WEBVTT - Finances Don't Define Me Feat. Amina Buddafly 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.520 Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife. 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:04.280 She couldn't. 0:00:04.440 --> 0:00:06.840 She cleaned and cared for her children and the man 0:00:06.880 --> 0:00:09.640 of the house, and of course she didn't talk back. 0:00:09.800 --> 0:00:12.640 She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was 0:00:12.680 --> 0:00:15.600 a good woman who always made good choices. 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:18.720 We're good Mom's bad choices. 0:00:18.800 --> 0:00:21.520 Two single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:22.480 their bad choices and. 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:24.680 Sound out they were so bad. After all, we're experts, 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:26.600 overshares and your new besties. 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:28.040 Sit back and enjoy the ride. 0:00:28.800 --> 0:00:29.360 I can do it. 0:00:32.520 --> 0:00:36.320 Welcome back to good Mom's bad Choices. I'm Nila, I'm Erica, 0:00:37.200 --> 0:00:41.640 and it's Wednesday. Happy hump Day. 0:00:41.440 --> 0:00:45.520 Poppy Hemp Gay. Well here I'm doing right now? 0:00:45.720 --> 0:00:47.040 And what are you doing right now? 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:50.959 I'm gonna do something that's gonna piss everybody out. 0:00:51.400 --> 0:00:51.760 What's that? 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:56.320 I'm gonna smoke a backwood without weeding it. 0:00:56.920 --> 0:00:57.840 Oh God, to. 0:00:58.000 --> 0:01:05.080 Smoke a backwood us like an old man and his cigar. Okay, well, 0:01:09.959 --> 0:01:13.000 have you tried these specifically? I'm not. I think I'm 0:01:13.000 --> 0:01:17.240 becoming like a real black smoker because the la are 0:01:17.360 --> 0:01:18.360 aromatic ones. 0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:19.559 Oh they're good. 0:01:20.040 --> 0:01:23.520 They taste fucking good. They taste good with just everything 0:01:23.560 --> 0:01:27.160 that's involved inside of it, not taking out the stuffings, 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:32.280 just as God intended this backwards. Specifically, I can smoke 0:01:32.600 --> 0:01:37.679 in casualness, and this morning or this afternoon, I was like, 0:01:37.840 --> 0:01:39.919 you know, I feel like smoking a cigar. 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:45.360 You know, I always feel like smoking like a real 0:01:45.400 --> 0:01:48.240 cigar and a cigar bar because it's just like manly 0:01:48.520 --> 0:01:50.840 and there's like it just feels like Cuba. I've never 0:01:50.880 --> 0:01:52.760 been there, but these are the places I feel like 0:01:52.760 --> 0:01:56.760 smoking cigars and cigar bars amongst the men. Like so 0:01:56.760 --> 0:01:59.680 I can be cool with cavasier, not just in the 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:04.760 morning in my living room, but you know, to each. 0:02:04.600 --> 0:02:06.080 It's a it's the afternoon. 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:08.760 First of all, okay, twelve minutes past. 0:02:09.400 --> 0:02:12.760 Second of all, I don't reserve cigars for male spaces, 0:02:13.280 --> 0:02:15.480 you know, I think it's about time that women, you know, 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:17.040 I feel like all the men are trying to take 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:20.680 over our spaces and like trying to be women do 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:25.760 women shit, And so I'm reclaiming. I'm claiming that cigars 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:29.840 are for bitches. Cigars are for bitches. I don't know 0:02:29.880 --> 0:02:31.680 about the men that smoke cigars, but I think that 0:02:31.919 --> 0:02:34.280 I want to start a cigar smoking club for women. 0:02:34.600 --> 0:02:36.720 Oh my god, there probably is a cigar smoking club 0:02:36.760 --> 0:02:37.079 for women. 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:39.079 We should look into that. Maybe we need to take 0:02:39.120 --> 0:02:42.600 over a cigar bar. Actually, one time Ashley took me 0:02:42.680 --> 0:02:45.320 to one and it was a bunch of old niggas 0:02:45.320 --> 0:02:46.680 and they were on me. You know how much old 0:02:46.760 --> 0:02:48.840 niggas loved me? And I was really the shit that night. 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:51.120 I should really revisit that. I'm gonna go back to 0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:52.600 the I'm gonna take you to the cigar bar. We're 0:02:52.639 --> 0:02:54.560 gonna have Actually, we should have a good mom's meetup 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:56.080 at the old niggas cigar bar. 0:02:56.160 --> 0:02:59.480 I don't know if the moms have gotten into the older. 