Speaker 1: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.
Speaker 2: She couldn't.
Speaker 3: She cleaned and cared for her children and the man
Speaker 3: of the house, and of course she didn't talk back.
Speaker 1: She was both obedient and soft by nature. She was
Speaker 1: a good woman who always made good choices.
Speaker 4: We're good Mom's bad choices.
Speaker 5: Two single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all
Speaker 5: their bad choices and.
Speaker 4: Sound out they were so bad. After all, we're experts,
Speaker 4: overshares and your new besties.
Speaker 1: Sit back and enjoy the ride.
Speaker 2: I can do it.
Speaker 5: Welcome back to good Mom's bad Choices. I'm Nila, I'm Erica,
Speaker 5: and it's Wednesday. Happy hump Day.
Speaker 1: Poppy Hemp Gay. Well here I'm doing right now?
Speaker 4: And what are you doing right now?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do something that's gonna piss everybody out.
Speaker 4: What's that?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna smoke a backwood without weeding it.
Speaker 4: Oh God, to.
Speaker 1: Smoke a backwood us like an old man and his cigar. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: have you tried these specifically? I'm not. I think I'm
Speaker 1: becoming like a real black smoker because the la are
Speaker 1: aromatic ones.
Speaker 4: Oh they're good.
Speaker 1: They taste fucking good. They taste good with just everything
Speaker 1: that's involved inside of it, not taking out the stuffings,
Speaker 1: just as God intended this backwards. Specifically, I can smoke
Speaker 1: in casualness, and this morning or this afternoon, I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, I feel like smoking a cigar.
Speaker 5: You know, I always feel like smoking like a real
Speaker 5: cigar and a cigar bar because it's just like manly
Speaker 5: and there's like it just feels like Cuba. I've never
Speaker 5: been there, but these are the places I feel like
Speaker 5: smoking cigars and cigar bars amongst the men. Like so
Speaker 5: I can be cool with cavasier, not just in the
Speaker 5: morning in my living room, but you know, to each.
Speaker 1: It's a it's the afternoon.
Speaker 4: First of all, okay, twelve minutes past.
Speaker 1: Second of all, I don't reserve cigars for male spaces,
Speaker 1: you know, I think it's about time that women, you know,
Speaker 1: I feel like all the men are trying to take
Speaker 1: over our spaces and like trying to be women do
Speaker 1: women shit, And so I'm reclaiming. I'm claiming that cigars
Speaker 1: are for bitches. Cigars are for bitches. I don't know
Speaker 1: about the men that smoke cigars, but I think that
Speaker 1: I want to start a cigar smoking club for women.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, there probably is a cigar smoking club
Speaker 4: for women.
Speaker 5: We should look into that. Maybe we need to take
Speaker 5: over a cigar bar. Actually, one time Ashley took me
Speaker 5: to one and it was a bunch of old niggas
Speaker 5: and they were on me. You know how much old
Speaker 5: niggas loved me? And I was really the shit that night.
Speaker 5: I should really revisit that. I'm gonna go back to
Speaker 5: the I'm gonna take you to the cigar bar. We're
Speaker 5: gonna have Actually, we should have a good mom's meetup
Speaker 5: at the old niggas cigar bar.
Speaker 4: I don't know if the moms have gotten into the older.
Speaker 5: Niggas, but I advocate for them, you know, like forty
Speaker 5: five plus, because they're cool. They give you compliments, they
Speaker 5: take you out to dinner, they really.
Speaker 4: See you for the queen that you are.
Speaker 5: These wayians ey, but over forty five plus, I mean
Speaker 5: it could go either way. They could still be corny.
Speaker 5: But the cigar bar has all the ogs, and I
Speaker 5: support the ogs with the salt and pepper, just like
Speaker 5: that Silver Fox crew.
Speaker 1: Do you see this, look this technique.
Speaker 5: Let me see your technique, your cigar technique. Even though
Speaker 5: that's not Is that okay?
Speaker 4: Anyway?
Speaker 1: And you know what, last thing, I don't think it's
Speaker 1: bad for you because I'm not inhaling and I'm going
Speaker 1: to brush my teeth after this.
Speaker 5: You have to brush your teeth after this, or you're
Speaker 5: gonna scare away your boyfriend.
Speaker 1: I actually think it's worse to inhale it, which I
Speaker 1: also do, but today we just are casually smoking the cigar. Anyway, baby,
Speaker 1: take it.
Speaker 4: Away with weed.
Speaker 5: You inhale, just backwood, no weed inside. You don't inhale.
Speaker 5: That's just an autumn. I just want to tell that
Speaker 5: to everybody. You don't inhale cigars. That's not good for
Speaker 5: you anywhow Anyway, I'm gonna try it back with la
Speaker 5: Aromatic this week, with the regular shit in it, and
Speaker 5: I'm gonna get back to you and tell.
Speaker 4: You how it goes. I mean, because I thought Eric
Speaker 4: has lost her goddamn mind. But maybe we're.
Speaker 1: Good and we're bringing We're gonna we're doing the meetup.
Speaker 1: We're doing. We are taking over the men's spaces in
Speaker 1: twenty twenty last quarters of twenty twenty five.
Speaker 5: I like that, Okay, everybody, DMS hold us to this
Speaker 5: because I want to go see the if they're y
Speaker 5: n or the o ns old niggas.
Speaker 1: None of your state, none of your spaces are safe anymore, niggas,
Speaker 1: not for.
Speaker 4: The y Ins or the Owens.
Speaker 5: Anyway, we're home today because we just we had to
Speaker 5: honor ourselves and sit the fuck down in the living room.
Speaker 5: But we do have a special guest, and I'm very
Speaker 5: excited because we haven't had this guest on in literally,
Speaker 5: i want to say, like seven years, seven years. She
Speaker 5: was one of our first guests, our first year in
Speaker 5: the dining room, and so I'm always happy to see
Speaker 5: old friends in uh you know, as we've upgraded. So
Speaker 5: today we welcome to our show our good friend, singer,
Speaker 5: songwriter and og X reality TV star Amina Butterfly.
Speaker 4: Welcome to the show.
Speaker 6: Thank you all. Listen.
Speaker 2: I'm a little bit bummed that we're not like in person,
Speaker 2: because I always envisioned myself coming back to Good Moms
Speaker 2: and like it being like the real deal and everything.
Speaker 2: But I'll take it, and this just means to meet
Speaker 2: that in another five years or so once more a
Speaker 2: third time.
Speaker 4: It could be.
Speaker 5: It doesn't have to be five years later, right, we
Speaker 5: do it. Actually, when you get back. It doesn't have
Speaker 5: you five years later, we need you back on the
Speaker 5: show more than once every five years.
Speaker 4: I missed you.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 4: I always see you in passing. Yeah, were happy to
Speaker 4: have you. How are you? What's been going on?
Speaker 6: Good?
Speaker 2: It's crazy because I just saw that thing pop up
Speaker 2: too where it said seven years ago and I was
Speaker 2: announcing that I was going to be on the pod
Speaker 2: and I was like, seven years That seems like, you know,
Speaker 2: it was just it just happened a little while ago.
Speaker 2: But I'm good, man, I'm good for the circumstances, Like
Speaker 2: I'm actually personally feeling amazing, but circumstances.
Speaker 6: Are not perfect. But you know, life, that's life. And
Speaker 6: I'm currently in Germany with my kids.
Speaker 4: How's Germany?
Speaker 2: It's it's I'm always happy to be here because I'm
Speaker 2: with my family. I'm always happy to see my mom, my, sisters,
Speaker 2: my nieces and nephews, and it's always good to have that,
Speaker 2: especially because I don't have that much, Like I don't
Speaker 2: really you know, get to see them. And it's been
Speaker 2: two years that I've seen everybody.
Speaker 6: And so yeah, I'm just happy to be here. But
Speaker 6: it was kind of like I was forced to come
Speaker 6: here because I moved out my place in LA.
Speaker 2: And I didn't have no work to go with my kids,
Speaker 2: and I'm like.
Speaker 1: Okay, where do I go?
Speaker 2: I go to my family there in Germany. So that's
Speaker 2: why I'm here. But it's beautiful. I wanted to come here.
Speaker 6: I wanted to be with them. So yeah, Well.
Speaker 1: I just want to say, I mean, like, I really
Speaker 1: I admire your bravery around just being fully just transparent
Speaker 1: about your situation, especially as a mom, a single mom.
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of shame and guilt around
Speaker 1: just being honest and saying, hey, like I don't I
Speaker 1: don't I need help. Yeah, I can't maintain this this
Speaker 1: lifestyle right now like I could before, especially women in
Speaker 1: your position, because I think a lot of times people
Speaker 1: see people on reality TV or just people on the internet,
Speaker 1: even people like us that are have like have platforms,
Speaker 1: and they assume that you know, the brand deals are
Speaker 1: coming in. They assume that we're just getting paid right
Speaker 1: and left. They assume all these things, And I think
Speaker 1: a lot of us suffer in silence because we are
Speaker 1: so we are so busy trying to uphold how people
Speaker 1: view us, when actually we're struggling and and then we
Speaker 1: actually put ourselves in even worse positions just to uphold
Speaker 1: what we assume people think about us. So I just
Speaker 1: want to say that I really admire your bravery and
Speaker 1: just your honesty and your vulnerability and transparency. And I
Speaker 1: think that a lot of women can relate to it.
Speaker 1: And a lot of women are going through the same
Speaker 1: exact thing that you are, where they're like they have
Speaker 1: to move home, they have to go home, recalibrate and
Speaker 1: reassess and figure it out. And that is okay. Especially
Speaker 1: and first of all, living in la.
Speaker 4: Is expensive as fun.
Speaker 1: So five people don't like people like know it, but
Speaker 1: when you're actually living it, it's a whole other thing.
Speaker 6: It's crazy.
Speaker 5: And I think there's a there's I think because you're
Speaker 5: saying it out loud. Because you're saying it out loud,
Speaker 5: I think that it frees you in some capacity.
Speaker 4: I think there's a level of secret.
