Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, welcome to hold up the show. That's a
Speaker 1: lot about a little It's it's we go back and
Speaker 1: forth quite a bit over things that we care about
Speaker 1: that maybe you've never even thought about like that, which
Speaker 1: is fine because these aren't big deals, these aren't life
Speaker 1: changing events, these aren't world altering global topics. It's just uh,
Speaker 1: your co host Josh Johnson talking to your other co hosts.
Speaker 1: Those says long. And what we haven't talked about is
Speaker 1: my brand new nose ring bam bam m nose rings.
Speaker 1: I wanted to nose rinks since I was fourteen years old,
Speaker 1: and I could not get one because of acting and
Speaker 1: modeling and stuff. But now your girl has an established career.
Speaker 1: So if I want to put a piece of metal
Speaker 1: in my face, like shot through the nostrils, it's all
Speaker 1: up to you. Bro hurt so bad apparently, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: And like I bled a lot because she was saying,
Speaker 1: like I was bleeding, and she was like, were you
Speaker 1: drinking yesterday? And I was like yes. Apparently that's why
Speaker 1: you're not supposed to get like piercings or tattoos when
Speaker 1: you're That's why you can't when you're drunk. Because it
Speaker 1: makes you bleed more because your blood stead I am.
Speaker 1: I am indeed happy for you. I'm just glad any
Speaker 1: time childhood dream can come true. You know, it hurts
Speaker 1: so much and I got so overwhelmed. But while she
Speaker 1: was in the middle of do it, she was like,
Speaker 1: I'm proud of you, and for some reason, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna cheer up again. It's like it made me
Speaker 1: feel so much better because she was like, I'm proud
Speaker 1: of you. You did a good job. I love you.
Speaker 1: You're doing a good job. And I was like, and
Speaker 1: all of it, because, like you, it's it's so much
Speaker 1: pain at once and it's your face, so you just
Speaker 1: freak the funk out for like a second. But she
Speaker 1: was like, you're doing a good job. I'm so proud
Speaker 1: of you. And so to be in that moment where
Speaker 1: I'm that much pain, but then for somebody to like
Speaker 1: be very comforting and sweet, it like really just kind
Speaker 1: of almost reset my brain a little bit. Her name
Speaker 1: is Genie. It's lived by the Sword tattoo. Okay, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: shout out to her and doing a great job and
Speaker 1: making you feel comfortable, making you feel seen and loved
Speaker 1: and held you know, yeah, because she called herself the
Speaker 1: gentle piercon and I was like, there's still a needle
Speaker 1: going through my nose um, but now I get it, Like, oh,
Speaker 1: it was really nice. And then she found some studs
Speaker 1: for my second hole in my hair. Because these ships,
Speaker 1: you know, when you get something done in a flea market,
Speaker 1: you know, you get what you pay for it. You'd
Speaker 1: have thought they would have healed up by the time
Speaker 1: I got out of the ninth grade. But hey man,
Speaker 1: we're all out here doing our best. I think if
Speaker 1: you are about to get a flea market tattoo, though,
Speaker 1: any any person out here listening to the podcast thinking
Speaker 1: about getting a tattoo from your local flea market, you know,
Speaker 1: right after you go to the farmer's market, I would say,
Speaker 1: maybe maybe hold up on that. Take a second, take
Speaker 1: a second to think about it. Think about if the
Speaker 1: artwork you want done can be done by anybody else
Speaker 1: that's an actual tattoo shop. Now, not to say somebody
Speaker 1: who's in a flea market is not good, No, no,
Speaker 1: it's not about them being good. It's about them having
Speaker 1: the proper tool. You know what it's like. It's like
Speaker 1: when you're watching a mob movie. All right, and the
Speaker 1: person that that the mob is after, or the other
Speaker 1: mob is after, i should say, or even the police.
Speaker 1: The person that's in the mob gets all shot up
Speaker 1: by somebody and then they take them to the mob
Speaker 1: doctor's house. And the mob doctor always has the same speeches,
Speaker 1: like why you come my home. It's like, well, sir,
Speaker 1: we know where you live, and we were in a hurry. Okay,
Speaker 1: so we've been here six times this week. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: they're like, why did you come to my home? And
Speaker 1: I can't do it here. He needs real surgery. We
Speaker 1: got to go to a hospital. That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 1: That mob doctor is still a doctor. He's a but
Speaker 1: he's still a doctor, you know. But he cannot with
Speaker 1: the tools he has available to him, do his job
Speaker 1: to the best of his ability. But if I have
Speaker 1: a booth in the flea market, because I've seen tattoo
Speaker 1: artists in a flea marketing before, they have all of
Speaker 1: the same tools that you'll see, Okay, I mean I've
Speaker 1: never got a tattooed before, so maybe it's all the
Speaker 1: same stuff. It's just a machine, my friend, the tattoo
Speaker 1: I have on my hand. M wait, no, as someone
Speaker 1: who knows you. I know the tattoo you're talking about.
Speaker 1: But Josh Johnson, were running enough tangents today. I think
Speaker 1: it's time for us to talk about the topic at hand.
Speaker 1: The topic at hand is Santa Clause, Santa Claus old
Speaker 1: st Nick Chris motherfucking Cringo himself. And I know the
Speaker 1: audience is one of the Wait a minute, I they're
Speaker 1: talking about that, they're Santa Claus. We can't be talking
Speaker 1: about whether he's real or not because we already The
Speaker 1: question is should we be telling the children about this
Speaker 1: man or not? That is the question. So Josh Johnson
Speaker 1: telling the people what side you fall on when it
Speaker 1: comes to the existence of Santa Claus. Should we be
Speaker 1: telling the children or not? Because he was ready to go.
