1
00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:03,440
Speaker 1: Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.

2
00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:05,920
Speaker 1: She is a meddling advice giving yana and know it all,

3
00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:07,800
Speaker 1: and her words come from her head, her heart, and

4
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,440
Speaker 1: often out of her ass. His podcast should not be

5
00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:12,920
Speaker 1: misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge

6
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,520
Speaker 1: grain of salt for entertainment purposes only.

7
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:23,120
Speaker 2: These You need help, you're the problems.

8
00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:35,080
Speaker 3: Come on, come down, go leam, take a pill. I

9
00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:36,840
Speaker 3: think you're insane.

10
00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:45,640
Speaker 2: Do what I say, dumb ass, listen to me, you

11
00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:52,519
Speaker 2: Jesus Christ. And so it begins. It's starting early today.

12
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:58,480
Speaker 2: Nix goop letty, Yes, stress the pain. The ends come

13
00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:02,040
Speaker 2: in with an idea for the pod and an interaction

14
00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:07,520
Speaker 2: with our quote producer Celia Dress adds right to the

15
00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:15,640
Speaker 2: beauty of Then my little interaction with Celia dovetails seamlessly

16
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:20,640
Speaker 2: into our episode topic today. Hello, this is Lisa Lebanelli.

17
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:24,920
Speaker 2: Welcome to Shrink This the podcast that's produced by a

18
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:29,720
Speaker 2: needy bitch you I love, and another needy bitch is

19
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:32,119
Speaker 2: a sidekick called nick Scope Eddy.

20
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,720
Speaker 4: Say hi, nick Yo, what's up baby?

21
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:36,440
Speaker 2: I'm back.

22
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,720
Speaker 4: I know you thought Andrew Ginsburg was gonna stay here

23
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:39,680
Speaker 4: being all hot.

24
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:44,319
Speaker 2: And shit, no, it's bo also and his Baby Blues

25
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,920
Speaker 2: both Baby Blue Eyes braced us for two episodes, but

26
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,640
Speaker 2: now you're back. I'm here, I'm You're just look so busy,

27
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,360
Speaker 2: like girl, you are a gal.

28
00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:56,600
Speaker 4: On the go of galas you do.

29
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:58,040
Speaker 2: You're always in a gown.

30
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:01,120
Speaker 4: Just got diagnosed with lucky girls.

31
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:06,400
Speaker 2: And speaking of lgs, here is she won't even fish

32
00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:15,680
Speaker 2: Bampya our producer in the making Celia feeling. I feel

33
00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:18,720
Speaker 2: like you're trainable, kind of a trainee, Like, how do

34
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:21,040
Speaker 2: you how do you feel? How do you feel today?

35
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,800
Speaker 2: I feel good. I don't know. I think that's a

36
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,799
Speaker 2: big lie because you're smiling through the pain. And I'll

37
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:30,040
Speaker 2: tell you why I wanted to do an episode on

38
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:34,840
Speaker 2: feeling one's feelings because I think everyone is afraid to

39
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:38,120
Speaker 2: feel their feelings, and therefore they have things they do

40
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,480
Speaker 2: to distract them. They have the addictions, they have the

41
00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:44,919
Speaker 2: pot they have all the things and oh, you were

42
00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:48,720
Speaker 2: thinking the distraction and I don't like it, and I

43
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,920
Speaker 2: enjoy well, actually I don't enjoy feeling my feelings, but

44
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,639
Speaker 2: I know it's the only way through them. Like they say, Nick,

45
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:57,040
Speaker 2: the only way through them is not around them. It's

46
00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:03,760
Speaker 2: through them. Yes, girl, we're all so Celia. Now here's

47
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,240
Speaker 2: our interaction that makes me think this is perfect to

48
00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:09,840
Speaker 2: talk about on the podcast about feeling one's feelings. No, no,

49
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:13,800
Speaker 2: it's good. It's not an insult. You're always exposed. So

50
00:03:14,639 --> 00:03:17,880
Speaker 2: we're sitting in the little green room and we're just

51
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:23,400
Speaker 2: chatting away, and she goes, oh, Harry Styles is hosting

52
00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:26,720
Speaker 2: SNL in a couple of days or a couple of

53
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,959
Speaker 2: weeks or whatever it is. I guess by this time

54
00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:32,440
Speaker 2: this airs, it'll be already out there done and we

55
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:35,080
Speaker 2: will not have been in the audience. And she says,

56
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:39,440
Speaker 2: wouldn't it be nice if someone could help me get tickets?

57
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:41,480
Speaker 2: And I was like, yeah, that'd be great for you.

58
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:44,840
Speaker 2: I go, I don't want to help you because I

59
00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,880
Speaker 2: don't want to go like I even if like I

60
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,560
Speaker 2: reached out to someone I knew there, which I don't

61
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:52,440
Speaker 2: think it's ever a guarantee for someone like me to

62
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,400
Speaker 2: get tickets. I don't. I don't think I'm famous enough.

63
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,960
Speaker 2: I don't think they drop their phones or panties every

64
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,320
Speaker 2: time I call. I do I like you think? So

65
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,680
Speaker 2: I'm like, ah, there's no guarantee. But also I have

66
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,280
Speaker 2: plans that night to go see a student of mine

67
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:08,440
Speaker 2: in a legitimate play. So I don't want to be like, Hi,

68
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:11,120
Speaker 2: Haley can't come because Celia zoom come. Who wants see

69
00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:13,480
Speaker 2: Harry Styles because she thinks she's gonna marry him. She's

70
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:18,880
Speaker 2: delusional because she has LGS. So I said, Okay, I

71
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:21,000
Speaker 2: don't want to go, and she goes, well, what about

72
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,359
Speaker 2: just I could go by myself. So part of me

73
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:29,880
Speaker 2: was like, what will Celia learn and benefit more from

74
00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:34,560
Speaker 2: going into the audience on a single ticket and seeing

75
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:41,320
Speaker 2: Harry Styles or dealing with the feeling of disappointment that

76
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:45,200
Speaker 2: she will feel not going. I think, arguably you will

77
00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:49,640
Speaker 2: grow more. And you know that's true. Don't even fucking lie.

78
00:04:51,279 --> 00:04:55,680
Speaker 2: Dealing with sadness and feelings of disappointment is more valuable

79
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,080
Speaker 2: for the human experience. And when you're fifty years old

80
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,640
Speaker 2: and finally have a brain in your fucking head, you'll

81
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,359
Speaker 2: be like, you know, thank god Lisa gave me that

82
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:10,800
Speaker 2: difficult lesson of learning to deal with disappointments. Now that

83
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:14,200
Speaker 2: say someone dies, okay, I'm no stranger to being sad,

84
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,279
Speaker 2: I'm no stranger to dealing with my feelings. Thank you.

85
00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:21,800
Speaker 2: Lisa posthumously. You're dead, Lisa, but thank you for not

86
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:25,440
Speaker 2: getting me those SNL tickets to Harry Styles, do you

87
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:31,080
Speaker 2: under don't don't start answering yet, fucking thanks for I

88
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:35,720
Speaker 2: haven't think you know what it's like. It's like spoiling

89
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:40,640
Speaker 2: your kids. Every parent out there nose they should They

90
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,240
Speaker 2: shouldn't give their kids everything they want because it's a

91
00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:47,359
Speaker 2: temporary fix for the kid's discomfort. So when you have

92
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:49,839
Speaker 2: a good parent, the good parent goes, Look, I know

93
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,880
Speaker 2: it hurts that I'm taking away your Nintendo or your PlayStation.

94
00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:55,080
Speaker 2: I know it sucks that I'm not getting you the

95
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:58,120
Speaker 2: latest iPhone. You have to learn to deal with sadness

96
00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:04,000
Speaker 2: and disappointment and man your feelings correctly. So, Celia, don't

97
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,480
Speaker 2: you think it'll serve you more as a human to

98
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,440
Speaker 2: not go see Harry Styles.

