Speaker 1: Hi, guys.
Speaker 2: Hello, let's talk about what's happening on January eleven.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, we're giving you more gifts.
Speaker 2: We're oh my gifts on gifts on Marry Christmas, Happy holidays,
Speaker 2: all the holidays. So we have another live show for
Speaker 2: you at Union Hall here in Brooklyn, and it's some
Speaker 2: of your favorite comics, some of our favorite guests.
Speaker 3: And you guys are gonna really enjoy the show. Sydney,
Speaker 3: where can they get tickets? You can get tickets. Write
Speaker 3: in the description about that, and then if you go
Speaker 3: to the Instagram page, we got that in the link
Speaker 3: as well. Also, and who are the guests worry, Oh
Speaker 3: my god, Mally Austin, oh Sex State experts. Yes, who else?
Speaker 3: Matt Rogers, our Hollywood expert. Yes, he's gonna be our
Speaker 3: musical guests. Oh yeah, he's gonna do a couple of ballots.
Speaker 3: He's gonna do a couple for y'all. So you're gonna
Speaker 3: get comedy, you donna get interview, you're gonna get cabaret. Also,
Speaker 3: you gonna get looks fabulous. This is gonna be the
Speaker 3: last episode of the year. God see you in twenty nineteen.
Speaker 1: Closing it out with a burn.
Speaker 2: Your resolution should be what to come see us life?
Speaker 1: His sea was with Washington O la oh la.
Speaker 3: I says, it's it's the end of the year, end
Speaker 3: of an era.
Speaker 4: Wom wom wom wom.
Speaker 3: I'm saying era because twenty eighteen feels like so much
Speaker 3: time has passed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this was the longest was also shortest year.
Speaker 3: It was the longest fastest year of my life. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it was a lot, but like also, you know, we
Speaker 3: did it. We got through it, you know, thank goodness.
Speaker 1: I was it was so long. Yeah, it was so long.
Speaker 2: But also I feel like the year just started and
Speaker 2: I think back, like I was in La for a
Speaker 2: month this year.
Speaker 1: You sure were? That was this year. Absolutely.
Speaker 3: We tested for like a bunch of TV shows this year,
Speaker 3: like flew.
Speaker 1: Back and forth a lot. I ain't got no miles
Speaker 1: on my ship. I should have. I should have like
Speaker 1: a card or something. Oh yeah, yeah you should. The
Speaker 1: way I was flying, it's like I should you should
Speaker 1: enrolled this. You should have rolled now. Yeah, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: work on that.
Speaker 3: I got like jet Blue and and something else. But
Speaker 3: I think I went virgin. But I feel like maybe
Speaker 3: I'll get like in America American airlines. Okay about join them.
Speaker 1: I feel like it's gonna work.
Speaker 3: Who else got cute planes?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: But when somebody else is paying, I'm like whatever.
Speaker 1: Yeah, But but the miles are for you. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I definitely need those freaking miles.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because flying back at least three thousand miles away,
Speaker 2: so that's six thousand miles round trips.
Speaker 3: Come on, man, get them points. Yeah, I need to
Speaker 3: think about that. That's where I'm at. It's like, I
Speaker 3: gotta think ahead, think about that.
Speaker 2: Well, I feel you got some travel coming up in
Speaker 2: the next year. You should definitely enrolled. It's it's free.
Speaker 1: You gotta think about the bigger pictreol get some perks.
Speaker 1: Boo boo boo.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just all of a sudden, they I want them
Speaker 3: to send me a suitcase. That's how much I want
Speaker 3: to be traveling.
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, and a little a little away. Yeah, away.
Speaker 1: You gotta do away, far, far, far away. Yeah. I'm
Speaker 1: so happy that.
Speaker 3: You know, things have come and go and comedy this
Speaker 3: was like the craziest comedy year ever.
Speaker 1: You know why, just more opportunities. I can't even count
Speaker 1: how many stages I've been on this year. I've definitely
Speaker 1: done a lot of stand up and still don't know
Speaker 1: what my fucking five minutes are. But you know what,
Speaker 1: we're doing it. We're getting through it. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean, I feel like I caught you towards the
Speaker 3: beginning of your stand up career, and I always feel
Speaker 3: like whenever I watch you perform, like you're one of
Speaker 3: my favorite people.
Speaker 2: To watch perform, especially when you be messing with the audience.
Speaker 2: I'm like, look at my mean ass friends.
Speaker 3: Yeah, riff City is wonderful, you know, fantastic. Crowd work
Speaker 3: is beautiful.
Speaker 2: It's a skill, guys, for us to be up there
Speaker 2: and make it look so effortless. Uh, it's a skill
Speaker 2: because people will then try to talk to us and
Speaker 2: it's like no, no, no, no, no, I'm a professional comedian
Speaker 2: and you're just a fan.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, this is my job. I'm gonna make this funny.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're gonna try to figure out the funny and
Speaker 3: I already got I already know what it is.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then sometimes I'm like, ugh, you know what, that
Speaker 3: didn't go the way it was supposed to, But you
Speaker 3: know what, I still got that money and I'm gonna
Speaker 3: leave with my head high.
Speaker 1: Looking for my uber pool. Is that it? No, that's
Speaker 1: not it. Oh no, it's two blocks down. Okay, gotta
Speaker 1: go bye.
Speaker 3: Ok, let's talk about it.
Speaker 2: I ordered an uber Express, So uber Express is just
Speaker 2: like they pick you up close to where you are
Speaker 2: and they drop you off close to where you go.
Speaker 2: It's a shuttle, it's it's a bus, right, but it's cold, we're.
Speaker 1: We're out late.
Speaker 2: And the other day I ordered an uber pool at
Speaker 2: eleven forty five pm, right, they were like, walk.
Speaker 3: Three minutes to go get this car.
Speaker 2: I I'm walking across all these busy intersections and I
Speaker 2: could see the car, but on the app it'll still
Speaker 2: say a minute away.
Speaker 1: And then it was like leaving soon.
Speaker 3: And I was like, okay, well I'm not I'm not
Speaker 3: about to get hit by all these cars for this
Speaker 3: uber pool. And the car left, and then every car
Speaker 3: after it was like then that you order another Uber expressing.
Speaker 3: It's telling you to go back to where It's like,
Speaker 3: I'm not, I'm not doing this. Then a car came
Speaker 3: and the driver said he was there, and I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm here, and he was like maybe thirty feet down
Speaker 3: and I'm facing me and I'm like waving my arms.
Speaker 1: He popped a yuwie and canceled the trip.
Speaker 2: I'm in his head lights waving at him to come forward,
Speaker 2: and instead of coming to meet me, he just canceled
Speaker 2: the trip and made like three point turn, went.
Speaker 1: The other way. Patty. So, I'm petty two sis. What's
Speaker 1: your rating? I'm four point seven eight okay.
Speaker 3: So I tweeted Uber and I was like this is problematic,
Speaker 3: and they were like, send us the receipts. And I
Speaker 3: was like, this person refused to pick me up, y'all
Speaker 3: should fire him.
Speaker 1: They'd be lazy.
Speaker 3: I sometimes they like start conversations with me, trying to
Speaker 3: tell me about their day, and I'm like, sir, I
Speaker 3: am a customer and I'm trying to live my life.
Speaker 3: I have my own issues. I'm not really trying to
Speaker 3: hear about your day. I mean, no offense, but all
Speaker 3: of the offense. Like this is New York City. I
Speaker 3: know you want a vent, but this is also a
Speaker 3: moving car, so like I'm stuck.
Speaker 1: You'd be in the car like read the roll. I
Speaker 1: had this real Christian dude that was my driver the
Speaker 1: other day and he was telling me that he lived
Speaker 1: in Westchester. He was telling me he his wife and
Speaker 1: the kids had gone to this church Christmas party.
Speaker 2: I was like, bruh, I don't men a care. I
Speaker 2: don't care, and he wouldn't stop.
Speaker 1: Talking to me.
Speaker 3: But he was nice, and it's like, well, I'm not
Speaker 3: about to be a dick. He talking about Jesus or whatever.
Speaker 3: How you feel about drivers in a music I'm just like,
Speaker 3: turn it off.
Speaker 1: Just we don't even have to listen to music.
Speaker 2: I feel like most times most cars that I'm in,
Speaker 2: the drivers aren't really listening to music.
Speaker 1: Ah, they are.
Speaker 3: Every car and getting into it's like it's not the
Speaker 3: right it's like their own mixtape or like a song
Speaker 3: of a friend, or like a cultural song, a religious song.
Speaker 1: Cultural song. So they be playing like not chat top music.
Speaker 3: I don't know, and I just don't want to be rude,
Speaker 3: but it's sometimes you're just like I can't listen to
Speaker 3: any of that, and it's like, oh, you should have
Speaker 3: your own headphones on, and it's like should I.
Speaker 1: Yeah, anytime I'm in it.
Speaker 2: Anytime I'm in a car, I feel like everyone with
Speaker 2: me has headphones in.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you.
Speaker 3: If I'm paying over ten dollars, you gonna do what
Speaker 3: I say I'm sorry if I'm paying eighteen dollars to
Speaker 3: go anywhere and I'm like, I don't want the windows down,
Speaker 3: I don't want the music on. I feel like you should,
Speaker 3: you know, abide by Okay, so speak on it.
Speaker 1: This is still happening to you. They still not rolling
Speaker 1: the windows up.
Speaker 3: Every car I get into, the driver is hot, and
Speaker 3: I get it. You're you're driving all night and I'm not.
Speaker 1: But I'm frigid, why is driving making you hot? Dude?
Speaker 3: Like put a T shirt on and call it a
Speaker 3: layer or no, or just have a T shirt on.
Speaker 3: Don't maybe don't have like twelve quotes on. I don't know,
Speaker 3: but like it's frustrating for me to be like, oh,
Speaker 3: I don't I don't want to say, oh, I feel weird.
Speaker 1: Like I'm a customer.
Speaker 3: I should be able to be vocal about how I'm
Speaker 3: feeling in this weird Toyota Camry. This is the energy
Speaker 3: that you should have moving in twenty nineteen. What would
Speaker 3: a straight white man do in this situation?
Speaker 2: Because they're unapologetically just gonna be them and this they're
Speaker 2: not considered aggressive or like that's how I enter my
Speaker 2: emails in twenty nine like everything that The energy that
Speaker 2: I have in twenty nineteen is what what a straight
Speaker 2: white man do in a situation. He will say something
Speaker 2: and he would say it exactly how he means it.
