WEBVTT - Checking In w/ Dr. Shairi Turner 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.000 Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:19.840 iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. What if I told you 0:00:20.400 --> 0:00:24.439 that there's a free mental health resource that you can 0:00:24.520 --> 0:00:29.000 text whenever you feel like you need help with your anxiety, depression, 0:00:29.240 --> 0:00:32.680 or even loneliness. Well, I'll be sharing that in more 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:44.240 coming up next on Checking In. I'm really really thrilled 0:00:44.280 --> 0:00:49.199 about today's episode checking In. It really is about the 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:54.360 foundation of checking in everything as it relates to mental health. Today, 0:00:54.440 --> 0:00:59.120 we have someone amazing and interness and pediatrician with expertise 0:00:59.240 --> 0:01:04.200 and trauma informed practices and mental health and she is 0:01:04.360 --> 0:01:09.440 currently the chief health officer of the Crisis text line. 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:13.080 You guys give it up and please welcome doctor Shayy 0:01:13.240 --> 0:01:14.720 returner to Checking In. 0:01:15.200 --> 0:01:16.240 Thank you, Michelle. 0:01:16.360 --> 0:01:19.479 It's an honor to be here have this conversation with you. 0:01:19.840 --> 0:01:23.840 Absolutely absolutely. Do you still have your podcast? Did I 0:01:23.880 --> 0:01:24.560 hear correctly? 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:27.160 So? I did a podcast. 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:30.720 We have a partnership with Nike, and we did the 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:36.160 No Off Season podcast which was about nine episodes talking 0:01:36.200 --> 0:01:39.760 to different athletes and lead athletes about their mental health journey. 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:42.920 And I was able to honor to do some of 0:01:42.959 --> 0:01:48.120 those interviews. Just hear the incredible stories that they've shared. 0:01:49.040 --> 0:01:51.840 That is so amazing. I'm so glad that a company 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:57.320 like Nike has something like this because mental health and 0:01:57.440 --> 0:02:00.840 mental illness can affect everybody. Just because somebody might have 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:04.520 had a perfect score, you know, probably does not mean 0:02:04.560 --> 0:02:07.400 that they have not been dealing with probably the anxiety 0:02:07.440 --> 0:02:10.680 that it takes to you know, uh. 0:02:10.960 --> 0:02:19.160 An a lead athlete, so tremendous stress, strain expectations, right, 0:02:19.320 --> 0:02:22.240 and then you also deal with the you know, the 0:02:22.280 --> 0:02:26.320 outward appearance right of having to always be at the 0:02:26.320 --> 0:02:27.040 top of your game. 0:02:27.240 --> 0:02:32.280 Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, well, thank you so much for sharing 0:02:32.760 --> 0:02:35.000 you guys. Let me tell you the power of social media. 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:37.639 I love that it can connect and if you use 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:42.120 it right, relationships can be formed and opportunities can really 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:46.200 be in the palm of your hand. I'm sure y'all 0:02:46.200 --> 0:02:49.720 have heard of the crisis text line and we have 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:54.400 SHAIRI as the chief help officer. Can you just give 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:58.880 us my mind is blown? First of all, intern is pediatrician. 0:02:59.240 --> 0:03:01.080 Let's pivot back there first. 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:03.760 It makes it. 0:03:03.800 --> 0:03:08.840 The whole story is so I grew up in the 0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:12.920 Bronx and wanted to be actually the first physician in 0:03:12.960 --> 0:03:17.200 my family. I went to Stanford as an undergrad and 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:21.360 then Case Western really with the aspiration Case Western for 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:24.160 medical school, and then I went to Harvard for the 0:03:24.240 --> 0:03:32.080 Medicine Pediatrics Combined program, really aspiring to treat underserved populations 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:37.680 as a primary care physician. And then an experience with 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:42.800 a close family friend who died by suicide in prison, 0:03:43.760 --> 0:03:45.800 someone who I considered family. 