Speaker 1: You was trained to go as someone who believes in whimsy,
Speaker 1: as someone who loves wonder. You try to act like
Speaker 1: I don't love Whimsey and wonder wow the attacks as
Speaker 1: someone who believes in magic. We're both friends with Matt Richards,
Speaker 1: so yes, we were believing in magic. One who who
Speaker 1: believes that a childhood has some magic in it has
Speaker 1: some in childhood, Josh, the whole childhood, you know? Um,
Speaker 1: I think that's Santa is a good starter lesson. I
Speaker 1: think it's a I think it's worthwhile endeavor less than
Speaker 1: in what adults will lie to you? Yes, that that too,
Speaker 1: what's your lesson? Because my lesson is adults will lot
Speaker 1: to you? I mean, adults will lie to you is
Speaker 1: a great one. That's no one is disputing that like that.
Speaker 1: Let's get that one out the way, all right. You
Speaker 1: looked into the eyes of a child and you lied
Speaker 1: your face. Hey, so now when this child, instead of
Speaker 1: being two, is twenty two and there's another growth person
Speaker 1: in their face, try to lie. They'll be like, I
Speaker 1: remember this, I've been living through this for two decades.
Speaker 1: All right, I'm ready. I'm prepped. Okay, in your world
Speaker 1: with no practice, they'd be like, oh yeah, sure, you
Speaker 1: mus owned this house as a poetry major, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. So then that's my thing is that
Speaker 1: you know, it helps it helps instill a sense of
Speaker 1: how the world works. I think it introduces fantasy in
Speaker 1: a way that it is both fun and has stakes,
Speaker 1: you know, and has a payoff at the end. Okay,
Speaker 1: once again, incorrect. I remember telling us some evil woman
Speaker 1: that I used to work with, not evil hateful, hateful
Speaker 1: little woman that I used to work with that when
Speaker 1: I was growing up, because it was like around Christmas
Speaker 1: time or whatever. And I said, when I was growing up,
Speaker 1: you know, my mom never told us to saying it
Speaker 1: was real. She didn't tell us he wasn't real, but
Speaker 1: she never said that he was and he was. She
Speaker 1: was like, oh you. She tried to tell me that
Speaker 1: I had a bad childhood because my mother didn't tell
Speaker 1: me that some fictional white man was breaking into our
Speaker 1: house to bring me presents. And I was like, you
Speaker 1: think my entire childhood it was bad for this one.
Speaker 1: Let me let me get up because I almost said
Speaker 1: something that was gonna get me in a fight that day.
Speaker 1: There's so many other things that happened, Like I didn't
Speaker 1: grow up with a father. You think that affected Santa Claus.
Speaker 1: You think Santa Claus was partiplately. That's what you think
Speaker 1: took my childhood out? Was one nigga once a year
Speaker 1: claiming to do something that he didn't do. But look,
Speaker 1: did you ever did you ever wonder what it would
Speaker 1: have been like to sit in Santa's lap and tell
Speaker 1: him what you wanted and then get it. I would
Speaker 1: have what I wondered more what it would have been
Speaker 1: like to sit in my father's lap and tell him
Speaker 1: what I wanted to get it fair enough, your father
Speaker 1: is supposed to be there every day Santa comes, but
Speaker 1: once a year. Yeah, the thing is As a child,
Speaker 1: I never I never believed in it because it never
Speaker 1: made any sense to me. Well, on top of it,
Speaker 1: this this is the other thing too, because you run
Speaker 1: into this when you're trying to tell the story of Santa. Uh.
Speaker 1: Two children, who are you know, inquisitive? Some would say precocious,
Speaker 1: not stupid. Wow. I took gifted classes starting from ten
Speaker 1: years old. I was never a dumb child. I learned
Speaker 1: how to read because my cousin could read. Because this
Speaker 1: is this is the most fucked up part about this
Speaker 1: Santa thing. Plenty of children and go, hey, it doesn't
Speaker 1: make any sense that this man is on a slag
Speaker 1: being pulled by livestock, by fucking dear across the planet
Speaker 1: dropping off presents, right, didn't even have to do the same.
Speaker 1: And a tracker on the fucking news. And you know,
Speaker 1: I've always wondered what they do all the letters that
Speaker 1: people send out m because I'm sure they just burn
Speaker 1: them at the end of the they can't keep them.
Speaker 1: There's just too much space. Right was burning and they saying,
Speaker 1: I hope they burned them. They had some shred them,
Speaker 1: turn them into more paper. Help somebody, right. So the
Speaker 1: thing that was always the most deceptive of the De
Speaker 1: Santa ship is that you would have a child going
Speaker 1: this doesn't make any sense. This can't be real, and
Speaker 1: then an adult goes, yes, it is, and the child's like,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, how did but how does he get
Speaker 1: across the world? It's magic what I would listen. I
Speaker 1: could believe in Bigfoot before I could believe in Santa Claus.
Speaker 1: Once again, more practice, alright, because as an adult, right now,
Speaker 1: you know that there are things that logically, as a
Speaker 1: smart person you look at and you're like, this doesn't
Speaker 1: make sense. But it is what it is, isn't it.
Speaker 1: And now you're learning I live in a world where
Speaker 1: things don't make sense. They don't make sense. We both
Speaker 1: know they don't make sense. You and I have discussed
Speaker 1: things where we're like, yo, are we all the same page?
Speaker 1: Doesn't make it and you're like, yes, but it is
Speaker 1: what it is. And then you're now learning to cope
Speaker 1: in a world that doesn't make sense. That is unfair
Speaker 1: and full of lies, right, But the other thing is
Speaker 1: is that you're giving us a thing. You're giving us
Speaker 1: a lie that's not even attached to It's like as
Speaker 1: a child could never figure out what Santa Claus had
Speaker 1: to do with the birth of our Lord and Savior
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ. M h. It would have been more sense
Speaker 1: to me if the three kings that came and brought
Speaker 1: presents to the baby Jesus came to children to give
Speaker 1: them presents. And I under I know the whole thing
Speaker 1: is St. Nicholas. We've all seen that fucking what is
Speaker 1: it claymation stop motion. We've all said, right, yeah, So
Speaker 1: one dude, and I don't know where, was it the
Speaker 1: Netherlands or sucking one of them places, somewhere cold, somewhere
Speaker 1: cold and white, gave children presents and then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden we were like yeah, and then he did
Speaker 1: it to the whole world, like no, that doesn't make
Speaker 1: any sense. So for me, it's this myth came about
Speaker 1: because one, one white man did one thing and we
Speaker 1: can't forget like Columbus, and so instead of just him
Speaker 1: being one of the many in the Pantheon of Saints.