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:02.880 Niggas, but I advocate for them, you know, like forty 0:03:02.919 --> 0:03:07.000 five plus, because they're cool. They give you compliments, they 0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:09.080 take you out to dinner, they really. 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:10.440 See you for the queen that you are. 0:03:10.600 --> 0:03:15.000 These wayians ey, but over forty five plus, I mean 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:16.840 it could go either way. They could still be corny. 0:03:16.919 --> 0:03:21.760 But the cigar bar has all the ogs, and I 0:03:21.800 --> 0:03:24.840 support the ogs with the salt and pepper, just like 0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:26.280 that Silver Fox crew. 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:28.800 Do you see this, look this technique. 0:03:29.600 --> 0:03:32.440 Let me see your technique, your cigar technique. Even though 0:03:32.440 --> 0:03:34.920 that's not Is that okay? 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:36.600 Anyway? 0:03:37.640 --> 0:03:40.560 And you know what, last thing, I don't think it's 0:03:40.600 --> 0:03:44.120 bad for you because I'm not inhaling and I'm going 0:03:44.160 --> 0:03:45.240 to brush my teeth after this. 0:03:45.680 --> 0:03:47.360 You have to brush your teeth after this, or you're 0:03:47.360 --> 0:03:48.960 gonna scare away your boyfriend. 0:03:49.080 --> 0:03:51.280 I actually think it's worse to inhale it, which I 0:03:51.320 --> 0:03:56.360 also do, but today we just are casually smoking the cigar. Anyway, baby, 0:03:56.480 --> 0:03:56.840 take it. 0:03:56.800 --> 0:03:58.160 Away with weed. 0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:02.840 You inhale, just backwood, no weed inside. You don't inhale. 0:04:02.920 --> 0:04:04.840 That's just an autumn. I just want to tell that 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:07.720 to everybody. You don't inhale cigars. That's not good for 0:04:07.760 --> 0:04:12.720 you anywhow Anyway, I'm gonna try it back with la 0:04:12.800 --> 0:04:15.160 Aromatic this week, with the regular shit in it, and 0:04:15.200 --> 0:04:16.480 I'm gonna get back to you and tell. 0:04:16.360 --> 0:04:18.840 You how it goes. I mean, because I thought Eric 0:04:18.880 --> 0:04:21.520 has lost her goddamn mind. But maybe we're. 0:04:21.440 --> 0:04:23.800 Good and we're bringing We're gonna we're doing the meetup. 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:28.359 We're doing. We are taking over the men's spaces in 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:31.880 twenty twenty last quarters of twenty twenty five. 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:35.080 I like that, Okay, everybody, DMS hold us to this 0:04:35.120 --> 0:04:37.560 because I want to go see the if they're y 0:04:37.680 --> 0:04:39.360 n or the o ns old niggas. 0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:43.000 None of your state, none of your spaces are safe anymore, niggas, 0:04:43.040 --> 0:04:43.360 not for. 0:04:43.320 --> 0:04:46.960 The y Ins or the Owens. 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:51.359 Anyway, we're home today because we just we had to 0:04:51.400 --> 0:04:54.200 honor ourselves and sit the fuck down in the living room. 0:04:54.440 --> 0:04:56.400 But we do have a special guest, and I'm very 0:04:56.400 --> 0:04:59.600 excited because we haven't had this guest on in literally, 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:03.200 i want to say, like seven years, seven years. She 0:05:03.320 --> 0:05:05.359 was one of our first guests, our first year in 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:07.680 the dining room, and so I'm always happy to see 0:05:08.120 --> 0:05:12.680 old friends in uh you know, as we've upgraded. So 0:05:12.760 --> 0:05:16.159 today we welcome to our show our good friend, singer, 0:05:16.480 --> 0:05:22.240 songwriter and og X reality TV star Amina Butterfly. 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:23.760 Welcome to the show. 0:05:24.000 --> 0:05:27.159 Thank you all. Listen. 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:29.920 I'm a little bit bummed that we're not like in person, 0:05:29.920 --> 0:05:34.760 because I always envisioned myself coming back to Good Moms 0:05:34.800 --> 0:05:37.600 and like it being like the real deal and everything. 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:40.120 But I'll take it, and this just means to meet 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:44.160 that in another five years or so once more a 0:05:44.240 --> 0:05:44.760 third time. 