Speaker 3: Excuse me, Can you cut this music down?
Speaker 1: Sir? Windows down? Hey?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Hey buddy, Hey buddy, this, We're not gonna do this.
Speaker 1: Heybody, We're not gonna do it.
Speaker 2: Hey, pal, can you turn your music down? This, I'm
Speaker 2: not here for your ethnic tunes. Cut it off, hey, driver?
Speaker 2: When he can literally just look down?
Speaker 1: What the name is? Yeah, I've had one of those
Speaker 1: days and this is not the time.
Speaker 2: So sorry, Actually I'm not in the mood to talk tonight,
Speaker 2: so could you just drive?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's I think it's one of those things where
Speaker 3: I talk to women all the time and they just
Speaker 3: let shit go down because they feel weird saying something
Speaker 3: about it, and it's just like, no, just we all
Speaker 3: grown speak up, We're speak up. Can we just have
Speaker 3: adult white dude energy in twenty nineteen. I just I'm
Speaker 3: about to have some Trump energy, okay, grabbing shit, grabbing shit,
Speaker 3: building walls.
Speaker 1: What would Trump.
Speaker 2: Do in the He would be like, hey, a hobibe
Speaker 2: cut the music off? Yeah, Well, my name is actually Mark.
Speaker 2: You look like a hobby cut it off. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: trying this all the way off. I'm just gonna be real.
Speaker 2: The bigger tree is gonna be thriving.
Speaker 1: Bigger tree. It's gonna be so real in twenty nineteen.
Speaker 2: Well, there has to be like because the we're the
Speaker 2: only people who will ever truly advocate for ourselves, right, Like,
Speaker 2: no one if you if you're actually you don't have
Speaker 2: a problem. People not gonna unless they like really look
Speaker 2: at your face and see an eye twitching, They're not
Speaker 2: gonna be like, oh, this is making them uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: Oh they don't like this.
Speaker 3: No, have Louis k energy like I have Harvey Weinstein
Speaker 3: in that like he did all this crap and then
Speaker 3: was emailing everybody in Hollywood, Like hey, if you guys
Speaker 3: could just you know, not watch the news to see
Speaker 3: how terrible I am, that'd be great. It's like, dude,
Speaker 3: you was pulling your nasty ass dick out, like you
Speaker 3: should not be emailing anybody. That's the energy I'm having
Speaker 3: to pulling my imaginary dick out, throwing it on foreheads
Speaker 3: and cheeks and shoulder bone, putting it on the table,
Speaker 3: put your dick on the table, syst that's the type
Speaker 3: of energy I'm gonna have in twenty nineteen. Just like what, like,
Speaker 3: who are you talking to? Well, you're not talking to me,
Speaker 3: what do you mean? No, absolutely not. I'm gonna be
Speaker 3: oblivious to things that are quite obvious, and then I'm
Speaker 3: gonna speak on things even when people didn't ask me
Speaker 3: to speak on it.
Speaker 1: That's how I'm gonna be in twenty nineteen. No, it's
Speaker 1: gonna be like blunt force trauma for me. Next year.
Speaker 1: I'ma hit you.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell you why, or I'm not gonna not
Speaker 2: gonna explain myself. I'm just gonna say no or yes.
Speaker 1: You know what I have yelp energy. That's what I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have. Yelp.
Speaker 3: Okay, so we've changed it. Now we're gonna have the
Speaker 3: energy of a white woman, quite woman at a restaurant. Yes,
Speaker 3: that's the energy you should have, white woman that lives
Speaker 3: in Long Island.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I asked for the peanuts on the side. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: take this back. I'm gonna have a West Nayak energy.
Speaker 3: Of Hampton's Real Housewives of New York energy. Yeah, like
Speaker 3: I have, uh, Pinagriggio ivy like through me, just real energy, like.
Speaker 1: What daytime, white wine. Yeah, I'm gonna take that hat
Speaker 1: off your head. Energy. That's what we're gonna do. Exactly.
Speaker 2: Speak to a manager right now? Yes, why this is Onyx?
Speaker 2: Did you say white?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 3: I'm gonna speak to a manager white Now?
Speaker 1: What are you looking forward to for the next year? Lord?
Speaker 1: A job? Just like for real? Just like a it's time,
Speaker 1: A legit job that like is makes sense?
Speaker 3: And what's a dream job? I don't even know. I'm
Speaker 3: just like I just need to make sure check is
Speaker 3: coming in, you know, just there.
Speaker 1: Uh, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I feel like I love comedy, but then I don't.
Speaker 3: So it's just like same, I'm working on what is
Speaker 3: my plan? B? You know, what else can I do
Speaker 3: other than this? Because I've dedicated so much time and
Speaker 3: I don't have like a real life anymore. It's just
Speaker 3: like shows, auditions. All my friends are comedians, and like,
Speaker 3: you know, I want to just be talking to people
Speaker 3: who are doing other stuff as well. I feel like
Speaker 3: I'm very closed off and I don't know what the
Speaker 3: regular folks are doing. You know, I know they liveing
Speaker 3: in a bubble, but like Okay, I guess I'll hang
Speaker 3: and just have like this meat and cheese plate and
Speaker 3: talk about the tapestry you know you were.
Speaker 2: And I'm always here for a meat and cheese play.
Speaker 2: I do a lot of things. I will push a
Speaker 2: small child in traffic for a meat.
Speaker 1: And cheese plak. Yeah, I wanna. I want to venture out,
Speaker 1: figure you know, figure out some things.
Speaker 3: Travel just you know, yes, your birthday's coming up. Yeah,
Speaker 3: just not be in New York City as well. Like
Speaker 3: it's just like I'm so be in New York less
Speaker 3: or not being New York for your birthday, specifically not
Speaker 3: be in New York City for my birthday, but also
Speaker 3: not be in New York City.
Speaker 1: It's just like it's just so jaded. People are so
Speaker 1: me me, me, me, me, me me. I want to go
Speaker 1: to a town, and they just saying, hey, hey, how
Speaker 1: you doing? You know and really fun.
Speaker 3: You don't even want to talk to the uber driver
Speaker 3: when he asked you want to go to a town
Speaker 3: with strangers, also ask you.
Speaker 1: How you do?
Speaker 3: Because I know the Uber driver, I know Uber driver energy.
Speaker 3: He gonna ask me about myself so he could talk
Speaker 3: about himself. I want to go to a town where
Speaker 3: they asking me because they're genuinely what do you do?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 3: And and want to know about my life? And then
Speaker 3: I asked about and it's like, oh you got a farm?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'm not interested in that, Like I want that.
Speaker 3: I want to go somewhere, and they just be enthralled
Speaker 3: in my my being.
Speaker 1: That's such a good word.
Speaker 3: Enthralled is like obsessed with yeah, like interested, like too much.
Speaker 1: That's what I want.
Speaker 3: I want somebody to just like they want to pick
Speaker 3: up my book and then like read the book from
Speaker 3: front to back and then tell me about the book
Speaker 3: and then like review the book. That's what kind of
Speaker 3: energy I want. I don't get that in New York City.
Speaker 3: People just be like so into themselves. When people ask
Speaker 3: you what you do here? Do you lie? Because I've
Speaker 3: been lying, but I feel like I should have like
Speaker 3: a lie ready to go, But I'm always they know
Speaker 3: that I'm lying when I answer because I take way
Speaker 3: too long to answer the question they like, what do
Speaker 3: you do?
Speaker 2: I'd be like I what sorry, and they're like what
Speaker 2: do you do? And I'm like I work in television
Speaker 2: And I'm like why would I say that? I should
Speaker 2: have said I teach yoga or you know, I'm in childcare.
Speaker 2: But I'm always like I am stand up, commit and
Speaker 2: like I'm saying the truth, like yeah, I'm trying to lie.
Speaker 1: I can't lie.
Speaker 3: Well, I was in open pool and I knew it
Speaker 3: was like packed. It was like four of us, and
Speaker 3: I know one guy had said what he did and
Speaker 3: I was like, he sound like he liing. So I
Speaker 3: think we all just going to go around and lie.
Speaker 3: And I said that I worked in a funeral home
Speaker 3: and they were like, wow, I said, I'm interning. I
Speaker 3: want to be a funeral director.
Speaker 2: Did they have follow up questions? Because I would yes
Speaker 2: they did. I feel like that's more interesting in saying
Speaker 2: I do comedy.
Speaker 3: I know, Well, I actually have a friend that's in uh,
Speaker 3: like what is it Morgue school like mortician mortician school,
Speaker 3: And so she was telling me about putting makeup on
Speaker 3: the dead people, talking to the families, like the whole process.
Speaker 3: I mean she's been in school for I feel like
Speaker 3: like two years now. I'm guys, she getting her associates
Speaker 3: in Yes, I don't know morticiany and so she's like
Speaker 3: really in to the dead and different.
Speaker 1: Is weird? Sister? You had a stranger danger friend. No, no, no.
Speaker 3: But she's the type that you look at her and
Speaker 3: you're like you are into dead people, Like she's one
Speaker 3: of those makeup toratorial bitches. It's just like like of
Speaker 3: my Like she's a little ditzy, Like I don't think
Speaker 3: I want you around my dead people.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, I don't know. I feel like she's
Speaker 1: the type to talk to them while she's like, oh
Speaker 1: she is. She is.
Speaker 3: She's listening to music.
Speaker 2: She's listening to like Lovely Day and she's singing to them,
Speaker 2: or she's doing their makeup and she's like thank.
Speaker 3: You next, like full on conversation like so girl, oh
Speaker 3: my god, he hit you. Yeah, we don't cover that
Speaker 3: all right, You don't know that bruise right on up?
Speaker 1: Yeah, Sally. Yeah.
Speaker 3: And she's she's the type that like if something like
Speaker 3: the family brought in an outfit, like she would like
Speaker 3: try to change the styling.
Speaker 1: Like she's gonna tie the shirt under the boot.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, or she's gonna try to like tell them like,
Speaker 3: oh well, I really feel like this person would be
Speaker 3: better in this. She would have her own fashion line,
Speaker 3: like you got a clothing rack? Yeah, Like she'll try
Speaker 3: to bring in her own ship, like, well, I just
Speaker 3: happen to have this cat suit. Ye I really feel like, yeah,
Speaker 3: Diana would thrive in this. Cats thrive in this. I mean,
Speaker 3: you got to be a lot of bit weird to
Speaker 3: want to work with dead bodies. It's crazy because she's
Speaker 3: like a nightclub person, like she was like a go
Speaker 3: go dancer and just she has she's pregnant.
