boy,

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Speaker 1: oh boy, do we have a spectacular submission. A submission

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Speaker 1: from a person named Jack sent me this on Instagram,

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Speaker 1: and as soon as he send it to me, I

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Speaker 1: jumped with joy and horror at what he shared. It

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Speaker 1: truly is It's one of my favorite submissions I've received,

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Speaker 1: and I can't wait to share it with you all.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna play it now. Hey, likeanks, since I love

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Speaker 1: your show, I've listened every episode. You were asking for

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Speaker 1: submissions earlier, and this is my submission. My dad used

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Speaker 1: to say anytime he watched a black athlete do well,

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Speaker 1: that's something about the positioning of black people's noses was

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Speaker 1: more conducive to breathing oxygen and that made them faster. Um.

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Speaker 1: I never understood it. I haven't heard anyone else have

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Speaker 1: that theory, so uh, if you want to research that,

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Speaker 1: there you go. Man, Um, I love you so much.

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Speaker 1: Keep doing what you're doing. Oh boy, thank you for this, Jack,

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Speaker 1: what oh Man so much to unpack in that Bad Boy.

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Speaker 1: First of all, the reason you've never heard anyone else

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Speaker 1: say that is because that's the type of old timey

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Speaker 1: racism that does exist anymore. That's like some ty cobs

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Speaker 1: ship Jack. That's that's racism of of a yester year,

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Speaker 1: back when tobacco was what we sold in America. That's

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Speaker 1: fucking crazy. He said the position of the nose, And

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Speaker 1: when I heard that, my first instinct was, what the

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Speaker 1: fund does he think? Does he think our noses hang lower?

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Speaker 1: Are they higher? I don't understand what he meant by position,

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Speaker 1: But what I think I I later, uh, sort of

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Speaker 1: gathered in in attempting at least some version of research.

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Speaker 1: And keep in mind, this is not an easily researched theory.

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Speaker 1: I think Jack pointed it out. His dad isn't exactly

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Speaker 1: pulling from peer reviewed sources when he references this. This

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Speaker 1: is coming from I guess he probably has some peers

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Speaker 1: who reviewed it, but they also are filled with hate

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Speaker 1: or a type of resentment that you know, just doesn't

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Speaker 1: hit Hitten in the science books. That said, I think

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Speaker 1: what he's referring to in the position is the fact

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Speaker 1: that like noses sit differently depending on there with and shape,

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Speaker 1: and so in theory, what he's arguing is that the

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Speaker 1: the Africanized nose is is somehow sitting in a way

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Speaker 1: that allows for oxygen to flow more effectively through it

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Speaker 1: and thus make us, I guess, better athletes. What upset me,

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Speaker 1: maybe more than anything, was the suggestion, and this was

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Speaker 1: my issue earlier when they with the leg tendon is

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Speaker 1: they never give all of us the cool credit for

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Speaker 1: the noses. They're never like nicko. Noses are just better

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Speaker 1: and they get more oxygen. And that's why sometimes their

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Speaker 1: athletes are more successful. They go, oh, that one's winning.

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Speaker 1: That motherfucker got a fancy nose. It's never then, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's never equal opportunity. We all just have great noses.

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Speaker 1: It's just if we're succeeding, our nose is better. And

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Speaker 1: if we're losing, good, motherfucker, you do crack and have diabetes,

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Speaker 1: You're you're very strategic in the way that you allow

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Speaker 1: us to succeed. And it's fucking disgusting. I'll never forgive

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Speaker 1: you Whitey anyway, Jack, I wanted to do some research.

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Speaker 1: I dug into some research to really get a sense

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Speaker 1: of of where your father's hate is coming from. And

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Speaker 1: one of the things that I found is an article

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Speaker 1: that was on CNN that sort of talked about the

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Speaker 1: these sort of like differences in the way that noses

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Speaker 1: are shaped between African and European populations. And so researchers

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Speaker 1: found that the bigger the valume of the nasal cavity,

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Speaker 1: the bigger the maxillary sinuses in both African and European

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Speaker 1: populations consistently, meaning the bigger your nasal cavity is, the

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Speaker 1: bigger these maxillary uh sinus things are. And it appears

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Speaker 1: that the sinus is basically make room for the nose.