0:03:46.600 --> 0:03:47.920 You know, back then it. 0:03:47.960 --> 0:03:52.680 Was really an obvious cycle of trauma that existed within 0:03:52.720 --> 0:03:56.200 the family before we really acknowledge the impact of trauma. 0:03:56.720 --> 0:04:00.560 So that occurred during my first year resident and see 0:04:00.800 --> 0:04:03.040 and kind of sat in the back of my mind 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:07.520 as I went through and finished my residency and then 0:04:07.560 --> 0:04:12.240 had the opportunity to do a practicum and get my 0:04:12.360 --> 0:04:15.600 Masters of Public Health from the Harvard School of Public Health. 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:19.000 And it was a minority health policy fellowship, so we 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:25.040 were expected and asked to work with organizations around public health. 0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:29.720 And I chose actually the Department of Youth Services in 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:34.560 Massachusetts and looked at the impact of their substance abuse 0:04:34.640 --> 0:04:38.880 policies on the many black and brown children who were there, 0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:42.360 and I'll never forget the administrator said to me, if 0:04:42.400 --> 0:04:45.480 you could treat hopelessness, you would solve a lot of 0:04:45.520 --> 0:04:49.680 the issues for these kids, and it didn't. Again, it 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:53.320 was like a seed that Land did that didn't really 0:04:53.560 --> 0:04:57.400 speak to trauma because we weren't talking about childhood. 0:04:57.000 --> 0:04:58.000 Trauma back then. 0:04:59.240 --> 0:05:03.120 But I then had the opportunity to be the first 0:05:04.040 --> 0:05:08.240 chief medical director at the Florida Department of Juvenile Justice, 0:05:08.440 --> 0:05:15.120 which incarcerated many, many black and brown children, and from 0:05:15.200 --> 0:05:19.760 there just gained an understanding about trauma and adverse childhood 0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:25.760 experiences and how that interplays with mental health, physical health, 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:29.840 the behavioral issues that these children were experiencing because they 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:37.200 had horrific childhood trauma stories experiences. And then spent some 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:40.960 time at the Florida Department of Health and a few 0:05:41.040 --> 0:05:44.680 years later wound up at Crisis text Line, where I 0:05:44.760 --> 0:05:48.320 became the chief medical Officer and then ultimately the Chief 0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:49.120 Health Officer. 0:05:49.720 --> 0:05:54.000 But it combines all of my passions, just mental. 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:58.719 Health, trauma, public health because we reached so many people. Yeah, 0:05:58.760 --> 0:06:01.440 so you know, it's all things coming together. Life is 0:06:01.480 --> 0:06:02.520 a journey right. 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:05.640 Now, Wow, are you still able to practice as a 0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:09.120 pediatrician now that you are the chief health Officer? 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:12.840 I do not have time to still practice and see 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:15.000 patients at this point. 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:17.440 Ooh, how many patients were upset? 