99
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,920
Speaker 5: The thing is is that I have not seen him

100
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:18,200
Speaker 5: many times, and there have been many times, many times

101
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:21,440
Speaker 5: that I have missed out on a Harry Styles experience

102
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:22,680
Speaker 5: or many experiences.

103
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,680
Speaker 2: Well, you know what the greatest thing is? Then this

104
00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:26,280
Speaker 2: will just be one more.

105
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:30,280
Speaker 5: Wait, why are you flipping on me? I'm not an

106
00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:34,479
Speaker 5: anxiety and night agree to do this almost you said

107
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,000
Speaker 5: that you would do something.

108
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,400
Speaker 2: I mean, I would try, but I thought, wow, this

109
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:43,279
Speaker 2: subject of the podcast really does tails nicely. And again

110
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,159
Speaker 2: I've used the word dovetail twice. I deserve some rounds

111
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:50,560
Speaker 2: of applause for that. I feel, why don't you just

112
00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:54,560
Speaker 2: learned the valuable lesson of sadness at eleven thirty. Here's

113
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:58,919
Speaker 2: what we do eleven thirty on March fourteenth, which is

114
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,760
Speaker 2: passed by the way and not gonna take me up

115
00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:03,159
Speaker 2: on this, so trust me, we didn't do it. I

116
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,320
Speaker 2: think would be more valuable if we had a phone

117
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,880
Speaker 2: call at eleven thirty as he's about to walk on

118
00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:12,760
Speaker 2: and do his monologue and say, Celia, I'm here for you.

119
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:14,560
Speaker 5: Be sad.

120
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:19,600
Speaker 2: Cry It's okay, sounds terrible, No, it sounds fucking great

121
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,040
Speaker 2: because you would grow as a human.

122
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:26,960
Speaker 5: I've done that. I had a traumatic traumatic childhood.

123
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:32,840
Speaker 2: Maybe we wait, how about we do our next episode.

124
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:34,680
Speaker 2: I'm playing the victim.

125
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:38,640
Speaker 5: And my point is that I've been disappointed a plenty.

126
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:41,120
Speaker 2: Well, I guess this will just be one more time.

127
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,600
Speaker 5: Okay, Like, I like what, I'm not even expecting to

128
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:49,040
Speaker 5: actually be there, so like, if if it did work,

129
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:53,400
Speaker 5: then I would be so ecstatic like, and if it didn't,

130
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,320
Speaker 5: I wouldn't be disappointed because I don't really expect to

131
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,280
Speaker 5: be there already, do you know what I mean?

132
00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,360
Speaker 2: No, like my taste in the gutter.

133
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,600
Speaker 6: Either way, I should come with you.

134
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:09,400
Speaker 4: Put that way, you guys see, and Stephanie will accompany you.

135
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,000
Speaker 2: This is what you guys don't agree?

136
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:16,640
Speaker 5: We need one? Oh yeah, I said, I will literally never.

137
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,840
Speaker 5: If there's something that bothers you about me, I will work.

138
00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:22,760
Speaker 2: But I told her there's nothing that bothers me about her,

139
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,160
Speaker 2: so she doesn't have to change anything. I'm not getting

140
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:29,480
Speaker 2: anything out of this my happiness. That doesn't help me.

141
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:32,199
Speaker 2: You're better on the show when you're a grumpy bitch

142
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:36,440
Speaker 2: like this. I'm not grumpy now. I'm anxious, anxious. I

143
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:40,120
Speaker 2: already told you, No you're anxious. No, you didn't anxious

144
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:40,680
Speaker 2: is worry?

145
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:41,720
Speaker 5: You told me that you would.

146
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:48,480
Speaker 4: Maybe strong's don't do.

147
00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:50,599
Speaker 2: It, Celia, shut off your mind from two seconds and

148
00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,880
Speaker 2: shut up, Nick, No, don't really shut it off. I'm

149
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:56,640
Speaker 2: just kidding, Nick. Don't you think though, when it comes

150
00:08:56,679 --> 00:09:01,559
Speaker 2: to feeling feelings, it's valuable to go through the tough ones.

151
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:06,880
Speaker 2: It is not valuable to numb oneself with different things

152
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:13,240
Speaker 2: like ah, the pot, the drugs, the food, the hairy styles, binge. Yeah,

153
00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:15,920
Speaker 2: don't you think that adds to one's character?

154
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:19,360
Speaker 4: It definitely, I will say this, It absolutely helps to

155
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:23,400
Speaker 4: feel the feelings. But I think, a you need practice

156
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:24,920
Speaker 4: with it and be I think you need to know

157
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,080
Speaker 4: how to navigate them. And I think that's where therapy

158
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,320
Speaker 4: comes in because I've you know, I've been with my

159
00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,480
Speaker 4: guy a few years now, and I've noticed now when

160
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,080
Speaker 4: I'm having feelings, I could just instead of going into

161
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:39,760
Speaker 4: full and I feel acilia full, like anxious, I have

162
00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:42,560
Speaker 4: to fix this now, what's in your hand? You're having

163
00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:46,720
Speaker 4: these feelings? I will go more into like, all right,

164
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:51,040
Speaker 4: let's sit here, figure it out and start like trying

165
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:52,880
Speaker 4: your best to like just and now I can actually

166
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:54,560
Speaker 4: get to a place where I could calm myself down

167
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:58,040
Speaker 4: and start to reason with maybe why the things I'm feeling.

168
00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,680
Speaker 4: Sometimes it takes me like thirty minutes or so, which

169
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,000
Speaker 4: isn't bad. I mean it's like, but I'm sitting there

170
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,920
Speaker 4: and I'm actually like, are you really upset about this?

171
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,120
Speaker 4: Or is it just because of this or is it

172
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:13,600
Speaker 4: you know, etcetera, etcetera. That being said, if Sabrina Carpenter

173
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:14,480
Speaker 4: was hosting US.

174
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,439
Speaker 2: So now you'd feel the same way.

175
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:18,679
Speaker 6: I feel just like Celia.

176
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:24,000
Speaker 2: Oh it's so funny. Feel shit. Listen full spoiler alert.

177
00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:26,959
Speaker 2: I bet I'll end up dming one of the cast

178
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,439
Speaker 2: members who I don't know well at all, because I

179
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,800
Speaker 2: don't think I'm very famous anymore and probably never was

180
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,360
Speaker 2: that famous anyway, So I'll probably end up doing it,

181
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,480
Speaker 2: and then I'll have to see, here's the problem. Then

182
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,760
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to deal with the disappointment that he

183
00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:47,880
Speaker 2: goes who dis because so I'm suddenly happy to deal

184
00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:53,880
Speaker 2: with the sadness of being forgotten, the disappointment of oh wow,

185
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,640
Speaker 2: he didn't remember when we met. That's sad to me,

186
00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:00,720
Speaker 2: but I fully embrace feeling my feeling because of my

187
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:04,280
Speaker 2: age and also just knowing I've had enough work to

188
00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:10,320
Speaker 2: withstand the disappointment. I'll risk that in order to give

189
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:13,240
Speaker 2: you an opportunity to maybe go to this show and

190
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:16,800
Speaker 2: also avoid your feelings about this for another year. How's

191
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,400
Speaker 2: that sound amazing?

192
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:19,400
Speaker 5: But can I say something?

193
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:20,400
Speaker 2: No? Yes?

194
00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:20,640
Speaker 7: Go.

195
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:24,120
Speaker 5: You don't give yourself enough credit because you're.

196
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:31,280
Speaker 2: Such a media Start with the oh, Lisa.

197
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,920
Speaker 5: Is I open my mouth and then I get attacked.

198
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,000
Speaker 2: I shut up and go.

199
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,960
Speaker 5: I was just saying like, sometimes I'll be like my

200
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:39,079
Speaker 5: friends are my Whoever I'm talking to you will be like, oh,

201
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,560
Speaker 5: what kind of podcasts do you work? I'm like, oh,

202
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,439
Speaker 5: Lisa Lampinelli, I know Lisa Lampinelli. She's hilarious.

203
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:47,000
Speaker 2: Yeah. But but see, my ego isn't attached to it.