Speaker 5: There's a level of secrecy, and like, especially the black
Speaker 5: the culture, that we have to keep our struggles to
Speaker 5: ourselves because there's this perception from the outside world that like, yeah,
Speaker 5: we're not doing well, or that we're coming up short
Speaker 5: and all these things, and it's like the more you
Speaker 5: hide it and the more you act like this is
Speaker 5: like you normalize that people are not struggling, Like people
Speaker 5: are struggling out here.
Speaker 4: It's not if you've been on TV or whatever. The fuck.
Speaker 5: The situation is like adulthood is hard, and hiding it
Speaker 5: and pretending like everybody is doing just fine is to
Speaker 5: our detriment because everybody is struggling in some capacity. And
Speaker 5: I think there's and I think also like I've struggled,
Speaker 5: and I've been out of a place, I've been out
Speaker 5: of a car, I've been evicted, I've been fucking a
Speaker 5: car has been repossessed, I've been fucked up and with
Speaker 5: it and with a child, And I think there's so much, literally,
Speaker 5: like that's real.
Speaker 4: Life, that's that's the journey.
Speaker 5: But I think that there is a level of as
Speaker 5: a mom when you experience these things, there's a level
Speaker 5: of guilt and shame that you experience because you're supposed
Speaker 5: to have it all together because you'res a parent. And
Speaker 5: the truth is is like I think mostly women and
Speaker 5: mothers experience this, but not so much fathers because women
Speaker 5: are generally the caretaker, the primary caretaker, and so when
Speaker 5: you struggle you're like, damn, I'm putting my child in
Speaker 5: this position.
Speaker 4: But this is real life.
Speaker 5: And I think that we also like normalize, we also
Speaker 5: normalize like twenty year old or like early in your
Speaker 5: early twenties, you struggle, but baby, guess what shit happens
Speaker 5: all throughout this motherfucker at thirty, at forty, at all ages,
Speaker 5: and especially with children. And so I do, like, I
Speaker 5: really do commend you for being vulnerable and being honest
Speaker 5: and saying what it is, and also like, thank god
Speaker 5: you have a family you can go to and you
Speaker 5: can just you know, reset, and you can talk about
Speaker 5: this shit because there's time like.
Speaker 4: I struggle to, Like I'm struggling right now. These bills
Speaker 4: are high.
Speaker 5: Money is a source of anxiety for me, and I
Speaker 5: think that as parents and as black women, we don't
Speaker 5: talk about it often. And I really, really, really when
Speaker 5: when I saw you talking about it online, I was like, thank.
Speaker 4: God, Okay, yeah, and they'll normalize that. This shit is hard.
Speaker 6: It's it's the only way.
Speaker 1: Oh.
Speaker 2: The only reason why I can be like that and
Speaker 2: be open with it is because I don't attach my
Speaker 2: bank account or what I have to my worth. Like
Speaker 2: I feel the same way about who I am with nothing,
Speaker 2: then I would feel if I had like millions of
Speaker 2: dollars like I feel great about the person that I am,
Speaker 2: And a lot of people don't feel great when they
Speaker 2: don't have nothing, Like I feel still so capable, so
Speaker 2: powerful and so just amazing. I have this self worth
Speaker 2: that is detached from anything like materialistic or yeah, money, right,
Speaker 2: so I can't admit that I don't.
Speaker 6: Got it right now like a lot of people.
Speaker 2: I know so many that are in similar situations, Like
Speaker 2: you just said, like a lot of people are going
Speaker 2: through this, right, but they're not gonna say it because
Speaker 2: they're embarrassed.
Speaker 6: I'm not embarrassed.
Speaker 2: This is life, and so I've always just been real
Speaker 2: and on my platforms and even when.
Speaker 6: I was on reality TV, I was always the real one.
Speaker 6: I like to say that kept myself on the back.
Speaker 2: But I've always been like real to who I am
Speaker 2: because I'm not ashamed of nothing that I'm going through.
Speaker 6: Most people are so.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and that's true. I like people attach their worth
Speaker 5: to their success and to their bank accounts, and that
Speaker 5: is something we have to shift as a society because
Speaker 5: it's fake. Yeah, Because just because you have a billion
Speaker 5: dollars doesn't mean you're fine, doesn't mean you're right, doesn't
Speaker 5: mean you're a good motherfucking person, and like what makes
Speaker 5: and like that's true? Like how do you feel even
Speaker 5: without the things, even without the titles, even without the car?
Speaker 4: Who are you without the monetary success?
Speaker 5: And like that's that's a word, and that's a lesson
Speaker 5: for our kids too.
Speaker 1: I saw, like, sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 6: No, what Mila just said.
Speaker 2: I just had that in one of my DaMert House
Speaker 2: you know, talk in my yoga classes on the other
Speaker 2: teacher as well. So I talk about things like that
Speaker 2: in the beginning, and I just you just merit exactly
Speaker 2: what I was saying to my students, like literally like
Speaker 2: a month ago when I was still in La.
Speaker 6: So that was It's amazing.
Speaker 1: I didn't you ever teaching yoga in La.
Speaker 4: I would have pulled up right my neighborhood A man.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, I need to like let more people know.
Speaker 2: But that was one of my jobs that people say
Speaker 2: I don't have, get yourself a job. I've had so
Speaker 2: many different jobs that I was so burnt out, and
Speaker 2: I just that's why I'm so glad.
Speaker 6: To like have a break right now in Germany.
Speaker 1: But yeah, how expensive it is to like how how
Speaker 1: low like the pay rate is, and just jobs in
Speaker 1: general here, and that the life of an influencer or
Speaker 1: or someone who you know is able to have a
Speaker 1: platform with a lot of followers that brands me dean valuable.
Speaker 1: How that's so up and down and up and down.
Speaker 1: You have two kids that you're supporting, and like it
Speaker 1: just money just disappears. I swear about it. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I look int my bank account, I'm like, what the
Speaker 1: fuck did we do this month? Like I'll like groceries
Speaker 1: every month?
Speaker 2: Like for me the past year and a half, I
Speaker 2: barely make it. I barely get everything together. I barely
Speaker 2: get the money together for all the bills and everything
Speaker 2: that I need. And I'm back at every single month,
Speaker 2: Like you don't understand how many I woke up even
Speaker 2: to my account or negative. It was so stressful that
Speaker 2: I'm like I just need to reset, like take a break.
Speaker 2: I just need to fall back and have somebody catch
Speaker 2: me for a moment because I can't. I I couldn't
Speaker 2: take it no more.
Speaker 6: I was like, yo, I.
Speaker 2: Don't know what's gonna happen from here. I know I'll
Speaker 2: get back up. This is not the end of me,
Speaker 2: but I need to have a break, Like I just
Speaker 2: needed that so bad and now I'm in the middle
Speaker 2: of and so feeling lucky that.
Speaker 1: You have the opportunity to do something like that too,
Speaker 1: Like you have the family that can that can help
Speaker 1: you do that. So, like I have a question because
Speaker 1: I know, like you got a lot of like you
Speaker 1: got a lot of pushback on like obviously social media,
Speaker 1: because everybody thinks they know your fucking life. Yes, they
Speaker 1: just they think they know you. They think I know
Speaker 1: your life instances, they think they know your relationship with
Speaker 1: your baby daddy, and you know, like I know that,
Speaker 1: Like there was like a I know that Peter had
Speaker 1: come out kind of disappointed and he made a video
Speaker 1: the saying that you're homeless because he had, you know,
Speaker 1: helped and supported you and offered you his house in
Speaker 1: Dallas or his problem relates in Dallas, and people are like,
Speaker 1: why didn't you move to Dallas. I'm like, bitch, because
Speaker 1: what what can I Like, I understand that you could
Speaker 1: go to Dallas, but like where you don't have support there,
Speaker 1: so like that wouldn't that would actually be worse. I
Speaker 1: would still be broken Dallas so good. That's what I'm
Speaker 1: thinking when people, when people have.
Speaker 3: These like opinions, I'm like, yeah, you know, the whole
Speaker 3: thing with Llas like he was obviously he was superhard
Speaker 3: because it makes him look bad, right, So I understood
Speaker 3: he was upset that I that I made this publicly
Speaker 3: that we are struggling, because the truth is it's not
Speaker 3: just me, him too, and I'm sorry, like we all
Speaker 3: are together in this because we are, at the end
Speaker 3: of the day, a family.
Speaker 2: He's the father of my kids, and he's not able
Speaker 2: to cover us all the way, which I don't expect.
Speaker 6: I made another post about this. I don't expect him
Speaker 6: to cover us.
Speaker 2: I mean, yes, those are his kids and he's supposed
Speaker 2: to take care of them, and he has been stepping
Speaker 2: up so crazy the past year that I'm nothing but
Speaker 2: thankful and happy for everything that he's done. And I
Speaker 2: made another statement after that that you know, Peter is
Speaker 2: not to be involved in this conversation because I just was.
Speaker 6: Sharing my truth.
Speaker 2: Right now, I don't have an apartment, me and my
Speaker 2: kids don't have a place for.
Speaker 6: Saying with my sister. It's the truth.
Speaker 2: He did not want me to say that, but I'm like,
Speaker 2: you offered me to go to Dallas. This is like
Speaker 2: seven months ago. That place doesn't exist anymore. He gave
Speaker 2: that apartment up, so I don't know why he went
Speaker 2: online and did all that. He could have moved to Dallas. Yeah,
Speaker 2: six months ago, not now. When I finally ended up
Speaker 2: getting evicted, the place was not there.
Speaker 6: I could not go there, so I had to go
Speaker 6: to Germany. Like I don't know.
Speaker 2: I did not like respond to his life because there
Speaker 2: was so much craziness and he was so upset. And
Speaker 2: I understood in a way that he was upset, and
Speaker 2: I just wanted to let him have his little, you know,
Speaker 2: getting back at me moment.
Speaker 6: But that the whole Dallas thing. I get so many comments,
Speaker 6: why didn't you go to Dallas?
Speaker 2: Peter said, you had an apartment in Dallas that didn't
Speaker 2: not exist.
Speaker 6: When I actually got a victor, I would have went there,
Speaker 6: but it didn't make SI. So yeah, just to clear.
Speaker 5: That up, and even if even if you had, Yeah,
Speaker 5: you're gonna move somewhere a whole different state where there's
Speaker 5: no support for six months and then six and then
Speaker 5: six months later, you're still gonna be in the same situation.