Speaker 1: Now she got she feels.
Speaker 3: Like corpses are not good for the baby. In my mind,
Speaker 3: you know, dead bodies can't be good for the fetus.
Speaker 1: What do you think is that true?
Speaker 3: In my mind, I feel like it's you know, it's
Speaker 3: gonna get I don't know, maggots or something.
Speaker 1: No, it's just like it's just dead person energy.
Speaker 2: I don't want my baby around dead bodies because you
Speaker 2: and this is the thing. While she's doing the makeup,
Speaker 2: the belly is touching that that arm, that dead arm,
Speaker 2: So the baby is the you know, it's weird.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is also interesting. It's just like you meet
Speaker 3: somebody and you think you know them, and then all
Speaker 3: of a sudden they're like, I want to be a
Speaker 3: Martisian and it's like, what what are we learning in
Speaker 3: mortician school for two years. Like what does that look?
Speaker 3: I feel like that should be like an online course. Well,
Speaker 3: she was telling me, half of it is have to
Speaker 3: do it like talking to the family. Just you have
Speaker 3: to understand like grief and understand like people are gonna
Speaker 3: ask for things that's like that's not that's not happened.
Speaker 1: We can't do that.
Speaker 2: See, I would be like I work in the back
Speaker 2: of house, so I don't want to actually talk to
Speaker 2: the families at all. Yeah, like I'm not the face
Speaker 2: of this morgue. Let me just be in the back
Speaker 2: like doing this brow.
Speaker 1: Oh that's what you want to do.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying like I wouldn't want to have to
Speaker 2: Like I'm not a people person obviously, I work with
Speaker 2: dead bodies. I don't want to talk to you while
Speaker 2: you're crying about your uncle. Let me just you know,
Speaker 2: a just his mustache and like, you know, don't I
Speaker 2: don't want I shouldn't have to talk to you.
Speaker 1: I'm putting makeup on a dead body. I don't have
Speaker 1: people skills.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she was telling me that there was one family
Speaker 3: that was like, oh, they wanted their daughter to have
Speaker 3: like natural makeup, and she was just like she couldn't say, like, well,
Speaker 3: the way her face is set up natural, ain't the
Speaker 3: look like?
Speaker 1: Oh like she needed a lot?
Speaker 3: Yeah, like there's there is no such thing as like
Speaker 3: a natural makeup on a dead person.
Speaker 2: Have you ever seen a dead body the person doesn't
Speaker 2: look like what you knew them as, Yes, because you
Speaker 2: you like, well what they looks like?
Speaker 1: Who? But who is this?
Speaker 3: You have to be sensitive about it, though, like, because
Speaker 3: you can get in really a lot of trouble. I
Speaker 3: feel like you can even get your certificate taken away
Speaker 3: if you don't know how to.
Speaker 1: You're talking about corpse certificate. No, I went to school
Speaker 1: for three weekends. Oh my god?
Speaker 2: That like, and how does the makeup work? Like you
Speaker 2: bring their makeup from home or they just.
Speaker 1: Got a no, no, no, it's a different type of makeup.
Speaker 1: It's almost like like tattoo makeup because it has to
Speaker 1: be it has to have full coverage because sometimes the
Speaker 1: skin is just don't look like skin no more. Well
Speaker 1: sometimes it's.
Speaker 3: Like it's almost bluish grayish, like it depends on how
Speaker 3: you die, right, yeah, yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: She said she had to sew someone's uh neck back,
Speaker 3: like it was almost like a little bit of decapitation.
Speaker 1: She had to fix that, and I was like, what
Speaker 1: do you do? You put a turtle neck?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: No, put like a little choker on. Yeah, but like
Speaker 1: a nineteen nineties well they.
Speaker 3: Said that they she she can also put like a
Speaker 3: like a little no, like fake skin, like they have
Speaker 3: fake skin too.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, So it's like a special effects make up.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes, like she she's so involved in it,
Speaker 3: and it's like crazy because it's almost like, damn, I'm enthralled,
Speaker 3: Like I want to know what the fuck y'all doing
Speaker 3: over there.
Speaker 1: I think when I die, I want Diade de le
Speaker 1: s Muerto's make up like the cocoa the Mexican just
Speaker 1: make me look more dead.
Speaker 3: I think, honestly, I think I want to be cremated
Speaker 3: when I die. Well, the way she her personal lease
Speaker 3: on it is just like you want somebody to remember
Speaker 3: you the best way you can, But when you see
Speaker 3: them dead, it's like that's what you remember. So when
Speaker 3: somebody does, you don't remember them as just that that's
Speaker 3: the people that they are.
Speaker 1: No, I definitely don't.
Speaker 3: If I see you and you look crazy, that's the
Speaker 3: last vision I have of you. Like my grandmother did
Speaker 3: not look I was so furious because I was like,
Speaker 3: that's not Grammy. First of all, who put her in
Speaker 3: that red blazer? How fucking dare you? She never looked
Speaker 3: good in red? Who was there a family member who
Speaker 3: said who signed off on this?
Speaker 1: Somebody? Somebody bought that blazer? And the wig was awful.
Speaker 1: The wig was it was almost like it was a
Speaker 1: warning wig. I was like, so you gave her her
Speaker 1: old wig. That's rude.
Speaker 3: You couldn't. No, well, Grammy would have won it this
Speaker 3: way because you know she's frugal. What shut up, get Grammy?
Speaker 1: This was her favorite wig. What was it like a
Speaker 1: short early situation was a short straight like swoop.
Speaker 3: It was it was like if Ellen was dead and
Speaker 3: old type wig. It was really really short, and it
Speaker 3: just her face was very gaunt.
Speaker 1: And then and then the makeup was like twelve shades
Speaker 1: too dark.
Speaker 3: It's never yeah, it's never the right shades. It like
Speaker 3: always too dark. Like she looked like Seal. It was crazy.
Speaker 1: I was I was like Seal Rose from that. I
Speaker 1: was like, she had like a scar on her face.
Speaker 1: That was never.
Speaker 3: I was like, look like she dates Heidy Clue or
Speaker 3: she did date the tidy clue. Yeah, it was crazy,
Speaker 3: and so I couldn't cry during the like I don't
Speaker 3: even know that that's not the woman that used to
Speaker 3: make brownies and fro chicken fried chicken and then take
Speaker 3: us to Little Rock, Arkansas on the ground that's not Yeah.
Speaker 3: They had my grandma and black face too, uh. And
Speaker 3: I have like a little I have a little grandma
Speaker 3: and she just you know, cause you like bloat or whatever.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we were like, I don't know who that is.
Speaker 3: I was like, they couldn't put stuff, no cotton in
Speaker 3: her mouth, like her face, just like real sunk it in.
Speaker 3: And I said, they did a bad job. And I'm
Speaker 3: gonna yep this funeral funeral home. They did a trash
Speaker 3: ass job. I'm yet I was giving like white women
Speaker 3: yelping energy.
Speaker 2: Maybe they make them look bad on purpose because they
Speaker 2: don't want you to like you, because if they make
Speaker 2: them look too good, you're gonna be like, oh, let
Speaker 2: me get a picture of this for the gram. I
Speaker 2: hate you people who take pictures of dead people and
Speaker 2: then post it on your Facebook.
Speaker 1: Do you not have a soul? What is raw?
Speaker 2: I don't mean sometimes it's about like how the bad
Speaker 2: the body is uh like uh propped up, because I've
Speaker 2: seen pictures where.
Speaker 1: It's like they sit the dead body like you know,
Speaker 1: in a car. Who raised you?
Speaker 2: Like in a car, like you're like you got you
Speaker 2: got your uncle in a Chevy Caprice.
Speaker 3: I don't want to know avant garde funeral. Please, like
Speaker 3: I put me in a motherfucker coffin or burn my
Speaker 3: burn my body. I will like an old fashioned I
Speaker 3: don't want me with glasses on and in a sequence.
Speaker 1: Sil soup on top. I want to be in a
Speaker 1: low a low neckline j lover sachi gown to the
Speaker 1: navel sequined catsuit. Bitch.
Speaker 3: If people are melli rocking at my funeral, I'm haunting everyone.
Speaker 2: That's a wind. People are dancing at my funeral. We
Speaker 2: went in, did y'all just do the electric slide? I
Speaker 2: am burning the place down. When you know what, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna make a conscious effort that when I die to
Speaker 2: like pose my body in a weird way so that
Speaker 2: they have to they just gotta let me. Marilyn Monroe,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Just like arm behind my head,
Speaker 2: I said.
Speaker 3: Cut the arms off, cut them off, chop them off.
Speaker 3: Make sure she ain't just like this. Oh my god,
Speaker 3: put fake arms.
Speaker 1: If you have to. I don't want to see my
Speaker 1: friend like that.
Speaker 2: I was talking to my mom yesterday on the phone
Speaker 2: and she was like, I don't want you to be
Speaker 2: famous because I feel like you're gonna get Selena. And
Speaker 2: I said, yo, Mummy, I say that all the time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And she was like, I want you to get
Speaker 1: you know, Selina.
Speaker 3: And I said, that's so funny that you said that,
Speaker 3: because I literally I feel like that's what's gonna happen
Speaker 3: to me.
Speaker 1: I said, I'm gonna die.
Speaker 3: No because Selena, that was somebody closed. I don't want
Speaker 3: to kill you, I'm all.
Speaker 1: I'm like, it might not.
Speaker 3: I mean, you might not want to kill me right now,
Speaker 3: but I mean, you know, it might be a weird
Speaker 3: year for us. No, I doubt that. If you win
Speaker 3: in sis, just don't forget about me now. If you're
Speaker 3: start acting funny, I will make some calls. Okay, So
Speaker 3: that's how I'm gonna die in twenty nineteen.
Speaker 1: No, just just don't act. Just don't act like you
Speaker 1: don't know me no more. Are you not trying to
Speaker 1: put me in no projects? And you know me and
Speaker 1: you know that I might do that.
Speaker 3: That is actually quite on brand. Sorry, Washington, I don't
Speaker 3: know any I don't know him.
Speaker 1: That is quite on brand of you. No, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: do that.
Speaker 2: I only I only hang out with very few people,
Speaker 2: and I only have time for very few people, and
Speaker 2: it's only people that I like. You already know, like
Speaker 2: this year, I'm not pretending to like you. If you
Speaker 2: give me a weird, creepy Lifetime movie vibe blacked, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna get the security guard like the other We have
Speaker 2: the show at the Knitting Factory every Sunday at nine pm.