204
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:51,480
Speaker 2: So I don't worry about that stuff too much. But

205
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:54,280
Speaker 2: when it's in your face of like somebody going who,

206
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,640
Speaker 2: then you'd feel like a dick, of course, But I

207
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:59,120
Speaker 2: think what's good about it. I will take this as

208
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:02,200
Speaker 2: an opportunity for me to grow if that should happen,

209
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:07,199
Speaker 2: versus shoving an opportunity for you to go down your throat. Okay,

210
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,720
Speaker 2: So I would rather me grow than be like, oh,

211
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,920
Speaker 2: she's really not ready. She uws this. You view this

212
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,000
Speaker 2: as some kind of abandonment by me to not do it,

213
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,840
Speaker 2: and you view it as some kind of a diss

214
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:21,000
Speaker 2: So I'll do it, but I'll then probably have to

215
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,880
Speaker 2: deal with blind I'll do.

216
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:28,640
Speaker 5: It, view it as abandonment and a disk a little bit.

217
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,280
Speaker 2: You feel like kind of like, I don't think you're

218
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,720
Speaker 2: an entitled person. I don't think you're an you owe

219
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:36,439
Speaker 2: me kind of person. I think you would feel sad

220
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:37,520
Speaker 2: if I didn't.

221
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:44,400
Speaker 5: I would why because I feel like it's just it's

222
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:45,839
Speaker 5: like a favor and I.

223
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:49,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, if I want it, which you're owed. No, not

224
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:49,720
Speaker 2: at all.

225
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:56,000
Speaker 8: It's like, no, all I do is my job for you,

226
00:12:56,520 --> 00:13:00,760
Speaker 8: and I just feel like we have a good relationship

227
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:04,120
Speaker 8: and you would kind of want to see me.

228
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:04,800
Speaker 5: Wow.

229
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:13,200
Speaker 2: I think she just entitled it's m it's fine. Well,

230
00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:19,520
Speaker 2: this is how this shut up Celia? Is she? Actually

231
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,840
Speaker 2: she You got to give her credit for this. She

232
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:25,520
Speaker 2: somehow found out that some SNL members follow me, so

233
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,080
Speaker 2: she like stalked a little.

234
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,360
Speaker 4: So it's like, you did your homework. I thought you

235
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,640
Speaker 4: just assumed just because Lisa was a comic that she

236
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,160
Speaker 4: has you know, I didn't think I get.

237
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:38,840
Speaker 5: My facts straight, okay, And I did that the.

238
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:41,480
Speaker 2: Name names, and I was like, you're right, he does. Okay,

239
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:45,080
Speaker 2: I get it, but then again, who held those I'm

240
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,920
Speaker 2: always surprised when anyone remembers me and view it as

241
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:49,760
Speaker 2: a cute little thing. I don't view it as like,

242
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,640
Speaker 2: oh my god, my week is made, but like a

243
00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:54,199
Speaker 2: couple of weeks ago, I was reading Cameron Crowe's book.

244
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:58,480
Speaker 2: I mean, I worship every movie he's ever done. Almost

245
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,680
Speaker 2: Famous is my favorite movie of all time. You don't

246
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:04,560
Speaker 2: have to insert you too, because no one cares. I

247
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:09,560
Speaker 2: will say the book is moving me deeply. Because I

248
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:13,480
Speaker 2: worked also at Rolling Stone, we are time there overlapped,

249
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,240
Speaker 2: even though we never knew each other. I was just

250
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,079
Speaker 2: a fact checker. He was this major writer but then

251
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:21,440
Speaker 2: Almost Famous and oh my god, freaking Jerry Maguire come

252
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,120
Speaker 2: on and all the rest. So I'm reading the book

253
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:25,520
Speaker 2: and I was like, I'd be an asshole if I

254
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,960
Speaker 2: didn't tell him this book was good as a DM,

255
00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:29,920
Speaker 2: but I don't expect him to get back to me.

256
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,400
Speaker 2: So I was shocked when two days later he's like,

257
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,600
Speaker 2: oh my god, this means so much, and this is

258
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:38,480
Speaker 2: like my magic thing that somebody can say anything coming

259
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:41,520
Speaker 2: from you that feels so good. So it's like giving

260
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,040
Speaker 2: me a little status. So I'm like, I'm glad it's

261
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:45,840
Speaker 2: not the old days where that would make my week

262
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,880
Speaker 2: and make my month and be like, oh look at me,

263
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,400
Speaker 2: like let's work on something together or something like that.

264
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:54,360
Speaker 2: But I never assume anyone knows who I am, and

265
00:14:54,400 --> 00:15:02,160
Speaker 2: I think that's okay.

266
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:08,120
Speaker 5: My expectations should be in the gutter always, so then

267
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,120
Speaker 5: you can be gladly surprised.

268
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:13,720
Speaker 2: But then maybe your Harry styles tickets.

269
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,640
Speaker 5: Expectations, expectations are in the gutter, so I wouldn't be

270
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:19,680
Speaker 5: disappointed because I'm not even expecting anything.

271
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:24,160
Speaker 7: All Right, We're done with Harry's of the conversation. I'm

272
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:28,840
Speaker 7: gonna DMN my friend friend, the person I met there,

273
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:33,440
Speaker 7: I do know very well in original SNL writer Alan's Wybell.

274
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:37,840
Speaker 7: He's in every fucking documentary we wrote my off Broadway

275
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:41,800
Speaker 7: show together. He probably has limitless access to tickets.

276
00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,520
Speaker 2: He's an old Jew and one of my old Jew favorites,

277
00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,800
Speaker 2: alansoy Bell him. I could ask, but I'm not going

278
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:50,520
Speaker 2: with you, even if he says, yes, that's okay. I

279
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:56,600
Speaker 2: hate going anywhere. I only like my place and then

280
00:15:56,680 --> 00:15:59,360
Speaker 2: my dogs and my activities in Connecticut.

281
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:00,880
Speaker 5: That does kind of me me sade, because I thought

282
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:01,640
Speaker 5: that we could hang.

283
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:05,880
Speaker 2: Out, but that was a belt. Shit didn't happen. No,

284
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:11,600
Speaker 2: but I you go and Nick I go with you.

285
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:13,000
Speaker 6: You don't even care.

286
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:14,600
Speaker 2: We have a great time.

287
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,320
Speaker 5: But I was like, oh we could be girls together,

288
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:21,920
Speaker 5: and like, oh, well, yes, not too, but can't we be.

289
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:25,720
Speaker 2: Girls together at a different venue near my house at

290
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,760
Speaker 2: some point? Sure? Okay, so that's what we'll do. Girl

291
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:33,520
Speaker 2: thing Nick set a reminder for me to never invite her.

292
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:34,480
Speaker 6: I'm on it.

293
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:40,040
Speaker 2: Uh so, girl, you just wrote that shit down, so

294
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:43,600
Speaker 2: I'll do it. But I still is the subject of

295
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:49,120
Speaker 2: this podcast. I object to the idea of people pushing

296
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:52,960
Speaker 2: their feelings aside, and I'm not helping you grow. And

297
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,840
Speaker 2: my feelings will be felt, and it's okay. I've had disappointments,

298
00:16:56,880 --> 00:17:01,640
Speaker 2: you know, I'm doing sadness. Eva erecked a couple of

299
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:03,880
Speaker 2: weeks ago. That's why this topic even came up, because

300
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,800
Speaker 2: I found it very valuable to feel my feelings. In

301
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:10,240
Speaker 2: New York and Connecticut area, we had an epic amount

302
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,560
Speaker 2: of snow this year, as you know, two storms that

303
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:18,159
Speaker 2: were like twenty one inches or more. So my hot

304
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:25,000
Speaker 2: water kept going out throughout the first storm. I'm lucky

305
00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:27,440
Speaker 2: enough that I have a heating company that comes over

306
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:31,560
Speaker 2: and tries to help pretty quickly. But it went out

307
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,679
Speaker 2: one night, late at night, and I was like, what's

308
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:39,520
Speaker 2: this feeling? Because it didn't I wasn't angry at the storm.