Speaker 5: So as a mom, I have to think long term
Speaker 5: and not short term because he is thinking and his ego,
Speaker 5: because this is how men think, because money is such
Speaker 5: a source for men and their ego.
Speaker 4: And their pride.
Speaker 5: It's like, I did offer you this, but no, I
Speaker 5: need this to be stable. I needed to last a
Speaker 5: year and I needed to make sense and if it
Speaker 5: doesn't make sense, and I'm not going to drag my
Speaker 5: kids there for six months to ultimately make the same
Speaker 5: decisions that I'm making now, right, And you know.
Speaker 6: It was summertime.
Speaker 2: My kids, we're done with the school year, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: am I gonna sit in Dallas by myself, like with
Speaker 2: the kids, having all of the work on my own
Speaker 2: again like I had the past two years? Or am
Speaker 2: I going to go to Germany and have some help,
Speaker 2: really help, like real help, because my sisters and everyone
Speaker 2: is physically here to you know, take my kids out
Speaker 2: and do things where I can have breaks, real breaks,
Speaker 2: because you know, if I would have went to Dallas,
Speaker 2: I would have been alone.
Speaker 6: Again. I'm a loner in life. I'm always alone.
Speaker 2: I've been alone with my kids for ten years. I
Speaker 2: couldn't do it anymore. I needed someone around me and
Speaker 2: there so the whole thing with going to Dallas another
Speaker 2: quest for me to.
Speaker 1: Do on my own.
Speaker 6: Note, Well, thanks, I'm gonna go were.
Speaker 1: Oh you've done it alone. You've done it. You deserve
Speaker 1: a break, You deserve rest, You deserve the space to
Speaker 1: re examine how and what you're going to do next.
Speaker 1: And you cannot do that with two kids running around
Speaker 1: your house all day. You can ish. But if you
Speaker 1: have the option to not have to do it that way,
Speaker 1: after doing it that way for ten years and you've
Speaker 1: seen that it hasn't benefited you, and you have this
Speaker 1: other option, fucking take it. I think so many women too,
Speaker 1: like don't even have the option and still don't take it.
Speaker 1: They would rather suffer. They would rather be like wear
Speaker 1: this Superwoman coat and say I did it all by myself.
Speaker 1: I don't feel like there's a glory in that. Like
Speaker 1: children are supposed to be raised in community, in tribe.
Speaker 1: You're supposed to have support. You're not supposed to do
Speaker 1: this alone. And if you don't have to, then fucking don't.
Speaker 1: Then let move in with your mom for a minit,
Speaker 1: move in with wherever the fuck you gotta go that
Speaker 1: has the support, move in and because I feel like
Speaker 1: a lot of women listening to this probably are in
Speaker 1: similar positions right now and battling with their ego, battling
Speaker 1: with how other people are going to view them as
Speaker 1: a parent that they can't provide. No, I do provide.
Speaker 1: I'm a nurturer. I handle all this all the time,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like, I feel like we
Speaker 1: need to give ourselves like our flowers and realize because
Speaker 1: I think a lot of times like it feels like, well,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm supposed to do, and it is you,
Speaker 1: I guess, yeah, But like there's a lot of moms
Speaker 1: that aren't, you know, So I feel like you're a
Speaker 1: good mom and you have all those worries and and
Speaker 1: and you're thinking about your children, but you have to
Speaker 1: think about yourself and like how you can actually be
Speaker 1: a good mom to your kids. So I'm just that you.
Speaker 6: Yeah. I was to the point where I was healthy.
Speaker 2: I was feeling I was starting to get sick every
Speaker 2: month every month around the time time of the month,
Speaker 2: because that's when the homewards, you know, when my immune
Speaker 2: system is and I knew clockwork, like every month that
Speaker 2: week before I was.
Speaker 6: Going to get sick because of stress. The stress makes
Speaker 6: me sick.
Speaker 2: And I was just so stressed, and every month I
Speaker 2: would get sick, like physically sick, where like on top
Speaker 2: of being stressed out and burnt.
Speaker 6: Out and everything. Well, people don't understand is that I
Speaker 6: was doing so much.
Speaker 2: I was working my ass off and I'm like the
Speaker 2: last person to be lazy, Like I get up and
Speaker 2: go do whatever I need to do. So I had
Speaker 2: multiple jobs this whole past year that I was going
Speaker 2: to every day and it was still still just not
Speaker 2: enough money coming in. So I was just always like
Speaker 2: overwhelmed NonStop, and that gets to you like health wise.
Speaker 2: And at some point I was like if I don't
Speaker 2: want to take a break here, like I'm going to
Speaker 2: end up.
Speaker 6: Like in the hospital or something. I was literally physically sick,
Speaker 6: So I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just like like was it? I was like was
Speaker 1: it you that? Like how did you end up going home?
Speaker 1: Because like did your was it you? Then finally asked
Speaker 1: your family like this and hey, I need this or
Speaker 1: did they or did they like be like girl just
Speaker 1: come here like a little bit of both, because I'm wondering, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: sometimes people are just afraid to even ask, like what
Speaker 1: does that conversation look like, No, it's like.
Speaker 2: Being that I was already going through it so bad,
Speaker 2: just being stressed all the time for years straight. I
Speaker 2: was like just missing my family, like I was missing family,
Speaker 2: being able to go see my mom like I was
Speaker 2: missing them, and I wanted to go to Germany for
Speaker 2: the longest just to visit.
Speaker 6: I didn't have the money to take us.
Speaker 1: For a vacation.
Speaker 2: And now it was like, Okay, we're going to move out,
Speaker 2: We're getting evicted.
Speaker 6: Where do I go.
Speaker 2: The first thought that comes to mind is my sister,
Speaker 2: my twin sister, the closest person in my entire life
Speaker 2: to me, we can always fall back, we can always
Speaker 2: come and stay there. So that was like where my whole,
Speaker 2: my whole mindset was like I just want to go home,
Speaker 2: just I just want to get home and then figure
Speaker 2: it out from there because I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2: I don't know what is going to be, so I
Speaker 2: just want to go home and then figure it out.
Speaker 2: And I mean, it was like, what's the plan?
Speaker 6: What are you going to do? You should do X,
Speaker 6: Y and Z.
Speaker 2: When you don't have space, you can't create, So I can't.
Speaker 2: I can't come up. I can't even come up with
Speaker 2: a plan when I'm so not okay, you know, Like
Speaker 2: so that's why I took these two months.
Speaker 6: So I'm a break on my kids. Perfect timing.
Speaker 2: I got evictied in end of May, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: perfect timing. I just need flights to go home and
Speaker 2: props the Peter guns because he actually did pay for
Speaker 2: our lights to go to Germany. So we ended up
Speaker 2: here later. And it's like it's like kind of like
Speaker 2: open end. But you know, one thing that I have
Speaker 2: to say, because people always ask and people know that,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I got my French geam or French old
Speaker 2: dog who is like my third kid, and he got
Speaker 2: left behind, and so I have to come back for him.
Speaker 2: I like, I'm not I can't deal. I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: like my my third kid is back in LA and.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I saw you post him. I saw you
Speaker 1: post this. This is your baby.
Speaker 6: Oh man, he is. He is like my whole world,
Speaker 6: besides my kids, of course, But I don't know. I
Speaker 6: was to bring him here for a lot of different reasons.
Speaker 2: Not only bringing him here was complicated, but also you know,
Speaker 2: he wasn't able to stay with us here, Like my
Speaker 2: family isn't like rich, Like my sister lives in a
Speaker 2: small apartment. We're all like crunched up with She had
Speaker 2: the family, two kids, boyfriend, and you know, we don't
Speaker 2: have a lot of space here either, And so there
Speaker 2: was a lot of reasons why I couldn't bring my dog.
Speaker 2: So I have to find a way to be like
Speaker 2: back reunited with him, because it's like, that's the hardest
Speaker 2: part about being away, to be honest, right now, my baby.
Speaker 4: Honest dog.
Speaker 5: Yeah, not the dog, mom, you had to sacrifice the pet,
Speaker 5: the pet child. No, But honestly, this conversation is a
Speaker 5: breath of fresh air, just because I think that in LA,
Speaker 5: I think a gender in LA, people have this this
Speaker 5: misconception that everybody is just doing fine. And I'm always like,
Speaker 5: how the fuck is everybody just fine? I'm like, this
Speaker 5: shit is expensive, this shit is hard, especially being a parent,
Speaker 5: and I think that we don't hear enough about I mean, obviously,
Speaker 5: the internet is going to give you the top one
Speaker 5: percent of the best parts of your life, and that's
Speaker 5: what it's going to show, and that's what you're gonna post,
Speaker 5: and you're always going to look good and you're always
Speaker 5: and you know, but the truth But the truth is
Speaker 5: it's refreshing to know that other people are going through shit.
Speaker 5: And not to say like misery loves company, but it's like,
Speaker 5: I'm not the only one dealing with this thing.
Speaker 4: I don't think I'm the only one.
Speaker 5: I think sometimes when you're going through things and you
Speaker 5: feel like everybody else is not, Like am I the
Speaker 5: only one failing at this thing called adulthood?
Speaker 4: And I've struggled, like I still struggle in adulthood.
Speaker 5: I struggle with finances, I struggle with feeling safe with money,
Speaker 5: and I feel like sometimes I'm like, am I the
Speaker 5: only one?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 5: And it's like it was refreshing to be like, oh,
Speaker 5: it's you're not the only one. And you have to
Speaker 5: recalibrate and sometimes you have to go home and you
Speaker 5: have to be like, Okay, what's the new plan? Because
Speaker 5: I've been there, girl, and I really understand, like how
Speaker 5: can I figure it out? When I'm fucking stressed about
Speaker 5: the same shit every four weeks?
Speaker 4: Every time, I gotta like, I gotta breathe.
Speaker 5: In order to find a new plan, because and if
Speaker 5: you unless you have the time to figure out a
Speaker 5: new plan, You're going to be constantly in survival mode
Speaker 5: and in hustle mode and and this and this and that,
Speaker 5: and like it's it becomes it can consume your whole
Speaker 5: fucking sanity.
Speaker 4: So like I was, I was.