0:06:18.880 --> 0:06:20.000 This was a wayte back. 0:06:20.120 --> 0:06:25.320 I actually stopped practicing when I moved to Florida because 0:06:25.360 --> 0:06:28.640 it really public health was a passion for me, and 0:06:28.720 --> 0:06:33.839 being able to help large groups of people, like in 0:06:33.960 --> 0:06:38.720 juvenile justice setting like Department of Health, and like our textures, 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:42.919 just to touch so many people in their times of need, 0:06:43.480 --> 0:06:44.600 in their times of pain. 0:06:45.120 --> 0:06:47.440 Wow. I asked that I have an uncle who is 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:51.480 a doctor, a family practice physician, and he did some 0:06:51.520 --> 0:06:53.960 type of pivoting where I think he's now more in 0:06:54.040 --> 0:06:57.000 public health and community health, and so he left your 0:06:57.200 --> 0:07:01.479 more traditional health system. Yes, And I was like, oh, 0:07:01.520 --> 0:07:05.640 my gosh, how many patients are probably so sad that 0:07:06.000 --> 0:07:09.080 you know they can no longer see you. But you know, 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:14.400 passion and calling, you must follow it, even when you 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:17.560 may even disappoint people or make people sad. Because I'm 0:07:17.680 --> 0:07:20.920 sure you had some favorite patients and you were probably 0:07:20.920 --> 0:07:24.640 their favorite. So I can understand how difficult it was 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:29.800 to make that transition, which will encourage our listeners. Everybody 0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:32.640 at so many walks of life are going to have 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:35.240 to make some type of decision. Here you are, I'm 0:07:35.240 --> 0:07:38.280 sure at the top of the game. Medically, you know, 0:07:38.560 --> 0:07:41.760 making this decision, not saying that you made a bad dish. 0:07:41.880 --> 0:07:44.080 I'm not I hope it's not signing that way, but 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:44.880 a transition. 0:07:45.280 --> 0:07:45.480 You know. 0:07:45.520 --> 0:07:49.080 It's easier probably to work in a health system, you know, 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:52.320 and making all the money and all this, and then 0:07:52.440 --> 0:07:57.320 you're like, no, I'm going to serve a demographic that 0:07:57.400 --> 0:08:01.000 probably gets ignored and turned away way if they don't 0:08:01.040 --> 0:08:02.800 make a certain type of progress. 0:08:03.400 --> 0:08:06.239 Right, No, you're right on target. 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:09.240 I believe that life is a journey and you should 0:08:09.320 --> 0:08:12.480 look for opportunities to find joy in the work that 0:08:12.520 --> 0:08:15.160 you do and find passion in the work that you do, 0:08:15.720 --> 0:08:19.760 and that may mean pivoting several times to get to 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:24.280 that place. Right and for me, Crisis text Line we 0:08:24.400 --> 0:08:28.520 serve people of color, we serve all people, but we've 0:08:28.560 --> 0:08:33.040 found that our service reaches younger people. So seventy percent 0:08:33.160 --> 0:08:35.679 of our textures are under the age of twenty four. 0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:40.199 We know that we over index for BIPOC textures, so 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:44.480 we're getting out into communities that don't otherwise have access 0:08:44.679 --> 0:08:49.920 to mental health and crisis intervention services. And over fifty 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:56.040 percent of our textures are LGBTQIA plus, so we're really 0:08:56.200 --> 0:09:00.400 meeting a need for individuals who may not otherwise have 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:03.199 access to mental health support. 0:09:03.760 --> 0:09:06.560 That is so good. So what I do know about 0:09:06.600 --> 0:09:11.200 the crisis text line is obviously twenty four to seven. Yes, 0:09:11.240 --> 0:09:15.719 it ranges from everything to people can text about anxiety, depression, 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:21.440 eating disorders, anything self harming behavior. So is that what 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:27.040 makes the crisis text line different from a suicide prevention hotline? 