Speaker 1: We have to start the Steal Tour. We're very excited
Speaker 1: about it. I'm not about to bite my tongue. We
Speaker 1: want to sell it out and the dates are coming
Speaker 1: up fast, and so if you live in one of
Speaker 1: these areas, we want you to buy your tickets now.
Speaker 1: It's all available on our instagrams, on our websites, on
Speaker 1: our link tree. But you can see us in Washington,
Speaker 1: DC on October tenth, Detroit, Michigan on October twelfth, Chicago
Speaker 1: October thirteenth. October seventeenth, we're in La in Hollywood, We'll
Speaker 1: be in Atlanta on Halloween, October thirty.
Speaker 2: First.
Speaker 1: We want y'all to come out. We want y'all to
Speaker 1: kick it. We will be doing our coveted live show
Speaker 1: with special guests, with just me and David. Depending on
Speaker 1: the city, it'll be a great time. All that meet
Speaker 1: and greets. You've been Chris Brown as a good meet
Speaker 1: and greet.
Speaker 2: Bro.
Speaker 3: Let's be clear, I'll take a weird picture with you
Speaker 3: for free.
Speaker 2: Do you want to say with the pictures we said
Speaker 2: to sending pictures to yourself? Maybe don't, lady, you will
Speaker 2: find as hell that's not the issue. We're both in relationships.
Speaker 2: We can't be getting late night pictures of women. And
Speaker 2: that's all I'm going to say. You're stressing David out.
Speaker 2: Me myself. I can handle it.
Speaker 1: You do whatever you need to do, but you're stressing
Speaker 1: David out and maybe chill out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got the I got the email up on
Speaker 2: my phone. I'm checking it in bed. It complicates things.
Speaker 2: You did not show us what you were working with
Speaker 2: and said picture.
Speaker 1: That.
Speaker 2: Olivia says, I don't want to see it. Okay, Well
Speaker 2: I guess I'm out voted. Uh, and that's fine. I
Speaker 2: know what. If you want us to see them, send
Speaker 2: it to Langston personally. Why aren't you an addressing no
Speaker 2: email to Langston? And it says them and okay, and
Speaker 2: show them all of them.
Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, let's just pump the brakes. It's a lot
Speaker 1: easier to explain it when it's a group email and not.
Speaker 2: Not my personal collection. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Quality bears are racist?
Speaker 1: The money stuff.
Speaker 2: I can't tell me who wants to sex Matumbo? There
Speaker 2: it is, there, it is.
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome little mamas and gentiles alike to
Speaker 1: another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told me.
Speaker 2: The podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of
Speaker 2: black conspiracy theories and.
Speaker 1: We finally work to prove that Nell Carter died a
Speaker 1: generation too early to be celebrated for the badass big
Speaker 1: lady she truly was. That lady was fine. I think
Speaker 1: Nell Carter was a battie and they spent a lot
Speaker 1: of time calling her a big, old chubby ugo and
Speaker 1: and that was like, the whole bit was, who would
Speaker 1: want to have sex with Nel Carter? Guess what old
Speaker 1: Langston herman would have sex with Nell Carter today, tomorrow
Speaker 1: and forever.
Speaker 2: I want to first of all say a double r
Speaker 2: p uh Carter and mcgim gim would jump up and
Speaker 2: now I'm with you though that was bad she That
Speaker 2: was that little updude, a little shortcut. It was.
Speaker 1: It was of a it was of a time, I
Speaker 1: would say. And it's it's interesting because yeah, they talked
Speaker 1: all that ship. Ten years later, Monica came out with
Speaker 1: the same thing, and we loved.
Speaker 2: Her for it.
Speaker 1: We loved her because because she fit a certain profile.
Speaker 1: You know, she was a skinny battie. But but the
Speaker 1: big girl baddies got their wave and unfortunately now what's
Speaker 1: a little too early for it.
Speaker 2: Well, now we want you to know wherever you are,
Speaker 2: we will hit. We will hit if Yeah, I've been
Speaker 2: heaven listening. Willit wit? No? God, bless you, God, bless you,
Speaker 2: God bless haircut man? What what shot? Do we have
Speaker 2: a heaven at this point? You know, I think seventy thirty,
Speaker 2: I do some things in my personal life.
Speaker 1: Okay, you still think you have like a decent chance
Speaker 1: that at heaven. The way you responded to that makes
Speaker 1: me feel like you don't. I don't think you have
Speaker 1: a chance. Or I don't think I have a chance,
Speaker 1: but you don't think you have a chance. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't think I got a pretty I don't think I'm wow.
Speaker 1: I think at this point it's less a question of
Speaker 1: me going to heaven and where where do I go?
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean? Like I think I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't know that I'm a subscriber in in the
Speaker 1: idea of hell. I that to me feels sort of
Speaker 1: like a fictitious thing, but certain because you're Jewish, No,
Speaker 1: I I didn't grow up with any No, I didn't
Speaker 1: grow up with any like deep connections to the Jewish
Speaker 1: religion but I do connect with that part of the
Speaker 1: of the faith, if that makes sense that I just
Speaker 1: on a logical sense, it does feel false to me
Speaker 1: that there's just a place for an eternal damnation because
Speaker 1: I cussed and wasn't nice to my neighbor's wife or
Speaker 1: whatever it is.
Speaker 2: Here's my problem with there being no hell. Then I'm
Speaker 2: damn sure not going to heaven? Does Does that mean? Well,
Speaker 2: that's what I'm wrestling with. I know, so I I
Speaker 2: need there to be a hell so I can make
Speaker 2: it to heaven. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think like there might be a version of this
Speaker 1: where like you don't go to heaven, but you go
Speaker 1: to like you become like a spirit that just lives
Speaker 1: in line at Burger King, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Where it's just like that's the differinity for you.