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Speaker 1: So if you've got a big, gass nose, you have

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Speaker 1: smaller sign this and similarly of you of a tiny nose,

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Speaker 1: then you have bigger sinuses, and that that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: They found that maxillary sinuses tended to be about thirty

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Speaker 1: six six percent larger in people of European ancestry versus

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Speaker 1: African ancestry because Europeans tend to have narrower nose shapes.

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Speaker 1: That's that's what these researchers found. And so then I

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Speaker 1: started asking myself, Hey, Lengthston, I was talking to myself.

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Speaker 1: I'm always talking to myself. I'm very alone constantly, and

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Speaker 1: this New York trip has not helped. Truly, I might

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Speaker 1: start bonding with this man in the chair because there

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Speaker 1: is no one else to answer these questions. So I

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Speaker 1: had to say to myself, Hey, Lengthton, and I said yeah.

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Speaker 1: And then I said why do Europeans have narrow noses?

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Speaker 1: And I said, that's a good motherfucking question. We gotta

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Speaker 1: look that up. And I said, thank you, And then

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Speaker 1: I started research, and appears no shape is tied to

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Speaker 1: adaptation in climate, basically meaning in cold climate, it's advantageous

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Speaker 1: to have a narrower nose. That's so when the person inhales,

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Speaker 1: more air comes into contact with the mucoastal surface of

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Speaker 1: the nose, meaning you're only getting the air on the

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Speaker 1: stuff that the mucus that heats it and makes it

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Speaker 1: more uh breathable, and it provides moisture, and and that

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Speaker 1: narrow nose maximizes that surface area, which basically means if

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Speaker 1: that is in fact true, and I believe it to

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Speaker 1: be true, which basically means that black people, with our

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Speaker 1: wider noses and smaller maxillary sinuses, that's what sinuses do

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Speaker 1: they provide that moisture that that makes the air more

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Speaker 1: breathable and and and sort of like digestible. I don't

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Speaker 1: think we're digesting our air, but I'm not a science man.

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Speaker 1: But basically, the black people with our wider noses are

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Speaker 1: at a major disadvantage when it comes to breathing in

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Speaker 1: America compared to our white counterparts. We wasn't meant to

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Speaker 1: breathe here. We was kings once, we was kings in Africa,

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Speaker 1: and then you took us from that and you got

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Speaker 1: us out here breathing funny because we weren't meant to

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Speaker 1: be here, you dumb bitch that said. So, not only

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Speaker 1: did white people steal us from our lands and send

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Speaker 1: us to this cold, acid environments like like Boston and

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Speaker 1: Baltimore and Buffalo, but then they now resent us for

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Speaker 1: learning despite their best efforts to breathe effectively in these

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Speaker 1: white spaces. Your small little nose is an advantage to you.

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Speaker 1: You should be running faster, and the fact that you're

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Speaker 1: not running faster is because you bitches don't believe in yourselves.

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Speaker 1: It ain't got nothing to do with the shape of

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Speaker 1: my nose, your goofy whore it's got something to do

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Speaker 1: with the shape of your heart. You gotta believe in

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Speaker 1: you if you're gonna run as fast as you possibly can.

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Speaker 1: These athletes aren't excelling because of the shape their nose.

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Speaker 1: They're excelling because their dad's left and that motivated them

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Speaker 1: in a way that no one else could. These fathers

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Speaker 1: leave and they feel fucking motivated to jump and kick

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Speaker 1: in a way that that has nothing to do with race.

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Speaker 1: It truly is just lineage. Shame on you, Jack's dad.

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Speaker 1: So then, I, you know, additionally, I would like to

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Speaker 1: point this out because I started to look at are

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Speaker 1: there any noses that do, in fact provide a disadvantage?