309
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:43,800
Speaker 2: I wasn't angry at the heating company. I wasn't angry

310
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:47,080
Speaker 2: at the lack of hot water. I was like, why

311
00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:51,720
Speaker 2: do I feel so fucking sad about this? And I'm like, Oh,

312
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,640
Speaker 2: because you have to do it all alone, because you're

313
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:59,199
Speaker 2: responsible for everything in your own life, because you're solo.

314
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:04,040
Speaker 2: You're scared because there is a fear that comes up

315
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,679
Speaker 2: if you sit with your feelings, the actual feeling comes

316
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,800
Speaker 2: up instead of trying to push it down. You're scared,

317
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:13,520
Speaker 2: and it's an irrational fear that you will never have

318
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,720
Speaker 2: this fixed, that this is gonna be a chronic problem,

319
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,800
Speaker 2: you'll have to move, et cetera, et cetera. And I go,

320
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:22,040
Speaker 2: let's just sit here with that fear. And I know

321
00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:24,959
Speaker 2: it's gonna sound you guys, be like, eh, you have

322
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:28,719
Speaker 2: to befriend the feeling. You have to go make friends

323
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,760
Speaker 2: with that fear and just sit there with it and

324
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:34,880
Speaker 2: be like it's gonna be okay. And just within about

325
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:40,680
Speaker 2: literally three four minutes, it's sort of loosened up, dissipated.

326
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:44,040
Speaker 2: The little tiny bit of tears comes out. I'm like, okay,

327
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:48,440
Speaker 2: So there was nothing to stuff, there was no way

328
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,919
Speaker 2: to avoid it. So I feel like that when that

329
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,280
Speaker 2: thing happens again, because it's bound to happen, another appliance

330
00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:57,960
Speaker 2: will go out or another thing will happen. I will

331
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,760
Speaker 2: have had that valuable experience of feeling it and getting

332
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,800
Speaker 2: through it and feeling like an adult for the first

333
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,320
Speaker 2: time in a long time. Does this make sense to you, Nick?

334
00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 6: It does? I do everything alone as well?

335
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:09,240
Speaker 2: Yeah?

336
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,680
Speaker 4: And when I go to ask and no to see

337
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:11,600
Speaker 4: Harry Spire.

338
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:14,200
Speaker 2: You got that single ticket I sent you.

339
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,280
Speaker 6: Right, Yes, yeah, thank you?

340
00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:17,159
Speaker 2: Hold on, who did you give the other ticket to?

341
00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:19,280
Speaker 6: Oh? No, one? Okay, probably Stephanie.

342
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,080
Speaker 2: Probably you know what you should do. You'd probably just

343
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,720
Speaker 2: leave an empty seat because you're grothy. Okay, that okay,

344
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:25,280
Speaker 2: sounds good.

345
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:33,120
Speaker 4: Yes, but yeah, I will say that. I I when

346
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,880
Speaker 4: you when you just said about you having.

347
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:37,720
Speaker 6: I gotta do everything alone. It's always on me.

348
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,600
Speaker 4: I was sitting here going, yeah, like, it hit me

349
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:46,680
Speaker 4: too with that's war like having for me, like feeling

350
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,560
Speaker 4: your feelings and also having I don't know if I'm

351
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,880
Speaker 4: going off topic, but having people to reach out to, yeah,

352
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,680
Speaker 4: and share your feelings with and then like them be

353
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:58,240
Speaker 4: like it's a It's a game changer for sure, to

354
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,320
Speaker 4: feel fully supported like that. But yeah, when you said that,

355
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,800
Speaker 4: I was like, I sat here and I just started

356
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:05,560
Speaker 4: to like space out and think about all the times

357
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 4: I've had to do stuff alone.

358
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:08,959
Speaker 6: Yeah, because it sent men.

359
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,720
Speaker 2: And yet I recognize I am in a great position

360
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,719
Speaker 2: because to have a heating company come out five times

361
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:18,360
Speaker 2: in five days within an hour and a half, I mean,

362
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,960
Speaker 2: that's really privileged. They're really good guys, and they I

363
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,359
Speaker 2: felt sorry for them because they couldn't figure it out.

364
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:28,840
Speaker 2: But I think the whole lesson was you realize the

365
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:32,679
Speaker 2: capacity you have for feeling things and getting through it

366
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,840
Speaker 2: versus while I stuffed those feelings or I called somebody

367
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,959
Speaker 2: invented about it, or I covered I used to cover

368
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,840
Speaker 2: it all and go to anger be like, these fucking guys,

369
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,480
Speaker 2: how come they can't get a fix? It's like, seriously,

370
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:48,680
Speaker 2: not their fault. And by the way, you're not really angry,

371
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:52,719
Speaker 2: You're just sad. Even we're the same week, we had

372
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:54,600
Speaker 2: a death in the family. But it was a death

373
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,000
Speaker 2: in the family that wasn't someone I would see all

374
00:20:57,040 --> 00:21:01,840
Speaker 2: the time. It was someone who was more distant from me.

375
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 2: They lived half a country away, someone I wasn't directly

376
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:10,200
Speaker 2: related to. What kind of and for some reason, maybe

377
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 2: because I live in my parents' house, maybe because I

378
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,280
Speaker 2: feel like all the older people, people older than me,

379
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,919
Speaker 2: are all disappearing all the especially the older women. I'm like,

380
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 2: where were those older women I used to look up

381
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,800
Speaker 2: to so much? They're all got leaving one after another.

382
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:29,639
Speaker 2: I was so struck with grief about this person, and

383
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,800
Speaker 2: again I did everything right, reached out to the people

384
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:36,240
Speaker 2: who had affected the most, sent very heartfelt letters. I had,

385
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:40,679
Speaker 2: by the grace of some God or universe, had the

386
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,800
Speaker 2: week before organized all my photos. I knew all where

387
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:45,760
Speaker 2: her photos were, so I knew I could send them

388
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:48,560
Speaker 2: to my sister in law who's closer to her. I

389
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,879
Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, I did all the right things.

390
00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:55,080
Speaker 2: Now I just have to I'm not medicating with the

391
00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 2: activity anymore of sending the things and writing the letters.

392
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:01,200
Speaker 2: You just got to feel sad that this woman isn't

393
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:03,960
Speaker 2: on earth anymore. And this was a woman who made

394
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:07,600
Speaker 2: you feel like you counted, because it's weird when you

395
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:11,280
Speaker 2: meet somebody only twenty twenty five times in your life

396
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 2: and they somehow get you. I just always thought she

397
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 2: got me and someone to look up to, because she

398
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:24,159
Speaker 2: had a very cool life, very grounded, really a good person.

399
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 2: She wasn't complicated like my mother was fucking complicated, Like

400
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,879
Speaker 2: she could yell in a second and be smile on

401
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:33,879
Speaker 2: the next. This one was steady and emotionally sound. So

402
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:40,399
Speaker 2: she was fucking more weary in this family. So I go, fuck,

403
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,440
Speaker 2: I'm crying a lot over her, and I didn't know why,

404
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:47,040
Speaker 2: but guess what, just by feeling it, I was like, well,

405
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,679
Speaker 2: I don't have to care why I'm this upset about it.

406
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,600
Speaker 2: You just get to be this upset about it. But

407
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:54,880
Speaker 2: then it gives me the feeling of oh, and now

408
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:58,200
Speaker 2: I have quote capacity to get through the next tough one,

409
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,600
Speaker 2: the tougher ones, the people who were closer to me.

410
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,600
Speaker 2: So I think just the whole step of not medicating

411
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:06,520
Speaker 2: is great. But I get why it's so hard for

412
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 2: people to just sit there and you're just sitting there

413
00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:10,920
Speaker 2: and you think the crying is not going to stop,

414
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,679
Speaker 2: but it does. You know, have you ever had that?

415
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:14,679
Speaker 6: Yeah?