Speaker 1: M Now we're sitting on putting our children and growing
Speaker 1: men's laps and malls. Who came up with going to
Speaker 1: the mall? Santa? Who came up with the mall? Santa?
Speaker 1: Why do they have to sit in his lap? Who
Speaker 1: is this pervert that came up with this? You knew
Speaker 1: what I was gonna say. You knew what I I was
Speaker 1: gonna do? You know I knew you were going to say.
Speaker 1: I this is what I will say. Okay, how about this?
Speaker 1: I stinned another olive branch. That is not so much
Speaker 1: about the telling as it is about the employability. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's be honest. You see a dude who look exactly
Speaker 1: like Santa spitting him into Santa? Right, I don't really
Speaker 1: have a job, doesn't really have a bunch of going
Speaker 1: on in his life. Okay, why not at least let
Speaker 1: him get some seasonal work. This man who was not
Speaker 1: able to sustain himself the other eleven months of the year,
Speaker 1: You in some Santa work in November? Yeah, eleven and
Speaker 1: a half month. You have to start with Yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 1: to start with Thanksgiving eleven and a half months. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Disney ain't got it. Okay, but but because he doesn't
Speaker 1: have it, let's give him something. Let's give him something
Speaker 1: to do. You you out here, you're you're old, all right,
Speaker 1: You got you got a bellowing voice that nobody can
Speaker 1: really tell where your diaphragm is. Your diaphragm is in
Speaker 1: your foot. You got a big beer because no matter
Speaker 1: how much you cut your hair, it just spring. You
Speaker 1: don't even get five o'clock shadow. Okay, you get six
Speaker 1: o'clock nightfall, all right, every day. And you got a
Speaker 1: rosy cheeks and a button nose and all other ship. Listen,
Speaker 1: I get it. Maybe you're an alcoholic. Maybe it's because
Speaker 1: they have, you know, they have a taste for the
Speaker 1: four local, or taste for the malt liquor. Maybe they
Speaker 1: just have something that gets things a bit a bit
Speaker 1: rosy in the cheeks. You don't want is an elderly
Speaker 1: white man local. No, No, it's a problem. Did you
Speaker 1: say you'd rather hee Drake crack Crown. Oh I thought
Speaker 1: you said Drake crack Gota. It's like incredible. I mean,
Speaker 1: an old white man built like Santa Drink and Crack
Speaker 1: would be a holiday miracle. He'd be called people write dates,
Speaker 1: he'd be like dash your dancer, get over here, get
Speaker 1: over real quick. Sir again, my name is Kevin. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so my name is Officer Will Gibbs. Okay, Rudolph, listen,
Speaker 1: it's Santa. You know it's you know this regular tropes.
Speaker 1: You know Santa employs child labor. I get it. I
Speaker 1: don't have a problem with that, because I think what
Speaker 1: I don't understand is our elves always children. I was
Speaker 1: under the impression that elves were never children. I was
Speaker 1: under the impression they were elves. No, you have to
Speaker 1: be a babe to be an elf, to be a creature.
Speaker 1: But what's a grown elf? A grown elf is still
Speaker 1: an elf? Baby elf still an elf? Then why those
Speaker 1: elves with him look forty? But sometimes they look like
Speaker 1: kids sometimes, but a lot a lot of those elves
Speaker 1: will be looking key blur. When you see those North
Speaker 1: Pole pictures and stuff, well, one, that's not a real place.
Speaker 1: Wait a second, wait a bitted second hour, a day, wait,
Speaker 1: wait a moment. Tell me what we we have waited
Speaker 1: to what a third of the way is to start
Speaker 1: talking about what are at our real places? The North
Speaker 1: Pole is a real place, but then pictures are talking
Speaker 1: about the North Pole pictures. Those are the mall in
Speaker 1: Santa Monica. No, no, I understand who do you who
Speaker 1: do you think you're talking to? Like this is this
Speaker 1: is this is crazy. I can't tell you see those
Speaker 1: Northball pictures and I'm like, what Northball pictures are something?
Speaker 1: Mall pictures. I'm talking about the cartoons of talking in Yes,
Speaker 1: the Sinemnica mall pictures of materials. A lot of these
Speaker 1: elves have beards, so in my mind they're not kids.
Speaker 1: What it depends on the casting because in some of
Speaker 1: them their children, and some of them they're adults, and
Speaker 1: then another ones are just old children. Was like as
Speaker 1: a child, but there are a thousand years old, like
Speaker 1: five years old? What is an old child? Do you
Speaker 1: mean an adult? Because that's what happens when kids get
Speaker 1: old enough. You know, I've never heard anybody be like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: my baby over there a hundred months. Like you ever
Speaker 1: seen the movie The Santa Claus with Tim Allen m hm,
Speaker 1: so you know when the movie, like we're getting in
Speaker 1: the movie, he starts and it's like he's like, there's
Speaker 1: kids in here. It's like, why are their kids in here?
Speaker 1: Should they be in school? And he was like that
Speaker 1: kids four hundred years old. That's what I'm saying. They're elves.
Speaker 1: They look like children some classification of my elves look
Speaker 1: like children forever. That's what I'm saying. So when I
Speaker 1: say old old child, when you say yeah, you somehow
Speaker 1: still don't mean grown. You mean an actual old child,
Speaker 1: just a dusty old Yes. Also, eight hundred months old
Speaker 1: is sixty six years old. M hmmmm, because we we
Speaker 1: decided that after eighteen years, we might well just act
Speaker 1: like you're an adult, even if you aren't. Listen. I
Speaker 1: think eighteen I've been saying this when I was eighteen.