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:45.240 It could be. 0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:48.320 It doesn't have to be five years later, right, we 0:05:48.480 --> 0:05:50.960 do it. Actually, when you get back. It doesn't have 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:54.360 you five years later, we need you back on the 0:05:54.400 --> 0:05:56.239 show more than once every five years. 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:56.880 I missed you. 0:05:57.000 --> 0:05:57.200 I know. 0:05:57.200 --> 0:06:00.440 I always see you in passing. Yeah, were happy to 0:06:00.520 --> 0:06:02.000 have you. How are you? What's been going on? 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:02.560 Good? 0:06:02.640 --> 0:06:04.800 It's crazy because I just saw that thing pop up 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:08.039 too where it said seven years ago and I was 0:06:08.080 --> 0:06:10.000 announcing that I was going to be on the pod 0:06:10.360 --> 0:06:14.240 and I was like, seven years That seems like, you know, 0:06:14.320 --> 0:06:16.680 it was just it just happened a little while ago. 0:06:16.720 --> 0:06:22.360 But I'm good, man, I'm good for the circumstances, Like 0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:28.720 I'm actually personally feeling amazing, but circumstances. 0:06:27.960 --> 0:06:31.880 Are not perfect. But you know, life, that's life. And 0:06:31.960 --> 0:06:33.960 I'm currently in Germany with my kids. 0:06:36.080 --> 0:06:36.839 How's Germany? 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:41.040 It's it's I'm always happy to be here because I'm 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:44.920 with my family. I'm always happy to see my mom, my, sisters, 0:06:45.360 --> 0:06:49.159 my nieces and nephews, and it's always good to have that, 0:06:49.320 --> 0:06:51.520 especially because I don't have that much, Like I don't 0:06:51.560 --> 0:06:53.600 really you know, get to see them. And it's been 0:06:53.600 --> 0:06:56.440 two years that I've seen everybody. 0:06:56.680 --> 0:06:58.840 And so yeah, I'm just happy to be here. But 0:06:59.000 --> 0:07:00.920 it was kind of like I was forced to come 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:03.479 here because I moved out my place in LA. 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:05.679 And I didn't have no work to go with my kids, 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:06.680 and I'm like. 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:07.800 Okay, where do I go? 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:10.840 I go to my family there in Germany. So that's 0:07:10.840 --> 0:07:13.960 why I'm here. But it's beautiful. I wanted to come here. 0:07:14.000 --> 0:07:18.000 I wanted to be with them. So yeah, Well. 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:20.400 I just want to say, I mean, like, I really 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:26.120 I admire your bravery around just being fully just transparent 0:07:26.160 --> 0:07:29.600 about your situation, especially as a mom, a single mom. 0:07:29.680 --> 0:07:32.560 I think there's a lot of shame and guilt around 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:35.160 just being honest and saying, hey, like I don't I 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:38.760 don't I need help. Yeah, I can't maintain this this 0:07:39.280 --> 0:07:42.880 lifestyle right now like I could before, especially women in 0:07:43.760 --> 0:07:45.840 your position, because I think a lot of times people 0:07:46.000 --> 0:07:49.640 see people on reality TV or just people on the internet, 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:52.280 even people like us that are have like have platforms, 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:56.000 and they assume that you know, the brand deals are 0:07:56.040 --> 0:07:59.080 coming in. They assume that we're just getting paid right 0:07:59.160 --> 0:08:01.760 and left. They assume all these things, And I think 0:08:01.800 --> 0:08:05.960 a lot of us suffer in silence because we are 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:09.640 so we are so busy trying to uphold how people 0:08:09.840 --> 0:08:13.640 view us, when actually we're struggling and and then we 0:08:13.640 --> 0:08:16.920 actually put ourselves in even worse positions just to uphold 0:08:17.040 --> 0:08:19.920 what we assume people think about us. So I just 0:08:19.920 --> 0:08:23.000 want to say that I really admire your bravery and 0:08:23.040 --> 0:08:26.600 just your honesty and your vulnerability and transparency. And I 0:08:26.640 --> 0:08:28.960 think that a lot of women can relate to it. 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:30.920 And a lot of women are going through the same 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:32.760 exact thing that you are, where they're like they have 0:08:32.840 --> 0:08:36.079 to move home, they have to go home, recalibrate and 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:39.720 reassess and figure it out. And that is okay. Especially 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:42.600 and first of all, living in la. 