0:09:27.480 --> 0:09:31.280 So we view and we operate crisis text line on 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:37.520 the continuum. So as you said, anything from a teenager 0:09:37.920 --> 0:09:42.560 who feels stressed about their homework to someone who is 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:46.960 actually physically on the brink of suicide or dying by suicide, 0:09:47.480 --> 0:09:52.640 we can our volunteers and we've trained over fifty nine 0:09:52.720 --> 0:10:00.160 thousand volunteers. Our volunteers are trained in active listening, in 0:10:00.320 --> 0:10:06.000 problem solving, in developing cope and identifying coping strategies, in 0:10:06.120 --> 0:10:11.160 de escalation and safety planning. So for any situation, the 0:10:11.280 --> 0:10:15.000 volunteer knows how to work with a texture who is 0:10:15.040 --> 0:10:18.000 in crisis. And we say a crisis to you is 0:10:18.000 --> 0:10:19.160 a crisis to us. 0:10:19.440 --> 0:10:22.000 So that means it doesn't have to reach a certain level. 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:26.560 So when someone reaches out for their homework, that is prevention. 0:10:26.800 --> 0:10:31.120 That actually is suicide prevention because we're helping them to 0:10:31.840 --> 0:10:36.360 develop coping strategies in that moment for that crisis. Right, 0:10:36.440 --> 0:10:39.920 So whatever they feel in that moment needs to be addressed. 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:44.840 We are there to help them, and that is suicide prevention. 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:50.160 And doctor schi Eerie, I feel like too, you are 0:10:50.520 --> 0:10:54.840 saying something so crucial here when a person, a young 0:10:55.000 --> 0:10:59.280 teenager reaches out to you, guys because they're stressed about homework. 0:11:00.200 --> 0:11:03.320 Depending on how you grew up and what culture you 0:11:03.400 --> 0:11:08.280 grew up in, that could be dismissed. You didn't pay attention, 0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:11.040 Why didn't you pay attention? Why didn't you blah? And 0:11:11.240 --> 0:11:16.720 something as stressed from homework that is major and should 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:19.719 not be dismissed. So I'm so glad that the Crisis 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:23.560 Texting Hotline it's also a teaching moment where it teaches 0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:26.679 that person where anything like you said, anything that is 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:28.559 a crisis to you or a problem to you, is 0:11:28.600 --> 0:11:32.400 a problem of a crisis to us. Something as stressed 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:35.720 from homework, because you never know, that could be the 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:38.360 last thing the straw that breaks the camel's back, as 0:11:38.360 --> 0:11:42.760 they say, that might make a person decide to make 0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:47.840 a more permanent decision with their life. But the Crisis 0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:50.160 text Line is making it so to where we're not 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:52.640 going to dismiss anything exactly. 0:11:52.960 --> 0:11:58.719 And Crisis text Line is prepared right, We're prepared to. 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:03.080 Meet what we're experiencing now, which is a youth mental 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:10.920 health epidemic. We are losing children of color, Black, latinx Asian, 0:12:11.440 --> 0:12:16.800 Native American children of color at rates that exceed their 0:12:16.840 --> 0:12:22.800 white counterparts. So in this moment, we have a crisis. 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:27.400 We have an epidemic. We're losing our children, and Crisis 0:12:27.400 --> 0:12:30.760 text Line wants to be and is a part of 0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:31.559 that solution. 0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:34.720 What is a thread here when we talk about how 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:38.240 we're losing their children? What do you feel like this 0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:42.280 is all they needed? What is something? Is a communication? 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:45.880 A safe place? What are our children needing? 0:12:46.800 --> 0:12:50.079 I wish it was as simple as one thing, right, 0:12:50.679 --> 0:12:57.200 But what we know from our insights and data, so 0:12:57.240 --> 0:13:00.880 we have a post conversation survey that ever read texture 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:04.480 is offered at the end of a text conversation that 0:13:04.520 --> 0:13:08.960 they can voluntarily and confidentially complete, and it's from that 0:13:08.960 --> 0:13:11.440 that we're able to gather these insights. 