Speaker 1: Eighteen is not an adult really, No, I feel like
Speaker 1: it starts earlier than that. But but be an adult. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of people. There are a lot of people.
Speaker 1: I remember when I was like sixteen and I just
Speaker 1: in my with my peers, I was like, oh, some
Speaker 1: of y'all. Especially when somebody's like on on on the
Speaker 1: spectrum of good and evil. Right, when someone is very
Speaker 1: very good and they actually have so much emotional intelligence
Speaker 1: that they know what to do in every situation, things
Speaker 1: that almost can't be taught. They know what to do
Speaker 1: in lots of situations. They know how to nurture people,
Speaker 1: they know how to care for people all and stuff
Speaker 1: like that. I'm like you, I understand we're both sixteen
Speaker 1: right now, but you come off obviously, you come off
Speaker 1: way more exactly. And then when somebody's evil, I've met
Speaker 1: people who were actually too evil, nothing even and I'll
Speaker 1: a lot on women say it just because I knew
Speaker 1: him well enough. Nothing in their life had happened bad
Speaker 1: enough to teach them how to be this evil, and
Speaker 1: they were already this evil, Like y'all, are you need
Speaker 1: to be tried as an adult, sir? Like like that? No,
Speaker 1: I was saying, we're trying to say to somebody that
Speaker 1: we were trying to like me and uh me and
Speaker 1: other guy. We're trying to talk to one of our
Speaker 1: friends because then one of those, like another one of
Speaker 1: those shootings, that mass shootings had happened, and we're like,
Speaker 1: some motherfucker's are just born evil. She's like, I think,
Speaker 1: and I was like no, she was like, and I
Speaker 1: was like, we were like, nabitch, no, no, no. Some
Speaker 1: of fucker's come out the womb wanting pure chaos, death
Speaker 1: and destruction, and you don't know why. They don't know
Speaker 1: why I go back and forth, like, let's say we
Speaker 1: didn't know each other, right and I was on trial
Speaker 1: and you were and you were in the jury. You know,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't. I don't because here's the thing.
Speaker 1: You'd either before me, and it'd be and you'd really
Speaker 1: have to be convinced that I did something, or you'd
Speaker 1: be a gets bed. It'd be like, look, I know
Speaker 1: you got all this evidence he didn't do it. But
Speaker 1: I saw his face. It's like it's like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: now you know me. You know me. You know I'd
Speaker 1: be reading Motherfucker's the House down boots of the kid's side. Uh,
Speaker 1: I'm out here reading listen. I am getting myself, are
Speaker 1: reading this together. I'm gonna get these pizza her coupons.
Speaker 1: I am reading for the children. I am the lie Brarie.
Speaker 1: And sometimes you just catch a vibe behind somebody and
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, let me stay the funk away from you.
Speaker 1: There's just certain people like that. We're just like, especially
Speaker 1: as like as a woman, there's just start like something.
Speaker 1: I got a guy coming with me. He's like, hey,
Speaker 1: can I just went Nope, And I walked up. My
Speaker 1: friend was like what happened. I was like, girl, I
Speaker 1: was gonna end up on the fucking news if I
Speaker 1: talked to that man, and look, I'm just saying, it
Speaker 1: would have found me in various appliances. I'm gonna broken
Speaker 1: fucking barb. But then it just showed me back together.
Speaker 1: I look like that damn bitch from what's it, uh
Speaker 1: fucking nightmare before Christmas, and it stitched me back together,
Speaker 1: Like I fucking to our dog funk that I want
Speaker 1: to open gasket. I promised my mama, Dad, if I
Speaker 1: go first, you're gonna see me bitch fuck that. I'm
Speaker 1: simply saying that based off what we've talked about some people,
Speaker 1: they I feel like they grow up at a different
Speaker 1: like level and layer and look just to bring it
Speaker 1: all back. I felt the same way about Santa. Right.
Speaker 1: I was told about Santa, and I stopped believing pretty young, right,
Speaker 1: but then I think I was. I think I was eight,
Speaker 1: So from like, that makes sense. Those kids are still
Speaker 1: believe in Santa at like twelve and thirty. We're always like, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: but you see that's another lesson. That's another thing that
Speaker 1: helps helps you evaluate your peers, right, is that I
Speaker 1: think this person, we were all we were all sold
Speaker 1: the same bill of goods. Not obviously not at all,
Speaker 1: because there's different people who don't sell very Christmas anders.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, out of the mix of people who
Speaker 1: were sold the same bill of goods, there's some people
Speaker 1: that fell for it, some people that didn't fall for it,
Speaker 1: some people that fell for it and then figured it
Speaker 1: out pretty quick, and then some people who are still
Speaker 1: just living a dream. Listen, And I think the thing
Speaker 1: that always bugged me because I remember in school not
Speaker 1: believing in Santa and being taught because I never believed
Speaker 1: in them because to me just didn't make sense. And
Speaker 1: I think the other reason that my mother did not
Speaker 1: perpetuate this is because my mother worked hard. She raised
Speaker 1: me my brother by herself, and so because of that,
Speaker 1: I don't think she wanted us because like she would
Speaker 1: get us, there'd be like, you know, when the gifts
Speaker 1: would be from your sif I'm like your sibling, when
Speaker 1: the gifts would be from her, and one of the
Speaker 1: gifts would be from Santa, you know what I mean
Speaker 1: among the gifts that we got, and there's always this
Speaker 1: Santa gift. And by the time I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I don't believe in Santa, right,
Speaker 1: and my brother was like I don't either. She was
Speaker 1: like okay, but we still got the Santa gift. And
Speaker 1: the Santa gift was the gift that we didn't know
Speaker 1: what we were going to get, right, some stuff we
Speaker 1: picked out and then some stuff we get ladies and
Speaker 1: surprise gift. So it was like this concept but none
Speaker 1: of us believed it. I just could never get like, okay,
Speaker 1: we would take this Chris Kringle thing or whatever Christmas
Speaker 1: is like, this is the birth of Christ. This is
Speaker 1: what we're doing right, because I like, I remember like
Speaker 1: asking a girl I was friends was in college, like
Speaker 1: you know, she was like because she had we were cool,
Speaker 1: but she had a slick mouth. Sometimes one day I
Speaker 1: asked he, I was like, why are do you? Because
Speaker 1: she has a staunch atheist right to the point where
Speaker 1: she was u like most most atheists are. It's always like,
Speaker 1: it's always good to meet an atheist who doesn't tell
Speaker 1: you they're an atheist, because usually when you meet an
Speaker 1: atheist that I'm like, this their whole personality. It depends
Speaker 1: on the person, because I feel like there are people
Speaker 1: who atheism is kind of that um that strain of
Speaker 1: cross fit or veganism or something where it's like if
Speaker 1: you get into it enough, especially if you get into
Speaker 1: it after growing up religious, I think that it becomes
Speaker 1: a big It becomes a big marker for you of
Speaker 1: the journey changed, right, because you're it's like you're being defiant, right.