416
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:20,119
Speaker 4: I would say for me, it's mostly in romantic relationships,

417
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:24,480
Speaker 4: like having to feel my feelings and then like like

418
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:28,160
Speaker 4: that's like number one and then one A I would say,

419
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:31,920
Speaker 4: would be speaking my truth. So like those go hand

420
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:35,399
Speaker 4: in hand with like, cause the minute I don't speak

421
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 4: my truth or I'm holding on to something, it never

422
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 4: you think like by hiding it it's going to go away,

423
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,280
Speaker 4: or by suppressing it it's going to be fine. I'm fine,

424
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 4: it's fine, right, and it never it comes out in

425
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:50,680
Speaker 4: other ways, the person you're with can tell that you're

426
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 4: not even if you're like, yeah, it's good.

427
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:55,000
Speaker 2: So so even if you say something like hey, I'm

428
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:57,280
Speaker 2: just really sad about something that happened at work.

429
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're saying if I was talking like my partner

430
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 4: or something like yeah.

431
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:04,720
Speaker 2: Like say you are in a romantic relationship and you're

432
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 2: like sad about something, or you're sad because your dad acted,

433
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:11,119
Speaker 2: like however, yeah, instead of having it come out sideways

434
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:15,359
Speaker 2: on to affect them, it's more like you have to say, yeah,

435
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:18,040
Speaker 2: I'm just do you feel better when you just say

436
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:21,160
Speaker 2: you feel sadly, it's so hard I think for tough

437
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,199
Speaker 2: women like me or men like you to be like

438
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 2: I'm just sad.

439
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 6: Yeah.

440
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:31,159
Speaker 4: I think it's taken me a while. It's taken me

441
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,399
Speaker 4: a long time to be like being able to be

442
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,159
Speaker 4: like I'm gonna speak my truth, but like the fear

443
00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:40,680
Speaker 4: of speaking your truth and it being rejected, or it's

444
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 4: sharing a feeling and it being rejected is so strong

445
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:47,960
Speaker 4: that you'll just shove it down and it doesn't help anything,

446
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,359
Speaker 4: and you're not feeling anything, you're not sharing wire. But

447
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 4: anytime I've been direct and I'm like, you know, I'm

448
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:59,439
Speaker 4: upset about this thing, but also like it's this thing.

449
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:00,200
Speaker 6: Happened with my dad.

450
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,720
Speaker 4: So I don't really know if I'm just like nitpicking

451
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:05,880
Speaker 4: or just like finding something else to be mad at,

452
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:07,880
Speaker 4: because I can't getting mad at him as a dead end.

453
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:12,159
Speaker 2: So you saying you would maybe deflect and like if

454
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,240
Speaker 2: you're sad about something, to take it out on somebody else.

455
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:17,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't. I don't do that, but I can

456
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,240
Speaker 4: sense when I'm starting to get there. I don't get

457
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:24,560
Speaker 4: there much ever. I'm pretty good of like, feel your

458
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 4: shit and you got to handle it right. But I

459
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 4: think being open and honest and just being like, yeah,

460
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 4: I'm having a bunch of feelings today, but I think

461
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 4: it's just because of you know, what happened with my

462
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 4: dad earlier in the week, and right now I'm like

463
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:40,640
Speaker 4: looking for fights or looking for reasons to get mad

464
00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 4: or feel.

465
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:43,880
Speaker 6: Like being screwed out of something.

466
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 4: It's just like you're literally trying to find like adrenaline

467
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,880
Speaker 4: hits or dopamine hits or just like that's what I find.

468
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 4: For me, I don't let it get there, but I

469
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:55,560
Speaker 4: can sense and I'm starting to yep. It's like I'm

470
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 4: looking for someone to punch in the head.

471
00:25:58,119 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 6: I feel like we have.

472
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 2: To make because we want to distract from that hard feeling,

473
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:06,520
Speaker 2: because I think for us, the hardest feelings are sadness, fear,

474
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 2: disappointment because I'm an any gram eate, which is like

475
00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 2: a badass and tough, so it's hard to like accept

476
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:17,560
Speaker 2: like saying the words I'm sad to somebody, and it's

477
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,119
Speaker 2: very few people you can say that too, because also

478
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,000
Speaker 2: I never want to say that to people who are

479
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:26,399
Speaker 2: going to say, oh, don't be sad or oh you

480
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:28,199
Speaker 2: don't have to feel that way. It's like, no, just

481
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,720
Speaker 2: shut the fuck up. Then you get like mad at them.

482
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 2: So you have to use decisionment who you share anything with.

483
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,679
Speaker 2: Like my friend Bobby for sure can just sit in

484
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 2: it with you. My friend Bonnie, she can sit in it.

485
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 2: She always says I'm sorry, and that feels good, like

486
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 2: she knows none of this is about her, but it's like, mom,

487
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 2: I'm sorry you have to go through that.

488
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:53,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, I used to think again back to romantic relationships.

489
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 4: I used to think that a woman sharing her feelings

490
00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 4: with me was heard dumping them on me and saying

491
00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:05,160
Speaker 4: fix this or you're doing something wrong, because that's how

492
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,439
Speaker 4: my grandmother was with me towards it. It was just

493
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 4: she didn't have anyone else and she would just unload

494
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 4: on me, and to me, it was like the worst,

495
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 4: and it like ruined our relationships. So like it took

496
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:19,359
Speaker 4: me a while to learn, like no, like and again

497
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 4: this is specifically romantic relationships, but like, if a woman

498
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:23,240
Speaker 4: sharing her feeling, that's.

499
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 6: How women connect.

500
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 4: She's sharing her feelings with you and you don't have

501
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 4: to do anything. You just gotta be like when you

502
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:31,600
Speaker 4: talk about Bonnie, I'm really sorry.

503
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:32,560
Speaker 2: Yeah that's really hard.

504
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 6: Dont need to try to fix you don't need to.

505
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:36,200
Speaker 4: They don't want a fucking solution.

506
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 6: Well you know what you should do? Who the fuck

507
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:39,119
Speaker 6: wants to hear?

508
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 2: Like you just sit here with me, just want to

509
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:46,280
Speaker 2: be witnessed. They I always say, if I want advice,

510
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,840
Speaker 2: probably I thought of it or any because I'm fucking great,

511
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 2: But like, I'll like ask The other day I had

512
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,480
Speaker 2: found I'm doing all this organization at home. I found

513
00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:03,280
Speaker 2: like five boxes of like old performances on VHS, EVD,

514
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:05,879
Speaker 2: all this stuff, and I was like, I kind of

515
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 2: want to throw them all away, but I don't know

516
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:12,720
Speaker 2: if I want to. And that's I was having feelings

517
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:16,719
Speaker 2: about them, only about certain ones of them that I

518
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 2: didn't have a good experience doing them. And it wasn't

519
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 2: that the product sucked. It was just like, oh God,

520
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:25,400
Speaker 2: remember that fucking episode was so hard and we got

521
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:28,920
Speaker 2: in a fight or whatever it was. So I was like, oh,

522
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 2: I just was sitting there and I'm like, this is

523
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 2: too complicated to solve. I'll just organize them and leave

524
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,639
Speaker 2: them there for now. But I was at lunch with

525
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 2: my friend Anthony, who's deep, and I was just like, Hey,

526
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:42,240
Speaker 2: I'm gonna ask you advice, so I don't mind. I'll

527
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,720
Speaker 2: tell you if I want advice. He's great at just

528
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:47,800
Speaker 2: sitting with it and being like, yeah, i'd be conflicted too,

529
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:50,800
Speaker 2: or yeah, that sucks to be conflicted about old things,

530
00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 2: old items around the house that you don't know if

531
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:57,800
Speaker 2: you could get rid of. But fucking advice. People will

532
00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 2: ask if they want to know, and that's a one

533
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:03,720
Speaker 2: by the way of not feeling your own feelings out

534
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 2: there is freaking solving somebody else's problem and say yours.

535
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 2: So it's like, instead of feeling sad and in the

536
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 2: uncomfortable sadness with them, you try to advice, give and

537
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,960
Speaker 2: fix them, but don't look at yourself. It's like, well,

538
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 2: why can't you just sit there? Because that is hard

539
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 2: to just sit there.