0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:14.840 And what these insights have shown us is that music 0:13:15.200 --> 0:13:17.679 ah music in fact. 0:13:17.920 --> 0:13:22.280 For younger people and people in their early twenties is 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:27.480 a coping strategy that when asked what helps them, they 0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:32.679 turn to music, they turn to time with friends, they 0:13:33.400 --> 0:13:34.400 sleep right. 0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:36.240 So these are some of the things that we. 0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:40.880 Know our textures are choosing, and we can flip that 0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:44.720 around and say, when our children are in need, this 0:13:44.880 --> 0:13:49.800 is not holistically the answer, but these are options to 0:13:50.040 --> 0:13:57.480 offer when they feel stressed. Right. So looking at our 0:13:57.559 --> 0:14:02.079 data and insights allows us to offer up some possible 0:14:02.200 --> 0:14:06.080 supports for children in general. But you know, we know 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:11.120 children have been through the pandemic, they've been through you know, 0:14:11.200 --> 0:14:14.679 the racial and social unrest. They're in the midst of 0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:19.760 this political thunderstorm that we're experiencing as a country. 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:23.040 And they have access to social media. 0:14:23.240 --> 0:14:30.000 So it's this continuous exposure to all of these factors 0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:33.040 that I know is we know is impacting our children. 0:14:33.480 --> 0:14:36.320 It's funny you should say all of that because I'm 0:14:36.360 --> 0:14:39.080 about to sound like one of the old ages because 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:43.360 when we were growing up, but seriously, docn turn to like, 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:47.480 when we were growing up, we didn't have social media 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:53.239 that was everything is in your face, from politics to everything. 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:57.000 So that when something when there was some unrest. The 0:14:57.000 --> 0:14:59.520 only way us as children saw it is if we 0:14:59.600 --> 0:15:02.400 happen to rush Biden, Mama or grandma or grandpa was 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:06.600 watching seeing In or whatever their favorite news channel is. Right, So, 0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:11.880 not only does that child have homework problems or spat 0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:15.760 at school with a friend, but they're also having access 0:15:15.880 --> 0:15:20.280 to everything that I think capacity wise that an adult 0:15:20.920 --> 0:15:26.080 may have development enough to handle. You know, we see right. 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:27.720 Now, You're absolutely right. 0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:32.960 We know that a child's brain isn't fully developed until 0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:38.600 early twenties, and all of the experiences, all of the 0:15:38.600 --> 0:15:43.040 things that children are seeing have easy access to. 0:15:43.640 --> 0:15:48.120 It's affecting their brains. It's affecting the way they process 0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:49.440 and look at the world. 0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:53.640 Right we are with I mean all of these mass shootings, right, 0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:57.200 we're telling children that the world is not a safe place, 0:15:57.520 --> 0:15:59.440 that their schools are not a safe place. 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:01.040 They can't you. 0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:04.080 Know, they have to opt out of seeing that, right. 