Speaker 2: And there was a man that was looking at me weird,
Speaker 2: and I was like, I'm gonna go get the bouncer
Speaker 2: and have him escorted out just because he was looking
Speaker 2: at me funny, like I just were I'm not here
Speaker 2: to make waves, but I'm also not here for you
Speaker 2: to make me uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: This man was creepy. He had like a botched.
Speaker 2: Plastic surgery face, and he was like he came to
Speaker 2: stand by where all the comics were.
Speaker 1: I know he's not a comedian.
Speaker 2: He looked like a little baby vampire and he was
Speaker 2: talking to me and I was like, mm I don't
Speaker 2: like the way you're looking at me.
Speaker 3: I don't like the way you're speaking to me.
Speaker 1: You have to go. What did he say?
Speaker 3: I didn't say that to him now, But what did
Speaker 3: he say? And he came over and was like Hi.
Speaker 3: He had this weird accent. He was like Lorenzo. He
Speaker 3: sounded like he was like Transylvanian or something. That's where
Speaker 3: Dracula is from. And he was like holding my hand
Speaker 3: and he had like weird like rough you know when
Speaker 3: you poured Elmer's glue on your hand and you let
Speaker 3: it dry and it was all flaky. That's what his
Speaker 3: hands felt like. And I was like trying to pull
Speaker 3: my hand.
Speaker 2: And then he said that he thought I was beautiful
Speaker 2: or something, and then he would not stop staring at me.
Speaker 1: Dead bodies, A dead person just came to the show, right.
Speaker 3: He had like a tattooed brow and like his cheek.
Speaker 2: You know, remember when Lady got I was putting like
Speaker 2: those fake bone things on those horns on her forehead.
Speaker 1: That's what his whole face looked like.
Speaker 3: And I was like, I have to know what would
Speaker 3: a white woman do in a restaurant if this was
Speaker 3: happening to her? Right, now she would ask him to leave,
Speaker 3: excuse me, please go. No, she'd be like, hey, come on,
Speaker 3: I think we have an extra bottle coming through. What
Speaker 3: you gotta do is the crazy people, you gotta befriend them.
Speaker 3: That scares them. They're like, oh, wait, you want me around. No,
Speaker 3: that's why I don't have that many people who are
Speaker 3: weird to me, because I'm weird. I'm overly nice and
Speaker 3: I'm I have no problem talking, and I have no
Speaker 3: problem giving hugs, and.
Speaker 1: I'm not doing hugs no more either.
Speaker 3: I've had no problem sharing and inviting people out, and
Speaker 3: they're like, oh, okay, actually I'm busy. No, that doesn't
Speaker 3: work for me because the creepy people who.
Speaker 2: Are around me, if I was nice to them, they
Speaker 2: would just think, oh, Marie must like me, or like,
Speaker 2: I need you to know that I don't like you.
Speaker 3: I need you to know that this is weird.
Speaker 2: It's unacceptable, and I don't have to pretend to be
Speaker 2: nice to you this sis. I'm not wasting that energy
Speaker 2: this year, Okay. If it's not bringing me money or
Speaker 2: joy or orgasms, I don't have time for it. Okay,
Speaker 2: So no, I'm not and I'm not hugging like men
Speaker 2: feel like oh because I'm like small, like they can
Speaker 2: just hug me.
Speaker 3: No, no touching. Don't touch me, don't. I don't like
Speaker 3: you on like the we smell. I don't know if
Speaker 3: you showered. You got ten roommates and one bathroom.
Speaker 1: Don't touch me. Well what people don't know.
Speaker 3: I hug because I like to transfer my negative energy.
Speaker 3: So I'm just just trying to get better.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: I'm actually I'm self care. Yeah, it's actually I'm hugging
Speaker 3: you because I had a terrible day. You need this
Speaker 3: day now.
Speaker 1: So people think I'm hugging because I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm so nice.
Speaker 3: It's like, no, bitch, take take this. I have no
Speaker 3: money energy Okay. And then I give you a hug
Speaker 3: and I'm like, oh my god, I live on the
Speaker 3: Upper east Side now, like that is what I'm doing.
Speaker 2: You got all the more reason for me to not
Speaker 2: be hugging strangers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like yeah.
Speaker 2: And I feel like I'm I'm short of than most people,
Speaker 2: so like my face is like next to they like, no,
Speaker 2: I don't want bed bugs or whatever the hell you
Speaker 2: might have. Don't touch me, and I don't want whatever
Speaker 2: negative psycho energy that y'all got.
Speaker 3: It's a real thing, right, But yeah, And the thing
Speaker 3: is is that we post where we are. I think
Speaker 3: what's so weird about social media is like y'all setting
Speaker 3: up the stalkers so right, like they you got geo tags,
Speaker 3: you were like, oh, I'm in this bar. It's like,
Speaker 3: oh you at this bar at this hour, y'all just
Speaker 3: got there? Are you just doing a video of y'all
Speaker 3: walking into the place?
Speaker 1: Well, and I can see there prominently featured. I know
Speaker 1: exactly where y'all go at.
Speaker 3: I know that I know that painting. I know where
Speaker 3: you're at. Oh I'm coming through. And I don't geotag.
Speaker 3: You be geotagging, No, I don't. I don't geotag. I
Speaker 3: don't geotech. But I know a lot of people who do.
Speaker 3: And I know a lot of people who like Instagram,
Speaker 3: famous people who you're showing where they're at. And I realized,
Speaker 3: I follow this one chick, and she what she does.
Speaker 3: She puts her into stories. The next day, she does
Speaker 3: not post them while it's happening. She's like, oh, I
Speaker 3: was in I don't know Turks and Caicos, And she
Speaker 3: was like, oh, I know that there's a lot of
Speaker 3: fans here, so she's like, I only put my shit
Speaker 3: the next day, so they don't know where I'm at.
Speaker 1: Like we're so if they try to go to the
Speaker 1: resort or whatever, how.
Speaker 2: Crazy do you have to be to see that I'm
Speaker 2: in Turks and Caicos and you like, oh, let me
Speaker 2: back a bag.
Speaker 3: There's so many these people have the time, and if
Speaker 3: you have time and money and you obsessed, I'm going
Speaker 3: they're going.
Speaker 1: That sound like some single white female realness. Just anybody.
Speaker 3: I mean, I've watched so many documentaries where the people
Speaker 3: were like, well they would go.
Speaker 1: To this same bar every Friday at nine o'clock. It
Speaker 1: wasn't that hard to catch this bitch.
Speaker 3: It's like, what, That's why I'm happy that my life
Speaker 3: is so sporadic.
Speaker 1: Except on Sundays at nine o'clock at the Knitning Feather.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, we're gonna be We're gonna be making moves
Speaker 3: this year.
Speaker 1: Also, so it's like.
Speaker 2: We know will be there every Sunday. Ye, someone will
Speaker 2: be there every Sunday. But it's not all of us.
Speaker 2: Some of us got trips to the Bahamas or Barbados,
Speaker 2: so I don't know Bolivia. But that's what happened with
Speaker 2: Kim Kardashian, right, she was like, she's in Paris and
Speaker 2: she's posting all this stuff and she got robbed or
Speaker 2: so they said, remember she was she got some dude
Speaker 2: came to her hotel room and tied.
Speaker 1: Her up and stole her ring or I don't know.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, friends, this sounds terrible to say, but your
Speaker 3: security is so fucked tight. You're in another country. Somebody
Speaker 3: was able to come into your.
Speaker 2: She had allegedly she sent him away. You know, the
Speaker 2: show is they need the ratings syst so you know.
Speaker 3: I don't want to say that happened, but I'm just
Speaker 3: I don't. I don't believe the way I've worked at
Speaker 3: a bar with people who have really tight security, they
Speaker 3: don't play. They like when Beyonce and jay Z came
Speaker 3: to my brother, they had a security guard on each end,
Speaker 3: and then they had another security They had somebody else
Speaker 3: making sure the security for the bar was outside of
Speaker 3: the doors, making sure that like nobody if they didn't
Speaker 3: have a reservation, could get in.
Speaker 2: So jay Z and Beyonce had they say that she's sleeping, uh,
Speaker 2: and then two people at the door like exits up
Speaker 2: and then another the backup bouncer bot.
Speaker 1: The hotel has security as well. Right, they're just making sure.
Speaker 3: Like those people ain't on payroll, they're on somebody payroll,
Speaker 3: but now they but they're just making sure. And even
Speaker 3: like Saudi's who are prince, they have crazy security.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but they're worth like billions of dollars in oil
Speaker 2: and solace, and so is freaking Kim Kardashian. Right, But
Speaker 2: allegedly what happened was she sent her security away because
Speaker 2: her other siblings were going out and she was gonna
Speaker 2: christ Jenna set this whole thing up. You know, the
Speaker 2: mother was a mastermind, and the mom did all this
Speaker 2: like anything for ratings.
Speaker 1: Girl.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry she's been she's been in that bar that
Speaker 3: I worked into, and like there was security, Like I
Speaker 3: remember when Kanye came in when she when he was
Speaker 3: with Amber Rose, they had crazy security. I just don't
Speaker 3: if you're in another country, I just don't believe.
Speaker 2: Well, maybe her whole security team didn't have passports. Who
Speaker 2: knows junte passis.
Speaker 1: Okay, I want to talk to you guys about Everlane. Listen. Well,
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Speaker 3: I don't want to be that famous, Like I never
Speaker 3: want to be that famous. Yeah, Like I want to
Speaker 3: be able to still like, you know, like jump on
Speaker 3: the train like John Ham, you know, like with a
Speaker 3: hat and some sunglasses and people don't know who I am.
Speaker 3: That's what I want. I don't want people to meet
Speaker 3: me and be like fainting and crying and like I'm
Speaker 3: not Michael jackson'sis like I'm a nigga with a job.
Speaker 3: I just want to be famous enough where people give
Speaker 3: me stuff for free, give me stuff, give me stuff
Speaker 3: I'm kind of paying for things, like please, like send me,
Speaker 3: send me some makeup, send me clothes. If you want
Speaker 3: to let me stay in your resort for a weekend.
Speaker 1: Give me yes, give me free experience, give me shoes,
Speaker 1: give me give me if you want. Oh, we got
Speaker 1: these new glasses that you can see into another world,
Speaker 1: send me that ship.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, you want the ray J glasses, the
Speaker 2: ones that like hold it eight different ways. It's like
Speaker 2: a double monocle. You could like bend the RM, they
Speaker 2: like tilt down. Look, just google ray j a glasses
Speaker 2: right now.