540
00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:25,040
Speaker 4: It is tough, but you need in need to trust me.

541
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 4: There were times where I was going through it and

542
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 4: I luckily had like a therapist. I was like, no, no, no,

543
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 4: you need to do this because you've been avoidant or

544
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 4: running away from these things your whole life, and you

545
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 4: will continue. The pattern will continue. There were moments where

546
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:42,000
Speaker 4: I was like, this is insane. I can't just keep

547
00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 4: doing this, and like because it felt so so like,

548
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 4: I was like, there has to be this is dumb.

549
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:52,880
Speaker 6: Maybe he's i'ma but like now that I'm through.

550
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 4: It, it's I'm like, oh, Okay, now I get it.

551
00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 6: Did you wher?

552
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:02,800
Speaker 2: They'll have like where you're vulnerable and stuff and then

553
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 2: quote regret it or feel like a hangover. Like where

554
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:10,880
Speaker 2: you're just like, oh shit, like I shared too much.

555
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 2: They know I'm fucking gay with a guy. Would be like, oh,

556
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 2: my friend's thinking of a fucking fag now, no.

557
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:18,600
Speaker 6: No, I would.

558
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:21,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, I have that because again, I have a great

559
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 4: network of friends, and I reach out and I talk

560
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 4: to my friends.

561
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:26,880
Speaker 6: But there are moments when like I'm out of that.

562
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 4: Crisis mode or how I'm feeling, and I'm like, oh,

563
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 4: maybe I maybe that was too much. I should have

564
00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:35,080
Speaker 4: kept that, yeah, Like I should have kept that in.

565
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:36,640
Speaker 4: But at the same time it's like, well, that's not

566
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 4: what you chose to do, and like it was helpful

567
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 4: at the time, right, and all these things. But there

568
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:44,600
Speaker 4: are moments where I'm like, I should have shared less.

569
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I remember bottling it up so much as

570
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 2: a kid where it all started. Everything starts there that

571
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 2: I remember my grandfather died suddenly, like it was sudden.

572
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 2: It was maybe here's maybe fifty something, and that is shocking.

573
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 2: I was like thirteen, and I just for some reason,

574
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,160
Speaker 2: I already had the role in the family where I

575
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:10,160
Speaker 2: don't show emotion. Okay, so wake comes, I don't cry

576
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 2: all the days leading up to it, don't write back

577
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,080
Speaker 2: in those days, you'd have a wake for two to

578
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:19,640
Speaker 2: three days, for like hours, and you'd just be sitting there.

579
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 2: I was like, they're all crying. I'm not gonna like

580
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:27,480
Speaker 2: something internal. And I remember the day of the funeral.

581
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 2: I guess they had asked me and my sister because

582
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 2: we were like in folk group at church. Oh it

583
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 2: was the seventies, now it was the eighties or whatever,

584
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 2: to like we had to sing a song or something

585
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:43,040
Speaker 2: in wedding or excuse. At the funeral, I could not

586
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:46,920
Speaker 2: open my mouth. I just started sobbing on the stage

587
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:49,480
Speaker 2: in front of everybody. And I was like, Oh, that's

588
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:51,400
Speaker 2: what you get when you bottle it up. That was

589
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 2: the early lesson of like if it had just come

590
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,200
Speaker 2: out slowly. And I remember years later, I was so

591
00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:01,440
Speaker 2: proud of my niece Emily, who my mother asked her

592
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 2: to sing at my father's funeral. Yeah, and Joe's I'll

593
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 2: do it, but I have to have a friend with

594
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 2: me who's like singing it with me, and I might

595
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:12,320
Speaker 2: have to turn my back. And my mother's of course like, yeah,

596
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 2: that's fine. So I think the knowing what you need,

597
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 2: asking for the help, plus just going let it out

598
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 2: in little manageable ways. Then it doesn't back up on

599
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:25,760
Speaker 2: you like it did. So it's an early lesson which

600
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 2: I should have learned at thirteen, but how many years later,

601
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 2: fifty fucking years later. No, it's like sitting there in

602
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:34,840
Speaker 2: the house going I'm just scared I'll never have hot

603
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 2: water again, and being able to cry over it and

604
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:39,760
Speaker 2: going then the logic can surface. I think the problem

605
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:42,760
Speaker 2: is we try to logic our way out first. Yes,

606
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 2: we try to go, well, what I'm really feeling is this,

607
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 2: And it's fine because like I really just grateful that

608
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 2: I have been heating guys to come over, and how

609
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:52,200
Speaker 2: about you just feel it ninety seconds too out whatever

610
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:55,480
Speaker 2: the fuck it takes, and then now let's plan. Yeah,

611
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 2: now it's okay. I get to after the other day,

612
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 2: someone on a group call for my coaching course said

613
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 2: something I didn't like that hurt my feelings, and I

614
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 2: know he meant it as a joke, and I was

615
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:07,960
Speaker 2: pretty quickly able to get to compassion because I was like, oh,

616
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 2: we're so the same. He wants it to be seen,

617
00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:13,800
Speaker 2: so do I. He's heartbroken because he never had the

618
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:17,040
Speaker 2: career he wanted, so am I, you know? And I

619
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 2: was able to get but not without feeling for like

620
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 2: ten minutes of going well, I'm really hurt.

621
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:23,120
Speaker 6: Yeah.

622
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:27,880
Speaker 2: So I think the lesson is a feel your fucking feelings.

623
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 2: They're not going to kill you. Yeah, reach out to

624
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 2: do it. And speaking of reaching out, I hope by

625
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 2: this time Celia has either dealt with the disappointment of

626
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:44,320
Speaker 2: not seeing Harry Styles, but I will have reached out

627
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 2: to my two contacts as unimportant as they are at

628
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 2: SNL and tried to get her a single ticket, and

629
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 2: she will not have to deal with her pain and misery.

630
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:59,040
Speaker 4: Dear Lisa, Sometimes, after a really hard day with my

631
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:02,200
Speaker 4: four kids, want to close my This is funny. I

632
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 4: close my bedroom door for kids' nuts. When I close

633
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:08,239
Speaker 4: my bedroom door and cry, Amen, the stress is too

634
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,920
Speaker 4: much and I need to release it. When this happens,

635
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 4: I catch myself and say, come on, you're stronger than this,

636
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,600
Speaker 4: which is better in the long run crying my crying

637
00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:22,719
Speaker 4: my eyes out, or rising above it. Thanks Dawn in Naugatuck, Connecticut.

638
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 2: Listen, Dawn, first move out of Naugatuck Cadecte knows obviously.

639
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:33,680
Speaker 2: I think you know the right answer, Dawn, but I'll

640
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 2: spell it out for those who don't, who wouldn't be

641
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 2: allowed a few tears after a tough day, Who would

642
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:46,319
Speaker 2: ever look at a woman, man, child, anything and say

643
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 2: how weak of them? I personally feel a good, well

644
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:53,279
Speaker 2: placed teer a good cry. They call it a good cry.

645
00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 2: They don't call it a bad cry. Hey, I had

646
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:57,800
Speaker 2: a bad cry. No you didn't. The cry was good.

647
00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 2: It was terrific. Now that being said, if you're doing

648
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 2: this for too long or too much of a stretch

649
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:10,400
Speaker 2: of time, you go to yourself. Should I really be

650
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 2: locked in my bathroom for four hours sobbing? No, that's complicated.

651
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 2: That's where you have to get it fucking sussed out

652
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,440
Speaker 2: and talk to somebody about it and find out if

653
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:22,520
Speaker 2: this is weird? Do I have depression? Do I have

654
00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 2: something clinical going on with me? Does my counturt? You

655
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:28,959
Speaker 2: may have a uti. I'd be crying over that been there,

656
00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:35,320
Speaker 2: ooh girl hurt. I don't have to squirt all the time.