0:16:04.200 --> 0:16:08.800 They have their phones. It's continuous access on the phones, 0:16:09.360 --> 0:16:14.120 it's continuous twenty four seven news cycles. They actually have 0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:16.640 to opt out in the way that you or I 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:18.600 would opt in if. 0:16:18.400 --> 0:16:20.760 We wanted to see what was on the news. 0:16:21.040 --> 0:16:23.720 They have to turn it off, shut it off, shut 0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:25.960 it down, and that's hard to do. 0:16:26.440 --> 0:16:29.600 So are you saying that we should not give our 0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:32.560 children social media to they're in their twenties based on 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:35.440 how their brains develop. I'm just gonna say it. When 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:37.640 I have children, I'm gonna say Doctor Turner said you 0:16:37.680 --> 0:16:40.720 cannot have this till till you're twenty five. 0:16:41.280 --> 0:16:47.480 You can blame me. So yes and no, because we 0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:48.520 know there's. 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:55.280 Connection through social media, right, So everything in moderation can 0:16:55.320 --> 0:17:00.760 be positive or can be negative. So social media, especially 0:17:00.920 --> 0:17:06.320 during let's say those deeply isolated pandemic years, was a 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:10.160 connection for children, right who were otherwise in their homes 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:15.159 by themselves oftentimes or just with their families, and social 0:17:15.160 --> 0:17:17.200 media allowed them to connect with their peers. 0:17:17.480 --> 0:17:19.000 So it is not all evil. 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:26.040 It is that adults need to help children understand the parameters, 0:17:26.119 --> 0:17:28.879 the boundaries, the times that. 0:17:28.760 --> 0:17:32.000 You're on and times that you're off, and understanding the. 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:37.600 Impact of consuming what they see over social media and 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:40.080 how it frames the world for them. 0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:44.960 I mean, I discovered you, doctor Turner, through Miss Vanessa 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:47.840 through social media, right, So there are good things to 0:17:47.920 --> 0:17:50.680 social media. But do you think is there influx of 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:55.080 even young people on neeting the Crisis text line because 0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:59.960 of maybe anxiety or depression being induced by social media. 0:18:00.680 --> 0:18:05.440 Well, we don't have that direct connection to say social 0:18:05.480 --> 0:18:07.040 media caused. 0:18:07.040 --> 0:18:10.040 Our textures to text in. What we can. 0:18:09.920 --> 0:18:15.720 Say is that we saw in twenty twenty two amongst 0:18:15.720 --> 0:18:20.080 our textures an increase actually in conversations for the first 0:18:20.080 --> 0:18:29.200 time about relationships and isolation and loneliness. So it's hard 0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:33.520 to kind of create that direct correlation, but we know 0:18:33.960 --> 0:18:40.840 that social media does impact anxiety, depression and mental health issues, 0:18:41.760 --> 0:18:45.120 and our United in Empathy Report in twenty twenty two 0:18:46.440 --> 0:18:50.680 makes all of that information available and accessible to the public. 0:18:50.960 --> 0:18:54.440 Wow, yes, I definitely see that. How in the last 0:18:54.560 --> 0:18:56.800 year of the Crisis text line, it was discovered that 0:18:56.880 --> 0:19:01.600 relationship stress, anxiety, or dysfunction were the top stressors of 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:07.280 conversations from people. Yes because people, yes, real people. 0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:12.119 People are people, and we know even the Surgeon General's 0:19:12.200 --> 0:19:17.119 report showed that people were dealing with more loneliness and 0:19:17.200 --> 0:19:20.960 social disconnect and that could be one of the reasons 0:19:20.960 --> 0:19:25.520 that they're struggling with relationships. Right, we were isolated, then 0:19:25.560 --> 0:19:29.640 we had to come back together. It's a new school space, 0:19:29.760 --> 0:19:33.960 it's a new workplace environment. Everybody's trying to deal and 0:19:34.119 --> 0:19:38.760 understand how to best communicate and work with each other 0:19:39.880 --> 0:19:42.400 in this new post pandemic environment. 