Speaker 1: But I asked her one day, I was like, wait,
Speaker 1: if you're an atheist, why are you celebrating Christmas? And
Speaker 1: she said, what do you mean? I said, Christmas? And
Speaker 1: then it's most of the name, it's most it's not.
Speaker 1: I I was like, Christ, It's it's it's seventy name,
Speaker 1: It's Christ, It's Christ. Moss spoken extra extra, this is
Speaker 1: the beginning of the Christ, the Christ child is born.
Speaker 1: And she was like, well, you know, Christmas is a
Speaker 1: religious holiday. And I was like, bitch, what do you mean.
Speaker 1: I said, of course it is, because that's why people
Speaker 1: who aren't Christian. That's why Jews don't celebrate it. That's
Speaker 1: why Muslims don't celebrate it, and Buddhists and all the
Speaker 1: all of these other religious Hindus, all of these other
Speaker 1: people of other religious don't celebrate Christmas because they're not
Speaker 1: Christian and she's like, well, it's an American holiday, and
Speaker 1: I said, it's literally a religious holiday. That's so funny.
Speaker 1: It's an American holiday is probably the most American thing
Speaker 1: a person could say, because it's like, you know, when
Speaker 1: you go to you know, Ecuador at Christmas time, they're
Speaker 1: gonna have Christmas Christmas. When you're the Philippines, when you
Speaker 1: go to Mexico, Mexico, Kenya, China, Afghanistic, anywhere that has
Speaker 1: Christmas time is always Christmas time. I did find out
Speaker 1: one of my my old boss, her husband was Romanian
Speaker 1: Orthodox and they celebrate Christmas on a different day. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: some some people do this thing of like it's the
Speaker 1: general time. But yeah, I've heard of some people. Some
Speaker 1: people even have their like like people who do go
Speaker 1: to church forward and stuff have their church service on
Speaker 1: the day. Some of them have it the day before,
Speaker 1: some of them only really have it the Sunday leading
Speaker 1: up to right, So you're talking about Christmas by non really?
Speaker 1: She was like yeah, And I was like, so you're
Speaker 1: celebrating presents and gift giving? What do you girl? She
Speaker 1: was so angry at me. It probably it didn't help
Speaker 1: that we were at her house making Christmas cookies, and
Speaker 1: I was like, so why are you celebrating this holiday?
Speaker 1: This is what are we even doing? You're literally stirring
Speaker 1: things up, you know, with your words. So you know,
Speaker 1: can take cause one of my brother has a picture
Speaker 1: with Black Santa for when he's a kid, and you like,
Speaker 1: just like different cultures where like they're Jesus like kind
Speaker 1: of like up to what they look like? Can't they clause?
Speaker 1: Because I follow the real Black Santa on Instagram? But
Speaker 1: also I was like, well, there's a lot of Korean churches,
Speaker 1: right because Koreans, you know, com Samni shoot, you know,
Speaker 1: Koreans fuck with Jesus. A lot of them do. When
Speaker 1: Santa comes to the Korean church, is it a white
Speaker 1: man or is he Korean? Look? I think that that
Speaker 1: does depend on the culture. You you reminded me of
Speaker 1: it you in what did I remind you of? One time? Okay?
Speaker 1: This is who knows if anyone will five this foddy?
Speaker 1: So you know how sometimes when you're when you're growing up,
Speaker 1: different kids just have different like home situations, their parents
Speaker 1: have different levels of income, right, And I remember one
Speaker 1: time I was I don't know if it was an
Speaker 1: after school thing, or if it was soccer, it was something,
Speaker 1: it was some extracurricular thing because me and this kid
Speaker 1: did not go to school together, right, And I asked him,
Speaker 1: you know what Santa got him for Christmas? Because we're
Speaker 1: all little, We're like seven or something, right, And I'll
Speaker 1: never forget this because even at the time, I was like,
Speaker 1: even without understanding jokes yet, because you know, you you
Speaker 1: laugh when you're a kid and starw that, but I
Speaker 1: didn't understand jokes, like I wasn't a joke writer when
Speaker 1: I was seven, you know, and so but I still
Speaker 1: understood like puns and word play and all. Looking at
Speaker 1: this kid and he's still probably to this day doesn't
Speaker 1: know how funny what he said was. But uh, but
Speaker 1: I asked him what he got for Christmas? Like what
Speaker 1: if this kid said, all said, all I got from
Speaker 1: Santa this year was a cold, right, because he went
Speaker 1: to the mall as Santa was clearly sick that day. Right,
Speaker 1: So then sat over here, like what do you want
Speaker 1: from Chris? And so this kid said he literally was
Speaker 1: like laid it back from Santa a little bit because
Speaker 1: he's in his lap. But he's like said over here,
Speaker 1: like sniffling, like using his beard to wipe his nose
Speaker 1: and stuff, and it was like he was like, I
Speaker 1: think I got a cold, and I think I got
Speaker 1: it from Santa, because like nobody in my family is
Speaker 1: said it and it but so I guess he didn't
Speaker 1: even get any presents. That's what I'm saying. Yes, that
Speaker 1: that's why I thought maybe some listeners might not find
Speaker 1: the entire story funny, but I I feel like it's
Speaker 1: important and it's an important lessons. We were talking about lessons,
Speaker 1: which is one of the reasons I have the stance
Speaker 1: that I have. But you keep saying that, like say,
Speaker 1: but littlest lessons don't seem like fun lessons, Like it's
Speaker 1: the less I hear you. But it's like it seems
Speaker 1: to be like, oh, you asked Santa for this new
Speaker 1: toy truck and you got socks. Right. You don't know
Speaker 1: that your family can't afford this new toy truck. You
Speaker 1: just know you got socks or you asked for you know,
Speaker 1: something outrageous. It's like, Okay, you have no athletic skills
Speaker 1: in any fucking form or fashion, and you wanted this
Speaker 1: expensive baseball glove. They your parents got you a truck.