Speaker 5: Very it was refreshing to hear you be honest, like,
Speaker 5: I'm sure it's it's given a lot of other people,
Speaker 5: you know, like, oh well a Mina from Love and
Speaker 5: Hip Hop is talking honestly, like, hey me too. You know,
Speaker 5: like this shit is not easy, and sometimes even after
Speaker 5: you struggled or fucked up more than once, you still
Speaker 5: never You may not figure it out right away. It
Speaker 5: may take three times, right, you know, like we are
Speaker 5: we are human, and even though we're in adult bodies
Speaker 5: in some ways, we're learning and we're still figuring it out.
Speaker 4: And that's okay.
Speaker 5: And I think that people need to use the internet
Speaker 5: in a more realistic way instead of just posting the
Speaker 5: top five percent good shit in your life, because the
Speaker 5: truth of the matter is most people are fucked up.
Speaker 5: You know, the economy is not good right now. Shit
Speaker 5: is expensive. If you have kids, it's difficult.
Speaker 2: And like the things, Yeah, the thing with me is
Speaker 2: the food is expensive.
Speaker 6: Oh my God.
Speaker 2: The thing with me is like I love positivity and
Speaker 2: I post. I love posting positive things because that's what
Speaker 2: life is supposed to be, Like you're supposed to be
Speaker 2: making the best of it every day, and so I
Speaker 2: love posting positive stuff.
Speaker 6: But I also don't like faking it just to look asa.
Speaker 6: So I've never liked that.
Speaker 2: So I also I've always shared like my struggles and
Speaker 2: so again, like I'm not embarrassed about it, so why
Speaker 2: not like share that and be real.
Speaker 6: Just because it makes I think you did look best?
Speaker 1: Right? Right?
Speaker 6: No, it's like I don't mind people him, I don't.
Speaker 1: Think about it. Sometimes it's not about him. It's not
Speaker 1: about him, it's about you, you know. And I think
Speaker 1: a lot of times when we vocalize our like our
Speaker 1: experience as women, it's always connected to like the man
Speaker 1: and like whether he's what, what, what he did? What
Speaker 1: you did to him? What? All these things? And honestly,
Speaker 1: and obviously it may be a little bit different because
Speaker 1: people are are attached to your story because of this
Speaker 1: relationship that you had, but like it was ten years ago.
Speaker 1: And I think like we live in a society too
Speaker 1: that likes to hold people hostage to like moments in
Speaker 1: their life that they're no longer they don't even identify
Speaker 1: with anymore. Yeah, you know, like we had we have
Speaker 1: Lovely mimeon and she was talking about she was on
Speaker 1: love and hip Hop too, and she was just like,
Speaker 1: I did this shit so long ago. Why the fuck
Speaker 1: is this shit? I don't even I don't even know
Speaker 1: what that is anymore, you know what I mean. It's
Speaker 1: like I think, because they have these visual time stamps
Speaker 1: of who you are, people really like feel comfortable keeping
Speaker 1: you there. So I'm curious, like how do you how
Speaker 1: do you, like, I guess, move through that because there's
Speaker 1: so much opinion on the internet talking and like how
Speaker 1: do you stay positive in moments where people feel like
Speaker 1: they know your life where they are attacking you. You know,
Speaker 1: it's because I could I imagine it could be a lot.
Speaker 6: Yeah for sure.
Speaker 2: I mean I'm like to say, like now I'm like
Speaker 2: so immune to what people say, Like yeah, I think
Speaker 2: like like you can't like you can't hurt me with
Speaker 2: negative comments or like like you said, people are stuck
Speaker 2: in the past.
Speaker 1: Not me.
Speaker 6: I am where I am.
Speaker 2: I know where I am, this is years ago, this
Speaker 2: is not my life. So whatever people say, like I
Speaker 2: just let them say it and let them think it
Speaker 2: and like let them think they know everything, and I
Speaker 2: just kind of like laugh about it. And sometimes I'll
Speaker 2: like reply like, oh, you're stuck in the past or whatever.
Speaker 6: But even that is like almost too much for me. Now.
Speaker 2: It's like they haven't followed anything I've done since the show.
Speaker 2: They have not seen my growth, they haven't seen my healing,
Speaker 2: they haven't gotten to know the person that I am now.
Speaker 2: So it's like I don't blame them, but at the
Speaker 2: same time, it's like, wow, do you realize this is
Speaker 2: like literally ten years ago that this all happened, And
Speaker 2: do you think that I'm still there? That's kind of dumb.
Speaker 2: And I was the one that was called dumb for years,
Speaker 2: like still to this day, Like people call me dumb
Speaker 2: for staying with a man for three years that was
Speaker 2: cheating ourselves.
Speaker 6: And I mean whatever people say, it's just you cannot hurt.
Speaker 2: Me anymore, Like nothing like that can ever hurt me
Speaker 2: or get to me because I'm so secure now.
Speaker 5: You know, It's crazy how people want to hold you
Speaker 5: to like a decision that you made ten years ago.
Speaker 5: I'm sure you get those comments on well, you should
Speaker 5: have never done this, You should have never done that.
Speaker 5: Now this is what you get or this is the
Speaker 5: position you're in, And it's like, bitch, if I could
Speaker 5: look at your records on TV, we've all been dumb,
Speaker 5: bitch once or four hundred times in our life, and
Speaker 5: you just don't have the video evidence of it, and
Speaker 5: you didn't put it out for the world to see, which,
Speaker 5: on a side note, is very brave too.
Speaker 4: That was a very brave thing for you to do.
Speaker 5: And you have to have tough skin to exist in
Speaker 5: that world and be on reality TV because they edit
Speaker 5: and pick out what they want you to see and
Speaker 5: most women do a lot of dumb shit, but you
Speaker 5: don't have any record of it, but you do, and
Speaker 5: so you have to live in that because that's what
Speaker 5: people think they know you for.
Speaker 4: But it's just like.
Speaker 5: Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes, bitch, But yeah, you
Speaker 5: don't have to be held.
Speaker 2: Sorry cutting you off, But the thing that's crazy is
Speaker 2: like that people gosh, I just lost my what was
Speaker 2: it going to say? Say something about what we were
Speaker 2: just talking about with with the reality TV.
Speaker 1: I was just saying that everyone makes mistakes, and like
Speaker 1: people want to hold you to, you know, these versions
Speaker 1: of yourself. But people don't have to make mistakes publicly
Speaker 1: like you've made misticks publicly, where some people are doing
Speaker 1: the same exact ship with cameras.
Speaker 2: You wouldn't believe how many messages and comments I get
Speaker 2: from women like how did you leave them in the
Speaker 2: same situation?
Speaker 6: I can't do it.
Speaker 2: And even just yesterday a woman was like, at least
Speaker 2: yours was just three years, that mine took nine years,
Speaker 2: Like you know, I'm.
Speaker 6: Like, is that everybody? Everyone goes to shit like that?
Speaker 2: Like everyone is making everyone gets stuck, like with the man,
Speaker 2: there's no good for them, Like like come on, like every.
Speaker 6: Really fuck exactly.
Speaker 1: I guess I just really get sucked by life. You
Speaker 1: don't get to avoid the fucking of life. Okay, life
Speaker 1: is going to fuck you. The more comfortable you get
Speaker 1: with it, the more in flow and relaxed, you know, open.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna I'm going to go that far and say
Speaker 2: that I'm even I'm saying people say, oh, you wasted
Speaker 2: all those years. I'm thankful for everything that I went through.
Speaker 2: Someone just ask me yesterday, do you regret And I
Speaker 2: don't regret it.
Speaker 6: It was I would not be who I am like
Speaker 6: I am so like I have so much.
Speaker 2: More self worth I found I figured out how to
Speaker 2: love myself through everything. Because of everything, I figured out
Speaker 2: how to like really love myself.
Speaker 6: And I don't think I would be here if it
Speaker 6: wasn't for everything that I wanted to with.
Speaker 2: Not only the show, but the relationship and staying with them.
Speaker 2: There was, you know, everything that people were witnessing. I
Speaker 2: don't I would not be the person I am that
Speaker 2: I'm so part of today.
Speaker 6: So I don't have no regrets none. Like literally, I
Speaker 6: have a question.
Speaker 1: I mean, how long are your girls now?
Speaker 6: There?
Speaker 2: Their birthdays are coming next week and the following week
Speaker 2: they're gonna be nine and eleven.
Speaker 1: Oh my god.
Speaker 6: Yeah man, and they have been born on TV. Yeah,
Speaker 6: so that's how.
Speaker 4: Long both of them are born on TV?
Speaker 7: Yes, the cameras in the hospital to say that every time, Yeah,
Speaker 7: I had I have their their image like the camera
Speaker 7: their first day of their life.
Speaker 6: Both of them. Yeah, that's crazy.
Speaker 1: I love What about how are they with the move? Like?
Speaker 1: How are they? Because I think a lot of parents too,
Speaker 1: obviously you're considering your children too, and how this kind
Speaker 1: of life change affects them, and you know, also their
Speaker 1: self worth and making sure that it's also it's not
Speaker 1: already been tied to value in money because kids don't
Speaker 1: get that ship until later. Like yeah, but it depends
Speaker 1: and also just depends on how things play out for them.
Speaker 1: So yeah, thereous how they've been adapted to the move
Speaker 1: and everything.
Speaker 6: I have to say, Like, the only.
Speaker 2: Reason I really sometimes feel bad about the situation that
Speaker 2: I'm in is them, Like it's the kids, because I
Speaker 2: can't give them certain things.
Speaker 6: They're kids.
Speaker 2: They want the toys, they want the stuff, right Like
Speaker 2: I'm like not materialistic, Like I don't mean nothing but
Speaker 2: my health and my good feeling about who I am,
Speaker 2: but which I got. But my kids they still kids,
Speaker 2: and they corey want like my older daughter, she wants
Speaker 2: her own room things like that, right They they want
Speaker 2: stuff and I can't give them that right now.
Speaker 6: But I know that in the long run and later
Speaker 6: on when they're grown, they're.
Speaker 2: Gonna love and always cherish and look back on the
Speaker 2: time that they had with me and know that I
Speaker 2: was want doing my best and also always there.
Speaker 6: I was always there. They're obsessed with me.