0:19:42.840 --> 0:19:47.439 I will say I love traveling and all that good stuff, 0:19:47.440 --> 0:19:50.320 but as a person who already likes to stay home 0:19:51.720 --> 0:19:55.119 the pandemic, for me, when they said we had to 0:19:55.200 --> 0:19:56.720 lock down, I was. 0:19:56.640 --> 0:19:59.480 Like, yeah, right. 0:20:00.000 --> 0:20:02.800 And then I've got other people who are more extroverted 0:20:02.800 --> 0:20:04.840 who are like, no, I've got to get out. I've 0:20:04.840 --> 0:20:07.879 got to connect with people. But for the people like 0:20:08.080 --> 0:20:11.920 me who love staying home, I have found it more 0:20:12.080 --> 0:20:17.000 difficult to want to be out because the pandemic made 0:20:17.040 --> 0:20:19.600 it okay to stay in and the fact that we 0:20:19.640 --> 0:20:23.639 can connect through Zoom. For some of us, work didn't 0:20:23.680 --> 0:20:28.560 stop because we have Zoom right right, But at the 0:20:28.600 --> 0:20:33.920 same time, it is contributing to loneliness and the dysfunction 0:20:34.320 --> 0:20:40.240 in relationships. Yes, when you say that relationship stress was 0:20:40.440 --> 0:20:43.480 really a highlight of the calls or the texts that 0:20:43.480 --> 0:20:50.600 were coming into the crisis. Text line was it parental relationships, friendships, romantic. 0:20:50.760 --> 0:20:56.800 All kinds interpersonal right, anything between people. One in three 0:20:56.840 --> 0:21:01.840 of our conversations discussed the stress and the dysfunction of 0:21:02.040 --> 0:21:09.920 human relationships. So that can be parent, child, spouse, friends, parent. 0:21:09.720 --> 0:21:11.160 Teacher, teacher child. 0:21:11.680 --> 0:21:17.280 Anything where you know two individuals are interacting together can 0:21:17.320 --> 0:21:21.240 cause stress, especially if the interaction has to be by 0:21:21.400 --> 0:21:26.400 zoom where you don't get that real time experience of 0:21:26.520 --> 0:21:29.359 being with someone which you know, which can. 0:21:29.240 --> 0:21:30.320 Be positive too. 0:21:30.480 --> 0:21:30.640 Right. 0:21:31.320 --> 0:21:37.199 I think the pandemic did lend itself to those who 0:21:37.280 --> 0:21:43.720 were introverted, feeling comfortable, sort of being at home. But everybody, 0:21:43.840 --> 0:21:47.280 the human being, the human element is about some type 0:21:47.280 --> 0:21:52.400 of connection, and it's hard to fully connect through a screen. 0:21:56.280 --> 0:21:59.199 We are in a loneliness epidemic. We're not going to 0:21:59.200 --> 0:22:03.160 ask how do we be here? Unless this was slowly 0:22:03.240 --> 0:22:07.160 but surely on the way, the pandemic just kind of 0:22:07.440 --> 0:22:11.439 accelerated it, I believe because we're all everybody's on their phones, 0:22:11.560 --> 0:22:15.040 heads are down, so that's starting the lack of connection. 0:22:15.240 --> 0:22:18.359 As it is, even when I go home and I'm like, okay, 0:22:18.400 --> 0:22:20.480 y'all not talking about nothing at the dinner table, I'm 0:22:20.480 --> 0:22:24.400 gonna grab my phone or the phone has been a 0:22:24.600 --> 0:22:28.240 buffer between conversations that you know you need to have 0:22:28.320 --> 0:22:30.800 maybe at the dinner table you need to connect. There's 0:22:30.920 --> 0:22:34.639 so much easier to pick that phone up not have 0:22:34.760 --> 0:22:37.760 the conversations that we should have. Doctor. 0:22:38.400 --> 0:22:44.600 Yes, those difficult face to face conversations that make relationships real, 0:22:45.000 --> 0:22:50.639 that make relationships authentic, that ultimately helped to decrease the 0:22:50.680 --> 0:22:53.680 loneliness because if you're able to get through those difficult 0:22:53.760 --> 0:22:59.080 conversations and reconnect, that's a relationships, that a relationship that's 0:22:59.119 --> 0:23:03.960 being rebuilt. Right, That's that's a way to decrease isolation 0:23:04.080 --> 0:23:07.880 and loneliness. But you know, especially our children during these 0:23:07.920 --> 0:23:11.840 formative years, that's when they learn about how to have 0:23:11.920 --> 0:23:15.040 these difficult conversations and when we you know, when they 0:23:15.080 --> 0:23:18.760 went through the pandemic and didn't have to interact in 0:23:18.840 --> 