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:44.239 Is expensive as fun. 0:08:44.559 --> 0:08:49.600 So five people don't like people like know it, but 0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:52.280 when you're actually living it, it's a whole other thing. 0:08:52.600 --> 0:08:53.240 It's crazy. 0:08:53.559 --> 0:08:56.319 And I think there's a there's I think because you're 0:08:56.360 --> 0:09:00.480 saying it out loud. Because you're saying it out loud, 0:09:00.520 --> 0:09:03.000 I think that it frees you in some capacity. 0:09:03.320 --> 0:09:04.720 I think there's a level of secret. 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:07.920 There's a level of secrecy, and like, especially the black 0:09:08.559 --> 0:09:11.080 the culture, that we have to keep our struggles to 0:09:11.120 --> 0:09:15.280 ourselves because there's this perception from the outside world that like, yeah, 0:09:15.320 --> 0:09:17.800 we're not doing well, or that we're coming up short 0:09:18.160 --> 0:09:20.760 and all these things, and it's like the more you 0:09:20.880 --> 0:09:22.560 hide it and the more you act like this is 0:09:22.600 --> 0:09:26.880 like you normalize that people are not struggling, Like people 0:09:26.920 --> 0:09:27.960 are struggling out here. 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:32.200 It's not if you've been on TV or whatever. The fuck. 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:35.959 The situation is like adulthood is hard, and hiding it 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:38.920 and pretending like everybody is doing just fine is to 0:09:39.000 --> 0:09:42.160 our detriment because everybody is struggling in some capacity. And 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:45.120 I think there's and I think also like I've struggled, 0:09:45.160 --> 0:09:46.679 and I've been out of a place, I've been out 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:48.680 of a car, I've been evicted, I've been fucking a 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:51.200 car has been repossessed, I've been fucked up and with 0:09:51.320 --> 0:09:55.320 it and with a child, And I think there's so much, literally, 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:56.160 like that's real. 0:09:56.040 --> 0:09:57.840 Life, that's that's the journey. 0:09:58.200 --> 0:10:00.920 But I think that there is a level of as 0:10:01.000 --> 0:10:04.480 a mom when you experience these things, there's a level 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:06.959 of guilt and shame that you experience because you're supposed 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:10.040 to have it all together because you'res a parent. And 0:10:10.240 --> 0:10:13.120 the truth is is like I think mostly women and 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:15.960 mothers experience this, but not so much fathers because women 0:10:16.000 --> 0:10:20.040 are generally the caretaker, the primary caretaker, and so when 0:10:20.080 --> 0:10:23.080 you struggle you're like, damn, I'm putting my child in 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:23.600 this position. 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:24.720 But this is real life. 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:29.040 And I think that we also like normalize, we also 0:10:29.120 --> 0:10:31.600 normalize like twenty year old or like early in your 0:10:31.600 --> 0:10:35.240 early twenties, you struggle, but baby, guess what shit happens 0:10:35.360 --> 0:10:39.760 all throughout this motherfucker at thirty, at forty, at all ages, 0:10:39.880 --> 0:10:42.560 and especially with children. And so I do, like, I 0:10:42.600 --> 0:10:45.000 really do commend you for being vulnerable and being honest 0:10:45.280 --> 0:10:47.680 and saying what it is, and also like, thank god 0:10:47.760 --> 0:10:49.840 you have a family you can go to and you 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:53.600 can just you know, reset, and you can talk about 0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:55.000 this shit because there's time like. 0:10:55.240 --> 0:10:58.520 I struggle to, Like I'm struggling right now. These bills 0:10:58.520 --> 0:10:59.120 are high. 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:02.320 Money is a source of anxiety for me, and I 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:05.199 think that as parents and as black women, we don't 0:11:05.200 --> 0:11:07.679 talk about it often. And I really, really, really when 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:10.240 when I saw you talking about it online, I was like, thank. 0:11:10.080 --> 0:11:13.240 God, Okay, yeah, and they'll normalize that. This shit is hard. 0:11:13.360 --> 0:11:15.120 It's it's the only way. 0:11:15.400 --> 0:11:15.559 Oh. 