Speaker 2: They never want me to go nowhere, and I don't
Speaker 2: never do, don't, I don't. I'm always with them. So
Speaker 2: they're gonna be. I think it's gonna be. It's not
Speaker 2: gonna be a big deal that we are going through
Speaker 2: this right now for them later on and even right now,
Speaker 2: they're happy.
Speaker 6: They think this is just a getaway, which I'm trying to.
Speaker 2: Make it into that, right because I'm still figuring stuff out,
Speaker 2: and we are supposed to come back to l E
Speaker 2: because of the dog and because they want to go
Speaker 2: back to their schools and.
Speaker 6: Things like that. I have not everything figured out yet.
Speaker 2: But they think it's just we're just with family right
Speaker 2: now and then we're going to go back, and so
Speaker 2: we'll just go with the flow with that, you know.
Speaker 6: So they're totally good. They're actually excited to go back,
Speaker 6: and I'm working on it. Yeah, that's where it's a
Speaker 6: good time. Yeah time, you know, like like it's okay.
Speaker 1: Kids are so flexible. Yeah, and like you said, like
Speaker 1: the especially they're still an age or they just want
Speaker 1: to be with their mom and they get to hang
Speaker 1: out with their cousins and you know, they're you know
Speaker 1: and like they speak a German too, right they because
Speaker 1: I remember I remember you always teaching them. That's a
Speaker 1: big question that we like they can get along honestly
Speaker 1: sucked up because they don't speak it.
Speaker 6: I literally yes, but that was when she was wont
Speaker 6: to her.
Speaker 2: I spoke to Corey solely when she was from when
Speaker 2: she was born to like one or like one and
Speaker 2: a half.
Speaker 6: And then I had my second baby, Bronx, and then
Speaker 6: at that point Corey was too starting to talk, and
Speaker 6: I kind of lost it.
Speaker 2: And I don't know how it got there, because my
Speaker 2: plan was always to have them know my native language
Speaker 2: first thing.
Speaker 8: It's a great opportunity for them to think about.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I connected this part of them, and I don't know,
Speaker 1: I've grown America's ghetto like you Are you sure I did?
Speaker 1: I texted me and I thought, why would you, like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, go somewhere else in Europe, somewhere else,
Speaker 1: just don't come back here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, it would have to be somewhere else
Speaker 2: because Germany, even though it's my home, my family's here,
Speaker 2: I love it right now, but I can't I don't
Speaker 2: see it. I don't see us here like I don't
Speaker 2: see myself living here. Like there's a lot of things
Speaker 2: about Germany and follow my tiktop if you want to
Speaker 2: know more, because I'm like posting updates on like you know,
Speaker 2: prols ands and things that are different from Germany to
Speaker 2: the US and things that kind of like made me
Speaker 2: leave here like that I'm getting reminded of now, So I.
Speaker 6: Don't know our place.
Speaker 1: Maybe you need to go on take and take advantage
Speaker 1: of having help and go on little quick trips on
Speaker 1: train rides to other places. Because I feel like when
Speaker 1: you're in Europe, I mean, Germany is really big, but
Speaker 1: I feel like what's in Europe you can kind of
Speaker 1: get around. Yeah, I feel like Spain. Have you been
Speaker 1: to Spain? I really I lived.
Speaker 6: I live like a year, almost a year in two even.
Speaker 1: Too much.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, I was, I was.
Speaker 2: I was living there two thousand, well for like seven months.
Speaker 2: I was there for like a while, performing every night.
Speaker 1: I imagine that another side of a visa that isn't
Speaker 1: like party, because when I think of Aviza, I think
Speaker 1: of Vegas.
Speaker 6: No no, no, no no. I wasn't no, I wasn't one
Speaker 6: of those I wasn't and another I was not.
Speaker 2: The party Liisa. It was like more like that hid
Speaker 2: But yeah, I know, I promise you.
Speaker 6: If it wasn't for like.
Speaker 2: School and my dog, I would not rush to try
Speaker 2: to come back to La at all. Like that's literally
Speaker 2: like the reason why I'm trying to get us back.
Speaker 5: But yeah, I think kids, I think we we we
Speaker 5: we need so much stuff or we give tell telled
Speaker 5: ourselves this lie that we need so much stuff that
Speaker 5: of course kids are gonna want ship. But those like
Speaker 5: once last, you know, they're usually like a five minute one.
Speaker 5: I want that and then I forget. But truly, I
Speaker 5: think what kids really really long for is love. Yeah,
Speaker 5: to know that you're there, you're physically present, and like
Speaker 5: I've been in some fucked up situations with Lona, like
Speaker 5: living with live with people types of shit, and ultimately
Speaker 5: it's not what she remembers.
Speaker 4: You know, She's just like kids are resilient.
Speaker 2: We're sleeping on the floor. Like my my sister has
Speaker 2: two kids. They have a three bedroom apartment. My niece
Speaker 2: has she's three. She has her room, and we're sleeping
Speaker 2: in her room. There's only like a little crip like
Speaker 2: a baby bed in there. We're sleeping on the floor
Speaker 2: on Memphisis right now, and they're loving it.
Speaker 6: I mean, there's it.
Speaker 4: Right, it's a sleepover, it's a sleep every night.
Speaker 6: It's like yeah.
Speaker 2: And then she has a fourteen year old and like
Speaker 2: we're literally like a big like like back then, you know,
Speaker 2: like a tribe. We're like yeah, community and it's it's cool.
Speaker 2: On the long term, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 6: That's why I got to figure it out. But for now,
Speaker 6: we're all they're happy.
Speaker 1: I'm happy.
Speaker 5: You're you're happy, you're safe, you have a roof, you
Speaker 5: have food, you're with family. That is what children need,
Speaker 5: right and that and that, and that's what you if
Speaker 5: you're providing. And you made the right decision to go
Speaker 5: home and reset, and honestly, I'm proud.
Speaker 4: Of you for doing that.
Speaker 5: And you will figure it out because women and moms
Speaker 5: are resilient and whatever you want to do, you'll get
Speaker 5: back to it because that's what the fuck we do
Speaker 5: every time.
Speaker 4: Even if it with it.
Speaker 5: Within the time period that you think or or not,
Speaker 5: whatever it will, you will get back to where you
Speaker 5: need to be, just period.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel that way. I just yeah, I just
Speaker 2: got to figure it out the way and make a plan.
Speaker 2: But again, that's why I needed to sit back, so I.
Speaker 6: Can't do that.
Speaker 4: I mean, what's your birthday? What's your son?
Speaker 6: April eighteenth?
Speaker 2: I'm as aries, yeah, yeah, and yeah, I guess stubborn, right, Like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't listen. I don't listen. That was a problem
Speaker 2: in my last relationship.
Speaker 5: Listen that last relationship. You didn't need to listen to
Speaker 5: that man. You didn't need to listen to that man.
Speaker 6: Dad wanted me to do nothing.
Speaker 1: But I mean, I could see through the internet waves
Speaker 1: that I was like something right because I don't know,
Speaker 1: I was like right in his eyes.
Speaker 5: I literally told Eric, I said, look at this. I
Speaker 5: don't know, but I don't like the feeling of this.
Speaker 5: I don't like it. And I was like I was
Speaker 5: hoping you That's why I asked you when when I
Speaker 5: saw you, I was like, are you guys still together?
Speaker 5: And You're like no, And I was like good. I
Speaker 5: did not feel like it was good. I was like,
Speaker 5: I was looking at the comments. I was like, does
Speaker 5: anyone else notice it?
Speaker 4: And everyone you're so happy? I was like, she's not.
Speaker 4: I don't know, she's.
Speaker 6: Had mixed I don't know.
Speaker 2: I was telling my sister the same thing. I'm like,
Speaker 2: why didn't you send it because I mean, that's my sister.
Speaker 2: She could have told me.
Speaker 6: What she thinks she thought. I don't know. She never
Speaker 6: really gets involved in anything with me, and kind of
Speaker 6: vice versa. I don't with her. She has the best, best,
Speaker 6: amazing man ever.
Speaker 8: Like there's another talk, Well, if you give me permission,
Speaker 8: if you give me permission, if I if I see
Speaker 8: another man that I'm like.
Speaker 1: Do I have permission, I'll text you. I will. I'll
Speaker 1: be like my friends, yeah, okay, and my first you
Speaker 1: could do it to me too. I'm just saying, like,
Speaker 1: sometimes we need a friend that's going to get in
Speaker 1: your business and be like, so what he's.
Speaker 2: Going to hate, He's gonna he follows me like I
Speaker 2: wish him the best, like to just to say that
Speaker 2: because he's so far. But you nothing, nothing that happened
Speaker 2: except that everything every day there was a problem about
Speaker 2: something that I did, when I didn't when I didn't
Speaker 2: feel like I did anything right, like everything that I
Speaker 2: did just being me, I was it was a problem
Speaker 2: for him. But that was that was Yeah, some people
Speaker 2: it's just not a match, you know, it's not a
Speaker 2: match at all. But he was finally someone that was
Speaker 2: all about me. That's why it took me so long too. Again,
Speaker 2: it took me so long to me to like figure out, Okay,
Speaker 2: I need to, of.
Speaker 1: Course, because we get fed like the thing that we
Speaker 1: are like in deficit of, and sometimes that can be
Speaker 1: equally as confusing as like, oh, I'm finally say I
Speaker 1: never had that was.
Speaker 6: All about me.
Speaker 2: I had never in my life a man that was
Speaker 2: all about me, and this was the first time. So
Speaker 2: I'm like, damn, I'm going to give this up. I
Speaker 2: never had a man where I didn't have to worry
Speaker 2: about like other women like he was his I was
Speaker 2: his whole life, and I.
Speaker 6: Was like feeling suffocated, which perfect, this is what I want.
Speaker 1: I think that these I think that which is probably
Speaker 1: you needed to know that it exists and that you
Speaker 1: can ask yeah, and that it's not my body that
Speaker 1: specific quality, but didn't have the other ones that were.
Speaker 1: It taught me your body will tell you your nervous
Speaker 1: system man, exactly.
Speaker 2: I like your sex drive, oh my god, yes, and
Speaker 2: oh my god, that's a whole love.
Speaker 6: Oh my god. He was constantly complete. I just I
Speaker 6: guess I wasn't that much into him, because when you are,
Speaker 6: you want to do it right. It was also I
Speaker 6: was also right.