Speaker 2: Because here's how I always viewed it before. The difference
Speaker 2: between heaven and Hell is like the difference between a
Speaker 2: D minus and a F.
Speaker 1: Oh, where hey, I got it sixty percent though you're
Speaker 1: trying to be one of them that's like right at
Speaker 1: the end and goes my bad guy and then he's like,
Speaker 1: come on.
Speaker 2: That's exactly it. Let me get that. I'm point nine away.
Speaker 2: But that's enough. That's enough. Yeah, but then if you
Speaker 2: put some other place in there, well, now I'm I'm
Speaker 2: rocking to C minus. I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 1: You did enough that the teacher goes, David, can you
Speaker 1: hang back for a second.
Speaker 2: Oh I remember that conversation. Now I'm gonna pass you,
Speaker 2: but I shouldn't. You.
Speaker 1: You're really pushing it, man, And and if you're gonna
Speaker 1: be something in your life, then you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: make some other choices. I will miss Carlisle. I promise
Speaker 1: I'm gonna work on it. Here's the talk I got.
Speaker 1: Your grades were fine during football season, then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, mid November rolls around and you're failing everything.
Speaker 1: Yeah it's true. I I myself maintained pretty solid grades
Speaker 1: the whole time, but but you did. But I respect
Speaker 1: that everybody had a different journey out there. And I
Speaker 1: just watch my teachers have that conversation with my friends, and.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's very funny.
Speaker 1: From afar, it's so funny to watch like this is
Speaker 1: this is not great, but like, do you remember just
Speaker 1: making fun of people for being stupid in school?
Speaker 2: Because my thing is I was bad at school. But
Speaker 2: I'm smart enough that I could like, you couldn't be like,
Speaker 2: this guy's a fucking idiot. But then they'd be like,
Speaker 2: but Jeff can't balance equation or whatever.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, dog we I would say
Speaker 1: some of my most joyous moments were making fun of
Speaker 1: the extensive failures of my peers, just being like, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, just especially when I was playing basketball,
Speaker 1: like dudes who couldn't play that week because like they
Speaker 1: didn't make grades or whatever the time we had.
Speaker 2: Bro That happened to me once too, and it was awful.
Speaker 2: It was my junior year, and I remember sophomore year.
Speaker 2: I remember you had to run all practice and then
Speaker 2: you had to run conditioning that week, like so you
Speaker 2: didn't get to practice at all. And then the coach
Speaker 2: would just make me run different directions, so he'd be like, Bory,
Speaker 2: b wait, maybe there's an a over there, but there's not.
Speaker 1: And frankly, you keeping me here running is not gonna
Speaker 1: help me improve my studies in any way, shape or form.
Speaker 2: I think if you were a good coach, you would
Speaker 2: understand that the F started at home. The f started
Speaker 2: at home.
Speaker 1: I needed more help than than you yelling, Uh you
Speaker 1: the health teacher yelling at me, can offer, bro He
Speaker 1: wasn't even a teacher. We brought a hitter in. He
Speaker 1: was a construction workers, he.
Speaker 2: Owned a concrete business. He was dirty. He drove his
Speaker 2: truck onto the field before practice. No, that's not right,
Speaker 2: you know, Come on, man.
Speaker 1: They have to have some tether to the to the
Speaker 1: educational system so that they know how to help liaison
Speaker 1: these relationships.
Speaker 2: Otherwise you're just a man.
Speaker 1: Yelling at me, a man yelling at me for frankly,
Speaker 1: tests that you can't even scale, you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 1: you don't even know how hard that test was. You're
Speaker 1: just being mean to me because you didn't didn't get
Speaker 1: good grades. The life of a student athlete, Man, it's tough.
Speaker 1: I I miss it every day.
Speaker 2: I never miss it. But it's because I wasn't good enough.
Speaker 2: I was like good enough to start, but I wasn't
Speaker 2: good enough to get any specialty treatment. It's just like, Okay,
Speaker 2: you're starting because you're the best defensive tackle we have here,
Speaker 2: but that's not a great pool. Go to Mexico, statenon Sharp,
Speaker 2: what up? What up there? Boy? You got a future?
Speaker 3: Ye?
Speaker 2: Man?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do miss I missed. I didn't play football,
Speaker 1: but I do miss basketball a lot. And and I
Speaker 1: miss Shannon Sharp. I missed the Shannon Sharp he was,
Speaker 1: and not the Shannon Sharp that that everybody has has
Speaker 1: found out he is exactly miss my house the good
Speaker 1: old days.
Speaker 2: Man, what a time when we have the defect to Baltimore.
Speaker 2: But now I want to hear you talk. No, it's tough.
Speaker 1: It's tough hearing that mushmouth man speak that said, we're
Speaker 1: not here to talk about Shannon Sharp or football or basketball. Frankly,
Speaker 1: we have an email. Uh it's a Langston David episode
Speaker 1: of David Langston episode. We we we're gonna talk some ship,
Speaker 1: we're gonna hang out, we're just gonna chill for a minute.
Speaker 1: But we got an email from a person that we're
Speaker 1: excited about. I think our ears perked up at the
Speaker 1: possibilities that that come from this salacious email.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 1: It's subject line reads, fuck is Fizer on.
Speaker 2: Which great, great great? I'm in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's a good way to start an email.
Speaker 1: I like that, and like put a picture in and
Speaker 1: I like when they start with fuck you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, or just a big old naughty word right
Speaker 1: at the beginning that makes me want to read it fast. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Dylan sent us a message. He said, greetings and salutations
Speaker 1: Linthson and David Epara, Olivia k Pedo, Pueto Paedo.