Speaker 1: Listen.
Speaker 3: When he was showing that, I was like, that is
Speaker 3: a crackhead stunt. Crackheads will show you with some regular
Speaker 3: ship and I'll be like, oh, no, no, no, this is
Speaker 3: new on the market.
Speaker 1: This is on the blast. Is called a pencil. Yeah, pencil.
Speaker 3: You're like, you mean this is a black market, you
Speaker 3: mean a crack market. No, no, no, this is definitely
Speaker 3: this is a duffle bag, sir. Yeah, He's like, no,
Speaker 3: this is a it's a new it's a it's a
Speaker 3: sideways backpack. And You're like, this is a douffle bag.
Speaker 1: This is a duffel bag.
Speaker 3: Then also turns into a home, you know, sir, you're homeless, vanity. Oh,
Speaker 3: he's like, also, you could use it as a pillow. Sir,
Speaker 3: you are poor, You're so poor. Yeah, so there's nothing
Speaker 3: in this bag. You're sleeping on the bag. Why is
Speaker 3: the bag so long? This is a body bag, sir says.
Speaker 3: You put canoes in this.
Speaker 1: A kayak purse.
Speaker 3: You're like, Craig is insane. That's my goal for next
Speaker 3: year to get a crackhead friend. Just one friend that's
Speaker 3: just like never a friend to embarrass themselves.
Speaker 2: A friend that's like yeah yeah, like a Lindsay Lohand friend,
Speaker 2: or like a throwback Amanda Byne's friend.
Speaker 1: Apparently she's healthy.
Speaker 3: Now, yeah, I'm good self caresss Yeah, take care of yourself.
Speaker 1: Somebody that will like take the fall from me.
Speaker 2: Like if we're when we out commit crimes, the cop
Speaker 2: stop us and there's a gun in the car, Say
Speaker 2: your gun, sis, you to crackhead.
Speaker 1: You have nothing to lose, like a little cam the
Speaker 1: tiny and t I yeah, say that your gun.
Speaker 3: This is your You were just so having to have
Speaker 3: a silencer, okay of course, yes, yes, that's your God
Speaker 3: for protection.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: Listen, when you get out of jail, I got a
Speaker 3: spot for you on the on the team. Yeah, I
Speaker 3: mean listen, I just want more stuff, more things, take
Speaker 3: a chance, you know. I realized that in comedy or
Speaker 3: in this industry, it's all about you want a sure thing,
Speaker 3: you want to make sure. I know that I'm gonna
Speaker 3: this person's gonna hit every time, and I'm gonna get
Speaker 3: money every time from them.
Speaker 1: And it's just like live a little live on the
Speaker 1: teleprompter is hard. I can't read the telepropm. That's all right.
Speaker 1: People love somebody that can relate to There's tons of
Speaker 1: people who can't.
Speaker 2: Read yeah, so like she can barely speak of English.
Speaker 1: People took a chance on Cardi and look at her now.
Speaker 2: So I feel like people took a chance on her
Speaker 2: after her social media following had already like grown to
Speaker 2: be really big. I'm there people, and people love a messy,
Speaker 2: relatable person.
Speaker 1: That's me. That's like Cardi B. She speaks and you're like,
Speaker 1: what words did she just say?
Speaker 3: Okay, I've been kid out in the McDonald's on a Saturday,
Speaker 3: So come on, now.
Speaker 2: Been kaid out in the McDonald's. CYS you relatable? That's
Speaker 2: not relatable to me.
Speaker 3: I've been to McDonald's I've never taken k I've never
Speaker 3: been I've never been on drugs in the daytime at
Speaker 3: a fast food restaurant.
Speaker 1: Well, there's somebody who relates to me, somebody in.
Speaker 2: Milwaukee, the dude with the Doubel bag. It relates to that,
Speaker 2: the dude that's trying to sell us a pencil.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just like, come on, man, you want that
Speaker 1: regular like squared, same old, same old person hosting your ship.
Speaker 3: Get you somebody who takes who on a j train.
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, Like, live a little, live
Speaker 3: a little.
Speaker 2: That's my plan for for the New Year's to live
Speaker 2: a little bit, to live a lot of bit.
Speaker 1: Like I want to travel.
Speaker 3: I want to like win, like I want to see,
Speaker 3: like I want to see the I don't know the
Speaker 3: Northern Lights or whatever in I don't know where they are.
Speaker 3: I was gonna say Ireland. I don't think that's where
Speaker 3: they are.
Speaker 2: I wanna, you know, I wanna go to different countr
Speaker 2: I need to renew my passport. I want for sure
Speaker 2: people to send me three things because I feel like
Speaker 2: I deserve it. Let's go ahead and just say our
Speaker 2: sizes for the listeners. I wear small everything and seven
Speaker 2: and a half shoe very small.
Speaker 3: I'm like so tiny, but my butt is so big.
Speaker 3: So like the littlest waist in the widest hips. That's
Speaker 3: not that's not me. But no I wear us I
Speaker 3: saw eight. Depending on the shoe, you know, if it's European,
Speaker 3: probably a ten. You know my bus size is thirty two,
Speaker 3: so you figure it out what thirty two in a
Speaker 3: Daisy Fonto ha is bra I'm.
Speaker 1: A C, but taty in Cole's bra. I'm a C,
Speaker 1: but I have Victoria's secret. I'm a D. So you
Speaker 1: know if hair I like a one or one B? Right?
Speaker 2: You know what's what type of you like a Brazilian?
Speaker 2: You like a curly, You like a straight, You like
Speaker 2: a kinky straight?
Speaker 1: I like I like a long hand hand thick red mo.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know whatever Lil Wayne wants to give me
Speaker 3: that How many inches of hairsis in an ideal world?
Speaker 1: Twenty two? Twenty two if you're trying to if you're
Speaker 1: on a budget, you know.
Speaker 2: I'll take tay, I'll take an eighteen. Are you looking
Speaker 2: for a closure?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 3: Come on, like, let's talk about the hair. If you
Speaker 3: want to come to my house and do my hair.
Speaker 3: I'm down with that too.
Speaker 2: No, I see sich. You're gonna get Selena to next year.
Speaker 2: Just inviting strangers into your home. My hair will be laid,
Speaker 2: will it. I got two motherfucking cats, so try me
Speaker 2: Jelly and Jam they are ready to go.
Speaker 1: Only one of those cats is ever out. One of
Speaker 1: them is literally a scary cat, and then the one
Speaker 1: that's out, it's just friendly. Jam got the razor come through,
Speaker 1: pull up this. He's like, I know Jim. He's like, oh,
Speaker 1: a new friend. Will you feed me?
Speaker 2: He's like, I think that's why he likes me, because
Speaker 2: he were like the same persons, like, oh, somebody knew
Speaker 2: that might spend money on food for me?
Speaker 1: No, yeah, like rub on your and like, Hi, I'm
Speaker 1: like a stupid cat. He's like, so I'm Jam.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you heard about me because she
Speaker 3: doesn't really talk about me, but I'm here. So what
Speaker 3: are you gonna do when you go away for your
Speaker 3: birthday with these cats?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 3: Well, I have an automatic feeder, so it feeds them
Speaker 3: four times a day.
Speaker 1: So no one's gonna stay at the house. You just
Speaker 1: gon Er.
Speaker 3: You wanna Dura sell it? Dor Sell is watching the cats.
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna get a little you know, nanny
Speaker 1: cam checking them cats. But other than that, they good.
Speaker 3: I've been watching this thing and I'm like, yo, they
Speaker 3: literally don't even need us. And now like the cats
Speaker 3: don't even fuck with me, like they're like bitch ever
Speaker 3: since we got this automatic feeder, Sydney's so explain how
Speaker 3: this automatic feeder works for the people who don't have cats.
Speaker 3: It's just like a little machine that you put the
Speaker 3: cat food in and then you put a timer on
Speaker 3: it and it sets it and it feeds it in
Speaker 3: the morning. They get them two little snacks during the day,
Speaker 3: and then they feed them again at night.
Speaker 2: But I feel like one of the cats could potentially
Speaker 2: beaten both of the cat's food.
Speaker 3: No, it's two different feeders, and it's Jim know what
Speaker 3: to do.
Speaker 1: He he a good boy. I love.
Speaker 3: Isn't Jam The fat one that eats all the food
Speaker 3: is Fat's and he's black. And I was like, oh
Speaker 3: my god, that's how I'm gonna be in five years.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be able to fat cat. Do you think
Speaker 3: that you'll ever get fat? I don't even know if
Speaker 3: your body can be fat.
Speaker 2: I mean, when you're an a list celeb and you're
Speaker 2: eating file at every other day.
Speaker 1: Listen, I'm gonna be seamless. Webon ever tag.
Speaker 2: Can I know you're gonna be a You're gonna be
Speaker 2: like all the paparazzi restaurants where they like, you're gonna
Speaker 2: be at.
Speaker 1: Nobu and Mama Fuku and blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: Another thing and to the nineteen. Invite us to some
Speaker 1: restaurants for free? Can we get some stuff? Can we? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I'm putting that on the Unofficial Expert Vision Board.
Speaker 4: Can do?
Speaker 1: Thanks? You know, we got a palate.
Speaker 2: We're gonna be at the Gallows and the Golden Globe
Speaker 2: after parties.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Invite us to events that obviously it's gonna be well,
Speaker 3: you know, organized that have food and a gift bag.
Speaker 1: Can I get a mother fucking gift bag? Yeah? We
Speaker 1: went to a gallop two weeks ago and it was
Speaker 1: sponsored by Automar, which is this, you know, the watches
Speaker 1: watch company that rappers say in their songs.
Speaker 2: And I was like, Oh, the gift bag is going
Speaker 2: to be real cute. And the event ended and I
Speaker 2: was like, where do I go for the gift bags?
Speaker 2: And they were like, no give back. They were like
Speaker 2: do it and I was like the bags of gifts.
Speaker 2: There was a folder, a folder with some coupon. I said,
Speaker 2: what the fuck is what am I to do with
Speaker 2: this paper?
Speaker 1: Oh? You give you give five hundred dollars off your
Speaker 1: ten thousand dollars purchase? Are you what this four?
Speaker 3: They didn't even give me a folder, like, they were like,
Speaker 3: she not, she don't have money. Hey, if you open
Speaker 3: an account with us, we're just like, all you got
Speaker 3: to do is put in thirty grand what like this?
Speaker 1: What am I doing with this folder? You can go down.
Speaker 1: I didn't give you a folder.