Speaker 1: I didn't.
Speaker 6: I didn't because I was constantly just exhausted.
Speaker 2: Like, yes, he helped me out with like you know,
Speaker 2: money here and there and groceries and listen, gas all
Speaker 2: the time and little things. He didn't pay my bills,
Speaker 2: my overhead, so I was still living in survival mode,
Speaker 2: trying to get it together every month. And then he
Speaker 2: always wanted me to take care of him. That's when
Speaker 2: I made that other post talking about I can't, oh,
Speaker 2: don't have the capacity to take care of someone on
Speaker 2: top of what are already the load that is already
Speaker 2: like armed me every day.
Speaker 1: And so whenever he wanted to be his mom.
Speaker 5: And she didn't want to, she said, are you paying
Speaker 5: you paying? You filling my tank and buying some groceries
Speaker 5: on top of the two kids, my fucking thirty five
Speaker 5: hundred dollars rent that I have to pay for la
Speaker 5: it's not motivating me.
Speaker 4: The second dick, I'm going to be keeping it real.
Speaker 2: It's actually seriously, unless you take me completely out of
Speaker 2: survival mode, like don't ask me for.
Speaker 5: It, like don't don't ask me for ship, don't ask
Speaker 5: me for ship. No, for real, like it's difficult as
Speaker 5: a woman when.
Speaker 6: You're stressing people.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 6: He didn't understand.
Speaker 2: No, it felt like work and I just couldn't the complaining,
Speaker 2: that star complaining just everything, like I smiled too much,
Speaker 2: Like no, this.
Speaker 6: Is who I am?
Speaker 4: Did you say yes?
Speaker 2: Like I'm not going to cheat, Like I'm all for
Speaker 2: like compromising, you know, like when you were with a partner.
Speaker 6: I'm all for compromising, but not who I am. Not
Speaker 6: who I am. You know, I'm not going to compromise myself.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna compromise on things and lifestyle and things that
Speaker 2: we do around the house, if we live together, whatever.
Speaker 2: I'm a compromise on the AC temperature, not who I am.
Speaker 6: Ever, I'm not. I don't know people I don't know.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's that's that's a very like yes. I
Speaker 1: feel like more women need to hear that. You Like,
Speaker 1: I'm used about what the compromise means. We get confused
Speaker 1: about what we're supposed to being.
Speaker 6: On your cell, they tell me things you.
Speaker 4: No, you're you're absolutely you're absolutely right.
Speaker 5: Women here compromise, and I feel like gas lighting ass
Speaker 5: Men gets.
Speaker 1: Thrown around so much.
Speaker 4: Men use this a lot.
Speaker 5: The compromise, and the and the uh and the what's
Speaker 5: the other word that men love?
Speaker 4: The S word?
Speaker 5: When you are is it when you are fucking full?
Speaker 5: When you listen when you men, men love to use
Speaker 5: submissiveness and compromise against us. But let me tell you
Speaker 5: guys something, ladies, Smiling is not something to compromise. Okay,
Speaker 5: if you're a smiling joy, if you're a friendly bitch,
Speaker 5: you're going to smile and there's nothing you can do
Speaker 5: about it. And if a man is asking you to
Speaker 5: be less friendly and to let smile less, if they're
Speaker 5: so deeply insecure about how you interact with the world,
Speaker 5: this is a deep seated issue that you cannot change.
Speaker 4: And you're right.
Speaker 5: You compromise about the temperature on the fucking ac compromise
Speaker 5: about who's driving, you compromise about shit like that. You
Speaker 5: never compromise about the inner workings of who you are
Speaker 5: unless you're just a drunken, hot bitch. And I mean
Speaker 5: that's me actually, and I hadn't didn't even have to
Speaker 5: compromise that much.
Speaker 1: And even I'll say, like, what relationships will inevitably do
Speaker 1: is be a mirror to you. So things might come
Speaker 1: up where you actually do have to not compromise, just
Speaker 1: self analyze and say, oh, maybe this person's right, maybe
Speaker 1: I do need to data. That's not compromised. That's doing
Speaker 1: the work on yourself, you know, like that's you choosing
Speaker 1: to elevate yourself to really invest time into who you
Speaker 1: are and who you want to be at your highest resolution,
Speaker 1: not compromising like I actually, this is who I am
Speaker 1: and this is who you are, and it's just not aligning.
Speaker 5: And by the way, like wearing less hoocy outfits isn't
Speaker 5: not something that you need to compromise. Men will try
Speaker 5: to like weed in certain type of compromisations to make
Speaker 5: you feel like who you are or how you dress
Speaker 5: or how you show up in life is not acceptable,
Speaker 5: not respectable. But that's where you have to be really
Speaker 5: tend toes down and confident in who you are and
Speaker 5: knowing you know, like if you're a faithful woman, if
Speaker 5: you are if you've shown up as a girlfriend, you
Speaker 5: don't have to eliminate all your male friends. You don't
Speaker 5: have to not go out with me, you know, make
Speaker 5: time to go. These are not things that are compromises.
Speaker 5: These are things that make them feel secure. And your
Speaker 5: job is I mean in ways to make them feel secure.
Speaker 5: But if they showed up insecure, it's not your job
Speaker 5: to fix them because there will never be more secure.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he was.
Speaker 2: Trying to mold me into the girlfriend or woman that
Speaker 2: he wanted for himself.
Speaker 6: He's trying to mold me into it. But it was
Speaker 6: just not me. And that's how we always will plans grown.
Speaker 1: I'm not a teenager. I am.
Speaker 2: I used to have to have to tell him all
Speaker 2: the time, like except me the way I am, or
Speaker 2: like they don't be.
Speaker 6: With me, Like that's literally what I would say.
Speaker 4: And he's like, yeah, but he wanted to be an
Speaker 4: Instagram couple.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, I mean yeah, I think he wanted
Speaker 6: to be a star.
Speaker 1: He's trying to be a star. I mean you are
Speaker 1: a star, Okay, you are talented, You're gifted, like truly
Speaker 1: truly gifted. There's a reason why people are drawn to you.
Speaker 1: There's a reason why there's a light on your life
Speaker 1: all the time, like there's a there's a reason for it.
Speaker 1: So you are natively going to attract people that want
Speaker 1: to want the same for themselves. But maybe did is
Speaker 1: not their calling this lifetime. Yeah again, I.
Speaker 2: Always feel like I'm like light and it was trying
Speaker 2: to like he was trying to dim it like so
Speaker 2: I I just I noticed it early on and again
Speaker 2: like I don't know what I ended up. This lasted
Speaker 2: for two and a half years.
Speaker 4: Date where you guys dated two and a half years?
Speaker 1: How do you think you've bought apps? Or how did
Speaker 1: you mean? How do you meet people?
Speaker 6: Are you like, oh gosh, don't ask me now, because
Speaker 6: I totally.
Speaker 1: Do people slip slide into your DM.
Speaker 2: Like completely, I totally have de centered you know how
Speaker 2: people say the decentering men's thing is the thing man?
Speaker 6: But no, I told your lot on Instagram.
Speaker 2: I don't date, Like I literally don't date especially I
Speaker 2: mean now my situation is like last year. I haven't
Speaker 2: been with this guy since last like twenty twenty or
Speaker 2: like summer, so a year now, so we've been we've
Speaker 2: not been together. But I don't date. I don't I
Speaker 2: haven't dated. And it seems to be always like that
Speaker 2: when I get out of the relationship that I just
Speaker 2: go back to myself for a moment and I just
Speaker 2: don't don't have interesting nothing when I need to, yeah,
Speaker 2: when I need to, I know, like I don't miss
Speaker 2: a man that's the thing I don't miss a man.
Speaker 6: I miss. If I miss something, it's the sex.
Speaker 2: And I can figure that out somehow if I need to,
Speaker 2: when I need to, and I yeah, I figured it
Speaker 2: out on my own. But I don't miss anything else
Speaker 2: about a man, because I've never had a man that's
Speaker 2: given me so much that I would now. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: never there's a thing that I could miss about a
Speaker 2: man in sex. And like I again, yeah, I can
Speaker 2: figure that out.
Speaker 6: I get all my.
Speaker 2: Like oxytocin cuddles with my kids and my dogs.
Speaker 1: I'll never forget when I discovered. When I discovered the
Speaker 1: section dick, I realized that women we could get by
Speaker 1: without men for a while, that heartier situation. Right now,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't recommend giving. It's such a section that gets
Speaker 1: sections to like the wall, and then you can get
Speaker 1: it and then you can use your vibra on. When
Speaker 1: that happened to me, I literally remember after that first
Speaker 1: I had some.
Speaker 6: I had some. I had like a bag.
Speaker 2: In my closet, like all the way up there, like
Speaker 2: in my closet, a bag of like toys and stuff
Speaker 2: like that, and I just threw them in the trash.
Speaker 6: When I moved out. I threw ninety percent owned in
Speaker 6: the garbage, So now I have nothing.
Speaker 1: I mean that would be a little bit of margin
Speaker 1: travel like that would be like you know, you pick.
Speaker 2: I got rid of everything. I kept my music instruments
Speaker 2: and that's it. Like a few clothes, but not much.
Speaker 2: So I have a storage unit, but I only kept
Speaker 2: my most important music stuff, guitars.
Speaker 6: And things like that.
Speaker 2: But all the day I had like a toy bag gone.
Speaker 2: So I don't know out.
Speaker 4: There's the thing too.
Speaker 5: I think the mayor we we were having so much
Speaker 5: ship like, we don't even need half this ship.
Speaker 4: We over keep ship like, we.
Speaker 5: Just over clutter. We think we need a lot of things,
Speaker 5: and we just need the basics. I just went camping
Speaker 5: for five days and I.
Speaker 4: Was just sleeping. We don't really need ship. We don't
Speaker 4: really need much. We need each other. We need food.
Speaker 5: That's really it, you know, And I think we like
Speaker 5: we Sometimes it requires that you lose everything, you declutter
Speaker 5: your life in order to be like what is truly essential?
Speaker 6: But let you go, you know what you really need.
Speaker 4: Those toys could come back to.
Speaker 2: You know what you need to feel, You need to
Speaker 2: feel good about your song.