Speaker 2: I don't know. Uh, I'm not a Spanish speaker, Olivia.
Speaker 2: That was for you, anyway.
Speaker 1: Uh, it ain't got nothing to do with us. I
Speaker 1: saw this goofy fucking Ffiser commercial during the Niners game today,
Speaker 1: and I cannot think of a single reason why they
Speaker 1: needed John Legend drinking honey on a piano with fuck
Speaker 1: me eyes except for some good old fashioned white devil Shenanigans.
Speaker 1: That sounds right to me already. And I don't I
Speaker 1: don't even know what the commercial is. I haven't seen
Speaker 1: the commercial. Were you familiar with this commercial before?
Speaker 2: I'm not, But I'm on board with all right, some
Speaker 2: I and this is a conspiracy within a conspiracy, the
Speaker 2: conspiracy to make us think John Legend is the sexiest
Speaker 2: man in the world. You guys gotta relax, You gotta
Speaker 2: relax putting all this John Legend. He looks like a teacher.
Speaker 2: It's fine, Yeah, I look like a door guy. That's
Speaker 2: my lot in life. You don't feel like you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, Yeah, I feel it.
Speaker 1: I think there was this weird period where John Legend
Speaker 1: looked like what we think he should look like. He
Speaker 1: looked like a little mouseman in big thick sweaters, and
Speaker 1: we were like, that's John Legend. We agree on that
Speaker 1: he's not a sexy man, but he has sexy man
Speaker 1: voice and make sexy man music cool. And then John
Speaker 1: Legend did a fuck ton of push ups and got
Speaker 1: into pretty good shape for John Legend, and then suddenly
Speaker 1: we just accepted that John Legend was supposed to be
Speaker 1: a sex symbol when in fact, no, that's still a
Speaker 1: mouseman who did push ups.
Speaker 2: The song is called ordinary People. You regular, my nigga,
Speaker 2: You ain't. You ain't even supposed to be over here.
Speaker 2: And that's why I like you because I bought your CD,
Speaker 2: which was a Christmas present to my mom at Targan. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and that's cool.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, John Legend, and this isn't this We want
Speaker 1: to be clear, This isn't some negative attack on like
Speaker 1: John Legend. It's it's more just let's rescale the the
Speaker 1: attractiveness measurements, you know what I mean, Like, we gotta
Speaker 1: we gotta balance the the the scales. Again, I just
Speaker 1: feel like we need to let normal and ugly people
Speaker 1: do shit in entertainment.
Speaker 2: And again, yeah, you don't gotta be fine to sing,
Speaker 2: you don't, it's fine. I agree, you gotta be fine
Speaker 2: to play the drums.
Speaker 1: I agree, And and even I think about like Jonathan Majors,
Speaker 1: who who obviously went through his big transformation and then
Speaker 1: a more complicated one. But there was a period where
Speaker 1: like people were fully trying to convince us that that
Speaker 1: was a sec a fine man, that he was like handsome,
Speaker 1: And let's be clear, y'all, he's not.
Speaker 2: He's funny, he might be handsome. I actually have to
Speaker 2: differ with you on that. I think, what are we doing?
Speaker 2: What is this podcast? We can't agree on what Jonathan
Speaker 2: Majors looks like? You saw a rocky Yeah, he's big
Speaker 2: and buff and and he certainly plays the part. But no,
Speaker 2: that's not a handsome man. Does he have the face
Speaker 2: of your cousin who was good at football?
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, he's odd faced and he no, come on,
Speaker 1: and he dresses like he uh, he dresses like a slave,
Speaker 1: and he dresses like he keeps a bottle of cod
Speaker 1: liver oil in his pocket. You know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 1: he's a fucking that's not a handsome man. What are
Speaker 1: we talking about. Here's my question to you, because you
Speaker 1: flirt with the space of handsome man. If you got
Speaker 1: Jonathan Major's buff, did we ever see you again? Uh?
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I I think I've done everything
Speaker 1: in my power. I'll be honest with you. I've done
Speaker 1: everything in my power not to get buff, because I
Speaker 1: think that if I end up in that space, I
Speaker 1: can't keep doing comedy, certainly not at any version of
Speaker 1: a respectable level.
Speaker 2: And I will say, and we if new we talks
Speaker 2: to the social media team, blur this out. I was
Speaker 2: watching your new television show. Yeah, and I did take
Speaker 2: a screenshot that I was saving. I told my girl.
Speaker 4: I was like, it's like Christmas, it's gonna come. It's
Speaker 4: gonna I had to find it. Posit, I pose it.
Speaker 4: I can show you.
Speaker 1: I'm never gonna be more self conscious than than for
Speaker 1: the rest of always, I guess because I don't know
Speaker 1: what it is, but it it gives me nightmares. I
Speaker 1: haven't even sure. Yeah, it gives me nightmares. I fucking
Speaker 1: hate this.
Speaker 2: This is awful. What a terrible thing that's happening. I
Speaker 2: hate it. Guys with me. Yeah, it's just.
Speaker 1: If I know, if I funk around and get jacked,
Speaker 1: it's over. Man, I can't keep going.
Speaker 2: See I'm the opposite. If I got jacked, I would
Speaker 2: do a shock level number of endorsements.
Speaker 1: No, that's that's crazy. If I know, that's not crazy,
Speaker 1: that makes sense. If I get Buff, I'm selling out dog.
Speaker 2: That's what I mean. I think.
Speaker 1: If I get Buff, I'm just going to walk the path.