657
00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:40,200
Speaker 2: So just it's I say, though, if it's not big

658
00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:44,400
Speaker 2: and complicated, if it's that little tearful thing, get it

659
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:46,440
Speaker 2: out and then know the strength to go back to

660
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,239
Speaker 2: your kids. Because what does she say? Power through it?

661
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:51,000
Speaker 2: Should she just be able to let pa.

662
00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:53,839
Speaker 6: Should she uh, what's better?

663
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 7: She as?

664
00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:55,839
Speaker 4: What's better than the long one? Crying her eyes out?

665
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:56,839
Speaker 4: Or rising above it?

666
00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:00,399
Speaker 2: Oh, because there's no such thing as rising upon it.

667
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:06,040
Speaker 2: You can't because you have to you just cry. Or

668
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:07,960
Speaker 2: if you think you rise above it, you're gonna take

669
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,080
Speaker 2: it out on somebody else. Oh yeah, you're gonna hit

670
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 2: a kid. God forbid, you're gonna freaking throw one out

671
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,760
Speaker 2: right in the fucking window, a high rise window.

672
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:17,200
Speaker 4: Sometimes you gotta set the tone.

673
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,200
Speaker 2: But you have four kids, so one of them's gotta go,

674
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:23,320
Speaker 2: maybe one of them out of well placed window.

675
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:24,440
Speaker 5: Yeah.

676
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:26,239
Speaker 4: Who do you think will be the least successful?

677
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:28,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I always thought, will be the one

678
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:32,880
Speaker 2: who needs the least education, because then you save money.

679
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 2: So say I had four kids. One was a little

680
00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 2: quote special. Maybe you figured what's the best they can

681
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,919
Speaker 2: do in life? Maybe b I don't know. The guy

682
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:46,120
Speaker 2: who sweeps up the hair at the salon. He's not

683
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:48,360
Speaker 2: even gonna get the haircutter, he's just gonna get to

684
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,879
Speaker 2: sweep up at the hair salon. Well that's the kid

685
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,320
Speaker 2: you keep because you don't have to put them through college.

686
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 2: Get rid of the Harvard kid. See everybody thinks you kill.

687
00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:00,760
Speaker 2: Killing the right kid is the right skill to develop.

688
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 2: So Dawn either acts the smartest kid out the window

689
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:10,799
Speaker 2: we goes, or have your little cry because there you

690
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:14,960
Speaker 2: cannot rise above feelings. You have to go through it.

691
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:16,879
Speaker 2: Am I right?

692
00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:19,239
Speaker 6: When she's right, She's right.

693
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:23,680
Speaker 2: Shut the fuck up the next letter, you asshole. Have

694
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:24,400
Speaker 2: you ever done that?

695
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 8: Nick?

696
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,480
Speaker 2: Though, I always have the tiniest little cry and then

697
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:28,040
Speaker 2: it's done.

698
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 4: It depends sometimes I let myself cry. I don't really

699
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:33,480
Speaker 4: even if I'm alone.

700
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 2: I'm just like I've seen any fags.

701
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:38,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean it depends only when my food's late.

702
00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:42,920
Speaker 4: I'm looking at myself on the camera. I look like shit. No,

703
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 4: I was looking at my eyes, look like Uncle Fester.

704
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:46,360
Speaker 2: You should be crying at that.

705
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:51,280
Speaker 4: Tired, all right. I was just like feeling my feelings

706
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:53,760
Speaker 4: all night and then I jerked off to a Harrus

707
00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:54,800
Speaker 4: dowlesvideo this morning.

708
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,319
Speaker 2: So night so Celia what he called me. It was

709
00:37:58,320 --> 00:37:59,719
Speaker 2: really fun in that conversation.

710
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 4: Okay, go ahead, Hi Lisa, Hi, I'm Eric. I've been

711
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:08,479
Speaker 4: in therapy for a year, and I still panic every

712
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 4: time I feel a strong emotion. I've built excuse me,

713
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:17,960
Speaker 4: an entire identity around being too the unbothered guy who

714
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,880
Speaker 4: makes jokes and keeps things light. But underneath that, I

715
00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:25,120
Speaker 4: feel like a shaken soda can. Yeah, how do I

716
00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 4: start showing up more authentically without blowing up my friendships

717
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:33,800
Speaker 4: or seeming needy? Eric thirty years old, Seattle, Washington.

718
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:37,360
Speaker 2: Nick, this is a question built for you because you

719
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 2: had that identity and have the identity of mister mirth

720
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 2: I think the title of your one hour comedy special

721
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:49,960
Speaker 2: should be Mirthy and Girthy mixed scope of any special

722
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:51,799
Speaker 2: on no network will buy this.

723
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:53,759
Speaker 6: That's right, So iHeartRadio.

724
00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:59,440
Speaker 2: You are a more serious guy now in the right ways.

725
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:03,680
Speaker 2: You show your feelings to your real friends. Like I said,

726
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:07,640
Speaker 2: you've cried, which I fully was thrilled. I was like, Oh,

727
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:11,120
Speaker 2: finally he's showing us who he is. But yet you

728
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:15,320
Speaker 2: still have that mirthfulatitude with people. You're still really fun.

729
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 2: How do you navigate the balance because this guy as

730
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,759
Speaker 2: the chill guy who just always makes people happy, it's

731
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:23,720
Speaker 2: going to implode on him. He's gonna have a heart attack,

732
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:26,400
Speaker 2: he's gonna have shit his pants. Shit your pants is

733
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:29,920
Speaker 2: worse than being the serious guy. Something in your pants

734
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:32,880
Speaker 2: is cool, just pee, but don't shit your pants. So

735
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:35,560
Speaker 2: how did you sort of as you got more aware

736
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:37,920
Speaker 2: and knew the feelings had to be felt, how did

737
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:38,680
Speaker 2: you shift it.

738
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 4: I don't think I have it all, to be honest,

739
00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:42,279
Speaker 4: I just don't think I have it all figured out yet.

740
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:44,120
Speaker 2: I better no one would think you do.

741
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:45,440
Speaker 6: I know, but a lot of people do.

742
00:39:45,600 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 2: No, they don't not.

743
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:48,760
Speaker 6: I actually have lgs.

744
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:56,800
Speaker 4: The lucky guileless. So I don't think I have it

745
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:59,560
Speaker 4: all figured out. I think I'm still learning, but I

746
00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:03,000
Speaker 4: definitely definitely you just kind of keep you See, he's

747
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:04,840
Speaker 4: been in therapy for a year. I've been in it

748
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:06,880
Speaker 4: for I don't know four, and we're it's still just

749
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:09,520
Speaker 4: keep going. I really don't have any like cool like

750
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:11,960
Speaker 4: this is how I figured it out. Yeah, it takes

751
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 4: trial and era. Just like the things I was talking

752
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,040
Speaker 4: about before. It took a million times of me not

753
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 4: speaking my truth or sharing my real feelings and then

754
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 4: everything blowing up to shit for me to be like,

755
00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 4: all right, right, this doesn't work, you know what I mean.

756
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 4: It's just they they'll figure it out. When they figured

757
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:30,040
Speaker 4: it out. You can tell them all that. You could

758
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 4: give them all the advice and say all the shit.

759
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:34,439
Speaker 4: But and he just has to keep going.

760
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:38,360
Speaker 2: And he also has to just keep showing up authentically

761
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:42,279
Speaker 2: in safe places. There's gonna be places where you're not

762
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 2: going to be able to and people who you're never

763
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:47,000
Speaker 2: going to be able to be vulnerable in front of,

764
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:48,960
Speaker 2: never going to be able to be like, yeah, I

765
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,080
Speaker 2: know I'm usually in a good mood, but I'm sad today.

