WEBVTT - Make shallow questions deeper

0:00:03.480 --> 0:00:09.560
<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

0:00:10.920 --> 0:00:16.960
<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

0:00:16.960 --> 0:00:22.880
<v Speaker 1>tip is to make shallow questions deeper. By tweaking your

0:00:22.960 --> 0:00:26.960
<v Speaker 1>usual small talk ever so slightly, you can wind up

0:00:27.040 --> 0:00:33.080
<v Speaker 1>with much richer conversations. Today's tip, like another one this week,

0:00:33.720 --> 0:00:39.159
<v Speaker 1>comes from Charles Dohigg's new book, Super Communicators. In this book,

0:00:39.560 --> 0:00:43.199
<v Speaker 1>he shares strategies for how anyone can connect with others

0:00:43.800 --> 0:00:48.960
<v Speaker 1>more effectively. Dowig notes that many of us ask pretty

0:00:48.960 --> 0:00:53.600
<v Speaker 1>straightforward questions when we are getting to know someone. Where

0:00:53.600 --> 0:00:56.279
<v Speaker 1>do you work or what do you do? Where are

0:00:56.320 --> 0:00:59.680
<v Speaker 1>you from? Where did you go to school? Do you

0:00:59.720 --> 0:01:03.480
<v Speaker 1>have kids? And there's nothing wrong with any of these

0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:07.399
<v Speaker 1>questions per se, But the problem is that the point

0:01:07.560 --> 0:01:12.640
<v Speaker 1>of conversation is connecting. A person can answer all of

0:01:12.680 --> 0:01:16.480
<v Speaker 1>those questions quite quickly, and then you might need to

0:01:16.600 --> 0:01:20.959
<v Speaker 1>keep reaching to forge some sort of connection, and doing

0:01:20.959 --> 0:01:25.280
<v Speaker 1>so can feel tedious, like, Oh, you're originally from Dallas,

0:01:25.959 --> 0:01:27.960
<v Speaker 1>and now you're racking your brain to think of who

0:01:28.040 --> 0:01:32.240
<v Speaker 1>you know from Dallas, and the other person probably doesn't

0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:36.960
<v Speaker 1>care about this person that you know from Dallas. So

0:01:37.959 --> 0:01:43.880
<v Speaker 1>Doe suggests making shallow questions deeper. Instead of where do

0:01:43.920 --> 0:01:47.520
<v Speaker 1>you live, you could ask something like what do you

0:01:47.680 --> 0:01:52.200
<v Speaker 1>like about your neighborhood? Instead of where do you work?

0:01:52.840 --> 0:01:57.120
<v Speaker 1>You might ask what was your favorite job? Or even

0:01:57.720 --> 0:02:02.400
<v Speaker 1>what's your favorite part of your job? Or another question

0:02:02.520 --> 0:02:05.559
<v Speaker 1>or two later, you might ask is there anything else

0:02:05.680 --> 0:02:10.000
<v Speaker 1>you ever dreamed of doing? Do you have kids? Or

0:02:10.440 --> 0:02:14.400
<v Speaker 1>are you married? Can become the more open ended. Tell

0:02:14.440 --> 0:02:18.280
<v Speaker 1>me about your family? How long have you lived here

0:02:18.400 --> 0:02:23.520
<v Speaker 1>becomes what's the best place you've ever lived? Where did

0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:25.160
<v Speaker 1>you go to high school? Or where did you go

0:02:25.200 --> 0:02:28.520
<v Speaker 1>to college? Might become what advice would you give someone

0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:33.560
<v Speaker 1>in college right now? As Doig says in super Communicators,

0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:38.919
<v Speaker 1>none of these deeper questions are incredibly pushy. You are

0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:41.400
<v Speaker 1>not asking someone you have just met to tell you

0:02:41.440 --> 0:02:45.359
<v Speaker 1>about their deepest regret or something like that. You could

0:02:45.440 --> 0:02:48.400
<v Speaker 1>ask any of these slightly deeper questions in a professional

0:02:48.480 --> 0:02:53.320
<v Speaker 1>or personal setting, but you will definitely get to know

0:02:53.440 --> 0:02:58.200
<v Speaker 1>people a little better. You will know something important about

0:02:58.240 --> 0:03:01.800
<v Speaker 1>them which will allow you to connect. If the person

0:03:01.880 --> 0:03:04.040
<v Speaker 1>tells you that the best part of growing up in

0:03:04.120 --> 0:03:07.600
<v Speaker 1>Dallas was the tight knit neighborhood they lived in, and wow,

0:03:07.680 --> 0:03:10.639
<v Speaker 1>that neighborhood has changed a lot over the past thirty years.

0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:13.480
<v Speaker 1>This just gives you a little bit more to work with.

0:03:14.360 --> 0:03:18.560
<v Speaker 1>You can talk about that change in general, rather than

0:03:18.600 --> 0:03:22.240
<v Speaker 1>the person you know in Dallas to your conversation partner

0:03:23.000 --> 0:03:27.079
<v Speaker 1>doesn't know from Adam. So as you talk to people,

0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:30.800
<v Speaker 1>think about ways you could switch up your usual questions,

0:03:31.880 --> 0:03:37.840
<v Speaker 1>invite a little storytelling and reflection. You will probably wind

0:03:37.920 --> 0:03:44.080
<v Speaker 1>up feeling closer and you will enjoy your conversations a

0:03:44.120 --> 0:03:50.920
<v Speaker 1>lot more. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening,

0:03:52.080 --> 0:04:02.120
<v Speaker 1>and here's to making the most of our time. Thanks

0:04:02.120 --> 0:04:06.279
<v Speaker 1>for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've got questions, ideas,

0:04:06.400 --> 0:04:09.800
<v Speaker 1>or feedback, you can reach me at Laura at Laura

0:04:09.920 --> 0:04:19.200
<v Speaker 1>vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia.

0:04:19.880 --> 0:04:23.839
<v Speaker 1>For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit the iHeartRadio app,

0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:27.360
<v Speaker 1>Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.