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:17.559 The only reason why I can be like that and 0:11:17.600 --> 0:11:19.800 be open with it is because I don't attach my 0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:24.680 bank account or what I have to my worth. Like 0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:29.480 I feel the same way about who I am with nothing, 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:32.040 then I would feel if I had like millions of 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:35.040 dollars like I feel great about the person that I am, 0:11:35.080 --> 0:11:37.200 And a lot of people don't feel great when they 0:11:37.240 --> 0:11:40.240 don't have nothing, Like I feel still so capable, so 0:11:40.320 --> 0:11:44.760 powerful and so just amazing. I have this self worth 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:50.800 that is detached from anything like materialistic or yeah, money, right, 0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:53.160 so I can't admit that I don't. 0:11:52.920 --> 0:11:54.760 Got it right now like a lot of people. 0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:58.880 I know so many that are in similar situations, Like 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:00.360 you just said, like a lot of people are going 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:03.040 through this, right, but they're not gonna say it because 0:12:03.040 --> 0:12:03.760 they're embarrassed. 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:04.680 I'm not embarrassed. 0:12:04.720 --> 0:12:07.960 This is life, and so I've always just been real 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:11.319 and on my platforms and even when. 0:12:11.160 --> 0:12:13.880 I was on reality TV, I was always the real one. 0:12:14.320 --> 0:12:16.960 I like to say that kept myself on the back. 0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:20.400 But I've always been like real to who I am 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:22.400 because I'm not ashamed of nothing that I'm going through. 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:24.199 Most people are so. 0:12:24.360 --> 0:12:29.440 Yeah, and that's true. I like people attach their worth 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:32.160 to their success and to their bank accounts, and that 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:34.679 is something we have to shift as a society because 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:37.000 it's fake. Yeah, Because just because you have a billion 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:39.000 dollars doesn't mean you're fine, doesn't mean you're right, doesn't 0:12:39.000 --> 0:12:41.440 mean you're a good motherfucking person, and like what makes 0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:43.360 and like that's true? Like how do you feel even 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:46.920 without the things, even without the titles, even without the car? 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:50.640 Who are you without the monetary success? 0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:53.160 And like that's that's a word, and that's a lesson 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:56.200 for our kids too. 0:12:56.800 --> 0:12:59.679 I saw, like, sorry, go ahead. 0:13:00.960 --> 0:13:02.400 No, what Mila just said. 0:13:02.600 --> 0:13:05.320 I just had that in one of my DaMert House 0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:07.480 you know, talk in my yoga classes on the other 0:13:07.559 --> 0:13:10.160 teacher as well. So I talk about things like that 0:13:10.200 --> 0:13:13.120 in the beginning, and I just you just merit exactly 0:13:13.120 --> 0:13:16.000 what I was saying to my students, like literally like 0:13:16.040 --> 0:13:17.959 a month ago when I was still in La. 0:13:18.160 --> 0:13:19.880 So that was It's amazing. 0:13:21.520 --> 0:13:23.040 I didn't you ever teaching yoga in La. 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:26.360 I would have pulled up right my neighborhood A man. 0:13:26.840 --> 0:13:29.200 Yeah, I know, I need to like let more people know. 0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:31.440 But that was one of my jobs that people say 0:13:31.440 --> 0:13:34.520 I don't have, get yourself a job. I've had so 0:13:34.600 --> 0:13:37.040 many different jobs that I was so burnt out, and 0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:38.679 I just that's why I'm so glad. 0:13:38.440 --> 0:13:40.720 To like have a break right now in Germany. 