Speaker 1: They didn't. It's not the sand they didn't hear you,
Speaker 1: is that they know you have no athletic skills. And
Speaker 1: the Monday they would have spent on this baseball glove
Speaker 1: because you want to be a baseball player and you
Speaker 1: have sucking two four your four left feet. Stuff can
Speaker 1: get blamed on Santa. But then when you but but
Speaker 1: but think about it, like then you becoming it, Like
Speaker 1: you get a little older, you learn Santa is not
Speaker 1: real and it's like, okay, well then why didn't I
Speaker 1: get my baseball gloved? Yeah? Or just like or just
Speaker 1: general like, na, we weren't gonna doing We're not doing
Speaker 1: that over here. So it's like, I guess I've never
Speaker 1: understood the point of the magic of Christmas is the
Speaker 1: virgin birth. So I don't know if we added in
Speaker 1: more magic because it's around the solstice time and you know,
Speaker 1: trying to convert Pagans into Christianity, so you put it
Speaker 1: at that time, which is why they say Easter at
Speaker 1: the time that it is, and that's why the Easter
Speaker 1: bunny and the eggs I'll go along with Easter. That's
Speaker 1: always been confusing for me. Also, did you know, I
Speaker 1: know I didn't know. I was a full I'm talking
Speaker 1: about graduated from college, found this out. Did you know
Speaker 1: that the Easter bunny is supposed to bring it in
Speaker 1: Easter basket like Santa brings you presents? No? Really, do
Speaker 1: you think they were selling Easter baskets? I just thought
Speaker 1: it was a thing because there was a buddy and
Speaker 1: eggs and eggs go in a basket. Because my mother
Speaker 1: called the Eastern was Resurrection Day. Yeah, absolutely, so it
Speaker 1: was like my aunt my godmother would give us Easter baskets.
Speaker 1: But I because my mother never really told her that
Speaker 1: Santa Claus was and she definitely wasn't on She's like,
Speaker 1: I'm not telling you. I was like, I asked her
Speaker 1: as an adult. I was like, why didn't She's like,
Speaker 1: I wasn't try to do that. I think that I
Speaker 1: didn't you the way did you get an Easter basket?
Speaker 1: I did get the Easter basket? Some years. There was
Speaker 1: one year where I'm like, I don't know if there's
Speaker 1: there's a year where the it started to gap a
Speaker 1: little bit. I can tell you Eastern baskets, once you
Speaker 1: get past the age of like nine, Easter baskets suck.
Speaker 1: They're not good. No, what you're an older like when
Speaker 1: you're a little kid, it's like here's little little toy
Speaker 1: like little things, and then once you get older, it's
Speaker 1: like you put a fucking football in a basket I
Speaker 1: didn't want. Yeah, what want half of these things? Or
Speaker 1: I only want half of these things. Also, I think
Speaker 1: it's weird that like in America we say Merry Christmas,
Speaker 1: but in the UK. In the UK, they say Happy Christmas.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, you motherfucker seemed like the one who
Speaker 1: will be using the word mary. Yeah, no, that is switched,
Speaker 1: I think pretty heavily. Like that's like that's that seems
Speaker 1: like we should be saying happy. They should be saying
Speaker 1: Mary Mary. Now okay, this this is where because you
Speaker 1: were mentioning the lessons, you were mentioned lessons, but also
Speaker 1: it's I don't understand. I guess I've never understood the point,
Speaker 1: like for instance, like I don't understand the point of
Speaker 1: the Easter Bunny either, because Christians only got you holidays. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the Easter Bunny is to me like almost indefensible. It
Speaker 1: doesn't make any sense to me. I'm like, where does
Speaker 1: name come from? Who sent him? At least st Nicholas
Speaker 1: I think was an actual sat right. Yeah, and and
Speaker 1: and it's a bigger thing overall in the world. So
Speaker 1: Santa Claus. There are some countries that have Babushka, there's
Speaker 1: some countries that have like there's there's so many different
Speaker 1: versions of this same thing. Isn't it the Dutch dude
Speaker 1: that has the slave? I know about like Black Pete,
Speaker 1: but I don't know if that's Santa to them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So children are taught to believe they received their presence
Speaker 1: from St. Nicholas who was accompanied by a black servant
Speaker 1: called Black Peter. Adults will dress up as St. Nicholas
Speaker 1: and Black Peter, a white person painted in black face,
Speaker 1: and visit children an adult. So yeah, Black Peter is deserving.
Speaker 1: He's a slave. And they are trying to step stop
Speaker 1: them from dressing in black face, and they're like, but
Speaker 1: it's a tradition and there's only seventeen black people here. Sorry,
Speaker 1: are you gonna stop? The Duchess the Netherlands, so I
Speaker 1: don't know how many of us live there. Um, I
Speaker 1: don't do cold white countries. So like in the UK
Speaker 1: is a Happy Christmas said of merry Christmas, but then
Speaker 1: they call Santa Claus Father Christmas, which makes more sense
Speaker 1: than Santa Claus. Here's my thing with Santa versus Father Christmas. Okay,
Speaker 1: I feel like Father Christmas gets a little too close
Speaker 1: to like confusing the children, you know, because it's like
Speaker 1: Father Christmas feels too much like Jesus's dad, whereas Santa
Speaker 1: Claus feels like a totally different character. Okay. You know,
Speaker 1: like I I used to hear people say Father Christmas.