Speaker 6: Like I figured like that out girls late. I'm forty two.
Speaker 2: But you really just need to feel good about yourself
Speaker 2: and everything else is small.
Speaker 6: Seriously, that's true.
Speaker 5: Yeah, People people literally underestimate. They underestimate how do you
Speaker 5: feel about yourself? Because nine times out of ten, if
Speaker 5: you feel good about yourself, if you know who the
Speaker 5: fuck you are, if you know what you possess a
Speaker 5: You're not going to get into relationships with with with
Speaker 5: men who are trying to dim your light. It's not
Speaker 5: going to be so confusing, even when they're filling your
Speaker 5: tank or even paying your bills. You won't be compromised.
Speaker 5: You won't compromise who you are when you feel confident
Speaker 5: and feel loving about who you are, and there will
Speaker 5: be never no one can ever say anything about you
Speaker 5: or to you that's going to to tear how you
Speaker 5: feel about yourself, Like self worth is what is going
Speaker 5: to get you back on your feet in no time.
Speaker 5: When you yell you're deserving, that's how you Yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Think even like, how how did you get wait an.
Speaker 2: Say, do you think it's gonna be because I'm so
Speaker 2: much about Like you know, I'm so good, I'm so
Speaker 2: good just because of the work that I've done, like
Speaker 2: how good I feel about who I am, and even
Speaker 2: without a man, I don't miss it. I don't miss
Speaker 2: I don't even miss like dating, Like, so, do you
Speaker 2: feel like it's going to be so much harder now
Speaker 2: to find someone? Because it would love? I would still
Speaker 2: love love and a partner. But at the same time,
Speaker 2: I'm like, not at all. That's before it. Like a
Speaker 2: lot of my friend Like everybody that I know always
Speaker 2: has someone, They always talking to someone, they're.
Speaker 6: Always dating, They always well, who are you talking to?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 6: Like?
Speaker 2: And I'm always like, is this gonna make it so
Speaker 2: much harder for me? Because I'm so okay by myself.
Speaker 5: No, I think as long as you a I think,
Speaker 5: as long as you know who you are, you're confident
Speaker 5: about that. And I think as long as you are
Speaker 5: open and recognizing, I still want love.
Speaker 4: I still would like a partner. I still want a relationship.
Speaker 4: I think people.
Speaker 5: I think there's women who are like I don't need it,
Speaker 5: and I'm good I don't need I don't need.
Speaker 4: To think the people who are so traumatized.
Speaker 5: By men and by their decisions that they cut it off,
Speaker 5: the cut off the possibility, and that they don't even
Speaker 5: admit that they want They don't they want.
Speaker 4: Companionship in that way.
Speaker 5: But honestly, I think when you are so clear about
Speaker 5: what exactly it is that you want, and when you
Speaker 5: have relationships that you can you like, oh, you know what,
Speaker 5: he was nice, he was faithful, but no, this didn't work,
Speaker 5: and this didn't work, and this didn't work, So you
Speaker 5: can refine the manifestation. I truly believe that is when
Speaker 5: you become you become so clear that the person that
Speaker 5: you're looking for shows up. Like a lot of people
Speaker 5: told me what I was looking for did not exist.
Speaker 5: A lot of people told me the type of personality
Speaker 5: I have would be very difficult to find a man.
Speaker 5: But I was clear about exactly who it was I
Speaker 5: was looking for. Who would who would be like compatible
Speaker 5: with me? And that's exactly who I attracted. Someone who's
Speaker 5: wild and fun and free and also wants me to
Speaker 5: be free and also loves me who I for, who
Speaker 5: I am. When I when I honed down on that
Speaker 5: vision and that feeling, that's when that person showed up.
Speaker 5: I mean, of course, there's a lot of frogs, the
Speaker 5: and the and the journey, a lot of kissing frogs.
Speaker 5: But I think that as long as you're clear, like
Speaker 5: I do want to partner, I'm just not about to
Speaker 5: settle for some function.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that that's I think.
Speaker 5: And I also think women who are pressed when you
Speaker 5: are pressed about having a nigga, when you are pressed
Speaker 5: and always looking, and that's never run conversation, it's desperate
Speaker 5: and what like. When you are desperate, the universe just
Speaker 5: brings in whatever stragglers.
Speaker 4: That are available, and that's what you don't want.
Speaker 5: You have got to be picky, and you've got to
Speaker 5: be clear and don't make compromises, be compromising because they
Speaker 5: may not show up exactly how you think.
Speaker 4: But also just to be clear about what it is
Speaker 4: you won't accept.
Speaker 5: Like a nigga telling you not to smile a lot.
Speaker 1: I think also I'd like to add that when you do,
Speaker 1: because I'm I'm curious to me to like, what are
Speaker 1: a few things that I guess helped you be really
Speaker 1: good secure yourself. But also I just want to add
Speaker 1: to the level of a track that we're talking about,
Speaker 1: because I think that sometimes though what happens and I've
Speaker 1: seen and I've like I've done this, I've seen that
Speaker 1: happen with people that I've done a lot of work
Speaker 1: on themselves, is that they still can't like sometimes they
Speaker 1: might miss the blessing, like because they might not show
Speaker 1: up exactly as you thought. Because even even you mean,
Speaker 1: like even you, like Orlando you first met and you're like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, you know what I mean, And like
Speaker 1: you had to like reimagine what this person you called
Speaker 1: in looks like, not like physically, but just like their personality,
Speaker 1: And like if you want someone that mirrors you, can
Speaker 1: you mirror? Can you mirror yourself back?
Speaker 5: Is that now you know what it feels like it.
Speaker 1: You know, and it's like, actually that's really me. Fuck,
Speaker 1: Like I want someone to accept me for all of
Speaker 1: these things. But like you know, so it's like I
Speaker 1: think that even after you've done the work and you
Speaker 1: start to look for love, there's still like things you
Speaker 1: have to work through as someone who has done a
Speaker 1: lot of work, and like also just releasing the work
Speaker 1: a little bit and letting life just happen and guide
Speaker 1: you and not trying to like overprotect or over police
Speaker 1: the work that even best it into yourself because you're like,
Speaker 1: I'll never make that mistake again. I'll never see you know,
Speaker 1: and it's so it's like kind of finding I guess
Speaker 1: a discernment like within that as well and and being
Speaker 1: open to Yeah.
Speaker 6: I mean, I don't know, I feel like ask you too.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm like, I'm sorry.
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, I just feel like something.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I just feel like I've made it now that
Speaker 2: I've become this person that I am, like secure one,
Speaker 2: the one that loves themselves like I made it so
Speaker 2: much different, so much more difficult for anyone because I
Speaker 2: just don't take no ship, like I don't take like
Speaker 2: I will not accept anything, but like something that really
Speaker 2: like really fits and really like aligns with who I
Speaker 2: am and everything. Like so I feel like it's just
Speaker 2: so much more harder now for anyone it's to be
Speaker 2: really difficult.
Speaker 6: And I feel like they're intimidates men just in general.
Speaker 2: They can kind of like sense it and feel it,
Speaker 2: and then a lot of times they don't want to
Speaker 2: get like involved, like they like me, but they kind
Speaker 2: of like, oh I can't live up to that.
Speaker 5: I don't know, it eliminates the fuck shit. Let that
Speaker 5: let them all fall toes.
Speaker 6: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I'm not maybe sometimes I think like
Speaker 2: maybe I just need to wait till fifty when my
Speaker 2: kids are grown, because like it's too much for most
Speaker 2: men right now with the three kids and the dog,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, this is that they're literally all my life,
Speaker 2: live my life, Like I'm always with that, and like
Speaker 2: if you can't fit into this world, then it just
Speaker 2: won't work right now.
Speaker 6: But they're going to be grown, so when it went
Speaker 6: by so.
Speaker 2: Fast, they're already ten and eleven, like in another six years,
Speaker 2: like they're going to be doing their own thing, and
Speaker 2: I'm going to be freed up.
Speaker 6: Maybe sometimes I'm like, maybe I'm just gonna wait a
Speaker 6: few years.
Speaker 1: No, you don't have to wait, but also you should
Speaker 1: probably you also probably I mean I can't tell you
Speaker 1: what to do, but I would suggest also getting used
Speaker 1: to having freeing up a little bit, because at some
Speaker 1: point they will be out of the house, and then
Speaker 1: when they are, you're gonna be like, what the fuck
Speaker 1: do I do with myself? You know, like so so
Speaker 1: not maybe right out the time I know you live
Speaker 1: your girls. I'm not telling you not to be with them,
Speaker 1: but there's also like a balance that maybe you need
Speaker 1: to find too, so that you can open yourself up
Speaker 1: for dating, it's not. It doesn't make you any less
Speaker 1: of a present parent or a lesser mom. If you
Speaker 1: need to have a way to work on love, for
Speaker 1: you to prioritize love in your life, Like, I think
Speaker 1: that that ultimately will open up your heart and even
Speaker 1: more and being even like you might even become a
Speaker 1: different mother. I know that I have. I feel like
Speaker 1: a different mother now that I'm in a relationship that
Speaker 1: I'm in, Like I know that, Like my heart feels
Speaker 1: more like softer, more patient, like more family oriented. Like
Speaker 1: it just it's different, you know. So. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: like you needed just to bring your afe on the
Speaker 1: good vibe. Retreat. Oh yeah, retreat you love to We're
Speaker 1: gonna figure We're going to figure that. We're going to
Speaker 1: figure that out. We're going to figure that out. Twenty
Speaker 1: twenty six. I would manifest in twenty six.
Speaker 6: I would love to next year.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's yoga, it's right up your alley.
Speaker 6: I need that so bad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my god, somebody needs to hold my girls out,
Speaker 2: so I'll figure that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you have to let them, You have to
Speaker 1: let them do it, and you have to you know,
Speaker 1: be able to release that control too, because it's hard
Speaker 1: when you've been doing everything for as long as you have,
Speaker 1: like and you and I know you feel good doing
Speaker 1: it and it's not like but like you don't know
Speaker 1: what you feel like without doing it, so it's like,
Speaker 1: what what does that feel like? Like? You know, so
Speaker 1: like being able to kind of really and your your girls, like,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure they would love like some sort
Speaker 1: of I don't know. I don't know where they would go.