0:13:41.440 --> 0:13:47.040 But yeah, how expensive it is to like how how 0:13:47.120 --> 0:13:50.200 low like the pay rate is, and just jobs in 0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:53.959 general here, and that the life of an influencer or 0:13:54.280 --> 0:13:57.640 or someone who you know is able to have a 0:13:57.679 --> 0:14:00.480 platform with a lot of followers that brands me dean valuable. 0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:03.640 How that's so up and down and up and down. 0:14:04.240 --> 0:14:08.160 You have two kids that you're supporting, and like it 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:11.440 just money just disappears. I swear about it. I'm like, 0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:13.000 I look int my bank account, I'm like, what the 0:14:13.160 --> 0:14:18.240 fuck did we do this month? Like I'll like groceries 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:19.920 every month? 0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:23.800 Like for me the past year and a half, I 0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:26.280 barely make it. I barely get everything together. I barely 0:14:26.320 --> 0:14:29.040 get the money together for all the bills and everything 0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:32.680 that I need. And I'm back at every single month, 0:14:32.720 --> 0:14:35.800 Like you don't understand how many I woke up even 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:38.400 to my account or negative. It was so stressful that 0:14:38.480 --> 0:14:43.320 I'm like I just need to reset, like take a break. 0:14:43.360 --> 0:14:45.720 I just need to fall back and have somebody catch 0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:47.640 me for a moment because I can't. I I couldn't 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:48.240 take it no more. 0:14:48.320 --> 0:14:50.360 I was like, yo, I. 0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:52.400 Don't know what's gonna happen from here. I know I'll 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:53.880 get back up. This is not the end of me, 0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:57.040 but I need to have a break, Like I just 0:14:57.120 --> 0:14:59.800 needed that so bad and now I'm in the middle 0:14:59.800 --> 0:15:02.880 of and so feeling lucky that. 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:05.320 You have the opportunity to do something like that too, 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:08.160 Like you have the family that can that can help 0:15:08.240 --> 0:15:10.960 you do that. So, like I have a question because 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:12.640 I know, like you got a lot of like you 0:15:12.760 --> 0:15:15.320 got a lot of pushback on like obviously social media, 0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:18.200 because everybody thinks they know your fucking life. Yes, they 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:20.280 just they think they know you. They think I know 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:23.480 your life instances, they think they know your relationship with 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:27.640 your baby daddy, and you know, like I know that, 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:29.800 Like there was like a I know that Peter had 0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:32.360 come out kind of disappointed and he made a video 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:35.480 the saying that you're homeless because he had, you know, 0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:37.800 helped and supported you and offered you his house in 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:40.320 Dallas or his problem relates in Dallas, and people are like, 0:15:40.320 --> 0:15:42.760 why didn't you move to Dallas. I'm like, bitch, because 0:15:42.800 --> 0:15:45.200 what what can I Like, I understand that you could 0:15:45.200 --> 0:15:47.880 go to Dallas, but like where you don't have support there, 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:51.000 so like that wouldn't that would actually be worse. I 0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:55.000 would still be broken Dallas so good. That's what I'm 0:15:55.040 --> 0:15:56.720 thinking when people, when people have. 0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:59.480 These like opinions, I'm like, yeah, you know, the whole 0:15:59.480 --> 0:16:02.359 thing with Llas like he was obviously he was superhard 0:16:02.360 --> 0:16:05.040 because it makes him look bad, right, So I understood 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:08.280 he was upset that I that I made this publicly 0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:12.080 that we are struggling, because the truth is it's not 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:15.920 just me, him too, and I'm sorry, like we all 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:18.240 are together in this because we are, at the end 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:18.960 of the day, a family. 