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know if I'm with that one.
Speaker 1: You know, that makes sense? I mean I still always
Speaker 1: it just made always be more sense to me because
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, we get presents on Christmas because the
Speaker 1: baby Jesus got presents. Well, if the presents on Christmas
Speaker 1: because the baby Jesus got presents, then why is it
Speaker 1: the why the three Wise Men is the one bringing
Speaker 1: us the presents? No that So when you said that
Speaker 1: at the beginning of the episode, that made a lot
Speaker 1: of sense to me. And I'm surprised no one has
Speaker 1: done that as a I'm surprised that thing never caught on.
Speaker 1: If there's such a shared understanding of the story of Christmas. Um,
Speaker 1: I think that for me when it comes to telling
Speaker 1: kids about Christmas. The second side, the unfair and the
Speaker 1: sad side of the lesson and everything is the disappointment,
Speaker 1: you know, because like they're like, you know, Santa sees
Speaker 1: you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. So
Speaker 1: Santa's a fucking stalker, which is a joke that's been
Speaker 1: made a million times. When I get it's like it's
Speaker 1: like that whole Elf on the shelf thing where it's like, hey,
Speaker 1: this tiny el is gonna watch everything you do and
Speaker 1: if you mess up, he's gonna I've heard people go,
Speaker 1: if you actually had you're gonna tell Santa. And it's like, then,
Speaker 1: what did you do the other eleven months of the
Speaker 1: fucking year when your child was acting like a maniac?
Speaker 1: Have we used in Santa? You're just in a strong march,
Speaker 1: just flying through April, going Santa Santa. Santa is like
Speaker 1: this child is four, he doesn't remember yesterday, Like why
Speaker 1: are you telling him about like anyway with Santa. But
Speaker 1: it's like I remember, like the first time, like learning
Speaker 1: about the story of Christmas, right the virgin birth. They're going,
Speaker 1: there's no room at the end. You're born in a manger,
Speaker 1: weezy f baby. Right. So I remember the whole time
Speaker 1: hearing this whole story in the three and the Frank instance,
Speaker 1: murder Gold, you know, the stars and all this other stuff.
Speaker 1: I remember going, but where is Santa? And my mother
Speaker 1: was like, what I said, where is Santa? If this
Speaker 1: is the story of Christmas, where is Santa? And she
Speaker 1: was like, great question. And then she had explained to
Speaker 1: me how Santa was not involved with the baby Jesus.
Speaker 1: And I was like, so he wasn't there. No, remembering
Speaker 1: the school being like, well, if Santa wasn't there, why
Speaker 1: is he here now? Coca Cola, wake up, wake up.
Speaker 1: Understand that there's there's a bigger thing at play. Okay,
Speaker 1: then your little holiday. There's a grind happening. Oh no, no, no,
Speaker 1: Santa been on a grind for decades now. The Coca
Speaker 1: Cola bottling company, so was it Co Coldpla and Company.
Speaker 1: That's what That's what we call a partnership. Okay. Santa
Speaker 1: is a brand ambassador, al right, pushing this Coca Cola
Speaker 1: to the children, to the America's I wish that I
Speaker 1: could be on my hustle the way Santa is. All right,
Speaker 1: say you live somewhere like Australia because comes it's hot,
Speaker 1: Christmas comes Florida and ship sure, sure, I'm with Christmas.
Speaker 1: And it's very interesting because it's like when your my
Speaker 1: brother got a super soaker for Christmas because it was
Speaker 1: Miami in December. Yeah. Yeah, And I'll tell you what.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what. Right now, you want to talk
Speaker 1: about Australia, you wanna talk about Florida or whatever. Santa
Speaker 1: makes it over there too, because he's on his grind,
Speaker 1: all right, on a hundred thousand going how many miles
Speaker 1: per hour it takes to get from Australia to the
Speaker 1: North Pole to Florida. He does it all in one night,
Speaker 1: in one night. All right. If you told me that
Speaker 1: all I had to do to have a nearly year
Speaker 1: off was to grind for one night, I do it. Listen,
Speaker 1: but I think I remember as a kid almost trying
Speaker 1: to justify it. It's like, Okay, there's probably the whole
Speaker 1: countries that he gets to skip. There are countries that
Speaker 1: he gets to skip. But he also got the plan
Speaker 1: and he got the logistics right. You never see somebody
Speaker 1: ever tap their temple that's actually saying something smart. He
Speaker 1: got the logistics. Okay, you see what I'm saying right here,
Speaker 1: he got the logistics down all right, He got his
Speaker 1: routes already planned out. He got the elves. Because that's
Speaker 1: the other thing that people don't realize that sometimes sometimes
Speaker 1: it's about synergy. Sometimes it's about building yourself up and
Speaker 1: they're having people under you. So then you got Santa
Speaker 1: right here, right, and then he got five elves that
Speaker 1: also got five elves that they were there friends, and
Speaker 1: then they each get five elves, and so you get
Speaker 1: a little triangle going right, and then a real pyramid.
Speaker 1: We don't really use words like that because that's that's
Speaker 1: the type of stuff the haters say. Okay, so anyway,
Speaker 1: you got your triangle of success. But listen, if you
Speaker 1: want a triangle of success, would you rather have a
Speaker 1: one side or would you rather have a triangle with
Speaker 1: four size? That? I mean, now you think it? Now
Speaker 1: you thinking that that's actual hustling. That's once again, I
Speaker 1: don't know what's not clicking for you, about what's helpful
Speaker 1: and what's hateful. Okay, so you only do three sided pyramids,
Speaker 1: you know, I can tell, I can tell what somebody's
Speaker 1: not gonna take the mission seriously, like I could tell
Speaker 1: with some six no, no, no, I can I can tell.