Speaker 3: I don't want this shit. I'm getting in an overpool.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna do with this folder. Listen, dress us for
Speaker 3: these events.
Speaker 2: I mean I wore a sequined robe dress that I
Speaker 2: immediately returned so some of the sequence was falling off.
Speaker 2: To threw them in the bag, I was like, it arrived,
Speaker 2: the item arrived, damaged.
Speaker 1: Send us things like.
Speaker 3: Them, you know, and I'll put them on my Instagram
Speaker 3: and I won't I'll roast them.
Speaker 1: Lightly hashtag ad mm hmm.
Speaker 2: You know, I read this article the other day that
Speaker 2: said that people are pretending they're posting fake sponsored posts.
Speaker 1: Have you seen this that's beautiful?
Speaker 3: They're like, they'll they'll go to like resorts, or they'll
Speaker 3: go to restaurants and be like thanks for the hospitality,
Speaker 3: uh Wendy's, and they'll they'll take a picture and make
Speaker 3: it seem like they were it was sponsored, but it
Speaker 3: won't be. Or they'll go to a resort and just
Speaker 3: like post things and use ads speak and so that
Speaker 3: their followers think that they're making but on top of
Speaker 3: the on top of the photo or video it says
Speaker 3: sponsored by somebody, So in order for it to be
Speaker 3: truly sponsored.
Speaker 1: No, not all of.
Speaker 3: The sponsored posts say sponsored up top. Some of them
Speaker 3: it just says hashtag ad at the bottom. Like some
Speaker 3: of the bigger ones like American Express will be like
Speaker 3: sponsored by MX. But come on, say, I'm gonna post
Speaker 3: this picture of this fruit by the foot and be like,
Speaker 3: thank you so much for uh for the tree foot
Speaker 3: by the foot the foot. We want things that we
Speaker 3: can actually freaking use, Like y'all got furniture. I really
Speaker 3: would love a new couch. You want to say, I
Speaker 3: want to I want to velvet couch. I want Can
Speaker 3: you just send some rugs or something.
Speaker 1: Just like, thanks so much, rugs rugs dot com.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I see, y'all send a ship to people that
Speaker 3: I'm like that person not even interesting, so like we're
Speaker 3: interesting and funny.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I want some linens. I want some free brook
Speaker 2: linen or some I don't know, parachute sheets.
Speaker 1: Listen, if you send me a chair, I will post
Speaker 1: a picture of.
Speaker 3: Me butt naked on that chair eating ice cream and
Speaker 3: be like a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, just.
Speaker 1: Like a little bit of it dripping. Yeah, oh what
Speaker 1: Friday night?
Speaker 3: Look at that sponsored Come on, guys, if you send
Speaker 3: me a chair, I'll sit on it backwards like a
Speaker 3: little ass creg but naked, just like just like, oh.
Speaker 1: My god, I wonder how did I get this way?
Speaker 1: Oh my god?
Speaker 3: Send me, send me something what post naked? But like
Speaker 3: I'm tastefully Like I told you, I'm ready to thought
Speaker 3: it out in twenty nineteen, I'm gonna use my body
Speaker 3: to get what I want. I'm not afraid I got
Speaker 3: fake ditties. What do I do with them?
Speaker 1: Nothing?
Speaker 3: Literally, I send us a grand piano and Sydney will
Speaker 3: be but naked on them. It is ridiculous that I
Speaker 3: have I bought boobs not knowing my future? You know,
Speaker 3: I bought my boobs like because I was waitressing and
Speaker 3: it was like, I'm gonna be with like one of
Speaker 3: these bottle waitresses, and now what am I doing running
Speaker 3: from spot to spot? Twenty dollars here? Two dollars there?
Speaker 3: I listen. I invested in myself and now I'm in
Speaker 3: the hole. So if you guys want to send.
Speaker 1: Me stuff that will validate these breasts, do that so
Speaker 1: a lot of low cut things, then yeah, low cut?
Speaker 1: Are we doing?
Speaker 3: Side boob in twenty nineteen?
Speaker 1: I don't know, SIMI bras under boob, under boob, iss
Speaker 1: sexy boob. Send me lingerie. I'll take that.
Speaker 3: So some savage twenty ooh, I actually can come on,
Speaker 3: let's talk about it. No frontis for the service you
Speaker 3: spent little charmal nuts. So I was like, who is
Speaker 3: this lingerie for? For the laid off mother?
Speaker 2: I don't know what it looks like, what's the what's
Speaker 2: the maiden form?
Speaker 3: It's just I've seen that stuff. It's Central twenty one.
Speaker 3: Can you reread if you want to send some fenty though?
Speaker 3: I got the cheekbones.
Speaker 2: No, I mean certain, only certain fenty things because the
Speaker 2: foundation oxidizes and you look like a dead body because
Speaker 2: when what that means is the color that it is
Speaker 2: when you put it on, it gets darker overtime.
Speaker 1: This is a real review.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a real review from like professional makeup artists.
Speaker 2: That's what they've been telling me. Her makeup oxidizes.
Speaker 1: It's no bueno. So listen.
Speaker 3: If you want us to uplift you and drag you
Speaker 3: at the same time, please send us your things. Yeah, well,
Speaker 3: I we'll review, we'll rate review. I truly but truly
Speaker 3: believe that, like we are the best.
Speaker 1: Listen, and you know me.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna give a real review. Remember when that hair
Speaker 2: company sent me.
Speaker 1: Down, Oh my god, that was and I was est thing.
Speaker 1: I was like this Sweeve is like Pubes.
Speaker 3: I was like, oh you pulled when you pulled the
Speaker 3: wig off and you were like this is how I
Speaker 3: actually look.
Speaker 1: I had it tied under my chin. It's so funny.
Speaker 1: Hair was so bad and they sent you then they
Speaker 1: email you a couple of sounds like take this down.
Speaker 3: They were like, we are, We're going to speak to
Speaker 3: our attorneys and take you to courts.
Speaker 1: Send them. Okay. Meanwhile, it wasn't it from like a
Speaker 1: Chinese country, or like, yeah, yeah, it was from a
Speaker 1: Chinese country.
Speaker 3: Friend, Sorry, their hair was one hundred percent from a
Speaker 3: Chinese country. Which Chinese country? Listen, don't you give me
Speaker 3: this War War two hair? How dare are you? I
Speaker 3: was like this this hair? Like they sent me here
Speaker 3: a Sheiba clipping.
Speaker 1: Oh? No, I know you should be sending quality things.
Speaker 1: Send me some beats by Dre headphones, send me some sneakers.
Speaker 2: Send me like Lulu Lemon workout gear send me. Don't
Speaker 2: be sending me like packets of green. No, I don't
Speaker 2: want stuff to eat. I don't need no flat Tommy
Speaker 2: t bitch. I'm good, my ship flat flat, it's good.
Speaker 1: Don't send me Waiste trainers don't need it.
Speaker 3: All I would use a Waiste trainer for is to
Speaker 3: put my snacks in so when I go into movie theaters,
Speaker 3: I'm packed. Yeah, you're just like shit, that's it, brilliant.
Speaker 3: That's the only thing I would do for a Waiste trainer. Okay,
Speaker 3: to smuggle Thanks, I'm smuggling things.
Speaker 1: I'm smuggling things.
Speaker 3: Okay, So a year from now, where we're gonna be
Speaker 3: what's what's in an ideal world.
Speaker 1: What is it gonna look like?
Speaker 2: First of all, the podcast is gonna be We're gonna
Speaker 2: be ten million listeners.
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm trying to be a day. I'm trying to
Speaker 3: Can we do a show in London? Like I'm trying
Speaker 3: to be outside of the country. I'm trying to have
Speaker 3: unofficial expert in Australia. Okay, I'm trying to be Sydney
Speaker 3: and Sydney bitch like.
Speaker 1: Make it happens. I believe in y'all. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean. All you gotta do is literally repost, tell
Speaker 1: other people to listen, give us mad reviews on iTunes. Listen,
Speaker 1: It'd be happening to other people. I'm like, okay, so
Speaker 1: you owe them. I like them?
Speaker 3: Yah oh cock, so you would love us? Okay, if
Speaker 3: you like them, there you go and love us. Tell
Speaker 3: your mother to listen to us, Tell your dad, people
Speaker 3: who are in cars all the time.
Speaker 1: I mean, how could you not?
Speaker 2: Honestly, all the people who send us messages saying that
Speaker 2: our podcast made you know their year or help them
Speaker 2: get through a tough time, we appreciate those messages, but
Speaker 2: also send them to your friends. Yes, send those exact
Speaker 2: same messages. To the people that are closest to you.
Speaker 2: It's all about that.
Speaker 1: It's all up to y'all.
Speaker 3: You know, it's really in your See, our careers.
Speaker 1: Are fully in your hands. Yes.
Speaker 2: So if you you listener, you right now, you in
Speaker 2: your car, on the train, in your cubicle.
Speaker 1: You and you know how much it costs to do
Speaker 1: that free ninety ninety free. It's literally the goodness of
Speaker 1: your heart.
Speaker 3: Just well, I feel like I'm one of those evangelists
Speaker 3: preachers that are like trying to sell their church to people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're Joel Olstein. Yeah. Did you see the video
Speaker 1: of the guy the preacher that was uh that was
Speaker 1: in like a harness and floating over the church. Did
Speaker 1: you see that? No?
Speaker 3: He was like, oh, y'all ready for Jesus to return?
Speaker 3: And he was flying over the congregation. No, and then
Speaker 3: he landed at the pulpit and he was like, I said,
Speaker 3: are you ready for Jesus? And then they had to
Speaker 3: like unhook him. You didn't see the video, it's on Instagram.
Speaker 3: He did Spider Man on ice.
Speaker 1: What's going on?
Speaker 2: Since he was doing the pink like VMA performance. Oh,
Speaker 2: he was doing shirk the solet for Jesus.
Speaker 1: Well, if y'all need us to do that for unofficial Expert,
Speaker 1: I'm in for it. Put me in a heard you
Speaker 1: flip in a wigsis, oh honey, for the unofficial I
Speaker 1: got y'all, I'm not flipping. Make sure the wig is secured, and.
Speaker 3: Well, you know what, I'll walk out. You know, we'll
Speaker 3: have tireate techniques. I'll be sitting there and then the
Speaker 3: lights will go down and you'll hear ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 4: Let's get ready to run up. And then it'll be
Speaker 4: like and then Sydney all the way from moll And
Speaker 4: raising up.