Speaker 1: I get what what Michael B. Jordan did.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: He was like, I got Buff. It took me a
Speaker 1: lot of time and energy to make these muscles. I
Speaker 1: am going to use them to the best of their
Speaker 1: ability and be the star of every buff dude thing available.
Speaker 1: You don't then go and you know, hang out.
Speaker 2: With riff raff. I gotta make a choice. You see,
Speaker 2: I'm cutting everything. I'd be a you call me terry news.
Speaker 2: I'm the You see me popping all of a sudden,
Speaker 2: That is change.
Speaker 1: You'd be popping a lot now. Dylan goes on to say,
Speaker 1: my conspiracy is that Pfeiser partnered with the Black Church
Speaker 1: on the John Legend flu shot commercial as a way
Speaker 1: to galvanize old black women to buy into the medical
Speaker 1: machine more and challenge their hotel husbands, thus creating both
Speaker 1: more flu shot income for Pfizer from traditionally untrustworthy Black folks,
Speaker 1: as well as more conflict and division in Black families
Speaker 1: via inciting old hard headed niggas to double down on
Speaker 1: their views and never go to the doctor. By intensifying
Speaker 1: old heads experience of white coat syndrome, which is obviously valid,
Speaker 1: as well as the jealousy and insecurity from their wives
Speaker 1: wanting John Legend to eat their pussies out, amplified chronic
Speaker 1: stress well expedite their imminent early demise, creating more free
Speaker 1: time for black superwomen our nation heroes who don't know
Speaker 1: how to have fun to only focus on sacrifice service
Speaker 1: via work in church. Thank you all for your high
Speaker 1: jinks and tomfoolery. This podcast is one of the things
Speaker 1: that got me through grad school. All the best, Dylan,
Speaker 1: Damn one minor point I do want to make. That's
Speaker 1: how you know John your legend's not fine. They're imagining
Speaker 1: him eating their pussies. You're saying, fine, man, you imagine
Speaker 1: them blowing your back out.
Speaker 2: I would imagine. And I'm not a woman, I don't know,
Speaker 2: but I would assume. Yeah. But but regular men you.
Speaker 1: Go, I bet you eat me out good, and yeah,
Speaker 1: treat me nice. Dylan lays down a pretty uh, I
Speaker 1: would say, thoughtful and heavy theory here. I wonder if
Speaker 1: it's worth us taking a break because he's laid down
Speaker 1: his tracks. Maybe we take a break. We give y'all
Speaker 1: a second to buy products. I'm sure they're great products,
Speaker 1: and then when we come back, we'll talk a little
Speaker 1: bit more about our thoughts on Dylan's conspiracy. That sound good,
Speaker 1: I've been doing hell yeah, So we're gonna take a break.
Speaker 1: We'll be back with more Dylan's.
Speaker 2: Email and more. Mamma told me.
Speaker 1: We have to start to steal tour. We're very excited
Speaker 1: about it. I'm not about to bite my tongue. We
Speaker 1: want to sell it out and the dates are coming
Speaker 1: up fast, and so if you live in one of
Speaker 1: these areas, we want you to buy your tickets now.
Speaker 1: It's all available on our instagrams, on our websites, on
Speaker 1: our link tree. But you can see us in Washington,
Speaker 1: DC on October tenth, Detroit, Michigan on October twelfth, Chicago,
Speaker 1: October thirteenth. October seventeenth, We're in La in Hollywood. We'll
Speaker 1: be in Atlanta on Halloween October thirty. First, we want
Speaker 1: y'all to come out. We want y'all to kick it.
Speaker 1: We will be doing our coveted live show with special guests,
Speaker 1: with just me and David. Depending on the city, it'll
Speaker 1: be a time all that meet and greets. You've been
Speaker 1: Chris Brown has a good meet and greet.
Speaker 2: Bro.
Speaker 3: Let's be clear, I'll take a weird picture with you
Speaker 3: for free.
Speaker 2: You raggedy bitch, and you ain't shit niggas. We are
Speaker 2: better commercially. Yeah, yeah, I like we're discussing Pfizer, John Legend,
Speaker 2: and the Black women of it all.
Speaker 1: What I think Dylan is suggesting is that John Legend
Speaker 1: sort of functions as a two pronged threat to the
Speaker 1: black community. He number one, sort of attracts black women
Speaker 1: into buying into sort of like this relationship with medicine
Speaker 1: that is not necessarily proven or safe with this obviously
Speaker 1: giant corporation. But then additionally he creates like this, this
Speaker 1: sort of infighting in black households where black women are
Speaker 1: attempting to get their husbands and lovers and family to
Speaker 1: buy into the medicine that they have been trained their
Speaker 1: entire lives to doubt and fight against.
Speaker 2: And I love it. I'm in on this. I mean
Speaker 2: I don't I wouldn't call it as extreme as that,
Speaker 2: but I think I have a level of white coat
Speaker 2: syndrome for sure. WHOA yeah, say more, I don't fuck
Speaker 2: with the doctor. I feel like I don't get listened to.
Speaker 4: Mmmm.
Speaker 2: I didn't feel like that as a kid, but as
Speaker 2: an adult, since having had healthy insurance, it's like the
Speaker 2: process is so Yeah, I very very much feel like
Speaker 2: I'm not being listened to. I feel kind of like
Speaker 2: I'm not being believed, which is interesting because and I've
Speaker 2: always had that with the doctor, right, like just this,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I feel like part of it is
Speaker 2: a dark skinned thing, you know what I mean. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but just like never my pain never seeming like a
Speaker 2: big issue or anything like that. Wow, So I definitely
Speaker 2: And I was that's so funny. I was talking to
Speaker 2: my girl about it recently, and she feels the same way.