Speaker 1: That's that's cool, that's cool. I get it. You aren't
Speaker 1: ready to receive the message, you know, you're not really
Speaker 1: ready to be on it like Santa's on it. So
Speaker 1: when do you buy one? I found out that because
Speaker 1: for some reason, the conversation of the genders of the
Speaker 1: reindeer came up, because because that's why the funk not
Speaker 1: and somebody was saying that all of them are a
Speaker 1: male and then I was looking at it and it's
Speaker 1: like they weren't. Apparently all of them would have to
Speaker 1: be female, including Rudolph. Including Rudolph. Oh okay, because of
Speaker 1: the time of year, and also female reindeer also have antlers.
Speaker 1: Let's google. Is what I'm saying is that there's a
Speaker 1: lot of things that we ask because it comes to
Speaker 1: stuff like this, uh, because like we're trying to do
Speaker 1: the logistics, we're trying to like, oh it already, I said,
Speaker 1: we're Santa's reindeer. Here we go, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen,
Speaker 1: comic keeper, daughter, and Blitzen and yes, even Rudolph. Our
Speaker 1: ladies the original eight first introduced in the three poem
Speaker 1: a visit. This is so funny. Who runs the slave girls?
Speaker 1: Science says Sanders red deer are all actually female. And
Speaker 1: this is in People magazine. Let me tell you something
Speaker 1: that just makes me respect Santa even more, all right,
Speaker 1: because it makes me respect women. Oh so the males
Speaker 1: of the species shed their headgear mid December. Mm hmmm,
Speaker 1: so they wouldn't have so while these dudes out here
Speaker 1: with busted tail lights right right. Santa was like, ladies,
Speaker 1: we gotta do we we It's up to us, all right,
Speaker 1: is you? Me and the Elms wherever they are? Santa?
Speaker 1: Is I think it's good for the children. No, he's not.
Speaker 1: It's the thing is, it's there are parents that work
Speaker 1: very hard, very hard to give their children Christmas. Might
Speaker 1: work an extra job. I remember when you remember the
Speaker 1: footage from the tick of the Elmos, when the women
Speaker 1: I'm with you. Yeah, I just fought for seven bitches
Speaker 1: in a target at two in the morning to get
Speaker 1: your little last is Elmo. I threw bows for you.
Speaker 1: I threw bows for you. Yeah, I'm with you. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying I don't I didn't even bring my purse.
Speaker 1: Your mom did it perfectly. Your Mom did it perfectly.
Speaker 1: Some of the presents from me, some of them are
Speaker 1: from Santa. Parents worked really hard to give their kids Christmas,
Speaker 1: and this motherfucker gets all the credit. I listen, I
Speaker 1: gave multiple people black eyes for you to get this
Speaker 1: Teddy Rucks pen. I had to boat somebody else to
Speaker 1: get two of them because I didn't want for you
Speaker 1: and your brother. Mm hmm anna, thank you, Santa. Santa
Speaker 1: is not icing his knee right now. Santa does not
Speaker 1: have frozen peas on his knuckles right now, then that's
Speaker 1: the gift that comes from mom, all right, But the
Speaker 1: plaid shirt can be from Santa. Why don't you knock
Speaker 1: Santa down a peg. I'm saying, if you're if you're
Speaker 1: taking this route, I'm saying to the parents, how about
Speaker 1: you be a little bit more inventive. How about you
Speaker 1: make it so that when you have to tell your
Speaker 1: kids that Santa is not real, they're like, I didn't
Speaker 1: like his presence anyway. This dude was garbage day one.
Speaker 1: Have given me socks an underwear? You know what? Every year?
Speaker 1: If you if you're really worried about this, I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna say, in order for your kid to bothe. I
Speaker 1: think this is a good middle ground between the two
Speaker 1: of us. We don't usually do middle grounds, but I'm
Speaker 1: a try right. I think a good middle ground between
Speaker 1: the two of us is go ahead and tell your
Speaker 1: kid about Santa. But for every Christmas when they ask
Speaker 1: Santa for all the stuff, you get the stuff that
Speaker 1: they want from Santa, and then you put the gift
Speaker 1: under the tree from Santa, and it's just crackers. It's
Speaker 1: just salteines, you know. And look, some kids love crackers.
Speaker 1: Some kids will be like, oh my gosh, salteines, I
Speaker 1: needed some of these. But overall you can be like,
Speaker 1: all right, look, Santa clearly not coming through heavy with
Speaker 1: the presents. And so then the years from now, hopefully
Speaker 1: just a couple when you have to tell your kid
Speaker 1: that Sands not real, they get to learn a lesson
Speaker 1: about life and they're not as let down because now
Speaker 1: they know you were the one putting in the work
Speaker 1: for those presents to begin with. Okay, but yeah, we'll
Speaker 1: kick it to you the listener. You know, how do
Speaker 1: you feel about do you think that people should be
Speaker 1: told about Santa should not be told about Santa? Do
Speaker 1: you think it's harmful or helpful. Do you think that
Speaker 1: we did a good job presenting to you the facts
Speaker 1: of our argument and some pretty good along the way things.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to Hold Up. You can catch
Speaker 1: me on the Show Shows, So Shows, Damn at Dulstay
Speaker 1: Sloan on Everything, and you can also check out Josh Johnson.
Speaker 1: Um I'm Josh Johnson Comedy on TikTok, Instagram YouTube find
Speaker 1: me at those places um. I also do a podcast
Speaker 1: called The Josh Johnson Show you can check out. And
Speaker 1: other than that, I'm just looking to be around, meet you,
Speaker 1: hit me up. You know. I want to hear about
Speaker 1: your day. I'm just chilling, you know, tell me a
Speaker 1: crazy story I'd love to hear. Thank you listen to
Speaker 1: Hold Up. Ho Ho no Ah. Tell your kids about
Speaker 1: Say I'm su