0:16:19.000 --> 0:16:21.480 He's the father of my kids, and he's not able 0:16:21.520 --> 0:16:24.000 to cover us all the way, which I don't expect. 0:16:24.120 --> 0:16:26.440 I made another post about this. I don't expect him 0:16:26.480 --> 0:16:27.040 to cover us. 0:16:27.240 --> 0:16:29.560 I mean, yes, those are his kids and he's supposed 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:31.920 to take care of them, and he has been stepping 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:34.160 up so crazy the past year that I'm nothing but 0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:37.720 thankful and happy for everything that he's done. And I 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:41.480 made another statement after that that you know, Peter is 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:45.960 not to be involved in this conversation because I just was. 0:16:46.000 --> 0:16:47.080 Sharing my truth. 0:16:47.160 --> 0:16:49.840 Right now, I don't have an apartment, me and my 0:16:49.920 --> 0:16:51.920 kids don't have a place for. 0:16:52.000 --> 0:16:53.760 Saying with my sister. It's the truth. 0:16:54.040 --> 0:16:56.840 He did not want me to say that, but I'm like, 0:16:58.120 --> 0:17:00.200 you offered me to go to Dallas. This is like 0:17:00.480 --> 0:17:03.840 seven months ago. That place doesn't exist anymore. He gave 0:17:03.880 --> 0:17:06.080 that apartment up, so I don't know why he went 0:17:06.119 --> 0:17:09.160 online and did all that. He could have moved to Dallas. Yeah, 0:17:09.560 --> 0:17:13.159 six months ago, not now. When I finally ended up 0:17:13.200 --> 0:17:16.840 getting evicted, the place was not there. 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:18.480 I could not go there, so I had to go 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:21.000 to Germany. Like I don't know. 0:17:21.080 --> 0:17:23.479 I did not like respond to his life because there 0:17:23.560 --> 0:17:25.520 was so much craziness and he was so upset. And 0:17:25.560 --> 0:17:28.280 I understood in a way that he was upset, and 0:17:28.320 --> 0:17:31.440 I just wanted to let him have his little, you know, 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:33.000 getting back at me moment. 0:17:33.200 --> 0:17:36.320 But that the whole Dallas thing. I get so many comments, 0:17:36.359 --> 0:17:37.439 why didn't you go to Dallas? 0:17:37.440 --> 0:17:40.479 Peter said, you had an apartment in Dallas that didn't 0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:41.400 not exist. 0:17:41.440 --> 0:17:44.120 When I actually got a victor, I would have went there, 0:17:44.160 --> 0:17:47.720 but it didn't make SI. So yeah, just to clear. 0:17:47.520 --> 0:17:51.280 That up, and even if even if you had, Yeah, 0:17:51.320 --> 0:17:53.360 you're gonna move somewhere a whole different state where there's 0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:56.280 no support for six months and then six and then 0:17:56.359 --> 0:17:58.800 six months later, you're still gonna be in the same situation. 0:17:59.000 --> 0:18:01.040 So as a mom, I have to think long term 0:18:01.359 --> 0:18:04.480 and not short term because he is thinking and his ego, 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:07.240 because this is how men think, because money is such 0:18:07.280 --> 0:18:08.840 a source for men and their ego. 0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:09.320 And their pride. 0:18:09.320 --> 0:18:12.359 It's like, I did offer you this, but no, I 0:18:12.400 --> 0:18:15.040 need this to be stable. I needed to last a 0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:16.760 year and I needed to make sense and if it 0:18:16.760 --> 0:18:18.280 doesn't make sense, and I'm not going to drag my 0:18:18.400 --> 0:18:21.080 kids there for six months to ultimately make the same 0:18:21.119 --> 0:18:23.760 decisions that I'm making now, right, And you know. 0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:24.600 It was summertime. 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:27.480 My kids, we're done with the school year, and I'm like, 0:18:27.760 --> 0:18:31.439 am I gonna sit in Dallas by myself, like with 0:18:31.520 --> 0:18:34.800 the kids, having all of the work on my own 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:37.199 again like I had the past two years? Or am 0:18:37.240 --> 0:18:41.000 I going to go to Germany and have some help, 0:18:42.160 --> 0:18:45.439 really help, like real help, because my sisters and everyone 0:18:45.520 --> 0:18:48.680 is physically here to you know, take my kids out 0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:51.600 and do things where I can have breaks, real breaks, 0:18:52.080 --> 0:18:54.840 because you know, if I would have went to Dallas, 0:18:54.840 --> 0:18:55.560