Speaker 1: I mean, if I know there other experience, if I
Speaker 1: know they're safe.
Speaker 6: Yeah, safe and comfortable. Comfortable it's a word for me, because.
Speaker 5: I am we should we should have planned this sooner.
Speaker 5: I know that while they're there with this with family.
Speaker 6: Man, like, I just know that if they're not comfortable,
Speaker 6: I can't enjoy myself. But if I figure it.
Speaker 2: Out where they're comfortable, right, oh my god, please please
Speaker 2: I need it and really.
Speaker 1: Badly. Yeah, I feel you, I feel you. Okay, Wait,
Speaker 1: we didn't do an affirmation. I don't know if you
Speaker 1: have one that you'd like to share. M I just
Speaker 1: said something earlier that I felt like it doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be an affirmation, but it was something that I
Speaker 1: wrote down because I think it's really I think it's
Speaker 1: really important and it like relates to my life as well.
Speaker 1: You said when you don't have space, you can't create,
Speaker 1: and I was like, yeah, yeah, man, because I have
Speaker 1: no ideas.
Speaker 6: I have know this because I was getting bombarded.
Speaker 2: With these ideas from strangers, not only strangers, also like
Speaker 2: friends and people suggesting what I should be doing. But
Speaker 2: I just couldn't. There was no womb for me to
Speaker 2: like start even the thought process of what something could
Speaker 2: you know, become Like so I just when I read
Speaker 2: that quote, I read it somewhere I don't know where,
Speaker 2: but I read the quote like you can't like you
Speaker 2: need space.
Speaker 6: In order to create.
Speaker 2: I was like, God, you need to just create some
Speaker 2: space and I will be able to come up with
Speaker 2: something and come up with a plan and so that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's a great one.
Speaker 2: I love that one, and I always since I saw it,
Speaker 2: I always keep it in my head and I feel
Speaker 2: like it's really true.
Speaker 6: It's really true, and now I'm living it.
Speaker 8: Literally mm hmmm, because I'll be coming back. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 8: excited what you create with this this new space that
Speaker 8: you have. Yeah, yeah, and it's only something.
Speaker 1: Only this, The only good is going to come of this,
Speaker 1: you know, Like you're prioritizing yourself. You've made a choice,
Speaker 1: a powerful choice for your family. You're giving yourself space. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like you're using your throat chakra exactly. You know, you're
Speaker 1: in your body, like you have so many tools that
Speaker 1: you already are using just naturally and like innately in you.
Speaker 2: So I just I'm excited to see that's like the yoki.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's like that's the yo and me
Speaker 2: a big, big one is like change me so much too,
Speaker 2: And I think that is a big, a.
Speaker 6: Crucial part of like how I found.
Speaker 2: The self love and all of that and the self
Speaker 2: worth because that was one of the biggest things that
Speaker 2: I was get thrown at me, like when I was on.
Speaker 6: The show, you don't have self word to be staying
Speaker 6: with this.
Speaker 2: Guy, and like I feel like I came out on
Speaker 2: the other side so big, Like I'm like now overflowing
Speaker 2: with it.
Speaker 6: Like I'm so I'm like just really proud of myself
Speaker 6: and let let us see that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm proud of you too. I'm proud of you
Speaker 4: and of your will be back. Everything will be better
Speaker 4: than ever.
Speaker 6: Thank you, thank you, Oh my god.
Speaker 5: When you know you know no one can tell you differently,
Speaker 5: So that's all that matters for real, ferral, thank you,
Speaker 5: thank you.
Speaker 1: Well, I've pulled some cards here, ladies. I know that
Speaker 1: we're not in person right now, but I pulled.
Speaker 2: Let's see, Oh my god, yes the deck okay, okay,
Speaker 2: shout out to mahogany Taro.
Speaker 1: And so I'm just going to pull a collective card.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm mm.
Speaker 3: Hmmm mm hmm.
Speaker 4: The card is it turned around?
Speaker 1: Sorry to count because my rooman knowledge isn't so great.
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, is this nine? So it's nine
Speaker 1: of pedacles? We have the nine pentacles that we here.
Speaker 4: Oh it looks like you about to be rich, bitch.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was positive. I think.
Speaker 5: Look at her, she's in her garden. She has coins
Speaker 5: all around her. She looks like royal, she looks she
Speaker 5: looks like she's the nervous system is relaxed and she's
Speaker 5: chilling and she's just all knowing that she's in abundance.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're manifesting coins for amina for all women listening.
Speaker 1: Yes included, okay, coins let me okay, so I have
Speaker 1: the the meaning mm hmm. So when a nine of
Speaker 1: pedacles shows up up in your tarror, reading it means sorry,
Speaker 1: it's still loading bitty taro oh Okay, abundance, luxury, self sufficiency,
Speaker 1: financial independence. The tarot cards never.
Speaker 6: Perfect one right now.
Speaker 1: Okay, you have worked hard to create abundance in your life,
Speaker 1: and the nin ap Pednacles says you can finally enjoy
Speaker 1: the fruits of your labor than when the nine A
Speaker 1: pedicles appears in a taroor reading, do not be scared
Speaker 1: to splurge, okay, indulge or pamper yourself, especially as a
Speaker 1: reward for a reward for all your hard work. Treat
Speaker 1: yourself to a special occasion or a personal gift to
Speaker 1: celebrate your journey. Here. You have achieved so much. You
Speaker 1: have you have. You may not be at the finish
Speaker 1: line just yet. This is your opportunity to acknowledge your
Speaker 1: achievements and re energize yourself for the final phase. The
Speaker 1: nine of Pentacles also speaks of financial independence. The woman
Speaker 1: in this car and has created a luxurious lifestyle by
Speaker 1: her own actions and efforts. She encourages you to do
Speaker 1: the same to create abundance and independence so that you
Speaker 1: can take care of yourself in the long term. Invest
Speaker 1: wisely and seek financial advice to make the most of
Speaker 1: your wealth. Don't rely on others to support you. This
Speaker 1: nine is an independent woman. While the suit of Pinnacles
Speaker 1: typically focuses on material wealth and gain, this car suggests
Speaker 1: that you are in harmony with the environment around you.
Speaker 1: You appreciate the beauty and abundance sound in nature, and
Speaker 1: you can harness this high vive energy to bring pleasure
Speaker 1: into your life. You may enjoy gardening or floristry, or
Speaker 1: you may just like to pass your time in the
Speaker 1: beauty of nature with picnics and long walks.
Speaker 6: This could not be more perfect. That is so you
Speaker 6: so perfect? Oh yes, wow, as wow.
Speaker 1: I'm going to send you a picture of this.
Speaker 5: It's the universe confirming all the things that you're already
Speaker 5: know that are about to be upon you. So don't
Speaker 5: even worry when you know, you know, and that's all
Speaker 5: you have to do.
Speaker 4: That's all it is. It's just a matter of time.
Speaker 4: I love that.
Speaker 1: That was that was great.
Speaker 4: Wow, thank you, thank you for this time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know it's late in Germany, so we're gonna
Speaker 1: let it go.
Speaker 6: It's like, yeah, thank.
Speaker 1: You so much for coming back on the show. And
Speaker 1: we love you. I love you. Good energy.
Speaker 4: Tell everybody where they can find you before we get
Speaker 4: out of here too.
Speaker 2: Oh, just social media, I mean a butterfly on everything.
Speaker 2: I mean on instead of TikTok, I am a mean
Speaker 2: a butterfly. But yeah, just I mean a butterfly. And
Speaker 2: my music to just search, I mean a better always
Speaker 2: ask when can we find it? It's like all platforms
Speaker 2: have music. Just search, I mean a butterfly. And then
Speaker 2: if you're interested in me and my sister stick together
Speaker 2: black butterfly as well.
Speaker 4: And that's a butterfly with two D B U D
Speaker 4: D A.
Speaker 6: F y yes.
Speaker 1: And well, and we'll make sure every link everything in
Speaker 1: this episode description, so make sure you check out the
Speaker 1: links in this episode description. We have a lot of
Speaker 1: special things happening in the copy of these episodes. So
Speaker 1: if you have a second, go ahead and go just
Speaker 1: read our little beautiful description and all the things we
Speaker 1: got going on over there, and I'll see you next week.
Speaker 6: It's crazy, you guys.
Speaker 2: Let this like this weird time in my life. This
Speaker 2: just means that we need to follow up one day.
Speaker 5: No, absolutely, and you know what we called you at
Speaker 5: this time because this is what people needed to hear.
Speaker 5: Other moms and other women needed to hear this message,
Speaker 5: and it's important, Like it's not always fucking sprinkles and butterflies,
Speaker 5: but it always is sprinkles and butterflies if you let
Speaker 5: it and just you know, let me you know what,
Speaker 5: and you are a butterfly.
Speaker 1: You're in transformation right.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, I didn't even think of that. Hello.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've been in it since you named, gave yourself
Speaker 1: that name. It with you transformation energy, so.
Speaker 4: It will always fly no matter what.
Speaker 1: My nights, my night, drink your wine.
Speaker 4: Enjoy your time in Germany. Able see you a human.
Speaker 6: So I love y'all, love you by by.
Speaker 9: Yeah, I'm living so good. Can't you tell? I went
Speaker 9: through a drought, that's until I found a well. May
Speaker 9: might have been known Earth that used to be broken
Speaker 9: tail now got the blues in to like Beyonce justll
Speaker 9: throat shot or popping his car wearing our voices. Patriarchy
Speaker 9: kept it in the box to it'spois.
Speaker 1: Women put the pee and powers.
Speaker 4: So what's pointless?
Speaker 9: They want me to be good?
Speaker 1: So I made bad choices.
Speaker 9: Bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom
Speaker 9: geters in on, put cannabis in their bath, bon walk
Speaker 9: in bosses cap and I blew his cat balls hot dog.
Speaker 6: Now I'm immune to the.
Speaker 9: Cat called her being no waisted straight to win like
Speaker 9: a dollar sign.
Speaker 2: Mother rent the number when.
Speaker 9: Two winds, like a water summer where you're in the winter,
Speaker 9: essential will win the summer.
Speaker 4: So I do with all. Ain't no one that needs
Speaker 4: to run it by