Speaker 2: She said, when she goes to the doctor, they just
Speaker 2: tell her one thing, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 2: even that when she's like this is and we know
Speaker 2: that the rate of that is even higher with black women,
Speaker 2: right right, And.
Speaker 1: We've read about them a few times on the podcast,
Speaker 1: But there are a fair amount of like studies that
Speaker 1: corroborate essentially what you're saying that like, dark skinned people
Speaker 1: more often than not are experiencing, like, you know, interactions
Speaker 1: with with the medical professionals that suggest that they're not
Speaker 1: being heard and their pain isn't being validated or or
Speaker 1: treated with any sort of seriousness. And so that all
Speaker 1: feels possible, right, Like, that all feels real. It doesn't
Speaker 1: feel like some shit where it's just like you going
Speaker 1: crazy alone being like my doctor's not nice. Whatever the fuck.
Speaker 2: That's why I'm trying to find black doctors. I think
Speaker 2: at an African dentist one time, it was interesting and
Speaker 2: I don't that's I'm.
Speaker 1: Not gonna say anything because because I've been problematic as
Speaker 1: it relates to your people. But but I wouldn't be
Speaker 1: a no African dental acts.
Speaker 2: Here was my I think my issue was that I
Speaker 2: wanted him to be flashier. I was like black African dentist.
Speaker 1: Oh you wanted the okay, see I don't want then
Speaker 1: any medical professional to be flashy in any way, shape
Speaker 1: or form. That is like the biggest turnoff for me
Speaker 1: as a really Yeah, I like sensible shoes. I like
Speaker 1: when your office looks like you borrowed it, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like you don't even don't even put
Speaker 1: your fucking picture on the wall. You are here to
Speaker 1: work and go home.
Speaker 2: I like that, you know what I mean. I like it.
Speaker 1: It's just it's this is just honest, clean work. This
Speaker 1: ain't got nothing to do with like your I once
Speaker 1: I I when I my dermatologist was once paired. They
Speaker 1: had like one of those shared offices with a plastic surgeon,
Speaker 1: and the plastic surgeon had like massive screens that played
Speaker 1: these videos of like the heroic work that this man
Speaker 1: was doing all over not only America, but back he
Speaker 1: was African, and he would go.
Speaker 2: Back in Nigeria and giving him big ass titties. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I brings to my village. You know what it was
Speaker 2: for you, for you queen, But it was like it
Speaker 2: was like one of those five sets of Day videos.
Speaker 2: But the kid just as huge.
Speaker 1: It's just it's just big titty kids running next to
Speaker 1: his car as he waves at him. Like Muhammad Ali,
Speaker 1: big old titties bouncing, They're so happy. No, his whole
Speaker 1: ship was like he was given he was doing like
Speaker 1: titty jobs in America, but back in his home I
Speaker 1: think he was Ghanaian. I think back in Ghana he
Speaker 1: was doing breast reductions. That was his big ship. Was
Speaker 1: like he was helping to resolve, you know, back issues
Speaker 1: and save lives via these breast reductions.
Speaker 2: But I told him it seems great. Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, the videos were horrifying, just mountainous women, uh who
Speaker 1: looked like they were in agony. Truly, it was he
Speaker 1: was doing positive work, but it was this insane thing
Speaker 1: of like I'm here to get my acne resolved, and
Speaker 1: I'm just watching video after video of this man in
Speaker 1: the three peace suit talking about how good of work
Speaker 1: he's doing back in his home country, and it just
Speaker 1: felt crazy. You knowland Yeah because he taking them titties back.
Speaker 2: No, because they got big as mama mama milkers. But
Speaker 2: that is that is insane.
Speaker 1: I don't want a flashy doctor, I think, is my point.
Speaker 1: But more importantly, I I guess I I see how
Speaker 1: sort of like intentional this commercial seems.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like, if nothing else it seems like they are targeting
Speaker 1: a group when they get John Legend to be the
Speaker 1: voice of Pfizer, and I wonder what that what that
Speaker 1: specific group is, and what Dylan is saying doesn't feel
Speaker 1: that off base to me.
Speaker 2: I think for sure. I think for sure. I mean
Speaker 2: I don't I don't know the weights of flu shots
Speaker 2: within black people women specifically, but it does feel like
Speaker 2: a considered effort, which feels dark to me. I don't
Speaker 2: want my listen. I'm fine celebrities or shills there whoors
Speaker 2: that's the point of the job. Yeah, sell me Coca Cola,
Speaker 2: don't tell me. Don't tell me to get a shot.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's crazy, right because, like, on one end,
Speaker 1: I one hundred percent agree, we're gonna have to sell things,
Speaker 1: and it's part of the nature of the beast. Truly,
Speaker 1: every fucking entertainment conglomerate is owned by a financial institution
Speaker 1: or tech and so like you are eventually going to
Speaker 1: have to sell out. There's no exemption to that, exception
Speaker 1: to that rather, but on the flip side, you can
Speaker 1: make choices. You don't gotta be. You don't gotta be
Speaker 1: John Legend telling me to go get a phizor shot.
Speaker 1: That seems crazy.
Speaker 2: I would respect it more if you tell me to
Speaker 2: get viagra. Hmmm, that would be cool.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Why what's the difference for you?
Speaker 2: That's not like a medical necessity.
Speaker 1: Oh you're saying if you want to fuck around over here,
Speaker 1: come on and fuck around over here.
Speaker 2: He should have been in your big titty doctor's office
Speaker 2: like that. That is fine for me. I get that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's maybe that's a good rule of thumb.
Speaker 1: Celebrities should only be allowed to endorse voluntary medicines, not
Speaker 1: ones that are meant to be like for real life changing.