Speaker 2: And then it's just gonna be Sydney in a side
Speaker 2: high boot and like a good wig, a good good wig,
Speaker 2: but like a backup wik because you gonna pull the
Speaker 2: wig off.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be a middle of the way. It's gonna
Speaker 1: be a wig reveal. Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then I'm gonna have all the products that people
Speaker 3: send for send to me for free. We're just gonna beet.
Speaker 3: This is gonna be raining confetti.
Speaker 1: Look this listen Expert live in Sydney, Australia at the Opera,
Speaker 1: and I'll just be on stage waiting for your friend
Speaker 1: in a full split though, yeah, because everybody's like, well,
Speaker 1: where's Sydney?
Speaker 3: And then I come right and I'm gonna come out
Speaker 3: and be like, guys, I got bad news. Sydney couldn't
Speaker 3: come out with me tonight, and people are gonna be like, oh,
Speaker 3: she's the nice one.
Speaker 1: Can we make this happen, y'all?
Speaker 2: Okay, that's seen exactly a year sixty five days from now.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, we're gonna be in We're gonna be
Speaker 2: in Japan. No, we're gonna be in Tokyo, South Africa.
Speaker 3: We're gonna be in Uh, what's the place.
Speaker 1: We're gonna be in? Milan? Oh, I would love some Milan.
Speaker 1: Do you think it would translate over there? Who cares?
Speaker 1: They'd be like Naomi Campbell, Oh to Naomi Camble.
Speaker 2: No, it's gonna be They gonna say now Campbell and
Speaker 2: they're gonna make and carry watching. No, Serena Williams, it's
Speaker 2: not a compliment, not a comment, venus, venus also not
Speaker 2: a commiment.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, ciarra, Okay, you know you just stop stop
Speaker 3: saying black girls that are doing things.
Speaker 1: If somebody says you look like Serena Williams, are not
Speaker 1: a compliment.
Speaker 2: If someone calls you the Serena Williams of something, then
Speaker 2: that's a compliment.
Speaker 1: So she's about doing, not about looking. I mean she'd
Speaker 1: be having her her looks off the court.
Speaker 3: I don't know if Serena listens to this podcast, but
Speaker 3: your Eyebrows book, can we just e's up the sometimes
Speaker 3: to make up the glam squad?
Speaker 1: Honestly, I'm a fan. I love everything about you.
Speaker 3: And if you actually want to send me a tennis
Speaker 3: ball with an autograph, I'll take that for what.
Speaker 1: You're gonna put the tennis ball in your laundry to
Speaker 1: like dry your sheets. When we're in Australia at the
Speaker 1: Opera House, I'm gonna come down and then throw it
Speaker 1: to one of the To the audience members, we're gonna
Speaker 1: be like, oh cool a green ball.
Speaker 3: No, yeah, yeah, I'm excited about this show that we're doing.
Speaker 3: We're gonna have gift bags for y'all, for all sixty
Speaker 3: thousand of you guys.
Speaker 1: Truly, I want us to go on tour. Can that happen?
Speaker 1: How many seats in the Australian Opera House? Somebody google it?
Speaker 1: How many?
Speaker 3: How many seats? How many seats in.
Speaker 1: The Yeah, we just want to know, you know, we're
Speaker 1: gonna be doing We.
Speaker 3: Got the producers in the studio Australia nine thousand five.
Speaker 1: Yeah, do that. We'll have five thousand spell out in
Speaker 1: one hour. Yea yo, I want us to go on tour.
Speaker 1: Can that happen? Okay? What are we hitting? We're hitting?
Speaker 3: Should have already set this tour up already. But I
Speaker 3: feel like later on in the year we still have
Speaker 3: time or the summer. I definitely want to go to Atlanta.
Speaker 3: I feel like Atlanta would be cool.
Speaker 1: You went from Australia to Atlanta.
Speaker 2: I mean, we gotta start local with the tour. Okay, well,
Speaker 2: let's go through the alphabet. Atlanta is an a where
Speaker 2: you want to go to Baltimore after?
Speaker 3: We could go to Boston because it's not that far
Speaker 3: from here. I don't know if our demo is in Boston.
Speaker 2: It's a lot of like ya use guys. Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: a lot of you know, uh, the padded dudes up there.
Speaker 2: I don't know if they listen into the unofficials.
Speaker 3: Yeah, a lot of Matt Damon's and what a lot
Speaker 3: of Mark Qualugs, a lot of market marks. Yeah, they
Speaker 3: might have people waiting after the show to fuck us
Speaker 3: up so or or.
Speaker 2: Just bang us. Hey, what's something, Marie? I heard you
Speaker 2: like white guys sometime. I'm not doing no white dudes
Speaker 2: in twenty nineteen. Oh Man's Yeah, I'm gonna still date them,
Speaker 2: like they can take me out, but I'm not banging
Speaker 2: no white dudes in twenty nineteen.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, I support you. I guess I support
Speaker 1: you in your journey, your Pean journey, my Peen journey.
Speaker 2: It's gonna be so, you know, we got this show
Speaker 2: and this guy's messaged me on Twitter and was he
Speaker 2: didn't even send him. He sent me a tweet and
Speaker 2: was like, hey, do you want to grab a drink
Speaker 2: and make fun of people for Santa con like, because
Speaker 2: that was like a couple of weeks ago, where like
Speaker 2: people get drunk and where Santa costumes and go all
Speaker 2: over the city.
Speaker 1: And this guy was like, do you want to get
Speaker 1: a drink?
Speaker 3: And Mike and I was, you know, I look at
Speaker 3: his profile and I was like, now, no doubt, why
Speaker 3: would you do Why.
Speaker 1: Would I do that with you? Come on, Chad, You're
Speaker 1: not even my type. Yeah, you look short and chubby, but.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna have that energy into it. In twenty nineteen,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna have that dude's day. I'm gonna just be tweeting, Hey, hey,
Speaker 3: Jeff Blue, can you send me some tickets or not.
Speaker 3: I'm just trying to go to Australia because me and
Speaker 3: Marie got a tour.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, You're about to sell out
Speaker 1: the opera house.
Speaker 3: But I can't do that unless I have free ticket. Okay,
Speaker 3: so B and then C We're gonna go to Canada, Canada.
Speaker 3: We're gonna do shows in what's another place of it's
Speaker 3: with a sea friend. We know nothing cue, but we're
Speaker 3: gonna show d We're gonna be in.
Speaker 1: Denver, Mark, Denmark. I thought we were doing local. We're
Speaker 1: thinking we're dreaming big.
Speaker 2: Okay, We're gonna be in Denmark, Denmark, and then Dublin
Speaker 2: and then Land and then e e e.
Speaker 3: Uh came somebody us. I was gonna say Everland, but
Speaker 3: that's not a place.
Speaker 1: Shout out to Everland again for sending them places.
Speaker 3: Edinburgh, Edinburgh, Oh yeah, that's cute.
Speaker 1: That's they got a festival there, Okay.
Speaker 3: And then France, France, that would be beautiful Yeah, Finland,
Speaker 3: I feel like I got a perfect little blazer for
Speaker 3: you got a French blazer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got a French blazer from French connection.
Speaker 3: And do French brains, French twist, going into French breaks
Speaker 3: and then have French five then made French. I'm gonna
Speaker 3: have French fries while I'm French kissing your ass not
Speaker 3: you whose ass?
Speaker 1: Not you?
Speaker 3: Not?
Speaker 1: I mean not.
Speaker 3: I knew it wasn't gonna be made. But you're French
Speaker 3: kissing everybody in the sold out crowd.
Speaker 2: Wow, We're to French fries with French tookstore way to
Speaker 2: bring the mood down. Said, and then I don't know
Speaker 2: what g let's close out in Georgia.
Speaker 1: That's Atlanta.
Speaker 3: This is wow already. So you're just gonna go back
Speaker 3: full circle. You're just gonna go said, gee, guys, look,
Speaker 3: it's twenty six letters. We'll do twenty six different places.
Speaker 1: Yeah, come on, guys, we gotta make it happen.
Speaker 3: We need to be we.
Speaker 1: Need to be on all the lists. I mean, we
Speaker 1: already have a U right Union Hall.
Speaker 2: We're gonna get Union Hall on Friday, January eleventh. It's
Speaker 2: a The doors are at nine thirty tickets are online
Speaker 2: right now, you should.
Speaker 3: Get them, Like, what are you doing this? Literally, we
Speaker 3: haven't even checked if people were buying tickets.
Speaker 1: But are we have? Every time we've ever done to
Speaker 1: show that it's been sold.
Speaker 2: Out, sold out here, tell me to do dm in
Speaker 2: me like, hey, they're saying that there's no more room.
Speaker 1: Hello, hello, sold out.
Speaker 3: So honestly, if you don't get them now, I can't
Speaker 3: help you when it's time.
Speaker 2: Because people will message us, and it'll be friends, people
Speaker 2: that we know, or people who message us from you know,
Speaker 2: regularly for the podcast that are.
Speaker 3: Like, hey, they're saying that there's you know, there's no room.
Speaker 3: Is there anything you could know? There's nothing I can do? Okay,
Speaker 3: So we're going from Union Hall, so listen, it's up
Speaker 3: to you. We could be in Madison Square Garden.
Speaker 1: In the year, y'all. You hear me. Okay, you hear me.
Speaker 1: Come on, it's really tell them, let them know. Tell
Speaker 1: your cousin's cousin's cousin. We will come.
Speaker 2: We'll come to Seattle, We'll come to what's a v place, Vienna.
Speaker 2: We listen everywhere, we'll eat some sausages. We're ready, Vancouver.
Speaker 2: I'll come to Wichita. I don't know that's Kansas City.
Speaker 1: Pull up, Wichita.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure. Oklahoma. We might we might pass right
Speaker 2: through there were not we might not stay.
Speaker 1: Look how beautiful we are.
Speaker 3: We I mean we legit promoted y'all to us for
Speaker 3: about fifteen twenty minutes.
Speaker 1: That is genius. Honestly, who needs to add I think
Speaker 1: I deserve a roll up? You do?
Speaker 3: By the but sis I had somebody left it here
Speaker 3: in the students, so I'm gonna eat it.
Speaker 1: So we we we had a we had a wonderful year.
Speaker 1: We moved networks right we We had all the guests.
Speaker 3: Shout out to Forever Dog. We had all the guests.
Speaker 3: You know, it's we're just gonna have more guests next
Speaker 3: year's talk about who we don't have one. Serena Williams
Speaker 3: is our first guest for the new year.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3: And everybody's doing Michelle Obama, So like we're gonna do
Speaker 3: something more, you know, something manner.