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Speaker 1: Knows is that that funk up the opportunity for breathing

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Speaker 1: the way that you're supposed to breathe, and might affect

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Speaker 1: the way that you could play sports or participate in

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Speaker 1: physical activities. And it turns out I'm gonna whisper at

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Speaker 1: you for a second, dear listeners, because this is where

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Speaker 1: I got Oh, I got I got hot, baby, I

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Speaker 1: got fucking I got fun. Oh. I got excited when

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Speaker 1: I read this because it turns out that the biggest

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Speaker 1: disadvantage for people breathing is a crooked nose. I'll repeat

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Speaker 1: that it's a crooked nose, and that basically means that

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Speaker 1: like a and Owen Wilson, is that a severe disadvantage?

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Speaker 1: You know, Owen Wilson, his nose looks like those lasers

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Speaker 1: that come out of dark sides eyes. You know what

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Speaker 1: I mean. It just it goes in every direction. It's

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Speaker 1: just bouncing around in a shape that's unrecognizable to the

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Speaker 1: way that humans noses are supposed to be. But that

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Speaker 1: that shape is in fact a disadvantage. And I would

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Speaker 1: argue that the cause of those crooked noses, the cause

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Speaker 1: of that crookedness is largely related to the years and

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Speaker 1: years of inbreeding that white people have taken part in.

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Speaker 1: Huh y'all, don't hear me. All these uh minarchies you

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Speaker 1: built where you fucked each other until you you made

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Speaker 1: weird little cousins with with strange arms and and oddly

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Speaker 1: shaped noses. That's your fault. You guys only wanted to

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Speaker 1: mush into each other. You wanted this pure, untouched race,

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Speaker 1: and now half your kids look like sick animals on

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Speaker 1: Sarah McLaughlin commercials. That's just that's some ship y'all did.

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Speaker 1: So you didn't end up with the crooked nose because

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Speaker 1: your parents aren't cousins, right, You ended up with the

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Speaker 1: cooked nose because they are in fact related. And then

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Speaker 1: part of me wonders if that's why white people are

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Speaker 1: constantly pushing these Eurocentric beauty standards. It's not because you

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Speaker 1: actually believe that the most beautiful version of a human

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Speaker 1: being is this crooked nosed, bug eyed creature creting that

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Speaker 1: that you keep putting in magazines. It's because you want

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Speaker 1: other races to take on these same gruesome white traits

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Speaker 1: as a way of evening the score. You're tired of

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Speaker 1: our negroy noses finding a way to continue to breathe

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Speaker 1: the air that your crooked noses no longer are able

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Speaker 1: to breathe. And the only way to make it so

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Speaker 1: that your face doesn't look ruined is to try to

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Speaker 1: ruined the faces of the people around you. The point

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Speaker 1: is Jack and Jack's dad, who I assume is a

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Speaker 1: dedicated listener. I have to imagine Jack's dad loves the podcast.

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Speaker 1: He cannot get enough of my fun riffs about the

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Speaker 1: the White Devil and and all of its treachery. But

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Speaker 1: black people's noses don't don't seem to be providing any

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Speaker 1: major advantages and sports or breathing or any of those things.

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Speaker 1: There's no niggatilt that's bringing more wind in. There is

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Speaker 1: only a Caucasian tilt that's keeping the love out. M hmm,

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Speaker 1: God damn, what a way to to punctuate a lesson,

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Speaker 1: A hard h oom. I really served it up to you,

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Speaker 1: hot Jack's dad. I hope you learned. I hope you

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Speaker 1: grew from this. I have to assume you're probably in

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Speaker 1: your mid seventies, so you're your prime for growth, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. You're right in the age group

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Speaker 1: of people who are constantly growing and changing and finding

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Speaker 1: them selves born and new, behaving differently. There's no chance

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Speaker 1: that you'll just die this way and be this person

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Speaker 1: for the rest of always. Nope, You're You're a brand

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Speaker 1: new man Jack's Dad, and I'm glad I provided that

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Speaker 1: lesson for you. Okay, Well, this was a fantastic mini episode,

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Speaker 1: truly one of my finest yet and I've done three.

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Speaker 1: Okay bye please, motherfucking mini year sold, motherfucking many ever, so,

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Speaker 1: motherfucking miniyear. So, motherfucking mini episode