Speaker 2: I think that. I think that's great. Olivia says. Travis
Speaker 2: Kelce is the spokesperson too a Pfizer. Yeah, for the
Speaker 2: flu shots, I guess. And that makes sense.
Speaker 1: If you need to get black people on board, black
Speaker 1: women on board, you go John Legend because they don't
Speaker 1: know who black women actually find sexy anymore. And then
Speaker 1: on the flip you get Travis Kelsey, who white people
Speaker 1: have deemed very sexy, even though he's trying his hardest
Speaker 1: not to be.
Speaker 2: Damn all right, but did you see what he did
Speaker 2: to himself? No? I don't, I bro, I'm not watching
Speaker 2: any football this year. Oh really, I cut the cord.
Speaker 1: WHA Is this like a political stance or are you
Speaker 1: just like I can't keep buying into this.
Speaker 2: I just can't. I just I just don't care anymore.
Speaker 1: Oh Travis, Well, then you should know Travis kelcey upon
Speaker 1: sort of like pre Taylor Swift. Obviously he was getting
Speaker 1: like a high fade and oh yeah, I remember that
Speaker 1: was swagged out and shit. And now he looks like
Speaker 1: a cop. He just fully has transformed into like a
Speaker 1: thick mustache, no beard. He don't get his fade the
Speaker 1: way he used to anymore. He just truly has been
Speaker 1: like I am I am a white man and I
Speaker 1: should have been the whole time.
Speaker 2: So he's like the white guys you went to high
Speaker 2: school with. Yep.
Speaker 1: Yeah, where he just grew up and was like, I'm
Speaker 1: a decent white man. I don't know what that phase was.
Speaker 1: I'm never gonna talk about it again.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he puts down to Sean John.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna retire this, and not for the reasons you think. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm cool with piff Daddy. I just I just can't
Speaker 1: wear it anymore because I'm like, we have to start
Speaker 1: to Steal Tour. We're very excited about it. I'm not
Speaker 1: about to bite my tongue. We want to sell it
Speaker 1: out and the dates are coming up fast, and so
Speaker 1: if you live in one of these areas, we want
Speaker 1: you to buy your tickets now. It's all available on
Speaker 1: our instagrams, on our websites, on our link tree. But
Speaker 1: you can see us in Washington, DC on October tenth, Detroit,
Speaker 1: Michigan on our October twelfth, Chicago October thirteenth, October seventeenth,
Speaker 1: We're in La in Hollywood, will be in Atlanta on Halloween,
Speaker 1: October thirty. First, we want y'all to come out. We
Speaker 1: want y'all to kick it. We will be doing our
Speaker 1: coveted live show with special guests, with just me and David.
Speaker 1: Depending on the city, it'll be a great time all
Speaker 1: that meet and greets. You think Chris Brown has a
Speaker 1: good meet and greet.
Speaker 3: Bro, let's be clear, I'll take a weird picture with
Speaker 3: you for free.
Speaker 2: Olivia also says black men may have better health outcomes
Speaker 2: when treated by black doctors. It's proven through various studies.
Speaker 2: I mean, I do think that that's true, but I
Speaker 2: think that's like because we think so little of women
Speaker 2: in this place.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my issue with the medical field because I similarly
Speaker 1: have a lot of wariness around the doctor. I think
Speaker 1: my issue is more the compartmentalization of the doctor. Like,
Speaker 1: if I'm experiencing something, the only way I can I
Speaker 1: can even go and get the help that I need
Speaker 1: is to go through my my general practitioner, ask you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, like main person, and then they
Speaker 1: send me to the next person. And it's like, Bro,
Speaker 1: if I'm really in pain or I'm really suffering or
Speaker 1: whatever it is, I just need to see a guy
Speaker 1: to fix or a lady to fix this. I don't
Speaker 1: I don't want to have to take steps to take steps.
Speaker 2: That sucks. Yeah, that is also difficult. I needed to
Speaker 2: get a seapat machine because I have really bad sleep
Speaker 2: avenue and this shit took like five months. That's nuts.
Speaker 2: We got to get these rich people doctors, is that's
Speaker 2: what Do'll say? Put me onto that. She said, all
Speaker 2: the good doctors. It's like referrals only. Yeah.
Speaker 1: No, I think if you can nail down one of
Speaker 1: them rich people doctors, you get whatever you want, whenever
Speaker 1: you want it kind of thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, you can call them at home. But all that,
Speaker 2: all that just say I think that this conspiracy. I
Speaker 2: think this is pretty plausible. I don't know about the
Speaker 2: reasoning so much. Is like when you go to things
Speaker 2: like this, I think the reasoning, at least behind companies
Speaker 2: is always just more money. I don't think it's like
Speaker 2: I don't think I don't think it's ever deeper than that.
Speaker 2: I think maybe they got like, oh, black people don't
Speaker 2: get flu shots? Who do the blacks?
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, yeah, you're saying it didn't It didn't have
Speaker 1: to be deeper than that.
Speaker 2: It just they needed a guy. And John Legend makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: he was. He was gonna take the check that I
Speaker 2: don't disagree with that.
Speaker 1: I do think sometimes we put a weight to things
Speaker 1: that maybe don't need or or don't exist. Like I
Speaker 1: don't think that sometimes we give white people, and certainly
Speaker 1: evil white people, more credit than they deserve. They're not
Speaker 1: brilliant masterminds. More often than not, they're just due who
Speaker 1: are Like, I bet I could get richer if John
Speaker 1: Legend pretended to have gotten a flu shot. That said,
Speaker 1: I do think they start to recognize the benefits of
Speaker 1: certain things. And I do think that like it may
Speaker 1: not have been the original plan to create this dissension
Speaker 1: at home, but certainly I think they recognize, like, oh,
Speaker 1: it seems like they're fighting a little bit about this.