0:23:22.639 that way. You know, it's far easier to take to 0:23:22.720 --> 0:23:26.800 the phone and pick up a text and send a 0:23:26.840 --> 0:23:30.480 text that may not be kind right when you don't 0:23:30.480 --> 0:23:34.720 have to see someone's face. So it creates a buffer 0:23:35.720 --> 0:23:39.920 for that interpersonal relationship that might make you think twice about, 0:23:40.040 --> 0:23:44.800 you know, trying to say something harmful or mean to 0:23:44.920 --> 0:23:45.560 someone else. 0:23:46.080 --> 0:23:48.800 Now, see this, The rest of this conversation that you 0:23:48.880 --> 0:23:50.840 and I are having can go two ways, because you 0:23:51.000 --> 0:23:53.679 already answered a question I was going to ask about, 0:23:53.840 --> 0:23:56.680 what is a way that we can cope with a loneliness, 0:23:56.960 --> 0:23:59.879 but some of it is self induced because it's conversation 0:24:00.200 --> 0:24:04.440 we are afraid to have. Yes, so some of us 0:24:04.560 --> 0:24:07.960 might be lonely because the next question I have, we're 0:24:08.040 --> 0:24:12.520 cutting off relationships. I'm just gonna cut you off now, 0:24:12.680 --> 0:24:15.760 if you are in an abusive relationship by all means 0:24:15.800 --> 0:24:20.160 cut off. Well, what about us this crisis of relationships 0:24:20.160 --> 0:24:23.080 where the relationship didn't have to be cut off. We 0:24:23.240 --> 0:24:26.640 just weren't mature enough, or maybe we were fearful about 0:24:26.680 --> 0:24:29.840 having a difficult conversation. 0:24:30.000 --> 0:24:34.720 And rightfully so, right difficult conversations don't always make us 0:24:34.720 --> 0:24:39.119 feel good. Getting to the point of reaching and understanding 0:24:39.640 --> 0:24:41.919 does feel good, but you've got to go through the 0:24:42.000 --> 0:24:47.160 rough road to get there, right, and that means looking 0:24:47.320 --> 0:24:51.160 someone face to face, recognizing the pain that you may 0:24:51.200 --> 0:24:54.480 have caused or they may have caused you, and talking 0:24:54.600 --> 0:24:58.879 through it without might I say, getting triggered, right, because 0:24:58.880 --> 0:25:05.400 we're all bringing past experiences and past relationships to our 0:25:05.520 --> 0:25:10.640 present moment and our present relationships. And sometimes we can 0:25:10.680 --> 0:25:13.800 be triggered by something that's said, or we can avoid 0:25:13.800 --> 0:25:18.000 a relation a conversation because we think that person's going 0:25:18.080 --> 0:25:20.760 to trigger us and make us angry, and we're gonna 0:25:20.760 --> 0:25:25.960 say something we don't really want to say. 0:25:26.320 --> 0:25:26.960 All right. 0:25:28.200 --> 0:25:32.800 I try to use triggers to mature me. Triggers used 0:25:32.880 --> 0:25:35.760 to shame. I used to be ashamed of triggers because 0:25:35.800 --> 0:25:38.119 I'm like, I'm in therapy. Why does this still trigger me? 0:25:38.359 --> 0:25:41.280 Why does the thought of this situation still trigger me? 0:25:41.320 --> 0:25:44.439 Why does it hurt me? But we can use it 0:25:44.480 --> 0:25:47.960 to mature us to do what we need to do 0:25:48.040 --> 0:25:51.199 so that it's no longer a stronghold. It's no longer 0:25:52.119 --> 0:25:56.159 like the scent of nuggets, chicken nuggets should make you 0:25:56.240 --> 0:26:01.640 go oh, yes, right, I'm just using that as an example, 0:26:02.040 --> 0:26:04.760 but even a scent of something, like I said, this 0:26:04.800 --> 0:26:08.240 conversation is it can go in so many ways because 0:26:08.240 --> 0:26:12.360 we're talking about mental health and even sense. All right, trigger, 0:26:13.040 --> 0:26:16.919 yeah right, you know. But I'm thinking of the person 0:26:16.960 --> 0:26:20.320 that has to have the difficult conversation, or maybe you're 0:26:20.359 --> 0:26:22.200 looking for the person that you have to have a 0:26:22.280 --> 0:26:28.080 conversation with. You want their apology, you want to be understood. 0:26:28.400 --> 0:26:31.320 And I can imagine that crisis text line too is 0:26:31.400 --> 0:26:33.840 probably a lot of people just. 0:26:33.760 --> 0:26:37.000 Wanting to be heard, just wanting to be under yes, yes, 0:26:37.720 --> 0:26:40.760 they want to be heard, they want to know that 0:26:41.280 --> 0:26:45.000 they're valued, they're seeing, they're heard, they're appreciated. 0:26:45.440 --> 0:26:47.160 Because it is it is. 0:26:47.080 --> 0:26:51.639 A challenge for us to have the difficult conversations and 0:26:52.160 --> 0:26:57.600