766
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:54,080
Speaker 2: But there's like one or two people that maybe you

767
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:56,560
Speaker 2: can try it with, yeah, and then maybe then they

768
00:40:56,640 --> 00:41:00,960
Speaker 2: get more authentic too. And that's huge when someone feels permission,

769
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 2: Like if someone you crying in front of me makes

770
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 2: me feel like I don't have to put on a

771
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:10,000
Speaker 2: brave face all the time in front of you. So

772
00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:14,960
Speaker 2: that's vulnerability. That's how real friendship or relationships happen. So

773
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 2: he just has to keep putting it out there, like

774
00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 2: a little like that that thing in the water, You

775
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:22,400
Speaker 2: just go, I'm going to cast and see if it

776
00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:24,719
Speaker 2: takes hold, and if it doesn't with the right people,

777
00:41:24,960 --> 00:41:26,680
Speaker 2: like dude, what happened to you? It used to be

778
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 2: so much fun. It's like, well, I'm not that much

779
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 2: fun anymore. And then you take out a fucking gun

780
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 2: and you kill everyone, and especially the fourth child. He's

781
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:37,439
Speaker 2: going to Harvard and has lucky girls.

782
00:41:37,640 --> 00:41:39,160
Speaker 6: Listen, guys, you heard it here first.

783
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 2: Okay, kill your young Thank you, good night, God bless

784
00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:44,040
Speaker 2: us all.

785
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:46,399
Speaker 6: We got one more.

786
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 4: Dear Lisa. I've been a huge fan of yours for years,

787
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:00,840
Speaker 4: and you're calming has gotten it.

788
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:02,160
Speaker 6: For some really tough time.

789
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:06,240
Speaker 4: I doubt that, so thank you. Whenever I find myself

790
00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 4: down and depressed, I always turned to comedy and the

791
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,760
Speaker 4: laughter brings me out of my dark place. My sister,

792
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:13,759
Speaker 4: on the other hand, watches sad movies when she's down

793
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:16,760
Speaker 4: and has a good cry. Which do you think is healthier?

794
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 4: Thanks Simone, Chicago, Illinois.

795
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 2: Oh, my gon Simone. First of all, that is a

796
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 2: French name, and I don't approve of the French, so

797
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,239
Speaker 2: I'm shocked I'm even going to answer this. Yeah, but

798
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:31,360
Speaker 2: I will say I think both are healthy as little

799
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:35,400
Speaker 2: outlets to express that and not to be up. Cameron

800
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 2: Crows ask too much, but he does this from what

801
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:41,759
Speaker 2: he talks in the book about a feeling he has

802
00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 2: from childhood. And I love this called happy sad, which

803
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:50,160
Speaker 2: is that bitter sweet thing where you just like to

804
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:52,799
Speaker 2: feel sad a little and you're a little happy. The

805
00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:56,160
Speaker 2: sadness is there. It's nostalgia, and I'm like, oh, I

806
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:59,000
Speaker 2: get that. You listen to a certain song and it's

807
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:00,880
Speaker 2: like you're kind of happy to be sad and you

808
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 2: can get it out. Sometimes ow a song will come

809
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:08,120
Speaker 2: up on a playlist that I'm like, oh God, that

810
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 2: reminds me of such and such or my parents, I

811
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,399
Speaker 2: can't listen that, and they go, wait a minute, let's

812
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:14,120
Speaker 2: see if you can get through it. Let's see if

813
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:16,279
Speaker 2: this is something you can listen to now and have

814
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 2: the right kind of happy sad feeling about. And I go, oh,

815
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:22,399
Speaker 2: I got through that again. I'm sick of the word,

816
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:26,279
Speaker 2: but showing you now have the capacity to withstand it,

817
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:28,319
Speaker 2: and then the next time it's not so hard. So

818
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:30,400
Speaker 2: I think whichever way you get through it is fine.

819
00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 2: It's just really up to you to not get then

820
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 2: stuck in it. I think the feelings have to move through,

821
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 2: and both of them are getting unstuck because of it.

822
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:45,960
Speaker 2: They're not sitting there watching twelve sad movies in a row,

823
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:49,279
Speaker 2: or just twelve comedy specials and not washing their ass

824
00:43:49,280 --> 00:43:52,840
Speaker 2: and getting to work. You freaking are living a life,

825
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:55,600
Speaker 2: and this is a way of accessing that stuff.

826
00:43:55,760 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, I personally, I never I don't go to comedy

827
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 4: when I'm sad or anything like that.

828
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:04,080
Speaker 6: I'll go right I.

829
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:08,319
Speaker 4: Like exposing myself weirdly, as someone who has spent most

830
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:11,799
Speaker 4: of his life not feeling feelings about certain things, I'll

831
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:16,080
Speaker 4: go right to a sad thing just to like just

832
00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:19,000
Speaker 4: to like get it out. It's like, it's kind of

833
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:20,479
Speaker 4: what you said in the earlier to the guy about

834
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:24,040
Speaker 4: the letter, like practicing opening up to certain people. That's

835
00:44:24,040 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 4: what that is for me. It's like my own private

836
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:31,120
Speaker 4: way of like just trying out a feeling. Like and

837
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:33,920
Speaker 4: I know there's certain episodes of certain shows where things

838
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:36,480
Speaker 4: like really get me or I know, oh this is

839
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:38,439
Speaker 4: gonna be tough, and I just like kind of sit

840
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 4: there and deal with it. And honestly it helps because

841
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:45,640
Speaker 4: then like you're less I feel like it's you know,

842
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:48,799
Speaker 4: it's not obviously it's not a real thing you're going through,

843
00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,120
Speaker 4: but it helps build up a little bit of like

844
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:54,399
Speaker 4: a callous to get through the next thing.

845
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:56,680
Speaker 2: I feel, Yeah, you're not scared of the next time

846
00:44:56,719 --> 00:44:58,960
Speaker 2: it happens. Yeah, like I said, with this recent death

847
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:02,319
Speaker 2: in the family. It's like, oh wow, I got through that.

848
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:05,320
Speaker 2: I'll have capacity for the next time that it's someone

849
00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:08,359
Speaker 2: even more close. And I don't like it, and I'm

850
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 2: not happy about it. I'm not happy these involuntary, dramatic

851
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:15,279
Speaker 2: things happen in our lives, but you got to kind

852
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 2: of get ready for it, because you know, other than me,

853
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:22,440
Speaker 2: no one's getting any younger. I'm clearly reversing time.

854
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:26,359
Speaker 6: I am Celia's reverse Cowgirls.

855
00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 2: She's like, How'd I get roped into this? No pun intended?

856
00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:36,719
Speaker 6: Or what if Harry Styles wanted it?

857
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:42,000
Speaker 2: Oh? I wonder if there's a guy speaking of not

858
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:45,680
Speaker 2: feeling anything, if there's a guy who would be worth

859
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:51,520
Speaker 2: anal like it for me? Yeah, Harry Styles? Okay, all right.

860
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:53,279
Speaker 6: Wow honestly for me.

861
00:45:54,239 --> 00:46:00,440
Speaker 2: Same Well we agree on a lot. Folks, fail your

862
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:04,440
Speaker 2: feelings and put Harry suace Cock right word it in

863
00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:10,280
Speaker 2: your buttole okay peg me. Sabrina Carpenter, Oh my god,

864
00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:14,239
Speaker 2: I officially am retiring from this podcast. I hate my

865
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 2: two people, so thank you very much.

866
00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 5: We did.

867
00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:20,239
Speaker 2: Hey, Nick, where can they Where can they listen? Why

868
00:46:20,239 --> 00:46:21,520
Speaker 2: don't you do your little outro?

869
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:21,799
Speaker 4: You?

870
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:22,760
Speaker 6: Hey listen?

871
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:25,440
Speaker 4: If you guys want no, you have to.

872
00:46:25,719 --> 00:46:26,360
Speaker 6: You have to.

873
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:31,720
Speaker 4: You listen to us Shrink This on the iHeartRadio app

874
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 4: or wherever you get podcasts. You can also email us,

875
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:36,680
Speaker 4: Like we said, shrink This show at gmail dot com.

876
00:46:37,040 --> 00:46:41,480
Speaker 4: Follow Lisa Lampinelli, follow Celia, follow me at nix scopes

877
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:45,360
Speaker 4: on Instagram, the tiktoks, and uh We'll see you guys

878
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:46,560
Speaker 4: at snl if you want to