Speaker 1: Maybe we should do a couple more of those, just
Speaker 1: to see what that does. So I don't know that
Speaker 1: it was the original plan, but I don't think they're
Speaker 1: mad at the payoff.
Speaker 2: And here's the worst part for me it's fucked up
Speaker 2: as a system is I do think that more black
Speaker 2: people going to the doctor is better than that, No.
Speaker 1: One hundred and Frankly, I think that whatever our fears
Speaker 1: are relating to certain medical practices or certain medical experiences,
Speaker 1: I think the flush ain't where they're gonna get.
Speaker 2: Us, do you know what I mean that?
Speaker 1: Like, at the end of the day, we have a
Speaker 1: very legitimate reason to fear our relationship with medicine because
Speaker 1: of the history of this country. But I don't think
Speaker 1: they're aiming for us via the flu shot. I don't
Speaker 1: think they're aiming for us via COVID. I think they're
Speaker 1: gonna be aiming for us much honestly, much closer to home,
Speaker 1: with like the foods that we eat, the types of
Speaker 1: recommendations or care that they offer, when problems start to
Speaker 1: occur inside of families, right that, Like, they will recognize
Speaker 1: to your point about your medical experience, They will recognize
Speaker 1: a family history of certain ailments or diseases or disorders
Speaker 1: and say nothing because they do not see you as
Speaker 1: a potential person worth saving.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hate that.
Speaker 1: It's the crazy part because they asked you to fill
Speaker 1: out these charts and you go, I do you have
Speaker 1: any use of such and such heart disease, diabetes, whatever?
Speaker 1: And I think we fill out those forms and they're like, nigga,
Speaker 1: I ain't reading this ship. Yeah, fun out of here,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, I think it's that
Speaker 1: energy that's truly where medicine is hurting us more than
Speaker 1: like we're gonna put fucking promenthesine in their flute shot
Speaker 1: and make them sleepy audit.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean? Like, I don't think it's that. Man,
Speaker 2: this one it really bumped out. It started off fun.
Speaker 1: I'd say, oh no, oh no, you're behind the curtain.
Speaker 2: Here and listening to the ordinary people. I was gonna
Speaker 2: I was I was gonna queue it up so that
Speaker 2: I could just play the part we say, we're just
Speaker 2: on I thought that would be really funny, and then
Speaker 2: n on Computer was like, hey look at him. Look, look, look,
Speaker 2: look what are you doing over here? Watch this dumb
Speaker 2: ass video Black or White Man.
Speaker 1: I thought he was a genius when that start. I
Speaker 1: was like, man, John Legend, is it?
Speaker 2: He would? Man? Okay, here's what I will say. I
Speaker 2: think he was marketed to us that way, in the
Speaker 2: same way that we've talked about it before. There was
Speaker 2: that whole genre of neo soul type of shit. It
Speaker 2: was like, are you smart listen to John Legend? Yeah? Yeah.
Speaker 2: If you're dumb, dumb, just trying to get some ass,
Speaker 2: you'd listen to Jaheen. But if you're.
Speaker 1: Really trying to if you're really trying to grow with
Speaker 1: your lady, you gotta listen to some John Legend.
Speaker 2: Like if you want some pussy, listen to Tank. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh man, Yeah, I do think that's true. I think
Speaker 1: he was sort of like meant to be this elevated
Speaker 1: artist because he could play the piano and was sort
Speaker 1: of like had a you know, a quality of self
Speaker 1: seriousness about what he was doing that they really sold
Speaker 1: to us. Yeah, and now he's selling visor and that
Speaker 1: I think maybe proves Dylan's point even more that like
Speaker 1: they made him a very legitimate person who we were
Speaker 1: meant to take seriously on matters of love and care
Speaker 1: and being what it meant to be intimate. And now
Speaker 1: he is a mouthpiece often for like the Democratic Party.
Speaker 1: He's very happy to volunteer himself for all kinds of products,
Speaker 1: and one of the scariest of that list is fucking
Speaker 1: flu shots.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Man, well there's no guys, you won't hear us
Speaker 2: doing that. But funny fact, if you want to sponsor
Speaker 2: this shit, get at your boys. Have you done a
Speaker 2: honey pack? No? But are you taking one? No? Have you? No? No?
Speaker 2: I took I took what was? I took a blue
Speaker 2: shoe once a couple of years ago. It didn't work. Actually,
Speaker 2: oh really I didn't even need it. I just somebody
Speaker 2: gave me when I was like, see, yeah, I never
Speaker 2: needed to be more horny.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm doing pretty good just off of just a
Speaker 1: raw elements inside the body, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: It's one of the levels I've maintained a very high.
Speaker 1: If anything, I can use a horny suppressor. If there's
Speaker 1: anything out there that does that, you need like a
Speaker 1: honeypack silencer, where's that?
Speaker 2: Where's that? How come they don't have like a medicine
Speaker 2: for those of us who get too horny throughout Yeah,
Speaker 2: you can take away my horny from nine to five pm.
Speaker 2: I would get so much done.
Speaker 1: Bro, if there was a way to make me not
Speaker 1: horny when I'm trying to get real work done, I
Speaker 1: would mayn I would cruise.
Speaker 2: It would be grown. I'd be an addict. That's my
Speaker 2: limitless pill.
Speaker 1: What's the opposite of honey? Let's do a vinegar pack
Speaker 1: for all you boys out there that are too horned up.