Speaker 1: Michelle Obamas is Oprah.
Speaker 3: Oprah's gonna be on Forever Dog. Let's go through. Let's
Speaker 3: go through the letters of the alphabet. Hey, Ariana Grande,
Speaker 3: gonna do it be Beyonce for sure.
Speaker 2: She's not booked next year. We've already recorded the Beyonce episode. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so you guys got to listen and like tell all
Speaker 2: your friends. Yeah see, put it on the the high sorry,
Speaker 2: see for Siara, for Cardi bab oh.
Speaker 3: If Carti was to be on this podcast, I don't
Speaker 3: want nobody trying to act like they know me.
Speaker 1: Now, okay, like.
Speaker 3: That, don't text me. I don't want no d MS.
Speaker 3: No bitch, you should have had me when we have
Speaker 3: Molly Austin. Okay, Okay, we got who's gonna be at Union.
Speaker 1: Hall on yo.
Speaker 3: If you can't feel the chemistry that's in the studio
Speaker 3: right now, we're on fucking FUEG.
Speaker 1: This is gonna happen in Australia, Okay.
Speaker 2: And d We're gonna have Doug. Doug Funny, the cartoon
Speaker 2: is our guest, and he's on the calendar.
Speaker 1: Is he still alive?
Speaker 3: Doug Funny? The cartoons don't dices, so it's just gonna
Speaker 3: be me coming in and Doug face. No, oh my god, No, Cidney,
Speaker 3: that's Roger Klatt Mer City's Halloween costume. Never forget, oh
Speaker 3: my god.
Speaker 2: And then mm, who else is doing. We got Sarah
Speaker 2: Palin coming in.
Speaker 1: Wow, that's gonna be a dry episode. Oh yeah, it's
Speaker 1: sorry dry. Yeah, I'm gonna drink five bottles of water
Speaker 1: during that time.
Speaker 2: And then uh, we have Donald Trump coming in right
Speaker 2: straight from prison after the Donald tru in the podcast.
Speaker 1: Why would we do dumb Expert? Yeah, definitely need a
Speaker 1: dumb X ready, he's the only one.
Speaker 2: Nobody else could top him our orange expert. Okay, look
Speaker 2: you see this. We're giving you guys all of this
Speaker 2: for how much free?
Speaker 1: Ninety nine?
Speaker 3: If if wait, if wait, now, you can get on
Speaker 3: the Patreon for five dollars. If you join now, for
Speaker 3: just five dollars, you two can listen to these messy
Speaker 3: ass bonus episodes.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we name names on the Patriots. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: Sidney tells even more for business. Oh my god.
Speaker 3: You would think you would wait, there's more, you know,
Speaker 3: that's my life.
Speaker 1: But wait, there's more.
Speaker 3: Uh, and then anybody else is there? Did we want
Speaker 3: to mention any other guests.
Speaker 1: That we have already booked or recorded for them?
Speaker 3: We Hadma Sanders, we had done Perkin weed expert. Yeah,
Speaker 3: we had Dominica was our no Dick Expert she's getting
Speaker 3: dick naw tho, yeah, we got We had Larry Owens
Speaker 3: or code switching expert, we had Matt Rogers, born Yang
Speaker 3: Catherine Cohen. Like, listen, like the and what is.
Speaker 2: Your favorite or what are some of your top episodes
Speaker 2: for the year that just passed.
Speaker 3: My favorite one has got to be April Crunchy mess Storm. Listen,
Speaker 3: Runaway Bride, run Away Bride. But she's still delusional.
Speaker 1: She's dumb. No, she's not dumb. I guess are never dumb.
Speaker 3: She was the dumbest person we've ever had, Oh my god,
Speaker 3: because she was delusional, right, she was supposed to marry
Speaker 3: this man.
Speaker 1: She married this man.
Speaker 2: She was in love with her friend, this woman, and
Speaker 2: they had an affair at the wedding dress fitting, and
Speaker 2: she got married and.
Speaker 1: Her friend was married to a man and had a child.
Speaker 1: So then somebody tried to come in our DMS and
Speaker 1: said they were gonna sue us. What we had the money?
Speaker 1: Who you sue it? No?
Speaker 3: No, no, no no.
Speaker 2: Their initial email that we got was I know the
Speaker 2: real story behind this and I would love to be
Speaker 2: on the body you will follow up episode, And we
Speaker 2: were like, well, we're not flowing you up.
Speaker 1: But you can conference. We get skype, you bitch. We
Speaker 1: should follow up on that.
Speaker 2: We should for the New Year, because the girl was like, oh,
Speaker 2: they pretended to be best friends and she came to
Speaker 2: her this her her lover's child's birthday party and they
Speaker 2: were making out over the cake.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, this is just flaunting their scandalous love.
Speaker 1: This is like some more shit, y'all. Only on that.
Speaker 3: You can only catch this on the unofficial expert at
Speaker 3: Forever Dog.
Speaker 1: At Forever Dog and again.
Speaker 3: Just for five dollars, we'll throw in some bonus episodes.
Speaker 1: We're five extra that we'll throw in a sham wow.
Speaker 1: But wait, there's more. If you call right now, we'll
Speaker 1: double the Patreon and you'll get Instead of one a week,
Speaker 1: you'll get one a week. Wait there's more.
Speaker 3: Wait, if you get on the Patreon right now, you
Speaker 3: are new episodes for the month or marbe or we'll
Speaker 3: swipe you through swipe through the train.
Speaker 1: We got that.
Speaker 3: We're giving out swipes for anybody who I'm twenty dollars
Speaker 3: or more. I'm not taking the train in twenty nineteen.
Speaker 3: That's my resolution. I'm not taking the train no more. Really,
Speaker 3: I mean I'm not gonna take it regularly. I'm gonna
Speaker 3: take the train like once a week, just so I
Speaker 3: can see how poor people is living.
Speaker 2: It's in the contracts, it's no. I was like, I
Speaker 2: haven't seen the contract friend.
Speaker 3: But this has been a wonderful year, so many changes,
Speaker 3: so many new people, and then o people leaving.
Speaker 1: We just we're just so happy to be in a studio.
Speaker 1: We're so happy to have new listeners. Yes, we're so
Speaker 1: happy to know that there's gonna be more. We're gonna
Speaker 1: go on tour.
Speaker 3: I just feel like the energy is high, and we're
Speaker 3: leaving on the highest note. Yes, the highest note, because
Speaker 3: I smoked weed this morning, the highest.
Speaker 1: Of the highest note. I do.
Speaker 2: I feel good about it. I feel like personally and
Speaker 2: professionally we're gonna we're gonna thrive.
Speaker 1: We're gonna thrive.
Speaker 2: If you're a listener and yep, your dad works, I
Speaker 2: don't know a Forbes and he got money or something,
Speaker 2: go ahead and send him my information. Yes, I'm only
Speaker 2: hanging out with people who are moving forward and have
Speaker 2: money next year, same h.
Speaker 1: So, Sydney, this is the last episode we'll ever do. This,
Speaker 1: is it? Fremory? I thought we were gonna leave on
Speaker 1: a high. Make your hand on the middle of the table.
Speaker 3: I want to hold it.
Speaker 1: No, bitch, no, take it back. Sydney.
Speaker 3: You are gonna thrive next year, like you're gonna find
Speaker 3: your your true calling as whatever you're doing after comedy.
Speaker 3: I feel like you're gonna thrive. I really truly believe that.
Speaker 3: Like no one works harder as a stand up than
Speaker 3: you do.
Speaker 1: Marie has both her eyes open, like says, I'm being honest.
Speaker 3: I'm looking right at your eyes. I'm giving you direct
Speaker 3: icons of your pupils.
Speaker 1: Is do you see them?
Speaker 3: You see I'm pulling them down a little bit underneath
Speaker 3: a brown Sydney.
Speaker 1: Yes, they've always been brown. Oh my god, you know what.
Speaker 2: She don't even know what color my eyes are. That's
Speaker 2: how oh my god, that's how busy we are. Yeah, anyway,
Speaker 2: hope you knew your friend. Happy New Year to everybody
Speaker 2: that's listening. Go out there, and uh, if you got
Speaker 2: if y'all got vision boards and you guys got goals,
Speaker 2: go ahead and tell us what they are on the
Speaker 2: on the page.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and real resolutions only only put stuff that you
Speaker 3: can really get and do, Like, don't just don't go
Speaker 3: over because you're like, oh, you know, I gotta just
Speaker 3: go above and me on.
Speaker 1: Do stuff that's reasonable.
Speaker 3: Do stuff that like works like I don't know, I
Speaker 3: don't know. Maybe have like a goal, like a reach
Speaker 3: a reach goal, okay, something something to reach for.
Speaker 2: Shout out to everybody who's listened to us and has
Speaker 2: been for like all of these past years. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: talking about Star, I'm talking about Jojo, I'm talking about Sydney.
Speaker 1: Who else?
Speaker 3: Who else do we have that's listening to the call?
Speaker 3: I don't even I don't you know, Sis, you know
Speaker 3: that's what your name is on the graund Everybody, everybody
Speaker 3: that listens, we love you like a friend. Like a friend.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm hugging you every day.
Speaker 2: I'm just giving y'all a cool high five. Yes, secret handshake. Okay,
Speaker 2: well I think that's it for me. Friend, if we
Speaker 2: didn't say your name because we only said four names,
Speaker 2: just to know that. I'm looking through my Instagram right
Speaker 2: now and I'm not seeing I'm seeing my own comments,
Speaker 2: but everybody who comments, we love y'all for doing that.
Speaker 1: Yes, we love you so much.
Speaker 2: It's like there's a gen that listens there's probably like
Speaker 2: a Bobby a Marriage everybody in Seattle, everybody in Texas.
Speaker 1: Or everybody you know.
Speaker 3: We love people in Australia that listen, all five thousand
Speaker 3: of y'all.
Speaker 1: There's like a Nina Simone that messages just you know, that's.
Speaker 2: Great somebody in Botswana or Bulgaria or something, and we
Speaker 2: were like, what country is that?
Speaker 1: Is that? New York Texas? Anyway? By friends comment subscribe
Speaker 1: to you on January eleventh. Forever This has been a
Speaker 1: Forever Dog production executive produced by Brent Bowham, Joe Silio,
Speaker 1: and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit Foreverdog
Speaker 1: Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep up with the
Speaker 1: latest Forever Dog news by following us on Twitter and
Speaker 1: Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and liking our page on
Speaker 1: Facebook