Speaker 1: Just just rock hard while you're trying to focus on
Speaker 1: your your work. We were handing out vinegar packs, and
Speaker 1: we're getting you right, We're getting you you sick of
Speaker 1: getting sin of getting rocked up at home? Depot a
Speaker 1: Vinnie pack. Oh yeah, we're telling mini PACs. Baby, this
Speaker 1: is a million dollar idea. I think we can get
Speaker 1: some money, dude. I think I think this is huge.
Speaker 1: If yeah, if anybody out there is is uh investor,
Speaker 1: if anybody is sort of tied to any secret fortunes
Speaker 1: that they're willing to waste on solid ideas that we
Speaker 1: haven't thought through much, send it all here because we
Speaker 1: got a good idea with these Vinnie packs.
Speaker 2: There we go. I think we did it. This is it,
Speaker 2: that was it.
Speaker 1: We didn't take our second commercial, but justin please forgive us.
Speaker 2: I don't know. We're trying to invest and honestly we
Speaker 2: are just you failed. You almost at it and so crazy.
Speaker 2: That would have gone crazy if I teed it up perfect.
Speaker 2: God damn it.
Speaker 1: He can cut the fat off the front. If he
Speaker 1: cares about you, he'll do it all.
Speaker 2: Right, because I'm going to be in bed thinking about
Speaker 2: that at night. Yeah. No, you just know. I know
Speaker 2: you fucked up. Is that retaliation for the topless picture?
Speaker 2: I get it? I am just I gotta go. Oh man, Langston,
Speaker 2: do you want to tell the people where you're gonna
Speaker 2: be at? More cool things you're going on?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: You you can follow me at Langston Kerman on all
Speaker 1: social media platforms and uh and you can see me
Speaker 1: on tour with David. It's to start the Steal tour.
Speaker 1: I believe this episode is right before the tour kicks off,
Speaker 1: the release and we are fucking pumped. D C than Detroit, the.
Speaker 2: Detroit, come out, don't think about it, come out, Bring
Speaker 2: everybody you love bring some people you hate.
Speaker 1: Detroit stopped playing with us. Come on, Mel Mitchell, Mel
Speaker 1: Mitchell's gonna be there.
Speaker 2: Leah Vernon's gonna be there.
Speaker 1: It's an insane lineup of folks. It's going to be
Speaker 1: a very good time. We would like for you to
Speaker 1: be there. Please come out more importantly, not more importantly,
Speaker 1: but the entire tour is going to be crazy. So
Speaker 1: if you don't live in Detroit, Chicago, or DC, there's
Speaker 1: plenty of opportunities to come see us, and we want
Speaker 1: to see you out there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly what you got? Cool guy jokes eighty seven
Speaker 2: on Instagram, Patreon, dot com, backslash, David Bori D A
Speaker 2: v I, D G B O r I E. Go
Speaker 2: on there. It's like sixty five videos. Now you could
Speaker 2: buy my special Birth of a Nation. It's very funny.
Speaker 2: And then, yeah, come see us on tour. Oh. Also
Speaker 2: October twenty fourth through twenty seventh, I'm going to be
Speaker 2: its rooster T Feathers in sunny Vale, California, working on
Speaker 2: this new hour that is there. All right, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: talk to you for an hour. Yeah, some of it good,
Speaker 2: some of it untested. That's okay. You'll get the testing.
Speaker 2: Well yeah, that's all I got.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, as always you can you you should send
Speaker 1: us your drops, your own conspiracies if you want to
Speaker 1: tell us how we can we can find some investors
Speaker 1: for our Vintie pack. Send it all to my mama
Speaker 1: pod at gmail dot com. We would love to hear
Speaker 1: from you by the merch like subscribe. Oh we've been
Speaker 1: talking about this. Well, listen, we David and I are
Speaker 1: not social media experts. We we we since we are
Speaker 1: we are just two funny gentlemen who are not particularly
Speaker 1: good at the Internet but try our best every day.
Speaker 1: But we at my mama told me, along with the
Speaker 1: folks at Big Money Players, are making a new concerted
Speaker 1: effort to transform our relationship with social media. We are
Speaker 1: going to have more consistent video both on the Instagram,
Speaker 1: on the YouTube, on TikTok. All the shit is about
Speaker 1: to transform around here and we want your help. So subscribe,
Speaker 1: like do all the things, rate, review, and tune in.
Speaker 1: Every Tuesday and Thursday, the episodes are released, and then
Speaker 1: every Wednesday and Friday you're gonna see the videos on
Speaker 1: YouTube and they're gonna be gorgeous videos. Crisp Crisp videos
Speaker 1: where you can see all the horrific things we say
Speaker 1: and do with each other. So send that go check
Speaker 1: it out, enjoy. If you're a person that likes to watch,
Speaker 1: it's available. If you're a person that prefers to listen,
Speaker 1: that's also available. We would love to engage with you,
Speaker 1: and most importantly, by the merch like to get great
Speaker 1: review Buy tickets by your mam and I's Christmas gift.
Speaker 1: Bye bitch, We don't know. Wait, it sucks, This fucking sucks.
Speaker 1: My Mama Told Me is a production of Will Ferrell's
Speaker 1: Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.
Speaker 2: Created and hosted by Langston Krek, co hosted by David Bori.
Speaker 2: Executive produced by Will Farrell, Hansani and Olivia Akilon. Co
Speaker 2: produced by Bee Wayne.
Speaker 1: Edited and engineered by Justin Kahmmon, music by Nick Chambers.
Speaker 2: Artwork by Dogon Kriga.
Speaker 1: You can now watch episodes of My Mama Told Me
Speaker 1: on YouTube. Follow at My Mama Told Me and subscribe
Speaker 1: to our channel